As One Journey Ends... Another Begins | Hayley Ep 9
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- Опубліковано 5 гру 2022
- Hayley and I catch up after a two-month break for her "final" session. Hayley reflects on her therapeutic journey, specifically what she’s learnt about herself and how her relationships have changed. We also discuss the next steps Hayley will take to ensure she keeps moving forward in her healing journey.
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Utter privilege to be part of this on so many levels . Thank you to everyone here for the incredibly supportive comments . Life changing comments . Thank you ❤. Thank you too to Alex , Oliver and Jeremiah . I think i said in the video I could not , or would not have managed this journey without their support . I cant begin to articulate the gratitude i feel towards them and just watching Alex in action , with his skill and beautiful personality i know the privilege it was ,and has been, to have been helped by him as i have . The closing scenes made me smile . I am really surprised i released any of the hugs I gave . How do you begin to thank people who have had such a profoundly positive impact on your life ? Thank you 😊 ❤ ❤ ❤
Hayley, you need to thank yourself, your highest self, the work you have done is tremendous. You are the rock star and still being filmed when you are at your most vulnerable. You are beautiful. Keep up your desire to be your best. I'm rooting for you and I have learnt so much. Thank you for showing up for all of us. Thank you Alex for your tools in Reset.
So sorry Hayley for your sad loss of your horse, hope you are going ok❤
You brought so much joy when you were showing us all your new passions.
I loved the recorder and also played when young and started playing again in my healing journey with PTSD. One of my favourite songs to play is from the Titanic' My Heart Will Go On" The Lyrics and the Melody are so hauntingly beautiful and I find it really helps me connect to my emotions and very helpful in my healing process. There is a Recorder Tutotrial of " My Heart Will Go On" on UA-cam which you may like ua-cam.com/video/y_kpWdDdFJU/v-deo.html. We all share the Human Condition and you are not alone, Hayley you have connected us all with your wonderful sense of humor and vunerabilty and honesty, it was such a privelege to us all your wonderful kindness and sharing your story with us. Many Blessings to you Hayley as you continue your Amazing Healing Journey with much Happiness, Peace and Fun and Joy - Savour in those Joyful expereinces Hayley and they will carry you through the tough times in life that is difficult for all of us.😊✌❤
@@charmaineallen158 thank you Charmaine , for your lovely encouraging words . Sending you lots of love and thanks ❤. I will keep my reply short as i sometimes write things on youtube and they disappear for no reason . But i do thank you so much . sending love x x x
@@colleenbarham6567 aww Colleen …i just wrote a big reply and it disappeared . Mine always does that . I cant work out why . Isnt it strange . I will keep this short , expecting it to disappear again . Thank you so much and i send you love . thank you ❤ ❤ x x
Hayley, you touched my heart since day one, your courage, fierceness and big soul moved me to tears episode after episode. I could not wait to see the badass warrior rise! What a journey! Your felt creations are beautiful, keep those hands moving! I wish you all the goodness in the world, you are a champion of Life!
I just wanted to say that I've learned that anger is a natural response to a boundary violation. It's like an automatic red flag alert system meant to protect us. When I realised this and that I had a right to my own personal boundaries I stopped feeling guilty. I think in the past when I was unable to feel anger it was because I didn't understand boundaries. Now when I feel anger, if I examine myself, I realise that it's almost always a reaction to a boundary violation. I think that the fact that I now have an immediate response is a sign that I finally am more in tune with myself and my own needs. This took time to develop. It took being consistent in understanding and respecting my own needs, learning how to set boundaries, following through with them and sticking to my guns. It felt unnatural and uncomfortable for a long time and was tough especially as I got a lot of pushback but now it's become normal and not something I have to think about, and when I feel anger I see it as a sign that my red flag signal is finally working properly. I know that then I have a choice how I use/express that anger. Sometimes I keep it to myself (especially if the other person is vulnerable in some way) and just set a firmer boundary, if necessary, with that person. However, the important thing is that I can feel it, acknowledge it, know it's a natural response to a boundary violation and then I make a conscious decision how to act. Anger doesn't necessarily have to be expressed in a volatile or destructive manner. Like you, Hayley, I try to be as elegant as possible whatever the situation and give myself a break if I don't always get it right/perfect. We're all a work in progress.
