If your woman does not desire you for sex and intimacy then not only does she not love you, she does not respect you. In fact she despises you. Leave her.
I’m almost 50 and was married for 15 years, and had 2 children. The ex tried to use sex as a manipulative instrument, but I never took the bait. She actually didn’t know what to do when it didn’t work in her favor. Long story short, it uncovered many issues that she had with herself, and as of today, I’ve been happily divorced for 10 years.
Girlfriend tried to use the “unless you do this we won’t have sex” manipulation. There is a lot of negotiation in a relationship, but when sex is used as a player chip, it’s over. I said you are right we won’t have sex, good bye, and never talked to her again.
Women play a manipulation game 24/7 even before the marriage. Observe, her peak sexual activity with you will be after she decides she is going to try to get you to marry her, but before the actual marriage. It's the old Rope-a-dope. She has the rope, and you know what that makes you.
i understand them, will never be married and to be honest i pity them, things are a lot more complicated than sex, relations and childbirth, imagine having to build a healthy identity on inconsistent emotional ground, now you see why promiscuity and one parent household are extremely detrimental to individuals.
You are absolutely the best. Everything you say is completely 100% accurate. I was with my ex for 14 years. The first year sex was incredible. Multiple times a week. Sex dropped off considerably after marriage. It then spiked back up when she wanted to try for a baby. After our son was born, sex died. It was maybe once every two months. It was entirely obligation sex. No passion or intimacy and she just wanted it over. She trained me so well I eventually stopped asking. I was tired of the rejection. It also didn’t help that she put on a lot of weight and started putting purple streaks in her hair. The only thing she wore were leggings and a tank top. She also got that ugly nose ring that all modern women seem to put in their noses. Not attractive. Thank you so much for what you do. It’s so comforting to know I’m not alone.
You know, when it was happening to me I assumed it was me. I assumed that everyone else in the world was living a happy, sex filled, married life and there was something I was doing wrong. I hope this video and some of the others help guys realize that this happens all the time and its not them.
It’s happened to most married guys well into their marriages. How do men deal with it? Screw a work wife once in a while. Happened to my brother in-law. His ex wife stopped giving him sex. So he screwed at least four women he worked with. Once he said he had to go to Europe on a business trip. In reality he took his young secretary to Malta on vacation and laid the pipe on her for a week.
@@keimyung8824 I literally just watched that episode. It is insane how accurate the marriage wheel described my major and divorce. Marriage is such a joke.
When they withhold sex, withhold attention and affection. If you aren’t getting what you need physically and they are using sex as a weapon… get it somewhere else and leave the relationship.
''Sex as a weapon''. Most women DON'T weaponize sex, considering that she probably had sex with you for YEARS before you felt it necessary to put a ring on it. Funny how that works.
@@garyfrancis6193 If need be, but you'd be surprised how open so many single women are to sleeping with someone else's husband when the opportunity presents itself. It's hardly ideal, but it beats having to take matters into your own hands because your wife turned out to be selfish and frigid.
She doesn't have secret power. She has the power to take your house, land, savings, cars, pension, 401k, alimony and child support. All she does is file for divorce. She just sits back and allows the laws to take it from the man.
Every time I see a woman that looks interesting I think to myself. Does she look like somebody I would give 95% of my belongings and all of my money to... Again?
I thought I knew mine but realized how wrong I was when she divorced me after 32 yrs of marriage. The statistics say that is a "successful" marriage by all standards. So it seems a successful marriage is only gaged by the ability of a woman to rear her children to adulthood. Other than provisioning a man has no part in it.
... which is, let's be honest, why we all should absolutely abstain from making the marriage mistake under any circumstances. Under the current legislation and jurisdiction we do not only lose our chosen partner and love as well as our children with her once she starts being herself without the "I want that man"-filter, we also will lose what we worked so hard for our whole friggin' life long, plus our prospects for whatever might come up by also being condemned to pay her half or more of our _future_ earnings.
@@manfredschmalbach9023 unless you’re Kevin Costner, or Jeff Bezos, who seemingly absolutely despise having any wealth at all, and you just feel like giving away half or more of it, getting married is a piss poor deal.
I was 42 and married a 22 year old after 8 years together before I moved her in. She was a virgin when we met and traditional. She cooked, cleaned, worked at a job and sex on tap whenever I wanted, which was 4- 5 times per week. When she reached her mid 30s she started to get demanding. One day she said to me "if you want this marriage to work you have to sell all your motorcycles and fast cars, give up catching up with your mates, stop your occasional Wiskey drinking and your Pot smoking" which was 4 times per month, not daily. Ontop of that she wanted me to see a Psychiatrist, and when I asked why? She said what sane man has so many motorcycles, likes whisky and likes catching up with mates twice a week for rides and sessions. Monday morning first thing I got my Lawyers to draw up papers, gave her what she deserved financially and said to her if you don't sign the papers I will bankrupt the both of us and you will get nothing. She knew I would do it too. She signed and kicked her arse to the kerb. Moral of the story is, if you think you found a Unicorn, you haven't, they will eventually turn on you with a vengeance.🇦🇺
Right there with you John. Each video resonates with me. I’m two year behind you in my divorce of after a 30 year marriage. Yell “no sh&t! That happened to me too!” consistently. Having both you kids still in your life is a huge benefit.
Watching your videos even inspired my 290 pound self to start walking. Walked 4.5 miles yesterday in a wild life preserver in Texas- Thank you for all you do
Even though I've never been married and have thus obviously never been divorced, there's definitely something therapeutic about your videos. Your sharing of the conclusions you've reached after an obviously extensive thought process is intriguing, to say the least. I find myself reflecting on experiences I've had with girlfriends that "match" the situations you discuss. I think you're doing a lot of people good via your channel, so keep up the good work!
Thanks for that feedback. I think that my experiences are universal. I am just lucky to have the ability to talk about it on video and I have two great dogs and a beautiful, peaceful setting to have the conversation. I remember being a young man and walking through the woods with my best friend talking about this kind of stuff and how therapeutic it was for me. I think I am just recreating that experience and sharing it. Thanks again.
@ceejay9663 I completely agree (and have been married, and divorced). John's demeanor, and the forest setting, his distilled thoughts, it is therapeutic. One thing I specifically really appreciate it is he hits the right note - I'm not an incel, I'm not a misogynist, I still love women and so much about them, but I have a level of realism from experience. John manages that note so well - whereas so many other channels turn me off because they have turned into something more ugly that I don't identify with. I think a lot of viewers are feeling the same thing and finding John's videos are really meeting where they are at.
For many years, I tried to make my ex happy. You name it, i did it, in hopes I could get the intimacy back. It never worked. At one point, I bought her an upgraded phone, and I took her old one. I found several texts to other men with hearts and see you soons. After nearly 30 years , it was over. You are exactly right.
My girlfriend of 3 years just didn't want to one night during a week vacation I paid for in St. Thomas. We dont get a lot of time together in general due to differences in work schedules. She turned me down one night, and I made sure she knew I could get it somewhere else, and we could just be friends if this was the path she wanted to go down. The entire year since then havent had a single issue with her. Sometimes, they just need to be reminded that you can walk away and you have options.
Because you were wise enough to not get married, you were able to maintain the leverage in areas important to you. This is the only way a man can be in a relationship with a woman since the state is so hostile toward men.
I watch these videos to stay single,, each bad relationship I have,, I start a new sport. Currently I am road biking,, paragliding, mtn biking, kayaking, dirt bike riding, kitesurfing,, and efoiling,, If I fall,, I can solve what I did wrong,, with a women, I have no idea what they are thinking
they do not reason, they use emotional reasoning, their thinking is linked to subjectivity (body) and herd (social circle of females) values, all of that covered with a layer of plausible deniability and perception control, males that try to judge them with equality, bound by lust or codependency are deceived by their kindergarten manipulations.
My conclusion exactly. The best relationship I ever had was when I lived with my male friends. We shared a place for a few years. Never had any problems. I have lived with 5 women and it was nothing but a struggle.
I had the exact same experience. Except that my vasectomy came after four kids. There was supposed to be lots more sex after the vasectomy because we wouldn’t have to worry about birth control. But guess what? No more sex. In fact, she left me and had sex with other men and had babies with other men after making me take away my ability to have babies. Don’t fall for any promises a woman makes about “if you do this ( clean house, lose weight, make more money, have a vasectomy, etc) we will have more sex. “ That’s just another way women stall for time to keep their security (husband/supporter) while they plan their new life without the husband. They can be planning to leave you years before they leave you. They will use a man for all the support and money they can get until they feel confident to leave you for the better man, or better life they think they have found. And they will often sacrifice their children’s relationships with the father just so they can seek their own happiness in the next relationship or the next career or the next cult that they join. You will never have more sex with the woman who has cut off sex. It’s almost never about you the husband. It’s about what is going on inside the woman’s mind. And believe me, what’s going on in a woman’s mind is pure crazy. I have had women tell me that. They often say that they don’t know why they did what they did in a relationship. They acted on emotions and fantasies and then realized they blew up their life and their children’s lives and they don’t even know why! Even women cannot explain their own behavior. Men, protect yourself and your resources. Plan to protect your children from their own mother if it comes to that.
When I was dating my wife she told me one day that she had the ability to "turn off her sexuality and bury it in the ocean", referring to how she got by being single between relationships. However, she failed to mention that she would also do it once we moved in together, and especially once we were married.
Well. This was a problem when i was under 25 years old. I developed discipline when it came to intimacy. I had to when i realized that my wife tried to weaponize intimacy. I wouldn't tolerate it. I told her straighten up or she will be responsible for her own consequences of manipulation attempt. When she refused, i adjusted and found a replacement because my health is important. I studied and realized that 95% of women are dysfunctional when it comes to intimacy. Sad but true and men need to accept it. Most Men are not the problem.
Very true. I grew up w/ 5 sister and have always been able to easily meet women. Now that I have passed 50, I realized they really are all dysfunctional. I have a few female friends but otherwise...I don't make any effort to get into relationships. Too much work & drama.
95% does not surprise me. Actually I can not say I know even two women that I feel are sane and reasonable. I have believed for some time a man in America, if he is luck has a 5%-10% chance of finding a woman worth investing in.
Mr. John Griffin, your content sneaked up on me, just outside of my radar but, your honest, down to earth videos have caught my attention in processing my own relationship challenges. As a 58 year old man with two children, who spent 35 years in a marriage and now separated for two years, I relate to many of your own experiences. I also relate with your CALM energy in finding peace within myself after the tumultuous ride of conjugal love gone awry. I have found my own peace and serenity in typing out my feelings, relating to others and helping them on the internet. But, you are capturing the process of healing your own experience with all the video and audio showing how men must develop and grow through the pain of lost love. Your authentic presence is palpable and most welcome. I know that you are now on the fast track to healing because I saw you laugh/ chuckle at least five times during this video. That means that you are not only healing yourself but, you are healing others. Thank you for delivering your brutal honesty and needed grace in your sacred journey of life. Jeffrey Z. in SC
Believe it or not, my wife and I had sex at least twice a week until she died from cancer. We were married just short of 39 years. Of course there was down time when she got sick. If she was to turn me down for no good reason, I would have been gone and she knew it. She was a wonderful woman and believed sex was duty and I totally loved her up until death do us part
In every relationship I ever had, not once was I satisfied with the level of intimacy. I am not talking about sexual intercourse, but non-sexual touch. Being with women from other cultures and countries taught me it was not me but American women. I learned that early and never married one. If I would have it was a guaranteed divorce.
