Unfortunately most people do not know that they are dealing with a narcissist until it is too late. Rule number one (in business or romance); Never share too much information. They WILL use it against you later....guaranteed. In fact, until you get to know a person, this should be a personal boundary. There are too many toxic people on this planet. Keep compromising secrets to yourselff.
Actually when you've done some healing work and specially work with boundaries to keep my inner child and true self safe I am quicker to recognize the narcistitic energy. I need relationships where I can be and share my true self , and get my needs for connection met. Narcs have a need to control others its a mismatch. They need to be the coolest person always. Allowing for little real and authentic connection. I chose to be in healthy relationships where I can be and share my true self shine and take my own space, and healthy boundaries help me find and chose available people and places where I can do that . Cheers. Fellow travelers. My values include freedom. because I grew up in a narcissistic home. I need to have healthy boundaries and the freedom to be my true self and take my space. It doesnt match anymore with me and narcs and thats just a result of this healing work, may we continue to find available people and places to keep sharing my true self. Im worth it in a good way . Were worth it.
Yeah, I would agree. I've found a good middle ground where I share some things - to see what the reaction is. I know now what to look for when explaining certain aspects of my life, and when I'm dealing with someone toxic.@@drivethruabortion280
7 toxic texting habits of narcissists 1-love bombing texts 2-sexting for 3 reasons (1-using you for sex, 2-try to make you addicted to them thru sex, 3-gather info to use against you later) 3-intermittent ghosting 4-urgent demanding texts 5-random, out-of-the blue heartfelt conversations by text 6-nonsensical texts 7-mixed messages cheers from southern ontario, canada 🍁
@LiseLeblanc you are the one that deserves the praise and glory. 👏 it's really important and a valuable resource to be able to connect lived experiences with words and definitions, and your videos do that well. as you've said before, everything (big or small) the narcissist does has a purpose. looking forward to catching your next video when it goes live on YT. -cheers, steven
Once sexting is brought in- and out of nowhere- something else is about to come to light.. so you stay as quiet as possible.. and it’s no surprise that someone does this a LOT if they know exactly what to say without thinking- but…. There’s always a catch. The love bombs stop and you become everything they hate… It doesn’t have to be like this but, when ya don’t ask, and it’s sprung on you outta nowhere？ Think… and see how quickly they pull all that away, OR what they ask right after. Yer always overreacting even when yer not saying anything🫣🤷♂️ I don’t get addicted if I feel someone is trying to do that- I have to remove myself. The person was worthy of EVERYTHING but: it’s one thing to accept it gracefully and another to expect more and more when you just don’t have anymore to give atm. 🌟🏞️🌅 Demanding- period.. knowing someone doesn’t do what they’re asking you to do, no worries if it kills you so long as they get that hit? I don’t fear abandonment it’s been done enough I just don’t care anymore, sometimes you gotta abandon someone who’s never been, or they’ll always think they’re better than everyone. As you may love them, want to have children with them as well as protect them forever- but if you can’t rest enough to be YOU🤷♂️ the ups and downs will wear on you- it’s a tactic to make you not think straight, clouds all realistic thought.. just like they want.. meanwhile saying “I have faith and trust in you!” Then show it! I still did the damn thing got everything done and she didn’t need lift a finger or spend a cent- wasn’t enough. All the sudden it wasn’t “I’m coming in a month and 1/2” it was “Come get me now or you don’t care about me!”🤦🏼 Don’t do that, cuz if yer being demanded to do something yer not comfortable with, or to do it much earlier than planned, that’s not conducive to everything yer planning and doing. Be careful, you could end up dead and will they care? Or call you names cuz you drove 12hrs straight- and had 12 more to do next day. After 2 weeks of running all day and night to find a place. Well I did, I did everything I promised. If someone says “I NEED time” and the other only thinks “But this is MY day this is about ME” it’s not going to change and they’ll make you believe it’s ok for them to act like that… it’s not. Sometimes you can give someone everything and it’s never going to be enough 💔🦑🌟 Yeah- 12:32 confuse you and being dominant, if that’s their kink- say so don’t play one way. Oh wow that last part 13:32 I’ve had that come through a few times, but usually it’s the control and the “set up” for what they really want. If they tell you everyone is just keeping you in their back pocket- that’s what they are. Treat me like a punching bag… this sigma will go, I’ll try everything I can, but I won’t lose ME good luck all🫶🙏🙌❤️🩹😂🧖🏼♂️🌟💚
Narcissists teach us to establish boundaries. Take the lesson, once you've figured them out, and then respect your boundaries. No need to be mean spirited. No need to take revenge. The need is to be wiser, and simply recognize the red flags as early on as possible.
A covert one might not reveal themselves in years. The only way to unmask them is when you need them (you get sick, you are down for whatever reason...). I agree about the red flags but some are real con artists.
“…and they will break all their promises to you.” All of them, indeed. Plus, my ex went from wishing me good morning and good night every day, sending texts and calling, to ignore me throughout the whole day, until I reached out to her. She’d always claim that she was simply “too busy.” I knew something was wrong. The discard came three months after she became withdrawn, after six years of relationship. On those days in which I tried to talk to her, to reason, to understand what was going on (I didn’t know about NPD at the time), she felt like a COMPLETELY different person. She had no patience at me. She looked annoyed talking to me. Or she’d look uninterested. I’d stare at her eyes and there was nothing there. Rest assured: time heals. You’ll get better.
Omg that sounds like the same exact situation that I’m in now. To the T . No good morning text , no good night , ignoring me blantly , ghosting me , and using silent treatment for punishment when they felt they needed to use against me to get their way.
I went through something similar. Then I did a few years of counseling. Now my good friend is suffering a messy divorce and I’m browsing these videos for something appropriate. It’s amazing how my friend’s experience is a mirror image of mine and that of so many people here. It’s like narcissists all use the same mental boiler plate composed by the same demons and the narcissists themselves add in a random noun/verb/adjective but can’t change the script.
They will make you sacrifice yourself to bend over backwards for them and then they will tell you how inconsiderate you are, then frame themselves as doing so much for you and you get framed as the bad person. And nobody else can see it. Insanity.
I just got out of a marriage of 30 years with a narcissist. I never knew much about this disorder but ever since she walked out on me 2 months ago and I found videos on the subject it has explained her completely and perfectly. It has also helped with the pain and heartbreak. This video was the final nail in her coffin for me nailed her to a T. I wish these videos had been around 15 years ago so I had not wasted so much of my life.
You have been given a new chance, enjoy the growth you will experience, and the rediscovery of your old self. . .. yes it is a waste . . . but also an exciting opportunity. You'll be alright mate.
Idk, I remember sending that message to some person I assume to be a narc because he started to hide his dating attempts from me and I thought enough is enough, I felt like I can’t go on like this anymore, it was too much emotionally ehile hoping he would change if he sees that I don’t like him dating , why would that make me a narc?
I dated a spot on narcissist a few years ago, everything she talks about is experienced. When this girl thought she had me, I set the ball in motion to vanish completely. She was love bombing me for weeks, when she was comfortable enough she turned the screws, after she saw I was disconnected from her and 3 seconds away from vanishing sure enough she started throwing Hail Marys at me to try and reel me back in. She put the mask back on and tried pretending it was like day 3 of us dating again, “I don’t want to lose you, I’m so happy I found you” Yada yada yada, I’ll never forget the last time she was in my car before driving away and never seeing her again, I barely spoke a word to her as she tried “working it out” with me after work, I could see the surrender in her body language like she knew she pushed too hard, and was only “upset” because she couldn’t get more out of me before I smartened up. Narcissistic people are pure evil, don’t be a sucker. I’ll never forget my gut telling me something was wrong, I even said that to myself almost everytime we hung out, something isn’t right, there’s something off about this relationship. It was all true
I know that feel brother, texted for 5 months. We dated for 2,5 months. She tried to play the break up games to have me change. I saw red flags at the beginning but I thought, the hell. I like her and really felt attraction and I had been bedding and being honest with women prior abou tnot wanting a relationship. I thought let me give it a chance. After 3 days of trying to get anwsers why I decided to be vunerable and see how she would respond, badly ofcourse. Blocked her which she did not want and never looked back.
Do you see how life coaches create these self-diagnosing people these people that think they can rightfully diagnose a narcissist? It takes years of work to break down the DSM-5 or whatever it's a lot of work thank you
@@53Strat yeah bruh, the only kind of people I attract are narcissists, it’s exhausting playing those games. They think they are slick. This isn’t my first rodeo, sure I’ll pay those games for a little while, but I’m taking notes. Just when you swear you got me, it’s like we never met before. go play those games with another sucker who’s brand new to it
I suppose, but if you are an empath then maybe you put other before yourself. . . . that's me. I don't want to put myself first. We are all just crumbs of meat stuck on a rock, whizzing through the darkness of space. We are all fairly unimportant. That is the reality that egotists fail to recognise?