❤ ❤ ❤ xx
Haley, while I haven't read the comments made on the rest of your sessions, I'm sure they all say about what I'm going to say: Thank you for your courage and vulnerability, for doing this momentous service to all who come here to watch your journey. I feel like we could sit down and have a cup of tea together and become fast friends. 🙂I also had a difficult mother at the helm of difficult family dynamics, and I know for me, the pull of all of those old inner critic voices is extremely difficult to counter. But you're doing it! And your bravery and perseverance helps me to keep "doing the work", too - thank you so much for that. I wish you continued luck and when you're feeling down on yourself, please remember what a great thing you've done and, although you'll probably never know about most of them, the countless people you've touched . You are worth all the healing in the world, and I know you'll continue to find your way. (Thanks also to Alex for making this series available in addition to all the other work you put out there for free. You, too, are having a huge positive impact on the world at large, and on me personally.) Best wishes to you all! ♥
Inner Space thank you for your lovely encouraging words and for sharing your story too . We can keep doing the work together and i send you so much love . Thank you 😊 ❤ xx
Hayley is amazing! What a fantastic, intelligent, tenacious and determined person. Really great sense of humour too. It was a privilege to be able to watch this series. Thank you Hayley for being willing to be vulnerable on camera. You are an inspiration. ⭐️
aww Alison what lovely words . thank you so much . I really appreciate your lovely encouragement . Thank you ❤ x x
Hayley ❤️ As Alex said, you're one gutsy woman. Thank you for letting us in and helping us see & hear things we may never have. You matter & you are special - and so are we who watched and felt. Take care xxx
thank you Juliet ❤. Thank you so much 😊 x x x ❤
Halley I wish I can give you a hug, thank you for sharing, your are an example when change in the inside is real it shows in the outside, you look younger and happier. All the best
aww thank you Alberto . thank you so much . Sending you gratitude and love ❤ x x
Alex and Hayley have brightened up my life and helped reduce my anxiety. As Alex says if you can go through what you've been through and still come out the other side (I'm paraphrasing) you must be strong enough to cope with whatever life throws at you. Go Hayley go! You're both marvellous!!
thank you Suzy 🙂 . So lovely to hear that it has helped with your anxiety ! You are marvellous too Susy . Sending you love ❤ x
Hayley, I love the first bits of this video where you present your ideas! So playful and you have wonderful ideas, the little gingerbread people are adroable and well done, making musik is soooooo cool, creating what you need for meditation and a wedding! It makes me happy to see. I DO like you just from following these videos and I love you are starting to see that yourself. You ARE doing the work and I guess you are allowed to go step by step. That is actually what I need to tell myself... 😉I did get a lot out of your sessions. So: Thank you for sharing your journey! Big bear hugs from Germany!
Hi Sony - thank you 😂. I was thinking oh no ! My hair is always such a mess in those videos 😂. Those gingerbread people have taken over - i have about 30 now 😂 . Thank you so much for your lovely encouraging words and i send you love . Thank you 😊 ❤ x x
thank you again for your lovely comments folks ❤. I have tried to answer them all . But sometimes they seem to disappear either straight away , or the day after . Its a bit puzzling . I do appreciate them all. I am just really sorry if my reply seems to not be there , or is not making sense . I do thank you for all of them though ❤ xxx
I am not looking for a reply so please don't reply and don't feel guilty about that😊. I just want you to know that by sharing your journey with Alex you have really helped me in my somewhat similar journey. I am profoundly grateful to you. I think you are a shining star and my wish for you is that you get to live your life, being you and ridulously happy. I hope you feel how much love we all have for you. Hugs ❤
@@unahearne4336 thank you so much Una - lovely encouraging words , and i send the same wishes to you also - that you may be ridiculously happy and keep being you . Thank you so much - sending love ❤ 😊 x x
You are a beautiful soul for doing this work and I have be blessed watching your light shine brighter throughout these weeks (I’m actually sad it has ended for now).
I just told my husband yesterday that it is time for me to surround myself with real, positive and supporting people. So may you continue to find your people that lift you up.
I hope to keep in touch here and thank you Alex and staff for a wonderful therapy series. I felt like you were taking to me and I have learned so much (sucks I live in the US). Until next time….great job Hayley.
Thank you for your amazing support and encouraging words Amy . Appreciate it more than i can say . I send you so much love and thank you . Take very good care of yourself . Thank you so much ❤ ❤ x x x
Hayley, I am finding it hard to express just how much Alex's therapeutic sessions with you have meant to me. I am currently following the RESET Program too and doing my own work. Your courage in the face of such adversity is truly inspirational and I have drawn great strength from observing your determination and growth. (I'm a northern lass too, now living in Australia).
Hayley, I love your grit, your intelligence and your sense of humour. I have laughed with you and cried with you. I cannot thank you enough for putting yourself out there; it is so very brave. I hope you will continue to see Alex, as he suggests, as I am sure I am not alone in wanting to follow your incredible and moving story. You have bared your soul in a most articulate and dignified manner and I hope you realise just how much you have helped your fellow sufferers.
aww Collin0276 what absolutely lovely things to say . I do thank you so much . I’m actually going to print them out and keep them with me , to keep me going. Just such lovely things to say . I think those words can only come from a very beautiful person so i am going to bounce them back to you and i think you are all of those thing too . I send you love and happiness . Thank you for your life changing encouragement ❤ ❤ xx
@@hayley1473 Ok Hayley, so you just made me cry.....but in a good way! I will be printing out your reply to help keep me going, too. Love and happiness right back at you. Thank you so much xx
@@collin0276 ❤ ❤ ❤ x x x
Hayley - I loved what you said about turning a weapon into a shield. It spoke volumes to me. You, and I, can choose our reactions. You are a shining light of inspiration to me, thank you for sharing yourself.
