I’m 67 and have seen umpteen therapists, psychiatrists and counsellers over the past 40 years or so and this brilliant man has taught me why I have struggled all my life. Shame on the mental health profession. Nobody even suggested I had complex trauma or ptsd….if they did, it didn’t hit home like it just did now. Thank God for pastor Tim.
Ive been jumping aroind the videos. This man is a genius. He's the missing piece from all the therapy, AA, OA I've been in since I was 15. Im 65 now and lost my son to fentanyl laced heroin in 2017. I completely shattered. I laid down to die. Walking dead. I then lost my Mother and Father. Its 2021 now. I got up and took a shower today.
I don't know how to describe my excitement and admiration for Mr. Fletcher's mission of enlightenment and education!❤ The explanations of trauma are precious. I picked several videos from this series randomly first. But each episode rang bells within my mind so profoundly that I started watching this Trauma video from the very beginning. Thank you so much!🙏
He is by far the best, and I have listened to every video and podcast available on ctpsd, shame, trauma, etc. I could name 6 other "experts" on these subjects, but they don't hold a candle to Tim Fletcher. I don't know where he came from, but I am grateful I somehow stumbled across him. EXCELLENT!
@@jsteele286 I'm on the fence. You want facts, Ramani's your girl. This guy goes into the more personal little things you don't even realize you are experiencing, or have experienced.
Every school should have this in their curriculum. If there was a psychology class in high school kids would change drastically... this can relate to anyone and I'm 100 percent sure the kids would pay attention. I know I would have.
Haley Rose you are correct . I am and have been a social worker since 1984. I have worked in alternative schools , a prison , and a public high school . Back in the 80’s , this used to be the work we did with kids . Over time , the medical model absorbed services because hospitals have the best grant writers and lawyers to secure funding. The focus shifted from dealing with context and defense mechanisms to treating symptoms . Parents often prefer to blame their child’s “mental illness” rather than look at what happens in their family . That is why schools will never touch this - they will not want the threat of insulted parents suing . A clever counselor could pull off doing individual sessions and small groups , though.
Agree 100%! This, banking and budgeting in general, and oh I don’t know possibly taxes. 🤷♀️ Drives me crazy they do such a disservice by not preparing us for real world things. Banking is usually done in some way every single day.
He is a absolute genius. Fantastic ability to explain. I have never in my entire life met anyone who taught me more about my life. I am better because of his work. I thank God for him
Yes, so true. Anna is so cool. She and Tim put it together so well and understandable. They give us tools to work with so we can become who we were meant to be in a healthy way ❤❤❤ God bless you.
The Crappy Childhood Fairy is a mess. She'll help if you're early in healing. For those who are farther along in their journey, she's clearly a grifter and in need of deeper healing herself. Her tips are full of BS, rooted in AA. I quickly ignored her after watching a few videos.
@@ancaatanasiu1014 But now you watch Tim Fletcher. You got information. YOU can break the spell!!! Dare to life your live and be free and the real you. ❤
i'M 68. I have a BA in Sociology (couldn't decide to major in psych or soc. , so lots of extra classes). Do you think I heard anything so practical, comprehensive, or personally life-changing in all those years? Subjects were so isolated from each other. I am so grateful for Tim's lectures. Although I'm not addicted to the 'classical' definitions of addictions, I think it's safe to say, we are ALL addicted to something in one way or another. There is hope here. Thanks.
I absolutely agree as a fellow sociology major. I think my CT birthed the interest in observing others, so it's been complex resolving how much of that is hypervigilance, how much is core personality and natural interest. Regardless, TIm's lectures in combination with that knowledge, training and theory in sociological frameworks has become an endless educational source to me in addressing my CT and my future.
This talk is the missing piece of the puzzle. I am so gratitude for this gem. i attract shameless people that disown/dump their shame on me and then I walk in their shadow thinking there is something fundamentally wrong with me. Anyway, enough about my toxic dysfunctional family dynamics. thanks
Everyone was a POS to me my whole life. I interpreted as me being bad. I no longer believe this. The key is to understand that people don't do things because of who you are, but because of who they are. Deep down inside you know you're a good person. Don't let others make you interpret false realities about yourself.
Hmmmm . . 17/17. Guess Ill watch the next one. . . . IMHO, this is the most complete, understandable description of C-Trauma Ive seen yet. Well Done and Thanks.
I’m now 83 and I’ve spent my entire life fighting to survive. I did courses with leading trauma experts, but I still can’t apply it to myself. The other experts gave me theory, but Tim Fletcher showed me how to go about applying it. Now I will try once again.p
Exactly Wtf am I gonna do with a workbook or exercise I'll lose the paperwork before I even get back to the car 😅 So much of therapy is academic self indulgence imo and I absolutely suck at application of any of it. Everything out of this mans mouth makes perfect sense to me and I'm actually getting better finally.
27:18 I lived in survival mode as a child due to sexual abuse and a narcissistic parent. As an adult, I only thought I deserved more of the same, after abusive relationships and being sexually abused by an older male figure for more than ten years and him finally going to jail, I went into therapy. I had complex trauma, but I am now fully recovered. Today, I am a trauma psychotherapist. I am committed to my clients it is my life's work. I understand the theory and the way practice works, but because I lived it, I am able to bridge the gap between what a client experiences and where the therapist tries to take you. Psychological education as this video is teaching you is essential. We are not all bad therapists some of us genuinely are in mental health for the right reasons. But I do think life experience is essential to being a committed therapist helps.
As a kid I would listen closely when dad pulled up from work. If he was whistling, there was a good chance we could make it through the night without too much commotion. Unless mom was looking for a fight.
I'm 45 and realizing why I entered a career of .....helping in trauma as a nurse...which nursing was healing AND my drug. When I collapsed and died (literally) in 2020, and healthcare abandoned me, it triggers the 40 years of abandonment and abuse (chronic, multiple people in my family, and the other ones ignored it, didn't believe or didn't have the 'balls' to help me which is what I believe made me a kick butt advocate for others but when I needed it, I wigged out because no one ever EVER came to bat for me. Ever.). Complex trauma, chronic trauma and vicarious (take on the trauma of others)...build up and 2020 lit the match and I'm trying to build back up now...but it's a lonely road and your brain literally changes, and you don't know your former self....good and bad.Thank God for God!
This is so true. I have complex-PTSD. I'm 36 and only recently diagnosed. My whole life has been completely derailed because I did all of this. I didn't know I was doing anything wrong. And then it all came crashing down. And now I am like a fizzled ball of frayed nerves that make me dissociate st the first glimmer of stress. Tracking down a qualified specialist to help me unravel this is like searching for a needle in a hay stack.
Start watching Dr Gabor Mate! And research Psychedelics for mental health! So much research now being done As someone with c-ptsd , I can say mushrooms recently helped me and working with a shaman ! & neurofeedback!! This is how we change the Brain! Talk therapy DOESN'T HELP
21:00 when things are going well I internally sabotage everything. It always feels like it’s too good to be true even when it’s no big deal and many are used to that level of good things happening to them.
I relate.. ruins everything- " Im not familiar to things going well..Have never learned that... sort of: it will get negative anyway, so lets just help it..
It's because of shame. You need to understand there's nothing wrong with you at your core and you are deserving of good things. The sabotage is due to feeling like an imposter since you're not used to it. Shame is based on a false interpretation you've made about yourself due to how others have treated you. People don't treat you badly because of who you are, but because of who they are.
1.can't hand stress well 2.fear with change 3.fear with unknown 4.sabotage good things 5.not sleep well 6.drawn to chaos 7.trust issue 8.honesty issue 9.don't handle critism wepl 10.became manipulator 11.so control
BPD is indicated, mine is 61 yrs old and I was wrongly told 25 yrs ago, that I had to learn to live with it. No cure, no drug to look forward to. Not true, find a good DBT therapist.
This video just explained so much, and I am that child who grew up with complex trauma, you did a great job explaining something so complex, in an very understanding way.... I am looking forward to the next 5 parts. I’m almost afraid ! ... SEE ! I just did it... I went to the negative... I have severe PTSD as well... God is the only thing that’s saved me and will continue to save me as I learn the tools 🛠 I need to change my thinking 🤔.... God Bless everyone ! I pray for peace to alllll. 😇🙏🏼😇🙏🏼😇
‘Stress reawakens the trauma’ - when stress overwhelms me I almost immediately return, in an ontological sense, to my trauma. I live as low stress a life as I possibly can. I wish healing for all.
I’ve realized that familiarity is the thing that keeps me stuck. I spent 20 years in a horrific marriage because I knew what to expect, the pain was familiar. Familiar pain seems easier to deal with than unfamiliar pain. But the truth is pain is pain, unfamiliar pain can be the trajectory out of the stuckness.
