How to Get Over Someone You STILL Can't Get Over
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- Опубліковано 1 жов 2024
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“They didn't give you what you wanted, so by definition they are not what you wanted.”
- Matthew Hussey
“Stop ignoring ACTIONS and trusting Words. Stop giving your all to a person who gives you nothing. Stop hanging on to someone who has let go of you. Stop expecting change from a person who doesn’t want to be changed. Stop letting the fear of loneliness cause you to settle for less than what you deserve. Stop letting the wrong reasons keep you in a relationship that isn’t right for you. Stop breaking your own heart. (By Trent Shelton)
Very true
Thanks for sharing this
No mo tears
Get this 100% but I have chosen to stay in one hell of a toxic environment with a complete narcissist as I can not afford to bloody leave!!! My cortisone and adrenaline levels are off the scale, walking on eggshells is a complete nightmare that I live daily
Thank you
"Our tendency is to overvalue chemistry and undervalue character". Another wise quote by one of my favorite philosophers Matthew Hussey
I know of a very powerful spell caster, Dr Joel caster on youtube he has helped lot of people get their ex back, you can search for him on UA-cam for some work.
Very true Matt being wise philosopher!!! And Steve, and now lovely Audrey xxx
He's good!
Oxytocin is nature's red flag 🚩 love on the other hand exceeds limmerence
@@kimgordon3695 couldn't have said better myself
"the absence of character will produce hell, even if its the greatest chemistry" this hit me
100% my last relationship
Me too !
It hits me too.
Fookit i needed to hear this!
It’s absolutely true!!!Best advice!
Growing up with a horrible childhood, being alone and unloved. Ive discovered that I have developed severe attachment issues and I have a real hard time letting go. Ive always found that I spend so much time thinking about "What Could Have Been" Its such a hard battle for me. This is just what I needed to hear even as a Guy. Thank you
I relate so much to what you said here.
i completely understand:( i had a completely shit childhood too. going thru a break-up rn with someone im attached to… it sucks but best of luck to u!
I’m there with you. Same situation
Same. Just been broken up with and trying to let go of them is killing me. I haven't reached out but missing them is so hard 💔
@@samuk4093 stay strong ❤️
I am mourning what I wanted it to be, which it never was.
I feel your pain. I agree with so much that was said in this video. It's the truth but is oftentimes so hard to accept.
Oh boy,even at my age,67. I feel so sad. I had a whole future picked out. He just wanted sex and ran. Sure he didn't want me. I'm so hurt even weeks later.😅😢
Chemistry vs character. This is amazing, how we ignore character to keep the chemistry. ‘The absence of character will produce hell in a relationship.’ Thank you!!
Akanksha Singh. Ur words are so soothing.
💞
So appreciate this video! Bang on!
🌷
Yes, all this is logical, but chemistry is so powerful. It is in the body & heart, & overrides all thought & logic. That’s why it is so hard to move past, like any powerful experience involving danger, fear or tragedy.
It cannot be approached with logic.
How to take someone off the pedestal who is not right for you
1. Actually recall what wasn't good about this person, and connect to it the same way you connect to the good
2. In what ways has this situation made you miserable ?
3. In what ways has this person acted selfishly, or not knowing you are hurting, not being caring or thoughtful, the ghosting
4. In what ways this person made you sad, mad or miserable
5. Notice in other people the qualities they have that he didn't have.
Don't compare chemistry, but notice character.
Noticing empathy, kindness, selflessness, generosity etc.
There are other people in the world that have extremely important characteristics that are the cornerstones of a lasting relationship
What I need is someone with these wonderful qualities and characteristics and chemistry,
NOT someone with these characteristics and no chemistry, and
NOT someone with chemistry and no characteristics ❤
Love the actionable steps! Thanks for putting them in text!
Thank you
I’m taking notes!!
Very good advice. Thank you
Thanks. I’ve been doing this! The challenge is to not be upset or disappointed at myself for allowing all this in the first place. That’s my struggle right now.
I was just being depressed in my tiny room, missing somebody that I know in my head that has to be got over already, but coulnd't. I needed this video so much. Thank you Matthew. Always.
Same boat
This is where I am now … there’s hope :)
All the best on your journey to heal mate, and to those also in the same place. We'll get there.
@@VaporeonCompilations love your pfp
@@xFersureMatt Thanks mate, here's a link to the picture if you're interested i.imgur.com/0mjfBjB.png
After watching this video, I immediatelly started writing down a personal note listing all the reasons I should forget about her. As I finished writing all the reasons that came to my mind, I wrote one final point…
“Because you deserve to be loved”
I was holding back tears writing that last part. But I think overall, it was the most important one.
Thats a good one brother! Stay strong
Thank you for sharing
Your last point made me tear up Simon.
