I’ve found this to be one of the kinder and compassionate video on BPD. Thank you for making and sharing this podcast. Dr. Hanson is so kind and calming…
I was diagnosed BPD with CPTSD 2 years ago. This conversation had some good points, but it definitely felt like it came from neurotypical people. a lot of the advice for people with BPD felt short sighted. From someone who has been diagnosed BPD and has been in therapy since my diagnosis, my advice for people who are in any relationship with someone with BPD is this: you need to understand that this may be a lifelong thing that you will have to support your partner through. If the thought of having no quick fix scares you, or if you feel like providing constant emotional support will be too much for you, then you need to be up front with your borderline partner about this. It will do so much more harm than good if you think in short sighted solutions and come out the gate ultra supportive only to get frustrated with any lack of progress or "healing". This video was very polite and well intentioned and I'm not saying that anyone is wrong. It is just definitely a red flag for me when I hear things like "feel the emotion in it's entirety" or "find a way to ask for what you need without being intrusive", because both of those things can lead to suicidal ideation because of the black and white thinking associated with BPD. It's either all good or all bad, and often times, and in my case, the extreme emotion can cause physical pain. Thanks for reading
Agree with everything you're saying here Lena. It's always useful to house any recommendations in their context. For us, the context is that Rick is a clinician, I am not, and we're two neurotypical white guys. Even if we try to have a 'balanced' perspective that's always going to impact our thinking. BP tendencies exist on a spectrum, and we were aiming at the more "mild to moderate" end of the spectrum with our recommendations. For people who experience more clinically significant symptoms our recommendations might still be somewhat useful, but they've definitely got their limitations.
Lena that's a really insightful comment. I've also got BPD, been living with it for 30 years now and your words of guidance for partners or those who are close couldn't be more relevant. I'm nearly 50 and was pushed into seeking professional 'help' by my well intentioned but uninformed family 14 years ago. They weren't sure what was going on but they thought there was something 'wrong' with me. I didn't even live in the same country as them so my life didn't really affect them too much and they didn't have to live with my difficulties. However I respected their request and went down the long long path to assessments, and eventual diagnosis..since then I've worked so hard doing lots of therapy, group work and been dedicated to trying to understand myself and the condition as best I can so I can grow and know my triggers so I can regulate my emotions. This was initially for them, I didn't want to burden anyone or cause any problems..the inner work has been so tough and taken me much deeper than I could have ever expected. There are so many layers and I since discovered I've got ADHD, cPTSD and PMDD which make for a complex overall mental health picture. It's been so challenging to deal with at times but I've kept going despite the setbacks and obstacles. The most painful thing has been recently though where I had major surgery which caused a massive influx of chemical disturbance in my brain, where all my symptoms flared up worse than ever and I developed PTSD as a result. After getting to a reasonable level of stability for a few years, my brain went haywire and I had a total breakdown. My family abandoned me when I needed them the most, didn't want to hear about anything I'd been through and they couldn't accept how broken I was. I was so vulnerable and messed up but they were so caught up in their own lives, they were unable or unwilling to allow me the space to heal and recover and express any of the pain I was in. As far as they were concerned, I was just being a drama queen and they gaslighted me about how I was feeling. Being abandoned and unseen at such a sensitive time for me by the people I trusted the most, has been absolutely devastating for me mentally. It's as if all of the progress I made over years of arduous and painful emotional healing has been undone. Not having any emotional or social support during relapses or when things go wrong, where you are made feel like a failure or a burden and your feelings don't matter, are like having daggers stuck in your heart. If I'd had any idea I'd be in this situation all those years ago when they told me to get help, I'd have preferred to have stayed where I was. At some point in the recovery process, your family and close friends will be faced with some aspects involving them where they will be forced to look at aspects of their own shadows. BPD doesn't just involve the person, it's the whole family system and it's dynamics and dysfunctional aspects. I had made so much progress but was trying to communicate some things in the hope of bringing healing to my family....but they would prefer to maintain the narrative where I'm the broken one, so I have to deal with all the problems myself and they don't want any part of it. It doesn't work that way so families should really consider what they are asking of a loved one when they tell them to get help. My family would rather take a chance that I might be successful with suicide attempt one day than actually talk about anything that might save my life but make them a bit uncomfortable.
@@ForrestHanson would you consider doing one on CPTSD which looks a lot like BPD or co-exists with it. Somehow I knew by 12 yrs old I wasn't developing normally so I sought therapy by age 18 in college. I had abandoned issues because love was transactional in my parents. I had some tendencies but I believe it is CPTSD, I've lived a very stable life for decades. Thanks!!!! Excellent videos.
Thank you for sharing Lena. It definitely offered me some insight into what it's like on the other side by those affected by BPD. I am a victim of another cluster B personality disorder: narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) There seems to be similarities with BPD, but they are separate (one can also have both I'm told) And both certainly have a component of childhood trauma. I've been trying my hardest to understand these disorders and why people with them behave the way they do. In my situation the narc is my sibling. We both grew up in the same neglected violent home, but turned out very different. I am more codependent/people pleasing; she became more self serving and narcissistic. It has caused a huge rift in our relationship as I work to overcome my struggles in therapy. She has been so cold and hurtful, so of course I understand the hatred coming from victims or the nonchalance coming from neurotypical people. But i am not without empathy for those suffering from the disorder. But obviously the nature of these cluster B disorders makes it difficult to offer any real support. A sad irony. I have no easy answer for you. Please continue to seek therapy to get to a place of healing and awareness of BPD. And continue to empathize and understand victims also. I think, for both sides, this is the best way to heal this together
Not really lol. People generally do NOT change, except maybe to get sober, if they wish. Personality disorders are deeply ingrained. They are not something that can be "cured".
@@insertmyidentityhereyou are a hateful, ignorant person that continues to stalk this channel just to leave unhelpful comments on people just trying to be kind. who hurt you?
I was diagnosed with BPD a number of years. I have done DBT a number of times and when I get dysregulated my Dr reminds me of the benefits of Radical Acceptance. I turn to this whenever I am emotionally able to. A quick example of radical Acceptance that is not a part of DBT but one that I turn to is the Serenity Prayer. It at least stops me in my tracks. Words have power.
Please can you tell me how to find the serenity prayer ? Or evev tell me about radical acceptance is ? I feel like that could be very helpful for me xx ❤
Serenity Prayer... Note: it begins with 'God' but you can absolutely leave that out if that doesn't work for you. 'God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change. The Courage to change the things I can, And the Wisdom to know the difference.'
I have BPD. I think it goes back to my Grandmother. She was an abusive parent. My mom in turn seems to have an (undiagnosed) illness too. She carried that abuse to me. I'm the 1st Gen that has a diagnosis of BPD. While their (undiagnosed) personality disorders went untreated. I have been abused, institutionalized, abandoned, and ignored. I carried so much pain, hostility, and self hatred. Fast forward to 52, and I feel it is passing through me as I adopted better behaviors, and responses. Better coping skills. I'm not so empty anymore. No more self-sabotaging behaviors or cutting. I no longer enter the same situations that end up in heartbreak. I had to let go of my (expectations of) my parents. They can't abandon me again if I don't give them that power. I'm My own man and I can stand on my own. I pretty much forgive them. I can't tell you how relieving that is. I wanted to share my story and hopes that other people can heal sooner than I did. Therapy is crucial. And I mean honest, deep reaching, painful therapy! We will learn our boundaries and better coping skills. I don't think I'm cured. I still screw up. It seems the distance from my childhood brings me some peace. Also be careful of accepting any medication that could round out the edges. I spent too much time on Klonopin, rather than feeling my anxiety and pain. Feeling is part of the processing. And though it is a weight, it's me all of me dealing with the stimuli. I've had the same friends and support system so long I don't fear being abandoned. Man did I try! You are loved, love yourself.
Thank you so much for sharing. Your story sounds very similar to mine. I appreciate everything you said and am inspired. Sometimes I get so discouraged doing this healing & transformation work that I want to give up. I think I'm going to attempt to do the work on myself with more self compassion and empathy from now on and I feel that will help, instead of chronically beating myself up for being so defective and feeling that I "should be" further along on my journey & less messed up by now. I'm realizing how very negative my internal mental dialogue has always been, which invariably leads to me wanting to quit everything & self sabotage & go into victim mode & self loathing. Again, thanks for your encouraging words!!❤
Just “wow.” I am 55 years old….in and out of therapy over the past 21 years - most recently “in” for past 4 years…NEVER have I been diagnosed with anything. BUT I feel BPD might very well fit me. It’s both an upsetting realization and a sense of relief. Thank you for this tender and heartfelt video. Truly grateful to you both 🙏🏼🌹
It’s scary being diagnosed with this hey! I’m 62 and was diagnosed in my early 50s but CBT alone hasn’t helped me. I believe that DBT is the best kind of therapy but it takes real commitment and that you have a good match with the therapists trained in delivering the program. Wishing you greater peace& groundedness as you travel down the journey of life. I believe that the bumps and potholes lessen significantly once you do your work. Love and best wishes for an enlightening supportive process 💫🌟⭐️💫
I believe that my husband is could be BPD. The dynamics are just as you described. I tried for 27 years to break through the issues. He could not see what was going on. After 25 years of marriage...I stood firm on my boundaries and he knew I was serious this time. He turned up the heat and devalued me so badly. His emotions became completely unstable. I meditate and I tried to get my husband to observe his thoughts, deep breathing exercises, and diet change. He protested everything but diet. I had to be careful because his lack of insight made him very sensitive and he would get angry and not remember how hurtful and over the top he was. I loved and love him but I couldn't do it anymore. He made it hard to parent our twin boys. I left 5 months ago and the smear campaign that was going on that I was unaware of till I left was very hurtful. He really believes I was the total problem. I am not perfect but I definitely don't suffer from a disorder. I actually had to record his anger and emotional disregulation. Simply because he denied everything that was said and how arguements started. Push pull dynamics and so many patterns brought us to separation. I feel bad for him but he had zero insight and everything is everyone else's fault and if you don't take the blame the anger intensified. It's as if he needed to release stress and get reassurance that all was good. He expected to have love like you see in a beautiful love story...however, he didn't realize his words and patterns can not facilitate that idealized love. He wanted all the highs but created lows but could not understand he was creating the lows. He definitely can not see reality. I had to beat around the bush because of not he would lose it. The destroy your empathy. The misrepresent your intentions and weaponize them against them
Paige, my heart goes out to you. My mother was very similar, and even after being out on my own for over 20 years, the scars from that relationship are still present. It sounds like you're still very early in your healing journey, but I wish you so much peace and joy as you get to start your new life.
I have a few videos on my page that displays his rage. It's insane what goes on behind closed doors. No one saw this side of him and it makes everything so difficult. His rage was so bad. He made mountains out of mole hills and didn't do anything to help situations. When I would step in he would tell me to stay the F out of it. These people are insidious.
He realizes all of it, but believe it or not, he doesn’t care. He does not value anyone high enough to put their needs on his radar. He is a sick person and your children need to get away from this ASAP.
So impressed that the first thing Dr Hanson remarked upon was the historical pathologising of perfectly valid and situationally-appropriate responses from women. We’re a long way from arriving at a balanced view and it’s taking time to unpick the patriarchal threads enmeshed within, but acknowledgement like that from the outset is a great start. 👏
I only have seen two of your videos so far and I loved them Young man you are as smart as your dad and he's a psychologist Your duo presentation is very educational And I love the way you have integrated compassion and nurturing for ppl who suffer deeply from BPD ✨ 👍👍
I would love to hear Dr Richard Schwartz's views on BPD. Unburdening the part that wants to be rescued and the part that is suspicious can lead to much more hope.
I am touched by this merciful and kind conversation about bpd. I have just been diagnosed with PTSD and POSSIBLY BPD. So much to process for me. But this gentle breakdown of it makes it much more palatable.
May God help you go on,after 74 yrs a BPD,starting in teens as defiant oppositional,it's been hell,but getting more manageable...things in life aren't nice,but there s worse😊
I have been searching for something to help me understand my daughter and how I need to be to help her without sacrificing myself. This episode was incredibly helpful. I can’t wait to listen to what else this lovely father-son team has to teach me about BPD. Truly, thank you.
As an adult child of a BPD parent I was never taught or experienced boundary language or behaviours for my relationships let alone the BPD parent. I've found lots of materials that reference when to use boundaries, but I'm looking for something complete, something explicit that includes lots of examples of boundary language, how to practice it and when to apply it. Maybe a book or group? Videos that show or role play how to do this? I would also say that as an adult child of a BPD parent, in addition to the trauma recovery work I do, there is a lifelong grief I carry. I've grieved the loss of the person who should have been my parent, who is still alive, but could never break out of their lived terror to learn to be a loving parent to me. I know many adult children feel this kind of lifelong grief.
