Gaslighting - It Started In Your Childhood. Your Parents Primed You. You Can Break Free!
Вставка
- Опубліковано 9 чер 2019
- This information is discussed in detail in Ross's seminar, "Healing The Inner Trauma Child": www.selfloverecovery.com/coll...
In this video Ross explains that adult gaslighting requires a Human Magnet Syndrome driven relationship with a Pathological Narcissist with sociopathic traits, and a person with Self-Love Deficit Disorder/SLDD (codependency). He explains that the narcissist gaslighter purposely looks for a Self-Love Deficit/SLD (codependent) person who experienced gaslighting in their childhood.
A child from a pathologically narcissistic parent is groomed to abandon their innocently accurate reality for that which was implanted by their narcissistic parent. The child learns that if she can suspend reality and replace it with her narcissistic parent's gaslit narrative, she might get scraps of love, respect, attention, and caring. By understanding the origins of gaslighting, SLDs can heal that trauma responsible for it.
Ross Rosenberg M.Ed., LCPC, CADC latest book, The Human Magnet Syndrome: The Codependent Narcissist Trap (2018) and his personal development, seminars, workshops, and other services can be found at his Self-Love Recovery Institute company, www.selfloverecovery.com/
Ross is a psychotherapist, educator, expert witness, and author and is known globally for his expertise in codependency (Self-Love Deficit Disorder™), Pathological Narcissism, Narcissistic Abuse, and Trauma Treatment.
His book, “The Human Magnet Syndrome” sold over 140,000 copies and is translated into ten languages. Ross’s UA-cam channel has amassed over 21 million video views and more than 230K subscribers. He is a keynote speaker and educator who has presented educational workshops in 30 States/70 cities and abroad. Ross has been regularly featured on national TV and radio.
Join us on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter:
/ thecodependencycure
/ rossrosenberg_slri
/ rossrosenberg1
#gaslighting #InnerChild #ReparentingYourself #innerchildhealing #healsurvivethrive #Narcissists #Covernarcissist - Авто та транспорт
My dad still gaslights today, I've just consciously noticed it since I've grown up. Now I can look up what he says and challenge him but then he bends the truth or says, 'that's what I said..' when it clearly was the opposite. You'll never win, make a life elsewhere with limited contact with them.
Yes no contact. If you can't leave then tape them.
@@raccuia1 Even a tape I doubt would be useful. Anything can be rationalized. One thing in common of NPD and BPD is that they NEVER take responsibility for harmful words and actions. The best you will get is a glib apology for a minimized version of what they actually did or said. I would put money that even if you had a tape it would go something like this: "well it is YOUR fault for making me feel/think that based on what you said before the recording".
The solution: heavy ass boundaries, limited contact as Yana Moore suggests, or as you suggest, no contact.
I moved back in with my folks, I hear my dad gaslight my mum every day. He wanted me to buy my own house. Irony, now it's too late.
@@DanielDez Ha-ha! Yes! Your Narc's 'reason' is spot on! How many times have I heard sh*t like that! I try to keep communications to emails/texts as much as I can - that way, you get the entire thread, lead-up and all! And it's amazing, shocking even, what you can pick out when you reread the things they say. So much hidden passive-aggression and gaslighting that you just miss in a face-to-face conversation. It's getting harder for them :)
joseph raccuia you could but if you catch them in a lie or challenge them prepare for an insane word salad. This backfired on my Nex in the workplace and he was terminated. He was stunned that the bs didn’t wash with his former employer.Shocker.
What is heartbreaking is realizing we wound our children in the same ways we were wounded. Before we realize it, the damage is done.
M She While I think that's true in my case, I've also apologized a lot to my children, and have found ways to be a more caring, loving, supportive parent to my adult children. We are slowly healing our family, and coming together in love.
It makes me feel sick thinking about it I adore my daughter and thought I was a good mum I was actually a shit mum! I just had no one to compare myself too. I thought I did !
@@moonharp Same here. I've made mistakes as a parent, but unlike my mother... I can apologize to my kids and truly mean it. I can also learn from my mistakes. I have 2 grown daughters that are generations apart. I have a good relationship with the oldest. Recently. I've had to go no contact (block) the youngest. It's a long, sad story. I feel like I failed her, but I was outnumbered. Her father is a sociopath. His family is full of narcissists, criminals, drug dealers and addicts. They all had a big influence on my daughter, turning her against me. I'm seeing narcisscistic traits in my nearly 20 yo daughter. She only reaches out when she wants something from me. She recently had a baby. She doesn't want to be his mother. I was concerned about her and the baby's safety so I called cps. Now my daughter has told me I'm a "shitty mother" and a "shittier grandmother" and she's cutting me out of her life. It breaks my heart, but realistically there is nothing I can do but detach, and pray for them. I miss my grandson so much. I'm not allowed to see him anymore.
But once we become self-aware, we can grant them the gift of an apology and facilitate their own self-awareness.
Break The Cycle
I know exactly what you mean and I regret it more than anything. I didn’t have the tools to be better and maybe you didn’t either. I try and be honest about all my mistakes. I don’t want my children to spend their youth thinking there was something wrong with them like I did.
I remember as a child, when I had extreme anxiety I would go to the washroom to escape the situation that was causing me anxiousness.I would look in the mirror to try to "find"myself.I remember always being so surprised at how pretty I was, because I felt and believed I was so ugly.
I used to spend time as a child watching myself in the mirror looking for some kind of stigma, ugliness, whatever to justify a reason for the abused (since I knew I didn't do anything wrong; my sister did but I was always punished instead of her).
I found nothing wrong but a face that didn't fit into what I was living. I am 60 years old now but I was a beautiful child. I think my mother was jealous of me.
My life has been the one of Cinderella but without fairies and a happy ending with a charming Prince.
Psycho mothers usually hates the most beautiful daughter; they see them as a rival and they gaslight their fathers to make them believe they are evil. They gaslight everyone around you but especially the father, so the scapegoated daughter is completely abused and isolated.
I'm sorry 😞
"They need you to disappear for them to feel good about themselves." My life in a nutshell.
Helena Anderson: disappear? More like "be seen and not heard," i.e. conform to their every demand.
If you _actually_ disappear, i.e. go away from them; they'll be upset, and look for a replacement.
Growing up, this. Was never allowed to be myself
It becomes apparent when you co-parenting, they need you to disappear
when you unintentionally developed a strong relationship with your child when they accuse you as the bad parent, and opposing counsel request you get supervised visitation. But when you write an itinerary for the supervised visitation and it becomes court records that you're an excellent parent, doing homework, teaching your child to read and STEM activities, financial literacy, they want you to disappear. I'm not upset, supervised visitation is my friend because it brings an objective eye to she said-he-said in the middle lies the truth. For example, I taught my daughter life skills in particular cooking meal preparation and serve others is observed.
Ross, I was diagnosed with migraines at 6 years old! Back in the 60s the Drs said it was unheard of! They stopped around 40 yrs old and now thinking about it, that’s when I stopped caring what my Mum thought of me!
I was ill when mommy dearest died in 2018. My health took on an upward spiral of healing. It is 2023 now.
