love is NEVER blind! most people are NOT in love, love has NOTHING to do with it! they are traumatised, or they are superficial karmic men and women of player mentality, only looking for materialistic things, married only on paper! ....a person who can LOVE and who has TRUE LOVE to give, is never blind! because, a heart full of love can never be imprisoned!
Quitting is highly underrated. Men usually suffer way longer than they should in many areas of life. Knowing when to walk away is an important life skill.
Men don't want to leave the relationship because the family courts are biased and they'll likely lose access to their kids. Most men end up with every other weekend and that's assuming the mom doesn't move the kids across the country.
I have 3 friends that got divorced after 15/20/23 years married. When I asked him what happened, they all said the same thing... She changed into a completely different person. You would think after 20 years you could relax a little and not worry about that BS.
I think there is a lot of truth to this statement. The acting is a persona created gradually to manipulate and get what she wants. There is no surprise why many men complain of a SUDDEN change once they get married or have the kids.
We “worked” through our problems after my first daughter was born .. a few years later my second daughter was born and that’s when things got really bad .. I looked into postpartum depression and she was exhibiting all the signs .. I tried to raise it directly, got blasted .. raised it with our councillor and was shot down, they took her side .. I then approached her doctor and was proved correct but by then it was way too late .. my baby mama had decided that I was the problem & so I had to go .. after 5 yrs of raising my babies almost single-handedly I was forced to leave the nest .. it broke me both mentally & financially .. after 7 yrs of “Co-parenting” and my daughters now want to spend all their time with me and she’s absolutely devastated .. & I don’t give a single sht, damn or fk after what she put us through
@buckaroo after reading this i m single but i would throw rocks at geting married or dating at all ,it poison,i cant get far enough away from it to be comfortable
I wish my dad did what you did. My mum is a narcissist and emasculates him. They are still together. I've lost respect for both and have gone no contact. My sibling is still stuck with them. My dad clearly knows and used to tell me he wants to divorce her and never did. I miss my dad but what can I do? Your daughters are so blessed to have you. God bless them.
Several years ago I read that we as a society have lost understanding the importance of a father's place in their children's lives. That councilor who would not listen to your concerns about post partum depression was bad enough. But to side with one parent against the other is a horrible way to run a practice, and may have even been a reason for the state to revoke their license.
Postpartum depression and its effects on marriages isn’t talked about enough. It literally changes the brain chemistry of the wom@n and she will never be the same. It doesn’t matter how great she was before children - she will never be the same. I went through a very similar experience and my ex wife became extremely resentful and blamed me for everything without taking any responsibility for her own mental health. Getting married is truly a gamble with your life.
I remember this day like it was yesterday. I saw messages and pictures on her work phone with her boss. The pain was unreal. At this time our kids were 4 and 8. Now, a couple years later, we are divorced. Now I am a happy single. Marriage is not an option for me. I don´t care what women want.
It was just like I was reliving after my son was born. I was a police officer working the midnight shift and on my days off to give my ex-wife some breathing time I took my infant son into the living room and slept with him in the morning to find him sleeping on my chest and me in the recliner.. she became angry because I was not up all night and sleep deprived even though I changed his diaper, made a bottle for him and then fall asleep. Everything was perfect before, and it was never the same after.. I also felt I should leave, but could not fathom my son growing up without me in the house so I hung in much longer than what I should have because I was more concerned about losing money rather than my sanity.
It seems this story is not unique. I had no idea it was so wide spread until today. I really thought this video would be kind of a dud. But, it has gotten a ton of interest, especially for a Monday. Thanks!
I'm a single male. I had a conversation with a married buddy of mine. He told me how his married was good until his wife has a second child. She started to hate and despise him and even wants to turn the children against him. He's a nice guy but he has to live this kind of life. More and more ..... I'm starting to think marriage aint worth it ......
the supreme irony is that men will generally realize it is a mistake around year 3 and stay out of loyalty - and then get divorce sprung on THEM around year 15-20
Yeah, that's my story. Second marriage and things were fine until menopause. She became a different woman, chose a basement bedroom and a bottle of vodka over me. Sex, friendship, love, etc. was all over. Stayed fifteen years through that then she asked me to leave and I did. Now four years later and I'm living my best life, me and my dog!
This is the irony. Those of us (me included) who were stupid enough to disregard our inner voice telling us whats up, pay the price and then some. I knew before my first child was conceived, I wanted out, so badly. I ignored my voice because I felt guilt. I did all my duties out of guilt. And then when kiddo was conceived, I decided to stay and bite the bullet. That just exarcerbated the situation endlessly. And now, of course, I am on my own, fighting for my 3 kids.
@@jasperplace There is treatment for women that suffer from menopause. Most can cope, but some are hit very badly and that can include even behavior that looks like her personality has changed becoming very belligerent or very depressed. (it doesn't if a woman is on proper hormon therapy she will be back to normal). If she started drinking it is worrying. Like that was her way to self-medicate. Maybe an intervention (also from her family) and you forcing her to accept treatment and counseling (or else you would walk out on her) could have pushedher in the right direction. Did she end up an alcoholic ? I know that was 15 years ago or even longer and it is more talked about now - so women and ther families are not left to their own devices. Sorry for your experience. Also sorry for your wife.
Unfortunate situation. But the moment the speaker mentioned he was having wild and crazy sex in a “epic” romance in which he was “on cloud nine”, I knew it was over.
My moment was the day we moved in together after one year of dating. I couldn't get any time off work and after driving a moving truck for 8 hrs I was wiped out. She was a chronic snorer and I just suggested that one of us sleep on the couch so I could catch up on sleep. My then girlfriend flew into a rage and didn't speak to me for several days. Once she came around, she made me pay even further by withholding sex. Prior to this the sex was amazing and she'd never once refused me. But now she seemed to delight in turning me down. It got so bad I started keeping track of how many times she said no in a row...and when I got to 100 I stopped counting. We eventually sorted things out but that passion we'd once had in our relationship was never the same. If I was a smarter man I'd have packed my things and just left, but I was still in love and still thought she was "the one". Fast forward six years later and my now wife is a complete stranger. Just a shadow of that cute and fun loving girl I once knew. As I eventually learned, she has a host of mental health issues that she never fully disclosed, so suffice to say I found out the hard way. It's been a tough decision as she has a huge extended family that I've become very close to, but to preserve my own health and sanity I'm going to be filing for divorce soon. And just the thought of the freedom which awaits me is the only thing that keeps me going some days.
Growing up in the 70s, I remember the hysterical outbursts, slamming of doors, false accusations and so much more. From a child's perspective (I was five at the time) it terrified me. Throughout my childhood and teen years, my mother tried to convince me that my father didn't care about us and that he didn't care about me. It almost drove a wedge between me and my Dad. My parents have been divorced for many years now. It wasn't until I moved out at 19 years of age that I finally got the chance to really know my father again for the first time. The relationship with my mother is okay now, but it's strained. Unfortunately, I found out late in life just how much my father cares for me. I'm 52 years old now, and my father will be turning 80 this October. We have become very close. If I had only known what he went through back then. My father is now my best friend and my number one priority. He did so much for me, and my Mother tried to cover it up. Thanks for sharing this video. All the best and greetings from Germany.
Men are loyal, and they keep their word. They will not leave or undermine their wives for the most part. They will sacrifice themselves for the benefit of the family. Women generally lack those characteristics. Thanks for sharing your story. I am glad you reconnected with your dad. It would have been a shame if you had missed that relationship in your life because your mom was suffering and did not know how to express herself. Thanks
They say that a wom@n's love for her children is greater than her love for her husband. It's primal and really a survival instinct that's deeply ingrained in their DNA. Many husbands find themselves waaay down on the priority list. After my two children were born, this is what my ex wife's list of priorities looked like: 1) Herself and her children, 2) Her parents, 3) Her own family (siblings, cousins, uncles, aunts, grand parents, etc.), 4) Her friends, 5) Her pets, 6) Maybe you if you're lucky.
Great summary. And yes, I think it’s rooted in biology You don’t share her genes and you can predict her priorities on the degree of genetic similarity ( The Selfish Gene )
@@plasmaarmelund same here. My ex went so far as to slowly move us further from my family and closer to hers. She also slowly cut me and the kids off from my family. Want to take the kids to see my parents or the kids' cousins? Sorry, we're fully booked for the next 4 weeks, but we'll be seeing a whole lot of her family!
Having kids is GREAT. Like for many, not everyone, but many, one of the best things ever, and that adds such different POVs and flavors to life you didn't even know existed. Kids aren't for everyone, and I sure ain't putting pressure on anyone to have some. But while money, vacation all are awesome and important, what a egocentric POV to say I won't sacrifice for anyone else.
@@MVProfits It's not selfish to not want kids. Some people get older and wiser and see the harsh reality of life and don't want to put someone through that. When I was young and naive I wanted kids, then I grew up and realized marriage was not what I hoped for. So your pov is right for you but not everyone. I and many like me are very giving people but just lost interest in having kids. Glad you had the good experience, sadly my best childhood friend's parents lived a sad life after he died at 23 yrs. ago. Don't wish that on anyone.
@@lifeonamarble961 Very down to earth way of thinking and very reasonable. To me is just a question of pros and cons...Having kids in this era that we live is a total leap of faith...a russian rolete. To risck to play with it.
To all men with this experience: Please don't give up on your children. Yes, it is important to get out of such a marriage. But you have to do everything you can to have as much contact as possible with your children. Even if it means continuing to have contact with a madwoman. Because the children can't escape. They have to accommodate their mother's whims. And please have faith that there are mentally healthy women too. They're just harder to find because they don't always want to be the center of attention like people with a narcissistic disorder.
I think your plea should actually go to the uncountable number of toxic women who do everything in their power using a rigged system to destroy the man once he is no longer of use to her. That could be anything from having the number of children she wanted (not him!), and or receiving financial support for essentially the rest of her life through the aforementioned rigged system. Many men have no issue fighting for their children but when *every single thing* is poised to thwart his every positive desire for the child, then its quite clear why men give up.
I noticed 2 changes with my soon to be x wife. The first after marriage and the second after she got the two children she wanted. Edit: 3 changes, going through divorce was the final unmasking. Your former wife sounds a lot like mine after listening to the whole video - spoilt as a child, uncaring of others, selfish and not willing to be a mother and let the child take the spot light. I take my children to the play park and it always annoys me the amount of "mothers" acting like children on the swings, zip lines, etc., basically trying to show how "cool and fun" they are instead of supporting their children's play. They really are overgrown children in many cases.
@@jshowy7053 yes, confused and let wondering who is this person. Usually the man keeps his head down and hopes she snaps out it it, instead of taking steps to protect himself should the worst happen.
@@john-griffin maybe dont marry the women who pretend to be quiet and shy and not talk until they marry you no? You just want women who dont talk and many manipulative women can act as the person you want. Why dont you see women as humans and select women who upright show their real caracter? You want weak people around you because you are the narcissists and you feel inferior if some women are strong.
@@john-griffin dude you just dumped her the moment she wasnt playing the caracter you wanted for her. This is not marriage. Marriage means to stick together in thick and thin. You just wanted a co dependent puppet you could use and surprise codependency is a mental ilness
After my divorce in 94', I made a pact with myself to date a woman for at least 2 to 3 years before considering marriage. Not one woman I've dated has made the cut, and believe me, I'm not that picky. I found that generally they were great the first 3 to 6 months, but after that, they became tired of putting on the show to try to "close the deal" and their true selves began to emerge. I now believe the reason Western women push so hard and fast for marriage is deep-down they know how fickle, restless and easily bored they themselves are. The old saying, "it's a woman's prerogative to change her mind" didn't just fall out of tye F'n sky guys. Caveat Emptor, Gentlemen.
@@johncarlson6472 same here, I think a lot of that is how aware you become after living through the experience of a bad relationship. Like you I've not found too many sane ones
@@Bob-xx8wh More and moreI I'm understanding why guys are migrating to the Philippines, Thailand and Latin Countries to find superior women. Finding a good women here is like looking for a needle in a stack of needles.
Your story brought back some hard memories. Virtually the same story. After our second child, wife went into a funk....didn't go anywhere, didn't get out of her sweat clothes, all but stopped showering, and acted like a bear with a sore ass. It was pure hell. The school ended up calling the police on her because our first son told them she hurt his baby brother. I was at work, and she called and said the police are out side and I need to come home. What followed was 5 years of pure hell and destruction for all of us involved. You have no way of knowing how someone can change so dramatically, untill it is too late. Never again. That was enough.
Bro... After my 2nd kid very similar.... She tried to put me in jail thro lies...courts said she's crazy.... Then she ran off with my kids.... Ididnt know where for 7 years. Now 9 years later I see the kids sometimes.....and guess what.... She blames me 😂
@@waykiwayki Same here....she filed a false PFA with the police, the next moring I was in county prison, with the guy in the next cell telling me all night he wanted to kill me. She was screwing one of her co workers and needed me out of the house, and she knew just how to do it. I got out, fought for custody, won 50/50, and no finding of abuse against her or anyone else. Funny how things ended, she suffocated to death for five long weeks from Covid. And her best friend who helped her was shot to death by her co worker she was screwing on the side. People have NO idea just how bad this shit can go. Never again.
@@nickf2170 Similar here...court said she was lying and crazy. I also had cell for 2 nights. I could have charged her with Purgery...wish I did....as she is now still narc-crazy-victim.
@@waykiwayki This is more common than the average person realizes. In fact many people I knew, couldn't believe this was even possible in this country. It is possible, and women do awful things to you behind your back, even if it means destroying you, your kids and your life. This is what men don't know when they sign up for "marriage". They are signing up for medeival justice. I honestly don't know how I survived it.
It's a sicking feeling in the pit of your stomach when you realize that the person you married isn't the person you thought they were... and understanding that your marriage is in real trouble, right from the start. I remember thinking "Oh lord, what have I done." (To be fair, I think most men have that feeling at some point.) Unfortunately for me, it was just a few months after the wedding and even before the baby came (it got worse after). I remember chalking it up to "prenatal" or "postpartum" or hormones of some kind... but then figured out that these issues were just the beginning of a much larger pattern of problems. Like you, I just thought... keep going, it's got to get better. Nope. She got worse over time, year after year, even after the kiddos grew up. I do look back and think, what could I have done at that first moment to change the course of everything. I still don't know the answer to that. I suggested counseling to her, of course. She wouldn't go and I didn't push. I thought she'd come to understand over time what a stable, loyal, non-argumentative husband she had. But even I laugh now thinking that was ever going to be enough for her. She ultimately had an affair, and then divorced me. She told me on the way out the door... before the lawyers got involved... that I was a really nice guy but she wanted "more." We had a nice house, financial security... she didn't work, cute healthy kids but she wanted more. Always more.
@richardwebber thank you,Im soooo glad i baled out real early,i sure saved my self a lot of sickening horable experiances. I would go bird hunting & when i came home my mom would say you ought to see your face,thers not a wrinkle in your face,you look like you have been on a pleasure cruse or something, it was because i was doing something i loved tremendously & no more marital troubles of any kind,that was all history (i was about 25 years old then) i stayed away from that dating crap from then till now, im 81 now & still happy, big smile on my face, singing,whistleing enjoying life. You can do it too
@richardweber5292 Some don't want non-argumentative as they get a dopamine hit out of the escalation. I was out driving with my wife one Sunday about a month after getting married (her daughter (my new 5 yo stepdaughter in the back)) when I disagreed with something she said and found myself in the middle of the first yelling match in my life. Even though I had a trailer on the back, I pulled over, hopped out and told her I was walking and she could take the trailer home - I thought that would shake some sense into her. Little did I know that was only the beginning ...
Dude, we lived the same lives. It's crazy how they flip like a switch once the marriage is done. Then when the baby pops out they get even worse. You know it really starts to make sense as to why women were barred from voting or holding an office of power. They are closet psychopaths
Young men need to understand what they are signing up for when standing at the alter. Your next purpose in life is to plant the seed for the next generation. Once you plant that seed, the entire game changes because you have "done your primary job". Your next job is to provide housing, protection and food. In today's society, you "are going" to provide those things, whether you like it or not.
