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Absolutely none of the theories of evil are true. Psychopathy can be detected in children as young as five. They are the consequences of neurodiversity, not bad parenting or evil. Some people do not have the capacity to feel empathy or love for others. They can learn to fake kindness to fit in but ultimately don't care. Devoid of feeling some people want nothing but competitive advantage over others and don't care if they hurt people to get it.
You’re videos are enjoyable. However, you guys speak half-truths and generally accepted theories as absolute facts. That’s dangerous. Of course none of us are perfect sooooooo have a good dinner tonight. 👌
I've been working on loving my parents for a while now because growing up they had some toxic behaviours. Understanding why they were like that through their own childhood made me feel like they were actually a child to me. Also scared and insecure, with their own bad parents. I really do not want to be like them when i grow up i hope to break this cycle through understanding them so i can understand myself.
Same. My dad is very patient, loving and understanding towards my mum's bad behaviour, which inspires me to do the same. But that doesn't mean that I can't tell her off when she oversteps the mark (she did this continually over the last fortnight and my being firm but fair with her appears to have nudged her into better behaviour).
I'm an adult now, living on my own, but the problems and patterns just never seem to disappear, it hurts so bad because I know how their toxic behavior impacted me irreversibly in my life :( I am so hurt and lost right now and my parents don't offer a safe space for me
While I agree, we also must bear in mind that everything has limits. Popper's paradox is here to remind us that too much tolerance when a thougher action is needed can also lead to ruin. I speak not as an intolerant person, but as an empath whom has endured a lot of abuse and had to learn to set boundaries. Understanding people's pain and motives for toxic behaviour does not equal not taking measures to also protect yourself from the them.
I agree Júlio, obviously. Do these things exclude each other though? Is it intolerant towards others to set boundaries for yourself? If someone abuses you and you decide you shouldn't endure their toxic behaviour you're not necessarily rejecting these people entirely. It's not like you're telling them they're assholes per se just because you're showing self-respect.
Thank you for your balanced words. From the "outside" it might look like rejection of the abuser to remove oneself or set strong boundaries. That is a judgement others may make who do not know what is going on "inside" the relationship. Only the victim of ongoing toxic behavior knows when the limit is reached, a very individualistic thing. In my experience, if the toxic person is not willing to do the hard work of uncovering the childhood trauma that set them down the road to inappropriate relating styles and heal from it, it is IMPOSSIBLE for the victim of the toxicity to help that person.
@@thomassublime5969 yes, the ideal attitude is to protect yourself while seeing the person with love nonetheless. Sometimes we need to act harsh first, to break the cycle, and then apply a more compassionate view. But for anyone whom has been victim of abuse, it's hard to find that middle ground.
@@yomuin5389 exactly! It's just a difficult perspective for very empathetic people, because our autopilot is to always feel responsible for the other person's feelings and if we are not careful we end up blaming ourselves. But you are totally right and everyone should learn how to set boundaries in a healthy way.
I think if you looked into the science of attachment theory and see the studies and read some of the multitude of books about this topic you would see why they say this. In the end we are all animals who are desperate to have a safe person like our mom when we were babies. It’s much deeper than that though
There's a reason for almost everything, which means people that suck usually suck for a reason. That doesn't mean that they should accept themselves as bad people and belittle others. I know it can be hard for some people, but it really is just about treating and loving your neighbours like you would want to be treated and loved
The Prophet Mohammed (ﷺ) said, "No one of you becomes a true believer until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself". [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]. Riyad as-Salihin 183
Bad parenting should be blamed,discomfort triggers a response, liable for slander, evil because of malice, love requires patience, cause and effect, the blame game, depression because of oppression, requires discipline to conquer it, sympathy and empathy needs to applied to rekindle affection🚩✅
There is this book called “I am Okay, You are okay” They say we have three personalities Parent, Child and Adult. Parent is what we’ve been taught, example, don’t touch knives, don’t go near a fire etc. Child is our response to the parent, crying, laughing etc. any emotion that we experience comes from our child. Adult is what we develop using the data from Parent and Child and our own experiences. Example, The parent told us to not touch the knife, we still did and it cut our palm, the child wouldn’t pick any knife up ever, but if the adult did, he wouldn’t hold the knife from the sharp side. Every time we gut hurt, triggered that response comes from our child. Just putting it out here, since this has helped me a lot to grow as a person, hope it helps you all too :)
Thank you so much. I think you helped me understand my cognitive faults. I would always blend these things together…but that come from overwhelming anxiety when you can’t think anything through from your own intuition. I get lost very easy in my thoughts and emotions and I could never pin point why I felt so apart. Balancing these things without suppressing or setting aside emotions is the most difficult thing.
@@htttppppp I don't feel qualified to answer such a deep and emotionally sensitive question. I'd advise someone in that situation to reach out to a professional for help, e.g. a therapist
Being a healthcare worker you face a lot of difficult patients, making it more difficult to treat them, that’s why we need better pay and less hours, to properly treat with care and love every patient, as they’re both limited in amount, no one is ever loving and caring, it takes a huge toll mentally and physically.
absolutley healers, mentors, child carers and prison staff must be respected for the important work they do when it is truly held in care and love, including for those helping ... I believe especially child carers must have lots of other carers also helping the children so they can relax and have fun themselves... I believe all carers should have long holidays and many in the teams of carers they work with so that they share the helping of others rather than caring alone.
Hurt people know what hurt is, they show love, empathy. They know what hurt feels like and they know that they will never want to experience it again. So they try to protect others from it too. That's something I understood about them
@@malaychoudhary6811 Sorry, dear, not always true. Some hurt people are so very self-protective that they turn into defensive, narcissistic, cold and unreachable creatures. You may not have had this experience, but many others have.
@@malaychoudhary6811 yes, some hurt people are sensible, others, not that much. It all depends on how you deal with your pain - in a healthy way, accepting it and trying to improve yourself, or in an unhealthy way, through projecting your pain onto others and turning it into a vicious cycle of abuse. Unfortunately there's a lot of the latter too...