thank you Rachel ❤. Thank you so much ! I impressed myself with the ‘ weapon into shield ‘ . I must of pinched it off Alex somewhere and tried to pass it off as my own 😂. I do thank you for your supportive comments throughout my journey Rachel . Thank you so much . Sending you love ❤ x x
What an amazing woman Hayley is. Such an inspiration for so many. Thank you for sharing your journey with us x
thank you for your lovely words Patricia . sending you love ❤ x
I’m going to miss you, Hayley! I’ve really enjoyed watching your sessions and all the grit you bring to making your recovery happen! ❤
Aww thank you . Thank you so much ! I wish you the absolute best for your future . sending you love ❤ x x
@@hayley1473 ♥️
Hayley am so happy for you you made so much progress. You are a beautiful woman. I recognize what Alex said about ongoing healing. I experienced how hard the true deep, inner healing is. On cognitive level I thought so many times I was there, but when I laid on the treatment table at my haptotherapist I was over and over again a little, scared girl. He helped me in so much healing. Giving me the strength to go through really deep hard stuff. Feeling my child emotions and processing them with his support. He holding me and comforting me after I went through deep emotions, in a safe way my parents should have done when I was a little kid. Giving me reframing for lots of things my inner critic (my mom) made me believe. A month ago he said when I left: you are more than welcome here. That touched me deep inside and is big healing for me. I never felt I was welcome in the world. My mother often said to me, when I was a child and when I expecting my first, never take children. They are one load of misery, trouble. As a baby and small child there was neglect too so my deep experience was utter loneliness and fear at the treatment table. The therapist gave me behind a cognitive level new experiences at heart level. My inner critic is not hardly there anymore. I often high-five myself in the morning in the mirror. After a while that I did this I started saying to myself; you are beautiful. I love you. And I feel it in my heart. Mel Robbins wrote a book about the high-five method. I can recommend it. Great you feel inside what you need. Giving it to yourself what it is you need. Protecting that.
thank you so much Paultje for sharing your experiences and for all your words of encouragement . Thank you . I want to write a long reply to it all , but a lot of my replies have been disappearing from youtube , so i am half expecting this to go , so i will keep it short . But i do thank you so much for your words here . I am sending you love for you journey . thank you ❤ x
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Haley is so gutsy and awesome! I wish she has a youtube channel so we could follow her journey!
aww thank you Eveline . Very kind of you to say 😊 . Thank you ! Me on a youtube channel would be funny 😂. I just ran upstairs to look through the window because Santa Clause came into our close , but i forgot we hadn’t got a bannister and fell sideways off the stairs ! We haven’t had a bannister for 10 years 😂. I decided to forget tonight 🤦♀😂
Haley, you are my hero! I am in tears at your progress and my heart is hurting because I am going to miss this gift you and Alex have given us. My heart literally hurts as I think about missing you and wondering how you are progressing.. I am sending all positive vibes and wishes as the goddesses above guide you knowing that you are going to trust yourself as to what is your healthy path. Sending deep appreciation and caring for you and the woman you are. Thanks to you too Alex!
Aww Colleen what lovely words thank you so much . I am sending you love ❤ and peace and what ever else you need for your journey . Thank you for caring so much about me . I am doing good thank you . And i just send you so much love back . thank you ❤ x x
@@hayley1473 Thank you Haley. You are kind, gifted and courageous. Keep going! You are a light in a dark phase in our humanity. You bring hope to so many. Happy Holidays to you and your family. 🌻❤.
@@colleenjohnson6906 ❤ ❤ ❤ x x x
Absolutely wonderful. Bravo Haley. I can so relate to what you are going through and being able to watch your bravery and growth gives me hope. Above and beyond grateful.
Thank you Anne ! Aww I am beyond grateful for your lovely words of encouragement ! Thank you ❤🙂 x
@@hayley1473 You are welcome. You are bringing the light to many. So important.
@@annepeace1450 thank you ❤ x x x
Thank you Hayley and Alex for these sessions I really enjoyed them and have learned so much on how to deal with my own inner critic. Hayley I can see how much you have grown for the better since you have started In Therapy. I have always felt you are such a people's person but never could see it for yourself even though others could. Your mum probably does not like you growing in a positive way as I have found with mine and we cannot let this happen she will have to accept it eventually keep going. You are an amazing strong, intelligent lady and I wish you the very best in everything you do in the future. Look after yourself will miss watching your story keep up the great work lots of hugs best wishes ❤️
aww Bridget what lovely , lovely words thank you so much for your encouragement and help . I really appreciate . I send you love and thank you so very much ❤ ❤ x x x thank you smile 😊 xx
i wrote the word smile in the middle of that sorry 😂. x x x
🤣🤣🤣 Hayley thank you for being so honest its as I'm sure not easy to do this on camera. I ment every word you are amazing and so brave keep up the great work never give up you have come so far best wishes for the future huge hugs ❤️
Haley you are amazing !!! One of my issue is the inner critic and you have inspired me!! Keep going you are worthy and you are enough👍
thank you Rachel . Aww the inner critic . yes . interesting isnt it . thank you for your lovely encouraging words . sending you love 🙂 ❤
Thank you Hayley for sharing your personal journey with us. Like Alex said, that is a very brave & vulnerable action. Please know I, like many, are rooting for you & that your story has helped me in many ways.
