What gets me is that everyone thinks you want to climb to the "top." I've quite happily hid in the back of wherever I've worked, cleaning or doing dishes, but once people realize I'm "smart" they start trying to "give me opportunities." I end up promoted to head teacher or put in the front of the business or God forbid set on some networking quest. I quit every time, most certainly after disappointing everyone by failing at a task I was forced into against my will, and left having to start over again with no reference. Just let me do menial tasks so I can pay my bills and get on with life!
I got noticed as well, was made General Manager at 25. I never finished "University", was pretty much unemployable by 45. Bounced around employment for a while, Over-qualified or Under-qualified depending on the job. I worked 10+ years for a cattle ranch until I took on too much and had a meltdown. Now at 61 I'm trying to learn how to live as a high masking high functioning autistic adult(who never had a clue), and work through some of the damage that was done over the years of either hiding myself from or running from most everyone I have known.
@@kellymichelleyso, this just happened to me. The role switch was brought upon me as 'we *need* someone' so even though my position is lesser it felt they needed this position filled. So.
@@kellymichelleyI worked at my last job for two years, they wanted me to move up constantly, but I refused because I was tired of being overworked and disrespected on a regular basis. I refused many times, but they continued to ask, until the bullying from upper management started to increase, and they fired me unjustly. I still believe it had to do with my race, and my stubbornness to not give more of myself to corporate demons. It doesn't matter if you refuse or accept. They will find a way to get rid of you regardless and still treat you like crap before it happens. I struggle with anxiety, ADHD, depression, possibly on the spectrum as well...they know I know. That's a threat to them, because I refuse to be someone's slave 😊. We don't really have a choice as neurodivergent people, the choices we make for our mental health, our improvement, are always seen as an attack against the status quo.
After 15+ years of successfully navigating corporate America I finally self-destructed this year. Quit my job, lost my dream apartment. I'm unemployed for the first time in my adult life, but I get to write, and make art, and remember who I am again. Took me five straight years of burnout to finally accept that this had to happen. Wishing you the absolute best. You deserve to be happy and do fulfilling work!
This! I was devastated when I lost my job recently but it was been an absolute blessing. I can finally breathe again and I'm slowly getting back in touch with things I've been "too busy" to do all these years.
I confess I clicked on this in the naive hope you’d be offering a panacea of some kind. Instead I’m blown away by the courage it must have taken to be this open and honest in a world that seems hellbent on pretending it’s happy when mostly I don’t think it is!
Yeah I had a similar experience. Recently I discovered working for myself solves most of my problems. It's not the work, it's dealing with neurotypical people and their politics that wears you out.
Exactly! I started working as a clubhouse attendant for my apartment complex and got along with everyone, so then I was promoted to a leasing consultant. Within 3 weeks, the office politics/gossip/backstabbing started. I quit after my 90-day review because I just couldn't take the drama anymore. It got so bad I felt physically sick every morning going to work and on my days off I would just lay on the couch like a zombie. Surprising me they allowed me to go back to my old position as a clubhouse attendant which is basically me greeting people who come into use the pool and I get to write in my journal or watch movies on my computer. Obviously the pay is lower and it's not full time but right now, it's what I can handle. I've realized that I'd rather be a small cog in a big machine then work in a small business or office where there's three or four people and there's always someone who is being targeted for bullying. And I don't know if it's just working with women specifically but yeah I don't know how to behave in those types of environments. Because it's almost like if you don't join in the gossip, it makes you the target. Definitely exhausting!!
This is really hitting me at 3:45 when you talk about how your coworkers start thinking you hate the job from your resting depressed face. I had an unempathetic coworker tell me that I was a “dark cloud” and my “moodiness” makes everyones day harder despite me still clocking in and working my ass off to get things done and I had no idea until now that this was a common thing for autistic burnout. I’m 23 and watching this video/reading comments started to feel like watching my future. I never got my degree, but I got close. I want to find the strength to live a life again instead of dying over and over at my job, but I can’t get a better job without a degree and I cant get a degree without supporting myself financially.
To be fair, your mood and "vibe" does affect other people. That's how feelings and empathy works. It doesn't matter if you think you're doing your job correctly or not. Your attitude and mood will crush your hard work in other people's eyes every time. Your coworker isn't unempathetic. They're actually empathizing with you b/c they can feel your dark moods. I completely understand how you feel, but I think you'd be surprised at how much better your environment can get just by you acting happy. You acting happy makes others happy. They go on to make others happy. Act how you want at home alone. When you're out in the world, your attitude and mood genuinely affects other people. Would you want to come in to work and constantly deal with a negative person? Probably not, but you're being that person.
Fishing for sympathy or pushing blame to the external world will only dig yourself down. Decide that you'll be hungry to achieve your dreams, and you'll start to look for ways to improve your situation. Any difficulty that came your way, you'll turn into an opportunity. Unempathetic coworker? Screw 'em! You heard me right! You're going to outcompete and be more productive than them. You're going to be a sun shine that people gravitate towards, and away from bullies. Use the negative emotions you felt, to drive you to show them what a great person you are. Turn every adversity that comes towards you into a momentum that drive you forward. What doesn't kill you, should make you stronger.
Burnout, stress, constant fatigue, and anxiety. Whenever I listen to stories like this it makes me feel like we all live the same life. Part-time work for max 6 hours a day for 4 days a week is what I personally think is best for having a job and also the cognitive and physical energy to sustain my life outside of work. Sadly, it's not enough to make a living. Every day is an uphill battle. I wish you well-being, stability, security, and balance.
I found this to be true too. I can sustain 6hrs for two days, need a rest day, then another two days for six hours. It’s still a stretch but what I’m trying to manage.
What are you guys doing? Building pyramids? Why is it so hard to work? Most people work a minimum of 40 hours a week just to survive. We work more at home too.
The world wasn't built for us unfortunately. We aren't meant to live this way! Getting up early, being away from home/friends/family nearly all day and then food/wash/sleep to do it all again the next day. That's not living 😭
@@EnglishroG It 100% works. It's much better. It's not perfect, but it helps. The best scenario is only working for yourself, but that's not the case for many.
I got my first job after uni and i lasted a month before i quit because of what you described - basically giving your whole life away during the work week for a job - was making me violently suicidal. Now i feel lost and terrified... I won't survive if i have to live like this. Thats really not living.
@@TheLTN Nobody does, nobody is happy, they're too brainwashed to even know what the f they're feeling. They're not alive. They're zombies supporting this cancerous system.
This is completely relatable - I will work myself into the ground, and give everything I possibly have to a job until I have nothing left to give - but the older I get, the more impossible it is for me to be in those environments. Have been working for myself, which is incredibly stressful, doesn't supply me with any kind of retirement, and I am fearful of what the future looks like. You're not alone
it’s daunting to realize how many people in America are homeless because they are autistic with zero support system. i can’t help but feel blessed that i have a warm home and warm food, when it’s been so hard to find an actual place of employment. especially now that i have officially un-masked and refuse to go back, what space can i exist in, without being severely under employed? thank you for sharing, it’s comforting to hear i’m not alone 😭
i'm one of those homeless autistic people. realizing it myself was a huge weight off my shoulder bc i could stop feeling like such a failure. now i'm focused on this content creation thing and i just hope it works out bc otherwise i will straight up die out here. it's so frustrating. nobody wants their life to ne a tragedy.
The vocational rehabilitation program is a tremendously valuable resource that I feel like is almost a well kept secret. It provides assistance with obtaining and keeping a job, job coaches, funding for work clothes/supplies, and a long term support system.
@@gandawful all of my skill set lies in the creative/entertainment field, so that doesn’t seem to be too particularly helpful for me. i don’t need help paying for work clothes, i want a screenwriter position i can apply to 🥲 heck ill even consider a consistent gogo-dancing gig
@gandawful as someone in the vocational rehab program; that is how I got my official diagnosis... but I've been in the program for like 6+ months and haven't even managed my evaluation yet. The 1st lady for the career testing told me I should just apply for and live off of disability within 15 mins of talking to me. I just now months later got a reschedule w a new person. The program is slow and feels so time wasted. My counselor thinks I'd make a great overnight janitor.... AS SOMEONE WHO TOLD HER I THINK I HAVE HEDS AND POTS. Was told I'd be sent to doctors, only got the psych evaluation and IQ testing.
Me too. This is why I've now been self-employed for about 30 years. It's still a challenge to work enough to make a living, but the social and sensory issues are so much better when I have control.
same here. just started gardening in 2005 and learned as i went. no idea how id have coped working for a boss or working with a room full of people who never really left school.
@@derp-x3j I've been self-employed as a house call dog groomer in the past. It was a lot nicer than grooming in a loud salon, but I still had trouble dealing with the pet owners. The problem I have with self-employment is that it only worked if I was doing something related to a special interest. I also have ADHD, so my special interests change quite often.
May I ask what you all are doing? I have this strong feeling inside me there is no other way to go than choosing self employment. Everything else I did, "functioning" consistantly -especially if social interaction is involved- is just truly overwhelming. I did it the same was: Saving as much as I could to be able to make a living during my burn out periods. But I know this is not forever.. :(
This is so affirming as someone with ADHD (late diagnosed) who also had workaholic tendencies in my teens and then really fell off along my 20s. It sucks to be less capable or stress-resistant than you've previously been. It's really sad because I actually like working, and have always wanted to structure my life around a career. I'm still kind of trying to do that, but I'm hoping I'll figure out how to make it work for me. It's really hard, and I feel a lot of shame, but I also want to keep trying. Thank you for putting yourself out there like this. I think you're pretty cool for being able to plan and execute all that travel!
Thank you for sharing this, I relate to so much of it. I work in an academic job as part of a research team and I feel like 70% of my energy just goes in to dealing with social interaction. When I come home I need to just sit in silence for a few hours before I sleep because I have that same hyped up feeling. Some days it’s hard to mask and people see this as me being unsociable or surly but I’m trying my best. I’ve worked there for years but I’m still on the outside, it sucks. I think the sad reality is that most employers pay lip service to autism but they don’t actually accept it. The unfair thing is I think we as autistic people put so much more thought and effort in to considering how we interact with others, we are super aware of how we present, it would be nice if non-neurodivergent people could be just 50% as considerate to us in work settings.
wow, 21:17 really struck me. made me remember all the times I would be driving to a horrible job I hated and think "I could crash this car into a tree, going slow enough to survive it but hurt myself enough to get out of work." this might be the first time I've genuinely realized how said that is. 1) that I was THAT miserable at a job and wanted to avoid it at all costs and 2) that hurting myself seemed easier than quitting and finding a new job, because that's also horrible and stressful, just in a different way. brilliant video, thank you for speaking on this topic.
Wow. I thought I was the only one that had dark thoughts like that… I realize now it’s the masking that is so exhausting and defeating to the point of thinking self harm is a solution. 😢
I’m 42. I so relate to feeling like I am becoming less and less capable with coping as I get older. It’s been a real blow to my self esteem to go from being a really overachieving hardworking perfectionist person to feeling like I missed the boat totally to middle-age maturity and ability. I’m just exhausted and overwhelmed and failing.
I could have written this myself. I'm so sorry for how you're feeling, but maybe it helps to know you're not alone. I wish we lived in a world where personal worth wasn't attached to economic productivity, because you have value just as you are. But I know it doesn't feel that way most of the time. Hang in there.
No you're just doing what you think you should do instead of what you want to do. I don't know you but i am 100 percent sure that you are very good at something that someone else needs. You need to ask first what you need. Do you need things to be at a time of your choosing or can you do 9 to 5. 1 to 8. Etc. Do you need quiet work space. Do you need a dark work space. DO you need to be alone while you work. Do you need to see new people every day. Do you need to be able to make your own schedule. Ask yourself what you need. First. Then write those down. Then ask what do you have to give. Your skills. And i mean your skills that you enjoy. Not your work resume skills. Do you like the mountains? Do you like walking. Do you like going to the airport. Do you like swimming. Do you like computers. Do you like touching fabrics and textures. Do you like doing the same thing predictably. Do you like not knowing what today will happen? Do you like meeting new people. Do you like helping people. Do you like solving puzzles. Do you like repetitive tasks. What you actually like will be what you are good at. My ideal jobs if i could drive would be tourist tours. Maybe you would like to give history tours cos you like history. And people. And flexible times and different places and control of your own schedule. Maybe you would like working in a fabric warehouse folding jumpers cos you like touching fabric and like being alone and like methodical repetitive tasks. Maybe you would like sitting with people who's relations are dying in hospital. Because you like comforting people and have a lot of empathy. Maybe you like smells so you might like to work in a soap making soaps. Maybe youd only like to work with 4 people in a small bussiness. Maybe youd like to work alone etc. Figure those things out. And discount anything that you dont feel good about. If you hate hospitals discount anything in a hospital. If you hate outdoors discount anything outdoors if you hate people discount anything with people. If you hate food discount anything with food. There are so many jobs ... cleaning bones in a museum. Dying yarn. Cleaning up blood and guts. So many. But if you dont know what you like and what you need then youll end up in a job you dont like without what you need. I love cleaning but i only work for myself at times i want to and only use products i choose and only like doing really dirty houses and doing big cleaning jobs i dont like tidying a few crumbs. I dont like people so i only work in houses because i also find hotels scary...or hospitals etc. I only work when people are out or with one other person not with everyone sitting there. And it suites me perfectly. I never have to get up when i dont want to. I never have to do anything i dont want or go anywhere i dont like and thats what i need. Flexible hours..enjoyable filthy work where i can sé a difference. Problem solving with different chemicals. Phsyical workout. And no costomer service. So just dont judge yourself by some external social value system. Judge your sucess by how much you enjoy it. I used to think being a cleaner sucked. Untill i did a survey for employees and the questions were like do you hate your job do you feel tired ans stressed do you feel pressure over time do you feel you have no work life balance and i was like no nó no. All those things are good for me. And i realised even if society thinks cleaners are lowly it doesnt matter because im happy. And enjoying myself. And energized by my work. And not missing out on anything in my life. Not selling my lifes hours. It is difficult doing taxes as self employed though so add the coost of an accountant onto your pay. And people pay. I dont charge a lot to single moms or old people on state pensions etc but thats more than made up for by the rich people who pay highly and have it to spare. And that also suites me because i dont like ripping people off.
feel you so much. i was diagnosed earlier this year and decided fuck it i need to stop looking at jobs i think i SHOULD be doing and start looking for what i actually want to do which is creative work with my hands. i was incredibly lucky to find a little workshop weaving rugs near my house and they happened to be looking for a follow up to one of the weavers who is retiring. it's a small family business so not only do i love the work and it keeps me stimulated enough but not too much, but just being in this family environment is such a sigh of relief compared to other, more common work environments. i think the fact that these people are family makes me feel like its ok to unmask because theye have known each other for literally all their lives and are just really nice, welcoming, accommodating and considerate so there's this air of "its ok to just be you". i dont feel like anybody's hiding their personality or putting up airs. plus hours are flexible so i'll be able to figure out the right amount for me to work without getting overwhelmed. i do wish you the very best with your writing! and to all of us out there still looking for a fulfilling job: i hope you do find something that's right for you. don't stop looking; there is a place for you out there!
You're describing all of the reasons why I don't have a choice but to be self employed, even though it makes me a lot less money and the economic stress / responsibility is huge. People think I'm just lazy, but even now (without the stress of a full time job) I am barely able to feed, clothe, and wash myself, at least not to the degree that others might find "normal". They just have no idea how exhausting it is to just exist, and that when I say I have to have things a certain way, I really mean it.
