A point to make is that there is lots of overlap between npd and psychopathy which causes confusion. I learnt not to get hung up on a diagnosis, as essentially abuse is abuse, and in both cases the perpetrator is missing a piece
Very well stated. Once I moved away from trying to diagnose, to simply recognizing the abuse for what it was, it enabled me to better and more quickly cut these malignant people out of my life.
@@Nina94771 I'd argue that when your dead it's over there's no more suffering, but when they warp your soul that kind of death is far more devastating.
@@Nina94771 Would you be happy to be alive if you were pressured into following orders under Hitler's new world order regime? And don't give me that "Well I could never!!!" bullshit, we both know that you're human.
My ex psychopath has disregarded me a few times, preyed on me to come back, but we had that shared fantasy and kids. He preyed on me when we were 17, and it took me about 10-15 years to figure out what he was. I am 42 and now realize I can split myself to put up with it due to my narcissistic parents. Finally I’m so done with everyone that ever abused me in one way or another. Done. He just tried to get back in with me because of our kids and I blew up. That shows me I need way more time healing.
No wonder! My ex fits narcissism perfectly, only there was never a love-bombing phase. Also, the trauma-bonding and manipulation techniques were different and extreme at times - less cunning and more deliberate. What I saw in his eyes during that 3min. change-over was pure psychopathy. It may be the scariest thing I've ever seen in real life.
yea you did the love bombing, oh by the way your probably projecting and distorting some reality of how things actually played out cuz your female, meaning your the narcist.
Because there is evil that despicable there's also the opposite in goodness, without adversity we'd all be average. Of course the adversity that your ex faced broke him probably from their youth, but it was still his choice to be okay with the person he became even under chronic trauma. Arguably though it wasn't his fault he reached that point, but a good person would go get help.
@@prathameshborkut5340 not society mostly for their parents, my mom is narcissist and I'm all the opposite, it depends also how strong the kid/teenager is, I knew back before I won't be like her, I refused to be like her, the narcissist one I met was exactly like his narcissist dad even tho he hated him, it depends how mentally strong the kid or teenager is to fight to become into them, my defense mechanism was other different that hurt people before to get hurt, so glad I'm empathetic 😊
I knew one who thought his mother died in her sleep, but he didn't bother to check because it was too much trouble in the middle of the night so he went back to sleep to deal with it in the morning...thank goodness she was okay.
They always never like their moms😢thats why they cant like women...for whatever unresolved childhood issue. Some of us women went through trauma too but we become great moms and wives
@@lavjamsoflocamp Because you don't let men open up about their feelings without your coochies drying up 😂 obviously this shit goes malignant at some point
@@AnimosityIncarnate she said "they" and went on talking about them which in case you didn't notice - this whole video is about - psychopaths! But you felt like it is about you and are the only one to reply as if this video and her comment is targeting you personally...Shoe fits, psycho?It obv does, because her comment is about psychopaat,if you are not one of them - why so offended and calling her out if her name ? Her comment has nothing to do with You.... or it has..? 😂😂😂 You exposed yourself, idiot! Well done, keep on doing it!
It's funny that narcissistic empathy is still considered empathy when they don't care about how you feel, it's just about providing something like gifts or compliments to tide you over until any feelings arise, then you're the problem by any means necessary.
I'm a psychopath, and my ex is a narcissist. He dumped me because he was tired of his manipulations never working. And I was bored of having to deal with his same tantrum pattern. So we both disappeared from each other's lives, no contact. And the next morning I woke up with no feelings left, everything evaporated. All those beautiful memories of months of love bombing phase were nothing more than a beautiful dream last night
I am a recovered/ recovering borderline as the byproducts and subconcious cause of narrcassism and phycopathy . This is all energy , no escapes. Reading physcology books , intense dbt etc , will never be as enlightening as sam vakinen, you are a mine of information and i want thank you for being a huge part of my healing journey.
If someone lovebombs and grooms, are they considered both, a narcissist and psychopath? Mine did both. My ex totally acted as if I didn’t exist after I separated from him and we had just gotten married. Had no concerns how I was while I was out of state trying to understand what was going on with the relationship. Wouldn’t return texts, or phone calls, and acted as if I didn’t exist. They are the most unnerving, disturbing individuals to get tangled up with!
@@n0426 I agree. He is the most intellectual channel for understanding how these individuals think and operate. Other channels touch on the surface layers of their behaviors…but he delves much deeper. I understand a lot more than I ever thought I would, after watching him for over a year, and it all makes sense. I can 100% connect his explanations to my ex’s behaviors.
Publickly they ACT soft but in the Private they r the most cruel n dangerous entities . I am a narc abuse survivor (wife was a narc) speaking from experience.
I have a psycho father and a narcissistic mother and sister, and a narcissistic ex. The psychopath is another league, what they hide behind the mask is not the same. the narcissist sees servants, the psychopath things. The narcissist believes he is a superior special being, the psychopath is an interspecies predator. I prefer to face 5 trumps at the same time than a single putin who wants to destroy me. For me, from my experience, the narcissist is the human version of the psychopath.
@@lingrajbpattur7777 And the proof of this is that a psychopath sees the narcissist as a clown, he manipulates him as he wants. And vice versa, the narcissist knows that the psychopath is something beyond him, they dare not play with them.
@@AnaSantos-gh4tf I meant narcs on their own …if it is narcs vs psychopaths then may b they r soft. But narcs vs normal people ,Soft is a word least suits them. U cannot b Evil n Still b soft !