This is the first In Therapy series I have watched. Alex & the Team, thank you for this unique learning opportunity! The bonus resources with each session are extremely useful to those who choose to put in the work on ourselves. Very much appreciated! Great work 👏 I look forward to more In Therapy.
thank you Tracy . So glad it has helped ! Sending you best wishes for your future 🙂 . Yes i am so looking forward to seeing more In Therapy videos . Such a unique gift of a learning opportunity isnt it . Thank you 🙂
"I need to use this elegantly"? Off the scale inciteful!!!! What a beautiful, powerful, internalised way of putting it.
again thank you for your encouragement - thank you so much ❤ x x x
Hayley, you are an absolute inspiration, your strength and resilience is amazing.
I also carry a sense of loneliness and have grieved for the loss of the family I deserved.
Watching your journey has helped me so much, thank you.
Alex, you and your team are amazing, wish you and your wonderful team were in Australia.
Thank you so much ❤ . Thank you for taking the time to write and for your encouragement . I am so sorry that you carry that sense of loneliness and grief too . I pray we find some way past it - and i just wish you a really beautiful , peaceful , happy life . Thank you . Your words mean a lot . I send you love x x
Dear Hayley. Thank you so much for participating in this very important and sometimes difficult and painful work.
I was so moved to tears and happy 😊 to see your happy smiling face after your last session 9 with Alex.
You deserve all the best for the rest of your life after all your determination, perseverence and hard work in dealing with your difficult issues to set yourself free from the negativity of your past, which impacted so detrimentally on your physical, mental, emotional and psychological self.
I have done a lot of work on myself since 1984, when some early childhood trauma emerged into my conscious memory.
I still continue to work on myself. It's amazing how a Chronic Health issue forces us, or pushes us into making the decision to say enough is enough, as I have to look after myself now!
I could relate to a lot of your difficult issues. So thank you once again for giving not only yourself, but others the opportunity to set themselves free from their past limiting and damaging experiences , and disfunctional family issues.
I ended up getting Fibromyalgia in 2019 after years of Co Dependency, Rescuer patterns. But getting Fibromyalgia forced me to help myself as I was completely depleted of all energy after helping others and finally a family member in a toxic situation.
Since getting diagnosed with Fibromyalgia in 2019 and getting support my Local Pain Clinic and NHS Recovery Courses (I worked in the NHS as well) and learning about 'Fatigue' from Alex, plus other courses and utube information on how to deal with Narcissistic Personality Disordered people, I am no longer Co Dependent or a Rescuer to others, but a Rescuer of myself. I learned TM 🧘♂️ meditation in 1985 and that helped me big time, as well as being surrounded and involved with kind, caring and respectful people.
You are an encouragement to many of us who may have felt/feel alone in dealing with our past issues. It's worth doing the work and pays off, as we learn to love and care for ourselves.
I think our journey in becoming the person we should have been also impacts in helping others.
It's not easy and there are still challenges as we change and grow and respect and love ourselves better, only accepting to be treated with that same respect from others. We are also letting go of who we were and also possibly some people in our past, who may not be able to cope with the 'new' Hayley or Mary.
You summed it up well in stating our needs to only surrounding ourselves with the right people, who will love and accept us for ourselves and be positive towards us.
Wishing you all the best Hayley in living a healthier, happier and more fulfilling life. ♥ Yours in gratitude and appreciation x Mary
aww Mary what a wonderful and lovely message - i so appreciate you sharing that with me - its so helpful and there is so much in there . I do appreciate it ! I am going to re read it over the next few days - to make sure its all sunk in . I do appreciate everything you have said there . Thank you so much for sharing and encouraging and for your wisdom in there too . I send you love and peace . Thank you 😊 ❤ xx
wishing you good health too - ❤ xx
Hi Hayley, I just wanted to say that you are one of lifes beautiful souls who deserves the very best in life and I hope that one day you will feel as much love for yourself as we all do for you
Thankyou for being X ❤
aww Paul - what a lovely thing to say ! Thank you so much ❤. Sending that love back to you . Thank you . Thank you for helping me 🙂 x x
Hayley is such an intelligent, kind and wonderful soul - I wish her well x
aww thank you . What a lovely thing to say . thank you x x
Thank you Hayley for your openness and honesty throughout this challenging journey. I am starting therapy next month and I'm scared but also excited because I can see what a difference it can make. Stay strong (the inner critic is a bit of a cow). Much love xx Great series, Alex, Oliver and team.