This whole issue has completely blown my mind. My therapist told me I had cptsd (not in the dsm) and when I researched it I was like, I thought this was most people and that I was being “too sensitive” or being a “drama queen”. Is this rare? How many people think like this?
May God bless you, Mr. Fletcher. You are an instrument used mightily to enlighten and heal the multitude. For those who seek awareness, you are a gift. Let the healing begin among the populace.
In recent years I have become aware of the automatic lies. Instead of going with it, I stop the conversation, and start again. A chapter in a family therapy book was titled , The Family With a Secret. So appropriate.
I've been listening to these. Almost 40. I suffered more than a little of every type of abuse that causes cptsd. I rock my self most of the time when standing or sitting. I'm supposed to be tough but I cried alot as a kid.. I'm just over 6ft and a lot of muscle. I agree w everything said in these videos but society will never allow this to excuse anything from in my past. I've worked on myself a lot and I'm proud of it. Life iS hard. Sleep is hard. I relate to way too much here.
Self -awareness is a good thing .... where theres knowledge there is power -power to change , to grow. Life is hard when coming out of a childhood of trauma but with knowledge and the willingness to learn and change there is hope. Adult children of alcholics and dysfunctional families is a good place to get help. Life can become better ...one day at a time
I’m 65. Thank you for helping me understand. It’s been torture for me. A lot of work. It’s amazing to me how I fit into the descriptions you describe. I wish I knew this when I was much younger. I have been in therapy for the longest time. I needed help navigating through challenges, liking myself, unfinished projects. I leave trails of what I have been doing. I do give up , it’s exhausting. Thank you again continue to learn .
I have allergies because of my anxiety. My mother was an abused narc. The rest of the family doesn’t want to see it for what it is, I have to do this on my own but it’s nice to know someone is educated. I’ve never even heard these things from my therapist😩😩😩
my so-called "best friend" maliciously violently brutally viciously raped me. he raped and tortured my soul. left me. without warning. abandoned and betrayed me. discarded me, like garbage, for another. may he suffer for what he's done to me. now I am traumatized and suffer major PTSD. I have constant hyperventilating debilitating paralyzing panic attacks. I'm being buried alive. 999-trillion layers of rage and grief suffocate me.
I’m so glad people are starting to recognize Tim and the wealth of info he is and continues to share with the public every week. As far back as I can remember, he’s never steered me wrong. And I’ve been listening to him every Friday for years ❤ God bless that man!
last ones are purely what's considered to be ADHD symptoms. I do hope there's more research done cause I have no doubt lots of people diagnosed with ADHD also suffer from Complex Trauma symptoms.
He’s linked adhd to be a symptom of cptsd. He mentions that amongst other “mental illnesses” in some of his other videos that they’re actually linked. It’s neural pathways you build as a child in efforts of self preservation/coping/dissociation
many adhders have a comorbidity (suffering with other coexisting mental illnesses) and as many neurodivergent people often get told off for things beyond their control kaboom we find unhealthy ways to cope and feel awful because we "should" or "shouldn't" be certain things I highly, highly recommend howtoadhd here on yt as a reference for these things, they are rly helpful
I believe that we all suffer from some form of complex trauma our parents did the best they could for us or so they thought and we try to do better for our kids but also fail in the process. Let's not blame fix but take ownership and remedy this terrible cycle in our lives. Thanks for this wonderful and great counseling may God bless us all in our endeavors to strive for perfection and to love Him above all and our neighbors as ourselves.
Being told just after an assault by an enabled and related offender and his drinking buddies my mother told me if I didn't shut up with my hysterical cries for help she would have them come back and take me away again. And the only thing that rises above the carnage of this is a rebirth of my compassion for self and what I survived. This is my most sacred truth which demands all of my acknowledging honor and honesty to know that I deserved as a human being let alone a child to be helped and protected...
I am 🔐understanding the mechanics of trauma! It is no longer someone controlling me in my life; Now I am dealing with the effects of trauma that I repressed. My relaxation was to submerge my trauma and internal conflicts. Now my relaxation is to 🔃unlock the trauma. I can't wait to get back to real relaxation where all my body and soul can function for my highest good for me!
THE abseolutr most frustrating thing about generational CPTSD, is that there is no one to blame. If your great great grandfather, for example, started the abuse/neglect/shitty fathering, you can’t go back in time and tell them to stop.
so true..l used to call somebody ,a friend when something "awful" happened. But then l realised something when nobody was available , they were busy ,at work, out for the day etc...l was OK!!! And if l.journalled l was even better. Still upset but it was bearable ❤
I went into cognitive shut down but struggled through it. I’m calm, more open and I’m sharing my feelings when I can with controlled patience for the reveling. I built these new brain circuits for sure. My future looks bright and I am learning self care along with self love. Triggers Happen. I know it’s counter intuitive. The 50 characteristics is new to me. Quite intriguing. Yes, I have been diagnosed with chronic long term on going stress. Powerless, overwhelmed, vulnerability, threatening, (environmental too), conflict, separation, abandonment and loss, problems with focusing not anxiety and no sleep problems. Meditational music, fear of change, unknown and success. Not afraid of change by welcoming it. Disfunction and abuse, yes. Insecure about money -limited mindset. Familiar set back. Self Sabotage, but always have hope. Hurt but not crushed hope even through family tries to crush it. Totally relate to this. Abuse and emotional pain felt this and it’s real. But I’m more stable now not wanting to please others in family I’m gaining momentum on keeping my hopes alive. Relapse is not going to get me down. Chaos and risky behaviors hurt. Reasons: severe ups and downs not normal to me. Used to stuff emotions and yes need some excitement to feel like I’m living. Not into chaos. Trauma-trust issues. I’m fortunate to have family. Totally get this but it’s mild. Afraid to jump. Cut yourself off of help and positive people. In control so I can trust myself. Manipulating people overt way. Silent treatment. Don’t talk-punished or gossip. Learn to be dishonest (Do not relate). I tell the truth and am totally honest. Authority issues, yes! They do abuse that power. I handle criticism very well. I welcome constructive criticism . I think through it and work it out. Hyper sensitive focused on negative; on road to relapse. No obsessions on this. Instant gratification grabber. Delay gratification. Take it because this opportunity may not come up. Self medicating guilt and pain-go to a counselor is not a good idea to meditate. I like self work. Treat me with respect and an adult not like a kid. But act like a kid and a victim. Coping strategy.
Damn I was constantly for decades involved in risky behavior. I now innerstand it is because I was soo dead inside and felt nothing. At the same time I was soo extremely sensitive as a kid and had to block it out and disregard it so in all actuality I was feeling everything and therefore was completely drained and stressed. By the time I hit my early 40s I had nothing left. I was done. It has taken every ounce of life in me to push through the past few years and become my own private investigator. Since then a life of chaos and confusion is finally starting to make sense. Thank you to this man for articulating and verbalizing this soo well.
Dam! This is a life saver, im in my 40s, you should've been my 2nd dad, he was a college professor @ 1 point back in the 70s an 80s no lies & thank you Tim, no suck up & thanks for the philanthropy and humanitarianism
Thank you sir, you are a blessing to others. I never heard anyone explain things to me in such a way that i completely understand it. I cannot tell you how much i appreciate your gift. Thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I think everyone needs to watch this video. We all might not be dealing with cpstd but it really sheds some light on learning how to deal with stress, trauma, and our emotions. This isnt taught/talked about nearly enough. Thank you, mr fletcher.
Oh my god I love this man-everything he explains is gold. I've been slowly (painfully slowly) creating new pathways exactly how he explains it, but hearing exactly how it's helping and that it actually is, means so much more. it's priceless. He gives hope through his knowledge. Hope. That's the major thing too.
Deez be meh faves also🤣 The fawn one though, faint remember that. Is that to kinda change you behavior to appease the aggressor? Like in an abusive type sich?
4:08 i knew a guy who had such a gentle childhood he was perpetually calm, he was unable to recognize threats. It was like his limbic system was deactivated. The most chill guy i ever met.
@@mcadams518 that is an Agnostic. Adding an "A" to the front of a greek word is to negate something. Gnosis is knowledge. Gnostic and agnostic are not the same thing.
I watched an anime called Natsume and the Book of friends, and it talks about healing from trauma, and how to learn to enjoy the little things in life. It has helped me overcome a lot of things, and find the beauty in everyday life.
32:00-I broke that rule ALL the time. I cried out, screamed out, whispered....sought help everywhere....and no one came....home, work, hospital as a patient....literally felt cursed.