Very interesting video again. Unfortunately, I am afraid that I have experienced both of these types of personalities. My last love attraction, I suspect actually was a psychopath or malignant narcissist. These types of personalities are not common but common enough to meet at least once in your lifetime in either workplace or out there in the dating scene. The more people you meet the higher the chanse to meet these personalities. I recommend everyone to be very vigilant to red flags in relationships. Something that feels off in any way one should never disregard. I made the mistake to disregard and to give the benefit over the doubt with another human being as I believe most naive empathical people do. The malignant narcissist is a very interesting subject to learn more on I feel after my shocking but also interesting and eye opening experience.
Brilliant! Very clear and well differentiated distinctions I wish all the so called "experts" knew about! I transcribed most of it and will refer to it in the future again! Thank you so much, Dr Vaknin. Your work for all of us, including Cluster-B is invaluable. Many years ago I realized that most of the teachings on enlightenment mimic psychopathy and narcissim, the I-care-about-nothing attitude, the sway of absolute non attachment, the 'you can do what you want but I don't care' rhetoric behind the most breathtaking veils of eloquence-all point towards a profound break from reality on the part of these supposed sages.
Harrowing is the right word. I believe I was with a psychopath, or a malignant narcissist. You have another video about their changing states, and I'm not sure if he was a covert/doormat narcissist that got triggered to being a psychopath, but there's simply no doubt in my mind. I got away from him (temporarily, to go to my best friend's wedding after he used the pandemic to more or less jail me for 3 years), and while I was away, he filed a domestic violence order against me, forcibly separated me from my child, and when the courts dismissed it, he vanished. Now he does a 15-minute call every week with our son from god knows where. He loves the mystery, thinking it's driving me crazy. Thanks to you, Professor Vaknin, I am aware. I believe he does the 15 minute calls to be able to save some face for his family, and for it to be easier to put the blame on me when he inevitably loses custody of our son and can fully disappear. Harrowing.
Yep my ex-husband knew exactly what he was doing. He was sadistic. Manipulative. He was a groomer. There was no love bombing. But as i didn't like being physically abused, i left him, which was completely unacceptable. So he tried to make me history. I'm lucky to be alive. That one act might make him a narcissist, but i don't think so. He was never jealous. His favorite "joke", "if you go out with someone else, make sure to bring his money home." His happy was from cruelty. Something i didn't find out until too late.
Okay, okay, It’s like a black bear, brown bear thing... If your ex stalks you, they’re a narcissist. If they murder you, they’re a psychopath. Okay, black, brown bear.... Climb a tree....if the bears climbs up after you to kill you...black bear. If the bear knocks the tree over and then kills you...brown bear.
It's so hard to distinguish the difference bc they so very rarely tell the truth. I believe i am dealing with a sadistic malignant narcissist? He only seems happy but in a sick disturbing sort of way if you entertain his depravity, hang on his every word and do exactly as he commands. He has absolutely no empathy for anyone but expects it from me, he has a narrow range of emotins like he is always hateful and angry for no reason. He makes grandiose statements and holds himself in the highest regard and believes he can do no wrong and feels no remorse whatsoever. I know he is sadistic bc his sense of humor is holding sheers around a kitten's throat and poses the question "how would i react if he cut it's head off?" He got angry at me for freaking out, said i "have no sense of humor." He rules by fear and has threatened me more times than I can count but has actually drugged me, poisoned me and put stables in my food. He makes passive comments about rat poison, fentynol and how we should do shots of antifreeze. He laughs when i am too scared to eat or drink bc idk if he is just toying with me or bragging about his evil deeds like a cartoon villain. I have come down with sudden stomach pain bc he put sleeping pills in an alcoholic beverage and began accusing me of taking drugs when i voiced my pain. I only know now bc i found the bottle stashed in the back corner of a bottom cabinet. After he poisoned me, I was been bed-ridden and urinating blood in pure agony, begging him to help me and he acted as if I dont exist. I have fallen down the stairs right in front of him and there was no reaction like there is nothing inside of him. He said "don't sue me." When i spit out a mouthful of staples he put in my food, he looked me dead in the eye and said "idk who's worse, you or the cat." She has been my only friend, my saving grace in this hell. This tiny creature he disregards as just an animal, or lovebombs her to manipulate me has more empathy than he has ever shown. I was 21 years old when i met him and he's had his hooks in me ever since, he promised me the world and I was desperate in a bad way i had no where else to turn, i had no choice but to put my trust in a stranger. I knew what he was from the beginning but i never could have imagined just how much worse things could be. When he realized he couldn't control me, it started off with cruel words so I played along. I've never loved him bc I never lost sight of the monster, there's never been a phase of kindness. He loves to list off all the things he's done for me that make him a benevolent man in his mind that I never asked for, never wanted yet still expects me to be eternally grateful and worship the ground beneath his feet. But none of those things were for me or to help me, everything he has ever done has been to keep me. When i got the courage to leave him in the beginning, I went to renew my ID so I could try to find a job but he intercepted it in the mail and few months later bought a house in the woods in the middle of nowhere, miles from civilization. At first i refused, i was deadset against it and never had any intention of going. But he took all my things and lured me out here with false promises. He laughs about how he tricked me and trapped me here. The mask he wears for his family and friends is almost perfect but even when he's on his best behavior, his entitled arrogance gives him away in a way that i suppose only I can see bc I know who he really is deep down. Ive had every intention of getting away from him from the moment we moved in together but I'm sick from years of medical neglect and mentally ill from years of constant abuse and isolation. I'm trying to seek help from some social services that may help me with medicine and a shelter to stay in but the only thing that's keeping me here is my cat. It sounds so silly and pathetic but she has become the only reason I get out of bed in the morning. And bc he refuses to help me in any way, I've been unable to see a Dr to declare her an emotional support animal before she'll be allowed in the facility. I can't leave her here, we used to have 2 but he killed the other. Whether it was on purpose or not, i will never know for certain but it would not surprise me in the least. I beg him just to tell me where her body is and all will be forgiven but he can't even grant me that. He invokes her name to illicit an emotional reaction from me knowing that I know what he did. He's twisted and sick and every time i try to speak to him like a human being, offer my forgiveness if only he speaks the truth, he turns everything atound on me, I am to blame for everything and he has never apologized, never done anything wrong in his life. He is empty and he is evil but still somehow like a scared little child who just wants to be love but he is unlovable, i believe he is beyond saving and my sympathy for him ran dry long ago. I despise him and I know hate is a poison we take that only hurts ourselves but I want revenge, i deserve justice! I dont want to be like him, that is the worst thing I could possibly do to myself. But i want to see him behind bars, i want him to answer for his crimes, I want to stop him from hurting anyone ever again. Most of all, i want the world to see him for he truly is... i pray for the strength to forgive so that I might finally be free of him body, mind and soul but only time will tell. Some people are beyond redemption, some are unworthy of being forgiven especially when they feel no remorse.
