The hardest thing for abuse survivors to believe is that they are truly lovable, they are worthy of love despite all the lies they've been told verbally and by the way they're been treated. When someone love such a survivor, they don't know how to handle it, so they sabotage the relationship since they believe it will end anyway, or they just outright reject the one who loves them and run.
I dated a very mentally disturbed girl for two years. Someone with borderline personality disorder. Who could be so sweet and thrn a second later start abusing me. I believe she may have been sexually abused as a child. Never found out for sure. I was trying to help her. We were making progress but one day I asked, “do you think you may have been molested as a child”? She freaked out and got very angry. She said we were never to discuss her issues again. That was that. My ex was extremely promiscuous. She was a virgin she said until 18 but afterwards within the span of about five years she slept with close to 100 different men. This was something I tried to look past but it always bothered me. It’s hard to trust someone who basically sleeps with every man she meets. She would often tell me she always feels it’s her “job” to please the man sexually. That the man won’t love her and will leave her if she didn’t give it to him everyday. I said that she was much more than that to me. I said you have so much more to offer. That other men just use her for sex and dump her off to the curb because she has such very deep seeded mental issues that they can’t and don’t want to handle. Yet sadly she never believed what I believed in her. She was also very aggressive with sex. Not like dominant during but extremely pushy to have it. In the two years we dated there was only one day we didn’t have sex and that was because I was in the hospital. She was often he one wanting to initiate it. Sex was often just robotic in nature. Just take your clothes off and go at it. Usually no foreplay unless initiated. Sadly now she’s back to her life of hooking up in cars and going to cheap sleezy motels for random sexual encounters. That’s her life to live. I don’t want to be a part of it. I’ll never know for sure if she was sexually abused but based off her actions and the information I have I’d have to wager that she definitely was.
I am a survivor of sexual abuse... and have been down both paths. At one point I was hypersexual and intentionally sought out NSA sexual relationships, and found it easy to engage in not-exactly-legal sex work because I was having sex anyway 🤷🏼♂️ getting money for something I was already doing anyway was a no-brainer. However, I have endured different sexual traumas since then, and now have a broken libido. I identify now as asexual/demisexual and am glad that the asexual community is very much open and welcoming to people who identify as asexual or demisexual DUE TO trauma. So if you lost your sex drive due to trauma, just an FYI that you are welcome in the Ace Community and you didn't have to be born Ace 🖤💜
This is honestly why it’s so evil to tell women who have gone thru this that they’re damaged goods and worthless as a result. Believing those things about yourself will only drive you to INCREASE the promiscuous behavior. It’s when you accept yourself and dismiss those opinions that you stop engaging in promiscuity. I think some angry guys in particular know this deep down and WANT these women to continue being promiscuous so that they have a chance to score easily.
Talk more about this please. How do you handle intrusive thoughts? I feel like I wired my body for abuse. My pleasure feels forever connected to my abuse. My fantasy world is not my own I wish I could just forget but instead my mind just wants to replay it all.
Oh so sad. Number 1 there's no shame in being positive about libido anyway, male and female. Nothing to be ashamed of as long as you embrace your own power, stay safe and healthy, and respect yourself and don't let anybody else disrespect you. But number 2 I've seen someone who is not promiscuous, but whose own intimacy is like a subconscious re-living of trauma, and I'm not against kinks, but eventually it made me sad because I just wanted this person I love to heal.... And have the right to enjoy intimacy in a spiritual and connected way, not like being caught in a repeat feeling from original trauma.
@@thomasrussell4674 I think as the Partner you can help Most If you See this as an addiction you are responsible for. So show her you are there for her but you won't have sex with her. For example cuddle her with the pressure of your body to give comfort without sex.
I became hypersexual after being sexually assaulted and till this day I still am but I just can't relate to this. Being hypersexual boosts my self esteem. It makes me feel in control. I love the way I look. When I have sex I have a emotional connection and most times I'm not afraid of it. But I'm really glad you mentioned it because this isn't talked about enough on the internet.
that's odd and cool. Are you able to say no and ask for what you want? because i thought i was like this but i wasnt being very honest with myself and although i felt like i was in control of myself i wasnt leaving satisfied or getting what i deserved at all
You never mentioned rape until part through the video. However, I knew that you had been during your first passage. As I myself had been sexually assaulted at 15. Thank you so much for this video. I suffer from bipolar disorder 1 with psychotic features, ptsd and anxiety. I want to thank you for your resilience!
I use think as child I cried on how other children have talents and how it made me fat. 😢It made me fantasize abusive sex and abusive romantic relationships.
I love the transparency and that you dgaf.....I never was promiscuous but after I got raped it’s like I lost my voice to say no and I cant understand how I lost my power . So I decided to be celibate until I heal.
