Why You Have Love & Relationships All Wrong: Alain De Botton

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  • Опубліковано 21 лис 2024

КОМЕНТАРІ • 368

  • @wendysusanlovejoy3983
    @wendysusanlovejoy3983 Рік тому +604

    I was amused when Alain de Botton said he was 53, and the interviewer praised him for being at such an advanced age and still learning. I will be 70 on my next birthday, and I feel I'm just learning so much in my life.

    • @TeaRose9
      @TeaRose9 Рік тому +31

      Exactly! I have learned the most and the most important things in my fifties and sixties and definitely continue to be open minded and seeking to learn more.

    • @quesubembe7481
      @quesubembe7481 Рік тому +10

      Profound, may i be blessed in the same way.

    • @moringaottawa
      @moringaottawa Рік тому +6

      This is why I look forward to ageing and it’s a privilege. Thank you for sharing. #embracechange 1:59

    • @margaretcampbell2681
      @margaretcampbell2681 Рік тому +14

      Yep I’m 70 and I’m learning more than ever

    • @camez2345
      @camez2345 Рік тому +15

      In grad school at 54 and don't want it to end. There's so much to learn!

  • @thespuditron9387
    @thespuditron9387 Рік тому +606

    This man is so well spoken. I could listen to him all day. 🙏🏻

  • @randomguy19954
    @randomguy19954 Рік тому +220

    This guy is a genius. It should be mandatory for the whole population to listen, discuss and study what he says. The world would be a much better place.

    • @Galxoor91
      @Galxoor91 6 місяців тому +2

      Genius and elaquent are two different things.

    • @jorgesousa6683
      @jorgesousa6683 5 місяців тому +3

      Its "eloquent". And I doubt that's the reason he's being called a genius.

  • @halimaali9826
    @halimaali9826 Рік тому +218

    Alain’s point of view is so unique and refreshing. I love the school of life ❤

  • @jennierussell7439
    @jennierussell7439 11 місяців тому +89

    In regard to asking your partner to share what annoys them about you....
    We do a "team" meeting a few times a week. ( touch, emote, appreciate, make a wish) We hold hands, talk about something we felt during the day, share appreciation or admiration for eachother, and then ask for a wish, little stuff, like, could you put your dishes in the dishwasher instead of on the counter. We learned this somewhere on the internet as a quick way to reconnect at the end of the day and also to refrain from nagging and/or letting annoyances build up

    • @philippametschnabel9171
      @philippametschnabel9171 8 місяців тому +4

      What a lovely, gentle, positive way to communicate ❤

    • @OrdnanceTV
      @OrdnanceTV 7 місяців тому +1

      I would absolutely love to see the raised eyebrows in the room on the people when their "metrics" get brought up 😆 Great concept.

    • @RefrishX
      @RefrishX 5 місяців тому +3

      the style of doing that depends on the person, some like to write it down

    • @Calman82
      @Calman82 4 місяці тому

      I love this idea! Thank you for sharing

    • @banandababa
      @banandababa Місяць тому

      This is so cute!! Love that you do this 😊

  • @alanmcivor2005
    @alanmcivor2005 Рік тому +76

    Alain is really one of the best we have.

  • @keymeter1917
    @keymeter1917 9 місяців тому +6

    This gent. Has a very temperate, celebral voice. His words (and voice) resonate with my soul. 🧡🙏

  • @supersnowva6717
    @supersnowva6717 Рік тому +114

    Every time listening to Alan is a therapeutic journey. I can listen to Alan’s wisdom forever.

    • @maimoonaasghar4368
      @maimoonaasghar4368 Рік тому

      I know I always remember the last time I listened to him in the nicest way, he is so pleasant

  • @Amz11_13
    @Amz11_13 10 місяців тому +4

    I could listen to Alain all day

  • @Saminnik
    @Saminnik Рік тому +93

    I started listening to him when I was 16 and now I'm 23. He has been with me the whole time and I learned so many things that I know about myself from him❤

    • @enricosolinas2164
      @enricosolinas2164 5 місяців тому +3

      What a beautiful thing to read, I started at 16 too and I’m 28, it’s a never ending process 🙏🏻

  • @ampleparkingTV
    @ampleparkingTV 10 місяців тому +4

    Unpretentious, accessible, and calming. I adore this man.

