I wish to know why but got ghosted after almost 4 years. No contact? Got ignored. Many men neverer think that it's better to end things properly than let woman analyzing than focus on moving on.
@paolar.6408 my ex of nearly 12 years moved out in the night while I was sleeping without a word, text, or note. I loved him wholeheartedly and was 100% in our relationship. We had a family, a home, and a life together. And he just walked away like I was nothing to him. I was happy and thought everything was good between us.
@@paolar.6408and that’s why it ended. Because this person didn’t respect you enough to give you the time of day to explain themselves to you. It ended because this person did not respect you on the most basic level.
My husband of 22 years left me after our 7 year old passed away. He said he wants me to find a better man for me because he's not ok anymore. Losing our son destroyed us both. Reading your comment just now made me think I MUST learn how to move on. Although I likely will stay single for a very long time, if not forever.
@steph6337 Unfortunately, in cases of death some people react in a selfish way, not taking into consideration that the other person is also devastated. I witnessed a similar situation, too, where a family member cut relations with us after the death of a family member. It happens with a lot of people it seems but you can never forget whom wasn't there in a moment of need.
She left. I felt some sadness but mostly relief. That's a pretty good sign that things were not good. I am grateful to her for pushing me away, because I suspect I would have continued to fight for a relationship that was only in my mind.
My new square in my matrix: riding a bike. Finally I've learnt 2 months ago. I'm 50. I feel soo good. Now I'm riding 20 km at least one time per week. I also have a black kitten I've always. wanted. My cat Bandit is lovely and brings me so much happiness. I have a great new job, well paid. I moved from London to my home country in my own house. I started the renovation and it's great. I have new friends, I'm listening again rock like in highschool.
Saw him in a whole new light after reconnecting 9 months after he ended it with me. Not the person I thought he was when I fell in love in love with him in the first place. Sad for how things ended but proud of myself for the work I've done and for seeing things as they really are.
@@alwaysroomtolearn 👍 Glad to hear. Know yourself and your attachment style. Ken Reid clinician, Sam Vaknin PhD and David Tian PhD have educational podcasts on attachment styles and other topics.
Why You Choose The Wrong People-Ken Reid podcast 🌞 Interrogate Your Partners Their Past Is Your Future-Sam Vaknin podcast 🌞 How To Recover Off The Back Of A Bad Breakup-Ken Reid podcast 🌞 Your Past Relationships Explained - Sam Vaknin podcast🌞 Take Back Your Life Own It! Sam Vaknin ♥️
hey man, just suffered a break up, her reasons for why are the same ones you said on the video. I now realise how important it is for me to create a new life, one where i can feel good about myself, and only to myself. I'm still in pain, but thanks to you i feel better. I searched a bunch of videos about break ups, all of them were tragic to hear, this one made me feel good and at peace, thank you so much. In 9 months i'll update this comment with a story hopefully
Going through the same brother, just lost a huge square in my life that I wanted a future with. This video helped too and hopefully gets better for us. ~
@@chamazape3710 Sending you the light 🙏🌞 Know yourself and your attachment style. Ken Reid clinician, Sam Vaknin PhD and David Tian PhD have educational podcasts on attachment styles and other topics.
I am 60 and my boyfriend broke up, after 6 years. My heart is broken, but I listen to you and I feel better. Sometimes I have the feeling, your plans are for younger people and not for me. But I did get a lot of good advice. I also can create a new square for myself, that is definitely possible. Thanks and greatings from France
Know yourself and your attachment style. Ken Reid clinician, Sam Vaknin PhD and David Tian PhD have educational podcasts on attachment styles and other topics. Committment Phobia Explained Men That Can't Love Animated Podcast (avoidant attachment) Avoidant attachment is common in the dating pool. Both genders. Why You Choose The Wrong People-Ken Reid podcast Interrogate Your Partners Their Past Is Your Future-Sam Vaknin podcast Never doubt patterns. AKA the track record. Your Past Relationships Explained - Sam Vaknin podcast.
Matthew, I want to thank you for changing my life 4 years ago when I randomly found one of your videos called "He left?". I was in the middle of extreme break-up pain and couldn't hardly breathe. This was how I found your channel. Since then I've changed so much and become the woman I like. The woman I've always wanted to be. Feeling so happy. My ex came back but it know that I would be doing well regardless. Now it is natural for me to keep my standard and never betray myself. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. Keep doing what you do.
Yes part of the problem is I don’t like my life right now and it feels dull which makes me miss him and ruminate even more and making him the most amazing thing that I had in life. I made him the most important and vital part which was wrong. I always did that. I need to change my life and being spark back.
Ken Reid clinician, Sam Vaknin PhD and David Tian PhD have informative podcasts on attachment styles and other topics. Know yourself and your attachment style. Safe People by Henry Cloud The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker Men That Can't Love by Stephen A Carter (avoidant attachment) Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood Facing Codependency by Pia Melody Boundaries by Henry Cloud 8 Dates by John and Julie Gottman defines the blueprint of healthy relationships. It clarifies . Are You The One For Me Knowing Who Is Right And Who Is Wrong ? by Barbara De Angelis The 7 Principles For Making Marriage Work by John Gottman and Nan Silver Non Violent Communication by Marshall B Rosenberg I Hear You by Michael Sorenson Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix- Wired For Love by Dr Stan Tatkin - attachment styles Emotional Intimacy by Robert Masters The Language Of Emotions by Karla McLaren Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goldman Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It by Kamal Ravikant The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer The Body Keeps The Score Brain Mind And The Healing Of Trauma-Bessel Van Der Kolk
I needed to hear this so i can slapped my face. I fell inlove with an old man who is 25 years older than me. Im 51. I met him thru online and chatted with him for almost a year and i got attached that i even went to see him in his country. But when i was there i almost begged for his attention and affection.. he was with me the entire days that i was there but i never felt the love that i recieved when we were chatting.. he never hugged me and never looked at me. He talked to me like im just his buddy.. and when i left he never even kissed me at the airport or touch me. He just said have a nice trip and it was my pleasure thats all.. i was so broken becoz i thought seeing him can stablished the relationship but i was wrong..i never enjoy my vacation and at the same time i came home with a heavy heart because he never talked to me again since came home..
Your advice has helped me over the past 3 years. You tell absolutely no lies and you give so much power back to the individual to LIVE THEIR BEST LIFE with or without being partnered up.
10:43 😂❤❤❤ Omgsh I was just thinking, 'Yeah but I don't know if I have a big life...' (I'm not traveling much lately, I'm not a speaker, my art isn't out there, I've barely published anything) and then Matthew looked at us and said 'if you're a nurse who works with dementia patients and loves your friends and has some hobbies on the side'--and that's exactly what I am/do 👩🏼⚕️--'don't EVER lose sight of the richness of your life.' Thank you, Matthew. Message received 😂 and mission accepted ❤❤❤❤
I had to make a pause at the 8th minute...i then burst into tears-as you were describing EXACTLY what I'm experiencing for the past 6 months. I'm 45 years old,I've lived my life to the fullest & 2.5 years ago I thought I found my soulmate.My other half,my twin flame...In the end,she proved to be a female covert narcissist-who dumped me through an sms!
This was a very timely video. I dated a man that I felt I wanted to be with forever....I started to realize it wasn't going to happen the way I wanted and went in to marry someone else who turned out to be a horrible narcissist...after divorcing that person, I moved back to the area I was from and this person I had dated came back into my life....I started getting the feelings back that I had for him before but have recently realized that I had no sense of self and wanted to start doing the things I did before I met either of these men... After watching the video I realized how important rediscovering myself was and got to the point where I no longer care to have this man in my life and I want to become a whole person again instead of just waiting around for him to call
@@aprilwilcox5065 Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It by Kamal Ravikant The Hoffman Process by John Gottman The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer The Body Keeps The Score Brain Mind And The Healing Of Trauma-Bessel Van Der Kolk I Hear You by Michael Sorenson Boundaries by Henry Cloud Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix- Wired For Love by Dr Stan Tatkin Safe People by Henry Cloud 8 Dates by John and Julie Gottman defines the blueprint of healthy relationships. It clarifies Are You The One For Me? by Barbara De Angelis The 7 Principles For Making Marriage Work by John Gottman and Nan Silver Ken Reid has informative podcasts on attachment styles. Know yourself and your attachment style.
@@aprilwilcox5065 👍 Glad to hear Rejection is protection. Know yourself and your attachment style. Ken Reid clinician Sam Vaknin PhD and David Tian PhD have educational podcasts on attachment styles and other topics. Commitment Phobia Explained Men That Can't Love Animated Podcast ( avoidant attachment) The dating pool has a high population of avoidant attachments. Both genders.
