Hello Subscribers: Thank you for checking out my videos and posting such thoughtful comments. It's inspiring to read your self-reflections and insights. I love how we grow from each other's sharing. One thing I have learned after years of reading comments is that we are not alone. Many of us have the same experiences when it comes to relationships. We are all trying to make sense of attachment trauma and learn better skills of relating. Great job everyone - keep going and keep learning! As I'm sure you can understand, I'm not able to respond to all the comments and questions here on UA-cam. I know this can be disappointing sometimes. Please forgive me. It is challenging to find the time for the careful consideration that is needed in order to respond to your heartfelt reflections. Even so, your vulnerability shines through. I know behind each comment is a real person with real feelings who's hurting or who’s reporting a triumph. I know you are doing the best you can while trying to make sense of life’s suffering. We are all grappling with what it means to be human. I’m sorry that I’m not always able to respond to your comments directly. That being said, I'm sharing this post to offer you a few resources in an attempt for us to stay connected. Keep in mind that I do read most comments here on UA-cam. Your words are received. I review comments daily, which serves as a way to organize content for future videos. If you have a question or an idea for a video that you think is important to explore when it comes to learning about relationships and healing attachment trauma, then I want to hear about it. Please submit your questions and ideas here: www.alanrobarge.com/questions ____ Many of us want to know how to heal, how to change, how to be more secure in our relationships. This is why I created the course The Four Attachment Distress Responses. Many of our behaviors in relationships are habitual - meaning we act out of autopilot. Our autopilot Response comes from past conditioning of negative experiences. When attachment injuries go unaddressed, we become insecure in our relationships. The Four Attachment Distress Responses Course describes each specific type of guardedness, which is how we try to protect ourselves from getting hurt again, while also attempting to get our attachment needs met. While we cannot change the past, we can change how we respond in the moment and in the future. This course offers you insights and tools as new ways to respond in your relationships. The Four Responses are Poking, Running, Hiding, and Submitting. You’re invited to take the quiz to learn more about your Response. Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz ____ I created an 8-week program and membership community based on the guiding principle of Self-Directed Healing Work #selfhealers that I want to share with you. The community is called Improve Your Relationships. The focus is about healing attachment injuries in the context of relationship repair in all areas of our lives. When we look at the big picture of how attachment injuries and attachment trauma occurred in our lives, we are able to begin seeing our relationship choices from a whole new perspective. We gain access to inner resources that shift how we relate and respond to old hurts. It's a process. It's layered. It requires commitment. This is what the community is all about - committing to your healing work. You are invited to join us. The community members are kind and supportive. We are an established group. The feedback and testimonials have been overwhelmingly positive. Please check out the link for more information: www.alanrobarge.com/community ____ Also, in addition to checking out my course and/or joining us in the Community, please consider becoming a Sustaining Supporter by making a financial contribution. Your contribution helps guarantee continued quality and accessible content. If you benefit from my videos and want to show your support for the value offered, then please make a donation: www.alanrobarge.com/donate ____ Thank you for being a channel subscriber and watching my videos. And remember, we invest in our healing work because “Emotional Connections Matter!” Best regards, Alan Robarge Attachment-Focused Psychotherapist www.alanrobarge.com/
"Everything happens for a reason" 👎 "It happened. I accept that. What I choose to do with it is up to me. I cannot make the choice for anyone else. All choices have consequences. I have to allow others to experience the consequences of their choices, just as I must accept the consequences of my own choices." 👍
Thank you for opening my eyes. I was in a relationship and my girl was distant for months and months and when she finally opened up to me to talk about it she told me that she developed feelings for someone else. We worked things out because at the time I was just happy that she finally told me what was going on. Eventually I turned this whole thing into a "everything happens for a reason" because I felt like I've become a better person since that time and that we've had to go through that to become stronger. But now she still isn't there for me all the time in the ways I would like. I was with someone before her and was never this needy. A part of me wants to move on and has wanted to for a while but I think maybe I've been doing what you've said - convincing myself or justifying it so that I will stay with her and tell myself it's worth it and a positive thing. I don't want to be stuck. I've been lonely and sad for months I shouldn't feel this way
Always had a problem with that “everything happens for a reason “ quote. I just didn’t believe in that at all. I am so glad I’m not the one that could not believe that. I am 👍 okay 🙌🏻 I have grown through such trauma and every time I watch your videos I feel I wasn’t wrong. I’ve been led to believe I had issues. I am shown in have learned exactly what this man is saying. You can’t imagine how helpful and healing this guy has been to me on a video. I don’t use social media. Never have. Not my thing. But discovered self help things on you tube. This man has changed my life I’m eternally grateful.
