🤣😂🥂🥂. aMEN!! When they leave it’s so hard to date! I keep trying and say…nah! I met nice people but can’t move to the next step!! I need to move to the met friends app. I don’t want sec or anything from people!! Humans are shallow and so many are super sick!
Men - this is gold! We’re taught girls are sugar and spice and everything nice, so to think that a psychological abuser can be packaged like a pretty girl defies our logic. You’re not gonna get this info in couples therapy. That will just be used as another vehicle to make you think you’re the problem. It took me 60 years and UA-cam channels like to this understand it. Hopefully this kind of content will save young men from the same fate.
gogo, thanks for sharing this. It’s true what you say. I’m hard wired to protect, but I have this cognitive dissonance because what I want to protect, I think in my mind “needs” protection. In reality, I’m the one needing protection from her and her behavior. There’s so many layers to this thing.
It is incredible that if a man uses a term which is derogatory towards a woman he is called sexist, but not so if it is the reverse. It shows just how sexist our society has become.
@Steve Morley Probably many men do what you are saying. But you can't deny how lopsided things have become in the past 7 years. Look up "how a man attracts/keeps a woman" and then do the reverse search just to see how lopsided it is. Or "man up" compared to "woman up" or "a man should provide" and "a woman should be in the kitchen". I can go on. And precisely horror films nowadays have a lot fewer women dying. And you didn't answer for all the other stuff I put about the woman being the stupid one in the relationship etc,.., But obviously it is so important for you to be right that you block out anything which puts your point in question.
Good point, in my case it was a whole lifetime starting with grandpa. Believable at the time. They get sympathy/love, trust, and a promise to be different to protect her.
He used to beat me and cheat on me, this made her really hurt. He pushed himself on her, she didn't love him and wouldn't stay with him. 6 years later, she loved him and was happy and would have stayed if the police and social services would take the kids if they stayed in a relationship. That told me im not in fact the love of her life or the only person she's ever wanted to marry. The abuse is like nothing I've known. I've been around, served as infantry soldier in Northern Ireland and this narcissist abuse is the worst thing that's ever happened to me. Pure evil. I hope karma is real.
It’s good to hear there’s normal women out there. I married an overt for 7 years then recently got out of a 1.5 year relationship with a covert like a week ago. I’m gonna stay alone for awhile after this one
I dated a woman who fits the mold of a narcissist. I went thru the exact ordeal. My gf now has been consistently nice for 7 years. A truly good person. I'm so grateful
If you ever notice that you are doing things for her that you can't imagine her doing for you...walk away. Even if she isn't a clinical narcissist, she is a society-made narcissist and it doesn't really matter what diagnosis they have - if she acts like a narc, you want to get as far away as possible.
When you're IN this kind of relationship, you feel like "this is just the way things are." Then someday when you're with a mentally healthy partner, you can see how wrong and abusive it all was.
My rule of thumb in relationships is that if you don't feel good about yourself in the relationship or if the person doesn't make you feel good about yourself then you need to step out. That's really the make or break test.
When I was in college and before I even heard of such a thing as " cluster B," a gf told me it was better to have people who bring you up and make you feel good about yourself, instead of having people who just bring you down, like her sister and her boyfriend over there. Idk how it turned out for the sister but I thought it was a wonderful concept and believed in it, even though, I still became ensnared with a person whom I had admired from afar for twenty years. I was with her for 15 miserable years before I learned about narcissism. After serving me well for many years, I forgot all about that good advice, which I had used as a rule of thumb, and got swept off my feet. Well, I'm alone now and with much better company. I have no doubt that if given the chance, and I were to break " no contact," I would fall prey to the trauma bond. What a fine kettle of fish.
Many years of heartache and suffering and this sums it all up. Thank you so much for posting this. It’s been five years since the divorce, and I’m still trying to put it all back together. Men are rarely thought of being victims of domestic abuse because often the scares left by women are invisible…..Fellas, if you EVER hear the line, “I’m sorry you feel that way”, run.
I'm in one because she's holding the kids hostage...to divorce her would tie up the money I need to pay for my kids college as every cent she gets will be spent on her and her alone.
I spent several years dating a female like this. I never thought I would be that guy. I always thought I would know if someone was deceiving me and would be able to walk away if she did. Be careful fellas. This stuff is absolutely real. I’m still in the process of recovering from it and working on myself to one day be ready for a healthy relationship. Thank you for this video, very well done.
Exactly! It's absolutely insane how can someone with high awareness (self proclaimed) still be played like a fokken broken banjo.. Got the same shit, but was lucky it didn't last for too long. For me It's been two years, but still recovering. No way I'm getting into relationship especially now that I have grown even more aware, and can sense even better the instability in the people around me.
I broke up with a girl this past October but was only with her 16 months. She mistook me being "nice" for being able to manipulate me. I started seeing the red flags early but I used her "boo hoo I'm always a victim" stories to feel empathy. If she wasn't a total smoke show and didn't legitimately like a lot of the same stuff (crossfit, guns, hiking, etc), I would have dumped her a lot sooner. I fell for a mirage. The hurt doesn't go away. I still get anxiety on dates. I still have thought of "well maybe if I did this, it would have worked out." No. If I would have layed down, then I would have been hurt even more if/when she decided it was time to replace me. Hope you are recovering.
You’re not alone man. It’s gets better over time. Also, don’t be afraid to get therapy. I know you may think you don’t need it or that you can do it in your own, but for real it helps give you the tools and understanding to fight the battle. It helped me.
Yeah bro same thing. I always felt I'd recognize but I didn't and 14yrs later I've started the very difficult healing process...it's been a long hard road and still have a long ways to go. I was sooo good to her and it was never enough nothing ever made her happy. All she did is persecute me for being me, she'd accuse me day and night of filth, she demanded constant attention and admiration and gave me none. Once I realized what was actually going on I could stop blaming myself. For years I told myself it's my fault I just need to change but in reality I was a wonderful man and I loved her completely and faithfully. Now I have to learn to love myself, I've never been so broken in my life and she could care less all that matters to her is how ppl view her....how could she do this to me I'll never know the worst part is is that I've been slipping away from my 2 sons 11yr and 8yr the wounds are still so fresh I can't breath yet. I hope one day when I am healed and delivered I can help other men through this very painful process and better yet teach men how to recognize the signs and act on courage and get out before the damage is done. I feel like I've been so abused that women can see right through me and think to themselves he's just another single dad full of wounds and scars. I'm 37yrs old never thought it was possible that I'd be so broken the thought never even occurred to me it was possible. Father in heaven forgive me Peace n blessings
I was strong enough to finally leave my ex, but we have a 3-year old daughter, I can't leave my ex completely unfortunately...now my concern is for how my daughter will be affected by my ex's traits...
Same here! I have 2 sons ( 2yo & 4yo) and we all live together. My depression from all of this has caused me to miss a lot of financial opportunities leaving to seek and settle for non-stressful manual labor jobs in order to make ends meet. I'm secretly planning my exit by putting up w/her behavior and stashing money so I can get in position to buy a house for me and my boys. I have no other options so this is the only way out for me 😔@@itismadalin
Yeeeeea... needed this one. In all honesty i've been having a gut feeling about most of these feelings but it's a little crazy to actually hear someone say it and confirm what i've been feeling out loud. Glad to know I wasn't losing my mind, thank you for the epiphany. Truly, I needed this more than you knew.
Of course they constantly act as the "victim" and constantly claim you're the villain. Because "You are only rebellious in the eyes of those who can't manipulate or control you."
@@Tigerdreama. You must come to the realization that none of it was personal....Narcs don’t know how to love; they can’t afford to spare the energy to learn, because they’re always in a state of high emergency, cataloging potential threats and redoubling their defenses. When they claim to love you, it means nothing - they can’t feel it. They never attach to you or anyone else. Other people are paper cut-outs to the narcissist, like those cardboard figures of celebrities you pose next to for a selfie. Narcissists value their own children only as mirrors of themselves. Loads of them brag about being a good parent and seek compliments for that only to hide their masks. When they destabilize you or attack you, it means nothing....They are stuck in an endless conversation with themselves, in which you are an inanimate object, to be assigned their own faults and used as a surrogate punching bag for their hatred of themselves.. When they toss you out, it’s no more meaningful than a junkie tossing away a needle; when they try to reel you back in, it only means that they tired of the new drug and need a hit of the old. None of this is personal.... They’re too terrified to have close personal relationships, opting instead for extraction of admiration from a subservient partner whose range of action they strictly constrain. This is not personal. None of it.... The narcissist does not know who you are - it doesn’t know how to know other people. Like the vampire or the chainsaw-wielding creature in the horror film, it’s from another world, bereft of the concept of human connection. . .
@@Tigerdreama. To continue, If you think they..are the one that ' made' you feel then you are still under their control, you're still wrapped up in their neverending inner delusions/dar-k-ness, and you learned nothing. The truth is, you were loving YOURSELF the entire time you were interacting with them as they were doing nothing more than mirroring you at the start, there is nobody inside them in the first place, therefore there was nobody for you to love but yourself...(as they themselves are incapable of true empathy/love). .. Stating that they made you feel is like saying a robot made you feel, or an empty soda can made you feel. And in the same way it's completely ridiculous to think a Narc made you feel anything...As they were doing nothing more than mirroring you in the beginning...Based on a lie and you cannot truly feel for lies. They are completely incapable of processing their emotions, they don't know how to. And that is why when you state that you love them they greatly resent it, they turn you into an enemy and play their games. Because inside they ask themselves- " how can you possibly love this ? ' Unless you get over these massive hurdles and understand the bigger picture of Universal spiritual truths in your relationships then you will never be the truly empathic powerful loving spirit being you truly are to love the world/heal the world. .. Much love !
@@Tigerdreama. To absolutely des-troy a Narc with EASE, All anyone has to do is lookup - 'Gaddis The Ayahuasca Wave', and have them read that whole page over and over again.. There is nothing they can say or do after that., And their BS is out of your beautiful life forever !.... ;)
I'm 12 years in too. She is not a terrible narcisisst but it's enough to steal my joy from time to time. Not sure if she loves me or loves possessing me. Hot or cold depending on the day.
Im in the same boat mate over in australia. I have one child who is now 14. Ive had to walk away from both the mother and the daughter. Not for me, she was using the child to get to me, and causing the child stress. I know now i will never speak to my ex or have another interaction with her as long as i live.
I guess there is certain level of absurd and toxic environmment where ptotecting kids being out of relationship gets better than in it. Think, then strongly prepare if you go this way...
The kids are watching man. They're learning about how to act in personal relationships. You don't want them to make the same sacrifices for their kids do you? They're very perceptive. I often tell people that a npd can never be happy but a codependent can heal. Kids deserve at least one healthy and truly happy parent. Leave.
When you said the, "what are your insecurities" I died a little on the inside. I knew what was coming next. She manipulated me, then tried to destroy me. With both scenarios occuring, ending in trying to devalue me as a man. Then played the Self harm card. Hot and cold , close and far, hit and miss. Moving targets for the blind.The type of feelings you write poetry about, and eventually will burn the pages those poems were penned on.
As men, we are programmed to protect and cherish girls, try to impress, be always courteous and nice, and some of us genuinely think it is our role in life to make a woman happy. If she reacts hurt, you automatically think you didn't do the right thing. Men, it's not your job to make her happy. She has every right to find happiness, but if it isn't with you, she is free to go. Don't try to change who you are for her. She'll hate you for it. Stay strong. Stay men.
They use our chivalry against us. Yes men are protective over women in the same way women are protective over children. It's a terrible character trait that I seem to have luckily escaped from all my life thus far.
@@neilsun2521 Exactly. You can be courteous and practice chivalry, but on your terms. And not for a woman who nags or complains, takes it for granted, and doesn't give anything in return. You have to be in a position to be able to walk away. Then it works.
we may just pick another. . But when man is picky and such lady makes impression that she would be the one, then it seems situation she and noone around . Narcist prove that being alone is happy option
It has taken me many years to learn you can't make them happy it has to come from within. Still it seems many men are taken advantage of and not appreciated. I am not saying many men can't be shits but, good guy tend to finish last in dating etc. It also appears to me that women want us to entertain them, I am not here to entertain anyone.
I’m six years divorced from a female narcissist. The break-up was hard but after a few months I found I was happy again. I now live a much happier life free from guilt. I’ve traveled the world, remodeled my house and enjoy my life without her. Thank you for this. It was reassuring.
Mine has been 5 years divorced. It’s crazy how we all say we’re happier yet we’re all still here in the comments of a narcissistic video. I’m wondering if the aftermath of these people ever go away completely.
Went through that as a kid. They cared less about me. When the times came I cared less about them. You dont want this to happen with your wife and kids.
😁 Good on you! 😁 My mum's nabiours are narcissists. They went to the extreme and took all Their kids out of school. They seem to think that the school was bullying the children.... When it was actually her kids that were bullying people, and the teachers wanted to test her son for dyslexia or autism or something. Anyway.... She just pulled ALL the kids out of school and locked them in the house. Apparently she teaches them herself. They have grown up a little now but are still trapped in the house. They never go anywhere. They just want to controll everything and everyone. Think they own the whole street! I feel so sorry for the kids. They have been given no education, they don't know how to socialise, have no qualifications and are going to struggle to find a job. I hope they do escape when they can, and flourish out in the real world, free from narcissistic parents.
Once my GF had sex with me she said I love you but I think its just of the feeeling there not of my real personality. I think she liked more my looks then me.
I went into this video skeptical only to feel never more seen. This was exactly my relationship with me ex-wife. The only thing is that I did keep my promises to her and she did break me down. I sought out therapy and I prayed incessantly. I grew to understand that I was only teaching her it was okay to disrespect me and mistreat me. I started to feel the only way I could protect myself from her onslaught was to start yelling back. When I was separated from my family and couldn't tell which way was up or down....I was broken. Thankfully, in God's mercy I was reborn. I started reading books about boundaries and I began working on myself. I realized I had taken on her problems as my own but they weren't mine to fix. I stopped the cycle without leaving her. When she'd do her frequent daily texts and phone calls to yell at me over something that someone else did I'd respond with, "Honey I love you, but I won't talk to you when speak to me this way." *click* I'd block her number off and on during the day when she'd spam hateful texts after giving her a warning. At home, when she'd yell at me, again. It would be, "Honey, I love you and I want to resolve this with you but I won't speak with you when you talk to me like this. I'll be going to (a location) to do (some activity) for an hour and then when I come back we can talk about this again. I set boundary after boundary and after some time it worked. Things became extremely healthy between us and were going great, but suddenly one day she split. I didn't hear from her for a few months until I got a knock on the door with divorce papers. A week later I received a letter. Though sad, thus wasn't very surprising. I had grown, but she had not. She was no longer getting the fix she sought and didn't want to get the help she needed to be healthy. She would come back 1 more time before the divorce was finalized. Unfortunately/fortunately the long custody dispute with crazy accusations and a poor court system took up the next few years. Once again, I was blessed with a hardship that broke me but allowed me, by the grace of God, to come out of it stronger and more equipped than I was before. Patience, perseverance, and integrity (coupled with getting some really strong court orders 😉) has made our co-parenting relationship mostly healthy. I went through a lot to get us here and I learned a lot about communication along the way and now I have a function relationship with the mother of my daughter. She still love bombs my daughter and I have to consistently stay on top of things for my baby girl but she's turning out okay so far. Mom has since moved on a couple times and is now set to be married in a few months. I don't have much hope for the relationship but I am so happy to be free of my commitment to her. Chances are she's pulled in another decent man and so far my daughter says he treats her well. At this point, that is all I care about as far as he's concerned. A good step-dad is basically like having a close uncle. It also provides a different person other than myself and our daughter for her to put her attention towards. Our relationship didn't work out in the end but I was able to stay true to my convictions and I know that I can look my daughter in the eye when she grows up and tell her I did everything I could for our family, should she ever ask. That to me makes the sacrifice worth it. I will also be grateful for the masterclass I received in growing up. For the first time in my life I'm spending time, energy, and money on......me. Thank you ex-wife. Without her I never would have learned to stand up for myself. Since then, I've stood up to some unhealthy relationships in my own family in love and firmness.....it was rocky for a few years but I changed the dynamics of multiple relationships to much healthier and respectful relationships. No longer am I easily taken advantage of. I still have a long fuse and a lot of patience but when that fuse expires I now have tools in my tool chest for how to respond. It has been extremely helpful in my professional career as well. I work in a field dominated by women and for a long time I was pushed around for it. Not anymore, I can now speak up for myself. In fact, I did so today and it paid off. I was broken and from those ashes reborn.
You didn't have to go out of your day to type this so I'm extremely grateful you did. Wasn't able to find solutions to some of the points you touched on so thank you, this really helped!
I was in a relationship like this about 7 months. you're right, I was lucky, I got discarded. Had my first panic attack ever, in the middle of the night...sleeping nect ot her...no idea why. Residual panic attacks afterwards. Worked on myself a TON. Now I can spot women like this from a mile away...and instead of being drawn to them...I find them repulsive
I had the *exact* same thing happen to me brother. EXACTLY. I woke up at 1a and felt like the room was extremely darker than it usually is, i felt profoundly alone and seized with an irrational fear. And i had never had a panic attack before being with this woman. The good thing is that we’re now free…
It wasn't my first panic attack, but I remember just laying next to her crying uncontrollably in the night; praying to God to just kill me in my sleep. It's been 2 years since she discarded me after a 4 year nightmare. I am completely terrified of all intimacy now. Finding solace in men's support groups, but still completely lost identity wise.
Dude same!! The first panic attack happened as we were getting off a plane to visit my mom and family, it was the most terrible thing. I had to completely put on a mask and pretend everything was fine as we met my mom in the airport. And yeah, a lot of therapy after that. I’m finally feeling like a whole person again and I’m in such a better place.