Aww best wishes for your therapy next month Janet ! I really am rooting for you ! Sending love . thank you ❤ x x x
Hayley you’re a legend and I have both laughed and cried through some of your sessions but also learnt such a lot too. Thank you to both you and Alex ❤ and good luck for the future.
thank you Deb . I like the funny bits too . I think the rat behind Oliver was hilarious . I was just so surprised seeing him . There were so many there though when we went back to film . I dont mind them . Love all animals , but just didnt expect them to come so close out in the day too 😂. Thank you . sending you love ❤
What a fantastic series; I feel so thankful to Alex (and team) and of course, the incredible Hayley for sharing her journey through therapy. Words that spring to mind include courage, strength, warmth, inspirational and generous. Alex, as a counselling student, I am learning so much from you - thank you both.
thank you so much . So appreciated Jill44w thank you ❤ xx
12.05 - I see Hayley as an incredibly, wise old soul. So magnanimous and loving - one who chose this lifetime experience because her souls' real desire was to free people, to help them realise that they were sold a dummy, that they were made to believe they are here to serve the abusers when in actual fact, the abusers are only ever here to provide enough resistance to train us to be even stronger and more powerful. Life has taught me that our biggest adversary is (on a far more expanded level) always our most loving presence. After all tough love is a thankless task! in other words, don't ever let the bastards grind you down!
thank you ❤ x x x
Hayley, what a beautiful, strong amazing brave woman. Thankyou so much for sharing your journey and I wish you the very best for your future xx
Michaela thank you so much for your lovely encouraging words . I wish you the best for your future too. x x
@@hayley1473 my absolute pleasure and I will look forward to seeing your progress and you rocking 2023 xx
@@michaelasmith163 ❤ x x
Thank you so much Alex and the team for showing this amazing lady through her journey of healing. This series has helped me so much to continue to grow and find some inner strength after a difficult period in my life.
Hayley you are a true inspiration I have never commented on anything like this before but had to join UA-cam just to tell you what a total warrior you are and thank you personally for sharing such a personal journey to those of us not brave enough to do it. ( Yet!). I try so hard to push myself in difficult situations with a mantra of you’ve got this girl. However I’m now changing that to. ‘BE MORE HAYLEY’. I hope you continue healing as you deserve the best life can offer ❤
aww Sarah - your words made me cry . Thank you . ❤. I so needed to hear this today after a really difficult patch myself . So i’m going to have to have my mantra as ‘Be more Sarah ! ‘ , to remind me of your encouragement and your strength too . Thank you so much . ❤. Strength and power to both of us and I agree with you about the wonderful Alex and Jeremiah and Oliver - fab guys . Thank you Sarah for your lovely words and to echo your sentiment - i hope you continue healing and the best life can offer to you too ❤ xx
"Be more Hayley" I love this 😊 ❤
@@fionababbel7034 what a lovely thing to say ❤ thank you 😊 x
@@fionababbel7034 aww thank you 😊 ❤ x x
What a brilliant series. So interesting to watch Hayley's rapid progress.
I had a mother who sounds similar to Hayley's. She lived to 92. I thought when she was in the final months
that we could have 'precious time' like I'd had with my cat before she passed.
If she was the centre of attention and I was doing everything for her I thought she'd be pleased. She was worse than ever!
It does disrupt your confidence big time and it's very brave to overcome it and stand your ground. 👋
aww i am sorry to hear of your experiences with your mum - i pray you find some peace and healing from that . Bless you ❤ Thank you for being so encouraging to me and i send you love x x
Thank you Alex and Team for what you are doing to help many people.
When Covid started, I knew that I needed to do some Therapy work, which was also difficult to do because of Covid.
I was searching and found you on utube doing your Fatigue sessions and have not looked back! I bought the Sleep Conference. I pondered over the Reset programme, but thought that I may have already covered some of the things on your list and it did seem a bit costly for me at that time.
But I think these sessions that you are doing with Clients such as Hayley have been extremely helpful.
I will look on your website to access the Worksheets in relation to Hayley's sessions.
Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart ♥ x Mary
Hayley, I've always considered myself to be fairly articulate, but on your worst day, you are so much more articulate about what's going on in your journey than I or most of the people I know are on their good days! 🙂 You do an amazing job of sharing your thoughts and feeling very clearly in a way that allows us to relate to you. I wish you continued success on your difficult, but very exciting journey to discover your goodness and worth and keep your boundaries around people or circumstances that impede your journey. I look forward to (hopefully) future sessions to hear how it's going for you. All the best, and thank you. ♥
Aww thank you so much Barbara . What lovely encouraging words . Thank you . Thats so lovely of you . I appreciate it . Sending you love and thanks ❤ xx
Hi Hayley, thank you for your openness and honesty. I will need to also to watch the series again and again to pick up both your wisdom and Alexs'.
My guru is a guy called Dr Tony Humphreys. He has published books over the past 30 years on the topics you explored. One of his golden nuggets is
"Everything one says is about oneself and everything another says is about themselves "
I thought Alex very cleverly got you to understand how in your most important need for attachment to your Mum (you couldn't survive without attachment) you switched roles with her in order to keep her onside by becoming 'the carer'. I learned a lot from that discovery.
It's wonderful to see you emerging from that role as you come to realise that the more you do for her the more you disempower her. You can still love the bones of her.
Hopefully by you keeping your boundaries your Dad may pick up that wisdom too. So keep up your sweet spirit of not enmeshing yourself with your Mam's feelings. As Alex said "they belong to her". You are a truly wonderful person Hayley as well as being inspirational. Gordon Newfeld is another person who has a lot to say about childhood attachment. He has great podcasts as does Gabor Maté. Your Alex is super too.