I have never been in love in my life, due to my childhood trauma. But that trauma pushes, me in general to be kind and understanding, but at times even I be apathetic. I always regret being apathetic to someone later
@@Zerone_1 I was "problem child" , mischievous, hyperactive as a kid. So I used hit,hurt other kids, but I was just trying to be playful. So school used to complain about my mischievous nature. And fearing getting kicked out of school and leaving uneducated. My mom used to beat me up. And school banned from going to school picnics and gathering, so this pushed me more isolated and socially scarred. Shaming/ scolding in school became something of a regular thing. It affects me to this day, as I have fear of authority figures raising their voicrsTo be honest I think I deserved it as a kid. Hehehe. And when things became unbearable for my mom, she used to beat me, and once or twice said "Why god has placed me in her laps?" Which to this day makes me feel worthless about myself as a burden on someone. But I get where my mom came from. If she wouldn't have did things to discipline me. I wouldn't be where I am today. But thing's affects you nonetheless. I tried to open up to one or two friends (girls), mistaking that girls are more emotionally mature than boys. Nope big mistake. I was talking with this girl about her breakups and was trying to understand and sympathize with her issues. And I thought, let me try to share some of my trauma. And I said "We are depressed in our own ways" and she replied "What are you depressed about? you never even been in relationships". All I then said "ok whatever". I think no one cares for no one. So I think let's see if I listen to people.
I’m an adult. I manage not to behave badly or blame bad behaviour on past trauma. If I can manage, why can’t everyone else? This excuse is nowhere near good enough
@@MetalCooking666 Simply choosing not to attribute certain behaviours to past trauma doesn't just make that the case. Taking responsibility over yourself doesn't mean pretending that you're not moulded by your experiences.
@@craigr4763 that’s not what I’m advocating. You shouldn’t demand that people excuse your behaviour based on unrelated crap that happened to you in the past
@@MetalCooking666 because your trauma and others' is impossible to compare and each individual processes trauma differently. There are different forms of trauma that lead people to different unhealthy mechanisms to cope. I would subconsciously hurt others or self-sabotage myself which was rooted in fear of intimacy, love and closeness. what i would do to myself and others wasn't healthy but i felt so estranged from others and damaged from previous experiences of trying to love it influenced my behaviour. little by little people can learn to love again and more often than not those who hurt others are hurt themselves. the mindset of 'if i can manage, why cant everyone else?' isn't a good one to have and you should probably consider being more open-minded
It truly is the most wonderful blessing to realize that someone did something objectively horrible to you, not because you deserved something objectively horrible, but rather because they themselves are continually battling their own traumas. The ability to forgive the manifestations of others traumas can help you absolve your own.
It's true what this video says. You can have empathy and love, but for a relationship to work and flourish it needs all participants to understand, inherit and practice what this video preaches. Know your boundaries, your relationship partner deserves authenticity, regardless if they are hurting you or not.
I’ve been thinking about this issue for a while now and I didn’t really want to seek out advice from a close person, as it’d feel… weird. I’m glad this video is posted
This is wonderful. I have often looked at adults and wondered what they were like as a child of 2,3 or 4 years old. Addiction, belligerence, violence, rudeness....I have always wondered at what point in their lives were they put on the path they now travel. It makes me very sad to see people treat their children poorly. In fact, it was only yesterday that my wife and I were talking about it and (Please let me know your opinion) we were talking about the need for some sort of child rearing course as an obligation for anyone who wants to be a parent. Although I initially thought the idea abhorrent, my wife mentioned that in society people are required to get permits for just about everything in order to ensure the person's competence in the activity (driving, hunting, being a doctor, etc...). Why not for being a parent? People should be forced to learn what screaming, hitting, neglect and violence can do to a child.....(Of course, I am fully aware of the potential for violation of personal autonomy and societal overreach here....but the underlying idea still fascinates me.). I'd love to hear your (reasoned and not gut reaction) ideas about this.
Bradford Goerss, I think a course for parenthood is a great idea. People will train for 4-5 years to be teachers, 7 years or more to be doctors etc. Being a parent is so much more complicated. I’m a teacher and in my experience almost every person loves their child. They may not be a good parent due to their own pain, addictions, trauma, but most want to do a good job. Inner healing, support, addiction recovery and how to lovingly discipline would make a difference, I believe. Thank you for your comment!
Yes yes!! I agree! Guidance for parents comes in the form of I'll informed grandparents , neighbours and online portals. While parenting is so much internal, keeping calm and staying in love while supporting our child through their boundary testing phases of childhood and indeed adulthood too, is not easy at all! In fact may be the most difficult thing we ever have to do in our lives. This is why we do need education. I know I could have SO used this! My journey as a mum began with guilt, shame, fear and finally anger. Luckily I finally turned to portals and hand in hand parenting etc for information and this helped me so much! This should be seriously considered for all parents to be.
I totally agree. What I believe should preface that is self healing, dealing with one's own childhood and healing the pain that stems from an abusive and dysfunctional childhood and family dynamic. Otherwise no course can prepare one for parenting because we tend to reenact what's familiar, even if toxic.
Absolutely agree. I met someone whose parents had him and his siblings just for the money they got from the state as "poverty-level" parents of three. The parents were addicts and neglectful when they weren't being abusive. These children are then supposed to somehow learn how to be healthy adults? I might even go further than you, and suggest that anyone who wishes to be a parent needs to pass some basic preliminary screening: are they addicts? Do they make a living that can support a child? Are there anger issues, etc. I agree that this gets into very tricky territory, but imagine the long-term societal effects of preventing people who are ill-equipped from having kids (homelessness, drug addiction, mental health issues, and so on)
Losing mum at 15, brother at 16, domestic violence on the top of that- no wonder why I've never really known how to love. Fear of abandonment is just too great.
