8 Stages of a Toxic Romance With BPD Man
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- Опубліковано 19 чер 2024
- In this video, I talk about the 8 destructive stages of a relationship with a man with untreated BPD. I will also explain 5 distinctions between males and females with BPD.
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About Lise Leblanc
Lise Leblanc is a Therapist, Life Coach Practitioner, and Author with over 20 years of experience in therapeutic, educational, and leadership roles.
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DISCLAIMER: THE INFORMATION IN THIS VIDEO IS NOT INTENDED NOR IMPLIED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL ADVICE, DIAGNOSIS OR TREATMENT. Lise Leblanc does not provide personalized psychological, health, or legal advice. Any information or responses provided on UA-cam are general and hypothetical, not individualized. This content is for informational purposes only and viewers should verify primary sources and/or seek professional services. Narratives about clients are heavily modified to protect their identities, using blurred details to teach and reassure without revealing private information about individuals.
If you have thoughts about harming yourself, get help right away by taking one of these actions:
Call 911 or your local emergency number immediately.
Call a suicide hotline number. In the U.S., call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255) In Canada: 1.833.456.4566
Call your mental health provider, doctor or other health care provider.
Reach out to a loved one, trusted friend.
DISCLAIMER: THIS IS FOR INFORMATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR MENTAL HEALTH CARE.
Introduction (0:00)
5 Key BPD Gender Differences (1:32)
Stage 1 - Idealization (3:14)
Stage 2 - Fear of Abandonment (5:53)
Stage 3 - Splitting (8:10)
Stage 4 - Paranoia and Dissociation (10:15)
Stage 5 - The Makeup Stage (11:34)
Stage 6 - Push-Pull Cycle (12:05)
Stage 7 - Emotional Discard (12:49)
Stage 8 - Repeat and Recycle (14:41)
#NPD #covertnarcissist #borderline #bpd
I'm a male with BPD and I feel terrible for all of this. I was never violent or threatening to my ex, but I know I was exhausting to her. I'm glad this video exists. I don't want to go back into cycles. I just want to love correctly :(
Get treatment for that BPD first. I also have BPD and had cause so much damage in my marriage. Don’t be a dumb fluck like I am. Get treatment FIRST!
Sending you love bro. I too have BPD and ruined my last relationship. I was recently diagnosed post break up.. now things make so much sense. Heal yourself, continue DBT therapy, try yoga. Good luck family.
you aren’t alone. i feel like a burden and i feel so needy and insecure. of course self hate is the last thing i need while healing so i just save those interested in me the time until i get treatment.
It's a great start that you recognize this pattern in yourself. I hope you will learn *healthy love* vs "correct love" : )
Wishing you the best on your path toward healing, growing, and getting better~
Self awareness and admitting flaws is the first step, seeking treatment to learn to stop the self destruction and heal yourself is the next step.
I respect these men that are doing the work. Wish my ex would have.
I was involved with a male bpd who also showed traits of NPD. It was an absolute nightmare and left me with severe trauma after the discard. Never again
Same
same here. Sending you lots of healing energy.
I was in a whirlwind romance with a man who, from the first week, was planning a camping trip as well as overseas travel six months down the line. I was the best thing to ever happen to him, by his account. It was intense and exhausting. That six weeks felt like six years.
If he was claiming to have BPD and was showing NPD traits, he was lying and just had NPD and was playing victim with his false BPD title because people with BPD are notorious for running head first into a field of red flags and he probably made you feel like you were abusing him and manipulating him somehow.
This is why some psychiatrists refuse to diagnose people with BPD because the people who legitimately fit the description and don't show any self aggrandizement can be given a CPTSD diagnosis and the disorder is almost the exact same, whereas people who do show narcissistic traits typically seem like they're forcing a doctor to just hand them a BPD diagnosis.
Going through the samething right now , I created a trauma bond with him , he was in prison 24 years, that was a red flag 🚩 that I ignored . After dealing with him I noticed he suffers from abandonment issues, very controlling, always accuse me of cheating can’t have friends, I have to show proof whereabouts , what I have on . Yelling at me calling me name , throwing up my pass . Then tell me Hurt People Hurt 😔 people in my face. With no apologies. I truly loved him. However I need to work on self development and ask myself why did I take emotional and verbal abuse? Only last 7 months which is a pattern to him. All others lasted no more than 90 plus days . 🥴
Unfortunately you described me and I believe I have BPD. I'm tired of living in this delusional and I truly don't want to hurt anyone anymore. I'm seeking to get diagnosed and get help for the rest of my life because I'm going to need it! 🙏🏽
I'm going through the same thing right now. I feel so ashamed with myself
I understand completely 🙏🏽 Seek help and never give up I'm rooting for you!!👍🏽
@@ArmandoS-ws5br and Sonic Nerd!!
Recognising and admitting to these traits is half the battle, BPD is treatable with CBT and other things. So don't be too hard on yourselves, stay positive 🎉😊🎉
Thank you thank you!! This means so much!!! 😄❤️🤝🏽
You’re not alone. I’m tired of this cycle and hate myself.
If you are healthy this dynamic will make you feel weird as f*ck. It is suffocating and feels insane. If you are lonely and sad it can feel amazing!
Lol if you're a woman with bipolar 2 with psychotic features and panic disorder in a relationship with this borderline man, it can be the wildest love you've ever heard of. We've been together 6 years, and I love him so fucking much, but it's definitely been a huge learning curve for both of us as we get therapy.
I was in a BPD relationship with my ex-finance. He would talk about how far he had come in interpersonal relationships and that I had no idea how well he treated me. He said ours was the most stable relationship while for me, it was my most unstable. I wanted to give him stability, but I realized my love wasn’t enough to heal him. I was in love with a fantasy and was actually ready to leave the reality of how I was being treated.
Was he treated for it?
Same here except a woman with BPD. Always claiming how lucky I was because of the ones in the past.
I feel that as well I just recently left my husband and I was in love with the fantasy of how well we got along in the first year and how I thought he would go back to that. What shocks me is he was never physically violent with any other women to my knowledge, but he was horribly abusive physically to me and now he’s with his ex baby mama, and they had a kid who’s now five. He would tell me the reason why he was mean to me is because he wasn’t happy because he missed his son and wanted to be with his son all the time but he didn’t love her. He wants me, but he can’t have both of us at the same time in the same house 24 seven I just wonder if he will be abusive to her.
He resented me as if I was keeping his son away.
@@wendygoddard6610
Mine does the same thing. He says that he’s never hit another woman before me, and that he would stop if I would only stop triggering him. I’m not sure if it’s a lie or not. He has a slightly violent past, so I feel a bit disoriented. It’s has all been very painful for me. I don’t know if he understands or cares about how I feel. 😔
Getting divorced from a man with BPD after 5 years of marriage. He told me the day we signed the paperwork that he had known of the diagnosis since 19 but was too ashamed to tell me. Every single phase you described I went through and now I need therapy to heal. Spent 5 years confused and thinking I was the problem. Then he fell in love with my best friend and got her pregnant. I see him idolizing her constantly the same way he did to me in the beginning. The impulsivity, the drug use, the gaslighting it was so bad I was a shell of myself by the time he left. These people are SO exhausting.
