I am 44. Net worth about 1.7 million .No debt. I really wasn't good with money until maybe 32. I earned I spent. It was a mind shift for me. My house is small, but paid for. Paid cash for my Subaru. I am an ER RN make about 130K a year. No kids. No wife. My plan is to work until 50 then go part time. I am only saying this only because at 32 I owed 50K in student loans, and I turned it around. It can be done. What "clicked" with me was letting go of worrying what others think.
you have done well mate. Im sure she could learn a few things from your journey. Would you say discipline was the key o success? No one an argue with discipline.
I watched this feeling so sad for you. I honestly see none of the flaws you see in yourself. I'd love to be so pretty! You have been really brave revealing all this - proud of you!
THANK YOU ! THANK YOU! It blights your life. 73 years of distress. Good on you girl for addressing this . Mine started at 15years old when a boyfriend said to me “you are so ugly” I was not but it hit a spot which has lasted my entire life . I over spent. Over compensated. It consumed me. Eaten alive . Please do continue and every success on your journey.💕💕💕
I dealt with this horribly as a young child and throughout grade school as well. Refusing to leave the house for extended periods of time, having emotional breakdowns in the fitting room while at the mall with my friends and having to call my mom to come pick me up, unable to leave the fitting room until I knew she was outside in her car. Cutting my own hair in an attempt to “fix” it, cutting it until I barely had any hair left… refusing to be photographed at all whatsoever for many many years. People are so quick to dismiss it and call you shallow or self absorbed, especially when they view you as conventionally attractive. They don’t realize, your own appearance becomes like an optical illusion to you in the mirror, and what you see is totally distorted. No amount of validation from other people can fix it either. You’re very brave for sharing, and I’m so glad you did. Especially after seeing that man’s reaction in his response video, it frustrated me as well and I was so happy to see you addressed it head on and stood in your truth 🩷
I have struggled for years. Usually, the struggle has been my weight. No matter how thin I ever got, I couldn’t see it. And now that I’m aging, I am having that same obsession decades later along with extreme preoccupation with my skin (I have rosacea) and wrinkles. Thank you for your vulnerability 😊❤ I hope you can continue to heal.
Ma'am to hell with those ppl who doubt your BDD being connected to your shopping debts. I have battled with BBD for 10 years. I've been recovering in therapy. Until I went to therapy, I was on a legit roller coaster to hell. Turns out I needed medication and therapy. I didn't know how miserable I was until the cloud started to lift. I can look at the photos in my iCloud and see the disorder killing me while I wore some of the most beautiful clothes. And yet I never felt beautiful. And ABSOLUTELY...I spent thousands on "cures"...products, treatments, services, clothes, shoes, makeup, handbags...
Investing in your spiritual life will shift your perspective on what’s important vs what is superficial and fleeting. Your heart, your ability to love, charity to those in need, and faith in your creator is much more lasting and fulfilling. I wish you the best in your journey.
I had bad acne growing up and developed acne scarring. Till this day I am consumed with treatments, skin care. I have realized that wearing expensive outfits, bags, cars, salon appts was over compensating for my acne scars. I am bogged with thoughts of inadequacy for years. High end purchases have ruined my savings. I have recently realized what was going on and have started to cut back. Thank you for sharing.
I appreciate your description of BDD. I think you are doing a great job trying to find ways to help you balance your condition in your life. It's not easy, it's a long process. I know a few people that have different disorders and I've seen how difficult it is to manage and overcome it. It has really helped them to have support.
Elle, thank you so much for sharing this part of your life with us. I cannot even begin to imagine how difficult it must be for something so vulnerable that has been such a burden in your life since childhood, sharing it for the greater good to either help someone who feels the same, or to give your audience a better understanding of what this disease is like on a daily basis. I wish I could give you a big hug and please know that I am rooting for you!! ❤
Your honestly is so compelling, thank you for sharing your journey with BDD, shopping addiction and more. I can say without a doubt you are a gorgeous woman, inside and out.
You are so brave to share these information with other people. I tryly understand you, your thoughts and experiences. I got diagnosed at 26 y.o. with ADHD, Asperger's, BDD and anxiety/ depression disorders. I have been dealing with some serious stuff my whole life and I always had problems with money. I realised last year that all the money i spent on clothing was just to feel better and hide myself... I wish you the best, keep being brave and work with yourself ❤
Thank you for sharing this part of your experience. It is important to talk about it and the help you provide for others far outweighs the rude criticisms of people who are ignorant about body dysmorphia disorder.
really good video, thanks for being so open. I don't have BDD but do have OCD and while I don't understand BDD specifically I understand the grip to which these thoughts have control. you don't need my validation, but I absolutely believe you and the connection to the spending. wish you the best in your healing journey.
Thank you so much for being so true and so open sharing what was/is going on in your brain and your insights about it. I'm sure this helps and will help so many people! 🙏🏻❤️
Not to take away from the seriousness of the topic but please allow me to compliment you on the blazer! The colour is absolutely stunning! And with the statement necklace.... wow! I love it!
Elle, I appreciate you for sharing this very vulnerable part of your life. This will reach people who need to see it and that's wonderful. I am glad you are getting the help that you need. Thank you.
fantastic and very important video. Potential to help many people. I hope this goes viral. People in the personal finance world can be snippy.... forgetting everyone is not made of the same DNA. You presently are in control so you have turned an important corner.. the open honest is also a fantastic tool to burn any shame around it all... i have not heard this story/ trajectory in the FIRE or debt community so far . there may be many people with this similar stew out there that you will impact positively and provide a place to huddle at in this world of tons of quiet suffering. KUDOS to you.
This is so real and can be all consuming! Bdd, shopping addiction, and eating disorders all have this underlying need for control. If I just get to this ideal, I’ll be happy/ things will be ok/ people will like me or at least not be mean. I’ve been in recovery from my eating disorder for a decade but the shopping is still something I struggle with and some of the thoughts I have when shopping for clothes and beauty (or even sometimes home goods, car detailing, anything that can be perceived by others) are in the same vain.