@Ally Jay Where do you live (in general)? I feel sure that you could find someone to help you escape with your cat. I hate to think of your having to stay there with such a horrible man.
I’m so sorry that this is happening to you, But in all honesty you are the only one that can change this situation and it sounds like you’re afraid to leave and to leave something that was never there. Do some research as of where you can go and how to get there, come up with a plan save what ever cash you can, do all of this in secret don’t let a soul know. Pray to Jesus for strength and comfort. And then when you get your plan together you and your cat leave without a single word when he is not there and never ever turn back he is going to try and contact you, don’t answer it’s a trick if you ever go back after you leave you will be punished even worse than before. GO COMPLETELY NO CONTACT!. and work on your healing and forgive and Forget about him. This is the only and best revenge to can get from him. Your not like him you can’t do him the things he’s done to you he has no remorse it’s fun to him make him feel powerful, but in reality he is a coward that’s why he hides to do evil that’s why he wears a mask, you have more power than he does.
Get your cat and go to the Police for help. Ask them to help you find a shelter that will allow you and your cat to stay and organise psychologist support for you. Where are you located? I really want to help you.
Which personality disorder is characterized by dramatically shifting personalities often based on imitation/absorption of other people’s traits, positive or negative based on what will benefit them at the moment?
Fantastico . So overall the most important live affairs of my life I had 2 psychopaths , 3 Narci . Maybe a Bipolar 15yrs old daughter who refuses to be supported and cured
Trauma bonding! And a lack of emotional investment explains much of her behaviour She only had a job when she lived alone, when she had to. Once she found her husband, it really doesn’t make sense she should work. She is about power. If I have the power you have to work.
While my mom was dying in the bedroom, in a Sunday morning (she had had a very serious disease for years and getting worse and worse), my SP father was having his breakfast, quietly, in the kitchen.
Mr. Vaknin are you moving? Your video is echoing empty house and stuff looks like it's gone. Anyway, great video today on whether my ex was a narc or psycho.
My ex didn't love bomb or groom me. He did however, groom his neice. He stalked me when we split up. The way he has described each one, it's either or, but mine switches over symptoms. I've always been positive he's a narcissist because he cares so much what people think of him, apart from those closest to him, but I think he had one or two psychopathic tendencies. He's not bothered about me now we have a daughter. This scares me. She is 18months old and is already manipulating her.
@@OldWizard. yes, I did 😞 I just hope my daughter doesn't have to pay the price for my mistake. Don't get me wrong, he is good with her (and she quite clearly loves her daddy).. but for how long? Or will he keep manipulating her and make me out to be the bad one? His mother is just as bad, maybe worse, and he takes her there every wkd. I don't want her getting attached to his mother too.
PLEASE. Are you stupid? “He is good with her”…. Can you read what you wrote again? Why do you think he would be good with the baby AND start manipulate her at the same time. It’s one thing for you to suffer from cognitive dissonance but you need to wake up for your daughter’s sake
@@Justjewels8436 the covid lockdown's kept me in the relationship because I had no one else because everyone was staying at home, and just when I was going to leave him during the last lockdown, I found out I was pregnant. I have MS and adhd. I couldn't do it on my own, but we have never lived together.
@@countessnicoleb5060 I'm not with him anymore. He takes her every Saturday and wants more access. I got a letter from his solicitor so I have an appointment tomorrow with one. I have him on audio being emotionally abusive towards me and it's quite bad so hopefully that will help. Have you tried Richard Grannons mental health course? It looks very good so far. I'm getting through it. You should give it try. It's here in youtube.
@@n0426 he used come in after work a couple of times a week and spend anything between 15 mins to an hour playing with her, usually the lesser amount of time. He obviously wants to trick her into thinking he's the best dad to get her adoration. It's so difficult. I'm sorry you went through this. It's pathetic that he would do this to a child. To his OWN child! The fact is they are very childish themselves. I hope so. I do love to see her wee face when my sister who childminds drops her off. She always wants cuddles after being away from me. She's very clingy too him too though.