Do WE EVER!! The grief can just take ya down. Fight the good fight, guys, as best you can. NO ONE is worth ruining our lives, or dying, over. I finally 'get it''!!
The Crappy Childhood Fairy, Lisa A Romano, I don't appreciate her these days, for some reason, but many swear by Dr Ramani. Emma McAdams and her Therapy in a Nutshell channel. Batel Skater If You focus is on Spiritual Maturation and don't mind intense without sugar coating in a New York Kinda way, she's your gal! Let us know what you discover 😻
I can't thank you enough for this, the platform the professional simplicity to connect with me as a Mom of an Hineless 31 yr adult Son, who's trying to desperately figure out what has happened to him. and what, if anything ,I can do to bring him to seek help. It's so heartbreaking because I must keep safe boundaries until then.
Well I tell you what: I am 46 and I have MDD with BPD traits, and I finally, FINALLY decided to stop running from it. I am learning to live my life well with my disorders, because quite frankly, I deserve to. I didn't do anything to cause this disorder, it just happened to me (and millions of others). I am choosing to live by my values and standards. I am not this terrible person, and I deserve a good life, too. I have chosen to not take meds, but I have the luxury of that choice. Also, thank you for addressing the tendency of people to diagnose others based on what they read or see on the internet. It's not ok to do that to people.
You excelled at navigating this difficult condition. Thank you for not demonising us for our tendencies like the majority of other channels seem to do. I tried DBT but found it super triggering. It’s very expensive for those of us embarking on the journey to heal/ move into remission. 💫 ⭐️ 🌟 💫
Sending much appreciation through the universe to you both for doing this podcast in the way that you did. So much tenderness and compassion in your voices and words. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for the love and the education. You are angels on earth for many. 🥰😘💜💜💜
I second these words. I often have tears come into my eyes just witnessing how you care for this difficult material so lovingly. Your compassion and care are so, so inspiring and has helped me tremendously on my healing journey.
I agree, I found this podcast both insightful to help me understand my mother but it also supported me in being able to keep loving her too. She’s had an awful childhood and gone through a lot of suffering. She has suffered but I also need to hold loving boundaries to protect myself too. I would love to hear more on BPD from you both.
I've been in a relationship with a BPD for twenty years. I love and care for her deeply, however, I had no idea how dangerous she could become, even though I've been beaten and threatened often. She has such a dynamic personality and cares for me deeply and shows it constantly and I keep returning, hoping that at some point she would see how much I love her and these episodes would not continue, but they do. I have set boundaries and she appears to be well, but her episodes continue and are often dangerous to me and others. She is isolated herself and I can no longer even enter her home without fear. I'm saying all this to say that these people can be dangerous.
Yep. U need to distance. Start working on yourself. Get therapy for childhood trauma and codependency It ain’t going to change man. And you know that deep down. What you’re doing is rescuer role sacrificing yourself and gosh don’t give out medals to martyrs…. Start eating healthier. Workout. Sleep somewhere else if you need. Get hobbies. These all help with well-being and clear it but you need therapy man. You’d done this too long.. Wishing you well
the violence isnt part of BPD I dont think. With me BPD is depression and huge fear of rejection and lonliness and not fitting in and thinking the worst is about to happen like every second. I have issues controlling my emotions but I am not violent. I can be violent if someone wants to physically attack me. I am a former USMC Combat Zone Veteran. But I don't think BPD ever caused me to get violent with another person.
@@jamezbrian4135 not all people with bpd are violent but many can be. They may not start out that way. Depends on how severe their bpd and if they take responsibility for their actions or if they instead always blame everyone else.
Wow you must be an extremely tolerant, caring, and loving person. My ex had become physically violent less than two years into the relationship and I had to end it. I can’t tolerate that. I tell others that no one should tolerate physical violence but if you love her that much it’s your choice. I still believe I should have left even earlier when the mental and emotional abuse started. The gaslighting, the paranoid delusions, the threats, the mind games, etc. I never should have put up with that although I did love and care for her deeply. She had no problem leaving me in an instant if I did something so innocent and innocuous, so why should I have dealt with things that were actually bad from her? I can’t deal with someone incapable of true love. Who can act like you’re the greatest human being whom they love deeply one day and then hate you the next and can toss you away forever without so much as goodbye. The saddest part of all is we had a son which she gave up for adoption even though she at first said she wanted a child. That devastated me. I walked away a month before he was born and tried to fight the adoption and take my son to raise myself. She wasn’t having it. I spent a lot of money on lawyers, did everything I was supposed to, followed all the laws. Just for the judge to deny me and terminate my rights because she claimed I couldn’t prove that I supported my ex during the pregnancy. Even though I was with her everyday, drove her everywhere, paid for everything, listened to her, was there for her emotionally physically mentally. Yet I had no way to fully prove it all to the court and I lost my baby boy. In the end I suppose it’s for the best because I know for a fact she would have ruined that child.
@@jamezbrian4135 you're right, violence is not part of the criteria for BPD. However, many people with BPD have other comorbid diagnoses and that could be where the violent behaviour stems from. I was diagnosed with BPD many years ago and I have ruined so many relationships but never ever violently. It makes me very sad when I read the comments from those who have lived with people who have BPD because I know we are difficult people to have a relationship with. I am a very difficult person, I know that. And I refuse to apologize for anything I say or do. But, I have also tried very hard over the years to work on my BPD and recognize my escalation triggers and behaviours. I am still learning to remove myself every time I am faced with a situation in order to de-escalate. I have very few relationships now and choose to live my life quietly with my pets who I get along with very well. A wise man once said, "you're only as sick as your last secret." I'm working on mine.
Forrest and Rick: I listened through this entire podcast today. You both are so kind and sensitive to hurting people. When Rick said he actually has deep feelings of compassion ( paraphrased) for people with BPD or those traits, just hearing that actually felt like a healing balm to my soul. There are other places on the internet where actual therapists are not compassionate to people with suffering from these inner turmoils. If alot of this is nature, then there needs to be the same care for this condition as cancer or h.b.p. And if it's trauma based great care is also needed. 10% of BPD commit suicide before they can be treated successfully. Thank you for this wonderful channel.
I am a newer clinician in mental health and this conversation has immensely not only helped me to understand BPD on a different level, but to also have compassion for myself because I have often been left feeling as if I’ve done something wrong or haven’t done enough to help a client struggling with this condition. Thank you both.
I got goosebumps when Dr Hanson and Forrest validated each other for their knowledge and relevance of input and expertise regarding BPD and other behaviors. Thank you both. I found this podcast extremely interesting and helpful. Unfortunately, I tick all the boxes, but I've come to understand how my behaviors have affected and even hurt those around me. It makes sense why people don't stay in my life for too long, it must be emotionally draining and difficult to endure in the long term. I, over the years, have come to understand why my children exhibit certain behaviours in their own lives. It must have been immensely hurtful and destabilising for them to have a parent with BPD. I've explained and I always apologise for my past behaviours. My children just say it's not my fault I was unwell, but this will never negate how they were made to feel when growing up and they will carry that pain with them always. Now that I recognise my destructive behaviours, I explain how I'm feeling and I take myself away for a bit. My children call it my timeout 😁
I cannot thank you both for such a beautifully compassionate episode on this topic. I'm highly motivated to dealing with my own tenancies, and growing to be a more regulated person without losing my compassion. This helps me to remember to have more compassion for myself.
As a person with BPD, I have to say, this is the best video I think I've ever watched. Your dad is a godsend. What a kind, caring gentleman thank you for understanding that's all I want to say, thank you for understanding
I definitely understand people having negative experiences with people struggling with BPD. As someone who feels like I do have it, there is a lot of responsibility that the person struggling has to their own condition. It can definitely reach a point where taking responsibility for your actions becomes difficult, but that doesn't take responsibility away from you. You are still the one who has to work towards managing your experience. But having people who you can communicate your insecurities and issues to honestly, makes a huge difference. They should definitely have clear boundaries and stand up for them, but having people in your life like that can give you hope. Hope that, yes I might have horrible feelings and have to manage them, but I still have people who care enough to be in my life. The more you can de-escalate your feelings, and be honest with people about how you deal with those feelings, the more you start to be able to share your life in a way that works for everyone. I don't get to expect prompt responses all the time, and I don't get to keep people all to myself. But if I can find people who are accepting of my honest self, as chaotic as it can be, it starts to bring some form of internal stability. It's slow, and it will get rocky at times. But slow change and growth is the goal. I wish healing for anyone who dealt with BPD or who had to deal with someone who had it. The internal little 3 year old wants you to have a good day 😂👍
I had this conversation with my ex recently: fault and responsibility are different. The sufferer almost certainly isn't at fault -- no child deserves to be abused. But there should still be responsibility for actions. The disorder is not an excuse to unleash terror and pain on the people nearby. The loved ones need to try to help and understand while the sufferer is seeking help. But there's a reason manslaughter exists as a felony separate from intentional homicide.
Appreciate the acknowledgment of the potential sources and sorrow that accompanies some of these difficult, painful emotional mental conditions. Also how there has been a history of both cultural and gender bias focus on emotional dysregulation as a pathology that deserves punishment and avoidance rather than exploring other explanations and/or solutions. Historically the “hysteria” label was used to control and punish wives or female family members who were inconvenient or did not conform/comply with the hierarchical male societal expectations and norms which also included abuse. Many women were stashed away and forgotten in institutions. That option isn’t generally available now, but some of this gender bias and dismissiveness continues re: mental health conditions and diagnoses.
Not all get better with age. I'm 51. I was diagnosed 30 years ago. I had a space of about 10 years when I didn't feel as if I was problematic. About 2 years ago it came back. And it came back with a vengeance. Admittedly it stems from a not so pleasant, 3 year old relationship. I'm a Quiet BPD. All of my anger is turned inward. I'd really like to see a podcast about Quiet BPD. Thank you 😊
There's a UA-camr called On THE Line. She has quiet BPD and does vids on it. She also has spent many years in DBT and is in a successful relationship. I just love her.
i always wondered if i had quiet bpd i don’t show my anger outwards . i have constant anxiety though .. i haven’t been diagnosed but i wonder if i have traites 😢
hi, i know it’s been a year since you posted this comment, but just in case you read replies …. i just wanted to send some good vibes your way. and some encouragement, if you like? it’s amazing that you had a space of 10 years where you didn’t feel as though you were problematic. and just because the old feeling came back, triggered by a particularly difficult event, doesn’t mean you’re not getting better. it doesn’t take away what you experienced in those 10 years. i’m so sorry that you lived with a feeling of being problematic. that sounds extremely painful, and must’ve been so very hard to bear. i don’t know if this will help at all, or if it’s something you have already explored, but there really is a deeper truth that is within each of us, the truth of absolutely knowing that we are NOT a problem!! no matter if others see us that way or tell us that we are. that’s actually THEIR issue. so when you live with a painful feeling that you are problematic, and all the terrible thoughts that generate to support that feeling, if you can remind yourself that feelings are not truth, and that you feel like you’re problematic because you’ve picked that up - BUT it’s not true! if you can keep reminding yourself of that, every time, and give yourself exactly alllll the reassurance and love and comforting words that you most want, then those feelings will ease. they want to be heard and acknowledged and comforted - not BELIEVED!! a child who is sad and says to their parent, “everyone hates me!!” is not saying that because they want their parent to believe them! so when your heart aches and says to you “you are problematic” please don’t believe that! acknowledge it, comfort it, reassure it, but don’t believe it. ❤
Wonderful empathic view of BPD. Boundaries help me feel safer. It helps me for people to be direct with me even if you feel Bpds will get upset. Just forward the person and express caring at same time.
I was finally diagnosed with BPD in 2017 after an incident that led to me calling 911 on myself and getting arrested. The traumatic brain injury that led to most of my Borderline symptoms happened in 1988 , and it felt great to finally have a label for my experience. My partner and I binge watched the Netflix show, Crazy Ex Girlfriend with Rachel Bloom. The scene in season 3 where she songs her relief at getting a diagnosis was SO relatable!
@@miss_8thwonder , I was not aware at that time that I had BPD. I only knew I was out of control, and I was harming myself and threatening others, and I wanted to stop. So I did the one thing that I was sure would put a stop to my actions, which worked in my favor because a neighbor had also called the police. Therefore I was accepted into Mental Health Court, which ordered an evaluation, which led to the diagnosis of BPD, which explained most of my disturbing quirks over the previous 25 years.