Severe emotional trauma causes lasting changes in the ventromedial prefrontal cortex region of the brain that is responsible for regulating emotional responses triggered by the amygdala. Specifically, the region regulates negative emotions such as fear that occur when confronted with specific stimuli. Then what happens. Learning disabilities
Double empathy communication differences that cause communication breakdown between Neurotypical and Neurodivergent simply have two different ways of communicating. But it is in the Neurotypical world that labels Neurodivergent people's having the deficiency the inability to efficiently communicate effectively. The basis of the theory double empathy the mismatch between two people can lead to faulty communications. This disconnect can occur in many levels depending on the individual experiences or survival styles adapted in order to survive the environment growing up. A Neurotypical person may be able to navigate reasonably well in a variety of unsatisfactory environments just because they have mastered the communication tools that are required and accredited in the neurotypical educational systems to survive in a demanding environment. A neurodivergent person who struggles with communication skills because the way they are presented along with social emotional developmental skills, it would be like having both hands tied behind their back in a boxing match. Only because they are already at a disadvantage position in the neurotypical accredited educational system. This is likely to be exasperated through differences in language use and comprehension. The greater the divide the more difficult people have communicating. Setting the stage for a hypervigilance atmosphere creating a stress response to the neurodivergent person only because the criteria has been design by the minds of the neurotypical educational system, excluding the neurodivergent community the necessary tools needed in the educational system depriving them of critical communication tools. Basal cortisol elevation causes damage to the hippocampus and impairs hippocampus dependent learning and memory. Chronic high levels of cortisol causes functional atrophy of the hypothalamic pituitary adrenal axis the hippocampus and amygdala and the frontal lobe of the brain. So with all that bull shit said how is it that a person with a spectrum disorder going to communicate or execute his or her executive function to a higher functional ability in a world that has been designed for the neurotypical singular minded approach, not accounting for the neurodivergent communities learning differences. For me my learning difference became the lesser of the two disabilities, the one I was born with, the other being the environment that I was forced into, a hostile stressful environment. Unable to effectively integrate socially the ability to interact efficiently invited verbal, physical abuse, shaming, name-calling, bullied labeled as a retard creating a hypervigilance stressful environment that was so hostile I just shut down. When children miss these critical developmental markers at the sensory motor level, the physical foundation is not in place to support the emergence of their emotional and rational capacities, easily victimized, unable to effectively protect themselves, basically your fucked. Now as the mind continues developing basic developmental markers that were missed, being Connection, Attunement, Trust, Autonomy, Love and Sexuality, have been compromised altered. So when these developmental markers have been altered or missed as a child, the mind continues to develop only now in a altered survival style, fragmented from the original developmental markers. Now the neurodivergent that is already at a disadvantaged vulnerable stage, has now entered the twilight zone. Based on available resources, God's good grace, and a whole bunch of luck go forth my son and build your empire. At this point you have been hoodwinked in to believing the tools provided were top-notch or acceptable not knowing anything else. Basically set up to fail providing inferior tools. Ushering in the likelihood of physical and mental health issues. Setting the neurodivergent up for failure, creating the inability to adequately process information in stressful environments. Over time, that can cause hypervigilance stress related illnesses such as addictions. So like a circuit breaker that's been stressed one too many times as a result of inadequate tools to navigate a stressful world. Now the hyper-vigilance conditioned mind dominates emotional stability, causing hyperarousal a triggering condition, causing a fight, flight, freeze, fawn or highbred a combination of those categories as a result of mental abusive brainwashing techniques. Where was my parents, another story. Besides that what difference does it make. Those days are long gone. So back to cortisol. If your brain is being constantly triggered, resulting in a saturation of cortisol your pretty much doomed. So it wasn't the disability or learning difference I was born with. It was the environment the labeling that became the obstacle to overcome. The spiral of shame was learned early on by a brainwashing environment that is triggered by stress by not adequately processing real time information presented within a certain timeframe. That's the problem with hidden disabilities, there just that hidden, not necessarily by choice because you learned to mask because you were conditioned to feel ashamed for the way you were born. So because shame lives in darkness. The two interact with each other. So shame and it’s co-conspirators guilt, anxiety, fear, depression, they all feed on each other causing a spiral into hell. That was my experience in the so-called educational system. So as a result of that type of brainwashing on a daily basis for 12 years reduces neurodivergent peoples ability to think critically or independently. Setting a person up for exploitation throughout life. So in order to keep from being overwhelmed triggered. It requires a hypervigilance default. A required hyper vigilant analytical assessment of your environment is required, studying everyone and everything around me, mostly people on how they reacted. This allowed my scattered mind to bring into focus the missing pieces that provided better understanding focus, time to think a better understanding of my environment.. This requires shuting down masking, hyper focusing in a world of full color into a world of black and white. No longer a free autonomous human being. Human beings are born with essential adaptive abilities. The capacity to disconnect from painful internal and external experience. We are able to disconnect from experiences of pain and anxiety that accompany the lack of fulfillment of our primary needs. To the degree that any core need is chronically unfulfilled, children are faced with a crucial choice: adapt or perish. Conditioned to survive their environment, now a slave created by the single-minded Neurotypical educational system. There's a Million Spinoffs from that theory. I have first-hand experience I lived it. Just my opinion, life as a pack mule with blinders. But keep in mind if your intention is to deliberately confuse me through rhetorical rhetoric semantics for personal gain. I'm pretty much doomed. Only now through those types of experiences I have finally learned to walk away leaving no answer for my reaction. What was the question executive function. I have no idea what you talking about. Just kidding.
All of dad's children have one thing in common. Executive brain disorganization. Executive function is a broad group of mental skills that enable people to complete tasks and interact with others. An executive function disorder can impair a person's ability to organize themselves and control their behavior. Then add dyslexia a language learning difference that requires a different approach to language-based learning systems. It may take someone a little longer to master those types of communication skills but overtime will improve. The younger the student is the better chances of mastery will come in communication skills. ADHD happens when children grow up in stressed environmental conditions. A wide variety of those types of environmental conditions can vary from mild to extreme. CPTSD is a result of developmental trauma and shock trauma over a period of time. Definitely has an adverse effect on a child's ability to transition through the different developmental stages that all children go through. Only because the developmental stages were never available forcing the child to adapt purely for survival, The child has no other alternative completely reliant on their caregivers forcing children into a survival style. That is uniquely developed for their particular environment. With all of these differences that I have just barely touched the tip of the iceberg on have disastrous effects on our children and our society. No wonder children who grow up in these types of environments struggle throughout life.
@@reginaarnone4845 Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek. You must be the change you wish to see in the world. Change does not roll in on the wheels of inevitability, but comes through continuous struggle. And so we must straighten our backs and work for our freedom. A man can't ride you unless your back is bent. It is hard to imagine a more stupid or more dangerous way of making decisions than by putting those decisions in the hands of people who pay no price for being wrong. Thomas Sowell
Oh man, “sleeps with weapon next to them” was so oddly specific and satisfying to hear. I feel so seen. I scored remarkably high on this, maybe even gold-star level. Going to watch part two before going through each one to feel address the horrible feelings associated. Thank goodness for good therapy ❤️
6:41 -- My brain has been my biggest hurdle. The reactivity I have because my frontal lobe takes a spontaneous hiatus is most difficult to address. The result often adds to my shame. ☹
My head is exploding ❗️❗️❗️It has taken me longer than 40 minutes to listen to this video, because I have paused it so many times to absorb what he is saying. I can’t move on to part 2, I have to play this one again and just be still and watch this time. If I go on to part 2 I won’t be able to retain what I just learned about myself. Thank God! I don’t know how to express what is going on. Wow
fantastic video! my main issue is academic trauma (i was constantly told that i was stupid and that i couldn't trust my judgment/intuition, and that other people know more than me), so i didn't relate to every explanation. but you explained something that i've been trying to figure out - why when i'm bored or overwhelmed i use people to dissociate. that's the only time i seek people.
Right? I'm past the self-shaming stages, but I've moved on to honest self-awareness. Flattery doesn't help me. It only reinforces the idea that if they knew the truth, they'd be gone. So sick of being told that I'm wonderful and that everything I say about myself which is honest and just self-aware is wrong.
my mother had my sister and I and herself sleep in our clothes on many occasions. She knew she may have to go on the run in the middle of the night. it was terrifying once I was old enough to realize we were in danger.
I have no doubt my parents were suffering from their OWN childhood trauma. But, they’re gone now, and I can’t help that. I don’t blame them or think they are bad people, they were/are human too. I have convinced myself that - had they known the negative consequences of their inaction, neglect or dealing with an unexpected pregnancy. None of that is on ME! I deserved to be loved and respected, but received none. I can forgive their (in)actions, and develop self respect and self love. I hope!