I like the way you communicate and what you might consider is to start forgiving yourself. The best way to do that is focus on making the best of today. Time starts to heal it when you work towards your goals.
You are so incredibly strong and very self aware. I'm so happy for you and that you've had this realization, and it seems like you've healed from your past. That's awesome!
I tried to “heal” after being sexually abused by becoming promiscuos and trying to feel in control only by ending up in another rape situation while being drunk, made me more or a woman have to admit it, almost killed be tough
Thank you for sharing your story. As hard as at may have been, more people will relate to it, myself included, than you probably realize. You are a voice of victory and hope, by your own testimony, you inspire others. Perhaps you continue to struggle at times, and that’s all right too, but there is a sincerity and genuineness in your words that will help others. Be well..
I was 20 when I experienced online grooming. Ever since I felt I gave myself to a manipulative predator. I became depressed and hypersexual and eventually promiscuous.
I would like to say that you are an amazing person for being courageous enough to share your story with people that have suffered; with ptsd and sexual abuse. You are really helping others heal also. Sometimes survivors feel like they are on their own.. Your video has helped many of us, in some way so thankyou. 🤲
Wow, that was a really powerful and honest share I appreciate you very much taking an honest assessment of yourself and not blaming 'all men.' There is still a lot that is lovable about you, so just be honest and go with it.
I was sexually abused when I was 13 and it happened with other people besides that one person after it and now I’m 33 and I’m still not over it I still question people I still don’t trust people. I actually wear baggy clothes around women not that I don’t like baggy clothes . I do but it means something else when I’m around women because I’m not gay and I was a little girl who was sexually abused by women. I actually trust men a lot more than women it’s sad but I don’t trust women when they smile at me either I don’t trust their motives .
Self-loathing and never becoming attached are how I've handled all interpersonal relationships since the rape. It is also the reason I sent away my first husband, father of my child, and best friend after a rape.
i think its repressed feelings so people compensate with it. i got shamed a lot during high school while being bullied and caused a lot of psychosis. i thought they pulled my pants down when i was drunk and taken pictures of me naked. they kicked me in the private parts and my pants was full of blood. and send the pictures through the whole school among other things that i dont wanna talk about now but still causes trauma
I was assaulted and raped by my ex…it’s been like 5 years since I left him…I didn’t know that’s what it was when I was with him. He convinced me that telling him no was a crime against the relationship, that girlfriends are supposed to want to do those things. It didn’t matter if we were alone or if ppl were in the other room…if we were in public. It didn’t matter…I became promiscuous after that. I figured if I give it, it can’t be taken. But after being celibate, and then entering the dating world again it got taken from me twice…and now I’ve lost my ability to really say no. Because when I said no I got silenced and My way to cope was to disassociate. I told my mom some of this and she shamed me saying I invited this. Which in a way I did but my intentions were good. All I ever wanted was love and to be truly valued, and In the end I did to myself emotionally and sexually what men have done to me, and now I don’t know if I will ever want, or be able to have a normal loving relationship ever. I can’t even say without a doubt that I deserve it. I feel like prey.
Hiiiii 🥰 sorry for barely watching any of your stuff til now, my broken brain does weird things and I gaslight and guilt trip myself until I actively avoid watching things I literally want to watch 🤣 but I have seen you posting more and I'm glad you're feeling better, get ready for tons of comments from me because I'm also finally feeling much better 👍
Yes, I am feeling a lot better now! I still have issues with taste / smell every once in a while (just with garlic-which sucks because I used to love garlic 🧄). I’m seeing an eye specialist soon though because when I first got infected with Covid, it began in my eyes. I’m hoping it’s just chronic dry eye because I’m a fine artist and it would REEEAAALLY suck if this “over exaggerated flu” (😉😉) caused permanent damage. How have you been holding up since catching Covid???
I am one of those people that experiences mild sexual abuse that bordered on sexual assault. And although I am not a virgin, I only had one sexual relationship with a boyfriend. And, although my experience wasn't as bad and I made different choices, I felt almost the same as you and blamed myself because I always froze up and couldn't verbalize no. I thought it, but I couldn't form words and kept reminding what happened another time with someone else. I was sexually harassed at so many jobs that I just let myself get fat enough to feel safe and undesirable. Guess I am saying to you, even if you made different choices like me you would likely still be trapped without therapy. I still haven't unpacked much of that. For me, it was even worse being in a church where everyone else was a Christian. Just because we are different and made different choices doesn't mean we both didn't suffer. Hope you heal from this and learn what to do with it. I am learning that therapy doesn't erase the past and the pain. It just helps you hold it differently.