I’ve always felt this way & wondered if there was something wrong with me. Why I immediately wondered what (bad?) childhood one must have had to have hurt me/others…
Kudos to every person who clicked on this…we ALL could benefit from being more loving. No matter how kind, how patient, we all can stand to be reminded about these simple truths. I reckon a lot of people see the title and are either disinterested or hubristic enough to assume they don’t need any help in this area. So if you bothered watching this…you’re already likely more loving because you’re keen on and open minded to learning how to be even MORE so. 🙏🏻❤️🙏🏻
It's bollocks. Man sometimes just wants to do something for the pleasure of it, and for no other reason. I've watched countless documentaries on Jeffrey Dahmer, the serial killer, and there was no central "trauma" in his life. He simply made no attempt to curb his desire for lust and control over his victims.
@@abesapien9930 you're right. But serial killers, paedophiles, etc are sadists. They are apathetic and predisposed to sadism. Evil comes in many other forms, often small, everyday acts.
This was what I did with myself and grew so much patience and love for myself and I'm doing this for a recent ex and it's making it easy to speak respectfully with my disgust and contemptuous feelings towards their behavior.
Many people are so hard to love. We can connect even with the worst people. We can try to understand them or show them some kindness. But we can't say we love them. It takes a whole different level of greatness to do so. One day I really want to be able to wish them a good life from the bottom of my heart.
Such a beautiful and true video. If only I could send this to all of the people who abused and hurt me... and also check for the people I have hurt and abused and send it to them too. Although I feel I have been hurt so many by others, disrespected disregarded. Someone had even laughed at my misery, my own mother had as well. More empathy and more love!
Well-meaning but ultimately not great advice. While not everyone falls into this category, some toxic people simply can't change - the scientific literature is very clear on that. If you keep on giving empathy and love to people who continue to treat you appallingly, they'll destroy you in the end.
I feel perhaps thinking this way may help internally even if you need to put up boundaries to people who hurt you. You can be empathetic to a situation but know that it is healthier to not have that person in your life. It may , perhaps, aid in dampening anger within yourself towards that person while moving on. It could also aid in compassion when someone has caused a much more slight annoyance. I've heard people call others inconsiderate, asshole etc for trivial slights like forgetting to buy something while Grocery shopping, being a bit late or just having a sour face because they're having a bad day...it's these moments, which tend to be more often, that this way of thinking could do a lot of good for. I do agree some people will never change, and I'd like to hear their take on sociopaths etc. Hope you're having a good day 🤍
Treating people with respect and generally being empathetic does not equal giving them energy or love that you can't spare. You don't necessarily have to diminish yourself if someone isn't treating you right if you want adhere to this idea. It's not binary. You can treat a criminal with respect but you don't have to be as nice to them as you'd be to your mother, obviously. Trying to understand where someone is coming from isn't a mindset that completely overrides all and any other reason, it's a tool to help you get frustrated less often with other people that generally aren't pure evil on purpose. Even if people can't change, they're still people. They should be treated like people. It doesn't need to be your job to be a friend to them, you don't have to get involved. Justice is still a thing, that an empathetic attitude might show more perspective doesn't relieve people of their responsibility. I think this video is trying to give people some insight about how to deal with seemingly toxic behaviour on a personal level.
Agreed. And what about the 'infant in a cradle' who brutally kills someone? Not everyone is worthy of our love. There are evil people in this world who will not respond to any form of love.
"We all need...", "It takes an exquisite mind...". Therein lies the problem. There are few tormented souls that receive such care; few who are lucky to receive such love. I truly hope our humanity progresses into the future and our better instincts are not hijacked and subverted.
"Love is not an emotion. It is not always kind. It does not maintain one appearance only. Ideas of being loving and lovable conjure up certain forms of behavior and mannerisms and certain forms of etiquette and social obligation. But this is only acting at love. Love is very powerful. It does not need your creations. It only needs for you to become an empty vessel through which it can express itself." The New Message from God
Hate yourself you will hate others, truly forgive/ love yourself you will love others. Everything is a reflection of what you feel about yourself. True unconditional love is extremely rare.
@@riggs20 If you force the life of a human being you force all of his needs (including his need for love). It can only be cruel to do that to him. That's what I mean.
This idea has helped me bridle my angry many times. When someone offends me, I picture them as a child and begin to see the child still inside them. My angry often subsides and I feel a sense of love and understanding for them. If you are reading this, I encourage you to try this technique. I believe it can change your life and in turn, change the world.
I agree up to a point. Putting that person far away while still trying to find the causes of the pain is difficult, if not nearly impossible, without subjecting yourself to some hurt from that person. Not sure how you propose we do that.
I notice many people in the comment section seemingly having a very binary idea of the possible approaches. Either you are empathetic and loving - or not. There is an in-between you know. You don't have to sacrifice yourself for someone that responds to love very poorly. You don't have to "love" a murderer. By saying: "some people are pure evil", you're just giving yourself excuses not to always try and see the child in someone. Here's the thing though. You don't need an excuse. You don't have to love everyone all the time but that doesn't mean we have to come up with exceptions to the supposed rule. It's kind of obvious that you can only be empathetic so much to the point it costs you self-respect or it no longer seems in line with your beliefs. The video isn't telling you you should force yourself to feel empathy for everyone. Try not to throw unnecessary doubt at a video that is trying to teach you something that will generally - under normal circumstances - help you.
Great video, well done TSoL. I like the end where you explained how we put people over 18 in prison with no compassion to understand why they did that to end up in a bad place
Thing is, I’m already fully aware that people have their own things going on which might make them have a bad day. That being said, I have stuff that might cause me to have a bad day as well and if I’m giving you the respect to not let that affect my attitude towards you, then you better give me the same respect. If you I notice that you’re mad at me for something I have no relation to I no longer care about your feelings or company as you aren’t a person I’d want around
Thank you. I greatly appreciate this channel. I also think that you are doing extremely important and valuable work. Having said that, I respectfully disagree with one aspect of the advice you offer here. In general, I think it is wise, kind, generous, magnanimous, etc. to understand that all acts of cruelty are the result of pain, but I also think that there are cases in which understanding the whys and wherefores of someone's actions toward empathy and forgiveness is not only impossible but even dangerous. For example, I was raised by an extreme narcissist . Extricating myself from my mother's energetic tendrils almost killed me. I have peace about it all now because I am peacefully estranged from her. I am very empathic, and I wasted many years attempting to "save" narcissists like mymother. They do not want or need to be saved because nothing is wrong with them according to them. They don't find themselves seeking therapy because that would be vulnerable and admitting fault, weakness, and that they need help. These people do not have internal resources to draw from, and they feed off of the sympathy, empathy, and good wishes of people like myself or people who would seek to follow the advice you offer here. I think you are right and wise in general, but I think there are cases in which this would be a waste of time as well as dangerous such as when dealing with an emotional vampire. Anyway, thank you again. I really do appreciate this channel and have subscribed and always like. : )
It’s a message everyone should reject. I don’t treat people badly and then blame it on past trauma that isn’t their fault. Being an adult means taking responsibility for your behaviour.