My ex husband was obsessed with the idea that he needed to “protect” himself from me & his made up slights against him by me. He would always say, “I have to protect myself” from you. Who was protecting me from him, is what I should have asked him…
Malleable, gullible, pussy cat, cutie pie 😆😆😆 So true! Because of this, recently, I fell hard once again for my narx. He was back in my life for a few weeks. I was being very strong to resist him. But one night he called me like over 20 times because he needed something. I did not continue to resist, but should have $100 later 🙄 This love bombing was, of course, only to achieve a goal, Dr. Sam. Once he got what he wanted from me... then appeared the 🥶 😈 👻 bye, bye 😼 I am the tool for sure 😢 Horrible rollercoaster when you love the person. Thank you for your videos.
Hello,prof,i do not understand the differece between the supply and goal,they obtain it in a different way and the level of investment is different,but they still both need the supply and to achieve a goal,no? So they both need people?thanks
I’m curious recently, about why narcissism is increasingly discussed (is it actually more prevalent or not ..?), and how attachment styles relate to/with narcissism or not?
Possibly he is a malignant narcissist. Psychopaths don't care about you and much less about your feelings. They do not pursue their victims after the termination, they lack emotional attachment (the one that is present in narcissists, but in a possessive way).
Querido Sam. Si los psicópatas te borran de su vida, qué sucede con los psicópatas qué acaban con la vida de sus víctimas y guardan objetos para su colección? Como es el caso de Dahmer?
The x thing exhibits psychopathic traits albeit one: he works hard to find where the divorce is going. He has a great deal to lose. Otherwise, he couldn’t give a sht.
Sam, I find myself in a position of individuating from my former husband who has narcissistic and psychopathic traits. I’m constantly confused by his actions and always wondering if he is capable of actual bodily harm. He seems to take his abuse right up to the level that he can without any hard evidence of threats. He is currently pushing our divorce proceedings to the limit insisting I am not to get anything of marital assets. I am fighting the legal fight there but my concern lies more in the fact that his reality seems to have him believing he will come out on top while everyone in the real world can see he is not going to get away with this once when gets in front of the judge. Inevitably his reality is going to come crashing down and with the scale of it I am concerned in the possibility of him becoming homicidal and/or suicidal. Can you help me by sharing when one needs to be concerned with the behaviors of someone who is on the verge of a major dose of reality. His entire internal world is going to come crashing down… or will it? I appreciate your content and insight as it has helped me so much in my journey to separate and individuate but also help my children. I watch your videos daily and always find myself fascinated that you are articulating patterns I had lived with but never could put together. I hope you see this message.
Homcidal is my concern.I have a similar legal scenario with my wife. We’re three years into the divorce and very expensive. She has dragged her feet on most discovery, lots of subpoenas now deposition and motion to compel. Plenty of fraud, deceptions along with betrayal. 20 years married. No contact last three! Uncovered evidence over the last three years. Problem is getting it presented to a judge and uncovering more instances where the greedy devil inspired spouse,wronged me. She acts above the law. Suicidal is my least worry after all the pain and agony caused. I pray this nightmare ends with justice. Fearful as the heat is applied to the pressure cooker? Her former X died mysteriously. Maybe Dr Vaknin has some insight?
This video should be mandatory viewing in schools, especially in American psychology programs which seem to currently be disasters. Is there a direct connection between ASPD and Guntrip's conception of the schizoid core? I ask because ASPD resembles his conception of the split ego, but with ASPD going "all in" on the conscious ego and its task of managing the external environment as opposed to schizoid and other Cluster B's over-relying on internal objects. Or are the two unrelated?
Mr sam vaknin. Is malignant narcissism closer to psychopathy or is it just pathetic narcissists copying psychopathic techniques (by watching movies such as joker)
In that case can you expound more on the differences between MN and pyschopath in your video you gave a brief statement that they are virtually indistinguishable but if I could please bother you to go in detail
Hi Sam! It has been a while since I left a comment. I like to drop in once in a while for a refresher. So, let me get this straight...the psychopath vanishes in 3 minutes on a slow day? As a survivor of several Ns, one a long time stalker, I am almost jealous of the ex of a psychopath. They vanish so easily? Really? How do we teach the malignant N this noble trait? 🤔 🤣
Thank you. And what about Twinflames, Soulmates (divine Feminine and divine Masculine …Angels etc.) maby you would be so nice and to that „Naming“ bringing light 💡 for us ? Stay just gorgerous Mr.Professor. Blessings🎉
If the Psychopath is not invested in anything or anyone whatsoever, where is he going?, what is he trying to achieve with his laser like, one pointed, goal oriented, drive, persona?. Just raw personal power? independently of anything he might be doing, involved with, pursuing? etc..
I think my ex was both a narcissist and a psychopath the trades you explain my ex have them in manipulate is called and calculated he loves bomb then he disappear with no no trace
A point to make is that there is lots of overlap between npd and psychopathy which causes confusion. I learnt not to get hung up on a diagnosis, as essentially abuse is abuse, and in both cases the perpetrator is missing a piece
Very well stated. Once I moved away from trying to diagnose, to simply recognizing the abuse for what it was, it enabled me to better and more quickly cut these malignant people out of my life.
One is far more physically dangerous though, life in the balance as well as mind. Psychological abuse is awful but your life is the most precious
@@Nina94771 I'd argue that when your dead it's over there's no more suffering, but when they warp your soul that kind of death is far more devastating.
@@Nina94771 Would you be happy to be alive if you were pressured into following orders under Hitler's new world order regime? And don't give me that "Well I could never!!!" bullshit, we both know that you're human.
