The answer to cutting off her parents was great...the idea that you can just stop talking to your parents and their problems won't be your problems is a high level of denial that's going to come up constantly.
I especially liked the point that the listener was possibly just continuing the cycle. By keeping themselves away from their parents and not processing it all, they are essentially putting the kids in the same position they were in.
I think the question on parents is case by case and depends on how severe the situation is and if the parents are at all willing to improve themselves and the relationship too. I agree on trying to salvage and improve the relationship and work through this if things are fixable and both parties are willing to put the work in and work through things. Having a good family support system is one of the most beautiful things in life- and it does take a lot of work. Nothing is more beautiful than a family that loves each other sitting at a table for dinner and enjoying each other’s company. But sometimes, you end up with extremely toxic parents that can negatively impact the trajectory of your life. And society tells you to just put up with it because you are the child. No- if you are being abused (physically, verbally, mentally), manipulated, put in unsafe situations, demeaned/ devalued, used, led astray, they sabotage or bring negativity into your other relationships consistently, and it’s you who always has to keep the peace - you don’t need to be the sacrificial lamb. Ultimately, if they want to also save the relationship, they also have to be willing to do something about it and their issues.
Yeah, agree. I think if possible to preserve the relationship than it's optimal. In my case, my family was abusive and dysfunctional. They did not try to repair instead just blamed me for their problems and used me so I had to cut them off as a last resort. Not by choice, but necessity. It's the hardest thing to do because family can't be replaced but we gotta do what we gotta do sometimes.
Totally agree. Distancing oneself from abusive parents (or other people) does not mean you don't work on yourself and your problems caused by them (through therapy or otherwise). It rather means protecting yourself from more harm. I always became my mother when I was with her. Horrible for me and all my relationships!!!
I very much did not want kids. I even considered getting my tubes tied. I met my now husband and the change of mind happened slowly. It’s hard to articulate what made me change my mind here, but it was absolutely partner and circumstance dependent. We have now been together for 13 years, married for 10 and have a six year old who rocks our world in the best way possible every day. He’s such a gem in our life. We are definitely one and done though 😂.
33:29 I statements are beneficial for owning your own feelings. "You made me feel this way," puts all of the blame on the other person, as well as making the other person **responsible** for your feelings. Our feelings are in our ownership, if not in our control. That's the benefit of I statements.
I loved hearing you talking about having kids or not, i really relate to you. Thank you for this podcast where i got to hear your thoughts on your own "alone time" 💜
What I love about this podcast is that you talk about deep issues one moment then the next moment you will say something totally silly like the nipple ring or the soft pants song 😅.
Oh gosh 😢 unfortunately can relate to the first time home buyer thing. We had major plumbing issues within the first month and we had NO idea these kind of issues cost like 3x what we saved for a down payment
Another way to say it is that they need to go through it, not bypass it. It may affect them indirectly, unprocessed trauma acts as the puppet master until we uncover and go through it. I appreciate that they want to put it down, unfortunately -- we must pick it up then put it down. :) It's really annoying to be honest. lol
I have a huge request, please. could te youtube videos be numbered to match podcast? I like to listen to podcast first and then follow with youtube, but I don't always go in order...
Regarding n*p piercings: I have very big b00bz and they aren't protruding any further because of the piercings. I love them on me and I think especialy on bigger chested people they can give a little bit of visual structure and focus, so I think mine look 1000% better with them. I say get em!
Dont go so far to the other extreme where you shame yourself for being efficient for making podcast time your alone time. There seems to be a culture around that asks us to shame ourselves for liking efficiency and liking to work. Its an overcorrection thats a result of calling out toxic hustle culture. I think that even if captalism is abolished and utopia is somehow reached, a few of us like me might be workaholics. I enjoy being a workaholic, but i discourage people from forcing themselves to enjoy it. Workaholism seems to be baked into my system, so i choose to roll with it. We need to stop this thing where we shame ourselves for feeling like a traitor to our causes for not following every rule perfectly. Work time can be you time if you enjoy the work enough. We can acknowledge that most workplaces are awful and most working people suffer bad condintions. Shaming ourselves for having it comparatively good does nothing. The goal is for all folks to be content at work or non work, and thats gonna look different on everyone.