I think we generally remain children, especially in the areas of trauma. Also, I find that I unfairly categorise troublesome people and then try to see their uniqueness and good. There aren’t many who don’t have an abiding good.
This is a very nice idea and a nice sentiment. But some people are so toxic that for your OWN mental health it is best to stay away from them, regardless of what might be the root cause.
I love myself dearly, but I have a really hard time loving other people. It's because I know that the love that I give to others is never what I receive. I don't expect it because other people are different. But it really makes loving other people more and more difficult when I'm the only one that ends up hurt by those that I give love to, while they feel nothing in return.
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Sometimes you have to let go of these people and just love them from afar. I may understand them to the highest level that I can but if they wont change or at least compromise, it's a lost cause. You'll just lose yourself in the end.
Remember everyone, this isn't the easy way out. The easiest thing is to label these people as bad and forget about them. Whenever I see or hear about a horrible crime I can't help but think "What if someone I knew and loved was the offender?". It's emotionally taxing and honestly has at times isolated me from others. I've never met someone who thinks like I do. Whenever I'm not 'mad' at these people, others see that and then attack me. I've forced myself to become more cold and less understanding just to fit in and it sucks.
I love the School of Life content. Videos narrated by Alain are my favourites. I’m not enjoying this new formats quite as much. He has a slow and relaxing voice - ‘story telling’ like. This video on the other hand is more of an ‘essay reading’.
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FWIW I love your channel. Every single entry - across all domains. You are doing the world a remarkable goodness. God bless.
Is she chewing gum when she recites this????
Absolutely none of the theories of evil are true. Psychopathy can be detected in children as young as five. They are the consequences of neurodiversity, not bad parenting or evil. Some people do not have the capacity to feel empathy or love for others. They can learn to fake kindness to fit in but ultimately don't care. Devoid of feeling some people want nothing but competitive advantage over others and don't care if they hurt people to get it.
Can you do a video about the art and socialism of William Morris?
You’re videos are enjoyable. However, you guys speak half-truths and generally accepted theories as absolute facts. That’s dangerous. Of course none of us are perfect sooooooo have a good dinner tonight. 👌
I started loving myself more and as a result I began finding myself loving everyone around me
I noticed that too. When I am kind to myself I tend to be good to others too
This hit deep
It’s (at least partly) because you became more loving.
I agree. You cannot forgive anyone if you don’t first forgive yourself.
how did you start loving yourself? it's so hard. i mean it's different for everyone but what helped you?
I've been working on loving my parents for a while now because growing up they had some toxic behaviours. Understanding why they were like that through their own childhood made me feel like they were actually a child to me. Also scared and insecure, with their own bad parents. I really do not want to be like them when i grow up i hope to break this cycle through understanding them so i can understand myself.
I'm going through the same too! But can't seem to live them when they still continue the same behavy!
Same. My dad is very patient, loving and understanding towards my mum's bad behaviour, which inspires me to do the same. But that doesn't mean that I can't tell her off when she oversteps the mark (she did this continually over the last fortnight and my being firm but fair with her appears to have nudged her into better behaviour).
@@annaheya2109 Same and their behavior genuinely hurts me which is causing me to despise them
Listen to ‘older’ by Sasha Sloan.
I'm an adult now, living on my own, but the problems and patterns just never seem to disappear, it hurts so bad because I know how their toxic behavior impacted me irreversibly in my life :( I am so hurt and lost right now and my parents don't offer a safe space for me
While I agree, we also must bear in mind that everything has limits. Popper's paradox is here to remind us that too much tolerance when a thougher action is needed can also lead to ruin. I speak not as an intolerant person, but as an empath whom has endured a lot of abuse and had to learn to set boundaries. Understanding people's pain and motives for toxic behaviour does not equal not taking measures to also protect yourself from the them.
I agree Júlio, obviously. Do these things exclude each other though? Is it intolerant towards others to set boundaries for yourself? If someone abuses you and you decide you shouldn't endure their toxic behaviour you're not necessarily rejecting these people entirely. It's not like you're telling them they're assholes per se just because you're showing self-respect.
I have some trouble setting boundaries. Guess I'm too forgiving, but sometimes it's necessary. Actually might be the best thing to do in some cases.
Thank you for your balanced words. From the "outside" it might look like rejection of the abuser to remove oneself or set strong boundaries. That is a judgement others may make who do not know what is going on "inside" the relationship. Only the victim of ongoing toxic behavior knows when the limit is reached, a very individualistic thing. In my experience, if the toxic person is not willing to do the hard work of uncovering the childhood trauma that set them down the road to inappropriate relating styles and heal from it, it is IMPOSSIBLE for the victim of the toxicity to help that person.
@@thomassublime5969 yes, the ideal attitude is to protect yourself while seeing the person with love nonetheless. Sometimes we need to act harsh first, to break the cycle, and then apply a more compassionate view. But for anyone whom has been victim of abuse, it's hard to find that middle ground.
@@yomuin5389 exactly! It's just a difficult perspective for very empathetic people, because our autopilot is to always feel responsible for the other person's feelings and if we are not careful we end up blaming ourselves. But you are totally right and everyone should learn how to set boundaries in a healthy way.
Nobody:
Every single school of life video: “treat everyone as if they were the child version of themselves”
Do you treat people you disagree with politically like that?
Treat everyone as if you're seeing their sad backstory like an anime flashback.
