Why Did My Ex Leave Without Saying A Word?
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- Опубліковано 12 бер 2024
- Why did they leave without saying a word. In this video, Coach Craig Kenneth and Coach Victoria explore the emotional impact of being left without a word by your ex-partner. Gain a deeper understanding of the complexities involved in such breakups and learn how to navigate this challenging situation. Subscribe now for expert guidance on "Why Did My Ex Leave Without Saying A Word.
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The reason avoidants are often described as sweet is because they are not themselves with their partners. They don't voice needs or boundaries, they don't address issues, they don't open up, because deep down they feel defective and don't want to expose their perceived and real vulnerabilities. They don't know how to deal with conflict. They are also somewhat chameleon like with people in general, fitting in as much as possible so as not to stand out and become the centre of attention or a target. They come across as lovely and having it together but that's just hiding a very fragile sense of self and deep-seated fear of being found wanting.
I theorize that he is compartmentalizing his life to prevent the things he's hiding from intersecting in the areas where he wants to keep them secret. He's not merely 'avoidant'; he's dishonest and secretive.
It makes perfect sense why he preferred something long distance; he believed it would provide him with the space to conceal his other life. However, even in long-distance relationships, the truth cannot remain hidden indefinitely. This situation serves as a strong example of why long-distance relationships should be approached with skepticism. From this email, it's evident that she didn't truly know him, and that was his intention. It's circumstances like these that highlight why long-distance relationships should be avoided, particularly if there are no immediate plans to reside in the same locality.
My ex of 7 years just did this as well when I brought up future talk. He is very avoidant as well and abruptly ended things and ghosted me. Very cruel.
After 7 years? That's so bad... I'm so sorry. Why can't we all be raised to be emotionally competent
Yeah. Mine too. 4 yrs and when i tried to talk to him about getting together (we are already in a relationship for 4 yrs) he started being cold. Didn’t contact for a week then came back to say sorry because he was not feeling well. I didn’t reply. New year he greeted me and i greeted back. I never pressured him. He just liked my reply. I never messaged him again. He also didnt msg me again. So thst was that. He wasted my time. All of those letters and gifts he sent i guess meant nothing. I am crushed. But i try to be strong. He still follows me on socials and sometimes views my stories. He was the best for the first few yrs. Sweet, kind, attentive and then booom! Changed his mind. He has opened up about his traumas and i thought by listening and not pressuring him i was gonna do something good but yeah it didnt matter in the end.
It was ldr. He always said we will meet someday but he doesnt know when. Mofo
The weird thing with us is I don't know if he's abandoned me or I abandoned him. He kind of ghosted me and I went no contact. His mother has been sick, and that may be why he ghosted me, but I stopped caring why he did it and went radio silent because he has so much difficulty communicating in the simplest ways.
She is obviously not a priority in his life. When people tell you and show you who they are, believe them!!!
My dear lady ... please don't waste any more valuable time of yours in this uncertain relationship ... even if he comes back to you, please don't trust him anymore ...
He is not meant to be made for you ... someone very beautiful human being will come & fill that gap of yours ...
Have patience in this difficult part of your life ...
Amen 🙏
That would be a great video topic that Coach Victoria mentioned. I'd love to hear you two perspectives on that. Please make it happen 🙏
My ex of 6 months and I got into our first dispute in an otherwise fantastic relationship. I felt she was taking me for granted so I voiced this, and rather than hearing me out and reassuring me she instead exploded and blame shifted it on me.
She then said "I need time talk when I can" after she ignored my call and blocked me on everything 2 days later. Blocked my socials and blocked my number, never even said we were done or were breaking up. That was 2 weeks ago and it's radio silent.
This is by far the hardest breakup for me as we had so much chemistry and I basically got ghosted and discarded like trash. I refuse to sacrifice my dignity by going around the block. I have a serious hunch had her eyes set on someone else and blew things out of proportion on purpose to end things.
Hi Craig,
Firstly thank you for the work that you do - you have no idea how much your videos are helping me through the hardest time I think I'll ever experience.
I wanted to ask your opinion on my situation because I feel SO lost...
My ex and I were together a few years, we bought a house together, we were due to get married in a couple of weeks and we were at the final stage of a long IVF process (same sex couple).
Back in October last year she split up with me, giving me a load of reasons that made no sense... "I just don't want to get married" "I just don't want kids" "we've argued too much the past couple of weeks". All of this was completely untrue and I knew none of those were the real reason.
