When he talked about how new fathers that are used to just grinding at work 60 hours a week suddenly experience burnout bc of their new emotional responsibilities at home it was like this podcast was made for me. I emailed a therapist within hours to set up some sessions.
After listening to this, I pulled each of my kids into my room, sat them down and just loved on them. Looked them in the eye and asked how they were doing, and my 9 year old son just broke down in tears. I didnt realize how much they needed that. I have some pretty severe complex trauma, I answered 9 of those 10 questions "yes". I didnt realize how badly my trauma was effecting my children. I have done a ton of work on myself, and have been sober 7 years but I think that this episode changed me, and it pieced some things together that i hadn't connected prior to this. Amazing. Thank you Theo, and Thank you Tim Fletcher!!!!
I feel you. It’s 5A.M. right now. I’m only 30 minutes into the episode although I feel like I started hours ago for how many times I’ve cried, processed feelings, got up and warmed the coffee, and rewatched what I cried through. My kids are 20 and 22 and I’m going to get at them again today. Fkkkkkk. I’ve been working on this for so long. Deep breaths. I’m an educator and I also see this in so many students, literally everyday. We have to break these cycles and protect our babies. Thank you for sharing. Good luck and blessings to you and your babies. ❤
I don't have children and I don't know how it is to be a parent but your comment made me tear up because I wish my Mom would do that at least once when I was 9 years old. All the best for you! Your children have an amazing Mom !!!
I think this is the one thing they got wrong: it doesn't make sense. Rather, one would adopt a magical thinking or high achiever mode whereby one believes you have to be perfect in order to matter, but deep down the belief that create that magical thinking is stronger - being that I am not enough. It is not because you WANT to think less of yourself, the problem is that you can't escape it. The idea of self-pity as a comfort is fundamentally wrong imo. Self-pity is healing. It is acknowledging you were wronged and in a bad place and that you have been ruining things yourself. One day that self-pity ends (if you allow it to run its course) and change will come. Small steps to get out of that hole you've ended up.
@@TheDavveponken So, the deeper belief of inadequacy needs to be acknowledged and healed, with self-pity being part of that healing process. Dude your reply was verbose af if that's all you were saying. That was like following the winding path of a Rube Goldberg machine drawing lmao. Just how dang smart do you think we are out here on the internet?
The fact that Theo is always so vulnerable even completely publicly is very commendable, even though he may not realise that he is. It makes him so lovable and genuine!
Oh wah wah you cry more than those kids😭 be grateful for what you have there's people getting bombed out right now because they were born in the wrong place.
It is, and you're right to be angry. He has a great vid on victim mindset [I'm not trying to shame u I just know i stayed in that place for FAR too long. The validation will never arrive.] As he says, as an adult now who's beyond the trauma, you dont have to keep inflicting that trauma upon yourself again. You don't have to keep letting that anger affect your life and choices. I promise you with absolute gentleness to watch his vids [I'm not paid I've just gone from psychotic breakdown this time last year to the most complete and balanced state of my entire life thanks to his work. Its unreal how much of a transformation and sense of safety ive gotten FINALLY] Wish you the best, don't let the shame convince you that you still deserve this type of unhappiness. 💗❤️🩹💗
13:00 to about 15:40 why is it that i feel most of these things? Is my trauma that bad and since something happened to me 2 years ago ever since i have fallen down a dark path and i feel the fear of changing and bettering my life and doing things and i do also feel like im a piece of shit and who would want to know or love me in terms of if i was wanting a relationship but im still watching and i also feel a huge amount of shame Edit: 17:00 to 17:40 this is also how i feel
*"My whole life I've had this to-do list that I don't even know what it is...I feel like everyday...I'm already behind schedule and I don't even have a schedule. I'm running behind. I gotta do this. What is it? I don't know but I gotta do it."* Hit so hard. I've never heard more relatable words in my whole life!
Heavy day for me. Heading to a funeral and leading my four little ones and my spouse through the loss of a mom and grandma. Keep us in your prayers and thoughts, gang gang 🕊️
I don't tend to comment, but this video made one heck of a difference for me. I personally believe you should consider having him back on and do more focused podcasts. Not everyone has access to therapy, or can take that step themselves. And this is something that would be highly beneficial to everyone.
Yup like everyone on this thread said it. Check put his channel Tim fletcher. I haven't purchased his course but have listened to his YT series and that is already helping
It really pisses me off that I have to get information like this from a comedy podcast rather than the therapists and psychiatrists I see that are just quick to sell me the next pill that never works anyway.. god bless you and your guests Theo.. always a fan
What's incredibly sad & unfortunate is that alot of people searching for help or guidance are misguided & thrown down the 'psych med pipeline' that do not require medicine. It compounds the problem for those not requiring medicine. They require information, knowlege, care. More often than not, folks totally skip over the fact that the resources available to you are only as deep as your pockets. The fact we get this invaluable knowledge from a comedy podcast is mindblowing. And eye opening.... Best of wishes to you. Wishing you health & peace.
@@TheRed-HeadedStepchildthat's easier said than done. I'll be on #6 here pretty soon. I'm beginning to become convinced that paying someone to "care" is a fantasy for some people.
I'm 35-years-old turning 36. This podcast episode made me book my next therapy appointment. All my life, I never understood what was wrong with me. I battle Depression daily and I feel like I am running on high alert at all times. I didn't understand it and thought maybe it was normal. It's not. I grew up in a very strict Cambodian household. My brothers and sisters bullied me and my dad would beat me. I thought I had gotten over it but it's starting to spill out in my 30's. I can't keep anything inside like I used to. It's time to heal. Thank you, Theo and Tim!
The best article on depression I have found is “Depression: Compulsive Self-Deception” by Alice Miller. She is a true genius when it comes to psychology and child abuse, in my opinion. I highly recommend that article and all her other work. Just reading her books was enough to heal me, and I was in a VERY bad place (huge breakdown in my early twenties, survival/crisis mode for 15 years, possible cancer - which was also a result of my repressed emotions).
Yes! I think this may be one reason I hate when people don't read the room. It makes me nervous, like "you're not following the system, something bad is gonna happen".
Ive never commented on a video in my life but I’ve been going to EMDR therapy for years and this 2 hours has shed more light and helped as much if not more than the years of therapy I’ve gotten. A deeper understanding and acceptance that I’ve never had. This guy breaks it down into like Trauma for Dummies so I can actually understand it. Hell yea Theo. Thanks man
At one of my EMDR sessions I went from zero to sixty in one second and was locked behind a door, naked, after being beaten and my dog killed in the same room. Man, that was 55 years ago. OMG Theo rocks for showing us his heart and mind.
@@crabannaSorry you had to go through that, and then to re-live it again under the EMDR. Did the therapist know what to do, and do you feel like you were able to process it and move on?
Rapid antidepressant effects magic mushrooms has been shown to have rapid antidepressant effects, improving symptoms of depression and trauma in a matter of days.
Tim Fletcher is THE voice regarding CPTSD and addictions. Thank you, Theo Von, for recognizing the importance of addressing these issues. Life changing to be sure! This was real, raw, and informative. Thank you!
Honestly, I've had more breakthroughs watching these podcasts than being in therapy. Truly, Theo, you are a special person. Thank you for being you and being honest with your experiences. Many blessings to you.
the fact the theo is a man from the south, especially a comedian, and is able to be so open and vulnerable about feelings is just such a great step for humanity.
@@elizabethwilk9615of course it does - different cultures have differnt values, for example a lot of asian cultures (used to live in hong kong) don’t talk about feelings same way we would in the U.K. or US
Remember the thing they said about the online course that has participants from 30 countries? I mean it's universal. But yeah definitely cultural does have a reflection on how we perceive and identify ourselves. It is relevant. Even online culture/subcultures are a thing. If you already have negative self image from birth and then have unrealistic cultural expectations stacked ontop? Fkn OOF. If you kind of think about it, its completely bizarre when something this fundamental and so universally experienced can impact everyone and bring folk together in an instant regardless when spoken effectively and outloud. Cultural ties n geography suddenly become irrelevant.
“It physically exhausted me to listen to someone talk.” I don’t know if I’ve ever understood a feeling more than that. Theo earned himself a new subscriber today.
So true. I thought for a long time it’s just cause I work in customer service but I’ve realized it doesn’t matter what job I have. I am just exhausted from thinking
There's a lot of sensory issues that can develop with cptsd. Stuff like audiotory processing, getting your nerves set off by overwhelming noise stimulus or raised voices that kind of thing. But it just affects cognitive processing generally, your focus, your ability to process the noises and make sense of them into conversation... the level of emotional effort it takes to strike up a conversation... all of it just goes into shutdown mode when you're overwhelmed and stressed. It's difficult trying to explain to anybody that it's nothing personal, I just need my personal space to re-regulate myself again to get back in the game yknow? But that's their own fear of abandonment kicking in, they instantly think I'm avoiding them or rejecting them but I'm just literally running on empty rn. The parasympathetic kicked in coz im beyond my limit. I need to recuperate.