I appreciate it so much that you're being honest. The fact that you've mentioned how uni and your masters didn't actually help you on the job market is so refreshing to hear. Also, the whole video is quite relatable.
I do truly hate that we live in such an inflexible society. There are so many people out there like us, whether they have autism or other disabilities, that would love to be working but there's basically no resources or assistance to find jobs that fit our ways of living. What programs/assistance schemes do exist, seem to just try to force people into regular jobs with no care for their limitations or needs. The fact of my situation is that I just cannot do "regular" full-time, I get too mentally exhausted. But that also means I have no idea what direction to go in. Anyway, I truly wish you the best in figuring out what works for you! It's a shitty situation we're in.
Or worse, the ND people may still be viewed as "less than"; someone invited me to apply to be a mentor for ND students, and it wasn't that long before her company let her go.
It is the same in the UK. I have autism and am currently in paid employment (although in my case I have more or less had some relative form of consistent employment). When it comes to autism, employers see you as a liability - I used to do recruitment and I will be honest, as sad as it is most employers are unwilling to provide support for employees with disabilities as their main concern is about cost of resources. An employer wants someone who can just show up and do the work without problem. What is concerning in the UK is that if you are autistic and unemployed, Job Centres will stick you into zero-hour jobs (typically in retail/care/warehousing) due to high turnover. For work coaches, they can get you off the caseloads ASAP by throwing you into one of the above. Also, if you have social anxiety, employers wouldn't care - they'll just fire you for having a meltdown (that and more than 50% of jobs involve some aspect of customer service).
I always feel rather ashamed to admit this, especially because I'm a guy I suppose. But I remember after my first day of working ever--which was working the stock room in a retail box store--the moment I got home, I went to my room, sat down, and just bawled my eyes out for the next 15-20 minutes. Maybe it felt longer than it actually was but all I know is I felt this overwhelming sense of; I want to say 'being violated', but that doesn't quite cover the range of emotion. Then a couple years later when I was suffering from some really bad chronic pain issues; I came into work one morning and was expected to train this new guy something like twice my age. I immediately told my supervisor I was just going for a quick coffee and just walked home and never went back. I'm very very fortunate--as sad a reality as it is--for the nerve damage related chronic pain, because it allowed me to get on disability and because I have a very understanding parent my living expenses weren't such I had no ability to continue learning skills and trying to things as I naturally do in a way that meshes with my autism, that I only realized I had in my early 30's.
oh man. this resonates with me. I'm so sorry you had to go through this ... the feeling of violation is exactly how I had been putting it too. my first jobs were at various coffee shops and restaurants, the running on adrenaline became my new norm. it was hell. I'm still recovering from all these years of functionning with toxic fuel, and replacing it with healthier energy. how are you doing now ?
@@MicheleZaylaMusic The best I could describe it is an overwhelming sense that I had something, or was engaging in a process where I was continually having something taken from me. Not something external to me like money or material goods; but something internal. Even though its crude example, something like the range of conceptions and emotions we have around losing one's 'virginity'--I really hate that word for some reason, even just the sound of it haha. I guess I'm ultimately beating around the bush of saying I felt like my species being was being drained from me, but don't expect everyone to know very esoteric Marxian jargon.
I feel so seen. Thank you. I'm sorry to see so many others are also in the same boat, threading this needle between overstimulation and boredom/depression. I'll keep checking the comments to see if anyone figures it out for the rest of us.
I honestly think that we'd be better off on some kind of Universal Basic Income that can pay the bills and keep us fed so that we could help as volunteers or something. Or we could find a bit of work from home kind of job. I am really struggling with this.
I struggled my whole life and worked in countless jobs too. I'm now going back to college/uni with the aim of getting a job I can work from home. I did customer service jobs working from home and what I realised that being able to work from your own space is a godsend, no noisy cars or people tapping keyboards next to you. However, the job itself was dire and I definitely would suggest to anyone, find something you enjoy doing in your own space, it sounds impossible but a lot of jobs are work from home now.
I realized recently that I can no longer work a full-time job. When I do, my whole life begins to revolve around it. When im working, the hour before i leave for work becomes about getting ready for work. The two hours immediately after work are awful because now I have to transition away from work. So an 8 hour shift becomes an 11-12 shift when i account for mental work. I always quit a job when I start dreaming about work because then its infected 90% of my time.
Last 2 jobs I quit because I couldnt sleep at all at one point. I was so miserable that I couldnt sleep, I just waited until the night was over and then went back to work.
Oh my God. It's been a long time since a UA-cam video made me start bawling. I started watching this video because I often like perspectives from folks I don't necessarily identify with. I'm in my 30s and I have not been diagnosed with autism, but I have been diagnosed with OCD and ADHD, so I felt like I could empathize to a degree. You explaining why your jobs haven't worked out, the not having this problem when we were younger, the working to burnout, the energy drain... I've struggled for so long and just thought it was me because I see all these other neurodivergent folks in corporate jobs like me and think they can do it too, so why can't I? I'm a stereotypical high-achieving, late-diagnosed neurodivergent woman and have worked in high-paced roles most of my life. The pandemic really made me take a breath and realize how much I was devoting my life to work and how much I was slowly killing myself. I'm currently on medical leave because I became suicidal in my job (again). This keeps happening--constantly feeling drained, exhausted masking, never socializing with friends, withdrawing, never getting medical checkups or taking care of myself, and never doing anything I actually love. I actually asked for help this time and got medical leave from my work, and the thought keeps coming that I don't know if I'm even capable of working anymore but it didn't make sense. I've worked since I was 15 from a range of jobs that I both loved and loathed. I've always self-destructed, did really impulsive things, went into debt--this cycle repeatedly ruined my life and I had to get out of it, time and time again. I refuse for that to happen again, and I think I need to find another path than Corporate America. Thank you for this video. I can't thank you enough.
Fellow autistic creator here 👋 just discovered your channel, subscribed and recommended it to my community, I found this video very relatable! Not many people talk about the cumulative aspect of being autistic and how things can become more difficult or even impossible overtime. I’m 27 and in burnout and I’ve never felt so disabled… you’re not a bad person for needing mental stimulation in your jobs; it’s very much a part of your neurodivergence! At times during the video I said “are you me?” out loud lol, your experience sounds so similar to mine 😵 Thanks for sharing your experience ❤
I will never be able to have children. Both my exes wanted to but i knew without a good career it would be impossible for me to handle. I've recalibrated my expectations for life. No family, no owning a home, no job that doesn't make me feel sick. Just clinging to life, barely able to hang on. A never ending nightmare.
It's so hard to try and find a job that is stimulating but not overstimulating. I used to work in academia which was incredibly stimulating for my brain, but the work/life balence was horrible so I had to leave the field for my mental health. I then got a job in a wonderful office with amazing friendly people who I loved, but the commute every day was difficult for me as I'm horrible with time management, and the work was much more boring than the people so i was often very distracted. I left that job for another job where I work from home. I now don't have any distractions or commute, but the work itself is very boring and doesnt stimulate me mentally in a way that isnt frustrating. I think this is the best I'll be able to do so I plan to stick it out because it's quite well paid, but it's still difficult. Honestly if you asked me what my dream job would be, its a job that doesnt exist. It'd be working in academia with no commute but somehow still in an office, and I'd get to do research but write no papers and apply for no grants. At a certain point, it's impossible to keep searching for that perfect job because it just doesn't exist. There's always going to have to be a compromise and that sucks. On the other hand I like working and earning money so wouldn't want no work entirely. It's difficult to come to terms with the fact that what I have is most likely the best I can do
I didn't know I would find a person who thinks like me about academia. I am in academia currently but already decided to quit due to the same reasons as you and I have the same dream job idea as you. I truly wish it was something attainable. Good luck on your journey.
Maybe instead of cleaning, look into organizing. I stumbled upon an assistant organizer job and it’s the most I’ve ever enjoyed a job! Each assignment is different, it actually provides a good bit of physical exercise, and the visual result can be so rewarding. Just a thought. ❤
Thank you so much for describing word for word my experience of employment. I’m 54 and have had probably around fifty jobs. I identified I had an issue after leaving my first job aged 21, pleaded with my gp for psychological support which went unheard and led to a never ending series of jobs coming to abrupt endings. I struggled for ten more years until I had a heart attack at the age of 33. I now have complex health issues including cancer and heart failure. I was finally diagnosed with ASD1 this year at the age of 54 - much of my life wasted. I am so angry no-one cared enough to notice my struggles - particularly medical professionals. Your accounts of feeling trapped/fight or flight kicking in in jobs profoundly reasonate with me.
I'm 50 and was diagnosed with autism last year. I have had a similar experience. So many jobs, so many pleas for help. I was so proactive about trying to find a way to make my life work. I live in the US, and in my state I can't find treatment. I became physically disabled in 2020 (severe ME/CFS) and receive federal disability. I'm so grateful that I don't have to work, even though being bedridden is not fun.
I’m returning to university in my late 30’s after decades of failing at life as an autistic human. I’m hoping to recapture my own autonomy and learn a profession that will allow me to work for myself and only for myself for the rest of my life. I see you. I hear you. You’re not alone.
Self employment. I think it’s the only way forward. Your testimony mirrors my experiences almost exactly. We’ve all got a unique skill… just got to find it, unearth it, and then tweak it so it’s extra unique and marketable. Life’s too short to waste on relentless boredom and empty pursuits. (And cherry tomatoes are awesome, and a pot of humus with a spoonful removed is funny and charming - if blinkered people could only see that a little eccentricity is not threatening, and stop mindlessly following ‘the rules’.)
When I hear this story, I have this conclusion: there are people so competent, intelligent and sensible, that some more cowardly masses rather put aside the beauty of specificity and positive aspects instead of reevaluating themselves. I'm soon to undergo a neuropsychological evaluation, and I'm pretty sure I will get an autism diagnostic. When I see this girl, Anna, I'd be proud to be associated to her by an autism label. It's a brief video, but I see someone with the capacity to understand human life more than people praising their own supposed humanity. Wisdom always ends up showing how simplicity is a key of a worth life, as complexity is but a way to an end. Some people are born with out of the norms capacities, and their sensibilities are crushed by social pressure and auto-destructive statu quos. Anna, everything is different by the aspects we are capable to see and evaluate. The part of the world that came up with the term autism needed it to face their own challenges and own desires. I suggest you never bring yourself down too much for a perspective and creation that is not yours, when you seem to have this very great capacity to self reflect. It's important, to live good, to at least not be badly surrounded, but I'm sure you like many others have a lot less to be ashamed of for what you are. No shame in seeing things for what they are, and finding solutions to problems that were not yours to being with. You may be autistic, but by your words I would bet you are of the less hypocrites among the so called human race, and for this I would root for you. Same for the people who can relate. Good luck out there.
Wow, I've never heard anyone talk about this before and I've felt so alone in a similar situation. I have a degree and I lasted 5 years in a career before my first burnout at 30. I havent worked full time in over 20 years now. Ive felt trapped in jobs and like I dont fit in. I eventually burn out by pushing myself to keep going and eventually end up sick with exhaustion. I've never been diagnosed with anything other than anxiety and depression but have wondered about neurodivergence over the past few years. I too feel i want to use my skills and education, and better myself, but end up in low skilled jobs when i can actually work, because they are less stressful. Thank you so much for sharing your story 🙏
As someone recently diagnosed with ADHD and suspecting I’m also on the ASD spectrum, I relate to this so much. I worked largely in hotels, lodges, shops, spas, finance and struggled with masking, burnout, meltdowns, boredom. I went back to school for nursing, trying to satisfy my need for mental stimulation and meaning. But I find the work so unbelievably overwhelming and have to mask more than any other job. I am unemployed and will lose my nursing licence if I don’t start working again soon. I extended my leave from work after my last child. Not sure where I’m going from here. Full-time parenting is too overwhelming too, so my kids are in daycare. I just feel stuck.
I am going back to school to become a medical office assistant. I feel like some jobs in hospital are better than others for stress management. Nursing is notoriously difficult. Perhaps there is a position that would help with your burnout while still being able to keep your nursing license. Anyways, I understand your need for self care. It’s important to take care of yourself where you can.
Hi, I might have a tip for you. Try to find a healthcare job where you personally take care of people in their home. You have less sensory overload and you usually have to only take care of very few people at once. I'm very lucky that I found something like that and its the only job I ever had, where I feel almost relaxed most of the time. I still have to mask a bit, but its on an ok level
Oh, man. This is like the fifth video I've seen in recent weeks where an autistic person describes my life with scary precision while describing their own. Never even crossed my mind till recently, and I'm in my 40s. Thank you for posting this. It may be life-changing!
Thank you for making this video! I relate to so much of what you talked about. I’ve carried so much shame and embarrassment about never holding a job more than a year, being incapable of working full time, etc. I wanted to share that my daughter asked me about where I used to work just the other day. I told her how I’ve had lots of jobs, including working at a party store, a pizza parlor, washed dogs and worked in a veterinary hospital. She is only 6 years old, so she loved hearing that her mom had done all these jobs! If she asked her dad he would say he worked in the same medical device manufacturing facility since high school. How boring for a child to hear! Normally he gets to say that with pride, while I shrink away from the whole what do you do for a living question. But for the first time I felt very proud to talk about my eccentric work history 😊
Around my region we just say Neurodivergent... but I loved hearing your brilliance... and you are, brilliant. I caught so many parallel experiences choice patterns. Oh... God Bless your husband. You, and your family are in my prayers. Now at 71... I have had 10 psychologists and more than 26 employers, 19 years of college education and degreed from a very good University. I never had the success to pay my student loans. All that said, I am likely one of the happiest folks like ourselves you will likely meet. I will always work... I do wear a mask, but just 6 or 7 hours a day, 32 a week. Beautiful daughter and grown. Wonderful wife who is a retired pastor. We are separated. All amicable. I just want to say... things got better after 50. Don't give up... banish fear... love your family with fierce desperation. Well done, your strength and perseverance is a success I hope you feel powerfully. You are amazing! There!!!! Old Sam says so!
I recognize so much of myself in your story. Maybe a weird way of putting it, but I'm happy there are people with the same experience. I've tried 7 jobs and 10 different educations to able to financially support myself, but I never could do it for more than 2 months. After that I was burnt out and depressed and had to 'heal' for a period of time to be able to go at it again. I did this for 14 years. It was so tiring to be in the same circle evey year. At a certain point I became so ashamed of myself and not being able to hold on to something that I didn't even dare to tell people if I was going to try a new job/ education programm. Luckily 3 years ago I got help and I don't have to participate in the working world anymore. I was finally able to relax and not be in constant survival mode. I'm doing much better now that I'm not forced to work.
Oh my goodness, that is so relatable. It is almost like you are describing my life. We are just not cut out for this world but really I think it is the world that is totally overwhelming, noisy and crazy. Autistic people are the canary in the mine , so to speak,to warn that things have got really out of hand. The world should take some note and adjust instead of drugging us into fitting in with what is bad for all of us and the earth that we live in. Thank you for sharing your experiences in such an honest way.
Preach 🙏. I completely agree. The fact that we can't "cope" doesn't mean there's something wrong with us. It means there is something wrong with how the world works. Plus, neurotypical people also hate their jobs, feel depressed and anxious, etc.! It's just that for them it all seems somewhat more bearable. But why should you have to bear it? Why is life itself a thing to "put up with"???
@@brynnplant totally! And you know what is at the core of the problem, is that autistic people don’t lend them self to further capitalism. Whether consciously or not we actually see through the bullshit and the deception of the thing, we know it is off and dissonant and that is something that causes us mental even physical pain.