I was married 26 years and we always let Saturday be our day for lovemaking even tho there were times it was more than that but I think being fun with experimentation and also being in love helps. I miss her something awful.
I learned the hard way. After separation, courts, losing over 50 percent of my income to her never again. She lined up another sucker who had money and left. She coukd care less we had 2 kids. Women are in business dont ever get married or have kids. W the courts she milks my wallet leaves me broke.
As an old divorced boomer, i can state that marriage is a losing game for men . We have been put through the ringer. Young men don't get married. You may loose everything if she decides she's bored ,becomes unhinged, or is unhappy with you. I have experienced that, and it's horrible. You can have relationships but never get the state involved in your life as it will be a huge mistake .Stay free as a bird. Don't get locked in the marriage birdcage.
@@TGP109 but their working hours drop significantly after the child birth etc is the husband must increase his hrs to compensate the decrease in the house' revenue
A man can stay with a woman that he no longer is passionate about but he accepts his commitment. Once a woman loses her passion for you, she is totally turned off by you.
Have a boyfriend 5 years. Makes same money I do. He has health problems which might make physical intimacy impossible. I will never seek it from anyone else. I did not seek any male attention from anyone since meeting him. We will never marry as he was married previously and was traumatized from it. My point is there are decent women but they are not given a chance by men who have unrealistic standards. I am somewhat overweight but far from obese.
i believe the same thing that Aaron Clarey states, women just are not into men. its like a child, they love one food this month and in a day, they fall out of love with that food. and they do not return back to the food when they get bored. just me.
73 and experienced all that you've talked about today. Married twice, second time to much younger hottie. Been single for over 12 years now. EVERYTHING I heard you say is truth. Honestly and unfortunately, I don't know if I could have heard, processed, and acted intelligently on your word as a younger guy who was too stupid to have much wisdom. I love your videos and hope someone younger can have enough sense to benefit from them!! Thanks John.
Wish these kinds of videos existed when I was little. How naive and dumb I was. I couldn't turn that switch off, and my intentions were not fleeting. It's ok. Life is a learning process. We are animals.
We were programmed to be that way. You, I and the other men who have gone through this have a duty and opportunity to warn the younger generations of men of the devas tation of marriage. We need to teach them to understand women not love them.
Hi John. You explain what most men go through in a marriage very accurately. Unfortunately, this is how most marriage unfolds. These days, when i look at a couple getting married, i just wonder how long it will take until they get a divorce, like its inevitable.
I think that we need a new approach to relationships that is more in line with our culture, especially for men. I also think we need a new type of marriage agreement that doesn't put the financial responsibility squarely on the man's shoulders and the children automatically to the woman.
Ok. I’m on board with all of this. It’s not however always a personal rejection, especially post kids-women’s sex urge is very hormonal, maximized for procreation. It can also be a continuous chase of the novel, which is immature and happens on both sides. Old-school old-world dudes like my dad romanced only to hook the fish and dropped all affection post nuptials. He then withdrew from my gorgeous mom sexually post kids. I learned this from my over-sharing mom way too early and it jaded me. Hubby and I have had to slug it out, and luckily he’s direct, descriptive, eloquent and doesn’t put up with my bull. You are 100% correct, staying loving and intimate is a choice.
If a man controls a woman's access to his money, it's judged as "coercive control", and he can be jailed for it. But women get a free pass for manipulating men with sex 100% of the time. It's sickening.
Has anybody noticed that the state makes ZERO effort to educate young men about the potential risks and pitfalls of being involved in a relationship? A cynic might say it's very deliberate...........
They don’t educate women either about the fact that once they become married, a man’s health statistically will improve, while a woman’s health will decline. Also the fact that even when both parties work full time, a married woman’s home duties will increase by 7 hours a week of extra housework, while the man’s will not. Yeah, it would be great if women were educated about these facts.
@@odettegibbs2238 What a load of cobblers. Please do enlighten us all with your verifiable sources. Men risk financial ruin and potential difficulty in getting access to their own children. Meanwhile, you think an alleged extra 7 hours a week of house is an issue..........Funny how it's women who are saturating TikTok with cringe videos whining that men are not giving them any attention, asking them out on dates etc. Seems women struggle far more with being single than the vast majority of men. Men are increasingly opting out of dating eg in the age group 18-30 year old males, only 30% are either dating, or looking to date. 70% just don't bother. It should be ringing alarm bells amongst women. By 2030, 45% of women aged 20-45 will be single and childless. Interesting to note that depression rates amongst middle aged women are now higher than they are amongst men of the same age. It seems that cat ownership, a box of wine and Friday evenings spent alone watching the Brigette Jones DVD box set isn't enough.......
you mean the same that allow paternity fraud, child abuse through indoctrination by codependency or even worse check numbers of trans kids, fefails are messing with their identity, State... social media... high moral ground bozos... crickets... males are disposable.
The Interneet and You Tube has given us men a platform where we can exchange war stories. It has been a blessing to discover that other people out there have gone thru similar tribulations in marriage and women. We were considered weak if we talked or complained about our issues but not anymore. We are here and licking our wounds hoping that others will learn from our experiences and avoid marriage and tread lightly with women. Thanks Mr. Griffin. I was watching videos of the same topic coming from Latin America and feminism is just as bad over there. I am now awake and fully aware of female nature and only interact with women in a civil and social way; no romance or sex.
This captivating video triggers a flood of painful memories from the end of my 6-year relationship just three months ago. The woman I loved with all my heart chose to walk away, leaving me grappling with an insurmountable sense of loss. Despite my relentless efforts to salvage what we had, I'm left feeling disillusioned and unable to imagine a future without her. Despite my attempts to move on, I'm drawn to express my deep-seated longing for her here...
The struggle to release someone dear to your heart is undeniably arduous. I empathize, having experienced a similar circumstance when my 8 year relationship concluded. Refusing to accept defeat, I pursued every conceivable avenue to reclaim his affection. Eventually, I sought the assistance of a spiritual counselor, whose wisdom and intervention played a pivotal role in reuniting us.
The more you understand female nature, the less you are going to get burned. Don't let external factors define your happiness in life. It's only going to lead to misery.
John, this is an excellent piece of work. It’s so true…I went through a similar situation…well done. No sex..your relationship is done. I went for 4 years of no sex with my wife…in the end I just got so frustrated with her. Also she packed on the weight and made herself look very unattractive just to put the boot in.
You know, I think that a lot of women suffer from mental illness and we just don’t have any idea. I think there’s a real problem throughout our entire society. Thanks for your comment.
The partner who wants (or needs) sex more is in a subservient position to the partner who satisfies said urges. The one who satisfies sexual urges will be in the driver's seat and will govern the relationship, in the same way that the person who loves the least will always have more power over the one who loves the most. As long as someone needs something of value, the supplier of that valuable something can charge pretty much whatever they want, because they are calling the shots. Men need to practice self discipline, self control, and self restraint, otherwise they will be at the mercy of women and will continue to be dominated by them.
married for 20 yrs or so, 2 kids. Wife passed away, I am stuck at 52 with no partner in a big mess in the dating arena. I am learning the ropes of living alone now.
Similar life situation here…My advice is to STAY SINGLE! Finish raising/educating your children, then begin your single life to enjoy the joys and freedom it has to offer…I did. 😊
STAY SINGLE! Go for that curious sex! Married 25 years. I get some when she is in the mood. Couple times a month. If I'm in the mood tough cookie. Be nice to them in and out of bed. Doesn't matter. They're always busy making other plans.
The male experience has to come through a woman in order to feel complete. I don't think this stands for women as well. That's the real advantage women have in relationships and it's not only about sex as you say but everything else as well. This lyric says it best: "They come on strong and it ain't too long for they make you feel a man, but love is blind and you soon will find you're just a boy again". I find this dynamic unfair and exhausting as hell...
They don't. It's all an individual process. Everything in the universe seeks unity with it's counterpart, or opposite. Both within and without. Women are not exempt from this. It's just that their consciousnesses are not as clearly directed as that of men's. Women do suffer when they lack direction, and men suffer when they lack the ability to feel. Direction and focus are masculine qualities. The ability to feel and sense are feminine qualities. Women's primary feminine consciousnesses are more holistic (emotional intelligence) than men's, that is to say; they have the capability to see things wider but they often lack the direction and focus within that perspective until they have integrated it (become initiated into their own masculine side). Therefore they are more diffuse and they don't see as clearly as men do, especially not in terms of the target sexual orientation they "should" have. Women become vulnerable to distraction. It's almost as if it needs to be "awakened" in them to a large degree as they start life sort of confused/unsure sometimes. And now that the modern day society is being filled with useless distractions, homosexualization and social media - women step into even more things "blurring" and distracting their view, and I think it makes things even worse. All on purpose, unfortunately. Hope this helps.
@@daveo990 Hi, thank you for your answer and your time. I don't necessarily agree with what you say, I don't think men and women are that different or "opposites", I was just refering to a very subtle dynamic that give women a "secret power" (as the title says) in relationships. Most men don't realize their masculine potential without a woman in their life. They are just boys without her or "weird hermits". Women not so much. A "girl" and a "woman" usually can carry the same "weight" as a definition in men's minds. This dynamic puts them in the centre of the relationship with man as their satelite. At least this is what my limiting experience has to say of the matter...
@@masterbluesrockguitar4966 No problem, and thanks to you as well for your consideration. Men and women are indeed each others opposites - like night and day. But that doesn't mean that we should avoid each other. It means that we are supposed to balance each other, as opposites. Women have no "secret power" in relationships. The only thing that brings about dissatisfaction in a relationship is to the degree of which the particular man and women manage to balance each other's gender energies out. Going about things with a "taking" mindset instead of a "giving" one, is where everything go wrong these days. What you describe is an undifferentiated man that projects his own femininity (his feeling side) onto his woman or other women and who cannot live with himself. It's what could be described as "power" for the woman, but it's enabled by the man's own weakness. I've met these men myself. The "boy"-part you mentioned is a man's wounded side that wasn't nurtured properly by the mother during childhood, therefore men will subconsciously look for this in another woman. It's somewhat dysfunctional. However, it is a common occurrence. But it can be healed and integrated, and that's when men become "whole" on their own.
😥 as a 49 year old, its a hard realization that I may not find anyone who actually loves me. Today I am also able to go about my day to day, but I do worry about as I get older...these days, without friends or family, no kids, nothing at all-working remotely. I make 200K but still do Uber deliveries on Saturdays on my bicycle to get out and have a human interaction... I just don't have it ibn me to go on a dating site or try to meet anyone.
@SuperDurv the sad reality is that woe men don't love men. Put another way: "Men love idealistically and woe men love opportunistically.". If you lose the ability to provide, they lose their ability to "love" and quickly move on. If you are looking for female companionship, as @Kimonha said, consider the less developed Asian countries such as Vietnam, Cambodia, Thailand, Indonesia and Malaysia.
I think if you go to Asia, and you meet some nice girls, enjoy them in the moment. Don’t worry about falling in love with them. Like them, have fun with them, enjoy time with them and have lots and lots of sex with them.
@@Kimonha Columbia has some of the most beautiful woe men in the world imo BUT woe men are woe men whether in the US or Columbia. In addition, Columbia has become dangerous recently for passport bros. Argentina is probably a safer bet.
Way back when, as a young teenage buck, I don’t think I even had a switch or breaker brother John. Felt like I was direct-wired with 8 gauge cable, and even then, half the insulation was melted off!! 😆
I've somehow known about this imbalance ever since I was a young boy. And I'm quite open about it. When I'm open about it to women though... to say they don't like it being exposed is certainly an understatement. All of them recognize this huge amount of power from a young age, and believe me, they know how to really milk it, and they do.