Wow! My mother and my grandmother live together constantly fighting and constantly drunk. And I just recently said all I learned how to do is survive... In my adult life when love gets too close the alarms of danger danger goes off
my biggest battle is the anxiety and nervousness that comes out of nowhere when things are going well or even when I plan on going somewhere, I still get nervous. it's like the fear of the unknown/anticipation. It is so frustrating, but I have to remind myself over and over it's this CPTSD and my brain!!!!
23:39 yeap you better believe I’m afraid to get my hope’s up cause they always get crushed. I clearly remember not knowing how I would be treated when greeted at the door was constantly not certain that I did something wrong. Then 2 plus years of very specific set of trauma from someone and never knowing what each day would be. Then when that ended you better believe anything felt too good to be true which made me feel guilty when things went well and that guilt led me to trying to be perfect so then becoming a born again. Then the toxic job for 8 years that I never knew how my boss would feel everyday and got anxiety everyday to even check my cell from from boss’s texts. Felt so weird to have a new friend like my buddy K to be someone I see that doesn’t treat me different and never know if will be mad at me for no reason when I see him. I’ve lived almost all of my life from elementary school childhood to present waiting for a friend, peer, boss, family, partner, tell me their mad at me for something I did wrong.
good God. I remember that. I finally got tired and said Frick it. i started being me and if someone got mad, oh well. crossed that bridge IF it came up. Stopped giving SO much of a damn.
So far...these videos are very helpful....but I had a happy childhood....haven't drank, smoked or done illegal drugs in almost 30 yrs. But I had 2 abusive marriage...(1)17 yrs...2 children (2) 22 yrs ...1 child.....who at the point where he was living his dreams.......took his life in NYC by running out in front of a subway...he was 25...his type 1 diabetes played a part..but he had a plan.....I understand everything you're saying...but now I just hide my light under a bushel basket....so I'm listening..In the last 6 years I've had 2-3 traumatic life events per year......and I'm scared of more to come!😣
22:43 In my case I remember my dad explaining how I could avoid doing things and read the situation so I wouldn't make him go nuts on me again. It did work most of the time. Great advice for a four year old. /s
Thank you, again, Tim. You break this intricately confusing matter down to a comprehensive affliction in a way that does give me aspirations that I can change/heal. Incidentally, along with other resources I have acquired-your videos are saving my life. I’ve had (still have a great deal of) all of these symptoms and more at 55 yrs old. More than half my life squandered, misdirected, living in utter agony. Your list so far has me 17 for 17. However, the explanation w/the trust issues doesn’t quite match how I felt. I couldn’t trust myself at all, either. So, I never relied on myself. So, I never cared if I lived or died. I never even had the slightest sense of who I was, how I felt, what was real and what wasn’t, or what I needed, and forget what I wanted: That’s a joke. I never felt good enough to be alive for as long as I can remember. So, I was an addict, a follower, risk taker, thrived on chaos, sought out any type of (what I thought may be) love from all the users and losers. Every intimate example I gave all ties in w/many or all of your 17 symptoms at the same time. I suppose we’re all like that. You spell this stuff out so I really get it, the most, out of all the great teachers out there. Now like you say, we don’t like to have hope…I finally do have a lot that I will recover from this and have some semblance of a peaceful, joyous, conscious life. I look forward to watching the next video continuing on to your 50 CPTSD characteristics. ❤
@31:44 i think that a major omission here is how heavy the quality of the individual weights in this whole trauma equation. Not all traumatised people end up being manipulators despite the fact that they may be control freaks. Also, i've seen people with trauma who trust way too easily because they're not used to be in control and thus they pass it to other people who later on take advantage of them, and that's how many toxic relationships are made. The thing is.. life happens to both good & bad people, but how they react to it is very different.
This was very enlightening. Thank you. So far, you have described my husband to a T. I guess he must have suffered from this as a child. He did come from a broken home & his father was an alcoholic. I was thinking he may be a narcissist, but I've been reluctant to put him there, because it's a hard thing to face, & he's fine, unless I say or do the wrong thing,. But, I never know ahead of time what that may be, to cause him to become so disagreeable (to put it mildly). Most times, it's something quite innocent & not meant as a criticism at all. We've been married 10 years, & I've felt like leaving numerous times. It's so hard continuing a relationship with him, but I keep trying. For years, I haven't known what to think. Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde came to my mind. I didn't really get to know him well before our marriage, as it was a long distance relationship. Knowing him better, I would now have kept him as a friend, but not married him. That's how stressful the marriage has been for me. He's a very good person though. I believe that & having heard part 1 of this video, I intend to listen to part 2. My question is, how do I help him become the person he is meant to be? Hopefully, part 2 will answer that question. Thank you. He is almost 70, so hopefully it's not too late.
I recently learned by Natalie Hoffman, Flying free, that Spiritual abuse and emotional abuse cause cptds. Hell comes from shame : fear , religion and abuse , freedom come from love and truth❤
Everything you said is what my therapist said, it took a while, but I did find someone that clicked with me and hearing from youbthe same things he us teaching me has boosted my confidence in my therapist's ability to properly guide me, that and the power of prayer.
❤4:26 the limbic system response to perceived danger 5:20 what the limbic system does in extreme danger ⚠️ 5:56 contrasting the child from a dysfunctional home
I’m 67 and have seen umpteen therapists, psychiatrists and counsellers over the past 40 years or so and this brilliant man has taught me why I have struggled all my life. Shame on the mental health profession. Nobody even suggested I had complex trauma or ptsd….if they did, it didn’t hit home like it just did now. Thank God for pastor Tim.
💯. I was in therapy my therapist was dumb as f***. I had more awareness than she ever did. I probably helped her more than she helped me.
So far, Pastor-counselor Tim Fletcher has described in clarity. He truly has a gift from God to comprehend & communicate these things.
Same at 60 - Tim and many others are awake, aware, educated, and many times, have survived it. Thank God 🎉
Me too!
Same here. They’re not interested in the cure.
Ive been jumping aroind the videos. This man is a genius. He's the missing piece from all the therapy, AA, OA I've been in since I was 15. Im 65 now and lost my son to fentanyl laced heroin in 2017. I completely shattered. I laid down to die. Walking dead. I then lost my Mother and Father.
Its 2021 now. I got up and took a shower today.
💟
Hope you continue to get better carry on
💞🙏💞
I know how you feel, seems like just getting a shower deserves a gold medal.
Prayers
Yes. Devastating. All the loses. So sorry. Sending condolences and compassion.
I don't know how to describe my excitement and admiration for Mr. Fletcher's mission of enlightenment and education!❤
The explanations of trauma are precious. I picked several videos from this series randomly first. But each episode rang bells within my mind so profoundly that I started watching this Trauma video from the very beginning. Thank you so much!🙏
He is by far the best, and I have listened to every video and podcast available on ctpsd, shame, trauma, etc. I could name 6 other "experts" on these subjects, but they don't hold a candle to Tim Fletcher. I don't know where he came from, but I am grateful I somehow stumbled across him. EXCELLENT!
He’s definitely top 3 or maybe even 2 but I don’t think he better than Dr Ramani
@@jsteele286 I'm on the fence. You want facts, Ramani's your girl. This guy goes into the more personal little things you don't even realize you are experiencing, or have experienced.
Every school should have this in their curriculum. If there was a psychology class in high school kids would change drastically... this can relate to anyone and I'm 100 percent sure the kids would pay attention. I know I would have.
Haley Rose you are correct . I am and have been a social worker since 1984. I have worked in alternative schools , a prison , and a public high school . Back in the 80’s , this used to be the work we did with kids . Over time , the medical model absorbed services because hospitals have the best grant writers and lawyers to secure funding. The focus shifted from dealing with context and defense mechanisms to treating symptoms . Parents often prefer to blame their child’s “mental illness” rather than look at what happens in their family . That is why schools will never touch this - they will not want the threat of insulted parents suing . A clever counselor could pull off doing individual sessions and small groups , though.
This would save a lot of time and anger for a lot of individuals... Uff people just hate to talk hard topics...
Too late. !
Agree 100%! This, banking and budgeting in general, and oh I don’t know possibly taxes. 🤷♀️ Drives me crazy they do such a disservice by not preparing us for real world things. Banking is usually done in some way every single day.
Amen.
He is a absolute genius. Fantastic ability to explain. I have never in my entire life met anyone who taught me more about my life. I am better because of his work. I thank God for him
Yes. Thank God for Pastor Tim.
I too have benefitted greatly from his wisdom.
Yes, me too ! X
why is every one repeating the word "genius".?! It's simple and he has passion to love and serve. That's what matters.