@@wendychavez5348wow! This is an incredible story. Thanks for sharing and thank you for being your own advocate and getting the help you needed. That is very rare with BPD.
This is one of the best discussions on bpd I’ve heard to date. I felt it so much when you expressed the compassion of how it feels to love someone with these traits. So much love and heartache when you can’t make them feel better bc you’ve got your own stuff going on as well. Not internalizing and protecting yourself is great insight. Thanks guys!
Thank you both for this compassionate conversation for us that emotionally deep dive when experience to much triggers. Its so easy feeling crazy and wrong as a person and that creates even more isolation and frustration about not getting enough love and sense of community that you actually need. Embrace love and compassion when it comes was a good reminder. To be mindful thankful a couple of minutes a day makes a tremendous difference in the ability to feel love and closeness and understanding of the people around you that actually thinks your kinda great.
I wish I was raised by ur dad. Someone so mentally strong and educated and understanding is so amazing to see. I would be such a different person rn if I was raised by him. Ur lucky kid
Just stumbled upon this and love the compassion and deep dive into BPD. I was diagnosed earlier this year and it’s felt like such a stormy journey - I can sense the wear on my partner and want to be able to improve. Thank you!
40:00 oh my gosh!!! I have been told him too sensitive way too many times in my life. 40:40 People who refuse to attempt to make changes grow, be centered, stable, inherent wellbeing. The feeling of deeply touched ...absolutely💯💯deep, meaningful connection with others is the best! Amazing show! Thank you
One of the better BPD discussions I've seen. Unfortunately, I couldn't play that parent role. I wanted a partner, not an insecure, explosively angry child. It was a terrible shame, she did have some great qualities
Really appreciated this conversation. I have flubbed with the borderline humans in my life and this helps me understand them and have strategies to cope with their behaviors in a compassionate way
Thank you for giving me some very useful tools to keep my marriage from disintegrating each time my partner has an episode. I am seeing more clearly now and am working on my boundaries. That part where the disregulated partner ups the anti...just WOW! 30 years together and I'm still learning the nuances of this relationship. You and your Dad are a gift to us empaths! You are both gems ❤
I've been diagnosed with BPD (among other things). I'm lucky enough to have 2 adult kids. I'm now in my early 50s, I've been single for 21 years, and I live alone with 4 dogs and a cat. I was adopted, and the people I was placed with were absolutely unsuited for parenting (putting it very mildly). I can't imagine how it would feel to be 'normal', successful, motivated, confident, etc. Don't know what I'm trying to say, just leaving my words here.
This is the most compassionate video I've seen on the topic and when I listen to it I feel such hope. I'm technically in remission and never had a full diagnosis, just traits attached to my bipolar. It's so hard though to fight instincts that are still strong and you really seem to understand our motivations and how painful they are even when resisted.
Living with someone for almost thirty years I am well aware of the characteristics of my husband. The people who deal & love these people should be listened to far more extensively than they actually are listed to? It’s truly unfortunate that these people have the ability to hide most of these outward traits to the outside world. I’ve more than a few times have said to my husband that I feel like I’m actually dealing with a 2 year old? It actually took years before I realized that there were patterns to the swings in his demeanor & then the temper tantrum would follow? It’s hard to determine the difference in BPD or narcissism, truly difficult? These people are amazing at B.S.ing everyone else. I call it Jekyll & Hyde cause I never know whom I’ll be dealing with next? He’s a beautiful man, loving, kind, sweet & an actual demon the next minute? It’s bizarre & terrifying to think so many people exist like this? Thank you gentlemen
Borderline person is: “I hate you, don’t leave me.” Narcissist: thinks they are special. Like literally thinks they are better than most and only associate with special people.
They overlap and it’s why it’s all in cluster B. Yea some are dual diagnosis but none have ever been given out. You can’t have a dual diagnosis.. A prominent researcher is trying to get Europe DSM to lump them all together , all cluster B as one diagnosis as they all have traits into another. You gotta ask yourself if you love eating shards of glass or you wanna throw in the towel. But I suggest as maybe you never went to therapy for childhood trauma / codependency which is why u attracted in the first place…
As a mother of an adult daughter (aged 36) who was diagnosed with BPP over ten years ago, I'm so glad I found this video. You both discussed so many parallels with what I've been going through with her over the last 20 years or so (yes, even before her diagnosis). She recently had an extreme blowout on me, and I hope this does not last too long - because I would like to see my granddaughter and be a part of that little girl's life. Also, you've helped me better understand my daughter and my relationship with her. I think the way you have talked about this is extremely respectful and sensitive, especially from my perspective as a heterosexual female and as a single parent who has witnessed and experienced unwarranted assumptions, sexual discrimination, and many injustices that single moms experienced back in the 1980s and 90's when paternal/patriarchal societal norms and paradigms were more often accepted as normal.
I hope you are able to find what you need to help you with your daughter so that you get to spend time with your granddaughter. I am on the other end of that spectrum. I have just had my first grandchild 2 months ago and I have BPD. I have reeked so much havoc in my family and every other relationship that I have to work extremely hard to make sure that I stay balanced in order to have the meaningful relationship that I want to have with my granddaughter. Dr. Marsha Linehan has been a great leader in BPD and I have learned so much from her with DBT. I would recommend a UA-cam video called Back From The Edge - Borderline Personality Disorder. This video is an excellent watch for anyone who is in a relationship with someone who has BPD, or if you have BPD. It gave me great insight into my diagnosis when I was in treatment. For me, because I have major issues that stem back to childhood with abandonment, my focus is most often on Radical Acceptance but each person needs to find their own niche within the parameters of DBT to focus on once they recognize themselves, hopefully in the video.
As someone with BPD, I can (from my view) promise you your daughter is really really anxiously waiting for you to reach out now and having a blowout and no reassurance from the other person feels just like confirmation that 'they never liked them to begin with' - no matter how unlogical or frustrating it seems to you. I've been there (I have this constantly with my own mom or even with my boyfriend, and I'm trying really hard to not expect superhuman reassurance and devotion from them while balancing this really childish feeling of 'if they're nice they're probably lying because deep down I always have to be on the lookout for any red flag they might be leaving), and while in these situations, I objectiviely absolutely understand how unfair or demanding my expectation are to the other person and it's so self sabotaging that even if they do what I expect them, it doesn't feel authentic enough, simply because it's a deep feeling of suspicion of everything and everyone. It's really nothing personal about you - actually, it's rather the opposite: The more I love someone, the more I have to expect the worst to be somehow prepared for inevitable sorrow when we fight, they'll leave or something like that. It's just so very hard to let the other person know this, too.
Thank you so much for this father-and-son conversation, it is so comforting to see a good family relationship! All my life (I’m 67) I felt different with a lot of troubles in relationship with family, friends and lovers. This gives me a lighting and good food for thought! (Sorry for my English!)
The timing of watching this was most fortunate. It happened after a regular heated retreat of myself trying to erect boundaries up to a person I have grown to suspect has BPD whom I have been giving alot of my time but need space. Your explanations and advice was very useful not to label them but to understand why my efforts to 'retreat' spur increased 'persuance' to an anxious extreme. I guess the google algorithym literaly 'heard' and plucked you out to answer my distress. Subscribed and liked.
I’m trying my best to be the glue in a relationship with a female borderline. The cycle of devaluation, splitting, and ghosting happens on a weekly basis. This video helped me to better understand what my partner deals with on a daily basis, and why it is she reacts the way she does.
Bruh? You’re just hurting yourself, these relationships don’t work , these guys this father / son duo are sugar coating this disorder. Watch : 3 Stages of a Borderline by AJ Mahari . or Dr. Sam Vaknin on BPD . It’s doomed from the start .
I would end contact with my sibling with bpd if I could, but her children would pay the price for that, so I have the bare minimum contact going to be able to spend time with her Kids. But I'd really like to know if/why you're doing this. Is it love, is it something about your character or the situation that makes it possible to stay ? I'm honestly curious because I'm trying to find my own stance
I can see why my daughter has had "issue" with me. Parental abandonment at age 2 (left me with my alcoholic/narcisstistic) with my mother. Guess I've had some more/other/different problems with "emotional hunger" than I knew. I now can have more "compassionate sorrow" for both myself and my daughter 'cause she grew up with some of this deregulation from me. Darn!.I will watch more of these vids.!
My mother had this overbearing hovering over me at 14. I remember as I was trying to find my independence and autonomy she was so clingy and put that pressure on me that I owe her company when she didn’t even like me around her like that. That hot cold tug and pool. I’m 30 today learning these shadow traits of my mom by observing my partner 😅
This is so helpful. My husband will tell me to knock off my deprecating speech or behaviors. Its very helpful to have people around you who love you and aren't afraid of setting boundaries. I'm a quiet BPD, though. It rears it's head mostly during PMS.
You two just have a very natural and symbiotic (but not co-dependent!) association. I really hope this channel takes off. I liked & subscribed. Many thanks. Psychology is as fascinating as my other two social science loves---public health and political science.
I stopped vid at 28.00 had to repay it a few times, wrote it down. Gastro intestinal..Immune system..Hormonal system. I think this might be important step. 🧐
Thank you guys so much for this. So many videos just talk about the symptoms and diagnosis, but few offer solutions and compassion for sufferers. You have certainly helped this individual and given great relief and hope. 🙏
This is beautiful. Way to go in handling the issue gracefully guys! 🎉 This is essentially what I have been doing. Embracing the opposite. Struggled with ideation and embracing the opposite seemed like the scariest thing in the world because of the black and white thinking. The child like self. Separating the adult from the child and nurturing then integrating is helping so much. Not the easiest work but it’s been ten years and I’m slowly making progress. The hungry ghost is what I call it. 😂 and I have to slow down to listen and honor everything. It’s such a journey. I’m also grateful I am a massage therapist as it is teaching me mindfulness and connection. 🎉❤😊
Appreciate this podcast and the balance with which you and your Dad empathetically address this often complex emotional state. Also - love the recap! 🫶
Complex issue for sure. I've been cautioned against diagnosing my wife (because I made the mistake of suggesting that she might have BPD) but the descriptions, research and discussion I've seen so far have described my situation to the letter. I myself have recently been diagnosed with AVPD, ADHD, and MDD on top of being a recovering addict. I don't attribute our entire relationship to the interactions between our mental issues, but there is no denying how certain patterns are definitely defined by them. The love bombing, getting me to accept the hero role, along with the deep and rapid connection we formed, played right into my need to avoid rejection and externalize a sense of purpose and structure. The early turbulence, the insecurities, the isolation from my friends and family, and frequent discards or threats to leave triggered my deeply held lack of self-worth and my tendency to blame myself for our problems. I would watch as friends of hers would come and go, following a similar pattern to our relationship, and once they ended (usually by writing said friend off) we would both accept the narrative that it was because there is no one that could be her friend like I could. I was her favorite person, and I took comfort in this. Our fights would often come down to the understanding that I didn't do enough to show her that she was loved. This is a difficult aspect to judge. On the one hand, I did have a tendency to pull away or rely on myself when I was stressed. I would often recede into my own mind, especially when certain emotional responses would've been appropriate. What I did express would be inhibited or muted. This would alarm her, spiking her insecurities and cause her to lash out. I would be devalued, subtly at first, and growing in intensity until we found ourselves in a fight where no attempt to rationally discuss the issues would yield anything useful. Of course, this would trigger all of my fears, and I would pull away, discouraged, and anticipating abandonment. Eventually, we would make up and enter this blissful period where we would be the model couple. But under the surface, I would be deeply insecure and hyper vigilant. The moment her mood began to shift, the cycle would start all over again. Worse still, external sources could start or worsen the cycle, flinging us into chaos at random. Mental health issues are no joke. I know it is easy to demonize people with BPD, especially if you've been recently hurt, but I urge anyone watching to please hold a space within yourself where you can be understanding. Maybe setting boundaries or leaving the situation is appropriate, but it doesn't need to be mean spirited. What I've learned by looking into this as well as my own issues is that there is a reason we get involved with these people, and it is worth examining the situation without the need to place blame.
Start getting therapy or read books on codependency and childhood trauma. That’s where this is all stemming from on your side. You’ll see it start to make sense the more you learn about it. But ultimately you gotta make a call. Cut the cord and free yourself or just keep wrapping yourself up in that cord choking you slowly to death. Harsh yea but that’s reality as you can tell she ain’t getting treatment. Save yourself or be a martyr. Just know god doesn’t had our medals for being one. Good luck. Painful yet freeing journey … and you’ve made it this far in life. You’ll make it to the end better then ever
I sense you're a kind person. I hope cruel comments like the first person don't discourage you. Your comment gave me hope for my relationship. So even if yours is rocky, know that you gave hope to someone else in the world.