I'm not even half way through watching this video and I already recognise that the things you're saying, and the WAY you're saying them, are bloody genuis. Thank you so much for your wisdom about all this, and for slamming it home with such clarity. The repetition is fantastic, roo, and the passion you put into it helps SO much.
Matthew, you have been such a great source of comfort during these toughest times. This is the first time I really wanted to approach a breakup differently than in the past and to truly grow myself and become a better me. Handling this with as much grace and respect has been one of the hardest things ever, but I'm glad I chose this path instead of a destructive one. Everyday is such a challenge, but whatever may come I think the most important thing to take is to be obsessed with self improvement and to open your heart. Your material has changed my life Matthew, thank you.
This has been helping me right now … Distance is my new answer to disrespect. I no longer react, I no longer argue, I no longer dive into drama. I simply remove my presence.
Better to remove THEM, not yourself, or you'll find yourself a refugee contunually roaming around, searching for a place where you'll find peace. Stop *avoiding* and push back - teach people how to treat you right!
@@katieinohio5 Wise indeed. Truly powerful people don't need to explain why they want respect. They simply refuse to engage with anyone that doesn't give it to them. The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker Safe People by Henry Cloud Boundaries by Henry Cloud I Hear You by Michael Sorenson Ken Reid clinician has informative podcasts on attachment styles. Know yourself and your attachment style.
I’ve been single 3 years, & have gone no contact with someone I was with for 7. I have had & occasionally have conflict over that. But sometimes letting someone go is the most loving choice. For them & for yourself. Don’t want to be with him, keep tabs, or be friends. So what’s left? Beautiful memories. Gratitude that I experienced it.
@@tubesurf17 Happy aligned couples don't usually break up. All relationships are lessons. We are a common denominator in our relationships. We are lucky to be the age we are. Everyday is precious. It's a gift! 🌞 Victor consciousness! 8 Dates by John and Julie Gottman defines the blueprint of healthy relationships. It clarifies. Know yourself and your attachment style. Ken Reid clinician has informative podcasts on attachment styles.
@SherriFlemming she was drying . I helped r n dcehnd that's I d I di like .she didn't itvloged me. 6th year ibfeal h a4d I n did all o could as c fast as I could for me 1st. 2 years she hung v on. Then she gh I step after said come bk in3 moths. I found another w h are I was supposed to be
@SherriFlemming texting sucked..she was I. Bottle just going g.though bad shit not the real.her.. well.i.asked.her t ok. Sto l more than.tjat i.shpwed her how weather it's me or not.,it can hurt her. She is smart and had my love. I slippe dlater... I was ghosted.i never smraised my voice cyzzed ta he called he put of he n amr I even had the best feeling.all menshoukd have the die..I wanted to but a baby I. He and sh3 wanted the n.e we can't. Not edeal.but we felt it. Gkd.allowed us that?? Is amekonws the am s we tell me cas if u don't know the hole I've fallen into. Pass this by
The best part of being a self aware human being is how we navigate through different kind of emotions. Sometimes it can surely feel we'd never heal from something but magically we do it and god how strong we become after such experiences, shapes the real us ❤❤
A couple new squares in my matrix are that I’ve been pouring all the energy and love that I gave to my ex I’ve now been giving to myself. I’ve started back to the gym which I gave up while dating, I’m going back to college to finish my degree in the Fall and I’ve found some new friends by venturing to new places like breweries/restaurants that have been doing live music and trivia nights which I didn’t feel comfortable going alone to before but I’ve made a goal for myself that yes I lost this person in my life but I won’t be able to meet a new person if I don’t put myself out there around new people.
I really love the part around 11 minute, where you talk about how important our life is, and to not compare it to others, or even feel we are any less. very important message! thank you for your videos and content!! love it
Damn, This is hard hitting. My Wife was my life and I lost who I was. I bottled up my emotions and I felt numb. We have been together for 13 years and have 2 kids. The last 2 or 3 years just didn't feel right, I just accepted that our relationship didnt have Affection or Intimacy. I lost who I was and what was important to me. We have now been separated for 4 months. It was the hardest thing that I've ever had to do but I wouldn't have walked away if she hadn't ended it. I can look back now and Im starting to feel like me again. Listening to the music I love, seeing my friends, Working out, focusing on Work. I just hope we get the chance to start something new with each other
@@banzaiman1 Sending you the light 🌞🙏 Know yourself and your attachment style. Ken Reid clinician, Sam Vaknin PhD and David Tian PhD have educational podcasts on attachment styles and other topics. Why You Choose The Wrong People-Ken Reid podcast 🌞 Interrogate Your Partners Their Past Is Your Future-Sam Vaknin podcast Never doubt patterns. AKA the track record. Your Past Relationships Explained - Sam Vaknin podcast
I have to admit that I just ended a relationship, knowing that it was the thing to do. It was an unhappy relationship. It was unhealthy. Despite me choosing to end things, I feel that we could have salvaged the relationship, but there were quite a number of things that contributed to the disillusionment of the Union. You’re correct. That obsessive rumination is horrible. It’s as if you are stuck in a loop, a vicious cycle. The thing is, the more we focus on the loss, the hurt, the grief, etc, the more we’ll be stuck in that zone. I know that our relationship was a trauma bonded one but I still wish it hadn’t ended. I’m just so tired of the repetitiveness of the destructive relationships that I attract.
Thank you Matthew, this helped me so much with where I'm at, I needed to see this today. I'm coming out of a marriage of over 20 years, going through a divorce and I e been doing allot of work on myself through the help of my therapist, watching content like yours and reading self development books. I am so grateful for the way you explained the Matrix and I have more clarity now on how and what areas I need to shine my spotlight Thank you❤❤
Powerful teaching! It's true and so well put together, thank you Matthew! I have gone through a terrible break up after 30 years, and when I suddenly found myself alone I didn't even know who I was. 4 years passed and little by little I started to invest in my interests and I am whole again. When you are are a survivor of a Narcissist relationship, the healing is very hard, because you don't only grieve the loss of the person, the attachment you fantasied you had, the future you were going to have and the real future you are going to have. It's a very komplex grief. Still , your advice goes for everyone, and it helps even for us survivors, there is a life after and it can be a much better one.
We met online. dated for a short while. He wanted the commitment first. Long story short,we had a great month or so and then I felt he was pulling away and then yes he dumped me over a text saying that he can't do the full commitment. A month in since,and he's on 2-3 different online apps.. maybe he's a serial dater. I'm hurt cos I was single for years after my marriage broke down and he's the 1st person I developed feelings,I thought hes real,genuin and I wanted it to be. he knew all this and still played.
This is such healthy advice. I love that it's actually something you can action. Something that's positive all around. It gives me hope that my future is not over, it's just back in my hands. Thanks, Matthew. If there's a God, may he/she bless you. ❤
My small box to expand is my education which I left after my relationship..and still ignored after breakup..i need to expand it now !! My new box is to start socialising and contributing to society by volenteering!!
The spotlight I created was that he was my protection, my best friend, warm safe place and that he is always there for me and he always will be. The spotlight didn't show that he was getting exhausted. I truly believe that his love was genuine but being 2 years sober I didn't realize I was high maintenance. I don't personally feel that way but that's because he never wanted me to feel like a burden. 😢
It's been 9 months and I still compare every other woman to her (my ex). I feel like I will never love someone as deeply as her, and I am lost because of it. But I'm trying to use what Matthew shared with us in this video
@@defface777 When you've healed from your past experiences then you're ready for a healthy relationship. Happy aligned couples don't usually break up. 8 Dates by John and Julie Gottman defines the blueprint of healthy relationships. It clarifies. Know yourself and your attachment style. Ken Reid has informative podcasts on attachment styles.
I no longer want him back. He was my first love but he left me and tried to keep in touch with me for months after that, until I said not to contact me anymore. I don’t want the people that don’t even want to be in my life back no matter how painful it is. I have been disrespected so much from people that it will never be the same having them back in my life. I change and become stronger every time someone disrespects me and hurts me.
That is exactly what I want for me! He broke our 4 year relationship and I was balling my eyes out on the last phone call. He kept on insisting to remain in touch and be "friends" but I am glad I took a stand for myself and denied. It's been almost 4 months and my journey has been full of highs and lows. I hope I can look back someday and not feel so damn miserable!