I never comment on videos either, but the moment Tim talked about the crash at 30 years old... I'm 31, almost 32 now, and I'm now on the back end of healing from that intense crash 8 months ago. All that anxiety and need for control served me well in a sales career until my WHOLE body just shut down. Bad eating disorder (which men never talk about), several addictions, sooo much people pleasing and putting myself last, poor physical health from working all the time, constant 'checking out' behavior, surface level relationships, minimal emotional connection to family... If you're reading this know that you CAN make meaningful changes in your life. I'm 40 days sober now and living more presently and calmly than I ever have in my life. Thank you Theo for bringing Tim on! Please bring him on again!
I listened to 20 minutes of this interview and thought Tim perfectly described a particular person in my life who had done me wrong. At the 20 minute mark i broke down as i realized he was describing me! God bless you Theo. You're a gem
Theo - You mention having experiences in recovery where you said other people put things that you didn't know how to express into words. Your podcast has put so many emotions and feelings and experiences into manageable sentences for me, and not only am I grateful to have had a release of these thoughts but I am hopeful now that these ideas have become tangible and workable. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart man
I agree with this, and sometimes when things happen to you as a kid you don’t have the language for it in the moment. It’s such a process to go back and articulate how you really felt
I'm 26, soon to be 27 and it feels like for the last several years I've been doing everything I can to rewire my brain. One of the hardest things to deal is knowing you've got patterns of behavior, aches in your heart and a longing for something you weren't given and not being able to do anything about it. The more I learn about things the more I understand why I do the things I do, and feel the way I feel, but knowing isn't enough. And when you don't really have anyone you can trust to help you through the process, it's just... difficult. Thank you for this conversation, Theo, and thank you Tim for coming on. I believe a lot of people can benefit from hearing this kind of discussion and reflecting on their own childhood/lives.
I'm 28 and doing the exact same thing as you and feel like I'm at the same spot. I've known for years why I do certain things or feel certain ways or what's triggering me and I find out more every day but the hardest part for.me is figuring out what to do with that information after. At least you are self aware and (I hear lol) that's a great first step. We have go keep growing so from one person's journey to another's, keep on keeping on man. Im proud of you and you got this 👍
Dude I don’t know if you realize how many peoples lives you’re going to change with this episode. This info is so incredibly important and I don’t understand how it’s not more well known with the state of mental health in this country.
Literally screaming while listening to this. Like- relief screaming. I feel so heard. I'm not crazy, I'm not broken, my brain has responded exactly the way it knew how to, in order to keep me safe. Going forward, realizing that I need to unlearn what once kept me safe. Those very survival techniques, are now hurting me. Very informative episode Theo & crew. Love it.
A collective scream for many of us. We feel “seen” just by the info he gave a Theo driving it home emotionally. Man, to be seen…finally. ❤ to you and all!
Tim fletcher changed my life. After taking the course I tried psychedelics and I’m a whole new person :) I got rid of lots of symptoms from cptsd Thank you TIM THANK YOU !!!
Shout out Theo man. Recreating the lane of what it is to be a comedian. Bridging healing ideas to a mass audience with the art of humor. Artistry at its finest
Dude it is so ironic that u dropped this video when u did. I'm 38 and I've been battling this shit hard the past few years. I finally had the balls today to ask my mom to talk to me and she let me know when she's available which I just didn't expect. Then I see this video and it's just crazy how shit falls into place.... thanks man!
Theo really explains how it feels… I have had so many things happen, but there is hope!! I was baptized today, I’m sober, I’m healthy and own a business, life has changed completely. But it took me fighting for my life! God is so good! 😊Theo is the man!
Theo's vulnerability is so special. I'm not sure he even knows he's sharing himself so raw-ly. Going to his friends' house just so the kid's mom will look at him for 30 secs and tell him to go away. Wow! Such innocence .. and so sad. All the best Theo!!
Whenever he apologized for sharing I wanted him to know that it was helpful to have that realness. Validating to hear what he said. It helps with my imposter syndrome by normalizing how there can be these complex coping experiences hidden within other acceptably functional appearing people.
One of my sons friends does this he stares in my eyes a lot. I always wondered if he was nervous or something and couldn’t quickly put a thought together but maybe this is why.
@@katelyndefreitas2810my son had a friend like that at 12. One day I decided to speak to him and he revealed that he wanted to kill himself and die. His parents had divorced and he was depressed. I told him mother and she was able to get help for him. I made sure to let him feel heard and welcomed in my home by inviting him from meals etc.
I've been getting little signs from everywhere. My 20 yr old son was just diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, and intermittent explosive anger. I know it all stems from myself and my ex husband and the way we parented. I will never forgive myself. I'm older and wiser and I love this kid more than anything. Please love and hug your children. We were all children once.
As someone who suffers from the same disorder as your son, all I want is for my mom to acknowledge and own up to her mistakes as a parent. Seeds were planted in his heart as a young child and now those seeds are bearing fruit. Validate his emotions now since they weren't validated when he was younger. He needs to heal. If you haven't healed from your own trauma, that'd be another place to work on. Best of luck in your healing/recovery journey!
@@Yhoshua_B thank you. I'm trying. Because of his anger and personality disorder, it's hard for him to trust (understandably) and he pushes away after a certain amount of time. I hope you and your mother and others who abandoned you are able to come together and forgive but I am at a loss for words here. I was young (no excuse) and selfish. I hope your mother sees you (the real you) and realizes the error of her ways.
I can relate❤ both my adult children are addicts (there dad is a functioning alcoholic)it's heart breaking knowing how my behaviour that I wasn't aware of has caused even more chaos.Its the last thing I wanted for my children😢 all I can do is the work on myself and make amends.
I don’t accept this. You will forgive yourself. Because you are deserving of forgiveness. Punishing yourself doesn’t change your reality, it only makes it worse. Keep digging into Timothy Fletcher videos, heal, and offer the world your healed self. That’s the best way to truly offer an apology. Apology just means - to give an answer to. Well friend, you have been apart of a cycle of trauma going back generations. At what point did we ever stop and say: “you know what, I really want to screw up my kids?” Nah, we lived life trying to satisfy deeply rooted unmet needs in childhood. And we need to FORGIVE ourselves, our parents, and become the healing that is available to us through our faith journey. Jesus is my rock and my salvation. Psalms 91 is the only answer for me. And from that deep recess of love, has come an outpouring of healing. One day at a time. Watching videos like this and other Tim Fletcher videos. It’s all helping me piece together the broken inner child who tragically needed a stable parent to rely on in a turbulent, chaotic upbringing. Now I have to be that to myself. And you do too. No one else will.
Theo’s podcasts are amazing. But wow the community we have built in this comment section is another level of love. Well done everyone. God bless you all
I have listened to a ton of his videos and the min I heard his voice, It did feel like a healing hug actually. Other than therapy, Tim's videos are what has made me really feel seen, heard and start connecting the dots that I never knew existed because chose was the complete normal until 9 months ago.
Hey Theo! Using your own experiences is not 'always taking the discussion back to yourself', it's using the example you know best, and using it to show us how to take a piece of general information and apply it to ourselves. You're the cook on a cooking show demonstrating how to use the recipe.
Straight facts here! It’s actually very nice here. Makes my heart so happy. I just got back on fb 2 weeks ago after 4 years.. nice thread to be in coming back to social media toxicity. Thank you to all who has commented here with kind responses, sharing and compassion❤️
As someone who has been to therapy, what Theo is doing is doing here by sharing how he feels is so hard and a I Admire him so much for this. He doesn't know how much it will help him and how many people he will help by expressing things we people with less language tools can say. Thank you Theo for this.
As a childhood trauma victim, sexually molested by my stepfather at the age of 6 and then manipulated and controlled with that for the next 9 years, I've always sought an explanation as to why I behave the way I do at times. Now being 52, and having only exposed my truth to the rest of the world 5 years ago, I've been really struggling for validation and purpose in life, often coming to the same conclusions that I'm not worth the trouble. Thank you for having Doctor Fletcher on as a guest. His definitions and explaination of complex trauma and childhood development with trauma not only shines a brighter defining light on my own issues I'm working on, but unfortunately also explains why my own children are struggling as adults. I was around physically as a father, as was their mother, but we were not emotionally. I AM an improved version of my father for sure, but still not good enough to stop the cycle of depression and fear and distrust of the world. But I am grateful for the learn I got from this. Truly inspiring and meaningful.
i think it's great that you were able to talk about it after all these years, and i hope your children understand why you were the way you were. i hope you're well mate.
The simple fact you can recognize all of this and be as self aware as you are is beautiful. Coming from a similar house, it wasn’t the fault of my parents but theirs and so on. You can stop the cycle by taking this knowledge and helping your kids not make the same mistakes, and hopefully they can do well by your grand kids. All love and best wishes to you my friend. Find a new hobbies, grab a guitar, start to write (seems you have a knack), start exploring all the things you never got to growing up. You’ll find your way
I went through Tim’s React/Lift program and I am happy to say I’ll be 4 years sober this July. The program is amazing as is Tim and his family & friends. I wouldn’t be where I am without their help. It doesn’t just help with addiction. It gets down to the core issues that we all bury so deep. I was almost in shock to see him on my favourite comedians podcast. Thank you Theo and thank you Tim! You guys rock! Keep doing what you do. 😊 Love, gang gang!