Well we don’t want to be this way I can tell you that right now you don’t see how when we’re by ourselves we cry our eyes out and we have deep regret but we don’t always have an idea about what to do or how to handle it 😢
Most of us have been through horrible traumatic
childhoods with a lot of violence and death of our parents
Nobody back then giave us any instructions about what to do later
😣
We don’t like being this way
Shame, at least you are free from the hell. My BPD GF can't seem to make babies with other men.
Seems like a pinch of narcissism might be thrown into that mix. BPD is a burden and hard to deal with, but it doesn't rob one of his/her mental faculties or absolves of morality. To hide this is a 100% major POS move, so the pregnant friend is likely to follow your track, sadly. Hope you're healing and feeling better about yourself.
@@MetalHead-ks9zqeasy talk to your partner and stop being a victim. Spent 6 years dealing with this shit and she never could just pick up the phone and call.
This personality complex is nearly impossible to coexist with. The thing that was most seductive was the vulnerable quality- but then the violence and hostility are just shocking, even life-threatening.
PTSD-inducing, and that is not hyperbole. It's a multi-year recovery if you develop PTSD.
I knew mine for 10 years together for 1. He hid his true nature really well this year has been maddening. Hard to leave because he was my friend but it's ruining my life.
Being violent has nothing to do with BPD. They was violent and had BPD.
The most exhausting people on this planet.
I had a coworker and working with him was so confusing and his behavior was so unexplainable before I found out about BPD.
Constant paranoia and verbal attacks being replaced by overly nice and apologetic attitude.
You never knew when something will set him off- your breathing, just the way you said something, talking way too much or way too little, leaving at the end of the meeting instead of staying in- meanwhile spending more time is giving more chances of setting him off...
Had to get this off my chest, it's really tough to vent to other people who never experienced something like it
My ex with BPD would become insanely aggressive if someone made a little noise with, say, a pen at a “wrong” moment, or if someone did not do what he thought they should do, or didn’t behave in a way that he deemed appropriate (although he mostly behaved inappropriately towards other colleagues). I was always surprised how someone so intolerant of others’ faults would expect (and demand) all the tolerance in the world of others towards his.
@@mariapatricio1392sounds like he had more going on than BPD. Not everyone who has it also has such strong narc traits.
Wait til you meet a narcissist
I have a coworker like this and it's scary how quickly they change and how long they can stay dysregulated. You really have to be careful they don't throw you under the bus for any mistake with management. Thankfully I also had a small taste of it with a guy I dated last year as well so I know to stay away from the crazy.
Yes! I have a neighbour like this and he exhausts me with his mental games. His self aggrandizing while subtly putting me down. Went no contact and life is much better.
Twenty wasted years with an untreated BPD partner. I was unaware of BPD and its very destructive patterns before many You tube videos. An absolute nightmare on every level. Went though many recycles . He threatened self harm several times. Cut him off for good in 2021 went no contact. He's now 60. He's not my concern. Healing is a choice , and I have chosen to heal, learn that lesson and move on. I wish him well but not looking back. I survived a tsunami and I thank God for taking my through that storm. Never again❤
I lived this and it was absolute hell. I’m so glad I got out. I can’t explain the misery I was in during this relationship. I hope anyone going through this can find some relief or get help.
Thank you for addressing male BPD.
It's exhausting.
BPD is exhausting and draining...
Amen
Exhausting
confusing
threatening and traumatizing
abusive
completely unhealthy
entirely unfair
@@le_th_ Oh, boy, do I hear you...😥🫂
Bpd is extremely exhausting for everyone involved
my boyfriend of 6yrs now is diagnosed with BPD and shows a lot of NPD symptoms as well, he’s almost a textbook example of the disorder. it’s heartbreaking to see how tormented he is by it despite working everyday to manage the intense emotional instability. i wouldn’t be with him still if he wasn’t committed to managing his disorder, not just for our relationship but for himself too.
it’s been a long journey and have been hurt along the way but i wouldn’t trade it for anything-both of us have clinically significant mental health issues but we’re both improving daily.
THIS! This PERFECTLY describes what I just lived through. I'll share one of the very very last stages not mentioned here. Suicide. Because of the shame and splitting/delusions, low self-esteem, and self-hatred, some BPD men can't see any other way to live without the partner they love despite the hatred of them as well. So they manipulate and threaten suicide at you when they feel threats of abandonment. They send pictures of their attempt to guilt you, begging for help, proclaiming they want to he with you but can't be with people at the same time. Realizing the truth of how they know they can't change their negative/angry behaviors which affect you and realize they don't want to be alone either, they beat you to chase and impulsively end their own lives. Realizing moments before that they made a mistake and beg for help. Telling you they love you more than anything. My last messages between he and I should be in the medical journals for reference. This all came to a horrible crashing end last month for me when I told him I no longer wanted to keep doing the circle cycles of chaos. I am in deep deep grief, yet feel relief sadly as well. I am also in trauma and grief therapy. It dawned on me half way through the relationship he was a covert cluster B person and I didn't know how to undo things as we were going in circles with the love hate process and any self respecting woman would not tolerate such immature behavior. And yes, the partner does fall into a parental role. And the more I would set boundaries on him to do his own things and refuse to be manipulated, the more he would escalate drama. Or try to. I'm devastated by his loss and how it went down. I also saw how much emotional pain he actually lived in and tried to manage on the regular. Behind his BPD, was a beautiful, smart, loving boy/man who just wasn't given the environment or family to thrive as a child. None of it's his fault. It's mental illness. It's trauma. It's alcoholism to self regulate. I saw him. I loved him. And now he's free from the hell of humanity and what it did to him. I see all sides. And now I feel all sides as I grieve. The lesson in this, is once you realize what you're dealing with, get professional help to help you exit the relationship. Also, if the BPD person is showing signs of psychosis with rage, which becomes self harming or harming to you, call 911 for help. Don't be afraid to reach out for help. And don't continue to live on shame either. Tell someone you trust what you're going through. Help is available. For both parties involved. It's a sad mental illness that has elevated risks for suicide. Thank you very much for articulating this illness and video on the subject so very well!