Last time I checked none of that is mandatory buddy. Each male individual needs to think long and hard about all of what you just said. Again, not mandatory and quite honestly it’s nothing but risk in today’s ever changing world.
@@billyliar1614 Well Billy, I suppose if a guy just totally gives up and ends up "on the dole", she, and the courts may have a hard time getting money out of the fella. But honestly, the thought of totally giving up like that has never crossed my mind.
No, this guy is correct. Once the baby arrives, the court system controls your income, takes your house and requires your payments for 18 years. If you refuse, your put in jail. If you still refuse, they take your social security. You can beat the system if you kill yourself. Just don't buy the life insurance policy that was court ordered.
@@minuishaq631 "They just leave them." statistically, women file for 90% of divorces, and with all the solid men I've ever spoken to, 100% of the breakups were initiated by females. Where are all these men that are leaving women? in your wild imaginations?
It's called chameleon syndrome in book "predatory woman" it's the good behaviour that all women have until they got what they wanted and then the true colors come at surface.
I wonder if they are really consciously aware of it as a strategy or just innately wired that when certain emotions are triggered that is their limbic brain response.
@@effortless-one It is a bioIogicaI firmware. OnIy few exceptionaI couId be seIf aware of it, majority just run this program emotionaIIy and subconciousIy.
As soon as the child was born, she got a little child all to herself for her to "groom". Terrible, sorry you went through it. Your daughter more like you ?
"He (the friend) must have picked poorly. I picked wisely. " Every guy says this....then they get married and kids come along annnnnnnd everything changes. The guy is relegated to mule status. I'll never forget what my wife's OBGYN (an old woman) said to my wife during one of our final consults before the birth of my 1st kid. The OBGYN was quite old but very experienced and competent. She looked at my wife dead straight in the eyes, pointed at me, and sternly said "DO NOT FORGET ABOUT YOUR HUSBAND after the baby is born." I was perplexed by this statement. I naively thought to myself, "What the heck is this lady talking about?" I found out pretty quickly. Needless to say, my wife didn't listen. Older women understand how to take care of a man. Women born in 60s and beyond are mostly damaged goods. With those being born more recently to be completely undateable.
I don’t talk to married men about the nature of women because most of them have this attitude. Oh you just picked poorly. I have good wife because I chose wisely. Fast forward they are getting kicked out of their own house that they paid for, asking to crash on your couch. 🤦♂️
Yes, covert narcs always marry nice people not psychopaths haha😂 I had suspicion about that when he mentioned that daughter moved temporarily into his house since she had was emotionally wrecked (which happens to many due to failed relationship) while mother talks on phone about herself, the kid knew where she could found refuge from emotional storm.
It was just a regular woman. No need to throw around these overuse terms. This is basically the same story as millions of other men, many are still married even.
Being young still, this is incredibly valuable, I'm 28 and there is no way I'm getting into that, not even with a gun pointing to my head, after several relationships and flings with women, I know exactly what you are talking about, I've interacted with many and I know them well, the prevalent narcissism is always dumbfounding, but we are starting to know better now. For them it's always me me me and me at the end again, it's nauseating we have to put up with that for a little intimacy, it's sad, given how we always bring so much to the table.
There are wonderful women out there, but it is a challenge finding them. Please don't give up on love... In my case, I moved to the Philippines. The ladies are great here, but you still must be careful.
@@FishAndChips2478 I'm a woman trying to conceive and it's hard knowing that things could change for me as well after having my children, I can only hope to not be such a nasty mean old hag to my husband and hope and pray to be spared when it comes to depro
@@JohnGrigg-gz9gm It's sad, because when I was younger and naive I did see myself married to a good woman and having a family, I wanted that so much and I had so much to offer, but man was I in for a rude early awakening. I'm an engineer with a nice income and a place of my own, but now I've decided that all my resources will be spent in myself, my mother, my family and friends, I won't be providing some random woman with a free lifestyle just because, I always keep my relationships casual, let everyone be responsible for their own susteinance and future, let's bring true equality to the world
It's not about marriage alone. They can bait and switch in any relationship where they feel absolute certainty. When they are close to their ideal time to get married, they delay the bait and switch for as long as it takes to rope the guy in(or girl - lesbian divorce rate is high as well)
@@COSkywatch The same thing happened to me. I married a great lady but she passed away. I remarried 16 years later and it's a big mistake. If you had a great marriage don't remarry- quit while you're ahead.
Sometimes i don't know why people have kids. I've heard this story and seen it so many times. It's not the kid's fault but it definitely adds another layer of stress to marriage.
I’m sure he doesn’t regret having the kids. He probably just wishes that it was another woman. That’s what happens when you get laid, clouds your judgement.
@@flipdiva0007 child support for your child is reasonable. What’s not reasonable is that there is no transparency on where the money is actually going. CS should be itemized and backed with receipts. Once a woman meets a new man, your child will be neglected and used as a pawn to try to twist you around. Most of the money will go towards her personally lifestyle.
Wow, you could be talking about my ex. 14 years of marriage, and it started unraveling right after the birth of our first born. I stayed on for a decade of constant emotional abuse until I had to leave because I was breaking down mentally from it all. I immediately got a house nearby and joint custody of our kids. Unfortunately, she started emotionally abusing our eldest child. All I could do was provide a better example and a refuge for the kids during the days they were with me. My eldest need years of therapy to start getting over her mom's abuse, as did I. The psychologists told us this was classic Borderline Personality Disorder, brought on by the abuse suffered by my ex at the hands of her parents. I've since dedicated myself to breaking the cycle of abuse in my own kids and I'm happy to say I'm winning that battle. Stay safe, all.
Same thing happened to me. We were together 11 years before having kids traveling having fun and hardly ever arguing started to see the same change after kids came. I can’t stand being anywhere around her anymore. I swear she only wanted to have kids so she could post cute pictures and videos on social media, everything else that goes with being a parent stresses her out and she can’t handle it let alone taking care of herself. My kids now five and seven mean the world to me, and if it wasn’t for them, I would be long gone. I can’t stand the thought of leaving them alone with her, they would be eating ice cream for breakfast while the house burnt down.
I found myself in a loveless marriage with two kids. I got no help with our kids and the chores. If I touched the wife in bed, I got yelled at. Thankfully, after 10 years, the wife left us after starting up an affair with a dirt bag. I got custody of our kids in the divorce. Her child visitations turned into a nightmare for us. She often returned our kids back to me crying and hungry. She did this to get back at me. This went on for 8 years. We survived but it was pure Hell.
@@WTHenry2023 fortunately we have another home 5 minutes away that she could live in and my parents are 10 minutes away and help with picking kids up from school. So I’d still be close by and in their lives.
I really enjoyed your sharing of your unexpected turn in marital life. My own liminal moment came after 8 Sisyphean months of attempting to repair from her clandestine 4 year affair with another woman. After 17 years you think you're married to someone you know and trust completely then *poof* a complete stranger with no accountability is eerily unmasked. It later became clear her changes also began postpartum. You felt the cracks in the foundation from the start; I remained stubbornly blind until the roof caved in. Again, thank you for sharing.
Postpartum depression is real and its unfortunate that you experienced that. But you had mentioned that you two were intimite before marriage. I feel like sex before marriage can blind us from the red flags that we should see earlier on. Idk, people do change but alot of time we just dont know better so we dont do better. Wish you the best of luck!
My mum is exactly like that! Very self centred, worry about how others perceive her, incapable of giving anything. When I was a child I had to counsel her through her problems. Besides her always saying that my dad didn’t want us and she never wanted to be a mum and both me and my sister were accidents. I’m 35 now and she is the monster miserable, needy and lonely person 🤷🏽♀️ i moved to the other side of the world as far as I could from her and her drama. My life is much better without her!
My mom is the same! I'm 24 - I think she might have undiagnosed bpd, and I try to help her, but she refuses. I'm the youngest in my family, and I feel like I've gotten parentified a lot too. My dad is very old school, so he stuck around, but it was hell. I have a lot to work out bc of that and I'm scared of turning into her
As a woman I can only agree. There are no benefits of marrying, only duties. Most people should not marry, and luckily the trend is less and less marriages, and less and less kids. It is simply too hard to be a married single parent, parenting both a kid and a spouse. Today there is no social network willing to help out, either, the men never really have helped out in great numbers, and the women are not available for free-of-charge support-work anymore. I'm myself on a below poverty-retirement standard, due to all the free support I have given to people who needed help, because their parents, siblings, partners, friends, relatives, neighbors, would just not have the mind-set to help enough. But all children and parents need a village that are ready to support them when needed.
Unless you like losing half of your lifetime earnings, pay child support for 18 years and possibly go to jail for false allegations, there are no other benefits to marriage nowadays.
@@DNA350ppm the idea of parenting your spouse sounds deeply controlling to me. A man is never going to be interested in handling the domestic chores exactly like a vvoman would like them to be handled. That has never changed in millennia, never will and never should, since that is not our role. In the same way I don't expect vvomen to make good leaders that take into account the wellbeing of the whole tribe, because that is not their role either. Getting our roles confused is destroying society.
I had two long term relationships that both failed. The benefits to being married for me were as follows: 1- it made me focus more on being responsible and on building my career. 2- we worked together to economize and afford to buy our first house. 3- It gave me my two wonderful sons, which made me even more responsible, and gave me a focus on building a future I would not be around for. 4- in raising two sons, it lead me to become the better man I hoped to raise them to be. It made me more aware of the impact my words and actions have on others, and matured me into a better boss to my employees, a better friend to my peers, and a more socially aware human being in general. These are all traits I find sorely lacking in people who never had children. Who were never married. Those folks tend to be self obsessed. And fundamentally, while they seem more ‘satisfied’ they seem less happy. In a social species, none of us are independent. We utterly rely on our fellows to survive and create the culture that supports us all. For those of us capable of being decent human beings, we OWE IT to the society that sheltered us to provide it with NEW human beings of good character, new human beings with perhaps even greater social awareness and responsibility to their fellow man. All of you childless folks who are fearful of marriage are timid and living in fear. Turn down the dial on potential sorrow and you turn down the dial on potential joy by the same amount. You are half living. Who cares if you have a 50% chance of it not working out? Who cares if it means some suffering? That pain is your proof of purchase. That you were present and fully invested. I do not want any love it wouldn’t shatter me to lose. I want the full measure of the one life I get. My two long term relationships were NOT a waste of time. They each had their seasons of joy and delight. They were productive years of accomplishment and growth. Stop cowering in fear. You want to be loved? Be lovable. Maybe you won’t win. But never even taking the chance is a guarantee to lose.
That moment came to me in our laundry room. I had done my own laundry over half of my life but when I got married but she insisted she was going to do it and then begin complaining about my laundry. Why do I have ring around the collar? Why this why that why the other thing so I came up with my own laundry basket container with a lock on it. I said I will do my own laundry that will solve the issue of you not liking, my laundry . She looked at me and said if I don’t do your laundry, we’re getting a divorce. Like you, I took my vows seriously and I thought we’ll somehow work this out and just keep going until I ended up filing about seven years later. Great content today keep it up.
That’s a good story and a good example of just how crazy things can get. No one ever told me there was a chance that her personality could change so significantly so suddenly. I’ve never had to deal with mental illness, so I don’t know the telltale signs of it. Now I have a much better idea of what to watch for. Thanks for your comment.
The laundry thing had purpose Checking your underwears Thats how must men get caught when cheating Thats why she overreacted, You doing your own laundry cut her control over you
It is so often the little things. I always ironed my own shirts but after getting married my wife insisted she would do it, but so often I would be getting ready for work and ... no shirts. I would be like a cat on hot bricks not trying to start WWIII saying no big deal, I've got this - even though I was the one under pressure. One day my boss said if I ironed the back of the collar last it would stop it turning up at the tips; like an idiot I passed this info on - 20 years later I would still occasionally hear "who was he to tell me how to iron a shirt"! It was OK for him as he was dead by then - it was for my ears not his.
My ex-wife said at one point, "I'm not the same woman you married." I was confused and knew that deep in my gut, I made a mistake, but this was after two children. She showed me what betrayal was, and it felt horrible.
@@john-griffinI’m afraid “that girl” was created in your own mind, blind to the reality of who she really was. It happens when we fall in love. I’m sure it’s an evolutionary trait. We only see what we want to see, the goodness, not the (potential) craziness. We should teach kids what to look out for. Could save a lot of heartache.
@@learningisfun2108 people also have to be mindful that everybody has secrets and hidden masks. You’re marrying and joining yourself to everything you DON’T know about the person. That’s what equally yoked. Bonding and binding yourself to them spiritually as well.
I almost asked a woman to marry me. But her vicious dog was a problem. I suggested that we hire a dog trainer, and we both could work with the dog and the trainer together. She said she was too busy and didn't have time for that. That's when I woke up and realized she loved her dog more than me. I broke up with her, and I've never married anyone. Single, retired, living on a sailboat. Life is good.
@@john-griffin I did. She wasn't a bad or mean person, just self-centered. A good friend who had spent a lot of time skiing with the both of us told me that he noticed that she didn't seem to appreciate everything I did for her. I didn't see it, but in retrospect, he was right. Always listen to your friends.
Greener, I appreciate your honesty in sharing that there were some signs. I believe we all have some type of sign. It’s just that we choose to ignore them or not see them as serious. I’m glad you didn’t marry her!
Hi, John! I am truly sorry for your pain and glad that you are on the other side. However, respectfully, I feel that the universe always gives us signs. We just downplay or ignore those little ugly behaviors and attitudes the we experienced with that person, some of which others close to us can see. I used to believe that we marry the wrong person. Now I believe that we marry the person who vibrates on our frequency, and that it is a match from that perspective. If you can’t take any responsibility for your choices, and feel that the entire situation is someone else’s fault, there in lies the growth opportunities. You can’t change what you do not acknowledge. I would bet there were some things you chose to ignore, and I do believe her illness brought out the worst in her. It may have been that you married her after only knowing her for a couple of months and didn’t give it enough time to see the signs. But regardless of what the signs were, they were there. Just my opinion. Forgive me if I am totally off base. Be well, Brother.🌻
I found it hard to not throw the towel in the longer I invested my time into the relationship. Knew within a couple of years she was nuts but i stayed.
Dude!!! My 24 yr old daughter lived with me recently. She complained frequently that her mother (my ex wife) wouldn’t listen to her because her mom was too obsessed over her own problems (upcoming divorce from her second husband). Some of these women are so self consumed it is ridiculous. Strange that they can’t seem to learn from their mistakes. My favorite female saying …. “I want to find someone who will love me for who I am” …. Translation: “I am not willing to change or even consider that I may be wrong.” Great perspective, thanks!
I still remember waking up to my beautiful bride the morning after our wedding day. There was a palpable difference in the room, a feeling of the arrival of a huge power shift in our relationship. It made no sense. It emanated directly from my wife, who now exuded an attitude I had never seen before. It was an aura of control. She must have hoped for this day for a long time, the day I could no longer just walk away from her, that terminating the relationship would be a huge legal matter and end up with the loss of half of my wealth. She was now free to display her real self and aggressively pursue the life she wanted. First step, snag a husband, and she'd accomplished that.
While fees for a divorce attorney would have been a factor, a spouse is not entitled to half your wealth. They are only entitled to half the wealth generated DURING the marriage. You could have easily gotten out.
@@lorrilewis2178 Thanks for looking after me, after the fact. But I am a divorce attorney. I opted to face the reality that neither her naive expectations, nor mine, were anywhere near the reality of male-female relationships, and stayed to work things out. Two kids and 44 years later, we will be celebrating another anniversary this month. Whenever I'm asked, I tell young people to find somebody in love more with the idea of marriage than to find somebody infatuated with you. The feelings wax and wane. The differences of opinion raise their ugly heads constantly. You have to compromise and work past those obstacles. Belief in the institution is a huge help.
I get the impression women are on a knife edge emotionally. A single perturbation or setback can be a tipping point and they flip into a new mode It’s still perplexing how you can spend 20 years with a woman , go through joys and sorrows together and yet she feels nothing for you
There is no emotional capital when it comes to women. It doesn't matter what you did or sacrificed in the past. Men have a sense of loyalty and honour, which women don't share.