What you shared was so insightful!!! And I really appreciate hearing your compassion, for both yourself and your wife. That takes a lot of inner strength, you've clearly done a lot of healing work! Thank you for sharing your story, it was helpful to me!❤
Learning my human design is healing me immensely more than everything else I’ve tried. Take a look into it. Search human design! And yes we attract them to heal childhood wounds for sure. They are helpful in self discovery though it’s painful at times.
Listening to this video conversation feels like a hug! Thank you for sharing this. I especially enjoy the compassionate content and tone. I will share this with others as an example of how we can talk about mental health topics.
At just after 45:00 I shouted, "Yep!". It doesn't help that I lost who I loved and lost who I wanted a future with, but it does help to know that my ex almost certainly had BPD. I wish for her to get the help she needs to end these destructive cycles she lives through.
Best video I’ve ever seen on BPD, and believe me, I’ve seen dozens. I suffer from this disorder and it has ruined many relationships. I’ve finally had to give up having a secure, loving mature relationship, particularly with a woman.
This podcast is sooo loving and reassuring. I have that duck in me but I’m also a caring person who does a lot a good and has a potential for good but I thought I wasn’t valuable because of my BPD. But it gives me a lot of hope ❤ and made me feel okay with being highly sensitive.
Thank you for your communication style about this very difficult topic. I’ve jumped around trying to find information and a lot of it is dark, too dark. I wish I had found your videos first. Thank you for your effort and the work you do to help people 💛
this was probably one of the brst videos ive seen on the subject i suffer from really bad BPD and whilst it was difficult for me i i really enjoyed seeing the relationship you both have my daf was the parent that damaged me really bad but thanks gor the video
Thank you. This is giving me the more in depth understanding I was looking for. It took a couple restarts in the beginning to get the feel of your vibe down. Once I got it I was able to focus. I’m going to watch a second time while reading the transcript. I’ll stop and let parts resonate before continuing throughout this listen. I’ll also screenshot parts as a way of taking notes.
The hungry heart on steroids - gosh, yeah that fits perfectly. The longing and fear. The explosion of dopamine when someone's just kind to you. Because you've been so deprived of love and emotions
“Unfulfilled longing“… Wow. Thank you. Thank you from the bottom of the deep hole in my heart 😅 I would never use the word emptiness to describe this.… thing…that has been with me, chronically. What does feeling empty even mean? After 38 years of trying to figure myself out I am two years in to learning about borderline traits. It’s not clear cut but I have consistently circled back and around, it is close as I’ve ever found to finding a pattern that resonates with me. That I feel my describe me and show me a path forward. But I’ve never really met the criteria. Chronic feelings of emptiness? Now I guess I can’t check that box off… Chronic feelings of unfulfilled longing…. Oh wow. Oh wow yeah. Yeah. Yes. Thank you for giving the diagnostic criteria this humanizing context.
This video has gone into very real feelings about a person's suffering Very deep The disregard and cruel behavior of some of these ppl with a personality disorder The feelings are so complexed Generous and sensitive A great duo A gentle approach 💗👍👍 Excellent help E
I love your compassion. I have traits and my hubby may suffer from BPD. We both have trauma. I feel for him and it's hard to have a healthy relationship & it can be exhausting.
A trauma-informed approach to BPD is seemingly more sensitive than other approaches that simply describe BPD characteristics/traits/symptoms and how others should "manage" or "handle" one with BPD. All characteristics in BPD persons are their attempts to cope, manage after trauma, crises, and horrific situations, and many of them actually want to change. Many are very self-aware and also aware that others see them as the villain and horrible person described in this video. It is a mental illness/diagnosis and some simply don't know how to manage, regulate, or change but want to do so and there is not specific medications for BPD and it is often misdiagnosis as bipolar disorder just to be able to prescribe medication and get it billed through insurance.
Thank you Forrest! I'm so tired of people without the degree diagnosing others or themselves ! I find this rather disturbing and harmful. Narcissist has been the fav past few years. One friend of mine didn't even know it was a actual disorder in the dsm-5 because it gets thrown around so much🤦 I too am into trying to help people understand things better and see those with special needs different ☺️
Literally have been dealing with the rollercoaster of punching bag emotional abuse for four years and literally the more I accomodate them the more I am tested and get unbuckled from the rollercoaster just to be caught by them before I hit the ground. Put back into the train and buckled back in for another round
Agreed, I think this is a very naive discussion on bpd, npd personality disorders. If they are talking about extremely MILD bpd then sure this may be an ok discussion because even non bpd or npd ie….”Normal” for lack of a better term, can experience the highs and lows of emotions, projecting, abandonment fears, jealousy, over thinking, arrogance etc etc. but true bpd and npd is a whole other ball game and it’s devestated not only the bpd person but also the person on the receiving end. It is far more convoluted snd aggressive in its destruction than this discussion gives credit for. It was a nice talk and helpful in certain ways but the gravity of despair was not truly touched on here.
@@tanyadepoalo4312 very well said and I couldn’t agree more. It’s almost like implying you can somehow hang out with radioactive material by simply being more understanding. Nevermind that your body is being irradiated by the radioactive material…
I call it eating shards of glass and smiling but I like your ability 😂 You need to get into therapy for codependency and childhood trauma… start setting boundaries. Focus on self ( hobbies. Sleep. Eating well. Working out. Self interests. You time... ) I mean basically it will never change so get off the ride at some point or strap in for the wildest ride of your life. You gotta make a decision at some point. Just realize leaving then won’t change magically getting into a healthy relationship. You need therapy for why you got in this in the first place ( again codependency and childhood trauma ) Wish you luck and realize it’s like the most powerful drug. You’ll have relapses and wins and losses along the way.. just set a destination and keep going till you achieve it! You don’t have to sacrifice your life for another
Part 1 - of my story I’ve been dealing with and once I didn’t I ended the toxic attachment she was highly aggressive and posted images of me on the web all on 2 weeks I even had to get the police to warn her off. And still I wanted to go back and play with that mess which I did a few times until I accepted I had issues that were unresolved . These exs that displayed high levels of narcissistic behaviour at the extreme and passed the 5 symptoms you talk on , I’ve now learnt what this disorder is like, especially after 4 years of slowly healing and watching endless videos like yours which also helped in my self realisation to heal. My lack of affection and physical abuse, not getting love and being cheated on as a only girl in a family unit of 6 boys all fighting constantly and watching beatings for being late home from dad and both mom and dad not showing affection could have ended up with me being on the darker end of life , but thankfully I sought attention through my inner using my talent in work and sport to get that love I craved and that’s the difference I believe. What woke me up and how I healed my self was learning why I had to address why I attract people with NPD, I used to give people the silent treatment all the time and still do at times as punishment, I will shut down on them and because it was and is easier than communicating in words I get self regulation. I put a lot of time into watching and analysing my person who I believe hurts me to learn what they would disapprove of, and this then helps me punish those who hurt me, it helps me resolve my belief of injustice forwards them and pushes me forwards in leaps and bounds, in regards to feeling justified in my thoughts in regards to there lack of understanding of what they did to hurt me, but of course in most cases my lack of not using communication was the issue here because I was very shy as a child.
First, thanks for all you two do but especially for this one. Not many podcast or similar discussions are worth a second listen - very few, in my opinion. This one is going to need and reward a second and maybe a third round. Second, one of the things that was particularly helpful was distinguishing occasionally letting my self become derailed or even having a sort of meltdown, on the one hand, from a pattern of frequent, repeated outbursts and eruptions. My partner was suggesting that an acknowledged meltdown last month when airlines canceled one after another return flight, and a few Amtrak trains literally filled up as I tried to purchase tickets, and getting back that night was not optional (I really couldn't leave our dog alone overnight) was evidence that I did or at least might "have" BPD. No, that was just a legitimately crappy day and it isn't at all indicative of how I function most days. :-) I think the use of the phrase BPD-traits is particularly helpful. But the thing I really want to say, and the reason I need to go back and listen some more, is the way Rick talked about hitting the pause button when someone is sending you affirmation/respect/praise/affection/whatever...and letting it soak in. I have come to realize I have this life-long pattern of deflecting, discounting or devaluing positive things people say to me. (Hmmm....a pattern of learned behavior...where, and from whom, did I learn that?...why do I do these things?) Rick has made this point in other episodes. I need to stop and let -that- soak in and start to make a practice of stopping and listening and then believing, which I think is goign to be quite difficult, since this response of mine has more than 60 years behind it. Final point, and thanks for reading if you still are 🙂, I would really appreciate an hour focused on the disorganized (which I think is also referred to as fearful-avoidant) attachment pattern. In another episode in which you discussed anxious and avoidant attachment patterns, Forrest made an offhand reference to dealing with disorganized attachment by picking some elements of treatment for anxious attachment and some elements of treatment for avoidant attachment. I don't think that really works, or at least it hasn't for me,, and I'm guessing neither of you really thinks so, either. There's very little helpful discussion or research on therapeutic responses to disorganized attachment, and I"m sure you would have some useful suggestions - an anticipatory thank-you on that from me.
I am 15 years into a marriage with these types of behavior. It checks all the boxes. She is now in her 50's and it is escalating. I need help with this
Think of them like a child who didn’t get ice cream. Whatever they say is most likely a bluff, a ploy for a reaction. Treat them like a child who’s having a tantrum. Once you realize what they really are, they’re quite funny
You need therapy for codependent and childhood trauma. Start there developing boundries. Self care.. stay eating healthy. Hobbies. Working out. Good sleep help with mental clarity and feeling good. The focus needs to be put back on your needs and self. Not hers And ideally she go into therapy with DBT or another treatment that works for her. Which they say takes 6-16 years for them to “heal” …. Fun….. Yeah it doesn’t get better. It gets worse with age as the narcissism component with women aging doesn’t help at all 😂 Good luck on the journey. Just know you are self sacrificing for someone who doesn’t love you.. do you wanna stay or go..
Thank you!! I couldn't understand why I was escalating in a relationship with someone who was loving and balanced. I understand now; that because he gave what I needed SO MUCH, I was becoming extremely fearful of losing it and not being able to handle the pain.
I’ve found this to be one of the kinder and compassionate video on BPD. Thank you for making and sharing this podcast. Dr. Hanson is so kind and calming…
I agree. Both Rick and Forrest are deeply compassionate people. They also are not judgmental. God bless them.
I also suggest Doctor Daniel Fox on you tube from Texas. He is super kind and empathetic also! Cheers
You are both so wise. Thanks so much.
I was diagnosed BPD with CPTSD 2 years ago. This conversation had some good points, but it definitely felt like it came from neurotypical people. a lot of the advice for people with BPD felt short sighted.
From someone who has been diagnosed BPD and has been in therapy since my diagnosis, my advice for people who are in any relationship with someone with BPD is this: you need to understand that this may be a lifelong thing that you will have to support your partner through. If the thought of having no quick fix scares you, or if you feel like providing constant emotional support will be too much for you, then you need to be up front with your borderline partner about this. It will do so much more harm than good if you think in short sighted solutions and come out the gate ultra supportive only to get frustrated with any lack of progress or "healing".
This video was very polite and well intentioned and I'm not saying that anyone is wrong. It is just definitely a red flag for me when I hear things like "feel the emotion in it's entirety" or "find a way to ask for what you need without being intrusive", because both of those things can lead to suicidal ideation because of the black and white thinking associated with BPD. It's either all good or all bad, and often times, and in my case, the extreme emotion can cause physical pain. Thanks for reading
Agree with everything you're saying here Lena.
It's always useful to house any recommendations in their context. For us, the context is that Rick is a clinician, I am not, and we're two neurotypical white guys. Even if we try to have a 'balanced' perspective that's always going to impact our thinking.
BP tendencies exist on a spectrum, and we were aiming at the more "mild to moderate" end of the spectrum with our recommendations. For people who experience more clinically significant symptoms our recommendations might still be somewhat useful, but they've definitely got their limitations.