You described my 7 year current relationship to a T
I'm so glad that you are in therapy. Being with someone with BPD is very difficult. I love that you are able to see the good in him despite his behavior do to his bpd. In the end as much as we love someone with BPD we must seek help for ourselves when the relationship becomes detrimental to our physical and mental health. This usually also means finding a way to leave the relationship if it becomes dangerous. I went through something similar. The feeling of wanting to help them out of their own personal hell but knowing nothing we can do will change them except their own willingness to accept help and treatment. The guilt we can sometimes feel for leaving them. I still struggle with that years later. Feeling like I could have and should have done more. In the end I lost my apt, thousands of dollars and peace but I just couldn't lose myself. So I left and sought help so that I could understand the rollercoaster I had just gone through. Years of processing it, I learned to forgive him but I still struggle sometimes with guilt for leaving though I know it was the best choice. Peace be with you ❤ I pray that you continue to heal 💗
You're an amazing and understanding person. I believe that with a partner like you, a calm bpd, with consistent treatment and perhaps medication and without substance abuse could recover completely. But not every bpd is mild. I'm sorry for your loss.
I have a very similar story. I saved his life barely and luckily. But the relationship is over. I hope he gets help but I had to run, it was so dangerous.
Everything stated in this video is exactly true. The thing is that when you don’t know who you’re dealing with, you don’t get it. It’s just a confusing, unrewarding and unloving miserable time. You keep hoping and waiting for them to go back to their original behavior of idealization which of course never happens. When you finallly understand that there is nothing you can do to improve the situation bc it’s not about you…then you move on. For your sanity.
It isnt. Not all those stages occur. Also sometimes the BPD person is triggered because the other person is actually cheating on him, or lying to him.
She recites all the horrors then ends with there is hope if they commit to years of therapy, hope for them maybe but not for your relationship. Run. Its that simple...
It depends on the individual. Also after 30 most symptoms subside but the unstable attachment remains.
@@spiritualantiseptic horseshit
not that easy
@@spiritualantiseptic mind sharing where you got this info that it subsides after 30?
I just lost what I believe is the love of my life. This video describes me 90%. Thank you for the video. I was feeling like I was just evil and a horrible person. I’m thankful to be BPD aware as of now. I’m going to seek therapy.
Admitting is the first step, I'm proud of you friend
It's amazing to see people acknowledging and seeking help, good luck!
This was my life for 5 years, until it all came crashing down. Worst experience of my life. Discarded like a piece of human garbage. Harsh, brutal, devoid of emotion, no discussion, like he was firing me. I think it was a fake discard he just wanted me to grovel. I sent him a lovely email stating all of his attributes, then blocked him. I am healed now after much hard work on my part. I never knew these types of people existed. Terrible experience.
I’m sorry you went through such a horrendous ordeal. I wish you well in your healing process
Oh wow that’s exactly what I did. I sent him the email and delete all contacts to prevent myself to reach him out
I’m in this now, and the same thinking I never knew these ppl existed and I’m just realizing I can’t fix this
Just happened to me. Tell me how you did it.
He sounds more like a Narc than a Borderline. Borderline rarely leave, as it causes them great discomfort.
I spent over 20 yrs with a male BPD. The cycles were exhausting. The splitting was horrific. I called it "from Pedestal to the Gallos" The last 10 years before we separated he was living a double life. He had many girlfriends and hid it well, until the last one who is a BPD female. Our divorce lasted 7 years and was the most abusive time of our relationship because to him, I was abandoning him. He became violent, striking me and at one point trying to run me over with his car. I cannot stress enough, after a relationship with a BPD person, please seek therapy for yourself.
This is why some of us BPDs just avoid relationships all together, the truth is most of us do care about others, I know I do, my emotions are just to intense to see through sometimes, so il most likely be alone my whole life, less pain for you and me. I wish I could say therapy helps but I've done years, still no changes once I'm triggered, even this video triggers me which I hate I can tell Lise is a good person. Most of us are truly sorry for those we have hurt, unfortunately that doesnt change much.
The problem is most of us BPDs grew up with narcissistic parents, either that or many of our relationships are with narcissists, and their empathy is usually non existent from what I've seen, so we often think others are like that, I believe that's why we split so easily.
The pity is what keeps u trapped! It’s annoying ! GO GET THERAPY! Period!
….yeah I had my girlfriend say this exact same thing to me…….two weeks later she stabbed me in forearm twice with a pair of scissors……I felt awful, because she had literally warned me that she “ ruins everything” and I just didn’t want to believe that she was the person that she literally said she was. when we met I was in a much more vulnerable spot than I am now. But looking back she was actually right…..to be honest I can’t imagine how awful it must be to see yourself repeating these cycles, especially while knowing that you are about to sabotage them and send yourself back into the same hell you just got out of…….it was an insanely hard thing to witness……so much so that I had to leave. Best of luck and good for you for noticing/admitting these things. I’d imagine that’s not an easy thing to do
I am in therapy as I said in my comment it's just not doing much, reading fully helps sometimes, you are the type of person who likes to judge and spread hate, most likely because you dont fully love yourself, I suggest you get therapy aswell.@@ipt3000
Man I'm sorry to hear she did that, I gotta say I'm not like that at most I've yelled which can still be hurtful ,usually though the worst thing I do is self harm if I get into a rage. Thanks man I appreciate it, I think I know how to heal it just takes lots of time and work. Have a good one and thanks for the comment.@@UGLY-MONEY17
I’ll pray for you. None of us are created perfect.
Wow, this has been my exact experience over the last 3 yrs.
What is worse, I even started to mirror his impulsiveness and have my own explosive episodes of reactive abuse. This gave him more fuel and justification to make me the "bad guy" and the one to blame for everything.
I didn't even recognize myself anymore and felt incredibly ashamed for my reactivity. The shame and guilt only kept me in the toxic cycle longer as I tried to be a better person and make up for my actions.
These relationships are so painful and difficult for both parties. Being undiagnosed, I know his emotions and outbursts are confusing for him as well. Many channels demonize those with NPD or BPD so thank you for simply stating the facts and providing information on how to recognize and heal from this trauma. Your content has been very helpful.
"What is worse, I even started to mirror his impulsiveness and have my own explosive episodes of reactive abuse. This gave him more fuel and justification to make me the "bad guy" and the one to blame for everything."
I had the same experience I litereally felt like going crazy for 'her' ...
I just felt insecure... and abused... and exploited... on the edge always exhausted and pushed for more...
I was ashamed of my own REactions while trying to deffend my self and my role in the relationship. It turned out I was spotted as a possible candidate for abuse well before the relationshipp started (She had a long history of broken relationships and I was married...). BPD and NPD is a spectrum, and can be mirrored by the partners, I had to learn that. (by the way Lise makes excelent videos on the topic)
Yes, I had the reactive abuse episodes, too. It made him able to further blame me...cuz if you stay long enough, you start to question your own sanity.
Same for me… 😞
SAME GIRL SAME IM LUCKY IM OUT BUT I STILL LOVE HIM AND HE WASTED THE LAST OF MY 20s then dumped me 😢
@@gregorie3752I'm so sorry all of us know what this feels like.