@@bernwilliamson1906 Excellent! Good job, put in the work and you won’t be disappointed. You’ll learn so much about yourself. If I could go back and give myself any advice as I was starting the program I would say be patient, I felt I learnt so much it consumed me at first but have patience and give yourself some time and I guarantee you it’ll help you. Also, let your guard down, and be as transparent as you can even though it can be hard it will only benefit you in the end. Good luck. Hope you’re the best. 😊
Theo’s eyes filled with tears talking about his mother not looking into his eyes made my heart sink. Theo you are a beautiful soul and know that Christ looks at you with compassion and love as his beloved son. ❤
I kept wanting to tell him it’s ok to have pity and compassion for your younger self who had to go through those things, that’s actually how we heal. He was trying to do the stiff-upper lip thing, but maybe that’s just because he didn’t want to get too emotional on-screen or with Tim, I don’t know. (I’m only halfway through the podcast, so maybe that changes in the second half.) If were gonna heal we need to get comfortable with crying, letting it all out, feeling sorry for our child self who was left all alone as a baby, deprived, hurt, etc. We need to provide him or her the compassion, gentleness and understanding we never received. But most of us were taught to do the opposite, and we still follow those orders.
My mother sent me to a therapist when she discovered I was self harming. She did so by ripping the curtain back as I was showering. I opened up to the therapist, and was honest about how things were at home for the first time ever because she told me it was safe to do so. She talked to my mom alone after that. I don’t know what was said, but on the ride home my mom screamed at me. She swung into the backseat to hit me, missed, and swerved into the other lane almost causing a head-on collision. I think she was embarrassed by that. Then, she blamed me, screamed at me to get out of the car, and she drove off. I remember the complete feel of fear and abandonment in that moment. Then I saw her brake lights as she turned around to come get me. I never went to therapy again until last year at 29 years old. I have realized I’ve been the scapegoat for everybody in my biological family for my whole life, even to this day. Just last week my younger sister screamed at me, telling me how selfish I am and something is wrong in my head. I’m “cute and quirky” until I’m not, and she realizes I’m the most self centered person. It was wild because for the first time ever, I didn’t personalize any of it. For the first time I clearly saw how straight up abusive and toxic this is. And I’m 30, with a husband, 2 kids and a full time job. I don’t have time for this. My nervous system has been through enough. I’m stepping back to lean into healthier things in life now. Finally at peace with myself.
Theo I first listened to your podcast for the humor but I’ve stayed for the vulnerability and conversations like this. You’re doing a great thing. Thank you 🙏🏼
Anyone else just wanna hug theo way longer than his mom would and tell him he's so worthy and deserves to be loved? He's such a great guy and this broke my heart.
“Staying with somebody….so they couldn’t have anybody else that could care about them better than me.” The level of vulnerability self awareness is incredible.
I had never heard of Theo before this video, and I am absolutely awed by his courage in sharing things that are usually unspoken, things that are so shameful that most people can't even admit them to themselves, let alone speaking publicly about them.
People here who feel like they got more from this than years of therapy, remember that its completely okay to "shop" around when it comes to therapist. If youre not feeling it after the third session, move on. No shame. Its honestly the most respectful thing you can do for yourself is say "this therapist is not for me"
I got my best therapy from books, particularly Alice Miller’s. Having an in-person therapist was taking too many resources from me for too little in return. Family constellations and acupuncture also helped open me up first and put me in the right frame of mind to where I could be perceptive to what Alice Miller was saying, and from then on the rest was history.
this is one of the most important podcasts for the times we're living in, lack of self love and compassion in the world has traumatised so many in unique ways. collective healing is available but as Tim said, it is a process and we must be gentle with ourselves. We are literally becoming the parents to ourselves that we never had. Triggers and emotions are the greatest of teachers as long as we allow their ancient lessons to take root.
The way Theo empathizes with his inner child is the sweetest thing. I liked him up until this point, but who knew there was so much soul in him. Love on that inner little boy Theo, he deserves it. He deserves all the love in the world. And btw great guest. This Tim guy is so much more emotionally intelligent and informed than what you usually see on these platforms. Everything he said felt emotionally validating and honoring. I’d watch another talk with him someday if you had him on again. Badass episode🖤
when he started talking about our inner voice being different than others, it made me start bawling my eyes. thank you for making me aware of my shame and guilt I carry everywhere with me. i love you theo and Mr. Fletcher! 😭😭😭
Thank you theo, I've never been open to therapy but hearing a lot of this is what I've needed to hear for years. Hearing these things from a 3rd party who has had no involvement in my life and recognizing that I can associate with more of what he says really tells me that I'm not the piece of shit I've felt like for years growing up.
I’ve made up a word for you,Theo. “Traumedy”=dealing with trauma by using comedy. Thank you for allowing all of us into your beautiful mind and soul. Sincerely impressed with you,Danyse
Man’s a gift that keeps on giving. These episodes are like therapy. And now at 35, where my dad isn’t about, since childhood. And now my own son listens to this podcast. I love you 3000 💜
Theo is definitely showing his appreciation for his 2M+ subscribers by pushing out all these amazing episodes in such a quick manner, he’s been banging out winners! All with the public’s well-being considered with his content. 🤙
My wife is constantly trying to drill this through my head. Sending me videos from random people on IG. Hearing this, in a longer clip than 39 seconds, from a professional, in a podcast I love, is definitely what I needed to fully comprehend this. I'm constantly, silently, struggling with thinking I'm not good enough, and not having enough patience for my two under 8. It's not a kid problem, it's a me problem as my father never recognized how kids brains work either. It's been a rough road to break the generational shit. Everytime I rise above, I seem to slip below again. I just gotta listen to this daily.
IMHO ...You should subscribe to TIM FLETCHER here on youtube. You will be ASTOUNDED by how many incredible videos he's put out there for us....different series. AND....most of the videos are almost an hour long.....good deep dives. I have to take notes! He's just so thorough. HOW GREAT that Theo is having him on here. How lucky you are to have kids and a wife who cares.
I feel like more kids deal with complex trauma than kids that don’t. The important thing is that we don’t abandon these children that we are passing a horrible trait that we inherited from our upbringing. You are still there and you are still trying. Be strong and keep pushing brother. I’m in the boat with you.
All you can do is try again, and again, cause lord knows with kids you'll get the practice! It's a struggle for me, but realizing it's a ME problem has helped me call on my patience in those moments, or apologize if I mess up. Model the behavior you want to see in your children- as adults- they're watching, listening, and learning. Love this for you!
Finally, someone showcased Tim Fletcher!! He is so on point! He doesn't sugarcoat anything, he just says it, on point, which gives me the tools to heal better! Thanks so much.
After 20 years of pretty constant self-help, making very slow progress (since as Tim says most of it addresses the symptoms, not the root causes), the turning point was absolutely self-compassion/love. Shifting my entire focus from self-blame/criticism to awe and admiration around how much I have endured and the ways my brain and body have adapted. It’s truly mind-blowing and gave me a whole new respect for the strength and tenacity that I’ve developed. Clearly was not an over-night process, but certainly felt like it once I had that mindset shift. I still can’t believe how many lies I was telling myself and how I just couldn’t see my worth or value. Now it feels like such a foreign concept even thought I lived that way for nearly 40 years. Sending love and hugs to everyone on this healing journey. It is not easy but it is absolutely worth it. The ah-ha moments and epiphanies are worth their weight in gold. Especially the ones around realizing that it’s someone else’s stuff that made you feel worthless. Not to blame them, but just to recognize what is your stuff and what is not. It’s so freeing. There is absolutely hope. And that’s coming from someone who never thought they’d live past 20. The journey has not been easy but at this point, I wouldn’t change it. Life is incredibly fascinating once it doesn’t feel so dang painful all the time.
Same! I watched this video in “chunks” & each time I watch a few more minutes of it, I keep coming back to this amazing comments section & getting lost in it… just scrolling & crying, & scrolling & crying 🥹 This is humanity in the process of trying to heal the deep wounds of generational trauma & that is such a wonderful thing to see! It has a profound effect on the collective, so we all can sense the shift deep in our souls. I guess it just hits different, you know? ☺️💞🌎🙏🏻
Ive been through too many bad things in my life. I was a cutter for about 4 years. I have over 200 scars on my arms. I never wanted to kill myself. I was addicted to the feeling. Thank you to the both of you. And everyone in the comments. We will all heal one day ❤
So was I. I’ve never heard anyone else say they cut to feel before. I never did it to hurt myself it was just pressure. It felt like releasing something in me that was bad. This podcast and comment section has dredged up so much I need to deal with.
It's nothing short of surreal seeing my mentor on Theo's podcast. My mind was blown in the most incredible way . I love Theo, and I completed two courses under Tim which changed my life forever. I now help others as a Complex Trauma Recovery Coach. Seeing both Tim and Theo together discussing complex trauma so brilliantly was an incredible magical experience for me. I'm still trying to wrap my head around it! Love them both dearly
I 've listened to and read so many trauma experts and I value them all but this was the first time I heard Tim and wow I don't think I've ever heard anyone who just seems to understand the trauma experience on such deep soul level. I can totally feel how much you value him shining hrough your comment🙏
❤ Im 38 and I literally just realized within the last couple months I have made every decision through trauma glasses and I dont know who I am. My secret abuse started at the age 6 and continued til 12. Then of course I then found everything I really didn't want and had kids with them. 😢 I literally have blamed myself for everything.
Pastor Jim Fletcher is an amazing human. His work is profound. Thank you for having him on your show and allowing people to have an opportunity see know him and his incredible work!