Denise Flynn
Thank you Denise . Thank you for your lovely words and wisdom . It feels so complicated with my mum as she is quite frail physically at 83 and with multiple health issues . Its just that i really am her main carer in a way . So i cant just sever that relationship like i might of done with her 20 years ago . Its that fine balance . But undoubtedly i am totally different to the person i was before i first got help from Alex . Previously , I really believed that there was something so very very wrong with me and i deserved the hate and punishment i felt from her. Now i release i’m actually ok - and thats such a fundamental shift for me . Its like the arrows she fires still stab me - but don't sever through my heart like they used to . So nothing hurts as much . If that makes sense . I am such a different person . So grateful for Alex’s help here . I thank you too for your encouragement and recommendations and help . Thank you so very much 😊 x x
Love this woman , she deserves the very best of everything ❤ .
wow . ❤ thank you so much 😊. I send the same back to you . ❤ Thank you x 🙂
@@hayley1473 Hi Hayley , wondered how you was doing ? . Loved watching all your episodes and how you progressed with your therapy. Your a true inspiration , such an intelligent lady .
Susan x ♥️
@@mrericgeorge thank you Susan . Thank you so much for your lovely encouragement. 🙂 It really is appreciated . I am doing ok thank you . Some days better than others - but yeah i’m doing ok . I think we may be filming an update soon . Possibly . Thank you for asking . I send you love ❤ x
This series has been so helpful, I've implemented some of the things I have learned and felt very proud of myself! I know I have to keep actively working on myself, its ongoing selfcare. I'll be staying tuned for a catchup episode with Hayley - stay aware!
So glad you felt proud of yourself Fleabag ! well done you 🙂 . Amazing stuff ! Yes its ongoing self are isnt it . I think its something i for one was never taught . Wishing you well for your journey and sending you love ❤
Thank you so much Hayley for sharing your journey. It has been so helpful in bringing my own awareness to parts of my own journey. Thank you Alex also for the series and for the additional resources. Doing some journaling and reflection with the worksheets has been so helpful. All the best in the on going Journey Hayley. ❤
Thank you so much S J ❤- so sorry for late reply ! Only just noticed it - its christmas eve - so i wish you a lovely christmas and an happy new year 😊- all the best with your journey . Sending you love ❤ x
Thank you, Alex for making these resources available and thank you Hayley for bringing us on your journey. You have such a big and beautiful heart filled with so much compassion and love. I honestly think it's impossible not to like you. With regards to your mum, I've come to realise that those who are closest to us aren't necessarily able to see us for who we really are due to being caught up in their own story. I remember when I described my family dynamics to the first therapist I had, she said that it sounded like they didn't know me because I was nothing like who they portrayed me to be. That was a big ah ha moment for me. Until then I had wondered why they'd treat me the way they did (badly as if I was the most horrible person to walk the earth). It was then that I realised that it was about them and not me. Hayley I can so relate to that sense of loneliness inside and longing for the family you never had. I'm a people person too and like you I care deeply about others and community is so important to me. I think this may be one of the reasons that the sense of loneliness (from lacking close ties with family) is so strong. I notice too that it tends to bite harder when I'm in a low mood. Until just recently I was feeling very stuck (mostly due to my CFS/M.E. symptoms and the isolation that comes with the condition) and thinking that it would never end (feeling like a victim). I've been feeling more hopeful lately since accessing some of the tools Alex has made available and this has helped lift my mood and I've been feeling more optimistic and hopeful that I'll be able to engage with others again at some point. Like you, one thing I remember to do, when I'm feeling very low, is to recall the impossible odds I've overcome so far. When I hear you speak in therapy it's like I can see myself in you. We seem to be very much alike with similar stories. I'm sorry about your horse. Horses are such beautiful creatures. Sending you much love. Ann ❤❤❤
aww An Ta , everything you say resonates with me and it just all falls into place when you describe things . ‘Caught up in their own story’, as you say , is such a brilliant way to describe it and i think so true ! Thank you for your wonderful words of empathy , for sharing your story too and for always being so encouraging and supportive . I really appreciate it ! Thank you so much ! I am sending loads of love back and we will share this journey together . We are so strong . Sending loads of love ❤ ❤ ❤
@@hayley1473 I call it the never-ending story (that's my humour coming through) 😉 and sometimes I even hum the tune to myself when I hear that family members have been slagging me off again and telling anyone with an ear to hear what a bad apple I am. Like you, though, I have my ups and downs, but you're so spot on: it's such an important life skill to know how to find the ridiculousness in some of life's dramas and to be able to laugh at them. It's such a mood lifting tool and a sanity saver. I'm sure if we were ever to meet, we'd have each other in stitches. 😂 I loved the story of you in a moving car telling your mum "One more time and I'm out" and then thinking to yourself "oh shit" 😂. Anyway, when it comes to the stories in my life for me it's been important to remember that not all stories are true and that sometimes others see me through distorted lens. These days instead of assuming others have valid grounds and are always right I ask myself if there's any truth in what they see/say about me or if it's mostly about them. Sending hugs and love. ❤
@@anta3612 yes your words make so much sense again An Ta thank you for sharing . I have that tune stuck in my head now . 😂. thank you . The distorted lens is great to remember as well . thank you xx ❤
@@hayley1473 😊😊 When the same old story starts to kick off yet again that tune helps me to remember to laugh (even though just inwardly) which in turn helps me preserve my sanity. I hope you find it useful too. ❤
34 mins in. I would class Hayley as 'far above average' in her ability to articulate and be very inciteful into her own pain. I believe the inner critic makes her (and many others) sound - to her self- to be the opposite - a form of gaslighting as this helps it to keep her self esteem and self belief weak. The thing the inner critic fears most is self belief and self trust.
