The being afraid of drawing attention to yourself is so relatable, idk how to explain it but I feel almost intimidated / scared by people watching me or listening to me 😅
Meiqiii is like the type of person who reminds us that no one is perfect and talks about things that a lot of people also may experience, but hides it in real life.
“You’re so quiet” the amount of shame and embarrassment this gives is horrible. I’m going to college next month as a freshman and I’m going to reach out to people. Most my friends were people that came up to me, I need to change that 😭
and when your teacher forces you to talk and people celebrate you for actually talking. like- i know i'm quiet but you dont have to cheer and clap when i talk lol.
the quiet kid label is soo relatable. i thought i was the only one who felt this since no one else in my environment could relate. its refreshing to see someone who can actually relate.
yes, overcoming social anxiety is so challenging, but it is SO worth the effort. i used to literally be petrified in social situations - as in, physically paralysed by anxiety in the middle of year 8 science class - now i can strike up a conversation with anyone. and that’s not to say that it’s easy, i still experience social anxiety, but it’s about feeling the fear and doing it anyway. over the recent years i’ve been so pleasantly surprised by the love and acceptance from people when i connect with them, and the joy i get from these random conversations and exchanges is something i wouldn’t trade for anything. years ago there was no way i would have been able to go to the club in central london and dance and chat to random guys (i wasn’t old enough but that’s besides the point lol) but last week after my 18th birthday i did and i had the time of my life. could never have done it if i didn’t challenge myself to overcome my limitations also omg something really similar to the laugh thing happened to me in year 8 where i spoke and someone said with a mocking tone “i’ve never heard them talk” 😭😭
"let's go and make them hate me!" that's such a good tip for me! being the quiet kid, the fear of judgment was always holding me back. i always thought if i said sth wrong, ppl would hate me. and that turned into "it would be easier if i just stop talking". that thought was planted in too deep, now it's hard to break out of it. it's comforting to see someone going through this too. love u guys ❤
For me, I can never get beyond the surface level talk. It’s because I don’t know how to react. I usually have a poker face at school because I’m scared to express myself. I’m scared people will think I’m weird. I’m in my junior year of high school and still have a poker pace. It’s honestly so uncomfortable to keep that same expression for 8 hours a day. The quiet kid persona is really making me feel trapped.
I know how it feels like and taking small steps like just a hi or a small interaction with someone doesn’t have to big. What matters is you keep on trying.
Obviously, your fear is valid, but when people say that no one cares after high school, my experience seems to cooperate with that. Hopefully, things go well with you, and if you don't already have that 1/few good friend(s) that you'll get them. Keep trying and keep improving and try your best to let a little expression slip out
OH MY GOD SAME I REALLY DON'T KNOW HOW TO REACT when people tell me information. so i just go like "oh" "ohh" "really?" or simply just nod my head. while having a poker face because I don't know how to properly fake a smile when I don't feel like it.
I do the compliment route lol, if I don’t see something we’re both into (like they’re wearing a hello kitty shirt or something idk), I’ll just complement their outfit, hair, or item they have on them. Then I ask questions about them, usually it’s about their music taste or what shows they watch lol. I’m a huge overthinker but after that interaction I realize it’s not that deep. 😭
I think there's something therapeutic in making oneself talk to others. You get evidence against your fear of others and notice "maybe other people aren't that ruthless". And if you meet someome who is, then you can be happy to have dodged a bullet. I really like your emphasis on the positive self talk and one's own mental health for it's often a very overlooked aspect.
I don’t know if it’s just me but every time I go out on a walk. I feel the necessary to say hi to people each one I see Becaue every time I pass them,it feels rude without not saying anything
I’m a senior in high school and your experience with being labeled the quiet kid explains my exact same situation right now. Especially when you explained the need to feel comfortable with “the-worst-case scenario” in order to be okay with going up to someone and starting a conversation. I have a naturally tendency to think about the worst case scenario, but I know that the only way to progress is to just start. Maybe it’s too late for me right now. I’ve gotten somewhat better at talking to people but even though I’ve been friendly with some of my classmates I’ve never really clicked with anyone yet. When I begin college, or when I enter a University then hopefully things will change for me.
@galaxygkm4696 University is a different environment (I would assume college as well [for context, I use these words interchangeably]) so I think things will improve. It won't be immediate, but the experiences of self-reliance will help (e.g. talking to faculty for the necessary if there’s an issue with financial aid or something or asking for information about housing to make a decision). I think things will improve for you.
I switched schools a few times from from elementary to highschool and every time I had the mindset of "hopefully things will change for me" socially, but it never did because I didn't do anything about it. Going to university didn't really change that for me either, but what helped was getting a job and an outdoor hobby. You just gotta put urself out there and keep searching for ur people.
the way you explain what it's like being the "quiet kid" in a way i didn't even realise that's how it feels being the quiet kid, and that is coming from a quiet kid, i literally relate to every word of this video
I relate to this 100% specially the part of being labeled the quiet one when you're trying to change, it's really hard and annoying. Great video though made me reflect a lot!
Ngl this is the most relatable videos I've ever seen. I could relate to almost every word she's saying. I'm socially awkward and just have rlly low self esteem and seeing someone talk Abt it makes me feel better. Ty girly!! 💞
Great video and observations as always! You're right, that a really important thing is to actually socialise, it's the only way to build experience and learn. There's a few of things I'd say to compliment what you've said. Most people love talking about themselves, their interests and experiences, so ask questions and listen. Just by asking someone their opinion, it implies that you value it and by extension value them. For example, if you're in the school cafeteria, ask something simple like "What's the best/worst thing you've tried on the menu?" When you're initially forming a relationship, focus on what you agree on rather than what you disagree on. If you challenge what you disagree with in the early stages of a relationship you can make it awkward, causing someone to become defensive, and you may stunt the growth of the relationship. Don't gossip. If someone tells you something and you have any doubt as to whether they want it repeating, just keep it to yourself. This breeds trust and makes people feel comfortable sharing more of themselves as you build a reputation of being trustworthy. Never forget, awkward social interactions are something most people can relate to, so even if you're awkward, most people are understanding because they've been there at some point.
Bro, I remember moments of classmates...and even some teachers and a test proctor mentioning that I never/barely talked in middle and high school. Funny thing is, it kinda changes depending on the class/year/what Im doing. I've realized now that the times when im quiet are 1)when I'm angry/sad/frustrated, 2)when I'm focused/locked in, 3) when I'm in a new scenario (e.g. new job and new state) and navigating this situation. In general, I'm often more quiet in public (whether or not it's natural or i subconciously molded my personality into it, idk. In regards to friends, it's been an issue for me since I was a kid. And a point I heavily agree with, making friends shouldn't be hard and the good friends I've made, I don’t even know how or when we became friends (the only one was a friend from college. He sat in front of me in the dinning commons and said he didn’t feel like sitting alone and asked if it was okay to sit here [to which I didn’t mind] and we talked a bit and ended up being really good friends). I may not be the type of person to initiate conversations with a stranger, but I am willing to continue the convo if it is initiated (mainly because I don’t like disturbing others, I normally go somewhere for a specific reason, and I learned how to be alone so being by myself wasn’t difficult. Is there stuff I can still improve on? Sure. But, I think I'm doing pretty okay atm. Watching the video made me re-evaluate my experiences and (like always) adjust/fine-tune my beliefs I await the next one.