Everything that you described finally answered my last question. Lived with him for 27 years. After about 10 years I started questioning myself that maybe I was asking things from him that he never had. Bought a book " Should I stay or should I go" and I couldn't read it only to find out 12 years later who wrote that book by watching videos looking for my answers. I discovered about covert narcissism. However, the picture did not feel complete. I could see his shame and guilt, I felt his fluctuating hate, love, paranoia, and my emotional exhaustion that there was nothing that I could do: he was on the path of self destruction. I moved out of the house to another state. Our relationships of mother - out of control child were lasting till his death for another 7 years. He was impulsive in making poor financial decisions accumulating debt, having an eating disorder, and an addiction to pornography. Today is about 15 mo since his death. I am learning to live without a rollercoaster and still looking to heal my emotional wounds. I came across your video. It was the last mosaic in my puzzle. Thank you.
OMG this is exactly what I've been going through for 3 yrs. I can't believe you described everything in one video. I've been scared to leave him because he threatens me and I'm scared of what he's capable of
Same here 😞
I definitely exhibit traits of BPD. This idealization stage was an exact description of the start of the relationship with my girlfriend. However, we've been together now for 1,5 years and the honeymoon phase is kind of still going on. There has been a lot of fear of abandonment, but I tried not to take it out on her. Never have I ever shouted at her angrily or been aggressive towards her in any way. I hate the feeling of being upset with her, so I look inside myself and very carefully express how I feel. I've gotten better at doing that during the relationship, so now I can tell her how I feel and why without hurting her. So for me not everything I do is in my control, especially not what I feel. But most of the time I can control the way I communicate with her, which I do very carefully and that's really the key to a working relationship, regardless of me having the BPD traits, it goes for every relationship of course.
My ex was able to keep it up for over a year. But then it all fell apart and we never got back to the beginning, which was so confusing to me. I wish you and your girlfriend all the luck in the world. I loved my ex with all my heart and I will never be the same again.
The first time he ended the 'relationship', I was asked if I would still be interested if he went to therapy I said yes. Three weeks later, still feeling absolutely raw, I made the mistake of letting him back in.
He didn't hold his word.
He knew he needed therapy.
Now, I need it because of the emotional damage caused by his behaviour.
Please seek the therapy as soon as you can. Other peoples' poor mental health absolutely affects yours.
Hi, I am a male and I have a VERY strong suspicious that I have BPD. I have only recently come to this realization I might need help.
This video made me feel extremely guilty and ashamed of my strong emotions. I tried so hard in my past relationships to keep my emotions under control. I have a panic disorder that would cause violent outbursts against MYSELF, I never even thought of hurting anyone but myself. I hate the paranoia I feel in my relationships, but I keep it myself.
People who know me well know that I am extremely empathetic towards people, and very caring. I feel other people's pain and anger - even their happiness, very strongly - and therefore I often do everything to keep people happy.. I genuinely wouldn't hurt a fly, yet I keep unintentionally hurting people with the strength of my own CONSTANT burning internal conflict.
Hi, this is a very difficult sickness to live with, base on what I have read, and the fact that you ask for help is brave… I don’t want to be rude to Lise for that, but I would like to recommend a channel from a male borderline… His name is Reece Henderson… He gives advice on how to deal with that.
Of course this channel can give you clue also. Anyway, I hope this help, take care!
I've been in a relationship with a man with what I suspect is BPD for around 7 years. He has very strong traits of NPD too. I'll go to Reece's channel too!! I think the main thing is, that if you've gradually become aware you may have this condition, you CAN get help!! It's only an insurmountable problem if you can't recognise you have a problem. It can be fixed!! Whereas NPD is far more difficult to change, so identifying with Borderline traits is far better as it is treatable ❤
@@amandajohnson-williams7718 Yes, as you say, I doubt that NPD is treatable but BPD I believe so… The man I use to date do martial arts now, and that was my idea. This is something that gives a lot of self confidence. He was a nightmare to me, but I want to help people with that sickness because it touches everybody around and it’s very difficult to live. And some Borderlines have a huge heart and others are violent, it depends on the individual. Everybody has something… some are diabetics, others are anxious… I mean, trying to get better to not hurt someone is really great. Also, a recent study mentioned that DBT therapy is the most effective to treat BPD. I hope in the near future no one will suffer from that anymore… maybe one day, a medication would work too. 🙏
I also am a BPD male and I relate to this post a lot. BPD tends to be demonized and put beside NPD as if we are some kind of predators.
We were made by trauma and neglect and crave love, yet we don't think we deserve love. It feels like a blessing when we have it with someone we idealize, but after awhile our deep insecurities start to make us ruin our relationships and the painstaking images we've tried to develop to make the ones we love happy.
It's a constant struggle with identity and low self worth for me. You arent alone and we aren't terrible people. We just love so hard that we're irrationally terrified of losing that connection
@@TheTruth24Seventhis is a good comment, ya I'm a guy with BPD aswell, not sure il ever escape myself.
Hey, if you have bpd and are reading the comments, can I please add that the remission rate is incredibly high for people who commit to cbt & commit to a stable, slower life. Bpd is hell and both parties are victims in this relationship. Its traumatising and heartbreaking but life CAN be beautiful, you can learn how to think & feel different, and, healthy love can transform you. Also, substance misuse is the number one indicator for Relapse. Please always remember, Substances do not help, they create.
Stable slower life isn’t what women are looking for nowdays. My past 3 relationships the woman wanted to be poly/open the relationship. Imagine what that does to a man’s psyche who has already been abandoned and mistreated his entire life. You can call having a stable loving family a fantasy all you want but just a few decades ago was seen as perfectly normal. That being said it’s much better to live in reality than delusion and depression, treatment is good but I don’t think relationships are for me. I’d much rather do all this work on myself so I can be stable staying away from people rather than being able to handle a deeper connection with someone who’s just going to mistreat me anyways.
yes I have made mistakes in the past, yes I realize I have impulse problems, I’m fully aware of my disorder. That doesn’t mean the things I’ve experienced are any less traumatic as to how I ended up here, and it doesn’t mean I deserved it. That doesn’t take away the pain and the hurt and never being good enough. sorry to trauma dump but it’s just the internet anyways at least it helps my mental to do it.
it is so hard to get a proper bpd diagnosis as a man. i've seen 3 different therapists, one said i had avoidant pd, one said i have schizoid, the other didn't diagnose me at all. it took me years to find this fourth new therapist to actually get a bpd diagnosis. i feel so relieved that i finally understand why i did the things i did in past relationships and treatment feels so much more manageable now that i know what i'm actually fighting with.
That is so typical of the therapeutic industry to miss it. I am glad you have the help you need now. Fun fact: lots of therapist themselves has BPD.
Feelings of resentment seems like a returning theme for people with borderline. My borderline gf told me one day out of the blue that she felt resentful towards me and couldn't explain why. I thought everything in our relationship was fine but I found out it wasn't the hard way when the mask came off... She cheated on me in her paranoia while I was 100% loyal to her. She is in complete denail over what she has done and in her mind it is justified. She ruined herself and my life.
Holy shit man. This happened with my wife of 8 years
That's the problem. They ruin their life, but yours, too.