  • @jeronimosuarez7957
    @jeronimosuarez7957 11 місяців тому +35

    Alain is such an invaluable source of wisdom and one of those individuals who help as many people as those being lucky enough to find him.

  • @_s_4412
    @_s_4412 10 місяців тому +49

    Alain is and always has been amazing. He's a true gem. A modern Plato/Nietsche/Schopenhauer/Kant...and the greatest philosopher of our time.

  • @kimsherlock8969
    @kimsherlock8969 Рік тому +8

    I have a spinal injury with consequences of extreme pain .
    I am not envious of a friend who sends me her pictures having fun and free to move .
    I feel lonely in not being able to be so free .
    I have learnt that others joy is a wonderful thing and strive to be able to be unconscious of pain.
    I have also learnt "Smile , and the world smiles with you; cry, and you cry alone."
    Written by Larry Shay, Mark Fisher, Joe Goodwin 1928.😊

  • @aegliv1589
    @aegliv1589 Рік тому +38

    The best quote: " we don't value good relationships". So simple, so true! Westrn societies value only tangible things.
    Great hearing you Alain

  • @nathanjackson5859
    @nathanjackson5859 Рік тому +29

    I love Alain de Botton.

  • @GB-TX
    @GB-TX 10 місяців тому +6

    8:30 "We have a really conflicted vision of the good life in our societies."
    Wow. Profound.

  • @anafernandes225
    @anafernandes225 Рік тому +19

    "- Kindness; 2- Thoughfulness; 3- Laughter" 💡 💛

  • @TheHowardSinclair
    @TheHowardSinclair Рік тому +67

    What a brilliant, gentle intelect this guy has. A true voice for "the broken who let in the light". More like this please!

  • @Eirileat
    @Eirileat Рік тому +48

    My own kindness grows everytime I listen to Alain. Thank you for your generous sharing of your wisdom and experience. Indeed as human beings we do get to have regrets. Lovely to see an all male discussion for a change.

  • @Rana_sumit_ortho
    @Rana_sumit_ortho Рік тому +23

    This man deserves all the respect and adoration humankind has to offer ❤️

  • @littlecat2222
    @littlecat2222 Рік тому +98

    So happy to see Alain is active doing interviews and videos again ! Always love hearing him ❤

  • @kievyi5585
    @kievyi5585 Рік тому +41

    In Eastern Buddhism, the concepts of 'awareness' and 'awakening' are highly valued, and your profound teachings remind me of these Eastern philosophies. Your words were so impactful that I didn't want to miss a single moment of them. Thank you so much from Korea❤

  • @TheSonOfPlato
    @TheSonOfPlato Рік тому +20

    Alain is my virtual Therapist

  • @AliHussain-fz7pd
    @AliHussain-fz7pd Рік тому +87

    For those that haven’t come across Alain De Boutton, he has a channel called the “School of Life” that has been a great source of bite size wisdom/philosophy. Aside from that, his books are pretty good too. He’s always an interesting listen and this was no exception.

    • @lentamintal
      @lentamintal Рік тому +2

      I wonderd if is it from there where his voice I recognize.

    • @sofiahabtemariam6628
      @sofiahabtemariam6628 10 місяців тому +2

      Oh, I had subscribed to Shcool of Life but I never knew that was Alain’s channel thank you so much for mentioning that!

    • @Mushroom321-
      @Mushroom321- 6 місяців тому +1

      Yes!!& he has 1 of most calmest voices !! 😮😊😮

    • @Theohybrid
      @Theohybrid 2 місяці тому

      I knew it! Sounds just like channel!

  • @lukemcconnie7901
    @lukemcconnie7901 Рік тому +53

    One of your best guest, could listen to Alain all day. Well done chaps great discussion.

  • @jillleppard3534
    @jillleppard3534 Рік тому +23

    Applause. Gratitude. Realness. Whatever that is. Thank you. Appreciate your honesty and wisdom. Freedom to accept and be who you are, at any given time. Priceless. Choose kindness, wherever you can.