My mother told me she had to change my older brother's diaper as soon he cried, but not me. I would just stand there patiently and wait on her until she could get to me. I suffered regular urinary tract and kidney infections as a child and for years never understood why. I gave up crying for her to change my diaper, and she thought my patience was a compliment.
Wow right on!!! The kid who learned not to need! Invisible!
Its sick. Because evry child has needs.
Same here. The invisible one. My real self disappeared long ago
🌟
Yep, me too
Most kids want what they don’t really need
Recently this happened to me and I lost all respect for the person who gaslighted me. I was told ‘that never happened’ and ‘I don’t remember that happening’ by someone who witnessed me get ab*used as a child for many years both verbally and physically. Luckily I live across the country now and couldn’t be happier. It gets lonely but I love my peace of mind way too much. Sometimes loving people at a distance is necessary ❤️
I asked my father how he justified throwing me to the ground and cutting off my windpipe with his forearm while I was helping him in the yard. I was 17 and he was 70lb of muscle above me. "That never happened--I don't remember that--i can't talk about this right now." And he fled. He hasn't talked to me directly since then.
Wow. It makes sense why I was the trophy child. Because I did not want my dad to hurt and emotionally abuse me the way he did my sister. If I made no mistake and walk on eggshells, then he would give me crumbs of love and I needed that. And that makes me realize why I accepted crumbs of love from friends or relationships
Rebecca Vega, gurl that’s some truth!
Rebecca Vega My middle sister was the trophy child until I left the narc's house. Then she became the abused one and my youngest sister was upgraded and took her spot. I've had to go no contact with all three of my siblings because they are all still under the sick and twisted clutch of our narc mother. God bless and heal you.
Rebecca Vega ..crap, same here but was mother narc and now I know where ‘the love crumbs of the relationships from others’ piece of the puzzle fits! Wow. Thank you!! I always knew I should feel I deserved better but then I would accept so little or, really nothing! Now, if I can just remember this!
Brilliantly said.
Crumbs of love.. yeah that sounds familiar. Well put.
The other night I dreamed that I was a baby I hugged myself saying "I need to protect my life" I hope it's a sign of healing
Thank you very much for this video
So sweet
Steffi A That is the sweetest thing! Thank you for sharing that! I would love to have a dream like that.
When I was sixty, I asked my mom why she and my dad never hugged me, growing up. She simply said, "You didn't like to be hugged.
Oh. So, it was my fault. What a dumb little baby I must have been, to be making sure nobody wanted to hug me.
thanks to you!!
🤗💖
@ Steffi A
I, too, had a dream of my younger self holding the hand of Jesus walking away from the adult me, when the younger me turned around, grinned and waved to me. She was sweet, innocent, happy to let me know she saw and knew who I am. She was/is me and I am her - forever. We will never be separated, again. Never.
makes me so f'cking mad..I'm invisible..yes my siblings all seem like narcs..I'm the 'bad child' with a mind of my own..I have them sussed out, but I still feel REALLY hated😞
it's Jen - I'm the "problem child", too, out of six. I truly believe that if you're thinking there's something you can do or say to get love or acceptance from your family, you should perhaps stop and talk to someone professional, because it's never, ever going to happen.
If you were labeled or gaslighted by a parent, chances are your siblings picked up on it, and learned to label and be unkind to you.
It's easier to forgive and find peace with some real distance between you.
Try to see the source of their hate. Its their psycopathy and hated of themselves projected on you. Feel better?
They will hate you in direct proportion to how accurately and how often and how loudly you reflect THEIR TRUE SELVES back to them - they CANNOT stand to have their abuse and arrogance and ignorance mirrored back to them
Narc's are true emotional VAMPIRES - they can't see themselves; they have despicable needs; they also need your permission to rob you of your peace of mind and then they Blame YOU for giving it to them!
Walk AWAY - Jesus did, too ...
Me too, I was always the bad child, but I’ve always been codependent. That’s the only thing he says that doesn’t make sense to me.
@@kerrymillar1267 As someone else said, they call you bad because that is what they see in the mirror. They cannot admit to themselves how awful they truly are so they project it onto you. Quit accepting the label. See them as the cartoony killers in the scary movies and you will be closer to the emotional truth. Then you can back down to what is really happening. You keep trying to earn love from a broken vending machine that, like the lottery, promises riches if you just keep pumping money into the system. Does it ever pay off? I challenged my husband, who played it constantly, always excited to spend the money he "won" to keep track for a year. Write down (or just keep the tickets) how much he spent and won for a month, or better yet a year, did he come out ahead? After three months he quit playing.
Wow my parents really screwed me up. I want to cry. 😪
Xxx♡♡♡
You aren't alone
We arent alone but it sure feels like it.
Your not alone... it’s more common than you think. We tend to doubt if others care when these peeps did their magic to isolate us from real and genuine people. Hey but I doubt your ‘screwed’. Bet your very insightful and intelligent.
Same and the whole time I was told I was just a sick problem child.
I've long suspected that my mother is a sociopath. She lies like a rug. And it just dawned on me that it's been over a year since I've seen or spoken to her. Yay me!!
Katherine Murphy. Like the covert narcissist, the sociopath is "one who continually ignores and tramples upon the rights of others". Sound like your mom? No need to merely suspect. It's easy to spot once you are aware and know what to look for.
You are awesome. Inspirational.
Katherine Murphy ..So very sorry This Happened Beautiful. So many Women suffer trauma they cannot Ever begin to share. Praying For You & Your Mother.
It’s been 19 years for me and I’m still fighting wrong thinking every day.
some people even live lies of their own without knowing it they lie to themselves just to get along with other people
I was wondering why I cannot remember much of my childhood.
How are coping today?
I've been wondering the same thing
Me too! My horrific memories didn't come back until I was 45 years old. Believe it or not what triggered it was a detoxification process. Then one day everything flooded back. My childhood was so horrific that to have remembered everything would have killed me.
Seriously look into coffee enemas. they were used in this country back in the 1930s by the medical system for dissociative personality disorders. That's what made me remember everything. Also I started following Markus Rothkranz and changed my diet which further helped with the detoxification process
I dont remember nearly anything except the negative. I always wondered why? How is your coping?
Without realizing it I married my mom, my husband is exactly like her.
That's exactly what happened to me. I finally told them to f&$# off. It was hard at first, but a year later, I am in my way to a much, (repeat) much better life.
That would be terrible. In many ways, my ex was like my mother too.
SAME. the kicker is he looks like my dad so I thought he was going to be like him but he acts like my mom!!! it was a trick !!!
Me too.
dj blues I hear you
You can get good at figuring them out before they come into your life. They’ll probe you to reveal all your weaknesses, usually in the first few conversations, yet they won’t reveal anything about themselves. They later use this against you to explain your “bad behavior.” Over and over until you believe it too.
I was gaslighted by my whole
family, especially my mom, all
my life, so I'm cutting ties with
my family as soon as I land my first
job after I graduate. #FREEme
Gudd for u.. I feel ya🤗😍❤❤🙏
I did the same over 3 months ago and I feel A lot better.