I appreciate how honest you have been in all of your videos from your debt to the reasons behind it. You are doing so much good work and helping others work through things
Completely resonate with this, in fact I follow quite a few mindful money management channels and no one has addressed or articulated this quote like you have. Thank you for your bravery ❤
I applaud you for speaking up about this. In the financial space of social media, people are extremely judgmental and righteous. Although I don’t suffer from BDD, I do have emotional trauma that is one of the reasons I lack impulse control with money. Continue to spread awareness and speak your truth.
Words fail me. Some parasite made a video to criticise your video? I've heard it all now! There is a saying, 'Those that put you down are already beneath you' which is so true. I can't relate to BDD, as the way I see it is: do I go out and judge people on size, looks, age, gender, race? No. Therefore, I doubt that others are judging me - maybe some are but they clearly have their own problems. I'm enjoying watching you and your finance journey, and the way you're delving into the reasons that led you there. You are a beautiful woman and I love the jacket you're wearing in this video, the colour looks stunning on you.
Thank you for sharing this! I'm 46 and have struggled with BDD for most of my life. I was just watching an interview from a french woman director who made a horror film called "The Substance" that stars Demi Moore and deals with BDD, ageism, and beauty ideals. I'm tempted to check it out but kind of hesitant because it has a lot of blood and gore. I'm glad a woman is talking about the experience of being a woman in a woman's body and how much suffering there is in this experience because of gender norms, culture, and media.
Thank you for your honesty! I did feel ugly and I also believed everyone criticized me. Fortunately as I improve my self esteem those feelings got less intense.
I appreciate you being so open and vulnerable. I have never really understood BDD, but this was a really great explanation of what people with BDD experience. I definitely encourage you to get books on CBT, but I would also encourage you to seek a therapist. Therapists are able to take all the thousands of loose strings we have in our heads (from life, our own biases, our experiences, what we’ve learned, the info we have taken in on our own mental illnesses, etc) and help us organize all those pieces. It’s great to have CBT tools, but if you’re just applying them to apply, a lot of the actual benefits are lost. I’m really enjoying your channel. ❤
Hello, new sub here! :) I want to thank you for being brave and vulnerable about your mental health journey. Your vulnerability helps us to have aha moments along our mental health journey's.
I can’t personally relate to BDD, but I just want to thank you so much for sharing your story and being so vulnerable. I hope this helps someone else struggling with the disease. ❤
This is so relatable. So sad that so many people go through this. I guess it’s more common than we think. I remember looking at my thighs when I was about 11 years old and thinking I was so huge. But in reality looking back, I was pretty tiny. I can also relate to constantly wanting to look put together on the outside because it will make me look a little better than I really am. Like I wake up at two and if I put some make up on and do my hair and wear a nice outfit, I will be a six.😢
Oh my god yes. I hate the reliance on things and products to help me feel mediocre. I am certain there is a way out of this way of thinking I just haven’t found it yet.
So I have struggled with this extremely in the past but I struggle with it a lot less now, like easily less than 10% of what it was at its worst. Most days I don’t have any of these compulsive thoughts and it’s been that way for years. Things that helped me included: understanding that I had to re-learn how to see. I mean, I was using certain cultural narrative for self-harm, so it was important for me to question those narratives, understand their roots, and dismantle them. This is an ongoing process but holy crap has it helped. Maybe more than anything else. 2. Learning more about neurodivergence. BDD in itself could be considered a form of neurodivergence, but also understanding that there is a strong overlap between OCD/BDD and ED’s and things like ADHD and autism made a lot of things click for me. In my case, once I had controlled the BDD and ED and even the anxiety, things were still “off”- turns out there was a deeper issue that I needed support for. Of course this won’t be everyone but the correlation is strong according to the most recent research so I think it’s worth understanding the overlap even if you experience one and not the other. 3. Finding somatic approaches to stress management. Deep breathing, walking meditation, trauma release through movement, stuff like that. Bonus points if that can happen in a group space with no mirrors/cameras, but I know that can be a tall ask these days. Good luck out there, and thank you for being so raw and honest here.
wow!! you’re so amazing for this! i love the insight on what it’s like to live with bdd. - i hope you know that what you’re going through is valid & won’t let the negative people make you feel bad or ashamed for your financial desicions - and you’re so strong to be so open about your BDD!!
I'm so sorry you feel this way all the time. I also feel like that at times, constantly checking myself in the mirror or any reflective surface, checking my teeth after I eat to see if there's no food, afraid my partner will see my bad side, notice a double chin or my resting btch face when I'm not aware, etc. I always try to keep my partner (and past) on my left side cause I think my right side is uglier. So you're not alone. BUT, no matter how perfect you think your partner (and his whole family) is, maybe yes they are genetically gifted, everyone has flaws, just some people's are not physical. Haven't you ever felt so in love with someone that you see their flaws - that double chin, that ugly laugh, that snore, the crooked tooth, the food in their teeth while they confidently smile - and think "Wow, that's quirky but I still love them so much because of who they are and how they make me feel". That's how I try and think that if my partner sees my "ugly" side, they'll think. There's so much beauty in the imperfect!! Try and let go of the search for perfection, I know that he (and everyone else) will love you much more when you're smiling, relaxed and confident despite all your "flaws", because no one is perfect! ❤
Yes, very true. I love the quirky, imperfect things in my partner and the people I love . Brene Brown talk about this, I try to remember, it’s just challenging. Thank you for this great comment 💛
Well, I’ve just found your channel and I subscribed because I really liked your looks. I thought you were so pretty and thin. I liked everything about you. So, that’s how I saw you and I’m not wrong!❤️💕😍
This video is sad. 😭Thank you for opening up your space/life/experiences to us. You should never have felt what you did. Always remember that you ARE beautiful. I'm sure that's easier said than done.
This is very vulnerable stuff for you to share and i think that's a sign of courage so thanks for putting a voice to this. I don't see anyone in the comments mentioning but what helped me was constant confrontation of myself whenever I had a thought about how ugly I appear to others. Ok, so what if I am ugly? Are ugly people not allowed to live and do things and have a life? Can I live a normal life and be ugly? Is there any evidence around me that ugly = always doomed/unhappy/anxious/spiraling? It took a lot of these discussions with myself, and going out in public even though I hated my hair/clothes/skin etc to realize that nobody actually cared. And that i was able to stop the chatter in my head by accepting that I can have a wonderful life AND be or feel ugly.