@@JeremyStittsandtheJourney 😂😂😂😂😂
I think if you looked into the science of attachment theory and see the studies and read some of the multitude of books about this topic you would see why they say this. In the end we are all animals who are desperate to have a safe person like our mom when we were babies. It’s much deeper than that though
I'm missing the point.
As a wise man said "be kind to everyone because everyone is fighting their own battles"
Tal vez Keano Reeves, no sé si él lo en verdad =)
@@Rosari6871 el Keanu dijo eso? 😅 oye pero que profundo
So true, everyone has their own challenges and daily battles!
Plato
@@thucydides7849 Magdalena 🐊
There's a reason for almost everything, which means people that suck usually suck for a reason. That doesn't mean that they should accept themselves as bad people and belittle others. I know it can be hard for some people, but it really is just about treating and loving your neighbours like you would want to be treated and loved
The Prophet Mohammed (ﷺ) said, "No one of you becomes a true believer until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself". [Al-Bukhari and Muslim].
Riyad as-Salihin 183
Amazing. Kindly consider watching and subscribing to this video: ua-cam.com/video/qN9LKid-fnQ/v-deo.html
Bad parenting should be blamed,discomfort triggers a response, liable for slander, evil because of malice, love requires patience, cause and effect, the blame game, depression because of oppression, requires discipline to conquer it, sympathy and empathy needs to applied to rekindle affection🚩✅
Having worked as a psychotherapist for 35 years I find this video so true, accurate, helpful and validating. Thanks 🙏
There is this book called “I am Okay, You are okay”
They say we have three personalities
Parent, Child and Adult.
Parent is what we’ve been taught, example, don’t touch knives, don’t go near a fire etc.
Child is our response to the parent, crying, laughing etc. any emotion that we experience comes from our child.
Adult is what we develop using the data from Parent and Child and our own experiences. Example, The parent told us to not touch the knife, we still did and it cut our palm, the child wouldn’t pick any knife up ever, but if the adult did, he wouldn’t hold the knife from the sharp side.
Every time we gut hurt, triggered that response comes from our child.
Just putting it out here, since this has helped me a lot to grow as a person, hope it helps you all too :)
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Id%2C_ego_and_super-ego?wprov=sfla1
I didn't get the point
Thank you so much. I think you helped me understand my cognitive faults. I would always blend these things together…but that come from overwhelming anxiety when you can’t think anything through from your own intuition. I get lost very easy in my thoughts and emotions and I could never pin point why I felt so apart. Balancing these things without suppressing or setting aside emotions is the most difficult thing.
Thank you!
Thanks alot! ❤️
“The most beautiful moments in life are moments when you are expressing your joy, not when you are seeking it.” ~ Sadhguru 🙏😊
Thank you
Sadhguru 🤮
How do you find let alone express joy if you were molested as a child or abused?
@@htttppppp I don't feel qualified to answer such a deep and emotionally sensitive question. I'd advise someone in that situation to reach out to a professional for help, e.g. a therapist
yikes gross
When you view everything through the eyes of compassion life becomes just a bit more bearable.
Patience and consistency IS love. There is no greater display of it...
Being a healthcare worker you face a lot of difficult patients, making it more difficult to treat them, that’s why we need better pay and less hours, to properly treat with care and love every patient, as they’re both limited in amount, no one is ever loving and caring, it takes a huge toll mentally and physically.
absolutley healers, mentors, child carers and prison staff must be respected for the important work they do when it is truly held in care and love, including for those helping ... I believe especially child carers must have lots of other carers also helping the children so they can relax and have fun themselves... I believe all carers should have long holidays and many in the teams of carers they work with so that they share the helping of others rather than caring alone.
True sir
As a wise man once said: Hurt people hurt people.
But there's not much we can do to heal them. Just try to stay out of their way.
Hurt people know what hurt is, they show love, empathy. They know what hurt feels like and they know that they will never want to experience it again.
So they try to protect others from it too.
That's something I understood about them
@@malaychoudhary6811 exactly!
Hurt people don't hurt people
@@malaychoudhary6811 Sorry, dear, not always true. Some hurt people are so very self-protective that they turn into defensive, narcissistic, cold and unreachable creatures. You may not have had this experience, but many others have.
@@malaychoudhary6811 yes, some hurt people are sensible, others, not that much. It all depends on how you deal with your pain - in a healthy way, accepting it and trying to improve yourself, or in an unhealthy way, through projecting your pain onto others and turning it into a vicious cycle of abuse. Unfortunately there's a lot of the latter too...
I have never been in love in my life, due to my childhood trauma. But that trauma pushes, me in general to be kind and understanding, but at times even I be apathetic. I always regret being apathetic to someone later
slowly but surely brother
can you share your trauma?
@@Zerone_1 I was "problem child" , mischievous, hyperactive as a kid. So I used hit,hurt other kids, but I was just trying to be playful. So school used to complain about my mischievous nature. And fearing getting kicked out of school and leaving uneducated. My mom used to beat me up. And school banned from going to school picnics and gathering, so this pushed me more isolated and socially scarred. Shaming/ scolding in school became something of a regular thing. It affects me to this day, as I have fear of authority figures raising their voicrsTo be honest I think I deserved it as a kid. Hehehe. And when things became unbearable for my mom, she used to beat me, and once or twice said "Why god has placed me in her laps?" Which to this day makes me feel worthless about myself as a burden on someone. But I get where my mom came from. If she wouldn't have did things to discipline me. I wouldn't be where I am today. But thing's affects you nonetheless.
I tried to open up to one or two friends (girls), mistaking that girls are more emotionally mature than boys. Nope big mistake. I was talking with this girl about her breakups and was trying to understand and sympathize with her issues. And I thought, let me try to share some of my trauma. And I said "We are depressed in our own ways" and she replied "What are you depressed about? you never even been in relationships".
All I then said "ok whatever".
I think no one cares for no one. So I think let's see if I listen to people.