@starosity I personally don't think it's a thing that you *need* to change cause (at least in my case) you're just getting used to the new environment and paying attention to your surroundings. As long as you talk when you (at least) need to, I don't necessarily think it's an issue
OMG so about that "quiet kid label" that you talked about... that is definitely relatable AND very tough for me to escape it. This is mostly based upon the perceptions that my classmates usually put on me but they really won't see me other than being quiet all the time. First of all, I am quiet because it's my choice!! Second, just because I am quiet doesn't MEAN that you must automatically assume that I am an introvert! I do interact and socialize with them! But they just don't do the same with me for the reason behind... that one stupid label. 😭
@@Cind4rkat IKRRR It just annoys me all the time and triggers me so much but would they really care about it tho?? I'm so glad that you can also understand this feeling! 😭😭😭
Thank you for your perspective, something happened over the past year and I have social anxiety again and have been struggling to see a way out, so listening to this helped remind me how you can build yourself again
I couldn't relate to the thumbnail enough, I used to be the quiet kid, and now i'm the one who initiates almost all events everywhere i'm involved at💕💅🏻 Slay gurl, loved it!
oh my gosh. im only like a quarter way through the video and this is already the most relatable thing i’ve ever watched. i’m in seventh grade right now and the thing about being labeled as the quiet kid and it being out of character to talk or raise your hand is so real. i literally cannot get myself to do it, im afraid people will think its unusual for me and i can’t seem to break out of it. my only friend in the school (im also her only friend) is also SUPER quiet and introverted like me and teachers and classmates LOVE to say how we’re ”literally the same person” and its so like, i cant even explain it. it just makes me feel so bad about myself in a way i literally cannot describe. for example people CAN NOT i mean CAN NOT mention me without mentioning her and vise versa. it’s so dehumanizing.
I went through all of what you told me at the beginning, and I never thought that there could be anyone other than me who went through this.When other people talk about anxiety, they either talk about it as if it's something much worse or as if it's something much more basic.Of course, everyone's anxiety and experiences are different, but even knowing that there is someone like me in the world hurts me a lot right now.I hope we will all get rid of anxiety soon and with a healthy mind we can experience the opportunities we missed before.I will pray for all of us before I go to sleep.Although I don't know you who are reading this review, I really like you very much,you will succeed, I believe in you.
Thanks for sharing! The part where you talked about the labels and sticking to the expectations projected onto others was so spot on. One of the worst parts of my social anxiety was wanting so hard to be social and be "normal" but being unable to do so
I'm in my senior year of highschool. I've always been that quiet person since 6th grade. When people talk to me, I act 'normal' and speak to them, laugh, yada yada yada. I also talked in class discussions often. But the one thing I never successfully did was reach out myself. To initiate. I was scared to death to be the person to talk, and it has been like that for seven years. But I didn't really show any signs of the lack of self-confidence, making my parents think that the reason I have nobody to hang out with is because I was stuck-up, which is the complete opposite of what I am internally. I'm aware with how much I've missed out on, and it hurts knowing that I can't go back. I know for a fact that I could have turned so many acquaintances into friends. And I always say to myself that if I went back, then life would be so much different, I would have talked to them earlier. But I (am) lacked(ing) the initiative to start *_now_* and just daydream about having those friends. (that sounds so sad now that I wrote that down.) The hard part for me is that these aquantances were part of friend groups that sprouted during elementary school. These people stuck until today, and I'm so scared to talk to people that know each other but don't know me well. Then for the high school years, I bobbed in and out of that "surface level bullshit" because I am too scared to try to click with them. When I get into college, my main goal is try to find the people that resonate with me. To initiate because then, I have a fresh start, everybody does. But hey, my senior year just started, and it isn't too late. All I need to do is turn my brain off, and take the leap.
I am in a friend group (we are 4 ppl) in my class and they are the only friends I have. But for me they are "fake" friends. They never ask me if we could meet, they ignore me whenever I ask, and when we do meet (once a year maybe), it doesn't feel like we are friends...😭 I just know them from school and we sit at the same table but we have the most surface level friendship ever. I know this is normal, but I have no other friends, my biggest wish is to meet somebody with whom I can share my feelings and emotions with. (Doesn't need to be a relationship, just a close friend) The problem is I struggle with social anxiety and the ppl in my city are generally not very talkative, I also overthink everything Public transport is a NIGHTMARE 😰 I can't have eye contact with strangers, especially women and girls, (because I always feel like I'm a creep everytime I look at them... I know this mindset is trash) On the other hand, I get along well with my classmates and everyone else that is not a stranger to me. In my class, I still am the introverted kid, but I AM able to start a conversation with my classmates, if I really wanted to. Currently, I have summer break and my "friend group friends" are either not in my country or ignore my messages. I want to find the right place to meet new friends but I don't know what I should do... Sorry for the long comment, I needed to share at least 2% of the thoughts I have about that topic, thank you meiqiii for making the vid, I love your content, have a great day everybody!!!
Luckily I have found that one close friend but we only text each other (the convo never ends literally) I wish we could hangout but she doesn’t have time bc school and work now bc of that she texts me late like 2 days after but I’m still very greatfull to have that one friend since in don’t have any in school they mostly dong last long but if I would be you I would just quit being friends with them it’s better alone trust me and family is more important then friends they always come and go but family stays and sticks forever
@@zzejia Wow... thanks for the advice, the thing is i'm already alone bc they never text me ): This must be a great feeling to have such a friend... Well, I acually have two more friends, but they are online friends and I don't know if I should count them. One lives a few hours away and I see him maybe twice a year, the other one I have never met, bc she lives much farther away... Somedays I go out just to "find friends", but everyone seems so busy and I do not wanna disturb them. You said it's better to be alone than have the wrong friends. I just was alone for a long time, that last time I had a "true friend" was back in kindergarten
For me, learning how to be social involved me breaking it down and learning the fundamentals of socialization. One of the very first thing is, you want to make the other person feel safe and show that you are not a threat. If you can do that, the rest of socializing is actually quite easy. Second thing was, learning physical and non-physical boundaries. Non-physical boundaries are nowhere near as obvious as physical and some people have no idea they are being rude.
Normalization of socialization was a huge breakthrough moment for me. I always used to “psyche” myself up before talking to other people and that’s simply not how normal people talk to each other. The key is to NOT try. Just talk. It should feel normal. Therefore you aren’t exerting yourself and you don’t feel burntout later on.
Ive also once been labelled as the quiet kid but ever since i came to high school, i started to put myself my out there n just spoke to random kids i met in the bus next to me, in the bath room , or would just walk up to a grp or person n make convo. I always made convo abt things i liked for there to be more to talk about. Sure it was hard at first but i got used to it. Thanks to that i made good friends which i can be weird , vulnerable and just myself around. Dont ever force friendships, if u feel they are one sided just let them be. Consider it like conducting interviews for a position in ur company, in this scenario interviewing ppl to see who would be the best candidate to be your friend or best friend. N ofc u would have to conduct a lot of interviews until u can find the ryt one/ones. ❤N i still struggle sometimes to make convos with some of my classmates but hy i gotta keep working on it , its a process❤
i love watching these types of videos. im slowly overcoming my social anxiety but its still hard sometimes. especially when it comes to speaking in class. but what i've started doing is as soon as i have a thought or question that contributes to the topic of conversation i immediately raise my hand so i dont talk myself out of it. then the teacher calls on me and i have no choice but to speak. i think i've gotten better at doing that, it's just the physical factors (shaky voice, trembling hands, heartbeat in my stomach) idk its weird but i just commend myself and everyone else for trying
the thing I'm struggling with is that I don't have anything to say, it's frustrating that it's the others who always wants to try talking to me and it upsets me how they don't understand I have nothing to say to them nor how to keep a topic with them going
I used to be an extrovert when I was younger but everyone started to bully me so i just became the "Quiet kid" and I don't know what to do because if i try to speak up everyone would start saying things about me and making up rumors and I'm a overthinker to... I'm literally overthinking this comment right now
What?! I thought I was the only one lol. I feel like ur narrating my life. I’ve had social anxiety for as long as I could remember. I was and still am the weird quiet girl. Idk why but I also have a problem with drawing attention to myself. Like every detail is so accurate? Like even raising my hand to ask for something like getting a tissue or wtv makes me kinda of idk self conscious? Like what if they cant hear me and I have to like embarrassingly repeat myself. And being labeled as “the quiet kid” made me feel like I had to be quiet all the time or they’d point that out or think im weird. AND I ALSO HAVE A REALLY LOW SELF ESTEEM. I feel like inferior to some of the people I want to be friends with so I kinda hold myself back? I still am scared to say something because I feel like people are going to judge what I’m going to say or get mad at me for something. I’m also really really awkward. I worry about what people will think about me if I say or do something. Because of that I feel like I miss out on a lot of opportunities. I freak out on the smallest things and I’ll worry about it for years till I can forget about it. I dont think anything im saying rn makes sense but its just a nutshell of idk what. I have trouble with reciprocating someone elses energy and I feel like I’m chore to talk to kinda? I feel bad so I try to distance myself. but I’m trying to do better! Thanks for this btw! I’m trying to better myself this year and overcome my social anxiety, this really helps. ❤
Wow you are so insightful and self-aware about social anxiety and making friends that it made me understand so much more about myself. I really appreciate it!