This is PRECISELY how my boyfriend BPD soon-to-be ex acts out and justifies cheating! So sorry it happened to you too, and hope you don’t allow that level of control, (her behavior ruining your life). In fact, I think you’ve inspired me to leave for good!
The lack of empathy you people have is staggering. This is the issue with humans heartlessness. This is why I'm killing myself in two days
Yup my boarderline ex was so paranoid id cheat he cheated.. i was loyal as fuck. I told my ex someone died, just to let them know and he thought I was inlove with him even tho we clearly were not interested in eachother at all romantically, but even prior to that he had went on other dates and done sketchy shit
I went through all of this with my ex husband… 8 months of a worst nightmare. Luckily I don’t miss him or want him back but I don’t know how to fully heal from the emotional and verbal abuse. I’m terrified of even having anyone approach me in fear they may be even a tenth of how my ex was! He moved on to the next victim while I’m stuck being scarred of people.
Please make a video how do we heal after being with a BPD person.
That’s how feel. Scared to ever try again. It was a horrible roller coaster
Wish I could send this to him but it won’t matter. Hope he gets help for his severe alcohol addiction.
yes don't bother. I wasted two years of my precious life, damaging my mental health to try to get him to see what was going on.
Lol you've just explained my 7 year roller coaster ride.
I'm 43 and only just healing from this.
He's now had even more children and is repeating history.
Crazy!
Thankyou x
videos like this is why im convinced im better off alone. everyday just interacting with people is so damn hard and i can be so damn needy and i dont even mean to be because the MINUTE i see someone attempt to get closer to me it just makes me want to run tf away and so uncomfy. i would never want my partner to have to experience something like that but i cant really heal myself alone and ANY interaction with ANY human even my family who i know loves me really varies STRONGLY on my mood that day and my moods can vary DEEPLY to the point i seem like a different person and its exhausting having to mask it all but you cant take the mask off because then theyll look at you crazy and its just no wonder people either choose to live completely alone, completely wickedly, or just commit souper side altogether. this shit is tiring
Ya I feel you there, everything feels hopeless especially after therapy that doesnt seem to do jack
This is it! The answer and closure I was looking for! He's at the discard stage but this is it. Everything so far, substance abuse, sudden leave, so open and emotional at first, needy, numb, everything. He's undiagnosed and doesn't want help. I've been trying to rationalize and speak to emotions he doesn't have right now. I need to get out 😮😢
This basically describes my 13 years relationship with my BPD ex, who claimed to love me so much that he would kill himself if I left him. Horrible thing to say to someone, but I did not know that at the time. I stayed, always thinking something was deeply wrong with him (and his family) but enable to leave due to my own co-dependency issues. In the end, after all the abuse, manipulation, etc., he monkey branched to a women who I believe has NPD, while expressing his eternal love for me…. I was left heartbroken, confused, struggling and in profound cognitive dissonance. It took me years of therapy and working on myself to recover from this crazy experience. Being betrayed, at so many levels, by someone who you considered your best friend and with whom you had been through so much is the most heartbreaking and devastating experience. But I came out much stronger on the other side. In a way, this has been a blessing in disguise. I would have still been walking on eggshells if he hadn’t left me for this NPD women. So, thank you! I am now free to live my own life!
This was posted right when I needed. I found your channel just a few days ago in search of answers for what I went through, but most of the guidance was in relation to relationships with BPD women. I managed to escape this cycle and he has left me alone since.
This is unbelievable. Every stage is right on. This was the most exhausting relationship. It took me years to get out of it. I’m so grateful to be out of it. It was 2 years ago and I’m still so grateful to be done with it!! My only regret is not getting out sooner.
Everything in this video I experienced with my ex.
Wow, this was an incredible video. Very informative!
Damn as a male with Bpd this hits hard it’s so hard for me to be stable but I’m trying to get help. I don’t go away from the person I’m just way too much for them then they leave then the cycle begins again. Sorry for anyone who has to deal with this. Be you 🖤
Thank you for outlining this more deeply than where most say is just NPD- BPD really is a messy disorder and can be treated, but only if the one suffering from it wants to actually get better.
I really appreciate this very accurate picture of male BPD which I have. It really helps to watch the video and get some awareness. I did one year of DBT and it really helped but I don’t ever want to stop to grow and overcome this disorder
There is a lot of similarity to C-PTSD. So many behaviors overlap and mix in some hypersexuality, attachment issues, etc..and the results on relationships are the same. I have self-awareness, but the struggle has been life-long. Issues are slowly creeping into my 3rd marriage, to the woman who is the first to offer me compassion, empathy, and open communication. Childhood trauma can truly mess you up for life....
Good explanation of how the love addition wearing off leads to negative emotions (fear of abandonment and engulfment) which he attributes to the partner
This sounds exactly like my 16 year marriage. My husband was diagnosed bipolar when he was younger, but I always assumed borderline as well because he checks all the boxes for it. Substance issues/alcoholism, refuses treatment and doctors, extreme mood swings, rage, push-pull dynamic, fear of abandonment and suicidal tendencies...it's exhausting. I've been trying everything to get him to get help but he wants to continue self medicating which is detrimental to our marriage. It's very hard to navigate and I just feel extremely hopeless and lost 😞
I am going through the same, 14 years together. And I don't know how to get out. I feel trapped :(
@@desireestanford-hiatt5688 I'm sorry you're going through this as well. It's important for us to put ourselves first. Sending love and positivity! We will get through this!
@@michellebelle6269 right back at you! Good luck on your journey! I already know the strength you must carry in order to stay afloat.
Thank you. This is exactly step by step how my relationship has gone. Hes an impulsive borderline. Your video is absolutely spot on. I was searching for answers and this has given me what I needed to keep moving forward.
I wish my abusive ex would've discarded me, would've saved me years of trauma! Thanks for shining a light on every angle of this, it has really helped me make sense of it! 😊
That's me in detail. The main difference is I hate being a burden and end it as quickly as possible.
Hate being BPD. Ruined my life.
I feel you...
😢😢😢
Have you ever ended relationships after the first few dates, even if interested in her? Why?
Same. I drop people soon as conflict hits. I made a promise to never beg anyone back after my first few relationships.
Me too man. Me too. I live with so much shame because of it.
This has been so amazingly helpful. You just described my husband in entirety. I have been dealing with this for 10 years and had become co dependent and having panic attacks. I couldn’t figure out why he was so constantly up and down. He’s stopped out of counseling too many times to count and has been married multiple times. I’ve been discarded and he loves me one day and I’m the best thing that has ever happened to his life and then the next day he will literally say he hates me. This was so helpful. I’m at my wits end at this point due to his refusal to get help and his alcohol and drug addictions. I can’t enable this anymore.