41. Years of therapy and he and Crappy childhood fairy aka Anna Runkle have made lifechanging changes for me.
Yes, so true. Anna is so cool. She and Tim put it together so well and understandable. They give us tools to work with so we can become who we were meant to be in a healthy way ❤❤❤
God bless you.
Isn’t The Crappy Childhood Fairy wonderful? I love her channel.
The Crappy Childhood Fairy is a mess. She'll help if you're early in healing. For those who are farther along in their journey, she's clearly a grifter and in need of deeper healing herself. Her tips are full of BS, rooted in AA. I quickly ignored her after watching a few videos.
Anna's daily practice has been life changing for me. After just a week I saw a huge difference in the frequency and time spent in disregulation.
She is amaxing
This man is BRILLIANT
It is inherited. For most of us, parents themselves are victims of unresolved complex trauma.
Generational curse 😥
No excuse
@@ancaatanasiu1014
But now you watch Tim Fletcher. You got information.
YOU can break the spell!!!
Dare to life your live and be free and the real you. ❤
I don’t know if this is true or not.
Traditionally transmitted. Not inheritance.
i'M 68. I have a BA in Sociology (couldn't decide to major in psych or soc. , so lots of extra classes). Do you think I heard anything so practical, comprehensive, or personally life-changing in all those years? Subjects were so isolated from each other. I am so grateful for Tim's lectures. Although I'm not addicted to the 'classical' definitions of addictions, I think it's safe to say, we are ALL addicted to something in one way or another. There is hope here. Thanks.
I absolutely agree as a fellow sociology major. I think my CT birthed the interest in observing others, so it's been complex resolving how much of that is hypervigilance, how much is core personality and natural interest. Regardless, TIm's lectures in combination with that knowledge, training and theory in sociological frameworks has become an endless educational source to me in addressing my CT and my future.
I think it is the spiritual element that can take us up on a higher view! 🛩
This talk is the missing piece of the puzzle. I am so gratitude for this gem.
i attract shameless people that disown/dump their shame on me and then I walk in their shadow thinking there is something fundamentally wrong with me. Anyway, enough about my toxic dysfunctional family dynamics. thanks
When we have our own issues it pulls people to us with similar problems. Like attracts like.
So you must know my parents! 😂
Everyone was a POS to me my whole life. I interpreted as me being bad. I no longer believe this. The key is to understand that people don't do things because of who you are, but because of who they are. Deep down inside you know you're a good person. Don't let others make you interpret false realities about yourself.
Hmmmm . . 17/17. Guess Ill watch the next one. . . . IMHO, this is the most complete, understandable description of C-Trauma Ive seen yet. Well Done and Thanks.
This series is so underrated. Thank you for this.
I’m now 83 and I’ve spent my entire life fighting to survive. I did courses with leading trauma experts, but I still can’t apply it to myself. The other experts gave me theory, but Tim Fletcher showed me how to go about applying it. Now I will try once again.p
I have faith in you! You’ve made it this far for a reason! It’s YOUR time NOW!!!! 💚
❤
I’m so sorry you feel that way about yourself and your life❤
Exactly
Wtf am I gonna do with a workbook or exercise I'll lose the paperwork before I even get back to the car 😅
So much of therapy is academic self indulgence imo and I absolutely suck at application of any of it.
Everything out of this mans mouth makes perfect sense to me and I'm actually getting better finally.
27:18 I lived in survival mode as a child due to sexual abuse and a narcissistic parent. As an adult, I only thought I deserved more of the same, after abusive relationships and being sexually abused by an older male figure for more than ten years and him finally going to jail, I went into therapy. I had complex trauma, but I am now fully recovered. Today, I am a trauma psychotherapist. I am committed to my clients it is my life's work. I understand the theory and the way practice works, but because I lived it, I am able to bridge the gap between what a client experiences and where the therapist tries to take you. Psychological education as this video is teaching you is essential. We are not all bad therapists some of us genuinely are in mental health for the right reasons. But I do think life experience is essential to being a committed therapist helps.
God has given you a gift to help people in this way. Thank you for utilizing it.🙏
As a kid I would listen closely when dad pulled up from work. If he was whistling, there was a good chance we could make it through the night without too much commotion. Unless mom was looking for a fight.
I remember my dad yelling at me and when I told him I was scared he just said gooooood. There was nothing behind his eyes. It messed me up.
At 62, I'm just now understanding the impact of the sexual abuse I endured. Thank you
It’s still difficult to understand without complete memory of the abuse but the body doesn’t lie about what we endured ❤️🩹
I'm sorry :(
I'm 45 and realizing why I entered a career of .....helping in trauma as a nurse...which nursing was healing AND my drug. When I collapsed and died (literally) in 2020, and healthcare abandoned me, it triggers the 40 years of abandonment and abuse (chronic, multiple people in my family, and the other ones ignored it, didn't believe or didn't have the 'balls' to help me which is what I believe made me a kick butt advocate for others but when I needed it, I wigged out because no one ever EVER came to bat for me. Ever.). Complex trauma, chronic trauma and vicarious (take on the trauma of others)...build up and 2020 lit the match and I'm trying to build back up now...but it's a lonely road and your brain literally changes, and you don't know your former self....good and bad.Thank God for God!
I just found this channel and I think I'm going to watch every one of his videos.
Me too
Me too!!
Join the club.
Same.👌 He's what we need to hear.🙏 Perfect talks. Thank you. 😃
I feel validated and understood for once in my life after listening to this.
This is so true. I have complex-PTSD. I'm 36 and only recently diagnosed. My whole life has been completely derailed because I did all of this. I didn't know I was doing anything wrong. And then it all came crashing down. And now I am like a fizzled ball of frayed nerves that make me dissociate st the first glimmer of stress. Tracking down a qualified specialist to help me unravel this is like searching for a needle in a hay stack.
Nadine H same here, fighting hard to overcome
This is me
Start watching Dr Gabor Mate! And research Psychedelics for mental health! So much research now being done
As someone with c-ptsd , I can say mushrooms recently helped me and working with a shaman ! & neurofeedback!! This is how we change the Brain! Talk therapy DOESN'T HELP
This was/is me to. Whole life detailed at 37 ... Had no idea that most of it could be attributed to CPTSD
Look up MDMA PSTD
21:00 when things are going well I internally sabotage everything. It always feels like it’s too good to be true even when it’s no big deal and many are used to that level of good things happening to them.
I relate.. ruins everything- " Im not familiar to things going well..Have never learned that... sort of: it will get negative anyway, so lets just help it..
This is so me.
It's because of shame. You need to understand there's nothing wrong with you at your core and you are deserving of good things. The sabotage is due to feeling like an imposter since you're not used to it. Shame is based on a false interpretation you've made about yourself due to how others have treated you. People don't treat you badly because of who you are, but because of who they are.
1.can't hand stress well
2.fear with change
3.fear with unknown
4.sabotage good things
5.not sleep well
6.drawn to chaos
7.trust issue
8.honesty issue
9.don't handle critism wepl
10.became manipulator
11.so control
Narcissistic personality disorder
or..manipulatED
BPD is indicated, mine is 61 yrs old and I was wrongly told 25 yrs ago, that I had to learn to live with it. No cure, no drug to look forward to.
Not true, find a good DBT therapist.
This video just explained so much, and I am that child who grew up with complex trauma, you did a great job explaining something so complex, in an very understanding way.... I am looking forward to the next 5 parts. I’m almost afraid ! ... SEE ! I just did it... I went to the negative...
I have severe PTSD as well... God is the only thing that’s saved me and will continue to save me as I learn the tools 🛠 I need to change my thinking 🤔.... God Bless everyone ! I pray for peace to alllll. 😇🙏🏼😇🙏🏼😇
‘Stress reawakens the trauma’ - when stress overwhelms me I almost immediately return, in an ontological sense, to my trauma. I live as low stress a life as I possibly can. I wish healing for all.
Same
Your videos are a gift of understanding. Wow
Josephine Brew amen!
It sincerely feels so odd to me that there are folks out there who don't have all this!! They can just live life. That's wild.
Same.
Don't fall into the trap I did. MOST people ARE jacked up, messed up, etc. They SHOW a different story. A lie. Most people do not have these.
I know. I often think "if 96% of my mental bandwidth wasn't dedicated to this shit I would be unstoppable"
Lol yeah I literally have nothing in common with securely attached individuals
@@katiflanagan8534 I know, the thought of that seems sooo wild!! A whole different space.
I’ve realized that familiarity is the thing that keeps me stuck. I spent 20 years in a horrific marriage because I knew what to expect, the pain was familiar. Familiar pain seems easier to deal with than unfamiliar pain. But the truth is pain is pain, unfamiliar pain can be the trajectory out of the stuckness.