The problem here is that men often allow their little heads to do all their thinking, and women know this and take advantage of it. There is a better way to do things, a way that will produce a better outcome, but it takes a long time to learn it.
I think "sexual starvation" to a man is the same as "not even talking" to a woman. She couldn't imagine if you walked in after work and completely ignored her the whole night. Didn't say a word. Didn't tell her you loved her. And did that for MONTHS. How would she feel??? That really is the exact and correct comparison. She would say that you DON'T LOVE HER AT ALL. That would be true if you did that to her. Her not even showing sexual interest in you for months is NOT LOVING YOU AT ALL. END OF STORY.
Currently, 45 out of 50 states report marriage/divorce statistics and from that was derived the current divorce rate of around 41%. If you factor in the 5 states that do not report these stats, you'll get close to 50%. With that said, why would one roll the dice to risk financial, emotional and mental ruin? It's just not worth it! 52 male never married and no kids.
My ex wife turned it OFF after our first child, but turned it back ON when she wanted #2. She got off birth control without telling me. She later bragged to my mother that both of our children were conceived without my consent. Some women you can NEVER trust. NEVER. Thanks for a Saturday morning laugh😂
I'm your age, been married twice and not going there again. I now let women know that sex IS the man/woman relationship. If your girl knows or feels you have options, they are much less likely to pull that crap.
Women control the availability of intimacy of any kind. To quote a female friend of mine.... "i can't understand why men are so obsessed with sex, i can have it whenever i want" I thought that explained most women's lack of understanding of guys situation in this.
I’m 59 and in the same situation although I’m not divorced (yet). My daughter is a 21 year old university student and living at home. Three more semesters to go and then she graduates. I’m hanging on until then.
Nah you should be starting your way out now. It's a long drawn out process. I'm going thru it now getting the house all fixed up to sell so we can be done with each other.
I know how you feel. You hung in there this long, was another year and a half. I think I would start laying the groundwork for the separation and divorce. You may want to talk to a lawyer or even a divorce mediator.
Dude…was married to a narcissist for 15 years-no kids. She punched me in the face (fists) at least five times over the years (once while I was driving) - I NEVER hit her back…I will not ever strike a woman. In a sick way, the battering concretely affirmed to me how she really felt. I went into therapy; organized our couples therapy; and worked to resuscitate the dying relationship. Thankful she held up a mirror so that I am seeing my Self more clearly. Am 65, divorced for 10 years, and am embracing joy each day! I love dogs and all critters and am presently not a steward for any animal; I truly can drop and go in a blink-no kennels-no vet bills-no Gucci dog food expense-no tugging at my heart while traveling. Might consider getting a pup in the future…definitely not a woman. Marriage is not for me. I love my singlehood! Thanks for sharing your truth, John…am certain your words resonate with men and many women…
@@john-griffin Thanks, brother! It was a nightmare; and yet a perfect match-a female malignant narcissist and a co-dependent male? Thrilled and giggling now after years of anger, resentment, and hurt. BTW, our
John, I Have Watched & Subscribed To Your Channel For Several Weeks Now & You Have A Way Of Stating The Truth!!! Your Perspective Is So Right On Point…I Was Laughing At This Video Because Of How True…I Mean 500% Correct Your Observations Are…Hindsight IS 20/20 !!! I Was Married 19 Years & This Video Describes To A Tee EXACTLY What Happened In My Marriage…Except There Were 4 Children!!! The Story Was Literally Verbatim…The Results Were Identical…It’s Like You Wrote The Script And I Was Cast To Play This Role…Almost Pathetic & Sad How Predictable Things Went…Right On Cue!!! I Am In A paid Mens Recovery Group…Better Beyond Divorce…& I Posted To The Group About Your Channel…This Video Specifically…& How Much I Enjoy Listening To Your Vantage Point Of View… Keep Up Your Great Work…Your Sense Of Humor, Insights & Advice…!!!! Take Care
Thanks! I think a lot of guys have very similar experiences. The only guys I see arguing with me are the few that are really happily married and young guys who "think" they know what they're talking about. They are the real "experts". I love reading their comments! Thanks for your support. I really appreciate it!
@@charliehargrave7458 had I done that I would still be a millionaire and had beautiful young women instead of an aging wife that would take me for everything in the end
We're well into the "faking marriage" stage. She shows no interest in sex and isn't even slightly affectionate, but she's visibly jealous if a woman speaks to me in a friendly manner in public. Head games abound.
"no more mr nice guy" dr glover recommends we go for women who go for us which means they're not the hottest. when a man goes beyond his market value, he'll eventually pay the price especially in today's world of social media.
I tried that with the last girl, got 3.5 mostly good years till she pulled the plug, I’m 42 now I’d be shocked if I can find one that actually will be good to me long term. Good book read it 5-6 years ago. Reality is I’m good enough to get a bit of female attention here and there and that’s it.
@dr.vonslifeinvesting6485 i am a traditional man (mid-50s) and am looking for a traditional woman to marry and have children (i don't have children currently). traditional means i provide the lifestyle and she is the homemaker. i know it's very difficult to find traditional young women in the West today. however, you attract what you are
@john-griffin dr glover married a Mexican woman much younger than him but allows her to have sex with other men while he doesn't. but she treats him like a king. that's the practical trade-off he made to be happy. i don't think i could never do that but it works for him
You do realize that even women who look like plain janes are just as bad if not worse? They’re sometimes the craziest because all they have going for them is down below but if you’re ok with somebody who has to wear a bag over their head then 🤷🏽♀️
Modern marriage is like a very one sided contract where the women can be forgiven for any indiscretion and be awarded with prizes and the man’s hard earned money. There’s no wining this for men , so the best strategy is not to play. Avoid marriage and co-habitation in a de facto marriage situation. Keep your finances and property separate. Dont drive without a seatbelt. You may not crash, but if you do, you’ll be glad you had protection. 👍
59 year old woman, divorced after 35 years with a hostile, distant partner who started using sex as a manipulative weapon early on. It was I who wanted it more than he for roughly 90% of our marriage. It was the only time I felt any element of closeness. When it did happen, it could be amazing, but the depth and warmth was never quite there. I don't think he had the capacity. The relationship was a disaster dynamic for many years. The last 10 years, I just hung in there to get our kids raised and he had long cut us back to just a few times a year. My first serious boyfriend after the marriage....what a night and day change. A masculine, kind, amazing man and we were like teenagers. Sadly, he ended it when he got diagnosed with prostate cancer. But the point is, that tigress can easily be rekindled and she will adore you for bringing her back. My girlfriends and I discuss. I'm fairly certain there are many women out there who enjoy the passion and play just as much as men. I'm not a unicorn. But yes, we are wired differently. Good gawd, I never want to get to the point where it's a duty I would do simply to get him to mow the frigging lawn. It's a beautiful, fun, delicious part of life that I'm certainly not ready to give up. I think the key is to never stop flirting with one another. Keep it fresh. Throw her up on the counter next to the coffee pot one morning and rock her world. Dance in the kitchen on a Friday night when you're making dinner together. Send her a text in the middle of the day telling her you miss the way her skin smells and can't wait to get home. Toss her a sultry glance and a wink from across the room when you're at a social gathering. Never quit treating one another like your dating.
Thanks, John. I'm middle aged and resonate with everything you shared. I was married for 10 years and together for 14, with three young kids. Trying to coparent when she is the one who left and found someone else already within a year has been a nightmare that never ends.
@@WTHenry2023 - As what happened with me. She swore she didn't but when I think back and connect the dots, it's so clear she did. The problem I have is she's fooled our kids to think it wasn't the case. For me to try and reason with them is met with push back, so I've dropped the matter. But at some point the truths will become apparent.
I agree, there is 1 small point I think John may have missed. What I appreciate about the red pill is it is guy sharing notes [women do this too that is why they so effectively play men]. While women have a button they can press [sex]. Men also have several buttons we can press, which I argue are far more powerful. 1 Relationship 2. Attention 3. Money 4. Time. If you have a woman who shuts down sex to you. Don't argue, don't fight, don't look mad, don't seem mad, don't throw a hissy fit. Seem completely unbothered, rent a hotel room for a week, go have you time and remove yourself from that woman completely. Start talking to other women and open the door to other women. Pull all your attention, money, time and relationship away from the woman. This is like the nuclear bomb to women, it is 100 times more powerful than women withdrawing of sex. When you return 1 week later, walk back in like nothing happened, and basically just ignore her. If she tries to argue/yell or engage just laugh and walk out the door again. Men don't realize how addicted to attention of men- women are. Your attention to your S/O female, is FAR more powerful than sex. The reason why many women become pigs to men, is that too many men are flooding women with 1-4 Relationship, attention, money and time. Women view these kinds of men, the way men view women who flood men with sex too easily. Starting to get my point now. We just view those women as whores who are easy and we can have any time and as result we don't even want most of the time.
You say, rhetorically, you don't know how women don't understand this point about the balance between commitment, trust and sex in a relationship... that it's "so easy." Well, that saying by Upton Sinclair comes to mind, "It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends upon his not understanding it." In other words, if women were getting screwed over in divorce court the way men are, there'd be A LOT more incentive for them to figure things out real quick.
Seeing how you have shared your personal experience of your marriage, John ,could you elaborate just why you think she lost interest.From what you have said, it appears you had a reasonably good marriage. Was she interested in someone else.? Just what did she want to make her happy?
I’ve talked a little bit about her past, and I think that had a lot to do with it. As a Broadway dancer, she performed with many celebrities and was pursued in many ways by fans and wealthy men throughout her life. She was a bit of a celebrity herself, and I think that gets in her head. She lived in glamorous places and she did glamorous things before I met her. I think the contrast of going from being a star to being a mom was not what she expected. She is very much a free spirit which also means she’s a little bit unstable. She likes to think of herself as being whimsical I like to think of her as being erratic. I hope that gives you some insights.
Thank you for this video! This information MUST be taught to young men! It makes me so sad at 64 to finally learn this fact about my ex wife. I got a vasectomy too. Same history and same result. She destroyed our marriage and family, traumatizing our 3 kids and me. For what? I'm profoundly disappointed now with all women including my mother and sisters. I know what happened in their marriages and it sickens me what they have done to all the males in our family. It's evil and manipulative to willfully deprive a husband of intimacy and if I'd known this about my ex wife I would have divorced her 2 years before she dumped me. I was blindsided and disempowered by her secrecy. I wouldn't have wasted my energy trying to save a doomed marriage and been able to prepare to leave her. This information MUST be taught to young men. The course of my life would have been dramatically better and I would not have spent years afterwards left in self doubt and confusion.
When you get married you are automatically putting your life on the line the day after you tie the knot. The M word is more important and risky. Love has nothing to do with it. The "Love Emotion" can come and go, but the legal system stays the same. Marriage is government sponsored slavery for men. Period.
The beginning of this video sounded exactly like me, my wife stopped sex the second she got pregnant with our first…no sex for 10 months. Things were never the same again although what stung most in this video was the “I never want to do that again with you line”. I never heard that but dang that’s tough but I did face hundreds of rejection. Marriage has become a sick thing. I really could have used this info 16 years ago when I was going through the initial rejection phase and was hurting so bad and confused.
@@Billy-the-Kid she died from cancer at 33 that was 9 years ago now…you move on but the mental sting of all the rejection I don’t know if it ever fully leaves our mind/body
@@dr.vonslifeinvesting6485 I see it still keeps your mind busy after all these years. Some say withholding in a relation equals mental and physical abuse of the SO. Would you say that's true?