I’m so glad i saw this i need to get help I’m glad to see it’s all in my head
Kudos to you for balancing your presentation and your stated emphasis on providing content for men ( what you have described as a dearth of supportive materials for them in dealing with their female partners )
Obviously, due to the overwhelming misdiagnosis / over diagnosis of BPD in female populations and the general lack of emphasis on physical and mental health issues,including strategies for dealing with male presentations, lends balance and credibility to your channel
My most horrible and FIRST romantic relationship described to a T. He did ABSOLUTELY everything stated here. So horrible to know you were with a very very sick person who is not willing to change a single millimeter of his toxic ways. Thank you for this.
I don’t think you understand a thing about mental illness. Why not start your research on how this disorder comes about in the first place. Also maybe watch the narcissism videos. May find some insight there of your own.
@@hiyawaskuh1810 hahaha, stop projecting, I’m sure I know more about narcissism than you. I don’t care about your opinion, go impose your views on someone who cares and mind your own friggin’ business. Good riddance
I've shown all these symptoms in my past relationships, I just found out what BPD is and I now feel terrible for doing these to my past girlfriends because they do not deserve it at all. I wouldn't say its not my fault but its extremely hard to understand these things and deal with them properly. If I hadn't found out about BDP I would've continued doing this for a long time.
@@hiyawaskuh1810 ah yes tell the abuse victim to be empathetic to her abuser, and that shes a narcissist.
Are you bpd? I say if they have bpd the women need to run!
It isn’t merely the destructive stress of dealing with the erratic dramatic stress of BPD like traits but the real increased propensity of violence or homicide due to the interactions of male physiology and psychology as well as its presentation in males as co occurring with substance abuse, impulsive rage and delusional paranoid thoughts that develop into incidences or more permanent presentation as psychosis
One thing I learned in dealing with a BPD is this…the beginning of the relationship is also the beginning of the END of the relationship. Unless that person is in heavy therapy and even then it’s unlikely to last. Too many issues.
I recently left a year long relationship and I think this was why. Now I wonder if he ever really loved me. I'm just trying to make sense of everything.
Woah, so accurate. Thank you!
More like this pleases! I’m trying to get out of my relationship with my BPD/alcoholic boyfriend, but keep getting sucked back in.
Have you freed yourself yet ?
This is spot on! Just got out of a relationship with bpd male. Exhausted and traumatised.
Good information
Thanks for sharing 😊
How to stop the cycle: Make them break up with you. When they come back, criticize their behavior to split you black. Later, apologize and wish them well. This will keep them in the power position. They will believe their silence is harming you and you will be free. Social Media hoovering might take place, but ignore it and stop looking. Cry, grieve, and learn about your own childhood traumas that kept you stuck (he was both my parents in one human).
Crimey!!! I think k I have bpd. You just described everything I’ve done and have felt towards my previous partners and even stage one is what I’m currently doing . I literally had an internal crisis where I described my relationship as a “love addiction “ and I was self aware but I never knew this was a mental disorder I thought it was just me being stupid . Good gosh .
Thank you, internally I meet all the requirements for BPD, but not even close to the level being described in videos or comments. I will take solace in your comment and continue to be aware. Thanks
@@Rileyed
Yes, not even close to that, thank you for the reply.
@@Rileyed
Very helpful ❤ just realised I watched this 7 months ago! Re-visiting is even more helpful thank you! There seems very little out there about BPD in men. Definitely not enough. Its all NPD!
The problem with normal psychology is that you give those people a lot of "justificators" whereas they MUST take responsibility and action to correct their own behavior and confront reality, otherwise, they will remain always the same, justifying every action under the guise of "mental disorder".
They can't just "take responsibility" if they don't know how to get out of the vicious cycle of having bpd. But they do take responsibility, the do feel guilty and apologise. The problem is they don't have control over the cyclical nature of their disorder until they learn how to recognise the mechanisms properly and how to treat their wounds which cause their unhealthy emotions to return all the time. Think of it like an addiction - it's a disease that needs treatment at the root cause, not just "taking responsibility".
to all the girls been hurt, as a borderline myself dont forget it is hard for us to live with our own behaviour too. its not an excuse but is especially hard coming to terms with it not always even knowing the diagnosis ourselves either, the behaviour is not voluntary its a disorder and causes suicide in some cases
Ya exactly, I think lots of us just avoid relationships all together when we realize how we effect others, personally I just try to be alone most of the time less pain for everyone, seems almost every relationship I have doesnt work in the end
Yes, God forbid you seek treatment. Everyone has shit thats hard to come to terms with. Just do what anyone with cancer or diabetes would do-get treatment.
@@laurenbatson5918 i get how you feel. i dateed many women with BPD and ive always told the women ive dated this but ive noticed that in my naivety that i exibit a lot of these traits myself and i try my best to control myself and my emotions but at some poinnt everything comes out and we hate ourselves for it but somethings are out of our control as its not as easy as taking a pill and everything being peachy. i have lots of trouble with paranoid thoughts especially in relationships and idiolising the women im with so its leads me to very dysfunctional relationships. compassion and understanding dont even help much sadly and ive noticed this on both ends of the spectrum as someone who has tried his best to be there for the BPD women that i love and also when looking at my own feelings in retrospect.
@@TruthSeekers1989 this is something i try to do but at some point i always end up getting attached to someone and starting the cycle all over again
And here I am. 6yrs with a man with rage bpd that said he never had time for help. I got him off the streets and sober. Yet he adored me. It seemed. He just got up after coffee and left his family, job, friends. For a job in another state. Blind sided and heartbroken. Now I have the trauma. Damn him
I may be in the start of this type of relationship!!! I’m actually grieving the loss of how he was with me in the beginning! He fell in love with me from across the room! Etc Etc! Then after just a little while he would constantly tell me how he would leave me for various reasons…or that I deserved better so if I left him he would be happy for me!!! Really!!! I just left him recently because I know that I deserve better. He contacted me and said are we going to crash and burn this way?! We spoke and I told him my boundaries and what I needed then he apologized for hurting me and said he will never say he is leaving me again! So I’m back with him for a second time. Haven’t seen him yet though. Boy this video was an eye opener!!! It has truly freed me of my grieving state of mind and heart! If any of those signs show up again, with great thought, I’m out the door! So many of those emotions I have felt in these last three months! 😢 But I will leave! My eyes are wide open now!
Very helpful thank you 😊👍👏🇬🇧
Love this video,could you please do more about men with borderline personality disorder please?Not enough information on this platform.Especially the different kinds of BPD in men.Thank you.
Wow 😮 this nailed my ex! Describes him to a T! What the heck!?! All of it including impulsive, novelty seeking, substance abuse, the whole thing. Absolutely everything listed here.
I need to watch this again and take notes to discuss with my therapist. Or just have her watch it. Wow I'm in shock, didn't realize men could have bpd let alone what it looks like 😳
Much love from Spain
You are awesome, Lise!