Thank you for making this video. I’m currently in the process of willing to try to make a change and it seems so hard and unreachable. This video made me rethink about my negative thoughts. It really made me happy to see that someone with the same problem as me actually made a progress.
I’m 28 years old. And I’m finally working on this. If you are younger than me, start as soon as you can! Being a quiet person will absolutely get you no where, it will stunt your growth as a human being. I lived my entire life as a quiet person and I lost so many opportunities.
ugh one thing i hate about school is that like no matter how much i embarrassed myself or had a bad a day like once i sit down in my room its like it never happened so i dont feel the need to initiate any changes. im in year 10 now which is like equivalent of a freshman i believe and like at break and lunch times im just standing there next to a bunch of people in my form class but like enough distance so that ppl can tell im not apart of the group and its so awkward like nothing to look at, not allowed phones, no toilets to hide in. it really sucks. thing is in the uk we have something called secondary school which is more or less middle school and highschool combined so ive known my classmates for 3 soon to be 4 years now so its too late to start trying to get closer with them. i do still talk to people but the convos are so dry and my voice is always so quiet. one thing, tho, is that like if ive talked to a lot of ppl in the school day ill be way more talkative and ill be able to say things to people more with less effort but i think thats just a bit of ego from the attention i rarely get and my goal is confidence not an ego. so yeah 😍😍❤❤
I've been called a quiet person so many times! But if I have to be honest, my reasons for being "quiet" is because I have a stutter rather than worrying about what people think about my opinions. It just hits different!
I went through that phase to I said how I didn't like school and I didn't want to see people again i said i wanted it to end and I told myself I'd never make friends again .What made me get through it well I didn't do much I just assumed I needed a friend to get through highschool so I really wanted it and fixated myself on that I realised if I never really made a friend I'd probably never get through school or get through social groups. It got to point maybe like in year 9 I was just staying near my locker and I was just talking to the guys in my science class and it got me through that thankfully a friend came talked from me a girl i interacted in class i probably wouldn't have friends especially the fact i had only really 2 friends that stood by me and they left absences. Now I don't have her I moved I'm not affected it just hurt and if I'd have to think at highschool I'd probably not have much to think about. What you really said helped me to care again I know I've been hurt a lot and the quiet ones get all the pain they say. 💜I hope you heal creator.
in my case, it was def the community around me and the fact that school was 7-8 hours for 5 days a week, forcing me to be in social settings for a long period of time, and also my low af self esteem. i've only discovered this when I entered college: but i have a really low social battery and that's still true to this day at 21, but i've been learning to accept it and made sure I can grow in my social abilities despite not being like "everyone else". but in grade school, ur around the same pool of people for 12 years, and growing up, that's all you know about the world. it sucks too since as an introvert, that pool of people you know is way smaller and you're left to think that this is all what the world has to offer. it's draining to think you're the odd one out, not to mention that school forces you to be social and my social capacity only lasts 4 hours a day. when i got into college and learnt to drive, i started my healing journey and did a lot of exploring. my social anxiety did NAWT go away just overnight, and it took so many days of crying to myself after every failed social attempt, picking myself back up again, journaling, therapy, and just finding more "social" hobbies like dance class (which btw was a hard af choice bc walking into a dance class by urself is like super terrifying but i do not regret that decision at all). 4 years later after highschool, and im still feeling it. social anxiety does NOT go away unfortunately, but it gets SO MUCH easier to deal with. i think the thing im scared of the most is being different from people to the point that we don't click or being too different that they think im 'weird'. reminding myself that there's 8 billion people in the world and so many personalities, cultures, interests, etc. so it doesn't matter what kind of person u are. ive gotten more confident just talking to random strangers who pass by u to class, making small talk with cashiers in a cafe, and now even volunteering to speak up during class discussions (this is still scary ngl LOL). now im about to be a public speaker to 200+ students and it's crazy how life just takes a turn like that very long comment, but i just wanted to share my healing journey bc i feel like that's what my entire college experience has been 💕if you've gotten this far, thanks for reading
as i was watching this i literally related to everything you were saying. i recently moved abroad and into a new school and its been really hard for me to make friends. i get the feeling that i keep trying and keep being pushed away, but i am trying to implement the "just keep putting yourself out there" mentality. my biggest issue is that as an overthinker i cant tell the difference of me overreacting and someone actually not being interested in knowing me. there will be a lot of new people in my school next year and that makes me even more anxious. watching you makes me really hopeful, especially since i literally act the way you describe. i know its an issue, and i feel like its been getting worse, sometimes i feel like im shy even around my friends from home. sorry this is so long, and thank you for the video. do you have any tips on how to grow your self-confidence? i have realised that i have a problem with that, but before i can actually change something i start doubting myself again. anywayss sorry for the vent, and love youu
thank you for such a great and encouraging video🥹🤍 you've stated it all so precisely! i've always thought that some of the beliefs i have are too weird and cannot be relatable, but turns out i'm not the only one to think so (esp about the label of the quiet kid that adds two times more pressure..) as someone who's currently on her healing journey too, i just want to share other tips that help me a lot! - when experiencing social anxiety, our attention is mostly directed internally, so it's important to practice switching it to the outer world. you can start small, e.g. when i was so scared to even walk on a street, i tried to notice things around, count the buildings i see, read signs. the same thing with conversations: focusing on the topic ('task at hand'), observing another person's hand gestures. it's all about getting out of your head - celebrate each baby step you make!!! i've implemented a great practice where i write about every coming-out-of-my-shell moment i've had that day. i guess it makes your progress more visible :) - challenging your core negative beliefs is also important. try recording those before a social intaraction and then comparing them to the actual outcome writing down the differences. those notes can be very helpful in the future as an example of 'i've already experienced this before, and my negative expectations didn't come true' i hope everyone who struggles will finally get rid of this pain and start feeling free. i believe in you!!!!💘
frrr, i get sick easily and when i need to cough in class i tried to hold it in or drink water to make the urge disappear since i don't other ppls attention 😭😭 i was also always the last one to hand in text papers (at the end of class) since i was too shy to walk up to the teacher when the others are concentrating :C
For me the thing that stunted my social growth was covid, it happened at such an odd time and I felt like ever since I got back I haven’t been able to talk to others the same way, even though I was already the quiet kid before that
People sometimes scoff at the 'just do it' and I definitely understand it, it can come off as unhelpful, especially for those with really severe anxiety. But that exposure therapy really does work. It worked for me, I'm still socially anxious but going out to social events and just going up and talking to people who I hadn't met before rather than awkwardly pulling out my phone made me realize that, as you said, shit really ain't that deep. There is NOTHING weird or awkward about just walking up to someone and saying hi, asking for their name, etc.