I swore I would never go back to church struggling with untreated childhood CPTSD and trusting others. Then, I discovered my untreated CPTSD 😂😂😂 I found Tim's Friday Night sermons on CPTSD😂😂😂 God, what a 💎!
Theo, brother, thank you for being genuine and vulnerable. I'm 464 days sober myself and struggle with both my childhood trauma and addiction problems. It's dudes like you who give dudes like me inspiration to continue to stay sober and work on childhood traumas. Keep up the great work man. Much appreciated ❤🙏
14:00 Tim is describing complex childhood traumas.. 29 year old male and I work as a heavy duty loader operator.. he's describing me.. in fact my life saying has always been "I'm just a piece of shit"... thank you Tim for helping us grow. Theo, brother, thank you for what you do. I watch every video. I rarely comment, but this one touched my heart. Thanks for having this conversation and allowing me to listen to help thru life. Life is crazy, let's go 🙌🏼
My old therapist brought up the issue of shame, and I scoffed and pushed the idea away. I'm more comfortable with anger. With perfectionism. With being stoic and "independent" I can see it still, over my shoulder and in those dark places: SHAME. Feeling useless and small. Feeling angry about your own emotional needs. You can be self-aware, but the pain of that is still undeniable.
It's all about giving yourself empathy and compassion. Have patience with yourself as your anger is your past self responding to the present. You may not be the reason/source for your past suffering as a child, but you can be the reason why it stops.
I still let myself be vulnerable at least here and there when I don't feel like I'm in high danger because otherwise I would feel like a robot and my humanity is lost
I always appreciate Theo being vulnerable and open. I think it’s so important especially for men to be open like that, to know it’s okay to talk 🫶🏼 this is such a good episode. I’m in tears and I hope the man I love is able to get the help he needs to heal, so we can be together 🖤
That feeling that I don't deserve anything and taking a blame for everything was chasing me into adulthood. At home, at work, with friends. Gladly it's going away. But I remember since early childhood how I learned to pretend to be someone else. Copying other kids behavior and reaction to events because I thought I was doing something wrong.
Omg! That’s exactly what I’m dealing with right now! I’m referring to the part where he’s describing masking at an early age leads to not knowing who you really are. That hit me a couple of months ago and I am just now trying to figure that out at 50 years old, almost 50 years old. I feel like I’m grieving for the person I could have been. But also trying to love the person that I am now. Whoever she is. ❤
Damn "grieving for the person I could have been..." 😢 I feel that. A fair bit of moving around throughout childhood burnt me out. I was ambitious once upon a time. Only at 29 and now 30 years old I'm seeing that can probably start settling into who I am, but I need to break down some walls and start creating roads to walk my own way. 🙃 Easier said than done.
I don’t like to and have never thought of myself as a traumatized person or victim, but this episode has me absolutely crushed. I’ve been having dreams lately where I’m talking to myself or a character that seems to represent myself as a child, and I think this conversation is shedding some light on the reason for that.
I worked at a treatment center for a decade, and I think every treatment center needs a Tim Fletcher, a group of trauma trained behavioral therapists, and an extended stay period for the "re-parenting". Im going to say now I personally need all that as well👀
I ABSOLUTELY agree. I work in Behavioral Health (drug and alcohol program) and strongly agree that most providers would benefit greatly by taking his trainings.
LOVE Tim Fletcher. I am in the Behavioral Health Field and have heard countless speakers but never one as insightful and intelligent as Tim Fletcher. On the day of the interview 4/16 is my recovery anniversary 4/16/93. Everything he speaks about is true for me. I would love to meet him someday and attend a live training. God bless you ❤. Thank you Tim Fletcher.
Theo you are adorable. Thanks for allowing us in to your vulnerable self. You will get there. Life is a path that is different for all of us. You are on your path. So sweet....like a child.
I think this is going to be a very important episode for a lot of people.
✅️
Indeed.
📠
When he talked about how new fathers that are used to just grinding at work 60 hours a week suddenly experience burnout bc of their new emotional responsibilities at home it was like this podcast was made for me. I emailed a therapist within hours to set up some sessions.
@@Btn1136 good luck brother. 💪
After listening to this, I pulled each of my kids into my room, sat them down and just loved on them. Looked them in the eye and asked how they were doing, and my 9 year old son just broke down in tears. I didnt realize how much they needed that. I have some pretty severe complex trauma, I answered 9 of those 10 questions "yes". I didnt realize how badly my trauma was effecting my children. I have done a ton of work on myself, and have been sober 7 years but I think that this episode changed me, and it pieced some things together that i hadn't connected prior to this. Amazing. Thank you Theo, and Thank you Tim Fletcher!!!!
I feel you. It’s 5A.M. right now. I’m only 30 minutes into the episode although I feel like I started hours ago for how many times I’ve cried, processed feelings, got up and warmed the coffee, and rewatched what I cried through. My kids are 20 and 22 and I’m going to get at them again today. Fkkkkkk. I’ve been working on this for so long. Deep breaths. I’m an educator and I also see this in so many students, literally everyday. We have to break these cycles and protect our babies. Thank you for sharing. Good luck and blessings to you and your babies. ❤
Your great. Your kids will love you for being the best mom you can be
@OldJoeBlows do you know how you know if someone is a teacher? Don't worry, they'll tell you.
@@MoreBuffMoreMuffyou're a loser
I don't have children and I don't know how it is to be a parent but your comment made me tear up because I wish my Mom would do that at least once when I was 9 years old. All the best for you! Your children have an amazing Mom !!!
“If I have unrealistic expectations for myself, then I’ll always be what I always thought I was. Not enough.” Wow
Profound realization there. I needed to hear it
I think this is the one thing they got wrong: it doesn't make sense. Rather, one would adopt a magical thinking or high achiever mode whereby one believes you have to be perfect in order to matter, but deep down the belief that create that magical thinking is stronger - being that I am not enough. It is not because you WANT to think less of yourself, the problem is that you can't escape it.
The idea of self-pity as a comfort is fundamentally wrong imo. Self-pity is healing. It is acknowledging you were wronged and in a bad place and that you have been ruining things yourself. One day that self-pity ends (if you allow it to run its course) and change will come. Small steps to get out of that hole you've ended up.
@@TheDavveponken So, the deeper belief of inadequacy needs to be acknowledged and healed, with self-pity being part of that healing process.
Dude your reply was verbose af if that's all you were saying. That was like following the winding path of a Rube Goldberg machine drawing lmao.
Just how dang smart do you think we are out here on the internet?
@@lilsand. smarter than you obv
@@TheDavveponken Yeah 100% you obviously are an absolute genius.
The fact that Theo is always so vulnerable even completely publicly is very commendable, even though he may not realise that he is. It makes him so lovable and genuine!
Exactly bro. God bless him
This is what makes Theo a big brother for life. Proud to be a part of the gang gang fam
Which is a sexy trait in a person
Omg u serious? Every one in the country has gone so downhill because of comments like urs. Grow a pair.
@@marineproof8044Jesus christ. Stf**
School custodian here. Thank you for helping me through my day cleaning up after these lil bugs. This podcast saves lives. It saved mine
I feel you
I’m a school custodian as well brother. Gang 🫡
We love you brother. You're kicking ass
Stick around brother your well worth it
Oh wah wah you cry more than those kids😭 be grateful for what you have there's people getting bombed out right now because they were born in the wrong place.
Being robbed of your childhood or being robbed of your innocence, is something you can never get back
It is, and you're right to be angry. He has a great vid on victim mindset [I'm not trying to shame u I just know i stayed in that place for FAR too long. The validation will never arrive.]
As he says, as an adult now who's beyond the trauma,
you dont have to keep inflicting that trauma upon yourself again.
You don't have to keep letting that anger affect your life and choices.
I promise you with absolute gentleness to watch his vids
[I'm not paid I've just gone from psychotic breakdown this time last year to the most complete and balanced state of my entire life thanks to his work.
Its unreal how much of a transformation and sense of safety ive gotten FINALLY]
Wish you the best, don't let the shame convince you that you still deserve this type of unhappiness. 💗❤️🩹💗
Absolutely
@@nevadatan7323thank you for leaving this comment. I needed to read it ❤
This conversation feels like a hug
Absolutely
Theo Von feels like a hug
It does
I feel seen, heard, understood and less crazy ❤😂 gang gang baby!
Couldn't agree more!
Came for the humor. Stayed for the healing. Leaving with hope.
Brilliant!😊
god dam dude don’t make me cry with your concise emotional summary
That was fire 🔥 man! 🥹💗🙏🏽
Hope is most important
13:00 to about 15:40 why is it that i feel most of these things? Is my trauma that bad and since something happened to me 2 years ago ever since i have fallen down a dark path and i feel the fear of changing and bettering my life and doing things and i do also feel like im a piece of shit and who would want to know or love me in terms of if i was wanting a relationship but im still watching and i also feel a huge amount of shame
Edit: 17:00 to 17:40 this is also how i feel
*"My whole life I've had this to-do list that I don't even know what it is...I feel like everyday...I'm already behind schedule and I don't even have a schedule. I'm running behind. I gotta do this. What is it? I don't know but I gotta do it."* Hit so hard. I've never heard more relatable words in my whole life!