This whole issue has completely blown my mind. My therapist told me I had cptsd (not in the dsm) and when I researched it I was like, I thought this was most people and that I was being “too sensitive” or being a “drama queen”. Is this rare? How many people think like this?
More and more common.
May God bless you, Mr. Fletcher. You are an instrument used mightily to enlighten and heal the multitude. For those who seek awareness, you are a gift. Let the healing begin among the populace.
In recent years I have become aware of the automatic lies. Instead of going with it, I stop the conversation, and start again. A chapter in a family therapy book was titled , The Family With a Secret. So appropriate.
I've been listening to these. Almost 40. I suffered more than a little of every type of abuse that causes cptsd. I rock my self most of the time when standing or sitting. I'm supposed to be tough but I cried alot as a kid.. I'm just over 6ft and a lot of muscle. I agree w everything said in these videos but society will never allow this to excuse anything from in my past. I've worked on myself a lot and I'm proud of it. Life iS hard. Sleep is hard. I relate to way too much here.
Self -awareness is a good thing .... where theres knowledge there is power -power to change , to grow.
Life is hard when coming out of a childhood of trauma but with knowledge and the willingness to learn and change there is hope.
Adult children of alcholics and dysfunctional families is a good place to get help. Life can become better ...one day at a time
@@mariebrett2179 knowledge is power I wish everyone got five years to work on their selves like I did but maybe without the prison.
@@randystanton1224❤❤❤
Your clarity and easy way of explaining is a blessing .thank you Tim
I’m 65. Thank you for helping me understand. It’s been torture for me. A lot of work. It’s amazing to me how I fit into the descriptions you describe. I wish I knew this when I was much younger. I have been in therapy for the longest time. I needed help navigating through challenges, liking myself, unfinished projects. I leave trails of what I have been doing. I do give up , it’s exhausting. Thank you again continue to learn .
Just turned 66 ❤️🩹 don’t give up! Plz believe that peace is possible ♥️
I am so so so grateful for this man! This is the most coherent and true description of patterns and behaviours from traumatic experience.
I have allergies because of my anxiety. My mother was an abused narc. The rest of the family doesn’t want to see it for what it is, I have to do this on my own but it’s nice to know someone is educated. I’ve never even heard these things from my therapist😩😩😩
my so-called "best friend"
maliciously violently brutally viciously raped me.
he raped and tortured my soul.
left me. without warning.
abandoned and betrayed me.
discarded me, like garbage, for another.
may he suffer for what he's done to me.
now I am traumatized and suffer major PTSD.
I have constant hyperventilating debilitating paralyzing panic attacks.
I'm being buried alive. 999-trillion layers of rage and grief suffocate me.
Oh i feel you
I’m so glad people are starting to recognize Tim and the wealth of info he is and continues to share with the public every week.
As far back as I can remember, he’s never steered me wrong. And I’ve been listening to him every Friday for years ❤ God bless that man!
This man was sent by God to help us broken people.
Thank you Lord and thank you for Tim.
last ones are purely what's considered to be ADHD symptoms. I do hope there's more research done cause I have no doubt lots of people diagnosed with ADHD also suffer from Complex Trauma symptoms.
He’s linked adhd to be a symptom of cptsd. He mentions that amongst other “mental illnesses” in some of his other videos that they’re actually linked. It’s neural pathways you build as a child in efforts of self preservation/coping/dissociation
ALL of my ADHD symptoms are 100% aligned with CPTSD. I'm so torn on whether I have both or if everything is just from trauma.
many adhders have a comorbidity (suffering with other coexisting mental illnesses) and as many neurodivergent people often get told off for things beyond their control kaboom we find unhealthy ways to cope and feel awful because we "should" or "shouldn't" be certain things
I highly, highly recommend howtoadhd here on yt as a reference for these things, they are rly helpful
you are a gift to humanity Tim! Translating fancy psych concepts into very understandable content about trauma. Very thankful!
This is the most profound video on how trauma works that I have ever seen during my 11 years of experience as a therapist.
Thank you so very much! ❤
I believe that we all suffer from some form of complex trauma our parents did the best they could for us or so they thought and we try to do better for our kids but also fail in the process. Let's not blame fix but take ownership and remedy this terrible cycle in our lives. Thanks for this wonderful and great counseling may God bless us all in our endeavors to strive for perfection and to love Him above all and our neighbors as ourselves.
Being told just after an assault by an enabled and related offender and his drinking buddies my mother told me if I didn't shut up with my hysterical cries for help she would have them come back and take me away again. And the only thing that rises above the carnage of this is a rebirth of my compassion for self and what I survived. This is my most sacred truth which demands all of my acknowledging honor and honesty to know that I deserved as a human being let alone a child to be helped and protected...
I have panic attacks when I go home to visit mom.. now I understand why.
I am 🔐understanding the mechanics of trauma! It is no longer someone controlling me in my life; Now I am dealing with the effects of trauma that I repressed. My relaxation was to submerge my trauma and internal conflicts. Now my relaxation is to 🔃unlock the trauma. I can't wait to get back to real relaxation where all my body and soul can function for my highest good for me!
THE abseolutr most frustrating thing about generational CPTSD, is that there is no one to blame. If your great great grandfather, for example, started the abuse/neglect/shitty fathering, you can’t go back in time and tell them to stop.
so true..l used to call somebody ,a friend when something "awful" happened. But then l realised something when nobody was available , they were busy ,at work, out for the day etc...l was OK!!! And if l.journalled l was even better. Still upset but it was bearable ❤
I went into cognitive shut down but struggled through it. I’m calm, more open and I’m sharing my feelings when I can with controlled patience for the reveling.
I built these new brain circuits for sure. My future looks bright and I am learning self care along with self love.
Triggers Happen. I know it’s counter intuitive. The 50 characteristics is new to me. Quite intriguing.
Yes, I have been diagnosed with chronic long term on going stress.
Powerless, overwhelmed, vulnerability, threatening, (environmental too), conflict, separation, abandonment and loss, problems with focusing not anxiety and no sleep problems. Meditational music, fear of change, unknown and success. Not afraid of change by welcoming it. Disfunction and abuse, yes. Insecure about money -limited mindset. Familiar set back. Self Sabotage, but always have hope. Hurt but not crushed hope even through family tries to crush it. Totally relate to this. Abuse and emotional pain felt this and it’s real. But I’m more stable now not wanting to please others in family I’m gaining momentum on keeping my hopes alive. Relapse is not going to get me down. Chaos and risky behaviors hurt. Reasons: severe ups and downs not normal to me. Used to stuff emotions and yes need some excitement to feel like I’m living. Not into chaos.
Trauma-trust issues. I’m fortunate to have family. Totally get this but it’s mild. Afraid to jump. Cut yourself off of help and positive people. In control so I can trust myself. Manipulating people overt way. Silent treatment. Don’t talk-punished or gossip. Learn to be dishonest (Do not relate). I tell the truth and am totally honest. Authority issues, yes! They do abuse that power. I handle criticism very well. I welcome constructive criticism .
I think through it and work it out. Hyper sensitive focused on negative; on road to relapse. No obsessions on this. Instant gratification grabber. Delay gratification. Take it because this opportunity may not come up.
Self medicating guilt and pain-go to a counselor is not a good idea to meditate. I like self work. Treat me with respect and an adult not like a kid. But act like a kid and a victim. Coping strategy.
Damn I was constantly for decades involved in risky behavior. I now innerstand it is because I was soo dead inside and felt nothing. At the same time I was soo extremely sensitive as a kid and had to block it out and disregard it so in all actuality I was feeling everything and therefore was completely drained and stressed. By the time I hit my early 40s I had nothing left. I was done. It has taken every ounce of life in me to push through the past few years and become my own private investigator. Since then a life of chaos and confusion is finally starting to make sense.
Thank you to this man for articulating and verbalizing this soo well.
Dam! This is a life saver, im in my 40s, you should've been my 2nd dad, he was a college professor @ 1 point back in the 70s an 80s no lies & thank you Tim, no suck up & thanks for the philanthropy and humanitarianism
This is a gift. Omg. Thank you.
He is telling my story. I have never had someone explain it to me like this.
Incredible! I'm so glad I found you, making sense where there is none, thank you for shining the light where it's needed the most,,🙏🙏🙏🙌👌
You teach very well on a dynamic topic for living skills.
Great series of videos! Thank you pastor Tim Fletcher for your sharing.
Thank you sir, you are a blessing to others. I never heard anyone explain things to me in such a way that i completely understand it. I cannot tell you how much i appreciate your gift. Thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I think everyone needs to watch this video. We all might not be dealing with cpstd but it really sheds some light on learning how to deal with stress, trauma, and our emotions. This isnt taught/talked about nearly enough. Thank you, mr fletcher.