Men typically come into a marriage with certain life skills. They often know, for example, how to wash clothes, prepare meals, run a dish washer, perhaps even take care of a baby, etc.The wife will immediately set about teaching the man, subtly at first then as time passes more explicitly, that he actually doesn’t know how to perform these chores competently. Her need to major in minor things and rule the roost in mostly trivial ways gradually reduces the man to a chronic approval seeker, drone, and sycophant who requires permission to wipe his own butt.
I have yet to meet a man that can keep house better than a woman. Usually means he either had dysfunctional family background, lost his mother/father or was in military. A man keeping house is not the same as a woman. If the woman doesn't take over these tasks the man has to ask himself why he wants to be the woman in the relationship and chose a "man".
@@louis-vd3ur First, I didn’t say anything about the man being better than the woman in any of the named categories. My assumption is one of mere competency on the part of the man. Second, I said nothing to imply that the man wishes to gain ascendency over the woman in the various endeavors. What I am saying is that the woman is often a peevish twit who can’t tolerate domestic autonomy in the man.
A new mom needs her maternal support after delivery that's why in India we go to our mother's house for a month or two to get pampered and to get helped by our mom's. Please try this. Western methods don't work. Trust me. You have to get her mother to your house or send her to her mother's house for a month to rejuvenate. The only cure for anxiety and depression is emotional support. Don't listen to naysayers. Everyone will advice you to divorce. But don't give up. It's easy to advice others on UA-cam thought lessly. I urge you to be a little bit more compassionate and attentive and Don't give up. Yet! And please don't listen to homewreckers. Be it friends or strangers on UA-cam.
@@everythingisfine9988 That's something someone should assess before having a family or getting married. If the family is crazy, they usually are too unless they have cut their family off.
@@piak78 if the husband does his job properly, you should be able to rejuvenate at your own house. But I bet inidian men don't even clean dishes. Please don't give us lessons on how to make sure men bear no responsability of bringing kids into the world. And looking at what happens in India, like the grape capital of the World. No wonder they don't help with anything!
The defining moment for me was when my 18 year old son (the youngest of my three children) was paralyzed (quadriplegic) in a motorcycle accident and laying in intensive care unit, breathing by the help of a ventilator, not knowing if he would ever be taken off of this thing (they were telling us he would be on a vent the remainder of his life), not knowing what his outcome was going to be…she comes in the room, worried what the school would do if she took off work for an extended period of time while our son was in the hospital. We had him flown to a rehab hospital 7 hours away and this is the first thing out of her mouth when she walks through the door. She always made it about her….
It sounds like you had a wonderful wife and marriage for a while. Perhaps she was the right girl until she was hit with postpartum depression. Mental illness can unfortunately really change people for the worse. I’m sorry her illness affected and eventually ended your marriage. Thanks for all your heartfelt advice.
The chameleon syndrome - the quasi supernatural ability of a female - lasts long enough to ensnare a man and get his full commitment. We as men are shocked when her loving act is over and blame ourselves, but in truth the act was going to end regardless. She didn't change, she simply reverted to her comfortable exterior.🧐
Take on the role of primary caregiver. You stay at home, cook, clean and childcare. Let woman do a 9 to 5, come home and watch TV. She will be super loving, but you on the other hand....
As a woman who had a child I can share my perspective if you like on the exhaustion and hormone ups and downs we have when we have a baby. It is known with women to have "baby brain" for a while after delivery, which refers to not thinking clearly about things at least for a year after your baby is born. Anger is the opposite reaction to love. She may have been angry because being a new mom "reality" is much different than the romantic idea of having a baby. Your body changes drastically, depression sets in and you always have to keep up with "how other people will perceive you as a mother" There is alot of pressure to keep up with "perfect" mothers since most women do it all and are super moms! A little too late I know, but maybe it would help someone else.
This sounds like a pretty good assessment of what happened. She certainly had a romantic idea of what being a mom would be and that was shattered. But, she would not take any advice when it came to getting help. Thanks for your perspective, I really appreciate it.
I had a similar experience with my going to be ex-wife; I'm confident that I didn't marry the wrong woman. She changed to a completely different person after c-section number two. False allegations meant she got the house/ the kids/$$$ I got celibacy and a dead dream. Keep sharing; this helps with the grieving process.
I’m glad this stuff helps. It actually helps me too. Getting comments from guys like you who are going through or have gone through the same kind of things actually makes me feel just a little bit less unusual. When it was happening, I didn’t think anyone else experience this stuff. It felt like I was the only one. Now that I’m 24 years removed from it it’s easier to talk about. But it was a very difficult time.
I have the exact same story. She was so sweet before the babies arrived. A living nightmare afterwards. You know your in trouble when she has turned down sex for 5 years and your paying 100% of the bills.
@bobhouse9331 so sad, I am sure you will win in the end. Have you already lost your house and your assets ? Didn't you have any proofs to submit to the court? I will pray for you 🙏🏼
Yes the opinions of total strangers are more important than the man, the relationship and even the wellbeing of the child for a significant number of women. Unfortunately the law enables women to be pretty evil if they are inclined.
@@john-griffin Well in my experience it is evil for a woman to use a man for a child and then neglect his intimate needs during the rest of the ‘relationship’. In a way she’s abandoned the man in the relationship and the child will suffer as a result and i don’t see the point of a man being stuck in a non reciprocal relationship. If a woman has a personality/ characterological disorder then she should admit this then she should go to therapy (someone who isn’t going to indulge her with nonsense) and at least try to manage her unstable emotions. Women do know how to behave when others are watching. The law favours women heavily and giving them the out of saying “oh she’s just mentally ill” just takes accountability off her and further infantilises her.
Before marriage the man has the power because he can just walk away. After marriage the woman increasingly has the power because he can’t just walk away without losing his assets. The power dynamic flips after the man signs the marriage certificate and she is less inclined to behave and is incentivised to miss behave as a way to acquire his assets.
True. But there’s more to it. She now has accomplished her mission of reproduction. The man is now just an annoyance especially as she has continuing support even after his dismissal
It's crazy but you don't understand or are naive to these dynamics when you are young. Unfortunately I didn't understand them until I was past the point of no return.
@@samanthony2950 The Australian government is onto the option of just walking away before marriage. It is something that needed fixing. Now if you merely cohabit for 2 years your gf is entitled to half your assets before you’re allowed to slink off
Bro, I think Robert Greene put it beautifully, choose a partenr based on character, and he adds "character is how you act when you experience negative emotions" I think your ex was super in love with you giving you an amazing time because she was feeling good at the moment, but we will all face negative emotions eventually and then you see character
26 yr old guy here, your story really brought back some memories from how my mother acted with our family. She was very focused on judgement from other people yet wouldn't care about doing the right thing when it came to her family. Cheating, alcoholism, you name it with her. The part where she makes the conversation with your daughter about herself is something mine would 100 percent do. Its no wonder i do not have a relationship with her anymore, nor does my brother. If it weren't for my dad being there for us, we would have been screwed.
@@john-griffin thats the thing. If you talk to most people about what you went through they think you are nuts, especially if your ex wife has blamed everything on you! So to hear you articulate what we are feeling really helps. I cannot thank you enough
Mine started changing in between the first and second child. I originally thought it was the stress of a couple of miscarriages but after the 2nd, she was impossible to deal with so I immersed myself in work and the kids. The behavior became worse and worse over time until I eventually had to completely cut her out of my life. The marriage was great until it wasn't. It took 10 years for her to reveal her true character. Don't ever get married.
Yep....... Been through that. Married to worty for ten years total. The last three were living hell. Son was born and it all went down hill, just like you explained. I left when our son was three and moved three states away. She was bat shit crazy by then. Violent if you said or did something she took as threat to her idea of how things were going to be. Nobody could talk to her about it. I remarried a year later and have lived a happy and productive life for the past 50 years. No relationship with my son who is 53 except when he wants money. Ex wife dead for a few years now, was broke and homeless. What a nightmare, and there was no way to tell beforehand she would change like she did. I'm 80, retired and happy. I try hard to forget those year.
Every time I hear stories like these, I wonder why the guy couldn't spot the red flags before they committed to her. There must have been SOMETHING that seemed off.
@@earthwormjim3269 Hindsight is 20/20. First seven years were pretty much OK. After our son was born is when the wheels started coming off. She was never the same after that. Became impossible to live with.
@@dabprod The hormonal roller coaster may have triggered a looming mental illness (or past trauma / a personality disorder). - So you left your 3 year old son behind, left him with a "bat shit crazy woman, and she got violent when things did not her way (at least towards you). So you moved 3 states away. And married one year later. And likely did not invest in any steady, dependable relationship with your son - how could you when you were far away and busy with your new marriage / family. Even IF his mother would have been suportive of you being close to thim. Staying close would have made that easier even if she wanted to throw an wrench in the works. I can see how it was difficult to get shared custody 50 years ago, so mid 1970s must have been during or shortly after the oil crises of 1973 / 1974 (you mention your son is 53) but even regular visitations could have been a safe haven for your son (and he could tell you IF she was abusive). At age 3 a child already remembers the father - even if he leaves and is never seen again. It makes also an impact - and children find a way to blame themselves for the bad things that happen in their family life. So your son does not seek a relationship with you now - unless he is asking for money. You don't say, almost as if he did not turn out that great.
@@franziskani She refused counseling, or meeting with our Pastor, or even talking about any problem. Even her family couldn't reach her, and she had no friends. She would not consider any shared custody, my lawyer tried more than a couple of times. I paid child support and never missed a payment. When we tried to get her back into court it would always end up in a postponement over and over. When I would call to talk to him or her, most of the time I was told they weren't home or couldn't come to the phone. They lived with her parents. One excuse after the other. When I wanted to see his school records the school would not release them to me. By law they must, so the lawyer had to get involved and make them. This was a private school, and when I finally got them, it was handwritten across the front page, "release to Mother only!" Once he got a little older, he just refused to talk to me when I called. I searched for him after he was 18 but the info was always old and outdated and when I called the phone number I had it was always someone else number by then. He finally made contact with me when he was in his mid or late 30's after being persuaded by his wife. We had a few phone conversations over a few years. Then it was always about him needing money, so I sent thousands of dollars over the next few years. Usually, $5K at a time. Finally, I had to say no. He blew up and I haven't heard from him in the last year. He won't answer the phone or answer e-mails.
This is exactly my experience. I’m currently 10 months into a divorce proceeding. At 1 year into having our daughter, a switch flipped. My wife would not allow me to participate in bedtime duties. She cut me out by using breastfeeding as leverage. Then, everything was my fault, I was emotionally abusive, etc. Then I was a bully and abusive to our daughter when I did set expectations for behavior. It’s the most insane thing I’ve experienced in my life. Now I’m fighting for my life to have equal custody of my daughter, whom I love and have a great relationship with. Never again will I marry.
Excellent episode. The first woman I lived with wanted to have children, but I thought to myself "I may want children some day, but not with this woman." I think you pretty much validated the decision I made. Thank you.
@@IgorNikonov47 Most of them hate it in their guts when they see a man happy, relaxed and busy with himself and even enjoying him while doing so. So less women I've met have this ability. I seriously considered that they never grew up being adults. That's usually kids behaviour when you need pay attention all the time
Do you afford women the same though. Can she relax, while you cook, clean and watch the kids?? If she is working and you laze around, she will be pissed.
I also believe they get pissed off at how we men can be perfectly happy and content with and derive meaning and purpose from the simple things. On the other hand, nothing women acquire or is given them will ever be enough to make them happy nor content, because the capacity for experiencing consistent happiness and contentment doesn't exist in them. IMO, the problem is, we, as a society, have spoiled and coddled Western woment beyond the pale, to the detriment of EVERYONE.
I had the exact same experience John. Just got divorced. My wife became obsessed with my daughter after her birth. Phenomenal relationship before our daughter was born. I came to realise that my wife has autistic traits. The hyper-focus on the daughter. Have you ever thought that autism might be a possibility? Women are often very good at camouflaging these traits, and are undiagnosed.
As a mother still married after 24 years) I would like to say this: first, they way you described your wife at the first years of your marriage, you mostly cared about s*x and and her agreeability, but seemingly not describe her as a partner, as someone you had to have discussion and compromise with, and you obviously expected this to basically continue. Second: it is true that experiences around birth and hormones can alter libido and character of a woman, but it is involuntary and sometimes not reversible. Due to some procedures I felt pain for several years and my doctor would not help me. Also, libido was just gone and, except for movies, feigning lust does only work in movies. But being dishonest to your husband is also not desirable. I probably had a depression (partly due to two traumatic births) to and the most problematic parts were constant anger and a constant sensation of feeling overwhelmed for the first five years, and unfortunately some of it persists. I also gained a lot of weight. So yes, I am exactly that type of woman some men in the comments would advise you to divorce. Still, I am married. My husband is the most important person to me (of course we love our children, but this can’t and should not replace matrimonial love), he is my partner and best friend with his own flaws and virtues.
What separates you from the vast majority women described here is that you actually say that your husband is the most important person in your life. THIS thought is the fundamental key.
@@regineb.4756 After our first child my wife doesn't even know I exist. I'm just in the way of her and our son. I just need to stand in the corner and pay the mortgage and buy the groceries. She also doesn't acknowledge anything is wrong which is the most hurtful part. At least you see your husband as important and acknowledge the issues.
Some women change after childbirth and focus completely on the child at the neglect of the husband. This can be down a host of reasons such as: postnatal depression, loss of body confidence, hormones, and/or the baby being demanding/ fidgety. Being a supportive and hands on husband and Dad (i.e. doing the right thing) doesn't always guarantee your happiness. I believe that a man must weigh up the pros and cons (loyalty, assets, children, freedom, etc.), and intimacy rather than endlessly obessing on the latter.
I picked the wrong girl at age 20 and promptly she got pregnant and we began to get ready for it, and then she miscarried. And in the year afterward I got to know her better, split up and thank my lucky stars to this day.. She ended up being an angry Marxist feminist professional student and after 15 years still has not had a relationship that lasted more that a few months. Whew.
@@lorrilewis2178 Yes, this amused me. But then again, since the woman miscarried we don't actually know who the father was. Just because latetotheparty184 was presumably monogamous on his side, we don't know if she was.
@@latetotheparty184 nothing wrong with being the professional feminist. Women are supposed to advocate for themselves in the world that devalues them. Just by you saying stuff like that I question it could be at BOTH of you at fault. But yet I would say having a relationship that don't last is questionable at best.
I don’t know how this video came up in my timeline, but it was a really interesting. As a woman with a boyfriend and no kids, it’s scares the crap out if me that maybe I could be your ex wife in the future. What stops any women from losing their minds and doing a 180 after the hormones of child birth? Super scary stuff.
I agree. I could never have guessed this would happen to her. I wish I could’ve explained more clearly how wonderful she was before this all happened. I think that she was unique in certain ways that made it less likely for her to seek out the treatment that she needed. She had been a Broadway dancer, and she had been in the spotlight for a very long time. She had performed some very big stars throughout her life, and she had met and had dinner and socialized with many of these superstars. Her appearance and reputation was always extremely important to her. Society is much more tolerant and acceptance of mental illness. 24 years ago that wasn’t the case. She was afraid that she would be labeled as defective or crazy or somehow unfit to be a mother if she told anyone that she was suffering. She couldn’t even tell herself that she was suffering for fear of, not being good enough. The fact that you have an awareness of it, and our society has changed so much over the last two decades makes it much less likely that this experience will happen to you. So try not to worry.
The best way to not happen is to be prepared being a mother and wife. It misses so much these days almost no one girl is being prepared for that. That's why this case is so common. In past little girls helped their mothers growing younger siblings and surving at home. Today they have no idea about that. Unfortunately I don't know what is the best way to prepare being a mother but definately it's not enough to start since pregnancy. Most likely you will need few years and good family woman advisor.