  • @Davide-ul6xt
    @Davide-ul6xt Рік тому +31

    This is gold, Alain is so good at articulating the traits of our character and emotions

  • @annak6537
    @annak6537 11 місяців тому +10

    Can we please clone Alain? He’s a genius and a wonderfully generous, open and caring at the same time - what an incredible rare and fascinating human!
    Thank you for this interview 🌺

  • @marysharinaroseyruma7097
    @marysharinaroseyruma7097 11 місяців тому +8

    Alain de Botton has been a very positive influence in my life. He never claims to have all the answers. Instead he makes me think, helps me reflect. But most of all, he's been teaching me how to live and embrace my being 'human' (imperfect, broken in some ways which are OKAY!). It made me tear up when he said his non-negotiable is kindness. I think the same. Growing up, it was my main goal--to be kind. It's different from my peers dreams so I kept it hidden. Sometimes the amount of care I have for people weighs me down, but I've never stopped trying to help myself. I want to be kind to others, as well as to myself. I'm still learning.

  • @maryamkeraif8942
    @maryamkeraif8942 Рік тому +16

    the part when he says that regret is a normal part of being human makes me feel better. i always worry about making the "wrong choices" and regretting it for the rest of my life. but knowing that it's normal, even if i make the least regrettable choice possible, gives me relief of some of my worries

  • @noreenebostick9593
    @noreenebostick9593 10 місяців тому +6

    Thanks for sharing on UA-cam. I am 66 years, seven months and 13 days as of my comments. Listening to this video and reflecting back on pains that were in some of my body parts, seen as arthritis from aging, I must say spending time alone and having conversations with myself responding more positive, honest, letting out my true thoughts and emotions, pains have disappeared. I think holding on to lifelong thoughts, experiences, feelings were the prisons holding those internal pains. Being able to appreciate the past experiences released the pains allowing me to wake up not letting the medical report keep pains inside related to me aging. Mind over matter has been what society calls it. I said to myself the pains were not always there and only started more recently in the last year. My mind had so much concern for others that I really believe had my body say enough is enough and I am not able to change others, so focus and deal with myself. What a great relief. I was living carrying others burdens as if I was Jesus or God and holding on as if I can solve other people issues. Stressing myself on how to help others with their issues was hidden beneath my skin and was in my blood. I was told October 3, 2023 my blood pressure elevated but not enough to give me a blood pressure pill in the emergency room. That moment was when I said to myself, other people has to be put on hold and moving forward is getting me back to some normalcy beginning with my blood pressure. I went straight to Walmart and purchased bananas and a cabbage head and cooked it. The blood pressure was because of low potassium. The emergency room head nurse said I need to eat more green vegetables which I had slacked on cooking at home. The body spoke louder than any words from myself and others. I knew I did not want to live the rest of my life taking medications for the medical report. I wanted to know how the issue got started. No one can know where I been or what I did, eat, feel so I had to think back on my past actions. Being a person that has never blamed others for things I’ve said and done made the journey much easier and better. Loving myself has been my main focus because I can not give what I’m not aware of what I have. Thanks for reading my comments. Smiles

    • @InLoveWithLove252
      @InLoveWithLove252 5 місяців тому

      You may find "The Emotion Code" by Dr. Bradley Nelson, interesting, helpful, and enlightening. ❤

  • @crinamitroi7386
    @crinamitroi7386 Рік тому +6

    Admiring someone is the ultimate form of love for me, I absolutely love him ❤

  • @ancientfuture9690
    @ancientfuture9690 Рік тому +14

    I've missed seeing Alain. His writing helped a very confused young man (myself) very much and Im grateful. Thanks, Alain.

  • @susanwalton9918
    @susanwalton9918 Рік тому +26

    I love Alain. I have such admiration and respect for this man. I aspire to be more like him ❤

  • @nuusya1
    @nuusya1 14 днів тому

    I really enjoy listening to Alain, he is such a wise person. Our crazy narcissic world needs more people like him. I am so glad I can learn from him

  • @lovedaisy_0728
    @lovedaisy_0728 Рік тому +10

    Please invite Alain de Bottom more often if that’s possible. I would really want to hear him talking about more topics!