One thing I know for me is that sex was sexual abuse, the two were tied together. That thing that everyone was always talking about or hinting at in shows and in person was just this sick manipulative trickery. I had no interest in it whatsoever. But since the interest in it was expressed everywhere else, I could use it. I could use it to get attention, to get alcohol and cigarettes, to be a "grown up", to have a place to live. I hated it but I pretended to love it. I had no idea that it was supposed to be any other way. It was like discovering some kind of tool and power that I had. But my real power was just that I was honest about nasty sex, or so I thought. I never, ever imagined that sex could ever be something that expressed love, not for me. That eventually was resolved but it took decades. I'm sure it could take less time for others if they worked on healing.
I can relate, you are not alone ❤️❤️ I am a surviour of three sexual harrasment scenarios and one rape. After the rape happened I got really out of control. I became known as the scarlet harlot, and basically thought sex was all I had to offer men. My self worth was so so low. I'm embarrassed that I let my mental health deteriorate so severely. I ended up falling pregnant to a guy I had a one night stand with and had an abortion. I feel ruined.
Despite your extreme hardships and trauma you still show empathy for another woman. No matter what you've done, deep inside you are a good person. I hope you've gotten the help you need and deserve. You deserve so much more from life than the pain from your past. ❤
I know exactly how you feel. What got me changing my ways was when I took it too far and agreed to be a *femboy* at a meet up organised on that site fet life. I was the youngest, and me and one other were f***ed by 14 women and 3 men all Saturday afternoon up until the next morning around 4 😔 I was red all over, bruised, cuts and scratches from the bullwhips and horse whips they used on us none stop. Never done it before so I was NOT ready but nearly of those women used strap ons. Can't believe I had them forcing these giant novelty steap ons, like 15inch long 3 inch thick.....in me. (That had me crying from genuine pain) Anyway, I'll stop going on.. but yeah, that night made me fix my ways.
I have a feeling that we have a bunch of stories that we could share with each other but UA-cam definitely wouldn't like it lol... I was never classified as a drug addict, BUT I did experiment and abuse some substances, I have woken up on couches of people I didn't remember, having to use Maps on my phone to get a friend to pick me up from a town i'd never heard of 😅 because the previous day I wanted to mentally exist somewhere else
Glad this hit my algorithm. I relate so much to you. I was abused every other weekend by two step brothers of mine from 9 to 15. I didnt know it was wrong until i told a friend in highschool one day i was dating my step brother. She was like. "Thats weird". Then it started to click. They groomed me so well. I was truly clueless it wasn't normal. My parents both knew. Did nothing. Was extremely promiscuous from 15 until i began stripping to support my drug addiction from 22 until 25. Im now 29, and now avoid swx at all costs, even though i am about to marry an amazing man in 2 weeks. He understands, but it puts a strain on our relationship. About to start ketamine therapy in hopes it will help me heal. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experience. ❤
My ex and her ridiculous decisions make more sense after watching this. I really loved her but I'm never talking to her again after the way she did me.
I don’t blame you at all. What she did to you was equally as abusive as what she went through that made her that way-I know this because I was pretty similar to her back when I acted the way I did in those times. I’m very sorry that you had to go through that. NO ONE deserves that, no matter what the abuser had gone through in their past, nothing excuses that.
@@jackichemslave Thanks Jacki I really needed to hear that Since we split I've had absolutely no contact with her whatsoever It's been rough but I've just recently started really getting over it.
@@jackichemslave you are being very supportive. however we dont know what she did to him. i assume her promiscuity has resulted in more rape which is very traumatic for her and should be understood by anyone in her community. Her cheating is harmful but this guy doesnt sound as compassionate as he should sound for someone who knows she is a victim. he also hasnt said she has sexually assaulted him or transmited him any sti so to call her decisions ridiculous sound victim blaming.
"Apparently people like what I have to say on UA-cam" I can feel the emotional state there, I know how you feel. Part of me really doesn't understand why people follow me at all. I feel like some wacko online babbling randomly at a screen, but I get comments from people that my content is HELPING them in some way 🤯 I'm just some goober, going on bipolar rants to my 200ish subscribers, the idea that people get VALUE from my content or from me in ANY way is absolutely humbling, flattering, and confusing! And I see you have 1k, I think if I woke up to 1k subs I might just have a panic attack and pass out 🤣🤣
Dude omg when I hit 1K I freaked out 😳 it’s really cool, but also scary because I’m worried about getting more trolls. I don’t think I’m strong enough to handle them, but I guess we’ll see. But your videos DO HELP a LOT! I watch you all of the time, believe it or not (I’m not one to comment very often; I always hit the like button though 😉). You’re very relatable!