What strikes me about this is how different real narcissism is from what most people think it is. Most people think that if someone is little more self-centered than they should be or sometimes doesn't seem to care about your feelings that they're a full-blown narcissist.
People are too quick to put labels on others (which by itself is a narcissistic trait lol) when they have very little to go by. Say someone has a bad day, is stressed, they snarkily reply to someone after being asked a question: "OMG HE'S A NARCISSIST!". Or people meet someone with other mental health issues like BPD: "OMG, HE'S A NARCISSIST!". Generally there's too little knowledge about this stuff and people pick up on terms like narcissism, borderline, sociopathy/psychopathy from pop culture and start using them when they are clueless about the depth and diversity that these terms represent and how they express themselves. Same goes for people that put labels on themselves solely for attention and use their diagnosis as a means of getting attention from others for being unique and different, making their diagnosis their personality. Crazy stuff.
Most people do not think that because they read and they know exactly what narcissism is. Wtf are you going on about, while you are discounting imaginary peoples emotional abuse? Just curious 🙂
@@porkypileYea, I literally had a super stressful week, and I realize that I maybe didn’t need to divulge everything, but she was the one that I talked to about almost anything. Well, of course I get blamed and dismissed that I’m “dumping all my negativity onto her”, when all I needed was someone to be there and just let me vent a little about how hectic it has been. So funny/ironic that she says she wants someone that can have sit down understanding and heart felt conversations (which I’m all about too) but then when I’m “too negative” or it’s something about what she has done to me, it’s never an important conversation to have.
@@kdub3288 Sorry to hear that, mate. Been there as well. It will only get worse with time if you stay in that relation as it then totally crumbles your sense of self worth and will affect how much you dare to speak of your problems in later relationships.
Its hilarious that narcissists occupy such a small % of the population yet almost every single person that has been rejected suddenly blames the other person as a narc instead of self reflecting that they might be the issue. Thus, accountability in society continues to be a pipe dream.
As a former Marriage and Family Therapist, I have to say that this video is the Best break down of what it looks and feels like to be involved with a true Narcissist. Spot on! You also presented it in such a way that was easily understandable for anyone. I wish I would have seen this video before I started dating at 19.... you would have saved me a few exhausting relationships! I didn't get my MA in Clinical Psychology until I was 46, and it Still took me awhile to place boundaries and, more importantly, maintain them with a few people in my life. Thank you for the work you do!
For non sexual relationships, the lack of boundaries around sex or nudity, sexual coversation etc is a red flag. The lack of boundaries about time, length, frequency and subject matter of communication is always a red flag. No matter the type of communication. Thankyou for this summary.
I still tear up over this crap. Just because I had already paid my dues in the shit guy department so I was just so happy to think I finally found someone who will care about me. It just all sucks. It happened again after him with someone else. I don’t even want to try again
Awww yeah me too, it's so sad..I don't feel like ill get over this it's just heartbreaking, one day they can't get enough then you don't hear from them for weeks..it's broken me 😭
You have to not date for 2 or more years lol, but in all seriousness I'm 2 + years and I just attracted a new one so I know I'm still vulnerable to the manipulation and could have easily got sucked in and I barely recognized it. Good luck love!
I thought I finally found someone who cared as well after the first one. Who knew the second one was going to be the same way 😢, I was so happy in the beginning and he was covert and the biggest cheater ever 😢
@@rachelleware9397 Yep that's me now very confused. I am blind to this sort of stuff. Emotionally I am still on "here is a house". I try to frame it a bit like a detective show. But I am not very good and picking up the clues!
Holy smokes!!! I thought your BPD videos were spot on with my last relationship, but this one is so right on as well. Especially the amazing great sex and early and constant sexting. The up and down push pull cycle is just so exhausting.
Both of you that commented obviously have no idea what you're even talking about. Chimney, a breakup is one or 2 texts. Multiple missed calls and tons of texts is a manipulative narcissistic rage. The break up is just a threat, the real situation is she wants something or she's pissed that there was some boundary. Hathaway, if your only contribution is to try to invalidate the lived experience of others, then you are at best a useless human being, and more realistically a malevolent parasite. Go away.
Oo God lmao. Sorry don’t mean to laugh at your situation but yea that’s insane. I got anxious sometimes because they would disappear mid conversation for hours, which I got used to and I understand that not everyone needs to text back right away. But then if I did that when I was actually super busy, I’d get those “are you alive?” Texts. Just such a double standard.
They are cowards Would never say things to your face, but would use texting for manipulation. The double standard they have. But they sure hate it when you don’t contact them. I am trying to heal my CPTSD issues she really knew how to push my buttons. She sabotaged a relationship with a really great person. ME Thanks Lise I appreciate you being an advocate for men’s issues.
Yes. But not all are "cowards" that is NOT a definite sign of it. I want that to be clear for anyone else that reads the comments of the comments. Lol it's where most of the misinformation is.
@@jett70710- You must be a narcissist. 😂😂😂 Yes, all narcissists ARE cowards otherwise they would be honest about their bullshit instead of hiding like the little kids they are mentally behind lies, manipulation, gaslighting, etc, et al, ad infinitum and beyond. Common sense would tell anyone that. And That's definitely narcissistic projection and deflection at their finest right there - claiming something (in this case misinformation in the comments) while doing the same thing (in this case adding to the misinformation in the comments). 😂👏👏👏👏👏
My Ex was using all of the above mentioned tactics, but after a couple of therapy sessions, I realised, that there was nothing wrong with me, and that it was her all the time. Once she felt, that she lost control over me, things went batshit crazy. She had an episode of narcissistic breakdown. She`s still haunting me sometimes, and I wonder, could I have saved her, but then I remind myself, that she used me...
Thank you for sharing your knowledge of narcissistic behavior. I learn more just from listening to different psychologists, therapist, counselors and people who have been through this.
This is exactly what o experienced last year with a single mother, she was full of no accountability, unreasonable negative attitude in public and double standards not being held constant roller coaster and random fires for me to put out This content helped me realize and confirm I wasn’t crazy and needed to let go Thank you
Went through the same thing. At first it affects you but my uncle told me "you gained more than you lost from the end of that relationship". Just take it one day at a time.
Wow. Your vlog on many of the tactics employed by narcissists is one of the more succinct and thorough descriptions I’ve ever come across, and I’ve been studying this topic for the last few years. You touched on every single phase of my last relationship with a narcissist, describing his exact behaviors with me throughout my 18 months with him. Thank you for validating my experience. I’ve certainly come across my fair share of flying monkeys, so it’s always a great resource and comfort to come across a professional telling it like it is.
The biggest "RED FLAG " IN TEXTING IS "wordsalad" you most definitely have a narracissit in your presence RUN IF YOU CAN because they will never ever change in this lifetime
can you be more specific? like playing w words for wordplay fun or more just a bunch of decorative manipulative language like depac chopra or jordan peterson.
@@chinmeyswayword salad just means running on and on about whatever they are spinned up about. It could positive or negative. The talk “a lot” as a way to trigger you on something either positively or negatively so that you’ll reply to them which keeps you on a hamster wheel with them. It’s about your attention and validation. It’s called narcissistic supply and word salad texting is a tactic to keep you on the wheel with them. Good luck!!
You just described how I got fished and hooked, and now, I’m living in a revolving emotional rollercoaster with a child involved. Yes, happens to men a lot!
What up fellas. Curious to know what their views on having children were in the beginning. "Thankfully" my ex was repulsed at the thought of becoming pregnant once the initial run ran its course. I even told her I was refusing to wear condoms and if we were to have sex, we would have to be prepared for whatever happens.
My situation also.. 6 years in, 1 baby girl. Will my baby girl be ok if I leave? It’s the best thing to do but my concern is my daughter. Advice in short form?🤪☺️
Thank you Lise- Best video I've seen. Amazingly insightful. I went through ALL of this over 8-9 months, almost to the word, particularly the sexting and ghosting. I was completely blindsided with a break-up text which was eerily similar and equally as confusing as the example you used. I'm only just recovering 7 months later to the point where I've disconnected enough emotionally to see what I was dealing with. I blamed myself for months and went to some very dark places. I ended up diagnosed with an anxiety disorder for a while because this relationship was so toxic. If it wasn't for these types of insights and a good therapist, I would have carried the shame and confusion of this relationship for the rest of my life. I can't express how much knowledge is the key to recovery.