People have “drugged” themselves in a desperate effort to survive being exploited as labor for a privileged few for thousands of years. Hence alcohol, opium, cocaine, caffeine, nicotine, cannabis, qat, sugar, and on, and on; drugs that make being used as an object less painful, less boring, easier to do faster and so suffer a bit less. SSRI’s are the modern equivalent. Our survival instincts are weaponized against us to try to turn us into predictable machines. I think the issue is that subsistence farming is no longer a practical means of survival, so people aren’t reproducing as much anymore; the large families were always out in the country on farms; trying to raise large families in cities has never been a winning strategy. And now only a few people have to live out in the country, while the rest pack into cities and have one, MAYBE two kids at the outside. Our species has finally tipped over the edge into destroying itself. I don’t see another path. Allistics aren’t going to change their nature; they haven’t in ten thousand years… 😔
I think about this all the time too, and felt excited to read someone else say it. Like if autism was this label of characteristics made for/about people who are actually sensitive and sane and healthy, and couldn't be fully programmed (hammering themselves into an ill-fitting box), and can't lie to themselves or their body, and it's labeled something that is a somehow a deficit, but is actually just clear. If it was biologically looking at ANY other animal in nature, it would be seen as quite a deficit to NOT be quite sensitive and discerning in its environment.
I'm exactly the same, I'm autistic and I left my last job for the same reasons as you. I have always saved in my jobs too because I knew that they would end. I'm 42 now and have had many jobs that have not lasted more than 1 year. I have been unemployed for 14 months now and I am deciding what to do next. I have used my time unemployed wisely though. I have improved my living environment as all I was doing was saving to buy a house and leave where I am now. But I have focused on the here and now. I have also changed my diet by going vegetarian again and cooking in bulk all my meals from scratch. It saves a lot of money being veregarian and saves time cooking in bulk too. I excercise a lot more, by doing 13,000 steps a day on average, I have lost weight too from the combination of going vegetarian and excercising. I have also let go of all my friends, so I have no friends at the moment, but it feels great as I knew most of them since I was a teenager when I had no understanding of myself, so it was not helpful to stil be freinds with them!
This video just came up on my recommended for whatever reason, I wasn't planning on watching it but autoplay started and from the beginning I was hooked. Your voice is very pleasant to listen to and your honesty is refreshing. I hope you find something that works for you.
Just when Imposter Syndrome strikes, this comes up. Cheers, algorithm! I am onto my 27th job. I'm 53 and, yet again, I'm thinking about quitting this one. And the amount that I have studied... I might have to count those courses up, too. I can't even begin to express how good it feels to be so SEEN. Yet again, my autism is very, very confirmed. Thank you.
Oh my gosh, it's like I hear about myself, the whole saving to have a cushion for when the darkness comes... ❤ The working hard, the burnouts, all of it
As I get older, I find it easier to handle my ASD. At age 30 I found a job that really suited me and I will retire next March at age 66. Life remains a daily challenge but it is worth the battle. I wish you well 😊
@dointhebiz I was a busdriver, public transit. Fixed routes and scheduals, high level of predictability which worked well for me. So I never made professional use of my college education 😁
@@gertstolk That's great! Happy to hear you found something that suited you. I'm terrified of cars and buses so I don't think a driving career is on the cards for me.😆
Thanks for sharing. I don't think I can work full time (for someone else) anymore now. I was masking so hard but working full time became harder and harder as I got into middle age. The peopleing, the commute ... took everything out of me. Relationships all suffered, my house was a mess, etc. If you want mental stimulation, start your own business. Suddenly taking on lots of jobs (it's actually very overwhelming) but it's fun.
Thanks for sharing. This is very relatable. I'm in my mid 30s struggling at a corporate job and always scared that I won't be able to keep going. It's a super high stress job, in person, open office plan, lots of noise, lots of "pings" from coworkers. Absolute chaos. Probably one of the worst environments for me. However it does use my degree and it pays very well, so I feel very stuck. But it's obviously horrible for my health, I feel exactly like you were describing where it's slowly destroying me. It feels like in the end the money and relevance to my field won't even matter because I'll just be the empty husk of a human. I wish that I had passions like you describe with your art and writing and baking. That is wonderful! I'm not sure if it's the depression from the burnout or what, but I don't feel like I have any of those passions or special interests that bring me joy. Doing my best to change my situation and job -- just keep swimming I suppose!
SO much of this is so relatable - these things also massively affect my sense of meaning and self-worth as well (even though I've done a lot of therapy and don't *logically* believe that I'm worthless, but thoughts and feelings often don't match) so it helps to see other people validate your experiences, thanks for sharing :)
Really relate to this. I often have thought, 'well I don't think I actually believe what is being implied about the way I live life, or that I am less than at all, but THEY believe it", and that can have a big effect too, and be hard and draining to navigate. SO true that thoughts and feelings don't always match. There is a logical version and then there is the tender part that isn't logical.
this video is so real, thank you so much for making it. i'm in my mid 30s and have also had dozens of jobs in just as many industries. I used my degree for about 6 months. now i work for myself as a house cleaner and it's the most fulfilling and best paid job i've ever had. finally found sustainable paid work that's not overstimulating and exhausting.
BLESS YOU. Thank you for giving a true representation of what so many of us go through. As someone with ASD and ADHD, the best thing that ever happened to me, was being granted a disability support pension. Even though the pension was granted on the grounds of past trauma and the resulting PTSD and CPTSD. I tried for 30 years to fit into a "normal" workforce. So many different fields, so many different jobs. Xxx
is it something you can get recognized? I wish I could get a diagnosis but I think the process varies from country to country, and from therapist to therapist...
Needed this. I’m only in my early 20s, but have struggled so much in my life so far with holding down employment, and I never really knew why… I got diagnosed with autism very recently, and now it all makes so much more sense. Trying to learn to give myself grace, especially with this new diagnosis, but it doesn’t make actually holding down a job so that I can survive and make money any easier 😢
just a voice in the crowd but I really saw myself in what you were talking about, with high school (terrible, awful experience), i was an awful student, bored to tears, constantly distracted and overwhelmed by everything, constant meltdowns, and it took me many years to move to another country, get diagnosed with inattentive adhd, finally be proud of myself at uni and find love and a peceful environment. career is still followed by a question mark. it pains me to see people like you who are "obviously" very skilled in a lot of things and still being and feeling undervalued because of stupid job descriptions (fast-paced is a huge red flag for me), or lack of support and guidance. it´s a mess. from what you said towards the end, you already have so many good ideas on what to do and your videos are very easy to follow, so I hope you, and everyone of us, keep going and thrive!
Ah yes, the ever-present “fast-paced work environment”, translation; we only hired half enough people to do the work and expect each person to do the work of two. We recommend spending half your paycheck on sugary espresso and nicotine pouches; oh, and go somewhere else to have your heart attack and diabetes, please and thank you. ❤”. 🫠
massive thank you for sharing, myself and people very dear to me struggle with unaccomodating jobs all the time, and the way you understand it so clearly is very refreshing
Thank you for sharing this, I feel like your explanation is a very vivid reflection of myself and the struggles I have been dealing with, from high school to university and to my never ending job hopping. I have obtained 2 degrees, thinking it would solve my problems, yet I face the same outcome as you have described. I've been an absolute weapon in my jobs for the first 3-5 months and like clockwork it all falls apart due to feeling trapped, social expectations and rigid personality expectations. Like you, I have worked in a multitude of industries and had to leave after running my ship aground. Recently in my 30's I was diagnosed with ADHD and ASD. The ASD was eye opening yet very understandable and gave me alot of clarity. I just want to thank you again for sharing this, it has made me feel like I don't have to blame myself so vigorously, while I still fully accept my accountability, it's helpful to hear the words and experiences of others who share the same struggles. Wishing you all the best and hope you find success in applying your interests out into the world, and most importantly of all, never give up, you've got this! 🙂
I am not autistic but also had LOADS of jobs. I did window fitting, fast food restaurant, FANG office corporate work, bouncer/security and lots more. I had fairly similar experiences although I am not autistic. I can relate a lot to your experience. Eventually I understood that I simply get bored from repeating routine, and once that happens I am physically driven away from each job. Office work or anything done on computers allows me to focus extensively, in office environment I just listen to music and close everything off around me. Also, boring jobs done with people who are fun to work with are also enjoyable but will be boring eventually. Now, I am looking for fully remote work to move out of the city ideally.
Thank you so much for this video Anna! You've worded my experience so well that I will be using your video to help explain my experience with my jobcoach. Thank you❤
Thank you for making this video. Been unemployed (and loving it tbh) and living off my savings for the past year. It's scary to think I'm not just lazy but that most environments just don't work for me. I've only been employed since I was 24 and I'm 30 now, kudos to you for truly trying everything and making so much effort. Give yourself credit for that. And you're a full time mom too, props to you. Sometimes I feel I'd love a little one but others I feel it's better I don't have children cause it'd be too much for both me and them
Hello, I have also been on a 'sabbatical' for one year and loving it! This was following burnout and the familiar tale of being managed out by my employer. The expectation of friends and family is that I should be in a huge panic considering the impending financial doom and I should have started looking for a new job ages ago (they have a point). But the financial peril pales in comparison to the torture of roles/companies I wasn't suited to for so many years. I feel this time off is a beautiful gift to ourselves to learn who we are, what we enjoy, what we don't, so that we choose the right course for the future. Don't know about you, but it's also served as confirmation that the thing people say about getting bored eventually if they didn't have a job, certainly does not apply to me! What is boredom anyway...can't relate to that feeling. Anyway, I digress...
@chansonpapillon it's exactly the same for me! I don't get bored, but yeah I feel dread when I realize I'm gonna need a job soon; I can confidently say I haven't been this calm in ages but it's really scary to think I might just not be suited for employment (that doesn't pay peanuts)
@@mcgc93 OMG yes! For me, I think knowing that the lower paid job will immediately result in having to sell my flat and so on, is what's keeping me in this state of statis. Like a very calm sense of fright or flight. You pointing out that has made me start reflecting on it properly, thank you! That's it isn't it, oh god, I need to start making choices. I'll just wait till tomorrow to do that haha! The tomorrow that never comes....🙈
I relate to this so so much. The hopping from job to job almost endlessly. The meltdowns. The sensory overload depending on the job. The sitting in my car not even wanting to go in because I knew I'd have to mask and endure the painful overwhelm. I didn't know that I was both on the spectrum and I have PMDD. Now I work as a pet sitter. I barely make ends meet, and it's nerve-wracking having to meet the pet owners because I feel the need to mask. But I love being with the pets and being able to rest frequently. And dogs and cats just seem understand and accept me
Hi Anna, same here with the jobs! I think that you have lots of skills and talents that you need to go along with rather than against. I found being extremely frugal gave me some freedom from painful employments! I’m loving your videos 😊
Oh thank you! Yes being frugal has been a necessity for a long time haha, there's no way we'd be able to live off one income while I'm between jobs otherwise. I'm sorry you've experienced the same frustration with jobs though! Thanks again =-)
@@annagabriellenz Jacob Fisker's Early Retirement Extreme helped me take substantial breaks while managing the stressors you've described. He has a great forum with amazing members where they all share their struggles with traditional employment. Thank you for sharing your vulnerability.
I came back to finish your video and honestly I felt like you were staring into my soul and seeing me for who I am behind the mask. Thank you so much for sharing your journey. Best of luck. I'm also continuously trying to figure out mine. Lots of love, stranger from across the globe. Claire
This sounds like my own life story with different details. I am 57 and only Adhd diagnosis a few years ago. Now i am sure it is Adhd Masking Autism. I was very lucky to find a niche to work in self-employed quite well. The education systems need to be updated urgently to scan for and give meaningful service to Autistic, Adhd, etc. How many people are suffering unnecessarily? How many years of people's lives are wasted? How many people end up in substance misuse? How much talent is wasted ? Thank you so much for taking the time and effort to make and upload this.
I can relate to so much of this. I think my best job was in undergrad, doing tech support and supervising computer labs, which probably went so well because pretty much everyone in that job was at least as neurodivergent as I was. As a grown-up now, money is scary, because I can't imagine how I can possibly earn enough to survive on. My degrees are nice to have for my self-confidence, but might as well not exist for my ability to find work with them. I'm always surprised when I reach another birthday and am somehow not homeless or starving yet.
Thanks for sharing your experiences. I'm not officially diagnosed but strongly suspect I'm autistic, and I've struggled with jobs in very similar ways. It's really helpful to hear that it's not just me. I actually do part-time cleaning work as my primary income stream, and have off and on for almost ten years. I started out working for a company but quickly shifted to working independently, which makes it a much more financially stable and autonomous job (no stinky products!). If you find you can tolerate cleaning work, that might be something to consider. It does initially take a bit of networking to begin building a client list, but I found that once I was cleaning a few homes, my clients started recommending me to friends, and I've never had to market at all since then. Wishing you luck in your work search!
Thanks for sharing this! I have thought maybe cleaning or organizing could be a clean and clear job I could do but always turned away from it bc the cleaning products make me feel horrible. Good to hear of the possibility of not using those and working in your own way.
Listening to your story, I find so many parallels with mine. I masked until I had a complete meltdown and couldn’t get out of bed for 6 months, now I am working to heal from chronic illness. You are a valuable human, your contributions in any way, matter. With love from Mexico🦋
I feel you. This world was built to kill us. It's mystifying to me that most people see this meat grinder as not only natural but good. I've never had a job I didn't hate with a passion and it's always been so alienating that everyone else there is SUPER HAPPY to be spending their energy on pointless bullshit.
Yes it is built to kill us. I think I was aware of this as a child when I’d argue with my mom about what my future would be like. I think my Autistic brain fixated on patterns right from my earliest recollections and interconnected them with various experiences to gain a bigger picture of the cold hard reality which comprised my life path. Despite my hardest efforts with working, schooling, masking etc. Nothing would/will work in terms of feeling peace in my reality. No one knows anxiety like an Autistic person.
I’m only 22 but I can relate a lot to your story. I’ve been in therapy for three years, my therapist discovered my autism very early on and this year I got officially recognised as autistic. I’ve had several jobs this far and also tried university but ultimately had to quit everything after a year max. I am currently unemployed again and it is driving me insane too. I feel like no matter what I do I end up being depressed and people around me don’t really seem to understand my struggles but I feel like it’ll be like this for the rest of my life. I’m so glad I found your video as it makes me feel less alone. Thank you for sharing your story, you’re very strong 💕
I can relate to your story so much. I found out that I am autistic just over a year ago. I am 56. I have felt like a failure (in regards to employment) all my life. Everyone in my circle was able to hold a job…why couldn’t I? I was great at getting jobs and like you, I was never fired from a job, but I simply couldn’t stay in one. Trying to balance work and family was so incredibly hard and I couldn’t explain to anyone why I was constantly breaking down and why we were always poor and in crisis. I am so thankful to be armed with the knowledge of my diagnosis…I just wish I had understood earlier when I could have actually done something to help our situation.