I relate to this a lot and it’s a reason I enjoy your channel. As a teenager I had an undiagnosed eating disorder that has now left me with health issues as an adult that have caused weight gain and I hate it. I compare myself now to my ill self and even though I know now that I wasn’t well then and I shouldn’t have been that weight it’s so hard to reconcile my body now with my body then. I also am really struggling to lose weight but calorie counting and weighing food is not good for my brain. It’s a difficult battle and I appreciate you sharing your story 😊
When we speak out, things hold less power over us, so well done and thank you for sharing! Know that all these feelings you're talking about are not wrong, and in my personal experience, a long form of therapy (psychoanalysis or psychodynamic), has been proven to help us heal from our old patterns. I know how you feel, how hard and isolating it is, and how difficult it is to get out of this thinking. A diagnosis isn't an end in itself, and there are roots for how you feel I your past and how you grew up, which I would really suggest you begin to examen in therapy. Treating the root causes for all you describe, and not just the symptoms, is your best ally to help you live a life free from the negative thought-patterns you're currently describing. I have been in psychodynamic therapy for 5,5 years, and I can truly say it has saved my life. I live more consciously and free from the abysmal negative thinking and the absolute vile self-talk I had even just a few years ago. Some things are so deep rooted, it takes time to address them. But we can! Thank you for being so brave and honest. Hugs
I watched the video to which you refer. The man said (about you) "she's decent looking, I won't take that away from her." Then later he criticized you for having these issues regarding your appearance. He just proved how women are set up for this thought pattern in society.
That video was recommended to me and I skipped it. I really don't want to hear a man judge a woman for trying to conform to beauty standards. Like it or not, there are major repercussions when it comes to following or not following beauty standards. There was a study that stated it would be as economically advantageous for overweight women to lose weight as it would be for them to get a masters degree. I really applaud Elle for her radical honesty and self-awareness.
Haven't seen the video and don't know who that guy is that is refered toi but EXACTLY he just prooves the point if he said that. Just Ew 😒seriously. Imagine starting reviewing men's financial advice videos or deep emotional and mental health and neurodivergances . Saying "euhhm yeah This guy is decent looking, mehhh that one pass , that one ooooh I would F you right there. Etc 😂 😮💨😮💨😮💨
I have no idea how hard it’s but! I totally understand you , I won’t even try to say don’t think like that bla bla yes that is true you’re very beautiful but! That not how you feel or see it. And if it was that easy you would have set yourself free from it already. So im just going sending you lots of positive energy. I really really feel you 😢.
I have this struggle as well. I remember comparing my body as early as 1st grade. I’m 41 now and barely leave my house. It’s harder now because I can’t lose my pregnancy weight… thank you for speaking on this
Thank you for sharing your story! I found your profile when you first posted your finance journey. I find you so interesting. Your transparency about your spending habits and hitting rock bottom emotionally and financially is so magnetic. You’re so brave and I hope you keep on continuing in this direction
You are so brave for sharing this, though I am shocked too. You are beautiful but your worth goes beyond your appearance. What you've expressed is an extreme example of conditioning that we, especially as women, all experience to one degree or another. The beauty industry relies on making us feel worthless, and so we buy makeup, clothes, cosmetic enhancements, surgery. Then we flaunt filtered pictures of ourselves on social media, begging for others to like and validate us. None of it ever works, it just perpetuates a misogynistic system invented to make money from a lack of self-worth. I advise, as others have, placing more attention on spiritual growth and recognising your inherent worth, ditching the botox and anything else that continues this toxic cycle. You'll really start to see things more clearly and save a load of money in the process. I wish the very best for you in breaking this cycle 💕
I can’t understand !! You are a good looking lady 😢 why the hell you hold all that hate towards you self 😢 it’s sad, you are beautiful and it’s not a compliment
Can you please share the name of the book you referred to at the end by the woman who pioneered treating BDD? I’m just not getting anywhere with my therapist and you’ve inspired me to do my own research. You’re so brave for sharing your experience. Thank you!
Sure - Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Body Dysmorphic Disorder by Sabine Wihelm & Katharine Phillips. Katharine Phillips gives an interview in one of the videos I linked below. There are a few others I’ll likely pick up as well 1. The Broken Mirror - Katharine Phillips 2. Veale/Neziroglu - BDD, A Treatment Manual 3. Katharine Phillips- Body Dysmorphic Disorder, Advances in Research and Clinical Practice. Good luck 💛
I think this is very common with BDD. I have had BDD for most of my life, and I have also always struggled with money. My compulsion to deal with negative emotions from BDD was to buy books. So random, doesn't really have anything to do with my perceived flaws, but it was that moment that you described, where it feels like in the moment the negative effect of not buying the thing far outweighs the negative effects of excessive spending in the future.
You sound like you’re on the right path, aiming for progression not some idea of perfection. By introducing little changes, over time, other things will naturally fall by the wayside. 😊
Really really wish that you were encouraged to work on self love and acceptance of yourself. This is so heartbreaking. I know that a healthy path is to give yourself all of the love that you wish you could have gotten. Mother your own self and think of how you would treat your child if they were going through everything you have gone through. It really helps
I have BDD and im sitting here in ireland wishing i looked like you and had your figure ❤ and if you are like me you will hate that compliment, i hate compliments i feel like a fraud when people pay me a compliment ❤
Thank you for sharing your story!! The mind is very interesting. I wonder if your mother also spoke negatively to you about your appearance? Or if she was obsessed with looks?
wow I really relate to everything you said here. Thank you for sharing this and being so vulnerable. I truly think you are beautiful, and it's heartbreaking that you've felt this way for most of your life. I have as well, and it's also affected my financial well being.
FWIW, I don't have BDD but if I was in a room with you I'd feel insecure about my own beauty because you're so beautiful yourself. There's nothing about you whatsoever that you'd need to change.