@@jackichemslave I really feel amazing hearing that. I know that the strangest things can help someone, that I've personally gotten motivation and hope from super strange things/people, it just feels so strange to be seen as worthwhile/valuable for doing something as simple as sharing your own life experiences, perspectives, opinions, etc. and I feel like that whether it's hundreds of people or just one person. I don't know how I could possibly handle having a huge subscriber base, I am honestly very much satisfied with helping just a few people 🤷🏼♂️ I just appreciate it so much, I want to make.some sort of positive impact during the course of my life 🥰 and I feel happy hearing this from you
don't wanna diminish anyone's trauma, I've been abused myself, but I hate that language trend of calling victims "survivors". If somebody was trying to kill you, you would be dead... simple. I get why some people would like the victim points.
I was never apart of hookup culture...i was never out looking fpr sex or cut huddies....i was just trying to date and these men didnt know how to keep their damn hands to themselves...digging thru everything i jave or have ever done...is there any wvidence of me engaging in hook up culture? Hell no! Because again..that was never me
I have never been sexualy abused. I have been mentaly and emotionaly abused. The first time i had sex the woman kind of fooled me. but it does not really affect me much. The worst thing i think has happend to me was emotional trama. Like it made me depressed for years and i gained a lot of weight after and i stopped working. And i really liked the person who did it to me too. They were really friendly and they were kind of slutty, and bi sexual. Or at least they told me they were. I met them years later and found out the whole thing was a well laid trap. Thats when it became emotional and tramatizing, but this time i knew how to turn the tables. I keep thinking of her and i have to remind myself that that was not a real person. That might have been het real name, and she might have used her real face, but more or less she was an actor sent to destroy my life. And she did, in one day, for the forth time. I got to just keep reminding myself that she was not real and that i have someone who wants to be my wife now. And it just so happens that this person is loaded. So i guess its sunshine and sunscreen for me. She is good looking too. I think she looks like the person who tramatized me a little. Im going to ask her if she can die her hair a different coulor so im not reminded all the time. But other than that, i really just want to maybe go and hang out with some of the guys in the garrage. And have a drink or something. You know if you want i can introduce you to someone. But your probably way far away. Forget i said anything. I dont know anybody right now anyway.
You are the beloved of God Ask Jesus to come into your life. I had the same happen to me and I did the same as you and I regret it and it is embarrassing..Thankyou for your honesty I have been forgiven thru Jesus Bless you
Love and lust are not the same, dear. Attention and affection are the actual need a can be non sexually based. Intimacy is the goal most important. Loved for just being beautiful you as God created you to be , loved and to love others.
Dear ones, Have you tried to heal throug Christ? Please go to church, if you are catholic you can talk to a priest. Please do so. My prayers for all of you.
what did you sexual abuser actually do ??? physical abuse? ? thats a different case I feel like you are over-exaggerating did he just leave you ?? by the way you said you gave yourself to him its just confusing ??
You are certainly much more than your body. Whoever harmed you is certainly less than his own body not you. And you are not semi attractive you are a 100 per cent attractive woman.
I believe it's age. When I was young, getting raped made me curious about sex. Now I've been raped and molested so often on the astral plane that I hate sex. This turned out to be a blessing because my life is so much better. Now that I don't have sex or masturbate, I can concentrate on what I'm doing, I can read my Bible and speak more clearly. When I wàs promiscuous I was kinda tongue tied and all. So many things improved and I will never have sex again. Ten years no sex with anyone, the next ten years no sex, and after that. Jesus Christ is faithful to save all those who ask for his help ❤
Again, u are attempting to write the narrative the way that i want it or will reflect the way that u have painted me vs actually listenong my side of what happened.
The hardest thing for abuse survivors to believe is that they are truly lovable, they are worthy of love despite all the lies they've been told verbally and by the way they're been treated. When someone love such a survivor, they don't know how to handle it, so they sabotage the relationship since they believe it will end anyway, or they just outright reject the one who loves them and run.
I dated a very mentally disturbed girl for two years. Someone with borderline personality disorder. Who could be so sweet and thrn a second later start abusing me. I believe she may have been sexually abused as a child. Never found out for sure. I was trying to help her. We were making progress but one day I asked, “do you think you may have been molested as a child”? She freaked out and got very angry. She said we were never to discuss her issues again. That was that.
My ex was extremely promiscuous. She was a virgin she said until 18 but afterwards within the span of about five years she slept with close to 100 different men. This was something I tried to look past but it always bothered me. It’s hard to trust someone who basically sleeps with every man she meets. She would often tell me she always feels it’s her “job” to please the man sexually. That the man won’t love her and will leave her if she didn’t give it to him everyday. I said that she was much more than that to me. I said you have so much more to offer. That other men just use her for sex and dump her off to the curb because she has such very deep seeded mental issues that they can’t and don’t want to handle. Yet sadly she never believed what I believed in her.