I’m hurting thinking how can my partner just jump to someone else when we just broke up.
And it hurts me more that I’m bothered because we didn’t have a good relationship, it was only good as a friendship but not a partner with not listening to me and arguing with me when I want to share my opinion
I hope you find someone special, who values and cherishes you ❤
I hear you bro. Going through the same pain. This excellent podcast is gonna help
May you and ALL of us be blessed with reciprocal and lasting love 🙏💗🙏
Loved the topic. Every 15 year old girl should watch your videos, would save them years of confusion and pain.
Hell yeees 50yrs off trying,mistakes, finally might have got there HERES to 2022
💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯
My words !I’ve waisted many long relationships for same kind of guy over and over,then wanting to try again to build another healthy relationship ,
Yes. Oh, the 15 year old we used to be.
That person we wanted, he is eating his heart out now.
And boy
She fell in love with a narcissist who was lying to her the whole time. She’s in love with an idea of him, not who he really is.
Sounds like Trish the dish
100%
“If someone didn’t commit to us, they couldn’t be everything we wanted.” So logical yet here we all are replaying those times because in the moment it felt amazing. I’m not finished with the video yet but I’m grateful to see these comments and feel affinity with everyone else struggling with this same thing. May you all be happy and healed ❤
I wish I could put into words how much I and (what seems to be) so many other people are experiencing right now. Just understanding the logic behind this is so helpful and it really makes me feel proud of the progress I’ve made even though there are still rough days. I needed this to learn how to break the attachment to the chemistry and also be honest about what stories I am telling myself versus how I actually felt at times. Thank you for bringing this peace to so many of us who need it 🙏🏻
I love the part “the attachment to the chemistry” that is true, we put a veil on what we don’t want to see, but its there, it happened, it made us feel awful at that time but we only want to remember the hype of the chemistry. It is really an addiction. Mind blowing, eyes opener.
This all comes from not loving yourself. It’s so sad. 😢
If your partner ghosts you, he doesn’t have a character, so he doesn’t deserve space and time in your head. Valuable person would not ghosts you, but told you in person that he wasn’t ready. That’s called respect and regard for your partner. If you value yourself by this realization forgetting about someone like that should be easy. Focus on him ghosting you, not the connection and chemistry you had. Respect yourself enough to let him go. You deserve better.
1. Actually recall what wasn't good about this person.
In what ways did the situation made your miserable?
In what ways has this person acted selfishly
2. Notice when someone shows an important character trait that this person didnt have
Realize that there are other people out there that share your values and have traits that will actually make you happy and make the relationship last.
This is golden.
Your comment is wonderful the ex boyfriend and Iad great chemistry but his characterwas worthless, a user... taker,,, no interest in me as a person, never asking one question about em or my background, so selfish as to be laughable......I keep a list for me of all the bad things
Someone, you are truly right on this assessment. We tend to idolize the person we love and miss so much that we become blind, and miss other opportunities to be in a healthy relationship. Why does love has to hurt so much???? Blessings
The catch 22 of knowing this as truth and being blind to it until it is proven true.
Yes
Nostalgia is totally crippling and leaves you stuck in the past
Damn. This is one of your BEST analysis ever. I was in a very similar situation, this came in great timing and I will listen again and take notes. Thank you ❤️🙏🏽
Thank you 🙏
Been through this and then I came to realization that it wasn't the person I was attached to, it was the feelings. Hope Louise finds peace within herself and eventually finds an amazing guy.
What happened i feel like this now
People lie. Sometimes unintentionally and sometimes with the best intentions. I dated a girl and I sincerely wanted to marry her and told her I wanted to be that man. I broke her heart when I kept on pushing off the engagement. I wasn’t ready, I needed to work on so many different things. 1.5 years later, I’ve been through therapy, resolved past traumas, gained self respect/love, and im medicated for my adhd. Im ready. But she’s married to someone else. Im happy she’s happy and found someone. I do think about the past, but she was the catalyst. I couldn’t have been healed without her leaving. I had to hit rock bottom before I could change my entire being.
*Sorry ladies, sometimes we want to be that man but just don’t know how.* … yet. But find someone who’s ready *when* you’re ready.
Needed to see this. I got broken up with for similar reasons. I wasnt fully committing to the relationship and wasnt the partner she needed because I didnt realize untill after she dumped me that i had a lot of unprocessed trauma and was more stuck in my own problems than i realized, causing me to be a lot more emotionally negligent to her than im willing to admit. Starting therapy soon, hopefully ill heal like you did.