@dbalemon - Since no one can convince you otherwise on your appearance.. Take a moment to at least acknowledge the positive things about yourself that people can't see on the surface. You're brave, strong, smart, caring, inspiring, helpful, determined and committed are just a few that I can think of from watching your videos. I'm sure there's more, along with personal accomplishments you can add that will help you to see yourself in more of a positive way. Hopefully one day, the positivity will grow to how you feel about your appearance and help you to continue to fight your disorder. Take care, keep up the great work.
I have never seen anyone have a Channel grow as rapidly as yours, and I can totally see why. You have a fantastic work ethic, you upload once a week just as you say you will, and you are authentic, and talented, and delightful to listen to. Imo, your disorder likely has a spiritual component. Another Commenter mentioned the possibility of a demon working to put these distressing thoughts and beliefs into your head, and I was thinking the exact same thing. Jesus is truly the way out of this- He is the way, the truth and the life. You are beautiful, but you can’t see it, or believe it; and yet, others can. Jesus can heal of you of all this, truly. What have you got to lose by asking Him to help you be free of this burden? xo
Thinking BDD maybe a symptom of a deeper self worth issue. BDD shopping, car purchase video, imposter syndrome, reaction to negativity all may relate to drastic lack of feeling worthy. BDD shopping just a way of dealing. Beautiful people are desirable = beautiful people must be worthy = I have to be beautiful = I must do whatever it takes to be beautiful. When you say/feel ugly. Maybe that's just another way of saying really unworthy? I've a serious case of social anxiety disorder. Likely driven by like self worth issues. Don't know how these issues come about. Probably doesn't matter because I'm skeptical that they can be "cured". Maybe best is that ways of dealing aren't harmful. Best case being that often issue compensating traits can actually benefit certain life areas. Hoping you do find beneficial ways to deal and grow your self worth. Growing net worth and self worth. Substantial accomplishments worth aiming for.
Thank you. This was so brave to put yourself out there. It makes sense now how hard this has been for you to change your spending habits. You are beautiful. 😻
People online can be really mean. Do not let anyone stop you from sharing your experiences. I think what you are sharing is helpful, and anyone who does not resonate with this, then they should just move along. There is no one size fits all, and that is ok. Try not to watch these negative reviews... They will not do you any good.
I feel your pain and suffering in EVERY way. For me, this also lead to years of various eating disorders and isolating myself to the point where I couldn't even study or work, and I spent 7 years without a partner. I also spent insane amounts of money on therapy, medicine, supplements, online programs, moving to another city for treatment, etc... the BEST news ever is that you can fully put ALL of this torment at the feet of Jesus. Satan is the father of LIES my dear sister, and we both believed the BIGGEST lies about ourselves and others, while God made us perfect in his image. We are human, so we will keep sinning and having issues with our mental health on this planet, but NOTHING has even come close to helping me find the peace I finally have. Scientific research will leave you with a never-ending thirst for more searching and more understanding, and it will make you focus even more on your sins (comparison, jealousy, self-hate, coveting what other people have, anger, depression, etc). Give up the search and give your life to Jesus. It's truly the best gift. *big hug*
People dont realise how for an ED as an example, how expensive it was to restricted myself/punish myself with laxatives etc. When you consime 10-20 everyday (and for some people, a lot more) it gets expensive. Heck, even just buying the 36p paracetamol as a weird example, would still cost £10+ a month and if I remember rightly, at my worse, I would spend £90 give or take on laxatives a month. That didnt include diet pills or sleeping pills or diet foods or gum (so much gum) and then the stuff like apps or scales, the £20 a time binge costs, the cost to get to therapy (and outside of NHS), private therapy etc. Same for self harmers or overdoses... the cost of medical supplies and whatever it was you hurt yourself with. Mental illness is expensive af.
I love your honesty about this. It's a REAL THING ❤❤❤ this is so relatable. I remember going through the same thing about my legs in elementary school. Avoiding swimming class, avoiding dresses that showed arms or legs, it's awful. It's such a miserable and consuming disease. I dated a couple of body builders as well and later realized they were compensating for the same body issues. Supporting you always. I wish I lived near you so we could just get together and chat. VERY similar reasons I don't have children either.
I think the guys who do extreme muscle building also have body dysmorphia. Instead of shopping, they lift weights. I did Keto for a while and it triggered my eating disorder mindset so bad. Many of the male weightlifters depend on being in ketosis.
I am 44. Net worth about 1.7 million .No debt. I really wasn't good with money until maybe 32. I earned I spent. It was a mind shift for me. My house is small, but paid for. Paid cash for my Subaru. I am an ER RN make about 130K a year. No kids. No wife. My plan is to work until 50 then go part time. I am only saying this only because at 32 I owed 50K in student loans, and I turned it around. It can be done. What "clicked" with me was letting go of worrying what others think.
you have done well mate. Im sure she could learn a few things from your journey. Would you say discipline was the key o success? No one an argue with discipline.
I watched this feeling so sad for you. I honestly see none of the flaws you see in yourself. I'd love to be so pretty! You have been really brave revealing all this - proud of you!
THANK YOU ! THANK YOU! It blights your life. 73 years of distress. Good on you girl for addressing this . Mine started at 15years old when a boyfriend said to me
“you are so ugly” I was not but it hit a spot which has lasted my entire life . I over spent. Over compensated. It consumed me. Eaten alive . Please do continue and every success on your journey.💕💕💕
This is so relatable, ugh
A lot of our issues as overspenders stem from wanting to present ourselves a certain way.
Thank you for sharing your experience. The more we talk about it the easier it becomes for everyone.
Brain chemistry is amazing/terrifying.
I dealt with this horribly as a young child and throughout grade school as well. Refusing to leave the house for extended periods of time, having emotional breakdowns in the fitting room while at the mall with my friends and having to call my mom to come pick me up, unable to leave the fitting room until I knew she was outside in her car. Cutting my own hair in an attempt to “fix” it, cutting it until I barely had any hair left… refusing to be photographed at all whatsoever for many many years. People are so quick to dismiss it and call you shallow or self absorbed, especially when they view you as conventionally attractive.