@@Billy-the-Kid it’s definitely emotional abuse as a means to control a person. Men fight physically women fight emotionally and they are masters of it because they learn to do it from an early age. Makeup, high heels pushup bras fake tears you will never really know a woman because she will never even really know herself.
Mine shut it off completely after our son. One day, she told me I don't care if we ever have sex again. She said sex is for making babies, and if we aren't making no more babies, she doesn't want to have sex. Eventually, when I was clearly gonna leave she started giving me some once every 3 to 6 mths. Then I told her I want a divorce after 20yrs and she wants to all of a sudden do it and everything else under the son. All of a sudden, she also wants to be a good wife too. 20yrs shit marriage. 3 mths so far not being that person. Lmfao. I'm hitting it and still gonna leave her. It's not about right now it's about the 20yrs preceding it.
@john-griffin well like you said, it's not the same for them as it is for us. Its a tool shes trying to use. I've seen this the last time when I actually left. Sucked me back in with this act and cost me 5 yrs. She got me back in, and before I realized it, things went right back the way it was when I left. The difference is this time my son is now almost grown, he wants to leave with me, and I'm not leaving my house. I told her we were selling the house. The deed and mortgage are in my name alone, and that gives me the right to sell. I just have to give her half. So she knows. She jumped in the shower with me one day, and I told her I'm not gay if your throwing it at me, I'm taking it, but it's not changing a thing. I haven't brought it up again. She throws it at me, I take it. She wants to believe something has changed that's on her. I think she knows, though, because she is putting money away and working for the first time in her life. Good for the next guy, but nothing changes the lost years she took.
Although I tried to be as diplomatic and kind as I can to my ex-wife, seeing how her life has turned into a dumpster fire since she left me does help me feel a little better. I hope you get that same feeling of satisfaction someday.
Thank you John for the information you gave until this video. I wasn' t no longer attracted to both of my wives. This was caused not only by the women but also by myself We were in both marriages no longer on the same page about plans and things to do in life. Of course the sex I had no more for years was also caused by issues from the first ex- wife for sure. The second ex- wife and I decided both to end our marriage. It has been almost five years ago now since my second ex- wife left me for another man. I understood why. Since then I am on my own. I didn't meet any woman until this day. I feel nothing for no one when it comes to women. I wonder if I ever find some rare positive exception only to have some loving companianship. No plans to remarry or live again together. It feels empty every now and then but at this moment it is the best thing for me.
this video is too painful. you are talking about your relationship from your perspective. she didn't want to have sex with you for many years and told you many times. you should have divorced her then. plenty of women would have wanted to be with you. when you have to beg for sex, the relationship is over.
@@djaeger-k5m can't change the past. however, it's better to get a divorce and have a healthy relationship with another woman for both the man and his children. parents and their relationships are role models for their children. when the marriage is unhealthy and one partner is sexually frustrated, their children will think this is normal and likely pattern their future relationships like this. by staying in a bad marriage, it's miserable for the father and later for their adult children.
Hi John love the channel, subscribed. I don’t understand how you could put up with that situation for so long with no sex. You should have told your wife you will seek it elsewhere as its a physical need for you but that you still love her very much and its just a physical thing you are taking care of and that you wanted to do the right thing and give her “first dibs”. If she declines then you can have guilt free sex with anyone as long as its just sex without emotion as you have been straight up and honest with your wife. If sex in your relationship is not important to her that is fine she should be comfortable to outsource it. By trying to “appease” her by doing dishes is just going to make her even less attracted to you because no real man would accept that ridiculous situation of his wife not satisfying him. And if she leaves you because of this then its also a positive outcome because she was going to leave you anyway. The added bonus of doing this is that she might rekindle the flame when she sees the old John she fell in love with who had balls and was his own man and didn’t take shit from anyone. If you can be manipulated by her through sex how are you supposed to protect her from the world? I am not quite understanding why you have voluntarily put yourself in such an unmanly and unattractive position… I don’t mean to be offensive you are a really great guy and the world needs more great people like you but this is just too far mate…
He was more into her than she eventually, no wonder he did not respond. Women are called bitches if they had an urge or acted upon it in a relation, more than men. so it's complex
@@TGP109 its a great way to make your wife lose what remaining attraction there was left by being a good little boy and doing everything she requests hoping for a treat
My parents divorced when I was a kid. More than anything, I did not want a divorce. I wanted to find a way to work things out. Really, I think it was my belief that I could fix it and fix her if I just didn't give up. I was wrong. I almost think it was an ego thing. I didn't want to fail at marriage. I always believed that I was smart enough to make any relationship work. I was wrong again. So, I learned a lot about myself and my overconfident ego, which has taught me humility. Now, I don't try to fix people in my life. I accept that they travel their own path. I don't get attached to people. I enjoy them for now and let them go when the time is right. Most importantly, I don't get into any legally binding relationships. Thanks for your comments and questions.
@@john-griffin thanks John you are a great guy. I really appreciate listening to your wise thoughts on this channel. It’s good to fully know and accept only what you can control.
Im a similar age , had 3 relationships go wrong , your video and some of the comments have reinforced my conclusions . Be ready to exit and not give a toss about doing so . That pisses on their bonfire.
Great channel , we’ve all been F D over with this love game , it's all for the young and the foolish, we're we have all been , just hope we can enjoy life without to much mental scaring , learn to forgive and finally have some peace in our hearts
Hahahaha. I am a 66 year old never married male, no children. Maybe I haven't missed much after all? At least half of my male friends seem to have encountered divorce, and child care costs, emotional turmoil etc.. Life just isn't as easy as we think it should or could be I guess. No matter what your choices are in life, there are consequences. We need to know that and think carefully before making long term commitments. Being single and alone just isn't an option for most of us.
Another great vid. If a man addresses the situation properly, there's about a 50/50 chance she may turn the sex switch back on. But it's a tough road, and effort/reward ratio is arguably low. But if he pulls it off, he will get to keep his stuff and have a new sexual relationship. It's debatable whether remnants of learned family disfunction would even allow still turn up unless he does some deep work on himself. The amount of sex that might comes back is dependent on the man's leadership and confidence, how seriously she takes him, and how adverse she is to getting divorced. All of these things will ebb and flow with time. As any leader, he will continually need to work to maintain his position in the captain's chair. That's how it is for men anyways. In any case, to get sex from any woman, he will have to continue to be desirable, and a better option than other alternatives who might pursue her.
UA-cam is the best.
Older men sharing life wisdom is something young men need desperately!!!!
Thanks
I was thinking the same thing!
This is great
So true I’ve learned a lot from these videos and experienced it myself
He’s not old - probably could outlift you
@@BigBadJohn1892 definitely couldn’t.
If your woman does not desire you for sex and intimacy then not only does she not love you, she does not respect you. In fact she despises you.
Leave her.
Sex isn't about respect and women aren't men. They don't equate being screwed with ''love''.
@@TGP109 -one night stand is not love, but women do that all the time.What do you know about love and life?
Most women only like sex until they get children. Men are in love. Women are in business.
@@TGP1091000%
Women desire orgasms as a method to deal with anxiety and depression. All brought on by their reproductive desires. Love has nothing to do with it.
I’m almost 50 and was married for 15 years, and had 2 children. The ex tried to use sex as a manipulative instrument, but I never took the bait. She actually didn’t know what to do when it didn’t work in her favor. Long story short, it uncovered many issues that she had with herself, and as of today, I’ve been happily divorced for 10 years.
@@dennisgriffin3069 awesome brother. Sometimes the best move is not to play the game.
@@JLM_79 They made 2 movies about that... WAR GAMES and JUMANJI.. where playing the game will be the big mistake.
#MGTOW
Happily Unmarred for 8 years 😂
Girlfriend tried to use the “unless you do this we won’t have sex” manipulation. There is a lot of negotiation in a relationship, but when sex is used as a player chip, it’s over. I said you are right we won’t have sex, good bye, and never talked to her again.
Watching these videos really hammers home the old saying, “men who understand women don’t get married.”
And the other saying, "You can either love women or understand them, you cannot do both."
You're right. I do and I didn't.
Women play a manipulation game 24/7 even before the marriage. Observe, her peak sexual activity with you will be after she decides she is going to try to get you to marry her, but before the actual marriage. It's the old Rope-a-dope. She has the rope, and you know what that makes you.
i understand them, will never be married and to be honest i pity them, things are a lot more complicated than sex, relations and childbirth, imagine having to build a healthy identity on inconsistent emotional ground, now you see why promiscuity and one parent household are extremely detrimental to individuals.
'understand'?
You are absolutely the best. Everything you say is completely 100% accurate. I was with my ex for 14 years. The first year sex was incredible. Multiple times a week. Sex dropped off considerably after marriage. It then spiked back up when she wanted to try for a baby. After our son was born, sex died. It was maybe once every two months. It was entirely obligation sex. No passion or intimacy and she just wanted it over. She trained me so well I eventually stopped asking. I was tired of the rejection. It also didn’t help that she put on a lot of weight and started putting purple streaks in her hair. The only thing she wore were leggings and a tank top. She also got that ugly nose ring that all modern women seem to put in their noses. Not attractive. Thank you so much for what you do. It’s so comforting to know I’m not alone.
🤣
Sounds good she’s now your ex
You know, when it was happening to me I assumed it was me. I assumed that everyone else in the world was living a happy, sex filled, married life and there was something I was doing wrong. I hope this video and some of the others help guys realize that this happens all the time and its not them.
It’s happened to most married guys well into their marriages. How do men deal with it? Screw a work wife once in a while. Happened to my brother in-law. His ex wife stopped giving him sex. So he screwed at least four women he worked with. Once he said he had to go to Europe on a business trip. In reality he took his young secretary to Malta on vacation and laid the pipe on her for a week.
@@keimyung8824 I literally just watched that episode. It is insane how accurate the marriage wheel described my major and divorce. Marriage is such a joke.
The only way you can control the relationship is to not give a fk and be ready to exit stage at a moment notice.
That’s why bad boys sre so attractive to them.
This is me and I have always maintained the upper hand in the relationship and have attracted good honest partners
They won't respect you if you're a pushover, keep them guessing if you love them.😂
Dread game is the way..
And THAT's why it's so shitty when you find yourself in such a situation AND ARE MARRIED to such a female demon.
When they withhold sex, withhold attention and affection. If you aren’t getting what you need physically and they are using sex as a weapon… get it somewhere else and leave the relationship.
At Walmart?
''Sex as a weapon''. Most women DON'T weaponize sex, considering that she probably had sex with you for YEARS before you felt it necessary to put a ring on it. Funny how that works.
@@garyfrancis6193 If need be, but you'd be surprised how open so many single women are to sleeping with someone else's husband when the opportunity presents itself. It's hardly ideal, but it beats having to take matters into your own hands because your wife turned out to be selfish and frigid.
@@garyfrancis6193online many places or you can get a toy from China that’ll do it for you $9.99 instead of ~half your shit for ~20 years
@@garyfrancis6193If punda appeared on the shelves of wallies this afternoon women will be out of business tomorrow.
She doesn't have secret power. She has the power to take your house, land, savings, cars, pension, 401k, alimony and child support. All she does is file for divorce. She just sits back and allows the laws to take it from the man.
Do not marry. Case closed before You lose anything but her (who You would lose anyway sooner than later)
That’s for sure , if only I had this wisdom in the early 2000s
Every time I see a woman that looks interesting I think to myself. Does she look like somebody I would give 95% of my belongings and all of my money to... Again?
Men never know women initially, they only meet their representative, they find out who they married after the divorce.