I'm in my third year of uni and I've just accepted that I'm an extreme introvert with social anxiety and I feel no urge to get to know people or talk to them because I hate small talk and don't know how to start convos 😭 I've just accepted it and I'm content being alone. I just have a big fear of any attention being on me, I just want to be invisible and do my own thing lmao
this was so reall 2 years ago i only got like 2 friends but now i love talking with the younger graders and i also have a gc with my friends in my grade😭😭
It’s funny that the exact story happened to me when I was a kid , I used to hold my need to go to the bathroom to not draw attention, and then literally I did it on my pants rather than asking to go 💀💀
I can't thank you enough girl I feel better after hearing you 🥲✨💖 It was like someone is opening my head and read my thoughts aloud :)))) sooo relatable 😅
Yeah, being the quiet kid does suck. The longer you're in there, the more it sticks to your skin. Especially if you're one of the only Asians at school. I don't know how it works in Canada, but for me, having grown up in Brussels, in Belgium, I had an...interesting school parcours during mid and high school. I've been drawing ever since I was a kid, and my dad being a good old Asian parent, put me in every single prestigious class of every single most prestigious school he could find... Only for me to flunk them all one by one because I was spending more time drawing in my schoolbooks rather than study, basically making me either flunk the year, or getting "redirected" to other, less prestigious schools. After a few years of that regime (where I basically had to change school pretty much every year), and having to meet up with entirely different students populations at each terms, often from wildly various social classes and ethnic origins, that quiet shell I was living in ever since my childhood was pretty quickly forced open by meeting so many different people during my teenage years. Sure, that means I don't have much hi-school friends for life, but the amount of different people and perspectives I met certainly was inspiring for the aspiring artist I would later become... Before finally meeting my tribe in college when my dad finally relented and let me go study something artistic : animation. And boy, those were the years I fully broke out of my shell, was the chattiest ever, andmade some of the best lifelong friends I've ever had. Sometimes, it's not just about being the shy quiet kid, it also really depends on your surroundings. If you're surrounded by the people who all share the same interests and goals than you, and everyone is as crazy than you (or better, makes you look like the tamest one of them all), then I promise you, all shyness and quietness goes out the window the minute you found your tribe. So to the quiet kids out there, keep looking, folks. Sometimes, it's not a "you" problem, it's more a "who's around you" problem.
the only thing is that like.. sometimes whenever i would try to talk to someone i would either get ignored, either cuz they dont hear/see me or they js outright ignore me, or sometimes the person im talking to js doesn't seem interested idk😭and its js kinda awkward😓but ofc i dont wanna let that get in the way, and i wanna keep on trying and moving on, talking to new people, but wehnever i DO make new friends or mutuals i have trouble being consistent with the relationships(?) like idk i would js run out of conversations and i would js not know what to talk abt likeee.... 😓 AND i rlly wanna get to know ppl more! like i wanna keep saying "Hi" to ppl in the hallways, but its always those small awkward hiccups that would sometimes stop me from saying a simple "Hi" or "bye" to someone, even my own friends or mutuals lol 😓
I think, again you have to realize, shit ain't that deep. I'm also socially anxious but have gone through what she did in terms of improving immensely through just talking with people and going out to places. Yeah, you're not gonna click with everyone, not everyone's even gonna like you, shit can be awkward sometimes. But big fuckin whoop lmao, if they're showing no interest, then cool. You can just say 'have a good day!' and move on. And I will say, do not be so scared about moments of silence within conversations; conversations are a two-way street, don't blame it all on yourself if it goes a little awry. I know it's an easy tendency to do so when you're socially anxious, but there's always two people in a conversation. It isn't all your fault!!! There's nothing wrong with taking your time to speak. I know what it's like, slight awkward moment, you say 'hi' and they didn't quite catch it so they don't respond back, you feel that sting and it replays in your head over and over. But as long as you recognize that that's your anxiety talking, you keep it in its place and you don't let it affect your behavior, you will do well. You got this!
@@blasianking4827 Tysm for ur advice and encouragement i rlly appreciate it :), i havent gotten any embarrassing or very awkward moments recently, but i have gotten my moments where i did felt anxious at times 😥 ig sometimes i tend to forget to recognize that anxiety is really js talking nonsense, and then i would start to get caught up in my thoughts and overrexaggerated worries if i dont catch myself overthinking in time. Its ironic how I would sometimes have sm conversations with new people and mutuals, but yet i suddenly get kinda akward to say hi or talk to them the next day 😭 its crazy to think how even a pinch of anxiety can stop you from doing the most simplest and harmless things 😭 but recently i have gotten moments where i got ignored when saying hi to friends and classmates, but then i happen to js shrug the slight awkwardness off. Ig realizing that its nothing personal helps alot, because why should i have to continue caring about these things?? and if whatever reason i do get myself into these situations a lot of times, that doesn't mean you can't try again tmrw, theres always more oppurtunities on the way :) and tbh im glad that im able to pick myself back up easily nowadays, or at least find ways to handle these types of sitautions better than before. Im very glad that im improving and taking steps to do better, even if its js VERYYY small im proud of myself. Having people encourage me and help me through these situations make me improve alott, so i hope to do the same and encourage others too! again tysmm ! i really appreciate ur support, encouragment and advice, i wish you the best, have a great night/day/evening :))
I feel like I would overcome my social anxiety if people actually understood me or heard me because my voice is kinda low in volume (idk for certain but I think it’s because of my bad posture) & I have bad social skills 😢. I can say hello to ppl for example but idk how to keep a conversation going
I didn't trust my best friends, but they trasted me, I felt I was betrayed by a person I barely knew and that made me distance myself from the people closest to me, I remembered that you can'nt call jusst anyone a friend, I remembered how a supposed friend, held a big grudge, and when he had the opportunity to brig me down he took advantage of it, I never spoke to him aagain, so I chose to focus on the bad things and I withdrew from society for almost 5 yeras.
That “quiet” label hits hard honestly
Real😔
The being afraid of drawing attention to yourself is so relatable, idk how to explain it but I feel almost intimidated / scared by people watching me or listening to me 😅
FRRR😭
Meiqiii is like the type of person who reminds us that no one is perfect and talks about things that a lot of people also may experience, but hides it in real life.
“You’re so quiet” the amount of shame and embarrassment this gives is horrible. I’m going to college next month as a freshman and I’m going to reach out to people. Most my friends were people that came up to me, I need to change that 😭
someone called me an "extreme introvert" 💀💀
Okay update. I ended up making a friend with similar interests at an event and we shared numbers. But I’m so nervous still 😭
@@meikoluvv yay that's great! as you grow closer you'll feel less nervous, don't worry
And the “wait you can talk??”
and when your teacher forces you to talk and people celebrate you for actually talking. like- i know i'm quiet but you dont have to cheer and clap when i talk lol.
the quiet kid label is soo relatable. i thought i was the only one who felt this since no one else in my environment could relate. its refreshing to see someone who can actually relate.
Reall
u literally said what im always thinking
yes, overcoming social anxiety is so challenging, but it is SO worth the effort. i used to literally be petrified in social situations - as in, physically paralysed by anxiety in the middle of year 8 science class - now i can strike up a conversation with anyone. and that’s not to say that it’s easy, i still experience social anxiety, but it’s about feeling the fear and doing it anyway. over the recent years i’ve been so pleasantly surprised by the love and acceptance from people when i connect with them, and the joy i get from these random conversations and exchanges is something i wouldn’t trade for anything. years ago there was no way i would have been able to go to the club in central london and dance and chat to random guys (i wasn’t old enough but that’s besides the point lol) but last week after my 18th birthday i did and i had the time of my life. could never have done it if i didn’t challenge myself to overcome my limitations
also omg something really similar to the laugh thing happened to me in year 8 where i spoke and someone said with a mocking tone “i’ve never heard them talk” 😭😭
Frr same😭😭😭
"Turn off the thoughts and take the action"
"let's go and make them hate me!"
that's such a good tip for me!
being the quiet kid, the fear of judgment was always holding me back. i always thought if i said sth wrong, ppl would hate me. and that turned into "it would be easier if i just stop talking". that thought was planted in too deep, now it's hard to break out of it.
it's comforting to see someone going through this too. love u guys ❤
For me, I can never get beyond the surface level talk. It’s because I don’t know how to react. I usually have a poker face at school because I’m scared to express myself. I’m scared people will think I’m weird. I’m in my junior year of high school and still have a poker pace. It’s honestly so uncomfortable to keep that same expression for 8 hours a day. The quiet kid persona is really making me feel trapped.