My ex psychopath has disregarded me a few times, preyed on me to come back, but we had that shared fantasy and kids. He preyed on me when we were 17, and it took me about 10-15 years to figure out what he was. I am 42 and now realize I can split myself to put up with it due to my narcissistic parents. Finally I’m so done with everyone that ever abused me in one way or another. Done. He just tried to get back in with me because of our kids and I blew up. That shows me I need way more time healing.
No wonder! My ex fits narcissism perfectly, only there was never a love-bombing phase. Also, the trauma-bonding and manipulation techniques were different and extreme at times - less cunning and more deliberate. What I saw in his eyes during that 3min. change-over was pure psychopathy. It may be the scariest thing I've ever seen in real life.
yea you did the love bombing, oh by the way your probably projecting and distorting some reality of how things actually played out cuz your female, meaning your the narcist.
during a discussion one night I saw that look in his eyes, it freaked me out, shocking and shaking my world. Will never forget.
Because there is evil that despicable there's also the opposite in goodness, without adversity we'd all be average. Of course the adversity that your ex faced broke him probably from their youth, but it was still his choice to be okay with the person he became even under chronic trauma. Arguably though it wasn't his fault he reached that point, but a good person would go get help.
He called himself a psychopath (many times). He was obviously correct.
I loved the big Lebowski reference. I love the movie.
Why the hell we meet this kind of people 😭😭😭😭😭😭
Perhaps We grew up with them ? I did.
Such people are created by the society....and then the society has to face them....simple😅
I was adopted by one. Now I am a magnet for them it's very bizare
@@prathameshborkut5340 not society mostly for their parents, my mom is narcissist and I'm all the opposite, it depends also how strong the kid/teenager is, I knew back before I won't be like her, I refused to be like her, the narcissist one I met was exactly like his narcissist dad even tho he hated him, it depends how mentally strong the kid or teenager is to fight to become into them, my defense mechanism was other different that hurt people before to get hurt, so glad I'm empathetic 😊
@@la.mu.sa10 umm agreed....you are soo lucky to be tough enough I wish I was that tough too 🙃🙃
I knew one who thought his mother died in her sleep, but he didn't bother to check because it was too much trouble in the middle of the night so he went back to sleep to deal with it in the morning...thank goodness she was okay.
They always never like their moms😢thats why they cant like women...for whatever unresolved childhood issue. Some of us women went through trauma too but we become great moms and wives
@@lavjamsoflocamp Because you don't let men open up about their feelings without your coochies drying up 😂 obviously this shit goes malignant at some point
@@AnimosityIncarnate she said "they" and went on talking about them which in case you didn't notice - this whole video is about - psychopaths!
But you felt like it is about you and are the only one to reply as if this video and her comment is targeting you personally...Shoe fits, psycho?It obv does, because her comment is about psychopaat,if you are not one of them - why so offended and calling her out if her name ? Her comment has nothing to do with You.... or it has..? 😂😂😂 You exposed yourself, idiot! Well done, keep on doing it!
@@AnimosityIncarnate your username is pretty telling as well. So - mommy issues much, weirdo?
😂😂🤦
@@lavjamsoflocamp yup, they got massive mommy issues
Psychopaths have laser sight for their goal but no emotions in or from anything. Makes sense
It's funny that narcissistic empathy is still considered empathy when they don't care about how you feel, it's just about providing something like gifts or compliments to tide you over until any feelings arise, then you're the problem by any means necessary.
I'm a psychopath, and my ex is a narcissist. He dumped me because he was tired of his manipulations never working. And I was bored of having to deal with his same tantrum pattern. So we both disappeared from each other's lives, no contact. And the next morning I woke up with no feelings left, everything evaporated. All those beautiful memories of months of love bombing phase were nothing more than a beautiful dream last night
I am a recovered/ recovering borderline as the byproducts and subconcious cause of narrcassism and phycopathy . This is all energy , no escapes. Reading physcology books , intense dbt etc , will never be as enlightening as sam vakinen, you are a mine of information and i want thank you for being a huge part of my healing journey.
If someone lovebombs and grooms, are they considered both, a narcissist and psychopath? Mine did both. My ex totally acted as if I didn’t exist after I separated from him and we had just gotten married. Had no concerns how I was while I was out of state trying to understand what was going on with the relationship. Wouldn’t return texts, or phone calls, and acted as if I didn’t exist. They are the most unnerving, disturbing individuals to get tangled up with!
A psychotherapist said, not narcissist is a psychopath but every psychopath is a narcissist
@Leslie Lang who knows. This is psychology according to a narcissist. Of course he thinks he's right and knows everything. He's a narcissist.
@@n0426 I agree. He is the most intellectual channel for understanding how these individuals think and operate. Other channels touch on the surface layers of their behaviors…but he delves much deeper. I understand a lot more than I ever thought I would, after watching him for over a year, and it all makes sense. I can 100% connect his explanations to my ex’s behaviors.
@@n0426 absolutely!
The poor guy I know was groomed into looking forward to a holiday then lost he’s farther two weeks before then got cruelly discarded straight after
…and yet they are overly and unhealthily attached to their mothers? It’s extremely confusing.
Watch the From Child to Narcissist playlist.
My ex was a Psychopath. This was the most helpful video I've ever watched. I have no doubts now.
My brother was diagnosed as a psychopath. To be honest narcissist is a lot softer than psychopath speaking from my experience.
Publickly they ACT soft but in the Private they r the most cruel n dangerous entities .