I’m a recent survivor, I’m still in that early stage of healing that I’m laughing when you mention an exact trait or a hint of what she used to do/have/say. Thank you, people like u made me stop blaming myself and stopped this circle of confusion and still a long journey to work on myself
My adult daughter told me, "Dad, get the hell out of there!" A short time later the lady had me arrested for allegedly viscously beating her. A year later after numerous court appearances and a complete loss of face in my community, my attorney pulls a piece of paper from his pocket. It was a doctors report ascribed on the day of the event. Not a mark or a bruise on the women's body. After a very brief deliberation the jury came back with a "Not Guilty" verdict. To wit the lady left town the next day and was never heard from again. Now that's a "Happy ending..."
That was a very hard path to journey down, but you survived! The example you set for your daughters was invaluable, hopefully they will see that and choose partners who have similar honour and strength of character as yourself. Children, even adult children, internalize the example we set.
I was once in a relationship with an evil women, I went from a mentally strong independent man to an emotionally abused mentally weakened version of myself.
Exactly. People don’t talk about how you start out strong and independent! I swear! I am a female, and had male narcs take me at my highest. It’s because they work on breaking you down slowly and over time. People just say, “you didn’t see the red flags?” But, how when they don’t start off in the red flags? It starts off by them keeping you at your highest, and building you up higher, and once they have you right where they want you, they slowly take you apart. And it happens so fast, yet so slow. You don’t notice it until they discard you, or you’re so frustrated and ran down. Good comment!
I’m a female who was married to a malignant narcissistic sociopath for a decade. You indeed develop PTSD or CPTSD. Bc of his cheating, lying, gaslighting, manipulation, smear campaigns, and more I almost can’t function anymore. These individuals are spawns of Satan in my opinion. My heart hurts to any man or woman that’s endured this hell.
Notice how you said the first time. Maybe the second , third … it was shocking until it wasn’t …. It was now common . The inner feeling of betrayal is still there though… but there so much paint layers over it …. Almost is like frozen….
@@SergioGarcia-qn3zq like an animal in captivity, after a while its all you know and it becomes normal. Freedom becomes the unknown and scary option while captivity is the familiar, safe choice
I can relate as well I know what you mean …. I applied no contact…and told her it was the best choice for me…then she appears at my house two days later… then we went at it again..then one night she looks at me and says…. “I don’t know about this… but I’m just going wing it..” .. I paused … and said to myself… she will be ghosting me again … two months passed… the all of the sudden… a message … “ I hope you are doing well in life… since I haven’t heard from you I realized and respected what you once said about what is better for your health. I’ll always remember you..hugs”… I was like wait what… so the fact that you haven’t heard from me was of what I said …??… is shifting the blame and taking no accountability…
Wow. The only video that I’ve seen that describes, informs, and explains the narcissistic relationship experience. This is pure gold…it is extremely valuable to know more about this disorder. I pray for all of the people watching this to consider what the rest of your life will look like if you choose to stay because of the pre-meditated “good times.” They’ll never be back. You are choosing to give up a future because the past was “so good.” It will get worse, it will end in a fiery inferno…go now.
The best thing a narcissist can do for you is discarding you, but you're too busy questioning where you went wrong to realise your life has been spared. Now that I have a better understanding of what narcissism is, I feel so happy that my ex lost interest in me.
me too ! I was dumped for a taller and better looking guy. Didn't end well for him, he was a wreck after 2 years with her, his gym maxed physique turned into over weight and tired looking. They were engaged after 6months and were trying for a baby. I've seen her in town and she still tries to hoover me back in. Thank god for people like HG making me see what she was. I knew something wasn't right, but didn't think it wouldnt be unfixable. That's how they get you, you think with "love" and all the trimmings, it will make it work.
exactly I was like why me??you know "where is that sweet sexy Godess??" why she left all of a sudden ....I knew/realised she was toxic ,but due to loneliness/misery I felt like going back, its almost an year and I'm still recovering (god what an impact she had ofc my relationship lasted 4 years so it will take time) ,this video made my way clear and opened my eyes plus thanks for your comment buddy cuz right now I feel blessed cuz that demon spared me , its actually a gift.!!!!
@randomcomputer7248 i had a relationship for 7 years. I wasn't the same after it, physically and mentally. I looked like a sad skeleton with no self-worth and confidence. In recovery mode right now...
@@Champman543 You cant understate how dangerous these people are. She admitted to once she had a dream where I was going to throw myself off a bridge etc. She would have loved it if I had done that over her. These people are evil and non human, they are anti human. She may not stab someone to death, but they kill you psychologically. They are a kind of vampire and feed of your very lifeforce. This stuff should be taught in schools. People need to be VERY careful of who they partner up with.
You just described my relationship with one of the most evil women I’ve ever known. I swear, she was your case study for this video. Fortunately, I’ve escaped from this insane woman!
I managed to break free from this type of relationship. Was even feeling ashamed and guilty for leaving her and started to lose myself and thinking I'm going crazy... But after watching this video i feel so much better... Everything makes sense now. Thank you!
Remember everyone, God first. Relationships are not for emotional vulnerability. Relationships are for mutual appreciation and goodness. If someone's not doing their part, let them know at some prudent point. And, remember, God first. Move on when a relationship is not showing worthyness.
Wow, going through the comment section after watching this is a breath of fresh air. Knowing that we're not alone in the things we went through, and the fact that the things that happened to us ARE in fact signs of an unhealthy individual, is comforting. I'm glad to be out of that relationship, but to those that are still in this type of relationship, please, get out. If you need help or need someone to talk to, reach out here, me or someone else would be glad to reach out one on one.
How would someone be able to leave if they have a business with a narcissist wife? If I were to leave I'd have no income. I'd essentially have to start at 0. I'd give my left leg to leave, but don't particularly want to be homeless either.
Thank God she not in your life creating chaos. I pray someone arrives to you, as noble as you that loves you and cares for you. I had one , but I was the one with the kids , that didn’t even live with me. Went above and beyond still wasn’t enough. Left me broken took 5 years to finally get over her , been 7 years since she left still haven’t found anyone else. Like the lady said crushed me and left me confused. And that I’ll never find anyone like her. Which is good but still haven’t found a partner am sure you’ll be different. I have PTSD from childhood trauma, I think is that. Best wishes friend
Similar situstion. I accepted her horrific trauma filled past, all her baggage including a failed marriage that didn't even last a year, paid 100% of the dates, took her to places and experiences she's never had, treated her better than all her abusive exes etc and she ended up ghosting me while in a relationship. Never said we were breaking up, never hinted she wanted out, she just blocked me everywhere without a word and immediately got on dating apps.
Once you know you're in a relationship with a female narcissist and you watch a few videos like this about their behaviors. You realize how one dimensional they are. It's surface with them there's really nothing to them besides these horrible characteristics. It breaks your heart to know that there is no future with them like you thought in the beginning. Again, it is uncanny how predictable they become, it's like their all reading the same narc Manuel.
Absolutely.there must be a narc school they go too.once I realize what they are by how they act I always say ,fucking change the script once and awhile.but you're simplicity shows me that it's time for you to go.laters!
After a very messed up, but thankfully short, relationship with a narcissistic woman I find myself noticing a lot of these areas during the beginning stages of it. Thank you for this.
My wife says she can and will do better. She even threatens me with this guy adam she met at work. She even told me that she asked Jayson from work if he had any single friends. She now is talking to guy behind my back. She blames me for cheating w her friend which I never did. I slept on her couch and honestly told my wife I slept on Amy's couch. It was our mutual friend and I never had those feelings for Amy. She offered her couch up to me because my wife kicked me out and threatened to call police on me, in my own home. I'm confused because for 2-3 days we have amazing sex and very sensual and romantic 2 days event and wife tells me she is afraid IL leave her but in reality she is talking about being single w this adam guy I've never met. Some Facebook guy she talks too. She belittled me and tells me adam is more then a man then IL ever be. I'm a glassblower of 22 yrs and have many talents but I sell my self short due to the n defaming of my character. I love her but I'm being accused of cheating w her best friend when I honestly didn't even go near Amy. I thinks it Othello because she never has a fraction of evidence of all these actions I supposedly do. Home daily and she knows my whereabouts. Is my wife saying I'm cheating while she is cheating in reality??
She is labeled bipolar and pschizophrenic. If I go to the store 5 mins away.amd run into someone and chit chat , wife times me and IL talk 45 mins and she accuses me of cheating in the extra 8 mins unaccounted for. Talk about a meet, greet and sex high speed race. It just doesn't happen in warp speed. Usually only the Jabba can be pumped out in warpspeed but a sexcapade in a 9 min time frame is either a quick sex session or in reality stoned stating at candy isle for 20 mins.
After dealing with one, you realise in real life, narcissists are not the lovable or redeemable assholes Hollywood makes them to be. They’re just straight up unpleasant😂
I almost fell into this trap twice with the same manipulator. We split for good in December and she told me I had destroyed her and she would never trust again and never live with someone again. Despite saving her home and kids and destroying my health I was the villain. March 12 she announced she’s in a new relationship to a new guy and she’s presenting the same goddess and sexually vibrant and fun personality that lured me in and who vanished the minute I became her protector and savior. I think I’ve dodged a bullet.
Happy for you, bro. I was in a relationship with one for 7 years, even engaged. She broke me physically and mentally almost. Broke up with me and started dating a dude 2 weeks after. Of course, she had to tell me because it would make it "easier" for me to ler go.. She said she had no time to grieve and just wanted to be happy and beeing loved/in love. And she was only emotionally dependent and never in love with me... Well, i suppose i dodged a bullet, too.
The challenge is recognizing them up front so you don't get to the "dodging the bullet" stage. If a gal just sort of falls in your lap, beware! If they promote sex on the third date, beware! If they lavish you with unrealistic praise, beware! They should teach this stuff in schools.
My wife of 6 years just left me. I suspected she could be one, and after investigating, its been really eye opening. She was always gaslighting me if I called her out on poor behavior. She would then circle back the blame on me, for me getting upset at her. She would have outbursts. Like hot and cold. One moment she is great, the next you are the worst ever, arguing and makes you feel like the worst human. Always playing victim. Bringing you back to beg to make things normal again. The last year I began to shut down, became depressed, stopped caring, and respecting her. Felt she didn't deserve my love and respect anymore. It was a dark time in my life, and wish I would have stayed strong. I pulled away as you said. She hated my family, and was jealous or acted like she didn't care if I talked about anyone from work etc. At the end there was a lot of threatening to leave. It was always about her happiness and it was supposed to be up to me to fix it. Especially the finances, which she drove us into debt, and then claimed I was the one who needed to fix it. She even blamed me for being mentally abusive for fighting about finances, our future, and her poor behaviors. I will admit, after I gave up, I was a nasty person to her. I will take ownership for that, but so was she. She just chipped away over and over until I became this shell. They will grind you down till you have nothing left. Now we are divorcing and have to co parent. Her idea of parenting is buying him things, not spending time with him. Very shallow. My advice to anyone reading this, is if you see these signs, get out now and protect your heart. I gave it everything, until my emotional level was at zero. They will suck your happiness dry like a leech. Do not let them destroy your inner love and compassion. I became a shell of my former self. Do not let them take you there, because they will, its GUARANTEED!
It sounds like we got married to the same person. Fortunately I'm out and just in time with no kids. I wish there was some kind of way we could interact and share our experiences
I suffer the same fate... I am Filipino but there is no divorce here in the Philippines and she's attacking all the people who is around that cares about me. Including our kids..
I did a 18 year bit you described it to the tee. Because she was not the problem it's your reaction to their actions making you the problem. Gaslighting is severe emotional and mental abuse. It turned me into a raging psychotic lunatic. I mean she knew what buttons too push that I exploded like a hand grenade. I think after 18 years I became very dangerous even homicidal and when I went off in front of other people I would put the fear of God in them they would tell my eyes would turn black that like a demonic entity possessed me Currently I have a support dog Jack my shrink told me I have PTSD That I would have been better off living through 4 tours in Vietnam. He has me on Diazepam and Lorazepam. I go in and out of reality and still talk to myself but I don't hear voices anymore more but hear sounds that are not there ,people think I'm having a intellectual conversation with my dog. The Term Gaslighting was derived from a 1938 British play Gaslight , in 1944 an American movie adaptation Gaslight, where a husband tries to make his wife think she is losing her mind. Guess what it worked I literally lost it. 4 drug and Alcohol rehabs , 4 Mental institutions in and out of jail for almost 9 years l was one of those inmates why people we're afraid to go to jail. I had no idea that I scared people, they would think or tell me that I was one crazy or scary person. I am a survivor of verbal, emotional, mental, and physical abuse, that had a residual effect on me that my shrink says I probably won't ever recover from. I am at peace with myself I have my dog Jack. Because I am incapable of having a normal relationship be it intimate or friendship it's a Fuckin Hard to Walk that straight line of normal line of reality!!!
My situation is exact word for word . 3 yr old daughter. I have no emotion left I don't feel bad nor good I have no more feelings. I m about to file divorce and custody and it is hard step for me but never ever I felt so dull about it before.
Ok - this woman Lise Lablanc and the 10+ videos I have watched is so clear, and compassionately strong, and Brilliantly ‘spot on’…. It has given me enough perspective to ‘move on’. Why? It will NEVER change. I have done most of the things Lise calls out, but seen things continue to deteriorate. Thank you Lise. I am certain you are changing lives! WAY more than just mine!
This video, along with many others, has opened my eyes. I left a relationship of 5 1/2 years just last month. I left by packing my car and leaving our home while she was at work to drive to another state. In this time, I've discussed the relationship in detail to many friends and family and realized who she really is. I was under everything you've explained in this video and in just a few weeks I've never felt so alive and free. This has helped me in my path to healing, thank you.
@@Warfizzle08 God bless you - the healing will begin - thank your supportive parents. Now you know what bad relationships look like you can always look forward and seek out only good relationships- good luck to you in your future.
@Axteffekt @warfizzle08 I appreciate all the support here. Since then, I've got my own place with a new job and life is absolutely amazing. I will say it's been over a month and I lose sleep a lot of nights cause I dream about her often. Only, were fighting in all the dreams but im saying all the things I wish I said when it was real. Guess it's healing in that way. I'm glad you e got your parents support. Update me or we can do a discord if you ever want to talk
I was trapped for 10 years. We were married for 7 and have a 5yo daughter. Everything you just explained is exactly what happened to me, and consequently, what she sought whilst cheating on me repeatedly. I decided to pull the plug when she became physically abusive due to her tantrums because I became aware of her tactics. It hurts still. "The axe forgets, but the tree remembers" I still have to deal with this person for the rest of my life because we have a daughter. I hope I can heal and move on with my life without staying resentful.
dude, don't be over dramatic. raise your kid, don't worry about her. you are already planning to have her bother you forever. man up and forget about her.
You’ll be fine brother , fuck this dam females I’m also going through this B.S right now and I’m ready to move on !!! I’m getting older and I can’t stand this mofo !!! I tried my best to be the best dad and hubby no more !!
Well explained. If you are a real man with integrity who want to protect your love who needs help, be very careful. Give it to the right person. Test her before trusting her. Good women are rare as good men
This sums up my 22 years of marriage perfectly; got to the point of being completely, utterly shelled out and broken. I had no ideas left to try and no energy to try them with. She discarded me when my brother passed away and then when she gave me the silent treatment for three days whilst my mum was fighting for her life on a life support machine - on Mother’s Day, only 4 months after my brother died - I snapped and the feeling was just a cold resignation. I left her, to never return.
Good for you man! I left my ex wife almost 4 years in, I couldn’t do it anymore. What I was glad about is that she stopped attempting to reel me back in when she realized it was futile. I hope yours left you alone too.
23 Years here, Similar circumstances. Amazing that they take so long to drain everything then discard you. You will be better one day, but Narcissist PTSD is real. One day you will be filled again...Find purpose in your path!
@@curlyone2275 They are just lesser variants of the sociopath/psychopath...they formed these personalities (for lack of a better word) in childhood. Without self-awareness they stay that way for life, and because they look at their EGO as their actual full being, something to be protected as if it meant their very life, ultra rare is the one of them that ever evolves to heal even slightly. So when it comes to who is BETTER OFF generally speaking it is the co-dependent. When they heal they move to being an empath. Eventually the empath can even reach the FINAL FORM (hah) the MindMaster! When you have reached that stage you can even take one of these narcs and re-program them pretty effectively by smashing their false ego and setting them free to allow some healing from their childhood wounds. IF you think you can pull this off when you are still healing from your own childhood wounds, STOP thinking such silliness. You have to heal yourself first FULLY!
@@opopopop6286 "MindMaster" Need to look that one up. Yes...I have expanded my Spiritual ability to a form that have never achieved before since my detachment from my wife. I followed a Guru when I was a younger man until I met my then Wife. I experienced things had never before while on my somewhat forced Baptist path by my family. I know...sacrilegious, but actually was experiencing what felt like God and a very loving sense until I was fuck bombed not love bombed by my Narc. She was beautiful and sexual...a Scorpio if you ever look at that. She wanted everything from me. Took me away from my family, my friends, and only allowed me to exchange with her family. When I was totally empty from the discard, I asked the Universe for music because of my and my family's history of it. I hadn't touched my guitar in 24 years. I hadn't been spiritual for about that long either. Once I turned those things back on, I achieved a level that have never been before. so...Yes, I am more of an Empath then have ever experienced. I do date but not really any relationships as far as multiply sexual partners. Unfortunately, there seems to be many Narcissists that are hungry for supply, and I see it right away!
At 80 years old I don't normally engage (or click on) this sort of thing anymore. Like so many other comments here... you exactly described my ex-wife and myself during that 7 year relationship. Wow. After it failed, I lived alone for a few years, then, older and wiser, hooked up with a woman who was/is the almost exact opposite of her. (How could I have been so lucky). We have been together for 40+ years now. I have always called her the "most unromantic, romantic woman I have ever met" (I hope that makes sense). After watching this video alone, I re-watched with my wife, followed by a great conversion about it. Thank you!
Thank you sir. At half your age (40 in a few months) I pray that I can be as lucky with an amazing woman that I can get to spend the rest of my life with. God bless.
36 years old. Married a bombshell crazy narcissist at 19 divorced at 21. When we were dating in high school I met her neighbor who was the exact opposite . Quiet smart beautiful and highly intelligent. Through a lovely twist of events we got together in 2010.