Give birth at home, and do not let the hospitals inject you with anything. PP depression is caused by the specific injections they convince women to get before giving birth. The hospitals are in cahoots with the govt who wants a country filled with broken homes. And there's much more to it
Interesting story. Sorry to hear about your marriage not working out. It must have been terrible to do a complete 180 degree turnaround from the woman you married & was content on spending the rest of your life with to realizing you made a big mistake and she's not the same woman you fell in love with. I'm a 63 yr old widowed man, so my situation was completely different. It was about 2 years after we tied the knot that our first & only child was born. She had a couple of miscarriages first & a rough pregnancy (C-section), and said no more! - one is enough! Lol. Everything was smooth sailing with our newborn. My wife took 6 months off from work for family leave & I scaled back to part time work for a couple of years. We shared the duties of infant care. My wife loved being a mother - it's was the greatest thing in her life. No problems whatsoever as our son grew up just a lot of good memories now. 😌
The women I've enjoyed the most are women I had absolutely no intimate knowledge of whatsoever. Maybe that's when the switch flips and they think "I've got him!" It just speaks of a greater civilizational tragedy when normal healthy coupling basically seems utterly futile and impossible.
This compelling video brings back terrible memories of my recent breakup after four years of dating. My dearest friend made the decision to go, and I was left with an inexhaustible hurt. I can't even begin to imagine my life without him, much as I keep trying to make amends. I'm frustrated. I want to write about how much I miss him here because I can't seem to get him out of my head.
I understand how hard it is to let go of someone you love; after a five-year relationship ended, I was unable to simply let him go; instead, I tried everything to get him back. Eventually, I turned to a spiritual counsellor for assistance.
I appreciate you providing this important information; I've just checked him up online. striking I just checked Father Obah Eze online, and wow, he's really genuine. Thank you so much again ❤
Thank you for sharing this story. It's so authentic. I am still married (22yrs). I remember the moment our daughter was born, my wife started behaving so much more... assertive. It was as if until the child she was considering me the boss and after giving birth she became the boss. I was slowly deprived of the right to make decisions, especially about our daughter. I was so mad when she made me embarrassed before my relatives, when we both invited them to visit us, and 10 minutes before the appointment, she demanded that I cancel it, because she was not in the mood for visits. She turned out to be a completely different person.
It is easy to see what your Ex did wrong , however, you should look at yourself and find out what you did wrong. Jordan Peterson said that you should look at what you have done wrong “you have a tendency to put any woman that you are attracted to on a pedestal. What you are really attracted to is your idealization of women and confuse the woman with the idealization, which is very difficult to bear for the woman because she is not really there. That is the first problem. Now if you want the woman the price you pay for that is that you have to let go of the princess.”
cope. women are given many reasons to break their marriage contract. the guy was mostly ugly and she realized she didnt love him all that much as she hyped herself for. women cheat way before they get into a relationship, and only few men will understand what that sentence means.
@@xadionwc3 In my family for generations all the men cheated. My father used to tell me at 12 yrs old, how much he cheated on my mother after she died. He told me that all men cheat and for me to accept the fact that one day my husband would cheat on me. He used to say "I love chicken but I don't want to eat it everyday". My first seroius boyfriend cheated on me and it nearly destroyed me. I have been married over 30 years and have never cheated. I couldn't do that to anyone, I would just leave if I wanted to cheat. Peple cheat male and female so stop labeling only women as cheaters. I have had plenty of girlfriends who have been cheated on by husbands and boyfriends. Maybe some women are giving you back what they have had to go through for generations. Not that I agree.
I think we all need to realize that noone is perfect, so if we think we see perfection in someone else we need more time to see them as the person they truly are and to look into ourself to find out why we are turning a mere woman into a goddess. Unfortunately, its difficult because marriage isn't the same as just living with someone, so really there is no way of knowing what will turn up later, but all men need to get to know themselves and their own baggage before they make huge decisions that will impact not only their own lives, but possibly their future children's as well.
My ex and I (36 years before I filed) had nine kids. The last few kids she became quite defensive about her parenting skills. She DEFINITELY wasn't as concerned about the kids as she was about her image. She finally told me to leave the house because I was causing her "stress." The last three kids took her side and I knew it was over. I must say the first night away from her I slept better than I had in years. Eight months later I filed. She tried to paint me as abusive, dead beat dad, etc. The good news is the FEMALE judge nailed her on her bs.
@Commentator488 really? You know all the circumstances of my situation? I didn't notice you in the courtroom during the proceedings. I don't think you have looked at the case, testimony, or the ruling of the female judge. You're just another ignorant voice in the dark, commenting without knowledge. Good luck with that.
Sounds like my experience. My X-wife changed after our first born. I believe in a nut shell that it comes down to some people embrace therapy....some refuse therapy. For me I got better through on and off therapy over the years. My X-wife refused any therapy. It's been 20 years down the road. Who do you think is living a better, healthier life today? Who do you think it is our children rely on?
I'd like to add that, looking back now, taking care of my children as much as possible was the best part of my mariage and it greatly helped us keep up this relationship between us. It's a good investment that will bri g dividends in future. So guys, do it for them and Your future self. Even if it's not "fairly" distributed between You and the mother.
Thank you for sharing. My relationship went downhill immediately after the birth of our daughter. We split up three years later. (that was 7 years ago). I regret not bailing out even sooner to this day! Professionally, I have still not recovered from my time raising a baby.
37 years old now, just experienced this with my 2.5 year old daughter and her Mom. Its devastating to see and experience the switch. Gave my all. I had the househelps, the money, the love the help. Wasnt good enough and ran away back to the USA with my daughter without consent. Now pins it all on me. Damn it
As hard as it is to admit, I was an abused husband. It was a long time ago and I have been divorced moved on, but I will never be the same. She was able to take away my ability to love and trust anyone, and I still feel dead inside. I can’t stand relationships anymore and just want to be by myself. That is the only way to be happy for me.
I can honestly say, that I would not have listened to this video... if I didn't go through something simillar myself. I'm 34 now, with a 1 year and 4 months old son that was taken away from me by his mother before the end of 2023, when she moved to a different city and quite suddenly, I might add. For me the red flags started late during preganancy when she would throw a fit to get rid of our 2 cats, because they make her feel unsafe for the life of our baby... The same 2 cats she had convinced me to adopt not more than 2 years prior (I admit I got attached to them by that point)... We were the only ones from our group of friends that gave up on their cats... I moved them to my parents home, so they're fine, but still... Anyway, you can probably imagine that it has been all downhill from there. P.S. Living alone in my own home is much more peacefull, but I try to visit my son often - every 2 days, at least - in order to foster a connection and give my son a slice of the normal life he could have had...
You’re doing the right thing. You gotta give your son that slice of sanity but also you need to give them some masculine energy and leadership. I wish you a very, very best.
I had nearly excatly the same experience. Around one year into my marriage, my wife started to change. I spend 5 good years with her together before. We had a really good healthy relationship. And after my son was born, everything completly fell apart.
"Good grief" CB. Yep, Charlie Brown quote. I knew the day I married my second wife, I married her, as if I didn't, those kids she had would be lost. Then they turned. But I knew when she was not helping me with her own kids, I was introuble. I could fill up this comment box with my experiences. 😊
And it’s amazing how many of your stories and experiences resonate with my own, including this one but with a slight twist towards her, dumping me the baby when I’d was getting back from work. Always willing to help (maybe a little too much!) but that was a bit over my own capacities I now know. Keep up the good work, it helps me a lot these days (4 months post separation, 8 months to go before official divorce)…
Women really are solipsistic. She had always been this way and having children brought it into the world for everyone to see. Having children has forced her to confront this shadow side. She wasn't comfortable with the internal dissonance because having a baby forces one to look beyond themselves. Confronted with this uncomfortable truth, she doubles down and creates an unhealthy attachment to the baby because she had had unhealthy attachment to her own parents. You are right the choice to marry this woman wasn't the best. But you personally transformed the situation to become a better you. Well done, keep going, great content.
I've heard that men marry their mothers and women marry their fathers. Also, look at her mother to see what she will become. Childhood imprints and genetics...oh my.
Women do not take personal responsibility for their behavior. They usually blame other people. I have 2 very toxic sisters and the best way for me is to avoid meeting or hanging out with them. Problem is, they always think they are perfect and all others are wrong.
I don’t think it’s the girl, I think it’s the institution of marriage combined with our current relationship culture and family law. It creates a power imbalance in the relationship and invites abuse of that power and offers no real negative consequences of neglect of husbands and fathers. My ex wife “left” me for the kids- was no surprise. I thought she would return to me. I thought wrong. I don’t believe she was the wrong woman. She’s just a woman. I can absolutely attest that marriage is obsolete and we are witnessing a shift in how a family is defined, formed, and sustained. Will be interesting to see.
I have seen so many videos like this exposing women's true nature. I am so glad that at 64 I am single, and I never fell for that marriage trap. MGTOW makes a lot of sense to me.
This also happened in my marriage .....but it was during my wife's menopause. Sorry men, but the crazy changes can happen later in life too. My wife has gotten a little better and admits she was absolutely nuts but I still never know from day to day what person I'm going to get. We had a fantastic marriage for 20 years and I still mourn for my best friend and a woman I was madly in love with but that person has died. Whether you go through it earlier or later in your marriage, it's extremely lonely and very hard to understand when it's happening exactly why it's happening. It's confusing as hell when it's happening.
Same here. Mine changed Mont 8 of first pregnancy. Now, one year after the second and I feel like I'm just strapping in for a lifetime of torment. Big ups to the other buddies out there struggling with nasty, disrespectful, absurd marriages.
go to counseling (alone first). Check out Marriage Helper (it is online). The hormonal roller coaster of pregnancy and labor can trigger mental disease, or make former trauma resurface. Give her a firm & loving ultimatum (after you have talked that over with a counselor and got your feets under yourself again, which may take some time). Maybe a family intervetion could help (that is a bit tricky on the one side you should not invite outsiders even family members into your relationship problems. that is more when a woman really needs medical treatment and her behavior is worrying. She MUST go to counseling, she must check out whether she needs medication (she might) and she must invest in the relationship with you and put in an effort to be nice to you, even if she does not feel great. She is likely exhausted and it is easy to let yourself go then (also towards you). Being exhausted also makes a person blind (for self care that could propel them out of a rut). I goes w/o saying that you need to be supportive as well, also when it comes to chores and taking care of the child (or children).
Yes, it was several years into the marriage; I was doing some tidying and the thought /realisation popped into my head "I'm never going to get the marriage I want - in no way, shape or form". I finished what I was doing and got on with the rest of my day but everything had changed.
I feel for you on this one. My ex-wife also had postpartum depression, but she never treated it. Things escalated with our second baby, and the marriage failed. I divorced her after a couple of years of trying to make things work.
Women want a man to change and he won’t, and men want a woman to stay the same, but she will change.
Women don't change. They just stop acting.
@@WilliamHolden-t5g they look you over and say: 'I can work with him...'
Love is blind but marriage is an eye opener.
That’s a gem you dropped right there G!
@@DayTwo-w8n Thanks, that is a good one I have never heard but will be using with regularity henceforth. Did you hear that somewhere or is it yours?😊
love is NEVER blind! most people are NOT in love, love has NOTHING to do with it!
they are traumatised, or they are superficial karmic men and women of player mentality, only looking for materialistic things, married only on paper!
....a person who can LOVE and who has TRUE LOVE to give, is never blind!
because, a heart full of love can never be imprisoned!
@@chaitee7524 sure, sounds reasonable- just Don't get married.....😎😎
@@chaitee7524 Complete rubbish! 😆 🤣
Quitting is highly underrated. Men usually suffer way longer than they should in many areas of life. Knowing when to walk away is an important life skill.
Every decision has a downstream that follows. Nothing ever occurs in a vacuum. Thanks
so true
Men don't want to leave the relationship because the family courts are biased and they'll likely lose access to their kids. Most men end up with every other weekend and that's assuming the mom doesn't move the kids across the country.
Wow what a dream. You want to take care of baby. That’s unheard of dude. Good for you!
Absolutely! Experienced that too many times
I have 3 friends that got divorced after 15/20/23 years married. When I asked him what happened, they all said the same thing... She changed into a completely different person.
You would think after 20 years you could relax a little and not worry about that BS.
@@theodosios2615 menopause.
changing is BS? I think changing is growing. Hopefully it wasn't dementia or something.
@@jefdby changing to attack and denigrate someone who has loved you for decades is a PROBLEM
Women dont change, they just stop acting.
Precisely.
Holy moley. I had to sit down after that. I'm saving that.
@@billmcclarnon1806 that's epic and true
That's epic and true. It happened to me identically
I think there is a lot of truth to this statement. The acting is a persona created gradually to manipulate and get what she wants. There is no surprise why many men complain of a SUDDEN change once they get married or have the kids.
We “worked” through our problems after my first daughter was born .. a few years later my second daughter was born and that’s when things got really bad .. I looked into postpartum depression and she was exhibiting all the signs .. I tried to raise it directly, got blasted .. raised it with our councillor and was shot down, they took her side .. I then approached her doctor and was proved correct but by then it was way too late .. my baby mama had decided that I was the problem & so I had to go .. after 5 yrs of raising my babies almost single-handedly I was forced to leave the nest .. it broke me both mentally & financially .. after 7 yrs of “Co-parenting” and my daughters now want to spend all their time with me and she’s absolutely devastated .. & I don’t give a single sht, damn or fk after what she put us through
You and I share a great deal in common. My girls are with me almost all the time.
@buckaroo after reading this i m single but i would throw rocks at geting married or dating at all ,it poison,i cant get far enough away from it to be comfortable
I wish my dad did what you did. My mum is a narcissist and emasculates him. They are still together. I've lost respect for both and have gone no contact. My sibling is still stuck with them. My dad clearly knows and used to tell me he wants to divorce her and never did. I miss my dad but what can I do? Your daughters are so blessed to have you. God bless them.
Several years ago I read that we as a society have lost understanding the importance of a father's place in their children's lives. That councilor who would not listen to your concerns about post partum depression was bad enough. But to side with one parent against the other is a horrible way to run a practice, and may have even been a reason for the state to revoke their license.
Goodluck
..
Postpartum depression and its effects on marriages isn’t talked about enough. It literally changes the brain chemistry of the wom@n and she will never be the same. It doesn’t matter how great she was before children - she will never be the same. I went through a very similar experience and my ex wife became extremely resentful and blamed me for everything without taking any responsibility for her own mental health. Getting married is truly a gamble with your life.
@@plasmaarmelund I’ve been there too. It sounds so similar to what I went through.
Women love excuses for poor choices and behavior
Women..NEVER TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR ANYTHING....EXCEPT SUCCESS
@@norm1815 my thoughts exactly
me too
I remember this day like it was yesterday. I saw messages and pictures on her work phone with her boss. The pain was unreal.
At this time our kids were 4 and 8. Now, a couple years later, we are divorced.
Now I am a happy single. Marriage is not an option for me. I don´t care what women want.
It was just like I was reliving after my son was born. I was a police officer working the midnight shift and on my days off to give my ex-wife some breathing time I took my infant son into the living room and slept with him in the morning to find him sleeping on my chest and me in the recliner.. she became angry because I was not up all night and sleep deprived even though I changed his diaper, made a bottle for him and then fall asleep. Everything was perfect before, and it was never the same after.. I also felt I should leave, but could not fathom my son growing up without me in the house so I hung in much longer than what I should have because I was more concerned about losing money rather than my sanity.
It seems this story is not unique. I had no idea it was so wide spread until today. I really thought this video would be kind of a dud. But, it has gotten a ton of interest, especially for a Monday. Thanks!
@@john-griffin we're waiting for Your contents man, Monday or not 👍
I'm a single male. I had a conversation with a married buddy of mine. He told me how his married was good until his wife has a second child.
She started to hate and despise him and even wants to turn the children against him. He's a nice guy but he has to live this kind of life.
More and more ..... I'm starting to think marriage aint worth it ......
@@trovononthedragon Guys need to be careful.
the supreme irony is that men will generally realize it is a mistake around year 3 and stay out of loyalty - and then get divorce sprung on THEM around year 15-20
Yeah, that's my story. Second marriage and things were fine until menopause. She became a different woman, chose a basement bedroom and a bottle of vodka over me. Sex, friendship, love, etc. was all over. Stayed fifteen years through that then she asked me to leave and I did. Now four years later and I'm living my best life, me and my dog!
