Body Language of Narcissistic and Psychopathic Abuser
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- Опубліковано 1 сер 2010
- Everything You Need to Know about Narcissists, Psychopaths, and Abuse - click on this link: www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq...
Many abusers have a specific body language. It comprises an unequivocal series of subtle -- but discernible -- warning signs. Pay attention to the way your date comports himself -- and save yourself a lot of trouble! (From the book "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" by Sam Vaknin - Click on this link to purchase the print book, or 16 e-books, or 2 DVDs with 12 hours of video lectures on narcissists, psychopaths, and abuse in relationships: www.narcissistic-abuse.com/the...)
I keep thinking : Narcissism is a million times worse than anything you hear or read about, you have to have been a victim to understand.
I understand that. No one will listen long enough to understand.?
Yes.
@UCdbFan4t_nY_PdC5kXZNpQw I knew immediately when I first saw the Donald talk on TV many years ago that he was a narcissist. He and my dad may not have come from the same mold, but very very close. I am not afraid to say I despise the man.
slow motion Exactly. It’s terrifying the lack of information about this disturb, specially the covert/occult ones.
@@patriciaroysdon9540 Trump is missing necessary criteria though for experts to apply the narcissist diagnosis.
They avoid contact with those who've figured them out.
This seems to be true on a number of levels. People who are real, authentic, honest, truthful.
Or they try and gaslight the person who figures them out into thinking they are paranoid and overreactive.
Yeah because the mask has slipped,your not a mug anymore!
@@enig99 a favourite saying my parents would use if i challenged them about their behaviour...."tell your psychiatrist next time your on his couch" as though i was nuts and i was the one who needed help😂
Yes, they are scary people. I escaped from one last year without my good reputation.
"A pond pretending to be an ocean" well said
@@latoyakalu5596 EVERYTHING
A crumb pretending to be bread.
The covert narcissist can appear to be almost normal until something triggers them. It might take a long time. That's why they can hurt you even more than regular narcissists.
I'm married to a guy either with tendencies or is a covert narc. It's like being stuck in something that constricts but not enough to kill and won't stop taking about itself.
True, especially they excel in playing the victim.
@@SixRavenEight NT love culture is interesting I am on the spectrum someone aught to fund autist psychologists to purey study NT's.
Yes very true a d they are much more sneaky ...it like dying of a thousand scratches then they try to make you think your crazy...
They have passive air of superiority.
"He is a pond pretending to be an ocean" There are always the most accurate and enlightening quotes on these videos.
Dr. Vaknin is Brilliant.
Я бы сказала не пруд, а лужа
This should be required material in public schools. So many narcissists and psychopaths out there it is essential people learn how to spot them.
The best way to defend yourself from all sorts of abusers is understanding them and knowing yourself. Knowledge is power.
Very good insight. Thank you
This is what I always think in my life: knowledge is power, knowledge save you from danger things.
and to get there you need have THE EXPERIENCE
Humility, kindness, empathy and willingness to be open - never in a narcissist.
There are subclasses and learned traits and ultimately its a decision to accept or ... Not
@@NarsMcain right, I‘m an example of a non-abusive npd
I know one that are really good in pretending to be very kind.
Yeah but we didnt chose to be this way
I know one who gets away with it by always being nice. Perfect public persona
I was "discarded" by a person who exhibited all the narcissist regalia. Boy was that the happiest day of my life!!
+Bronxlady1 Trust me...he did you a BIG favor!
Miracles do happen
Use it to better your self and shortcomings.
I want to marry a boring narcissist.
I was glad to be rid of him. Jokes on them. They write a narrative their toddler mind can handle. We live a rich life. :) Lesson learned. Wolves that go baaaaaaa
When confronted and cornered and loosing control they start to shake their head from side to side, stare blankly at you, eyes look black, face somehow changes, defensive body language.......very scary
They call it the stare
i will never marry a man that reminds me of my dad.. never
@@cross-eyedmary6619 what is covert
@@GuardianAngel.. hahahah
Cross-Eyed Mary,
You have this understandable wish on a reflective level. However, these decisions are in real life typically taken pre-reflectively. It's, so to speak, another department in our consciousness, which we are or aren't aware of. Therefore it is easily possible that you fall in love with a man who resembles your father without even noticing that he does. I have tried this various times in my life, always with the same disappointing outcome, sometimes after a few months, sometimes after years, just - as a man - in the opposite direction.
You will bang him tho 😂
All of this was my ex. He reeked havoc on all aspects of my life. Calm, aloof, no remorse, grandiose, parasitic abuser
You don't need someone like this in your life to play head games with you until calls you mental stress if somebody loves you they respect your feelings and they try to give you comfort and peace and not drama I know from experience talk to someone you can trust and get their point of view and if they care for you they will be truthful with you but you do not need someone like this in your life good luck and the faster you do it the better you will feel cuz you are going to bring yourself down and you show him that you don't have self value and you deserve more and that's what you need to show him and you're not going to tolerate anything other than respect Chris the more you let him get by with the more he will do set up boundaries for yourself and he has already crossed them and he will continue to do more don't let anyone cross your boundaries keep watching these videos
Sabreezysabreezy Sea123 hope your ok now
well you probably humiliated and refused hundreds of good men and in the end , end up with the narcissist always....please tell me how you are a great victim.