They don’t realize, your own appearance becomes like an optical illusion to you in the mirror, and what you see is totally distorted. No amount of validation from other people can fix it either.
You’re very brave for sharing, and I’m so glad you did. Especially after seeing that man’s reaction in his response video, it frustrated me as well and I was so happy to see you addressed it head on and stood in your truth 🩷
I have struggled for years. Usually, the struggle has been my weight. No matter how thin I ever got, I couldn’t see it. And now that I’m aging, I am having that same obsession decades later along with extreme preoccupation with my skin (I have rosacea) and wrinkles. Thank you for your vulnerability 😊❤ I hope you can continue to heal.
Incredibly brave and vulnerable video. Thank you for sharing this. It will absolutely help people. ❤
Ma'am to hell with those ppl who doubt your BDD being connected to your shopping debts. I have battled with BBD for 10 years. I've been recovering in therapy. Until I went to therapy, I was on a legit roller coaster to hell. Turns out I needed medication and therapy. I didn't know how miserable I was until the cloud started to lift. I can look at the photos in my iCloud and see the disorder killing me while I wore some of the most beautiful clothes. And yet I never felt beautiful. And ABSOLUTELY...I spent thousands on "cures"...products, treatments, services, clothes, shoes, makeup, handbags...
Investing in your spiritual life will shift your perspective on what’s important vs what is superficial and fleeting. Your heart, your ability to love, charity to those in need, and faith in your creator is much more lasting and fulfilling. I wish you the best in your journey.
This!
Said Perfectly.
It does not help me unfortunately I am a Muslim I try everything it does not help
I had bad acne growing up and developed acne scarring. Till this day I am consumed with treatments, skin care. I have realized that wearing expensive outfits, bags, cars, salon appts was over compensating for my acne scars. I am bogged with thoughts of inadequacy for years. High end purchases have ruined my savings. I have recently realized what was going on and have started to cut back. Thank you for sharing.
I appreciate your description of BDD. I think you are doing a great job trying to find ways to help you balance your condition in your life. It's not easy, it's a long process. I know a few people that have different disorders and I've seen how difficult it is to manage and overcome it. It has really helped them to have support.
I love your channel, your honesty, and your story. Great job.
Wow, this is one of the most honest conversations I've ever heard about body dysmorphia! Thank you for sharing, love your channel
Elle, thank you so much for sharing this part of your life with us. I cannot even begin to imagine how difficult it must be for something so vulnerable that has been such a burden in your life since childhood, sharing it for the greater good to either help someone who feels the same, or to give your audience a better understanding of what this disease is like on a daily basis. I wish I could give you a big hug and please know that I am rooting for you!! ❤
Your honestly is so compelling, thank you for sharing your journey with BDD, shopping addiction and more. I can say without a doubt you are a gorgeous woman, inside and out.
Wow I really never thought about how much self image has influenced the way. I’ve treated my finances. Everything you’ve said makes total sense. ❤
You are so brave to share these information with other people. I tryly understand you, your thoughts and experiences. I got diagnosed at 26 y.o. with ADHD, Asperger's, BDD and anxiety/ depression disorders. I have been dealing with some serious stuff my whole life and I always had problems with money. I realised last year that all the money i spent on clothing was just to feel better and hide myself...
I wish you the best, keep being brave and work with yourself ❤
Thank you for sharing this part of your experience. It is important to talk about it and the help you provide for others far outweighs the rude criticisms of people who are ignorant about body dysmorphia disorder.
really good video, thanks for being so open. I don't have BDD but do have OCD and while I don't understand BDD specifically I understand the grip to which these thoughts have control. you don't need my validation, but I absolutely believe you and the connection to the spending. wish you the best in your healing journey.
I really really feel for you, everyday you're getting better and better xx
Thank you 💛
Thank you so much for being so true and so open sharing what was/is going on in your brain and your insights about it. I'm sure this helps and will help so many people! 🙏🏻❤️
Not to take away from the seriousness of the topic but please allow me to compliment you on the blazer! The colour is absolutely stunning! And with the statement necklace.... wow! I love it!
I agree.
Elle, I appreciate you for sharing this very vulnerable part of your life. This will reach people who need to see it and that's wonderful. I am glad you are getting the help that you need. Thank you.
fantastic and very important video. Potential to help many people. I hope this goes viral. People in the personal finance world can be snippy.... forgetting everyone is not made of the same DNA.
You presently are in control so you have turned an important corner.. the open honest is also a fantastic tool to burn any shame around it all...
i have not heard this story/ trajectory in the FIRE or debt community so far . there may be many people with this similar stew out there that you will impact positively and provide a place to huddle at in this world of tons of quiet suffering. KUDOS to you.
Thank you 💛
This is so real and can be all consuming! Bdd, shopping addiction, and eating disorders all have this underlying need for control. If I just get to this ideal, I’ll be happy/ things will be ok/ people will like me or at least not be mean. I’ve been in recovery from my eating disorder for a decade but the shopping is still something I struggle with and some of the thoughts I have when shopping for clothes and beauty (or even sometimes home goods, car detailing, anything that can be perceived by others) are in the same vain.
I appreciate how honest you have been in all of your videos from your debt to the reasons behind it. You are doing so much good work and helping others work through things
Completely resonate with this, in fact I follow quite a few mindful money management channels and no one has addressed or articulated this quote like you have. Thank you for your bravery ❤
I applaud you for speaking up about this. In the financial space of social media, people are extremely judgmental and righteous. Although I don’t suffer from BDD, I do have emotional trauma that is one of the reasons I lack impulse control with money. Continue to spread awareness and speak your truth.
Words fail me. Some parasite made a video to criticise your video? I've heard it all now! There is a saying, 'Those that put you down are already beneath you' which is so true.
I can't relate to BDD, as the way I see it is: do I go out and judge people on size, looks, age, gender, race? No. Therefore, I doubt that others are judging me - maybe some are but they clearly have their own problems.