I'm in this exact situation and can't accept that my wife slept with her X while we were separated and I actually had her served with divorce papers... We got back together shortly after and it was disclosed very quarter new details and the truth after snooping and gut feelings. So now I'm having a hard time accepting this, and have battled the "well, we were divorcing and she was served and I was done" scenario since she so willingly lied about it all year. I just can't move to the next step. I feel very lost- Its been a year since the incident, and about 2 months from full disclosure. I love her, but have so much fear and issues, trauma, visuals from the details, it being my 2nd marriage, first one was infidelity and I didn't want it to end but she did. So here I am. It hurts to look at her sometimes because I think of him, or a sexual picture of them pops up in my mind, and I'm avoiding sexual positions due to the details etc. Idon't know what to do. I love her, but it hurts. any advice?
My boyfriend shuts me out. For hours on end. He goes cold, in these months I don't even feel like his girlfriend. 12to24 hours of silence from him. He disappears.... No reply to txt. Wtf. I've complain and he knows I don't like it. But yet he dose it. It hurts
Hello Subscribers:
Thank you for checking out my videos and posting such thoughtful comments. It's inspiring to read your self-reflections and insights. I love how we grow from each other's sharing.
One thing I have learned after years of reading comments is that we are not alone. Many of us have the same experiences when it comes to relationships. We are all trying to make sense of attachment trauma and learn better skills of relating.
Great job everyone - keep going and keep learning!
As I'm sure you can understand, I'm not able to respond to all the comments and questions here on UA-cam. I know this can be disappointing sometimes. Please forgive me. It is challenging to find the time for the careful consideration that is needed in order to respond to your heartfelt reflections. Even so, your vulnerability shines through.
I know behind each comment is a real person with real feelings who's hurting or who’s reporting a triumph. I know you are doing the best you can while trying to make sense of life’s suffering. We are all grappling with what it means to be human. I’m sorry that I’m not always able to respond to your comments directly.
That being said, I'm sharing this post to offer you a few resources in an attempt for us to stay connected. Keep in mind that I do read most comments here on UA-cam. Your words are received. I review comments daily, which serves as a way to organize content for future videos.
If you have a question or an idea for a video that you think is important to explore when it comes to learning about relationships and healing attachment trauma, then I want to hear about it. Please submit your questions and ideas here: www.alanrobarge.com/questions
____
Many of us want to know how to heal, how to change, how to be more secure in our relationships. This is why I created the course The Four Attachment Distress Responses.
Many of our behaviors in relationships are habitual - meaning we act out of autopilot. Our autopilot Response comes from past conditioning of negative experiences. When attachment injuries go unaddressed, we become insecure in our relationships.
The Four Attachment Distress Responses Course describes each specific type of guardedness, which is how we try to protect ourselves from getting hurt again, while also attempting to get our attachment needs met.
While we cannot change the past, we can change how we respond in the moment and in the future. This course offers you insights and tools as new ways to respond in your relationships. The Four Responses are Poking, Running, Hiding, and Submitting. You’re invited to take the quiz to learn more about your Response.
Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
____
I created an 8-week program and membership community based on the guiding principle of Self-Directed Healing Work #selfhealers that I want to share with you. The community is called Improve Your Relationships. The focus is about healing attachment injuries in the context of relationship repair in all areas of our lives.
When we look at the big picture of how attachment injuries and attachment trauma occurred in our lives, we are able to begin seeing our relationship choices from a whole new perspective. We gain access to inner resources that shift how we relate and respond to old hurts. It's a process. It's layered. It requires commitment. This is what the community is all about - committing to your healing work.
You are invited to join us. The community members are kind and supportive. We are an established group. The feedback and testimonials have been overwhelmingly positive.
Please check out the link for more information: www.alanrobarge.com/community
____
Also, in addition to checking out my course and/or joining us in the Community, please consider becoming a Sustaining Supporter by making a financial contribution.
Your contribution helps guarantee continued quality and accessible content. If you benefit from my videos and want to show your support for the value offered, then please make a donation: www.alanrobarge.com/donate
____
Thank you for being a channel subscriber and watching my videos.