OMG, when the PHIL part came on screen, the hairs on my neck stood up. My soon-to-be-ex who I am convinced is a covert narcissist routinely said that she loved me because I was a "hero" (I worked in national security) and that I protected her, made her feel safe and had a level of integrity she'd never experienced before. She literally used the PHIL model to explain her attraction to me. Everything else you're saying is dead-on as well. Man, I wish I'd known all this at the time...could have saved myself 15 years of drama and heartache.
Same here. This video is chillingly accurate. It helps to know we're far from being alone in falling prey to these thoroughly evil creatures. If only we'd known at the time but at least Lise has helped us to fully understand what actually happened. All the best to you and I hope you are over it. Took me years to live it down.
I’ve been watching narc exposed videos from Dr. Ramani, Lisa Kudrow, Psychopath exposure all them for over a year and this is the most dead on one I’ve seen. I definitely wanna show my friends this video if and when appropriate to share what I went through...
This... was mind-blowing. A literal step by step description, from start to finish, of my last relationship. Seriously, it was eye-opening and a bit scary at how completely accurately it described, in 11 minutes, the last seven and a half years of my life.
When dealing with narcissism, you should know that it’s not personal. “It isn’t personal” is one of those cliches used to cushion all kinds of bad actions taken by people who need an out for being immoral, but in this case it's truth. Narcissists don’t know how to love; they can’t afford to spare the energy to learn, because they’re always in a state of high emergency, cataloging potential threats and redoubling their defenses. When they claim to love you, it means nothing. They may even think they mean it, but they don’t understand the concept - they can’t feel it. They never attach to you or anyone else. Other people are paper cut-outs to the narcissist, like those cardboard figures of celebrities you pose next to for a selfie. Narcissists value their own children only as mirrors of themselves. Loads of them brag about being a good parent and seek compliments for that only to hide their masks. When they destabilize you or attack you, it means nothing. They are stuck in an endless conversation with themselves, in which you are an inanimate object, to be assigned their own faults and used as a surrogate punching bag for their hatred of themselves. When they toss you out, it’s no more meaningful than a junkie tossing away a needle; when they try to reel you back in, it only means that they tired of the new drug and need a hit of the old. None of this is personal. They’re too terrified to have close personal relationships, opting instead for extraction of admiration from a subservient partner whose range of action they strictly constrain. This is not personal. None of it. The narcissist does not know who you are - it doesn’t know how to know other people. Like the vampire or the chainsaw-wielding creature in the horror film, it’s from another world, bereft of the concept of human connection. Moreover, People wonder why they end up hurt, seriously hurt, and even killed for their own actions. ' - Cara Lee
Yup! This just described the 26 year marriage that I divorced and left, I didn’t even know what a covert narcissist was until a family member told me about it, they sought 26 years before my marriage ended, but I didn’t see it until the last two or three years, this is a great video! Watch out for covert, narcissist man, most of them are actually women, men tend to just be good, old-fashioned narcissists, but this is scary accurate. You don’t see it coming when they’re smiling and cuddling with you, and holding you like a loving relationship should be, it blind you from what’s underneath the waves, and the Toxicityof their behavior
Amazing! You have described the last 44 years of my life being obligated to care for someone who is physically, mentally and spiritually crippled. I am a PHIL on steroids I am sorry to state.
Wow amazingly summarised. And yup its psycho mind games galore - god help anyone in this situation. Until you finally leave you will be destroyed ! 💯❤️
We as men think we have it handled but it was me being handled. I was being broken down and it was ruining my life. I removed myself from dating and have since started taking care of myself. I lost a lot and I am recovering but I have a ways to go. Thanks for the help I appreciate it.
This really hit home for me. Finally realized I stayed in that toxic engagement because of the promises we made to each other. She knows I am a man of my word 🙆
Yep. Lise’s videos made sense why my ex-gf asked me for promises so early-on. Because I didn’t want the promises to be one-sided, I once asked her to make the same promise back. When she discarded me, she freely admitted breaking her promise and showed no remorse. I can’t do such a thing.
Having broken away from a narssiscstic partner 10 months ago I still think of her and how things might work out. Despite having learned more about narcissism, and myself. Your direct delivery is sobering, heartbreaking, and what I needed to hear.
Same brother. It’s been almost a year and I still struggle with that. In fact I’m struggling right now. These videos break my heart and every fiber in my heart wants to not believe it, not believe someone like that can exist out there. Not believe that it could happen to me. It did though :(
Wow just wow. Clarity. I couldn’t see it before, and was struggling with anger and confusion after the breakup. I couldn’t accept she was like this I think my subconscious didn’t want to admit I was deceived. But you basically described exactly how things went. Stay strong brothers.
Dated a chick like this for three months. Most emotionally intense relationship of my life. No one had ever made me feel that desired. It felt absolutely amazing. Then all the sh*t tests, head games, lies, and manipulation started. Fortunately I broke up with her before things got too serious. Based on what she had told me, I think that I was the first man to break up with her (though she may have been lying about her previous relationships). She threw an absolute fit.
You are SO lucky. My wife is covert mid-range. She started showing the junk slowly after treating me so well. By the time she fully showed herself we were already married. Literally on our honeymoon she started getting controlling and we argued so much. She was so covert that I was actually researching narcissism (her dad and ex were narcs and still in the picture because of her son so I wanted to learn more) and dismissed the signs, thinking she could NEVER be a narcissist herself, after receiving the abuse. Boy was I wrong.
This video is incredible! I’m honestly amazed at how spot-on and clear the explanation is. I've been waiting for someone to break down these patterns in a way that actually makes sense, and you’ve done it perfectly. Thank you so much, Lise-I'm really grateful! I'm definitely going to check out more of your videos. Please keep up the fantastic work.
I was in a friendship with a female covert narcissist. I think they are more dangerous than the malignant or grandiose, as they hide their true intentions. I left that friendship, and she keeps trying to revive it.
Yes. When I got married to my first wife she became another person that I didn't know almost straight away. We were both very young to get married and I should have left but didn't want to be divorced at such a young age and kept hanging in there. Big mistake, I wasted a huge chunk of my life with this person, who also had mental problems/issues that she hid. Don't waste time with these people. Your time is precious.
I was in a relationship with a covert narcissist for just under two years. She ultimately did me a favour by discarding me when she ran up against my boundaries and I dug my heels in and started pushing back, but boy was it a rough ride for me. Recovery was (and is) very difficult, and I have a lot of pain and therapy under my belt, and your videos were a massive leap forward in the recovery process. It wasn't just that a few points matched, but you may as well be describing my ex t o a tee. When I was listening to you speak, I kept expecting her name to come up. And not just in one video, but all of the videos on female covert narcissists that you have posted. I won't go into details because so many already have; but everything from the love and sex bombing, to making her ex-husband out to be a narcissist and a villain (until one day I noticed she was doing to me all that she claimed he did to her) to every other trait, behaviour and tactic you describe, down to the timeline and progression of our relationship through the narcissist cycle. I was lucky; around the time this all went down I was offered a job in Paris. Moving to a new city and a new country was extremely helpful in terms of taking myself away from all the places, people and things that reminded me of her. But thank you for these videos. When I came across these, I felt seen; I felt understood. And that helped me get out of some of the emotional vicious circles I find myself in, and am finally starting to move forward with the rest of my life, with any ties to her removed like one would excise a tumor. I thought that as a 40-something man I'd been around the block a few times, but this was my first experience with a narcissist and it was absolutely soul-destroying. Thank you for these videos. You are helping a lot of men find themselves again.
I hear you, loud an' clear. If you are a normal, old fashioned guy, a PHIL that is,no rounds around the block can prepare you with an experience with a NPD woman. Or even a BPD. I was unlucky enough to have both, in succession ...Still trying to find my balance, it really unraveled me...
Well said. My story is identical of course (except the Paris bit lol) I’m 4 months free now and whenever she pops into my head I say to myself I wonder what my next though is going to be And it disappears. Good luck !
This description just sent shivers down my spine. I spent 8 months with my ex who literally did everything Lisa just described. Initially there was this crazy romance where she wanted to know everything I had to say. I told my best friend that I think I've found the one I've been waiting for. In about 2 months the criticism started. She looked at my closet and said the clothes aren't good enough. She is in fashion so she bought me a bunch of clothes. I thought she was doing it because she cared but I now realize she was embarrassed to be seen with me wearing what she didn't approve of. There was criticism every few days and we had arguments every two weeks. But as soon as we finish an argument she would hug and kiss and tell me how she's the bigger person because she came to hug without realising that she started the fight for no reason. There were no apologies for screaming, cursing and even physically pushing me around. Everything that she told me she didn't like, she did. She made me stop talking to one of my closest friends because she is a girl. She had issues with almost all my closest gfs. She called me lazy. She accused me of things I didn't do and when I PROVED that it didn't happen, are flipped it around and said I was too into right and wrong and I should care about where she was coming from. There was absolute gaslighting to a point I was wondering wtf was going on! I didn't do much for her birthday and she was full of RAGE. I have never seen anyone be this angry about a birthday at 36 years of age. Even my 7 year old doesn't behave like this. It was non stop you don't make me feel special. Even after I pointed out the abuse, after asked me when was I going to take responsibility for the fact that I didn't fulfill her needs and she only REACTED to what I did to her. Basically, she hit me and it was my fault because I didn't make her feel special which triggers her anxieties. I still cannot believe I went with it. I have trauma from the relationship which I'm still trying to proceed
Everything you just wrote is identical for me also. I am literally going through being discarded and the pain is tremendous . What makes it worse is I have CPTSD from my previous ex that fukd me up gud and proper. I have MDD, Bipolar 2, and Borderline personality disorder , Demoralisation ,LLI and as of recent stress Cardiomyopathy . Nothing is been done for me and yet I am now having all my suicidal battles as I did yrs ago once again but this time im also experiencing psychosis and the sheer overwhelming feelings and thoughts im having at the moment have made me lose 21lb of weight in the past 2months. Im not eating ,I havnt brushed my teeth in over a mth and I have given myself a single bath in the past 3mths. I am losing this 7year suicidal self sabotage battle rapidly. I have been to my GP and have spoken to case workers but they arn't moving fast enough. This is not the place to feel any shsme as if anybody reading this can relate . It might just save a life. This sht is serious and when my mum last mth had a heart attack. I called her straight away in total meltdown as i dont drive. She simply told me to catch the bus and said "ahhhh shell be fine" I dont recognise my woman anymore . She used to hit me across the face ,spit at me and mess with my heart and mind on a level unimaginable. The worse bit is that 15yrs ago I got told I had around 10 yrs left to live do im actually living on borrowed time. She is not human and yet she is a financial advisor and a CEO of a charity. She took me into her £600.000.00 house in off of the street knowing I am broke already and own nothing and has absolutely destroyed whatever hope if any I had left. I sit in a room all alone with nobody to talk to now shatterd and I need help quick.
@@johny5861 Trust me- STAY AWAY FROM HER AND STAY SINGLE FOR LIFE! The best advice ever. It’s just like alcoholism, it gets much, much better with abstinence and good habits. I’ve been single for 3 years, love it. Although it took until just recently to calm down another level in order to enjoy life. It’s still going to take a while. I hope this helps.
@@cbn7239 she just told me how she was crying all day today after the night before I went to her house in the middle of the night and left her door key I had on the floor along with a flower for her to find this morning.
@@johny5861 zero contact is the only thing that works. No contact also limits how they can set you up. It is hard, but it must happen. If you are communicating with the narcissist, THEY are in control. I hope this helps. I’m 3 years away from her. She texted me several times for the first two years, which I NEVER replied.
Just 2anted to say THANK YOU. Appreciate your dedication to this very important civil discovery the Public is barely becoming aware of and the positive incentives soceity at large is brewing to escalate the toxicity.
Thanks a million. Even with my extensive academic background in Psychology I fell into the games of one such a woman. As soon as I lashed out at her, as overdue, she used all she had stored about my "weaknesses" to simply, irony here, try to deconstruct my entire personality in order to demolish not only my self-esteem, but also my self-concept. I immediately ended my relationship; I had no option but to laugh, but a man who never majored in Psychology could have ended up devastated.
I got my Masters in Psych during this relationship. I went from dumbass victim of the covert narc to playing the cat and mouse game, to using it for my own personal experiments. Lisa isn’t lying in this video
Omg ... you've summarised 30 years of my life in just over 11 minutes! Thankfully, several years ago I confided in someone who suggested I read up on NPD and coercive control. Once I understood that I wasn't a solitary victim her 'power' dissipated and mine strengthened, as I suddenly got the courage up to walk away! Having no regrets and no animosity has enabled me to move onwards and upwards and enjoy life again! ... this video serves as a reinforcement for me! Thank you Lise 🙏
The description Lise gives fits my experience to a truly uncanny degree. Guys, if you stumble into a relationship like this, get the hell out while you still have your sanity, believe me.
It’s hard for them to believe it because to them they truly believe it’s real… it’s like psychosis …. The delusions and hallucinations can become indistinguishable from reality. To those stuck in the web of narc or psychopath it all seems so real… so beautiful …. So honest true and compassionate…. Almost like … I was chosen ….. PHIL
@@SergioGarcia-qn3zq I think I read somewhere that psychopathy is incurable largely because these people do function, often very successfully, and on that self-analysis basis nothing seems to be wrong. In fact, in my experience, when you do point out that their interpretation of reality is wrong, it is immediately ingested as a threat. The relationship is then over and they move on to fresh victims. The woman I knew was a serial monogamist, married four times, kids with each. In the seduction phase they make you feel like you are glowing, and sexually I couldn't put her down! But then the head games get started and it gets worse and worse. Your self-esteem becomes drained, and like the abuse victim you keep coming back for more. There's a pent-up passive aggression (sometimes active) that gradually seeps out of them. When that happens it can be a terrible experience for the victim with recovery a long, hard battle.
This was basically like a play by play of my last relationship. Especially the sex and loving bombing in the beginning! It wasn't just like one or two things that I could relate to in this video. It was like reliving that hell from beginning to end going through each tactic she used. It was like she was given a playbook. It's been two years since I was discarded. I still haven't healed and I'm still afraid of intimacy. Feel like I have completely lost all confidence and sense of identity after 4 years of being treated like I was the scum of the earth. Thank you, Lise. This video was extremely validating
Man, been there. It was the craziest, most effective manipulation ever, and I consider myself pretty "enlightened" when it comes to the power plays in this damned world. Time will heal these wounds I believe, but surely we will be scarred forever. Scars are good reminders of the dangers tho.
@@Pajune Yeah she chewed me out and spat me out. I feel like a shadow of the man I used to be. I hear you brother. I'm sorry you got baited into dating one of these nightmare women. Nobody , regardless of sex deserves to be treated like this. Social media has definitely created a massive spike in narcissism.
@@Januii honestly man, What did it for me was finding out she is engaged to the guy she left me for . I’m just glad I got away from her. I did love her, but it was an extremely toxic relationship. I learned a lot from that relationship. Good and bad. I learned what I will and won’t tolerate in a relationship, and how to spot red flags. I learned the importance of male friendships, and not isolating when you are in pain. It’s the absolute worst thing you can do. I truly empathize with anyone who has delt with narcissistic abuse, it is absolutely no joke. Find support, own up to your own shortcomings and keep striving to be a better. Root out your childhood trauma, or make peace with your inner child. Learn to set boundaries with people. Don’t be a door mat. Read the book : “ No More Mr. Nice Guy. “ Don’t make excuses for yourself, Don’t victimize yourself. Take responsibility for your life and never sell yourself short. Always tell yourself , “no matter what happens in life, I will handle it. “ Feel your pain, embrace it and then find ways to occupy your time constructively in ways that actually better yourself. If you need help. Hire a coach. There is absolutely no shame.
We have so much more information at our disposal now. I knew nothing about mental illness going into the relationship. In retrospect, I ignored a godzillion red flags. She kept me on my heels and reeling the entire time. Before I knew it, 23 years had passed. If you see yourself in this situation and are fortunate enough to be reading this, run like hell. Don’t look back.
I think it's important to state that being protective, helpful, loving, and having integrity are good traits to have and that wanting those in a person is not in itself a bad thing. You should want your partner to have integrity and be there for you.
Absolutely... for the Narcissist, it's a way to outline a mark or chump for her, but those traits belong to all real men, though each man has those qualities at different levels.
they always find a way to question these (early on in dating, if a woman simply and flagrantly accuses me of lying, unless there's some clear confusion or communication cause, we're done). I go zero contact for dating interests who do this. Nope
I was thinking the same thing. I'm sure the men commenting have these traits and were abused by a female narcissist. I hope they understand that having these traits with a kind, appreciative, and empathetic female makes a wonderful relationship.
The amount of times I stopped this video, my mouth agape saying "Oh. My. God." is insane. Lise, I have been mightily struggling with leaving a girl I loved deeply for 8 months. One of the hardest things has been being able to recognize that I was being abused, but also feeling like she didn't do it on purpose, and seeing and knowing about the trauma she experienced in the past and how that makes her behave now. It's been heart breaking. But this video really, really helped. She did all of this, absolutely all of this to a T. And even if it's subconscious and and a result of trauma, it's still not ok. Thank you.
I had everything. A beautiful home, nice vehicles, lived in paradise, 2 beautiful children, a great job and respect in the workplace. The longer the relationship went on the harder I found it to feel happy. At the end I was forcing myself to smile when I knew I was acting. I didn't understand what was wrong with me. Now I understand completely. The partner I have now sings often while doing chores, gardening or working on the farm. She is silly and jokes around and laughs at herself often. What a journey, what a life lesson...it will never leave me and I am thankful for such an important lesson. The problem with young men is our sex drive navigates our needs and wants...this is the narcissists black magic that we cannot see. She did not joke around much, we did not laugh and smile together very much but she sure was fantastic in bed, the best sex I ever experienced. Shallow and worthless. Find yourself first so you may see others more clearly. Life is a journey, if you are not smiling and laughing while moving through life then there is definitely something wrong...is it you? It does have something to do with you, figure it out, it really makes a big difference in your ability to find happiness. Good luck to you all who are traveling this road, it can be long and very difficult. Nothing of great value in life comes easily, that is why it is so valuable and the search begins with you.