Heavy day for me. Heading to a funeral and leading my four little ones and my spouse through the loss of a mom and grandma. Keep us in your prayers and thoughts, gang gang 🕊️
Sending love and prayers
Praying for you brother
🙏❤️
GANG GANG brother, prayers for you
May God be with you and your family 🙏🏼
I don't tend to comment, but this video made one heck of a difference for me. I personally believe you should consider having him back on and do more focused podcasts. Not everyone has access to therapy, or can take that step themselves. And this is something that would be highly beneficial to everyone.
Heya in case Theo doesnt have him back just google or search youtube for his stuff. He has a ton of content that you might find helpful
That's the nice thing about Tim's courses. They're not super cheap but they're cheaper than therapy sessions. Or his UA-cam videos!
Tim Fletcher has about 1000 videos on UA-cam as well.
Even his UA-cam videos are so life changing
Yup like everyone on this thread said it. Check put his channel Tim fletcher. I haven't purchased his course but have listened to his YT series and that is already helping
I discovered Tim Fletcher about 2 years ago. Listening to him literally saved my life.
It really pisses me off that I have to get information like this from a comedy podcast rather than the therapists and psychiatrists I see that are just quick to sell me the next pill that never works anyway.. god bless you and your guests Theo.. always a fan
What's incredibly sad & unfortunate is that alot of people searching for help or guidance are misguided & thrown down the 'psych med pipeline' that do not require medicine. It compounds the problem for those not requiring medicine. They require information, knowlege, care. More often than not, folks totally skip over the fact that the resources available to you are only as deep as your pockets. The fact we get this invaluable knowledge from a comedy podcast is mindblowing. And eye opening....
Best of wishes to you. Wishing you health & peace.
@@narcanbreakfast ty
I’m convinced Theo is not a celebrity this man is a prophet a modern day philosopher. PROTECT THEO AT ALL COSTS! God bless you sir 🫡
Find a therapist that CARES!!
@@TheRed-HeadedStepchildthat's easier said than done. I'll be on #6 here pretty soon. I'm beginning to become convinced that paying someone to "care" is a fantasy for some people.
"In complex trauma, if you're authentic you get rejected." 8 minutes in and I'm already getting emotional.
Yep, someone once told me not to be myself. That's hard for me to do.... I understand.
this.
I feel that to the core. ❤
I feel the tears already and its only the beginning of the podcast
Rejected by who/what?
I'm 35-years-old turning 36. This podcast episode made me book my next therapy appointment. All my life, I never understood what was wrong with me. I battle Depression daily and I feel like I am running on high alert at all times. I didn't understand it and thought maybe it was normal. It's not. I grew up in a very strict Cambodian household. My brothers and sisters bullied me and my dad would beat me. I thought I had gotten over it but it's starting to spill out in my 30's. I can't keep anything inside like I used to. It's time to heal. Thank you, Theo and Tim!
Good for you! ❤
The best article on depression I have found is “Depression: Compulsive Self-Deception” by Alice Miller. She is a true genius when it comes to psychology and child abuse, in my opinion. I highly recommend that article and all her other work. Just reading her books was enough to heal me, and I was in a VERY bad place (huge breakdown in my early twenties, survival/crisis mode for 15 years, possible cancer - which was also a result of my repressed emotions).
" I just knew how you were feeling and how I needed to seem"
Holy damn man. That nailed it
Yes! I think this may be one reason I hate when people don't read the room. It makes me nervous, like "you're not following the system, something bad is gonna happen".
Yeah, I saw myself if this totally.
What's the timeframe? Unfortunately I can't watch the entire episode but those words resonates in me
@@Stefanunearound minute 30
Yeah hits home
Ive never commented on a video in my life but I’ve been going to EMDR therapy for years and this 2 hours has shed more light and helped as much if not more than the years of therapy I’ve gotten. A deeper understanding and acceptance that I’ve never had. This guy breaks it down into like Trauma for Dummies so I can actually understand it. Hell yea Theo. Thanks man
At one of my EMDR sessions I went from zero to sixty in one second and was locked behind a door, naked, after being beaten and my dog killed in the same room. Man, that was 55 years ago. OMG Theo rocks for showing us his heart and mind.
Do you recommend EMDR?
I highly recommend IFS therapy. Very effective in my experience.
I'm so sorry you went thru that @@crabanna
@@crabannaSorry you had to go through that, and then to re-live it again under the EMDR. Did the therapist know what to do, and do you feel like you were able to process it and move on?
Rapid antidepressant effects magic mushrooms has been shown to have rapid antidepressant effects, improving symptoms of depression and trauma in a matter of days.
I was skeptical at first, but psilocybin mushrooms have been a game-changer for my mental health.
The insights I've gained from magic mushrooms have been invaluable. They've helped me understand myself and the world in a new way.
The effects of magic mushrooms are like a reset button for my mind. They help me clear my thoughts and feel refreshed.
I've seen lots of positive reviews on mushies I'm really looking at trying them.. any idea?
zaletherapy
Tim Fletcher is THE voice regarding CPTSD and addictions. Thank you, Theo Von, for recognizing the importance of addressing these issues. Life changing to be sure! This was real, raw, and informative. Thank you!
Truth!!
Him and Gabor Mate, love them both
I found Tim a couple years ago. He is the best!
Him and Gabor Mate are definitely the top for me.
He’s the goat 🐐
"I didn't know how long to look into somebodys eyes I remember" 😭 thank you Theo for being so open and vulnerable ❤
It looks like his eyes are watering up at this point in the converation.
Incredibly cool moment to highlight. Literally touches on a great poetic mystery of life.
Honestly, I've had more breakthroughs watching these podcasts than being in therapy. Truly, Theo, you are a special person. Thank you for being you and being honest with your experiences. Many blessings to you.
the fact the theo is a man from the south, especially a comedian, and is able to be so open and vulnerable about feelings is just such a great step for humanity.
Location has nothing to do with being vulnerable ?
@@elizabethwilk9615It does. The US has many different cultures.
@@elizabethwilk9615of course it does - different cultures have differnt values, for example a lot of asian cultures (used to live in hong kong) don’t talk about feelings same way we would in the U.K. or US
He was an addict. He's familiar with the 12 steps that's why he's able to share and open up 👍🏻
Remember the thing they said about the online course that has participants from 30 countries?
I mean it's universal.
But yeah definitely cultural does have a reflection on how we perceive and identify ourselves. It is relevant.
Even online culture/subcultures are a thing.
If you already have negative self image from birth and then have unrealistic cultural expectations stacked ontop? Fkn OOF.
If you kind of think about it,
its completely bizarre when something this fundamental and so universally experienced can impact everyone and bring folk together in an instant regardless when spoken effectively and outloud.
Cultural ties n geography suddenly become irrelevant.
Wow. I got chills when Theo described identifying neglect in your past as “feeling around for ghosts”
It's sad but true though.
@@clintkantor indeed
Yes!!! Perfectly put
Yea man.
What does that mean
Theo giving us all (and himself) free therapy and healing 😭😭😭
I love watching Theo trying to figure things out in real time. He's so relatable
“It physically exhausted me to listen to someone talk.” I don’t know if I’ve ever understood a feeling more than that. Theo earned himself a new subscriber today.
Totally me or I over share wanting validation
then i get mad at myself cos i failed to listen and it just sounds like a big wall of noise when people speak to me
Wild eh! 🤯
So true. I thought for a long time it’s just cause I work in customer service but I’ve realized it doesn’t matter what job I have. I am just exhausted from thinking
There's a lot of sensory issues that can develop with cptsd. Stuff like audiotory processing, getting your nerves set off by overwhelming noise stimulus or raised voices that kind of thing.
But it just affects cognitive processing generally, your focus, your ability to process the noises and make sense of them into conversation... the level of emotional effort it takes to strike up a conversation... all of it just goes into shutdown mode when you're overwhelmed and stressed.
It's difficult trying to explain to anybody that it's nothing personal, I just need my personal space to re-regulate myself again to get back in the game yknow?
But that's their own fear of abandonment kicking in, they instantly think I'm avoiding them or rejecting them but I'm just literally running on empty rn.
The parasympathetic kicked in coz im beyond my limit.
I need to recuperate.
I never comment on videos either, but the moment Tim talked about the crash at 30 years old...
I'm 31, almost 32 now, and I'm now on the back end of healing from that intense crash 8 months ago.
All that anxiety and need for control served me well in a sales career until my WHOLE body just shut down. Bad eating disorder (which men never talk about), several addictions, sooo much people pleasing and putting myself last, poor physical health from working all the time, constant 'checking out' behavior, surface level relationships, minimal emotional connection to family...
If you're reading this know that you CAN make meaningful changes in your life. I'm 40 days sober now and living more presently and calmly than I ever have in my life.
Thank you Theo for bringing Tim on! Please bring him on again!
Congrats on your sobriety!
I listened to 20 minutes of this interview and thought Tim perfectly described a particular person in my life who had done me wrong. At the 20 minute mark i broke down as i realized he was describing me!
God bless you Theo. You're a gem
Oh damn! 🫂❤
Yeah, Same here…
Yea i cried 2 times during this episode, it helped out BIG TIME 👍
Understanding others while understanding ourselves is a win win in my book 😜😜😜
@Txalcoirwho are you calling a pedo? because that's the worst thing to say
This is 2 hours of straight validation. We love you, Theo. ❤ Thank you, Tim, for teaching us and empowering us.