I thought I knew mine but realized how wrong I was when she divorced me after 32 yrs of marriage. The statistics say that is a "successful" marriage by all standards. So it seems a successful marriage is only gaged by the ability of a woman to rear her children to adulthood. Other than provisioning a man has no part in it.
Ain’t that the god’s honest truth.
... which is, let's be honest, why we all should absolutely abstain from making the marriage mistake under any circumstances. Under the current legislation and jurisdiction we do not only lose our chosen partner and love as well as our children with her once she starts being herself without the "I want that man"-filter, we also will lose what we worked so hard for our whole friggin' life long, plus our prospects for whatever might come up by also being condemned to pay her half or more of our _future_ earnings.
@@manfredschmalbach9023 unless you’re Kevin Costner, or Jeff Bezos, who seemingly absolutely despise having any wealth at all, and you just feel like giving away half or more of it, getting married is a piss poor deal.
It ain't nothing of a deal. It's an offer the Godfather would have made.
I was 42 and married a 22 year old after 8 years together before I moved her in.
She was a virgin when we met and traditional. She cooked, cleaned, worked at a job and sex on tap whenever I wanted, which was 4- 5 times per week.
When she reached her mid 30s she started to get demanding.
One day she said to me "if you want this marriage to work you have to sell all your motorcycles and fast cars, give up catching up with your mates, stop your occasional Wiskey drinking and your Pot smoking" which was 4 times per month, not daily.
Ontop of that she wanted me to see a Psychiatrist, and when I asked why?
She said what sane man has so many motorcycles, likes whisky and likes catching up with mates twice a week for rides and sessions.
Monday morning first thing I got my Lawyers to draw up papers, gave her what she deserved financially and said to her if you don't sign the papers I will bankrupt the both of us and you will get nothing.
She knew I would do it too.
She signed and kicked her arse to the kerb.
Moral of the story is, if you think you found a Unicorn, you haven't, they will eventually turn on you with a vengeance.🇦🇺
That’s a great story! Thanks
Dated a 14 y old ?
@@chippychick6261yeah that’s a little sus
😂😂😂😂 The part where she knew that you were not bluffing about bankrupting yourself out of spite
The math on this one is weird… care to clarify?
I learned young, never married, no kids.
You are spot on.
Thanks!
Same @ 58. Stay single.🏁
Right there with you John. Each video resonates with me. I’m two year behind you in my divorce of after a 30 year marriage. Yell “no sh&t! That happened to me too!” consistently. Having both you kids still in your life is a huge benefit.
@@Dee-s6s no, it's natural to marry and have children. just find a good partner. not all women are evil
No cohabitation as well
Watching your videos even inspired my 290 pound self to start walking. Walked 4.5 miles yesterday in a wild life preserver in Texas- Thank you for all you do
Exercise... even a little makes you feel better !
That is awesome! Great job
well done glad to hear watch Fight Club for a reminder of this crooked society.
Keep walking every day!
Even though I've never been married and have thus obviously never been divorced, there's definitely something therapeutic about your videos. Your sharing of the conclusions you've reached after an obviously extensive thought process is intriguing, to say the least. I find myself reflecting on experiences I've had with girlfriends that "match" the situations you discuss. I think you're doing a lot of people good via your channel, so keep up the good work!
Thanks for that feedback. I think that my experiences are universal. I am just lucky to have the ability to talk about it on video and I have two great dogs and a beautiful, peaceful setting to have the conversation. I remember being a young man and walking through the woods with my best friend talking about this kind of stuff and how therapeutic it was for me. I think I am just recreating that experience and sharing it. Thanks again.
@@john-griffin The switch only works on fat, balding men with money.
@ceejay9663 I completely agree (and have been married, and divorced). John's demeanor, and the forest setting, his distilled thoughts, it is therapeutic. One thing I specifically really appreciate it is he hits the right note - I'm not an incel, I'm not a misogynist, I still love women and so much about them, but I have a level of realism from experience. John manages that note so well - whereas so many other channels turn me off because they have turned into something more ugly that I don't identify with. I think a lot of viewers are feeling the same thing and finding John's videos are really meeting where they are at.
@@john-griffin By any chance, are you kids alienated from you? Many men go through that after divorce or separation.
I'm also here cause I enjoy the therapeutic feeling and I can relate with relationships past.
Keeping up the good work John
For many years, I tried to make my ex happy. You name it, i did it, in hopes I could get the intimacy back. It never worked. At one point, I bought her an upgraded phone, and I took her old one. I found several texts to other men with hearts and see you soons. After nearly 30 years , it was over. You are exactly right.
Sad story.
My girlfriend of 3 years just didn't want to one night during a week vacation I paid for in St. Thomas. We dont get a lot of time together in general due to differences in work schedules. She turned me down one night, and I made sure she knew I could get it somewhere else, and we could just be friends if this was the path she wanted to go down. The entire year since then havent had a single issue with her. Sometimes, they just need to be reminded that you can walk away and you have options.
Because you were wise enough to not get married, you were able to maintain the leverage in areas important to you. This is the only way a man can be in a relationship with a woman since the state is so hostile toward men.
It’s because it’s not your wife she has no power over you .
@@alexg8460wait until he gets married 😂😂
I watch these videos to stay single,, each bad relationship I have,, I start a new sport. Currently I am road biking,, paragliding, mtn biking, kayaking, dirt bike riding, kitesurfing,, and efoiling,, If I fall,, I can solve what I did wrong,, with a women, I have no idea what they are thinking
Very true excellent story
Stay healthy and stay single!
they do not reason, they use emotional reasoning, their thinking is linked to subjectivity (body) and herd (social circle of females) values, all of that covered with a layer of plausible deniability and perception control, males that try to judge them with equality, bound by lust or codependency are deceived by their kindergarten manipulations.
Men and women are very different. It’s like mixing oil and water. It’s not worth the headache of having anything to do with them
😂😂😂😂OMG don't be so cold!! We need Men!! We luv you guys!! ❤🤣
My conclusion exactly. The best relationship I ever had was when I lived with my male friends. We shared a place for a few years. Never had any problems. I have lived with 5 women and it was nothing but a struggle.
I had the exact same experience. Except that my vasectomy came after four kids. There was supposed to be lots more sex after the vasectomy because we wouldn’t have to worry about birth control. But guess what? No more sex. In fact, she left me and had sex with other men and had babies with other men after making me take away my ability to have babies.
Don’t fall for any promises a woman makes about “if you do this ( clean house, lose weight, make more money, have a vasectomy, etc) we will have more sex. “
That’s just another way women stall for time to keep their security (husband/supporter) while they plan their new life without the husband. They can be planning to leave you years before they leave you. They will use a man for all the support and money they can get until they feel confident to leave you for the better man, or better life they think they have found.
And they will often sacrifice their children’s relationships with the father just so they can seek their own happiness in the next relationship or the next career or the next cult that they join.
You will never have more sex with the woman who has cut off sex. It’s almost never about you the husband. It’s about what is going on inside the woman’s mind. And believe me, what’s going on in a woman’s mind is pure crazy. I have had women tell me that. They often say that they don’t know why they did what they did in a relationship. They acted on emotions and fantasies and then realized they blew up their life and their children’s lives and they don’t even know why!
Even women cannot explain their own behavior.
Men, protect yourself and your resources. Plan to protect your children from their own mother if it comes to that.
JHC Kyle that’s awful. I’m sorry she didn’t have a sign on her saying “if lost return to pen #7. Loves rolling in sloppy earth.”
They have little or no sense of fair play.
I solved that problem. I never let a woman have leverage over me by marrying her.
When I was dating my wife she told me one day that she had the ability to "turn off her sexuality and bury it in the ocean", referring to how she got by being single between relationships. However, she failed to mention that she would also do it once we moved in together, and especially once we were married.
Well. This was a problem when i was under 25 years old. I developed discipline when it came to intimacy. I had to when i realized that my wife tried to weaponize intimacy. I wouldn't tolerate it. I told her straighten up or she will be responsible for her own consequences of manipulation attempt. When she refused, i adjusted and found a replacement because my health is important. I studied and realized that 95% of women are dysfunctional when it comes to intimacy. Sad but true and men need to accept it. Most Men are not the problem.
Very true
Very true. I grew up w/ 5 sister and have always been able to easily meet women. Now that I have passed 50, I realized they really are all dysfunctional. I have a few female friends but otherwise...I don't make any effort to get into relationships. Too much work & drama.
@@kw7796No comedy?
95% men don't know nothing about women's body and real feelings, you prefer change body then learn.
95% does not surprise me. Actually I can not say I know even two women that I feel are sane and reasonable. I have believed for some time a man in America, if he is luck has a 5%-10% chance of finding a woman worth investing in.
We all pay for it. Some pay less, some more. Never free.
Any normal man with normal levels of testosterone… for sure.
Some get a discount
T-rash don't pay. Saying "We all pay for it" is cope. If you don't want to pay, be T-rash.
It isn't ''free'' for women either.
T-rash don't pay.
Mr. John Griffin, your content sneaked up on me, just outside of my radar but, your honest, down to earth videos have caught my attention in processing my own relationship challenges. As a 58 year old man with two children, who spent 35 years in a marriage and now separated for two years, I relate to many of your own experiences. I also relate with your CALM energy in finding peace within myself after the tumultuous ride of conjugal love gone awry. I have found my own peace and serenity in typing out my feelings, relating to others and helping them on the internet. But, you are capturing the process of healing your own experience with all the video and audio showing how men must develop and grow through the pain of lost love. Your authentic presence is palpable and most welcome. I know that you are now on the fast track to healing because I saw you laugh/ chuckle at least five times during this video. That means that you are not only healing yourself but, you are healing others. Thank you for delivering your brutal honesty and needed grace in your sacred journey of life. Jeffrey Z. in SC
Thank you! I appreciate your kind comments. I’m glad you enjoyed the video.
Hands down, this is the most honest video about men in relationships I've seen in years. I feel less of a freak for seeing it. Good stuff.
Believe it or not, my wife and I had sex at least twice a week until she died from cancer. We were married just short of 39 years. Of course there was down time when she got sick. If she was to turn me down for no good reason, I would have been gone and she knew it. She was a wonderful woman and believed sex was duty and I totally loved her up until death do us part
Damn.....😯you guys are a unicorn. Well done 😊 that's very rare
❤❤❤❤
You're horrible. Women get left far more when they're sick, and to hold that over her head...
In every relationship I ever had, not once was I satisfied with the level of intimacy. I am not talking about sexual intercourse, but non-sexual touch. Being with women from other cultures and countries taught me it was not me but American women. I learned that early and never married one. If I would have it was a guaranteed divorce.
I was married 26 years and we always let Saturday be our day for lovemaking even tho there were times it was more than that but I think being fun with experimentation and also being in love helps. I miss her something awful.
What happened?
@@breathedeepnow1 Heart attack. Sucks
@@COSkywatch was it after she got the c0v1d sh0t?
I learned the hard way. After separation, courts, losing over 50 percent of my income to her never again. She lined up another sucker who had money and left. She coukd care less we had 2 kids. Women are in business dont ever get married or have kids. W the courts she milks my wallet leaves me broke.
As an old divorced boomer, i can state that marriage is a losing game for men . We have been put through the ringer. Young men don't get married. You may loose everything if she decides she's bored ,becomes unhinged, or is unhappy with you. I have experienced that, and it's horrible. You can have relationships but never get the state involved in your life as it will be a huge mistake .Stay free as a bird. Don't get locked in the marriage birdcage.