    • @cynthiajoy3780
      @cynthiajoy3780 Рік тому +3

      He has a channel called “school of life” very life changing videos

  • @Maiden_Warrior_Crone
    @Maiden_Warrior_Crone Рік тому +11

    I can never go wrong listening to Alain. I've learned so much from him for so many years.

  • @paulapalladino262
    @paulapalladino262 10 місяців тому +2

    What a kind and thoughtful man he is.

  • @terrat3048
    @terrat3048 Місяць тому

    We fall together like grains of sand in a sand sieve that's being shaken - right next to the ones with the same weight. The problem usually arises when we're not aware of our own weight.
    Alain is a beautiful soul indeed.

  • @hyerinlee9177
    @hyerinlee9177 6 місяців тому +3

    Alain is so brilliant. The world would be slightly darker without him.

  • @TheJessierb
    @TheJessierb Рік тому +9

    You don't ''instill' anything in children. They aren't blank slates for adults to fill up. The way that you act will show them something they might want to emulate, and being open to listening to them without judgement helps a lot. Thanks for this discussion...it's really good.

  • @cli3774
    @cli3774 29 днів тому

    Who can you listen to all day? Alain De botton!

  • @jimmy3645
    @jimmy3645 Місяць тому

    “Why is my freedom so frightening to you”. Brilliant

  • @EverydayApple1984
    @EverydayApple1984 Рік тому +10

    I’ll be bookmarking this for repeated listening. So much to excavate here! Wonderful conversation.

  • @dyhppyx
    @dyhppyx Рік тому +29

    This was soooooooo valuable. Thank you for doing this interview. It should have 5 million views

  • @sophieacapella
    @sophieacapella 7 місяців тому +1

    Alain has soooo much wisdom to share !
    I could listen to him for hours and hours without ever getting bored.

  • @TeaRose9
    @TeaRose9 Рік тому +1

    I love that he said “why isn’t it enough that I’m just here?”

  • @tylerasmith52
    @tylerasmith52 2 місяці тому

    I can listen to him for hours on end.
    “Compatibility is not a pre-requisite for love, it is the TRIUMPH of it.” -ADB
    That is a quote from him I never forgot

  • @bregjedijksterhuis2182
    @bregjedijksterhuis2182 Рік тому +2

    Beautiful conversation between these three men on topics such as being ordinary, anger, sadness…

  • @shawnnellcoaching
    @shawnnellcoaching 10 місяців тому +1

    This is so powerful !
    The lightbulb moment in Breakdowns at min 50. Manic and Mania how many people are suffering this and don’t even know ? Excess use or throw one’s self into Work Family Exercise (Running Gym etc ) alcohol drugs pornography etc. all used to mask our true feelings.

  • @matteomeloni3681
    @matteomeloni3681 Місяць тому

    I am like everybody else, and that's beautiful. I was so scared of being different, broke, inadequate....turns out, I'm just like every single human being.

  • @TomVable
    @TomVable Рік тому +1

    "We're not obvious to ourselves..." Love that!

  • @nathalieandparis
    @nathalieandparis Місяць тому

    This man is brilliant! Could listen to him for days.

  • @coltgar2465
    @coltgar2465 Рік тому +2

    I love Alain De Botton so much. I read The Course of Love a little while ago and I've just started reading On Love-loving it so far! Thank you Alain!

  • @samdonovan8559
    @samdonovan8559 Рік тому +2

    Wow you guys hammered him with questions at the end. He is possibly the sanest man alive. He makes so much sense, I can never disagree with him. And you even asked his age - he looked up with surprise I think. The most eloquent and articulate person ever to speak aloud. And a soothing voice to go with him.

  • @pollyprice9405
    @pollyprice9405 Рік тому +18

    Wow what a disarmingly honest conversation. Loved it and learned a lot.

  • @2cr8gdtimes
    @2cr8gdtimes 3 місяці тому

    What I like is how closely they are listening to him, how they are hanging on to his every word, simply because it strikes a chord. It is in alignment with their own life experience and gives a sensible way of looking at it. These questions that keep cropping up through this life experience by those among mankind who dwell on it.