Cheers
@@CrazyDutchguys It gets so much better, let me tell you. I still think about it, but just remember that happiness is a choice, and that she never was the one. The one is someone who continually chooses you- through thick and thin. Things are really really good
You definitely got a point here. I've been on both sides of the story, more than once, in different relationships and in different times and contexts of my life. So yes, there were those relationships when things were good and pleasant, and we had a great time together, the girl wanted something more serious.. but I just COULDN'T give it. I had my issues, had my struggles in my mind, had demons inside me that I still had to overcome.. and I needed experiences and time for that. In summary, I didn't have the psychological/emotional resources to seriously and fully commit, but still what we were sharing and living was true and real. And, recently I've been exactly on the other side: I was in a relationship, and I could clearly see her as my life partner, as the mother of my kids.. but she decided to leave, and said she couldn't give me her 100%. As much as it hurts, I understand and have to respect her and accept this fact. In the end, a relationship works when both people desire the same thing and are in the same wavelenght, with the same possibilities. But still, we learn a lot with every relationship, and most of them are usually steps that push both people into becoming their best versions, till the day that they find the absolute one.
Man, you hit the nail on the head. People need to be more understanding of each other. Being ready to give EVERYTHING to someone else is a big thing. And being in a relationship, as opposed to a friends with benefits thing, is an effective marriage. If you assume it's a good relationship, it will eventually end in marriage. So that can be very intimidating.
People focus so much on themselves and how they were broken up with etc but the fact is, both people are going through a hard time just trying to live life and figure out what works for them. It takes trial and error for everything, and yea sometimes you're the trial.. sorry but that's just the way it is. Doesn't mean the other person is evil.
Why propose to her in the first place if you knew you weren't ready??? Dumb. "Find someone who's ready when you're ready"
How about: don't lie and Act with integrity.
Glad she's found someone else and is happily married. She always deserved so much better. Sending her prayers that she had to ever experience you.
‘Over value chemistry and under value character’
Nailed it 👌🏽👏🏽
thank you, I've been under a spell because of chemistry for years, nothing to do, I couldn't give up...but in a few words, bam, the spell has been undone...I'm free. Sometimes we need help understanding.
You’re so welcome
Literally amazing advice. I’m having trouble getting over an ex and this really helped me. Thank you
I really appreciate this video because I needed to hear this. My breakup was 6 months ago, my emotions are a wave & im surprised I’m still sad after feeling better like I was over him finally. But I’m not & still sad he was so bad to me when he could be so loving.
Ah I feel you so much 😢 it’s been years for me and I’m going to therapy but therapy only works if you put all your energy to come out of that hole 😢
Remember Audrey, just because some times it still hurts that doesn’t mean you haven’t made tremendous progress. You have. And you will keep making progress. Stay strong. It gets better.
@@thematthewhussey omg thank u Matthew hussey ur my UA-cam hero 🥹🥹
@@michaelsilverfoote6272 right there with you. Its like you were telling my story. Its only been a month for me and its just unbearable. We can do this right?
Same.. I’m on the same boat
You guys are sugar coating it so much. The simple truth is he doesn’t like you like that. I know because I personally did this last summer in a situation-ship I was in. He sticks around because you give him sex, someone to talk to daily and open up to and someone to hang out with whenever. He said he wasn’t ready for a relationship, yet. To keep your hopes up for nothing but to keep you. Just accept he doesn’t like you enough to date just enough to keep you around for a companionship
“You don’t have to be with the person whom you don’t feel chemistry with even though that person has good qualities. At the same time, a person whom you feel chemistry with BUT lacks good qualities isn’t someone whom you should be with either”
- That message Matthew said really hit me there.
I do feel it is important to never settle for less out of the fear of being alone. It is also important to be with someone not only has good qualities but also whom you feel chemistry with. As Matthew said, that kind of guy is still out there ☺️
I love how you so eloquently put into words what we know deep down.
I’ve been struggling for months, wondering why I was still feeling such longing for someone who I knew objectively wasn’t right for me. To know that it’s okay to feel that melancholy and to only attribute it’s importance to that moment in time so that we can move on is such a blessing to realise.
I can’t thank you enough❤️
This is actually one of the best videos I’ve watched from Matthew. We can all relate to an experience like this. We have a tendency of over amplifying great chemistry and ignoring all the other red flags.
Love is so blind. 🫣
A fifteen year relationship ended quite suddenly and I’ve struggled to let it go - almost five years ago. The feeling of longing, melancholy or nostalgia - hits the nail on the head. No, actually I don’t want to be cheated on and betrayed by anyone. Wow! Thank you, I needed that.
I can feel you Melissa. How did you cope up?
This happened to me with a 10 yr one and the lack of closure is maddening.
now it's happening to me and I'm literally dying the worst thing I've no one to rely on....