I know how it feels like and taking small steps like just a hi or a small interaction with someone doesn’t have to big. What matters is you keep on trying.
@@rosascorpio7993 ty:)
Obviously, your fear is valid, but when people say that no one cares after high school, my experience seems to cooperate with that. Hopefully, things go well with you, and if you don't already have that 1/few good friend(s) that you'll get them. Keep trying and keep improving and try your best to let a little expression slip out
@@night_xylo tysm🫶❤️‼️ I will try to be more expressive. It’s going to be tough but I have been improving my social skills bit by bit.
OH MY GOD SAME I REALLY DON'T KNOW HOW TO REACT when people tell me information. so i just go like "oh" "ohh" "really?" or simply just nod my head. while having a poker face because I don't know how to properly fake a smile when I don't feel like it.
I do the compliment route lol, if I don’t see something we’re both into (like they’re wearing a hello kitty shirt or something idk), I’ll just complement their outfit, hair, or item they have on them. Then I ask questions about them, usually it’s about their music taste or what shows they watch lol. I’m a huge overthinker but after that interaction I realize it’s not that deep. 😭
Frr
I think there's something therapeutic in making oneself talk to others. You get evidence against your fear of others and notice "maybe other people aren't that ruthless". And if you meet someome who is, then you can be happy to have dodged a bullet.
I really like your emphasis on the positive self talk and one's own mental health for it's often a very overlooked aspect.
yeah especially when you think about the worst case scenario all the time and then things go okay, im always like "huh"
Social skills are called skills for a reason! Everyone can learn them!
By the way you're so cuuuuuuuuute 🥺💖
I don’t know if it’s just me but every time I go out on a walk. I feel the necessary to say hi to people each one I see Becaue every time I pass them,it feels rude without not saying anything
Thats polite so its not a problem :)
me too! I think the same way and I can guarantee to you if you do greet them It will make their day a lot better
It's the same for me!
i just smile lol
Frr
I’m a senior in high school and your experience with being labeled the quiet kid explains my exact same situation right now. Especially when you explained the need to feel comfortable with “the-worst-case scenario” in order to be okay with going up to someone and starting a conversation. I have a naturally tendency to think about the worst case scenario, but I know that the only way to progress is to just start. Maybe it’s too late for me right now. I’ve gotten somewhat better at talking to people but even though I’ve been friendly with some of my classmates I’ve never really clicked with anyone yet. When I begin college, or when I enter a University then hopefully things will change for me.
@galaxygkm4696 University is a different environment (I would assume college as well [for context, I use these words interchangeably]) so I think things will improve. It won't be immediate, but the experiences of self-reliance will help (e.g. talking to faculty for the necessary if there’s an issue with financial aid or something or asking for information about housing to make a decision). I think things will improve for you.
I switched schools a few times from from elementary to highschool and every time I had the mindset of "hopefully things will change for me" socially, but it never did because I didn't do anything about it. Going to university didn't really change that for me either, but what helped was getting a job and an outdoor hobby. You just gotta put urself out there and keep searching for ur people.
And Im a junior who is also a quiet kid, but I dont really care about it
the way you explain what it's like being the "quiet kid" in a way i didn't even realise that's how it feels being the quiet kid, and that is coming from a quiet kid, i literally relate to every word of this video
I relate to this 100% specially the part of being labeled the quiet one when you're trying to change, it's really hard and annoying. Great video though made me reflect a lot!
Ngl this is the most relatable videos I've ever seen. I could relate to almost every word she's saying. I'm socially awkward and just have rlly low self esteem and seeing someone talk Abt it makes me feel better. Ty girly!! 💞
Great video and observations as always! You're right, that a really important thing is to actually socialise, it's the only way to build experience and learn.
There's a few of things I'd say to compliment what you've said. Most people love talking about themselves, their interests and experiences, so ask questions and listen. Just by asking someone their opinion, it implies that you value it and by extension value them. For example, if you're in the school cafeteria, ask something simple like "What's the best/worst thing you've tried on the menu?"
When you're initially forming a relationship, focus on what you agree on rather than what you disagree on. If you challenge what you disagree with in the early stages of a relationship you can make it awkward, causing someone to become defensive, and you may stunt the growth of the relationship.
Don't gossip. If someone tells you something and you have any doubt as to whether they want it repeating, just keep it to yourself. This breeds trust and makes people feel comfortable sharing more of themselves as you build a reputation of being trustworthy.
Never forget, awkward social interactions are something most people can relate to, so even if you're awkward, most people are understanding because they've been there at some point.
I made myself apply for a club officer position in college because I was lonely and felt scared of leadership roles and I'm so thankful I did!
So grateful that you aren't quiet anymore. I'd love to be your friend, you seem so down to earth and you're doing a heavenly job helping others.
Bro, I remember moments of classmates...and even some teachers and a test proctor mentioning that I never/barely talked in middle and high school. Funny thing is, it kinda changes depending on the class/year/what Im doing. I've realized now that the times when im quiet are 1)when I'm angry/sad/frustrated, 2)when I'm focused/locked in, 3) when I'm in a new scenario (e.g. new job and new state) and navigating this situation. In general, I'm often more quiet in public (whether or not it's natural or i subconciously molded my personality into it, idk.
In regards to friends, it's been an issue for me since I was a kid. And a point I heavily agree with, making friends shouldn't be hard and the good friends I've made, I don’t even know how or when we became friends (the only one was a friend from college. He sat in front of me in the dinning commons and said he didn’t feel like sitting alone and asked if it was okay to sit here [to which I didn’t mind] and we talked a bit and ended up being really good friends).
I may not be the type of person to initiate conversations with a stranger, but I am willing to continue the convo if it is initiated (mainly because I don’t like disturbing others, I normally go somewhere for a specific reason, and I learned how to be alone so being by myself wasn’t difficult.
Is there stuff I can still improve on? Sure. But, I think I'm doing pretty okay atm. Watching the video made me re-evaluate my experiences and (like always) adjust/fine-tune my beliefs
I await the next one.
im also quiet in new environments and I don't know how to change that
@starosity I personally don't think it's a thing that you *need* to change cause (at least in my case) you're just getting used to the new environment and paying attention to your surroundings. As long as you talk when you (at least) need to, I don't necessarily think it's an issue
@@night_xylo thank you - that makes sense. because i was in a group with a lot of extroverts and they mostly talked so it was hard to get a word in
Finally someone who can relate with me 😭🎀
OMG so about that "quiet kid label" that you talked about... that is definitely relatable AND very tough for me to escape it. This is mostly based upon the perceptions that my classmates usually put on me but they really won't see me other than being quiet all the time. First of all, I am quiet because it's my choice!! Second, just because I am quiet doesn't MEAN that you must automatically assume that I am an introvert! I do interact and socialize with them! But they just don't do the same with me for the reason behind... that one stupid label. 😭
This is so relatable 😭
@@Cind4rkat IKRRR It just annoys me all the time and triggers me so much but would they really care about it tho?? I'm so glad that you can also understand this feeling! 😭😭😭
@acting_idyllic ahhh it triggers me sm tooo 😭😭
Thank you for your perspective, something happened over the past year and I have social anxiety again and have been struggling to see a way out, so listening to this helped remind me how you can build yourself again
I couldn't relate to the thumbnail enough,
I used to be the quiet kid, and now i'm the one who initiates almost all events everywhere i'm involved at💕💅🏻
Slay gurl, loved it!
oh my gosh. im only like a quarter way through the video and this is already the most relatable thing i’ve ever watched. i’m in seventh grade right now and the thing about being labeled as the quiet kid and it being out of character to talk or raise your hand is so real. i literally cannot get myself to do it, im afraid people will think its unusual for me and i can’t seem to break out of it. my only friend in the school (im also her only friend) is also SUPER quiet and introverted like me and teachers and classmates LOVE to say how we’re ”literally the same person” and its so like, i cant even explain it. it just makes me feel so bad about myself in a way i literally cannot describe. for example people CAN NOT i mean CAN NOT mention me without mentioning her and vise versa. it’s so dehumanizing.
meiqii is my new comfort youtuber i think, idk her videos r just so inspiring and insightful
I went through all of what you told me at the beginning, and I never thought that there could be anyone other than me who went through this.When other people talk about anxiety, they either talk about it as if it's something much worse or as if it's something much more basic.Of course, everyone's anxiety and experiences are different, but even knowing that there is someone like me in the world hurts me a lot right now.I hope we will all get rid of anxiety soon and with a healthy mind we can experience the opportunities we missed before.I will pray for all of us before I go to sleep.Although I don't know you who are reading this review, I really like you very much,you will succeed, I believe in you.