She was also very aggressive with sex. Not like dominant during but extremely pushy to have it. In the two years we dated there was only one day we didn’t have sex and that was because I was in the hospital. She was often he one wanting to initiate it. Sex was often just robotic in nature. Just take your clothes off and go at it. Usually no foreplay unless initiated. Sadly now she’s back to her life of hooking up in cars and going to cheap sleezy motels for random sexual encounters. That’s her life to live. I don’t want to be a part of it. I’ll never know for sure if she was sexually abused but based off her actions and the information I have I’d have to wager that she definitely was.
What's her cell number? Have any pics?
I am a survivor of sexual abuse... and have been down both paths.
At one point I was hypersexual and intentionally sought out NSA sexual relationships, and found it easy to engage in not-exactly-legal sex work because I was having sex anyway 🤷🏼♂️ getting money for something I was already doing anyway was a no-brainer.
However, I have endured different sexual traumas since then, and now have a broken libido. I identify now as asexual/demisexual and am glad that the asexual community is very much open and welcoming to people who identify as asexual or demisexual DUE TO trauma. So if you lost your sex drive due to trauma, just an FYI that you are welcome in the Ace Community and you didn't have to be born Ace 🖤💜
This is honestly why it’s so evil to tell women who have gone thru this that they’re damaged goods and worthless as a result. Believing those things about yourself will only drive you to INCREASE the promiscuous behavior. It’s when you accept yourself and dismiss those opinions that you stop engaging in promiscuity.
I think some angry guys in particular know this deep down and WANT these women to continue being promiscuous so that they have a chance to score easily.
Talk more about this please. How do you handle intrusive thoughts? I feel like I wired my body for abuse. My pleasure feels forever connected to my abuse. My fantasy world is not my own I wish I could just forget but instead my mind just wants to replay it all.
Oh so sad.
Number 1 there's no shame in being positive about libido anyway, male and female. Nothing to be ashamed of as long as you embrace your own power, stay safe and healthy, and respect yourself and don't let anybody else disrespect you.
But number 2 I've seen someone who is not promiscuous, but whose own intimacy is like a subconscious re-living of trauma, and I'm not against kinks, but eventually it made me sad because I just wanted this person I love to heal.... And have the right to enjoy intimacy in a spiritual and connected way, not like being caught in a repeat feeling from original trauma.
@@thomasrussell4674 I think as the Partner you can help Most If you See this as an addiction you are responsible for.
So show her you are there for her but you won't have sex with her.
For example cuddle her with the pressure of your body to give comfort without sex.
@@Andromeda14167 life is sad. But you're right.
Can you please tell me more about that? And whats your zodiac sign?
I became hypersexual after being sexually assaulted and till this day I still am but I just can't relate to this. Being hypersexual boosts my self esteem. It makes me feel in control. I love the way I look. When I have sex I have a emotional connection and most times I'm not afraid of it. But I'm really glad you mentioned it because this isn't talked about enough on the internet.
that's odd and cool. Are you able to say no and ask for what you want? because i thought i was like this but i wasnt being very honest with myself and although i felt like i was in control of myself i wasnt leaving satisfied or getting what i deserved at all
Can you please tell me your zodiac sign?
Thanks for sharing this. PTSD sucks 😔 but it helps hearing someone else’s struggle knowing I’m not alone. Thank you jacki!
You never mentioned rape until part through the video. However, I knew that you had been during your first passage. As I myself had been sexually assaulted at 15. Thank you so much for this video. I suffer from bipolar disorder 1 with psychotic features, ptsd and anxiety. I want to thank you for your resilience!
I use think as child I cried on how other children have talents and how it made me fat. 😢It made me fantasize abusive sex and abusive romantic relationships.
It's hardly surprising that someone whose been sexualized from an early age will think that sex is all they're good for.
I love the transparency and that you dgaf.....I never was promiscuous but after I got raped it’s like I lost my voice to say no and I cant understand how I lost my power . So I decided to be celibate until I heal.
Have you healed?
Wait no way, I just went through this and you hit this spot on. I’m so happy you’re here ❤️😔
Can you please tell me about it?
I like the way you communicate and what you might consider is to start forgiving yourself. The best way to do that is focus on making the best of today. Time starts to heal it when you work towards your goals.
thank you so much for your transparency and giving us an inside perspective of the impact of trauma
You are so incredibly strong and very self aware. I'm so happy for you and that you've had this realization, and it seems like you've healed from your past. That's awesome!
You are very brave and this is very important information you are sharing.
I tried to “heal” after being sexually abused by becoming promiscuos and trying to feel in control only by ending up in another rape situation while being drunk, made me more or a woman have to admit it, almost killed be tough
Thanks for your honesty. You’re a beautiful person.