I relate to you guys in a big way. Before anything else, *no* judgement against folks who accepted those who dropped them back into their lives. Sometimes, the decent ones make honest mistakes, and take the wrong people for granted. However, these are exceptions. And in my case, things don’t even have to be romantic. I discovered when certain relatives and “buddies” abandoned me, and returned, then I took them back, I was ALWAYS SORRY I did. It’s beautiful when people who stay in your life are those who neither disrespected nor judged you when you made them your everything, then rejoiced with you when you finally learnt to stand on your own legs.
I did this after my divorce. She wanted me back...big time. This ex wife that i suffered so much over became "i am not interested. After 17 years" . I start dating, and everyone i connected with ,fell for me. Doctors, career women. I had to be honest and saynim just not there. Im 3 yrs divorced . Later many of these women found men who lied, said i love u and just used them for money or selfishness. And these women have recently contacted me because of the impact i mad3 rt after this break up . Because i was honest ...left relationship i wasnt ready for. And they all care for the person i am. Talk about moving the spot light. Im just a bitmbroken hearted and broken. My break up ended me up broken in an abulance. 47, look 30...everyone always doesn't believe i was married, i was cheated on, or that my ex isnt gonna beg me back.,sigh. Bragging im not. I do not see my self as more. Itsmthe opposite.
Matthew, you are always such a delight to watch and listen to. Your wisdom is just brilliant. I am a long time divorcee in my later 60's. Every word you said applies and is of comfort. I've just had a disappointing encounter with someone, yet another nonstarter. It is so frustrating .This time especially painful because we both liked each other, there was good chemistry, but I think I pushed, smothered him and he ran. It was so exciting at first. Anyway, I will try to internalize your message. I do have many interests and areas that I enjoy. Congratulations on your marriage! Wish you much happiness and best of luck! Thanks again for all you do and give to so many of us.
My new square is being a teacher to little students who make teaching such joy. And mostly importantly another square is connecting to Our creator by seeking more knowledge about my religion islam and spreading its teachings to spread hope and positivity to people. .. And helping out poor and distressed people ❤
If only I knew what brings me happiness! I’ve always been so focused on family, I’ve been told from the very young age that family is the most important thing in the world! I wanna be a mom and I don’t know how not to think about it. Right now I only see myself as a lonely girl with no perspective to achieve happiness :/
Dear Matthew, Although I’m not in the habit of leaving comments, I couldn’t stop myself from writing this message after watching a few of your videos since last night. First of all, I want to express that I have gained significant awareness through your excellent, high-quality, and accurate analyses. I am incredibly grateful to you for inspiring the urge to change the flawed parts of my thinking and perspective, and to overcome the challenges I face, thanks to the solutions you offer and your truly healthy and accurate explanations. I have been searching for a source that could offer me the right solutions for a long time, and I believe I have found it through your videos. I want you to know that I listen to your videos while taking notes. Sincerely, thank you for touching people's lives all around the world and positively impacting them in the healthiest way possible. Best regards.
I absolutely needed this. Thank you so much, Matt. Currently going through a break up and all the second-guessing that comes with it. As you were talking about finding other things that you’ve put off and should get back into to take your focus off of them, I was literally on my walking pad because I’ve had this itch to start focusing on my health again that I had put off and I feel was probably a contributor to what happened. I’m remaining neutral on whether he will come back or not. I’m more so trying to stay focused on allowing myself to grieve when I need to, but realizing there’s more to life and moving on, however I can and it’s amazing how the universe led me to your video. Thank you for all that you do. I just bought your book also and looking forward to reading it to develop more coping skills ❤
My partner just broke up with me this past weekend. I bottled my emotions when I was upset, unable to process and communicate them because of my trauma. I tried to work on it but by that time we had grown too distant. She prioritised my needs and had lost her sense of self and no longer loved herself. I feel horrible for all the pain I caused her but I still deeply care for her. We’re currently in a period of no contact. I want to use these experiences, lessons and our love to drive my growth and healing but some part of me hopes that one day we can reconnect and be together again
🎉🎉 PHEW BRAVO😍🎉 JUST WHAT I NEEDED TO HEAR !! ... Shine the light back on my potential & career square as a musician and dance teacher ... Which then makes me realise I don't need him.. he needs me more than I need him... He keeps copying my work? This is the only thing we argue about as we're best friends usually. And geuss that's what I was holding onto but ... Nope no more, his life is all over the place and I've forgotten to shine the light back on my life.. ... I'll let the idea of him shrink + disappear now so I can put the spotlight back onto myself for once. ... Even physically writing this has helped... Make it tangible... 💪🏼😎❤️
I just had to breakup today with the woman I was going to marry because she basically ghosted me. No texts back, nothing. I broke it off because she already broke it off apparently. I'm confused and hurting, feeling abandoned. Listening to you helps a lot.
MH has been helping me drag myself out of the myself out for years. It hasn’t been easy and (ashamed to say) still in my 4th year of closing a heartbreak. But, I know that that this healing has indeed made me stronger and given me peace, instead of just trying to force ‘moving on’. Though I know there’s still some patching to do I had never loved my life and myself more and the outlook is bright Who would have imagined that? 🥰🌟 For everyone struggling right now, IT GETS BETTER, I promise.
My boyfriend broke up with me and wouldn’t tell me specific reasons. I was devastated. Then I had to go into the hospital for five days for tests. He appeared today, and we realized that it’s his problem with letting himself feel anything that was making him feel our relationship wouldn’t last. I’m glad I watched this because it gives me strength and I hope it will help him understand that, if we work on ourselves, we might get a brand new relationship with each other, but even if not, I will be okay. He will not keep me stuck. Should I share this video with him? Thank you for making this! 🙏🏻
This video is the biggest eye opener for me, I thank you so very much for sharing it with the world, u are an amazing man, Mr. Hussey, it makes soooo much sense to me now, I have been trapped in this matrix of the relationship is supposed to be everything, when it doesn't happen what to do I was lost for so long until I found the answer, thank you
You really helped me manage an intense amount of pain today.. I often bottle things up for months, years, and feel it all at once in rather terrifying bouts lasting weeks - months.. While i may not be out of the storm yet, every day gor for the past 10 days now have been some of the most empty, sad, pained, days i have ever felt and i thought i was getting used to this.. Your words are, at least for the moment, really helping redirect my focus in a better way. I really hope you have the things that make you feel complete you deserve them, and I hope the passion for those things never escape you..
My Ex left me because I was the female in this story. She even told me when breaking up with me that I need to find myself, find happiness within and that she was in the way of me doing this. After 3 weeks crying over her and feeling sorry for myself, I'm really focusing on doing things for myself, now I'm outside the relationship, I can see it clearly, and how I was acting. Thankyou so much for this video and this concept ❤️ I will absolutely work on pointing the spotlight to my kids and other joys of life
Met a girl 3 months ago. We were calling each other babe, hubby and wifey, then randomly she became distant, phone calls stopped, month later we chatting again. Feel like I’m backtracking and restarting but I really like this girl, thanks for your advice. Been using your tips and I’ve been feeling more comfortable.
This is 100% true, i couldn't sleep and obsses n suffocate the relationship. This really slap hard. I know i lost myself in this obsession but i didnt notice how to build back myself. This identity matrix is something i had strong in my life but lost everytime im obsessed with a guy that i like. Thank u for the reminder.
We broke up about a month ago, remained in contact and even met up a few times. It was a very toxic relationship and I know the break up is for the best but I just can't let him go. It sucks
Rejection is protection. Breaking the cycle is what counts! What you do is important.♥️ Never doubt patterns AKA The Track Record Karma always has an address. Victor consciousness 🌞 Ken Reid has informative podcasts on attachment styles. The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman - healing The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer - healing The Language Of Emotions by Karla McLaren The Myth Of Normal by Gabor Mate Safe People by Henry Cloud The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix-IMAGO Wired For Love by Dr Stan Tatkin Emotional Intimacy by Robert Masters I Hear You by Micheal Sorenson Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goldman
I've seen him before but didn't listen because I was toxic. Now I'm more together with myself I can see my ex of 4 years can't do a relationship rn. I know if he gets a new gf she would end up feeling bad because he isn't as healthy as he likes to think he is. I have fostered a child so she has a safe place and my focus is on her emotional wellbeing now, not my ex's. I'm listening to MH and it's helping my brain form new pathways. The road is long.
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let her go i did all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring her back
I needed this video because my whole life did fall apart including the breakup. Rebuilding everything in my life and this made me rethink a lot. Thank you got this.