Getting jobs are dangerous (real jobs at least, better to be your own boss), but same here. I need to keep learning and creating to escape my toxic family of origin.
I was primarily "The Lost Child" in my family of origin. I tried to be "invisible" to avoid getting punished ; however, the inner pain would bubble up and spill out occasionally and get me into trouble. I was in my teens when my mother said, "I didn't know that you have a sense of humor!" I was in my early twenties when my father said the same thing. I suppressed my personality so thoroughly.
I was too..When mine bubbled out I was told that I was too sensitive..I was also told “I did not raise you that way (independent)..I still have difficulty with which parent was the narcissist..Think it was my dad but I was never good enough for my Mom..
@@teelynnsaldana7721 Maybe both of them are to a certain extent, a match made in hell.
Know the feeling - I was in my 20's when my older sister told me that she was shocked to learn that I could TALK!
(People around her or my mother never got a chance to get a word in edgewise)
She now has a degree in psychology but I end up couching her through life struggles - life is weird
My dad asked me why I wasn't a cheerleader in High School...I said "I WAS dad!" ...He said "you were kinda stupid weren't you"...Then I found my old report card and realized I only got A's and B's and was in the top 15% of my class!
This made me cry my eyes out listening to this, and it was hard to hear at some levels. I would just like to say, if you are a single mom please don't be your child's "little" friend they have that. They need a parent, also don't put your emotional troubles or financial troubles on them either. Let children be children without having to worry about adult troubles, it's to big a burden for a child to shoulder.
As a child of a narcissist mom I have found such healing in placing a picture of myself as a child on the mirror and telling that child/myself all the things that I needed to hear as a child. I do it every morning. Even when I don’t feel it that day
Thanks for sharing Katherine. You may resonate with this video: ua-cam.com/video/nKhCBnKtgms/v-deo.html
What a brilliantly simple thing.. thanx for sharing ✨ I'm going to use yr idea as a little hack for myself 🙏 blessings to you and yours 🪄
Strange I was thinking why cant I remember a lot of my childhood. And yes I am always drawn to Narcissists. Or as you say they are drawn to me. Its terrible. And yes I am invisible. So sad. Thanks for sharing.
You are not invisible. :-)
@@evolvewithmonettellc Thank you 💖
@@Eyesofthebeholder214 ur ENOUGH LOOK IN THE MIRROR KEEP SAYING IT.
@@kimnewis9826 Thank you. It's not easy by any means. Appreciate you 💖
I would have said the exact same thing about myself!
My narc mom would say loudly and proudly, "I can't make you FEEL any thing." So all my alienation, self hatred etc was something I decided on at 4 years old?!?!? Gaslighting at it's best.
Sunny Daye this was my missing piece of the puzzle. With two narc parents SLD started also at 4 yr old
Same here. I realized it starts very very early, pretty much as soon as you can communicate. That's why it is so hard to figure out because you can't remember exactly what happened so long ago.
What a cop-out! Even at SIXTY, I was avoiding her for days, because of something very hurtful she said, she actually said, "I don't know what you're so upset about; I've said WORSE things to you." I got away, and only see her on Mother's Day, because she kept me alive until I could care for myself. ! ! ! ! ! I am healing. Don't wait as long as I did to end contact. Narcissistic Martyrs never change.
@@juliemiller9760 I went completely no contact with mother in 2010 on Mother's Day. It was 5 years later I found narcissistic personality disorder info. I won't break NC again. I'm 58 now.
Same here. They're so delusional.
God told me he was healing my brain I felt his fingers moving in my brain
I literally JUST realized yesterday, prior to seeing this, that the reason I have been so susceptible to narc's is because I "buddied up" to my dad to keep the peace when I was young....I spent a LOT Of time with him, working constantly to keep him happy...
same here
Going no contact has been THE hardest thing I've ever done and I've been through my fair share of tough things in life. I just want her to go away. I want to finally enjoy my life. Which just means experiencing ONE DAY without feeling anxious about something that is connected to her.
Art therapy helped me. Choose an image that speaks of the worst part of your abuse. It can be as simple as a face. Scan an enlarged print of it so you can trace the outline of it. Trace it onto card stock paper and use colored pencils to "recreate" it. Try to make it realistic if it is a face. This is a patented method in art therapy. It came to me by inspiration. It will be an image of the child who is hiding within you.
Peace and blessings to you.
You sound like me with my dad. I didnt realize he had the problem until I was grown. But I had a wonderful mom. Although she died over 2 yrs ago. My dad doesnt come around me. He got real sick and has dementia. He needed someone to take care of him. We had him here for a week and a half. I couldnt take it any longer, so he is in a nursing home. Everytime I get involved with him there is always drama. I realize I just need to completely stay away. Hes 86 and Im 63. Its just not worth it.
@@sharoncrawford3042 yes I hear you. Best to stay away. It can be so bad that even after death the abuse continues. There are bullies who love to carry on a vendetta. Narcs attract narcs. They get each other. They can carry secrets way too freakin far. They thrive 8f you fail. Now it is like prove you're NOT a narc! If he has a problem with empathy which is part of love it won't happen.
Love is what holds this life together. I don't wanna have to fight for love. I grew up in a a war zone and there were casualties.
Kara A going no contact was the hardest thing for me too. i was no contact with my mom for 4 years before she died. When she died, i had the most confusing emotional reaction, grief combined with relief and guilt.... but the drama wasn't over. It's been 5 years since she past but i still get nasty messages from her flying monkeys, from people i don't know and never met. It is the weirdest situation ever. The by proxy attacks.... but since i have learned what they are, i just ignore it and i don't take it personally. Be strong, the struggle is real.
@@SpiritDragoness Thank you for sharing this. Posthumous by proxy attacks are something I'm afraid of. My mother is already trying to haunt me, and she's not dead yet. She probably has many more years of life in which to lay the traps. It's helpful to know that someone out there is overcoming these seemingly endless, flying monkey ambushes. Not taking it personally is easier said than done. I wish you strength and happiness.
I´m 39 years old and found "the little me" not long ago. She was alone and full of fear. She was still there with all her wishes and hopes ect. It will never happen again that I chose another ones reality over my LIFE! I could only find her because I got anxiety attacks.. that was her, screaming for to be seen. All this old feelings came up and shook me for months. All you say is TRUE. Panic attacks ect all come from this.
Fliedermutter I am experiencing the same. The only difference is I found the little girl after experience narc abuse with ex but then my family shut her down again with severe gas lighting. Afraid she is gone again! How did you heal your attacks and self?
@@nicholeh3025 she is still there. Where else can she go? You're her only hope to finally be seen, accepted and loved. You must embrace her, let her come out from behind the wall she was forced to hide behind (to save your life) to tell her story. It is her story that will finally heal YOU! Art therapy helped me begin to heal when all hell broke loose to stop me. 🍃🦋🍃
@@nicholeh3025 there is emotional trauma-binding that happens when the people we need to love us (as kids developing these bonds) inject SHIT into our veins, rather than love, and expect us to soak that up in place of the love and nurturance we needed. So we learn to adopt that as what we need to do to get loved and accepted, and your family is in on it. Don't turn to those folks for what you need, they're poisoned. hard to cut them off, read "HOw to Hug a Porcupine" and watch Alan Robarge videos on UA-cam, they're great!