@@MdVaDc Ha ha. Of course I don't need a woman. I want a woman. I am a generous person who enjoys to share. Life is about giving dude. Not receiving. Some just don't get it but that's ok too. Enjoy your life alone keeping everything for yourself. I choose companionship. Always have, always will. I am very happy in life at this time unlike your email handle suggests but we all make our own choices, I was just describing the life lesson I received from the pretty narc. Cheers.
@chrissmall1246 I see why the woman dogged you out. Your judgemental and when someone is being nice to you you take offense to it. How does a joke email handle equate to you knowing about who I am as a person weirdo? Secondly I don't keep everything to myself you don't know what I do as a career. I see why I'm happy alone and your miserable. Their is absolutely nothing wrong with people who live a life of solitude. Their are millions of people who prefer to be alone. In your eyes that makes them greedy? Nah your just a sucker
This is absolutely spot on in every single way. My goodness. I found myself trying to figure out why this person acted this way…astral projecting into her childhood…you can’t help these people and help isn’t even the right word so I’ll use bond…you can’t bond with these people, they have to make it a game in order to protect themselves but it’ll never be about protecting you. The best thing you can do is walk away…and never go back.
My girlfriend of 10 years (from 17 - 27) never acknowledged my feelings and I 100% experienced the deterioration of confidence in my reality. I was deduced to shutting down when I had any feelings I wanted to be acknowledged. It eroded my personality and I became generally anxious and confused. I can attest to the fact that I don’t believe it was intentional, that is just the only way she knew how to operate and she would never let me explain what it was doing to me. We just broke up. 10 years down the drain is painful right now but only in hindsight have I been able to realize why I was deteriorating.
Thank you for sharing your experiences. 3 weeks out of a 2.5yr relationship, my experience of which turns out to be eerily similar to your own. Peace 🙏🏾
@nicholasbogdan5552 pulled the trigger today for good!! I feel liberated. Decided to hit the gym, and had some great conversations. These videos helped me so much to say the final goodbye:) never again will I go through this hell
I struggled for years and was so confused. My life went downhill and I was in constant depression. This video opened my eyes and gave me clarity. I think this saved my life 😭
Absolutely agreed. You can fight a full grown lion, you can fight a grizzly or you can even dare to fight UFC fighter but dealing with crazy controlling women is most difficult and challenging. They're like slow poison, daily small dosages of toxic venom kills your existence on daily basis.
I don't think that they do this consciously, nor that they often objectively analyze their own behaviors. Therefore, not, strictly speaking, 'evil'. But you are right: It never improves.
Very important to "Leave when it is safe". These narcissists will lie to the police to get revenge on you. Leave calmly and quietly, DO NOT get in an argument about it.
A woman who expects you to be a real man isn’t abusive, sorry. This modern gender ideology is getting out of hand. Why would a woman reciprocate? It isn’t her job to be the man. Her job is different. This video is nonsense.
10 years ago, I was with the woman you're talking about here. It damaged me so badly, I never want another girlfriend again. The idea of getting into another romantic relationship makes my hackles rise.
Bro I was happy and consciously single for 10 years, untill I met a woman who presented herself as my soulmate, treated me like a king and she was my queen; boy.. was I in for a ride.. Still recovering 7 months after discard.
Wow. AMAZING. Been there done that. This is 100% accurate. May I also add, she is allowed to flirt with other guys even though you will pay dearly if you flirt with other women
This hits home with me so much... I'm currently in the process of disconnecting from a 19 year marriage but it's much more of a challenge when kids are involved. I'm grateful I found a therapist to help me understand and work through my cPTSD who can also help me with the challenges that being in a relationship with a covert narcissist spouse have presented me.
It's always harder when you have kids. Was with mine for 5 years. Been split up for a year now. And I still jump when my phone goes off, cause I was so used to it being my ex calling me , about something wrong or negative going on. But I'm in a much better place , and she's somewhat pleasant to co parent with, cause she's found a whole new supply lol
relate. cPTSD is so very real for us on the flip side. I so wish I have found better attorneys, counselors, judges, and therapists. "Parental alienation specialist" just was NOT nearly enough. Watching my kids suffer (and adjust to get safe), reviewing the total failures by therapists who were inexperienced or poorly trained was painful, unnecessary, and a special form of malfeasance. Glad you have a great therapist. So important.
I broke up a few hours ago from one. This video is so incredibly accurate regarding how she acts, but also how I was/am feeling. I have to say that I noticed a red flag, which I ignored. I had a constant feeling of her being fake, but I thought it was me trying to self-sabotage a too good to be true relationship.
That was amazing. you described my relationship with a female narcissist to a t. Unbelievably accurate.The best part is it makes me feel so much better to hear this from someone who understands.
Holy shit this is scarily accurate. I’m currently going through a divorce with his female covert narcissist 14 years I spent being abused and manipulated by her. This is absolutely eerily accurate I will be checking out your coparenting with a covert narcissist video thank you very much. This video really helped me.
This was a bombshell to my awareness! I was married for 18 years and it progressed exactly as Lisa describes it, until my divorce just over a year ago. It had become unbearable. I wish I'd seen this video years ago and awakened to what was going on. My ex also exhibits 9 out of 10 of the anti-social personality disorder characteristics that Lisa describes in her video on that subject. With that combination, the stress even affected my health and heart beat! I'm just glad to still be alive, liberated again, healthier and much more aware.
My ex used all of these tactics. She was later diagnosed as a psychopath. I've read and heard in several different places that every psychopath is also a narcissist. Hearing this, I tend to believe it.
Having lived thru this, I can say this is very accurate. They build you up at first like you are exponentially more unique than anyone they have ever met, and then slowly eroding you, finding nothing but fault with you, and everything about you. They will insult you, triangulate you with other people, make you feel like you are replaceable, like they have had not only better than you, but way better than you and they make sure you know it. Essentially they are shitting in your face, because that is their end game, everything else they do is all geared to set you up for this. When you finally break free from them, stay that way! Don't ever give them the time of day....its the only way to stay free of them.
I've survived 4 years with a covert NPD, the insidious nature of the manipulation is unreal. It took one day of seeing myself in the mirror to realise I didn't recognise the person I saw in the mirror. I used to work in mental health rehab with PD cases, told her when we first started sating I wouldn't be in a relationship with a PD. More fool me, she lied about having a diagnosis until we decided to call it a day. Please if you find yourself in this situation, leave. No matter the cost, please leave and don't look back.
Man everyone says they stay for the kids. I did the same thing. But you don't have to. It's not good for the kids either to stay in that relationship. One day she will leave and say you were abusive. If you don't continue to always let her have her way. She would rather live under a bridge than to not be the center of attention.
This is what I’m stuck on. My kids Love her so much, and I love them. She has undermined me so many times, that I’m the “bad guy.” She has actually had me convinced that I’m the problem. She calls me selfish and a narcissist. So, I started looking into it here, and found quite the opposite. I was married before with 2 kids for 10 years (got married very young, and we grew apart) Met her like a year after I got divorced (it was very fairytale like) we dated for three years and got married. My daughters from the first marriage were very involved in our lives, as my ex and I had joint custody. We have currently been married for 17 years with three children of our own and it is heavily implied that our marriage is failing because I’m the problem. And it’s because in her mind, I’m not really living up to this unrealistic standard. So it has been very much on my mind that I must be the problem since I have “failed” at 2 marriages. But, what I am learning is that it appears to be the sort of woman on attracted to. My mother was very cold and distant to me.
This clears everything up! I was struggling a while in this relationship being super confused and everything, constant guilt tripping, she needs constant validation, it's so exhausting, it's to the point ive gotten numb to her feelings as horrible as that sounds. I need to break things off
incredibly accurate! I needed to hear this BEFORE I married my ex. I didnt even know what a narcissist was! Glad I got out! took 3 years but finally realized what I was dealing with without even know in it was a thing. I am proud of myself! but man at a huge cost. WORTH IT!!!!
WOW, Lise. The most concise and accurate description of a female covert narcissist I have listened to yet in my two year quest to understand what seems like pure and utter madness. After being married thirty two years and raising two children whilst dealing with this passive aggressive, crazymaking behavior I have finally calmed most of my raw emotions and understand that this sickness cannot be cured. Thank God that He gave me the insight and self control to set the calm, stable example for my children while going through the fiery trials each day. While I stood firm during my wife losing emotional control, I caught hell each time because she could not drag me into the trauma and drama no matter how hard she tried. This only occurred behind closed doors , of course, as her public persona was always squeeky clean and saintly altruism. As soon as we got home she dumped the garbage out on her family and bullied our son since she could not get me to crack. My health has been bad for the past five years as she continues to emotionally suck the life force out by constantly berating me and claiming that I have been the source of all her problems- never acknowledging her disregulated emotions and unresolved past conflicts from before we met. I have depleted much of my savings going to doctors which have told me that nothing is wrong. I hope I am close to my escape but, that anchoring process takes some time to untangle the knots in the rope meant to slowly choke you to death. I covet the prayers of all who have been through this nightmare that I may escape. Thank you. Jeffrey Z.
A very good morning to you and Namaste. I have been in a long distance relationship for 6 years. For 5 years we didn't have any physical relation. She always get angry in small things and say very personal things about me. After 4 years I broke up with her and she cried very badly . So I felt bad and patched up with her after 7 months of break up. After that things were improved and I thought it would last this time. But in every 2-3 months , she again insults me again with personal insecurities. I am a veterinarian and a phD scholar and she recently got a high salary govt Job.But she repeatedly tells me that I am a illiterate. When I defended me saying that I can't be an illiterate while doing my phD, she says all the things like before..... like I won't be a professor in my lifetime (my goal), I will be a jobless, my degrees won't have any use , I don't have a job so I am doing phD, why x y z (my rivals) don't like me, she had a problem with my locality, my belive system, my ideology n many more... This time I am willing to pull myself away from the relationship, and she is trying to keep me with all the emotional words and being a victim of my behavior. I am confused . Please tell me what should I do . One sentence reply would also be a help. Please 🙏🙏🙏
Your story is much like my own (37 years), my kids are all grown and it is way past time to move along and enjoy what life I have in me left. I pray you leave before real serious medical issues arise, I'm a 6-time widow maker champion, most won't survive the first. I just have God to give glory to and am thankful every day. Best of luck to you my friend, I hope it all works out in your favor.
Find your peace in a higher power and exercise it daily. Recognize that no amount of effort on your part can heal this sickness. When you are strong enough and have collected together the pieces of yourself to some degree, find a way to move on. I will keep you in my prayers as this helps me too. Good luck!
Jeffrey, you have been so unselfish to bear this for so long. Like me (30 years married) you realise this is literally killing you. I left a house I’d hugely financed and faced being the talk of the country, but that’s better than not being around at all. I’ve never told anyone outside my two adult children that their dad showed me he truly hated me when the mask slipped more and more often. Through it all I kept my composure too but you must get away as soon as you can. I live in a smaller house now but I can look forward to going home. If you research more, you will read that many people who lived with NPDs have had illnesses disappear once they escape their toxic partners. 🙏
The best description and summation of this deeply damaged type of person that I have ever seen on UA-cam. Never delete this video, it will be a valuable reference for thousands of people.
Wow! Wow! I just ended a 2 year relationship with the woman she describes in the video. Like so many other guys below, I thought I would be able to spot and avoid narcissists. I'm amazed how naïve I was. I'm going to watch this again before entering any new relationship.
Thank you for making these videos. I left my last relationship feeling a bit confused like I was the problem and watched one of your videos on the same topic. And wow it all made sense. Really puts it in perspective.
Crazy how true this is. Only experienced this sort of relationship once but I will never forget those 2 years of hell. Props to anyone that got out and returned to happiness 🤗
1:51 "If you are in a relationship with a female covert narcissist there is no happy ending."
I beg to differ. Getting rid of her is a happy ending!
Lol
🤣😂🥂🥂. aMEN!! When they leave it’s so hard to date! I keep trying and say…nah! I met nice people but can’t move to the next step!! I need to move to the met friends app. I don’t want sec or anything from people!! Humans are shallow and so many are super sick!
In the long run, absolutely...just have to resist ever going back and move on with life!
Wow , you described Harry’s wife !
I’m in this boat. I love her. But. The narcissist in here is too much. Especially coming from a vet who loves to fight. Like bro. At least pick a pusy
Men - this is gold! We’re taught girls are sugar and spice and everything nice, so to think that a psychological abuser can be packaged like a pretty girl defies our logic. You’re not gonna get this info in couples therapy. That will just be used as another vehicle to make you think you’re the problem. It took me 60 years and UA-cam channels like to this understand it. Hopefully this kind of content will save young men from the same fate.
I doubt it though! 😅😅
You see a sweet girly face and it's as if you can't even fathom the manipulation and cruelty they commit.
gogo, thanks for sharing this. It’s true what you say. I’m hard wired to protect, but I have this cognitive dissonance because what I want to protect, I think in my mind “needs” protection. In reality, I’m the one needing protection from her and her behavior. There’s so many layers to this thing.
It is incredible that if a man uses a term which is derogatory towards a woman he is called sexist, but not so if it is the reverse. It shows just how sexist our society has become.
@Steve Morley Probably many men do what you are saying. But you can't deny how lopsided things have become in the past 7 years. Look up "how a man attracts/keeps a woman" and then do the reverse search just to see how lopsided it is. Or "man up" compared to "woman up" or "a man should provide" and "a woman should be in the kitchen". I can go on. And precisely horror films nowadays have a lot fewer women dying. And you didn't answer for all the other stuff I put about the woman being the stupid one in the relationship etc,.., But obviously it is so important for you to be right that you block out anything which puts your point in question.
The “abusive ex-boyfriend” who “also did that” is a frequent and effective tactic of hers.
Yeah I heard that a lot. "You're just like him".
Again OMG YES ! " He was an Narcissist" she would say
Good point, in my case it was a whole lifetime starting with grandpa. Believable at the time. They get sympathy/love, trust, and a promise to be different to protect her.
He used to beat me and cheat on me, this made her really hurt. He pushed himself on her, she didn't love him and wouldn't stay with him. 6 years later, she loved him and was happy and would have stayed if the police and social services would take the kids if they stayed in a relationship. That told me im not in fact the love of her life or the only person she's ever wanted to marry. The abuse is like nothing I've known. I've been around, served as infantry soldier in Northern Ireland and this narcissist abuse is the worst thing that's ever happened to me. Pure evil. I hope karma is real.
The abusive ex boyfriend she never stops talking to even though he forced her to do all kinds of terrible things
These types of videos make me appreciate my wife even more. She is the opposite of this.
It’s good to hear there’s normal women out there. I married an overt for 7 years then recently got out of a 1.5 year relationship with a covert like a week ago.
I’m gonna stay alone for awhile after this one
God bless you and your family dude ❤
@@treydudleywish you the best brother
congrats mate
I dated a woman who fits the mold of a narcissist. I went thru the exact ordeal. My gf now has been consistently nice for 7 years. A truly good person. I'm so grateful
If you ever notice that you are doing things for her that you can't imagine her doing for you...walk away. Even if she isn't a clinical narcissist, she is a society-made narcissist and it doesn't really matter what diagnosis they have - if she acts like a narc, you want to get as far away as possible.
Says the narc.
@@RobertWhite1 Yes, you are self-interested.
exactly, Coach Lee!
Only issue is not everyone knows how to get out.
I live in Orange County, CA - this should be required listening for men before they decide to live here!!!
When you're IN this kind of relationship, you feel like "this is just the way things are." Then someday when you're with a mentally healthy partner, you can see how wrong and abusive it all was.
My mum always told me that all families were like ours. Maybe she even believed it.
Im to old for the second part... and way to broken... glad you found out atleast. ❤
Exactly this.
@@mikaellindqvist5599My MIL just met someone and got married at 77 yrs old.
@@mikaellindqvist5599Me too. Been here for 37 years. Trapped by circumstances. Children first, now grandchildren.. 😢😢😢😢
My rule of thumb in relationships is that if you don't feel good about yourself in the relationship or if the person doesn't make you feel good about yourself then you need to step out. That's really the make or break test.
That's great advice
That's what she said "make me feel good, dame it"
When I was in college and before I even heard of such a thing as " cluster B," a gf told me it was better to have people who bring you up and make you feel good about yourself, instead of having people who just bring you down, like her sister and her boyfriend over there.
Idk how it turned out for the sister but I thought it was a wonderful concept and believed in it, even though, I still became ensnared with a person whom I had admired from afar for twenty years. I was with her for 15 miserable years before I learned about narcissism.
After serving me well for many years, I forgot all about that good advice, which I had used as a rule of thumb, and got swept off my feet. Well, I'm alone now and with much better company. I have no doubt that if given the chance, and I were to break " no contact," I would fall prey to the trauma bond. What a fine kettle of fish.
Yes, exactly,it's that simple.
How you feel about yourself ought not to be influenced or determined by the actions of others.
Many years of heartache and suffering and this sums it all up. Thank you so much for posting this. It’s been five years since the divorce, and I’m still trying to put it all back together. Men are rarely thought of being victims of domestic abuse because often the scares left by women are invisible…..Fellas, if you EVER hear the line, “I’m sorry you feel that way”, run.
“The only thing worse than being in an abusive relationship is being in an abusive relationship one more day”
Just wow!
That is a 👌🏼 one-liner.
I'm in one because she's holding the kids hostage...to divorce her would tie up the money I need to pay for my kids college as every cent she gets will be spent on her and her alone.
@@foofighter5509 defend yourself brother
This i agree ...waoh just waoh..people are toxic out here...Jesus Christ
@@foofighter5509 fight for your kids but do not leave yourself behind!All the best
I spent several years dating a female like this. I never thought I would be that guy. I always thought I would know if someone was deceiving me and would be able to walk away if she did. Be careful fellas. This stuff is absolutely real. I’m still in the process of recovering from it and working on myself to one day be ready for a healthy relationship. Thank you for this video, very well done.