@@Fromtheforgottengardens well that girl was dumb indeed. You know, finding someone who isn't self-absorbed or just plain stupid is quite hard. 🤔
@@Fromtheforgottengardens only the strong can face and accept their traumas like you are doing, I hope you can overcome this one day!
Seeing adults as big children as in helping us to be more compassionate to their innocence that's truly inside.... I like that.
Me too
I’m an adult. I manage not to behave badly or blame bad behaviour on past trauma. If I can manage, why can’t everyone else? This excuse is nowhere near good enough
@@MetalCooking666 Simply choosing not to attribute certain behaviours to past trauma doesn't just make that the case. Taking responsibility over yourself doesn't mean pretending that you're not moulded by your experiences.
@@craigr4763 that’s not what I’m advocating. You shouldn’t demand that people excuse your behaviour based on unrelated crap that happened to you in the past
@@MetalCooking666 because your trauma and others' is impossible to compare and each individual processes trauma differently. There are different forms of trauma that lead people to different unhealthy mechanisms to cope. I would subconsciously hurt others or self-sabotage myself which was rooted in fear of intimacy, love and closeness. what i would do to myself and others wasn't healthy but i felt so estranged from others and damaged from previous experiences of trying to love it influenced my behaviour. little by little people can learn to love again and more often than not those who hurt others are hurt themselves. the mindset of 'if i can manage, why cant everyone else?' isn't a good one to have and you should probably consider being more open-minded
It truly is the most wonderful blessing to realize that someone did something objectively horrible to you, not because you deserved something objectively horrible, but rather because they themselves are continually battling their own traumas. The ability to forgive the manifestations of others traumas can help you absolve your own.
Thank you for teaching that no one is a bad person by default
Feel love for yourself and and then it will be shining through onto otherselves.
This makes me want to do so much better for my kids. I want them to grow up in a loving and emotionally safe environment.
You are a good mom
It's true what this video says. You can have empathy and love, but for a relationship to work and flourish it needs all participants to understand, inherit and practice what this video preaches. Know your boundaries, your relationship partner deserves authenticity, regardless if they are hurting you or not.
I love listening to all the different topics on this channel. Life consists of many different things.
I’ve been thinking about this issue for a while now and I didn’t really want to seek out advice from a close person, as it’d feel… weird. I’m glad this video is posted
This video explains a lot of behavior I've experienced from other people and why I am forgiving but not forgetful.
This is wonderful. I have often looked at adults and wondered what they were like as a child of 2,3 or 4 years old. Addiction, belligerence, violence, rudeness....I have always wondered at what point in their lives were they put on the path they now travel. It makes me very sad to see people treat their children poorly. In fact, it was only yesterday that my wife and I were talking about it and (Please let me know your opinion) we were talking about the need for some sort of child rearing course as an obligation for anyone who wants to be a parent. Although I initially thought the idea abhorrent, my wife mentioned that in society people are required to get permits for just about everything in order to ensure the person's competence in the activity (driving, hunting, being a doctor, etc...). Why not for being a parent? People should be forced to learn what screaming, hitting, neglect and violence can do to a child.....(Of course, I am fully aware of the potential for violation of personal autonomy and societal overreach here....but the underlying idea still fascinates me.). I'd love to hear your (reasoned and not gut reaction) ideas about this.
Bradford Goerss, I think a course for parenthood is a great idea. People will train for 4-5 years to be teachers, 7 years or more to be doctors etc. Being a parent is so much more complicated. I’m a teacher and in my experience almost every person loves their child. They may not be a good parent due to their own pain, addictions, trauma, but most want to do a good job. Inner healing, support, addiction recovery and how to lovingly discipline would make a difference, I believe. Thank you for your comment!
Yes yes!! I agree! Guidance for parents comes in the form of I'll informed grandparents , neighbours and online portals. While parenting is so much internal, keeping calm and staying in love while supporting our child through their boundary testing phases of childhood and indeed adulthood too, is not easy at all! In fact may be the most difficult thing we ever have to do in our lives. This is why we do need education. I know I could have SO used this! My journey as a mum began with guilt, shame, fear and finally anger. Luckily I finally turned to portals and hand in hand parenting etc for information and this helped me so much! This should be seriously considered for all parents to be.
I wholeheartedly support this...from a physician and parent who had toxic parents
I totally agree. What I believe should preface that is self healing, dealing with one's own childhood and healing the pain that stems from an abusive and dysfunctional childhood and family dynamic. Otherwise no course can prepare one for parenting because we tend to reenact what's familiar, even if toxic.
Absolutely agree. I met someone whose parents had him and his siblings just for the money they got from the state as "poverty-level" parents of three. The parents were addicts and neglectful when they weren't being abusive. These children are then supposed to somehow learn how to be healthy adults? I might even go further than you, and suggest that anyone who wishes to be a parent needs to pass some basic preliminary screening: are they addicts? Do they make a living that can support a child? Are there anger issues, etc. I agree that this gets into very tricky territory, but imagine the long-term societal effects of preventing people who are ill-equipped from having kids (homelessness, drug addiction, mental health issues, and so on)
Losing mum at 15, brother at 16, domestic violence on the top of that- no wonder why I've never really known how to love. Fear of abandonment is just too great.
What would having more emotional fitness look like for you?
@@EmotionallyFitYogi What is emotional fitness? Resilience? Self love? Sure I have both. I am about to become single mother by choice actually.
@@inkerikavantera That is inadvisable.
@@robinsarchiz Okey.
When you say about to become a single mother by choice... Does it mean you're going through a divorce or are you pregnant?
I’ve always felt this way & wondered if there was something wrong with me. Why I immediately wondered what (bad?) childhood one must have had to have hurt me/others…
Kudos to every person who clicked on this…we ALL could benefit from being more loving. No matter how kind, how patient, we all can stand to be reminded about these simple truths.
I reckon a lot of people see the title and are either disinterested or hubristic enough to assume they don’t need any help in this area.
So if you bothered watching this…you’re already likely more loving because you’re keen on and open minded to learning how to be even MORE so.
🙏🏻❤️🙏🏻
Trying to have open communication with everyone I know helps me love and stay connected and remind me we are all humans.