Don't get your nipples pierced! I did it when I was 20 and I regret it so much. I'm 41. They NEVER heal. When they are pierced, you always see them through your shirt and you look like a pr*stitute or just an easy-to-lay sl*t. They smell gross, and leak goo when healing, but never really heal. As well, in Chinese medicine, you never put needles near the nipples or belly button. I had my first acupuncture session at 23 and she strongly suggested I remove the nipple and belly rings as it traps heat int he body along those meridians. She also mentioned that her anecdotal evidence was that every woman she was treating with reproductive issues has a belly button ring. I took her advice and after the session, I went home and removed them before taking a bath. I immediately felt like a weight had been removed! Like heat was escaping my body and I was getting lighter. My breasts perked up and it was like a breath of fresh air. I never even considered putting them back in. A few other women have done this after my story and it helped them as well. Again, they never heal and I have gnarly scars on my nipples and belly button. It's very different from ears or nose piercings. Please consider not doing this to yourself.
Men's fertility can reduce with age, as sperm quality declines after ~40. While it's true they don't go through a hard stop like menopause (so it definitely IS different for women), I think it's overlooked and not talked about enough that fertility reduces for men too! There is so much said or implied in society about women's value decreasing as they age and become less fertile, and that men's value is intact or rises because they stay virile, and that's just not accurate and based more in misogyny than truth. I know that's definitely not what you're saying but I feel it's important to acknowledge. It's not just on women to make a decision on a biological deadline, men's age and fertility should also be part of that conversation for couples planning a family.
It is SO refreshing to hear this perspective on kids/no kids. Thanks, Big Sis Jess! 💜
The answer to cutting off her parents was great...the idea that you can just stop talking to your parents and their problems won't be your problems is a high level of denial that's going to come up constantly.
I especially liked the point that the listener was possibly just continuing the cycle. By keeping themselves away from their parents and not processing it all, they are essentially putting the kids in the same position they were in.
I think the question on parents is case by case and depends on how severe the situation is and if the parents are at all willing to improve themselves and the relationship too. I agree on trying to salvage and improve the relationship and work through this if things are fixable and both parties are willing to put the work in and work through things. Having a good family support system is one of the most beautiful things in life- and it does take a lot of work. Nothing is more beautiful than a family that loves each other sitting at a table for dinner and enjoying each other’s company.
But sometimes, you end up with extremely toxic parents that can negatively impact the trajectory of your life. And society tells you to just put up with it because you are the child. No- if you are being abused (physically, verbally, mentally), manipulated, put in unsafe situations, demeaned/ devalued, used, led astray, they sabotage or bring negativity into your other relationships consistently, and it’s you who always has to keep the peace - you don’t need to be the sacrificial lamb.
Ultimately, if they want to also save the relationship, they also have to be willing to do something about it and their issues.
Yeah, agree. I think if possible to preserve the relationship than it's optimal. In my case, my family was abusive and dysfunctional. They did not try to repair instead just blamed me for their problems and used me so I had to cut them off as a last resort. Not by choice, but necessity. It's the hardest thing to do because family can't be replaced but we gotta do what we gotta do sometimes.
@@malemaline 🤗
Totally agree. Distancing oneself from abusive parents (or other people) does not mean you don't work on yourself and your problems caused by them (through therapy or otherwise). It rather means protecting yourself from more harm. I always became my mother when I was with her. Horrible for me and all my relationships!!!
This catdog graphic is quite literally such a perfect depiction of you and Caroline! Daniela you are so talented!!
I very much did not want kids. I even considered getting my tubes tied. I met my now husband and the change of mind happened slowly. It’s hard to articulate what made me change my mind here, but it was absolutely partner and circumstance dependent. We have now been together for 13 years, married for 10 and have a six year old who rocks our world in the best way possible every day. He’s such a gem in our life. We are definitely one and done though 😂.
‘was that an episode?’ Yes, yes that was! ❤ I really enjoyed this one. Thanks for being so dedicated to your alone time and to us.
33:29 I statements are beneficial for owning your own feelings. "You made me feel this way," puts all of the blame on the other person, as well as making the other person **responsible** for your feelings. Our feelings are in our ownership, if not in our control. That's the benefit of I statements.
Thank you for opening up your personal time to us. I’m completely enchanted by the art of your followers. All of them adorable.
Potato ranking for me:
-mashed potatoes
-potatoes salad
-hash brown
-French fries
have been waiting for this ep the whole day!! so surprised to see my 'art' pop up here, biggest achievement of a lifetime.