Thank you for sharing your story. As hard as at may have been, more people will relate to it, myself included, than you probably realize. You are a voice of victory and hope, by your own testimony, you inspire others. Perhaps you continue to struggle at times, and that’s all right too, but there is a sincerity and genuineness in your words that will help others. Be well..
You’re so brave it’s insane. 💪😳
One person’s bravery helps another’s self acceptance ❤️
I was 20 when I experienced online grooming. Ever since I felt I gave myself to a manipulative predator. I became depressed and hypersexual and eventually promiscuous.
Can you please elaboratenon that? I'm trying to marry a woman that was raped at the age of 17.
I would like to say that you are an amazing person for being courageous enough to share your story with people that have suffered; with ptsd and sexual abuse.
You are really helping others heal also.
Sometimes survivors feel like they are on their own.. Your video has helped many of us, in some way so thankyou. 🤲
Ty for posting this i really resonate with it. I was groomed into this behavior
thank you for sharing ♥️♥️
Physical flashbacks suck, that was my reason I wanted to get rid of the feeling
This
Can you elaborate on that please?
I've gone through the same thing. Thank you for sharing. 💕
Almost 2 years since my ex and I still don't want to be a near ANY woman emotionally yet. There wasn't even abuse..yeeep she done me good 👍
Wow, that was a really powerful and honest share I appreciate you very much taking an honest assessment of yourself and not blaming 'all men.' There is still a lot that is lovable about you, so just be honest and go with it.
I was sexually abused when I was 13 and it happened with other people besides that one person after it and now I’m 33 and I’m still not over it I still question people I still don’t trust people. I actually wear baggy clothes around women not that I don’t like baggy clothes . I do but it means something else when I’m around women because I’m not gay and I was a little girl who was sexually abused by women. I actually trust men a lot more than women it’s sad but I don’t trust women when they smile at me either I don’t trust their motives .
So brave! This makes total sense.
Much love
Helpful information Jacki. Glad things are better for you now. Btw you are still attractive so don’t put yourself down.
Self-loathing and never becoming attached are how I've handled all interpersonal relationships since the rape. It is also the reason I sent away my first husband, father of my child, and best friend after a rape.
i think its repressed feelings so people compensate with it. i got shamed a lot during high school while being bullied and caused a lot of psychosis. i thought they pulled my pants down when i was drunk and taken pictures of me naked. they kicked me in the private parts and my pants was full of blood. and send the pictures through the whole school among other things that i dont wanna talk about now but still causes trauma
I was assaulted and raped by my ex…it’s been like 5 years since I left him…I didn’t know that’s what it was when I was with him. He convinced me that telling him no was a crime against the relationship, that girlfriends are supposed to want to do those things. It didn’t matter if we were alone or if ppl were in the other room…if we were in public. It didn’t matter…I became promiscuous after that. I figured if I give it, it can’t be taken. But after being celibate, and then entering the dating world again it got taken from me twice…and now I’ve lost my ability to really say no. Because when I said no I got silenced and My way to cope was to disassociate. I told my mom some of this and she shamed me saying I invited this. Which in a way I did but my intentions were good. All I ever wanted was love and to be truly valued, and In the end I did to myself emotionally and sexually what men have done to me, and now I don’t know if I will ever want, or be able to have a normal loving relationship ever. I can’t even say without a doubt that I deserve it. I feel like prey.
Am so sorry you had to go through that I have too but I always believe there is a time all will be well
Explains my wife's behaviors.
Hiiiii 🥰 sorry for barely watching any of your stuff til now, my broken brain does weird things and I gaslight and guilt trip myself until I actively avoid watching things I literally want to watch 🤣 but I have seen you posting more and I'm glad you're feeling better, get ready for tons of comments from me because I'm also finally feeling much better 👍
At the end, I see you're feeling blah still, so I guess this comment was a bit early haha but I was meaning specifically about coronavirus anyway
Yes, I am feeling a lot better now! I still have issues with taste / smell every once in a while (just with garlic-which sucks because I used to love garlic 🧄). I’m seeing an eye specialist soon though because when I first got infected with Covid, it began in my eyes. I’m hoping it’s just chronic dry eye because I’m a fine artist and it would REEEAAALLY suck if this “over exaggerated flu” (😉😉) caused permanent damage. How have you been holding up since catching Covid???
❤ Thank you.
I was hoping someone would speak on this thank-you
Can you yourself tell me about this please?
I am one of those people that experiences mild sexual abuse that bordered on sexual assault. And although I am not a virgin, I only had one sexual relationship with a boyfriend. And, although my experience wasn't as bad and I made different choices, I felt almost the same as you and blamed myself because I always froze up and couldn't verbalize no. I thought it, but I couldn't form words and kept reminding what happened another time with someone else. I was sexually harassed at so many jobs that I just let myself get fat enough to feel safe and undesirable.