I agree with you completely there
@@MrBBaron "she can change her mind and change your world "
Women work nowadays too and 40% of American wives earn more than their husbands.
@@TGP109 but their working hours drop significantly after the child birth etc is the husband must increase his hrs to compensate the decrease in the house' revenue
@@TGP109 Assuming that's true it doesn't seem to have made women better as wives or mothers so it hardly matters in this context
A man can stay with a woman that he no longer is passionate about but he accepts his commitment.
Once a woman loses her passion for you, she is totally turned off by you.
.. or you become permanently in the "friend" zone.
And then she disavows any and all previous commitments that are not in her favor.
Exactly
A woman's only passions are resources and status.
Have a boyfriend 5 years. Makes same money I do. He has health problems which might make physical intimacy impossible. I will never seek it from anyone else. I did not seek any male attention from anyone since meeting him. We will never marry as he was married previously and was traumatized from it. My point is there are decent women but they are not given a chance by men who have unrealistic standards. I am somewhat overweight but far from obese.
There are 2 rules for happy life
1 Never ever get married
2 Do not forget 1 rule
She took you to the candy store and love bombed you. The long game
i believe the same thing that Aaron Clarey states, women just are not into men. its like a child, they love one food this month and in a day, they fall out of love with that food. and they do not return back to the food when they get bored. just me.
make sense.If she is pretty ,she has many choices like a child in chocholate factory.
That’s very insightful
73 and experienced all that you've talked about today. Married twice, second time to much younger hottie. Been single for over 12 years now. EVERYTHING I heard you say is truth. Honestly and unfortunately, I don't know if I could have heard, processed, and acted intelligently on your word as a younger guy who was too stupid to have much wisdom. I love your videos and hope someone younger can have enough sense to benefit from them!! Thanks John.
Even at 73, we can still learn or at least remind ourselves of the potholes up ahead.
@@36handy Yup. That’s why I watch and listen! I’m a learner.
@@getx1265 - 59 … still learning. Cheers. DD
Wish these kinds of videos existed when I was little. How naive and dumb I was. I couldn't turn that switch off, and my intentions were not fleeting. It's ok. Life is a learning process. We are animals.
We were programmed to be that way. You, I and the other men who have gone through this have a duty and opportunity to warn the younger generations of men of the devas tation of marriage. We need to teach them to understand women not love them.
Hi John. You explain what most men go through in a marriage very accurately. Unfortunately, this is how most marriage unfolds. These days, when i look at a couple getting married, i just wonder how long it will take until they get a divorce, like its inevitable.
I have heard marriage is the leading cause of divorce.
I think that we need a new approach to relationships that is more in line with our culture, especially for men. I also think we need a new type of marriage agreement that doesn't put the financial responsibility squarely on the man's shoulders and the children automatically to the woman.
“Pimp and the prostitute”…classic! Cracked me up 👍
I just popped into my head in that moment. It cracked me up. I don’t know where it came from. Thanks.
Ok. I’m on board with all of this. It’s not however always a personal rejection, especially post kids-women’s sex urge is very hormonal, maximized for procreation. It can also be a continuous chase of the novel, which is immature and happens on both sides. Old-school old-world dudes like my dad romanced only to hook the fish and dropped all affection post nuptials. He then withdrew from my gorgeous mom sexually post kids. I learned this from my over-sharing mom way too early and it jaded me. Hubby and I have had to slug it out, and luckily he’s direct, descriptive, eloquent and doesn’t put up with my bull. You are 100% correct, staying loving and intimate is a choice.
The switch is always on for the bad boys.
If a man controls a woman's access to his money, it's judged as "coercive control", and he can be jailed for it. But women get a free pass for manipulating men with sex 100% of the time. It's sickening.
Truth. I hope this message spreads to all men.
Has anybody noticed that the state makes ZERO effort to educate young men about the potential risks and pitfalls of being involved in a relationship? A cynic might say it's very deliberate...........
They don’t educate women either about the fact that once they become married, a man’s health statistically will improve, while a woman’s health will decline. Also the fact that even when both parties work full time, a married woman’s home duties will increase by 7 hours a week of extra housework, while the man’s will not. Yeah, it would be great if women were educated about these facts.
@@odettegibbs2238 What a load of cobblers. Please do enlighten us all with your verifiable sources. Men risk financial ruin and potential difficulty in getting access to their own children. Meanwhile, you think an alleged extra 7 hours a week of house is an issue..........Funny how it's women who are saturating TikTok with cringe videos whining that men are not giving them any attention, asking them out on dates etc. Seems women struggle far more with being single than the vast majority of men. Men are increasingly opting out of dating eg in the age group 18-30 year old males, only 30% are either dating, or looking to date. 70% just don't bother. It should be ringing alarm bells amongst women. By 2030, 45% of women aged 20-45 will be single and childless. Interesting to note that depression rates amongst middle aged women are now higher than they are amongst men of the same age. It seems that cat ownership, a box of wine and Friday evenings spent alone watching the Brigette Jones DVD box set isn't enough.......
you mean the same that allow paternity fraud, child abuse through indoctrination by codependency or even worse check numbers of trans kids, fefails are messing with their identity, State... social media... high moral ground bozos... crickets... males are disposable.
The Interneet and You Tube has given us men a platform where we can exchange war stories. It has been a blessing to discover that other people out there have gone thru similar tribulations in marriage and women. We were considered weak if we talked or complained about our issues but not anymore. We are here and licking our wounds hoping that others will learn from our experiences and avoid marriage and tread lightly with women. Thanks Mr. Griffin. I was watching videos of the same topic coming from Latin America and feminism is just as bad over there. I am now awake and fully aware of female nature and only interact with women in a civil and social way; no romance or sex.
This captivating video triggers a flood of painful memories from the end of my 6-year relationship just three months ago. The woman I loved with all my heart chose to walk away, leaving me grappling with an insurmountable sense of loss. Despite my relentless efforts to salvage what we had, I'm left feeling disillusioned and unable to imagine a future without her. Despite my attempts to move on, I'm drawn to express my deep-seated longing for her here...
The struggle to release someone dear to your heart is undeniably arduous. I empathize, having experienced a similar circumstance when my 8 year relationship concluded. Refusing to accept defeat, I pursued every conceivable avenue to reclaim his affection. Eventually, I sought the assistance of a spiritual counselor, whose wisdom and intervention played a pivotal role in reuniting us.
Incredible! Where did you find a spiritual counselor, and how can I get in touch with him?
dr apala omofulma is the name of an exceptional spiritual counselor renowned for his ability to reunite you with your former partner.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked him up now online. impressive
The more you understand female nature, the less you are going to get burned. Don't let external factors define your happiness in life. It's only going to lead to misery.
John, this is an excellent piece of work. It’s so true…I went through a similar situation…well done. No sex..your relationship is done. I went for 4 years of no sex with my wife…in the end I just got so frustrated with her. Also she packed on the weight and made herself look very unattractive just to put the boot in.
You know, I think that a lot of women suffer from mental illness and we just don’t have any idea. I think there’s a real problem throughout our entire society. Thanks for your comment.
@@john-griffin Also, most of them women grow and grow and grow, gain weight beyond every limit. Obesity is also a big problem.
@@john-griffinI am very sure it is the lack of certain nutrients in the western diet that is causing this mental shift for the worse.
The partner who wants (or needs) sex more is in a subservient position to the partner who satisfies said urges. The one who satisfies sexual urges will be in the driver's seat and will govern the relationship, in the same way that the person who loves the least will always have more power over the one who loves the most. As long as someone needs something of value, the supplier of that valuable something can charge pretty much whatever they want, because they are calling the shots. Men need to practice self discipline, self control, and self restraint, otherwise they will be at the mercy of women and will continue to be dominated by them.
Men aren't dominated by women, they're dominated by their tragic sex drives. Stop blaming women for your biology.
married for 20 yrs or so, 2 kids. Wife passed away, I am stuck at 52 with no partner in a big mess in the dating arena. I am learning the ropes of living alone now.
Similar life situation here…My advice is to STAY SINGLE!
Finish raising/educating your children, then begin your single life to enjoy the joys and freedom it has to offer…I did. 😊
@@josephschuster1494 thanks!. It is hard sometimes but I love independence. I am just dating casually.
Go to Thailand, you will thank me later
@@marcK599. ที่รัก
STAY SINGLE! Go for that curious sex! Married 25 years. I get some when she is in the mood. Couple times a month. If I'm in the mood tough cookie. Be nice to them in and out of bed. Doesn't matter. They're always busy making other plans.
The male experience has to come through a woman in order to feel complete. I don't think this stands for women as well. That's the real advantage women have in relationships and it's not only about sex as you say but everything else as well. This lyric says it best: "They come on strong and it ain't too long for they make you feel a man, but love is blind and you soon will find you're just a boy again". I find this dynamic unfair and exhausting as hell...
They don't. It's all an individual process. Everything in the universe seeks unity with it's counterpart, or opposite. Both within and without. Women are not exempt from this. It's just that their consciousnesses are not as clearly directed as that of men's. Women do suffer when they lack direction, and men suffer when they lack the ability to feel. Direction and focus are masculine qualities. The ability to feel and sense are feminine qualities.
Women's primary feminine consciousnesses are more holistic (emotional intelligence) than men's, that is to say; they have the capability to see things wider but they often lack the direction and focus within that perspective until they have integrated it (become initiated into their own masculine side). Therefore they are more diffuse and they don't see as clearly as men do, especially not in terms of the target sexual orientation they "should" have. Women become vulnerable to distraction. It's almost as if it needs to be "awakened" in them to a large degree as they start life sort of confused/unsure sometimes. And now that the modern day society is being filled with useless distractions, homosexualization and social media - women step into even more things "blurring" and distracting their view, and I think it makes things even worse. All on purpose, unfortunately. Hope this helps.
@@daveo990 Hi, thank you for your answer and your time. I don't necessarily agree with what you say, I don't think men and women are that different or "opposites", I was just refering to a very subtle dynamic that give women a "secret power" (as the title says) in relationships. Most men don't realize their masculine potential without a woman in their life. They are just boys without her or "weird hermits". Women not so much. A "girl" and a "woman" usually can carry the same "weight" as a definition in men's minds. This dynamic puts them in the centre of the relationship with man as their satelite. At least this is what my limiting experience has to say of the matter...
@@masterbluesrockguitar4966 No problem, and thanks to you as well for your consideration.
Men and women are indeed each others opposites - like night and day. But that doesn't mean that we should avoid each other. It means that we are supposed to balance each other, as opposites. Women have no "secret power" in relationships. The only thing that brings about dissatisfaction in a relationship is to the degree of which the particular man and women manage to balance each other's gender energies out. Going about things with a "taking" mindset instead of a "giving" one, is where everything go wrong these days.
What you describe is an undifferentiated man that projects his own femininity (his feeling side) onto his woman or other women and who cannot live with himself. It's what could be described as "power" for the woman, but it's enabled by the man's own weakness. I've met these men myself.
The "boy"-part you mentioned is a man's wounded side that wasn't nurtured properly by the mother during childhood, therefore men will subconsciously look for this in another woman. It's somewhat dysfunctional. However, it is a common occurrence. But it can be healed and integrated, and that's when men become "whole" on their own.
😥 as a 49 year old, its a hard realization that I may not find anyone who actually loves me. Today I am also able to go about my day to day, but I do worry about as I get older...these days, without friends or family, no kids, nothing at all-working remotely. I make 200K but still do Uber deliveries on Saturdays on my bicycle to get out and have a human interaction... I just don't have it ibn me to go on a dating site or try to meet anyone.