Oh my god I love this man-everything he explains is gold. I've been slowly (painfully slowly) creating new pathways exactly how he explains it, but hearing exactly how it's helping and that it actually is, means so much more. it's priceless. He gives hope through his knowledge. Hope. That's the major thing too.
Flight, Freeze, Fawn
Are my go too.
Deez be meh faves also🤣
The fawn one though, faint remember that. Is that to kinda change you behavior to appease the aggressor? Like in an abusive type sich?
Right there with you friend 🌻💜🫂
4:08 i knew a guy who had such a gentle childhood he was perpetually calm, he was unable to recognize threats. It was like his limbic system was deactivated. The most chill guy i ever met.
I have lived in fear for so long it feels like part of me.
You are amazing and have saved my life tonight
Wonderful video's,
Wouldn't it be nice for everyone to watch these video's, for understanding and purpose.
Should be taught in schools
This is why I'm a born again gnostic. This guy is totally brilliant.
what in the world is a born again gnostic? I thought a gnostic was neutral. didn't believe or disbelieve.
@@mcadams518 that is an Agnostic. Adding an "A" to the front of a greek word is to negate something. Gnosis is knowledge. Gnostic and agnostic are not the same thing.
I watched an anime called Natsume and the Book of friends, and it talks about healing from trauma, and how to learn to enjoy the little things in life. It has helped me overcome a lot of things, and find the beauty in everyday life.
Blam, first person in my life that has me down! 🤔 amazing
I love this man’s content he just makes it so digestible and normal ❤️
32:00-I broke that rule ALL the time. I cried out, screamed out, whispered....sought help everywhere....and no one came....home, work, hospital as a patient....literally felt cursed.
Really appreciate these teachings and videos. The more I understand about c-ptsd, the more I can have compassion towards myself. ❤️
Severe emotional trauma causes lasting changes in the ventromedial prefrontal cortex region of the brain that is responsible for regulating emotional responses triggered by the amygdala. Specifically, the region regulates negative emotions such as fear that occur when confronted with specific stimuli. Then what happens. Learning disabilities
Yep.
Dan malone that's what Bessel Van Der Kolk discovered.
Double empathy communication differences that cause communication breakdown between Neurotypical and Neurodivergent simply have two different ways of communicating. But it is in the Neurotypical world that labels Neurodivergent people's having the deficiency the inability to efficiently communicate effectively. The basis of the theory double empathy the mismatch between two people can lead to faulty communications. This disconnect can occur in many levels depending on the individual experiences or survival styles adapted in order to survive the environment growing up. A Neurotypical person may be able to navigate reasonably well in a variety of unsatisfactory environments just because they have mastered the communication tools that are required and accredited in the neurotypical educational systems to survive in a demanding environment. A neurodivergent person who struggles with communication skills because the way they are presented along with social emotional developmental skills, it would be like having both hands tied behind their back in a boxing match. Only because they are already at a disadvantage position in the neurotypical accredited educational system. This is likely to be exasperated through differences in language use and comprehension. The greater the divide the more difficult people have communicating. Setting the stage for a hypervigilance atmosphere creating a stress response to the neurodivergent person only because the criteria has been design by the minds of the neurotypical educational system, excluding the neurodivergent community the necessary tools needed in the educational system depriving them of critical communication tools. Basal cortisol elevation causes damage to the hippocampus and impairs hippocampus dependent learning and memory. Chronic high levels of cortisol causes functional atrophy of the hypothalamic pituitary adrenal axis the hippocampus and amygdala and the frontal lobe of the brain. So with all that bull shit said how is it that a person with a spectrum disorder going to communicate or execute his or her executive function to a higher functional ability in a world that has been designed for the neurotypical singular minded approach, not accounting for the neurodivergent communities learning differences. For me my learning difference became the lesser of the two disabilities, the one I was born with, the other being the environment that I was forced into, a hostile stressful environment. Unable to effectively integrate socially the ability to interact efficiently invited verbal, physical abuse, shaming, name-calling, bullied labeled as a retard creating a hypervigilance stressful environment that was so hostile I just shut down. When children miss these critical developmental markers at the sensory motor level, the physical foundation is not in place to support the emergence of their emotional and rational capacities, easily victimized, unable to effectively protect themselves, basically your fucked. Now as the mind continues developing basic developmental markers that were missed, being Connection, Attunement, Trust, Autonomy, Love and Sexuality, have been compromised altered. So when these developmental markers have been altered or missed as a child, the mind continues to develop only now in a altered survival style, fragmented from the original developmental markers. Now the neurodivergent that is already at a disadvantaged vulnerable stage, has now entered the twilight zone. Based on available resources, God's good grace, and a whole bunch of luck go forth my son and build your empire. At this point you have been hoodwinked in to believing the tools provided were top-notch or acceptable not knowing anything else. Basically set up to fail providing inferior tools. Ushering in the likelihood of physical and mental health issues. Setting the neurodivergent up for failure, creating the inability to adequately process information in stressful environments. Over time, that can cause hypervigilance stress related illnesses such as addictions. So like a circuit breaker that's been stressed one too many times as a result of inadequate tools to navigate a stressful world. Now the hyper-vigilance conditioned mind dominates emotional stability, causing hyperarousal a triggering condition, causing a fight, flight, freeze, fawn or highbred a combination of those categories as a result of mental abusive brainwashing techniques. Where was my parents, another story. Besides that what difference does it make. Those days are long gone. So back to cortisol. If your brain is being constantly triggered, resulting in a saturation of cortisol your pretty much doomed. So it wasn't the disability or learning difference I was born with. It was the environment the labeling that became the obstacle to overcome. The spiral of shame was learned early on by a brainwashing environment that is triggered by stress by not adequately processing real time information presented within a certain timeframe. That's the problem with hidden disabilities, there just that hidden, not necessarily by choice because you learned to mask because you were conditioned to feel ashamed for the way you were born. So because shame lives in darkness. The two interact with each other. So shame and it’s co-conspirators guilt, anxiety, fear, depression, they all feed on each other causing a spiral into hell. That was my experience in the so-called educational system. So as a result of that type of brainwashing on a daily basis for 12 years reduces neurodivergent peoples ability to think critically or independently. Setting a person up for exploitation throughout life. So in order to keep from being overwhelmed triggered. It requires a hypervigilance default. A required hyper vigilant analytical assessment of your environment is required, studying everyone and everything around me, mostly people on how they reacted. This allowed my scattered mind to bring into focus the missing pieces that provided better understanding focus, time to think a better understanding of my environment.. This requires shuting down masking, hyper focusing in a world of full color into a world of black and white. No longer a free autonomous human being. Human beings are born with essential adaptive abilities. The capacity to disconnect from painful internal and external experience. We are able to disconnect from experiences of pain and anxiety that accompany the lack of fulfillment of our primary needs. To the degree that any core need is chronically unfulfilled, children are faced with a crucial choice: adapt or perish. Conditioned to survive their environment, now a slave created by the single-minded Neurotypical educational system. There's a Million Spinoffs from that theory. I have first-hand experience I lived it. Just my opinion, life as a pack mule with blinders. But keep in mind if your intention is to deliberately confuse me through rhetorical rhetoric semantics for personal gain. I'm pretty much doomed. Only now through those types of experiences I have finally learned to walk away leaving no answer for my reaction. What was the question executive function. I have no idea what you talking about. Just kidding.
All of dad's children have one thing in common. Executive brain disorganization. Executive function is a broad group of mental skills that enable people to complete tasks and interact with others. An executive function disorder can impair a person's ability to organize themselves and control their behavior.
Then add dyslexia a language learning difference that requires a different approach to language-based learning systems. It may take someone a little longer to master those types of communication skills but overtime will improve. The younger the student is the better chances of mastery will come in communication skills. ADHD happens when children grow up in stressed environmental conditions. A wide variety of those types of environmental conditions can vary from mild to extreme. CPTSD is a result of developmental trauma and shock trauma over a period of time. Definitely has an adverse effect on a child's ability to transition through the different developmental stages that all children go through. Only because the developmental stages were never available forcing the child to adapt purely for survival, The child has no other alternative completely reliant on their caregivers forcing children into a survival style. That is uniquely developed for their particular environment. With all of these differences that I have just barely touched the tip of the iceberg on have disastrous effects on our children and our society. No wonder children who grow up in these types of environments struggle throughout life.
@@reginaarnone4845 Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek. You must be the change you wish to see in the world.