Lena that's a really insightful comment. I've also got BPD, been living with it for 30 years now and your words of guidance for partners or those who are close couldn't be more relevant. I'm nearly 50 and was pushed into seeking professional 'help' by my well intentioned but uninformed family 14 years ago. They weren't sure what was going on but they thought there was something 'wrong' with me. I didn't even live in the same country as them so my life didn't really affect them too much and they didn't have to live with my difficulties. However I respected their request and went down the long long path to assessments, and eventual diagnosis..since then I've worked so hard doing lots of therapy, group work and been dedicated to trying to understand myself and the condition as best I can so I can grow and know my triggers so I can regulate my emotions. This was initially for them, I didn't want to burden anyone or cause any problems..the inner work has been so tough and taken me much deeper than I could have ever expected. There are so many layers and I since discovered I've got ADHD, cPTSD and PMDD which make for a complex overall mental health picture. It's been so challenging to deal with at times but I've kept going despite the setbacks and obstacles. The most painful thing has been recently though where I had major surgery which caused a massive influx of chemical disturbance in my brain, where all my symptoms flared up worse than ever and I developed PTSD as a result. After getting to a reasonable level of stability for a few years, my brain went haywire and I had a total breakdown. My family abandoned me when I needed them the most, didn't want to hear about anything I'd been through and they couldn't accept how broken I was. I was so vulnerable and messed up but they were so caught up in their own lives, they were unable or unwilling to allow me the space to heal and recover and express any of the pain I was in. As far as they were concerned, I was just being a drama queen and they gaslighted me about how I was feeling. Being abandoned and unseen at such a sensitive time for me by the people I trusted the most, has been absolutely devastating for me mentally. It's as if all of the progress I made over years of arduous and painful emotional healing has been undone. Not having any emotional or social support during relapses or when things go wrong, where you are made feel like a failure or a burden and your feelings don't matter, are like having daggers stuck in your heart. If I'd had any idea I'd be in this situation all those years ago when they told me to get help, I'd have preferred to have stayed where I was. At some point in the recovery process, your family and close friends will be faced with some aspects involving them where they will be forced to look at aspects of their own shadows. BPD doesn't just involve the person, it's the whole family system and it's dynamics and dysfunctional aspects. I had made so much progress but was trying to communicate some things in the hope of bringing healing to my family....but they would prefer to maintain the narrative where I'm the broken one, so I have to deal with all the problems myself and they don't want any part of it. It doesn't work that way so families should really consider what they are asking of a loved one when they tell them to get help. My family would rather take a chance that I might be successful with suicide attempt one day than actually talk about anything that might save my life but make them a bit uncomfortable.
@@ForrestHanson would you consider doing one on CPTSD which looks a lot like BPD or co-exists with it. Somehow I knew by 12 yrs old I wasn't developing normally so I sought therapy by age 18 in college. I had abandoned issues because love was transactional in my parents. I had some tendencies but I believe it is CPTSD, I've lived a very stable life for decades. Thanks!!!! Excellent videos.
Thank you for sharing Lena. It definitely offered me some insight into what it's like on the other side by those affected by BPD.
I am a victim of another cluster B personality disorder: narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) There seems to be similarities with BPD, but they are separate (one can also have both I'm told) And both certainly have a component of childhood trauma.
I've been trying my hardest to understand these disorders and why people with them behave the way they do. In my situation the narc is my sibling. We both grew up in the same neglected violent home, but turned out very different. I am more codependent/people pleasing; she became more self serving and narcissistic. It has caused a huge rift in our relationship as I work to overcome my struggles in therapy. She has been so cold and hurtful, so of course I understand the hatred coming from victims or the nonchalance coming from neurotypical people. But i am not without empathy for those suffering from the disorder. But obviously the nature of these cluster B disorders makes it difficult to offer any real support. A sad irony.
I have no easy answer for you. Please continue to seek therapy to get to a place of healing and awareness of BPD. And continue to empathize and understand victims also. I think, for both sides, this is the best way to heal this together
Do DBT❤
People with BPD CAN and DO get better. With the right diagnosis the right treatment and the right ATTITUDE, life can get better . I did. ❤
Not really lol. People generally do NOT change, except maybe to get sober, if they wish. Personality disorders are deeply ingrained. They are not something that can be "cured".
@insertmyidentityhere I never said you "cure" from it. 😉 Plus not EVERYBODY with BPD have substance abuse.
@@insertmyidentityhereare you a doctor?
Pleeeeeaese tell me how to convince my friend to get counseling
@@insertmyidentityhereyou are a hateful, ignorant person that continues to stalk this channel just to leave unhelpful comments on people just trying to be kind. who hurt you?
I was diagnosed with BPD a number of years. I have done DBT a number of times and when I get dysregulated my Dr reminds me of the benefits of Radical Acceptance. I turn to this whenever I am emotionally able to. A quick example of radical Acceptance that is not a part of DBT but one that I turn to is the Serenity Prayer. It at least stops me in my tracks. Words have power.
Please can you tell me how to find the serenity prayer ? Or evev tell me about radical acceptance is ? I feel like that could be very helpful for me xx ❤
ever tried transference psychotherapy? look into it and anxiety exposure therapy
Serenity Prayer...
Note: it begins with 'God' but you can absolutely leave that out if that doesn't work for you.
'God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
The Courage to change the things I can,
And the Wisdom to know the difference.'
So happy to hear that you have found coping skills that work for you. It's a difficult diagnosis and extremely hard to manage without insight.
Yes and yes. These are so important.
I have BPD. I think it goes back to my Grandmother. She was an abusive parent. My mom in turn seems to have an (undiagnosed) illness too. She carried that abuse to me. I'm the 1st Gen that has a diagnosis of BPD. While their (undiagnosed) personality disorders went untreated.
I have been abused, institutionalized, abandoned, and ignored. I carried so much pain, hostility, and self hatred.
Fast forward to 52, and I feel it is passing through me as I adopted better behaviors, and responses. Better coping skills. I'm not so empty anymore. No more self-sabotaging behaviors or cutting. I no longer enter the same situations that end up in heartbreak. I had to let go of my (expectations of) my parents. They can't abandon me again if I don't give them that power. I'm My own man and I can stand on my own. I pretty much forgive them. I can't tell you how relieving that is.
I wanted to share my story and hopes that other people can heal sooner than I did. Therapy is crucial. And I mean honest, deep reaching, painful therapy! We will learn our boundaries and better coping skills.
I don't think I'm cured. I still screw up. It seems the distance from my childhood brings me some peace.
Also be careful of accepting any medication that could round out the edges. I spent too much time on Klonopin, rather than feeling my anxiety and pain. Feeling is part of the processing. And though it is a weight, it's me all of me dealing with the stimuli. I've had the same friends and support system so long I don't fear being abandoned. Man did I try!
You are loved, love yourself.
We've got much in common I'm starting therapy this month I'm 56 a half a century of hell on earth hoping to change that
@@Southside_Slim That's awesome! You got this!
🎉❤😊
Thank you so much for sharing. Your story sounds very similar to mine. I appreciate everything you said and am inspired. Sometimes I get so discouraged doing this healing & transformation work that I want to give up. I think I'm going to attempt to do the work on myself with more self compassion and empathy from now on and I feel that will help, instead of chronically beating myself up for being so defective and feeling that I "should be" further along on my journey & less messed up by now. I'm realizing how very negative my internal mental dialogue has always been, which invariably leads to me wanting to quit everything & self sabotage & go into victim mode & self loathing. Again, thanks for your encouraging words!!❤
Thank you for your words, truly inspirational. God bless you
Just “wow.” I am 55 years old….in and out of therapy over the past 21 years - most recently “in” for past 4 years…NEVER have I been diagnosed with anything. BUT I feel BPD might very well fit me. It’s both an upsetting realization and a sense of relief. Thank you for this tender and heartfelt video. Truly grateful to you both 🙏🏼🌹
It’s scary being diagnosed with this hey! I’m 62 and was diagnosed in my early 50s but CBT alone hasn’t helped me. I believe that DBT is the best kind of therapy but it takes real commitment and that you have a good match with the therapists trained in delivering the program. Wishing you greater peace& groundedness as you travel down the journey of life. I believe that the bumps and potholes lessen significantly once you do your work. Love and best wishes for an enlightening supportive process 💫🌟⭐️💫
Wasting money. These vultures will keep you coming back until your broke
I believe that my husband is could be BPD. The dynamics are just as you described. I tried for 27 years to break through the issues. He could not see what was going on. After 25 years of marriage...I stood firm on my boundaries and he knew I was serious this time. He turned up the heat and devalued me so badly. His emotions became completely unstable. I meditate and I tried to get my husband to observe his thoughts, deep breathing exercises, and diet change. He protested everything but diet. I had to be careful because his lack of insight made him very sensitive and he would get angry and not remember how hurtful and over the top he was. I loved and love him but I couldn't do it anymore. He made it hard to parent our twin boys. I left 5 months ago and the smear campaign that was going on that I was unaware of till I left was very hurtful. He really believes I was the total problem. I am not perfect but I definitely don't suffer from a disorder. I actually had to record his anger and emotional disregulation. Simply because he denied everything that was said and how arguements started. Push pull dynamics and so many patterns brought us to separation. I feel bad for him but he had zero insight and everything is everyone else's fault and if you don't take the blame the anger intensified. It's as if he needed to release stress and get reassurance that all was good. He expected to have love like you see in a beautiful love story...however, he didn't realize his words and patterns can not facilitate that idealized love. He wanted all the highs but created lows but could not understand he was creating the lows. He definitely can not see reality. I had to beat around the bush because of not he would lose it. The destroy your empathy. The misrepresent your intentions and weaponize them against them
Thanks for sharing.i need to hear from someone else who is going through this
I went through something very much like this.
Paige, my heart goes out to you. My mother was very similar, and even after being out on my own for over 20 years, the scars from that relationship are still present. It sounds like you're still very early in your healing journey, but I wish you so much peace and joy as you get to start your new life.
I have a few videos on my page that displays his rage. It's insane what goes on behind closed doors. No one saw this side of him and it makes everything so difficult. His rage was so bad. He made mountains out of mole hills and didn't do anything to help situations. When I would step in he would tell me to stay the F out of it. These people are insidious.
He realizes all of it, but believe it or not, he doesn’t care. He does not value anyone high enough to put their needs on his radar. He is a sick person and your children need to get away from this ASAP.
So impressed that the first thing Dr Hanson remarked upon was the historical pathologising of perfectly valid and situationally-appropriate responses from women. We’re a long way from arriving at a balanced view and it’s taking time to unpick the patriarchal threads enmeshed within, but acknowledgement like that from the outset is a great start. 👏
I appreciate the compassion shown for people with BPD
I only have seen two of your
videos so far and I loved them
Young man you are as smart as your dad and he's a psychologist
Your duo presentation is
very educational
And I love the way you have
integrated compassion and nurturing for ppl who suffer
deeply from BPD ✨
👍👍
I would love to hear Dr Richard Schwartz's views on BPD. Unburdening the part that wants to be rescued and the part that is suspicious can lead to much more hope.
Yesss!!
I love the relationship between these two have it's precious!
I am touched by this merciful and kind conversation about bpd. I have just been diagnosed with PTSD and POSSIBLY BPD. So much to process for me. But this gentle breakdown of it makes it much more palatable.
May God help you go on,after 74 yrs a BPD,starting in teens as defiant oppositional,it's been hell,but getting more manageable...things in life aren't nice,but there s worse😊
I have been searching for something to help me understand my daughter and how I need to be to help her without sacrificing myself. This episode was incredibly helpful. I can’t wait to listen to what else this lovely father-son team has to teach me about BPD. Truly, thank you.
My mom did seek help when i was diagnosed 24+ years ago. It helped her tremendously. ❤❤
May I know what caused her BPD, if her parents are understanding & loving
As an adult child of a BPD parent I was never taught or experienced boundary language or behaviours for my relationships let alone the BPD parent. I've found lots of materials that reference when to use boundaries, but I'm looking for something complete, something explicit that includes lots of examples of boundary language, how to practice it and when to apply it. Maybe a book or group? Videos that show or role play how to do this?
I would also say that as an adult child of a BPD parent, in addition to the trauma recovery work I do, there is a lifelong grief I carry. I've grieved the loss of the person who should have been my parent, who is still alive, but could never break out of their lived terror to learn to be a loving parent to me. I know many adult children feel this kind of lifelong grief.
I think that Nedra Tawwab's work has a lot of the specifics you're looking for.
www.nedratawwab.com/
This was very much felt. 💙
Do WE EVER!! The grief can just take ya down. Fight the good fight, guys, as best you can. NO ONE is worth ruining our lives, or dying, over. I finally 'get it''!!
You may want to also try Patrick Teahan and Jerry Wise. Wishing you the best.
The Crappy Childhood Fairy, Lisa A Romano, I don't appreciate her these days, for some reason, but many swear by Dr Ramani. Emma McAdams and her Therapy in a Nutshell channel. Batel Skater If You focus is on Spiritual Maturation and don't mind intense without sugar coating in a New York Kinda way, she's your gal!
Let us know what you discover 😻
I can't thank you enough for this, the platform the professional simplicity to connect with me as a Mom of an Hineless 31 yr adult Son, who's trying to desperately figure out what has happened to him. and what, if anything ,I can do to bring him to seek help. It's so heartbreaking because I must keep safe boundaries until then.