  • @mitskimore8645
    @mitskimore8645 Рік тому +8

    what an incredibly self aware man Alain is . Thank you for this podcast , it has been an inspiration for better kinder living . Today because of this podcast I have sat with my feelings for the first time in years. What a relief

  • @petyaplamenova9650
    @petyaplamenova9650 4 місяці тому

    As a passionate fan of the School of life for years now, i thought the questions were kind of basic in the beginning. But then, after yet again witnessing the calm and wisdom of Alain, i saw i was being judgmental for no good reason. Most people are still new to Alains philosophy and simple questions make the most sense overall. Loved the interview. Loved the vibe. ❤ Thank you.

  • @luismendez3090
    @luismendez3090 Рік тому +3

    so glad to hear Alain again after some years of no videos on youtube.... his wisdom is an island of peace in these times....thanks

  • @ExperienceFamilyGodEducation
    @ExperienceFamilyGodEducation 10 місяців тому

    The best contemporary spoken person: Alain de Botton. ❤

  • @perpetualgrin5804
    @perpetualgrin5804 7 місяців тому

    Creating problems you never knew existed, a huge benefit for all.

  • @HelgaCavoli
    @HelgaCavoli 11 місяців тому +2

    Alan's channel: The School of life.
    It's a wonderful channel to watch. Lots of insightful videos.

  • @Diabeteslovewithdee
    @Diabeteslovewithdee Рік тому +1

    Alain De Botton, you are a genius in emotional health! Thank you for sharing your insights. You were speaking to me.

  • @Eteremlo
    @Eteremlo 5 місяців тому +2

    So refreshing to listen to somebody that is not caught up in the american success religion and has his feet planted on the ground. Brilliant man.

  • @Mia-Karlie
    @Mia-Karlie Рік тому +3

    I envious of how de Botton articulates himself, I’m signing up for toastmasters 😅

  • @renatasuerth
    @renatasuerth 10 місяців тому +1

    Alain… full of wisdom always.

  • @unavidaparaaprender
    @unavidaparaaprender 10 місяців тому

    More of this please, genius, so inspiring. I am huge fan of Alain the Botton, his book “Essay in love” is amazing and helped me during a sentimental break up 15 years ago. Thanks for that.

  • @davidbooher5559
    @davidbooher5559 Рік тому +14

    I’m supposed to say I feel so much smarter after this….
    But at the same time I feel incredibly stupid for not already knowing this.

  • @games4music
    @games4music 11 місяців тому

    I am also still learning through the new challenges presented in my life. Sometimes it is overwhelming, but I am still standing here.

  • @EllaGreenn
    @EllaGreenn Рік тому +4

    17:20 "Insomnia is a kind of revenge for all those thoughts that you refuse to have in the day that are coming back to bite you." 🔥

  • @emmanouelab
    @emmanouelab 7 місяців тому

    " I think none of us need a perfect life. We need a life where the difficulties we run into make sense within our wider conception of what we're doing here on Earth..."
    Alain De Botton is the greatest philosopher of our time.

  • @JellieJoShmo
    @JellieJoShmo 29 днів тому

    “Anything you can do to HUMANIZE the structures of POWER… is a very useful thing for a child to know about.”

  • @_m1mosa
    @_m1mosa Рік тому +2

    48:19 Great words about change. It's all about being ready. What we as an individual can do is to talk with people, raise the awareness, and if influential enough, get into more political aspects of the society.

  • @timotheusn.h.nakashona1001
    @timotheusn.h.nakashona1001 Рік тому +2

    The school of life is in the building.

  • @kerrimchayle1213
    @kerrimchayle1213 9 місяців тому

    The OG. I remember coming across his channel years ago and it changed my outlook on love. Love him!

  • @enatp6448
    @enatp6448 Рік тому

    A much needed voice. Appreciate him naming the impatience of the question. It has an undertone of "What's THE answer/quick fix". which is the overly represented attitude in these spaces.

  • @fiitunnwalker1515
    @fiitunnwalker1515 2 місяці тому

    So Refreshing By This Conversation, Reminding Back The Past Experience Unleashes Inside Struggling… Lessons Learn In Life Later

  • @Helen-ri9qs
    @Helen-ri9qs 3 місяці тому

    So lovely to hear some more thoughts from Alain. He always always always makes me feel richer in knowledge and warmer in my heart.