I'm enjoying watching you and your finance journey, and the way you're delving into the reasons that led you there. You are a beautiful woman and I love the jacket you're wearing in this video, the colour looks stunning on you.
Thank you for sharing this! I'm 46 and have struggled with BDD for most of my life. I was just watching an interview from a french woman director who made a horror film called "The Substance" that stars Demi Moore and deals with BDD, ageism, and beauty ideals. I'm tempted to check it out but kind of hesitant because it has a lot of blood and gore. I'm glad a woman is talking about the experience of being a woman in a woman's body and how much suffering there is in this experience because of gender norms, culture, and media.
Thank you for your courage to share your lived experience. It is bringing clarity to many of us on a similar journey. Keep shining your light.
Thank you for your honesty! I did feel ugly and I also believed everyone criticized me. Fortunately as I improve my self esteem those feelings got less intense.
I appreciate you being so open and vulnerable. I have never really understood BDD, but this was a really great explanation of what people with BDD experience.
I definitely encourage you to get books on CBT, but I would also encourage you to seek a therapist. Therapists are able to take all the thousands of loose strings we have in our heads (from life, our own biases, our experiences, what we’ve learned, the info we have taken in on our own mental illnesses, etc) and help us organize all those pieces.
It’s great to have CBT tools, but if you’re just applying them to apply, a lot of the actual benefits are lost.
I’m really enjoying your channel. ❤
I’m rooting for you so hard. You really have spoken so much of my life in this video.
Hello, new sub here! :) I want to thank you for being brave and vulnerable about your mental health journey. Your vulnerability helps us to have aha moments along our mental health journey's.
You are so brave for sharing ❤ I applaud you
You are amazing, thank you for sharing, wishing you all the best on this journey.
I can’t personally relate to BDD, but I just want to thank you so much for sharing your story and being so vulnerable. I hope this helps someone else struggling with the disease. ❤
Thank you 💛
Thank you for being SO transparent!👏🏾
This is so relatable. So sad that so many people go through this. I guess it’s more common than we think. I remember looking at my thighs when I was about 11 years old and thinking I was so huge. But in reality looking back, I was pretty tiny.
I can also relate to constantly wanting to look put together on the outside because it will make me look a little better than I really am. Like I wake up at two and if I put some make up on and do my hair and wear a nice outfit, I will be a six.😢
Oh my god yes. I hate the reliance on things and products to help me feel mediocre.
I am certain there is a way out of this way of thinking I just haven’t found it yet.
I look forward to your weekly videos. Thank you for sharing your truth 👏
Thank you for watching and your kind comment 💛
Wow! You are a very impressive human being to have gone through all of this and to be so determined to help yourself. That's incredible!
So sorry you have had to deal with this. You are beautiful.
So I have struggled with this extremely in the past but I struggle with it a lot less now, like easily less than 10% of what it was at its worst. Most days I don’t have any of these compulsive thoughts and it’s been that way for years. Things that helped me included: understanding that I had to re-learn how to see. I mean, I was using certain cultural narrative for self-harm, so it was important for me to question those narratives, understand their roots, and dismantle them. This is an ongoing process but holy crap has it helped. Maybe more than anything else.
2. Learning more about neurodivergence. BDD in itself could be considered a form of neurodivergence, but also understanding that there is a strong overlap between OCD/BDD and ED’s and things like ADHD and autism made a lot of things click for me. In my case, once I had controlled the BDD and ED and even the anxiety, things were still “off”- turns out there was a deeper issue that I needed support for. Of course this won’t be everyone but the correlation is strong according to the most recent research so I think it’s worth understanding the overlap even if you experience one and not the other.
3. Finding somatic approaches to stress management. Deep breathing, walking meditation, trauma release through movement, stuff like that. Bonus points if that can happen in a group space with no mirrors/cameras, but I know that can be a tall ask these days.
Good luck out there, and thank you for being so raw and honest here.
wow!! you’re so amazing for this! i love the insight on what it’s like to live with bdd. - i hope you know that what you’re going through is valid & won’t let the negative people make you feel bad or ashamed for your financial desicions - and you’re so strong to be so open about your BDD!!
I'm so sorry you feel this way all the time. I also feel like that at times, constantly checking myself in the mirror or any reflective surface, checking my teeth after I eat to see if there's no food, afraid my partner will see my bad side, notice a double chin or my resting btch face when I'm not aware, etc. I always try to keep my partner (and past) on my left side cause I think my right side is uglier. So you're not alone. BUT, no matter how perfect you think your partner (and his whole family) is, maybe yes they are genetically gifted, everyone has flaws, just some people's are not physical. Haven't you ever felt so in love with someone that you see their flaws - that double chin, that ugly laugh, that snore, the crooked tooth, the food in their teeth while they confidently smile - and think "Wow, that's quirky but I still love them so much because of who they are and how they make me feel". That's how I try and think that if my partner sees my "ugly" side, they'll think. There's so much beauty in the imperfect!! Try and let go of the search for perfection, I know that he (and everyone else) will love you much more when you're smiling, relaxed and confident despite all your "flaws", because no one is perfect! ❤
Yes, very true. I love the quirky, imperfect things in my partner and the people I love .
Brene Brown talk about this, I try to remember, it’s just challenging. Thank you for this great comment 💛
she’s so gorgeous
I feel so connected to you right now.
Well, I’ve just found your channel and I subscribed because I really liked your looks. I thought you were so pretty and thin. I liked everything about you. So, that’s how I saw you and I’m not wrong!❤️💕😍
Thank you for your courage and vunerability and sharing your story! ❤
This video is sad. 😭Thank you for opening up your space/life/experiences to us. You should never have felt what you did. Always remember that you ARE beautiful. I'm sure that's easier said than done.
Thank you 💛
I appreciate your vulnerability, but I think you are very very pretty and naturally beautiful. I’m sorry you have gone through this.
Thank you for sharing your experience and putting your story out there.