23 years together, he lied, cheated and now I know it was going on over a year behind my back. It's been 5 years ago and I still have my times. But I listened to a podcast that said "closure is about your forgiveness". You don't forgive for him; you forgive for your sake to put the hurt and resentment behind and move forward. Closure is hard for me as well. But who cares about telling this hateful person your feelings or ask questions about his infidelity? Be honest with what you know is the truth. I'm 63 and I think I'm gonna get out of this house and meet new friends! I keep putting it off and making excuses and my life is never gonna change if I DON'T CHANGE IT! They don't deserve us! God bless you all.
This is absolutely true. I dated a woman and we had chemistry through the roof !! But her absence of character caused huge problems in our relationship. In fact constant arguments and rows . It’s a real shame because we had a real connection and so much in common but her absence of character caused her to treat me totally disrespect me in many ways.
Move on if you can or at minimum set your boundaries and don't ever accept being 2nd best you have value and are worthy of being respected and adored for who you are and I wish you all the best with what ever decision you make. It's your life so go live it your way, nobody has the right to bloody tell you what you should do? Got it sweetie you are amazing do not ever forget that!!!¡!
Feel the same never take them back
100% relate to this
We also have a word for it in german "Sehnsucht"
"Sucht" means addiction/obsession
And "sich sehnen" means to long for sb/sth or craving it.
And it was the central theme in the era of romantic literature.
I think it describes it pretty well. You crave something so bad, it is like an addiction. You are addicted to this feeling of melancholy
also, there's a word commonly used in the balkans, "sevdah" (which has its origin in turkish and arabic) meaning intense feelings of love and passion, intertwined with longing and pain. i'd even say it's equivalent to suadade. sevdah is also kind of more than a feeling, it's a state in which you reminisce, drink, play music and sing with other people who feel the same thing, often older people longing for their youth.
💞
so interesting thank u for sharing
😮😮💔💔
It's not about any of us being good enough, it's about our exes not being smart enough.
She is living in her thoughts, emotions and memories. Even though she knows reality. You can simply see, he is player and he is playing with her emotions and using her for sex and wasting her time. When you separate your emotions from reality, you can see everything so clear. Sometimes easy, comfort, calm and old is not the right way. Sometimes scary, alone, new, risky is the right way to create your own way. You should know what values you need in relationship and you should be happy with yourself. Don’t float with your mental nonsense. Always be practical and be grateful to life itself. Don’t focus too much in relationship only. Celebrate Life my friend. It’s precious
This is one of the deepest relationship talks I’ve ever heard. This is exactly what I was feeling for a while and I also want to bring into the conversation whether the person the is a true optimist or pessimist by nature. You are more willing to hold on to these “good” times and negate the bad when you the glass is always half full.
Thank you 🙏
@@thematthewhussey I'm lost n need help.
the method i use to move on is that i told myself that the old him is dead, the new him is changed into a totally different person who you don't even know, they only thing is that they look the same but wasn't the one who was in a relationship with you before. I keep constantly remind myself that the old him that was sweet and caring is DeaD now, he is Gone.
Just because someone or something produces an intense feeling in you doesn’t mean it’s something meant to be in your life forever. Character over chemistry….. trust me guys, you definitely don’t want a partner with only chemistry and no character. That person is NOT a safe person to share your feelings with….. I just got out of a situationship of this nature.
This was so poignant for me!
I too have clung on to the idea of chemistry and given it so much significance, almost like a comfort blanket when recalling certain memories. I now see that the chemistry I felt was more of a smokescreen...it blinded me to some red flags I should have paid attention to.
Spot on 🎯🎯🎯
Thank you so much for this video! You really helped me to clarify the difference between good character and good chemistry… This is a great reminder and very helpful to get over that man who has great chemistry with me, but not a good character… Those seem to be the most difficult to get over… Thank you again
I have always set up this dichotomy of personality vs character. Personality in this case will be defined as how you want others to perceive you. Character is the combination of choices made that dictates the direction a person is going. Something to keep in mind is that personality is short term because it relies on the emotions of the beholders to appraise if the person is enjoyable or not in the moments that it is displayed. Character is long term because it takes a sequence of choices over time and it shows what kind of individual a person is trying to be. The character portion is a measurement of quality and longevity and does not require the eyes of observers to be enacted. I've noticed that people prefer the personality of their chosen person rather than the character, and understandably so because personality is intrinsically linked to the chemistry you described. Food for thought and thank you for this talk.
This is brilliant!
This is amazing
Valuing chemistry over character. Such a great point!! We romanticize things that are "easy come easy go" (narcissists, for eg, are great at generating chemistry & love-bombing) not the harder to maintain and sustain actions that show we care.
I think I’m not getting over her because we ended and agreed on it for personal reasons. So not having a reason to hate her or be broken by her is harder. 3 years later I get a message, “I’m letting go of the past but I’ve not met a guy that understands me like you do.” That message sort of reset all the pain. Since then I’ve blocked all sorts of contact with her, the issue is the places I love are also the places she loves. It’s the type of place you can’t find many of elsewhere unless travelling many hours which means I can’t drop that activity I love. It’s now been 5 years or so.