Really eye opening for me! Thanks for always taking on the hard subjects! I get so much out of how you and Rick talk and cover this stuff!
bpd survivor here… i’m riding a wave of emotions listening to you both!!!!!
wow
thank you
Well I tell you what: I am 46 and I have MDD with BPD traits, and I finally, FINALLY decided to stop running from it. I am learning to live my life well with my disorders, because quite frankly, I deserve to. I didn't do anything to cause this disorder, it just happened to me (and millions of others). I am choosing to live by my values and standards. I am not this terrible person, and I deserve a good life, too. I have chosen to not take meds, but I have the luxury of that choice. Also, thank you for addressing the tendency of people to diagnose others based on what they read or see on the internet. It's not ok to do that to people.
You excelled at navigating this difficult condition.
Thank you for not demonising us for our tendencies like the majority of other channels seem to do.
I tried DBT but found it super triggering.
It’s very expensive for those of us embarking on the journey to heal/ move into remission. 💫 ⭐️ 🌟 💫
Sending much appreciation through the universe to you both for doing this podcast in the way that you did. So much tenderness and compassion in your voices and words. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for the love and the education. You are angels on earth for many.
🥰😘💜💜💜
I second these words. I often have tears come into my eyes just witnessing how you care for this difficult material so lovingly. Your compassion and care are so, so inspiring and has helped me tremendously on my healing journey.
08
I agree, I found this podcast both insightful to help me understand my mother but it also supported me in being able to keep loving her too. She’s had an awful childhood and gone through a lot of suffering. She has suffered but I also need to hold loving boundaries to protect myself too. I would love to hear more on BPD from you both.
I've been in a relationship with a BPD for twenty years. I love and care for her deeply, however, I had no idea how dangerous she could become, even though I've been beaten and threatened often. She has such a dynamic personality and cares for me deeply and shows it constantly and I keep returning, hoping that at some point she would see how much I love her and these episodes would not continue, but they do. I have set boundaries and she appears to be well, but her episodes continue and are often dangerous to me and others. She is isolated herself and I can no longer even enter her home without fear. I'm saying all this to say that these people can be dangerous.
Yep. U need to distance. Start working on yourself. Get therapy for childhood trauma and codependency
It ain’t going to change man. And you know that deep down. What you’re doing is rescuer role sacrificing yourself and gosh don’t give out medals to martyrs…. Start eating healthier. Workout. Sleep somewhere else if you need. Get hobbies. These all help with well-being and clear it but you need therapy man. You’d done this too long..
Wishing you well
the violence isnt part of BPD I dont think. With me BPD is depression and huge fear of rejection and lonliness and not fitting in and thinking the worst is about to happen like every second. I have issues controlling my emotions but I am not violent. I can be violent if someone wants to physically attack me. I am a former USMC Combat Zone Veteran. But I don't think BPD ever caused me to get violent with another person.
@@jamezbrian4135 not all people with bpd are violent but many can be. They may not start out that way. Depends on how severe their bpd and if they take responsibility for their actions or if they instead always blame everyone else.
Wow you must be an extremely tolerant, caring, and loving person. My ex had become physically violent less than two years into the relationship and I had to end it. I can’t tolerate that. I tell others that no one should tolerate physical violence but if you love her that much it’s your choice. I still believe I should have left even earlier when the mental and emotional abuse started. The gaslighting, the paranoid delusions, the threats, the mind games, etc. I never should have put up with that although I did love and care for her deeply. She had no problem leaving me in an instant if I did something so innocent and innocuous, so why should I have dealt with things that were actually bad from her? I can’t deal with someone incapable of true love. Who can act like you’re the greatest human being whom they love deeply one day and then hate you the next and can toss you away forever without so much as goodbye.
The saddest part of all is we had a son which she gave up for adoption even though she at first said she wanted a child. That devastated me. I walked away a month before he was born and tried to fight the adoption and take my son to raise myself. She wasn’t having it. I spent a lot of money on lawyers, did everything I was supposed to, followed all the laws. Just for the judge to deny me and terminate my rights because she claimed I couldn’t prove that I supported my ex during the pregnancy. Even though I was with her everyday, drove her everywhere, paid for everything, listened to her, was there for her emotionally physically mentally. Yet I had no way to fully prove it all to the court and I lost my baby boy. In the end I suppose it’s for the best because I know for a fact she would have ruined that child.
@@jamezbrian4135 you're right, violence is not part of the criteria for BPD. However, many people with BPD have other comorbid diagnoses and that could be where the violent behaviour stems from. I was diagnosed with BPD many years ago and I have ruined so many relationships but never ever violently. It makes me very sad when I read the comments from those who have lived with people who have BPD because I know we are difficult people to have a relationship with. I am a very difficult person, I know that. And I refuse to apologize for anything I say or do. But, I have also tried very hard over the years to work on my BPD and recognize my escalation triggers and behaviours. I am still learning to remove myself every time I am faced with a situation in order to de-escalate. I have very few relationships now and choose to live my life quietly with my pets who I get along with very well. A wise man once said, "you're only as sick as your last secret." I'm working on mine.
Forrest and Rick: I listened through this entire podcast today. You both are so kind and sensitive to hurting people. When Rick said he actually has deep feelings of compassion ( paraphrased) for people with BPD or those traits, just hearing that actually felt like a healing balm to my soul. There are other places on the internet where actual therapists are not compassionate to people with suffering from these inner turmoils. If alot of this is nature, then there needs to be the same care for this condition as cancer or h.b.p. And if it's trauma based great care is also needed. 10% of BPD commit suicide before they can be treated successfully. Thank you for this wonderful channel.
Totally.
This is one of the best, if not the best, video I have seen on this subject. Thank you so much.
I am a newer clinician in mental health and this conversation has immensely not only helped me to understand BPD on a different level, but to also have compassion for myself because I have often been left feeling as if I’ve done something wrong or haven’t done enough to help a client struggling with this condition. Thank you both.
Oh boy, I grew up with a solo mother with BPD, I’d better strap in for this one. Thanks so much 🤍
how that go
I got goosebumps when Dr Hanson and Forrest validated each other for their knowledge and relevance of input and expertise regarding BPD and other behaviors. Thank you both. I found this podcast extremely interesting and helpful. Unfortunately, I tick all the boxes, but I've come to understand how my behaviors have affected and even hurt those around me. It makes sense why people don't stay in my life for too long, it must be emotionally draining and difficult to endure in the long term. I, over the years, have come to understand why my children exhibit certain behaviours in their own lives. It must have been immensely hurtful and destabilising for them to have a parent with BPD. I've explained and I always apologise for my past behaviours. My children just say it's not my fault I was unwell, but this will never negate how they were made to feel when growing up and they will carry that pain with them always. Now that I recognise my destructive behaviours, I explain how I'm feeling and I take myself away for a bit. My children call it my timeout 😁
I cannot thank you both for such a beautifully compassionate episode on this topic. I'm highly motivated to dealing with my own tenancies, and growing to be a more regulated person without losing my compassion. This helps me to remember to have more compassion for myself.
Thank you for your examination of BPD in relation to the patriarchy, sexism, and pathologizing; fascinating and enlightening.
As a person with BPD, I have to say, this is the best video I think I've ever watched. Your dad is a godsend. What a kind, caring gentleman thank you for understanding that's all I want to say, thank you for understanding
I definitely understand people having negative experiences with people struggling with BPD. As someone who feels like I do have it, there is a lot of responsibility that the person struggling has to their own condition. It can definitely reach a point where taking responsibility for your actions becomes difficult, but that doesn't take responsibility away from you. You are still the one who has to work towards managing your experience. But having people who you can communicate your insecurities and issues to honestly, makes a huge difference. They should definitely have clear boundaries and stand up for them, but having people in your life like that can give you hope. Hope that, yes I might have horrible feelings and have to manage them, but I still have people who care enough to be in my life. The more you can de-escalate your feelings, and be honest with people about how you deal with those feelings, the more you start to be able to share your life in a way that works for everyone. I don't get to expect prompt responses all the time, and I don't get to keep people all to myself. But if I can find people who are accepting of my honest self, as chaotic as it can be, it starts to bring some form of internal stability. It's slow, and it will get rocky at times. But slow change and growth is the goal. I wish healing for anyone who dealt with BPD or who had to deal with someone who had it. The internal little 3 year old wants you to have a good day 😂👍
I had this conversation with my ex recently: fault and responsibility are different. The sufferer almost certainly isn't at fault -- no child deserves to be abused. But there should still be responsibility for actions. The disorder is not an excuse to unleash terror and pain on the people nearby.
The loved ones need to try to help and understand while the sufferer is seeking help. But there's a reason manslaughter exists as a felony separate from intentional homicide.
Appreciate the acknowledgment of the potential sources and sorrow that accompanies some of these difficult, painful emotional mental conditions. Also how there has been a history of both cultural and gender bias focus on emotional dysregulation as a pathology that deserves punishment and avoidance rather than exploring other explanations and/or solutions. Historically the “hysteria” label was used to control and punish wives or female family members who were inconvenient or did not conform/comply with the hierarchical male societal expectations and norms which also included abuse. Many women were stashed away and forgotten in institutions. That option isn’t generally available now, but some of this gender bias and dismissiveness continues re: mental health conditions and diagnoses.
Not all get better with age. I'm 51. I was diagnosed 30 years ago. I had a space of about 10 years when I didn't feel as if I was problematic. About 2 years ago it came back. And it came back with a vengeance. Admittedly it stems from a not so pleasant, 3 year old relationship. I'm a Quiet BPD. All of my anger is turned inward. I'd really like to see a podcast about Quiet BPD. Thank you 😊
There's a UA-camr called On THE Line. She has quiet BPD and does vids on it. She also has spent many years in DBT and is in a successful relationship. I just love her.
@@wendi2819 Thank you very much 😊 I'll check out the channel.
i always wondered if i had quiet bpd i don’t show my anger outwards . i have constant anxiety though .. i haven’t been diagnosed but i wonder if i have traites 😢
hi, i know it’s been a year since you posted this comment, but just in case you read replies …. i just wanted to send some good vibes your way. and some encouragement, if you like? it’s amazing that you had a space of 10 years where you didn’t feel as though you were problematic.
and just because the old feeling came back, triggered by a particularly difficult event, doesn’t mean you’re not getting better. it doesn’t take away what you experienced in those 10 years.
i’m so sorry that you lived with a feeling of being problematic. that sounds extremely painful, and must’ve been so very hard to bear.
i don’t know if this will help at all, or if it’s something you have already explored, but there really is a deeper truth that is within each of us, the truth of absolutely knowing that we are NOT a problem!! no matter if others see us that way or tell us that we are. that’s actually THEIR issue.
so when you live with a painful feeling that you are problematic, and all the terrible thoughts that generate to support that feeling, if you can remind yourself that feelings are not truth, and that you feel like you’re problematic because you’ve picked that up - BUT it’s not true! if you can keep reminding yourself of that, every time, and give yourself exactly alllll the reassurance and love and comforting words that you most want, then those feelings will ease. they want to be heard and acknowledged and comforted - not BELIEVED!! a child who is sad and says to their parent, “everyone hates me!!” is not saying that because they want their parent to believe them!
so when your heart aches and says to you “you are problematic” please don’t believe that! acknowledge it, comfort it, reassure it, but don’t believe it. ❤
@@selfloveroadmap Thank you very much for the encouragement and wise words. I will try to take them to heart ❤
Wonderful empathic view of BPD. Boundaries help me feel safer. It helps me for people to be direct with me even if you feel Bpds will get upset. Just forward the person and express caring at same time.
I was finally diagnosed with BPD in 2017 after an incident that led to me calling 911 on myself and getting arrested. The traumatic brain injury that led to most of my Borderline symptoms happened in 1988 , and it felt great to finally have a label for my experience.
My partner and I binge watched the Netflix show, Crazy Ex Girlfriend with Rachel Bloom. The scene in season 3 where she songs her relief at getting a diagnosis was SO relatable!
What incident that caused you to arrest yourself, I mean were you not aware about bpd that lead to hurt or an attack yourself
@@miss_8thwonder , I was not aware at that time that I had BPD. I only knew I was out of control, and I was harming myself and threatening others, and I wanted to stop. So I did the one thing that I was sure would put a stop to my actions, which worked in my favor because a neighbor had also called the police. Therefore I was accepted into Mental Health Court, which ordered an evaluation, which led to the diagnosis of BPD, which explained most of my disturbing quirks over the previous 25 years.
@@wendychavez5348wow! This is an incredible story. Thanks for sharing and thank you for being your own advocate and getting the help you needed. That is very rare with BPD.