This is very vulnerable stuff for you to share and i think that's a sign of courage so thanks for putting a voice to this. I don't see anyone in the comments mentioning but what helped me was constant confrontation of myself whenever I had a thought about how ugly I appear to others. Ok, so what if I am ugly? Are ugly people not allowed to live and do things and have a life? Can I live a normal life and be ugly? Is there any evidence around me that ugly = always doomed/unhappy/anxious/spiraling? It took a lot of these discussions with myself, and going out in public even though I hated my hair/clothes/skin etc to realize that nobody actually cared. And that i was able to stop the chatter in my head by accepting that I can have a wonderful life AND be or feel ugly.
I relate to this a lot and it’s a reason I enjoy your channel. As a teenager I had an undiagnosed eating disorder that has now left me with health issues as an adult that have caused weight gain and I hate it. I compare myself now to my ill self and even though I know now that I wasn’t well then and I shouldn’t have been that weight it’s so hard to reconcile my body now with my body then. I also am really struggling to lose weight but calorie counting and weighing food is not good for my brain. It’s a difficult battle and I appreciate you sharing your story 😊
When we speak out, things hold less power over us, so well done and thank you for sharing! Know that all these feelings you're talking about are not wrong, and in my personal experience, a long form of therapy (psychoanalysis or psychodynamic), has been proven to help us heal from our old patterns. I know how you feel, how hard and isolating it is, and how difficult it is to get out of this thinking. A diagnosis isn't an end in itself, and there are roots for how you feel I your past and how you grew up, which I would really suggest you begin to examen in therapy. Treating the root causes for all you describe, and not just the symptoms, is your best ally to help you live a life free from the negative thought-patterns you're currently describing. I have been in psychodynamic therapy for 5,5 years, and I can truly say it has saved my life. I live more consciously and free from the abysmal negative thinking and the absolute vile self-talk I had even just a few years ago. Some things are so deep rooted, it takes time to address them. But we can! Thank you for being so brave and honest. Hugs
You are so brave. Thank you for sharing.
I watched the video to which you refer. The man said (about you) "she's decent looking, I won't take that away from her." Then later he criticized you for having these issues regarding your appearance. He just proved how women are set up for this thought pattern in society.
Absolutely!
That video was recommended to me and I skipped it. I really don't want to hear a man judge a woman for trying to conform to beauty standards. Like it or not, there are major repercussions when it comes to following or not following beauty standards. There was a study that stated it would be as economically advantageous for overweight women to lose weight as it would be for them to get a masters degree. I really applaud Elle for her radical honesty and self-awareness.
@@anna_reads862who was the youtuber that made the video? Was one of the fake money gurus?
@@afrikan_criola1923 yes and a lesser known one at that
Haven't seen the video and don't know who that guy is that is refered toi but EXACTLY he just prooves the point if he said that. Just Ew 😒seriously. Imagine starting reviewing men's financial advice videos or deep emotional and mental health and neurodivergances . Saying "euhhm yeah This guy is decent looking, mehhh that one pass , that one ooooh I would F you right there. Etc 😂 😮💨😮💨😮💨
I have no idea how hard it’s but! I totally understand you , I won’t even try to say don’t think like that bla bla yes that is true you’re very beautiful but! That not how you feel or see it. And if it was that easy you would have set yourself free from it already.
So im just going sending you lots of positive energy.
I really really feel you 😢.
Thank you 💛💛💛
Holy shit I can’t even believe someone else thinks like this about themselves!! Ty for sharing!
I have this struggle as well. I remember comparing my body as early as 1st grade. I’m 41 now and barely leave my house. It’s harder now because I can’t lose my pregnancy weight… thank you for speaking on this
Thank you for sharing your journey!
You look amazing for any age. Any Chad would be glad to have you, but this is totally how you feel. I’m sorry, that you’ve had to deal with it. 🙏🏻
Thank you for sharing your story! I found your profile when you first posted your finance journey. I find you so interesting. Your transparency about your spending habits and hitting rock bottom emotionally and financially is so magnetic. You’re so brave and I hope you keep on continuing in this direction
So. proud. of. you. 💕
You are so brave for sharing this, though I am shocked too. You are beautiful but your worth goes beyond your appearance. What you've expressed is an extreme example of conditioning that we, especially as women, all experience to one degree or another. The beauty industry relies on making us feel worthless, and so we buy makeup, clothes, cosmetic enhancements, surgery. Then we flaunt filtered pictures of ourselves on social media, begging for others to like and validate us. None of it ever works, it just perpetuates a misogynistic system invented to make money from a lack of self-worth.
I advise, as others have, placing more attention on spiritual growth and recognising your inherent worth, ditching the botox and anything else that continues this toxic cycle. You'll really start to see things more clearly and save a load of money in the process. I wish the very best for you in breaking this cycle 💕
THanks for putting yourself out there. I think we all want to do this but we are too afraid.
I can’t understand !! You are a good looking lady 😢 why the hell you hold all that hate towards you self 😢 it’s sad, you are beautiful and it’s not a compliment
“The more perfect a person is on the outside, the more demons they have on the inside.”
― Sigmund Freud
So true!!!
Can you please share the name of the book you referred to at the end by the woman who pioneered treating BDD? I’m just not getting anywhere with my therapist and you’ve inspired me to do my own research. You’re so brave for sharing your experience. Thank you!
Sure - Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Body Dysmorphic Disorder by Sabine Wihelm & Katharine Phillips.
Katharine Phillips gives an interview in one of the videos I linked below.
There are a few others I’ll likely pick up as well
1. The Broken Mirror - Katharine Phillips
2. Veale/Neziroglu - BDD, A Treatment Manual
3. Katharine Phillips- Body Dysmorphic Disorder, Advances in Research and Clinical Practice.
Good luck 💛
Thank gou for your honesty and transparency. Mental Health has its on triggers as its something you cannot see from the outside
I think this is very common with BDD. I have had BDD for most of my life, and I have also always struggled with money. My compulsion to deal with negative emotions from BDD was to buy books. So random, doesn't really have anything to do with my perceived flaws, but it was that moment that you described, where it feels like in the moment the negative effect of not buying the thing far outweighs the negative effects of excessive spending in the future.