I just wanted to say, your comment could have come directly from my mom, 65. She was one of the first adults diagnosed with adhd in the 90s, then late late LATE Dxed as autostic. never held a job but never got fired, always behind etc. It was very stressful. As a grown up now, also late dxed, I am able to understand my mom SO much better now. Through all the stress, her love and dedication to me was never in question. She did the very best she could without any support at all, I knew it even as a kid. The only thing I would change about my mother if I ever had the chance, is that she was able to forgive herself for the past and move on. She seems stuck in time, forever guilt ridden over my childhood. I write this overly personal rambling comment to say..... I hope anyone going through something similar to my mom or the comment I'm replying to is able to forgive themselves for whatever happened in the past due to a lack of proper disability support. If your family is anything like mine, they probably feel the same. Peace, love, and understanding to all xx
Understanding earlier really doesn’t help. Our society is happy to impoverish a significant chunk of itself to scare those better able to fit into the machine into compliance. 😕
Wow I reasonated with so much of what you talked about! Thank you for making this video and sharing this! I don't feel so completely alone in this suffering... Thanks!
have been watching this video in chunks over the last couple of days because i keep getting emotional at how resonant your words are; like, god! this is all stuff i am going through right now! im 25 and finally decided to go back to college after years of burning through a huge variety of jobs, and only now am i realising i was masking for all of that time and was actually very burnt out. your anecdote about the insurance company and *masking too well* during the interview hit way too close to home - i'm still recovering from the dressing-down i got during a job i worked as a baker where the café owner said she should never have trusted me with the role and that it felt like id lied to her about who i was 😭. this video is very clarifying for me and i think i will come back to it a few more times. thank you for sharing your experiences and for being so succinct
Thank you so much for sharing your story! I wasn't expecting to be engaged for the full video. I found so many parallels to my own life and career path, too many to list. I am self diagnosed autistic/adhd at the point to try a 2nd, stronger attempt to be official. The only place I worked at for over a year(14 months) was a restaurant in 2023. It only ended because the owner sold starting this year. I dreaded being back in the industry, but a workforce of a few officially diagnosed, with 40% of all employee being left handed and the owner being an exceptional employer were things that delayed my inevitable major burn ive come to experience this year. My social assistance approved this morning and i plan to get in touch with that employer, I heard he started something a few blocks away from home. Ending this year of survival with some breathing room and fresh starts
I appreciate this video. You express a lot of ideas that I've struggled with, and hearing your perspective on various situations felt like a fortinate experience that brought value to my day. Thank you.
Wow everything you are saying is so relatable. I have been at a corporate job for the last 6 years and every week I cry about it. I miss a lot of work because I’m so depressed, but when you were talking about the boredom aspect- I felt that. My job pays incredibly well for what it is but I’m so BORED and stuck in my head all day. And I feel ungrateful for the job so many would kill for but it doesn’t nothing for me and I think about quitting every week with no back up plan
I'm sorry you're having this issue. I was diagnosed with autism last year at age 47. I do have a job-and even though its been frustrating-its been the one thing that has made me feel worthwhile.
truly it feels like i would be okay if i didn't have to worry about work and money. it's been slowly killing me for 10+ years and countless jobs. thank you for post i explaining this in words i couldn't find myself.
I have always found office environments, especially those that are obsessed with socials and team building, incredibly draining. Fake it til you make it gets very tiring after a while. I gave it up and became self employed but money is a struggle. At least I don't have to deal with offices anymore.
worked 11 years at a career job right out of high school, finally burnt out a few years ago. i was such a high achiever before this happened, but it wasn't at all sustainable. now coping with severe autistic burnout and ptsd and am really struggling to sit with it all. my body won't do what i want it to do anymore and i am disabled from my experiences and their severe impacts on my health. no idea where life will lead me at this point, but i hope enough time resting will yield some answers... it's really all i have to go on. wishing you the best in your journey. thank you for sharing this video
It does not make you a bad person to want/need to use your brain in order to be able to withstand work! The way you describe boredom in minimum wage work is incredibly valid. I have felt like I was crawling out of my skin with boredom. I've gotten very lucky with work, but I could have very easily found myself in exactly your position. I used to not be able to make it past 2 years in a job. I'm becoming more and more convinced that we should be freelancers. I wish we could find a community or organization that would help us with that!
Thank you so much! That's really nice to hear. I think because I was very passionate about Buddhism for a while, I had learned about the concept of treating menial work as a form of meditation and rising above the boredom and repetition. So I felt like a huge failure when I couldn't do that. But yes, I agree, anything that allows you to be in control of your time and when/where you work is key I think.
@@annagabriellenzi once had a flash of realization _while_ actually meditating, recognizing just how innate thinking is to us, and how it shouldn't be considered a nuisance, but an essential part of our nature. it became clear to me then that our minds are similar to the ever-growing rodents' teeth. we need to be using it for what it's for, solving worthy & complex problems. an underused mind, like rodents' overgrown teeth, works to our detriment and just starts hurting itself with rumination people often say to me and i assume to many of us - "you're thinking too much" - well, since i remember this past realization, I'm much more accepting of my thinking mind. "you're thinking too much" is more a half-truth, as i cannot and shouldn't think less. "you're thinking about the wrong thing" proves more helpful to me for sure
Yup, boredom is absolutely killer! I worked a job in web development that had frequent slow periods where I'd just be paid to come in and sit at the PC. I could not appreciate that at all at the time. Now that I've not been able to find my way back to employment for a long time, I do envy what I had back then. But I now know why it was so taxing for me. Just goes to show you can have a job in a 'stimulating' field and STILL struggle with this. Anyway, towards the end of my web dev career I was freelance and found clients through a freelancing agency called Creative Circle. They do the networking and sourcing of clients for you. They take a cut, of course, but they also were willing to charge more per hour for my service than I ever had the confidence to charge clients on my own so it worked out great. Now if only someone could start a neurodivergent specific agency like this...
@@annagabriellenz Oof I did this same thing! I also did it with hard relationships. I framed the struggle aspects coming in as triggers to look at and be with it as a meditation. The idea was that then if I supposedly worked through those/could be with them, I wouldn't have these triggers come up, and would be clearer. As a kind of evolution. But it just equaled pure burn out and overstimulation.
I've had every job under the sun, but couldn't pick up the will to stay in any of them. I was diagnosed with autism at 29, after being told I was just hysterical my whole life. It answered so many things and I'm a lot easier on myself. I'm currently unemployed, which is embarrassing when ask what I do, but my mental health has never been so good. Thanks for sharing, it's good to know I'm not the only one always struggling!
This is my experience exactly and am currently going through all this again. Just got my diagnosis this year. I'm working on coming to terms with it all and the trauma that comes with being autistic in a neurotypical world. I'm so glad I found this video. Thanks for sharing.
Hi Anna, thank you for sharing your journey! Sounds so relatable - this rocky road of travelling through life... It's great that you finished your master's and that you still remember why it matters to you. (Another "academic environmentalist" here.) You seem like such a cool person - would be fun to have interesting conversations with you. - Fingers crossed that some employer can see that it would only take keeping you in a suitable work environment to have such a gem in their company.
I'm a 32 year old man literally sitting here in tears right now. Our stories are more similar than I can put into words but when you started talking about the chatter in your office and not being able to concentrate.... that was the point for me a few years ago that I realized I might be autistic. I started bringing headphones to work and blasting classical music or EDM while doing my work because if other conversations were happening around me I genuinely just couldn't function. My boss brought it up in front of everyone in a group meeting one day and nobody could understand why their laughing and talking was bothering me while I tried to type out quotes and run reports. Anyway I absolutely loved listening to you talk and if you ever read this just know that you made at least one more person feel less alone. It's really comforting to know that there are other people who understand what it's like.
I'm 29. Also autistic, also with a master in environmental science, also painting, also wanting to publish my book... Also unemployed. I managed to work for 4 years and then it was over, I didn't have any energy left. I felt like I was slowly dying, either of anxiety or boredom and I'm still searching for a job that won't destroy me. I hate not working, but I cannot work.
I'm so glad I found this video. It's nice to know I'm not alone. My anxiety has gotten so bad over the years and I've experienced all these feelings anytime I don't have the option to work from home, and now finding work has gotten even harder on top of that. I do not know how other people function and do stuff outside work.
Thank you Anna. You explain everything so well and have helped my husband understand what I try to explain. It's so nourishing to know it isn't just me. I hope you see we have a community too, it's just not as easy to find. I have fought so hard to get and stay in environmental restoration but it isn't a career built with us in mind, surprisingly. It's also spooky how alike we seem to be. I have recently started an art 'business' which has a dragonfly very similar to you. My husband is also a bit spooked by the similarity of you on your videos and myself but he says you are better at tidying the kitchen hehe. Anyway, thank you!! You are amazing and how amazing this world would be if there was a place for all of us. X
I can relate so much. All the stresses, overstimulation really accumulates. It's a miracle I've lasted 3 years at my current job but I've been burnt out for over a year and recently my mental health has really plummeted. It makes me feel like a child and so ashamed that I can't handle what everyone else seems to. It makes it so much worse the fact that I'm good at my job but I'm grossly underpaid because I'm not an extraverted/charismatic person. I need to quit for my health and sanity. p.s you seem lovely!! xx
I think you would be surprised how many other people feel like this but just don’t say anything (because they also feel exactly like you). When I started opening up to people it helped, you are not alone and you have got this 😊 don’t blame yourself, you are probably just in a soul destroying environment
Thanks so much for sharing your experience. It echoes so many of my own experiences with employment. Spending every waking hour outside of work trying, desperately, to calm the nervous system is no way to live and so we do what we can. We are trying, traumatised and trying. I send a message to anyone out there who has experienced similar or who is going through just now, I see you and know you are doing your best.
I can relate to this so much. I currently work 9-5 in a very demanding role in an office environment (I work in HR) and it takes every ounce of energy out of me, even though I work 3 days from home per week. I often worry about the future as I don't know how long I can keep this up. I was never diagnosed, but every test I have ever taken suggests that I have a very high number of autistic traits. My dream is to have a small business selling diy jewelry or home decor, I just have no idea where I will find the time or energy to get started. I'm sending positive vibes to you and everyone else in the comments.
my partner has been dealing with this a lot - they're autistic and disabled, and haven't been able to hold a job in years. it stresses them out so badly. we're lucky that I work in a field that pays well, but they've told me recently that even finding something to do just to fill their time with something worthwhile has been next to impossible. it's a struggle to be sure, and I can't thank you enough for posting this video talking about it
This is extremely relatable, especially as someone who also suffers from severe autism and a number of other issues. I have not been able to hold down a job since i was 14 when i worked with horses for 2 years unpaid and is the longest job ive ever had to this date. I've tried everything from bar work, mcdonalds, barista and my most recent being an accountant. I've had my fair share of issues within these jobs either caused by my mental stability or co workers who have gone beyond comfortable boundaries with me, i dont know why its been so difficult and honestly ive felt alone in the entirety of it as it seems so easy for my friends/family to settle into jobs and i cant seem to stay in one longer than 5/6 months. Im really happy this video was recommended to me as i feel like maybe i should seek professional help, im sick of being in an endless cycle of apply for 100s of jobs, get a few interviews and then finally manage to get a job only for it to end within the next year, not because im lazy or dont want to work but because like you mention, i also work myself into the ground when it comes to employers but i feel like with my recent experiences its more than just getting exhausted from constant stress. Thank you for making this video as it has opened my eyes to what employment has really been like for me :)
I relate so so much. In fact both me and my partner are both wired this way. The goal we’ve come to is ultimately being self employed, for all of the reasons you have stated about being employed. Go for it!!!! We’ve got this and all that matters is that we are well and have joy and peace. Thank you for making this video ❤
I'm 60 years old but I relate to this so much. Have you ever considered reselling? I have been doing this for several years and while it is not a guaranteed set income it ticks all my other boxes. I'm my own boss, I don't have to really deal with other people, it is good for the environment / sustainable. I go to thrift stores, estate sales and rummage sales to find inventory and then sell my items on ebay, Etsy, Facebook and a couple of other platforms. You can work as little or as much as you want.
During my 'Professional Career' I got fired 8 times plus Quit and Left on Bad Terms another 7 times. I only discovered I have Aspergers in the last 3 years. The ONLY Solution for me was Self Employment. To sum up my experience of working with Neurotypicals in 2 Words: 'Scapegoating' and 'Bullying' were CONSTANT over my 25 Year 'Career'. Eventually I got to the age where I could No longer get Interviews... this FORCED me to 'Hit the Reset Button', and become a Self-Employed Tradesman Best thing I Ever Did!
BTW - Open Plan Offices were TORTURE, and EXHAUSTING !! [I had Meltdowns, Shutdowns & Freak-Outs where Security had to be called & I was 'Escorted from the Building'!]
Great video. We autistic men are often and most likely are under or unemployed, too. I have a Ph.D. and is a licensed lawyer in the U.S., but throughout my life hoped to just have a job that paid somewhat higher than minimum wage. Like you, I once waited on tables, but that was one of the jobs I was bad at. I just can't multitask and have a poor working memory. In most of my jobs, I too was the hardest and probably the most efficient worker. However, because of my autistic traits, most employers simply hated me. Unlike you, I waited until I got fired or was forced to resign. I never was able to get a recommendation. I've thought about moving to New Zealand, but because I'm autistic, I'm barred from moving there.
I feel that. I can’t multi task for the life of me. I like routine work that doesn’t involve many people. It’s the only thing I can manage for a 40 hour work week. Most employees working with me find me annoying. Especially when I am in the training phase. I haven’t been able to stay at jobs for longer than 2 years without burning out. I still haven’t been fired yet. I do get taken advantage of by the managers and supervisors tho. (Work more than I should)
What gets me is that everyone thinks you want to climb to the "top." I've quite happily hid in the back of wherever I've worked, cleaning or doing dishes, but once people realize I'm "smart" they start trying to "give me opportunities." I end up promoted to head teacher or put in the front of the business or God forbid set on some networking quest. I quit every time, most certainly after disappointing everyone by failing at a task I was forced into against my will, and left having to start over again with no reference. Just let me do menial tasks so I can pay my bills and get on with life!
Can you not decline promotions where you work?
I got noticed as well, was made General Manager at 25. I never finished "University", was pretty much unemployable by 45. Bounced around employment for a while, Over-qualified or Under-qualified depending on the job. I worked 10+ years for a cattle ranch until I took on too much and had a meltdown. Now at 61 I'm trying to learn how to live as a high masking high functioning autistic adult(who never had a clue), and work through some of the damage that was done over the years of either hiding myself from or running from most everyone I have known.
@@kellymichelleypromotions maybe but networking quest? Absolutely not.
@@kellymichelleyso, this just happened to me. The role switch was brought upon me as 'we *need* someone' so even though my position is lesser it felt they needed this position filled. So.
@@kellymichelleyI worked at my last job for two years, they wanted me to move up constantly, but I refused because I was tired of being overworked and disrespected on a regular basis. I refused many times, but they continued to ask, until the bullying from upper management started to increase, and they fired me unjustly. I still believe it had to do with my race, and my stubbornness to not give more of myself to corporate demons.
It doesn't matter if you refuse or accept. They will find a way to get rid of you regardless and still treat you like crap before it happens. I struggle with anxiety, ADHD, depression, possibly on the spectrum as well...they know I know. That's a threat to them, because I refuse to be someone's slave 😊. We don't really have a choice as neurodivergent people, the choices we make for our mental health, our improvement, are always seen as an attack against the status quo.
After 15+ years of successfully navigating corporate America I finally self-destructed this year. Quit my job, lost my dream apartment. I'm unemployed for the first time in my adult life, but I get to write, and make art, and remember who I am again. Took me five straight years of burnout to finally accept that this had to happen. Wishing you the absolute best. You deserve to be happy and do fulfilling work!
Condolences. America has got to be the hardest developed country to survive this in, and it's hard enough elsewhere 🙏
I hope you will make it, as the US seem much harder to be unemployed in than my country Sweden. I wish you the best of luck!