And remember, we invest in our healing work because “Emotional Connections Matter!”
Best regards,
Alan Robarge
Attachment-Focused Psychotherapist
www.alanrobarge.com/
"Everything happens for a reason" 👎
"It happened. I accept that. What I choose to do with it is up to me. I cannot make the choice for anyone else. All choices have consequences. I have to allow others to experience the consequences of their choices, just as I must accept the consequences of my own choices." 👍
Thanks for these highlights.
I align with the phrase, "Everything Happens by Circumstance".
As a psychotherapist and I have to say that your videos are extremely well done and thoughtful and just spot on. Thank you for providing this content.
Very timely and very helpful! I've seen too many people use this exact phrase in order to not admit the depth of pain.
Thank you for opening my eyes. I was in a relationship and my girl was distant for months and months and when she finally opened up to me to talk about it she told me that she developed feelings for someone else. We worked things out because at the time I was just happy that she finally told me what was going on. Eventually I turned this whole thing into a "everything happens for a reason" because I felt like I've become a better person since that time and that we've had to go through that to become stronger. But now she still isn't there for me all the time in the ways I would like. I was with someone before her and was never this needy. A part of me wants to move on and has wanted to for a while but I think maybe I've been doing what you've said - convincing myself or justifying it so that I will stay with her and tell myself it's worth it and a positive thing. I don't want to be stuck. I've been lonely and sad for months I shouldn't feel this way
Moonbeam729 I hope you can find your way out. This feeling is terribly uncomfortable.
Omg the pumpkin spice latte example has me rolling
Always had a problem with that “everything happens for a reason “ quote. I just didn’t believe in that at all. I am so glad I’m not the one that could not believe that. I am 👍 okay 🙌🏻 I have grown through such trauma and every time I watch your videos I feel I wasn’t wrong. I’ve been led to believe I had issues. I am shown in have learned exactly what this man is saying. You can’t imagine how helpful and healing this guy has been to me on a video. I don’t use social media. Never have. Not my thing. But discovered self help things on you tube. This man has changed my life I’m eternally grateful.
#TeamAlanRobarge #TeamHealthyRelating
Alan, thank you. I'm learning so much from you.
Thank you Alan.. very well said and so true!
Excellent point. Really. Thank you, Alan.
Amazing stuff thank you I needed to hear and start using this mindset more
Thanks for the kind words. Glad you are finding this of benefit.
So grounded! So so so grounded! Thank you so much dr. Alan! I just can't get enough of your videos, they are so helpful! 🙏
I'm glad this was grounding. Thanks for valuing my work. So important that we keep talking about our core beliefs.
what can you do if emotional availability from others is not available in places such as work or school?
i noticed the lightheartedness too!
6:20 wow... THAT sounds familiar. Words straight out of my mouth...
I'm in this exact situation and can't accept that my wife slept with her X while we were separated and I actually had her served with divorce papers... We got back together shortly after and it was disclosed very quarter new details and the truth after snooping and gut feelings. So now I'm having a hard time accepting this, and have battled the "well, we were divorcing and she was served and I was done" scenario since she so willingly lied about it all year. I just can't move to the next step. I feel very lost- Its been a year since the incident, and about 2 months from full disclosure. I love her, but have so much fear and issues, trauma, visuals from the details, it being my 2nd marriage, first one was infidelity and I didn't want it to end but she did. So here I am. It hurts to look at her sometimes because I think of him, or a sexual picture of them pops up in my mind, and I'm avoiding sexual positions due to the details etc. Idon't know what to do. I love her, but it hurts.
any advice?
Hey, what ended up happening with your situation?
Patrick Amos sounds like she’s moved on. Time for you to start making a new life with someone new, too. Good luck from a fellow broken hearted one.
on point
So true
resonate
My boyfriend shuts me out. For hours on end. He goes cold, in these months I don't even feel like his girlfriend. 12to24 hours of silence from him. He disappears.... No reply to txt. Wtf.
I've complain and he knows I don't like it.
But yet he dose it.
It hurts
Same with Karma ideas.
Hahaha...sooo goood
One word: Ego.
Oh shit... 😅
lol
Pumpkin spice lattes...yes, people really are that narcissistic to think that God is there to serve them lattes.
Do you believe in making a life long commitment?
I’ve always hated that phrase
This ruined my life.