*Gonna sound cliche, but here I go...love urself first and then spread that to others once u hv attained that love* 🙏❤️
"Evil is a consequence of injury." Noted.
It's bollocks. Man sometimes just wants to do something for the pleasure of it, and for no other reason. I've watched countless documentaries on Jeffrey Dahmer, the serial killer, and there was no central "trauma" in his life. He simply made no attempt to curb his desire for lust and control over his victims.
@@abesapien9930 you're right. But serial killers, paedophiles, etc are sadists. They are apathetic and predisposed to sadism.
Evil comes in many other forms, often small, everyday acts.
I'd say we'd be more loving if more frequently we contemplated our mortality and it's brevity, thus shedding off most of our ego
This was what I did with myself and grew so much patience and love for myself and I'm doing this for a recent ex and it's making it easy to speak respectfully with my disgust and contemptuous feelings towards their behavior.
Many people are so hard to love. We can connect even with the worst people. We can try to understand them or show them some kindness. But we can't say we love them. It takes a whole different level of greatness to do so. One day I really want to be able to wish them a good life from the bottom of my heart.
I play a game: I try to bring out something beautiful off every person I interact with (e.g. a smile). If I do I win.
lovely
I gotta devote an off day to this channel. I got a lot to work on
Wow..one of THE BEST description of behavior I've ever heard!!
Such a beautiful and true video. If only I could send this to all of the people who abused and hurt me... and also check for the people I have hurt and abused and send it to them too. Although I feel I have been hurt so many by others, disrespected disregarded. Someone had even laughed at my misery, my own mother had as well.
More empathy and more love!
Well-meaning but ultimately not great advice. While not everyone falls into this category, some toxic people simply can't change - the scientific literature is very clear on that. If you keep on giving empathy and love to people who continue to treat you appallingly, they'll destroy you in the end.
I feel perhaps thinking this way may help internally even if you need to put up boundaries to people who hurt you. You can be empathetic to a situation but know that it is healthier to not have that person in your life. It may , perhaps, aid in dampening anger within yourself towards that person while moving on. It could also aid in compassion when someone has caused a much more slight annoyance. I've heard people call others inconsiderate, asshole etc for trivial slights like forgetting to buy something while Grocery shopping, being a bit late or just having a sour face because they're having a bad day...it's these moments, which tend to be more often, that this way of thinking could do a lot of good for.
I do agree some people will never change, and I'd like to hear their take on sociopaths etc.
Hope you're having a good day 🤍
Of course but this is video is for those who struggle as adults and want a way out.
Treating people with respect and generally being empathetic does not equal giving them energy or love that you can't spare. You don't necessarily have to diminish yourself if someone isn't treating you right if you want adhere to this idea. It's not binary. You can treat a criminal with respect but you don't have to be as nice to them as you'd be to your mother, obviously. Trying to understand where someone is coming from isn't a mindset that completely overrides all and any other reason, it's a tool to help you get frustrated less often with other people that generally aren't pure evil on purpose.
Even if people can't change, they're still people. They should be treated like people. It doesn't need to be your job to be a friend to them, you don't have to get involved. Justice is still a thing, that an empathetic attitude might show more perspective doesn't relieve people of their responsibility. I think this video is trying to give people some insight about how to deal with seemingly toxic behaviour on a personal level.
I agree. You can't save adults...
Agreed. And what about the 'infant in a cradle' who brutally kills someone? Not everyone is worthy of our love. There are evil people in this world who will not respond to any form of love.
"We all need...", "It takes an exquisite mind...". Therein lies the problem. There are few tormented souls that receive such care; few who are lucky to receive such love. I truly hope our humanity progresses into the future and our better instincts are not hijacked and subverted.
Hurt people hurt people and healed people heal people
We are all people living our own experiences with rich and complex lives. Be a source of positivity for other people. Enrich other peoples' lives.
Always
Self-love is always the limiting factor when it comes to loving others.....
Watching this made me cry a little bit. I thought I was like this because it’s just who i am.
"Love is not an emotion. It is not always kind. It does not maintain one appearance only. Ideas of being loving and lovable conjure up certain forms of behavior and mannerisms and certain forms of etiquette and social obligation. But this is only acting at love. Love is very powerful. It does not need your creations. It only needs for you to become an empty vessel through which it can express itself."
The New Message from God
Thanks!
Thank you, Ivan.
If you take anything from this video, let it be: _"...we can remain appalled while simultaneously tracing a path back to the true catalytic factors."_
I feel so pathetic watching these like im a robot trying to fit in with humanity
Wow that's too real. Sorry you feel that way friend, I hope you're doing alright
Me too bro. The crippling loneliness I feel is crushing to my soul
"And yet we are all, as it were, young offenders, however old we might actually be" - truer words have never been spoken.
It feels wonderful to show kindness and God's love to the unlovable and unfriendly 😌
God doesn’t exist
🔼Start Here.
I have thought about how "we are all children" for a while now. Thanks for making me feel clever 😬
Thank you! I needed these words to help me reconcile things in my life.
“A satirical manner can be a shield for an exiled longing for sweetness” that shit actually made me start crying
Thank you for this. I'm also happy to see the disgusting way we abandon people in prisons was mentioned, I really hope that practice changes soon.
I need this. Thanks!
Never clicked so fast before
💯
Hate yourself you will hate others, truly forgive/ love yourself you will love others. Everything is a reflection of what you feel about yourself. True unconditional love is extremely rare.
I actualy needed this, even if its had to admit
To force a human being's need for love is cruel. The fact that it's preventable (and thus unnecessary) only makes it that much more so.
☝
that's a hell of an insight
I’m confused by what your saying. What do you mean by “forcing a human being’s need for love?”
@@riggs20
If you force the life of a human being you force all of his needs (including his need for love). It can only be cruel to do that to him.
That's what I mean.
@@somethingyousaid5059 I have no idea what you are meaning
This could be the most important video on UA-cam.
I knew this all along and found it extremely difficult to articulate. Fantastically produced video.