I am a narc abuse survivor (wife was a narc) speaking from experience.
I have a psycho father and a narcissistic mother and sister, and a narcissistic ex. The psychopath is another league, what they hide behind the mask is not the same. the narcissist sees servants, the psychopath things. The narcissist believes he is a superior special being, the psychopath is an interspecies predator. I prefer to face 5 trumps at the same time than a single putin who wants to destroy me. For me, from my experience, the narcissist is the human version of the psychopath.
@@lingrajbpattur7777 And the proof of this is that a psychopath sees the narcissist as a clown, he manipulates him as he wants. And vice versa, the narcissist knows that the psychopath is something beyond him, they dare not play with them.
@@AnaSantos-gh4tf I meant narcs on their own …if it is narcs vs psychopaths then may b they r soft.
But narcs vs normal people ,Soft is a word least suits them. U cannot b Evil n Still b soft !
@@lingrajbpattur7777 are u still married to her??
The psychopath is relentless when going for the goal
Ha I love the surprising incorporation of 'The Big Lebowski'. The Dude abides...
Very interesting video again. Unfortunately, I am afraid that I have experienced both of these types of personalities. My last love attraction, I suspect actually was a psychopath or malignant narcissist. These types of personalities are not common but common enough to meet at least once in your lifetime in either workplace or out there in the dating scene. The more people you meet the higher the chanse to meet these personalities. I recommend everyone to be very vigilant to red flags in relationships. Something that feels off in any way one should never disregard. I made the mistake to disregard and to give the benefit over the doubt with another human being as I believe most naive empathical people do.
The malignant narcissist is a very interesting subject to learn more on I feel after my shocking but also interesting and eye opening experience.
Brilliant! Very clear and well differentiated distinctions I wish all the so called "experts" knew about! I transcribed most of it and will refer to it in the future again! Thank you so much, Dr Vaknin. Your work for all of us, including Cluster-B is invaluable.
Many years ago I realized that most of the teachings on enlightenment mimic psychopathy and narcissim, the I-care-about-nothing attitude, the sway of absolute non attachment, the 'you can do what you want but I don't care' rhetoric behind the most breathtaking veils of eloquence-all point towards a profound break from reality on the part of these supposed sages.
For some reason, I like listening to men talk about this and I think this particular topic needs more of them.
Harrowing is the right word. I believe I was with a psychopath, or a malignant narcissist. You have another video about their changing states, and I'm not sure if he was a covert/doormat narcissist that got triggered to being a psychopath, but there's simply no doubt in my mind. I got away from him (temporarily, to go to my best friend's wedding after he used the pandemic to more or less jail me for 3 years), and while I was away, he filed a domestic violence order against me, forcibly separated me from my child, and when the courts dismissed it, he vanished. Now he does a 15-minute call every week with our son from god knows where. He loves the mystery, thinking it's driving me crazy. Thanks to you, Professor Vaknin, I am aware. I believe he does the 15 minute calls to be able to save some face for his family, and for it to be easier to put the blame on me when he inevitably loses custody of our son and can fully disappear. Harrowing.
Both. Cheating lying stealing.......ect ect ect.
Narcissist. My pending divorce proves that to him, I am nothing.
A figment.
A peice of lint on a coat.
Thank you for the breakdown between the two types. Now I see we what I am dealing with.
I think my ex is both.
Yep my ex-husband knew exactly what he was doing. He was sadistic. Manipulative. He was a groomer. There was no love bombing. But as i didn't like being physically abused, i left him, which was completely unacceptable. So he tried to make me history. I'm lucky to be alive. That one act might make him a narcissist, but i don't think so. He was never jealous. His favorite "joke", "if you go out with someone else, make sure to bring his money home." His happy was from cruelty. Something i didn't find out until too late.
Hi Sam, I loved this video! Fascinating, especially about Psychopaths and Cognitive Distortions!❤ Never heard this before! Thank you so much!
Am always here to learn
Who cares? They are history!
🤣😁
History repeats😅
"Those who don't know history are doomed to repeat it"
if they still occupy our minds, they are not exactly history.
Not for everyone
Okay, okay, It’s like a black bear, brown bear thing...
If your ex stalks you, they’re a narcissist.
If they murder you, they’re a psychopath.
Okay, black, brown bear....
Climb a tree....if the bears climbs up after you to kill you...black bear.
If the bear knocks the tree over and then kills you...brown bear.
If they love you still after it all, they have BPD 😂
Gonna miss that apartment
Thank you Prof Vaknin ! I finally understood the difference, your explanation made it very clear !