Thank you. Unfortunately, I have passed this point and am done with all the drama....I feel for them, such a horrible mental illness. I told him to get therapy, he told me "I will never get therapy, I can work on myself"... sad
The same goes for a female with bpd. Been with a narcissistic woman with bpd for 27 years. Now going through the process of divorce. I cannot thank you enough for your videos.
Yes you’re right… most of my content is related to toxic relationships with women with NPD and BPD (how to identify and recover)
I stand alone because of this. I am aware of it and OK with it.✌🐺
fantastic video. My experience to a tee. including where you wait for the next episode so that you will leave then--when he is pushing you out--because you are too afraid to leave prior..of what he might do.
there is an important element of fear for folks w male BPD partners if the partner is really a lot bigger and more aggressive than they are---ie real threat of physical harm. Thank you
!
My girlfriend has BPD, it is destructive to her whole family, and me the most. I just wish we could get some HELP! I am stuck in a trauma bond whereby nothing is keeping me from escaping, but the bond is too strong to leave.
I want to start by saying ty for mentioning in the beginning abiut it being generalized... and also your describing it as a extreme..... so hope anyone Watching understand that .... now alot of what you said is absolutely on point for the standered medians of presentation .... bod core content is abandonment, rejection sensitivity and emptiness.... and as a male with bpd she us on point with the your the best now your my oppressor... also on point with paranoia even in mild forms ... even now with treatment going perfectly I still have to catch myself when I get in the car and see it's different and start to question if my partner was up to something sneeky..... it's deff a long time battle and at my most recent worse I caught a dv do to the cycle she talks about.... not in a black and white view of the description she gives but yeah once triggered a male bordelrine can absolutely self harm not allways as a suicide threat but sometimes that's just that I have so much adrenaline that I need to relieve and I can look like sucking the wall burning yourself with a cigarette hitting your wrist hitting your head ect during the argument and keep an eye open cuz the longer that cycle gose on top of destruction of items like throwing things braking things.... can absolutely grow to physical assault as with me after 3 years of the cycle ending in my current parter feeling the need to be a parent and pushing me tk talk about why I was angry landed in me impulsively hitting him.... and like she said once we calm down we will feel the worst about ourselves but to proud to want to talk about it without reassurance it won't end badly .... I've been really good since that issie and took me atelst a year to get enough self control me and my partner are no longer in that cycle.... boundaries is how we got here ... learning to spend time apart doing our own things .... part of our problem is the addiction to the first phase ... and then anything tjays even neutral can seem like a threat to the relationship..... you really did well in hitting alot of the reality some I don't even like to admit ... but remeber everyone this is an extreme example... so be mindful of the core concepts she states and remeber its not allways the same cycle presentation.... it's not a black and white way to look at us men with bpd .....
I am married to someone who has BPD with impulsive behaviors, adictions and severe boundary issues. Currently getting a divorce. I was held accountable for his emotions, his insecurities and my boundaries didn't mean anything. I was being accused of everything and all things. He had left twice, he will not be coming back.
😭😭😭😭
This has been my life for 3 years with my husband and everything you said describes him and nothing was omitted from this video.
He has repeated issues where he would take off and go live with his ex baby mama for 30 days or so and then come back and he always used the excuse it was his son he wanted to be with but he had every single trait and pattern of behavior described in this video. Wow I can’t believe I finally understand what has been going on. We did go to therapy, but when therapy would start picking at things that he needed to work on holding him accountable, he would get defensive blow up in there and then eventually he stopped going and he was on a pattern of self-destructive impulsive behavior constantly leaving the relationship going to find other women basically the same other woman he’s been running back-and-forth to in a pattern for three years now And was getting very violently physically abusive to me and he still been trying to come back over last 8 weeks, since we separated but I am completely done with that. I feel safe now I feel like I’m not walking on eggshells anymore. I feel like I have my personality back, but I am stricken with guilt and shame that I couldn’t help him that I couldn’t understand him and recognize what was going on, he had been clinically diagnosed with bipolar disorder substance abuse in his history before I met him and then the new therapist had thought he was BPD and taught himCBT skills and DBT skills but he would not put the work in for that part of it.
I am diggin' the Canadian accent!
m e too!!! haha
I appreciate that you say that with years of them getting help it may be possible to stay in the relationship. Only problem is, it is really hard for them to get help, and even if they try going to therapy, it’s unlikely they’d get the BPD diagnosis and therefore the type of help they actually need… so it really is tough. For them and for us!
I agree with you… the whole system needs to get better at recognizing and addressing the needs of people suffering from mental disorders, and making services more accessible
This favorite person stuff is exhausting. I'm tired of the jealousy and hatred. Being manipulated. I've dealt with a narcx before, this isn't the same pain. Its therapy or nothing, for my own mental health. We've been apart for 3 months. I'm not looking forward to these next phases
Jesus. This has been every relationship in my life. I have petulant BPD and it really is the worst. As a result, I don't even try anymore. It's easier just to be alone.
Good for you, you are saving people from a lot of hurt, I was one of them. He almost destroyed me, in a pandemic no less.
I know how that feels. However, you are able and capable of love and to be loved. IF you do the work. BPD out of all the PD’s has excellent outcomes when treatment occurs. Management is definitely very possible, please don’t give up and do listen to channels that are about you. That offer understanding to you. You deserve it!
@@doreenplischke2169 I have been in therapy with a BPD specialist for the last six months. Making progress (one foot forward, three steps back). Some days are easier than others. :)
🦋
Thank you for speaking of the men who suffer... I've never loved someone more than my bf with BPD. He is SO special, so kind, so creative, so unique, he could be SO MUCH! His pain is so 💔 heartbreaking to watch, he is the love of my life, but my love isn't enough 💔....my heart is so broken, he has discarded me so many times, I STAYED! BUT THE DELUSION of an actual life , is the cycle of love/ discard/ hate/ then pushes me away....it's beyond confusing, but then I found out he doesn't even love himself....so how could he love me? I will say he changed alot for me, was actually faithful, and proud of it!
This is the problem. BPDs don't love themselves because they don't feel worthy of being loved. A narcissist parent and/or erratic caretaking is usually to blame for their lack of self love. The parents literally implanted the feeling of being unworthy of being loved and they oscillate between sadness, abandonment, strong desire for love and anger all the time.
This described perfectly every relationship I’ve been in…
My husband is having sex with anything female. I went back after 4 months of trying to heal from a horrible discarding session whereby he chased and slept with the maid of honour from our wedding. This opened the door to more cheating and the skies the limit. At 60, he takes 3 different types of viagra like pills and drinks quite heavily to be able to fall asleep. He blames everthing on me even after he treated me soooo horribly including verbal & physical violence, gaslighting, lying, etc. He drives me crazy.. I am a co-dependent and need my own therapy now. In summer, I went away to a wellness center and lost a lot of weight and felt renewed and hopeful and now after being in his vicinity 1 short month, I feel like he will drive me nuts if I stay. I am stressed out and drained. I had a very heavy nosebleed the day after I left his abode. I must never go back. He is being treated by his psychiatrist for depression. He manipulates him as well no doubt...is on a 1st name basis with him.