So true. Thanks
This is the irony. Those of us (me included) who were stupid enough to disregard our inner voice telling us whats up, pay the price and then some. I knew before my first child was conceived, I wanted out, so badly. I ignored my voice because I felt guilt. I did all my duties out of guilt. And then when kiddo was conceived, I decided to stay and bite the bullet. That just exarcerbated the situation endlessly. And now, of course, I am on my own, fighting for my 3 kids.
@@jasperplace There is treatment for women that suffer from menopause. Most can cope, but some are hit very badly and that can include even behavior that looks like her personality has changed becoming very belligerent or very depressed. (it doesn't if a woman is on proper hormon therapy she will be back to normal).
If she started drinking it is worrying. Like that was her way to self-medicate.
Maybe an intervention (also from her family) and you forcing her to accept treatment and counseling (or else you would walk out on her) could have pushedher in the right direction. Did she end up an alcoholic ?
I know that was 15 years ago or even longer and it is more talked about now - so women and ther families are not left to their own devices.
Sorry for your experience. Also sorry for your wife.
@@joendrsn spot on my man
Unfortunate situation. But the moment the speaker mentioned he was having wild and crazy sex in a “epic” romance in which he was “on cloud nine”, I knew it was over.
@@GiftofGod289 the crazy ones …
That’s how narcissistic relationships start.
He was in Lust
My moment was the day we moved in together after one year of dating. I couldn't get any time off work and after driving a moving truck for 8 hrs I was wiped out. She was a chronic snorer and I just suggested that one of us sleep on the couch so I could catch up on sleep. My then girlfriend flew into a rage and didn't speak to me for several days. Once she came around, she made me pay even further by withholding sex. Prior to this the sex was amazing and she'd never once refused me. But now she seemed to delight in turning me down. It got so bad I started keeping track of how many times she said no in a row...and when I got to 100 I stopped counting. We eventually sorted things out but that passion we'd once had in our relationship was never the same. If I was a smarter man I'd have packed my things and just left, but I was still in love and still thought she was "the one".
Fast forward six years later and my now wife is a complete stranger. Just a shadow of that cute and fun loving girl I once knew. As I eventually learned, she has a host of mental health issues that she never fully disclosed, so suffice to say I found out the hard way. It's been a tough decision as she has a huge extended family that I've become very close to, but to preserve my own health and sanity I'm going to be filing for divorce soon. And just the thought of the freedom which awaits me is the only thing that keeps me going some days.
I can testify that it will be worth it
Growing up in the 70s, I remember the hysterical outbursts, slamming of doors, false accusations and so much more. From a child's perspective (I was five at the time) it terrified me. Throughout my childhood and teen years, my mother tried to convince me that my father didn't care about us and that he didn't care about me. It almost drove a wedge between me and my Dad. My parents have been divorced for many years now. It wasn't until I moved out at 19 years of age that I finally got the chance to really know my father again for the first time. The relationship with my mother is okay now, but it's strained. Unfortunately, I found out late in life just how much my father cares for me. I'm 52 years old now, and my father will be turning 80 this October. We have become very close. If I had only known what he went through back then. My father is now my best friend and my number one priority. He did so much for me, and my Mother tried to cover it up. Thanks for sharing this video. All the best and greetings from Germany.
@nastynippeelz thank you for your interesting input
Men are loyal, and they keep their word. They will not leave or undermine their wives for the most part. They will sacrifice themselves for the benefit of the family. Women generally lack those characteristics. Thanks for sharing your story. I am glad you reconnected with your dad. It would have been a shame if you had missed that relationship in your life because your mom was suffering and did not know how to express herself. Thanks
@@nastynippelz you should disown your awful mother.
Mothers can be PURE EVIL
@@StuKatz911all women are evil. Some are just good actors.
They say that a wom@n's love for her children is greater than her love for her husband. It's primal and really a survival instinct that's deeply ingrained in their DNA. Many husbands find themselves waaay down on the priority list. After my two children were born, this is what my ex wife's list of priorities looked like: 1) Herself and her children, 2) Her parents, 3) Her own family (siblings, cousins, uncles, aunts, grand parents, etc.), 4) Her friends, 5) Her pets, 6) Maybe you if you're lucky.
Lmfaooooooooolmfaooooooooo
You actually placed kind of high compared to me with my ex.
Great summary. And yes, I think it’s rooted in biology You don’t share her genes and you can predict her priorities on the degree of genetic similarity ( The Selfish Gene )
@@plasmaarmelund same here. My ex went so far as to slowly move us further from my family and closer to hers. She also slowly cut me and the kids off from my family.
Want to take the kids to see my parents or the kids' cousins? Sorry, we're fully booked for the next 4 weeks, but we'll be seeing a whole lot of her family!
@@aussiewanderer6304 that happens a lot. Many of them obsessed with power and control.
That's why I'm child Free and single I'm not willing to sacrifice my freedom for nobody, it's not worth it
Same here. Best decision ever especially in today's economy and dynamics etc
Having kids is GREAT. Like for many, not everyone, but many, one of the best things ever, and that adds such different POVs and flavors to life you didn't even know existed. Kids aren't for everyone, and I sure ain't putting pressure on anyone to have some. But while money, vacation all are awesome and important, what a egocentric POV to say I won't sacrifice for anyone else.
@@MVProfits It's not selfish to not want kids. Some people get older and wiser and see the harsh reality of life and don't want to put someone through that. When I was young and naive I wanted kids, then I grew up and realized marriage was not what I hoped for. So your pov is right for you but not everyone. I and many like me are very giving people but just lost interest in having kids. Glad you had the good experience, sadly my best childhood friend's parents lived a sad life after he died at 23 yrs. ago. Don't wish that on anyone.
Yep, my wife tried to get pregnant with me, but I had a vasectomy so it was Kryptonite.
Lots of other women tried the same thing.
@@lifeonamarble961 Very down to earth way of thinking and very reasonable. To me is just a question of pros and cons...Having kids in this era that we live is a total leap of faith...a russian rolete. To risck to play with it.
To all men with this experience: Please don't give up on your children. Yes, it is important to get out of such a marriage. But you have to do everything you can to have as much contact as possible with your children. Even if it means continuing to have contact with a madwoman. Because the children can't escape. They have to accommodate their mother's whims. And please have faith that there are mentally healthy women too. They're just harder to find because they don't always want to be the center of attention like people with a narcissistic disorder.
I think your plea should actually go to the uncountable number of toxic women who do everything in their power using a rigged system to destroy the man once he is no longer of use to her. That could be anything from having the number of children she wanted (not him!), and or receiving financial support for essentially the rest of her life through the aforementioned rigged system. Many men have no issue fighting for their children but when *every single thing* is poised to thwart his every positive desire for the child, then its quite clear why men give up.
I noticed 2 changes with my soon to be x wife. The first after marriage and the second after she got the two children she wanted. Edit: 3 changes, going through divorce was the final unmasking. Your former wife sounds a lot like mine after listening to the whole video - spoilt as a child, uncaring of others, selfish and not willing to be a mother and let the child take the spot light. I take my children to the play park and it always annoys me the amount of "mothers" acting like children on the swings, zip lines, etc., basically trying to show how "cool and fun" they are instead of supporting their children's play. They really are overgrown children in many cases.
Me, too. I was so confused as to what the hell just happened.
@@jshowy7053 yes, confused and let wondering who is this person. Usually the man keeps his head down and hopes she snaps out it it, instead of taking steps to protect himself should the worst happen.
So you mean to tell me that people who are spoilt as children carry their traits into adulthood?
Modern women have the privileges of females, the advantages of males, and the accountability of a child.
Men are FINALLY comparing notes. 👍
And it’s eerie how similar men’s experiences are.
Yes they are! I can't believe how common this experience is. Thanks
@@john-griffin maybe dont marry the women who pretend to be quiet and shy and not talk until they marry you no? You just want women who dont talk and many manipulative women can act as the person you want. Why dont you see women as humans and select women who upright show their real caracter? You want weak people around you because you are the narcissists and you feel inferior if some women are strong.
@@john-griffin dude you just dumped her the moment she wasnt playing the caracter you wanted for her. This is not marriage. Marriage means to stick together in thick and thin. You just wanted a co dependent puppet you could use and surprise codependency is a mental ilness
As they should.
After my divorce in 94', I made a pact with myself to date a woman for at least 2 to 3 years before considering marriage. Not one woman I've dated has made the cut, and believe me, I'm not that picky. I found that generally they were great the first 3 to 6 months, but after that, they became tired of putting on the show to try to "close the deal" and their true selves began to emerge. I now believe the reason Western women push so hard and fast for marriage is deep-down they know how fickle, restless and easily bored they themselves are. The old saying, "it's a woman's prerogative to change her mind" didn't just fall out of tye F'n sky guys. Caveat Emptor, Gentlemen.
I have found exactly the same thing. Thanks
I dated 4 years with another 1.5 years of engagement. Worked a treat because it’s difficult for women to maintain a facade that long
You speak Truth.
@@johncarlson6472 same here, I think a lot of that is how aware you become after living through the experience of a bad relationship. Like you I've not found too many sane ones
@@Bob-xx8wh More and moreI I'm understanding why guys are migrating to the Philippines, Thailand and Latin Countries to find superior women. Finding a good women here is like looking for a needle in a stack of needles.
Your ex-wife is a first-class narcissist and she will never change
@@silvereagle2787 100% correct and a narcissist is more than likely demon possessed.
She'll probably say her ex (all of them!) was a narcissist. As seems common in a world of Women and Accountability (tm)
I think you're probably right. I think it may be getting worse as she now has depression and anxiety.
I was going to say that too. (Narcissist). As long as the attention was all on her she was great.
Many women are narcissistic/solipsistic. It’s part of their nature and relationship with the world/survival. Men need to understand this.
No matter how many steps you take in the wrong direction, turn around.
That's an incredibly simple and impactful saying
I love that advice! Thanks
Your story brought back some hard memories. Virtually the same story. After our second child, wife went into a funk....didn't go anywhere, didn't get out of her sweat clothes, all but stopped showering, and acted like a bear with a sore ass. It was pure hell. The school ended up calling the police on her because our first son told them she hurt his baby brother. I was at work, and she called and said the police are out side and I need to come home. What followed was 5 years of pure hell and destruction for all of us involved. You have no way of knowing how someone can change so dramatically, untill it is too late. Never again. That was enough.
You are so right. It was so unexpected. You really experienced a nightmare scenario. I can't even imagine how hard it must have been.
Bro... After my 2nd kid very similar.... She tried to put me in jail thro lies...courts said she's crazy.... Then she ran off with my kids.... Ididnt know where for 7 years. Now 9 years later I see the kids sometimes.....and guess what.... She blames me 😂
@@waykiwayki Same here....she filed a false PFA with the police, the next moring I was in county prison, with the guy in the next cell telling me all night he wanted to kill me. She was screwing one of her co workers and needed me out of the house, and she knew just how to do it. I got out, fought for custody, won 50/50, and no finding of abuse against her or anyone else. Funny how things ended, she suffocated to death for five long weeks from Covid. And her best friend who helped her was shot to death by her co worker she was screwing on the side. People have NO idea just how bad this shit can go. Never again.
@@nickf2170 Similar here...court said she was lying and crazy. I also had cell for 2 nights. I could have charged her with Purgery...wish I did....as she is now still narc-crazy-victim.
@@waykiwayki This is more common than the average person realizes. In fact many people I knew, couldn't believe this was even possible in this country. It is possible, and women do awful things to you behind your back, even if it means destroying you, your kids and your life. This is what men don't know when they sign up for "marriage". They are signing up for medeival justice. I honestly don't know how I survived it.
It's a sicking feeling in the pit of your stomach when you realize that the person you married isn't the person you thought they were... and understanding that your marriage is in real trouble, right from the start. I remember thinking "Oh lord, what have I done." (To be fair, I think most men have that feeling at some point.) Unfortunately for me, it was just a few months after the wedding and even before the baby came (it got worse after). I remember chalking it up to "prenatal" or "postpartum" or hormones of some kind... but then figured out that these issues were just the beginning of a much larger pattern of problems. Like you, I just thought... keep going, it's got to get better. Nope. She got worse over time, year after year, even after the kiddos grew up. I do look back and think, what could I have done at that first moment to change the course of everything. I still don't know the answer to that. I suggested counseling to her, of course. She wouldn't go and I didn't push. I thought she'd come to understand over time what a stable, loyal, non-argumentative husband she had. But even I laugh now thinking that was ever going to be enough for her. She ultimately had an affair, and then divorced me. She told me on the way out the door... before the lawyers got involved... that I was a really nice guy but she wanted "more." We had a nice house, financial security... she didn't work, cute healthy kids but she wanted more. Always more.
Why does that feeling of "What have I done" not come earlier? Its like a cruel trick. Thanks
@richardwebber thank you,Im soooo glad i baled out real early,i sure saved my self a lot of sickening horable experiances. I would go bird hunting & when i came home my mom would say you ought to see your face,thers not a wrinkle in your face,you look like you have been on a pleasure cruse or something, it was because i was doing something i loved tremendously & no more marital troubles of any kind,that was all history (i was about 25 years old then) i stayed away from that dating crap from then till now, im 81 now & still happy, big smile on my face, singing,whistleing enjoying life. You can do it too
@richardweber5292 Some don't want non-argumentative as they get a dopamine hit out of the escalation. I was out driving with my wife one Sunday about a month after getting married (her daughter (my new 5 yo stepdaughter in the back)) when I disagreed with something she said and found myself in the middle of the first yelling match in my life. Even though I had a trailer on the back, I pulled over, hopped out and told her I was walking and she could take the trailer home - I thought that would shake some sense into her. Little did I know that was only the beginning ...
@@richardweber5292 yea u were perfect
Dude, we lived the same lives. It's crazy how they flip like a switch once the marriage is done. Then when the baby pops out they get even worse. You know it really starts to make sense as to why women were barred from voting or holding an office of power. They are closet psychopaths
She listened to her friends/other people. That's what changed everything. That's what changed her.
Young men need to understand what they are signing up for when standing at the alter. Your next purpose in life is to plant the seed for the next generation. Once you plant that seed, the entire game changes because you have "done your primary job". Your next job is to provide housing, protection and food. In today's society, you "are going" to provide those things, whether you like it or not.
Really ? What if you lose your job and end up on the dole?
Last time I checked none of that is mandatory buddy. Each male individual needs to think long and hard about all of what you just said. Again, not mandatory and quite honestly it’s nothing but risk in today’s ever changing world.
@@billyliar1614 Well Billy, I suppose if a guy just totally gives up and ends up "on the dole", she, and the courts may have a hard time getting money out of the fella. But honestly, the thought of totally giving up like that has never crossed my mind.
No, this guy is correct. Once the baby arrives, the court system controls your income, takes your house and requires your payments for 18 years. If you refuse, your put in jail. If you still refuse, they take your social security. You can beat the system if you kill yourself. Just don't buy the life insurance policy that was court ordered.
There's some guys out there in the streets for that very reason...
A great deal of young men have zero clue about what pregnancy and childbirth and newborns do to women.
@@minuishaq631
"They just leave them."
statistically, women file for 90% of divorces, and with all the solid men I've ever spoken to, 100% of the breakups were initiated by females. Where are all these men that are leaving women? in your wild imaginations?
@@minuishaq631 Are you gonna cry?
@@Booker.Tif they are not ready for women issues why even get involved with a woman?
@@ClaudiaM-f1y But women are oblivious to a man's issues. Most could care less. So self centered.
@@minuishaq631 😎....what...?....Giving them a child.....??.....women get legal custody of the child 90% of the time....🤔....
It's called chameleon syndrome in book "predatory woman" it's the good behaviour that all women have until they got what they wanted and then the true colors come at surface.
I wonder if they are really consciously aware of it as a strategy or just innately wired that when certain emotions are triggered that is their limbic brain response.
@@effortless-one
Yes are aware, female nature is ruthless, they don't love like men they are oportunistic.
@@effortless-one It is a bioIogicaI firmware. OnIy few exceptionaI couId be seIf aware of it, majority just run this program emotionaIIy and subconciousIy.
The book is called "The predatory female".
As soon as the child was born, she got a little child all to herself for her to "groom". Terrible, sorry you went through it. Your daughter more like you ?
"He (the friend) must have picked poorly. I picked wisely. "
Every guy says this....then they get married and kids come along annnnnnnd everything changes. The guy is relegated to mule status.