Thank you so much, Matthew!! This is exactly the kind of advice that I need right now to start healing. I made a mistake in made her the number one priorite in my life and because of that I felt that my entire world was falling apart. But now I am going to really start investing in other areas of my life.
For me the thing I let shrivel was the gym. Now that my realtionship is over, I'm taking that back up. It's the only thing that really makes me tired enough, so that I don't think of her.
Thank you for the amazing advice, as always. My “break up” was after a short period of time together but I had had feelings for him since I was 14 (I’m now 30). Hearing him confess to me earlier this year felt like a dream come true. I definitely made him and a potential future together my focus. I’ve been struggling to value much of my life since he decided he didn’t want to pursue it anymore. I know that more tough days are ahead, but having tools to get through those times has always really helped me. To answer your question, I think some of my shrunken old boxes are writing and reading, and for my new box, I’d like to learn bass guitar. 📦 🎸🔥🖤 I look forward to the future version of myself now instead of a future with him. Thanks again, Matthew!
You save my life Mathew lost Someone to addiction he is in rehab and I have not heard from him now I found that box getting huge for him now this helps my brain visually understand what needs to change to not feel stuck
I let my ex leave rehab and move in with me after 3 months there. I had saviour complex when he was saying that he wasn't getting medical attention while they isolated him in a run-down section of the house (covid). He used the communication phone to text me and play on my kindness, saying they didn't give him a health check, doctor or proper food and he is ready to leave. It would have been much better for him to do much longer and be discharged to his own property but we live and learn.
After my spouse of five years departed, I was left in despair. Despite attempting multiple forms of therapy, none offered solace. Thankfully, Aurelia Maisie Goelet, a spiritual guide, intervened and facilitated our reconciliation. Seek her out online for guidance. You should really look her up, especially for that addiction problem you mentioned. Best of luck
Clever clever Matthew! Makes absolute sense. You have to reach a point though where you want to do this - it takes time to get back up and pull ourselves together. But once you can then this I believe is the absolute BEST advice to move forward with . It’s a win win! X
Also, this video empowers me. A great reminder on how not to lose one's self in any relationship. To stand tall, confident and always be aware of your own needs , wants , and worth. Thank you again!!
I broke up with someone 2.5 years ago and haven’t been able to move on because of hope that he would grow and we would work out. Maybe I would have moved on by now if I were had done strict no contact. I know now that there is no hope and I want to move on now. My new square: making healthy food choices, exercising often, and losing weight. I’ve always wanted to be a fit person but I’ve never had the discipline or time. I want to make that time, I know this would help me notice my inherent value better.
I’m 6 months in a heartbreak and still feel the pain everyday, i miss that person alot and have no confidence, i felt like she was the absolute love of my life, we were so happy untill 5 weeks before the end she was unhappy and i was trying to understand if it was me and she said it wasn’t it was her and how she felt, the hardest thing is she was my bestfriend the one i went to for everything and loved with my whole heart, i wish her all the best and i hope she is happy and i can get to the point of happiness soon
Matthew, everything you put out is the gold standard in content. I’m happily married, and I still love watching all your videos. There’s so much depth and nurture, and wisdom there. Thanks for all you do.😊 Ps Even though I’m partnered, I bought the book, honestly, just to “give back” for all the wonderful material I’ve enjoyed from you and your crew over the years.❤
This is sooooo true and wise words of wisdom!🙌 If we put more legs under our table and have other interests and things we are passionate about. We won’t be holding onto a relationship because it’s our whole identity!❤❤👏This spoke to me, I needed to hear this. It’s so very true. Thank you for pointing this out to me!😊
thanks Matt for the video. currently undergoing a breakup. i drew up my matrix. but yet to figure out what to fill up in the biggest box. in the old matrix, it was her with the rest being my hobbies, friends etc. i didnt neglect the rest of the other boxes. Hope I can try out the other activities and get myself out of this phase.
Thank you so much for making this video 🙏🙏🙏 I really needed this, don't want anybody back from my past but I was struggling with things to move on with my life and you gave us this new Matrix challenge is so powerful... I've read the book already but this video made me so happy, I've been working on my Matrix but now I know how to enrich it more... Thanks again... ❤❤❤ Sending you lots of love and positive vibes 🤞🥰 Stay blessed 🙌
Actually i already have my list of the squares before i had my relationship. I just focused the spot light then on my relationship forgetting the other squares i already built. Now im bringing back my focus to them. And i wish to add one which you suggested. ❤❤ Thank you for letting us relearn things. 😊
This is very powerful ,,i been through all of this and im a living proof that this will gonna work out,,just take times and fucos on your goal to move on,,and the Rest will follow,,and Find God and do more good deeds its has positive effects in return,
Hi Matthew. Thanks for your incredibly helpful videos. They came to me at the right time. My very intense relationship ended two days ago, and I have gone through what you describe. Thanks for the reminder to focus back on all the other areas of my life.
I really enjoyed watching this video, it really helped me shift my focus from the love relationship alone to other things that really matters in my life, thank u Matthew Hussey.
Matthew, you have explained the situation and emotions on the basis of reality. And the feelings and emotions which you have mentioned, those are the real feelings if anyone is going through this phase. Thank you very very very much! for this life lession
Im working with the person i just cutt off. I am deeply ashamed to admit that my lack of self care has ruined what wouldve been a beautiful friendship, just because i wanted more from her when i wanted more from myself. I never share on here but i just wanted to say thank you beautiful people.
I told her she was my world. I gave her my time and my soul. Like you say, the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference. That's how I think she felt about me. Indifferent. And it fucking sucks! Nine years. All gone. And for what.
Not all storms come to destroy your life...some come to clear the path. Remember that!
I love this answer. Never thought of it that way. I just followed the phoenix.
Aww 😢❤
Amen.
thank you for this...
Damn I needed to hear that analogy wtf thanks
- Go strict no-contact
- Don't pedestalize the person
- Remember why it ended
- Find happiness within
- Self-improvement on all fronts
I wish to know why but got ghosted after almost 4 years. No contact? Got ignored. Many men neverer think that it's better to end things properly than let woman analyzing than focus on moving on.
@paolar.6408 my ex of nearly 12 years moved out in the night while I was sleeping without a word, text, or note. I loved him wholeheartedly and was 100% in our relationship. We had a family, a home, and a life together. And he just walked away like I was nothing to him. I was happy and thought everything was good between us.
Very important "remember why it ended".
@@paolar.6408and that’s why it ended. Because this person didn’t respect you enough to give you the time of day to explain themselves to you. It ended because this person did not respect you on the most basic level.
I wasn't given a reason, so how can I "remember" why it ended
Who left you at your worst doesn't deserve you at your best.
Sounds like your ego talking.
Thank you
👍👍🎯🎯
My husband of 22 years left me after our 7 year old passed away. He said he wants me to find a better man for me because he's not ok anymore. Losing our son destroyed us both. Reading your comment just now made me think I MUST learn how to move on. Although I likely will stay single for a very long time, if not forever.
@steph6337 Unfortunately, in cases of death some people react in a selfish way, not taking into consideration that the other person is also devastated. I witnessed a similar situation, too, where a family member cut relations with us after the death of a family member. It happens with a lot of people it seems but you can never forget whom wasn't there in a moment of need.
She left. I felt some sadness but mostly relief. That's a pretty good sign that things were not good. I am grateful to her for pushing me away, because I suspect I would have continued to fight for a relationship that was only in my mind.
My new square in my matrix: riding a bike. Finally I've learnt 2 months ago. I'm 50.
I feel soo good. Now I'm riding 20 km at least one time per week.
I also have a black kitten I've always. wanted. My cat Bandit is lovely and brings me so much happiness.
I have a great new job, well paid.
I moved from London to my home country in my own house. I started the renovation and it's great.
I have new friends, I'm listening again rock like in highschool.
Awesome!!…. I’m happy for you!!
It sounds great and is an inspiration for me😊 Thank you and wish you all good ❤
You are THE example. ❤
hey I'm so proud of you!
❤❤❤
I want to play this video on repeat every single day ... until every word sinks in deeply
Do it!
I understand exactly what you mean.
Saw him in a whole new light after reconnecting 9 months after he ended it with me. Not the person I thought he was when I fell in love in love with him in the first place. Sad for how things ended but proud of myself for the work I've done and for seeing things as they really are.
@@alwaysroomtolearn how u mean after reconnecting
@@alwaysroomtolearn
👍 Glad to hear.
Know yourself and your attachment style. Ken Reid clinician, Sam Vaknin PhD and David Tian PhD have educational podcasts on attachment styles and other topics.