Guess I am saying to you, even if you made different choices like me you would likely still be trapped without therapy. I still haven't unpacked much of that.
For me, it was even worse being in a church where everyone else was a Christian. Just because we are different and made different choices doesn't mean we both didn't suffer.
Hope you heal from this and learn what to do with it. I am learning that therapy doesn't erase the past and the pain. It just helps you hold it differently.
I will re-listen to this video.
One thing I know for me is that sex was sexual abuse, the two were tied together. That thing that everyone was always talking about or hinting at in shows and in person was just this sick manipulative trickery. I had no interest in it whatsoever. But since the interest in it was expressed everywhere else, I could use it. I could use it to get attention, to get alcohol and cigarettes, to be a "grown up", to have a place to live. I hated it but I pretended to love it. I had no idea that it was supposed to be any other way. It was like discovering some kind of tool and power that I had. But my real power was just that I was honest about nasty sex, or so I thought. I never, ever imagined that sex could ever be something that expressed love, not for me. That eventually was resolved but it took decades. I'm sure it could take less time for others if they worked on healing.
I can relate, you are not alone ❤️❤️ I am a surviour of three sexual harrasment scenarios and one rape. After the rape happened I got really out of control. I became known as the scarlet harlot, and basically thought sex was all I had to offer men. My self worth was so so low. I'm embarrassed that I let my mental health deteriorate so severely. I ended up falling pregnant to a guy I had a one night stand with and had an abortion. I feel ruined.
Despite your extreme hardships and trauma you still show empathy for another woman. No matter what you've done, deep inside you are a good person. I hope you've gotten the help you need and deserve. You deserve so much more from life than the pain from your past. ❤
I know exactly how you feel. What got me changing my ways was when I took it too far and agreed to be a *femboy* at a meet up organised on that site fet life. I was the youngest, and me and one other were f***ed by 14 women and 3 men all Saturday afternoon up until the next morning around 4 😔
I was red all over, bruised, cuts and scratches from the bullwhips and horse whips they used on us none stop.
Never done it before so I was NOT ready but nearly of those women used strap ons. Can't believe I had them forcing these giant novelty steap ons, like 15inch long 3 inch thick.....in me. (That had me crying from genuine pain)
Anyway, I'll stop going on.. but yeah, that night made me fix my ways.
I have a feeling that we have a bunch of stories that we could share with each other but UA-cam definitely wouldn't like it lol... I was never classified as a drug addict, BUT I did experiment and abuse some substances, I have woken up on couches of people I didn't remember, having to use Maps on my phone to get a friend to pick me up from a town i'd never heard of 😅 because the previous day I wanted to mentally exist somewhere else
Glad this hit my algorithm. I relate so much to you. I was abused every other weekend by two step brothers of mine from 9 to 15. I didnt know it was wrong until i told a friend in highschool one day i was dating my step brother. She was like. "Thats weird". Then it started to click. They groomed me so well. I was truly clueless it wasn't normal. My parents both knew. Did nothing. Was extremely promiscuous from 15 until i began stripping to support my drug addiction from 22 until 25. Im now 29, and now avoid swx at all costs, even though i am about to marry an amazing man in 2 weeks. He understands, but it puts a strain on our relationship. About to start ketamine therapy in hopes it will help me heal. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experience. ❤
Hi
How are u now
My ex and her ridiculous decisions make more sense after watching this.
I really loved her but I'm never talking to her again after the way she did me.
I don’t blame you at all. What she did to you was equally as abusive as what she went through that made her that way-I know this because I was pretty similar to her back when I acted the way I did in those times. I’m very sorry that you had to go through that. NO ONE deserves that, no matter what the abuser had gone through in their past, nothing excuses that.
@@jackichemslave
Thanks Jacki
I really needed to hear that
Since we split I've had absolutely no contact with her whatsoever
It's been rough but I've just recently started really getting over it.
@@jackichemslave you are being very supportive. however we dont know what she did to him. i assume her promiscuity has resulted in more rape which is very traumatic for her and should be understood by anyone in her community. Her cheating is harmful but this guy doesnt sound as compassionate as he should sound for someone who knows she is a victim. he also hasnt said she has sexually assaulted him or transmited him any sti so to call her decisions ridiculous sound victim blaming.
@@johnnyellis74 you dont know what he went through but are putting him down. how about show some compassion?
1:33
This was the answer I've been looking for.
2:50
Gratitude 💜🖤✨
Keep being awesome.