Andrew., I know exactly how you feel. I’m here because the guy in my life that lived with me for one out of the two years together ended. He knew I wanted a life partner. Two years In he bails. His rent with me was free. Food also. He worked but I made more. He moved out when I had an overnight work trip. We also had a great relationship . Easy and great chemistry. After he left he got very mean and hurtful to the point where I felt he was not the same person, then blocked me in all ways. Still hurting and missing him.😢 even more difficult is he had good character and values., until he ended it.
@@leannadole4747 I am so sorry to hear that, something similar has happened to me... I regret knowing him and I wish I never got to know him. It hurts but we should stand up, after all it is a lesson for us.
Im 5 months into a heart break where she fell for someone I'd been accusing her of flirting with and would always gaslight me, and I've been beating myself up over how I'm still hurting. I think I would be good if I didnt have to walk past her place any time I wanna go somewhere. With all due respect I really don't wanna be where you are (feeling something for someone 5 years later). Man I hope I'll be over it all asap
Holy smokes did I ever need to hear this. A few months ago I met a guy at work and we clicked. That was my last week at that site so He added ME on Facebook and we had so much fun bantering back and forth. As a gay guy I thought he was for me but after two weeks I figured out he wasn’t gay; that’s totally cool. What hurt me the most was when he ghosted me. He was a big guy, Veteran Paratrooper, and someone who’d I love to learn from and quite frankly if I knew someone like that going up, id probably be a different man. We clicked so much as we were the same age and had similar interests. In any case, after a month he ghosted me and it really hurt. I very recently found online when I googled his name that he’s a misogynistic dick towards women and treats them as sex objects. He’s slowly going down on my likeability scale and slowly I’m trying to get over the loss of the friendship and it especially hits home because I’m lonely, I feel like I can’t relate to other gay guys out there and at this point all of my friends are married so having buddies to hang out with is becoming less and less of a thing. Oh well, lots of praying and believing that there’s a better guy out there for me. Anyone going through this, I understand your pain and sincerely wish you strength and courage.
“The absence of Character will produce hell in a (long-term) relationship even if it’s the greatest Chemistry of your life.”
So true, pick a Life partner based on morals, maturity, growth and not the cute face, height or beautiful smile.
That is unless you are going for a Love partner over a Life partner.
Truth.
That part about the importance of character is so, so, so true. I absolutely love it!!!! ❤️
The amount of insight and studies and thoughts and efforts you put in every of your video heal so many people's wounds in their hearts. Those wounds are sometimes too deep and big that it can't be cured overnight. We definitely need some time until it be fully recovered but your videos are like ointments. They help the wounds to be able to stay longer enough to wait until it be fully healed. Your advices and your energy are great help. Thank you so much.
The reason I put your videos as an ointment is because, the ointment helps the wounds to be healed, but it only works when we give enough time that our natural ability of propagating hits on. So at the end of the day, it should be our duty to make the wounds to be completely healed, but the ointment does help a lot to make the process easier. Thank you, and we love you so much. Have a lovely day!
💞
Chemistry and Charisma are a bit of a sugar high. We often recall the initial taste and joy, but because it didn’t grow into a mutual investment (bricklaying), we are left with empty calories that don’t build great relationships.
Mathew this was life-changing, to say the least! Rn, I am in the exact same spot, and I really needed this. I can't thank you enough for this. You pulled me from something that was weighing down my soul and existence ❤
This remind me of the lyrics "im not gonna let my past hold me back from my future." This is so true.
I know of a very powerful spell caster, Dr Joel caster on youtube he has helped lot of people get their ex back, you can search for him on UA-cam for some work.
Saudade it's a portuguese word without translation.. the most similar it's "miss you" but it's a nostalgic feeling about something or someone that may or may not comeback.. even a situation can be part of this feeling. Saudade it's missing everything that (for example) a person is to you, the way she makes you feel, the time spent together, everything.. Saudade may not have translation but I do think everyone can feel it.
Now I understand people settle because of overlooking a person's character and focusing more on the chemistry
I've been involved with someone who I have fallen for, for the last 10 months. We would be great for 2 weeks, she would then pull away for a week, then we wouldn't talk for a week, then we'd get back together.
The chemistry is a drug. The highs would make me feel invincible, the absence made me feel like a train wreck. I couldn't let go.
I tied all my happiness to her.
The longer we went, the more the highs were high, and the lows, low. I referred to it as the dream you don't want to wake up from, and the nightmare you can't wake up from.
It just ended for good the other day. I'm processing how to undo the attachment to this girl. Her character wasn't fitting and she couldn't be there for me, we were there for the chemistry though I wanted more and she never, ever, would commit.