Same just got fired/quit and doing the same
This! I was devastated when I lost my job recently but it was been an absolute blessing. I can finally breathe again and I'm slowly getting back in touch with things I've been "too busy" to do all these years.
Same, I'm doing the exact same thing.
I confess I clicked on this in the naive hope you’d be offering a panacea of some kind. Instead I’m blown away by the courage it must have taken to be this open and honest in a world that seems hellbent on pretending it’s happy when mostly I don’t think it is!
Yeah I had a similar experience. Recently I discovered working for myself solves most of my problems. It's not the work, it's dealing with neurotypical people and their politics that wears you out.
🎯
Exactly! I started working as a clubhouse attendant for my apartment complex and got along with everyone, so then I was promoted to a leasing consultant. Within 3 weeks, the office politics/gossip/backstabbing started. I quit after my 90-day review because I just couldn't take the drama anymore. It got so bad I felt physically sick every morning going to work and on my days off I would just lay on the couch like a zombie.
Surprising me they allowed me to go back to my old position as a clubhouse attendant which is basically me greeting people who come into use the pool and I get to write in my journal or watch movies on my computer. Obviously the pay is lower and it's not full time but right now, it's what I can handle.
I've realized that I'd rather be a small cog in a big machine then work in a small business or office where there's three or four people and there's always someone who is being targeted for bullying. And I don't know if it's just working with women specifically but yeah I don't know how to behave in those types of environments. Because it's almost like if you don't join in the gossip, it makes you the target. Definitely exhausting!!
You hit that nail on the head
i agree, they make it so unbearable to work at an environment, let alone at a place that i have to be at 8-9hrs…
What business do you have?
This is really hitting me at 3:45 when you talk about how your coworkers start thinking you hate the job from your resting depressed face. I had an unempathetic coworker tell me that I was a “dark cloud” and my “moodiness” makes everyones day harder despite me still clocking in and working my ass off to get things done and I had no idea until now that this was a common thing for autistic burnout.
I’m 23 and watching this video/reading comments started to feel like watching my future. I never got my degree, but I got close. I want to find the strength to live a life again instead of dying over and over at my job, but I can’t get a better job without a degree and I cant get a degree without supporting myself financially.
Please don’t take what they said personally. In my experience, it sounds like they’re stressed and wanted to take it out on you.
To be fair, your mood and "vibe" does affect other people. That's how feelings and empathy works. It doesn't matter if you think you're doing your job correctly or not. Your attitude and mood will crush your hard work in other people's eyes every time. Your coworker isn't unempathetic. They're actually empathizing with you b/c they can feel your dark moods.
I completely understand how you feel, but I think you'd be surprised at how much better your environment can get just by you acting happy. You acting happy makes others happy. They go on to make others happy. Act how you want at home alone. When you're out in the world, your attitude and mood genuinely affects other people. Would you want to come in to work and constantly deal with a negative person? Probably not, but you're being that person.
@@danielserrano929 agreed! That person sounds like a jerk who wanted to blame others for their own attitude
Fishing for sympathy or pushing blame to the external world will only dig yourself down. Decide that you'll be hungry to achieve your dreams, and you'll start to look for ways to improve your situation. Any difficulty that came your way, you'll turn into an opportunity. Unempathetic coworker? Screw 'em! You heard me right! You're going to outcompete and be more productive than them. You're going to be a sun shine that people gravitate towards, and away from bullies. Use the negative emotions you felt, to drive you to show them what a great person you are. Turn every adversity that comes towards you into a momentum that drive you forward. What doesn't kill you, should make you stronger.
Burnout, stress, constant fatigue, and anxiety. Whenever I listen to stories like this it makes me feel like we all live the same life. Part-time work for max 6 hours a day for 4 days a week is what I personally think is best for having a job and also the cognitive and physical energy to sustain my life outside of work. Sadly, it's not enough to make a living. Every day is an uphill battle. I wish you well-being, stability, security, and balance.
I found this to be true too. I can sustain 6hrs for two days, need a rest day, then another two days for six hours. It’s still a stretch but what I’m trying to manage.
What are you guys doing? Building pyramids? Why is it so hard to work? Most people work a minimum of 40 hours a week just to survive. We work more at home too.
The world wasn't built for us unfortunately. We aren't meant to live this way! Getting up early, being away from home/friends/family nearly all day and then food/wash/sleep to do it all again the next day. That's not living 😭
100% it is not a life. Just don't know how people cope with it and be happy
Working from home - would that help at all?
@@EnglishroG It 100% works. It's much better. It's not perfect, but it helps. The best scenario is only working for yourself, but that's not the case for many.
I got my first job after uni and i lasted a month before i quit because of what you described - basically giving your whole life away during the work week for a job - was making me violently suicidal. Now i feel lost and terrified... I won't survive if i have to live like this. Thats really not living.
@@TheLTN Nobody does, nobody is happy, they're too brainwashed to even know what the f they're feeling. They're not alive. They're zombies supporting this cancerous system.
This is completely relatable - I will work myself into the ground, and give everything I possibly have to a job until I have nothing left to give - but the older I get, the more impossible it is for me to be in those environments.
Have been working for myself, which is incredibly stressful, doesn't supply me with any kind of retirement, and I am fearful of what the future looks like. You're not alone
it’s daunting to realize how many people in America are homeless because they are autistic with zero support system. i can’t help but feel blessed that i have a warm home and warm food, when it’s been so hard to find an actual place of employment.
especially now that i have officially un-masked and refuse to go back, what space can i exist in, without being severely under employed?
thank you for sharing, it’s comforting to hear i’m not alone 😭
I have also unmasked. I doubt I could function in the real world again. I became physically disabled in 2020, and I was diagnosed with autism in 2023.
i'm one of those homeless autistic people. realizing it myself was a huge weight off my shoulder bc i could stop feeling like such a failure. now i'm focused on this content creation thing and i just hope it works out bc otherwise i will straight up die out here. it's so frustrating. nobody wants their life to ne a tragedy.
The vocational rehabilitation program is a tremendously valuable resource that I feel like is almost a well kept secret. It provides assistance with obtaining and keeping a job, job coaches, funding for work clothes/supplies, and a long term support system.
@@gandawful all of my skill set lies in the creative/entertainment field, so that doesn’t seem to be too particularly helpful for me. i don’t need help paying for work clothes, i want a screenwriter position i can apply to 🥲 heck ill even consider a consistent gogo-dancing gig
@gandawful as someone in the vocational rehab program; that is how I got my official diagnosis... but I've been in the program for like 6+ months and haven't even managed my evaluation yet. The 1st lady for the career testing told me I should just apply for and live off of disability within 15 mins of talking to me. I just now months later got a reschedule w a new person. The program is slow and feels so time wasted. My counselor thinks I'd make a great overnight janitor.... AS SOMEONE WHO TOLD HER I THINK I HAVE HEDS AND POTS. Was told I'd be sent to doctors, only got the psych evaluation and IQ testing.
Me too. This is why I've now been self-employed for about 30 years. It's still a challenge to work enough to make a living, but the social and sensory issues are so much better when I have control.
is it ok to ask what kind of work you do? I'd love to be self-employed, but have really struggled to find a path.
same here. just started gardening in 2005 and learned as i went. no idea how id have coped working for a boss or working with a room full of people who never really left school.
@@derp-x3j I've been self-employed as a house call dog groomer in the past. It was a lot nicer than grooming in a loud salon, but I still had trouble dealing with the pet owners. The problem I have with self-employment is that it only worked if I was doing something related to a special interest. I also have ADHD, so my special interests change quite often.
Same here. Working for myself from home is the only way I've been able to make a living sustainably.
May I ask what you all are doing? I have this strong feeling inside me there is no other way to go than choosing self employment. Everything else I did, "functioning" consistantly -especially if social interaction is involved- is just truly overwhelming. I did it the same was: Saving as much as I could to be able to make a living during my burn out periods. But I know this is not forever.. :(
As a lost autistic woman struggling through my 20s and forcing myself through college this was very validating to watch
This is so affirming as someone with ADHD (late diagnosed) who also had workaholic tendencies in my teens and then really fell off along my 20s. It sucks to be less capable or stress-resistant than you've previously been.
It's really sad because I actually like working, and have always wanted to structure my life around a career. I'm still kind of trying to do that, but I'm hoping I'll figure out how to make it work for me.
It's really hard, and I feel a lot of shame, but I also want to keep trying. Thank you for putting yourself out there like this. I think you're pretty cool for being able to plan and execute all that travel!
Thank you for sharing this, I relate to so much of it. I work in an academic job as part of a research team and I feel like 70% of my energy just goes in to dealing with social interaction. When I come home I need to just sit in silence for a few hours before I sleep because I have that same hyped up feeling. Some days it’s hard to mask and people see this as me being unsociable or surly but I’m trying my best. I’ve worked there for years but I’m still on the outside, it sucks. I think the sad reality is that most employers pay lip service to autism but they don’t actually accept it. The unfair thing is I think we as autistic people put so much more thought and effort in to considering how we interact with others, we are super aware of how we present, it would be nice if non-neurodivergent people could be just 50% as considerate to us in work settings.
wow, 21:17 really struck me. made me remember all the times I would be driving to a horrible job I hated and think "I could crash this car into a tree, going slow enough to survive it but hurt myself enough to get out of work." this might be the first time I've genuinely realized how said that is. 1) that I was THAT miserable at a job and wanted to avoid it at all costs and 2) that hurting myself seemed easier than quitting and finding a new job, because that's also horrible and stressful, just in a different way. brilliant video, thank you for speaking on this topic.
Wow. I thought I was the only one that had dark thoughts like that… I realize now it’s the masking that is so exhausting and defeating to the point of thinking self harm is a solution. 😢
I once fell down a flight of stairs on purpose in the hopes that I'd break something so I wouldn't have to work for a while, I know that feeling.
I’m 42. I so relate to feeling like I am becoming less and less capable with coping as I get older. It’s been a real blow to my self esteem to go from being a really overachieving hardworking perfectionist person to feeling like I missed the boat totally to middle-age maturity and ability. I’m just exhausted and overwhelmed and failing.
I could have written this myself. I'm so sorry for how you're feeling, but maybe it helps to know you're not alone.
I wish we lived in a world where personal worth wasn't attached to economic productivity, because you have value just as you are. But I know it doesn't feel that way most of the time. Hang in there.
I feel the same.
@@Piperatthegate same here
Me too ❤
No you're just doing what you think you should do instead of what you want to do. I don't know you but i am 100 percent sure that you are very good at something that someone else needs. You need to ask first what you need. Do you need things to be at a time of your choosing or can you do 9 to 5. 1 to 8. Etc. Do you need quiet work space. Do you need a dark work space. DO you need to be alone while you work. Do you need to see new people every day. Do you need to be able to make your own schedule. Ask yourself what you need. First. Then write those down. Then ask what do you have to give. Your skills. And i mean your skills that you enjoy. Not your work resume skills. Do you like the mountains? Do you like walking. Do you like going to the airport. Do you like swimming. Do you like computers. Do you like touching fabrics and textures. Do you like doing the same thing predictably. Do you like not knowing what today will happen? Do you like meeting new people. Do you like helping people. Do you like solving puzzles. Do you like repetitive tasks. What you actually like will be what you are good at. My ideal jobs if i could drive would be tourist tours. Maybe you would like to give history tours cos you like history. And people. And flexible times and different places and control of your own schedule. Maybe you would like working in a fabric warehouse folding jumpers cos you like touching fabric and like being alone and like methodical repetitive tasks. Maybe you would like sitting with people who's relations are dying in hospital. Because you like comforting people and have a lot of empathy. Maybe you like smells so you might like to work in a soap making soaps. Maybe youd only like to work with 4 people in a small bussiness. Maybe youd like to work alone etc. Figure those things out. And discount anything that you dont feel good about. If you hate hospitals discount anything in a hospital. If you hate outdoors discount anything outdoors if you hate people discount anything with people. If you hate food discount anything with food. There are so many jobs ... cleaning bones in a museum. Dying yarn. Cleaning up blood and guts. So many. But if you dont know what you like and what you need then youll end up in a job you dont like without what you need. I love cleaning but i only work for myself at times i want to and only use products i choose and only like doing really dirty houses and doing big cleaning jobs i dont like tidying a few crumbs. I dont like people so i only work in houses because i also find hotels scary...or hospitals etc. I only work when people are out or with one other person not with everyone sitting there. And it suites me perfectly. I never have to get up when i dont want to. I never have to do anything i dont want or go anywhere i dont like and thats what i need. Flexible hours..enjoyable filthy work where i can sé a difference. Problem solving with different chemicals. Phsyical workout. And no costomer service. So just dont judge yourself by some external social value system. Judge your sucess by how much you enjoy it. I used to think being a cleaner sucked. Untill i did a survey for employees and the questions were like do you hate your job do you feel tired ans stressed do you feel pressure over time do you feel you have no work life balance and i was like no nó no. All those things are good for me. And i realised even if society thinks cleaners are lowly it doesnt matter because im happy. And enjoying myself. And energized by my work. And not missing out on anything in my life. Not selling my lifes hours. It is difficult doing taxes as self employed though so add the coost of an accountant onto your pay. And people pay. I dont charge a lot to single moms or old people on state pensions etc but thats more than made up for by the rich people who pay highly and have it to spare. And that also suites me because i dont like ripping people off.
feel you so much. i was diagnosed earlier this year and decided fuck it i need to stop looking at jobs i think i SHOULD be doing and start looking for what i actually want to do which is creative work with my hands.
i was incredibly lucky to find a little workshop weaving rugs near my house and they happened to be looking for a follow up to one of the weavers who is retiring. it's a small family business so not only do i love the work and it keeps me stimulated enough but not too much, but just being in this family environment is such a sigh of relief compared to other, more common work environments. i think the fact that these people are family makes me feel like its ok to unmask because theye have known each other for literally all their lives and are just really nice, welcoming, accommodating and considerate so there's this air of "its ok to just be you". i dont feel like anybody's hiding their personality or putting up airs. plus hours are flexible so i'll be able to figure out the right amount for me to work without getting overwhelmed.
i do wish you the very best with your writing! and to all of us out there still looking for a fulfilling job: i hope you do find something that's right for you. don't stop looking; there is a place for you out there!
You're describing all of the reasons why I don't have a choice but to be self employed, even though it makes me a lot less money and the economic stress / responsibility is huge. People think I'm just lazy, but even now (without the stress of a full time job) I am barely able to feed, clothe, and wash myself, at least not to the degree that others might find "normal". They just have no idea how exhausting it is to just exist, and that when I say I have to have things a certain way, I really mean it.
I appreciate it so much that you're being honest. The fact that you've mentioned how uni and your masters didn't actually help you on the job market is so refreshing to hear.
Also, the whole video is quite relatable.
I do truly hate that we live in such an inflexible society. There are so many people out there like us, whether they have autism or other disabilities, that would love to be working but there's basically no resources or assistance to find jobs that fit our ways of living. What programs/assistance schemes do exist, seem to just try to force people into regular jobs with no care for their limitations or needs. The fact of my situation is that I just cannot do "regular" full-time, I get too mentally exhausted. But that also means I have no idea what direction to go in.
Anyway, I truly wish you the best in figuring out what works for you! It's a shitty situation we're in.
Or worse, the ND people may still be viewed as "less than"; someone invited me to apply to be a mentor for ND students, and it wasn't that long before her company let her go.
It is the same in the UK. I have autism and am currently in paid employment (although in my case I have more or less had some relative form of consistent employment).