I like Narcissusts who like doing household chores.
Narcs are rarely calm - especially with close relationships. In your brief description of your ex I say more on the psychopathic scale.
I think he just described every politician and celebrity in Hollywood.
TransAM Turdpolisher there's a difference between having narcissistic tendencies (everyone does) and NPD
Many of them i believe are. I don't think a "normal empathetic" person can handle the pressure ect it takes to get to the top and stay there.. But that's only my opinion.
Actually Hollywood celebrities only score a few points higher than average when measuring narcissistic personality traits. Politicians however; some researchers say up to around 99% of all prominent politicians have severe narcissistic and psychopathic traits.
@@ROCdevelopments stfu....you've no stats on that. Stop making shit up to get likes. Prove it.
@@ROCdevelopments 💯
I've learned one of the best ways you can tell whether or not someone is a narcissist is the way they treat people like waiters/waitresses or salespeople. If they treat people they don't know in an arrogant, condescending way, it will only be a matter of time before they will treat you that way.
Auntstacey123,You look cute 🥰,Hope you are not with a narcissist…
Just don’t forget that they also often charm the crap out of as many people as possible. Their sadistic charm can be highly cunning and alluring
Disagree. They can be such immature assholes they can flirt with the waitrees or waiter instead
Just wanted to state something from my experience: Female narcissists are surprisingly similar to the male archetype. As a victim it's sometimes difficult to not become LIKE them in order to survive. The best advice I've heard from everyone is to get out, or gain distance, asap, before the narcissist manages to turn the tables for the observers and is able to play the victim when you fight back or establish boundaries.
Yes. They turned the tables on me. They are seasoned abusers, pre plan everything and numb their victims brain
ON POINT! I deep inside myself know I'm no narcissist, but had a relationship with a female narcissist for about 10 years until the penny dropped for me. Those years turned me inside out, not to mention that this was not the only relationship I had with one. One after some time adapts those behaviors to stand the own ground for the sake of not being loved by somebody. The way out is the hard part whilst the narcissist goes its ways.
They can also abuse their children, and they just don't care. You are just an object to them.
I am
They either don't care, OR feel completely justified in their actions and how DARE you question them... sigh
K T How about taking her son to court and gains guardianship over him, which is an adult?
They often do as they view their children as mere objects part of their own existence.
Very chilling to truly understand
My sense of self-worth was nearly destroyed due to falling for a narcissist early on in my adult life. Relationships with narcissists are very unhealthy. Remember to never compromise to take a shot at what you think at the time is 'love'.
Beautifully stated
Indeed, true, the love of the narcisist is pure ilusion. It is not real and it will never be.
Did you end up finding real love from someone non-narcissistic down the road?
learned that the hardway
The world is becoming full of narcissists 😬.
I keep saying that everyday
I noticed that too, sad...
Social justice=collective narcissism
@@mitchelmisaki4876 social injustice
Yep! It seems so
temperment of toddlers
+Stasik C. Lack of impulse control? Is the Narcissist Legally Insane? samvak.tripod.com/personalitydisorders49.html
Don't give toddlers a bad reputation! My toddlers did not have these issues at all!
I got fired this past week by someone exactly like what he is saying except for 1 trait...when I walked out the door and challenged him to bully me outside he locked all the doors and called the police...mind you I am 5'11 and he is 6'2...narcissists are the biggest cowards too
😂
They develope a scope to measure levels of a target's potential danger. Only cowards are bullies. Never the less they need to either be avoided or seriously challenged to a point of maximum loss for them.
I have a Narcissist father. He will always get his way, at times disrespecting his own family allowing outsiders to intervene. I have also realized that Narcissists work in groups assisting each other. There is a collective Elitist thought that keeps them together. Even a psychologist was in on the program it was later discovered that he had been taking social favors for assisting my father get his way. Over the years I have found a lot of solitude being on my own. I might have traits of what you are describing in your video. Thanks. Videos like this help people who come from narcissistic families maintain a healthy frame of mind.
Ruby yes it is true. Like in cults, they recruit snitches. I experienced it with the corona virus shelter in place. The weaker member worshipping the team leader and handed out abuses n rules directed at me. I immediately removed myself from the heightened tension. No contact to stay safe!
Same happened to me, the therapist he looked for kept saying I had an issue. They're demons and defend among themselves
If you are non narcissistic enough to fear you have traits you are most likely okay😂💗
the sustained and piercing eye contact is definitly a give-away, I noticed that one and creeps me out
The don't look at you, they SCAN you like a reptile.
Exactly! The piercing eye contact. My exhusband's #1 trait. Totally abusive narcissist
My ex would do that constantly,I couldn't stand it. She would say " I'm objectifying you" as if that's of any comfort lol. Sucks to be duped on so many levels and for so long. Thank God it's over
Stare them down as well, that you are not afraid, nor will tolerate crap.