It's so hard to distinguish the difference bc they so very rarely tell the truth. I believe i am dealing with a sadistic malignant narcissist? He only seems happy but in a sick disturbing sort of way if you entertain his depravity, hang on his every word and do exactly as he commands. He has absolutely no empathy for anyone but expects it from me, he has a narrow range of emotins like he is always hateful and angry for no reason. He makes grandiose statements and holds himself in the highest regard and believes he can do no wrong and feels no remorse whatsoever. I know he is sadistic bc his sense of humor is holding sheers around a kitten's throat and poses the question "how would i react if he cut it's head off?" He got angry at me for freaking out, said i "have no sense of humor." He rules by fear and has threatened me more times than I can count but has actually drugged me, poisoned me and put stables in my food. He makes passive comments about rat poison, fentynol and how we should do shots of antifreeze. He laughs when i am too scared to eat or drink bc idk if he is just toying with me or bragging about his evil deeds like a cartoon villain. I have come down with sudden stomach pain bc he put sleeping pills in an alcoholic beverage and began accusing me of taking drugs when i voiced my pain. I only know now bc i found the bottle stashed in the back corner of a bottom cabinet. After he poisoned me, I was been bed-ridden and urinating blood in pure agony, begging him to help me and he acted as if I dont exist. I have fallen down the stairs right in front of him and there was no reaction like there is nothing inside of him. He said "don't sue me." When i spit out a mouthful of staples he put in my food, he looked me dead in the eye and said "idk who's worse, you or the cat." She has been my only friend, my saving grace in this hell. This tiny creature he disregards as just an animal, or lovebombs her to manipulate me has more empathy than he has ever shown. I was 21 years old when i met him and he's had his hooks in me ever since, he promised me the world and I was desperate in a bad way i had no where else to turn, i had no choice but to put my trust in a stranger. I knew what he was from the beginning but i never could have imagined just how much worse things could be. When he realized he couldn't control me, it started off with cruel words so I played along. I've never loved him bc I never lost sight of the monster, there's never been a phase of kindness. He loves to list off all the things he's done for me that make him a benevolent man in his mind that I never asked for, never wanted yet still expects me to be eternally grateful and worship the ground beneath his feet. But none of those things were for me or to help me, everything he has ever done has been to keep me. When i got the courage to leave him in the beginning, I went to renew my ID so I could try to find a job but he intercepted it in the mail and few months later bought a house in the woods in the middle of nowhere, miles from civilization. At first i refused, i was deadset against it and never had any intention of going. But he took all my things and lured me out here with false promises. He laughs about how he tricked me and trapped me here. The mask he wears for his family and friends is almost perfect but even when he's on his best behavior, his entitled arrogance gives him away in a way that i suppose only I can see bc I know who he really is deep down. Ive had every intention of getting away from him from the moment we moved in together but I'm sick from years of medical neglect and mentally ill from years of constant abuse and isolation. I'm trying to seek help from some social services that may help me with medicine and a shelter to stay in but the only thing that's keeping me here is my cat. It sounds so silly and pathetic but she has become the only reason I get out of bed in the morning. And bc he refuses to help me in any way, I've been unable to see a Dr to declare her an emotional support animal before she'll be allowed in the facility. I can't leave her here, we used to have 2 but he killed the other. Whether it was on purpose or not, i will never know for certain but it would not surprise me in the least. I beg him just to tell me where her body is and all will be forgiven but he can't even grant me that. He invokes her name to illicit an emotional reaction from me knowing that I know what he did. He's twisted and sick and every time i try to speak to him like a human being, offer my forgiveness if only he speaks the truth, he turns everything atound on me, I am to blame for everything and he has never apologized, never done anything wrong in his life. He is empty and he is evil but still somehow like a scared little child who just wants to be love but he is unlovable, i believe he is beyond saving and my sympathy for him ran dry long ago. I despise him and I know hate is a poison we take that only hurts ourselves but I want revenge, i deserve justice! I dont want to be like him, that is the worst thing I could possibly do to myself. But i want to see him behind bars, i want him to answer for his crimes, I want to stop him from hurting anyone ever again. Most of all, i want the world to see him for he truly is... i pray for the strength to forgive so that I might finally be free of him body, mind and soul but only time will tell. Some people are beyond redemption, some are unworthy of being forgiven especially when they feel no remorse.
My dear u re love and beatiful made my God so leave the cat bethind and move on. Because he using the cat to trap you to stock with him for more abuse
@Ally Jay Where do you live (in general)? I feel sure that you could find someone to help you escape with your cat. I hate to think of your having to stay there with such a horrible man.
I’m so sorry that this is happening to you, But in all honesty you are the only one that can change this situation and it sounds like you’re afraid to leave and to leave something that was never there. Do some research as of where you can go and how to get there, come up with a plan save what ever cash you can, do all of this in secret don’t let a soul know. Pray to Jesus for strength and comfort. And then when you get your plan together you and your cat leave without a single word when he is not there and never ever turn back he is going to try and contact you, don’t answer it’s a trick if you ever go back after you leave you will be punished even worse than before. GO COMPLETELY NO CONTACT!. and work on your healing and forgive and Forget about him. This is the only and best revenge to can get from him. Your not like him you can’t do him the things he’s done to you he has no remorse it’s fun to him make him feel powerful, but in reality he is a coward that’s why he hides to do evil that’s why he wears a mask, you have more power than he does.
Get your cat and go to the Police for help. Ask them to help you find a shelter that will allow you and your cat to stay and organise psychologist support for you.
Where are you located? I really want to help you.
This is just heartbreaking. I wish there was some way to help you.
Which personality disorder is characterized by dramatically shifting personalities often based on imitation/absorption of other people’s traits, positive or negative based on what will benefit them at the moment?
Search the channel for "shift" and for "mimicry".
I was groomed - never love bombed. Abused to see how much I would tolerate. Stood it for 25 years!
She was both and some. Glad to be out of that horrible relationship. Phew!
Very valuable description and info. Thank you Dr. Sam.
That seems to generally be my question.
Thank you for the reading , verry clear that i'am dealing with both individiuls with this disorder.
Fantastico .
So overall the most important live affairs of my life I had 2 psychopaths , 3 Narci .
Maybe a Bipolar 15yrs old daughter who refuses to be supported and cured
Both. Self proclaimed.
Trauma bonding!
And a lack of emotional investment explains much of her behaviour
She only had a job when she lived alone, when she had to. Once she found her husband, it really doesn’t make sense she should work. She is about power. If I have the power you have to work.