Loved it so much, thank you for answering the call!!!!
I really enjoyed this episode!! I'm not sure but maybe it was the tiredness/illness that gave it such a grounded, warm, honest feel for me❤
Thanks for letting us join your alone time. 😊
I loved hearing you talking about having kids or not, i really relate to you. Thank you for this podcast where i got to hear your thoughts on your own "alone time" 💜
Omg the catdog drawing is perfect
What I love about this podcast is that you talk about deep issues one moment then the next moment you will say something totally silly like the nipple ring or the soft pants song 😅.
This is so relevant, and I am tearing up, cry laughing -- it's 8am. Thank you.
Oh gosh 😢 unfortunately can relate to the first time home buyer thing. We had major plumbing issues within the first month and we had NO idea these kind of issues cost like 3x what we saved for a down payment
Another way to say it is that they need to go through it, not bypass it. It may affect them indirectly, unprocessed trauma acts as the puppet master until we uncover and go through it. I appreciate that they want to put it down, unfortunately -- we must pick it up then put it down. :) It's really annoying to be honest. lol
The artwork tho!! 😍
lmao the last bit about the people above you in the hotel, so glad I listened till the end
We don't need any Johnny Come-Latelies on pickles. They're not a trend. They're life.
You are my true people!!!
I have a huge request, please. could te youtube videos be numbered to match podcast? I like to listen to podcast first and then follow with youtube, but I don't always go in order...
❤❤❤✨
How do we send in submissions?
lol so is it Justine? I am about to look that up…
Im sorry to intrude on your alone time🫡
49:14 oh call em out baby 🗣️ you can say Nara it’s ok 🫣
Regarding n*p piercings: I have very big b00bz and they aren't protruding any further because of the piercings. I love them on me and I think especialy on bigger chested people they can give a little bit of visual structure and focus, so I think mine look 1000% better with them. I say get em!
Dont go so far to the other extreme where you shame yourself for being efficient for making podcast time your alone time.
There seems to be a culture around that asks us to shame ourselves for liking efficiency and liking to work. Its an overcorrection thats a result of calling out toxic hustle culture.
I think that even if captalism is abolished and utopia is somehow reached, a few of us like me might be workaholics. I enjoy being a workaholic, but i discourage people from forcing themselves to enjoy it. Workaholism seems to be baked into my system, so i choose to roll with it.
We need to stop this thing where we shame ourselves for feeling like a traitor to our causes for not following every rule perfectly.
Work time can be you time if you enjoy the work enough. We can acknowledge that most workplaces are awful and most working people suffer bad condintions.
Shaming ourselves for having it comparatively good does nothing.
The goal is for all folks to be content at work or non work, and thats gonna look different on everyone.
Don't get your nipples pierced! I did it when I was 20 and I regret it so much. I'm 41. They NEVER heal. When they are pierced, you always see them through your shirt and you look like a pr*stitute or just an easy-to-lay sl*t. They smell gross, and leak goo when healing, but never really heal. As well, in Chinese medicine, you never put needles near the nipples or belly button. I had my first acupuncture session at 23 and she strongly suggested I remove the nipple and belly rings as it traps heat int he body along those meridians. She also mentioned that her anecdotal evidence was that every woman she was treating with reproductive issues has a belly button ring. I took her advice and after the session, I went home and removed them before taking a bath. I immediately felt like a weight had been removed! Like heat was escaping my body and I was getting lighter. My breasts perked up and it was like a breath of fresh air. I never even considered putting them back in. A few other women have done this after my story and it helped them as well. Again, they never heal and I have gnarly scars on my nipples and belly button. It's very different from ears or nose piercings. Please consider not doing this to yourself.
Since most of us are in therapy because of our parents, I really think that no one should be having kids anymore.
😮😂
Men's fertility can reduce with age, as sperm quality declines after ~40. While it's true they don't go through a hard stop like menopause (so it definitely IS different for women), I think it's overlooked and not talked about enough that fertility reduces for men too!
There is so much said or implied in society about women's value decreasing as they age and become less fertile, and that men's value is intact or rises because they stay virile, and that's just not accurate and based more in misogyny than truth. I know that's definitely not what you're saying but I feel it's important to acknowledge. It's not just on women to make a decision on a biological deadline, men's age and fertility should also be part of that conversation for couples planning a family.