A very accurate account. I've been on the receiving end of this kind of abuse from a family member for years. You'll find these people in positions of 'care' and health. To all the world appearing the 'saviour' but behind the scenes using the weakness of those they're meant to be caring for, to gain some kind of thrill of superiority and control. Confuses and upsets the hell out of me...
Yes, going through this right this moment. They love to masquerade in caregiving. They appear one way,yet behind closed doors it's a different story.
Hi. I've known some male doctors who exhibited narcissistic traits just as Sam Vaknin described. In relationships/friendships, there were 2 guys who had narcissistic traits. NO analogies, excuses, stories, life history are good reasons for ANY person to treat others poorly. The irony of it all is that narcissists treat their close ones & friends worse than they do strangers & enemies. It's like what Sam said in this video, those who are closest to the narcissist are treated worse. Take care!
Many doctors have narcissistic behaviors.
The "shy observer" while controlling the partner with glances that become glares or the subtle, downward movement of a smile when the victim looks at him. Control is exerted across a room especially if the partner is outgoing, friendly and/or extroverted.
Funnily enough dealing with narcissists in the family forced me to adopt some of their traits, just to survive.
there is no cure for narsacistic behavior
DMT CAN CURE EVERTHING.
The chap in the video has been diagnosed with NPD on three separate occasions.
ua-cam.com/video/sU305NqXT94/v-deo.html
He investigated the condition in depth and has garnered considerable insight. He says he’s not ‘cured’ but does modify his behaviour now. I didn’t think any progress at all was possible until I stumbled across his videos.
Yes ...there is...it's the individuation process
described by Carl Jung. It's fascinating and the answer. Also a video by the brilliant Michael Tsarion called the inauthentic life. Everyone is npd to some degree. Even this man explains this.
Evil and destructive is what I call these individuals. They want everything from you, and nothing is reciprocal. I have never in my life felt as much emotional abuse and pain as loving a narcissist!!! I wish narcissists had to feel what they do to people for a solid day. I am quite sure they would have a mental breakdown. Nothing in life could have prepared me for this! Thank you for the videos.
"Sadistic Humour" ... yeah, I know what that's about. Oh, yes.
Wow, I just broke up with my ex four weeks ago, he went into a rage when I found out he was seeing his ex. During the five years we been together I knew something was wrong but had no clue as to what. He always shifted blame on me in every negative situation, I was the cause of this and that. After searching the tube I found these videos and what everybody have spoken about hit head on the nail. After paying his rent, buying groceries and giving him a few dollars I was called every name except for a child of God. He could be so sweet at times and I would be happy but only for a moment, he savatage every good thing even when we were around family and friends. I was devastated, hurt angry I even wanted to get even but changed my mind. I'm getting better everyday and I thank God for that. I just never thought that these people existed. Omg he always talked of himself as a third person, I never thought anything about it...I thought it was the new slang, any way I'm happy it's over. I have a few bumps and bruises but I'm here ...Amen
same. exact same.
WOW, same...so sad.
@@anatmaimon-reznik4501 Yeah, that was a devastating time in my life. I'm still in the healing process, I have trust issues and very sceptical about people. I don't mean to be but that's the damage he left me with. I've been single every since, I know that I shouldn't deprive myself of a loving relationship but I have to continue to work on me. I wouldn't dare carry my baggage into a new relationship even though if the shoe was on the other foot some people would.
Glad you got away from that loser. As a woman, remember you’re the prize. Never take care of any men. A real man wouldn’t want you paying his bills. Men are naturally providers and protectors.
Tis better to be alone than in bad company. 💜🎊
Will not apologize for their actions.
Always sat in corner away from people fell asleep at parties, made people uncomfortable.
Yeah..and usually owe everyone an apology the next day for insulting them in alcohol !!
Narcissists need people to like them, this doesn't sound accurate
Psychopaths, for example, often have an unusual, highly identifiable body carriage. Their posture is different and as you said, kind of regal.
My neighbor (doctor) N's posture was like a bug/troll.
Got trapped living with 2 of these and realized almost too late what they were up to and the nasty games they were playing. Once you shut down contact and anyway for them to play with your emotions, they lose power.
Now I can spot a sociopath/psychopath immediately and find them 'Pathetically Predictable' as someone stated. With some research and help from others I was able to rid myself of two of the worst people (family members) in my life. Also I recently dealt with another one of these monsters quickly and painlessly.
The most frightening thing is that these freaks that are devoid of empathy are in powerful positions. Until this is made common knowledge this world will continue to decline into an uncaring and humorless society and carry on following these cult leaders.
You sound like a very kind person and definitely not a narcissist yourself.
>freaks devoid of empathy
Oh, irony.
EMPTY STARE.for me that's the sure fire way to detect them
yes, sadly, me too
@@toraktorak people don't likr there torturers
I really really need your advice. I'm currently living with a male roommate ( due to having a stalker) there's no relationship,but he is hinting at wanting one. I am not ready , and have been noticing red flags. I want to avoid inflicting major narcissistic injury. How do handle this. I don't want to hurt his feelings?
For years I thought my father in law was a charming fellow until I spent a few hours with him in the car. He just went on and on about himself the entire time. I wanted to jump out of the window. I asked him about his thought about his son and it AWAYS came back to him.