This describes my experience with a younger guy. He kept texting me for over two years but could barely follow through with plans, typical future faker. I finally just blocked him. I won’t know when he reaches out again but that’s the point. I’m all done.
great video thanks for it. I will write a few common signs of a narcissist from my experience: she will claim how she hates manipulators she often talks enthusiastically about her boss at work it seems that she is often harassed by foreign men with some sexual overtones. she most often ends written conversations. she doesn't have deep knowledge of anything, everything is only on the surface. She doesn't comment on your friends or relatives even when she knows them. she wants to castrate you and she will do it sooner or later. She is neurotic, dissatisfied, and all the good times you had with her were created by you alone, and you don't have to miss them after the breakup, you will create them elsewhere.
What a great analysis! Thank you! I noticed some of these things. They could tell you you are special,but somehow you feel like everyone is special , so if you are special just like anyone else, it makes you no special at all!! 😂
Another texting technique they use is self harming threats. Especially when they feel that you might leave them. It's all about controlling you and hoovering you back into the relationship.
I have had several relationships with narcissistic people. the last one lasted only a few months on and off. the last text exchange was to tell me he had met someone else. So I told him it's still shaky to start a relationship while you're exchanging ambivalent text messages with your ex. This was followed by extremely nasty words from him and then he ended up writing I wish you the best blabla. To which I replied, “For my part, I wish you what you deserve, which is to say not much.” then I blocked it, deleted it from everywhere. it did me a world of good.
Regarding #7 - my ex narc girlfriend wrote me a letter almost exactly like that, scary how similar. She would play a lot of games with texting too. She would engage me in conversation than just vanish, she did that a lot. It would make me angry because she’s the one that started the conversation and would then just leave in the middle of it. Occasionally I would get so frustrated I would just text something nonsensical just to see her response but she would never acknowledge my text which I thought was so bizarre. Anyone normal would have been like huh? So glad I dont have to worry about her craziness anymore.
Same. My ex did that crap. Mid text conversation vanish...( crickets) I'd confront her about it and her answer was always the same. " I'm NOT chained to my phone ".....that's funny because youre always on it !!!!!!! 😮
My estranged narc gf does this when she text me from work. She will initiate text contact from her job and I will respond then a few text into the conversation il ask her simple question like what would she like for dinner then you will blow up n say I'm busy!!! Why are you asking me about food!? Well you texted me first so take your narc crap somewhere else. We been together 8 years. Her mask came off 5 years in after pur child was 7 and we have cars and finances tied together. God hasn't made a way out yet but he has given me courage and strength to go toe to toe with her. She knows I've figured her out. I ignore her alot. I keep engaged in my hobbies like exercising and video games. When she tried to throw those passive aggressive narc low blows at me I call her out and she stops. She don't want no smoke lol.
They are terrified. Hopeless desperation. Horrified of trusting. Tons of negative self talk. Fear of loss. Projecting all that and more onto their partner. Punishment is what follows
Hearing this is scarily accurate. He would call me from work with a somber voice saying he needed to speak with me about something and when I asked what it was… it was about our relationship and he wasn’t sure if he could stay in the relationship. (He was consistently threatening to leave me) He would then be at work and wouldn’t be able to speak about it properly and I would be left feeling anxious. Why would someone do that? When you truly love someone, you don’t do those things. He would threaten the relationship on a consistent basis and I would feel discombobulated a lot of the time because I was trying to save what we had. It was so dysfunctional. Looking back, I cannot fathom why I put up with such terrible behaviour.
I am so grateful, You are helping me to understand a lot of my last relationship, and believe me, by understanding, I feel I can move on thousands of times quicker
They also send you several messages and delete them before you're able to read them, so you can only see 'deleted message' and they'll be waiting for you to ask them what they wrote. Advice: don't ask them anything and they will get totally confused 😅
You say 'before you are able to read them', what does this mean? How long should one wait? She talked here about a couple of days as bad, that says you are unimportant. What about 2 weeks or one month? I think a few days okay, or even if you delete, it is the for the person deleting comfort. I guess both sides might take issue, not good to ignore, and not good to delete? It is not good to be left on read, period.
I delete a message when I don't get a reply, my way of saying okay I'm not going to wait forever to talk to you, because a narc gets supply from your message sitting there and them ignoring it.
What about texts like, -are you thinking bout me -do you miss me - do you want to "attack" me -do you love me today It's constant a every day occurance. I don't ever know how to respond?
This channel has saved me from the shared fantasy and my part in it , my narc lied about being asleep but wasn't home at all 😮I ended it . We've cycled three times previously taking big breaks and he re entered the final time with the lazy "wrong person text"😮. He leaves for Europe in 10 days and when he returns I'll be moved to my new home I bought , and out of the apt complex we both live at . I see I was just miss money bags and toxic mommy and rubber doll
My narc friend used me as his psychiatrist always dumping his problems on me then when we'd meet up all I got was abuse. Got sick of it and walked away. Best thing I ever did 😊
Spot on! You described my last boyfriend. I wish I had realize what he was sooner! Be careful with people like this. Best move, get out and stay out. Don't get sucked back in at all. You deserve better!
This hit the nail right on the head, unfortunately I think since this individual is a fairly attractive woman she’ll never have the opportunity to reflect on her negative actions and the real life consequences of being this way.
Omg the ghosting is driving me crazy 😢😢 this is very informative she gaslit me into thinking I was insecure, insincere and needy. Thank you for this i truly learned something here and this has helped me getting over her 😢
Thank You Lise !!!! You are so smart, If I could only be half as smart as you!!! Your channel is the best time I have ever had on UA-cam!!! I don't know what I would do without your insight !!! Calling you perfect would be an understatement !!!!! I can't wait to see your next video!!!
My nex couldn't talk because of a motorcycle accident, so texting was our sole form of communocation when we weren't together. He utilized every last one of these techniqies. I'm still amazed that they all seem to go by the same rulebook...it's crazy.
Covert narc uses the vague emergency text message where they allude to a serious emergency but aren't clear what that emergency is as a means to eliciting someone's attention. Normal life does on occasion include emergencies, or even occasion catastrophe, but the covert narc will be frequent.
A past friend did this to me. I check my phone and it says " call me right away. It's an emergency ". I respond what's wrong? She says "nothing, I'll send you pictures because I can't figure out what to wear and needed your opinion. Dumb.
Thank you for helping me figure out what was going wrong. You are spot on for me. Everything you have said is what he has done. It’s hurtful to know now what has been going on but it’s also bittersweet because now I feel like I can walk away knowing it was nothing that I have done wrong. Thank you.
I wish I had found this channel two years ago. I got into a relationship after my wife passed away. I now believe she has BPD. Your channel has been enlightening. Thanks for your videos!
My last relationship was with someone I think had BPD. He also showed narcissistic traits and was a closet alcoholic and very emotionally unstable. Was so glad to shut the door on that one.
I am sooooo glad that I came across your channel Lise! Until now I thought I was just going crazy, and that I was the problem. This is a "If the shoe fits scenario" I have felt in my current situation while I have had to walk on eggshells. I fell in love with her, she called me her soul mate, but I have always felt like I am not good enough, even my own children have said she acts passive aggressive, not only to me but to them and if I even say anything or disagree I don't know what I am talking about or I am called a narcissist. She had tons of trauma in the past but always said that I was the one that never dealt with my past traumas from a separated home when I was a child. I always had to get better, and I did have a journey of forgiveness thanks to Michael Singer and the Untethered Soul. Now after all this time, online tarot cards and her spiritual journey are telling her that she is done with me. I really wish I would have come across this sooner. 7 years feels like a waste and I feel so ashamed of all the time I put into her instead of my kids; feeling broken all around.
Absolutely very good video! And described my ex boyfriend's covert narcissistic texting to a tee! 3 1/2 years ago we broke up, and I am so relieved to be by myself, healed and have my own person back 🤗❤💯🙏! They wreck you, and you don't know what the heck has hit you! You're videos are extremely helpful, and thank you for them. It's a nice reminder and wake up call for me at this point, even though I am healed now, to see and know exactly what was actually happening to me and what this guy was all about in the end.
Two weeks after we broke up I saw her one last time and we talked about things. We talked for 3 hours and the more time passed, the more she was sure that a relationship is not a choice anymore. She always physically kept distance to me and all of her body language was showing me she was somehow repelled or fearful, who knows. I was being a little bit desperate and asking her again again if we couldn't think it through a bit more. She searched for any excuse to end the conversation. After I genuinely told her "okay, well in that case let's search for new partners although personally I don't want any right now", said goodbye and went home she bombarded me with text messages just a few minutes after portraying herself as the victim and that if I ever wanted her back I should do x and y, and how badly and insensitive I treated her. It wasn't the first time she did this manipulative on/off thing with me. Luckily I pulled the plug early enough, only 2.5 months in. Wished her well and blocked her from all social media.