Why You Choose The Wrong People-Ken Reid podcast 🌞
Interrogate Your Partners Their Past Is Your Future-Sam Vaknin podcast 🌞
How To Recover Off The Back Of A Bad Breakup-Ken Reid podcast 🌞
Your Past Relationships Explained - Sam Vaknin podcast🌞
Take Back Your Life Own It! Sam Vaknin ♥️
This is gold.
hey man, just suffered a break up, her reasons for why are the same ones you said on the video. I now realise how important it is for me to create a new life, one where i can feel good about myself, and only to myself. I'm still in pain, but thanks to you i feel better. I searched a bunch of videos about break ups, all of them were tragic to hear, this one made me feel good and at peace, thank you so much. In 9 months i'll update this comment with a story hopefully
You got this. Here for you!
You got this
I hope one month in you are feeling a little bit better everyday
Going through the same brother, just lost a huge square in my life that I wanted a future with. This video helped too and hopefully gets better for us. ~
@@chamazape3710
Sending you the light 🙏🌞
Know yourself and your attachment style.
Ken Reid clinician, Sam Vaknin PhD and David Tian PhD have educational podcasts on attachment styles and other topics.
I am 60 and my boyfriend broke up, after 6 years. My heart is broken, but I listen to you and I feel better. Sometimes I have the feeling, your plans are for younger people and not for me. But I did get a lot of good advice. I also can create a new square for myself, that is definitely possible. Thanks and greatings from France
@@juttaha1113
The antidote to suffering is choosing self love over fear and pain. Grieving is normal.
Sending you the light! 🙏🌞
Know yourself and your attachment style. Ken Reid clinician, Sam Vaknin PhD and David Tian PhD have educational podcasts on attachment styles and other topics.
Committment Phobia Explained Men That Can't Love Animated Podcast
(avoidant attachment)
Avoidant attachment is common in the dating pool. Both genders.
Why You Choose The Wrong People-Ken Reid podcast
Interrogate Your Partners Their Past Is Your Future-Sam Vaknin podcast
Never doubt patterns. AKA the track record.
Your Past Relationships Explained - Sam Vaknin podcast.
I am 68. I understand 😢
Matthew, I want to thank you for changing my life 4 years ago when I randomly found one of your videos called "He left?". I was in the middle of extreme break-up pain and couldn't hardly breathe. This was how I found your channel. Since then I've changed so much and become the woman I like. The woman I've always wanted to be. Feeling so happy. My ex came back but it know that I would be doing well regardless. Now it is natural for me to keep my standard and never betray myself. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. Keep doing what you do.
You took him back?
@aamnagotrizz , I did and this is a new relationship as Matthew describes in this video.
@@bistravoda3687 has he also grown since ur breakup
how long were you apart? did you keep in conctact or not? I am glad you have a new relationshio, I wish that for myself too
@YourGrowthChannel , quite long, for 3 years but we saw each other as we work together and he texted from time to time but with nothing serious.
Yes part of the problem is I don’t like my life right now and it feels dull which makes me miss him and ruminate even more and making him the most amazing thing that I had in life. I made him the most important and vital part which was wrong. I always did that.
I need to change my life and being spark back.
It’s better to start with someone new than take someone back who doesn’t want to keep you. Show some self respect.
I needed to hear this right now thank you
If you think it's worth it, go ahead. Don't have any regret in the future for not trying. Hope it works
thisss
Ken Reid clinician, Sam Vaknin PhD and David Tian PhD have informative podcasts on attachment styles and other topics.
Know yourself and your attachment style.
Safe People by Henry Cloud
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
Men That Can't Love by Stephen A Carter (avoidant attachment)
Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood
Facing Codependency by Pia Melody
Boundaries by Henry Cloud
8 Dates by John and Julie Gottman defines the blueprint of healthy relationships. It clarifies .
Are You The One For Me Knowing Who Is Right And Who Is Wrong ? by Barbara De Angelis
The 7 Principles For Making Marriage Work by John Gottman and Nan Silver
Non Violent Communication by Marshall B Rosenberg
I Hear You by Michael Sorenson
Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix-
Wired For Love by Dr Stan Tatkin - attachment styles
Emotional Intimacy by Robert Masters
The Language Of Emotions by Karla McLaren
Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goldman
Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It by Kamal Ravikant
The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz
The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman
The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer
The Body Keeps The Score Brain Mind And The Healing Of Trauma-Bessel Van Der Kolk
I needed to hear this so i can slapped my face.
I fell inlove with an old man who is 25 years older than me. Im 51. I met him thru online and chatted with him for almost a year and i got attached that i even went to see him in his country. But when i was there i almost begged for his attention and affection.. he was with me the entire days that i was there but i never felt the love that i recieved when we were chatting.. he never hugged me and never looked at me. He talked to me like im just his buddy.. and when i left he never even kissed me at the airport or touch me. He just said have a nice trip and it was my pleasure thats all.. i was so broken becoz i thought seeing him can stablished the relationship but i was wrong..i never enjoy my vacation and at the same time i came home with a heavy heart because he never talked to me again since came home..
Your advice has helped me over the past 3 years. You tell absolutely no lies and you give so much power back to the individual to LIVE THEIR BEST LIFE with or without being partnered up.
10:43 😂❤❤❤ Omgsh I was just thinking, 'Yeah but I don't know if I have a big life...' (I'm not traveling much lately, I'm not a speaker, my art isn't out there, I've barely published anything) and then Matthew looked at us and said 'if you're a nurse who works with dementia patients and loves your friends and has some hobbies on the side'--and that's exactly what I am/do 👩🏼⚕️--'don't EVER lose sight of the richness of your life.' Thank you, Matthew. Message received 😂 and mission accepted ❤❤❤❤
That’s also my life!! Hello from Switzerland
I had to make a pause at the 8th minute...i then burst into tears-as you were describing EXACTLY what I'm experiencing for the past 6 months.
I'm 45 years old,I've lived my life to the fullest & 2.5 years ago I thought I found my soulmate.My other half,my twin flame...In the end,she proved to be a female covert narcissist-who dumped me through an sms!
It's been 3 months now and Matthew is right, I didn't have the language to explain that it has made my life feel so small.
ohhh
sorry lady sarah
hope you get back up soon😍
This was a very timely video. I dated a man that I felt I wanted to be with forever....I started to realize it wasn't going to happen the way I wanted and went in to marry someone else who turned out to be a horrible narcissist...after divorcing that person, I moved back to the area I was from and this person I had dated came back into my life....I started getting the feelings back that I had for him before but have recently realized that I had no sense of self and wanted to start doing the things I did before I met either of these men... After watching the video I realized how important rediscovering myself was and got to the point where I no longer care to have this man in my life and I want to become a whole person again instead of just waiting around for him to call
@@aprilwilcox5065
Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It by Kamal Ravikant
The Hoffman Process by John Gottman
The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer
The Body Keeps The Score Brain Mind And The Healing Of Trauma-Bessel Van Der Kolk
I Hear You by Michael Sorenson
Boundaries by Henry Cloud
Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix-
Wired For Love by Dr Stan Tatkin
Safe People by Henry Cloud
8 Dates by John and Julie Gottman defines the blueprint of healthy relationships. It clarifies
Are You The One For Me? by Barbara De Angelis
The 7 Principles For Making Marriage Work by John Gottman and Nan Silver
Ken Reid has informative podcasts on attachment styles. Know yourself and your attachment style.
@@aprilwilcox5065
👍 Glad to hear
Rejection is protection.
Know yourself and your attachment style. Ken Reid clinician Sam Vaknin PhD and David Tian PhD have educational podcasts on attachment styles and other topics.
Commitment Phobia Explained Men That Can't Love Animated Podcast
( avoidant attachment)
The dating pool has a high population of avoidant attachments. Both genders.
I'm not even half way through watching this video and I already recognise that the things you're saying, and the WAY you're saying them, are bloody genuis. Thank you so much for your wisdom about all this, and for slamming it home with such clarity. The repetition is fantastic, roo, and the passion you put into it helps SO much.
Matthew, you have been such a great source of comfort during these toughest times. This is the first time I really wanted to approach a breakup differently than in the past and to truly grow myself and become a better me. Handling this with as much grace and respect has been one of the hardest things ever, but I'm glad I chose this path instead of a destructive one. Everyday is such a challenge, but whatever may come I think the most important thing to take is to be obsessed with self improvement and to open your heart. Your material has changed my life Matthew, thank you.