It makes perfect sense to me. you still ate beautiful now more than ever ♥️🔥
"Apparently people like what I have to say on UA-cam"
I can feel the emotional state there, I know how you feel. Part of me really doesn't understand why people follow me at all. I feel like some wacko online babbling randomly at a screen, but I get comments from people that my content is HELPING them in some way 🤯 I'm just some goober, going on bipolar rants to my 200ish subscribers, the idea that people get VALUE from my content or from me in ANY way is absolutely humbling, flattering, and confusing! And I see you have 1k, I think if I woke up to 1k subs I might just have a panic attack and pass out 🤣🤣
Dude omg when I hit 1K I freaked out 😳 it’s really cool, but also scary because I’m worried about getting more trolls. I don’t think I’m strong enough to handle them, but I guess we’ll see.
But your videos DO HELP a LOT! I watch you all of the time, believe it or not (I’m not one to comment very often; I always hit the like button though 😉). You’re very relatable!
@@jackichemslave I really feel amazing hearing that. I know that the strangest things can help someone, that I've personally gotten motivation and hope from super strange things/people, it just feels so strange to be seen as worthwhile/valuable for doing something as simple as sharing your own life experiences, perspectives, opinions, etc. and I feel like that whether it's hundreds of people or just one person. I don't know how I could possibly handle having a huge subscriber base, I am honestly very much satisfied with helping just a few people 🤷🏼♂️ I just appreciate it so much, I want to make.some sort of positive impact during the course of my life 🥰 and I feel happy hearing this from you
I totally relate ❤
Thanks beautiful
don't wanna diminish anyone's trauma, I've been abused myself, but I hate that language trend of calling victims "survivors". If somebody was trying to kill you, you would be dead... simple. I get why some people would like the victim points.
Have you ever fell in love with a man but was still promiscuous? But genuinely loved the other guy?
Yeah that's a real question...
I was never apart of hookup culture...i was never out looking fpr sex or cut huddies....i was just trying to date and these men didnt know how to keep their damn hands to themselves...digging thru everything i jave or have ever done...is there any wvidence of me engaging in hook up culture? Hell no! Because again..that was never me
I have never been sexualy abused. I have been mentaly and emotionaly abused. The first time i had sex the woman kind of fooled me. but it does not really affect me much. The worst thing i think has happend to me was emotional trama. Like it made me depressed for years and i gained a lot of weight after and i stopped working. And i really liked the person who did it to me too. They were really friendly and they were kind of slutty, and bi sexual. Or at least they told me they were. I met them years later and found out the whole thing was a well laid trap. Thats when it became emotional and tramatizing, but this time i knew how to turn the tables. I keep thinking of her and i have to remind myself that that was not a real person. That might have been het real name, and she might have used her real face, but more or less she was an actor sent to destroy my life. And she did, in one day, for the forth time. I got to just keep reminding myself that she was not real and that i have someone who wants to be my wife now. And it just so happens that this person is loaded. So i guess its sunshine and sunscreen for me. She is good looking too. I think she looks like the person who tramatized me a little. Im going to ask her if she can die her hair a different coulor so im not reminded all the time. But other than that, i really just want to maybe go and hang out with some of the guys in the garrage. And have a drink or something. You know if you want i can introduce you to someone. But your probably way far away. Forget i said anything. I dont know anybody right now anyway.
You are the beloved of God
Ask Jesus to come into your life. I had the same happen to me and I did the same as you
and I regret it and it is embarrassing..Thankyou for your honesty
I have been forgiven thru Jesus
Bless you
Can you elaborate on the Motives please. I have a person that I want to know better.
Sad
Love and lust are not the same, dear.
Attention and affection are the actual need a can be non sexually based.
Intimacy is the goal most important.
Loved for just being beautiful you as God created you to be , loved and to love others.
🥺😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢
Dear ones,
Have you tried to heal throug Christ? Please go to church, if you are catholic you can talk to a priest. Please do so. My prayers for all of you.
This is a good idea I wish that I could do this before I don't know if it can help find marriage good marriage but it's better to do the best
what did you sexual abuser actually do ??? physical abuse? ? thats a different case
I feel like you are over-exaggerating
did he just leave you ??
by the way you said you gave yourself to him its just confusing ??
You are certainly much more than your body. Whoever harmed you is certainly less than his own body not you. And you are not semi attractive you are a 100 per cent attractive woman.
I believe it's age. When I was young, getting raped made me curious about sex. Now I've been raped and molested so often on the astral plane that I hate sex. This turned out to be a blessing because my life is so much better. Now that I don't have sex or masturbate, I can concentrate on what I'm doing, I can read my Bible and speak more clearly. When I wàs promiscuous I was kinda tongue tied and all. So many things improved and I will never have sex again. Ten years no sex with anyone, the next ten years no sex, and after that. Jesus Christ is faithful to save all those who ask for his help ❤
Again, u are attempting to write the narrative the way that i want it or will reflect the way that u have painted me vs actually listenong my side of what happened.
What is your body count?
Why would you even ask? That’s non of your business.