It sucks. It's painful. But these videos are helpful in understanding I'm not alone in these situations
Sound like you dated my ex bud. Exact same treatment that I have experienced
same@@Deenen13
@davidangus2670 how are you doing now?
Wise, wise words! Character, values are so important. We also focus too much on potential.
This is exactly what I’m going through right now. I am trying so hard to get over him and keep thinking of that chemistry and fire but I keep remembering he did me so wrong. I hate that it takes me so long to get over someone.
Don't let a MAN dump you twice. He's an EX for reason.
I know of a very powerful spell caster, Dr Joel caster on youtube he has helped lot of people get their ex back, you can search for him on UA-cam for some work.
Went through this exact same thing. Crying watching this and wondering how many times will I have to grieve this person? Why did I even meet him in the first place? It’s been almost a year of no contact and I’m still not over him. I’ve tried to date other guys after but nothing stuck, I felt awful with them. I miss him so much. Im worried I’ll never be able to move on.
When someone leaves you, consider it a gift.
I don’t care! I’ll take her back when she wants me back in her life 💔… My life is OVER until she returns 🥺
No!
Holy crap Matthew and Steve and guest. This is am answered prayer .... Literally my question from another human being. So many wisdom bombs here and paradigm shifts. Great listen thanks so much y'all 💗
This is a great video! The title doesn’t match what the content is. The continent goes way deeper than just trying to get your ex back it’s teaching people the difference between character in chemistry and how both are not always synonymous as much as we would like them to be. Thank you Matthew😘
Was with a guy like this for 4 years on and off. Total narcissist. I finally left and it’s been 4 years later of growth, self work and working on my self worth when POOF! He starts coming into the new bar I got a job at. I bartend there. His regular bar closed down for good so he decided to make my bar his new bar he hangs at after he found out I work there. I find myself upset, I cry, I’m mad etcetc but I remain professional and kinda fake and just smile ans serve him his drinks. How do I get over this? He was the love of my life but I wasn’t his. I feel so stupid even writing this but maybe someone will shed some light to help. Thank you in advance
Math you are so unbelievable intelligent, you helped me put my feelings in place. Love from the Netherlands
"Anytime you meet a person who has what he lacked, remind yourself that he lacked really important things. The person I'm supposed to be with is gonna have those things."
My Ex showed all the character qualities I was looking for. In words. Thats why I decided to go for it. And him. All matched up. All I wanted. All I needed. Chemestry came the moment I decided to give it a try.
Later on actions didn't match up his words. He finally didn't only break my heart, he broke me. Now he is with the next. Most probably telling the same lies and painting a future according to her values that he is unable to ever meet.
But still I'm heartbroken. By all unkept promises. All his lies. While he moved on. With no scars at all. And I'm down to a piece of crap. Life is not fair. Choosing (spoken) character over chemistry didn't help me at all.
Absolutely loved it.. I just can't agree more.. As also experiencing these thoughts. It is what we need to hear ..
You got to be careful with staying friends with an ex- lover. Love goes through stages, and it's only after the infatuation period is over that you see this person more realistically. If someone breaks up with you, and you're still infatuated, staying friends is a bad idea. You never got to take off the rose colored glasses about this person, and can end up pine for them for a long time. Being friends entertains feelings of hope, which keeps you stuck. Better to cut it off cleanly, so you can fully recover and move forward completely.
Some people are just so easy to get along with anyone, we may feel something special but to them is normal. it's called a real player
Huong T. Nguyen. Ur words are so soothing.
That's helped, thanks
Thank you very much. I think I’m at a critical point of getting over him and it’s very hard, but this video really comforts and encourages me in a very very gentle and generous way. Wish you all the best, sincerely.
‘’Orgasm of courtship” = chemistry. I hope I learn from this. Character needs to be number 1. What was I thinking… I’m depressed over the loss of chemistry…love sick=dope sick. 🤯🤯🤯
I notice the woman asking the question didn’t say whether she’d slept with the man every time they ‘re-connected’ - I’m guessing so. So what to do? If he isn’t meeting YOUR needs in ANY way, WALK AWAY NOW. Life is very short - too short to waste it on some bloke who doesn’t know what (or who) the hell he wants. I’ve sussed it now, after many years of being love-bombed, breadcrumbed etc and now play men at their own games and do you know what I’ve found? That “treat ‘em mean, keep ‘em keen” REALLY works!!!
This man always makes so much sense!! I love how he breaks things down and explains them in ways we understand and can grasp a better perspective on. Keep doing what you do Matthew! Thank you for helping us heal and realise our true value ❤
I'm Portuguese😊 Saudade means missing somebody and normally it's about memories of the past, it's even melancholic.
But it's always better to move on !! That's why I'm watching this video🤗
That's for helping ppl with your advices and channel!!