@@SuperDurv dang! Go to Asia. You’ll be a rock star.
@SuperDurv the sad reality is that woe men don't love men. Put another way: "Men love idealistically and woe men love opportunistically.". If you lose the ability to provide, they lose their ability to "love" and quickly move on. If you are looking for female companionship, as @Kimonha said, consider the less developed Asian countries such as Vietnam, Cambodia, Thailand, Indonesia and Malaysia.
I think if you go to Asia, and you meet some nice girls, enjoy them in the moment. Don’t worry about falling in love with them. Like them, have fun with them, enjoy time with them and have lots and lots of sex with them.
@@john-griffin or learn Spanish and date beautiful Argentine or Colombian women
@@Kimonha Columbia has some of the most beautiful woe men in the world imo BUT woe men are woe men whether in the US or Columbia. In addition, Columbia has become dangerous recently for passport bros. Argentina is probably a safer bet.
love your channel john, i love the way you are able to articulate the feelings that most of us men worth a salt have !! ❤
I appreciate that! thanks!
You've got about ten years on me. I'm starting to consider your advice, and you, like the big brother I wish I had.
Thank you for all you do.
I appreciate that
Thank you for your videos . Very therapeutic. Watching you walking with your beautiful dogs and talking about relationships is wonderful.
What's funny is I have been doing exactly this for the last decade or longer. Now, I just get to share it with the world. Thanks!
Way back when, as a young teenage buck, I don’t think I even had a switch or breaker brother John. Felt like I was direct-wired with 8 gauge cable, and even then, half the insulation was melted off!! 😆
I know exactly what you're saying. I was the same. Not much discretion when making decision about who to do it with either. Thanks
Just turned 50. Never married because of what I THOUGHT was going to happen, which you highlighted in this video. Excellent work!
Good instincts. Thanks
I've somehow known about this imbalance ever since I was a young boy. And I'm quite open about it. When I'm open about it to women though... to say they don't like it being exposed is certainly an understatement. All of them recognize this huge amount of power from a young age, and believe me, they know how to really milk it, and they do.
Love your honesty and camerawork. Brutally honest ❤
Thanks! I really appreciate your feeback!
The problem here is that men often allow their little heads to do all their thinking, and women know this and take advantage of it. There is a better way to do things, a way that will produce a better outcome, but it takes a long time to learn it.
That's so true, it's almost like a bad movie that you can see the danger but the victim can't get away 😊
so true!
I think "sexual starvation" to a man is the same as "not even talking" to a woman. She couldn't imagine if you walked in after work and completely ignored her the whole night. Didn't say a word. Didn't tell her you loved her. And did that for MONTHS. How would she feel??? That really is the exact and correct comparison. She would say that you DON'T LOVE HER AT ALL. That would be true if you did that to her. Her not even showing sexual interest in you for months is NOT LOVING YOU AT ALL. END OF STORY.
The best advice I ever got regarding women from an old friend was
" if it floats , fks or flys, rent it ".
This advice has NEVER failed me.
I heard another: the 3 F’s. Find her, “F” her and forget her
As man ,I’m getting educated and I have fun how you deliver your content , thanks man!
Currently, 45 out of 50 states report marriage/divorce statistics and from that was derived the current divorce rate of around 41%. If you factor in the 5 states that do not report these stats, you'll get close to 50%. With that said, why would one roll the dice to risk financial, emotional and mental ruin? It's just not worth it! 52 male never married and no kids.
Great insights. I learned that the hard way.
It's even higher as men follow the script it's cheaper to keep her
Very revealing and important to hear, especially for the young guys. Thank you for sharing!! God bless.
Ditto. 63 and recently divorced. So glad to be free of it.
You were Love Bombed.
My ex wife turned it OFF after our first child, but turned it back ON when she wanted #2.
She got off birth control without telling me.
She later bragged to my mother that both of our children were conceived without my consent.
Some women you can NEVER trust. NEVER.
Thanks for a Saturday morning laugh😂
I'm glad you laughed! Have a great day. thanks
She sounds like a real peach...
@@WTHenry2023Yeah, a real peach if it.
That is my number one rule; NEVER trust a woman!
I'm your age, been married twice and not going there again. I now let women know that sex IS the man/woman relationship. If your girl knows or feels you have options, they are much less likely to pull that crap.
Women control the availability of intimacy of any kind. To quote a female friend of mine.... "i can't understand why men are so obsessed with sex, i can have it whenever i want" I thought that explained most women's lack of understanding of guys situation in this.
In Spanish, we call that setting up a date with Manuela. (The hand)
Yes, and in English Manuela is Rosie Palm-er 😆 Of course, sometimes we say Manuela as well as a play on the word manual/hand.
Or auntie palm and her 5 daughters.
This man is preaching!!! Very inspiring!
I’m 59 and in the same situation although I’m not divorced (yet). My daughter is a 21 year old university student and living at home. Three more semesters to go and then she graduates. I’m hanging on until then.
Nah you should be starting your way out now. It's a long drawn out process. I'm going thru it now getting the house all fixed up to sell so we can be done with each other.
I know how you feel. You hung in there this long, was another year and a half. I think I would start laying the groundwork for the separation and divorce. You may want to talk to a lawyer or even a divorce mediator.
I wonder why as I listen to all your videos as a women it feels mentally soothing?
This is one for the books…😅
I don’t know, I do appreciate your feedback though. Maybe it’s just a pretty setting that I’m walking through?
Dude…was married to a narcissist for 15 years-no kids. She punched me in the face (fists) at least five times over the years (once while I was driving) - I NEVER hit her back…I will not ever strike a woman. In a sick way, the battering concretely affirmed to me how she really felt. I went into therapy; organized our couples therapy; and worked to resuscitate the dying relationship. Thankful she held up a mirror so that I am seeing my Self more clearly.
Am 65, divorced for 10 years, and am embracing joy each day! I love dogs and all critters and am presently not a steward for any animal; I truly can drop and go in a blink-no kennels-no vet bills-no Gucci dog food expense-no tugging at my heart while traveling. Might consider getting a pup in the future…definitely not a woman. Marriage is not for me. I love my singlehood!
Thanks for sharing your truth, John…am certain your words resonate with men and many women…
Wow, you really had a nightmare situation there.
@@john-griffin
Thanks, brother! It was a nightmare; and yet a perfect match-a female malignant narcissist and a co-dependent male? Thrilled and giggling now after years of anger, resentment, and hurt. BTW, our
(Continued) worst fights were fueled by alcohol…I haven’t drank in years.
John,
I Have Watched & Subscribed To Your Channel For Several Weeks Now & You Have A Way Of Stating The Truth!!!
Your Perspective Is So Right On Point…I Was Laughing At This Video Because Of How True…I Mean 500% Correct Your Observations Are…Hindsight IS 20/20 !!!
I Was Married 19 Years & This Video Describes To A Tee EXACTLY What Happened In My Marriage…Except There Were 4 Children!!! The Story Was Literally Verbatim…The Results Were Identical…It’s Like You Wrote The Script And I Was Cast To Play This Role…Almost Pathetic & Sad How Predictable Things Went…Right On Cue!!!
I Am In A paid Mens Recovery Group…Better Beyond Divorce…& I Posted To The Group About Your Channel…This Video Specifically…& How Much I Enjoy Listening To Your Vantage Point Of View…
Keep Up Your Great Work…Your Sense Of Humor, Insights & Advice…!!!!
Take Care
Thanks! I think a lot of guys have very similar experiences. The only guys I see arguing with me are the few that are really happily married and young guys who "think" they know what they're talking about. They are the real "experts". I love reading their comments! Thanks for your support. I really appreciate it!
It’s like you’re paying for it😂
You are always paying for it
Yes we are.
You can rent it or pay for it, Better to rent.
@@charliehargrave7458 had I done that I would still be a millionaire and had beautiful young women instead of an aging wife that would take me for everything in the end
@@charliehargrave7458 if it flies, floats or fucks, usually cheaper to rent
Women pay too-in lost time, ageing when they could find someone else, being left with kids, being cheated on, etc.
I haven’t touched a woman since 2002 when I was 40, and I’m not going to start now. They have no power over me.
We're well into the "faking marriage" stage. She shows no interest in sex and isn't even slightly affectionate, but she's visibly jealous if a woman speaks to me in a friendly manner in public.
Head games abound.
"no more mr nice guy" dr glover recommends we go for women who go for us which means they're not the hottest. when a man goes beyond his market value, he'll eventually pay the price especially in today's world of social media.
That may be some good advice, man thank you
I tried that with the last girl, got 3.5 mostly good years till she pulled the plug, I’m 42 now I’d be shocked if I can find one that actually will be good to me long term. Good book read it 5-6 years ago. Reality is I’m good enough to get a bit of female attention here and there and that’s it.
@dr.vonslifeinvesting6485 i am a traditional man (mid-50s) and am looking for a traditional woman to marry and have children (i don't have children currently). traditional means i provide the lifestyle and she is the homemaker. i know it's very difficult to find traditional young women in the West today. however, you attract what you are
@john-griffin dr glover married a Mexican woman much younger than him but allows her to have sex with other men while he doesn't. but she treats him like a king. that's the practical trade-off he made to be happy. i don't think i could never do that but it works for him
You do realize that even women who look like plain janes are just as bad if not worse? They’re sometimes the craziest because all they have going for them is down below but if you’re ok with somebody who has to wear a bag over their head then 🤷🏽♀️
Modern marriage is like a very one sided contract where the women can be forgiven for any indiscretion and be awarded with prizes and the man’s hard earned money. There’s no wining this for men , so the best strategy is not to play.
Avoid marriage and co-habitation in a de facto marriage situation. Keep your finances and property separate.
Dont drive without a seatbelt. You may not crash, but if you do, you’ll be glad you had protection. 👍
59 year old woman, divorced after 35 years with a hostile, distant partner who started using sex as a manipulative weapon early on. It was I who wanted it more than he for roughly 90% of our marriage. It was the only time I felt any element of closeness. When it did happen, it could be amazing, but the depth and warmth was never quite there. I don't think he had the capacity. The relationship was a disaster dynamic for many years. The last 10 years, I just hung in there to get our kids raised and he had long cut us back to just a few times a year.
My first serious boyfriend after the marriage....what a night and day change. A masculine, kind, amazing man and we were like teenagers. Sadly, he ended it when he got diagnosed with prostate cancer. But the point is, that tigress can easily be rekindled and she will adore you for bringing her back.
My girlfriends and I discuss. I'm fairly certain there are many women out there who enjoy the passion and play just as much as men. I'm not a unicorn. But yes, we are wired differently. Good gawd, I never want to get to the point where it's a duty I would do simply to get him to mow the frigging lawn. It's a beautiful, fun, delicious part of life that I'm certainly not ready to give up. I think the key is to never stop flirting with one another. Keep it fresh. Throw her up on the counter next to the coffee pot one morning and rock her world. Dance in the kitchen on a Friday night when you're making dinner together. Send her a text in the middle of the day telling her you miss the way her skin smells and can't wait to get home. Toss her a sultry glance and a wink from across the room when you're at a social gathering. Never quit treating one another like your dating.
Thanks, John. I'm middle aged and resonate with everything you shared. I was married for 10 years and together for 14, with three young kids. Trying to coparent when she is the one who left and found someone else already within a year has been a nightmare that never ends.
They plan their exit and have a replacement well before they leave.
They can get someone to have sex with them in 30 minutes…even if it’s just an average looking woman thanks to the internet.