One word texts , actually, means they are done with you. I do one word texts with my oldest daughter. If I SAY anything it's rewritten and used against me. I couldn't even say "that's a cute dress" without some way her being able to add ... For someone that isn't FAT. Hmmm I never said that! How was that added to MY text??? Turns out there's an app that allows others to use your phone number (aka faked) to send text as something You Said. They can use an app to pretend a phone number was saying something or calling which is false. These apps need to be sued.
What I've been doing is asking chat GPT on how to respond to my Narcissist texting. By out lining the Narcissist request or bread crumbing techniques and carrot on the stick tactics and asking the robot on how I can respond? So far so good.. I can hear my Narcissist cogs spinning, while at the same time managing to avoid being further gaslit and avoiding confusion. So far it's working Wonder's..
It's still attachment that you are getting dopamine from. I know it feels satisfying but you are only leaving a door open. Trust me your responses aren't phasing them, they are just plotting revenge and spite. Please, please, please block this person and start the withdrawals 😢 much love ❤️
This video is dead on with what I have been through with my ex. I gave him 4 times to be honest, stop cheating etc. I know he will be back acting like his actions were not all terrible.. What he don't know is my reaction will be toward him. I will be as nice as I can be at telling him I wish him the best with his new resource and not ever speak to me again. It's not my pain of missing him or needing him in my life any longer. I deserve a good man who deserve a good woman. Thank you for all your videos. I have listen to a few others but never got the true understanding of a narcissist.
Honestly these videos are really helping and I'm thankful to have found them to help me better understand things that are happening. However I feel if you aren't dealing with something like this then I could see it being emotionally draining lol
Lise thank you so much for your spot on advise . Straight to the point and bang on . This kind of help is so valuable to so many men hurting and even sadly suicidal. Thank you for caring. God bless you 🙏 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
Lise, you nailed 100% the love bombing phase is what happened to me and she sucked me in into a vortex that caused me a tremendous mental damage when she dumped me 4 months later
Oh boy are you right! Thankfully we have people like you who help us remember we’re not going crazy from these people. They would hate knowing they’re so transparent once we have the knowledge to recognize them!
This video is incredibly insightful. I completely agree that sexting, abrupt stops, back and forth and nonsensical texting are often indicative of narcissistic abuse. Almost pathognomonic. Your detailed explanations are invaluable. For instance, I never fully understood the nonsensical texts until now, and I believe it's a combination of laziness, devaluation, and provocation in my ex-narcissist's case. Thank you immensely for your important work; I'm certain it's helping numerous individuals, specially man, that have so little resources online. On a personal note, I have a tip to share. Since I'm not yet able to go full no-contact, I changed the narc’s name in my contact list to a link leading to one of your videos. Whenever she tries to contact/ hoover , I watch it. I've only needed to do this once, but it was incredibly effective.
I experienced every single one of these with one person. First time dating after leaving a long term narc marriage. Wow! What a confusing time. I was totally addicted and desired the contact, but when I got it was “off.” The early spell was broken. Glad that’s in the past. Won’t revisit this crazy making again !
Thank you Lise as always, very helpful... makes me realise if I were to upload my txts threads, it would match this completely!... its almost like a blueprint.... genuinely helped me to wise up💯
The intermittent ghosting is what made me snap. I had seen it so many times before, and when I found myself writing paragraphs and blaming myself in text and them being nonchalant that anything was wrong, I couldn't do it. I felt the shift
This is an interesting video that could really be expanded because the social norms of texting are far more dynamic and require much less effort in their acting performance. I know a person and haven't really concluded if this person was NPD, BPD, or could really have good reasons. However, I was very confused for a while when they'd send wonderful, happy, and exciting texts earlier in the day and then they were grim, discontent, and depressing when we would meet up later in the afternoon. This wasn't a one-off situation and only got more severe and dramatic over time.
-- *_Thank you, Lise Leblanc!_*. All things are impermanent. (Recovery takes time.) You have the right to choose who you want to be. One must remember to learn. One must forgive to realize the future. You are not alone.
Unfortunately most people do not know that they are dealing with a narcissist until it is too late.
Rule number one (in business or romance); Never share too much information. They WILL use it against you later....guaranteed.
In fact, until you get to know a person, this should be a personal boundary. There are too many toxic people on this planet. Keep compromising secrets to yourselff.
11
Actually when you've done some healing work and specially work with boundaries to keep my inner child and true self safe I am quicker to recognize the narcistitic energy. I need relationships where I can be and share my true self , and get my needs for connection met. Narcs have a need to control others its a mismatch. They need to be the coolest person always. Allowing for little real and authentic connection. I chose to be in healthy relationships where I can be and share my true self shine and take my own space, and healthy boundaries help me find and chose available people and places where I can do that . Cheers. Fellow travelers. My values include freedom. because I grew up in a narcissistic home. I need to have healthy boundaries and the freedom to be my true self and take my space. It doesnt match anymore with me and narcs and thats just a result of this healing work, may we continue to find available people and places to keep sharing my true self. Im worth it in a good way . Were worth it.
Nope. I spill everything.
Their reaction let's me know how it will go.
Yeah, I would agree. I've found a good middle ground where I share some things - to see what the reaction is. I know now what to look for when explaining certain aspects of my life, and when I'm dealing with someone toxic.@@drivethruabortion280
Learnt this the hard way. It's like having your soul ripped out.
7 toxic texting habits of narcissists
1-love bombing texts
2-sexting for 3 reasons (1-using you for sex, 2-try to make you addicted to them thru sex, 3-gather info to use against you later)
3-intermittent ghosting
4-urgent demanding texts
5-random, out-of-the blue heartfelt conversations by text
6-nonsensical texts
7-mixed messages
cheers from southern ontario, canada 🍁
Thank you! 🙏
@LiseLeblanc you are the one that deserves the praise and glory. 👏
it's really important and a valuable resource to be able to connect lived experiences with words and definitions, and your videos do that well.
as you've said before, everything (big or small) the narcissist does has a purpose.
looking forward to catching your next video when it goes live on YT.
-cheers, steven
@@wookiee27 thanks for your kind words. great, informative video by lise, for sure.
-cheers, steven
Once sexting is brought in- and out of nowhere- something else is about to come to light.. so you stay as quiet as possible.. and it’s no surprise that someone does this a LOT if they know exactly what to say without thinking- but…. There’s always a catch.
The love bombs stop and you become everything they hate…
It doesn’t have to be like this but, when ya don’t ask, and it’s sprung on you outta nowhere？
Think… and see how quickly they pull all that away, OR what they ask right after. Yer always overreacting even when yer not saying anything🫣🤷♂️ I don’t get addicted if I feel someone is trying to do that- I have to remove myself. The person was worthy of EVERYTHING but: it’s one thing to accept it gracefully and another to expect more and more when you just don’t have anymore to give atm. 🌟🏞️🌅
Demanding- period.. knowing someone doesn’t do what they’re asking you to do, no worries if it kills you so long as they get that hit? I don’t fear abandonment it’s been done enough I just don’t care anymore, sometimes you gotta abandon someone who’s never been, or they’ll always think they’re better than everyone. As you may love them, want to have children with them as well as protect them forever- but if you can’t rest enough to be YOU🤷♂️ the ups and downs will wear on you- it’s a tactic to make you not think straight, clouds all realistic thought.. just like they want.. meanwhile saying “I have faith and trust in you!” Then show it! I still did the damn thing got everything done and she didn’t need lift a finger or spend a cent- wasn’t enough. All the sudden it wasn’t “I’m coming in a month and 1/2” it was “Come get me now or you don’t care about me!”🤦🏼 Don’t do that, cuz if yer being demanded to do something yer not comfortable with, or to do it much earlier than planned, that’s not conducive to everything yer planning and doing. Be careful, you could end up dead and will they care? Or call you names cuz you drove 12hrs straight- and had 12 more to do next day. After 2 weeks of running all day and night to find a place. Well I did, I did everything I promised. If someone says “I NEED time” and the other only thinks “But this is MY day this is about ME” it’s not going to change and they’ll make you believe it’s ok for them to act like that… it’s not. Sometimes you can give someone everything and it’s never going to be enough 💔🦑🌟
Yeah- 12:32 confuse you and being dominant, if that’s their kink- say so don’t play one way.
Oh wow that last part 13:32 I’ve had that come through a few times, but usually it’s the control and the “set up” for what they really want.