Thanks for sharing! The part where you talked about the labels and sticking to the expectations projected onto others was so spot on. One of the worst parts of my social anxiety was wanting so hard to be social and be "normal" but being unable to do so
I'm in my senior year of highschool. I've always been that quiet person since 6th grade. When people talk to me, I act 'normal' and speak to them, laugh, yada yada yada. I also talked in class discussions often. But the one thing I never successfully did was reach out myself. To initiate. I was scared to death to be the person to talk, and it has been like that for seven years. But I didn't really show any signs of the lack of self-confidence, making my parents think that the reason I have nobody to hang out with is because I was stuck-up, which is the complete opposite of what I am internally.
I'm aware with how much I've missed out on, and it hurts knowing that I can't go back. I know for a fact that I could have turned so many acquaintances into friends. And I always say to myself that if I went back, then life would be so much different, I would have talked to them earlier. But I (am) lacked(ing) the initiative to start *_now_* and just daydream about having those friends. (that sounds so sad now that I wrote that down.)
The hard part for me is that these aquantances were part of friend groups that sprouted during elementary school. These people stuck until today, and I'm so scared to talk to people that know each other but don't know me well. Then for the high school years, I bobbed in and out of that "surface level bullshit" because I am too scared to try to click with them.
When I get into college, my main goal is try to find the people that resonate with me. To initiate because then, I have a fresh start, everybody does.
But hey, my senior year just started, and it isn't too late. All I need to do is turn my brain off, and take the leap.
I am in a friend group (we are 4 ppl) in my class and they are the only friends I have.
But for me they are "fake" friends.
They never ask me if we could meet, they ignore me whenever I ask, and when we do meet (once a year maybe), it doesn't feel like we are friends...😭
I just know them from school and we sit at the same table but we have the most surface level friendship ever.
I know this is normal, but I have no other friends, my biggest wish is to meet somebody with whom I can share my feelings and emotions with.
(Doesn't need to be a relationship, just a close friend)
The problem is I struggle with social anxiety and the ppl in my city are generally not very talkative, I also overthink everything
Public transport is a NIGHTMARE 😰
I can't have eye contact with strangers, especially women and girls, (because I always feel like I'm a creep everytime I look at them... I know this mindset is trash)
On the other hand, I get along well with my classmates and everyone else that is not a stranger to me.
In my class, I still am the introverted kid, but I AM able to start a conversation with my classmates, if I really wanted to.
Currently, I have summer break and my "friend group friends" are either not in my country or ignore my messages.
I want to find the right place to meet new friends but I don't know what I should do...
Sorry for the long comment, I needed to share at least 2% of the thoughts I have about that topic, thank you meiqiii for making the vid, I love your content, have a great day everybody!!!
Luckily I have found that one close friend but we only text each other (the convo never ends literally) I wish we could hangout but she doesn’t have time bc school and work now bc of that she texts me late like 2 days after but I’m still very greatfull to have that one friend since in don’t have any in school they mostly dong last long but if I would be you I would just quit being friends with them it’s better alone trust me and family is more important then friends they always come and go but family stays and sticks forever
@@zzejia Wow... thanks for the advice, the thing is i'm already alone bc they never text me ):
This must be a great feeling to have such a friend...
Well, I acually have two more friends, but they are online friends and I don't know if I should count them. One lives a few hours away and I see him maybe twice a year, the other one I have never met, bc she lives much farther away...
Somedays I go out just to "find friends",
but everyone seems so busy and I do not wanna disturb them.
You said it's better to be alone than have the wrong friends. I just was alone for a long time, that last time I had a "true friend" was back in kindergarten
If u want we can be friends❤❤
@@Kpopeditz_2024 yeah why not XD
do you have discord?
@@Blitzcheweif acctually no😭😭 but I have snap
For me, learning how to be social involved me breaking it down and learning the fundamentals of socialization. One of the very first thing is, you want to make the other person feel safe and show that you are not a threat. If you can do that, the rest of socializing is actually quite easy. Second thing was, learning physical and non-physical boundaries. Non-physical boundaries are nowhere near as obvious as physical and some people have no idea they are being rude.
Normalization of socialization was a huge breakthrough moment for me. I always used to “psyche” myself up before talking to other people and that’s simply not how normal people talk to each other. The key is to NOT try. Just talk. It should feel normal. Therefore you aren’t exerting yourself and you don’t feel burntout later on.
Ive also once been labelled as the quiet kid but ever since i came to high school, i started to put myself my out there n just spoke to random kids i met in the bus next to me, in the bath room , or would just walk up to a grp or person n make convo. I always made convo abt things i liked for there to be more to talk about. Sure it was hard at first but i got used to it. Thanks to that i made good friends which i can be weird , vulnerable and just myself around. Dont ever force friendships, if u feel they are one sided just let them be. Consider it like conducting interviews for a position in ur company, in this scenario interviewing ppl to see who would be the best candidate to be your friend or best friend. N ofc u would have to conduct a lot of interviews until u can find the ryt one/ones. ❤N i still struggle sometimes to make convos with some of my classmates but hy i gotta keep working on it , its a process❤
Omg I've never been this early, your content is so motivating omg I love you
i love watching these types of videos. im slowly overcoming my social anxiety but its still hard sometimes. especially when it comes to speaking in class. but what i've started doing is as soon as i have a thought or question that contributes to the topic of conversation i immediately raise my hand so i dont talk myself out of it. then the teacher calls on me and i have no choice but to speak. i think i've gotten better at doing that, it's just the physical factors (shaky voice, trembling hands, heartbeat in my stomach) idk its weird but i just commend myself and everyone else for trying
the thing I'm struggling with is that I don't have anything to say, it's frustrating that it's the others who always wants to try talking to me and it upsets me how they don't understand I have nothing to say to them nor how to keep a topic with them going
I am the quite kid that's why I always bring something in my backpack
I used to be an extrovert when I was younger but everyone started to bully me so i just became the "Quiet kid" and I don't know what to do because if i try to speak up everyone would start saying things about me and making up rumors and I'm a overthinker to... I'm literally overthinking this comment right now
Freaking out because tomorrow's first day of school 😭
thanks for the tips
update?
What?! I thought I was the only one lol. I feel like ur narrating my life. I’ve had social anxiety for as long as I could remember. I was and still am the weird quiet girl. Idk why but I also have a problem with drawing attention to myself. Like every detail is so accurate? Like even raising my hand to ask for something like getting a tissue or wtv makes me kinda of idk self conscious? Like what if they cant hear me and I have to like embarrassingly repeat myself. And being labeled as “the quiet kid” made me feel like I had to be quiet all the time or they’d point that out or think im weird. AND I ALSO HAVE A REALLY LOW SELF ESTEEM. I feel like inferior to some of the people I want to be friends with so I kinda hold myself back? I still am scared to say something because I feel like people are going to judge what I’m going to say or get mad at me for something. I’m also really really awkward. I worry about what people will think about me if I say or do something. Because of that I feel like I miss out on a lot of opportunities. I freak out on the smallest things and I’ll worry about it for years till I can forget about it. I dont think anything im saying rn makes sense but its just a nutshell of idk what. I have trouble with reciprocating someone elses energy and I feel like I’m chore to talk to kinda? I feel bad so I try to distance myself. but I’m trying to do better!