Theo Von this podcast saved my life because it introduced me to Tim. Sincerely from the bottom of my soul thank for having this person on your podcast
Theo - You mention having experiences in recovery where you said other people put things that you didn't know how to express into words. Your podcast has put so many emotions and feelings and experiences into manageable sentences for me, and not only am I grateful to have had a release of these thoughts but I am hopeful now that these ideas have become tangible and workable. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart man
💯what he said^❤❤❤❤❤
I agree with this, and sometimes when things happen to you as a kid you don’t have the language for it in the moment. It’s such a process to go back and articulate how you really felt
I'm 26, soon to be 27 and it feels like for the last several years I've been doing everything I can to rewire my brain. One of the hardest things to deal is knowing you've got patterns of behavior, aches in your heart and a longing for something you weren't given and not being able to do anything about it. The more I learn about things the more I understand why I do the things I do, and feel the way I feel, but knowing isn't enough. And when you don't really have anyone you can trust to help you through the process, it's just... difficult.
Thank you for this conversation, Theo, and thank you Tim for coming on. I believe a lot of people can benefit from hearing this kind of discussion and reflecting on their own childhood/lives.
Keep chipping away at it. Showing up is half the battle
microdose shrooms
I'm 28 and doing the exact same thing as you and feel like I'm at the same spot. I've known for years why I do certain things or feel certain ways or what's triggering me and I find out more every day but the hardest part for.me is figuring out what to do with that information after. At least you are self aware and (I hear lol) that's a great first step. We have go keep growing so from one person's journey to another's, keep on keeping on man. Im proud of you and you got this 👍
Haha what about the always thinking you’re in trouble part lol
Was about to try and comment the same exact shit you just said well said bro keep that healthy rewiring ❤
Dude I don’t know if you realize how many peoples lives you’re going to change with this episode. This info is so incredibly important and I don’t understand how it’s not more well known with the state of mental health in this country.
We could say that, the fact that it’s not more well-known is the *reason* for the state of mental health in this country...
Literally screaming while listening to this. Like- relief screaming. I feel so heard. I'm not crazy, I'm not broken, my brain has responded exactly the way it knew how to, in order to keep me safe. Going forward, realizing that I need to unlearn what once kept me safe. Those very survival techniques, are now hurting me. Very informative episode Theo & crew. Love it.
Hey, Read the book How to do the Work by Dr. Nicole Lepera. All of these teachings in detail, and how to heal. Good luck on your journey.
You're not alone Love 💕 that's what I needed to hear, and still do 😊 So i want you to know, You aren't alone 💖
A collective scream for many of us. We feel “seen” just by the info he gave a Theo driving it home emotionally. Man, to be seen…finally. ❤ to you and all!
Yess me too!!
Thanks guys, gang gang! 😭
"When I was a kid if someone would've just stayed with me for one minute..." 1:37:36
Man that hit home.....🥺😞
Yeah
Teared up at that one man 😔
Tim fletcher changed my life. After taking the course I tried psychedelics and I’m a whole new person :) I got rid of lots of symptoms from cptsd
Thank you TIM THANK YOU !!!
What was your experience with psychedelics like? Love to hear that
Shout out Theo man. Recreating the lane of what it is to be a comedian. Bridging healing ideas to a mass audience with the art of humor. Artistry at its finest
My thoughts exactly!! 💯
"its hard to drink the water at the aquarium"
onion soup for the soul
100%.
Perfect description 👌🏼
Dude it is so ironic that u dropped this video when u did. I'm 38 and I've been battling this shit hard the past few years. I finally had the balls today to ask my mom to talk to me and she let me know when she's available which I just didn't expect. Then I see this video and it's just crazy how shit falls into place.... thanks man!
Amen!
U need to let her go man
Theo really explains how it feels… I have had so many things happen, but there is hope!! I was baptized today, I’m sober, I’m healthy and own a business, life has changed completely. But it took me fighting for my life! God is so good! 😊Theo is the man!
Congratulations! 🙏🏻✝️
Theo's vulnerability is so special. I'm not sure he even knows he's sharing himself so raw-ly. Going to his friends' house just so the kid's mom will look at him for 30 secs and tell him to go away. Wow! Such innocence .. and so sad. All the best Theo!!
Whenever he apologized for sharing I wanted him to know that it was helpful to have that realness. Validating to hear what he said. It helps with my imposter syndrome by normalizing how there can be these complex coping experiences hidden within other acceptably functional appearing people.
One of my sons friends does this he stares in my eyes a lot. I always wondered if he was nervous or something and couldn’t quickly put a thought together but maybe this is why.
@@katelyndefreitas2810my son had a friend like that at 12. One day I decided to speak to him and he revealed that he wanted to kill himself and die. His parents had divorced and he was depressed. I told him mother and she was able to get help for him. I made sure to let him feel heard and welcomed in my home by inviting him from meals etc.
I agree. He doesn't put on a show and is very raw and says it how it is for him. He's very relatable in more ways than one.
I've been getting little signs from everywhere. My 20 yr old son was just diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, and intermittent explosive anger. I know it all stems from myself and my ex husband and the way we parented. I will never forgive myself. I'm older and wiser and I love this kid more than anything. Please love and hug your children. We were all children once.
As someone who suffers from the same disorder as your son, all I want is for my mom to acknowledge and own up to her mistakes as a parent. Seeds were planted in his heart as a young child and now those seeds are bearing fruit.
Validate his emotions now since they weren't validated when he was younger. He needs to heal. If you haven't healed from your own trauma, that'd be another place to work on. Best of luck in your healing/recovery journey!
@@Yhoshua_B thank you. I'm trying. Because of his anger and personality disorder, it's hard for him to trust (understandably) and he pushes away after a certain amount of time. I hope you and your mother and others who abandoned you are able to come together and forgive but I am at a loss for words here. I was young (no excuse) and selfish. I hope your mother sees you (the real you) and realizes the error of her ways.
Go to God. He knows. He forgives. ❤
I can relate❤ both my adult children are addicts (there dad is a functioning alcoholic)it's heart breaking knowing how my behaviour that I wasn't aware of has caused even more chaos.Its the last thing I wanted for my children😢 all I can do is the work on myself and make amends.
I don’t accept this. You will forgive yourself. Because you are deserving of forgiveness. Punishing yourself doesn’t change your reality, it only makes it worse. Keep digging into Timothy Fletcher videos, heal, and offer the world your healed self. That’s the best way to truly offer an apology. Apology just means - to give an answer to. Well friend, you have been apart of a cycle of trauma going back generations.
At what point did we ever stop and say: “you know what, I really want to screw up my kids?”
Nah, we lived life trying to satisfy deeply rooted unmet needs in childhood. And we need to FORGIVE ourselves, our parents, and become the healing that is available to us through our faith journey.
Jesus is my rock and my salvation. Psalms 91 is the only answer for me. And from that deep recess of love, has come an outpouring of healing. One day at a time. Watching videos like this and other Tim Fletcher videos.
It’s all helping me piece together the broken inner child who tragically needed a stable parent to rely on in a turbulent, chaotic upbringing.
Now I have to be that to myself. And you do too. No one else will.
Theo’s podcasts are amazing. But wow the community we have built in this comment section is another level of love. Well done everyone. God bless you all
Shoutout to the therapist. Almost felt like I was being healed. 🙏🔥
I have listened to a ton of his videos and the min I heard his voice, It did feel like a healing hug actually. Other than therapy, Tim's videos are what has made me really feel seen, heard and start connecting the dots that I never knew existed because chose was the complete normal until 9 months ago.
He has an AMAZING UA-cam channel
This conversation punched me in the throat,gut,heart, and soul♡
Same!!!!!!!
Hey Theo! Using your own experiences is not 'always taking the discussion back to yourself', it's using the example you know best, and using it to show us how to take a piece of general information and apply it to ourselves. You're the cook on a cooking show demonstrating how to use the recipe.
The most wholesome and caring comment section on any video I've watched in years
I wish the bulk of internet was like the people sharing in this comment section... society would be revolutionized.
Gang
IKR normally I'm scared to even scroll down from the video, but this is super validating in here.
Yes, this was wonderful ❤I am a 47 yr old woman with 3 girls and working on healing my inner child. Thank you Theo and Mr Tim❤❤❤
Straight facts here! It’s actually very nice here. Makes my heart so happy. I just got back on fb 2 weeks ago after 4 years.. nice thread to be in coming back to social media toxicity. Thank you to all who has commented here with kind responses, sharing and compassion❤️
As someone who has been to therapy, what Theo is doing is doing here by sharing how he feels is so hard and a I Admire him so much for this. He doesn't know how much it will help him and how many people he will help by expressing things we people with less language tools can say. Thank you Theo for this.
I just love how real Theo is. This kind of vulnerability is inspiring. I think alot of people would benefit from watching this.
yep, he picked a good one for this episode. Tim rocks.
As a childhood trauma victim, sexually molested by my stepfather at the age of 6 and then manipulated and controlled with that for the next 9 years, I've always sought an explanation as to why I behave the way I do at times. Now being 52, and having only exposed my truth to the rest of the world 5 years ago, I've been really struggling for validation and purpose in life, often coming to the same conclusions that I'm not worth the trouble. Thank you for having Doctor Fletcher on as a guest. His definitions and explaination of complex trauma and childhood development with trauma not only shines a brighter defining light on my own issues I'm working on, but unfortunately also explains why my own children are struggling as adults.