+MustardSeedish Yes, that's a big tell and it's more common than one might think. I noticed it too often in certain parents whom I would converse with online, barely talk about their kids (even in life changing events) while they will go on about themselves far longer. They may discuss kids in a way that somehow feeds their ego and in no other way.
+MustardSeedish He could be just self absorbed. Some people i notice have a speech pattern of trying to relate with others by telling others about themselves in hopes that it sparks a conversation. All they have to draw on for conversations is what they've experienced in life. (might mean he's a solitary lonely type without as many friends or something) but it could indicate NPD as well, just have to look for more signs like being crazy good at lying and manipulating people and starting lots of drama and then being the victim in it all.
HollyPop That's a fair point. I did think it was strange though, as one quick example, like when a kid has a milestone (types 1 sentence) like an important birthday and they think their mundane trip to the coffee shop is more important (2 paragraphs).
However, I do live near a person just like your describing. Living near them and hearing what they say and seeing what they do versus what they state...is hard-core evidence. It is harder with a blog or online relationship. I will bear selfish and self-absorbed in mind though. Thank you.
leasrn how to write a sentence.
Herb Felcher, You misspelled LEARN. Do not criticize others when you do the same grammatical error.
My dad is a narcissist and I've personally suffered a lot*. Thank goodness, I had my mom to envision me these things and friends to share my pain with. These people never change so the only solution for saving your individuality and mental peace is get away from them asap. If it has something to do with maternal relationship, please ignore what they say and focus on your goals and dreams. Never give up on your life or on the people who support you, the world has both good and bad people.
"Look what you made me do!" Heard that from my brother my whole childhood.
+MagiMysteryTour This is the classic 'I must not take responsbility for my action' syndrome.
It took me 50 years to learn that his behavior was not extremely rare.
The day he said that to me, was the day I realized I was in an abusive relationship.... I got tf out. It was hard tho.
I have a narc brother too
This is often what men, who have stronger anger and temper, due to testosterone, say to women who provoked, baited and headfucked them. So that statement doesn’t prove narcissism. It proves one party has narcissism, especially as female narcissists main weapon is to provoke to the point of anger and then claim victim hood.
You saved my life by educating me on what the hell was going on in my life Sam, thank you. I have had several N's in my life and just asking them if they have ever heard of you sends them into narcisstic body rage even if they claim to have never heard of you. I have learned to pay attention to what people do as well as what they say. Their body language always gives them away even if they say all the right things. Paying attention to the fact that their body language and what they were saying didn't match up was a huge thing for me to understand to deal with the lies and gaslighting in a way that kept me emotionally safe.
Now knowing that 20 years trying to please and hold on to "the love of my life" was all a narc's cyclical repetative need for NS from me I am stunned that this destructive abuse is not widely known. She was so expert in maniplulating at least 10 cycles of idealization through abandnment that I even left a wonderful woman to return to her after two years of no contact. I "knew" what was happening but with no knowlege base I assumed it was my unique hell. Sam's videos DEFINE her. If only I knew..
Thank you for your kind words. As to your question, please refer to the title of the video.
I will agree with him on the prolonged and quite frankly creepy level of eye contact that Narcissists typically bring to bear to throw people off balance, but I would beg to differ in terms of this alleged physical distance. Those few I've encountered who showed real Narcissistic tendencies more seemed to enjoy flaunting personal space boundaries and standing entirely TOO close to others, most times almost seeming to be putting real effort into looming over people even if they were physically shorter than who they were trying to intimidate. It is a bizarre thing to see and very off-putting, as at that point you are often still bewildered and trying to figure out whether the person is really acting in this domineering way or whether you are just imagining it. This nasty little manipulative tactic is where Narcissists get their trademark trait of making people question their own sanity.
AGREE. my ex would do the most bizarre things while invading people's space. it was so cringeworthy. it drove me nuts. one time, he kissed our waiter on the cheek. i almost died inside and the waiter felt so so awkward. so inappropriate.
Yep always sitting alone falls asleep, stares. Buggy eyed!
This completely describes my father who other family members cannot seem to grasp the idea that he has a personality disorder. My mother was the psychoanalyst who projected all her fears onto other people which became self fulfilling prophecies. They are so full of toxic negativity the only successful way to deal is no contact.
I unmasked my brother during an extended "visit" he tossed me out and I thank my lucky stars for that. His wife and kids enable him fully to their own detriment. He can really put on his"game face" as I call it. His wife and I promised to remain friends and keep in touch but almost the minute I left for the airport I was "unfriended" When it was clear I would not become his narc supply and started avoiding his company he became enraged ... he "expressed" his feelings to me...then I expressed mine to him and to say the least he did not like that one bit. I admit that I let myself get angrier than I have ever been. I WAS WARNED ABOUT HIM ... THAT HE WAS SOMEONE I WOULDN'T LIKE BUT WE HADN'T SEEN EACH OTHER FOR ABOUT 30YEARS AND AT OUR AGES TIME WAS RUNNING SHORT ...I'M GLAD I WENT IF ONLY TO SAY GOODBYE...HE IS THE SAME NINE YEAR OLD BOY I KNEW THOUGH IS ALMOST 70. THE ONLY THING THAT HAS GROWN IS HIS NARCISSISM. I FEEL LIKE I "DODGED A BULLET
For many of us who have lived with narcissists we learn more fully about this condition after the fact. Learning more about this condition and especially the signs of a narcissist helps to prevent another one from taking advantage. Thank you for this most informative video.