I have been so obsessed with him the entire relationship and now that it’s over, I feel moorless
This has been helping me right now …
Distance is my new answer to disrespect.
I no longer react, I no longer argue, I no longer dive into drama. I simply remove my presence.
Better to remove THEM, not yourself, or you'll find yourself a refugee contunually roaming around, searching for a place where you'll find peace.
Stop *avoiding* and push back - teach people how to treat you right!
@@katieinohio5
Wise indeed.
Truly powerful people don't need to explain why they want respect. They simply refuse to engage with anyone that doesn't give it to them.
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
Safe People by Henry Cloud
Boundaries by Henry Cloud
I Hear You by Michael Sorenson
Ken Reid clinician has informative podcasts on attachment styles. Know yourself and your attachment style.
You released your first book when I was 15, I BEGGED my dad to get me Get The Guy for my 16th birthday. Still have it! 🥰🤩 thank you for your service 😁
I’ve been single 3 years, & have gone no contact with someone I was with for 7. I have had & occasionally have conflict over that. But sometimes letting someone go is the most loving choice. For them & for yourself. Don’t want to be with him, keep tabs, or be friends. So what’s left? Beautiful memories. Gratitude that I experienced it.
Ive landed in the similar space..except im male lol she was not . Lol. 1year single. Know her 7 years. Hard rt?
@@tubesurf17 Happy aligned couples don't usually break up. All relationships are lessons. We are a common denominator in our relationships.
We are lucky to be the age we are. Everyday is precious. It's a gift! 🌞
Victor consciousness!
8 Dates by John and Julie Gottman defines the blueprint of healthy relationships. It clarifies.
Know yourself and your attachment style. Ken Reid clinician has informative podcasts on attachment styles.
@SherriFlemming she was drying . I helped r n dcehnd that's I d I di like .she didn't itvloged me. 6th year ibfeal h a4d I n did all o could as c fast as I could for me
1st. 2 years she hung v on. Then she gh I step after said come bk in3 moths. I found another w h are I was supposed to be
@@tubesurf17 My condolences for your loss. 🙏
@SherriFlemming texting sucked..she was I. Bottle just going g.though bad shit not the real.her.. well.i.asked.her t ok. Sto l more than.tjat i.shpwed her how weather it's me or not.,it can hurt her.
She is smart and had my love. I slippe dlater... I was ghosted.i never smraised my voice cyzzed ta he called he put of he n amr I even had the best feeling.all menshoukd have the die..I wanted to but a baby I. He and sh3 wanted the n.e we can't. Not edeal.but we felt it. Gkd.allowed us that?? Is amekonws the am s we tell me cas if u don't know the hole I've fallen into. Pass this by
The best part of being a self aware human being is how we navigate through different kind of emotions. Sometimes it can surely feel we'd never heal from something but magically we do it and god how strong we become after such experiences, shapes the real us ❤❤
A couple new squares in my matrix are that I’ve been pouring all the energy and love that I gave to my ex I’ve now been giving to myself. I’ve started back to the gym which I gave up while dating, I’m going back to college to finish my degree in the Fall and I’ve found some new friends by venturing to new places like breweries/restaurants that have been doing live music and trivia nights which I didn’t feel comfortable going alone to before but I’ve made a goal for myself that yes I lost this person in my life but I won’t be able to meet a new person if I don’t put myself out there around new people.
I really love the part around 11 minute, where you talk about how important our life is, and to not compare it to others, or even feel we are any less. very important message! thank you for your videos and content!! love it
Matthew, Thank you so much for guiding us through one of the most challenging time in our love lives.
Damn, This is hard hitting. My Wife was my life and I lost who I was. I bottled up my emotions and I felt numb. We have been together for 13 years and have 2 kids. The last 2 or 3 years just didn't feel right, I just accepted that our relationship didnt have Affection or Intimacy. I lost who I was and what was important to me. We have now been separated for 4 months. It was the hardest thing that I've ever had to do but I wouldn't have walked away if she hadn't ended it. I can look back now and Im starting to feel like me again. Listening to the music I love, seeing my friends, Working out, focusing on Work. I just hope we get the chance to start something new with each other
@@banzaiman1
Sending you the light 🌞🙏
Know yourself and your attachment style. Ken Reid clinician, Sam Vaknin PhD and David Tian PhD have educational podcasts on attachment styles and other topics.
Why You Choose The Wrong People-Ken Reid podcast 🌞
Interrogate Your Partners Their Past Is Your Future-Sam Vaknin podcast
Never doubt patterns. AKA the track record.
Your Past Relationships Explained - Sam Vaknin podcast
I have to admit that I just ended a relationship, knowing that it was the thing to do. It was an unhappy relationship. It was unhealthy. Despite me choosing to end things, I feel that we could have salvaged the relationship, but there were quite a number of things that contributed to the disillusionment of the Union. You’re correct. That obsessive rumination is horrible. It’s as if you are stuck in a loop, a vicious cycle. The thing is, the more we focus on the loss, the hurt, the grief, etc, the more we’ll be stuck in that zone. I know that our relationship was a trauma bonded one but I still wish it hadn’t ended. I’m just so tired of the repetitiveness of the destructive relationships that I attract.
Thank you Matthew, this helped me so much with where I'm at, I needed to see this today. I'm coming out of a marriage of over 20 years, going through a divorce and I e been doing allot of work on myself through the help of my therapist, watching content like yours and reading self development books. I am so grateful for the way you explained the Matrix and I have more clarity now on how and what areas I need to shine my spotlight Thank you❤❤
Powerful teaching! It's true and so well put together, thank you Matthew! I have gone through a terrible break up after 30 years, and when I suddenly found myself alone I didn't even know who I was. 4 years passed and little by little I started to invest in my interests and I am whole again. When you are are a survivor of a Narcissist relationship, the healing is very hard, because you don't only grieve the loss of the person, the attachment you fantasied you had, the future you were going to have and the real future you are going to have. It's a very komplex grief. Still , your advice goes for everyone, and it helps even for us survivors, there is a life after and it can be a much better one.
We met online. dated for a short while. He wanted the commitment first. Long story short,we had a great month or so and then I felt he was pulling away and then yes he dumped me over a text saying that he can't do the full commitment. A month in since,and he's on 2-3 different online apps.. maybe he's a serial dater. I'm hurt cos I was single for years after my marriage broke down and he's the 1st person I developed feelings,I thought hes real,genuin and I wanted it to be. he knew all this and still played.
I am SO sorry, I know how you feel. Sending a hug
This is such healthy advice. I love that it's actually something you can action. Something that's positive all around. It gives me hope that my future is not over, it's just back in my hands. Thanks, Matthew. If there's a God, may he/she bless you. ❤
My small box to expand is my education which I left after my relationship..and still ignored after breakup..i need to expand it now !!
My new box is to start socialising and contributing to society by volenteering!!
The spotlight I created was that he was my protection, my best friend, warm safe place and that he is always there for me and he always will be.
The spotlight didn't show that he was getting exhausted. I truly believe that his love was genuine but being 2 years sober I didn't realize I was high maintenance. I don't personally feel that way but that's because he never wanted me to feel like a burden. 😢
It's been 9 months and I still compare every other woman to her (my ex). I feel like I will never love someone as deeply as her, and I am lost because of it. But I'm trying to use what Matthew shared with us in this video
@@defface777
When you've healed from your past experiences then you're ready for a healthy relationship.
Happy aligned couples don't usually break up.
8 Dates by John and Julie Gottman defines the blueprint of healthy relationships. It clarifies.
Know yourself and your attachment style. Ken Reid has informative podcasts on attachment styles.
I no longer want him back. He was my first love but he left me and tried to keep in touch with me for months after that, until I said not to contact me anymore. I don’t want the people that don’t even want to be in my life back no matter how painful it is. I have been disrespected so much from people that it will never be the same having them back in my life. I change and become stronger every time someone disrespects me and hurts me.
That is exactly what I want for me! He broke our 4 year relationship and I was balling my eyes out on the last phone call. He kept on insisting to remain in touch and be "friends" but I am glad I took a stand for myself and denied. It's been almost 4 months and my journey has been full of highs and lows. I hope I can look back someday and not feel so damn miserable!
Same!
I relate to you guys in a big way. Before anything else, *no* judgement against folks who accepted those who dropped them back into their lives. Sometimes, the decent ones make honest mistakes, and take the wrong people for granted.
However, these are exceptions. And in my case, things don’t even have to be romantic. I discovered when certain relatives and “buddies” abandoned me, and returned, then I took them back, I was ALWAYS SORRY I did.