Exactly! It's absolutely insane how can someone with high awareness (self proclaimed) still be played like a fokken broken banjo.. Got the same shit, but was lucky it didn't last for too long. For me It's been two years, but still recovering. No way I'm getting into relationship especially now that I have grown even more aware, and can sense even better the instability in the people around me.
I broke up with a girl this past October but was only with her 16 months. She mistook me being "nice" for being able to manipulate me. I started seeing the red flags early but I used her "boo hoo I'm always a victim" stories to feel empathy. If she wasn't a total smoke show and didn't legitimately like a lot of the same stuff (crossfit, guns, hiking, etc), I would have dumped her a lot sooner. I fell for a mirage. The hurt doesn't go away. I still get anxiety on dates. I still have thought of "well maybe if I did this, it would have worked out." No. If I would have layed down, then I would have been hurt even more if/when she decided it was time to replace me. Hope you are recovering.
You’re not alone man. It’s gets better over time. Also, don’t be afraid to get therapy. I know you may think you don’t need it or that you can do it in your own, but for real it helps give you the tools and understanding to fight the battle. It helped me.
@@Pajune played like a vokken broken banjo... Bro that hit me so good hahahaha sy het my gespeel soos n gebreekte vokken banjo.
Yeah bro same thing. I always felt I'd recognize but I didn't and 14yrs later I've started the very difficult healing process...it's been a long hard road and still have a long ways to go. I was sooo good to her and it was never enough nothing ever made her happy. All she did is persecute me for being me, she'd accuse me day and night of filth, she demanded constant attention and admiration and gave me none. Once I realized what was actually going on I could stop blaming myself. For years I told myself it's my fault I just need to change but in reality I was a wonderful man and I loved her completely and faithfully. Now I have to learn to love myself, I've never been so broken in my life and she could care less all that matters to her is how ppl view her....how could she do this to me I'll never know the worst part is is that I've been slipping away from my 2 sons 11yr and 8yr the wounds are still so fresh I can't breath yet.
I hope one day when I am healed and delivered I can help other men through this very painful process and better yet teach men how to recognize the signs and act on courage and get out before the damage is done.
I feel like I've been so abused that women can see right through me and think to themselves he's just another single dad full of wounds and scars. I'm 37yrs old never thought it was possible that I'd be so broken the thought never even occurred to me it was possible.
Father in heaven forgive me
Peace n blessings
"There is no happy ending" i love that she said this. You cant change a narcissist so you either leave or have an awful go of it.
I once heard my therapist say that expecting a narc to change is like trying to change a tiger into a kitten by petting it.
I'm trying to convince a friend of this. A life of misery is not worth it.
@@bluetopguitar1104 im that person but not in a position to leave. Power to you for being a guiding light for your friend!
I was strong enough to finally leave my ex, but we have a 3-year old daughter, I can't leave my ex completely unfortunately...now my concern is for how my daughter will be affected by my ex's traits...
Same here! I have 2 sons ( 2yo & 4yo) and we all live together. My depression from all of this has caused me to miss a lot of financial opportunities leaving to seek and settle for non-stressful manual labor jobs in order to make ends meet. I'm secretly planning my exit by putting up w/her behavior and stashing money so I can get in position to buy a house for me and my boys. I have no other options so this is the only way out for me 😔@@itismadalin
Yeeeeea... needed this one. In all honesty i've been having a gut feeling about most of these feelings but it's a little crazy to actually hear someone say it and confirm what i've been feeling out loud. Glad to know I wasn't losing my mind, thank you for the epiphany. Truly, I needed this more than you knew.
Of course they constantly act as the "victim" and constantly claim you're the villain. Because "You are only rebellious in the eyes of those who can't manipulate or control you."
I’ve been around so many narc women it never ends i alwasy ended up with them or was involved with them ! Dream world sucks !
@@Tigerdreama. You must come to the realization that none of it was personal....Narcs don’t know how to love; they can’t afford to spare the energy to learn, because they’re always in a state of high emergency, cataloging potential threats and redoubling their defenses. When they claim to love you, it means nothing - they can’t feel it. They never attach to you or anyone else. Other people are paper cut-outs to the narcissist, like those cardboard figures of celebrities you pose next to for a selfie. Narcissists value their own children only as mirrors of themselves. Loads of them brag about being a good parent and seek compliments for that only to hide their masks.
When they destabilize you or attack you, it means nothing....They are stuck in an endless conversation with themselves, in which you are an inanimate object, to be assigned their own faults and used as a surrogate punching bag for their hatred of themselves..
When they toss you out, it’s no more meaningful than a junkie tossing away a needle; when they try to reel you back in, it only means that they tired of the new drug and need a hit of the old. None of this is personal....
They’re too terrified to have close personal relationships, opting instead for extraction of admiration from a subservient partner whose range of action they strictly constrain. This is not personal. None of it....
The narcissist does not know who you are - it doesn’t know how to know other people. Like the vampire or the chainsaw-wielding creature in the horror film, it’s from another world, bereft of the concept of human connection. . .
@@Tigerdreama. To continue, If you think they..are the one that ' made' you feel then you are still under their control, you're still wrapped up in their neverending inner delusions/dar-k-ness, and you learned nothing. The truth is, you were loving YOURSELF the entire time you were interacting with them as they were doing nothing more than mirroring you at the start, there is nobody inside them in the first place, therefore there was nobody for you to love but yourself...(as they themselves are incapable of true empathy/love). ..
Stating that they made you feel is like saying a robot made you feel, or an empty soda can made you feel. And in the same way it's completely ridiculous to think a Narc made you feel anything...As they were doing nothing more than mirroring you in the beginning...Based on a lie and you cannot truly feel for lies.
They are completely incapable of processing their emotions, they don't know how to. And that is why when you state that you love them they greatly resent it, they turn you into an enemy and play their games. Because inside they ask themselves- " how can you possibly love this ? '
Unless you get over these massive hurdles and understand the bigger picture of Universal spiritual truths in your relationships then you will never be the truly empathic powerful loving spirit being you truly are to love the world/heal the world. .. Much love !
@@Tigerdreama. To absolutely des-troy a Narc with EASE, All anyone has to do is lookup - 'Gaddis The Ayahuasca Wave', and have them read that whole page over and over again.. There is nothing they can say or do after that., And their BS is out of your beautiful life forever !.... ;)
I never ever thought I’d heal after 2 years of grieving, now I’m healed! She’s crazy and disgusting too
12 years in.
It NEVER gets better.
Can’t escape because of kids.
It’s a sad existence.
Run if you still can RUN !!!!!!
I'm 12 years in too. She is not a terrible narcisisst but it's enough to steal my joy from time to time. Not sure if she loves me or loves possessing me. Hot or cold depending on the day.
Agreed.
Im in the same boat mate over in australia. I have one child who is now 14. Ive had to walk away from both the mother and the daughter. Not for me, she was using the child to get to me, and causing the child stress. I know now i will never speak to my ex or have another interaction with her as long as i live.
I guess there is certain level of absurd and toxic environmment where ptotecting kids being out of relationship gets better than in it.
Think, then strongly prepare if you go this way...
The kids are watching man. They're learning about how to act in personal relationships. You don't want them to make the same sacrifices for their kids do you? They're very perceptive. I often tell people that a npd can never be happy but a codependent can heal. Kids deserve at least one healthy and truly happy parent. Leave.
Its been 33 days of no contact. You just described my ex in under 12 minutes. Im mind blown right now.
It was all a mirage, never true, being careless here is the good deed
I'm at 30 days of NC. And she lives in the same apartment complex as me.
stay strong...no contact...the manipulation will start...don't give in...we all have one life to lead...lead it free...
Nice man
65 Days NC here. That video was scarily accurate. All played out exactly as described.
When you said the, "what are your insecurities" I died a little on the inside. I knew what was coming next. She manipulated me, then tried to destroy me. With both scenarios occuring, ending in trying to devalue me as a man. Then played the Self harm card. Hot and cold , close and far, hit and miss. Moving targets for the blind.The type of feelings you write poetry about, and eventually will burn the pages those poems were penned on.
As men, we are programmed to protect and cherish girls, try to impress, be always courteous and nice, and some of us genuinely think it is our role in life to make a woman happy.
If she reacts hurt, you automatically think you didn't do the right thing.
Men, it's not your job to make her happy. She has every right to find happiness, but if it isn't with you, she is free to go.
Don't try to change who you are for her. She'll hate you for it. Stay strong. Stay men.
They use our chivalry against us. Yes men are protective over women in the same way women are protective over children. It's a terrible character trait that I seem to have luckily escaped from all my life thus far.
@@neilsun2521 Exactly.
You can be courteous and practice chivalry, but on your terms. And not for a woman who nags or complains, takes it for granted, and doesn't give anything in return.
You have to be in a position to be able to walk away. Then it works.
we may just pick another. . But when man is picky and such lady makes impression that she would be the one, then it seems situation she and noone around . Narcist prove that being alone is happy option
Tell that to police that are there number one endless narc supply.
It has taken me many years to learn you can't make them happy it has to come from within. Still it seems many men are taken advantage of and not appreciated. I am not saying many men can't be shits but, good guy tend to finish last in dating etc. It also appears to me that women want us to entertain them, I am not here to entertain anyone.
I’m six years divorced from a female narcissist. The break-up was hard but after a few months I found I was happy again. I now live a much happier life free from guilt. I’ve traveled the world, remodeled my house and enjoy my life without her.
Thank you for this. It was reassuring.
Eleven years for me. Best decision I ever made.
Same here
Congratulations.
Godspeed brother...
Mine has been 5 years divorced. It’s crazy how we all say we’re happier yet we’re all still here in the comments of a narcissistic video. I’m wondering if the aftermath of these people ever go away completely.
Both my parents are narcissists. Took me 28 years to stand up for myself. Run.
Went through that as a kid. They cared less about me. When the times came I cared less about them. You dont want this to happen with your wife and kids.
😁 Good on you! 😁 My mum's nabiours are narcissists. They went to the extreme and took all Their kids out of school. They seem to think that the school was bullying the children.... When it was actually her kids that were bullying people, and the teachers wanted to test her son for dyslexia or autism or something. Anyway.... She just pulled ALL the kids out of school and locked them in the house. Apparently she teaches them herself. They have grown up a little now but are still trapped in the house. They never go anywhere. They just want to controll everything and everyone. Think they own the whole street! I feel so sorry for the kids. They have been given no education, they don't know how to socialise, have no qualifications and are going to struggle to find a job. I hope they do escape when they can, and flourish out in the real world, free from narcissistic parents.
bet the narcisist is you
Both of my mine are but are becoming ever more disgruntled and non caring
You are your parent's child.
"If you're staying because you think it's love, it is not"-this hit hard. So crucial to recognize the difference between love and manipulation. 💔
Spot on.The most hurtful and devastating experience in my life. When you realise none of it was real love, it kills you.
Yep I hear you
Been there Chewie 😁
The very worst lie a narcissist will ever tell you: "I love you".
Yup and the degrade and verbally disrespect you at your lowest how could someone who's your "soul mate" be okay calling you "faggot bitch"
Once my GF had sex with me she said I love you but I think its just of the feeeling there not of my real personality. I think she liked more my looks then me.
I went into this video skeptical only to feel never more seen. This was exactly my relationship with me ex-wife. The only thing is that I did keep my promises to her and she did break me down. I sought out therapy and I prayed incessantly. I grew to understand that I was only teaching her it was okay to disrespect me and mistreat me. I started to feel the only way I could protect myself from her onslaught was to start yelling back. When I was separated from my family and couldn't tell which way was up or down....I was broken. Thankfully, in God's mercy I was reborn.
I started reading books about boundaries and I began working on myself. I realized I had taken on her problems as my own but they weren't mine to fix.
I stopped the cycle without leaving her. When she'd do her frequent daily texts and phone calls to yell at me over something that someone else did I'd respond with, "Honey I love you, but I won't talk to you when speak to me this way." *click* I'd block her number off and on during the day when she'd spam hateful texts after giving her a warning. At home, when she'd yell at me, again. It would be, "Honey, I love you and I want to resolve this with you but I won't speak with you when you talk to me like this. I'll be going to (a location) to do (some activity) for an hour and then when I come back we can talk about this again.
I set boundary after boundary and after some time it worked. Things became extremely healthy between us and were going great, but suddenly one day she split. I didn't hear from her for a few months until I got a knock on the door with divorce papers. A week later I received a letter.
Though sad, thus wasn't very surprising. I had grown, but she had not. She was no longer getting the fix she sought and didn't want to get the help she needed to be healthy.
She would come back 1 more time before the divorce was finalized. Unfortunately/fortunately the long custody dispute with crazy accusations and a poor court system took up the next few years. Once again, I was blessed with a hardship that broke me but allowed me, by the grace of God, to come out of it stronger and more equipped than I was before.
Patience, perseverance, and integrity (coupled with getting some really strong court orders 😉) has made our co-parenting relationship mostly healthy. I went through a lot to get us here and I learned a lot about communication along the way and now I have a function relationship with the mother of my daughter.
She still love bombs my daughter and I have to consistently stay on top of things for my baby girl but she's turning out okay so far.
Mom has since moved on a couple times and is now set to be married in a few months. I don't have much hope for the relationship but I am so happy to be free of my commitment to her. Chances are she's pulled in another decent man and so far my daughter says he treats her well. At this point, that is all I care about as far as he's concerned. A good step-dad is basically like having a close uncle. It also provides a different person other than myself and our daughter for her to put her attention towards.
Our relationship didn't work out in the end but I was able to stay true to my convictions and I know that I can look my daughter in the eye when she grows up and tell her I did everything I could for our family, should she ever ask. That to me makes the sacrifice worth it. I will also be grateful for the masterclass I received in growing up. For the first time in my life I'm spending time, energy, and money on......me. Thank you ex-wife. Without her I never would have learned to stand up for myself. Since then, I've stood up to some unhealthy relationships in my own family in love and firmness.....it was rocky for a few years but I changed the dynamics of multiple relationships to much healthier and respectful relationships. No longer am I easily taken advantage of.
I still have a long fuse and a lot of patience but when that fuse expires I now have tools in my tool chest for how to respond. It has been extremely helpful in my professional career as well. I work in a field dominated by women and for a long time I was pushed around for it. Not anymore, I can now speak up for myself. In fact, I did so today and it paid off.
I was broken and from those ashes reborn.
My respect to you brave man!
You didn't have to go out of your day to type this so I'm extremely grateful you did. Wasn't able to find solutions to some of the points you touched on so thank you, this really helped!
@@Fernuhdo_e Glad to hear it helped. 👌🏼
dido
Respect to you 👊🏼
I was in a relationship like this about 7 months. you're right, I was lucky, I got discarded. Had my first panic attack ever, in the middle of the night...sleeping nect ot her...no idea why. Residual panic attacks afterwards. Worked on myself a TON. Now I can spot women like this from a mile away...and instead of being drawn to them...I find them repulsive
I had the *exact* same thing happen to me brother. EXACTLY. I woke up at 1a and felt like the room was extremely darker than it usually is, i felt profoundly alone and seized with an irrational fear. And i had never had a panic attack before being with this woman. The good thing is that we’re now free…
Dude,same here on panic attacks
The body takes over I’m guessing
Yep panic attacks, your primary survival instinct kicking in.
It wasn't my first panic attack, but I remember just laying next to her crying uncontrollably in the night; praying to God to just kill me in my sleep. It's been 2 years since she discarded me after a 4 year nightmare. I am completely terrified of all intimacy now. Finding solace in men's support groups, but still completely lost identity wise.
Dude same!! The first panic attack happened as we were getting off a plane to visit my mom and family, it was the most terrible thing. I had to completely put on a mask and pretend everything was fine as we met my mom in the airport. And yeah, a lot of therapy after that. I’m finally feeling like a whole person again and I’m in such a better place.
I’m a recent survivor, I’m still in that early stage of healing that I’m laughing when you mention an exact trait or a hint of what she used to do/have/say.
Thank you, people like u made me stop blaming myself and stopped this circle of confusion and still a long journey to work on myself
All the best brother!
My adult daughter told me, "Dad, get the hell out of there!" A short time later the lady had me arrested for allegedly viscously beating her. A year later after numerous court appearances and a complete loss of face in my community, my attorney pulls a piece of paper from his pocket. It was a doctors report ascribed on the day of the event. Not a mark or a bruise on the women's body.
After a very brief deliberation the jury came back with a "Not Guilty" verdict. To wit the lady left town the next day and was never heard from again. Now that's a "Happy ending..."
Be sure to laugh at her as she is going. It is a better punishment than any beating she would have made up about you.
The next guy doesn't know what's coming ...
That was a very hard path to journey down, but you survived! The example you set for your daughters was invaluable, hopefully they will see that and choose partners who have similar honour and strength of character as yourself. Children, even adult children, internalize the example we set.
😳
Yes! Finally some just deserts for one of theirs. Now that's something you don't see every day.
I was once in a relationship with an evil women, I went from a mentally strong independent man to an emotionally abused mentally weakened version of myself.
Exactly. People don’t talk about how you start out strong and independent! I swear! I am a female, and had male narcs take me at my highest. It’s because they work on breaking you down slowly and over time. People just say, “you didn’t see the red flags?” But, how when they don’t start off in the red flags? It starts off by them keeping you at your highest, and building you up higher, and once they have you right where they want you, they slowly take you apart. And it happens so fast, yet so slow. You don’t notice it until they discard you, or you’re so frustrated and ran down. Good comment!
Even after my divorce I tell people im suffering from PTSD from what I endured.
Really? That's actually a thing? I would have never known.
@@creekhunter you are.
I’m a female who was married to a malignant narcissistic sociopath for a decade. You indeed develop PTSD or CPTSD. Bc of his cheating, lying, gaslighting, manipulation, smear campaigns, and more I almost can’t function anymore. These individuals are spawns of Satan in my opinion. My heart hurts to any man or woman that’s endured this hell.
Can confirm. I was shocked the first time she used a vulnerable moment against me. It's all about control.
Any vulnerability IT can get it's hands on will suffice.
Especially your own child if you're a man.