I think it's good for all of us to educate ourselves on this issue especially for young people and I would encourage young people to read this I wish it was out years ago on these videos they are great
Yeh why is EVERYTHING confirming my suspicion. Why was everything benefit ofbthe doubt back then, i guess i knew but was naive and too pourous to accuse
MOTHER! Had to cut contacts or she'd drive me nuts.
Jayne Eyre are you sure it wasn't depression? Outbursts like those are some of the lesser known side affects of depression..
@@soldierside365 Why second guess an adults hard life decision?
@@Pfsif well, I’d probably have meant that giving up on a narcissist and giving up on someone with depression/anxiety are two different things. One needs to reassured, understood and assisted, the other’s to be as far away as possible. I was raising an alternate possibility
I had an experience like this with my oldest friend. After school we barely kept contact. Then he moved to Australia, and then all over. He came home a few times and we caught up. He was different but not in a bad way. Mainly just his accent. The last time I met up with him, we all got really drunk. And that's when this side of him came out. As I held the position of his dearest friend. He has high pronoun density. All he talks about is how he has landed jobs all over the world and how much money he makes. As soon as the conversation becomes introspective he goes silent. He is glib, gregarious. He really wouldn't accept that people view me as an intelligent person. He insisted how dumb I was. I couldn't get away from him and he followed me when I was trying to get a taxi after I'd had enough of his bs. He ran the same routine in front of as many people as possible. It was that out of order I was being refused taxis as it looked like I was going to be in a fight. When I finally got a taxi he peered in through the drivers window and asked me something in a caring way and secretly payed the taxi. I was suicidal for a week after this. Because I was so humiliated. There is more to the story involving an incident from my past. Which he made very public. Then would go from wanting to talk about that to saying how stupid I am. He was toying with my emotions. I have had deeply vengeful feeling since then. And have been really irritable ever since and it was over 6 months ago. I'm not the same and I think I would go into a rage if I was treated the same again. So I need to learn how to spot people like this so I can avoid them and not do something I regret.
Ugh!
I'm sorry this happened to you. I share the experience of holding on to an experience for far too long. I believe it's a reaction to *not* having spoken out at the time. My plan is to never allow unacceptable behavior and to call it out immediately, if not instantly corrected, walk away. I think there is a problem that occurs for us later, as a result of not wishing to cause a scene or seem rude. I think the instinct works against our healthiest interests in the long run. Go ahead and blow the jerk out of the water!
wow. wish I would have known this 15 years ago.
Ugh, it's like his battle stance when we interact. I'm so glad I'm educating myself. the condescension and the lone wolf. the special privileges and the entitlement. and the shifting of responsibility.. everything is my fault. Idealization and devalue. but he doesn't even idealize. he just devalues.
This is my mother totally..the frustrating part is that my reactions always seem uncalled for, to her, and others. It's as if her actions are invisible to the world, and I'm caught suffering the consequences for them. Narcissists have such a low sense of self, (they actually get rid of it, totally) that no one notices that they are just acting in life, there is nothing sincere about them. They use whatever they can about you, to boost their image.
perfect ! exactly the person i spent most of my childhood and early 20s , and i was wondering why i always feels my life is better away from him
Me too,when my bf went out of town..My chronic pain felt better and I felt like me again.3/4 exit plan ready.Life is too short to waste it.
For anyone thinking of trying to outwit, outsmart or outplay a psychopath in a relationship, forget it. You won't win. These people are mentally competitive & resilient. A good fight amuses them. No matter what you say or how you say it, they will turn it back on to you. Even if you keep notes on your interactions with them, they will lie about those interactions & fight you tooth & nail to try to prove you wrong every time. Fighting with them will exhaust you which is their desired outcome.
First of all, I want to say "Congratulations and thank You!" for such a well-defined description and explanation of the thinkingg and acting behind the NPD. As a doctor beginning my career in psychiatry this is one of the most valuable and accurate depictions of such behaviour. I am looking forward to more educational videos in the future :) Keep up the good work!
This had almost nothing to do with body language specifically.
doombuggy123 lol but it's still a good video
I was waiting for him to say something like , a look of enjoyment, or inappropriate smiles. Waiting to hear examples of body language
He mentioned the way they STARE you down during a conversation but yeahh you're right
I have lived with two abusers..the worst manipulators ..deceitful and everybody is an object to escape responsibility accountability or clear and honest communication..everything is a “strategy” to get control resulting in getting what they want need or entitled to..
Passive aggressive and narcissistic behavior destroy lives..dehumanize intentionally..it’s the worst “ crazy making” of any human mind..it almost cost me my life! I survived but it was brutally hard work!..GODS grace!
so accurate video.. narcissists hurt their closest, their dearest; deceiving the rest of the world bout their reality. spouse & children turn out to be your normal depressed dysfunctional family.