It’s beautiful when people who stay in your life are those who neither disrespected nor judged you when you made them your everything, then rejoiced with you when you finally learnt to stand on your own legs.
@@JohnnyBGoode-jm4qpi have a person like this. I am a person like this. Ima take this person out for a good meal. Simple. Just a good meal
I did this after my divorce. She wanted me back...big time. This ex wife that i suffered so much over became "i am not interested. After 17 years" . I start dating, and everyone i connected with ,fell for me. Doctors, career women. I had to be honest and saynim just not there. Im 3 yrs divorced . Later many of these women found men who lied, said i love u and just used them for money or selfishness. And these women have recently contacted me because of the impact i mad3 rt after this break up . Because i was honest ...left relationship i wasnt ready for. And they all care for the person i am. Talk about moving the spot light. Im just a bitmbroken hearted and broken. My break up ended me up broken in an abulance. 47, look 30...everyone always doesn't believe i was married, i was cheated on, or that my ex isnt gonna beg me back.,sigh. Bragging im not. I do not see my self as more. Itsmthe opposite.
Shine a spotlight on something you already have!!!! Whyyyyyyy do we always forget that. Thank you Matthew, for this and so much more!
Matthew, you are always such a delight to watch and listen to. Your wisdom is just brilliant. I am a long time divorcee in my later 60's. Every word you said applies and is of comfort. I've just had a disappointing encounter with someone, yet another nonstarter. It is so frustrating .This time especially painful because we both liked each other, there was good chemistry, but I think I pushed, smothered him and he ran. It was so exciting at first. Anyway, I will try to internalize your message. I do have many interests and areas that I enjoy. Congratulations on your marriage! Wish you much happiness and best of luck! Thanks again for all you do and give to so many of us.
My new square is being a teacher to little students who make teaching such joy.
And mostly importantly another square is connecting to Our creator by seeking more knowledge about my religion islam and spreading its teachings to spread hope and positivity to people. ..
And helping out poor and distressed people ❤
For breakup boyz:
Mon: push up 25×1
crunch 10×3
reverse crunch 10×3
Hangings knee raise 10×3
Tue: push up 25×1
dumbell curl 10×3
drag curl 10×3
chin ups 5×3
Wed: REST
Thu: push up 25×1
diamond push up 10×3
Dips 20×3
Fri: push up 25×1
twisting push up 20×1
dumbell chest press 10×3
Sat: push up 25×1
dumbell lateral raise 10×3
front raise10×3
scoop press 10×3
Sun: REST
She shouldn’t settle with him, if he left her at her worst he doesn’t deserve her at her best….
Very true. Unless he also started to work on himself instead of jumping into a rebound relationship like me ex...💔
If only I knew what brings me happiness! I’ve always been so focused on family, I’ve been told from the very young age that family is the most important thing in the world! I wanna be a mom and I don’t know how not to think about it. Right now I only see myself as a lonely girl with no perspective to achieve happiness :/
Dear Matthew,
Although I’m not in the habit of leaving comments, I couldn’t stop myself from writing this message after watching a few of your videos since last night. First of all, I want to express that I have gained significant awareness through your excellent, high-quality, and accurate analyses. I am incredibly grateful to you for inspiring the urge to change the flawed parts of my thinking and perspective, and to overcome the challenges I face, thanks to the solutions you offer and your truly healthy and accurate explanations.
I have been searching for a source that could offer me the right solutions for a long time, and I believe I have found it through your videos. I want you to know that I listen to your videos while taking notes. Sincerely, thank you for touching people's lives all around the world and positively impacting them in the healthiest way possible.
Best regards.
My advice is :
When something in your life does not work the way should then leave it and move forward .
Wise indeed
I absolutely needed this. Thank you so much, Matt. Currently going through a break up and all the second-guessing that comes with it. As you were talking about finding other things that you’ve put off and should get back into to take your focus off of them, I was literally on my walking pad because I’ve had this itch to start focusing on my health again that I had put off and I feel was probably a contributor to what happened. I’m remaining neutral on whether he will come back or not. I’m more so trying to stay focused on allowing myself to grieve when I need to, but realizing there’s more to life and moving on, however I can and it’s amazing how the universe led me to your video. Thank you for all that you do. I just bought your book also and looking forward to reading it to develop more coping skills ❤
My partner just broke up with me this past weekend. I bottled my emotions when I was upset, unable to process and communicate them because of my trauma. I tried to work on it but by that time we had grown too distant. She prioritised my needs and had lost her sense of self and no longer loved herself. I feel horrible for all the pain I caused her but I still deeply care for her. We’re currently in a period of no contact. I want to use these experiences, lessons and our love to drive my growth and healing but some part of me hopes that one day we can reconnect and be together again
🎉🎉 PHEW BRAVO😍🎉 JUST WHAT I NEEDED TO HEAR !!
... Shine the light back on my potential & career square as a musician and dance teacher
... Which then makes me realise I don't need him.. he needs me more than I need him... He keeps copying my work? This is the only thing we argue about as we're best friends usually.
And geuss that's what I was holding onto but ... Nope no more, his life is all over the place and I've forgotten to shine the light back on my life..
... I'll let the idea of him shrink + disappear now so I can put the spotlight back onto myself for once.
... Even physically writing this has helped... Make it tangible... 💪🏼😎❤️
I just had to breakup today with the woman I was going to marry because she basically ghosted me. No texts back, nothing. I broke it off because she already broke it off apparently. I'm confused and hurting, feeling abandoned. Listening to you helps a lot.
MH has been helping me drag myself out of the myself out for years. It hasn’t been easy and (ashamed to say) still in my 4th year of closing a heartbreak. But, I know that that this healing has indeed made me stronger and given me peace, instead of just trying to force ‘moving on’. Though I know there’s still some patching to do I had never loved my life and myself more and the outlook is bright Who would have imagined that? 🥰🌟 For everyone struggling right now, IT GETS BETTER, I promise.
Thank you much for your encouragement!
Hihi, It is very true. Im at 4.5 years. It really only gets better..
My boyfriend broke up with me and wouldn’t tell me specific reasons. I was devastated. Then I had to go into the hospital for five days for tests. He appeared today, and we realized that it’s his problem with letting himself feel anything that was making him feel our relationship wouldn’t last. I’m glad I watched this because it gives me strength and I hope it will help him understand that, if we work on ourselves, we might get a brand new relationship with each other, but even if not, I will be okay. He will not keep me stuck.
Should I share this video with him?
Thank you for making this! 🙏🏻
Let him go ! People don't change overnight. If you were happy with him, you can try but if it's only hope that keeps you alive, then move
This is a great video and you have a such a caring and warm way of communicating. Thanks for sharing this
This video is the biggest eye opener for me, I thank you so very much for sharing it with the world, u are an amazing man, Mr. Hussey, it makes soooo much sense to me now, I have been trapped in this matrix of the relationship is supposed to be everything, when it doesn't happen what to do I was lost for so long until I found the answer, thank you
You really helped me manage an intense amount of pain today.. I often bottle things up for months, years, and feel it all at once in rather terrifying bouts lasting weeks - months.. While i may not be out of the storm yet, every day gor for the past 10 days now have been some of the most empty, sad, pained, days i have ever felt and i thought i was getting used to this.. Your words are, at least for the moment, really helping redirect my focus in a better way.
I really hope you have the things that make you feel complete you deserve them, and I hope the passion for those things never escape you..
My Ex left me because I was the female in this story.
She even told me when breaking up with me that I need to find myself, find happiness within and that she was in the way of me doing this.
After 3 weeks crying over her and feeling sorry for myself, I'm really focusing on doing things for myself, now I'm outside the relationship, I can see it clearly, and how I was acting.
Thankyou so much for this video and this concept ❤️ I will absolutely work on pointing the spotlight to my kids and other joys of life
Met a girl 3 months ago. We were calling each other babe, hubby and wifey, then randomly she became distant, phone calls stopped, month later we chatting again. Feel like I’m backtracking and restarting but I really like this girl, thanks for your advice. Been using your tips and I’ve been feeling more comfortable.
Why dont u ask her whatever us bothering you?
Great advice based on the assumption that everyone has friends or a support system.
Most of us don't have any of that.
This is 100% true, i couldn't sleep and obsses n suffocate the relationship. This really slap hard. I know i lost myself in this obsession but i didnt notice how to build back myself. This identity matrix is something i had strong in my life but lost everytime im obsessed with a guy that i like. Thank u for the reminder.