Thanks for this btw! I’m trying to better myself this year and overcome my social anxiety, this really helps. ❤
Wow you are so insightful and self-aware about social anxiety and making friends that it made me understand so much more about myself. I really appreciate it!
wow im so sorry you had to go through so much trauma, but this was really helpful actually. thanks for helping people out of this horrible phase lol
Thank you for making this video. I’m currently in the process of willing to try to make a change and it seems so hard and unreachable. This video made me rethink about my negative thoughts. It really made me happy to see that someone with the same problem as me actually made a progress.
It’s weird how much I related to everything you said lol I’m trying now to socialize more and I found your advices really helpful thank you girl ❤
Hi just wanted to say your video was super relatable... and also, you look SO SIMILAR to itzy Lia!!! You are so pretty💗💗
Oml the winter scenario was me a year ago😭
I’m 28 years old. And I’m finally working on this. If you are younger than me, start as soon as you can! Being a quiet person will absolutely get you no where, it will stunt your growth as a human being. I lived my entire life as a quiet person and I lost so many opportunities.
ugh one thing i hate about school is that like no matter how much i embarrassed myself or had a bad a day like once i sit down in my room its like it never happened so i dont feel the need to initiate any changes. im in year 10 now which is like equivalent of a freshman i believe and like at break and lunch times im just standing there next to a bunch of people in my form class but like enough distance so that ppl can tell im not apart of the group and its so awkward like nothing to look at, not allowed phones, no toilets to hide in. it really sucks. thing is in the uk we have something called secondary school which is more or less middle school and highschool combined so ive known my classmates for 3 soon to be 4 years now so its too late to start trying to get closer with them. i do still talk to people but the convos are so dry and my voice is always so quiet. one thing, tho, is that like if ive talked to a lot of ppl in the school day ill be way more talkative and ill be able to say things to people more with less effort but i think thats just a bit of ego from the attention i rarely get and my goal is confidence not an ego. so yeah 😍😍❤❤
I've been called a quiet person so many times! But if I have to be honest, my reasons for being "quiet" is because I have a stutter rather than worrying about what people think about my opinions. It just hits different!
3:22 yes you're not alone
im really struggling with this right now i hope i overcome it soon
I went through that phase to I said how I didn't like school and I didn't want to see people again i said i wanted it to end and I told myself I'd never make friends again .What made me get through it well I didn't do much I just assumed I needed a friend to get through highschool so I really wanted it and fixated myself on that I realised if I never really made a friend I'd probably never get through school or get through social groups. It got to point maybe like in year 9 I was just staying near my locker and I was just talking to the guys in my science class and it got me through that thankfully a friend came talked from me a girl i interacted in class i probably wouldn't have friends especially the fact i had only really 2 friends that stood by me and they left absences. Now I don't have her I moved I'm not affected it just hurt and if I'd have to think at highschool I'd probably not have much to think about. What you really said helped me to care again I know I've been hurt a lot and the quiet ones get all the pain they say. 💜I hope you heal creator.
As always beautiful video Mei! I resonate a lot with what you shared about feeling like ‘the quiet kid’ when you were younger ❤️
in my case, it was def the community around me and the fact that school was 7-8 hours for 5 days a week, forcing me to be in social settings for a long period of time, and also my low af self esteem. i've only discovered this when I entered college: but i have a really low social battery and that's still true to this day at 21, but i've been learning to accept it and made sure I can grow in my social abilities despite not being like "everyone else". but in grade school, ur around the same pool of people for 12 years, and growing up, that's all you know about the world. it sucks too since as an introvert, that pool of people you know is way smaller and you're left to think that this is all what the world has to offer. it's draining to think you're the odd one out, not to mention that school forces you to be social and my social capacity only lasts 4 hours a day.
when i got into college and learnt to drive, i started my healing journey and did a lot of exploring. my social anxiety did NAWT go away just overnight, and it took so many days of crying to myself after every failed social attempt, picking myself back up again, journaling, therapy, and just finding more "social" hobbies like dance class (which btw was a hard af choice bc walking into a dance class by urself is like super terrifying but i do not regret that decision at all). 4 years later after highschool, and im still feeling it. social anxiety does NOT go away unfortunately, but it gets SO MUCH easier to deal with. i think the thing im scared of the most is being different from people to the point that we don't click or being too different that they think im 'weird'. reminding myself that there's 8 billion people in the world and so many personalities, cultures, interests, etc. so it doesn't matter what kind of person u are. ive gotten more confident just talking to random strangers who pass by u to class, making small talk with cashiers in a cafe, and now even volunteering to speak up during class discussions (this is still scary ngl LOL). now im about to be a public speaker to 200+ students and it's crazy how life just takes a turn like that
very long comment, but i just wanted to share my healing journey bc i feel like that's what my entire college experience has been 💕if you've gotten this far, thanks for reading
as i was watching this i literally related to everything you were saying. i recently moved abroad and into a new school and its been really hard for me to make friends. i get the feeling that i keep trying and keep being pushed away, but i am trying to implement the "just keep putting yourself out there" mentality. my biggest issue is that as an overthinker i cant tell the difference of me overreacting and someone actually not being interested in knowing me. there will be a lot of new people in my school next year and that makes me even more anxious. watching you makes me really hopeful, especially since i literally act the way you describe. i know its an issue, and i feel like its been getting worse, sometimes i feel like im shy even around my friends from home. sorry this is so long, and thank you for the video. do you have any tips on how to grow your self-confidence? i have realised that i have a problem with that, but before i can actually change something i start doubting myself again. anywayss sorry for the vent, and love youu
thank you for such a great and encouraging video🥹🤍 you've stated it all so precisely! i've always thought that some of the beliefs i have are too weird and cannot be relatable, but turns out i'm not the only one to think so (esp about the label of the quiet kid that adds two times more pressure..)
as someone who's currently on her healing journey too, i just want to share other tips that help me a lot!
- when experiencing social anxiety, our attention is mostly directed internally,
so it's important to practice switching it to the outer world. you can start small, e.g. when i was so scared to even walk on a street, i tried to notice things around, count the buildings i see, read signs. the same thing with conversations: focusing on the topic ('task at hand'), observing another person's hand gestures. it's all about getting out of your head
- celebrate each baby step you make!!! i've implemented a great practice where i write about every coming-out-of-my-shell moment i've had that day. i guess it makes your progress more visible :)
- challenging your core negative beliefs is also important. try recording those before a social intaraction and then comparing them to the actual outcome writing down the differences. those notes can be very helpful in the future as an example of 'i've already experienced this before, and my negative expectations didn't come true'
i hope everyone who struggles will finally get rid of this pain and start feeling free. i believe in you!!!!💘
Dude, you are so pretty
frrr, i get sick easily and when i need to cough in class i tried to hold it in or drink water to make the urge disappear since i don't other ppls attention 😭😭 i was also always the last one to hand in text papers (at the end of class) since i was too shy to walk up to the teacher when the others are concentrating :C
For me the thing that stunted my social growth was covid, it happened at such an odd time and I felt like ever since I got back I haven’t been able to talk to others the same way, even though I was already the quiet kid before that
People sometimes scoff at the 'just do it' and I definitely understand it, it can come off as unhelpful, especially for those with really severe anxiety. But that exposure therapy really does work. It worked for me, I'm still socially anxious but going out to social events and just going up and talking to people who I hadn't met before rather than awkwardly pulling out my phone made me realize that, as you said, shit really ain't that deep. There is NOTHING weird or awkward about just walking up to someone and saying hi, asking for their name, etc.