Crying as I watch this in 2019. Thank you.
Thank you , I'm recovering from one year 1/2 have of sheer pain . The greatest pain I have ever felt in my life. You are doing a great service to help the public understand and what to look for so we don't fall victim ever again.
All healthy people have some narcissistic traits, but a true narcissist has all or most of the traits without empathy, which is the biggest difference between healthy narcissism and malignant narcissism. There are plenty of people who are not true narcissists who still make the world a less pleasant place to live in.
I am a victim of Narcissim and so is my son and daughter. He is an awesome Drama queen, manipulator and the kids ARE (but not fully) brained washed as they physically abuse me and his mother gets abused daily I don't like my kids abusing their nanna. Thank you SAM VAKNIN. Life will get better now with all the research to devour, i am excited, I won't be crying rivers anymore.
Dr. Sam. Many people are on here providing information on NPD. Some victims some others narcissists reading like a story. While some are factual and some entertaining your work is intellectually the best. Personally I prefer the delivery to be provided in an academic format as I am not looking to be entertained here, but rather educated. I've learned the most from you. Your work is very much appreciated. Thank you!
Sam, this describes my boss. Just quit after years of abuse. Feel better than ever! Thanks
Very good insight. Best to walk away from this kind of personality disorder. You can't help them. They are extremely convincing liars. They can harm you badly.
Yeap, this is my 'ol man that I have been with for 21 years. Great to know that I finally figured it out. Thank God for you tube.
I am sorry to hear that...RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN!!!!
:/ My face when I find out that I've dated a narcissist.
Absolutely right on info concerning my soon to be ex husband. Sam, this is further confirmation to me that my instinct and reactions to my husband's rigid and crazy , demeaning behaviors were correct. I AM GETTING OUT OF THIS MARRIAGE AFTER LEST THAN A YEAR ..... But not without major resulting trauma and psychological soul snatching. I will revover and I thank you for such valuable info to me . Your videos have been reassuring and proof positive that I made the right decision to get out.
I can't believe how helpful this was, thank you so much! I have had a hard time understanding the seriousness of my situation, and have been searching for more information. Because he has never hit me I was not sure if I would fit in the category of being in a Domestic Violence situation. Trying to explain to others how life with him has been, is sometimes difficult to explain. I kept hoping he would get better, He says AGAIN that he was blinded and now see's what he was doing and if I just will let him back into the household I will see that he is better, It's going to be a long road of healing I have a feeling, It's been four years now with him. He never stopped talking it seemed plus he didn't work so we were with eachother 24 hours a day. He not only does everything you said but also has a spiritual twist to manipulate. Thank you for your video, it helped me
FABULOUS! A real treatise on a subject that lies hidden in plain sight! Thanks for the insights.
one of the best video in explaining this terrible condition. Big help!
4. Record the times/dates of contact/what's said if you later have to prove harassment, 5. Tell everyone you know who this person is/what they're doing in case he/she contacts them to get yr contact info, 6. KEEP ignoring them. In my experience psychos stop contact if they get bored or find a new shiny, sparkly toy (ie victim). IMPORTANT: in pt 1 I forgot to say that when you write to them, tell them NOT to reply to your request to cease contact (b/c they'll use that against you) Hope this helps
Nobody alive (that I'm aware of) understands more about narcissism than this man.
This is so on point. I wished I knew it in 2020, as I became the victim at work.
After I dealt with it (escaped) I was shocked by the realization, because I'm major in psychology and didn't see it coming.
Please find a way to make your videos more viral. The world needs this knowledge more than ever.
throughout my life i have been labeled as a psychopath or schizo, mainly by my family as my father was diagnosed with these terms, i know in my heart that im not. i have great empathy and compassion for people but have also developed a low self esteem and depression because of being called this! i am very introverted and do have some traits as mentioned above, the main one is superiority. to explain, its not that i think im better than others, i just have a passion for learning and i do lose respect for others that dont have any interests in learning or improving themselves. i also get torn between two expressions of emotion; i hate lying but when honest, (and i am most of the time) i am said to be to blunt or emotionally detached, rude etc.
i hear a lot of lies in day to day communication and i feel being honest is a better character trait than not hurting someones feelings. Example, a girl asks how do i look (referring to her fashion choice) i reply "its not the clothing i would wear, but if you feel comfortable in it wear it". Now obviously i wouldnt wear a womans clothing but she is offended by my answer. so should i lie and say she looks beautiful no matter what or should people respect and appreciate honesty more?
i am not easily offended and criticism doesnt bother me, however i am aware that it does bother many others, is this a trait of a psycopath?
chippyjohn1 - Are you a Capricorn or Aquarius? It’s just part of your constitution to be blunt, but it’s helpful, at times, to be able to turn it on and off. Since you say that you’re empathetic, observe empathetic people who are excellent communicators, and have diplomacy down pat. Emulate the qualities that you feel would still be in line with who you are, and you can then become your better self. I like to be honest, 100% of the time, so I empathize.