When it comes to autism, employers see you as a liability - I used to do recruitment and I will be honest, as sad as it is most employers are unwilling to provide support for employees with disabilities as their main concern is about cost of resources. An employer wants someone who can just show up and do the work without problem.
What is concerning in the UK is that if you are autistic and unemployed, Job Centres will stick you into zero-hour jobs (typically in retail/care/warehousing) due to high turnover. For work coaches, they can get you off the caseloads ASAP by throwing you into one of the above. Also, if you have social anxiety, employers wouldn't care - they'll just fire you for having a meltdown (that and more than 50% of jobs involve some aspect of customer service).
I always feel rather ashamed to admit this, especially because I'm a guy I suppose. But I remember after my first day of working ever--which was working the stock room in a retail box store--the moment I got home, I went to my room, sat down, and just bawled my eyes out for the next 15-20 minutes. Maybe it felt longer than it actually was but all I know is I felt this overwhelming sense of; I want to say 'being violated', but that doesn't quite cover the range of emotion. Then a couple years later when I was suffering from some really bad chronic pain issues; I came into work one morning and was expected to train this new guy something like twice my age. I immediately told my supervisor I was just going for a quick coffee and just walked home and never went back.
I'm very very fortunate--as sad a reality as it is--for the nerve damage related chronic pain, because it allowed me to get on disability and because I have a very understanding parent my living expenses weren't such I had no ability to continue learning skills and trying to things as I naturally do in a way that meshes with my autism, that I only realized I had in my early 30's.
oh man. this resonates with me. I'm so sorry you had to go through this ...
the feeling of violation is exactly how I had been putting it too. my first jobs were at various coffee shops and restaurants, the running on adrenaline became my new norm. it was hell. I'm still recovering from all these years of functionning with toxic fuel, and replacing it with healthier energy.
how are you doing now ?
@@alternateVSNS Better in some ways, terrible in others.
@@materialdialectics have you found a way to become financially stable ? it seems to be the biggest problem for us neurodivergents.
Feeling violated is a really good way to say it. I couldn't pinpoint what the feeling was but it felt so wrong.
@@MicheleZaylaMusic The best I could describe it is an overwhelming sense that I had something, or was engaging in a process where I was continually having something taken from me. Not something external to me like money or material goods; but something internal. Even though its crude example, something like the range of conceptions and emotions we have around losing one's 'virginity'--I really hate that word for some reason, even just the sound of it haha. I guess I'm ultimately beating around the bush of saying I felt like my species being was being drained from me, but don't expect everyone to know very esoteric Marxian jargon.
I feel so seen. Thank you.
I'm sorry to see so many others are also in the same boat, threading this needle between overstimulation and boredom/depression.
I'll keep checking the comments to see if anyone figures it out for the rest of us.
❤
I honestly think that we'd be better off on some kind of Universal Basic Income that can pay the bills and keep us fed so that we could help as volunteers or something.
Or we could find a bit of work from home kind of job.
I am really struggling with this.
I struggled my whole life and worked in countless jobs too. I'm now going back to college/uni with the aim of getting a job I can work from home. I did customer service jobs working from home and what I realised that being able to work from your own space is a godsend, no noisy cars or people tapping keyboards next to you. However, the job itself was dire and I definitely would suggest to anyone, find something you enjoy doing in your own space, it sounds impossible but a lot of jobs are work from home now.
I realized recently that I can no longer work a full-time job. When I do, my whole life begins to revolve around it. When im working, the hour before i leave for work becomes about getting ready for work. The two hours immediately after work are awful because now I have to transition away from work. So an 8 hour shift becomes an 11-12 shift when i account for mental work. I always quit a job when I start dreaming about work because then its infected 90% of my time.
This!
Last 2 jobs I quit because I couldnt sleep at all at one point. I was so miserable that I couldnt sleep, I just waited until the night was over and then went back to work.
Oh my God. It's been a long time since a UA-cam video made me start bawling. I started watching this video because I often like perspectives from folks I don't necessarily identify with. I'm in my 30s and I have not been diagnosed with autism, but I have been diagnosed with OCD and ADHD, so I felt like I could empathize to a degree. You explaining why your jobs haven't worked out, the not having this problem when we were younger, the working to burnout, the energy drain... I've struggled for so long and just thought it was me because I see all these other neurodivergent folks in corporate jobs like me and think they can do it too, so why can't I? I'm a stereotypical high-achieving, late-diagnosed neurodivergent woman and have worked in high-paced roles most of my life. The pandemic really made me take a breath and realize how much I was devoting my life to work and how much I was slowly killing myself. I'm currently on medical leave because I became suicidal in my job (again). This keeps happening--constantly feeling drained, exhausted masking, never socializing with friends, withdrawing, never getting medical checkups or taking care of myself, and never doing anything I actually love. I actually asked for help this time and got medical leave from my work, and the thought keeps coming that I don't know if I'm even capable of working anymore but it didn't make sense. I've worked since I was 15 from a range of jobs that I both loved and loathed. I've always self-destructed, did really impulsive things, went into debt--this cycle repeatedly ruined my life and I had to get out of it, time and time again. I refuse for that to happen again, and I think I need to find another path than Corporate America. Thank you for this video. I can't thank you enough.
Fellow autistic creator here 👋 just discovered your channel, subscribed and recommended it to my community, I found this video very relatable! Not many people talk about the cumulative aspect of being autistic and how things can become more difficult or even impossible overtime. I’m 27 and in burnout and I’ve never felt so disabled… you’re not a bad person for needing mental stimulation in your jobs; it’s very much a part of your neurodivergence! At times during the video I said “are you me?” out loud lol, your experience sounds so similar to mine 😵 Thanks for sharing your experience ❤
Thank you so much, I am going to check out your channel now!
I will never be able to have children. Both my exes wanted to but i knew without a good career it would be impossible for me to handle. I've recalibrated my expectations for life. No family, no owning a home, no job that doesn't make me feel sick. Just clinging to life, barely able to hang on. A never ending nightmare.
♥️
I relate so much to this. I can't say anything helpful, but thank you for making me feel less alone. I appreciate you.
I can also relate to this. I hope you find things that fulfill you♥
A lot of us are in the same boat, thanks for sharing
I can relate, although we do need to stay positive and keep trying new things at a manageable pace 💜
It's so hard to try and find a job that is stimulating but not overstimulating. I used to work in academia which was incredibly stimulating for my brain, but the work/life balence was horrible so I had to leave the field for my mental health. I then got a job in a wonderful office with amazing friendly people who I loved, but the commute every day was difficult for me as I'm horrible with time management, and the work was much more boring than the people so i was often very distracted. I left that job for another job where I work from home. I now don't have any distractions or commute, but the work itself is very boring and doesnt stimulate me mentally in a way that isnt frustrating. I think this is the best I'll be able to do so I plan to stick it out because it's quite well paid, but it's still difficult. Honestly if you asked me what my dream job would be, its a job that doesnt exist. It'd be working in academia with no commute but somehow still in an office, and I'd get to do research but write no papers and apply for no grants. At a certain point, it's impossible to keep searching for that perfect job because it just doesn't exist. There's always going to have to be a compromise and that sucks. On the other hand I like working and earning money so wouldn't want no work entirely. It's difficult to come to terms with the fact that what I have is most likely the best I can do
What is your work from home job thats boring? Sounds like a dream to me 🤣 I would love a boring job Haha
I didn't know I would find a person who thinks like me about academia. I am in academia currently but already decided to quit due to the same reasons as you and I have the same dream job idea as you. I truly wish it was something attainable. Good luck on your journey.
Maybe instead of cleaning, look into organizing. I stumbled upon an assistant organizer job and it’s the most I’ve ever enjoyed a job! Each assignment is different, it actually provides a good bit of physical exercise, and the visual result can be so rewarding. Just a thought. ❤
What things do you organize?
Thank you so much for describing word for word my experience of employment. I’m 54 and have had probably around fifty jobs. I identified I had an issue after leaving my first job aged 21, pleaded with my gp for psychological support which went unheard and led to a never ending series of jobs coming to abrupt endings. I struggled for ten more years until I had a heart attack at the age of 33. I now have complex health issues including cancer and heart failure. I was finally diagnosed with ASD1 this year at the age of 54 - much of my life wasted. I am so angry no-one cared enough to notice my struggles - particularly medical professionals. Your accounts of feeling trapped/fight or flight kicking in in jobs profoundly reasonate with me.
I'm 50 and was diagnosed with autism last year. I have had a similar experience. So many jobs, so many pleas for help. I was so proactive about trying to find a way to make my life work. I live in the US, and in my state I can't find treatment. I became physically disabled in 2020 (severe ME/CFS) and receive federal disability. I'm so grateful that I don't have to work, even though being bedridden is not fun.
@ I hear you. Sending my best regards.
Medical gaslighting: it's a thing. 😢
I'm so sorry to hear of your struggles. Thank you for your comment and all the best. I really hope things get better for you.
I’m returning to university in my late 30’s after decades of failing at life as an autistic human. I’m hoping to recapture my own autonomy and learn a profession that will allow me to work for myself and only for myself for the rest of my life. I see you. I hear you. You’re not alone.
I discovered I was autistic less than a month ago at the age of 52. I can understand you. God bless you and your family.
Self employment. I think it’s the only way forward. Your testimony mirrors my experiences almost exactly. We’ve all got a unique skill… just got to find it, unearth it, and then tweak it so it’s extra unique and marketable. Life’s too short to waste on relentless boredom and empty pursuits. (And cherry tomatoes are awesome, and a pot of humus with a spoonful removed is funny and charming - if blinkered people could only see that a little eccentricity is not threatening, and stop mindlessly following ‘the rules’.)
When I hear this story, I have this conclusion: there are people so competent, intelligent and sensible, that some more cowardly masses rather put aside the beauty of specificity and positive aspects instead of reevaluating themselves. I'm soon to undergo a neuropsychological evaluation, and I'm pretty sure I will get an autism diagnostic.
When I see this girl, Anna, I'd be proud to be associated to her by an autism label. It's a brief video, but I see someone with the capacity to understand human life more than people praising their own supposed humanity. Wisdom always ends up showing how simplicity is a key of a worth life, as complexity is but a way to an end. Some people are born with out of the norms capacities, and their sensibilities are crushed by social pressure and auto-destructive statu quos.
Anna, everything is different by the aspects we are capable to see and evaluate. The part of the world that came up with the term autism needed it to face their own challenges and own desires. I suggest you never bring yourself down too much for a perspective and creation that is not yours, when you seem to have this very great capacity to self reflect. It's important, to live good, to at least not be badly surrounded, but I'm sure you like many others have a lot less to be ashamed of for what you are.
No shame in seeing things for what they are, and finding solutions to problems that were not yours to being with. You may be autistic, but by your words I would bet you are of the less hypocrites among the so called human race, and for this I would root for you. Same for the people who can relate.
Good luck out there.
Wow, I've never heard anyone talk about this before and I've felt so alone in a similar situation. I have a degree and I lasted 5 years in a career before my first burnout at 30. I havent worked full time in over 20 years now. Ive felt trapped in jobs and like I dont fit in. I eventually burn out by pushing myself to keep going and eventually end up sick with exhaustion. I've never been diagnosed with anything other than anxiety and depression but have wondered about neurodivergence over the past few years. I too feel i want to use my skills and education, and better myself, but end up in low skilled jobs when i can actually work, because they are less stressful.
Thank you so much for sharing your story 🙏
As someone recently diagnosed with ADHD and suspecting I’m also on the ASD spectrum, I relate to this so much. I worked largely in hotels, lodges, shops, spas, finance and struggled with masking, burnout, meltdowns, boredom. I went back to school for nursing, trying to satisfy my need for mental stimulation and meaning. But I find the work so unbelievably overwhelming and have to mask more than any other job. I am unemployed and will lose my nursing licence if I don’t start working again soon. I extended my leave from work after my last child. Not sure where I’m going from here. Full-time parenting is too overwhelming too, so my kids are in daycare. I just feel stuck.
I just want to say I’m proud of you for even achieving becoming one!
I was trying to go back to school but I can’t do it…
I am going back to school to become a medical office assistant. I feel like some jobs in hospital are better than others for stress management. Nursing is notoriously difficult. Perhaps there is a position that would help with your burnout while still being able to keep your nursing license. Anyways, I understand your need for self care. It’s important to take care of yourself where you can.
Hi, I might have a tip for you. Try to find a healthcare job where you personally take care of people in their home. You have less sensory overload and you usually have to only take care of very few people at once. I'm very lucky that I found something like that and its the only job I ever had, where I feel almost relaxed most of the time. I still have to mask a bit, but its on an ok level
Maybe try home health nursing
Try working in doctors office or urgent care, a small clinic
Oh, man. This is like the fifth video I've seen in recent weeks where an autistic person describes my life with scary precision while describing their own. Never even crossed my mind till recently, and I'm in my 40s. Thank you for posting this. It may be life-changing!
Thank you for making this video! I relate to so much of what you talked about. I’ve carried so much shame and embarrassment about never holding a job more than a year, being incapable of working full time, etc.
I wanted to share that my daughter asked me about where I used to work just the other day. I told her how I’ve had lots of jobs, including working at a party store, a pizza parlor, washed dogs and worked in a veterinary hospital. She is only 6 years old, so she loved hearing that her mom had done all these jobs! If she asked her dad he would say he worked in the same medical device manufacturing facility since high school. How boring for a child to hear! Normally he gets to say that with pride, while I shrink away from the whole what do you do for a living question. But for the first time I felt very proud to talk about my eccentric work history 😊
Around my region we just say Neurodivergent... but I loved hearing your brilliance... and you are, brilliant. I caught so many parallel experiences choice patterns. Oh... God Bless your husband. You, and your family are in my prayers. Now at 71... I have had 10 psychologists and more than 26 employers, 19 years of college education and degreed from a very good University. I never had the success to pay my student loans. All that said, I am likely one of the happiest folks like ourselves you will likely meet. I will always work... I do wear a mask, but just 6 or 7 hours a day, 32 a week. Beautiful daughter and grown. Wonderful wife who is a retired pastor. We are separated. All amicable. I just want to say... things got better after 50. Don't give up... banish fear... love your family with fierce desperation. Well done, your strength and perseverance is a success I hope you feel powerfully. You are amazing! There!!!! Old Sam says so!
Aw, how lovely! 😁
I recognize so much of myself in your story. Maybe a weird way of putting it, but I'm happy there are people with the same experience. I've tried 7 jobs and 10 different educations to able to financially support myself, but I never could do it for more than 2 months. After that I was burnt out and depressed and had to 'heal' for a period of time to be able to go at it again. I did this for 14 years. It was so tiring to be in the same circle evey year. At a certain point I became so ashamed of myself and not being able to hold on to something that I didn't even dare to tell people if I was going to try a new job/ education programm. Luckily 3 years ago I got help and I don't have to participate in the working world anymore. I was finally able to relax and not be in constant survival mode. I'm doing much better now that I'm not forced to work.
Oh my goodness, that is so relatable. It is almost like you are describing my life. We are just not cut out for this world but really I think it is the world that is totally overwhelming, noisy and crazy. Autistic people are the canary in the mine , so to speak,to warn that things have got really out of hand. The world should take some note and adjust instead of drugging us into fitting in with what is bad for all of us and the earth that we live in.
Thank you for sharing your experiences in such an honest way.
Preach 🙏. I completely agree. The fact that we can't "cope" doesn't mean there's something wrong with us. It means there is something wrong with how the world works.