We broke up about a month ago, remained in contact and even met up a few times. It was a very toxic relationship and I know the break up is for the best but I just can't let him go. It sucks
Give it time. Time helps to heal. Keep busy. Be with friends. Start new hobbies. Stay strong. You WILL feel better soon.
I am going through the same loved her like everything thing despite almost zero efforts from her now trying no contact but its killing me every second
😊@@katieinohio5
Rejection is protection. Breaking the cycle is what counts! What you do is important.♥️
Never doubt patterns AKA The Track Record
Karma always has an address. Victor consciousness 🌞
Ken Reid has informative podcasts on attachment styles.
The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman - healing
The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer - healing
The Language Of Emotions by Karla McLaren
The Myth Of Normal by Gabor Mate
Safe People by Henry Cloud
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix-IMAGO
Wired For Love by Dr Stan Tatkin
Emotional Intimacy by Robert Masters
I Hear You by Micheal Sorenson
Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goldman
The quality of Matt’s content has increased so much, from my pov.
And I’ve been listening to him since 2014. ❤
I've seen him before but didn't listen because I was toxic. Now I'm more together with myself I can see my ex of 4 years can't do a relationship rn. I know if he gets a new gf she would end up feeling bad because he isn't as healthy as he likes to think he is. I have fostered a child so she has a safe place and my focus is on her emotional wellbeing now, not my ex's. I'm listening to MH and it's helping my brain form new pathways. The road is long.
Absolutely fantastic structured.advice
I actually need this now, perfect timing. Thank you for such a valuable advice.
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let her go i did all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring her back
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her?
Her name is chamani White, and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
I needed this video because my whole life did fall apart including the breakup. Rebuilding everything in my life and this made me rethink a lot. Thank you got this.
Thank you so much, Matthew!! This is exactly the kind of advice that I need right now to start healing. I made a mistake in made her the number one priorite in my life and because of that I felt that my entire world was falling apart. But now I am going to really start investing in other areas of my life.
For me the thing I let shrivel was the gym. Now that my realtionship is over, I'm taking that back up. It's the only thing that really makes me tired enough, so that I don't think of her.
Thank you for the amazing advice, as always. My “break up” was after a short period of time together but I had had feelings for him since I was 14 (I’m now 30). Hearing him confess to me earlier this year felt like a dream come true. I definitely made him and a potential future together my focus. I’ve been struggling to value much of my life since he decided he didn’t want to pursue it anymore. I know that more tough days are ahead, but having tools to get through those times has always really helped me. To answer your question, I think some of my shrunken old boxes are writing and reading, and for my new box, I’d like to learn bass guitar. 📦 🎸🔥🖤 I look forward to the future version of myself now instead of a future with him. Thanks again, Matthew!
You are amazing! Thank you for all your help! ❤
This hit the nail on the head, I’m mean everything you said is exactly how I feel. Wow man, I’m working on building up myself. Thank you
You save my life Mathew lost Someone to addiction he is in rehab and I have not heard from him now I found that box getting huge for him now this helps my brain visually understand what needs to change to not feel stuck
I let my ex leave rehab and move in with me after 3 months there. I had saviour complex when he was saying that he wasn't getting medical attention while they isolated him in a run-down section of the house (covid). He used the communication phone to text me and play on my kindness, saying they didn't give him a health check, doctor or proper food and he is ready to leave. It would have been much better for him to do much longer and be discharged to his own property but we live and learn.
After my spouse of five years departed, I was left in despair. Despite attempting multiple forms of therapy, none offered solace. Thankfully, Aurelia Maisie Goelet, a spiritual guide, intervened and facilitated our reconciliation. Seek her out online for guidance. You should really look her up, especially for that addiction problem you mentioned. Best of luck
Clever clever Matthew! Makes absolute sense. You have to reach a point though where you want to do this - it takes time to get back up and pull ourselves together. But once you can then this I believe is the absolute BEST advice to move forward with . It’s a win win! X
The most important video I have ever seen, cannot thank you enough
I needed this to!
Also, this video empowers me. A great reminder on how not to lose one's self in any relationship. To stand tall, confident and always be aware of your own needs , wants , and worth. Thank you again!!
I broke up with someone 2.5 years ago and haven’t been able to move on because of hope that he would grow and we would work out. Maybe I would have moved on by now if I were had done strict no contact. I know now that there is no hope and I want to move on now.
My new square: making healthy food choices, exercising often, and losing weight. I’ve always wanted to be a fit person but I’ve never had the discipline or time. I want to make that time, I know this would help me notice my inherent value better.
Grateful for support my father gave us!
I’m 6 months in a heartbreak and still feel the pain everyday, i miss that person alot and have no confidence, i felt like she was the absolute love of my life, we were so happy untill 5 weeks before the end she was unhappy and i was trying to understand if it was me and she said it wasn’t it was her and how she felt, the hardest thing is she was my bestfriend the one i went to for everything and loved with my whole heart, i wish her all the best and i hope she is happy and i can get to the point of happiness soon
Matthew, everything you put out is the gold standard in content. I’m happily married, and I still love watching all your videos. There’s so much depth and nurture, and wisdom there. Thanks for all you do.😊
Ps Even though I’m partnered, I bought the book, honestly, just to “give back” for all the wonderful material I’ve enjoyed from you and your crew over the years.❤
Brilliant. Thanks for sharing your wisdom... Clearly, succinctly, relatable, and with conviction.
Thank you Matthew, I saw this video with tears in my eyes, I needed to hear everything what you said.
This is sooooo true and wise words of wisdom!🙌 If we put more legs under our table and have other interests and things we are passionate about. We won’t be holding onto a relationship because it’s our whole identity!❤❤👏This spoke to me, I needed to hear this. It’s so very true. Thank you for pointing this out to me!😊
oh my goodness that warning towards the end of the video hit hard
I'm sorry for your loss ❤
thanks Matt for the video. currently undergoing a breakup. i drew up my matrix. but yet to figure out what to fill up in the biggest box. in the old matrix, it was her with the rest being my hobbies, friends etc. i didnt neglect the rest of the other boxes. Hope I can try out the other activities and get myself out of this phase.
My Gosh, By far the most intelligent video I've found on the internet regarding breakup science!
I’ve become a big fan of your channel these past couple weeks. You’re helping a lot of women.
I think this has been one of the most valuable videos you’ve done Matthew! Thank you for your words that hit so hard but hopefully will help me heal!
Amazing message! So helpful ! Makes so much sense . Thank you!!!!
Thank you so much for making this video 🙏🙏🙏
I really needed this, don't want anybody back from my past but I was struggling with things to move on with my life and you gave us this new Matrix challenge is so powerful... I've read the book already but this video made me so happy, I've been working on my Matrix but now I know how to enrich it more... Thanks again... ❤❤❤
Sending you lots of love and positive vibes 🤞🥰
Stay blessed 🙌
Actually i already have my list of the squares before i had my relationship. I just focused the spot light then on my relationship forgetting the other squares i already built. Now im bringing back my focus to them. And i wish to add one which you suggested. ❤❤ Thank you for letting us relearn things. 😊
Wow this video is gold!
Matthew is hundred percent right, have other areas in your life that you focus and invest in ❤
Going to the gym and starting my strength training program.
This is very powerful ,,i been through all of this and im a living proof that this will gonna work out,,just take times and fucos on your goal to move on,,and the Rest will follow,,and Find God and do more good deeds its has positive effects in return,
Hi Matthew. Thanks for your incredibly helpful videos. They came to me at the right time. My very intense relationship ended two days ago, and I have gone through what you describe. Thanks for the reminder to focus back on all the other areas of my life.
I really enjoyed watching this video, it really helped me shift my focus from the love relationship alone to other things that really matters in my life, thank u Matthew Hussey.
The person I fell wasnt really the person I thought he was
No going back to poor behaviour
Matthew, you have explained the situation and emotions on the basis of reality. And the feelings and emotions which you have mentioned, those are the real feelings if anyone is going through this phase.
Thank you very very very much! for this life lession
Im working with the person i just cutt off. I am deeply ashamed to admit that my lack of self care has ruined what wouldve been a beautiful friendship, just because i wanted more from her when i wanted more from myself. I never share on here but i just wanted to say thank you beautiful people.
I honestly needed this video! Thank you for giving me a better perspective of life and how to live my life!
Thank you. Today, i made a list of my friends and family that are in my life. It puts things in perspective as to focus on.
I told her she was my world. I gave her my time and my soul. Like you say, the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference. That's how I think she felt about me. Indifferent. And it fucking sucks! Nine years. All gone. And for what.