Notice how you said the first time. Maybe the second , third … it was shocking until it wasn’t …. It was now common . The inner feeling of betrayal is still there though… but there so much paint layers over it …. Almost is like frozen….
@@SergioGarcia-qn3zq like an animal in captivity, after a while its all you know and it becomes normal. Freedom becomes the unknown and scary option while captivity is the familiar, safe choice
I can relate as well I know what you mean …. I applied no contact…and told her it was the best choice for me…then she appears at my house two days later… then we went at it again..then one night she looks at me and says…. “I don’t know about this… but I’m just going wing it..” .. I paused … and said to myself… she will be ghosting me again … two months passed… the all of the sudden… a message … “ I hope you are doing well in life… since I haven’t heard from you I realized and respected what you once said about what is better for your health. I’ll always remember you..hugs”… I was like wait what… so the fact that you haven’t heard from me was of what I said …??… is shifting the blame and taking no accountability…
Wow. The only video that I’ve seen that describes, informs, and explains the narcissistic relationship experience. This is pure gold…it is extremely valuable to know more about this disorder. I pray for all of the people watching this to consider what the rest of your life will look like if you choose to stay because of the pre-meditated “good times.”
They’ll never be back. You are choosing to give up a future because the past was “so good.” It will get worse, it will end in a fiery inferno…go now.
The best thing a narcissist can do for you is discarding you, but you're too busy questioning where you went wrong to realise your life has been spared. Now that I have a better understanding of what narcissism is, I feel so happy that my ex lost interest in me.
me too ! I was dumped for a taller and better looking guy. Didn't end well for him, he was a wreck after 2 years with her, his gym maxed physique turned into over weight and tired looking. They were engaged after 6months and were trying for a baby. I've seen her in town and she still tries to hoover me back in. Thank god for people like HG making me see what she was. I knew something wasn't right, but didn't think it wouldnt be unfixable. That's how they get you, you think with "love" and all the trimmings, it will make it work.
exactly I was like why me??you know "where is that sweet sexy Godess??" why she left all of a sudden ....I knew/realised she was toxic ,but due to loneliness/misery I felt like going back, its almost an year and I'm still recovering (god what an impact she had ofc my relationship lasted 4 years so it will take time) ,this video made my way clear and opened my eyes plus thanks for your comment buddy cuz right now I feel blessed cuz that demon spared me , its actually a gift.!!!!
@randomcomputer7248 i had a relationship for 7 years. I wasn't the same after it, physically and mentally. I looked like a sad skeleton with no self-worth and confidence. In recovery mode right now...
@@Champman543 You cant understate how dangerous these people are. She admitted to once she had a dream where I was going to throw myself off a bridge etc. She would have loved it if I had done that over her. These people are evil and non human, they are anti human. She may not stab someone to death, but they kill you psychologically. They are a kind of vampire and feed of your very lifeforce. This stuff should be taught in schools. People need to be VERY careful of who they partner up with.
Me too. I'm free now and its fantastic
You just described my relationship with one of the most evil women I’ve ever known. I swear, she was your case study for this video. Fortunately, I’ve escaped from this insane woman!
you dated my ex-wife too? :D
Hey wait a minute... did we all marry the same woman?
I was wondering how quickly Amber's name gets brought up.
I know the way ! I used to work for one. Awful, despicable woman !!
Girl must have been busy cuz I was married to her for 14 years
I managed to break free from this type of relationship. Was even feeling ashamed and guilty for leaving her and started to lose myself and thinking I'm going crazy... But after watching this video i feel so much better... Everything makes sense now. Thank you!
Remember everyone, God first. Relationships are not for emotional vulnerability. Relationships are for mutual appreciation and goodness. If someone's not doing their part, let them know at some prudent point. And, remember, God first. Move on when a relationship is not showing worthyness.
There are many of us.
That's weak. Are there actually guys out there that can't dump these broads? Seriously I don't know.
Amen
The using the things you told her in confidence when opening up to her is spot on.
Wow, going through the comment section after watching this is a breath of fresh air. Knowing that we're not alone in the things we went through, and the fact that the things that happened to us ARE in fact signs of an unhealthy individual, is comforting. I'm glad to be out of that relationship, but to those that are still in this type of relationship, please, get out. If you need help or need someone to talk to, reach out here, me or someone else would be glad to reach out one on one.
Yessssirrrr.
I need help because I believe I’m going through the same thing
Is not so easy to come out when you have children .
@Dacicusify exactly. I know she'll keep my daughter away from me. And I cannot imagine a world without her. But her Mother is evil.
How would someone be able to leave if they have a business with a narcissist wife? If I were to leave I'd have no income. I'd essentially have to start at 0. I'd give my left leg to leave, but don't particularly want to be homeless either.
Dear god this is eerily accurate. I paid her bills, I accepted her kids, I accepted her horrific past. None of it was enough.
Thank God she not in your life creating chaos. I pray someone arrives to you, as noble as you that loves you and cares for you. I had one , but I was the one with the kids , that didn’t even live with me. Went above and beyond still wasn’t enough. Left me broken took 5 years to finally get over her , been 7 years since she left still haven’t found anyone else. Like the lady said crushed me and left me confused. And that I’ll never find anyone like her. Which is good but still haven’t found a partner am sure you’ll be different. I have PTSD from childhood trauma, I think is that. Best wishes friend
Her kids?!?!? lol you got catfished
Similar situstion. I accepted her horrific trauma filled past, all her baggage including a failed marriage that didn't even last a year, paid 100% of the dates, took her to places and experiences she's never had, treated her better than all her abusive exes etc and she ended up ghosting me while in a relationship.
Never said we were breaking up, never hinted she wanted out, she just blocked me everywhere without a word and immediately got on dating apps.
@@LeeEverett1 your fault for chasing a divorcee
Same here
Once you know you're in a relationship with a female narcissist and you watch a few videos like this about their behaviors. You realize how one dimensional they are. It's surface with them there's really nothing to them besides these horrible characteristics. It breaks your heart to know that there is no future with them like you thought in the beginning. Again, it is uncanny how predictable they become, it's like their all reading the same narc Manuel.
Crazy that crazy
Narc Manuel sounds like the title to an undercover cop show!
Because very simple tricks work ridiculously easily for them as women. They have never needed another weapon in life.
Most of the time you can only see that on the outside looking in… After they discard you…
Absolutely.there must be a narc school they go too.once I realize what they are by how they act I always say ,fucking change the script once and awhile.but you're simplicity shows me that it's time for you to go.laters!
After a very messed up, but thankfully short, relationship with a narcissistic woman I find myself noticing a lot of these areas during the beginning stages of it. Thank you for this.
Me too. All the things she says were describing my life with her. It's like she was telling my story
Same here brother !!!
My wife says she can and will do better. She even threatens me with this guy adam she met at work. She even told me that she asked Jayson from work if he had any single friends. She now is talking to guy behind my back. She blames me for cheating w her friend which I never did. I slept on her couch and honestly told my wife I slept on Amy's couch. It was our mutual friend and I never had those feelings for Amy. She offered her couch up to me because my wife kicked me out and threatened to call police on me, in my own home. I'm confused because for 2-3 days we have amazing sex and very sensual and romantic 2 days event and wife tells me she is afraid IL leave her but in reality she is talking about being single w this adam guy I've never met. Some Facebook guy she talks too. She belittled me and tells me adam is more then a man then IL ever be. I'm a glassblower of 22 yrs and have many talents but I sell my self short due to the n defaming of my character. I love her but I'm being accused of cheating w her best friend when I honestly didn't even go near Amy. I thinks it Othello because she never has a fraction of evidence of all these actions I supposedly do. Home daily and she knows my whereabouts. Is my wife saying I'm cheating while she is cheating in reality??
She is labeled bipolar and pschizophrenic. If I go to the store 5 mins away.amd run into someone and chit chat , wife times me and IL talk 45 mins and she accuses me of cheating in the extra 8 mins unaccounted for. Talk about a meet, greet and sex high speed race. It just doesn't happen in warp speed. Usually only the Jabba can be pumped out in warpspeed but a sexcapade in a 9 min time frame is either a quick sex session or in reality stoned stating at candy isle for 20 mins.
After dealing with one, you realise in real life, narcissists are not the lovable or redeemable assholes Hollywood makes them to be. They’re just straight up unpleasant😂
I almost fell into this trap twice with the same manipulator. We split for good in December and she told me I had destroyed her and she would never trust again and never live with someone again. Despite saving her home and kids and destroying my health I was the villain. March 12 she announced she’s in a new relationship to a new guy and she’s presenting the same goddess and sexually vibrant and fun personality that lured me in and who vanished the minute I became her protector and savior. I think I’ve dodged a bullet.
Happy for you, bro.
I was in a relationship with one for 7 years, even engaged. She broke me physically and mentally almost.
Broke up with me and started dating a dude 2 weeks after. Of course, she had to tell me because it would make it "easier" for me to ler go..
She said she had no time to grieve and just wanted to be happy and beeing loved/in love. And she was only emotionally dependent and never in love with me...
Well, i suppose i dodged a bullet, too.
The challenge is recognizing them up front so you don't get to the "dodging the bullet" stage. If a gal just sort of falls in your lap, beware! If they promote sex on the third date, beware! If they lavish you with unrealistic praise, beware! They should teach this stuff in schools.
I hope the new guy will be as lucky as you
You dodged a nuclear missile
Well yeah man….youre a guy so your job is to serve her every whim
My wife of 6 years just left me. I suspected she could be one, and after investigating, its been really eye opening. She was always gaslighting me if I called her out on poor behavior. She would then circle back the blame on me, for me getting upset at her. She would have outbursts. Like hot and cold. One moment she is great, the next you are the worst ever, arguing and makes you feel like the worst human. Always playing victim. Bringing you back to beg to make things normal again. The last year I began to shut down, became depressed, stopped caring, and respecting her. Felt she didn't deserve my love and respect anymore. It was a dark time in my life, and wish I would have stayed strong. I pulled away as you said. She hated my family, and was jealous or acted like she didn't care if I talked about anyone from work etc. At the end there was a lot of threatening to leave. It was always about her happiness and it was supposed to be up to me to fix it. Especially the finances, which she drove us into debt, and then claimed I was the one who needed to fix it. She even blamed me for being mentally abusive for fighting about finances, our future, and her poor behaviors. I will admit, after I gave up, I was a nasty person to her. I will take ownership for that, but so was she. She just chipped away over and over until I became this shell. They will grind you down till you have nothing left. Now we are divorcing and have to co parent. Her idea of parenting is buying him things, not spending time with him. Very shallow. My advice to anyone reading this, is if you see these signs, get out now and protect your heart. I gave it everything, until my emotional level was at zero. They will suck your happiness dry like a leech. Do not let them destroy your inner love and compassion. I became a shell of my former self. Do not let them take you there, because they will, its GUARANTEED!
It sounds like we got married to the same person. Fortunately I'm out and just in time with no kids. I wish there was some kind of way we could interact and share our experiences
I suffer the same fate... I am Filipino but there is no divorce here in the Philippines and she's attacking all the people who is around that cares about me. Including our kids..
I had a very similar experience
I did a 18 year bit you described it to the tee. Because she was not the problem it's your reaction to their actions making you the problem. Gaslighting is severe emotional and mental abuse. It turned me into a raging psychotic lunatic. I mean she knew what buttons too push that I exploded like a hand grenade. I think after 18 years I became very dangerous even homicidal and when I went off in front of other people I would put the fear of God in them they would tell my eyes would turn black that like a demonic entity possessed me Currently I have a support dog Jack my shrink told me I have PTSD That I would have been better off living through 4 tours in Vietnam. He has me on Diazepam and Lorazepam. I go in and out of reality and still talk to myself but I don't hear voices anymore more but hear sounds that are not there ,people think I'm having a intellectual conversation with my dog. The Term Gaslighting was derived from a 1938 British play Gaslight , in 1944 an American movie adaptation Gaslight, where a husband tries to make his wife think she is losing her mind. Guess what it worked I literally lost it. 4 drug and Alcohol rehabs , 4 Mental institutions in and out of jail for almost 9 years l was one of those inmates why people we're afraid to go to jail. I had no idea that I scared people, they would think or tell me that I was one crazy or scary person. I am a survivor of verbal, emotional, mental, and physical abuse, that had a residual effect on me that my shrink says I probably won't ever recover from. I am at peace with myself I have my dog Jack. Because I am incapable of having a normal relationship be it intimate or friendship it's a Fuckin Hard to Walk that straight line of normal line of reality!!!
My situation is exact word for word . 3 yr old daughter. I have no emotion left I don't feel bad nor good I have no more feelings. I m about to file divorce and custody and it is hard step for me but never ever I felt so dull about it before.
Ok - this woman Lise Lablanc and the 10+ videos I have watched is so clear, and compassionately strong, and Brilliantly ‘spot on’…. It has given me enough perspective to ‘move on’. Why?
It will NEVER change.
I have done most of the things Lise calls out, but seen things continue to deteriorate.
Thank you Lise. I am certain you are changing lives! WAY more than just mine!
"the consequences of standing up for yourself are too intense and too damaging". this is harsh, but painfully accurate.
This was me for four years. I’m a fairly smart man. It was insidious. So happy I broke it off!
It’s like you and your children are on a ship with them and they threaten to sink it if you stand up to them in any way.
I spent 27 years in a relationship with a female covert narcissist. Just getting out now. This video is like someone telling my story.
I cant imagine what you must be going through, sending my prayers!
Stay strong and focused. God speed, not hers. 💯
Same here
6 years 3 days ago. Got together at 19, left at 24. Lying and cheating the whole time. Every good memory was a shiny costume over her evil.
Using Carl G. Jung, perhaps one of your dominant archetypes might be the Victim. Congratulations for breaking free.
This video, along with many others, has opened my eyes. I left a relationship of 5 1/2 years just last month. I left by packing my car and leaving our home while she was at work to drive to another state. In this time, I've discussed the relationship in detail to many friends and family and realized who she really is. I was under everything you've explained in this video and in just a few weeks I've never felt so alive and free. This has helped me in my path to healing, thank you.
I literally did the same thing yesterday. Waited until she left for work and my parents came over with a trailer.
@@Warfizzle08 God bless you - the healing will begin - thank your supportive parents. Now you know what bad relationships look like you can always look forward and seek out only good relationships- good luck to you in your future.
Many you continue to feel alive and free. A good relationship should maintain a healthy balance and make you both feel happy. Good luck in your future
I am happy for you brother! More power to you!
@Axteffekt @warfizzle08 I appreciate all the support here. Since then, I've got my own place with a new job and life is absolutely amazing. I will say it's been over a month and I lose sleep a lot of nights cause I dream about her often. Only, were fighting in all the dreams but im saying all the things I wish I said when it was real. Guess it's healing in that way. I'm glad you e got your parents support. Update me or we can do a discord if you ever want to talk
Been there. Done that. Spot on. Thanks for the reminder of how much better my life is now.
I was trapped for 10 years. We were married for 7 and have a 5yo daughter. Everything you just explained is exactly what happened to me, and consequently, what she sought whilst cheating on me repeatedly. I decided to pull the plug when she became physically abusive due to her tantrums because I became aware of her tactics. It hurts still. "The axe forgets, but the tree remembers" I still have to deal with this person for the rest of my life because we have a daughter. I hope I can heal and move on with my life without staying resentful.
I have a daughter too, I feel you bro
dude, don't be over dramatic. raise your kid, don't worry about her. you are already planning to have her bother you forever. man up and forget about her.
You’ll be fine brother , fuck this dam females I’m also going through this B.S right now and I’m ready to move on !!! I’m getting older and I can’t stand this mofo !!! I tried my best to be the best dad and hubby no more !!
Good luck man. Hope you can find some peace.
u want to check out PAS (Parental Alienation Syndrome) this is what she is going to try , 100%. Good luck
Well explained. If you are a real man with integrity who want to protect your love who needs help, be very careful. Give it to the right person. Test her before trusting her. Good women are rare as good men
Good women are more rare because too many parents spoil their daughters in the US
No doubt
This sums up my 22 years of marriage perfectly; got to the point of being completely, utterly shelled out and broken. I had no ideas left to try and no energy to try them with. She discarded me when my brother passed away and then when she gave me the silent treatment for three days whilst my mum was fighting for her life on a life support machine - on Mother’s Day, only 4 months after my brother died - I snapped and the feeling was just a cold resignation. I left her, to never return.
Good for you man! I left my ex wife almost 4 years in, I couldn’t do it anymore. What I was glad about is that she stopped attempting to reel me back in when she realized it was futile. I hope yours left you alone too.
@@nygeek6471 yes complete discard
23 Years here, Similar circumstances. Amazing that they take so long to drain everything then discard you. You will be better one day, but Narcissist PTSD is real. One day you will be filled again...Find purpose in your path!
@@curlyone2275 They are just lesser variants of the sociopath/psychopath...they formed these personalities (for lack of a better word) in childhood. Without self-awareness they stay that way for life, and because they look at their EGO as their actual full being, something to be protected as if it meant their very life, ultra rare is the one of them that ever evolves to heal even slightly. So when it comes to who is BETTER OFF generally speaking it is the co-dependent. When they heal they move to being an empath. Eventually the empath can even reach the FINAL FORM (hah) the MindMaster! When you have reached that stage you can even take one of these narcs and re-program them pretty effectively by smashing their false ego and setting them free to allow some healing from their childhood wounds. IF you think you can pull this off when you are still healing from your own childhood wounds, STOP thinking such silliness. You have to heal yourself first FULLY!
@@opopopop6286 "MindMaster" Need to look that one up. Yes...I have expanded my Spiritual ability to a form that have never achieved before since my detachment from my wife. I followed a Guru when I was a younger man until I met my then Wife. I experienced things had never before while on my somewhat forced Baptist path by my family. I know...sacrilegious, but actually was experiencing what felt like God and a very loving sense until I was fuck bombed not love bombed by my Narc. She was beautiful and sexual...a Scorpio if you ever look at that. She wanted everything from me. Took me away from my family, my friends, and only allowed me to exchange with her family. When I was totally empty from the discard, I asked the Universe for music because of my and my family's history of it. I hadn't touched my guitar in 24 years. I hadn't been spiritual for about that long either. Once I turned those things back on, I achieved a level that have never been before. so...Yes, I am more of an Empath then have ever experienced. I do date but not really any relationships as far as multiply sexual partners. Unfortunately, there seems to be many Narcissists that are hungry for supply, and I see it right away!