Fliedermutter ...I’m 69.9 years old and only now finding out why my marriages have failed....It is sad to admit I have lost a lot of my life that could have been happy...
@@canadianlady777 id appreciate you sharing why they failed, might help me going down that road avoid the same fate, because i feel im going that direction. thanks.
My heart is broken watching this, the pain inside of me is so deep and I never knew why. I always found it strange I could never remember my childhood and now I know why💔 very painful to know that the parent you thought loved you, is actually the cause of all your suffering. Now the healing from that is all I can focus on, because I see those same narcissistic traits in myself as an adult and I will not let myself continue to be this way any longer now that I am aware of my own patterns. All we can do is develop self awareness and insight and learn to heal and never stop trying to improve our mental state and thought patterns! Do not give up on bettering yourself!!!!!
❤️
I absolutely agree
“All we can do” you don’t need to box yourself in.
Not remembering is a blessing. Of sorts. When your subconscious is ready it might let you remember. Until then look forward and build a future that appeals to YOU and you alone. THEN GUARD ITS BOUNDARIES. As toxic people are everywhere, and will try to sneak into YOUR utopia to use your gifts against you. Slow down and vet people well before letting your guard down.
😭Realizing I have had those body symptoms since I was 10, as far as I can remember, and I almost killed myself at 11, and I have no recollection why and I have been blaming myself my whole adult life for feeling needy and not up to par, even while finding it nearly impossible to stay connected with friends and always working on my talents and skills like crazy.
Mary Olguin I get this too the difficulty in staying connected to friends when l am struggling to cope most of the time with feeling worthy enough to even have friends. It’s a nightmare some days eh
yes this is me too. I'm currently and always am suffering from this. Remember you are amazing and you are worth it ! 🙂
I’ve done so much research on this subject, and this is a wonderful video. You know you have healed when you listen with understanding, but there is no blame or anger towards those who hurt you. You have to forgive them for your own sanity, and move on knowing they did their best with what they had. Hurting people hurt others. Love yourself, know you are Enough, and know that who you truly are can not be changed by what anyone else says about you. This break through came after a lot of reading, therapy, audiobooks, prayer, bottles of wine, tears, and soggy shoulders of a friend. We have to learn, purge, forgive, and move on. Life is too short to not be happy.
Very well stated. TY.
Careful just as readily 'no blame or anger' and also mean surrender and acceptance, which is not always the same thing as healing. Still wind up circling the same point.
O
"Hurting people hurt others." Not true. I am one of those who was hurt my whole life and because of that, I know better than to do that to others.
With what they had?? No they consciously made the decison to hurt day after day and abuse
That kind of therapy not available to most. If people ever wonder why there are so many lost souls leading crummy lives on SSI ? That's why.
I am on SS as retired. So $ limited. Your need is PTSD therapy..truly. if you really want to do something for yourself start asking around and find a therapist that is willing to work with you that will probably cut the rate to something that you can afford with the promise to pay them $15 a month for ever once you're well. If you want it you will have to seek it out. No one will hand it to you on a platter. Sad to say but truth. Peace.
mallory most therapy and help just isn’t available to many low income/fixed income individuals. Preventative healthcare for poor people is a joke! This system doesn’t care about people who have C-PTSD, are low income due to childhood issues, or abuse survivors. It’s just fact, cold and hard. I’m sure there are organizations and benevolent souls but it will take much digging and tons of work to even find them. Yes, I wholeheartedly agree there are many people who have become disabled either mentally, physically, or both by narcissistic families and disordered individuals. This is truth that many are unwilling to face!
I went to a psychologist to try to figure out the reason for the health problems I have been going through which I knew was due to the childhood I had endured.
8 sessions each an hour long, which turns out to be one day, and they wanted me to sign a form, which literally said it was a contract, and that it I said something which was seen to be "treasonous" actually used the word treason!????
Or you may say something that may make them think your a. "Terrorist"!????!!!
That they can bring in "outside agencies" not named , to pick you up and lock you away, the comtract would be valid.for.6 years???????
So you they expect you to sign away all your rights and on "thei" assumption they can literally say they think you are.committing treason? Or you are.a.terrorist? Whilst the one looking for help literally shares their.deepest.fears.And emotions, for a.total of a day, then left to their own devices,.But what you say is held against you for 6 years????
That's the kind of "help" we have here in the UK
Imagine how.many vunruble people.have gone ahead and signed that form, that contract, without the knowledge of what they are actually signing?? Due to their traumatic state of mind.
I asked the "therapist" "why on earth would a terrorist go for therapy????
since when has going to a therapist got any thing to do with "treason"????
At 30 I realized that if I was attracted to a man there was something horribly wrong with him. I have been an asshole magnet my whole life so I swore off dating.
I have stayed single I am content.
There are worse things in life than being single.
Ugh, I relate so much. I'm 34 and I've only dated once since my last narc relationship 5 years ago. This time no obvious abuse, but I was repeating old patterns and noticed the man was subtly shaming me for questioning it, also major love bombing, so I broke it off. I'm not ready to give up completely though.
HEAL YOU DEEP WOUNDS AND u will BE asshole magent FREE!
Miry Reina...
she said she is content, that’s a good thing to be FYI
We are on the same page. I noticed the same thing around the same time.
I've been single for almost 13 years. I'm only attracted to narcissists, apparently.
I'm just realizing how severely abused I was as a child. Physically, sexually, emotionally and psychologically. I was the scapegoat child at an early age and if I didn't know anything else in my childhood, I knew how deeply my family hated me. I finally got out when my father threatened to take my life and I knew my mother and siblings would have covered it up. I haven't ever had a healthy relationship because I went from one abusive relationship to another. My parents should have been charged for what they did to me. My father is dead but my mother is still living and has just mastered the art of gaslighting and manipulation to a T. She tried to blame my father for everything now that he's dead but her behavior is the same as his. Smh.
I am deeply sorry for what you've endured.. it breaks my heart. I know how bad it feels.You didn't deserved to be treated this way and as a child is even more though. You're not alone in this 😌💕💕
I hope this gives you some serenity 💐
If you like to talk let me know .😊
Your story is IDENTICAL to mine. Thank you for sharing this.
My mom always tried to gaslight me as a child, even as an adult, I always knew that she was mentally ill, I always knew what was reality but I was forced to play along, pretended that she was right but for myself I always knew what was true and what was not. Still it messes with your head. I didn't know the term gaslighting until recently and now I can recall a lot of events where people tried to do this with me. I always had confidence in my perception of reality, still if this is done to you over and over and over again, it just wears you down mentally and after a recent instance of someone gaslighting me, I just broke down completely...
You sir are brilliant. I'm 62 years old and pulling together the final pieces of my healing journey. You have just described why I don't want to look bad or be thought of as not nice even when I know someone is treating me badly. Yippy. Thanks a million.i feel wonderful.