4:56 That's literally how I feel rn as a senior 😞. I want good memories only and I fear putting myself out there will just make it more awkward yk?
Keep up the video fr 🤝 talks about real stuff ab life n that
I love your vids!
I'm in my third year of uni and I've just accepted that I'm an extreme introvert with social anxiety and I feel no urge to get to know people or talk to them because I hate small talk and don't know how to start convos 😭 I've just accepted it and I'm content being alone. I just have a big fear of any attention being on me, I just want to be invisible and do my own thing lmao
This was genuinely so helpful, thank you.
This video helped me so much and inspired me to put my TRUE self out there more often. Thank you sooo muchhh💕💕
you're so pretty. i was scrolling youtube and i saw your video, you're pretttyyyy
I'm early!!! Love you and your content!
Wow had no idea I’d relate to this so much 😭
this was so reall 2 years ago i only got like 2 friends but now i love talking with the younger graders and i also have a gc with my friends in my grade😭😭
she is so cute 🥺🥺
i relate to everything you said so much, thank you for your tips 💞
It’s funny that the exact story happened to me when I was a kid , I used to hold my need to go to the bathroom to not draw attention, and then literally I did it on my pants rather than asking to go 💀💀
mei you're my inspiration!! ilysm
As I quiet kid myself, people always ask me “why are you so quiet?”
“Can you talk?”
“Do you speak English?” Like of course I speak English😂
"Blah blah blah" is the cutest part
Wow your hair looks awesome ✨
Edit : will watch the video later :)
I can't thank you enough girl I feel better after hearing you 🥲✨💖
It was like someone is opening my head and read my thoughts aloud :)))) sooo relatable 😅
Yeah the quiet kid label really did a number on me in hindsight. Just turned into a self fulfilling prophecy
Yeah, being the quiet kid does suck.
The longer you're in there, the more it sticks to your skin. Especially if you're one of the only Asians at school.
I don't know how it works in Canada, but for me, having grown up in Brussels, in Belgium, I had an...interesting school parcours during mid and high school.
I've been drawing ever since I was a kid, and my dad being a good old Asian parent, put me in every single prestigious class of every single most prestigious school he could find... Only for me to flunk them all one by one because I was spending more time drawing in my schoolbooks rather than study, basically making me either flunk the year, or getting "redirected" to other, less prestigious schools.
After a few years of that regime (where I basically had to change school pretty much every year), and having to meet up with entirely different students populations at each terms, often from wildly various social classes and ethnic origins, that quiet shell I was living in ever since my childhood was pretty quickly forced open by meeting so many different people during my teenage years.
Sure, that means I don't have much hi-school friends for life, but the amount of different people and perspectives I met certainly was inspiring for the aspiring artist I would later become... Before finally meeting my tribe in college when my dad finally relented and let me go study something artistic : animation.
And boy, those were the years I fully broke out of my shell, was the chattiest ever, andmade some of the best lifelong friends I've ever had.
Sometimes, it's not just about being the shy quiet kid, it also really depends on your surroundings. If you're surrounded by the people who all share the same interests and goals than you, and everyone is as crazy than you (or better, makes you look like the tamest one of them all), then I promise you, all shyness and quietness goes out the window the minute you found your tribe.
So to the quiet kids out there, keep looking, folks. Sometimes, it's not a "you" problem, it's more a "who's around you" problem.
the only thing is that like.. sometimes whenever i would try to talk to someone i would either get ignored, either cuz they dont hear/see me or they js outright ignore me, or sometimes the person im talking to js doesn't seem interested idk😭and its js kinda awkward😓but ofc i dont wanna let that get in the way, and i wanna keep on trying and moving on, talking to new people, but wehnever i DO make new friends or mutuals i have trouble being consistent with the relationships(?) like idk i would js run out of conversations and i would js not know what to talk abt likeee.... 😓
AND i rlly wanna get to know ppl more! like i wanna keep saying "Hi" to ppl in the hallways, but its always those small awkward hiccups that would sometimes stop me from saying a simple "Hi" or "bye" to someone, even my own friends or mutuals lol
😓
I think, again you have to realize, shit ain't that deep. I'm also socially anxious but have gone through what she did in terms of improving immensely through just talking with people and going out to places.
Yeah, you're not gonna click with everyone, not everyone's even gonna like you, shit can be awkward sometimes. But big fuckin whoop lmao, if they're showing no interest, then cool. You can just say 'have a good day!' and move on.
And I will say, do not be so scared about moments of silence within conversations; conversations are a two-way street, don't blame it all on yourself if it goes a little awry. I know it's an easy tendency to do so when you're socially anxious, but there's always two people in a conversation. It isn't all your fault!!! There's nothing wrong with taking your time to speak.
I know what it's like, slight awkward moment, you say 'hi' and they didn't quite catch it so they don't respond back, you feel that sting and it replays in your head over and over. But as long as you recognize that that's your anxiety talking, you keep it in its place and you don't let it affect your behavior, you will do well. You got this!
@@blasianking4827 Tysm for ur advice and encouragement i rlly appreciate it :), i havent gotten any embarrassing or very awkward moments recently, but i have gotten my moments where i did felt anxious at times 😥
ig sometimes i tend to forget to recognize that anxiety is really js talking nonsense, and then i would start to get caught up in my thoughts and overrexaggerated worries if i dont catch myself overthinking in time. Its ironic how I would sometimes have sm conversations with new people and mutuals, but yet i suddenly get kinda akward to say hi or talk to them the next day 😭
its crazy to think how even a pinch of anxiety can stop you from doing the most simplest and harmless things 😭
but recently i have gotten moments where i got ignored when saying hi to friends and classmates, but then i happen to js shrug the slight awkwardness off. Ig realizing that its nothing personal helps alot, because why should i have to continue caring about these things?? and if whatever reason i do get myself into these situations a lot of times, that doesn't mean you can't try again tmrw, theres always more oppurtunities on the way :)
and tbh im glad that im able to pick myself back up easily nowadays, or at least find ways to handle these types of sitautions better than before. Im very glad that im improving and taking steps to do better, even if its js VERYYY small im proud of myself. Having people encourage me and help me through these situations make me improve alott, so i hope to do the same and encourage others too!
again tysmm ! i really appreciate ur support, encouragment and advice, i wish you the best, have a great night/day/evening :))
I feel like I would overcome my social anxiety if people actually understood me or heard me because my voice is kinda low in volume (idk for certain but I think it’s because of my bad posture) & I have bad social skills 😢. I can say hello to ppl for example but idk how to keep a conversation going
this is what i needed, thank you! happy late 20th :)
Your videos are the ones that I relate to the most❤
PERFECT TIMINGGG
I related to this video more than you can ever imagine
Your video inspired me and I like the way you tell your personal experiences to us❤
I didn't trust my best friends, but they trasted me, I felt I was betrayed by a person I barely knew and that made me distance myself from the people closest to me, I remembered that you can'nt call jusst anyone a friend, I remembered how a supposed friend, held a big grudge, and when he had the opportunity to brig me down he took advantage of it, I never spoke to him aagain, so I chose to focus on the bad things and I withdrew from society for almost 5 yeras.
OMGGG THIS IS SO MEE, MY CLASSMATES LABELED ME AS A NONCHALANT THAT'S WHY I DON'T TRY TO INTERACT WELL BECAUSE I AM A "NONCHALANT"
Bro your experience with being "the quiet kid" is so relatable. Literally how I still feel rn when I'm not with my close friends.
I feel like you are my soul mate thanks for the help! 😄
omg tysm for making this video
meiqi for president
Thanks for sharing.
Have an amazing wonderful day ❤❤
Exelent😊🎉❤
9:06 - 9:28 hits diff and im finna try that more
Omg are we the same person??? Literally same
I love when you say "blah blah blah"
In class I raise my hand and all that, but I‘m scared to talk to strangers and classmates.