If they tell you everyone is just keeping you in their back pocket- that’s what they are. Treat me like a punching bag… this sigma will go, I’ll try everything I can, but I won’t lose ME good luck all🫶🙏🙌❤️🩹😂🧖🏼♂️🌟💚
women love drama don't they...
Narcissists teach us to establish boundaries. Take the lesson, once you've figured them out, and then respect your boundaries. No need to be mean spirited. No need to take revenge. The need is to be wiser, and simply recognize the red flags as early on as possible.
A covert one might not reveal themselves in years. The only way to unmask them is when you need them (you get sick, you are down for whatever reason...).
I agree about the red flags but some are real con artists.
Such a great comment 👍
100 percent
Very much so.
So ✅️ right!
“…and they will break all their promises to you.” All of them, indeed.
Plus, my ex went from wishing me good morning and good night every day, sending texts and calling, to ignore me throughout the whole day, until I reached out to her. She’d always claim that she was simply “too busy.” I knew something was wrong. The discard came three months after she became withdrawn, after six years of relationship.
On those days in which I tried to talk to her, to reason, to understand what was going on (I didn’t know about NPD at the time), she felt like a COMPLETELY different person. She had no patience at me. She looked annoyed talking to me. Or she’d look uninterested. I’d stare at her eyes and there was nothing there.
Rest assured: time heals. You’ll get better.
Omg that sounds like the same exact situation that I’m in now. To the T . No good morning text , no good night , ignoring me blantly , ghosting me , and using silent treatment for punishment when they felt they needed to use against me to get their way.
I went through something similar. Then I did a few years of counseling. Now my good friend is suffering a messy divorce and I’m browsing these videos for something appropriate. It’s amazing how my friend’s experience is a mirror image of mine and that of so many people here. It’s like narcissists all use the same mental boiler plate composed by the same demons and the narcissists themselves add in a random noun/verb/adjective but can’t change the script.
Just had this very thing happen.
So sorry to hear that. I went through something similar over six months. It was horrifying in the end.
After 6 years there is no discard. If she had npd the discard would happen earlier. After 6 years this can happen in any relationship.
They will make you sacrifice yourself to bend over backwards for them and then they will tell you how inconsiderate you are, then frame themselves as doing so much for you and you get framed as the bad person. And nobody else can see it. Insanity.
So true
OMG, 💯
Yeah I zone out when they do that.
truth
My ex did exactly this to me.
All 7! The addiction is real, one of the hardest lessons I've ever been forced to learn.
#1. Long winded text messages that could be published and classified as a novel, while blaming you for their own problems.
Word-salad champions!
Bro…. CHAPTERS!! Like we ain’t know each other for that long! 😂🤦🏽♂️
Exactly!
Freak me, that’s my experience also. Mind blowing. Across all cultures they are the same beast. Stay strong people👍
I just got out of a marriage of 30 years with a narcissist. I never knew much about this disorder but ever since she walked out on me 2 months ago and I found videos on the subject it has explained her completely and perfectly. It has also helped with the pain and heartbreak. This video was the final nail in her coffin for me nailed her to a T. I wish these videos had been around 15 years ago so I had not wasted so much of my life.
❤
You have been given a new chance, enjoy the growth you will experience, and the rediscovery of your old self. . .. yes it is a waste . . . but also an exciting opportunity. You'll be alright mate.
Wow you are spot on!!!it didn’t even know these kind of people existed 6 months ago
She is spitting complete facts, god I’ve been through this and it ended with me putting a restraining order on her
That complicated "I love you, but I can't be with you" text at the end, was so well-done, it gave me shivers.
Idk, I remember sending that message to some person I assume to be a narc because he started to hide his dating attempts from me and I thought enough is enough, I felt like I can’t go on like this anymore, it was too much emotionally ehile hoping he would change if he sees that I don’t like him dating , why would that make me a narc?
I'm guilty of sending something similar to my mom.
...in that case it's deserved tho.
This is the best explanation I've found. It's so true it's sickening.
I hate the fact that texting even exist for intimate communication.
It's no where near intimate.
I dated a spot on narcissist a few years ago, everything she talks about is experienced. When this girl thought she had me, I set the ball in motion to vanish completely. She was love bombing me for weeks, when she was comfortable enough she turned the screws, after she saw I was disconnected from her and 3 seconds away from vanishing sure enough she started throwing Hail Marys at me to try and reel me back in. She put the mask back on and tried pretending it was like day 3 of us dating again, “I don’t want to lose you, I’m so happy I found you” Yada yada yada, I’ll never forget the last time she was in my car before driving away and never seeing her again, I barely spoke a word to her as she tried “working it out” with me after work, I could see the surrender in her body language like she knew she pushed too hard, and was only “upset” because she couldn’t get more out of me before I smartened up. Narcissistic people are pure evil, don’t be a sucker. I’ll never forget my gut telling me something was wrong, I even said that to myself almost everytime we hung out, something isn’t right, there’s something off about this relationship. It was all true
I know that feel brother, texted for 5 months. We dated for 2,5 months. She tried to play the break up games to have me change. I saw red flags at the beginning but I thought, the hell. I like her and really felt attraction and I had been bedding and being honest with women prior abou tnot wanting a relationship. I thought let me give it a chance. After 3 days of trying to get anwsers why I decided to be vunerable and see how she would respond, badly ofcourse. Blocked her which she did not want and never looked back.
Yeah, the feeling is always there. It's hard parting.
Do you see how life coaches create these self-diagnosing people these people that think they can rightfully diagnose a narcissist? It takes years of work to break down the DSM-5 or whatever it's a lot of work thank you
@@53Strat yeah bruh, the only kind of people I attract are narcissists, it’s exhausting playing those games. They think they are slick. This isn’t my first rodeo, sure I’ll pay those games for a little while, but I’m taking notes. Just when you swear you got me, it’s like we never met before. go play those games with another sucker who’s brand new to it
Good for you!
The best way to avoid this is to have healthy self esteem. Get your validation from within.
How, if you don't have this? I have BPD
@@marjol3in"hi. welcome to costco; i love you."
--Idiocracy
@@E4439Qv5 I like that film.
I suppose, but if you are an empath then maybe you put other before yourself. . . . that's me. I don't want to put myself first. We are all just crumbs of meat stuck on a rock, whizzing through the darkness of space. We are all fairly unimportant. That is the reality that egotists fail to recognise?
So very true- this is good advice!
What strikes me about this is how different real narcissism is from what most people think it is. Most people think that if someone is little more self-centered than they should be or sometimes doesn't seem to care about your feelings that they're a full-blown narcissist.
People are too quick to put labels on others (which by itself is a narcissistic trait lol) when they have very little to go by. Say someone has a bad day, is stressed, they snarkily reply to someone after being asked a question: "OMG HE'S A NARCISSIST!". Or people meet someone with other mental health issues like BPD: "OMG, HE'S A NARCISSIST!". Generally there's too little knowledge about this stuff and people pick up on terms like narcissism, borderline, sociopathy/psychopathy from pop culture and start using them when they are clueless about the depth and diversity that these terms represent and how they express themselves. Same goes for people that put labels on themselves solely for attention and use their diagnosis as a means of getting attention from others for being unique and different, making their diagnosis their personality. Crazy stuff.
Most people do not think that because they read and they know exactly what narcissism is. Wtf are you going on about, while you are discounting imaginary peoples emotional abuse? Just curious 🙂
@@porkypileYea, I literally had a super stressful week, and I realize that I maybe didn’t need to divulge everything, but she was the one that I talked to about almost anything. Well, of course I get blamed and dismissed that I’m “dumping all my negativity onto her”, when all I needed was someone to be there and just let me vent a little about how hectic it has been. So funny/ironic that she says she wants someone that can have sit down understanding and heart felt conversations (which I’m all about too) but then when I’m “too negative” or it’s something about what she has done to me, it’s never an important conversation to have.
@@kdub3288 Sorry to hear that, mate. Been there as well. It will only get worse with time if you stay in that relation as it then totally crumbles your sense of self worth and will affect how much you dare to speak of your problems in later relationships.
Its hilarious that narcissists occupy such a small % of the population yet almost every single person that has been rejected suddenly blames the other person as a narc instead of self reflecting that they might be the issue.
Thus, accountability in society continues to be a pipe dream.
As a former Marriage and Family Therapist, I have to say that this video is the Best break down of what it looks and feels like to be involved with a true Narcissist. Spot on! You also presented it in such a way that was easily understandable for anyone. I wish I would have seen this video before I started dating at 19.... you would have saved me a few exhausting relationships! I didn't get my MA in Clinical Psychology until I was 46, and it Still took me awhile to place boundaries and, more importantly, maintain them with a few people in my life. Thank you for the work you do!