Plus, neurotypical people also hate their jobs, feel depressed and anxious, etc.! It's just that for them it all seems somewhat more bearable. But why should you have to bear it? Why is life itself a thing to "put up with"???
@@brynnplant totally! And you know what is at the core of the problem, is that autistic people don’t lend them self to further capitalism. Whether consciously or not we actually see through the bullshit and the deception of the thing, we know it is off and dissonant and that is something that causes us mental even physical pain.
People have “drugged” themselves in a desperate effort to survive being exploited as labor for a privileged few for thousands of years. Hence alcohol, opium, cocaine, caffeine, nicotine, cannabis, qat, sugar, and on, and on; drugs that make being used as an object less painful, less boring, easier to do faster and so suffer a bit less. SSRI’s are the modern equivalent. Our survival instincts are weaponized against us to try to turn us into predictable machines. I think the issue is that subsistence farming is no longer a practical means of survival, so people aren’t reproducing as much anymore; the large families were always out in the country on farms; trying to raise large families in cities has never been a winning strategy. And now only a few people have to live out in the country, while the rest pack into cities and have one, MAYBE two kids at the outside. Our species has finally tipped over the edge into destroying itself. I don’t see another path. Allistics aren’t going to change their nature; they haven’t in ten thousand years… 😔
I think about this all the time too, and felt excited to read someone else say it. Like if autism was this label of characteristics made for/about people who are actually sensitive and sane and healthy, and couldn't be fully programmed (hammering themselves into an ill-fitting box), and can't lie to themselves or their body, and it's labeled something that is a somehow a deficit, but is actually just clear. If it was biologically looking at ANY other animal in nature, it would be seen as quite a deficit to NOT be quite sensitive and discerning in its environment.
I'm exactly the same, I'm autistic and I left my last job for the same reasons as you. I have always saved in my jobs too because I knew that they would end. I'm 42 now and have had many jobs that have not lasted more than 1 year. I have been unemployed for 14 months now and I am deciding what to do next. I have used my time unemployed wisely though. I have improved my living environment as all I was doing was saving to buy a house and leave where I am now. But I have focused on the here and now. I have also changed my diet by going vegetarian again and cooking in bulk all my meals from scratch. It saves a lot of money being veregarian and saves time cooking in bulk too. I excercise a lot more, by doing 13,000 steps a day on average, I have lost weight too from the combination of going vegetarian and excercising. I have also let go of all my friends, so I have no friends at the moment, but it feels great as I knew most of them since I was a teenager when I had no understanding of myself, so it was not helpful to stil be freinds with them!
This video just came up on my recommended for whatever reason, I wasn't planning on watching it but autoplay started and from the beginning I was hooked. Your voice is very pleasant to listen to and your honesty is refreshing. I hope you find something that works for you.
Just when Imposter Syndrome strikes, this comes up. Cheers, algorithm!
I am onto my 27th job. I'm 53 and, yet again, I'm thinking about quitting this one.
And the amount that I have studied... I might have to count those courses up, too.
I can't even begin to express how good it feels to be so SEEN. Yet again, my autism is very, very confirmed.
Thank you.
Oh my gosh, it's like I hear about myself, the whole saving to have a cushion for when the darkness comes... ❤ The working hard, the burnouts, all of it
Me and my unused masters over here sending hugs. I’m so happy we all get to wake up and start owning our own brilliance again.
As I get older, I find it easier to handle my ASD. At age 30 I found a job that really suited me and I will retire next March at age 66. Life remains a daily challenge but it is worth the battle. I wish you well 😊
What was the job you did that you enjoyed?
@dointhebiz I was a busdriver, public transit. Fixed routes and scheduals, high level of predictability which worked well for me. So I never made professional use of my college education 😁
@@gertstolk That's great! Happy to hear you found something that suited you. I'm terrified of cars and buses so I don't think a driving career is on the cards for me.😆
@dointhebiz Look at what you are good at and enjoy doing and somehow match that to a paying job, good luck 😊
Literally sending my family this video because they asked for resources on autism so they could understand me better. Thanks for sharing your voice!
Thanks for sharing. I don't think I can work full time (for someone else) anymore now. I was masking so hard but working full time became harder and harder as I got into middle age. The peopleing, the commute ... took everything out of me. Relationships all suffered, my house was a mess, etc. If you want mental stimulation, start your own business. Suddenly taking on lots of jobs (it's actually very overwhelming) but it's fun.
Overwhelming in a good way? Lol
@@voyamusica :) I meant more that the fun outweighs the overwhelm. I expect it will be less overwhelming as I skill up in running a business!
@@BetterNeurodivergentTravel awesome
Thanks for sharing. This is very relatable. I'm in my mid 30s struggling at a corporate job and always scared that I won't be able to keep going. It's a super high stress job, in person, open office plan, lots of noise, lots of "pings" from coworkers. Absolute chaos. Probably one of the worst environments for me. However it does use my degree and it pays very well, so I feel very stuck. But it's obviously horrible for my health, I feel exactly like you were describing where it's slowly destroying me. It feels like in the end the money and relevance to my field won't even matter because I'll just be the empty husk of a human. I wish that I had passions like you describe with your art and writing and baking. That is wonderful! I'm not sure if it's the depression from the burnout or what, but I don't feel like I have any of those passions or special interests that bring me joy. Doing my best to change my situation and job -- just keep swimming I suppose!
SO much of this is so relatable - these things also massively affect my sense of meaning and self-worth as well (even though I've done a lot of therapy and don't *logically* believe that I'm worthless, but thoughts and feelings often don't match) so it helps to see other people validate your experiences, thanks for sharing :)
Yes… 😢
Really relate to this. I often have thought, 'well I don't think I actually believe what is being implied about the way I live life, or that I am less than at all, but THEY believe it", and that can have a big effect too, and be hard and draining to navigate. SO true that thoughts and feelings don't always match. There is a logical version and then there is the tender part that isn't logical.
this video is so real, thank you so much for making it. i'm in my mid 30s and have also had dozens of jobs in just as many industries. I used my degree for about 6 months. now i work for myself as a house cleaner and it's the most fulfilling and best paid job i've ever had. finally found sustainable paid work that's not overstimulating and exhausting.
BLESS YOU. Thank you for giving a true representation of what so many of us go through. As someone with ASD and ADHD, the best thing that ever happened to me, was being granted a disability support pension. Even though the pension was granted on the grounds of past trauma and the resulting PTSD and CPTSD. I tried for 30 years to fit into a "normal" workforce. So many different fields, so many different jobs. Xxx
is it something you can get recognized? I wish I could get a diagnosis but I think the process varies from country to country, and from therapist to therapist...
Needed this. I’m only in my early 20s, but have struggled so much in my life so far with holding down employment, and I never really knew why… I got diagnosed with autism very recently, and now it all makes so much more sense. Trying to learn to give myself grace, especially with this new diagnosis, but it doesn’t make actually holding down a job so that I can survive and make money any easier 😢
just a voice in the crowd but I really saw myself in what you were talking about, with high school (terrible, awful experience), i was an awful student, bored to tears, constantly distracted and overwhelmed by everything, constant meltdowns, and it took me many years to move to another country, get diagnosed with inattentive adhd, finally be proud of myself at uni and find love and a peceful environment. career is still followed by a question mark. it pains me to see people like you who are "obviously" very skilled in a lot of things and still being and feeling undervalued because of stupid job descriptions (fast-paced is a huge red flag for me), or lack of support and guidance. it´s a mess. from what you said towards the end, you already have so many good ideas on what to do and your videos are very easy to follow, so I hope you, and everyone of us, keep going and thrive!
Ah yes, the ever-present “fast-paced work environment”, translation; we only hired half enough people to do the work and expect each person to do the work of two. We recommend spending half your paycheck on sugary espresso and nicotine pouches; oh, and go somewhere else to have your heart attack and diabetes, please and thank you. ❤”. 🫠
massive thank you for sharing, myself and people very dear to me struggle with unaccomodating jobs all the time, and the way you understand it so clearly is very refreshing
Thank you for sharing this, I feel like your explanation is a very vivid reflection of myself and the struggles I have been dealing with, from high school to university and to my never ending job hopping. I have obtained 2 degrees, thinking it would solve my problems, yet I face the same outcome as you have described. I've been an absolute weapon in my jobs for the first 3-5 months and like clockwork it all falls apart due to feeling trapped, social expectations and rigid personality expectations. Like you, I have worked in a multitude of industries and had to leave after running my ship aground. Recently in my 30's I was diagnosed with ADHD and ASD. The ASD was eye opening yet very understandable and gave me alot of clarity. I just want to thank you again for sharing this, it has made me feel like I don't have to blame myself so vigorously, while I still fully accept my accountability, it's helpful to hear the words and experiences of others who share the same struggles. Wishing you all the best and hope you find success in applying your interests out into the world, and most importantly of all, never give up, you've got this! 🙂
I am not autistic but also had LOADS of jobs. I did window fitting, fast food restaurant, FANG office corporate work, bouncer/security and lots more.
I had fairly similar experiences although I am not autistic. I can relate a lot to your experience.
Eventually I understood that I simply get bored from repeating routine, and once that happens I am physically driven away from each job. Office work or anything done on computers allows me to focus extensively, in office environment I just listen to music and close everything off around me. Also, boring jobs done with people who are fun to work with are also enjoyable but will be boring eventually. Now, I am looking for fully remote work to move out of the city ideally.
Thank you so much for this video Anna! You've worded my experience so well that I will be using your video to help explain my experience with my jobcoach. Thank you❤
This was so relatable, the sensory issues is what makes it so hard to find a suitable job.
I relate a lot with your story Anna, thanks for sharing ❤
Thank you for making this video. Been unemployed (and loving it tbh) and living off my savings for the past year. It's scary to think I'm not just lazy but that most environments just don't work for me. I've only been employed since I was 24 and I'm 30 now, kudos to you for truly trying everything and making so much effort. Give yourself credit for that. And you're a full time mom too, props to you. Sometimes I feel I'd love a little one but others I feel it's better I don't have children cause it'd be too much for both me and them
Hello, I have also been on a 'sabbatical' for one year and loving it! This was following burnout and the familiar tale of being managed out by my employer. The expectation of friends and family is that I should be in a huge panic considering the impending financial doom and I should have started looking for a new job ages ago (they have a point). But the financial peril pales in comparison to the torture of roles/companies I wasn't suited to for so many years.
I feel this time off is a beautiful gift to ourselves to learn who we are, what we enjoy, what we don't, so that we choose the right course for the future. Don't know about you, but it's also served as confirmation that the thing people say about getting bored eventually if they didn't have a job, certainly does not apply to me! What is boredom anyway...can't relate to that feeling. Anyway, I digress...
@chansonpapillon it's exactly the same for me! I don't get bored, but yeah I feel dread when I realize I'm gonna need a job soon; I can confidently say I haven't been this calm in ages but it's really scary to think I might just not be suited for employment (that doesn't pay peanuts)
@@mcgc93 OMG yes! For me, I think knowing that the lower paid job will immediately result in having to sell my flat and so on, is what's keeping me in this state of statis. Like a very calm sense of fright or flight. You pointing out that has made me start reflecting on it properly, thank you! That's it isn't it, oh god, I need to start making choices. I'll just wait till tomorrow to do that haha! The tomorrow that never comes....🙈
@chansonpapillon we're 100% on the same boat. A calm state of fight or flight is an accurate way to describe it.
@@chansonpapillon omg, literally only ever been bored when forced to be somewhere I don't want to be. 😂
I relate to this so so much. The hopping from job to job almost endlessly. The meltdowns. The sensory overload depending on the job. The sitting in my car not even wanting to go in because I knew I'd have to mask and endure the painful overwhelm. I didn't know that I was both on the spectrum and I have PMDD. Now I work as a pet sitter. I barely make ends meet, and it's nerve-wracking having to meet the pet owners because I feel the need to mask. But I love being with the pets and being able to rest frequently. And dogs and cats just seem understand and accept me
Hi Anna, same here with the jobs! I think that you have lots of skills and talents that you need to go along with rather than against. I found being extremely frugal gave me some freedom from painful employments! I’m loving your videos 😊
Oh thank you! Yes being frugal has been a necessity for a long time haha, there's no way we'd be able to live off one income while I'm between jobs otherwise. I'm sorry you've experienced the same frustration with jobs though! Thanks again =-)
@@annagabriellenz Jacob Fisker's Early Retirement Extreme helped me take substantial breaks while managing the stressors you've described. He has a great forum with amazing members where they all share their struggles with traditional employment.
Thank you for sharing your vulnerability.
I came back to finish your video and honestly I felt like you were staring into my soul and seeing me for who I am behind the mask. Thank you so much for sharing your journey. Best of luck. I'm also continuously trying to figure out mine. Lots of love, stranger from across the globe.
Claire
This sounds like my own life story with different details.
I am 57 and only Adhd diagnosis a few years ago. Now i am sure it is Adhd Masking Autism.
I was very lucky to find a niche to work in self-employed quite well.
The education systems need to be updated urgently to scan for and give meaningful service to Autistic, Adhd, etc.
How many people are suffering unnecessarily? How many years of people's lives are wasted? How many people end up in substance misuse? How much talent is wasted ?
Thank you so much for taking the time and effort to make and upload this.
I can relate to so much of this. I think my best job was in undergrad, doing tech support and supervising computer labs, which probably went so well because pretty much everyone in that job was at least as neurodivergent as I was. As a grown-up now, money is scary, because I can't imagine how I can possibly earn enough to survive on. My degrees are nice to have for my self-confidence, but might as well not exist for my ability to find work with them. I'm always surprised when I reach another birthday and am somehow not homeless or starving yet.
Thanks for sharing your experiences. I'm not officially diagnosed but strongly suspect I'm autistic, and I've struggled with jobs in very similar ways. It's really helpful to hear that it's not just me.
I actually do part-time cleaning work as my primary income stream, and have off and on for almost ten years. I started out working for a company but quickly shifted to working independently, which makes it a much more financially stable and autonomous job (no stinky products!). If you find you can tolerate cleaning work, that might be something to consider. It does initially take a bit of networking to begin building a client list, but I found that once I was cleaning a few homes, my clients started recommending me to friends, and I've never had to market at all since then.
Wishing you luck in your work search!
Thanks for sharing this! I have thought maybe cleaning or organizing could be a clean and clear job I could do but always turned away from it bc the cleaning products make me feel horrible. Good to hear of the possibility of not using those and working in your own way.
Listening to your story, I find so many parallels with mine. I masked until I had a complete meltdown and couldn’t get out of bed for 6 months, now I am working to heal from chronic illness. You are a valuable human, your contributions in any way, matter. With love from Mexico🦋
I feel you. This world was built to kill us. It's mystifying to me that most people see this meat grinder as not only natural but good. I've never had a job I didn't hate with a passion and it's always been so alienating that everyone else there is SUPER HAPPY to be spending their energy on pointless bullshit.
Yes it is built to kill us. I think I was aware of this as a child when I’d argue with my mom about what my future would be like. I think my Autistic brain fixated on patterns right from my earliest recollections and interconnected them with various experiences to gain a bigger picture of the cold hard reality which comprised my life path. Despite my hardest efforts with working, schooling, masking etc. Nothing would/will work in terms of feeling peace in my reality. No one knows anxiety like an Autistic person.