I was around physically as a father, as was their mother, but we were not emotionally. I AM an improved version of my father for sure, but still not good enough to stop the cycle of depression and fear and distrust of the world. But I am grateful for the learn I got from this. Truly inspiring and meaningful.
i think it's great that you were able to talk about it after all these years, and i hope your children understand why you were the way you were. i hope you're well mate.
The simple fact you can recognize all of this and be as self aware as you are is beautiful. Coming from a similar house, it wasn’t the fault of my parents but theirs and so on. You can stop the cycle by taking this knowledge and helping your kids not make the same mistakes, and hopefully they can do well by your grand kids. All love and best wishes to you my friend. Find a new hobbies, grab a guitar, start to write (seems you have a knack), start exploring all the things you never got to growing up. You’ll find your way
Thanks for sharing with us ❤️❤️🩹
your 1st sentence came right out of my mouth. how blessed we are to have made it this far with so much & to be here now. love & light on your journey
I'm 47 and going through a similar situation. Hearing people like you open up helps me know I'm not alone. Thank you.
I went through Tim’s React/Lift program and I am happy to say I’ll be 4 years sober this July. The program is amazing as is Tim and his family & friends. I wouldn’t be where I am without their help.
It doesn’t just help with addiction. It gets down to the core issues that we all bury so deep. I was almost in shock to see him on my favourite comedians podcast. Thank you Theo and thank you Tim! You guys rock! Keep doing what you do. 😊 Love, gang gang!
Awesome job!!! 😊
congratulation! fabulous!
I start June 6!
@@bernwilliamson1906 Excellent! Good job, put in the work and you won’t be disappointed. You’ll learn so much about yourself. If I could go back and give myself any advice as I was starting the program I would say be patient, I felt I learnt so much it consumed me at first but have patience and give yourself some time and I guarantee you it’ll help you. Also, let your guard down, and be as transparent as you can even though it can be hard it will only benefit you in the end. Good luck.
Hope you’re the best. 😊
Tim Fletcher is a trauma healing hero….. I don’t know how the heck he learned & can remember all of his information…..ty!
Because he lived it.
Theo’s eyes filled with tears talking about his mother not looking into his eyes made my heart sink. Theo you are a beautiful soul and know that Christ looks at you with compassion and love as his beloved son. ❤
❤
Amen
I kept wanting to tell him it’s ok to have pity and compassion for your younger self who had to go through those things, that’s actually how we heal. He was trying to do the stiff-upper lip thing, but maybe that’s just because he didn’t want to get too emotional on-screen or with Tim, I don’t know. (I’m only halfway through the podcast, so maybe that changes in the second half.) If were gonna heal we need to get comfortable with crying, letting it all out, feeling sorry for our child self who was left all alone as a baby, deprived, hurt, etc. We need to provide him or her the compassion, gentleness and understanding we never received. But most of us were taught to do the opposite, and we still follow those orders.
I finished this podcast with post it notes all over my house - Look into your daughters eyes, hug her, are you on a shame spiral. Brilliant.
My mother sent me to a therapist when she discovered I was self harming. She did so by ripping the curtain back as I was showering. I opened up to the therapist, and was honest about how things were at home for the first time ever because she told me it was safe to do so. She talked to my mom alone after that. I don’t know what was said, but on the ride home my mom screamed at me. She swung into the backseat to hit me, missed, and swerved into the other lane almost causing a head-on collision. I think she was embarrassed by that. Then, she blamed me, screamed at me to get out of the car, and she drove off. I remember the complete feel of fear and abandonment in that moment. Then I saw her brake lights as she turned around to come get me. I never went to therapy again until last year at 29 years old. I have realized I’ve been the scapegoat for everybody in my biological family for my whole life, even to this day. Just last week my younger sister screamed at me, telling me how selfish I am and something is wrong in my head. I’m “cute and quirky” until I’m not, and she realizes I’m the most self centered person. It was wild because for the first time ever, I didn’t personalize any of it. For the first time I clearly saw how straight up abusive and toxic this is. And I’m 30, with a husband, 2 kids and a full time job. I don’t have time for this. My nervous system has been through enough. I’m stepping back to lean into healthier things in life now. Finally at peace with myself.
🧡
no matter what you go through there’s a brighter day out there, bless up GANG GANG‼️‼️
Gang gang 🎉
😞😖
😐
@@Remmy_likescheese why are you here with that BLM terrorism pic? Youre not wanted here. Leave
😢 gang gang
"a crisis in the present, is a symptom of the past"
Says it all.
Theo I first listened to your podcast for the humor but I’ve stayed for the vulnerability and conversations like this. You’re doing a great thing. Thank you 🙏🏼
YES❤ME TOO 🫂
Anyone else just wanna hug theo way longer than his mom would and tell him he's so worthy and deserves to be loved? He's such a great guy and this broke my heart.
“Staying with somebody….so they couldn’t have anybody else that could care about them better than me.”
The level of vulnerability self awareness is incredible.
I’ve absolutely done this on more than one occasion. I’ve never heard another human being say it, it was life changing for me.
I had never heard of Theo before this video, and I am absolutely awed by his courage in sharing things that are usually unspoken, things that are so shameful that most people can't even admit them to themselves, let alone speaking publicly about them.
Who the fuck is this guy…….15 minutes in and this guy knows my whole life!
Tim Fletcher. He has all his work online. He's a beautiful soul.
Right?
People here who feel like they got more from this than years of therapy, remember that its completely okay to "shop" around when it comes to therapist. If youre not feeling it after the third session, move on. No shame. Its honestly the most respectful thing you can do for yourself is say "this therapist is not for me"
I got my best therapy from books, particularly Alice Miller’s. Having an in-person therapist was taking too many resources from me for too little in return. Family constellations and acupuncture also helped open me up first and put me in the right frame of mind to where I could be perceptive to what Alice Miller was saying, and from then on the rest was history.
30years of therapy didn’t answer as many questions as this single podcast. Insane work Theo! Forever grateful ♥️
this is one of the most important podcasts for the times we're living in, lack of self love and compassion in the world has traumatised so many in unique ways. collective healing is available but as Tim said, it is a process and we must be gentle with ourselves. We are literally becoming the parents to ourselves that we never had. Triggers and emotions are the greatest of teachers as long as we allow their ancient lessons to take root.
“I was so stuck to me I couldn’t see me at all” WISER WORDS ❤
The way Theo empathizes with his inner child is the sweetest thing. I liked him up until this point, but who knew there was so much soul in him. Love on that inner little boy Theo, he deserves it. He deserves all the love in the world.
And btw great guest. This Tim guy is so much more emotionally intelligent and informed than what you usually see on these platforms. Everything he said felt emotionally validating and honoring. I’d watch another talk with him someday if you had him on again. Badass episode🖤
ua-cam.com/channels/eaEF2gpMi_hkXvrhAVwltg.html
He has a ton of videos on this subject on his UA-cam channel. They are helping me heal. Hope this can do the same for you. 😊
Don't sleep on Tim. He's legit.
This helped me see a lot of things, most importantly that I'm worthy of getting help. Thank you
when he started talking about our inner voice being different than others, it made me start bawling my eyes. thank you for making me aware of my shame and guilt I carry everywhere with me. i love you theo and Mr. Fletcher! 😭😭😭
Thank you theo, I've never been open to therapy but hearing a lot of this is what I've needed to hear for years. Hearing these things from a 3rd party who has had no involvement in my life and recognizing that I can associate with more of what he says really tells me that I'm not the piece of shit I've felt like for years growing up.
I’ve made up a word for you,Theo. “Traumedy”=dealing with trauma by using comedy. Thank you for allowing all of us into your beautiful mind and soul. Sincerely impressed with you,Danyse
LOL GOOD ONE 😂I LOVE IT! Comedy IS truth...❤
Man’s a gift that keeps on giving. These episodes are like therapy. And now at 35, where my dad isn’t about, since childhood. And now my own son listens to this podcast. I love you 3000 💜
this might be the best episode of this past weekend.
thanks theo
This might be the best podcast episode on UA-cam ever ❤️
Fkn hell. 59 years old. Some 40 years out of the situation and now this really gets to me. 100% on point.
I’m a pool service tech and Theo Vons podcast keeps me pushing throughout the day, love you Theo
He’s so real he feels like a friend.
I’m also a pool tech and Theo Vons pod definitely makes the day quicker 😂
Pool cleaners?
@@McYerocdon’t be a jackass, go do something with your life
sweet we have a pool guy in the house ox
Theo is definitely showing his appreciation for his 2M+ subscribers by pushing out all these amazing episodes in such a quick manner, he’s been banging out winners! All with the public’s well-being considered with his content. 🤙
✊️👷♂️⚒️🪛🔨🔧🪚🔨🪓⚔️🛡
I’m a 43 year old indigenous woman from central BC. The scored 10/10 😢 in active addiction. Working on myself.
Wishing you well.