My narcissistic ex husband did this to my kids and now I struggle with the nightmare of his parental alienation and manipulating he has done to isolate me from my kids. My adult daughter who I used to be close to screams at and insults me constantly blaming me for what he’s done to me
Ujuùu
Oh yes; viewing this I definitely caught "the feels". Stomach is in knots & instant headache. Not only was I the "child who didn't ask for anything", I was beaten & punished for "infractions" so slight that many times I didn't even know what I'd done. So trying to be invisible was my coping method and I have most definitely carried that thru my adult years. 61 yrs. old now & SO MUCH is buried SO damned deep, just as you said. This is powerful, important validation as to the magnitude of the damage done. Thank you.
Dear Shelly:
I am 65 and its never too late to get well. I joined a birding group and the people are very friendly. It feels good to go for a walk into the forest it is a very healing place.
@Shellys Me too... I could have written those same words about my life! Yep, 50's and just now understanding and healing! Lord Jesus~
At this rate the entire population of the world would need therapy
Life is trauma, life IS therapy. Of course we all need it in one form or another. But it doesn't always have to be with a therapIST. If emotional literacy wasn't so underdeveloped and oppressed the world would need fewer therapists because we would be able to acknowledge our feelings, our true selves and our reality. Therapists are just the translators to help us understand a language that was beaten/brainwashed out of us.
SLD's are groomed early in life for sole servitude to the covert narc,my mother had no shame in telling me so. I have no particular happy/sad memories of childhood ,for lack of a better way to express its just "fact" memories. I find it extremely difficult to converse or relate to children over 2 years,yet when I see parents interacting lovingly with a child it makes me cry. If I see a parent interacting with their children the way my mother did it puts me into an introverted, untrusting state
'when I see parents interacting lovingly with a child it makes me cry. '
me too
Jeff White damn i don’t cry but I def feel that teariness when I see genuine love from a mother to her child
No therapist was able to deliver me from years of severe abuse since a toddler, then into years of extreme covert narcissist abuse..... I thought this was my lot in life
But God had others plans!
Jesus delivered me and filled me with His love for me...... gave me unearthly ability to forgive ..... what a FREEDOM
AMEN!!🙏
OMG. Who knew that every single person who brought me up, were narcissists?😨😭 I never understood gaslighting until now. Every relationship and marriage has been with a narcissist. You are so special Ross. Thank goodness for your videos. I unconsciously said ‘no more’ 30 years ago. And stood my ground. Now I can finally cry. I was told by my pseudo intellectual family, from as early as I can remember, that I could never be anything because I never excelled at school. Never went to university. But I know how much more brilliant I am than them. Just in a different, more creative direction. My taste is impeccable. I’m a brilliant artist. Interior decorator. They’re actually envious of me because I am who I am. Thanks for the videos🙏👌
Thank you so much..this really hit me hard. Trying to recover all these years has been such a battle. This video really helped. I’m so grateful. Thank you for your time and effort
Im Shell shocked If i had to describe it.
My ex gaslighted me for 2 years to point I questioned my sanity over and over
I am so sorry :(
@@jadetaylor2443 it's over is the main thing. Thanx
@@chrish3639 Yes, but no one should be treated that way. I am a survivor myself.
This is me...I question and have been questioned over my sanity..the Soul is fighting for recognition...
Chris H congratulations you are out of it
"The invisible child..." I remember hiding behind the patio door for an hour before my mother and sister noticed and started panicking. A futile but memorable gesture.
bpdlr ..I remember being hit over the back with a broom stick that broke, when I was 13 by my narc father...My mother never came to see me as I cried myself to sleep...I felt abandoned by both of them...I don’t think I ever felted loved....BUT how could my two sisters and a brother say they don’t understand me or remember anything I remember....we are in our 60’s and 70’s....
@@canadianlady777 :hugs: I'm in my 50s but the youngest, and trying to explain this to the rest of my family is pointless, they are all in the same web and it's hard to tell the narcissists from the co-dependents
I can relate to this, I hid away as well wondering when they would notice…I soon learned they didn’t notice and oh well ..
I just found this channel and it's so eye opening because my mother is definitely a narcissist and tortured me my whole childhood and teenage years. I pretty much spent my childhood and teenage years in my room, and walked on eggshells because I was so afraid of her. The damage she has done to me has stayed with me throughout my adult years and is why I'm in therapy today. Thank God I knew what she was doing was wrong and had vowed that if I had ever had children, I would never do that to them, and I didn't. That being said, my anxiety and depression is through the roof, but I'm working on it. I'll never forget how when I was about to graduate from high school, and I told my mom I wanted to go to college, (and it was a community college, not a fancy one), she turned to me and laughed, and then said, "You? You're not a student!" She always talked down to me, told me I was going to live on skid row some day, called me an ass*ole, frequently, etc. I had wanted to go to college so badly so I could become a teacher, which was my dream. but, whenever I had a dream, she always tore it down. Needless to say, she never did anything to encourage or help me. Now, I didn't have the best grades in Science and Math, but I was going through a rough time during high school because my mother and father were always fighting, found out later he was cheating on her, plus I was being bullied in school. So, I never felt safe. I didn't feel safe when I was at home, and I didn't feel safe when I was at school. Fast forward years later, I finally got my bachelor's degree at 47 years old, and graduated with honors. But I'm not a student right?! Proud of myself and hopefully through therapy I can heal.
What you speak is truth; but above all this, God and Jesus were the only ones that helped me through my recovery and healing; not man. Me and my son had no one, but Them. However, I also believe God uses people, such as yourself, to give more clarity❣
Jesus healed me as well. So grateful
Jennifer 8
The holy spirit knows you best.
I've had counseling with the holy spirit that i could not have had with a human being.
He took me back slowly, all the way back to my childhood.
When he was done , and it was months and months , i felt so free and beautiful and clean as if I was 12 years old again.
Only the holy spirit can do that. He finds you in the right moments wherever you are. Perfect timing.
That is a form of escapism of the world
small moments Again, we might not go out of reality and return
Precisely
Its painful to have been a victim from childhood and be traumatised once again in adulthood is more than one can bare. Thanks sir for continually educating us and the truth we see is setting us free. I can say may be just may be av connected to my inner child. I wasnt able to look at myself in the mirror but as I have continued to learn once I looked at myself in the mirror and I realised I was beautiful and this is at age 50 when I realsed I was dupped. Av been looking at myself and I see beauty and its sad I dint know earlier but its better late than never. Now am connecting with the children ad ignored for long trying to get the narcs attention to no avail, we are now laughing alot. The children are older and potray alot of narcs traits but am praying it wont be so bad that we can heal as I get healed too.
This is the best video of yours that I’ve seen.
Also, my ex-husband was still sexually harassing me 20 years after divorcing him. I finally wrote an email telling him he’s just like a pediphile, then listed a few things he’d done for examples. My jaw dropped when I heard you use the same word! But they are! Like handing out candy to a child.
My mother is a narcissist and gaslit me as a child, adolescent, and adult, even to this day.