Change does not roll in on the wheels of inevitability, but comes through continuous struggle. And so we must straighten our backs and work for our freedom. A man can't ride you unless your back is bent.
It is hard to imagine a more stupid or more dangerous way of making decisions than by putting those decisions in the hands of people who pay no price for being wrong.
Thomas Sowell
Oh man, “sleeps with weapon next to them” was so oddly specific and satisfying to hear. I feel so seen. I scored remarkably high on this, maybe even gold-star level. Going to watch part two before going through each one to feel address the horrible feelings associated. Thank goodness for good therapy ❤️
As the 10th child, I do sometimes rock myself to sleep.
I’m so grateful for your talks!
6:41 -- My brain has been my biggest hurdle. The reactivity I have because my frontal lobe takes a spontaneous hiatus is most difficult to address. The result often adds to my shame. ☹
My head is exploding ❗️❗️❗️It has taken me longer than 40 minutes to listen to this video, because I have paused it so many times to absorb what he is saying. I can’t move on to part 2, I have to play this one again and just be still and watch this time. If I go on to part 2 I won’t be able to retain what I just learned about myself. Thank God! I don’t know how to express what is going on. Wow
fantastic video! my main issue is academic trauma (i was constantly told that i was stupid and that i couldn't trust my judgment/intuition, and that other people know more than me), so i didn't relate to every explanation. but you explained something that i've been trying to figure out - why when i'm bored or overwhelmed i use people to dissociate. that's the only time i seek people.
So good. Also persinally dr. Dispenza's meditation are extremely helpful to me. They really help me with maintaining the calm trough the day.
thank you! very validating... so scared of success... it's annoying, people insist you're fine! yes need to (try to)sleep with the a lamp on
Right?
I'm past the self-shaming stages, but I've moved on to honest self-awareness. Flattery doesn't help me. It only reinforces the idea that if they knew the truth, they'd be gone. So sick of being told that I'm wonderful and that everything I say about myself which is honest and just self-aware is wrong.
Had a knife under a pillow for a year. I wear my clothes to bed.
my mother had my sister and I and herself sleep in our clothes on many occasions. She knew she may have to go on the run in the middle of the night. it was terrifying once I was old enough to realize we were in danger.
I did too. When I got married it amazed my husband.
Wow,excellent videos explained so well,thanks so much!
I have no doubt my parents were suffering from their OWN childhood trauma. But, they’re gone now, and I can’t help that. I don’t blame them or think they are bad people, they were/are human too. I have convinced myself that - had they known the negative consequences of their inaction, neglect or dealing with an unexpected pregnancy. None of that is on ME! I deserved to be loved and respected, but received none. I can forgive their (in)actions, and develop self respect and self love. I hope!
Wow! My mother and my grandmother live together constantly fighting and constantly drunk. And I just recently said all I learned how to do is survive... In my adult life when love gets too close the alarms of danger danger goes off
This info. goes along w/ Dr. Caroline Leaf re: the brain!
So much great information. Thanks
my parent locked me in a closet if I was upset or panicking. I feel better, there's only 50 things wrong with me. I thought there were a lot more.
my biggest battle is the anxiety and nervousness that comes out of nowhere when things are going well or even when I plan on going somewhere, I still get nervous. it's like the fear of the unknown/anticipation. It is so frustrating, but I have to remind myself over and over it's this CPTSD and my brain!!!!
23:39 yeap you better believe I’m afraid to get my hope’s up cause they always get crushed. I clearly remember not knowing how I would be treated when greeted at the door was constantly not certain that I did something wrong. Then 2 plus years of very specific set of trauma from someone and never knowing what each day would be. Then when that ended you better believe anything felt too good to be true which made me feel guilty when things went well and that guilt led me to trying to be perfect so then becoming a born again. Then the toxic job for 8 years that I never knew how my boss would feel everyday and got anxiety everyday to even check my cell from from boss’s texts. Felt so weird to have a new friend like my buddy K to be someone I see that doesn’t treat me different and never know if will be mad at me for no reason when I see him. I’ve lived almost all of my life from elementary school childhood to present waiting for a friend, peer, boss, family, partner, tell me their mad at me for something I did wrong.
good God. I remember that. I finally got tired and said Frick it. i started being me and if someone got mad, oh well. crossed that bridge IF it came up. Stopped giving SO much of a damn.
How can you know me so well given that we have never met? You are not alone
Very well done good things to think about when you have the complex trauma should be taught in schools
thank you for your videos
So far...these videos are very helpful....but I had a happy childhood....haven't drank, smoked or done illegal drugs in almost 30 yrs. But I had 2 abusive marriage...(1)17 yrs...2 children (2) 22 yrs ...1 child.....who at the point where he was living his dreams.......took his life in NYC by running out in front of a subway...he was 25...his type 1 diabetes played a part..but he had a plan.....I understand everything you're saying...but now I just hide my light under a bushel basket....so I'm listening..In the last 6 years I've had 2-3 traumatic life events per year......and I'm scared of more to come!😣
Try to find an Adult children of alcholics and dysfunctional families (Acoa) group and see if you can relate to the problems they have ..
22:43 In my case I remember my dad explaining how I could avoid doing things and read the situation so I wouldn't make him go nuts on me again. It did work most of the time. Great advice for a four year old. /s
Thank you, again, Tim. You break this intricately confusing matter down to a comprehensive affliction in a way that does give me aspirations that I can change/heal. Incidentally, along with other resources I have acquired-your videos are saving my life. I’ve had (still have a great deal of) all of these symptoms and more at 55 yrs old. More than half my life squandered, misdirected, living in utter agony.
Your list so far has me 17 for 17. However, the explanation w/the trust issues doesn’t quite match how I felt. I couldn’t trust myself at all, either. So, I never relied on myself. So, I never cared if I lived or died. I never even had the slightest sense of who I was, how I felt, what was real and what wasn’t, or what I needed, and forget what I wanted: That’s a joke. I never felt good enough to be alive for as long as I can remember. So, I was an addict, a follower, risk taker, thrived on chaos, sought out any type of (what I thought may be) love from all the users and losers.
Every intimate example I gave all ties in w/many or all of your 17 symptoms at the same time. I suppose we’re all like that. You spell this stuff out so I really get it, the most, out of all the great teachers out there. Now like you say, we don’t like to have hope…I finally do have a lot that I will recover from this and have some semblance of a peaceful, joyous, conscious life. I look forward to watching the next video continuing on to your 50 CPTSD characteristics. ❤
Try finding an ADULT children of alcholics and dysfunctional families group (Aca or Acoa) and see if you can relate.... they are vy helpful
@31:44 i think that a major omission here is how heavy the quality of the individual weights in this whole trauma equation. Not all traumatised people end up being manipulators despite the fact that they may be control freaks.
Also, i've seen people with trauma who trust way too easily because they're not used to be in control and thus they pass it to other people who later on take advantage of them, and that's how many toxic relationships are made.
The thing is.. life happens to both good & bad people, but how they react to it is very different.
This was very enlightening. Thank you. So far, you have described my husband to a T. I guess he must have suffered from this as a child. He did come from a broken home & his father was an alcoholic. I was thinking he may be a narcissist, but I've been reluctant to put him there, because it's a hard thing to face, & he's fine, unless I say or do the wrong thing,. But, I never know ahead of time what that may be, to cause him to become so disagreeable (to put it mildly). Most times, it's something quite innocent & not meant as a criticism at all. We've been married 10 years, & I've felt like leaving numerous times. It's so hard continuing a relationship with him, but I keep trying. For years, I haven't known what to think. Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde came to my mind. I didn't really get to know him well before our marriage, as it was a long distance relationship. Knowing him better, I would now have kept him as a friend, but not married him. That's how stressful the marriage has been for me. He's a very good person though. I believe that & having heard part 1 of this video, I intend to listen to part 2. My question is, how do I help him become the person he is meant to be? Hopefully, part 2 will answer that question. Thank you. He is almost 70, so hopefully it's not too late.
Thank you so much for charing these videos. What a wake up call. Thank you!
I recently learned by Natalie Hoffman, Flying free, that Spiritual abuse and emotional abuse cause cptds. Hell comes from shame : fear , religion and abuse , freedom come from love and truth❤
Everything you said is what my therapist said, it took a while, but I did find someone that clicked with me and hearing from youbthe same things he us teaching me has boosted my confidence in my therapist's ability to properly guide me, that and the power of prayer.
There is comfort in familiarity.
Wonderful.... Tim... You are explaining my life so far to me..... The roller coaster ride..... Can't say how much I owe you... Thank you so much ❤❤🙏
❤4:26 the limbic system response to perceived danger
5:20 what the limbic system does in extreme danger ⚠️
5:56 contrasting the child from a dysfunctional home