I’m only 22 but I can relate a lot to your story. I’ve been in therapy for three years, my therapist discovered my autism very early on and this year I got officially recognised as autistic. I’ve had several jobs this far and also tried university but ultimately had to quit everything after a year max. I am currently unemployed again and it is driving me insane too. I feel like no matter what I do I end up being depressed and people around me don’t really seem to understand my struggles but I feel like it’ll be like this for the rest of my life. I’m so glad I found your video as it makes me feel less alone. Thank you for sharing your story, you’re very strong 💕
I can relate to your story so much. I found out that I am autistic just over a year ago. I am 56. I have felt like a failure (in regards to employment) all my life. Everyone in my circle was able to hold a job…why couldn’t I? I was great at getting jobs and like you, I was never fired from a job, but I simply couldn’t stay in one. Trying to balance work and family was so incredibly hard and I couldn’t explain to anyone why I was constantly breaking down and why we were always poor and in crisis. I am so thankful to be armed with the knowledge of my diagnosis…I just wish I had understood earlier when I could have actually done something to help our situation.
I just wanted to say, your comment could have come directly from my mom, 65. She was one of the first adults diagnosed with adhd in the 90s, then late late LATE Dxed as autostic. never held a job but never got fired, always behind etc. It was very stressful. As a grown up now, also late dxed, I am able to understand my mom SO much better now. Through all the stress, her love and dedication to me was never in question. She did the very best she could without any support at all, I knew it even as a kid. The only thing I would change about my mother if I ever had the chance, is that she was able to forgive herself for the past and move on. She seems stuck in time, forever guilt ridden over my childhood. I write this overly personal rambling comment to say..... I hope anyone going through something similar to my mom or the comment I'm replying to is able to forgive themselves for whatever happened in the past due to a lack of proper disability support. If your family is anything like mine, they probably feel the same. Peace, love, and understanding to all xx
Understanding earlier really doesn’t help. Our society is happy to impoverish a significant chunk of itself to scare those better able to fit into the machine into compliance. 😕
Wow I reasonated with so much of what you talked about! Thank you for making this video and sharing this! I don't feel so completely alone in this suffering... Thanks!
have been watching this video in chunks over the last couple of days because i keep getting emotional at how resonant your words are; like, god! this is all stuff i am going through right now! im 25 and finally decided to go back to college after years of burning through a huge variety of jobs, and only now am i realising i was masking for all of that time and was actually very burnt out. your anecdote about the insurance company and *masking too well* during the interview hit way too close to home - i'm still recovering from the dressing-down i got during a job i worked as a baker where the café owner said she should never have trusted me with the role and that it felt like id lied to her about who i was 😭. this video is very clarifying for me and i think i will come back to it a few more times. thank you for sharing your experiences and for being so succinct
Thank you so much for sharing your story! I wasn't expecting to be engaged for the full video. I found so many parallels to my own life and career path, too many to list. I am self diagnosed autistic/adhd at the point to try a 2nd, stronger attempt to be official.
The only place I worked at for over a year(14 months) was a restaurant in 2023. It only ended because the owner sold starting this year.
I dreaded being back in the industry, but a workforce of a few officially diagnosed, with 40% of all employee being left handed and the owner being an exceptional employer were things that delayed my inevitable major burn ive come to experience this year.
My social assistance approved this morning and i plan to get in touch with that employer, I heard he started something a few blocks away from home. Ending this year of survival with some breathing room and fresh starts
I appreciate this video. You express a lot of ideas that I've struggled with, and hearing your perspective on various situations felt like a fortinate experience that brought value to my day. Thank you.
Wow everything you are saying is so relatable. I have been at a corporate job for the last 6 years and every week I cry about it. I miss a lot of work because I’m so depressed, but when you were talking about the boredom aspect- I felt that. My job pays incredibly well for what it is but I’m so BORED and stuck in my head all day. And I feel ungrateful for the job so many would kill for but it doesn’t nothing for me and I think about quitting every week with no back up plan
I'm sorry you're having this issue. I was diagnosed with autism last year at age 47. I do have a job-and even though its been frustrating-its been the one thing that has made me feel worthwhile.
truly it feels like i would be okay if i didn't have to worry about work and money. it's been slowly killing me for 10+ years and countless jobs. thank you for post i explaining this in words i couldn't find myself.
I have always found office environments, especially those that are obsessed with socials and team building, incredibly draining. Fake it til you make it gets very tiring after a while. I gave it up and became self employed but money is a struggle. At least I don't have to deal with offices anymore.
worked 11 years at a career job right out of high school, finally burnt out a few years ago. i was such a high achiever before this happened, but it wasn't at all sustainable. now coping with severe autistic burnout and ptsd and am really struggling to sit with it all. my body won't do what i want it to do anymore and i am disabled from my experiences and their severe impacts on my health. no idea where life will lead me at this point, but i hope enough time resting will yield some answers... it's really all i have to go on. wishing you the best in your journey. thank you for sharing this video
It does not make you a bad person to want/need to use your brain in order to be able to withstand work! The way you describe boredom in minimum wage work is incredibly valid. I have felt like I was crawling out of my skin with boredom. I've gotten very lucky with work, but I could have very easily found myself in exactly your position. I used to not be able to make it past 2 years in a job. I'm becoming more and more convinced that we should be freelancers. I wish we could find a community or organization that would help us with that!
Thank you so much! That's really nice to hear. I think because I was very passionate about Buddhism for a while, I had learned about the concept of treating menial work as a form of meditation and rising above the boredom and repetition. So I felt like a huge failure when I couldn't do that. But yes, I agree, anything that allows you to be in control of your time and when/where you work is key I think.
@@annagabriellenzi once had a flash of realization _while_ actually meditating, recognizing just how innate thinking is to us, and how it shouldn't be considered a nuisance, but an essential part of our nature.
it became clear to me then that our minds are similar to the ever-growing rodents' teeth. we need to be using it for what it's for, solving worthy & complex problems.
an underused mind, like rodents' overgrown teeth, works to our detriment and just starts hurting itself with rumination
people often say to me and i assume to many of us - "you're thinking too much" - well, since i remember this past realization, I'm much more accepting of my thinking mind. "you're thinking too much" is more a half-truth, as i cannot and shouldn't think less. "you're thinking about the wrong thing" proves more helpful to me for sure
Yup, boredom is absolutely killer! I worked a job in web development that had frequent slow periods where I'd just be paid to come in and sit at the PC. I could not appreciate that at all at the time. Now that I've not been able to find my way back to employment for a long time, I do envy what I had back then. But I now know why it was so taxing for me. Just goes to show you can have a job in a 'stimulating' field and STILL struggle with this.
Anyway, towards the end of my web dev career I was freelance and found clients through a freelancing agency called Creative Circle. They do the networking and sourcing of clients for you. They take a cut, of course, but they also were willing to charge more per hour for my service than I ever had the confidence to charge clients on my own so it worked out great.
Now if only someone could start a neurodivergent specific agency like this...
@@kiliya89 we need our own country it seems😂
@@annagabriellenz Oof I did this same thing! I also did it with hard relationships. I framed the struggle aspects coming in as triggers to look at and be with it as a meditation. The idea was that then if I supposedly worked through those/could be with them, I wouldn't have these triggers come up, and would be clearer. As a kind of evolution. But it just equaled pure burn out and overstimulation.
I've had every job under the sun, but couldn't pick up the will to stay in any of them. I was diagnosed with autism at 29, after being told I was just hysterical my whole life. It answered so many things and I'm a lot easier on myself.
I'm currently unemployed, which is embarrassing when ask what I do, but my mental health has never been so good.
Thanks for sharing, it's good to know I'm not the only one always struggling!
This is my experience exactly and am currently going through all this again. Just got my diagnosis this year. I'm working on coming to terms with it all and the trauma that comes with being autistic in a neurotypical world. I'm so glad I found this video. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks for sharing you are not alone. Feels great to get validation from so many others going through the same thing.
Hi Anna, thank you for sharing your journey! Sounds so relatable - this rocky road of travelling through life... It's great that you finished your master's and that you still remember why it matters to you. (Another "academic environmentalist" here.) You seem like such a cool person - would be fun to have interesting conversations with you. - Fingers crossed that some employer can see that it would only take keeping you in a suitable work environment to have such a gem in their company.
That's very kind, thank you
I'm a 32 year old man literally sitting here in tears right now. Our stories are more similar than I can put into words but when you started talking about the chatter in your office and not being able to concentrate.... that was the point for me a few years ago that I realized I might be autistic. I started bringing headphones to work and blasting classical music or EDM while doing my work because if other conversations were happening around me I genuinely just couldn't function. My boss brought it up in front of everyone in a group meeting one day and nobody could understand why their laughing and talking was bothering me while I tried to type out quotes and run reports.
Anyway I absolutely loved listening to you talk and if you ever read this just know that you made at least one more person feel less alone. It's really comforting to know that there are other people who understand what it's like.
I'm 29. Also autistic, also with a master in environmental science, also painting, also wanting to publish my book... Also unemployed. I managed to work for 4 years and then it was over, I didn't have any energy left. I felt like I was slowly dying, either of anxiety or boredom and I'm still searching for a job that won't destroy me. I hate not working, but I cannot work.
29 as well, my threshold was about 5 years ago, im there with you
@gallonofpcp 🥰
I'm so glad I found this video. It's nice to know I'm not alone. My anxiety has gotten so bad over the years and I've experienced all these feelings anytime I don't have the option to work from home, and now finding work has gotten even harder on top of that. I do not know how other people function and do stuff outside work.
I manage someone on the spectrum and this video has helped me to understand them a little bit more. Thank you.
Thank you Anna. You explain everything so well and have helped my husband understand what I try to explain. It's so nourishing to know it isn't just me. I hope you see we have a community too, it's just not as easy to find.
I have fought so hard to get and stay in environmental restoration but it isn't a career built with us in mind, surprisingly.
It's also spooky how alike we seem to be. I have recently started an art 'business' which has a dragonfly very similar to you. My husband is also a bit spooked by the similarity of you on your videos and myself but he says you are better at tidying the kitchen hehe.
Anyway, thank you!! You are amazing and how amazing this world would be if there was a place for all of us. X
My kitchen is not always tidy haha
I can relate so much. All the stresses, overstimulation really accumulates. It's a miracle I've lasted 3 years at my current job but I've been burnt out for over a year and recently my mental health has really plummeted. It makes me feel like a child and so ashamed that I can't handle what everyone else seems to. It makes it so much worse the fact that I'm good at my job but I'm grossly underpaid because I'm not an extraverted/charismatic person. I need to quit for my health and sanity. p.s you seem lovely!! xx
I think you would be surprised how many other people feel like this but just don’t say anything (because they also feel exactly like you). When I started opening up to people it helped, you are not alone and you have got this 😊 don’t blame yourself, you are probably just in a soul destroying environment
@@DanasDiary. Thank you for your kind response 💕
Thanks so much for sharing your experience. It echoes so many of my own experiences with employment. Spending every waking hour outside of work trying, desperately, to calm the nervous system is no way to live and so we do what we can. We are trying, traumatised and trying. I send a message to anyone out there who has experienced similar or who is going through just now, I see you and know you are doing your best.
I can relate to this so much. I currently work 9-5 in a very demanding role in an office environment (I work in HR) and it takes every ounce of energy out of me, even though I work 3 days from home per week. I often worry about the future as I don't know how long I can keep this up. I was never diagnosed, but every test I have ever taken suggests that I have a very high number of autistic traits. My dream is to have a small business selling diy jewelry or home decor, I just have no idea where I will find the time or energy to get started. I'm sending positive vibes to you and everyone else in the comments.
my partner has been dealing with this a lot - they're autistic and disabled, and haven't been able to hold a job in years. it stresses them out so badly. we're lucky that I work in a field that pays well, but they've told me recently that even finding something to do just to fill their time with something worthwhile has been next to impossible. it's a struggle to be sure, and I can't thank you enough for posting this video talking about it
This is extremely relatable, especially as someone who also suffers from severe autism and a number of other issues. I have not been able to hold down a job since i was 14 when i worked with horses for 2 years unpaid and is the longest job ive ever had to this date. I've tried everything from bar work, mcdonalds, barista and my most recent being an accountant. I've had my fair share of issues within these jobs either caused by my mental stability or co workers who have gone beyond comfortable boundaries with me, i dont know why its been so difficult and honestly ive felt alone in the entirety of it as it seems so easy for my friends/family to settle into jobs and i cant seem to stay in one longer than 5/6 months. Im really happy this video was recommended to me as i feel like maybe i should seek professional help, im sick of being in an endless cycle of apply for 100s of jobs, get a few interviews and then finally manage to get a job only for it to end within the next year, not because im lazy or dont want to work but because like you mention, i also work myself into the ground when it comes to employers but i feel like with my recent experiences its more than just getting exhausted from constant stress. Thank you for making this video as it has opened my eyes to what employment has really been like for me :)
This was very eye-opening and relatable. Thank you so much for sharing.
I relate so so much. In fact both me and my partner are both wired this way. The goal we’ve come to is ultimately being self employed, for all of the reasons you have stated about being employed. Go for it!!!! We’ve got this and all that matters is that we are well and have joy and peace. Thank you for making this video ❤
I'm 60 years old but I relate to this so much. Have you ever considered reselling? I have been doing this for several years and while it is not a guaranteed set income it ticks all my other boxes. I'm my own boss, I don't have to really deal with other people, it is good for the environment / sustainable. I go to thrift stores, estate sales and rummage sales to find inventory and then sell my items on ebay, Etsy, Facebook and a couple of other platforms. You can work as little or as much as you want.
During my 'Professional Career' I got fired 8 times plus Quit and Left on Bad Terms another 7 times.
I only discovered I have Aspergers in the last 3 years. The ONLY Solution for me was Self Employment.
To sum up my experience of working with Neurotypicals in 2 Words: 'Scapegoating' and 'Bullying' were CONSTANT over my 25 Year 'Career'. Eventually I got to the age where I could No longer get Interviews... this FORCED me to 'Hit the Reset Button', and become a Self-Employed Tradesman
Best thing I Ever Did!
BTW - Open Plan Offices were TORTURE, and EXHAUSTING !!
[I had Meltdowns, Shutdowns & Freak-Outs where Security had to be called & I was 'Escorted from the Building'!]
From start to finish, you described my entire working/life experience. Thank you for making me feel less alone on this journey.
Great video. We autistic men are often and most likely are under or unemployed, too. I have a Ph.D. and is a licensed lawyer in the U.S., but throughout my life hoped to just have a job that paid somewhat higher than minimum wage. Like you, I once waited on tables, but that was one of the jobs I was bad at. I just can't multitask and have a poor working memory. In most of my jobs, I too was the hardest and probably the most efficient worker. However, because of my autistic traits, most employers simply hated me. Unlike you, I waited until I got fired or was forced to resign. I never was able to get a recommendation. I've thought about moving to New Zealand, but because I'm autistic, I'm barred from moving there.
“Most employers simply hated me.”
Oof. I felt this hard. Add “most colleagues” to that list in my case.
Do you really have to declare your autism to move to NZ? Also isn’t it discrimination not to let you in!!
I feel that. I can’t multi task for the life of me. I like routine work that doesn’t involve many people. It’s the only thing I can manage for a 40 hour work week. Most employees working with me find me annoying. Especially when I am in the training phase. I haven’t been able to stay at jobs for longer than 2 years without burning out. I still haven’t been fired yet. I do get taken advantage of by the managers and supervisors tho. (Work more than I should)
@@daisychain914 Not sure what the procedure would be for applying for residency. But my autistic diagnosis is part of my medical record.
@edwardsong7628 I'm a New Zealander and am just curious, how do you think moving to NZ would help with your autism?
the brain damaging depression triggering boredom really needs more coverage !
strong relate to all your experiences ! tnx for sharing!