It’s so annoying when you like someone and assume they’re single because they said they weren’t ready for a relationship with you or anyone because secretly he already had a girlfriend and he should of been honest with that other girl that although they might have had a good friendship, but all he had to say was that he already has a girlfriend named whoever they were “dating” with, I don’t like it when guys aren’t fully honest with you from the start that it confuses you believing you might have a chance with them when you don’t and it totally messes with your head
Hahaha saudade is pronounced sao-dahd! I really do love the Portuguese language incorporation 💕💕💕 it means you miss something so much it hurts
I had the same feeling before. I think it could be explained as "he gave me the feelings and chemistry that i dreamed of, so i wish he could keep giving me those or maintaining it that way. So I waited and sacrificed and compromised, just for a glance of those moments."😔
Its been 2 weeks since he broke up with me and I know that I already accepted his decision because of his priorities yet I'm still having a hard time with all the memories and promises we created together which is the reason why I cannot get over that person. I'm still in the process of healing and watching your videos helps me realize a lot of things in myself and in the people around me. 🥺 Thank you for the advice, Matthew. To anyone who is also broken hearted, remember that we got this and better things are gonna come in our way soon. ❤
Overvaluing chemistry and undervaluing the character, that is the problem, specially for girls.
I'm watching this now. I'm portuguese. Saudade is the feeling of melancholic longing, that is so entrenched in you it becomes almost permanence. It's the mix of longing, loss melancholy, nostalgia, all of those. That's saudade. Usually it is also felt for something that we cannot get back
"When we have that special chemistry it's really easy to build a story". It's not reality! Date people for who they are right now, not their potential.
Saudade is such a beautiful word! It means longing/ to miss (someone) but it also is a word that means health/life force. So when you say you miss someone in Portuguese you’re saying they’re a part of your life force and that’s why you long for them. Deep! Good stuff Matthew 👏
Sorry to say this, but as a brazilian, I have to say that saudade doesn't ever mean health/life force. It actually only means a deep feeling of longing/nostalgia for something or someone, and that's it. The word for health is actually "saúde", which does sound a bit similar, but it's a totally unrelated word.
Deleted every photo of my ex while watching thx boys
I'm in a weird spot, i was the one who broke up with them because I was feeling distant and no connection and had panic attacks over being with them after 6 years. It was sudden and horrid so I broke it off and have been ever aimless and missing them 2 months later. It's been weird to feel like the villain and work through emotions I've never felt to try and focus on myself. Maybe one day we can talk again but the thought if them makes me anxious and miss them.
It's a journey for sure, not one I have any idea how to work through. I commented this in case there are others like me, lost and confused and feeling the villain. You're not, you're hurt and sick and need to focus on your own healing. It's gonna hurt, 2 months made a difference for me, another 4 will make more.
And for those with advice I would love you insight as well. Breakups where neither member was toxic are the worst, just this dividing wedge of regret and emptiness.
Thank you Matthew ! I really needed that cause I’m going through very similar story..
So powerful and insightful. This came just at the right moment for me 🙏🏻
Needed to hear this. As I’m struggling to get over someone who lacked character and efforts and has already moved on.
How are you doing now?
How are u
@@buddy4972 Not pining for him anymore. Focused on myself for months, therapy and hobbies and spending time with friends, and began to feel better. But once I got back into dating, I met a guy who at first seemed great, and there was amazing chemistry, but turns out he has the same behaviours and traits as my ex and it Turned into a situationship. He wants me around for his needs, but doesn't want a relationship. This time at least i recognised the red flags earlier and knew he wasn't right for me.
So pretty much hurting and disappointed again....sigh. Seems everyone is just looking for short term fun, and no one is wanting to make the effort to get to know people. Just a lot of superficial interactions and most guys seem to be looking for quick and easy ego boosts. Close to giving up.
@@shazzqsong Human relationships are hard to understand. When you think everything is going okay then all of a sudden you'll get surprised. It feels painful to get your heart broken again and again. We are all humans, and we all deserve love irrespective of our differences. I can understand as well as feel the pain that you are going through right now. I hope you will get through this mess soon. And sometimes people are not meant to be no matter how hard you try, you can't have them. I hope you will find someone who will accept you with all of your flaws and imperfections. Also, you are the kind of person who prefers a deeper relationship, not just a superficial one, so be careful when you find someone new. Set your boundaries clearly and don't invest yourself emotionally when they are not sure about you. Take care of yourself and your mental health. You are a beautiful lady but more than that you have a beautiful innocent heart.
@@buddy4972 Thank you for the kind words and great advice.
And what about how he’s treating the other woman. Contacting her behind the other woman’s back. Very poor character!
Wow,im soo grateful I find this,and I needed it soo bad,I take the part you said ,never settle with someone whom you have the chemistry but lack the characters
Again don't settle with someone with all the characters but zero chemistry
Honestly I was looking for this, thankyou sir
i always wish people could just be honest and set expectations from the start with clear communication.