For non sexual relationships, the lack of boundaries around sex or nudity, sexual coversation etc is a red flag. The lack of boundaries about time, length, frequency and subject matter of communication is always a red flag. No matter the type of communication.
Thankyou for this summary.
I still tear up over this crap. Just because I had already paid my dues in the shit guy department so I was just so happy to think I finally found someone who will care about me. It just all sucks. It happened again after him with someone else. I don’t even want to try again
Awww yeah me too, it's so sad..I don't feel like ill get over this it's just heartbreaking, one day they can't get enough then you don't hear from them for weeks..it's broken me 😭
@@MyAngelAlfieDon't give the satisfaction. They have double standards. They'll leave you penniless and desperate .
Run. Run far away and block them
You have to not date for 2 or more years lol, but in all seriousness I'm 2 + years and I just attracted a new one so I know I'm still vulnerable to the manipulation and could have easily got sucked in and I barely recognized it. Good luck love!
I thought I finally found someone who cared as well after the first one. Who knew the second one was going to be the same way 😢, I was so happy in the beginning and he was covert and the biggest cheater ever 😢
@@rachelleware9397 Yep that's me now very confused. I am blind to this sort of stuff. Emotionally I am still on "here is a house". I try to frame it a bit like a detective show. But I am not very good and picking up the clues!
Holy smokes!!! I thought your BPD videos were spot on with my last relationship, but this one is so right on as well. Especially the amazing great sex and early and constant sexting. The up and down push pull cycle is just so exhausting.
Great video! For those of you who aren’t familiar with this women she is the very best online for us men who have been through this nightmare.
Me: takes a nap.
Wakes up: 45 missed calls, 100 messages and one “have a nice life.”
that’s just called a break up ? or i’m projecting. that happened to me once tho !
Both of you that commented obviously have no idea what you're even talking about. Chimney, a breakup is one or 2 texts. Multiple missed calls and tons of texts is a manipulative narcissistic rage. The break up is just a threat, the real situation is she wants something or she's pissed that there was some boundary. Hathaway, if your only contribution is to try to invalidate the lived experience of others, then you are at best a useless human being, and more realistically a malevolent parasite. Go away.
Yes I got this messages many times.
Oo God lmao. Sorry don’t mean to laugh at your situation but yea that’s insane. I got anxious sometimes because they would disappear mid conversation for hours, which I got used to and I understand that not everyone needs to text back right away. But then if I did that when I was actually super busy, I’d get those “are you alive?” Texts. Just such a double standard.
They hate naps. My ex hated when I napped on weekends and strangely enough, her MOM was the same way. Toxic.
They are cowards
Would never say things to your face, but would use
texting for manipulation.
The double standard they have. But they sure hate it when you don’t contact them. I am trying to heal my CPTSD issues she really knew how to push my buttons. She sabotaged a relationship with a really great person. ME
Thanks Lise I appreciate you being an advocate for men’s issues.
Same here, that's who they are unfortunately. They will die alone, there choice to not work on themselves.
Yes. But not all are "cowards" that is NOT a definite sign of it. I want that to be clear for anyone else that reads the comments of the comments. Lol it's where most of the misinformation is.
She would NEVER sit down with me, have a coffee and talk things over. NEVER! It was all done through Facebook Messenger.
@@jett70710- You must be a narcissist. 😂😂😂 Yes, all narcissists ARE cowards otherwise they would be honest about their bullshit instead of hiding like the little kids they are mentally behind lies, manipulation, gaslighting, etc, et al, ad infinitum and beyond. Common sense would tell anyone that. And That's definitely narcissistic projection and deflection at their finest right there - claiming something (in this case misinformation in the comments) while doing the same thing (in this case adding to the misinformation in the comments). 😂👏👏👏👏👏
YES!!
My Ex was using all of the above mentioned tactics, but after a couple of therapy sessions, I realised, that there was nothing wrong with me, and that it was her all the time. Once she felt, that she lost control over me, things went batshit crazy. She had an episode of narcissistic breakdown. She`s still haunting me sometimes, and I wonder, could I have saved her, but then I remind myself, that she used me...
Cant be capt save a ho. They don't want to be saved
She went silent for 2 months and then came out of the blue with the heartfelt texts.
You say thanks but no thanks
Probably cos her 2 month supply changed their mind.
Hate that.
You know she had a failed relationship in between.
@drivethruabortion280 actually she had just posted a picture of herself with her new BF. Unbelievable lol. She was "polyamorous," but still.
Just ignore, you can't engage them.They just want to manipulate.Don't give them a chance.
Thank you for sharing your knowledge of narcissistic behavior. I learn more just from listening to different psychologists, therapist, counselors and people who have been through this.
I thought I met the love of my life. These ALL happened! I had no idea, but I do now. Learning lesson. These people are awful to encounter.
This is exactly what o experienced last year with a single mother, she was full of no accountability, unreasonable negative attitude in public and double standards not being held constant roller coaster and random fires for me to put out
This content helped me realize and confirm I wasn’t crazy and needed to let go
Thank you
same here
Leave the crazies to people who dont know any better and learn from these experiences.
We may have dated the same woman😂
Sounds like some of you dated my sister lol
Went through the same thing. At first it affects you but my uncle told me "you gained more than you lost from the end of that relationship". Just take it one day at a time.
Wow. Your vlog on many of the tactics employed by narcissists is one of the more succinct and thorough descriptions I’ve ever come across, and I’ve been studying this topic for the last few years. You touched on every single phase of my last relationship with a narcissist, describing his exact behaviors with me throughout my 18 months with him. Thank you for validating my experience. I’ve certainly come across my fair share of flying monkeys, so it’s always a great resource and comfort to come across a professional telling it like it is.
The biggest "RED FLAG " IN TEXTING IS "wordsalad" you most definitely have a narracissit in your presence RUN IF YOU CAN because they will never ever change in this lifetime
can you be more specific? like playing w words for wordplay fun or more just a bunch of decorative manipulative language like depac chopra or jordan peterson.
@@chinmeyswayword salad just means running on and on about whatever they are spinned up about. It could positive or negative. The talk “a lot” as a way to trigger you on something either positively or negatively so that you’ll reply to them which keeps you on a hamster wheel with them. It’s about your attention and validation. It’s called narcissistic supply and word salad texting is a tactic to keep you on the wheel with them. Good luck!!
@@PronounsAreHerMajesty And if you dont respond they go into a narcissistic rage!
@ewoman3584 actually a narracissit is in a narracissitic rage mode when they give a person wordsalad
@PronounsAreHerMajesty yes I agree wordsalad is jibberish talk words put together in narracissits mind
Number 3: Intermittent Ghosting - is one of the worst, most devious forms of manipulation. Definitely a test of one's patience and self
Once I know for sure, I double down and permanently block them. Everyone is a narc until Proven otherwise. Watch their actions ignore the words
You just described how I got fished and hooked, and now, I’m living in a revolving emotional rollercoaster with a child involved. Yes, happens to men a lot!
I’m there too
What up fellas. Curious to know what their views on having children were in the beginning.
"Thankfully" my ex was repulsed at the thought of becoming pregnant once the initial run ran its course. I even told her I was refusing to wear condoms and if we were to have sex, we would have to be prepared for whatever happens.
Marriage and 2 kids…currently on the path to healing
My situation also.. 6 years in, 1 baby girl. Will my baby girl be ok if I leave?
It’s the best thing to do but my concern is my daughter.
Advice in short form?🤪☺️
I'm in this same situation narc wife is pregnant and I'm very worried for the child and myself
perfectly describes someone that's been messing with me for quite a while, thank you.
Sounds too hard to me. What a mine field meeting someone has become. Better off staying single I think.
It's just a pseudoscience. Don't trust this new narcissist trend. All made up.
Minefield indeed!! Gotta be careful out there these days.
That's what I decided 20 years ago, and I can't say I regret it. Love being a whole, happy and ever-evolving single person.
The one I'm dealing with I s so good I gave her the nickname tricky
@@MrSon-3 they use magik too. Don't eat or drink with Tricky. They like to poison food/drinks with their potions.
Thank you Lise- Best video I've seen. Amazingly insightful. I went through ALL of this over 8-9 months, almost to the word, particularly the sexting and ghosting.
I was completely blindsided with a break-up text which was eerily similar and equally as confusing as the example you used.
I'm only just recovering 7 months later to the point where I've disconnected enough emotionally to see what I was dealing with. I blamed myself for months and went to some very dark places.