I'll never forget what my wife's OBGYN (an old woman) said to my wife during one of our final consults before the birth of my 1st kid. The OBGYN was quite old but very experienced and competent. She looked at my wife dead straight in the eyes, pointed at me, and sternly said "DO NOT FORGET ABOUT YOUR HUSBAND after the baby is born." I was perplexed by this statement. I naively thought to myself, "What the heck is this lady talking about?" I found out pretty quickly. Needless to say, my wife didn't listen.
Older women understand how to take care of a man. Women born in 60s and beyond are mostly damaged goods. With those being born more recently to be completely undateable.
I don’t talk to married men about the nature of women because most of them have this attitude. Oh you just picked poorly. I have good wife because I chose wisely. Fast forward they are getting kicked out of their own house that they paid for, asking to crash on your couch. 🤦♂️
forgetting about the amount of warnings women get about men before getting married and having kids, men are literal demons after kids
You were married to a Covert Narc. Your Ex could not handle another child getting attention and expected you to drop everything for her.
Yes, covert narcs always marry nice people not psychopaths haha😂 I had suspicion about that when he mentioned that daughter moved temporarily into his house since she had was emotionally wrecked (which happens to many due to failed relationship) while mother talks on phone about herself, the kid knew where she could found refuge from emotional storm.
It was just a regular woman. No need to throw around these overuse terms. This is basically the same story as millions of other men, many are still married even.
Being young still, this is incredibly valuable, I'm 28 and there is no way I'm getting into that, not even with a gun pointing to my head, after several relationships and flings with women, I know exactly what you are talking about, I've interacted with many and I know them well, the prevalent narcissism is always dumbfounding, but we are starting to know better now. For them it's always me me me and me at the end again, it's nauseating we have to put up with that for a little intimacy, it's sad, given how we always bring so much to the table.
There are wonderful women out there, but it is a challenge finding them. Please don't give up on love... In my case, I moved to the Philippines. The ladies are great here, but you still must be careful.
@@FishAndChips2478 I'm a woman trying to conceive and it's hard knowing that things could change for me as well after having my children, I can only hope to not be such a nasty mean old hag to my husband and hope and pray to be spared when it comes to depro
@@JohnGrigg-gz9gm It's sad, because when I was younger and naive I did see myself married to a good woman and having a family, I wanted that so much and I had so much to offer, but man was I in for a rude early awakening. I'm an engineer with a nice income and a place of my own, but now I've decided that all my resources will be spent in myself, my mother, my family and friends, I won't be providing some random woman with a free lifestyle just because, I always keep my relationships casual, let everyone be responsible for their own susteinance and future, let's bring true equality to the world
Very eye opening.. women can bait and switch at any point during marriage..
Feel like I could never marry a woman knowing this..
Very well said.
I've heard that so many times it's not funny. Especially with sex.
It's not about marriage alone. They can bait and switch in any relationship where they feel absolute certainty. When they are close to their ideal time to get married, they delay the bait and switch for as long as it takes to rope the guy in(or girl - lesbian divorce rate is high as well)
Truly. Look at the cards and notes professing great love for you, and remember silently what follows, 'in this monent'
If I told you my long and drawn out story with my ex, your head would explode.
I am lucky I married the right one but she has since passed away and now finding the right one is a challenge.
Why do you need another? I've been alone 99 % of my life. Jesus, God, Holy Spirit are always with me.
@@COSkywatch The same thing happened to me. I married a great lady but she passed away. I remarried 16 years later and it's a big mistake. If you had a great marriage don't remarry- quit while you're ahead.
@COSkywatch condolences brother.
@@DayTwo-w8n I think I would always compare and dating has changed alot.
Sometimes i don't know why people have kids. I've heard this story and seen it so many times. It's not the kid's fault but it definitely adds another layer of stress to marriage.
I’m sure he doesn’t regret having the kids. He probably just wishes that it was another woman. That’s what happens when you get laid, clouds your judgement.
@@TheCrusader_ females are programmed this way.
After having a child, the woman knows she has the upper hand (you’re locked into child support).
@@camvworld5674 you're locked in to child support? You're kidding, right? Yea, I guess it's a drag to have to support your kids.
AND she uses your concern for the child, as LEVERAGE; since she can take it away from you, hold it hostage etc.
@@flipdiva0007 go away, this is a man space.
@@flipdiva0007 child support for your child is reasonable. What’s not reasonable is that there is no transparency on where the money is actually going. CS should be itemized and backed with receipts. Once a woman meets a new man, your child will be neglected and used as a pawn to try to twist you around. Most of the money will go towards her personally lifestyle.
@@John_Wood_ gladly. And quite honestly, I'm often on your side. Women aren't easy but I'll go away now.
Wow, you could be talking about my ex. 14 years of marriage, and it started unraveling right after the birth of our first born. I stayed on for a decade of constant emotional abuse until I had to leave because I was breaking down mentally from it all. I immediately got a house nearby and joint custody of our kids. Unfortunately, she started emotionally abusing our eldest child. All I could do was provide a better example and a refuge for the kids during the days they were with me. My eldest need years of therapy to start getting over her mom's abuse, as did I. The psychologists told us this was classic Borderline Personality Disorder, brought on by the abuse suffered by my ex at the hands of her parents. I've since dedicated myself to breaking the cycle of abuse in my own kids and I'm happy to say I'm winning that battle. Stay safe, all.
Why did you marry and start a family with a BPD woman? You couldn't tell that something was off while you were dating her?
Yeah, I had the same experience, my son killed himself at 16 because of it.
Same thing happened to me. We were together 11 years before having kids traveling having fun and hardly ever arguing started to see the same change after kids came. I can’t stand being anywhere around her anymore. I swear she only wanted to have kids so she could post cute pictures and videos on social media, everything else that goes with being a parent stresses her out and she can’t handle it let alone taking care of herself. My kids now five and seven mean the world to me, and if it wasn’t for them, I would be long gone. I can’t stand the thought of leaving them alone with her, they would be eating ice cream for breakfast while the house burnt down.
Hang in there brother. The outcomes for children raised in a single moth er household are horrendous.
I found myself in a loveless marriage with two kids. I got no help with our kids and the chores. If I touched the wife in bed, I got yelled at. Thankfully, after 10 years, the wife left us after starting up an affair with a dirt bag. I got custody of our kids in the divorce. Her child visitations turned into a nightmare for us. She often returned our kids back to me crying and hungry. She did this to get back at me. This went on for 8 years. We survived but it was pure Hell.
@@WTHenry2023 fortunately we have another home 5 minutes away that she could live in and my parents are 10 minutes away and help with picking kids up from school. So I’d still be close by and in their lives.
I really enjoyed your sharing of your unexpected turn in marital life. My own liminal moment came after 8 Sisyphean months of attempting to repair from her clandestine 4 year affair with another woman. After 17 years you think you're married to someone you know and trust completely then *poof* a complete stranger with no accountability is eerily unmasked. It later became clear her changes also began postpartum. You felt the cracks in the foundation from the start; I remained stubbornly blind until the roof caved in. Again, thank you for sharing.
It’s hard to give up. So don’t beat yourself up for hanging in there so long.
Postpartum depression is real and its unfortunate that you experienced that. But you had mentioned that you two were intimite before marriage. I feel like sex before marriage can blind us from the red flags that we should see earlier on. Idk, people do change but alot of time we just dont know better so we dont do better. Wish you the best of luck!
My mum is exactly like that! Very self centred, worry about how others perceive her, incapable of giving anything. When I was a child I had to counsel her through her problems. Besides her always saying that my dad didn’t want us and she never wanted to be a mum and both me and my sister were accidents. I’m 35 now and she is the monster miserable, needy and lonely person 🤷🏽♀️ i moved to the other side of the world as far as I could from her and her drama. My life is much better without her!
You mum sounds like a classic Narcissist. I'm glad you could escape her!
My mom is the same! I'm 24 - I think she might have undiagnosed bpd, and I try to help her, but she refuses. I'm the youngest in my family, and I feel like I've gotten parentified a lot too. My dad is very old school, so he stuck around, but it was hell.
I have a lot to work out bc of that and I'm scared of turning into her
People all fight their own issue's that they hide from others and project. Even so called normal people do this too. It doesn't require a pseudo label
Wow. Just about all marriages turn out to be horror stories. There seems to be no benefits to being married.
As a woman I can only agree. There are no benefits of marrying, only duties. Most people should not marry, and luckily the trend is less and less marriages, and less and less kids. It is simply too hard to be a married single parent, parenting both a kid and a spouse. Today there is no social network willing to help out, either, the men never really have helped out in great numbers, and the women are not available for free-of-charge support-work anymore. I'm myself on a below poverty-retirement standard, due to all the free support I have given to people who needed help, because their parents, siblings, partners, friends, relatives, neighbors, would just not have the mind-set to help enough. But all children and parents need a village that are ready to support them when needed.
Unless you like losing half of your lifetime earnings, pay child support for 18 years and possibly go to jail for false allegations, there are no other benefits to marriage nowadays.
@@DNA350ppm the idea of parenting your spouse sounds deeply controlling to me. A man is never going to be interested in handling the domestic chores exactly like a vvoman would like them to be handled. That has never changed in millennia, never will and never should, since that is not our role. In the same way I don't expect vvomen to make good leaders that take into account the wellbeing of the whole tribe, because that is not their role either. Getting our roles confused is destroying society.
I had two long term relationships that both failed. The benefits to being married for me were as follows: 1- it made me focus more on being responsible and on building my career. 2- we worked together to economize and afford to buy our first house. 3- It gave me my two wonderful sons, which made me even more responsible, and gave me a focus on building a future I would not be around for. 4- in raising two sons, it lead me to become the better man I hoped to raise them to be. It made me more aware of the impact my words and actions have on others, and matured me into a better boss to my employees, a better friend to my peers, and a more socially aware human being in general.
These are all traits I find sorely lacking in people who never had children. Who were never married. Those folks tend to be self obsessed. And fundamentally, while they seem more ‘satisfied’ they seem less happy.
In a social species, none of us are independent. We utterly rely on our fellows to survive and create the culture that supports us all.
For those of us capable of being decent human beings, we OWE IT to the society that sheltered us to provide it with NEW human beings of good character, new human beings with perhaps even greater social awareness and responsibility to their fellow man.
All of you childless folks who are fearful of marriage are timid and living in fear. Turn down the dial on potential sorrow and you turn down the dial on potential joy by the same amount. You are half living.
Who cares if you have a 50% chance of it not working out? Who cares if it means some suffering? That pain is your proof of purchase. That you were present and fully invested. I do not want any love it wouldn’t shatter me to lose. I want the full measure of the one life I get.
My two long term relationships were NOT a waste of time. They each had their seasons of joy and delight. They were productive years of accomplishment and growth.
Stop cowering in fear.
You want to be loved? Be lovable. Maybe you won’t win. But never even taking the chance is a guarantee to lose.
@@Jaime-eg4eb 💯 agree!!
That moment came to me in our laundry room. I had done my own laundry over half of my life but when I got married but she insisted she was going to do it and then begin complaining about my laundry. Why do I have ring around the collar? Why this why that why the other thing so I came up with my own laundry basket container with a lock on it. I said I will do my own laundry that will solve the issue of you not liking, my laundry . She looked at me and said if I don’t do your laundry, we’re getting a divorce. Like you, I took my vows seriously and I thought we’ll somehow work this out and just keep going until I ended up filing about seven years later. Great content today keep it up.
That’s a good story and a good example of just how crazy things can get. No one ever told me there was a chance that her personality could change so significantly so suddenly. I’ve never had to deal with mental illness, so I don’t know the telltale signs of it. Now I have a much better idea of what to watch for. Thanks for your comment.
The laundry thing had purpose
Checking your underwears
Thats how must men get caught when cheating
Thats why she overreacted, You doing your own laundry cut her control over you
@@gerardo9052 You learn something new every day :)
It is so often the little things. I always ironed my own shirts but after getting married my wife insisted she would do it, but so often I would be getting ready for work and ... no shirts. I would be like a cat on hot bricks not trying to start WWIII saying no big deal, I've got this - even though I was the one under pressure. One day my boss said if I ironed the back of the collar last it would stop it turning up at the tips; like an idiot I passed this info on - 20 years later I would still occasionally hear "who was he to tell me how to iron a shirt"! It was OK for him as he was dead by then - it was for my ears not his.
@@effortless-one the 2 most important places where evidence could gather is the underwear and the collar of a shirt
My ex-wife said at one point, "I'm not the same woman you married." I was confused and knew that deep in my gut, I made a mistake, but this was after two children. She showed me what betrayal was, and it felt horrible.
You wonder, "What happened to that girl"
What did she do
@@john-griffinI’m afraid “that girl” was created in your own mind, blind to the reality of who she really was. It happens when we fall in love. I’m sure it’s an evolutionary trait. We only see what we want to see, the goodness, not the (potential) craziness. We should teach kids what to look out for. Could save a lot of heartache.
@Peace2dagawdz
She said, "I'm not happy."
@@learningisfun2108 people also have to be mindful that everybody has secrets and hidden masks. You’re marrying and joining yourself to everything you DON’T know about the person. That’s what equally yoked. Bonding and binding yourself to them spiritually as well.
I almost asked a woman to marry me. But her vicious dog was a problem. I suggested that we hire a dog trainer, and we both could work with the dog and the trainer together.
She said she was too busy and didn't have time for that.
That's when I woke up and realized she loved her dog more than me. I broke up with her, and I've never married anyone.
Single, retired, living on a sailboat. Life is good.
Wow, it sounds like you really dodged a bullet.
Wom3n have no clue how to properly raise or train a dog.
@@john-griffin I did. She wasn't a bad or mean person, just self-centered.
A good friend who had spent a lot of time skiing with the both of us told me that he noticed that she didn't seem to appreciate everything I did for her. I didn't see it, but in retrospect, he was right.
Always listen to your friends.
Greener, I appreciate your honesty in sharing that there were some signs. I believe we all have some type of sign. It’s just that we choose to ignore them or not see them as serious. I’m glad you didn’t marry her!
Hi, John! I am truly sorry for your pain and glad that you are on the other side. However, respectfully, I feel that the universe always gives us signs. We just downplay or ignore those little ugly behaviors and attitudes the we experienced with that person, some of which others close to us can see. I used to believe that we marry the wrong person. Now I believe that we marry the person who vibrates on our frequency, and that it is a match from that perspective. If you can’t take any responsibility for your choices, and feel that the entire situation is someone else’s fault, there in lies the growth opportunities. You can’t change what you do not acknowledge. I would bet there were some things you chose to ignore, and I do believe her illness brought out the worst in her. It may have been that you married her after only knowing her for a couple of months and didn’t give it enough time to see the signs. But regardless of what the signs were, they were there. Just my opinion. Forgive me if I am totally off base. Be well, Brother.🌻
I found it hard to not throw the towel in the longer I invested my time into the relationship. Knew within a couple of years she was nuts but i stayed.
I'm sorry about that. Hope you are better now
Dude!!! My 24 yr old daughter lived with me recently. She complained frequently that her mother (my ex wife) wouldn’t listen to her because her mom was too obsessed over her own problems (upcoming divorce from her second husband).
Some of these women are so self consumed it is ridiculous.
Strange that they can’t seem to learn from their mistakes.
My favorite female saying …. “I want to find someone who will love me for who I am” ….
Translation: “I am not willing to change or even consider that I may be wrong.”
Great perspective, thanks!
Dude, it sounds like we’re married to my ex
My daughter is 25 when she starts any female nature nonsense I point it out to her, I make her reflect on it.
She has improved as a person
@@john-griffin Come to reaIisation thaey are aII THE SAME. It is a bioIogicaI firmware driving them. THEY ARE ALL THE SAME.
I still remember waking up to my beautiful bride the morning after our wedding day. There was a palpable difference in the room, a feeling of the arrival of a huge power shift in our relationship. It made no sense. It emanated directly from my wife, who now exuded an attitude I had never seen before. It was an aura of control. She must have hoped for this day for a long time, the day I could no longer just walk away from her, that terminating the relationship would be a huge legal matter and end up with the loss of half of my wealth. She was now free to display her real self and aggressively pursue the life she wanted. First step, snag a husband, and she'd accomplished that.
nothing worse than the feeling of being used.