My only other sibling went the narcissist rout. When I was 6 and he was 8 he hit me and tortured me sometimes daily and my mom disregarded it and told me I must have done something to cause him to hit me (“if he even truly hit me at all”) that everything they (my parents) had tried didn’t get him to stop. For a while when I told on him, they would spank both of us, assuming I’d done something to him-which I hadn’t, so I quit telling on him. The spankings were awful. I later had a talk with my mom about what they were then going to do to make him stop and she said, “Candy, you’re a bright girl, YOU think of a way. “ At which point my body slumped and I realized nothing was going to be done any longer and the house I lived in, my safe sanctuary where I could relax and be me, was no longer safe...nor would it be. I was 6 when he started hitting me by punching me in the mouth. My lip was bleeding. I went and showed my mom and she shooed me out of the kitchen after lunch told her and showed her, saying, “Oh, Candy, he did not. You’re fine. Go on. I’m busy. “
My heart was broken because my brother and I were very close and I thought he loved me and thought, how could he do this and WHY? From that day on we’ve been enemies. I lost my first platonic love for no reason and my heart was crushed. So, there’s my first abandonment issue. I was sitting in the living room sofa reading a book and his Cub Scout friends egged him on, telling him boys aren’t supposed to like girls. Then he punched me and he was a hero. He loved the sneak attack. I never knew when it would come. I’d be sitting watching tv and he’d come flying around the corner with fist up and punch me in the stomach daily for a while. So, I have PTSD and anxiety. And he tortured my cats all my life,. His goal was to make me cry. That was his “heroin high” he HAD TO HAVE EVERYDAY!
Then when HE has a stroke at 54, my mom tells me she can’t take care of him. That I have to. So I got him put in a nursing home and I’m the one who had to coordinate with doctors and visit him and take him warm clothes. For a year until he died. Whooah, that set me back. Way back. I wish I would have refused. It’s done some irreparable damage to my psyche. But I’m working on learning this narc and co-dependent stuff:)
This is heavy to be putting out there but it seems to help.
this video needs more than 22,000+ views , ive seen hundreds on these cluster b personality disorders and this guy one of the best .
When my parents died my relatives tried to push me over the edge so they could get the money. There was a lot of it. I was in shock, I lost both my parents within 6 months. Was grieving qnd truly in shock. I had nobody. They barged in qnd blindsided me. I was exhausted and really thought they were there to help me. They were good at it. I totally lost touch with reality n I actually heard my uncle, on the TV I swear I heard him. He told me if I didn't give up the house and money hw said he would kill my daughter qnd my dog. I was terrified. They destroyed me all over town. I was too tired to fight. An example: My mother had a Cadillac a and apparently promised it to them. They got everything else but they weren't going to get that car. One morning I came down and the hood of the car was open and every wire in the motor had been yanked out. I knew it was them. I really sort of lost my mind. I was beaten down. They got jewelry from mom and money, lots of it, from dad. That was 10 years ago and it seems like yesterday. I was dying just what he said.
This makes so much sense. My father was the narcissist. He abused my mother, my sisters, and myself in many ways.. but always shamed us and cut us down, as if we were the problem. I'm learning so much from your videos and have just found you on Facebook as well. I hope to attend one of your seminars in the future. For now I appreciate all of the knowledge and advice. Thank you for everything you do ❤️
Thank you Dr. Rosenberg. I now understand how I attracted my husband and why he reminds me of my mother. I also realize why I can’t remember most of my childhood. I never could understand why I had so many gaps in my memory, now it finally makes sense. Do you have information on finding a good therapist that can help with healing the “Inner Trauma Child”? I’ve been to therapy before and they’ve only dealt with my symptoms, diagnosing me with PTSD, Depression Disorder and anxiety. I am so turned off by my Narcissistic husband I can barely stand another day. I feel empowered knowing I can “Observe and not Absorb” so His induced conversations don’t suck me in. I just need a strategy on how I can leave. We have a child together so I feel even more trapped. I just want to heal and take my identity and life back. Again, thank you for everything. Any tips on finding a good HITCH therapist is much appreciated. 💙
You have made me think of something very important that has probably made me who I am today. There were five kids in my family and our Mum was the King pin! To be on her good side and get her love I felt like I had to worship her, to make me more loved. I had to behave better and be the good child. As I got older in my teens all the effort didn’t pay off. I wasn’t the most intelligent or the prettiest or the funniest I actually wasn’t even me anymore! All I was doing for as long as I can remember was trying to please my Mum and make her love me! By the time I got to my teens I went off the rails and rebelled! Had years of making the wrong mistakes. Only now! In my late 50s does this all make sense. I always felt sad as a child even though I wasn’t mistreated! Most of the time as a child I spent with my friend and her family because there was no tension there! My childhood in my home was so oppressive and dark! I have a lot to work through and hopefully I will see the sun again one day.
Thank you Ross so much ! This is exactly what i needed to hear to be able to have healing start . I have read many books and therapy with little relief . Married 27 yrs to narc , then after divorce many more relationships , bosses . I was left alone alot starting at age 3 yrs old . I cant wait for your information to come out . At 55 i want the pain and trama to end . Thank you for what you do . I watch your videos.
Cheryl Buttram me too
SMOKE BOAT LOADS OF CANNABIS!!!!!
loads of hash
Sending a big hug your way Cheryl.
I've finally broken the cycle. 2019 has been a year of looking within after a terrible break up and living with my narcissist boyfriend. Once I finally realized that my relationship issues stemmed from my relationship with my mother growing up...the healing could finally begin. A lot of meditation and going deep inside of my mind and heart. I am finally becoming my own best friend again. Also, I have learned to carefully love my Mother but not be her mother anymore...if that makes sense. I am not responsible for her happiness. I am responsible for my own happiness only!
You are very correct ,Toxic parents start very early denying ,Gaslighting and just playing with your thoughts and they sometimes are even unaware of thier own devilshness ,I use to ask questions and I could never ,ever get a straight answer,it confused me to no end .i would wonder what is wrong?.All along. I was being gaslighted and laughed at...I now know I was being gaslighted and thrown to the wolves........
"The Drama of the Gifted Child" Alice Miller
Kim Van Note ... very good book!
❤❤❤❤❤
Such a great explanation to what I feel in my body. When you're intuition gets so badly damaged, it really is like a lost road to find it again in an effort to get back to your self. Thank you for your time, it's greatly appreciated.
This is deep. I can so relate to this. It makes perfect sense. I had stomach aches when I was a kid. I had so much anxiety and depression. I still do.
Thanks for sharing.
I started calling my mother by her first name, it helped me regain my power. Then I left after she thought she had trapped me forever. They don't deserve the respect you would give a normal parent.
How many people before this was discovered had suffered all their lives not knowing what was happening to them. Its terrible.
Hello it seems to be nothing but no feelings compassion for others. I am sick of meeting these people all they want to do is use you. Good luck getting a glass of water from them.
@Brandon Taylor So sorry. I understand having to find an alternate family outside when your own is too painful. Both my brother and I also did. Luckily, found (mostly) non-criminals so came out unscathed. But your child did his best, and you are strong and brave. Best wishes for good outcomes and happiness for you
I lived. My sister didn't make it. I think she knew what awaited her. Thank you for laying it out as clearly as you did.