This is my ex to the max. Especially the part about trying to sound like a "renaissance man" or "genius" when they are simply as deep as their facade 😂
Oh I can't believe it. You nailed it. That is the perfect description of my husband and how he acts towards me and others. I was never able to explain that to anyone. And they wouldn't believe it anyway. I am right now searching for a Psychologist, but I don't know how to describe all the things I went through. And a lot of them may not be aware of that condition. And since the pandemic, it is hard to find someone. I hope I can find someone finally. Until then, I will watch vidoes like yours to build myself up. Thank you so much! ❤
I am so grateful I found your channel! Thank you for everything you're sharing. I'm speechless with what I've learned from just 2 videos...incredible!
This man is brilliant... These are things I've always seen in someone but never put together.
Actually, I know a psychopathic woman who loves hugging everyone...absolutely everyone. That is part of her charm act.
Is it possible for a psychopath, to be secretively a very insecure person? Thanks.
Psychopaths are said to be fearless and sang-froid. Their pain tolerance is very high. Still, contrary to popular perceptions and psychiatric orthodoxy, some psychopaths are actually anxious and fearful. Their psychopathy is a defense against an underlying and all-pervasive anxiety, either hereditary, or brought on by early childhood abuse. More here: samvak.tripod.com/personalitydisorders16.html
Sam Vaknin Thanks. What a complex discussion.
When people do that to me, I tell them immediately I find it offensive (I do) and I push them away. They get the message. That is one of the most obnoxious things I have ever encountered. I feel better in a non-hugging country and culture, ha ha ha!!
debs oliver my mother does this she always wants to hug all my friends .
Hell yeah. My ex had a weird fascination with Charles Manson. This goes back over 25 years ago. Ugh, I thought it was cute. Shit, I guess she's up to date. She has admitted curiousity in Epstein and Maxwell. Anybody see s pattern. I just figured her out as a covert narc. She tried gaslighting me recently. It felt ridiculously weird. I took her attempt as a baseline for behavior I observed recently. Gaslighting, poor empathy (selective), poor validation (delayed), poor accountability. Etc. Yuck. Once I figured out the covert narc plus her interest in psychopaths, I started making plans for no contact (again! her mom died). But I have to start with grey rock and fade out. I hope this shit helps.
My mother disowned me 10 years ago, and expected me to chase after her and beg forgiveness. I didn't, after some counselling from a wonderful woman. It's been hard, but I now feel more 'myself' than I ever did. I feel for my mum, but I can't change her and won't allow her back in. You don't need someone like that in your life, make the most of her now being gone. It could be the best thing she's ever done for you.
A guy I just met not too long ago shows signs of narcissism. He says he's my friend but I know better. I cut things off with him today. I deleted his contact number and am trying really hard not to text him.
+Mariah Conklin Narcissists have no friends www.narcissistic-abuse.com/journal85.html
Wow this guy claims to have friend's but I think he uses a lot of them. I don't know him too well though and I don't hang out with him often but I see a lot of red flags in him. When I first met him he came off as interested in me acted as if he enjoyed hearing about my interests but the funny thing is that when he gave me his number to text he actually asked me out over text and I told him a guy calls. So he calls me, asks me out and literally 2 seconds after I say yes he picks the place to eat and then says he has to go. I ended out only going out with the guy as friend's instead telling him I'm not ready to date. We hung out he was distracted by other people when we talked, he did not reciprocate my feelings and every conversation went back to him. He would always put himself down so that I would validate him. He'd also say bad things about his friend's ex girlfriends saying that they were all stupid. I could literally play his little game, keep validating him and pretend to be interested to prove to people that I'm right but it's just too exhausting. I mean, if I wanted him I could literally have him but I've decided to not be in contact with him any longer it's just that everyone things I'm wrong when I feel and know in my gut that I'm right about this person. The other weird thing is that his friend is supporting him and giving him rent money because this guy doesn't have a job but yet he is extremely intelligent and can't find a job. He's also claimed that he's a "romantic idealist" but I haven't seen any signs of romance what so ever. lol!
+Mariah Conklinomg i think i know this guy lol, what a scammer, i bet he is gorgeous, omg good job!! he never called and just ghosted me today its cool i was ready for no contact
+Mariah Conklin You must always be on the 'lookout' and truly protect yourself... I deal with this 'nightmare' everyday... Give them NO info on what you're doing or what's going on with you. The less, the better!
This is so very true. I'm staying single and I'm actually pretty happy and content about my choice. :)
OH MY GOD. This is my dad exactly.
My god!! This explains my ex perfectly! He controlled us with his angry outbursts and was an emotional and physical abuser too. It took me 5 years after we split up to finally get rid of him.
Dr. Vaknin, thank you for sharing your insight with the rest of us. It supplies a little piece of the puzzle here and there. It's helped me understand a person in my life who did a lot of damage. And forgive and deal with them in a much better way. There is so much enlightenment in what you say and it's sure helped a lot of people.
If you ever directly confront them with their actions-they either manipulate their way out of it-or they will very coldly, shamelessly, and bold faced look you in the eyes and tell you they have no idea what are you speaking of. their eyes are dark pools of mystery-you are dealing with one for sure. they are out there and they're are more than you think.