Thank you for leaving out background music. It helps my nervous system relax. ❤
You okay?
This is one of the best discussions on bpd I’ve heard to date. I felt it so much when you expressed the compassion of how it feels to love someone with these traits. So much love and heartache when you can’t make them feel better bc you’ve got your own stuff going on as well. Not internalizing and protecting yourself is great insight. Thanks guys!
The most useful, loving and plain speaking resource I have encountered on BPD in the 3-4 years I have spent researching the issue. Well done.
Thank you both for this compassionate conversation for us that emotionally deep dive when experience to much triggers. Its so easy feeling crazy and wrong as a person and that creates even more isolation and frustration about not getting enough love and sense of community that you actually need. Embrace love and compassion when it comes was a good reminder. To be mindful thankful a couple of minutes a day makes a tremendous difference in the ability to feel love and closeness and understanding of the people around you that actually thinks your kinda great.
I wish I was raised by ur dad. Someone so mentally strong and educated and understanding is so amazing to see. I would be such a different person rn if I was raised by him. Ur lucky kid
Just stumbled upon this and love the compassion and deep dive into BPD. I was diagnosed earlier this year and it’s felt like such a stormy journey - I can sense the wear on my partner and want to be able to improve. Thank you!
I feel seen. Thank you from someone who has struggled w this sensitive issue for many many years and lived w shame about it.
40:00 oh my gosh!!! I have been told him too sensitive way too many times in my life. 40:40 People who refuse to attempt to make changes grow, be centered, stable, inherent wellbeing. The feeling of deeply touched ...absolutely💯💯deep, meaningful connection with others is the best! Amazing show! Thank you
One of the better BPD discussions I've seen. Unfortunately, I couldn't play that parent role. I wanted a partner, not an insecure, explosively angry child. It was a terrible shame, she did have some great qualities
Really appreciated this conversation. I have flubbed with the borderline humans in my life and this helps me understand them and have strategies to cope with their behaviors in a compassionate way
Thank you for giving me some very useful tools to keep my marriage from disintegrating each time my partner has an episode.
I am seeing more clearly now and am working on my boundaries.
That part where the disregulated partner ups the anti...just WOW! 30 years together and I'm still learning the nuances of this relationship.
You and your Dad are a gift to us empaths!
You are both gems ❤
I've been diagnosed with BPD (among other things). I'm lucky enough to have 2 adult kids. I'm now in my early 50s, I've been single for 21 years, and I live alone with 4 dogs and a cat. I was adopted, and the people I was placed with were absolutely unsuited for parenting (putting it very mildly). I can't imagine how it would feel to be 'normal', successful, motivated, confident, etc. Don't know what I'm trying to say, just leaving my words here.
Do you suffer from lots of regret?
This is the most compassionate video I've seen on the topic and when I listen to it I feel such hope. I'm technically in remission and never had a full diagnosis, just traits attached to my bipolar. It's so hard though to fight instincts that are still strong and you really seem to understand our motivations and how painful they are even when resisted.
Living with someone for almost thirty years I am well aware of the characteristics of my husband. The people who deal & love these people should be listened to far more extensively than they actually are listed to? It’s truly unfortunate that these people have the ability to hide most of these outward traits to the outside world. I’ve more than a few times have said to my husband that I feel like I’m actually dealing with a 2 year old? It actually took years before I realized that there were patterns to the swings in his demeanor & then the temper tantrum would follow? It’s hard to determine the difference in BPD or narcissism, truly difficult? These people are amazing at B.S.ing everyone else. I call it Jekyll & Hyde cause I never know whom I’ll be dealing with next? He’s a beautiful man, loving, kind, sweet & an actual demon the next minute? It’s bizarre & terrifying to think so many people exist like this? Thank you gentlemen
Borderline person is: “I hate you, don’t leave me.”
Narcissist: thinks they are special. Like literally thinks they are better than most and only associate with special people.
There is a level of malice with narcissists but in bpd it's more desperation
@@AA-iy4gm Very intelligently said.
They overlap and it’s why it’s all in cluster B. Yea some are dual diagnosis but none have ever been given out. You can’t have a dual diagnosis..
A prominent researcher is trying to get Europe DSM to lump them all together , all cluster B as one diagnosis as they all have traits into another.
You gotta ask yourself if you love eating shards of glass or you wanna throw in the towel.
But I suggest as maybe you never went to therapy for childhood trauma / codependency which is why u attracted in the first place…
Fear of rejection, then forcing the other to reject you is BPD.
As a mother of an adult daughter (aged 36) who was diagnosed with BPP over ten years ago, I'm so glad I found this video. You both discussed so many parallels with what I've been going through with her over the last 20 years or so (yes, even before her diagnosis). She recently had an extreme blowout on me, and I hope this does not last too long - because I would like to see my granddaughter and be a part of that little girl's life. Also, you've helped me better understand my daughter and my relationship with her. I think the way you have talked about this is extremely respectful and sensitive, especially from my perspective as a heterosexual female and as a single parent who has witnessed and experienced unwarranted assumptions, sexual discrimination, and many injustices that single moms experienced back in the 1980s and 90's when paternal/patriarchal societal norms and paradigms were more often accepted as normal.
I hope you are able to find what you need to help you with your daughter so that you get to spend time with your granddaughter. I am on the other end of that spectrum. I have just had my first grandchild 2 months ago and I have BPD. I have reeked so much havoc in my family and every other relationship that I have to work extremely hard to make sure that I stay balanced in order to have the meaningful relationship that I want to have with my granddaughter. Dr. Marsha Linehan has been a great leader in BPD and I have learned so much from her with DBT. I would recommend a UA-cam video called Back From The Edge - Borderline Personality Disorder. This video is an excellent watch for anyone who is in a relationship with someone who has BPD, or if you have BPD. It gave me great insight into my diagnosis when I was in treatment. For me, because I have major issues that stem back to childhood with abandonment, my focus is most often on Radical Acceptance but each person needs to find their own niche within the parameters of DBT to focus on once they recognize themselves, hopefully in the video.
As someone with BPD, I can (from my view) promise you your daughter is really really anxiously waiting for you to reach out now and having a blowout and no reassurance from the other person feels just like confirmation that 'they never liked them to begin with' - no matter how unlogical or frustrating it seems to you. I've been there (I have this constantly with my own mom or even with my boyfriend, and I'm trying really hard to not expect superhuman reassurance and devotion from them while balancing this really childish feeling of 'if they're nice they're probably lying because deep down I always have to be on the lookout for any red flag they might be leaving), and while in these situations, I objectiviely absolutely understand how unfair or demanding my expectation are to the other person and it's so self sabotaging that even if they do what I expect them, it doesn't feel authentic enough, simply because it's a deep feeling of suspicion of everything and everyone. It's really nothing personal about you - actually, it's rather the opposite: The more I love someone, the more I have to expect the worst to be somehow prepared for inevitable sorrow when we fight, they'll leave or something like that. It's just so very hard to let the other person know this, too.
Thank you so much for this father-and-son conversation, it is so comforting to see a good family relationship!
All my life (I’m 67) I felt different with a lot of troubles in relationship with family, friends and lovers. This gives me a lighting and good food for thought! (Sorry for my English!)
Thank you for talking about this issue with such deep understanding and compassion. It has a healing effect. ❤
Liked this so much I bought your dad's book. Cheers from Brazil! 💚
The timing of watching this was most fortunate. It happened after a regular heated retreat of myself trying to erect boundaries up to a person I have grown to suspect has BPD whom I have been giving alot of my time but need space. Your explanations and advice was very useful not to label them but to understand why my efforts to 'retreat' spur increased 'persuance' to an anxious extreme. I guess the google algorithym literaly 'heard' and plucked you out to answer my distress. Subscribed and liked.
I’m trying my best to be the glue in a relationship with a female borderline. The cycle of devaluation, splitting, and ghosting happens on a weekly basis. This video helped me to better understand what my partner deals with on a daily basis, and why it is she reacts the way she does.
Bruh? You’re just hurting yourself, these relationships don’t work , these guys this father / son duo are sugar coating this disorder. Watch : 3 Stages of a Borderline by AJ Mahari . or Dr. Sam Vaknin on BPD . It’s doomed from the start .
That said, did she try getting help? I can only imagine how emotionally draining it must be.
I would end contact with my sibling with bpd if I could, but her children would pay the price for that, so I have the bare minimum contact going to be able to spend time with her Kids.
But I'd really like to know if/why you're doing this. Is it love, is it something about your character or the situation that makes it possible to stay ? I'm honestly curious because I'm trying to find my own stance
It's not your job to be the glue! Run Away ,there's other fish in the sea. And don't look back.
I can see why my daughter has had "issue" with me. Parental abandonment at age 2 (left me with my alcoholic/narcisstistic) with my mother. Guess I've had some more/other/different problems with "emotional hunger" than I knew. I now can have more "compassionate sorrow" for both myself and my daughter 'cause she grew up with some of this deregulation from me. Darn!.I will watch more of these vids.!
My mother had this overbearing hovering over me at 14. I remember as I was trying to find my independence and autonomy she was so clingy and put that pressure on me that I owe her company when she didn’t even like me around her like that. That hot cold tug and pool. I’m 30 today learning these shadow traits of my mom by observing my partner 😅
Wonderful video. Thank you for posting interventions, and not just listing traits.
This is so helpful. My husband will tell me to knock off my deprecating speech or behaviors. Its very helpful to have people around you who love you and aren't afraid of setting boundaries. I'm a quiet BPD, though. It rears it's head mostly during PMS.
great foundation for better understanding how to maintain a relationship with a loved one with BPD. thank you!
You two just have a very natural and symbiotic (but not co-dependent!) association. I really hope this channel takes off. I liked & subscribed. Many thanks. Psychology is as fascinating as my other two social science loves---public health and political science.
I stopped vid at 28.00 had to repay it a few times, wrote it down. Gastro intestinal..Immune system..Hormonal system. I think this might be important step. 🧐
Thank you guys so much for this. So many videos just talk about the symptoms and diagnosis, but few offer solutions and compassion for sufferers. You have certainly helped this individual and given great relief and hope. 🙏
that was incredibly touching, helpful, clarifying and mindful for me and for loved ones. Thank you 💚
Really appreciate you taking the time to put this together. It’s been very helpful. Thank you
I have never felt so understood in my life. Thank you so much.
This is beautiful. Way to go in handling the issue gracefully guys! 🎉
This is essentially what I have been doing. Embracing the opposite. Struggled with ideation and embracing the opposite seemed like the scariest thing in the world because of the black and white thinking. The child like self. Separating the adult from the child and nurturing then integrating is helping so much. Not the easiest work but it’s been ten years and I’m slowly making progress. The hungry ghost is what I call it. 😂 and I have to slow down to listen and honor everything. It’s such a journey. I’m also grateful I am a massage therapist as it is teaching me mindfulness and connection. 🎉❤😊
What a wonderful father son relationship you have Forrest. :)
Appreciate this podcast and the balance with which you and your Dad empathetically address this often complex emotional state. Also - love the recap! 🫶
Complex issue for sure. I've been cautioned against diagnosing my wife (because I made the mistake of suggesting that she might have BPD) but the descriptions, research and discussion I've seen so far have described my situation to the letter.
I myself have recently been diagnosed with AVPD, ADHD, and MDD on top of being a recovering addict. I don't attribute our entire relationship to the interactions between our mental issues, but there is no denying how certain patterns are definitely defined by them.
The love bombing, getting me to accept the hero role, along with the deep and rapid connection we formed, played right into my need to avoid rejection and externalize a sense of purpose and structure.
The early turbulence, the insecurities, the isolation from my friends and family, and frequent discards or threats to leave triggered my deeply held lack of self-worth and my tendency to blame myself for our problems.
I would watch as friends of hers would come and go, following a similar pattern to our relationship, and once they ended (usually by writing said friend off) we would both accept the narrative that it was because there is no one that could be her friend like I could. I was her favorite person, and I took comfort in this.
Our fights would often come down to the understanding that I didn't do enough to show her that she was loved. This is a difficult aspect to judge. On the one hand, I did have a tendency to pull away or rely on myself when I was stressed. I would often recede into my own mind, especially when certain emotional responses would've been appropriate. What I did express would be inhibited or muted. This would alarm her, spiking her insecurities and cause her to lash out. I would be devalued, subtly at first, and growing in intensity until we found ourselves in a fight where no attempt to rationally discuss the issues would yield anything useful. Of course, this would trigger all of my fears, and I would pull away, discouraged, and anticipating abandonment. Eventually, we would make up and enter this blissful period where we would be the model couple. But under the surface, I would be deeply insecure and hyper vigilant. The moment her mood began to shift, the cycle would start all over again. Worse still, external sources could start or worsen the cycle, flinging us into chaos at random.