Ps. And this explains why I never want the manipulater to see that I am seeing their behaviour clearly. Sounds daft doesn't it. But I figured if I cold see what they were doing but they didn't know it they wouldn't up the anti or get violent. I imagined that I couldn't deal with the aggression that would surely follow. I'm excited to realise these things today. All the best everybody.
Celé Gleeson Very, very wise.
Very.
Ditto. Went silent instead
Crying at my desk at work because this explains why life and relationships have been so hard to form or believe. Tired of being used and abused by people who could not care less at the end of the day or use my pain to fuel their narcissism.
I am in therapy right now and last week my therapist and I where doing EMDR I had such a blockage to my memories concerning my parent I became so overwhelmed I just couldn't. It was to painful! Thank you for your knowledge and sharing this video. I can understand better now!
Melissa Honey how has EMDR working for you? I am interested in doing this!
@@nicholeh3025 I found it very different from any thing I've experienced it actually works! I had a very painful memory from child hood and after going through the steps with the therapist the trauma was gone. It breaks you out of a trauma loop memory. Doing prep work and feeling the pain is the hardest but worth it. It drains you but you feel relief.
Melissa Honey that’s good to hear. I’m glad you found some relief!
@@nicholeh3025 Me too as soon as i can afford it 🙂👌
Very interesting information. Something to ponder. My BPD/narcissist was traumatized and abandoned as a child by narcissist parents, and I think lead to her being a narcissist/BPD herself.
Im going to embrace and love my little girl inside! I did some Bradshaw work in the early 90s and it was SO FREEING! I just left a covert narcissist and have ALL the withdrawal symptoms. I have let myself grieve intensely. In that process I felt like I was 5 yrs old. I see now where I need to let my little girl speak to me again and love her back to health. She was very lonely among a family of 11. She was the youngest of 9 siblings and ALWAYS alone. I can only recall my mother guilt tripping all of us and blaming us for her painful world. More will be revealed as if she gaslighted to the degree that I was set up to be attracted to narcissist. Im getting your book today.
if it wasn't for you and Lisa a Romano I'd be dead.... thank you for all the work you do.... god bless you
I am Sld but as a child I was never the trophy child. I was and am the family scapegoat. The whole family gaslit me and created stories how events were all my fault. So your premise as stated doesn't fit. My sibs are the narcs, and covert narcs, and we're the golden child.
Same here, I'm the scapegoat. Mom is borderline, father is narc-ish (his mom was an outrageously overt narc). Older sister was the golden child. I'm wondering if the gaslighting affects the scapegoat differently than the golden child, since the scapegoat sees the crap, the unfairness, the injustice, the lies & calls them out on the bs, then gets punished & banished for "disrespectful behavior" & "back talk".
I was The Golden Child but my role shifted to Scapegoat as a adult. After I learned from gas ligthting in a long term marriage and called it out all family slithered away claiming I was a liar. An awful experience I will Never Forget... ever.
I was the middle child and oldest girl. I always got A's and B's and excellent behavior in school. But at home, everything was my fault. My younger sister, the partier, who barely got C's, was and is the golden child.
candygirl Ditto. You just described my exact experience.
I was also the scapegoat, but I was gaslighted by my mother. and backed up by my siblings. Constant criticism about my appearance (no matter what my siblings only ever got praise for theirs) my shortcomings, how I imagined things. I remember when I was little thinking well, they'll never love me like the others, and I'll never be pretty, so I'm just going to sort myself out, and get what I can when it's on offer. My siblings have expressed anger that I got stuff, but they got unconditional love, I got stuff. I'm a sentimental hoarder, the organized kind. The next video has started so I can't concentrate on what else I was planning on saying. I still ignore the snide remarks from my mother about my appearance, and my husband is the absolute best, who tells me I'm beautiful all the time. I thought I'll just be as happy as I can be. They all tell me I'm narcissist and make it all about me, yes, I suppose I do, or I'd be completely ignored! The worse that has come of it is that I have a problem connecting with my oldest child, and he says I don't love him. I'm terrified of passing on what happened to me 😢😢😢😢😢
I was always the bad child, but I have married two narcissists, the last one was the most abusive, and the gaslighting was intense. I always felt like I was living in The Twilight Zone. My sister is the narcissist who has to be the center of attention.
Thank you for your incredible insight and educating others on this. Growing up, I could not do anything right, I was always in trouble, even after I vowed myself to be the "perfect" daughter, and do everything that I was supposed to do. But, that didn't work with my narcissistic mother, who would take her anger out on me regardless of making myself virtually invisible, asked for nothing and made every effort to be "perfect" for her. I was her perpetual target, while my sister who was a tantrum throwing hell raiser remained her trophy child.
No-one could understand why I couldn't even get the concept of self love. Now I know where it rests and I have to rescue that inner child.
Thank you so much. At at 53 I left my wife and the home and life I spent over 20 years building. I’m seeing my 16 year old daughter who I love dearly, is probably going to gaslight her mate into flames.
When I asked my hubby why he married me, he replied I had said I am loyal! 😨
😳 start making your plan....to get out(if that wasn't clear) as I was typing that Ross just described them as parasites. I agree. They are parasites. If we don't see them that way (by the actions they've shown us) we won't likely protect ourselves from them and move on to healthy relationships.
Love is loyalty and sacrifice.
My XNarc said to me its because of my light. Then I said why other people trying to bring me down...again he said said coz u shine so bright. BINGO I finally got it. Know this Jesus is the light of this world. The demons know this they know we are good are destined for greatness so they try to dull our light. Now I found Jesus theres nothing that can stop me🙏
@@nataliaxo8053Genesis 50:20
@@usedabusedandmisunderstood8205 Thank you for your reply.. I looked it up and God Is The Greatest. This just spoke to me this verse. I believe Narcs are the devils children they know who we are, their mission is to destroy us. I'm so pumped up to now know THE TRUTH. JESUS IS TRUTH AND HE SETS US FREE INDEED. God Bless You🙏
Thanks for that definition on gaslighting I never understood that . My mother would go on benders and when sober no one spoke about it or ever confronted her about the devastation she caused in case she drank and got angry again, she never took any consequences for all the pain she caused our family it was never discussed,brushed under the carpet I thought I had imagined it so did the rest of my siblings. The elephant in the room scenario. This was a crazy making reality. The moment i met my husband who too became an alcoholic felt we had an instant connection I felt I had come home and of course it felt familiar and took it for love. Great book love it. They a child growing up in an alcoholic family is like living in auschwitz. Thanks.
They wanted me to dissapear. And they called me a parasite. Thank you, now I know I am not alone..
Thank you so much. This Hit me as hard as a freight train, I am slowly understanding the complexity and why I have been in dysfunctional relationships my entire life, mostly because of a narcissistic mother and a Violent Father. God bless you and your Work.
I cried so much during this :(
Xxx♡♡♡
Emily Hernandez
Crying is like a cleaning with water
Em good now you can start learning more and more, enjoy your new life. 😃
🙏
Me, too. Sad, but awakening.
Bless you for this. I have a sister on her 10th hospitalisation due to her own trauma and I try to ask her to pursue this kind of therapy, for myself discovering my inner child has helped me make so much more sense of how I started to give myself up so young so everything in this makes so much sense. I am just so grateful I have a good therapist who understand this too.