❤ x x x thank you 😊
Such a striking difference in energy. Wondering if allowing the anger had anything to do with the change. And when Hayley said her mom's stuff is not sticking anymore, my jaw literally dropped. A testament to therapy and healing. Hayley, if you get to read this, I hope you keep keeping on. You are worth it.
Aww thank you so much ❤. Thank you for the encouraging words 🙂 . I still struggle with feeling much anger towards my mum to be honest , as i can see the fear and scars behind her behaviour . So i go straight to the source of her pain , rather than dwelling on the ‘bad behaviour’ from her . I do understand what Alex means when he says about using angers energy to help me set my boundaries . I am managing to hold them - but still some work to do . Many things she says just dont stick anymore . They really dont 🙂. Just occasionally it still tweaks a little - but getting there , and i am so much better ! Thank you so much for your encouraging words and taking time to write . I do appreciate it . thank you ❤ x x
@@hayley1473
Glad to hear you're chipping away. :) Hopefully we can expect more updates.
One way to think about boundaries, anger or not, can be, is it kind to her to not set boundaries? From my experience, I don't like myself in the company of for example a boyfriend who doesn't push back. I become obnoxious and feel contempt towards him. But just as the situation with the nurse, if I do get pushback I back off - or try a little more later to see if it's consistent (like a child with a parent). Not being allowed to disrespect the other, makes me respect him. I recognize his sense of self-value.
But I also know how challenging setting boundaries can be when in relation to parental figures. After I set a big boundary I actually looked up to the sky, fully expecting lightning to strike me. The "You should honor your parents" message. Huge guilt, which of course is out there for the taking of someone who is willing to exploit it to their gain.
I truly respect your journey.
@@LovingLivingTheWork thank you 🙂 . Yeah it’s an interesting one . Sadly even the smallest boundary setting with mum isn't being perceived by either of us as kind 😆 🙂 . I guess its very hard for her to of experienced me in one way - for me to them be perceived as behaving differently , and some 8 months on its still causing huge upset - for both of us if i am honest . I am finding it upsetting and hard too - but have stuck by some particular ones . We will hang on in there . Thank you for your thoughts. Keep well ❤ x
@@hayley1473 Perhaps you're both identifying as the child, and until you break free from that position, working through the emotions and see you and her from an adult perspective, it will go against your natural inclination? I think there is a lot to be found in projections, what we think is hurting the other.
@@LovingLivingTheWork nah - it’s not quite that to be honest . Thank you though 🙂 . I am a huge fan of transactional analysis - and i am always aware to stay in ‘adult’ mode with a gentle invitation for my mum to relate in that way also…when she switches to either ‘parent’ or ‘child’ status i either hold boundary or remove myself from the ‘boxing ring’ with absolute gentle empathy - though not childlike submission . I just stay in gentle ‘adult’ mode . I think its more like Alex says - that we are simply learning a new dance in ways of relating to each other , and i guess i am reassured by the difficulties of this as it shows i am on the right path - if it was easy i would be suspicious that something was amiss 😆. I think it’s going ok …hard but ok . Thank you 😊
11.22 It occurs to me that Hayley must have affected change in so many people watching this so her aspiration to be a therapist has already been realised in so many ways - maybe just not in the way she expected. And I have no doubt that she wouldn't have been able to be so strong. honest, vulnerably honest and inciteful had she not put herself through the counselling courses that she's done so they have already paid off ten fold even if she doesn't do anything more with them going forward.
aww - one of the most encouraging comments i have ever received in my entire life . Thank you for helping me so much with this ❤ x x
Absolutely incredible journey, thank you so much for allowing us to experience this. Hayley, I can see the transformation in your face, you are lighter and your eyes are full of life. I wish you peace and happiness and the known sense that you are enough. You are so brave. I don't normally comment on videos, but felt so much gratitude for the privilege of being witness to this. Thank you.
Aww thank you so very much ❤. I am sorry for the late reply . I so appreciate your lovely encouraging words thank you xx
Hayley, loved watching this and seeing your now uplifted and animated self. You are a joy to listen to. How far you have come! And some of your experiences felt so familiar. Incredibly motivating. Love you as you came to life,and Alex for helping you to find it. I have learned so much from both of you. Thank you!
thank you so much for your lovely encouraging words ❤. Bless you ❤- when ever my husband is tired of my moaning and chattering i am going to use your quote and tell him , i am a ‘joy to listen to! ‘ 😆. Aww thank you ❤ . it is appreciated x x
What an absolutely beautiful lady. I am so glad to have come across this series and watch your journey.