To cut a long story short, the reason she left me was for another woman. Someone she had a fling with before we got together, but never got a real chance with because this woman was married to a man with 2 kids.
This woman left her husband and wanted to give them a proper go, so my ex left everything we had because she couldn't let her slip away again.
We're 4/5 months on and she contacts me every week for various pointless questions. She gives me reasons why we need to meet and talk. She doesn't follow me on Instagram but looks at almost every story I put on. She gets annoyed at me when I cut contact.
All of that would indicate that she's not 100% sure she's made the right decision and is trying to keep me on the hook.
However, she has just sold our house and is moving up north to live with the other woman and her kids. They're also talking about starting IVF themselves which they will do quickly because they're 36 and 42.
Is she still unsure whether she's made the wrong choice? Or is she purposely just trying to stay in my head to stop me moving on for controlling reasons?
Actions speak louder than words to me and the fact she has sold the house to move in with her speaks volumes. So why is she still texting me and watching my social media? She also told me that this has all happened too quickly. And in the first couple of months of us splitting up, she was telling this woman she loves her but she was calling me when she was on her own telling me she misses me and that she still loves me. I saw her a few weeks ago to pick things up from the house and she was being tactile and playful... but she's planning her future with the other woman.
Coach Victoria, you nailed it. I, originally anxious, got into a 10-year relationship with an avoidant, and indeed, after a few years into it I noticed that I stopped expecting from him what he could not give when it comes to the emotional maturity and care for my needs. I grew to be more and more like him, and even took pride in the fact that I'm "such a big girl" at times. Self-sufficient, independent.. Today, when I'm out of the relationship, I hear that I'm cold. Big thank you coaches, I've been a fan for many many years, you helped me understand myself and those around me, helped me through my dramas, I'm definitely more aware and healthy today
Left after 3 years. She disappeared all of the sudden. The last thing I said to her was, I'll call you later" found out later through Facebook she went to 7 day resort with another guy. I have never seen her or heard from her ever again. Is this cold?
I can totally relate to this story, thank you 🙌🏽💚
I have also noticed cuz I like to date avoidance that when you do try to incorporate them into your friend group they tend to not connect with your friends
Coach Vicky, you are as cute as a button and remind me so much of my niece that the resemblance is uncanny and in general I enjoy your insights... but... your comment about you being suspicious when people don't have any friends was insensitive and hurtful. I have a diagnosis for Asperger's/high functioning autism and I battle to make and maintain friendships and relationships, but I want nothing more for myself than to have close friendships and relationships. But I don't have any friends and i am not close with my family.
Yet here i am watching these relationship videos to try and grow as a person and to learn how better to navigate challenges with close connections, especially with attachment dynamics. I have done a lot of work on myself and I hold myself to really high standards in connections because I want to be accepted in connections, and yet somehow I am here without any. I haven't had a relationship since I was 28 and I am now 45.
To the outside world I realise I may look "avoidant". Anyone in connection with me is not going to meet my family because I'm not in contact with my family and they won't meet my friends because I don't have any.
The reason I keep my distance from my family and battle with friendships and connections is that I notice I'm not allowed to have needs, especially around sensory sensitivities and emotional overwhelm and needing to take space for self care and to regulate my nervous system after a challenging day in the world. Sometimes we don't have the capacity to communicate at all until we have regulated again, this can take days. Even longer with burnout.
My needs and boundaries keep on getting walked all over by the majority of the neurotypical world and i keep getting told to stop being so sensitive and that I need to toughen up.
I only found out last year I'm on the neurodiversity spectrum - which also includes an ADHD diagnosis. This means my mind is on a million things a day and there are things to factor in like time blindness, executive dysfunction, object impermanence, shut downs, and hyper focus on my special interests - as well as the need for routine and consistency - and spacious connections that don't demand too much from me emotionally and energetically because I already need to navigate my own sensitivities and meet my own needs because the outside world refuses to.
My point is, we can go our entire lives living with a differently wired brain and not understand why we battle with connections, despite that we're trying our damndest to have capacity for healthy connection... and yet, because of our needs for personal space due to sensory sensitivity and overwhelm, we always seem to attract avoidant partners and connections.
I am also wondering, based on the multiple connections I have had with avoidant attachers, how many avoidants and anxious attachers out there are on the neurodiversity spectrum with high functioning autism.
The avoidant attachers I've connected with have also been highly sensitive and have done amazing work on themselves... but they also get overwhelmed by the emotional, attention, and energetic demands others are making of them, when they have their own inner states to navigate to care for themselves.