@@WTHenry2023 - As what happened with me. She swore she didn't but when I think back and connect the dots, it's so clear she did. The problem I have is she's fooled our kids to think it wasn't the case. For me to try and reason with them is met with push back, so I've dropped the matter. But at some point the truths will become apparent.
I agree, there is 1 small point I think John may have missed. What I appreciate about the red pill is it is guy sharing notes [women do this too that is why they so effectively play men]. While women have a button they can press [sex]. Men also have several buttons we can press, which I argue are far more powerful. 1 Relationship 2. Attention 3. Money 4. Time. If you have a woman who shuts down sex to you. Don't argue, don't fight, don't look mad, don't seem mad, don't throw a hissy fit. Seem completely unbothered, rent a hotel room for a week, go have you time and remove yourself from that woman completely. Start talking to other women and open the door to other women. Pull all your attention, money, time and relationship away from the woman. This is like the nuclear bomb to women, it is 100 times more powerful than women withdrawing of sex. When you return 1 week later, walk back in like nothing happened, and basically just ignore her. If she tries to argue/yell or engage just laugh and walk out the door again. Men don't realize how addicted to attention of men- women are. Your attention to your S/O female, is FAR more powerful than sex.
The reason why many women become pigs to men, is that too many men are flooding women with 1-4 Relationship, attention, money and time. Women view these kinds of men, the way men view women who flood men with sex too easily. Starting to get my point now. We just view those women as whores who are easy and we can have any time and as result we don't even want most of the time.
You say, rhetorically, you don't know how women don't understand this point about the balance between commitment, trust and sex in a relationship... that it's "so easy." Well, that saying by Upton Sinclair comes to mind, "It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends upon his not understanding it." In other words, if women were getting screwed over in divorce court the way men are, there'd be A LOT more incentive for them to figure things out real quick.
Excellent Point!
Seeing how you have shared your personal experience of your marriage, John ,could you elaborate just why you think she lost interest.From what you have said, it appears you had a reasonably good marriage. Was she interested in someone else.? Just what did she want to make her happy?
I’ve talked a little bit about her past, and I think that had a lot to do with it. As a Broadway dancer, she performed with many celebrities and was pursued in many ways by fans and wealthy men throughout her life. She was a bit of a celebrity herself, and I think that gets in her head. She lived in glamorous places and she did glamorous things before I met her. I think the contrast of going from being a star to being a mom was not what she expected. She is very much a free spirit which also means she’s a little bit unstable. She likes to think of herself as being whimsical I like to think of her as being erratic. I hope that gives you some insights.
"the pimp and the prostitute, all in one" !!!! Well said.
That cracked me up too. Some of those things just hit me right in the moment and it’s just so funny. I don’t know where it comes from.
Thank you for this video! This information MUST be taught to young men! It makes me so sad at 64 to finally learn this fact about my ex wife. I got a vasectomy too. Same history and same result. She destroyed our marriage and family, traumatizing our 3 kids and me. For what? I'm profoundly disappointed now with all women including my mother and sisters. I know what happened in their marriages and it sickens me what they have done to all the males in our family. It's evil and manipulative to willfully deprive a husband of intimacy and if I'd known this about my ex wife I would have divorced her 2 years before she dumped me. I was blindsided and disempowered by her secrecy. I wouldn't have wasted my energy trying to save a doomed marriage and been able to prepare to leave her. This information MUST be taught to young men. The course of my life would have been dramatically better and I would not have spent years afterwards left in self doubt and confusion.
When you get married you are automatically putting your life on the line the day after you tie the knot. The M word is more important and risky. Love has nothing to do with it. The "Love Emotion" can come and go, but the legal system stays the same. Marriage is government sponsored slavery for men. Period.
@@theglobalvagabond3074 never heard it put that way but this is so very true.
Great program . Mid fifties man here ,everything is going very well . Your program helps me to realize I have made good choices.
Great to hear! Keep it up!
The beginning of this video sounded exactly like me, my wife stopped sex the second she got pregnant with our first…no sex for 10 months. Things were never the same again although what stung most in this video was the “I never want to do that again with you line”. I never heard that but dang that’s tough but I did face hundreds of rejection. Marriage has become a sick thing. I really could have used this info 16 years ago when I was going through the initial rejection phase and was hurting so bad and confused.
Man up! If she 'forgets' to put out, communicate. If she refuses, plan your exit.
@@Billy-the-Kid she died from cancer at 33 that was 9 years ago now…you move on but the mental sting of all the rejection I don’t know if it ever fully leaves our mind/body
@@dr.vonslifeinvesting6485 I see it still keeps your mind busy after all these years. Some say withholding in a relation equals mental and physical abuse of the SO. Would you say that's true?
@@Billy-the-Kid it’s definitely emotional abuse as a means to control a person. Men fight physically women fight emotionally and they are masters of it because they learn to do it from an early age. Makeup, high heels pushup bras fake tears you will never really know a woman because she will never even really know herself.
Walking with two dogs says everything about the conclusions regarding the value of female companionship, and I get it.
Mine shut it off completely after our son. One day, she told me I don't care if we ever have sex again. She said sex is for making babies, and if we aren't making no more babies, she doesn't want to have sex. Eventually, when I was clearly gonna leave she started giving me some once every 3 to 6 mths. Then I told her I want a divorce after 20yrs and she wants to all of a sudden do it and everything else under the son. All of a sudden, she also wants to be a good wife too. 20yrs shit marriage. 3 mths so far not being that person. Lmfao. I'm hitting it and still gonna leave her. It's not about right now it's about the 20yrs preceding it.
Get it while the getting good.
@john-griffin well like you said, it's not the same for them as it is for us. Its a tool shes trying to use. I've seen this the last time when I actually left. Sucked me back in with this act and cost me 5 yrs. She got me back in, and before I realized it, things went right back the way it was when I left. The difference is this time my son is now almost grown, he wants to leave with me, and I'm not leaving my house. I told her we were selling the house. The deed and mortgage are in my name alone, and that gives me the right to sell. I just have to give her half. So she knows. She jumped in the shower with me one day, and I told her I'm not gay if your throwing it at me, I'm taking it, but it's not changing a thing. I haven't brought it up again. She throws it at me, I take it. She wants to believe something has changed that's on her. I think she knows, though, because she is putting money away and working for the first time in her life. Good for the next guy, but nothing changes the lost years she took.
Although I tried to be as diplomatic and kind as I can to my ex-wife, seeing how her life has turned into a dumpster fire since she left me does help me feel a little better. I hope you get that same feeling of satisfaction someday.
@john-griffin at this point, I've completely disconnected. Whatever she does, however, it ends up is what it is as long as she's out of my life.
Thank you John for the information you gave until this video. I wasn' t no longer attracted to both of my wives. This was caused not only by the women but also by myself
We were in both marriages no longer on the same page about plans and things to do in life. Of course the sex I had no more for years was also caused by issues from the first ex- wife for sure. The second ex- wife and I decided both to end our marriage. It has been almost five years ago now since my second ex- wife left me for another man. I understood why. Since then I am on my own. I didn't meet any woman until this day. I feel nothing for no one when it comes to women. I wonder if I ever find some rare positive exception only to have some loving companianship. No plans to remarry or live again together. It feels empty every now and then but at this moment it is the best thing for me.
this video is too painful. you are talking about your relationship from your perspective. she didn't want to have sex with you for many years and told you many times. you should have divorced her then. plenty of women would have wanted to be with you. when you have to beg for sex, the relationship is over.
Dude had kids, very young ones… so I can understand he tried to do what’s right…
@@djaeger-k5m can't change the past. however, it's better to get a divorce and have a healthy relationship with another woman for both the man and his children. parents and their relationships are role models for their children. when the marriage is unhealthy and one partner is sexually frustrated, their children will think this is normal and likely pattern their future relationships like this. by staying in a bad marriage, it's miserable for the father and later for their adult children.
When your in a relationship that complements the character of each individual the switch for both is always on for both.
Hi John love the channel, subscribed. I don’t understand how you could put up with that situation for so long with no sex. You should have told your wife you will seek it elsewhere as its a physical need for you but that you still love her very much and its just a physical thing you are taking care of and that you wanted to do the right thing and give her “first dibs”. If she declines then you can have guilt free sex with anyone as long as its just sex without emotion as you have been straight up and honest with your wife.
If sex in your relationship is not important to her that is fine she should be comfortable to outsource it. By trying to “appease” her by doing dishes is just going to make her even less attracted to you because no real man would accept that ridiculous situation of his wife not satisfying him. And if she leaves you because of this then its also a positive outcome because she was going to leave you anyway.
The added bonus of doing this is that she might rekindle the flame when she sees the old John she fell in love with who had balls and was his own man and didn’t take shit from anyone. If you can be manipulated by her through sex how are you supposed to protect her from the world?
I am not quite understanding why you have voluntarily put yourself in such an unmanly and unattractive position… I don’t mean to be offensive you are a really great guy and the world needs more great people like you but this is just too far mate…
He was more into her than she eventually, no wonder he did not respond. Women are called bitches if they had an urge or acted upon it in a relation, more than men. so it's complex
Since when is doing the dishes a recipe for sex? You should be taking care of the housework that needs doing, as should the wife.
@@TGP109 its a great way to make your wife lose what remaining attraction there was left by being a good little boy and doing everything she requests hoping for a treat
My parents divorced when I was a kid. More than anything, I did not want a divorce. I wanted to find a way to work things out. Really, I think it was my belief that I could fix it and fix her if I just didn't give up. I was wrong. I almost think it was an ego thing. I didn't want to fail at marriage. I always believed that I was smart enough to make any relationship work. I was wrong again. So, I learned a lot about myself and my overconfident ego, which has taught me humility. Now, I don't try to fix people in my life. I accept that they travel their own path. I don't get attached to people. I enjoy them for now and let them go when the time is right. Most importantly, I don't get into any legally binding relationships. Thanks for your comments and questions.
@@john-griffin thanks John you are a great guy. I really appreciate listening to your wise thoughts on this channel. It’s good to fully know and accept only what you can control.
Im a similar age , had 3 relationships go wrong , your video and some of the comments have reinforced my conclusions . Be ready to exit and not give a toss about doing so . That pisses on their bonfire.
Great channel , we’ve all been F D over with this love game , it's all for the young and the foolish, we're we have all been , just hope we can enjoy life without to much mental scaring , learn to forgive and finally have some peace in our hearts
Same thing happened to me.But it was a fun video John
Hahahaha. I am a 66 year old never married male, no children. Maybe I haven't missed much after all? At least half of my male friends seem to have encountered divorce, and child care costs, emotional turmoil etc.. Life just isn't as easy as we think it should or could be I guess. No matter what your choices are in life, there are consequences. We need to know that and think carefully before making long term commitments. Being single and alone just isn't an option for most of us.
A lot of wisdom there, man thank you
Another great vid. If a man addresses the situation properly, there's about a 50/50 chance she may turn the sex switch back on. But it's a tough road, and effort/reward ratio is arguably low. But if he pulls it off, he will get to keep his stuff and have a new sexual relationship. It's debatable whether remnants of learned family disfunction would even allow still turn up unless he does some deep work on himself. The amount of sex that might comes back is dependent on the man's leadership and confidence, how seriously she takes him, and how adverse she is to getting divorced. All of these things will ebb and flow with time. As any leader, he will continually need to work to maintain his position in the captain's chair. That's how it is for men anyways. In any case, to get sex from any woman, he will have to continue to be desirable, and a better option than other alternatives who might pursue her.
I know what you guys
My ex did the same thing only I didn’t have kids and then after 8 years she cheated and then I left so I understand you bro
And I thought that I was the only one going through this.