I ended up diagnosed with an anxiety disorder for a while because this relationship was so toxic. If it wasn't for these types of insights and a good therapist, I would have carried the shame and confusion of this relationship for the rest of my life. I can't express how much knowledge is the key to recovery.
This lady is a God send, rest easy Kings. You’re not the problem.
I think the sexting is more just them selfishly meeting their autoerotic sexual needs
Unbelievably helpful as always. I owe my life to you at this point. Your videos kept my head on through the last 2 years. Thankyou ❤
This describes my experience with a younger guy. He kept texting me for over two years but could barely follow through with plans, typical future faker. I finally just blocked him. I won’t know when he reaches out again but that’s the point. I’m all done.
@fritzthecat8158 sorry to hear that you're miserable
great video thanks for it. I will write a few common signs of a narcissist from my experience:
she will claim how she hates manipulators
she often talks enthusiastically about her boss at work
it seems that she is often harassed by foreign men with some sexual overtones.
she most often ends written conversations.
she doesn't have deep knowledge of anything, everything is only on the surface. She doesn't comment on your friends or relatives even when she knows them.
she wants to castrate you and she will do it sooner or later.
She is neurotic, dissatisfied, and all the good times you had with her were created by you alone, and you don't have to miss them after the breakup, you will create them elsewhere.
What a great analysis! Thank you! I noticed some of these things.
They could tell you you are special,but somehow you feel like everyone is special , so if you are special just like anyone else, it makes you no special at all!! 😂
Another texting technique they use is self harming threats. Especially when they feel that you might leave them. It's all about controlling you and hoovering you back into the relationship.
I have experienced this.
I got that.
@@johnpaddy8195 I experienced this when I dated ... a psychologist! After 15 months, I ran for my life.
She's talking about ones that are strictly relevant to texting, though.
@@HijaSalvajeDeMíMadre I see what you mean. However, many of us have experienced self-harm threats via texts, and I thought it was worth mentioning.
I have had several relationships with narcissistic people. the last one lasted only a few months on and off. the last text exchange was to tell me he had met someone else. So I told him it's still shaky to start a relationship while you're exchanging ambivalent text messages with your ex. This was followed by extremely nasty words from him and then he ended up writing I wish you the best blabla. To which I replied, “For my part, I wish you what you deserve, which is to say not much.” then I blocked it, deleted it from everywhere. it did me a world of good.
Wow! It’s like you’ve read a script from a previous relationship of mine.
Regarding #7 - my ex narc girlfriend wrote me a letter almost exactly like that, scary how similar. She would play a lot of games with texting too. She would engage me in conversation than just vanish, she did that a lot. It would make me angry because she’s the one that started the conversation and would then just leave in the middle of it. Occasionally I would get so frustrated I would just text something nonsensical just to see her response but she would never acknowledge my text which I thought was so bizarre. Anyone normal would have been like huh? So glad I dont have to worry about her craziness anymore.
Same bro
Same. My ex did that crap. Mid text conversation vanish...( crickets) I'd confront her about it and her answer was always the same. " I'm NOT chained to my phone ".....that's funny because youre always on it !!!!!!! 😮
just feed her chicken and rice next time it works all the time
My estranged narc gf does this when she text me from work. She will initiate text contact from her job and I will respond then a few text into the conversation il ask her simple question like what would she like for dinner then you will blow up n say I'm busy!!! Why are you asking me about food!? Well you texted me first so take your narc crap somewhere else. We been together 8 years. Her mask came off 5 years in after pur child was 7 and we have cars and finances tied together. God hasn't made a way out yet but he has given me courage and strength to go toe to toe with her. She knows I've figured her out. I ignore her alot. I keep engaged in my hobbies like exercising and video games. When she tried to throw those passive aggressive narc low blows at me I call her out and she stops. She don't want no smoke lol.
They are terrified. Hopeless desperation. Horrified of trusting. Tons of negative self talk. Fear of loss.
Projecting all that and more onto their partner.
Punishment is what follows
OMG, these are 1000% correct! It happened to me in my past relationship 😱🤕
Hearing this is scarily accurate. He would call me from work with a somber voice saying he needed to speak with me about something and when I asked what it was… it was about our relationship and he wasn’t sure if he could stay in the relationship. (He was consistently threatening to leave me) He would then be at work and wouldn’t be able to speak about it properly and I would be left feeling anxious. Why would someone do that? When you truly love someone, you don’t do those things. He would threaten the relationship on a consistent basis and I would feel discombobulated a lot of the time because I was trying to save what we had. It was so dysfunctional. Looking back, I cannot fathom why I put up with such terrible behaviour.
That is mad. Thank goodness you escaped from such a lunatic.
I married one - and didn’t realize it until it was too late.
It created a huge mess.
Fortunately, they are now caught and will be facing justice soon.
I am so grateful, You are helping me to understand a lot of my last relationship, and believe me, by understanding, I feel I can move on thousands of times quicker
They also send you several messages and delete them before you're able to read them, so you can only see 'deleted message' and they'll be waiting for you to ask them what they wrote.
Advice: don't ask them anything and they will get totally confused 😅
You say 'before you are able to read them', what does this mean? How long should one wait? She talked here about a couple of days as bad, that says you are unimportant. What about 2 weeks or one month? I think a few days okay, or even if you delete, it is the for the person deleting comfort. I guess both sides might take issue, not good to ignore, and not good to delete? It is not good to be left on read, period.
I delete a message when I don't get a reply, my way of saying okay I'm not going to wait forever to talk to you, because a narc gets supply from your message sitting there and them ignoring it.
Yes they do, power and control!@@Mint_Mushroom2976
I delete messages because I often cant process my thoughts into words well right away
I have been watching a lot of different videos on Narcissists.. This really helps..
All this sounds so on point, a definite familiarity in my experience…unfortunately. Had to end it myself. ❤
This is right on the nail -- If only I knew about this beforehand! Thank you for this video!
What about texts like,
-are you thinking bout me
-do you miss me
- do you want to "attack" me
-do you love me today
It's constant a every day occurance. I don't ever know how to respond?
Ahh I have experienced this in a friendship.. this 70 yr old lady is chronically insecure. , fear & envy some of her favorite emotions
If that is from a toxic guy then it is fishing to use against you later, no matter what the age.
This channel has saved me from the shared fantasy and my part in it , my narc lied about being asleep but wasn't home at all 😮I ended it . We've cycled three times previously taking big breaks and he re entered the final time with the lazy "wrong person text"😮. He leaves for Europe in 10 days and when he returns I'll be moved to my new home I bought , and out of the apt complex we both live at . I see I was just miss money bags and toxic mommy and rubber doll
My narc friend used me as his psychiatrist always dumping his problems on me then when we'd meet up all I got was abuse. Got sick of it and walked away. Best thing I ever did 😊
All lies alllll everything and then they cover it up and want to be the “ good guy “ as he’s onto the next behind YOUR back
Spot on! You described my last boyfriend. I wish I had realize what he was sooner! Be careful with people like this. Best move, get out and stay out. Don't get sucked back in at all. You deserve better!
This hit the nail right on the head, unfortunately I think since this individual is a fairly attractive woman she’ll never have the opportunity to reflect on her negative actions and the real life consequences of being this way.
You escaped. Youre free. Forget her
@@KNR6292 you’re right, moving on
Omg the ghosting is driving me crazy 😢😢 this is very informative she gaslit me into thinking I was insecure, insincere and needy. Thank you for this i truly learned something here and this has helped me getting over her 😢
Thank You Lise !!!! You are so smart, If I could only be half as smart as you!!! Your channel is the best time I have ever had on UA-cam!!! I don't know what I would do without your insight !!! Calling you perfect would be an understatement !!!!! I can't wait to see your next video!!!
10 warning signs of psychopathy
I've been trying to leave & trying to make her stay for the past seven years.
Thanks for the video
My nex couldn't talk because of a motorcycle accident, so texting was our sole form of communocation when we weren't together. He utilized every last one of these techniqies. I'm still amazed that they all seem to go by the same rulebook...it's crazy.
Covert narc uses the vague emergency text message where they allude to a serious emergency but aren't clear what that emergency is as a means to eliciting someone's attention. Normal life does on occasion include emergencies, or even occasion catastrophe, but the covert narc will be frequent.
Great point! Drama is their middle name.
A past friend did this to me. I check my phone and it says " call me right away. It's an emergency ". I respond what's wrong? She says "nothing, I'll send you pictures because I can't figure out what to wear and needed your opinion. Dumb.
At least once a week
Over thinking is another word they use.
Omg. It is. ALOT
You overthink things. This post is evidence of it
Oh My God this is exactly what I have been through.