I hope you are able to get away and get help. Sending peace and strength your way 💕
Run like your hair is on fire and save yourself, you will heal but you must go NO CONTACT with him or you will be sucked back into the vortex again. Break the narcissistic spell and don't look back, ever. You have one life, live it.
Wow 😮. The body keeps the score indeed. Your nose bleed is evidence of this.
Please heal your co-dependent traits asap. When we make a commitment to heal, these “men” aren’t even remotely attractive to us anymore.
And well done on the self care (weight loss) 👏🏼. This is an essential ingredient for rebuilding self-esteem. Eg. Keep bringing it back to YOU.
You’ve got this! ❤
Save yourself , YOU MATTER.
How do I stop this???
Your husband did exactly what I'm doing.....I hate what I am, treating my wife so bad.....I don't know how to stop😭😭😭😭
Thank you so much for that! You have explained very well the cycle of abuse I was into… I was looking for answers for a while and I now know he is bpd… possibly double pathology 😣… the only thing different for my own experience is, he was too proud for mentioning treats of suicide, he would prefer to devaluate me and he could do the splitting/love-hate in half an hour… I’ve been through hell and I was so confuse. I loved him so much…
Also… I would love to know a description of double pathology BPD/ NPD or (BNPD 🤷♀️). How they act, exemple… thank you again for your channel. 😊
I’m so sorry you have been through that! I can fully sympathise-it is a heart-crushing experience. Only those who have been through this shit can fully understand. Also sounds like he probably has NPD as a comorbidity.
@@mariapatricio1392 Thank you for the support, I am sorry for you too! I wish all survivors, lots of love in their lives. We deserve it! 💗
Mine only threatened suicide when I filed for divorce. For years before, when angry, he would tell me to kill MYSELF.
Ooh this explains a guy I dated last year. It didn't get anywhere near this bad but he was giving all the warning signs. I just figured he was a narcissist but BPD was definitely also descriptive of his behaviors. Thank god I got out before it got bad though. These people cannot have relationships with regular people.
7500k to go to 100k, Lise! Let's go everyone, tell your friends, family, etc and let's get Lise to 100k subscribers!
Thanks so much!!
I thought my ex had high covert/vulnerable npd traits but he has a lot for these symptoms too. Now he is dating another person with BPD. Difficult to hear but excellent video. It took me a while to figure out what that relationship was.
Wow, you described the Man i was in live with to a tee. I knew something wasn't right. Snd because ne snd him never dated, he was "just my coworker", no one took me seriously about him. Not even my therapist st the time believed me. This gideo feels so validating. My crush was a security guard at out job, and he abused his camera privileges to spy on me, love bomb me, and be emotionally abusive to me any time he perceived me as getting too close to another guy. It dud not matter of it was a customer ot coworker.. and triangulation.. making me feel dispensable wss his Favorite way if getting back at me! He knew i cared about him, snd saw it as my weakness to exploit.
So once again, thank you for this video, snd thenk you to the ai bot who actually listened to ne to get a plausible diagnosis on this guy, and here I am! ❤
As a bpd male , youve got this spot one . Its even worse if a bpd male goes witb a bod woman . I have learnt to be alone is the best thing a bod man can do not just for himself but for everyone
I had a BPD girlfriend - unbeknownst to me when I started dating her. I wouldn't recommend it.
This video is both encouraging and disheartening. I can relate to both positions, i have been the male described and the female in my present relationship. I starting to think he and i both are struggling with BPD. It seems that our similarities are what divide us. Crap.
"regardless of the diagnosis, if you're experiencing these patterns, it is unhealthy and it is toxic"
Thank you so much for saying this. It's like I didn't even consider that this type of behavior doesn't need to be behind any kind of label to be considered not okay. It's very validating to be told that all of my complaints about various behaviors are actually valid, although I'm sure I could brought them up in different ways.
I was married to a borderline and this is spot on. He was never violent, but could get verbally nasty. It was exhausting.
Thank you for video. I finally found answers to my questions. I had experience with man with BPD with Narscisstic traids. At first I thought that his behaviour is Narssistic but some things wasnt right. He afraid of abandonment after the fight he alwasy asked me. Are you going to leave me? … I know that sometimes I cant help myself. When I tried to talk with him he apologize for his behaviour another day he was angry on me and reproached me for my behaviour. When I told him that I love him he answered me that he didnt sure If he has ever love someone. Sometimes he didnt answer me for 5 days but when I didnt answer him back he reproached me for no answer.
I think that he is BPD but sometimes he behave like Narssist. He offended me for no reason. He smoke Marihuana to calm down. When I smiled to another guy he started to be jealous and angry.
Maybe after hearing this and being diagnosed with BPD a few weeks ago. I am better off single. Even though I’m getting treatment the woman I lost due to it doesn’t even want to be apart of my life now. Which I don’t blame her. She deserved better than how I was.
I feel that’s me, but only because I was able to defend myself against my BPD ex during fights her insults would make me angry because of how disrespectful she got of me and herself and life in general in her spiraling, but her words generally wouldn’t stick or affect my self-esteem and my vision of myself, that would drive her nuts…she’d call me a narc because after days long fights over text of her berating me and accusing I’d start to laugh and really get cold to the point I felt ashamed to of myself for even having this mean streak in me.
She would push me to the point I would call out all her crazy behaviours and the reasons why she had such a chaotic relationship with her family and daughter. I loved her but her BPD made me hate her…if I hadn’t had some semblance of normal relationships in my life I would have been destroyed by this woman…she would try to gaslight me that the insane behaviour I displayed towards her was who I really was. She was always accusing me of cheating and not wanting her and would start fights because of scenarios in her head…ironically she finally discarded me after 2 yrs because she found a new guy 2 weeks afterwards that I know was on her Facebook before so she probably cheated or started talking to him in one of her devaluation phase of me…2 yrs wasted and I’m worst off than before I met her…she told me she was happier in the last 2 weeks than 2 yrs with me…despicable people…
Omg..... You just described my life with my daughter's father!!!!
And it ended with him losing his visitation rights to our 5 year old.
He's been in and out of prison and jail for 27 years. Has around 25 felonies (should be 35-40 but he's excellent at apologizing and blaming others or his drug addictions) but he's never believed that he's got anything wrong with him, it's always someone else's fault. His mom let his stepdad be mean to him, or his dad is a narcissist and abusive just one excuse after another.
But it seems like this is it. This is what he has!!! I just know it, every single word matches to a T. 😢
My BPD/NPD man has done all of these things and then discarded me completely randomly without saying a word lol
Same
Same f loons... hurts bad ..
Same 😂
I feel BPD is an aspect of obsessive-compulsive trait, like other addictions.
People can learn to accept and manage the OC traits for a less stressful life experience. It takes awareness and desire for difference and then some experimental alterations over time.