You are absolutely great. You have explained my last 20 years Suffocation within a couple of minutes. Thank you.
At 80 years old I don't normally engage (or click on) this sort of thing anymore. Like so many other comments here... you exactly described my ex-wife and myself during that 7 year relationship. Wow. After it failed, I lived alone for a few years, then, older and wiser, hooked up with a woman who was/is the almost exact opposite of her. (How could I have been so lucky). We have been together for 40+ years now. I have always called her the "most unromantic, romantic woman I have ever met" (I hope that makes sense). After watching this video alone, I re-watched with my wife, followed by a great conversion about it. Thank you!
Thank you sir. At half your age (40 in a few months) I pray that I can be as lucky with an amazing woman that I can get to spend the rest of my life with. God bless.
36 years old. Married a bombshell crazy narcissist at 19 divorced at 21. When we were dating in high school I met her neighbor who was the exact opposite . Quiet smart beautiful and highly intelligent. Through a lovely twist of events we got together in 2010.
I hope our story lasts as long as yours. Thank you.
Congratulations thats very very rare
I lost 40 years to a narcissist. Narcissism in my case may be the least of the issues.
OMG, when the PHIL part came on screen, the hairs on my neck stood up. My soon-to-be-ex who I am convinced is a covert narcissist routinely said that she loved me because I was a "hero" (I worked in national security) and that I protected her, made her feel safe and had a level of integrity she'd never experienced before. She literally used the PHIL model to explain her attraction to me. Everything else you're saying is dead-on as well. Man, I wish I'd known all this at the time...could have saved myself 15 years of drama and heartache.
Same here. This video is chillingly accurate. It helps to know we're far from being alone in falling prey to these thoroughly evil creatures. If only we'd known at the time but at least Lise has helped us to fully understand what actually happened. All the best to you and I hope you are over it. Took me years to live it down.
B
what did she do? I'd like to be prepared
I’ve been watching narc exposed videos from Dr. Ramani, Lisa Kudrow, Psychopath exposure all them for over a year and this is the most dead on one I’ve seen. I definitely wanna show my friends this video if and when appropriate to share what I went through...
Hear hear, save our souls
This... was mind-blowing. A literal step by step description, from start to finish, of my last relationship. Seriously, it was eye-opening and a bit scary at how completely accurately it described, in 11 minutes, the last seven and a half years of my life.
When dealing with narcissism, you should know that it’s not personal. “It isn’t personal” is one of those cliches used to cushion all kinds of bad actions taken by people who need an out for being immoral, but in this case it's truth. Narcissists don’t know how to love; they can’t afford to spare the energy to learn, because they’re always in a state of high emergency, cataloging potential threats and redoubling their defenses. When they claim to love you, it means nothing. They may even think they mean it, but they don’t understand the concept - they can’t feel it. They never attach to you or anyone else. Other people are paper cut-outs to the narcissist, like those cardboard figures of celebrities you pose next to for a selfie. Narcissists value their own children only as mirrors of themselves. Loads of them brag about being a good parent and seek compliments for that only to hide their masks. When they destabilize you or attack you, it means nothing. They are stuck in an endless conversation with themselves, in which you are an inanimate object, to be assigned their own faults and used as a surrogate punching bag for their hatred of themselves. When they toss you out, it’s no more meaningful than a junkie tossing away a needle; when they try to reel you back in, it only means that they tired of the new drug and need a hit of the old. None of this is personal. They’re too terrified to have close personal relationships, opting instead for extraction of admiration from a subservient partner whose range of action they strictly constrain. This is not personal. None of it. The narcissist does not know who you are - it doesn’t know how to know other people. Like the vampire or the chainsaw-wielding creature in the horror film, it’s from another world, bereft of the concept of human connection. Moreover, People wonder why they end up hurt, seriously hurt, and even killed for their own actions. ' - Cara Lee
Agree. Relate. A step-by-step guide to NPD-ville. The progression for me was so clear (from here).
Yup! This just described the 26 year marriage that I divorced and left, I didn’t even know what a covert narcissist was until a family member told me about it, they sought 26 years before my marriage ended, but I didn’t see it until the last two or three years, this is a great video! Watch out for covert, narcissist man, most of them are actually women, men tend to just be good, old-fashioned narcissists, but this is scary accurate. You don’t see it coming when they’re smiling and cuddling with you, and holding you like a loving relationship should be, it blind you from what’s underneath the waves, and the Toxicityof their behavior
Amazing! You have described the last 44 years of my life being obligated to care for someone who is physically, mentally and spiritually crippled. I am a PHIL on steroids I am sorry to state.
Agreed
Wow amazingly summarised. And yup its psycho mind games galore - god help anyone in this situation. Until you finally leave you will be destroyed ! 💯❤️
We as men think we have it handled but it was me being handled. I was being broken down and it was ruining my life. I removed myself from dating and have since started taking care of myself. I lost a lot and I am recovering but I have a ways to go.
Thanks for the help I appreciate it.
Yup. She got me too.😢
This really hit home for me. Finally realized I stayed in that toxic engagement because of the promises we made to each other. She knows I am a man of my word 🙆
Yep. Lise’s videos made sense why my ex-gf asked me for promises so early-on. Because I didn’t want the promises to be one-sided, I once asked her to make the same promise back. When she discarded me, she freely admitted breaking her promise and showed no remorse. I can’t do such a thing.
Having broken away from a narssiscstic partner 10 months ago I still think of her and how things might work out. Despite having learned more about narcissism, and myself.
Your direct delivery is sobering, heartbreaking, and what I needed to hear.
Same brother. It’s been almost a year and I still struggle with that. In fact I’m struggling right now. These videos break my heart and every fiber in my heart wants to not believe it, not believe someone like that can exist out there. Not believe that it could happen to me. It did though :(
@@MrNesgamefreak The best revenge is success and happiness. Focus on being your best you.
@@psybertao Exactly that. Sucess and hapiness, that the moment they try to come back and you slam nicely the door.
You'd have went down further and further with no chance of any good future. Screw them, they don't care.
Same bro it’s been 4 months she had BPD
Wow just wow. Clarity. I couldn’t see it before, and was struggling with anger and confusion after the breakup. I couldn’t accept she was like this I think my subconscious didn’t want to admit I was deceived. But you basically described exactly how things went. Stay strong brothers.
Absolute gold. No sugar coating. No false hope.
Thank you for the straight answers that a person with a narcissist will never get. Amen.
Dated a chick like this for three months. Most emotionally intense relationship of my life. No one had ever made me feel that desired. It felt absolutely amazing. Then all the sh*t tests, head games, lies, and manipulation started. Fortunately I broke up with her before things got too serious. Based on what she had told me, I think that I was the first man to break up with her (though she may have been lying about her previous relationships). She threw an absolute fit.
@Kaiser. Good for you! Leave her throwing a fit; she deserves it.
Most likely a lie. She will tell every man she ever dates that he is the first one to leave her.
You are SO lucky. My wife is covert mid-range. She started showing the junk slowly after treating me so well.
By the time she fully showed herself we were already married. Literally on our honeymoon she started getting controlling and we argued so much.
She was so covert that I was actually researching narcissism (her dad and ex were narcs and still in the picture because of her son so I wanted to learn more) and dismissed the signs, thinking she could NEVER be a narcissist herself, after receiving the abuse.
Boy was I wrong.
I wonder what she did, if you are ok with sharing …🙏
@@davidm4566 Get out now as fast as you can. It's not too late!
My name is PHIL. I’ve been through this twice now. Alone feels pretty good these days.
@@modernrustics5069 Dont Feel bad I WAS ALSO PHIL 10 YEARS.....
Once is enough that if i even detect the slightest indication of this, im out!
Sex is overrated.
CELIBACY is where it's at.
Same 👍 we are worthy of real love bro
My name is Phil as well. I am dealing with a narcissist right now. It sucks.
This video is incredible! I’m honestly amazed at how spot-on and clear the explanation is. I've been waiting for someone to break down these patterns in a way that actually makes sense, and you’ve done it perfectly. Thank you so much, Lise-I'm really grateful! I'm definitely going to check out more of your videos. Please keep up the fantastic work.
I was in a friendship with a female covert narcissist. I think they are more dangerous than the malignant or grandiose, as they hide their true intentions. I left that friendship, and she keeps trying to revive it.
Block her. Seriously.
Me ex was a female covert. Explains why she had no friends
I been their before.
Hugs. My wife went through the same thing with her insanely toxic "friend". I hope you've permanently blocked her and have begun to heal.
Yes. When I got married to my first wife she became another person that I didn't know almost straight away. We were both very young to get married and I should have left but didn't want to be divorced at such a young age and kept hanging in there. Big mistake, I wasted a huge chunk of my life with this person, who also had mental problems/issues that she hid. Don't waste time with these people. Your time is precious.
I was in a relationship with a covert narcissist for just under two years. She ultimately did me a favour by discarding me when she ran up against my boundaries and I dug my heels in and started pushing back, but boy was it a rough ride for me. Recovery was (and is) very difficult, and I have a lot of pain and therapy under my belt, and your videos were a massive leap forward in the recovery process. It wasn't just that a few points matched, but you may as well be describing my ex t o a tee. When I was listening to you speak, I kept expecting her name to come up. And not just in one video, but all of the videos on female covert narcissists that you have posted. I won't go into details because so many already have; but everything from the love and sex bombing, to making her ex-husband out to be a narcissist and a villain (until one day I noticed she was doing to me all that she claimed he did to her) to every other trait, behaviour and tactic you describe, down to the timeline and progression of our relationship through the narcissist cycle. I was lucky; around the time this all went down I was offered a job in Paris. Moving to a new city and a new country was extremely helpful in terms of taking myself away from all the places, people and things that reminded me of her. But thank you for these videos. When I came across these, I felt seen; I felt understood. And that helped me get out of some of the emotional vicious circles I find myself in, and am finally starting to move forward with the rest of my life, with any ties to her removed like one would excise a tumor. I thought that as a 40-something man I'd been around the block a few times, but this was my first experience with a narcissist and it was absolutely soul-destroying. Thank you for these videos. You are helping a lot of men find themselves again.
Bro the part about discarding you after you stuck to your boundaries this just happened to me this week and me and this girl were together for 2 years
I hear you, loud an' clear. If you are a normal, old fashioned guy, a PHIL that is,no rounds around the block can prepare you with an experience with a NPD woman. Or even a BPD. I was unlucky enough to have both, in succession ...Still trying to find my balance, it really unraveled me...
Well said. My story is identical of course (except the Paris bit lol) I’m 4 months free now and whenever she pops into my head I say to myself
I wonder what my next though is going to be
And it disappears.
Good luck !
This description just sent shivers down my spine. I spent 8 months with my ex who literally did everything Lisa just described. Initially there was this crazy romance where she wanted to know everything I had to say. I told my best friend that I think I've found the one I've been waiting for.
In about 2 months the criticism started. She looked at my closet and said the clothes aren't good enough. She is in fashion so she bought me a bunch of clothes. I thought she was doing it because she cared but I now realize she was embarrassed to be seen with me wearing what she didn't approve of. There was criticism every few days and we had arguments every two weeks. But as soon as we finish an argument she would hug and kiss and tell me how she's the bigger person because she came to hug without realising that she started the fight for no reason. There were no apologies for screaming, cursing and even physically pushing me around. Everything that she told me she didn't like, she did. She made me stop talking to one of my closest friends because she is a girl. She had issues with almost all my closest gfs. She called me lazy. She accused me of things I didn't do and when I PROVED that it didn't happen, are flipped it around and said I was too into right and wrong and I should care about where she was coming from. There was absolute gaslighting to a point I was wondering wtf was going on!
I didn't do much for her birthday and she was full of RAGE. I have never seen anyone be this angry about a birthday at 36 years of age. Even my 7 year old doesn't behave like this. It was non stop you don't make me feel special. Even after I pointed out the abuse, after asked me when was I going to take responsibility for the fact that I didn't fulfill her needs and she only REACTED to what I did to her. Basically, she hit me and it was my fault because I didn't make her feel special which triggers her anxieties.
I still cannot believe I went with it. I have trauma from the relationship which I'm still trying to proceed
Sounds very familiar! My advice- STAY SINGLE, YOURE A NARCISSIST MAGNET.
Been single 3 years, love it.
Everything you just wrote is identical for me also. I am literally going through being discarded and the pain is tremendous . What makes it worse is I have CPTSD from my previous ex that fukd me up gud and proper. I have MDD, Bipolar 2, and Borderline personality disorder , Demoralisation ,LLI and as of recent stress Cardiomyopathy . Nothing is been done for me and yet I am now having all my suicidal battles as I did yrs ago once again but this time im also experiencing psychosis and the sheer overwhelming feelings and thoughts im having at the moment have made me lose 21lb of weight in the past 2months.
Im not eating ,I havnt brushed my teeth in over a mth and I have given myself a single bath in the past 3mths. I am losing this 7year suicidal self sabotage battle rapidly. I have been to my GP and have spoken to case workers but they arn't moving fast enough.
This is not the place to feel any shsme as if anybody reading this can relate . It might just save a life.
This sht is serious and when my mum last mth had a heart attack. I called her straight away in total meltdown as i dont drive. She simply told me to catch the bus and said "ahhhh shell be fine"
I dont recognise my woman anymore .
She used to hit me across the face ,spit at me and mess with my heart and mind on a level unimaginable.
The worse bit is that 15yrs ago I got told I had around 10 yrs left to live do im actually living on borrowed time.
She is not human and yet she is a financial advisor and a CEO of a charity.
She took me into her £600.000.00 house in off of the street knowing I am broke already and own nothing and has absolutely destroyed whatever hope if any I had left.
I sit in a room all alone with nobody to talk to now shatterd and I need help quick.
@@johny5861 Trust me- STAY AWAY FROM HER AND STAY SINGLE FOR LIFE! The best advice ever. It’s just like alcoholism, it gets much, much better with abstinence and good habits.
I’ve been single for 3 years, love it. Although it took until just recently to calm down another level in order to enjoy life. It’s still going to take a while. I hope this helps.
@@cbn7239 she just told me how she was crying all day today after the night before I went to her house in the middle of the night and left her door key I had on the floor along with a flower for her to find this morning.
@@johny5861 zero contact is the only thing that works. No contact also limits how they can set you up. It is hard, but it must happen.
If you are communicating with the narcissist, THEY are in control. I hope this helps. I’m 3 years away from her. She texted me several times for the first two years, which I NEVER replied.
Just 2anted to say THANK YOU. Appreciate your dedication to this very important civil discovery the Public is barely becoming aware of and the positive incentives soceity at large is brewing to escalate the toxicity.
Thanks a million. Even with my extensive academic background in Psychology I fell into the games of one such a woman. As soon as I lashed out at her, as overdue, she used all she had stored about my "weaknesses" to simply, irony here, try to deconstruct my entire personality in order to demolish not only my self-esteem, but also my self-concept. I immediately ended my relationship; I had no option but to laugh, but a man who never majored in Psychology could have ended up devastated.
I got my Masters in Psych during this relationship. I went from dumbass victim of the covert narc to playing the cat and mouse game, to using it for my own personal experiments. Lisa isn’t lying in this video
Omg ... you've summarised 30 years of my life in just over 11 minutes! Thankfully, several years ago I confided in someone who suggested I read up on NPD and coercive control. Once I understood that I wasn't a solitary victim her 'power' dissipated and mine strengthened, as I suddenly got the courage up to walk away! Having no regrets and no animosity has enabled me to move onwards and upwards and enjoy life again! ... this video serves as a reinforcement for me! Thank you Lise 🙏
Sad
The description Lise gives fits my experience to a truly uncanny degree. Guys, if you stumble into a relationship like this, get the hell out while you still have your sanity, believe me.
It’s hard for them to believe it because to them they truly believe it’s real… it’s like psychosis …. The delusions and hallucinations can become indistinguishable from reality.
To those stuck in the web of narc or psychopath it all seems so real… so beautiful …. So honest true and compassionate…. Almost like … I was chosen ….. PHIL
@@SergioGarcia-qn3zq I think I read somewhere that psychopathy is incurable largely because these people do function, often very successfully, and on that self-analysis basis nothing seems to be wrong. In fact, in my experience, when you do point out that their interpretation of reality is wrong, it is immediately ingested as a threat. The relationship is then over and they move on to fresh victims. The woman I knew was a serial monogamist, married four times, kids with each. In the seduction phase they make you feel like you are glowing, and sexually I couldn't put her down! But then the head games get started and it gets worse and worse. Your self-esteem becomes drained, and like the abuse victim you keep coming back for more. There's a pent-up passive aggression (sometimes active) that gradually seeps out of them. When that happens it can be a terrible experience for the victim with recovery a long, hard battle.
This was basically like a play by play of my last relationship. Especially the sex and loving bombing in the beginning! It wasn't just like one or two things that I could relate to in this video. It was like reliving that hell from beginning to end going through each tactic she used. It was like she was given a playbook. It's been two years since I was discarded. I still haven't healed and I'm still afraid of intimacy. Feel like I have completely lost all confidence and sense of identity after 4 years of being treated like I was the scum of the earth.
Thank you, Lise. This video was extremely validating
Man, been there. It was the craziest, most effective manipulation ever, and I consider myself pretty "enlightened" when it comes to the power plays in this damned world. Time will heal these wounds I believe, but surely we will be scarred forever. Scars are good reminders of the dangers tho.
@@Pajune Yeah she chewed me out and spat me out. I feel like a shadow of the man I used to be.
I hear you brother. I'm sorry you got baited into dating one of these nightmare women. Nobody , regardless of sex deserves to be treated like this. Social media has definitely created a massive spike in narcissism.
Men need to get this.
It's like you took the words right out of my mouth. Same time frame and everything.
I hope you're able to heal.