While fees for a divorce attorney would have been a factor, a spouse is not entitled to half your wealth. They are only entitled to half the wealth generated DURING the marriage. You could have easily gotten out.
@@lorrilewis2178 Thanks for looking after me, after the fact. But I am a divorce attorney. I opted to face the reality that neither her naive expectations, nor mine, were anywhere near the reality of male-female relationships, and stayed to work things out. Two kids and 44 years later, we will be celebrating another anniversary this month. Whenever I'm asked, I tell young people to find somebody in love more with the idea of marriage than to find somebody infatuated with you. The feelings wax and wane. The differences of opinion raise their ugly heads constantly. You have to compromise and work past those obstacles. Belief in the institution is a huge help.
You should write a book! You described that experience perfectly. thanks
@@john-griffin I was going to say, what a great beginning to a book that I would want to read!
I get the impression women are on a knife edge emotionally. A single perturbation or setback can be a tipping point and they flip into a new mode
It’s still perplexing how you can spend 20 years with a woman , go through joys and sorrows together and yet she feels nothing for you
I think he captured my whole experience perfectly in two paragraphs. Thanks.
They don't love men. They use men.
There is no emotional capital when it comes to women. It doesn't matter what you did or sacrificed in the past. Men have a sense of loyalty and honour, which women don't share.
Perfectly explained
Men typically come into a marriage with certain life skills. They often know, for example, how to wash clothes, prepare meals, run a dish washer, perhaps even take care of a baby, etc.The wife will immediately set about teaching the man, subtly at first then as time passes more explicitly, that he actually doesn’t know how to perform these chores competently. Her need to major in minor things and rule the roost in mostly trivial ways gradually reduces the man to a chronic approval seeker, drone, and sycophant who requires permission to wipe his own butt.
@@scottjackson163 "major in minor things" 😆 🤣 perfect statement. They all do that, the most simple thing is made into absolute rocket science.
I have yet to meet a man that can keep house better than a woman. Usually means he either had dysfunctional family background, lost his mother/father or was in military. A man keeping house is not the same as a woman. If the woman doesn't take over these tasks the man has to ask himself why he wants to be the woman in the relationship and chose a "man".
@@louis-vd3ur First, I didn’t say anything about the man being better than the woman in any of the named categories. My assumption is one of mere competency on the part of the man. Second, I said nothing to imply that the man wishes to gain ascendency over the woman in the various endeavors. What I am saying is that the woman is often a peevish twit who can’t tolerate domestic autonomy in the man.
@@louis-vd3ur that is true as well, but because we men can tolerate dirt better/more :)
@@scottjackson163 lol
A new mom needs her maternal support after delivery that's why in India we go to our mother's house for a month or two to get pampered and to get helped by our mom's. Please try this. Western methods don't work. Trust me. You have to get her mother to your house or send her to her mother's house for a month to rejuvenate. The only cure for anxiety and depression is emotional support. Don't listen to naysayers. Everyone will advice you to divorce. But don't give up. It's easy to advice others on UA-cam thought lessly. I urge you to be a little bit more compassionate and attentive and Don't give up. Yet! And please don't listen to homewreckers. Be it friends or strangers on UA-cam.
@@piak78 and if her parents are terrible? You don't just marry a person. You marry "into" a family
@@everythingisfine9988 That's something someone should assess before having a family or getting married. If the family is crazy, they usually are too unless they have cut their family off.
@@5050TM that is tru! even if she complains about her relatives, mom or dad, she has their DNA and that's the environment she grew up in.
@@piak78 if the husband does his job properly, you should be able to rejuvenate at your own house. But I bet inidian men don't even clean dishes. Please don't give us lessons on how to make sure men bear no responsability of bringing kids into the world. And looking at what happens in India, like the grape capital of the World. No wonder they don't help with anything!
Right. What if you moved to another country with your spouse?, you Indians do that in mass. I see you more and more in the streets of my neighbourhood
The defining moment for me was when my 18 year old son (the youngest of my three children) was paralyzed (quadriplegic) in a motorcycle accident and laying in intensive care unit, breathing by the help of a ventilator, not knowing if he would ever be taken off of this thing (they were telling us he would be on a vent the remainder of his life), not knowing what his outcome was going to be…she comes in the room, worried what the school would do if she took off work for an extended period of time while our son was in the hospital. We had him flown to a rehab hospital 7 hours away and this is the first thing out of her mouth when she walks through the door. She always made it about her….
Solipsism. It's a female trait.
It sounds like you had a wonderful wife and marriage for a while. Perhaps she was the right girl until she was hit with postpartum depression. Mental illness can unfortunately really change people for the worse. I’m sorry her illness affected and eventually ended your marriage.
Thanks for all your heartfelt advice.
The chameleon syndrome - the quasi supernatural ability of a female - lasts long enough to ensnare a man and get his full commitment. We as men are shocked when her loving act is over and blame ourselves, but in truth the act was going to end regardless. She didn't change, she simply reverted to her comfortable exterior.🧐
@@mrsmith5202 Yup, smirk, "I got him now."
Damn
Take on the role of primary caregiver. You stay at home, cook, clean and childcare. Let woman do a 9 to 5, come home and watch TV. She will be super loving, but you on the other hand....
Jesus, really?
Maybe you should have picked better.
Or maybe its because you are a misery to be around.
Not to worry. Men can do the same. Typically the narcissists do the love bombing.
As a woman who had a child I can share my perspective if you like on the exhaustion and hormone ups and downs we have when we have a baby. It is known with women to have "baby brain" for a while after delivery, which refers to not thinking clearly about things at least for a year after your baby is born. Anger is the opposite reaction to love. She may have been angry because being a new mom "reality" is much different than the romantic idea of having a baby. Your body changes drastically, depression sets in and you always have to keep up with "how other people will perceive you as a mother" There is alot of pressure to keep up with "perfect" mothers since most women do it all and are super moms! A little too late I know, but maybe it would help someone else.
This sounds like a pretty good assessment of what happened. She certainly had a romantic idea of what being a mom would be and that was shattered. But, she would not take any advice when it came to getting help. Thanks for your perspective, I really appreciate it.
Forget postpartum. Women are just insane from the getgo and EVIL
@krisskross8985 Did you watch the part of the video after the 10:30 mark?
I had a similar experience with my going to be ex-wife; I'm confident that I didn't marry the wrong woman. She changed to a completely different person after c-section number two. False allegations meant she got the house/ the kids/$$$ I got celibacy and a dead dream. Keep sharing; this helps with the grieving process.
I’m glad this stuff helps. It actually helps me too. Getting comments from guys like you who are going through or have gone through the same kind of things actually makes me feel just a little bit less unusual. When it was happening, I didn’t think anyone else experience this stuff. It felt like I was the only one. Now that I’m 24 years removed from it it’s easier to talk about. But it was a very difficult time.
Women don't change, they just show their true selves.....
I have the exact same story. She was so sweet before the babies arrived. A living nightmare afterwards. You know your in trouble when she has turned down sex for 5 years and your paying 100% of the bills.
@bobhouse9331 so sad, I am sure you will win in the end. Have you already lost your house and your assets ? Didn't you have any proofs to submit to the court? I will pray for you 🙏🏼
@@jacksonripper-mp8dr
They drop the 🎬 act.
Yes the opinions of total strangers are more important than the man, the relationship and even the wellbeing of the child for a significant number of women. Unfortunately the law enables women to be pretty evil if they are inclined.
I agree. I'm not sure it's evil, maybe mental illness. But certainly unhealthy for everyone. Thanks
@@john-griffin Well in my experience it is evil for a woman to use a man for a child and then neglect his intimate needs during the rest of the ‘relationship’. In a way she’s abandoned the man in the relationship and the child will suffer as a result and i don’t see the point of a man being stuck in a non reciprocal relationship. If a woman has a personality/ characterological disorder then she should admit this then she should go to therapy (someone who isn’t going to indulge her with nonsense) and at least try to manage her unstable emotions. Women do know how to behave when others are watching. The law favours women heavily and giving them the out of saying “oh she’s just mentally ill” just takes accountability off her and further infantilises her.
Before marriage the man has the power because he can just walk away. After marriage the woman increasingly has the power because he can’t just walk away without losing his assets. The power dynamic flips after the man signs the marriage certificate and she is less inclined to behave and is incentivised to miss behave as a way to acquire his assets.
True. But there’s more to it. She now has accomplished her mission of reproduction. The man is now just an annoyance especially as she has continuing support even after his dismissal
Why do you consider things your assets?
It's crazy but you don't understand or are naive to these dynamics when you are young. Unfortunately I didn't understand them until I was past the point of no return.
@@samanthony2950 The Australian government is onto the option of just walking away before marriage. It is something that needed fixing. Now if you merely cohabit for 2 years your gf is entitled to half your assets before you’re allowed to slink off
@@alfredopampanga9356 Well, now that the goal posts have been moved, won't men just refuse to cohabitate with a woman?
Bro, I think Robert Greene put it beautifully, choose a partenr based on character, and he adds "character is how you act when you experience negative emotions" I think your ex was super in love with you giving you an amazing time because she was feeling good at the moment, but we will all face negative emotions eventually and then you see character
26 yr old guy here, your story really brought back some memories from how my mother acted with our family. She was very focused on judgement from other people yet wouldn't care about doing the right thing when it came to her family. Cheating, alcoholism, you name it with her. The part where she makes the conversation with your daughter about herself is something mine would 100 percent do. Its no wonder i do not have a relationship with her anymore, nor does my brother. If it weren't for my dad being there for us, we would have been screwed.
That’s quite a story. Sounds like you had a very tough time of it.
I had this. She cared about everyone apart from her kids. Thanks so much for your content. Know one knows apart from me and the kids
Thanks. I am glad you enjoyed the video. I know these situations happen all the time but no one ever talks about them.
@@JazzDuets oh man I love your Channel. It has helped me grow so much as a musician!!! Interesting to see you in the 'wild' on YT!
@@john-griffin thats the thing. If you talk to most people about what you went through they think you are nuts, especially if your ex wife has blamed everything on you! So to hear you articulate what we are feeling really helps. I cannot thank you enough
fascinating story, very sad. however the good news is this sort of thing only happens about 89.7889 % of the time in marriages.
Thank goodness, I was afraid it happened to everyone
@@john-griffin 😁😁😆
That’s a high %
😂😂
Mine started changing in between the first and second child. I originally thought it was the stress of a couple of miscarriages but after the 2nd, she was impossible to deal with so I immersed myself in work and the kids. The behavior became worse and worse over time until I eventually had to completely cut her out of my life. The marriage was great until it wasn't. It took 10 years for her to reveal her true character. Don't ever get married.
It’s crazy how some women change so dramatically. Thanks for sharing your story.
Yep....... Been through that. Married to worty for ten years total. The last three were living hell. Son was born and it all went down hill, just like you explained. I left when our son was three and moved three states away. She was bat shit crazy by then. Violent if you said or did something she took as threat to her idea of how things were going to be. Nobody could talk to her about it. I remarried a year later and have lived a happy and productive life for the past 50 years. No relationship with my son who is 53 except when he wants money. Ex wife dead for a few years now, was broke and homeless. What a nightmare, and there was no way to tell beforehand she would change like she did. I'm 80, retired and happy. I try hard to forget those year.
Wow, that’s quite a nightmare story! You really went through hell
Every time I hear stories like these, I wonder why the guy couldn't spot the red flags before they committed to her. There must have been SOMETHING that seemed off.
@@earthwormjim3269 Hindsight is 20/20. First seven years were pretty much OK. After our son was born is when the wheels started coming off. She was never the same after that. Became impossible to live with.
@@dabprod The hormonal roller coaster may have triggered a looming mental illness (or past trauma / a personality disorder). - So you left your 3 year old son behind, left him with a "bat shit crazy woman, and she got violent when things did not her way (at least towards you). So you moved 3 states away. And married one year later. And likely did not invest in any steady, dependable relationship with your son - how could you when you were far away and busy with your new marriage / family. Even IF his mother would have been suportive of you being close to thim.
Staying close would have made that easier even if she wanted to throw an wrench in the works.
I can see how it was difficult to get shared custody 50 years ago, so mid 1970s must have been during or shortly after the oil crises of 1973 / 1974 (you mention your son is 53) but even regular visitations could have been a safe haven for your son (and he could tell you IF she was abusive).
At age 3 a child already remembers the father - even if he leaves and is never seen again. It makes also an impact - and children find a way to blame themselves for the bad things that happen in their family life.
So your son does not seek a relationship with you now - unless he is asking for money. You don't say, almost as if he did not turn out that great.
@@franziskani She refused counseling, or meeting with our Pastor, or even talking about any problem. Even her family couldn't reach her, and she had no friends. She would not consider any shared custody, my lawyer tried more than a couple of times. I paid child support and never missed a payment. When we tried to get her back into court it would always end up in a postponement over and over. When I would call to talk to him or her, most of the time I was told they weren't home or couldn't come to the phone. They lived with her parents. One excuse after the other. When I wanted to see his school records the school would not release them to me. By law they must, so the lawyer had to get involved and make them. This was a private school, and when I finally got them, it was handwritten across the front page, "release to Mother only!" Once he got a little older, he just refused to talk to me when I called. I searched for him after he was 18 but the info was always old and outdated and when I called the phone number I had it was always someone else number by then. He finally made contact with me when he was in his mid or late 30's after being persuaded by his wife. We had a few phone conversations over a few years. Then it was always about him needing money, so I sent thousands of dollars over the next few years. Usually, $5K at a time. Finally, I had to say no. He blew up and I haven't heard from him in the last year. He won't answer the phone or answer e-mails.
Another fantastic video. Definitely hire someone to promote your podcast because men really need this info.
I appreciate that! I am sure the word will spread to those who need to hear it. Thanks, I do appreciate the feedback.
This is exactly my experience. I’m currently 10 months into a divorce proceeding. At 1 year into having our daughter, a switch flipped. My wife would not allow me to participate in bedtime duties. She cut me out by using breastfeeding as leverage. Then, everything was my fault, I was emotionally abusive, etc. Then I was a bully and abusive to our daughter when I did set expectations for behavior. It’s the most insane thing I’ve experienced in my life. Now I’m fighting for my life to have equal custody of my daughter, whom I love and have a great relationship with. Never again will I marry.
Excellent episode. The first woman I lived with wanted to have children, but I thought to myself "I may want children some day, but not with this woman." I think you pretty much validated the decision I made. Thank you.
I am glad I can help with your validation! You are fortunate to have dodged a bullet!
Women can't see at a relaxing man - they get insane bacause in their universe man should always work and is not allowed for his own time
@@IgorNikonov47 Most of them hate it in their guts when they see a man happy, relaxed and busy with himself and even enjoying him while doing so. So less women I've met have this ability. I seriously considered that they never grew up being adults. That's usually kids behaviour when you need pay attention all the time
Do you afford women the same though. Can she relax, while you cook, clean and watch the kids?? If she is working and you laze around, she will be pissed.
I also believe they get pissed off at how we men can be perfectly happy and content with and derive meaning and purpose from the simple things. On the other hand, nothing women acquire or is given them will ever be enough to make them happy nor content, because the capacity for experiencing consistent happiness and contentment doesn't exist in them. IMO, the problem is, we, as a society, have spoiled and coddled Western woment beyond the pale, to the detriment of EVERYONE.
Well, there's no relaxing for us. So that means there's no relaxing for you.
@@johncarlson6472The issue is the uneven workloads
I had the exact same experience John. Just got divorced. My wife became obsessed with my daughter after her birth. Phenomenal relationship before our daughter was born. I came to realise that my wife has autistic traits. The hyper-focus on the daughter. Have you ever thought that autism might be a possibility? Women are often very good at camouflaging these traits, and are undiagnosed.