Statistics show that 1 in 44 children in USA have autism. I feel like there's a high chance as many undiagnosed adults are walking around being condemned as avoidant attachers because their brains are wired differently and they have different relational needs to most people.
I wish the world would realise that there are more people walking around with neurodiverse brains than they think and that it cannot be assumed that everyone has a neurotypical brain.
Hi Craig, Victoria & Margaret r.i.p.
No contact works therapy works the workbooks work it work so well my ex came married for 10years but the last 2 years it's been off & on separated for year then again for 6 months til I started working on myself thanks to Craig and his crew. I'm for ever grateful still continue to work on my attachment style. But the new issue my wife brought her mom to live with us and this lady is full of anxiety I try really hard to be humble and nice but not a door mat or people pleaser on top of that I'm dealing with 2 family members that our addicts meth I went into No contact with them too my marriage and my mental health our my priority. Any comments please help what do I about the mother in law living with us and what do I do about the drug addicts in my life.
It may sometimes be necessary to do this if the person is abusive and is unlikely to react well to a breakup to the extent it could put one in danger.
Hello Craig my ex loves me but does not expressing love towards me and avoiding me ,we intemated many times...pls help me
My mom said "boys will be boys" and every time I bring it up she says "you never told me that." Once I did a test and every day for 7 days I told her about it and every day for 7 days she said " you never told me that."
It's really a shame that my mom outlived to my dad and I have to semi-care for her. It's not fair
How about me who invested my time and all for 17 long years? He was gone just like that.Im devastated until now.😢😢😢
Abandand without a chat 3 months carries on like it doesn't matter invited me round see her and her mum
Like we are friends
No thanks
Jesus, seven years. (avoidant / NPD & anxious?) "Normal" people would want to be together, especially after years.
Who cares if someone doesn't have alot of friends i luv being alone 🤷🏻♀️
I do agree he had some liking to her
And the reason why he didn't probably want to introduce her to his son that's too soon even though they have been talking for 7 years the kid never saw her so it doesn't count lol and i feel she liked him more then he liked her it made him feel a little bad so instead of him going all the way telling her the truth he peaced out , and she knows he goes from plc to plc so she knows he's obviously not a grounded person i think she expected too much instead just eventually looked at it as having fun ! And except the bare of bad news oh well why do woman always feel like they can conquer men like this whats the end gane to it? Ugh. Too much work and he alot of female friends pls nope get me a drink i just want to have fun !
The min a man tells me whether its true or not im not expecting nothing ! He's just an option of experience that im never going to see again save yourself the time and take it for what it is
💜💜💜
This is excitedly why nobody gets into my bed until ALL the components of a good relationship are in place for a long period of time. The man I’m dating now is reaching a full year this month. We’ve talked about getting closer but I’m not fully invested yet. We are smitten with each other, so that part is really nice. I’m not about to get pumped & dumped tho. Not going to happen. My best friend… her boyfriend asked me on a date last night. This behavior makes me once again lose faith in men. I have value. Real value. I feel it’s a must that I insist that value is honored.
You've been stringing this guy away for a whole year, and you call yourself a woman of value? Cmon
It sounds like you’re an avoidant and rationalizing the reason you’ve shied away from intimacy for a year.
3 dates with no intimacy? Walk away gentlemen.
talk about a 7-year itch!! ouch!
It really is irrelevant how much you like someone.
If they leave, let them go.
Because it is the Gift of Freedom from the person who devalues you.
If the love is worthless to her, let her go. It is no big deal. Because, women are in general a heavy financial burden.
Goodbye to Agata.
And the rest of the women.
Life is calm peaceful, harmony.
You sound like an amazing man 🥰
Sounds like DA Im dealing with 😵💫 and im the AP. Welcome to the dance 🤪. But I step back. 5 years with 1 year breaks back and forth. I tell him he ghosted me and in his eyes he didn’t he just busy. He’s hyper independent. I’m a blunt person and say what’s on my mind so can see why he pulls back. He never blocked me though I do 🤦🏽♀️. I would mostly start the conversation but when I pull back too long he does or stalks the stories. The last contact in Feb I told what exactly what my needs are. He asked to see me but If nothings is changing why do it and it’s gonna be cycle all over again. I want growth. I care and have deep feelings for him but I had to put my boundries up which I never use to do. rollercoaster 🎢❤❤️🩹🤦🏽♀️😵💫🥺💔🏃🏻🏃🏽♀️🙊🗣️