Mental health issues are no joke. I know it is easy to demonize people with BPD, especially if you've been recently hurt, but I urge anyone watching to please hold a space within yourself where you can be understanding. Maybe setting boundaries or leaving the situation is appropriate, but it doesn't need to be mean spirited. What I've learned by looking into this as well as my own issues is that there is a reason we get involved with these people, and it is worth examining the situation without the need to place blame.
Start getting therapy or read books on codependency and childhood trauma. That’s where this is all stemming from on your side.
You’ll see it start to make sense the more you learn about it.
But ultimately you gotta make a call. Cut the cord and free yourself or just keep wrapping yourself up in that cord choking you slowly to death. Harsh yea but that’s reality as you can tell she ain’t getting treatment. Save yourself or be a martyr. Just know god doesn’t had our medals for being one.
Good luck. Painful yet freeing journey … and you’ve made it this far in life. You’ll make it to the end better then ever
I sense you're a kind person. I hope cruel comments like the first person don't discourage you. Your comment gave me hope for my relationship. So even if yours is rocky, know that you gave hope to someone else in the world.
What you shared was so insightful!!! And I really appreciate hearing your compassion, for both yourself and your wife. That takes a lot of inner strength, you've clearly done a lot of healing work! Thank you for sharing your story, it was helpful to me!❤
I just loved that comment of yours.... everything you said it's SOOOO TRUE .
" Save yourself or be a martyr " 👍
Learning my human design is healing me immensely more than everything else I’ve tried. Take a look into it. Search human design! And yes we attract them to heal childhood wounds for sure. They are helpful in self discovery though it’s painful at times.
Thank you for expounding on the topic. I need more experienced resource persons to differentiate BPD with other disorders.
Listening to this video conversation feels like a hug! Thank you for sharing this. I especially enjoy the compassionate content and tone. I will share this with others as an example of how we can talk about mental health topics.
You guys are the best! I have bpd and you never make me feel bad about it. Thank you so much!
At just after 45:00 I shouted, "Yep!". It doesn't help that I lost who I loved and lost who I wanted a future with, but it does help to know that my ex almost certainly had BPD. I wish for her to get the help she needs to end these destructive cycles she lives through.
This video has been so helpful.
Best video I’ve ever seen on BPD, and believe me, I’ve seen dozens. I suffer from this disorder and it has ruined many relationships. I’ve finally had to give up having a secure, loving mature relationship, particularly with a woman.
Did you try to apologize to her and get back to her?
This podcast is sooo loving and reassuring. I have that duck in me but I’m also a caring person who does a lot a good and has a potential for good but I thought I wasn’t valuable because of my BPD. But it gives me a lot of hope ❤ and made me feel okay with being highly sensitive.
Thank you for your communication style about this very difficult topic. I’ve jumped around trying to find information and a lot of it is dark, too dark. I wish I had found your videos first.
Thank you for your effort and the work you do to help people 💛
this was probably one of the brst videos ive seen on the subject i suffer from really bad BPD and whilst it was difficult for me i i really enjoyed seeing the relationship you both have my daf was the parent that damaged me really bad but thanks gor the video
I don't have BPD but do have tendencies so I appreciate this.
Thank you. This is giving me the more in depth understanding I was looking for. It took a couple restarts in the beginning to get the feel of your vibe down. Once I got it I was able to focus. I’m going to watch a second time while reading the transcript. I’ll stop and let parts resonate before continuing throughout this listen. I’ll also screenshot parts as a way of taking notes.
The hungry heart on steroids - gosh, yeah that fits perfectly. The longing and fear. The explosion of dopamine when someone's just kind to you. Because you've been so deprived of love and emotions
“Unfulfilled longing“… Wow. Thank you. Thank you from the bottom of the deep hole in my heart 😅
I would never use the word emptiness to describe this.… thing…that has been with me, chronically. What does feeling empty even mean?
After 38 years of trying to figure myself out I am two years in to learning about borderline traits. It’s not clear cut but I have consistently circled back and around, it is close as I’ve ever found to finding a pattern that resonates with me. That I feel my describe me and show me a path forward.
But I’ve never really met the criteria. Chronic feelings of emptiness? Now I guess I can’t check that box off…
Chronic feelings of unfulfilled longing…. Oh wow. Oh wow yeah. Yeah. Yes.
Thank you for giving the diagnostic criteria this humanizing context.
Thank you very informative it’s great to just learn about the spectrum of human behaviour as we are learning about ourselves and others
So helpful. So compassionately crafted. Thank you ❤
I loved how you both dealt with this topic. Thank you so much! ❤
This video has gone into
very real feelings about
a person's suffering
Very deep
The disregard and cruel behavior of some of these
ppl with a personality
disorder
The feelings are so
complexed
Generous and sensitive
A great duo
A gentle approach
💗👍👍
Excellent help
E
I love your compassion. I have traits and my hubby may suffer from BPD. We both have trauma. I feel for him and it's hard to have a healthy relationship & it can be exhausting.
A trauma-informed approach to BPD is seemingly more sensitive than other approaches that simply describe BPD characteristics/traits/symptoms and how others should "manage" or "handle" one with BPD. All characteristics in BPD persons are their attempts to cope, manage after trauma, crises, and horrific situations, and many of them actually want to change. Many are very self-aware and also aware that others see them as the villain and horrible person described in this video. It is a mental illness/diagnosis and some simply don't know how to manage, regulate, or change but want to do so and there is not specific medications for BPD and it is often misdiagnosis as bipolar disorder just to be able to prescribe medication and get it billed through insurance.
Npd can also be best understood this way. I'm excited for the paradigm shift.
thanku for de stigmatizing this very complex condition !!!
What a lovely young man you are Forrest!!! Keep up the great work😊
Very helpful. Can you do another one on people who constantly seem to attract borderline friends?
Yeah it’s called codependency and childhood trauma. Go get therapy or at least start reading books. It will start to make sense then…
Thank you Forrest! I'm so tired of people without the degree diagnosing others or themselves ! I find this rather disturbing and harmful. Narcissist has been the fav past few years. One friend of mine didn't even know it was a actual disorder in the dsm-5 because it gets thrown around so much🤦 I too am into trying to help people understand things better and see those with special needs different ☺️
Literally have been dealing with the rollercoaster of punching bag emotional abuse for four years and literally the more I accomodate them the more I am tested and get unbuckled from the rollercoaster just to be caught by them before I hit the ground. Put back into the train and buckled back in for another round
My thoughts exactly.
I think it is very irresponsible what they’re talking about here.
Shittt that explains the feeling like I have never heard before.. definitely hit a nerve . Thank you
Agreed, I think this is a very naive discussion on bpd, npd personality disorders. If they are talking about extremely MILD bpd then sure this may be an ok discussion because even non bpd or npd ie….”Normal” for lack of a better term, can experience the highs and lows of emotions, projecting, abandonment fears, jealousy, over thinking, arrogance etc etc. but true bpd and npd is a whole other ball game and it’s devestated not only the bpd person but also the person on the receiving end. It is far more convoluted snd aggressive in its destruction than this discussion gives credit for. It was a nice talk and helpful in certain ways but the gravity of despair was not truly touched on here.
@@tanyadepoalo4312 very well said and I couldn’t agree more.
It’s almost like implying you can somehow hang out with radioactive material by simply being more understanding.
Nevermind that your body is being irradiated by the radioactive material…
I call it eating shards of glass and smiling but I like your ability 😂
You need to get into therapy for codependency and childhood trauma… start setting boundaries. Focus on self ( hobbies. Sleep. Eating well. Working out. Self interests. You time... )
I mean basically it will never change so get off the ride at some point or strap in for the wildest ride of your life. You gotta make a decision at some point. Just realize leaving then won’t change magically getting into a healthy relationship. You need therapy for why you got in this in the first place ( again codependency and childhood trauma )
Wish you luck and realize it’s like the most powerful drug. You’ll have relapses and wins and losses along the way.. just set a destination and keep going till you achieve it! You don’t have to sacrifice your life for another
I have BPD. I found this very informative and helpful! ❤️😊
Part 1 - of my story I’ve been dealing with and once I didn’t I ended the toxic attachment she was highly aggressive and posted images of me on the web all on 2 weeks I even had to get the police to warn her off. And still I wanted to go back and play with that mess which I did a few times until I accepted I had issues that were unresolved .
These exs that displayed high levels of narcissistic behaviour at the extreme and passed the 5 symptoms you talk on , I’ve now learnt what this disorder is like, especially after 4 years of slowly healing and watching endless videos like yours which also helped in my self realisation to heal. My lack of affection and physical abuse, not getting love and being cheated on as a only girl in a family unit of 6 boys all fighting constantly and watching beatings for being late home from dad and both mom and dad not showing affection could have ended up with me being on the darker end of life , but thankfully I sought attention through my inner using my talent in work and sport to get that love I craved and that’s the difference I believe.
What woke me up and how I healed my self was learning why I had to address why I attract people with NPD, I used to give people the silent treatment all the time and still do at times as punishment, I will shut down on them and because it was and is easier than communicating in words I get self regulation. I put a lot of time into watching and analysing my person who I believe hurts me to learn what they would disapprove of, and this then helps me punish those who hurt me, it helps me resolve my belief of injustice forwards them and pushes me forwards in leaps and bounds, in regards to feeling justified in my thoughts in regards to there lack of understanding of what they did to hurt me, but of course in most cases my lack of not using communication was the issue here because I was very shy as a child.
First, thanks for all you two do but especially for this one. Not many podcast or similar discussions are worth a second listen - very few, in my opinion. This one is going to need and reward a second and maybe a third round.
Second, one of the things that was particularly helpful was distinguishing occasionally letting my self become derailed or even having a sort of meltdown, on the one hand, from a pattern of frequent, repeated outbursts and eruptions. My partner was suggesting that an acknowledged meltdown last month when airlines canceled one after another return flight, and a few Amtrak trains literally filled up as I tried to purchase tickets, and getting back that night was not optional (I really couldn't leave our dog alone overnight) was evidence that I did or at least might "have" BPD. No, that was just a legitimately crappy day and it isn't at all indicative of how I function most days. :-) I think the use of the phrase BPD-traits is particularly helpful.
But the thing I really want to say, and the reason I need to go back and listen some more, is the way Rick talked about hitting the pause button when someone is sending you affirmation/respect/praise/affection/whatever...and letting it soak in. I have come to realize I have this life-long pattern of deflecting, discounting or devaluing positive things people say to me. (Hmmm....a pattern of learned behavior...where, and from whom, did I learn that?...why do I do these things?) Rick has made this point in other episodes. I need to stop and let -that- soak in and start to make a practice of stopping and listening and then believing, which I think is goign to be quite difficult, since this response of mine has more than 60 years behind it.
Final point, and thanks for reading if you still are 🙂, I would really appreciate an hour focused on the disorganized (which I think is also referred to as fearful-avoidant) attachment pattern. In another episode in which you discussed anxious and avoidant attachment patterns, Forrest made an offhand reference to dealing with disorganized attachment by picking some elements of treatment for anxious attachment and some elements of treatment for avoidant attachment. I don't think that really works, or at least it hasn't for me,, and I'm guessing neither of you really thinks so, either. There's very little helpful discussion or research on therapeutic responses to disorganized attachment, and I"m sure you would have some useful suggestions - an anticipatory thank-you on that from me.
I am 15 years into a marriage with these types of behavior.
It checks all the boxes.
She is now in her 50's and it is escalating. I need help with this
Think of them like a child who didn’t get ice cream. Whatever they say is most likely a bluff, a ploy for a reaction. Treat them like a child who’s having a tantrum. Once you realize what they really are, they’re quite funny
You need therapy for codependent and childhood trauma. Start there developing boundries. Self care.. stay eating healthy. Hobbies. Working out. Good sleep help with mental clarity and feeling good. The focus needs to be put back on your needs and self. Not hers
And ideally she go into therapy with DBT or another treatment that works for her. Which they say takes 6-16 years for them to “heal” …. Fun…..
Yeah it doesn’t get better. It gets worse with age as the narcissism component with women aging doesn’t help at all 😂
Good luck on the journey. Just know you are self sacrificing for someone who doesn’t love you.. do you wanna stay or go..
This is extremely enlightening.
Thanks forever for everything you do and contribute.
Thank you!! I couldn't understand why I was escalating in a relationship with someone who was loving and balanced. I understand now; that because he gave what I needed SO MUCH, I was becoming extremely fearful of losing it and not being able to handle the pain.