You CAN move past it. Just grab onto support and don't let go, join a group, you are not alone. ❤
I'm 28 min into this & seeing Theo tear up has made me tear up! our little souls didn't know any better..hugs to you Theo, I get you xo
My wife is constantly trying to drill this through my head. Sending me videos from random people on IG. Hearing this, in a longer clip than 39 seconds, from a professional, in a podcast I love, is definitely what I needed to fully comprehend this. I'm constantly, silently, struggling with thinking I'm not good enough, and not having enough patience for my two under 8. It's not a kid problem, it's a me problem as my father never recognized how kids brains work either. It's been a rough road to break the generational shit. Everytime I rise above, I seem to slip below again. I just gotta listen to this daily.
IMHO ...You should subscribe to TIM FLETCHER here on youtube. You will be ASTOUNDED by how many incredible videos he's put out there for us....different series. AND....most of the videos are almost an hour long.....good deep dives. I have to take notes! He's just so thorough. HOW GREAT that Theo is having him on here. How lucky you are to have kids and a wife who cares.
I feel like more kids deal with complex trauma than kids that don’t. The important thing is that we don’t abandon these children that we are passing a horrible trait that we inherited from our upbringing. You are still there and you are still trying. Be strong and keep pushing brother. I’m in the boat with you.
You should see a psychologist. This is great for basic info, but you need professional help if you want to improve your specific situation
All you can do is try again, and again, cause lord knows with kids you'll get the practice! It's a struggle for me, but realizing it's a ME problem has helped me call on my patience in those moments, or apologize if I mess up. Model the behavior you want to see in your children- as adults- they're watching, listening, and learning. Love this for you!
Start by listening to your wife and not needing strangers on the internet to tell you.
Finally, someone showcased Tim Fletcher!! He is so on point! He doesn't sugarcoat anything, he just says it, on point, which gives me the tools to heal better! Thanks so much.
After 20 years of pretty constant self-help, making very slow progress (since as Tim says most of it addresses the symptoms, not the root causes), the turning point was absolutely self-compassion/love. Shifting my entire focus from self-blame/criticism to awe and admiration around how much I have endured and the ways my brain and body have adapted. It’s truly mind-blowing and gave me a whole new respect for the strength and tenacity that I’ve developed. Clearly was not an over-night process, but certainly felt like it once I had that mindset shift. I still can’t believe how many lies I was telling myself and how I just couldn’t see my worth or value. Now it feels like such a foreign concept even thought I lived that way for nearly 40 years.
Sending love and hugs to everyone on this healing journey. It is not easy but it is absolutely worth it. The ah-ha moments and epiphanies are worth their weight in gold. Especially the ones around realizing that it’s someone else’s stuff that made you feel worthless. Not to blame them, but just to recognize what is your stuff and what is not. It’s so freeing. There is absolutely hope. And that’s coming from someone who never thought they’d live past 20. The journey has not been easy but at this point, I wouldn’t change it. Life is incredibly fascinating once it doesn’t feel so dang painful all the time.
Good job! Exactly what you said about "self".
Sounds very familiar, never thought i could come out the other side!
All of this 🙌🏻
The way this man said “exactly” healed something inside me
The comments are making me cry. Sending love to all of you.
Same! I watched this video in “chunks” & each time I watch a few more minutes of it, I keep coming back to this amazing comments section & getting lost in it… just scrolling & crying, & scrolling & crying 🥹 This is humanity in the process of trying to heal the deep wounds of generational trauma & that is such a wonderful thing to see! It has a profound effect on the collective, so we all can sense the shift deep in our souls. I guess it just hits different, you know?
☺️💞🌎🙏🏻
@@GinaTeolis Yes! Everything you said. Just goes to show how healing Theo can be. ♥️✨
Theo being so vulnerable and open is so nice for other men to see
First Neal Brennan on Rogan and now this. So glad mental health is being thrown into the mix with these popular comics. So important
Ive been through too many bad things in my life. I was a cutter for about 4 years. I have over 200 scars on my arms. I never wanted to kill myself. I was addicted to the feeling.
Thank you to the both of you. And everyone in the comments.
We will all heal one day ❤
So was I. I’ve never heard anyone else say they cut to feel before. I never did it to hurt myself it was just pressure. It felt like releasing something in me that was bad. This podcast and comment section has dredged up so much I need to deal with.
It's nothing short of surreal seeing my mentor on Theo's podcast. My mind was blown in the most incredible way . I love Theo, and I completed two courses under Tim which changed my life forever. I now help others as a Complex Trauma Recovery Coach. Seeing both Tim and Theo together discussing complex trauma so brilliantly was an incredible magical experience for me. I'm still trying to wrap my head around it! Love them both dearly
I 've listened to and read so many trauma experts and I value them all but this was the first time I heard Tim and wow I don't think I've ever heard anyone who just seems to understand the trauma experience on such deep soul level. I can totally feel how much you value him shining hrough your comment🙏
It’s hard to describe at what a perfect time this video dropped. Thank you Theo
Agreed!
I n😮
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😢😊😊NM n h4 😊😊😊😊nh n😊
.@@Superstar_tradesman1
Yup
❤ Im 38 and I literally just realized within the last couple months I have made every decision through trauma glasses and I dont know who I am. My secret abuse started at the age 6 and continued til 12. Then of course I then found everything I really didn't want and had kids with them. 😢 I literally have blamed myself for everything.
Pastor Jim Fletcher is an amazing human. His work is profound. Thank you for having him on your show and allowing people to have an opportunity see know him and his incredible work!
I swore I would never go back to church struggling with untreated childhood CPTSD and trusting others. Then, I discovered my untreated CPTSD 😂😂😂 I found Tim's Friday Night sermons on CPTSD😂😂😂 God, what a 💎!
Theo, brother, thank you for being genuine and vulnerable. I'm 464 days sober myself and struggle with both my childhood trauma and addiction problems. It's dudes like you who give dudes like me inspiration to continue to stay sober and work on childhood traumas. Keep up the great work man. Much appreciated ❤🙏
Keep going ⚡️ you got this brother 🎉
Kee working on your healing 😊.
Theo and Tim probably just did more for the world's mental health than any other health "professional" out there.
14:00 Tim is describing complex childhood traumas.. 29 year old male and I work as a heavy duty loader operator.. he's describing me.. in fact my life saying has always been "I'm just a piece of shit"... thank you Tim for helping us grow.
Theo, brother, thank you for what you do. I watch every video. I rarely comment, but this one touched my heart. Thanks for having this conversation and allowing me to listen to help thru life.
Life is crazy, let's go 🙌🏼
Hey man how u doing?
My old therapist brought up the issue of shame, and I scoffed and pushed the idea away. I'm more comfortable with anger. With perfectionism. With being stoic and "independent" I can see it still, over my shoulder and in those dark places: SHAME. Feeling useless and small. Feeling angry about your own emotional needs. You can be self-aware, but the pain of that is still undeniable.
It's all about giving yourself empathy and compassion. Have patience with yourself as your anger is your past self responding to the present. You may not be the reason/source for your past suffering as a child, but you can be the reason why it stops.
I still let myself be vulnerable at least here and there when I don't feel like I'm in high danger because otherwise I would feel like a robot and my humanity is lost
I always appreciate Theo being vulnerable and open. I think it’s so important especially for men to be open like that, to know it’s okay to talk 🫶🏼 this is such a good episode. I’m in tears and I hope the man I love is able to get the help he needs to heal, so we can be together 🖤
That feeling that I don't deserve anything and taking a blame for everything was chasing me into adulthood. At home, at work, with friends. Gladly it's going away. But I remember since early childhood how I learned to pretend to be someone else. Copying other kids behavior and reaction to events because I thought I was doing something wrong.
Omg! That’s exactly what I’m dealing with right now! I’m referring to the part where he’s describing masking at an early age leads to not knowing who you really are. That hit me a couple of months ago and I am just now trying to figure that out at 50 years old, almost 50 years old. I feel like I’m grieving for the person I could have been. But also trying to love the person that I am now. Whoever she is. ❤
You'll get there. Bug hugs!
Damn "grieving for the person I could have been..." 😢 I feel that.
A fair bit of moving around throughout childhood burnt me out. I was ambitious once upon a time. Only at 29 and now 30 years old I'm seeing that can probably start settling into who I am, but I need to break down some walls and start creating roads to walk my own way.
🙃 Easier said than done.
Theo is out here healing, and at the same time helping people, helping complete strangers. All the best to a GOAT
I don’t like to and have never thought of myself as a traumatized person or victim, but this episode has me absolutely crushed. I’ve been having dreams lately where I’m talking to myself or a character that seems to represent myself as a child, and I think this conversation is shedding some light on the reason for that.
I worked at a treatment center for a decade, and I think every treatment center needs a Tim Fletcher, a group of trauma trained behavioral therapists, and an extended stay period for the "re-parenting".
Im going to say now I personally need all that as well👀
I ABSOLUTELY agree. I work in Behavioral Health (drug and alcohol program) and strongly agree that most providers would benefit greatly by taking his trainings.
LOVE Tim Fletcher. I am in the Behavioral Health Field and have heard countless speakers but never one as insightful and intelligent as Tim Fletcher. On the day of the interview 4/16 is my recovery anniversary 4/16/93. Everything he speaks about is true for me. I would love to meet him someday and attend a live training. God bless you ❤. Thank you Tim Fletcher.
Theo you are adorable. Thanks for allowing us in to your vulnerable self. You will get there. Life is a path that is different for all of us. You are on your path. So sweet....like a child.