I’m feeling sad now. This is me. I was the pleasing child. Never ruffled feathers. Always did the right thing and I still do at age 56. The trauma bond from my childhood was the person my soon to be narcissist X found. And he knew, as you said smelled it in me. He robbed me. Of my life for 34 years. I was his slave. I was the breadwinner and he was the leach. So as the years went by and he sucked everything from me. And I couldn’t please him towards the end due to these teachings and learning I was the empathetic trauma bonded wife. No more! I am using my backbone and not a wishbone anymore. You Dr. Ross captured exactly what happened to me. Thank you. New thoughts and healings today! I will save this video and listen to it. You’ve defined me. I was the golden child, the pleaser and was caught in a narcissistic spider web way to long. I am free. Divorce in 2 more months. Learning new ways to live!!!
Powerful. Hits home in such a painful way. But the worst is over now. 💗
I felt it in my stomach. Thank you for everything
“Indentured servant” and “they need you to disappear in order to feel good about themselves” and your mirror analogy validated info that was given to me on a spiritual level. Thank you for making this video. You’re helping so many people locked in this dance, to recover. It doesn’t serve me anymore. Focusing outward at the narc’s behavior and allowing myself to be constantly distracted by that and figuring their crap out, I’m done with that. It has to be about me now. I can’t thank you enough!
I wondered why my ex wife was scared of my Dad. They can see through each other.
Oh wow?! Just killing me softly huh? How can you possibly put all of this in orderly words for me!? I’ve yet to meet anyone else who understands 🕊
Exactly, me too!!
Same here
That wouldn't be a problem... There are lots and lots of us 😘
He really explains it well, complete, thoroughly!!!!
A relief to , for once, not hear the same old namecalling to narcissists. Instead deep real help to the one Being gaslighted.
From “they they they” to “Can I finally heal now?”
Invisible Iis me too!
Thank you Dr., you are such a good man to reach out like this to so many who would otherwise not receive this important information. I really enjoy listening to you, you're very soothing as well as informative ;)
"You can break free" -- Yes you can, I did. Overnight, like a switch was flipped. After that, gaslighting was so transparent.
Gyah What ...I understand you knew how to recognize it...but how did you escape it?
@@canadianlady777 i stopped answering the phone. If I get texts, I just delete without reading. Mail from the postman goes straight to the trash. I gaslight these contact attempts. I say, "I didn't get that text." Delete.
the gaslighting was lifelong from my mom. When I say "break free" I mean from the effects of the gaslighting. I broke free from that alternate, twisted view of reality and distorted view of myself. That was immediate.
I took a little longer breaking free from having her in my life, but she did some of the work for me :) Once the parlor tricks don't work on you, they will start to push you away. Nice.
Crap, is that the reason we keep picking crazy people in our lives? You're right about them doing their best to manipulate. When I caught him putting back what he stole from me and he stood in my face and denied any wrong doing. Arrogance, they're jealous and I know I'm forgetful but it's bad when your spouse moves or throws away my belongings. You've just described my life here in my home. Whoa!
It is interesting Ross, because I was gaslit by a BPD. Now it is true that she has comorbid Covert Narcissistic Traits, but for the most part is BPD.
I know the difference because I also had a business partner who is APD (Sociopathic). Nasty people, both of them.
I'm in year four of my recovery. It must be going well, because I no longer tolerate bullshit from anyone.
I was the golden child of a narcissistic mother and did not understand the damage that was done.
Thank you so much for all of your wonderful contributions that help in the healing journeys of everyone of us who was wounded in childhood by narcissist parents ❤️
It took me 38 years to break out of this nightmare only to be cast out by my ENTIRE family because they believed her over me. After some serious EMDR therapy I am doing better, but the damage to my daughters and I will always be there.
I need this TRAINING!! YOU ARE SO RIGHT!! No therapist have ever understood this-- OR helped me with this to the end!! THEY DON'T HAVE THEY TIME or the WORDS!! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS!!
Same. In fact they have glossed over questionable things maybe to try to soothe me but not helpful to be in denial. SLAA helped a lot. Taking inventory and sharing it helps a lot. And putting together a story with what you know helps. Seeing your own patterns and actions in those moments when you get sucked into negative relationships or patterns
So sorry I was not able to connect live. However, yet again you have connected deep to the core... Feeling infinitely blessed and grateful . Thank you Ross for guiding me/us on the difficult but enlightening journey.
Thank you for this very important video. Keep up the amazing work Ross!
My God!!!, You are telling my childhood story, now I can understand so much of my family life and my narc partners, I love you Dr, Rosenberg! I want you to be my therapist, thank you so much!!!
I went through a traumatic experience As a child with molestation.Soon as you said that my inner child wants to connect and why I only remeber bits and pieces of my childhood I felt like falling apart .This explains why I connected with an emotional abusive person who gaslighted me and manipulated me into having a child and getting married while he took advantage of me completely and now our daughter is in therapy for trauma due to his abuse .💔
❤️ you’re the best Ross! Thank you so very much for your help! x ❤️
I wanted to cry when I was listening to you. When I had my children I forgot about myself, my world evolved around them because I was protecting them from the narcissistic father. Maybe my actions had a reason I would certainly like to find out but I felt it was for the love of my children - take them away, I have nothing. They are grown up now and perhaps no longer need me to protect them but one thing for sure you did describe the narcissist to a tee. Thank you
Naseem Khan Same here. I left him and now my kids are grown and I’m having to find myself and struggling to do so, but making progress
Nasim and Monica yes protecting your children from them becomes a daily fight ... even now that they're grown my guilt that I exposed them to all that crazy ridiculous mad Behavior ... They'll have to deal with that the rest of their lives just like me-- so I'm constantly just wanting to help them ... I feel I don't deserve to even have my own life since I feel like I ruined their childhood ... I am happy though they don't resent me still love me ... and they both had enough counseling to see it was all his bad behavior! And actually they didn't even really need the counseling for that lol. Narcissist used quite a lot now I don't think other family members really get it ... oh he's just stuck on himself? Spends money on clothes and Grooming? Seriously I've had family ask me that ... I love to see channels that tell people what a narcissist really really is! God bless everyone
This made me cry because I relate to everything you said. I’m trying so hard to understand my place in this world. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your work and these videos. ❤️
I am afraid to talk with my inner trauma child 😔 I have body memories as I hear you I am crying, and I almost do not remember my childhood (I am not that old) so I don't know exactly hey I am crying. I have been to therapy in different periods of my life and they didn't explained this things as you are doing.
Holy crap. Well there it is.
This
I always thought i couldn't remember my childhood (or 90% of it) because i hit my in a car wreck but that was not the case. and its funny because the things I recall clearly my m
the loss of memory of your childhood is because of brain damage in a way, when we are abused by a Narc parent when we are still growing our brain, we form our brain in a way where we lock our painful memories behind an amnesic wall . I had memory loss until I started watching these videos and started to heal myself those walls started coming down. It is scary to remember but also liberating. Tears are good they will dissolve those walls.
@@Alloya yes, embrace those tears!