I strongly believe that's true! It works best for TEMPORARY encounters. In longer term relationships they are unrelenting. And now matter how smart or strategic the "victims" are, it becomes far too mentally tiring to keep up defenses constantly at ALL times. Actually, a true narcissist wins just by knowing that the other person has too be on guard, ALWAYS. Just having to watch your back and never relaxing means the N has total control
For the most part you were correct. No time for family or friends but psychopaths always have time for intercorse, the best s.e.x you will ever have will be with a psycho, Also no matter what people say or do the psychopath will always keeps the mask on they will never show their anger or hatred. Psychopaths will always keep a smile on thier face no matter what.
Unless they are the "never smile" type who only wear black.
A lot of good information.
Listening to this video (for me however) is bittersweet. I have / am STILL going through a situation w/ a narcissist. Some things that have happened have skirted the boundaries of legal, social, fiduciary, electronic (internet) and emotional abuse to both myself and one other individual. My efforts to bring certain bits of information to the attention of others were to no avail. The narcissist gained so much ground and operated against me so INCREDIBLY fast that, it was almost like trying to catch a moving freight train that had no brakes. By the time I had pieced together and summarized for myself that I was dealing with a narcissist it was far too late. The deck was stacked against me to such an extent that I had no way of swimming out from under the weight of it all. By the time I pieced together what was going on I lost someone very precious to me......and it HURTS.Now I cannot get near my loved one :( .
I wish people in certain professions believed victims accounts. All to often the information provided by victims such as myself is often dismissed, overlooked, or at worst not believed at in certain professional circles at, all until it is too late. Thank you for shinning a light on this phenomenon and personality type. I think very working professional in America and beyond should be MANDATED to watch this video. Thank you, once again.
You're so welcome! :) OK, as you're moving also do this: 1. Get an unlisted residential tel #. 2. Don't get your new address listed in the white pages. 3. Get your mail delivered to a PO Box instead of to your new house. 4. Tell your friends, etc NOT to give him any info about you, or even the area/state/county/borough where you'll be living. I suspect he keeps contacting you b/c he knows he can get in your head...he's waiting for you to break. Don't break - stay strong & protect yourself :)
You Sir, have just described my ex husband!! there was only one thing that he didn't do - abuse or belittle a waiter. His behaviour is becoming more and more apparent now that I know what to look for, and all the time I thought it was me being overly sensitive and judgmental. Thank you for this most enlightening insight into that evil bastard's mind. Now he's trying to belittle and undermine me behind my back, to our children. But they're old enough to see what's going on, and they tell me what he says.
Great vid here! I bought your book about a year ago! And love it! So very informative... i have a narcissist abuser in my life. Narcissism does exist in many lesser forms... but some of us get the "splendid privilege" of knowing the Sociopathic Narcissist on a much more personal level. sic This may be a more "rare" breed. But just like you say... very charming persona in public... Great Actors are the true rare form of Narcissists... except to those closest to them..
Dr. Vaknin amazes me with his insight regarding characteristics of those he's discussing. It's almost frightening how accurate he is with the behavior analysis
Very insightful. Makes me understand my former boss way better. She has all the traits of a narcissist. I will never let anyone abuse and manipulate me like that again.
My daughter as a men like this I hope to God that some day soon she can get away from his life .... Peace.
this accurately describes my parents & my grandma whom i loved most growing up. now as a parent, i shield my 2 children from their narcissism, manipulativism. my father talks ill of people of another faith, i fight him not to speak of it in front of my son. when my grandma or mom share their troubles, i listen. when i share my troubles, they're suddenly too busy to listen.. smile, @cc3, you can forgive them, but you'll never forget. when life hands you lemons, you make lemon pie ahahaha ...
Great analysis, i've realised over the past 2 - 3 years my dad shows a lot of these qualities
I googled: What would cause people to behave badly on special occasions, I found your videos and I feel enlightened!! There is a person in our family that I worry about and causes another family member (very important family member) a lot of grief by withdrawing at ever single family occasion or holiday. I don't know yet how all this information will help me but I KNOW it will. Thank you.
I also don't know how to help the person mentioned but I at least know what questions to ask and who to ask.
Again, Thank you
Thank you for these wonderful and very insightful and informative videos, Sam.
Thank you for the information. This could act as a checklist for my ex. It's disturbing that I did not see it or chose to ignore it. His behavior was very confusing & left me feeling exposed when it ended.
This is a really , really good video . I enjoyed watching it so much.
Now I know how the Narcissistic and Psychopathic Abusers behave and think.
I even saw them and they are rampant here.But there was this one person that had all of these traits and all of the things you said. My brain kept passively analyzing and comparing.
Therefore all of this is true , and I am surprised how anyone could give this any thumbs down.
Dr.Sam vaknin I really enjoyed this and thank you for making this.
i am listening to these videos as much as i can and it is helping. i have a lot wrong with me and that's why i was drawn to him in the first place. low self esteem, emotional needs not met as a child, a lot like my husband who is a narcissist. i might be an inverted narcissist. thank you for these videos. i am learning to set boundaries and love myself for a change. it's very hard. hard to imagine that i deserve to be loved, but if God loves me, i must be ok.