  • @crunchysaviour
    @crunchysaviour Рік тому +4

    I've said it before and I'll say it again. AdB is a saint.

  • @maureen3621
    @maureen3621 2 місяці тому

    Living your whole life in the shadows of others then one day you’ll stand in the sunshine for yourself. The children in my family have and always had a voice and know that conversation is open to different opinions. My parents were the best they were expected to be but I was brought up in an era where children should be seen and not heard, driven by society boundaries. Roles that we’re expected to play in society institutionalises the way we act.

  • @giuseppinasolinas
    @giuseppinasolinas 9 днів тому

    Seriously good, inspiring and satisfying. It feels as if he's managed to eloquently explain what I've always thought. Love it.

  • @lovedaisy_0728
    @lovedaisy_0728 Рік тому

    I miss this man so much. Need his wise words as always. I hope we get to see him more often.

  • @yellowccake
    @yellowccake Рік тому +1

    welcome back Alain!! It is good to have you back!

  • @MrChickyLew
    @MrChickyLew Рік тому +8

    What a fantastic conversation

  • @advocate1563
    @advocate1563 Місяць тому

    I knew a family where the eldest child was autistic but no one was allowed to say anything OR to outshine him (parents couldn't cope with the perceived "shame" - this was the 1980s). The subsequent 2 children were broken by the experience. Super hard.

  • @rameezmalik2069
    @rameezmalik2069 11 місяців тому

    Thank you Alain for putting some sanity into our minds.

  • @jdlandscapesfencing1921
    @jdlandscapesfencing1921 Рік тому +6

    One of the best episodes so far!

  • @GB-TX
    @GB-TX 10 місяців тому

    This whole piece is so important and profound, minute by minute.

  • @realbobbyaxel
    @realbobbyaxel Рік тому +12

    For those who don't know, he is the founder of the School of Life youtube channel and he is the guy narrating those videos. @theschooloflife

    • @ssing7113
      @ssing7113 Рік тому

      I was sitting there going.. I’ve listens to Alain and maybe he’s the one doing those videos 😂
      Thanks for clarifying

  • @joefineman648
    @joefineman648 Рік тому +4

    Amazing, only wish is that it was longer.

  • @ryanmcyuh
    @ryanmcyuh 11 місяців тому

    Not as a competition but as praise for him, I’ve been listening to the school of life since probably …2017? And wow has Alain changed my life, I just wanted to add a positive message about him

  • @cynthiajoy3780
    @cynthiajoy3780 Рік тому +1

    Alain talks are always life changing

  • @nemooutis.
    @nemooutis. 10 місяців тому +1

    So so wise. thank you Alain.

  • @kennethringo
    @kennethringo Рік тому

    Thank you Alain De Botton, you've really influenced my thoughts in a positive light. Really rationalised my thoughts on relationships and self worth.

  • @mariannepfly1906
    @mariannepfly1906 10 місяців тому

    Did BSc and MSc at 18-23 as expected and it was great. But a PhD opportunity dropped into my lap 4 years ago (at my job so I’m paid still as normal) and I’m 39 and about to finish it. I feel like I’ve become the student and curious learner I’ve always meant to be but was too young to be at university. Blown away by my productivity and efficiency this time around and it feels good! Sad that it will be over soon since it has been such a great experience. Also have three small children in tow, so I’m feeling like a superwoman at times. Flip over the mood and I’m a failure for distracting myself with this when I should be only devoted to my three children…you can’t win! He explains humans so well!

  • @annaberstein
    @annaberstein Рік тому +1

    Alain is so amazing. And I love his voice!

  • @skyebrackpool147
    @skyebrackpool147 Рік тому +2

    First time coming across your channel. Love your questions and how you give him the space and time to answer. Many don’t. Thank you, great interview! What a wise man he is I’ve learnt so much from him and ‘The School of Life’. Thank you, new subscriber.

  • @unshackledemotions
    @unshackledemotions 6 місяців тому

    I am very impressed with your teaching, I am listening to be thought, and it’s definitely another share. Thank you again.