You
Are
Not
Ugly
❤
You sound like you’re on the right path, aiming for progression not some idea of perfection. By introducing little changes, over time, other things will naturally fall by the wayside. 😊
really insightful video, I'm wishing you all the best!
Thank you 😊
Really really wish that you were encouraged to work on self love and acceptance of yourself. This is so heartbreaking.
I know that a healthy path is to give yourself all of the love that you wish you could have gotten. Mother your own self and think of how you would treat your child if they were going through everything you have gone through. It really helps
I subscribed after your first video.
Thank you 💛
I have BDD and im sitting here in ireland wishing i looked like you and had your figure ❤ and if you are like me you will hate that compliment, i hate compliments i feel like a fraud when people pay me a compliment ❤
Thank you for sharing your story!! The mind is very interesting.
I wonder if your mother also spoke negatively to you about your appearance? Or if she was obsessed with looks?
wow I really relate to everything you said here. Thank you for sharing this and being so vulnerable. I truly think you are beautiful, and it's heartbreaking that you've felt this way for most of your life. I have as well, and it's also affected my financial well being.
FWIW, I don't have BDD but if I was in a room with you I'd feel insecure about my own beauty because you're so beautiful yourself. There's nothing about you whatsoever that you'd need to change.
you are amazing! such a beautiful woman - thanks for sharing.
@dbalemon - Since no one can convince you otherwise on your appearance.. Take a moment to at least acknowledge the positive things about yourself that people can't see on the surface. You're brave, strong, smart, caring, inspiring, helpful, determined and committed are just a few that I can think of from watching your videos. I'm sure there's more, along with personal accomplishments you can add that will help you to see yourself in more of a positive way. Hopefully one day, the positivity will grow to how you feel about your appearance and help you to continue to fight your disorder. Take care, keep up the great work.
I have never seen anyone have a Channel grow as rapidly as yours, and I can totally see why. You have a fantastic work ethic, you upload once a week just as you say you will, and you are authentic, and talented, and delightful to listen to.
Imo, your disorder likely has a spiritual component. Another Commenter mentioned the possibility of a demon working to put these distressing thoughts and beliefs into your head, and I was thinking the exact same thing. Jesus is truly the way out of this- He is the way, the truth and the life.
You are beautiful, but you can’t see it, or believe it; and yet, others can.
Jesus can heal of you of all this, truly. What have you got to lose by asking Him to help you be free of this burden?
xo
I totally get it
Thinking BDD maybe a symptom of a deeper self worth issue. BDD shopping, car purchase video, imposter syndrome, reaction to negativity all may relate to drastic lack of feeling worthy. BDD shopping just a way of dealing. Beautiful people are desirable = beautiful people must be worthy = I have to be beautiful = I must do whatever it takes to be beautiful. When you say/feel ugly. Maybe that's just another way of saying really unworthy? I've a serious case of social anxiety disorder. Likely driven by like self worth issues. Don't know how these issues come about. Probably doesn't matter because I'm skeptical that they can be "cured". Maybe best is that ways of dealing aren't harmful. Best case being that often issue compensating traits can actually benefit certain life areas. Hoping you do find beneficial ways to deal and grow your self worth. Growing net worth and self worth. Substantial accomplishments worth aiming for.
Thank you for sharing this discussion Elle!
Thank you. This was so brave to put yourself out there. It makes sense now how hard this has been for you to change your spending habits.
You are beautiful. 😻
People online can be really mean. Do not let anyone stop you from sharing your experiences. I think what you are sharing is helpful, and anyone who does not resonate with this, then they should just move along. There is no one size fits all, and that is ok. Try not to watch these negative reviews... They will not do you any good.
I just subscribed. Because EFF that guy who reacted to your first video.
I feel your pain and suffering in EVERY way. For me, this also lead to years of various eating disorders and isolating myself to the point where I couldn't even study or work, and I spent 7 years without a partner. I also spent insane amounts of money on therapy, medicine, supplements, online programs, moving to another city for treatment, etc... the BEST news ever is that you can fully put ALL of this torment at the feet of Jesus. Satan is the father of LIES my dear sister, and we both believed the BIGGEST lies about ourselves and others, while God made us perfect in his image. We are human, so we will keep sinning and having issues with our mental health on this planet, but NOTHING has even come close to helping me find the peace I finally have. Scientific research will leave you with a never-ending thirst for more searching and more understanding, and it will make you focus even more on your sins (comparison, jealousy, self-hate, coveting what other people have, anger, depression, etc). Give up the search and give your life to Jesus. It's truly the best gift. *big hug*
🖤
Mental health definitely drives financial impulsivity.
It sure does…..
In no way am I trying to diminish your feelings. This video breaks my heart. You are beautiful. 🫂
Thank u for being so honest Elle. ❤❤❤
People dont realise how for an ED as an example, how expensive it was to restricted myself/punish myself with laxatives etc. When you consime 10-20 everyday (and for some people, a lot more) it gets expensive. Heck, even just buying the 36p paracetamol as a weird example, would still cost £10+ a month and if I remember rightly, at my worse, I would spend £90 give or take on laxatives a month. That didnt include diet pills or sleeping pills or diet foods or gum (so much gum) and then the stuff like apps or scales, the £20 a time binge costs, the cost to get to therapy (and outside of NHS), private therapy etc.
Same for self harmers or overdoses... the cost of medical supplies and whatever it was you hurt yourself with.
Mental illness is expensive af.
I love your honesty about this. It's a REAL THING ❤❤❤ this is so relatable. I remember going through the same thing about my legs in elementary school. Avoiding swimming class, avoiding dresses that showed arms or legs, it's awful. It's such a miserable and consuming disease. I dated a couple of body builders as well and later realized they were compensating for the same body issues. Supporting you always. I wish I lived near you so we could just get together and chat. VERY similar reasons I don't have children either.
I relate ❤
I think the guys who do extreme muscle building also have body dysmorphia. Instead of shopping, they lift weights. I did Keto for a while and it triggered my eating disorder mindset so bad. Many of the male weightlifters depend on being in ketosis.
Yes, very true. I believe it’s called Muscle Dysmorphia, many men suffer from it.