@@Januii honestly man, What did it for me was finding out she is engaged to the guy she left me for . I’m just glad I got away from her.
I did love her, but it was an extremely toxic relationship. I learned a lot from that relationship. Good and bad.
I learned what I will and won’t tolerate in a relationship, and how to spot red flags. I learned the importance of male friendships, and not isolating when you are in pain. It’s the absolute worst thing you can do.
I truly empathize with anyone who has delt with narcissistic abuse, it is absolutely no joke.
Find support, own up to your own shortcomings and keep striving to be a better. Root out your childhood trauma, or make peace with your inner child.
Learn to set boundaries with people. Don’t be a door mat.
Read the book : “ No More Mr. Nice Guy. “
Don’t make excuses for yourself,
Don’t victimize yourself.
Take responsibility for your life and never sell yourself short.
Always tell yourself , “no matter what happens in life, I will handle it. “
Feel your pain, embrace it and then find ways to occupy your time constructively in ways that actually better yourself.
If you need help. Hire a coach. There is absolutely no shame.
We have so much more information at our disposal now. I knew nothing about mental illness going into the relationship. In retrospect, I ignored a godzillion red flags. She kept me on my heels and reeling the entire time. Before I knew it, 23 years had passed. If you see yourself in this situation and are fortunate enough to be reading this, run like hell. Don’t look back.
Thanks, brother. Glad to hear you eventually got out of it.
I think it's important to state that being protective, helpful, loving, and having integrity are good traits to have and that wanting those in a person is not in itself a bad thing. You should want your partner to have integrity and be there for you.
Absolutely... for the Narcissist, it's a way to outline a mark or chump for her, but those traits belong to all real men, though each man has those qualities at different levels.
Thank you. That’s what I was thinking.
they always find a way to question these (early on in dating, if a woman simply and flagrantly accuses me of lying, unless there's some clear confusion or communication cause, we're done). I go zero contact for dating interests who do this. Nope
I think it’s how this speaker is trying to appeal to male viewers. A lot of them are saying “ uh doh she’s right! This is me and my life!”
I was thinking the same thing. I'm sure the men commenting have these traits and were abused by a female narcissist. I hope they understand that having these traits with a kind, appreciative, and empathetic female makes a wonderful relationship.
The amount of times I stopped this video, my mouth agape saying "Oh. My. God." is insane.
Lise, I have been mightily struggling with leaving a girl I loved deeply for 8 months. One of the hardest things has been being able to recognize that I was being abused, but also feeling like she didn't do it on purpose, and seeing and knowing about the trauma she experienced in the past and how that makes her behave now. It's been heart breaking. But this video really, really helped. She did all of this, absolutely all of this to a T. And even if it's subconscious and and a result of trauma, it's still not ok. Thank you.
This is insanely accurate, happened to me play by play, the worst is that I was questioning my reality at the end. Had to pull away. Be aware guys!
Good on you for having the wits about you to make tracks out of there.
Same here bro.
same here... 28 years ....
I had everything. A beautiful home, nice vehicles, lived in paradise, 2 beautiful children, a great job and respect in the workplace. The longer the relationship went on the harder I found it to feel happy. At the end I was forcing myself to smile when I knew I was acting. I didn't understand what was wrong with me. Now I understand completely. The partner I have now sings often while doing chores, gardening or working on the farm. She is silly and jokes around and laughs at herself often. What a journey, what a life lesson...it will never leave me and I am thankful for such an important lesson. The problem with young men is our sex drive navigates our needs and wants...this is the narcissists black magic that we cannot see. She did not joke around much, we did not laugh and smile together very much but she sure was fantastic in bed, the best sex I ever experienced. Shallow and worthless. Find yourself first so you may see others more clearly. Life is a journey, if you are not smiling and laughing while moving through life then there is definitely something wrong...is it you? It does have something to do with you, figure it out, it really makes a big difference in your ability to find happiness. Good luck to you all who are traveling this road, it can be long and very difficult. Nothing of great value in life comes easily, that is why it is so valuable and the search begins with you.
You learned your lesson, but sometimes men who have attachment problems cannot learn and next they fall again for a covert narcissist.
Thank you man. Your message is like shining light against darkness, wise words...
@user-mu5mi4mq9z bro you don't need a woman. You just need a friend sometimes. I love being alone. Can't stand having to split everything I do.
@@MdVaDc Ha ha. Of course I don't need a woman. I want a woman. I am a generous person who enjoys to share. Life is about giving dude. Not receiving. Some just don't get it but that's ok too. Enjoy your life alone keeping everything for yourself. I choose companionship. Always have, always will. I am very happy in life at this time unlike your email handle suggests but we all make our own choices, I was just describing the life lesson I received from the pretty narc. Cheers.
@chrissmall1246 I see why the woman dogged you out. Your judgemental and when someone is being nice to you you take offense to it. How does a joke email handle equate to you knowing about who I am as a person weirdo? Secondly I don't keep everything to myself you don't know what I do as a career. I see why I'm happy alone and your miserable. Their is absolutely nothing wrong with people who live a life of solitude. Their are millions of people who prefer to be alone. In your eyes that makes them greedy? Nah your just a sucker
This is absolutely spot on in every single way. My goodness. I found myself trying to figure out why this person acted this way…astral projecting into her childhood…you can’t help these people and help isn’t even the right word so I’ll use bond…you can’t bond with these people, they have to make it a game in order to protect themselves but it’ll never be about protecting you. The best thing you can do is walk away…and never go back.
My girlfriend of 10 years (from 17 - 27) never acknowledged my feelings and I 100% experienced the deterioration of confidence in my reality. I was deduced to shutting down when I had any feelings I wanted to be acknowledged. It eroded my personality and I became generally anxious and confused.
I can attest to the fact that I don’t believe it was intentional, that is just the only way she knew how to operate and she would never let me explain what it was doing to me.
We just broke up. 10 years down the drain is painful right now but only in hindsight have I been able to realize why I was deteriorating.
Thanks for sharing, in a really similar boat except I was 16-now 21 we broke up about three months ago, lost all sense of what reality actually was.
Thank you for sharing your experiences. 3 weeks out of a 2.5yr relationship, my experience of which turns out to be eerily similar to your own. Peace 🙏🏾
Oh my God!!!!
These details are SO accurate and remind me her. I’m glad I walked out the moment she started disrespecting my family and me.
For anyone who is currently stuck with a narc, this advice is priceless. Your only option is to run away from them as far as you can!
I'm trying.. I am stuck. And pulling the trigger is honestly the hardest thing I've ever done after investing so much.
Just think about how much more you lose if you stay! Do not waste another minute of your life!
@nicholasbogdan5552 pulled the trigger today for good!! I feel liberated. Decided to hit the gym, and had some great conversations. These videos helped me so much to say the final goodbye:) never again will I go through this hell
Hard to do.
@@Bulbaswoleshe will suck you dry, until you are depresed
I struggled for years and was so confused. My life went downhill and I was in constant depression. This video opened my eyes and gave me clarity. I think this saved my life 😭
Dealing with a covert narcissistic partner or mother is far scarier / horrific than any horror movie
Double points for having both in your life😂
Hey I’m going for the high score, apparently
Absolutely agreed. You can fight a full grown lion, you can fight a grizzly or you can even dare to fight UFC fighter but dealing with crazy controlling women is most difficult and challenging. They're like slow poison, daily small dosages of toxic venom kills your existence on daily basis.
I recently stopped talking to my mother, realizing now at 30 what a number she did on me
I have one who hasn't worked for 6 years. She lives with her mom and is a new mother. I'm ready to give up.
Thank you for spreading awareness. I can’t say I’ve experienced this, but I’m glad you’re helping men that have and/or are.
These narcissists are evil. Leave when it is safe. It never improves. Don't take their abuse.
Kick their sorry arses out the door.
I don't think that they do this consciously, nor that they often objectively analyze their own behaviors. Therefore, not, strictly speaking, 'evil'. But you are right: It never improves.
"It *never* improves." THIS
Very important to "Leave when it is safe".
These narcissists will lie to the police to get revenge on you.
Leave calmly and quietly, DO NOT get in an argument about it.
Narcissists know what do, my brother is one and occasionally lets things slip out.
KNOW YOUR WORTH GENTLEMEN…if they’re NOT reciprocating then they’re USING YOU!!!!!! %💯#FACTS
A woman who expects you to be a real man isn’t abusive, sorry. This modern gender ideology is getting out of hand. Why would a woman reciprocate? It isn’t her job to be the man. Her job is different. This video is nonsense.
And ladies. Gay girls end up with covert narcissistic lesbians as well.
10 years ago, I was with the woman you're talking about here. It damaged me so badly, I never want another girlfriend again. The idea of getting into another romantic relationship makes my hackles rise.
Bro I was happy and consciously single for 10 years, untill I met a woman who presented herself as my soulmate, treated me like a king and she was my queen; boy.. was I in for a ride.. Still recovering 7 months after discard.
Wow. AMAZING. Been there done that. This is 100% accurate. May I also add, she is allowed to flirt with other guys even though you will pay dearly if you flirt with other women
True, been in the same situation
This hits home with me so much... I'm currently in the process of disconnecting from a 19 year marriage but it's much more of a challenge when kids are involved. I'm grateful I found a therapist to help me understand and work through my cPTSD who can also help me with the challenges that being in a relationship with a covert narcissist spouse have presented me.
It's always harder when you have kids. Was with mine for 5 years. Been split up for a year now. And I still jump when my phone goes off, cause I was so used to it being my ex calling me , about something wrong or negative going on. But I'm in a much better place , and she's somewhat pleasant to co parent with, cause she's found a whole new supply lol
Do you best to not let her turn the kids into narcissists. But your power over that is limited.
relate. cPTSD is so very real for us on the flip side. I so wish I have found better attorneys, counselors, judges, and therapists. "Parental alienation specialist" just was NOT nearly enough. Watching my kids suffer (and adjust to get safe), reviewing the total failures by therapists who were inexperienced or poorly trained was painful, unnecessary, and a special form of malfeasance. Glad you have a great therapist. So important.
I broke up a few hours ago from one. This video is so incredibly accurate regarding how she acts, but also how I was/am feeling. I have to say that I noticed a red flag, which I ignored. I had a constant feeling of her being fake, but I thought it was me trying to self-sabotage a too good to be true relationship.
That was amazing. you described my relationship with a female narcissist to a t.
Unbelievably accurate.The best part is it makes me feel so much better to hear this from someone who understands.
Holy shit this is scarily accurate. I’m currently going through a divorce with his female covert narcissist 14 years I spent being abused and manipulated by her. This is absolutely eerily accurate I will be checking out your coparenting with a covert narcissist video thank you very much. This video really helped me.
This was a bombshell to my awareness! I was married for 18 years and it progressed exactly as Lisa describes it, until my divorce just over a year ago. It had become unbearable. I wish I'd seen this video years ago and awakened to what was going on. My ex also exhibits 9 out of 10 of the anti-social personality disorder characteristics that Lisa describes in her video on that subject. With that combination, the stress even affected my health and heart beat! I'm just glad to still be alive, liberated again, healthier and much more aware.
My ex used all of these tactics. She was later diagnosed as a psychopath. I've read and heard in several different places that every psychopath is also a narcissist. Hearing this, I tend to believe it.
I've heard the same, except that not all narcs are psychopaths.
@@greghenderson8745 Yep, same a what Ive read
You're fortunate to be alive. Good for you. I on the other hand, I am still married to a narcissist.
That's not true I Am A Psychopath I'm also an Empath
@@murphyjohnston1814 Psychopaths are also notorious liars. Anything they says is suspect.
Having lived thru this, I can say this is very accurate. They build you up at first like you are exponentially more unique than anyone they have ever met, and then slowly eroding you, finding nothing but fault with you, and everything about you. They will insult you, triangulate you with other people, make you feel like you are replaceable, like they have had not only better than you, but way better than you and they make sure you know it. Essentially they are shitting in your face, because that is their end game, everything else they do is all geared to set you up for this. When you finally break free from them, stay that way! Don't ever give them the time of day....its the only way to stay free of them.
UA-cam randomly recommended this to me while reflecting and trying to make sense of a recent situation. Thank you, this brings me closure.
I've survived 4 years with a covert NPD, the insidious nature of the manipulation is unreal. It took one day of seeing myself in the mirror to realise I didn't recognise the person I saw in the mirror.
I used to work in mental health rehab with PD cases, told her when we first started sating I wouldn't be in a relationship with a PD. More fool me, she lied about having a diagnosis until we decided to call it a day.
Please if you find yourself in this situation, leave. No matter the cost, please leave and don't look back.
i only stayed because i could not leave my kids, if we never had kids i would have been gone years before
Man everyone says they stay for the kids. I did the same thing. But you don't have to. It's not good for the kids either to stay in that relationship. One day she will leave and say you were abusive. If you don't continue to always let her have her way. She would rather live under a bridge than to not be the center of attention.
Pretty shitty thing to do, both to yourself and the kids.
This is what I’m stuck on. My kids
Love her so much, and I love them. She has undermined me so many times, that I’m the “bad guy.” She has actually had me convinced that I’m the problem. She calls me selfish and a narcissist. So, I started looking into it here, and found quite the opposite. I was married before with 2 kids for 10 years (got married very young, and we grew apart) Met her like a year after I got divorced (it was very fairytale like) we dated for three years and got married. My daughters from the first marriage were very involved in our lives, as my ex and I had joint custody. We have currently been married for 17 years with three children of our own and it is heavily implied that our marriage is failing because I’m the problem. And it’s because in her mind, I’m not really living up to this unrealistic standard. So it has been very much on my mind that I must be the problem since I have “failed” at 2 marriages. But, what I am learning is that it appears to be the sort of woman on attracted to. My mother was very cold and distant to me.
Same here
I bet they are little $h!TZ too and you low key hate them!
This clears everything up! I was struggling a while in this relationship being super confused and everything, constant guilt tripping, she needs constant validation, it's so exhausting, it's to the point ive gotten numb to her feelings as horrible as that sounds. I need to break things off
incredibly accurate! I needed to hear this BEFORE I married my ex. I didnt even know what a narcissist was! Glad I got out! took 3 years but finally realized what I was dealing with without even know in it was a thing. I am proud of myself! but man at a huge cost. WORTH IT!!!!
WOW, Lise. The most concise and accurate description of a female covert narcissist I have listened to yet in my two year quest to understand what seems like pure and utter madness. After being married thirty two years and raising two children whilst dealing with this passive aggressive, crazymaking behavior I have finally calmed most of my raw emotions and understand that this sickness cannot be cured. Thank God that He gave me the insight and self control to set the calm, stable example for my children while going through the fiery trials each day. While I stood firm during my wife losing emotional control, I caught hell each time because she could not drag me into the trauma and drama no matter how hard she tried. This only occurred behind closed doors , of course, as her public persona was always squeeky clean and saintly altruism. As soon as we got home she dumped the garbage out on her family and bullied our son since she could not get me to crack. My health has been bad for the past five years as she continues to emotionally suck the life force out by constantly berating me and claiming that I have been the source of all her problems- never acknowledging her disregulated emotions and unresolved past conflicts from before we met. I have depleted much of my savings going to doctors which have told me that nothing is wrong. I hope I am close to my escape but, that anchoring process takes some time to untangle the knots in the rope meant to slowly choke you to death. I covet the prayers of all who have been through this nightmare that I may escape. Thank you. Jeffrey Z.
A very good morning to you and Namaste. I have been in a long distance relationship for 6 years. For 5 years we didn't have any physical relation. She always get angry in small things and say very personal things about me. After 4 years I broke up with her and she cried very badly . So I felt bad and patched up with her after 7 months of break up. After that things were improved and I thought it would last this time. But in every 2-3 months , she again insults me again with personal insecurities. I am a veterinarian and a phD scholar and she recently got a high salary govt Job.But she repeatedly tells me that I am a illiterate. When I defended me saying that I can't be an illiterate while doing my phD, she says all the things like before..... like I won't be a professor in my lifetime (my goal), I will be a jobless, my degrees won't have any use , I don't have a job so I am doing phD, why x y z (my rivals) don't like me, she had a problem with my locality, my belive system, my ideology n many more... This time I am willing to pull myself away from the relationship, and she is trying to keep me with all the emotional words and being a victim of my behavior.
I am confused . Please tell me what should I do . One sentence reply would also be a help. Please 🙏🙏🙏
Your story is much like my own (37 years), my kids are all grown and it is way past time to move along and enjoy what life I have in me left. I pray you leave before real serious medical issues arise, I'm a 6-time widow maker champion, most won't survive the first. I just have God to give glory to and am thankful every day. Best of luck to you my friend, I hope it all works out in your favor.
@@jk2435 leave now and never look back, you owe her nothing!
Find your peace in a higher power and exercise it daily. Recognize that no amount of effort on your part can heal this sickness. When you are strong enough and have collected together the pieces of yourself to some degree, find a way to move on. I will keep you in my prayers as this helps me too. Good luck!
Jeffrey, you have been so unselfish to bear this for so long. Like me (30 years married) you realise this is literally killing you. I left a house I’d hugely financed and faced being the talk of the country, but that’s better than not being around at all. I’ve never told anyone outside my two adult children that their dad showed me he truly hated me when the mask slipped more and more often. Through it all I kept my composure too but you must get away as soon as you can. I live in a smaller house now but I can look forward to going home. If you research more, you will read that many people who lived with NPDs have had illnesses disappear once they escape their toxic partners. 🙏
The best description and summation of this deeply damaged type of person that I have ever seen on UA-cam. Never delete this video, it will be a valuable reference for thousands of people.
Wow! Wow! I just ended a 2 year relationship with the woman she describes in the video. Like so many other guys below, I thought I would be able to spot and avoid narcissists. I'm amazed how naïve I was. I'm going to watch this again before entering any new relationship.
Thank you for making these videos. I left my last relationship feeling a bit confused like I was the problem and watched one of your videos on the same topic. And wow it all made sense. Really puts it in perspective.
Crazy how true this is. Only experienced this sort of relationship once but I will never forget those 2 years of hell. Props to anyone that got out and returned to happiness 🤗