Lise Leblanc you described it as it is 100%.
Thank you for helping me figure out what was going wrong. You are spot on for me. Everything you have said is what he has done. It’s hurtful to know now what has been going on but it’s also bittersweet because now I feel like I can walk away knowing it was nothing that I have done wrong. Thank you.
I wish I had found this channel two years ago. I got into a relationship after my wife passed away. I now believe she has BPD. Your channel has been enlightening. Thanks for your videos!
My last relationship was with someone I think had BPD. He also showed narcissistic traits and was a closet alcoholic and very emotionally unstable. Was so glad to shut the door on that one.
I am sooooo glad that I came across your channel Lise! Until now I thought I was just going crazy, and that I was the problem. This is a "If the shoe fits scenario" I have felt in my current situation while I have had to walk on eggshells. I fell in love with her, she called me her soul mate, but I have always felt like I am not good enough, even my own children have said she acts passive aggressive, not only to me but to them and if I even say anything or disagree I don't know what I am talking about or I am called a narcissist. She had tons of trauma in the past but always said that I was the one that never dealt with my past traumas from a separated home when I was a child. I always had to get better, and I did have a journey of forgiveness thanks to Michael Singer and the Untethered Soul.
Now after all this time, online tarot cards and her spiritual journey are telling her that she is done with me.
I really wish I would have come across this sooner. 7 years feels like a waste and I feel so ashamed of all the time I put into her instead of my kids; feeling broken all around.
God Bless this woman❤
Absolutely very good video! And described my ex boyfriend's covert narcissistic texting to a tee! 3 1/2 years ago we broke up, and I am so relieved to be by myself, healed and have my own person back 🤗❤💯🙏! They wreck you, and you don't know what the heck has hit you! You're videos are extremely helpful, and thank you for them. It's a nice reminder and wake up call for me at this point, even though I am healed now, to see and know exactly what was actually happening to me and what this guy was all about in the end.
Two weeks after we broke up I saw her one last time and we talked about things. We talked for 3 hours and the more time passed, the more she was sure that a relationship is not a choice anymore. She always physically kept distance to me and all of her body language was showing me she was somehow repelled or fearful, who knows. I was being a little bit desperate and asking her again again if we couldn't think it through a bit more. She searched for any excuse to end the conversation. After I genuinely told her "okay, well in that case let's search for new partners although personally I don't want any right now", said goodbye and went home she bombarded me with text messages just a few minutes after portraying herself as the victim and that if I ever wanted her back I should do x and y, and how badly and insensitive I treated her. It wasn't the first time she did this manipulative on/off thing with me. Luckily I pulled the plug early enough, only 2.5 months in. Wished her well and blocked her from all social media.
They tend to get going the moment you are all in.
It’s the ghosting and stupid gaslighting that finally made me leave for good.
This hit on so many levels, thank you for sharing. One excuse to add is perhaps, hiding behind the word:Polyamory to go screw around.
Welcome to the Cult of... Dionysus.
they are great at lying, acting & MORE lying! IMPOSSIBLE!!
1 word texts.
Just picture messages.
A text to ask you how you are then they don't read your reply.
One word texts , actually, means they are done with you.
I do one word texts with my oldest daughter. If I SAY anything it's rewritten and used against me. I couldn't even say "that's a cute dress" without some way her being able to add ... For someone that isn't FAT. Hmmm I never said that! How was that added to MY text??? Turns out there's an app that allows others to use your phone number (aka faked) to send text as something You Said. They can use an app to pretend a phone number was saying something or calling which is false. These apps need to be sued.
Oh, yes.
I can't bear this anymore
There should be more education in the schools regarding this type of person so that both male and female understand what to look for.
What I've been doing is asking chat GPT on how to respond to my Narcissist texting. By out lining the Narcissist request or bread crumbing techniques and carrot on the stick tactics and asking the robot on how I can respond? So far so good.. I can hear my Narcissist cogs spinning, while at the same time managing to avoid being further gaslit and avoiding confusion. So far it's working Wonder's..
GENIUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!🏆🥇
I am having a BLAST WITH THIS! 😂❤ thank you!!
AI is a tool.
It is not your friend, but if you use it right... you can learn how to keep your enemies _out._
It's still attachment that you are getting dopamine from. I know it feels satisfying but you are only leaving a door open. Trust me your responses aren't phasing them, they are just plotting revenge and spite. Please, please, please block this person and start the withdrawals 😢 much love ❤️
This video is dead on with what I have been through with my ex. I gave him 4 times to be honest, stop cheating etc. I know he will be back acting like his actions were not all terrible.. What he don't know is my reaction will be toward him. I will be as nice as I can be at telling him I wish him the best with his new resource and not ever speak to me again. It's not my pain of missing him or needing him in my life any longer. I deserve a good man who deserve a good woman. Thank you for all your videos. I have listen to a few others but never got the true understanding of a narcissist.
Hit the block button and get your power back from the emotional vampire
Yup. N🚫 Contact is a superpower.
Blocking doesn't work nowadays. I had to block 38 new numbers in 2 days from the same person
Honestly these videos are really helping and I'm thankful to have found them to help me better understand things that are happening. However I feel if you aren't dealing with something like this then I could see it being emotionally draining lol
Done.
Hit block contact this morning. I wont be undoing it.
Lise thank you so much for your spot on advise . Straight to the point and bang on . This kind of help is so valuable to so many men hurting and even sadly suicidal. Thank you for caring. God bless you 🙏 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
Do they all study in same school!? Amazed at how its all same!!
Lise, you nailed 100% the love bombing phase is what happened to me and she sucked me in into a vortex that caused me a tremendous mental damage when she dumped me 4 months later
Could you explain the differences in texting with an avoidant? Thanks for the video.
Oh boy are you right! Thankfully we have people like you who help us remember we’re not going crazy from these people. They would hate knowing they’re so transparent once we have the knowledge to recognize them!
This video is incredibly insightful. I completely agree that sexting, abrupt stops, back and forth and nonsensical texting are often indicative of narcissistic abuse. Almost pathognomonic. Your detailed explanations are invaluable. For instance, I never fully understood the nonsensical texts until now, and I believe it's a combination of laziness, devaluation, and provocation in my ex-narcissist's case. Thank you immensely for your important work; I'm certain it's helping numerous individuals, specially man, that have so little resources online.
On a personal note, I have a tip to share. Since I'm not yet able to go full no-contact, I changed the narc’s name in my contact list to a link leading to one of your videos. Whenever she tries to contact/ hoover , I watch it. I've only needed to do this once, but it was incredibly effective.
That last tip is honestly pretty clever
That’s a great idea, thank you for sharing!
This man is smart.
I experienced every single one of these with one person. First time dating after leaving a long term narc marriage. Wow! What a confusing time. I was totally addicted and desired the contact, but when I got it was “off.” The early spell was broken. Glad that’s in the past. Won’t revisit this crazy making again !
i think you lise have a microphone and camera in my home , you just described my wife
It's like you covered my last two months of texting habits from the narcissist i was with. sickening.
Another goodie! Thank you Lise ❤
Thank you for highlighting the sexting aspect. That's, in my experience, a very clear one.
Thank you Lise as always, very helpful... makes me realise if I were to upload my txts threads, it would match this completely!... its almost like a blueprint.... genuinely helped me to wise up💯
i was about to go listen to some of her (my ex narc) audio messages with her confusing 9 minute audio. i recall alot of those inconsistent phrases.
💯..... however if your past it now, I personally wouldn't even open your ears to her voice again... enough damage would have been caused already...🙏🏾
The intermittent ghosting is what made me snap. I had seen it so many times before, and when I found myself writing paragraphs and blaming myself in text and them being nonchalant that anything was wrong, I couldn't do it. I felt the shift
You can add BREADCRUMBING texts to this list.
Thank you soo much!! DAMN i can't believe i been blind all this time
This is an interesting video that could really be expanded because the social norms of texting are far more dynamic and require much less effort in their acting performance. I know a person and haven't really concluded if this person was NPD, BPD, or could really have good reasons. However, I was very confused for a while when they'd send wonderful, happy, and exciting texts earlier in the day and then they were grim, discontent, and depressing when we would meet up later in the afternoon. This wasn't a one-off situation and only got more severe and dramatic over time.
The tree behind you reminds me of Arbor snowboards. I worked for them at one point. I enjoy your podcasts.
That is so true!! "A drug dealer giving as much of your DOC for free."
-- *_Thank you, Lise Leblanc!_*.
All things are impermanent. (Recovery takes time.)
You have the right to choose who you want to be.
One must remember to learn.
One must forgive to realize the future.
You are not alone.