As in “hey I’m just purely looking for temporary company on a few dates but nothing serious”. At least this give the option for the person to opt out rather than say “I could marry you, I want to marry you” because then that’s just lying and their selling a false reality to benefit them which goes to why they have no problems of lying to string you and your time along rather than letting you go to find happiness elsewhere.
Trying to disconnect from the past when you didn’t see the breakup coming - out of the blue after 30 years. So many amazing memories make it hard to forget the way you’re being treated now. Thank you for reminding me that the current actions are what counts now. It wasn’t perfect but it meant the world while it was happening.
I feel you. My marriage came to am abrupt end. I didn't see it coming. And to see her full of excitement for the future with me gone was excruciating. It's been two years and I'm still struggling.
@@kollow Thank you. It’s only been a couple of months for me. I know it will take time but these videos help to put things in perspective.
@@nathalieladouceur4407 I'm sorry, it's an indescribable pain. Everywhere you go, something will remind you of them and what you had. You do start to get good days though. I think it will take years to get back to feeling normal. I hated hearing that but it's true, just be patient as hard as it will be. I did see my ex-wife when I picked up my kids the other day. I didn't spiral out in grief and sadness like I had before so that is some progess for me. We may never know why relationships end the way they do. Hang in there, I'm praying you will have some peace soon.
@@bridgettjm I still haven’t completely but, in my case, I highly suspect there was someone else. That killed it for me. The betrayal was a deal breaker.
This just changed my life, you don’t even know. Thank you for putting this out into the world.
Coming from a Brazilian household while living in Canada: The word saudade means so many things to us that it's become like a different I love you in a way. Example 1, I speak with someone I haven't seen in a long time or a short one (my family jokes around a lot.) Que saudade!! Onde que você foi? (I've missed you!! Where have you gone?) Example 2, my mom and me sometimes talk about my dad, wishing he had his head on straight to help take care of my brothers and me. Mãe, eu tenho saudades do meu pai, mas não tem jeito para transformar o passado. (Mom, I miss my dad and wish he was here, but there's no way to transform the past.) I didn't do any direct translation as they can be a headache and half.
Let them ghost you...god knows that you deserve better. ❤️🙏🏻 I know it's painful...but better in start than realise that you destroyed 10 years of life with this person.
This girl needs serious trauma therapy. Understanding that this relationship isnt good for her logically - wont change what she feels for him EMOTIONALLY. She’s a love addict like Mathew said when he compared it to a drug. But this chemical wiring was instilled in her since childhood- her parents/caregivers gave her this imprint and it’s embodied in her nervous system. And if she doesnt fix that- all the logic and journaling in the world, wont help her.
Wow, yet another enlightening, intelligent & hugely insightful tutorial. Sometimes there are things that exist right under your nose but because we are so distracted by "chemistry" (to use this eg. but it can be anything ) we are blinded by what's ACTUALLY there. I remember telling him repeatedly that Character, Honesty, Integrity, Fidelity are values hugely important to me & yet, because we were so compatible in all the following areas: political, literature, music, comedy (& I could go on but you get the idea) I felt we were "perfect" for each other. I forgave the lies, even tried to believe the lies he was telling as he was telling me "the truth this time", forgave the very minor infidelities (as if ANY infidelity can be minor), thought that by pointing out the times he was lacking in conscience that he could and would understand & take the time to learn & grow. It took this video for me to see that he was not my Atticus Finch after all, & I needed someone to whom I could look up to, admire, and most of all respect. I began watching this video feeling quite broken but now, still in pain, but there's an understanding that was lacking before. Thank you so much.
"Saudade" is the name of the feeling when It hurts when you think of how much you miss someone or something.♥️
Amen to this, dear brother Mathew! It should be a combination of chemistry and those positive qualities mentioned by you which my future husband should possess. So I let all the wrong men who hurt me go! 🙂🙌
Thank you so much for this invaluable video! 🙏🌺🌺🌺
Great tips! If you have just broken up with someone, it’s ok to take your time - before you jump into another relationship.
You’re doing yourself a disservice by getting involved with someone new before you’re really ready to commit to another person.
It’s ok to be single, you have to learn to accept the fact that there’s nothing wrong with being single - once you have adopted that mindset, things will really start to turn around for you! Cheers!
Anyway, that’s my two cents.
-Carlos Verde - Dating Tips
Very aplicable to my situation. We were together for only 3 months, but the breakup thew me into a depression, that only now, after half a year us getting better...
This is one of your best videos. Profound, challenging and very insightful. Well done 👍
I haven't sleep the whole night thinking of someone I couldn't go back to Thank you Mathew your videos are helping me a lott❤