You look much happier and even younger by the end.
I hope you are doing well and continued with your counselling studies. I think you would be an amazing counsellor. ❤ ❤❤
thank you so much ❤. 🙂 x x x
Thank you so much. Your journey and discovery has helped me so much. I've looked at my inner critic. Ive also looked at brings me stress in my life. Im excited to keep following your journey xxx
thank you Jill . Yes the inner critic . Its interesting isnt it . sending you love x x ❤
Dear Haley, Thank you so much for sharing all this us! I learned so much from you! You and I have a number of similarities. I loved seeing your awareness unfold over time. One moment I especially loved was when you said to Alex really quicky and quietly, "Can I go home with you?"(something like that). I know that feeling too...wondering How can I hold this together without that direct support. I just finished episode 9 and I'm so happy that this is not the absolute end. Looking forward to seeing you again in the future! Thanks, again!
aww thank you for your lovely encouraging words ! thank you ❤. I know - i kinda really struggled with leaving therapy for a while - but as Alex said i guess the idea is we learn the tools to use on our own . But yes i remember that bit 😂. I’m doing ok now - practising the tool and getting there . Thank you ❤ x
i missed an ‘s’ off the word tools and it wont let me edit it now 😂 x
I´m cheering so much for Hayley and I really hope she can continue to move forward and continue her journey and be happy! And to realise and see all the qualities she has!! All the best Hayley!!
aww thank you Rachel - bless you ❤ xx All the best to you too xx
Thanks for sharing❤
so very welcome ❤ x
I'm glad that Hayley found a therapist who she could click with. I've found it incredibly difficult to be vulnerable with, and trust a Therapist.
I had many upsetting and strange experiences before I gave up and worked through stuff on my own using books written by Therapists, and with the love of my husband. (curious about relationship with hubby never mentioned as it's an important one?)
For example, one Therapist would side and stick up for my mother; another would cry in my sessions which was incredibly confusing!
I once had to phone the Samaritans after a counselling session.
Maybe Alex could make a video about 'bad Therapists' as they are out there; they are people at the end of the day and I believe some are attracted to the profession for the wrong reasons, and can actually re-traumatise you - it happened to me.
Anyway, I had to cut ties with my mother. Easy to type - but extremely difficult decision to make and layers of grief to get through. My mother destroyed my relationship with my Dad, my brother, and tried to come between me and my husband and both my children. I guess when she started on driving a wedge between me and my daughter - this is when I found the strength to get out while I still had the chance to keep some loving relationships. My family is now very small, but loving. As I think Hayley said, I still ache for a loving family (of origin) and I will always be sad about it - it doesn't go away. I guess the wound is not so raw as it was, but it's always there, and will flare up from time to time.
I did shed a few tears watching Hayley and her journey, as I know how incredibly hurtful, confusing and heartwrenching it is. I still have love and compassion for my mother, but I had to separate for my own sanity, and I just wasn't strong enough to stay in a relationship with boundaries being constantly ignored.
Hayley is a very strong lady and I think she could have been a children's presenter! ❤Xx
Hi Julie . Thank you so much for your positive thoughts ❤ and for sharing your story too . I am sorry for all you have been through . I know what you mean about therapists and i am sorry that you haven't really found one you clicked with ,and that is so important . I am really passionate about different types of therapy and therapists etc , as i am still at college doing training - so it’s one of my absolute passions . I’d be sat here all night typing if i get started . So i’ll not bore you with it , but more importantly send you love and hope that you find some healing and happiness . I do feel your sadness that you describe and i do pray it heals for us . I send you love ❤. Sorry if this doesnt make much sense . I sometimes type on here and it all goes missing . Thank you . sending love xx take care :-)
@@hayley1473 Thank you 🙏❤️😘xx
Haley💓
❤️
thank you ❤ 😊 x
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏❤️🏆 hero 🏆❤️
Aww thank you 😊 ❤ ❤ ❤ x x x
OMG Hayley - stop apologising for nothing!!
ahh i know 😂. It really is my default setting - my nickname at school was ‘sorry’ - i used it a lot as a kiddie to try and avoid the abuse i got - 53 years later i still apologise for breathing . Old habits die hard lol x thank you 😊
15.59 true
24:10 not necessarily. That behaviour is about them
31.10 I like this comment
35.23 totally agree about being real
Still think youre on autism spectrum. That and CPTSD.
Thanks for being vulnerable.
All the best mate from Australia
ahh i have lost all my comments again - strange isn't it . Never mind . No i'm not on the autism scale , ( I score really low on the assessments for it ) - but I'm definitely on the ocd scale . There are so many differences between autism and ocd and as soon as we start to scratch beneath the surface those huge differences come to light . Thanks for your thoughts and interesting comments though . Take care 🙂