This idea has helped me bridle my angry many times. When someone offends me, I picture them as a child and begin to see the child still inside them. My angry often subsides and I feel a sense of love and understanding for them. If you are reading this, I encourage you to try this technique. I believe it can change your life and in turn, change the world.
I agree up to a point. Putting that person far away while still trying to find the causes of the pain is difficult, if not nearly impossible, without subjecting yourself to some hurt from that person. Not sure how you propose we do that.
I notice many people in the comment section seemingly having a very binary idea of the possible approaches. Either you are empathetic and loving - or not. There is an in-between you know. You don't have to sacrifice yourself for someone that responds to love very poorly. You don't have to "love" a murderer. By saying: "some people are pure evil", you're just giving yourself excuses not to always try and see the child in someone.
Here's the thing though. You don't need an excuse. You don't have to love everyone all the time but that doesn't mean we have to come up with exceptions to the supposed rule. It's kind of obvious that you can only be empathetic so much to the point it costs you self-respect or it no longer seems in line with your beliefs. The video isn't telling you you should force yourself to feel empathy for everyone. Try not to throw unnecessary doubt at a video that is trying to teach you something that will generally - under normal circumstances - help you.
Exactly!!
Great video, well done TSoL. I like the end where you explained how we put people over 18 in prison with no compassion to understand why they did that to end up in a bad place
Thing is, I’m already fully aware that people have their own things going on which might make them have a bad day. That being said, I have stuff that might cause me to have a bad day as well and if I’m giving you the respect to not let that affect my attitude towards you, then you better give me the same respect. If you I notice that you’re mad at me for something I have no relation to I no longer care about your feelings or company as you aren’t a person I’d want around
Whoever reading this, you’ll be succesful someday. Just keep on pushing ❤️
Kind of you to grace us with your wisdom. Live prosper
Thank you. I greatly appreciate this channel. I also think that you are doing extremely important and valuable work. Having said that, I respectfully disagree with one aspect of the advice you offer here. In general, I think it is wise, kind, generous, magnanimous, etc. to understand that all acts of cruelty are the result of pain, but I also think that there are cases in which understanding the whys and wherefores of someone's actions toward empathy and forgiveness is not only impossible but even dangerous. For example, I was raised by an extreme narcissist . Extricating myself from my mother's energetic tendrils almost killed me. I have peace about it all now because I am peacefully estranged from her. I am very empathic, and I wasted many years attempting to "save" narcissists like mymother. They do not want or need to be saved because nothing is wrong with them according to them. They don't find themselves seeking therapy because that would be vulnerable and admitting fault, weakness, and that they need help. These people do not have internal resources to draw from, and they feed off of the sympathy, empathy, and good wishes of people like myself or people who would seek to follow the advice you offer here. I think you are right and wise in general, but I think there are cases in which this would be a waste of time as well as dangerous such as when dealing with an emotional vampire. Anyway, thank you again. I really do appreciate this channel and have subscribed and always like. : )
"Evil is a consequence of injury"
And injury is a consequence of evil.
We are all children of the universe and must learn so much☺
The sweetest voice and accent saying the word asshole lol. I dig it
This delivers such a vital message that absolutely every person should carefully consider.
It’s a message everyone should reject. I don’t treat people badly and then blame it on past trauma that isn’t their fault. Being an adult means taking responsibility for your behaviour.
This channel is teaching me so much
Just when I’m about to go get yelled at by a meanie at work!😌 Perfect advice timing!
Lovely, thanks for this enlightenment and wisdom 🌈
it's difficult to see others wounds when you feel like nobody sees yours.
I really do not want to be like to them when i grow up i hope to break this cycle through understanding them so i can understand myself..
I like what it says "we all need our crimes to be treated with a degree of sympathy and empathetic investigation"
The "Metta-meditations" in Buddhist traditions can really help with that problem
You accept the love you think you deserve
I think we generally remain children, especially in the areas of trauma. Also, I find that I unfairly categorise troublesome people and then try to see their uniqueness and good. There aren’t many who don’t have an abiding good.
Amazing. Kindly consider watching this video: ua-cam.com/video/qN9LKid-fnQ/v-deo.html
This is a very nice idea and a nice sentiment. But some people are so toxic that for your OWN mental health it is best to stay away from them, regardless of what might be the root cause.
The inner child is all powerful
It really helped!!! Thank you!!!
You guys gave me faith
Thank you guys for this video and this channel 🙏🏽
I love myself dearly, but I have a really hard time loving other people. It's because I know that the love that I give to others is never what I receive. I don't expect it because other people are different. But it really makes loving other people more and more difficult when I'm the only one that ends up hurt by those that I give love to, while they feel nothing in return.
**Thanks for watching! don't forget to hit the subscribe button! Fore more enlightenment WhatsApp me ➕ONE:TWO:: FIVE:THREE:THREE:THREE:SIX:ONE:EIGHT: FOUR:FIVE:**▫️▫️
Sometimes you have to let go of these people and just love them from afar. I may understand them to the highest level that I can but if they wont change or at least compromise, it's a lost cause. You'll just lose yourself in the end.
So true!!!! I got "afar" 3 years ago and it has taken all 3 years to heal from the time spent with the broken child/man.
evil is the concenquence of injury💖
this is a powerful message...
As they say, “I’ve been on my own for a while now and seem to be getting on pretty well. I think I’m the one!”
A transformative video..
Really enjoyed this one
Remember everyone, this isn't the easy way out. The easiest thing is to label these people as bad and forget about them. Whenever I see or hear about a horrible crime I can't help but think "What if someone I knew and loved was the offender?". It's emotionally taxing and honestly has at times isolated me from others. I've never met someone who thinks like I do. Whenever I'm not 'mad' at these people, others see that and then attack me. I've forced myself to become more cold and less understanding just to fit in and it sucks.
Thank you. This helps me a lot.
I love the School of Life content. Videos narrated by Alain are my favourites. I’m not enjoying this new formats quite as much. He has a slow and relaxing voice - ‘story telling’ like. This video on the other hand is more of an ‘essay reading’.
I love this voice.
This is brilliant, very well done
Thank you.
I absolutely positively love this