As a mother still married after 24 years) I would like to say this: first, they way you described your wife at the first years of your marriage, you mostly cared about s*x and and her agreeability, but seemingly not describe her as a partner, as someone you had to have discussion and compromise with, and you obviously expected this to basically continue. Second: it is true that experiences around birth and hormones can alter libido and character of a woman, but it is involuntary and sometimes not reversible. Due to some procedures I felt pain for several years and my doctor would not help me. Also, libido was just gone and, except for movies, feigning lust does only work in movies. But being dishonest to your husband is also not desirable. I probably had a depression (partly due to two traumatic births) to and the most problematic parts were constant anger and a constant sensation of feeling overwhelmed for the first five years, and unfortunately some of it persists. I also gained a lot of weight. So yes, I am exactly that type of woman some men in the comments would advise you to divorce. Still, I am married. My husband is the most important person to me (of course we love our children, but this can’t and should not replace matrimonial love), he is my partner and best friend with his own flaws and virtues.
What separates you from the vast majority women described here is that you actually say that your husband is the most important person in your life. THIS thought is the fundamental key.
@@frankharris3380 🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯
@@regineb.4756 After our first child my wife doesn't even know I exist. I'm just in the way of her and our son. I just need to stand in the corner and pay the mortgage and buy the groceries. She also doesn't acknowledge anything is wrong which is the most hurtful part. At least you see your husband as important and acknowledge the issues.
Some women change after childbirth and focus completely on the child at the neglect of the husband. This can be down a host of reasons such as: postnatal depression, loss of body confidence, hormones, and/or the baby being demanding/ fidgety.
Being a supportive and hands on husband and Dad (i.e. doing the right thing) doesn't always guarantee your happiness.
I believe that a man must weigh up the pros and cons (loyalty, assets, children, freedom, etc.), and intimacy rather than endlessly obessing on the latter.
I picked the wrong girl at age 20 and promptly she got pregnant and we began to get ready for it, and then she miscarried. And in the year afterward I got to know her better, split up and thank my lucky stars to this day.. She ended up being an angry Marxist feminist professional student and after 15 years still has not had a relationship that lasted more that a few months. Whew.
"SHE got pregnant". Did she get pregnant supernaturally or something?
@@lorrilewis2178 Maybe the annunaki impregnated her.
Dodged a bullet brother
@@lorrilewis2178 Yes, this amused me. But then again, since the woman miscarried we don't actually know who the father was. Just because latetotheparty184 was presumably monogamous on his side, we don't know if she was.
@@latetotheparty184 nothing wrong with being the professional feminist. Women are supposed to advocate for themselves in the world that devalues them. Just by you saying stuff like that I question it could be at BOTH of you at fault. But yet I would say having a relationship that don't last is questionable at best.
people can change. but they always get worse.
😂 sadly true
ouch
I don’t know how this video came up in my timeline, but it was a really interesting.
As a woman with a boyfriend and no kids, it’s scares the crap out if me that maybe I could be your ex wife in the future. What stops any women from losing their minds and doing a 180 after the hormones of child birth? Super scary stuff.
Kudos to you for the self awareness
I agree. I could never have guessed this would happen to her. I wish I could’ve explained more clearly how wonderful she was before this all happened. I think that she was unique in certain ways that made it less likely for her to seek out the treatment that she needed. She had been a Broadway dancer, and she had been in the spotlight for a very long time. She had performed some very big stars throughout her life, and she had met and had dinner and socialized with many of these superstars. Her appearance and reputation was always extremely important to her. Society is much more tolerant and acceptance of mental illness. 24 years ago that wasn’t the case. She was afraid that she would be labeled as defective or crazy or somehow unfit to be a mother if she told anyone that she was suffering. She couldn’t even tell herself that she was suffering for fear of, not being good enough.
The fact that you have an awareness of it, and our society has changed so much over the last two decades makes it much less likely that this experience will happen to you. So try not to worry.
Ninety percent of women marry someone that they do not love.
The best way to not happen is to be prepared being a mother and wife. It misses so much these days almost no one girl is being prepared for that. That's why this case is so common. In past little girls helped their mothers growing younger siblings and surving at home. Today they have no idea about that. Unfortunately I don't know what is the best way to prepare being a mother but definately it's not enough to start since pregnancy. Most likely you will need few years and good family woman advisor.
Give birth at home, and do not let the hospitals inject you with anything. PP depression is caused by the specific injections they convince women to get before giving birth. The hospitals are in cahoots with the govt who wants a country filled with broken homes. And there's much more to it
Interesting story. Sorry to hear about your marriage not working out. It must have been terrible to do a complete 180 degree turnaround from the woman you married & was content on spending the rest of your life with to realizing you made a big mistake and she's not the same woman you fell in love with.
I'm a 63 yr old widowed man, so my situation was completely different. It was about 2 years after we tied the knot that our first & only child was born. She had a couple of miscarriages first & a rough pregnancy (C-section), and said no more! - one is enough! Lol.
Everything was smooth sailing with our newborn. My wife took 6 months off from work for family leave & I scaled back to part time work for a couple of years. We shared the duties of infant care. My wife loved being a mother - it's was the greatest thing in her life. No problems whatsoever as our son grew up just a lot of good memories now. 😌
That’s a wonderful story. I’m sorry you lost your wife, but it sounds like you have a lot of great memories. Thanks for sharing.
The women I've enjoyed the most are women I had absolutely no intimate knowledge of whatsoever. Maybe that's when the switch flips and they think "I've got him!"
It just speaks of a greater civilizational tragedy when normal healthy coupling basically seems utterly futile and impossible.
Because we stopped controlling women
A woman's vagina can be a bear trap.
This compelling video brings back terrible memories of my recent breakup after four years of dating. My dearest friend made the decision to go, and I was left with an inexhaustible hurt. I can't even begin to imagine my life without him, much as I keep trying to make amends. I'm frustrated. I want to write about how much I miss him here because I can't seem to get him out of my head.
I understand how hard it is to let go of someone you love; after a five-year relationship ended, I was unable to simply let him go; instead, I tried everything to get him back. Eventually, I turned to a spiritual counsellor for assistance.
Introducing Father Obah Eze, a well-known spiritual advisor who is famous for his ability to bring back former romantic partners.
His name is Father Obah Eze, and he is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
he is father obah eze, he has great powers, he can help you.
I appreciate you providing this important information; I've just checked him up online. striking I just checked Father Obah Eze online, and wow, he's really genuine. Thank you so much again ❤
Thank you for sharing this story. It's so authentic.
I am still married (22yrs). I remember the moment our daughter was born, my wife started behaving so much more... assertive. It was as if until the child she was considering me the boss and after giving birth she became the boss.
I was slowly deprived of the right to make decisions, especially about our daughter.
I was so mad when she made me embarrassed before my relatives, when we both invited them to visit us, and 10 minutes before the appointment, she demanded that I cancel it, because she was not in the mood for visits.
She turned out to be a completely different person.
It is easy to see what your Ex did wrong , however, you should look at yourself and find out what you did wrong.
Jordan Peterson said that you should look at what you have done wrong “you have a tendency to put any woman that you are attracted to on a pedestal. What you are really attracted to is your idealization of women and confuse the woman with the idealization, which is very difficult to bear for the woman because she is not really there. That is the first problem. Now if you want the woman the price you pay for that is that you have to let go of the princess.”
Man, please, use COMMAS. It's impossible to read you.
cope. women are given many reasons to break their marriage contract. the guy was mostly ugly and she realized she didnt love him all that much as she hyped herself for. women cheat way before they get into a relationship, and only few men will understand what that sentence means.
@@xadionwc3 In my family for generations all the men cheated. My father used to tell me at 12 yrs old, how much he cheated on my mother after she died. He told me that all men cheat and for me to accept the fact that one day my husband would cheat on me. He used to say "I love chicken but I don't want to eat it everyday". My first seroius boyfriend cheated on me and it nearly destroyed me. I have been married over 30 years and have never cheated. I couldn't do that to anyone, I would just leave if I wanted to cheat. Peple cheat male and female so stop labeling only women as cheaters. I have had plenty of girlfriends who have been cheated on by husbands and boyfriends. Maybe some women are giving you back what they have had to go through for generations. Not that I agree.
Right he’s an AH
I think we all need to realize that noone is perfect, so if we think we see perfection in someone else we need more time to see them as the person they truly are and to look into ourself to find out why we are turning a mere woman into a goddess. Unfortunately, its difficult because marriage isn't the same as just living with someone, so really there is no way of knowing what will turn up later, but all men need to get to know themselves and their own baggage before they make huge decisions that will impact not only their own lives, but possibly their future children's as well.
I'm so stoked you described this - "she changed" - because I thought it was just me. Great post,John.
My ex and I (36 years before I filed) had nine kids. The last few kids she became quite defensive about her parenting skills. She DEFINITELY wasn't as concerned about the kids as she was about her image. She finally told me to leave the house because I was causing her "stress." The last three kids took her side and I knew it was over. I must say the first night away from her I slept better than I had in years. Eight months later I filed. She tried to paint me as abusive, dead beat dad, etc. The good news is the FEMALE judge nailed her on her bs.
Like all of them, she was scum
@@michaelsawyer158
“last few kids”, you obviously didn’t take care of any of them, she took care of 9 children! That’s crazy
@Commentator488 yes, another "expert" who knows absolutely nothing.
@@michaelsawyer158
Well you know, she didn’t call you a “deadbeat” for no reason and the way you talk about your children is unbelievable.
@Commentator488 really? You know all the circumstances of my situation? I didn't notice you in the courtroom during the proceedings. I don't think you have looked at the case, testimony, or the ruling of the female judge. You're just another ignorant voice in the dark, commenting without knowledge. Good luck with that.
Sounds like my experience. My X-wife changed after our first born. I believe in a nut shell that it comes down to some people embrace therapy....some refuse therapy. For me I got better through on and off therapy over the years. My X-wife refused any therapy. It's been 20 years down the road. Who do you think is living a better, healthier life today? Who do you think it is our children rely on?
I'd like to add that, looking back now, taking care of my children as much as possible was the best part of my mariage and it greatly helped us keep up this relationship between us. It's a good investment that will bri g dividends in future.
So guys, do it for them and Your future self. Even if it's not "fairly" distributed between You and the mother.
Thank you for sharing. My relationship went downhill immediately after the birth of our daughter. We split up three years later. (that was 7 years ago). I regret not bailing out even sooner to this day!
Professionally, I have still not recovered from my time raising a baby.
37 years old now, just experienced this with my 2.5 year old daughter and her Mom. Its devastating to see and experience the switch. Gave my all. I had the househelps, the money, the love the help. Wasnt good enough and ran away back to the USA with my daughter without consent. Now pins it all on me. Damn it
Sorry to hear that, what country did you move to?
As hard as it is to admit, I was an abused husband. It was a long time ago and I have been divorced moved on, but I will never be the same. She was able to take away my ability to love and trust anyone, and I still feel dead inside. I can’t stand relationships anymore and just want to be by myself. That is the only way to be happy for me.
Yep, somebody who hasn't seen it, wouldn't believe it.
I can honestly say, that I would not have listened to this video... if I didn't go through something simillar myself.
I'm 34 now, with a 1 year and 4 months old son that was taken away from me by his mother before the end of 2023, when she moved to a different city and quite suddenly, I might add.
For me the red flags started late during preganancy when she would throw a fit to get rid of our 2 cats, because they make her feel unsafe for the life of our baby... The same 2 cats she had convinced me to adopt not more than 2 years prior (I admit I got attached to them by that point)... We were the only ones from our group of friends that gave up on their cats... I moved them to my parents home, so they're fine, but still...
Anyway, you can probably imagine that it has been all downhill from there.
P.S. Living alone in my own home is much more peacefull, but I try to visit my son often - every 2 days, at least - in order to foster a connection and give my son a slice of the normal life he could have had...
You’re doing the right thing. You gotta give your son that slice of sanity but also you need to give them some masculine energy and leadership. I wish you a very, very best.
I had nearly excatly the same experience. Around one year into my marriage, my wife started to change. I spend 5 good years with her together before. We had a really good healthy relationship. And after my son was born, everything completly fell apart.
"Good grief" CB. Yep, Charlie Brown quote. I knew the day I married my second wife, I married her, as if I didn't, those kids she had would be lost. Then they turned. But I knew when she was not helping me with her own kids, I was introuble. I could fill up this comment box with my experiences. 😊
It is amazing, every time I post a nightmare from my marriage how many guys have had the same nightmare! Its like a silent epidemic.
And it’s amazing how many of your stories and experiences resonate with my own, including this one but with a slight twist towards her, dumping me the baby when I’d was getting back from work. Always willing to help (maybe a little too much!) but that was a bit over my own capacities I now know. Keep up the good work, it helps me a lot these days (4 months post separation, 8 months to go before official divorce)…
The part about her showing her real face the day after your daughter was born - Deja vu!
Women really are solipsistic. She had always been this way and having children brought it into the world for everyone to see. Having children has forced her to confront this shadow side. She wasn't comfortable with the internal dissonance because having a baby forces one to look beyond themselves. Confronted with this uncomfortable truth, she doubles down and creates an unhealthy attachment to the baby because she had had unhealthy attachment to her own parents. You are right the choice to marry this woman wasn't the best. But you personally transformed the situation to become a better you. Well done, keep going, great content.
I've heard that men marry their mothers and women marry their fathers. Also, look at her mother to see what she will become. Childhood imprints and genetics...oh my.
Women do not take personal responsibility for their behavior. They usually blame other people. I have 2 very toxic sisters and the best way for me is to avoid meeting or hanging out with them. Problem is, they always think they are perfect and all others are wrong.
I don’t think it’s the girl, I think it’s the institution of marriage combined with our current relationship culture and family law. It creates a power imbalance in the relationship and invites abuse of that power and offers no real negative consequences of neglect of husbands and fathers.
My ex wife “left” me for the kids- was no surprise. I thought she would return to me. I thought wrong. I don’t believe she was the wrong woman. She’s just a woman. I can absolutely attest that marriage is obsolete and we are witnessing a shift in how a family is defined, formed, and sustained. Will be interesting to see.
Its the girl. They are the problem.
I have seen so many videos like this exposing women's true nature. I am so glad that at 64 I am single, and I never fell for that marriage trap. MGTOW makes a lot of sense to me.
@@jongolsteyn9680 wait until you are looking for a nurse with a purse.
@@dawnelder9046 It will never happen. I am OK with doing things on my own.
This also happened in my marriage .....but it was during my wife's menopause. Sorry men, but the crazy changes can happen later in life too. My wife has gotten a little better and admits she was absolutely nuts but I still never know from day to day what person I'm going to get. We had a fantastic marriage for 20 years and I still mourn for my best friend and a woman I was madly in love with but that person has died. Whether you go through it earlier or later in your marriage, it's extremely lonely and very hard to understand when it's happening exactly why it's happening. It's confusing as hell when it's happening.
You never really understand your wife until you stand across from her in court.
That is an excellent comment! I think you’re getting comment of the day.
That was a wonderful, personal sharing, thank you for that! Your son is lucky to have you as his role-model.
Same here. Mine changed Mont 8 of first pregnancy. Now, one year after the second and I feel like I'm just strapping in for a lifetime of torment. Big ups to the other buddies out there struggling with nasty, disrespectful, absurd marriages.
go to counseling (alone first). Check out Marriage Helper (it is online). The hormonal roller coaster of pregnancy and labor can trigger mental disease, or make former trauma resurface. Give her a firm & loving ultimatum (after you have talked that over with a counselor and got your feets under yourself again, which may take some time).
Maybe a family intervetion could help (that is a bit tricky on the one side you should not invite outsiders even family members into your relationship problems. that is more when a woman really needs medical treatment and her behavior is worrying.
She MUST go to counseling, she must check out whether she needs medication (she might) and she must invest in the relationship with you and put in an effort to be nice to you, even if she does not feel great.
She is likely exhausted and it is easy to let yourself go then (also towards you). Being exhausted also makes a person blind (for self care that could propel them out of a rut).
I goes w/o saying that you need to be supportive as well, also when it comes to chores and taking care of the child (or children).
Yes, it was several years into the marriage; I was doing some tidying and the thought /realisation popped into my head "I'm never going to get the marriage I want - in no way, shape or form". I finished what I was doing and got on with the rest of my day but everything had changed.
I feel for you on this one. My ex-wife also had postpartum depression, but she never treated it. Things escalated with our second baby, and the marriage failed. I divorced her after a couple of years of trying to make things work.