While my mom was dying in the bedroom, in a Sunday morning (she had had a very serious disease for years and getting worse and worse), my SP father was having his breakfast, quietly, in the kitchen.
best channel on youtube about these topics by far
Mr. Vaknin are you moving? Your video is echoing empty house and stuff looks like it's gone. Anyway, great video today on whether my ex was a narc or psycho.
Such a brilliant insightful video and information! I understand far better!
I am tortured by psychopaths.
What is the difference between love bombing and grooming?
My ex didn't love bomb or groom me. He did however, groom his neice. He stalked me when we split up. The way he has described each one, it's either or, but mine switches over symptoms. I've always been positive he's a narcissist because he cares so much what people think of him, apart from those closest to him, but I think he had one or two psychopathic tendencies. He's not bothered about me now we have a daughter. This scares me. She is 18months old and is already manipulating her.
@@OldWizard. yes, I did 😞 I just hope my daughter doesn't have to pay the price for my mistake. Don't get me wrong, he is good with her (and she quite clearly loves her daddy).. but for how long? Or will he keep manipulating her and make me out to be the bad one? His mother is just as bad, maybe worse, and he takes her there every wkd. I don't want her getting attached to his mother too.
PLEASE. Are you stupid? “He is good with her”…. Can you read what you wrote again? Why do you think he would be good with the baby AND start manipulate her at the same time. It’s one thing for you to suffer from cognitive dissonance but you need to wake up for your daughter’s sake
@@Justjewels8436 the covid lockdown's kept me in the relationship because I had no one else because everyone was staying at home, and just when I was going to leave him during the last lockdown, I found out I was pregnant. I have MS and adhd. I couldn't do it on my own, but we have never lived together.
@@countessnicoleb5060 I'm not with him anymore. He takes her every Saturday and wants more access. I got a letter from his solicitor so I have an appointment tomorrow with one. I have him on audio being emotionally abusive towards me and it's quite bad so hopefully that will help.
Have you tried Richard Grannons mental health course? It looks very good so far. I'm getting through it. You should give it try. It's here in youtube.
@@n0426 he used come in after work a couple of times a week and spend anything between 15 mins to an hour playing with her, usually the lesser amount of time. He obviously wants to trick her into thinking he's the best dad to get her adoration. It's so difficult. I'm sorry you went through this. It's pathetic that he would do this to a child. To his OWN child! The fact is they are very childish themselves.
I hope so. I do love to see her wee face when my sister who childminds drops her off. She always wants cuddles after being away from me. She's very clingy too him too though.
Thank you for this explanation I always knew I was involved with a malignant narcissist and you have now confirmed this.
Thanks. Still good stuff after all these years of listening to you.
OMW!!!!! Thought my ex is a narc, but not. How wrong I am. That is sad.
My ex husband was obsessed with the idea that he needed to “protect” himself from me & his made up slights against him by me. He would always say, “I have to protect myself” from you. Who was protecting me from him, is what I should have asked him…
He was
Thank you Prof. Sam Vaknin for your very helpful videos.
Good question for the topic and title, Sam! I can't wait to see this. I have to put this on hold for later bro 😉
My wife ghosted me after 2 years of marriage August 2018 haven't heard from her since then , good riddance LoL
I wonder if that means you finally exited the shared fantasy… if she’s a narcissist she might be back
Thank you, this was very helpful.
what an excellent teaching thank you Professor Sam.
Thank you! I wanted to know if a family member is a psychopath or not.
Now I know much more about this!
Both
Malleable, gullible, pussy cat, cutie pie 😆😆😆 So true! Because of this, recently, I fell hard once again for my narx. He was back in my life for a few weeks. I was being very strong to resist him. But one night he called me like over 20 times because he needed something. I did not continue to resist, but should have $100 later 🙄 This love bombing was, of course, only to achieve a goal, Dr. Sam. Once he got what he wanted from me... then appeared the 🥶 😈 👻 bye, bye 😼 I am the tool for sure 😢 Horrible rollercoaster when you love the person. Thank you for your videos.
Éso no es amor, es vínculo traumatico.
Very informative… it seems I had a psychopath by my side for a while….
Wow! Thank you, Sam 😘
At 2min 20sek
I would add, "to save face."
Is it possible to have all 4 cluster B personality disorders?
Yes, but very rarely.
😂 buying into this shit at all makes you one of those rare ones who has every possible mental illness. You are in fact the toxic one dood
Very informative. Thank you
thank you professor Vaknin
informative overview. now i’m curious about malignant narcissist vs covert borderline.
Hello,prof,i do not understand the differece between the supply and goal,they obtain it in a different way and the level of investment is different,but they still both need the supply and to achieve a goal,no? So they both need people?thanks
Thanks for sharing your knowledge Sam 😊
Does secondary psychopathy show up physically, as in fuming and facial expressions along with strange angry voice tone?
Absolutely
I’m curious recently, about why narcissism is increasingly discussed (is it actually more prevalent or not ..?), and how attachment styles relate to/with narcissism or not?
Yes it is definitely on the increase and empath personality types seem to attractive act them like me!
When I was young.I think the only reason he went with me was in his mind I was a catch.
Excellent!
What about mother in laws who live with you in the marriage?
Can a woman become a psychopath after a hard and a long abuse of malignant narcissist?
No.
@@samvaknin Thank You Prof. Vaknin !
It's the opposite. Psychopaths who abuse narcissists. Narcissists are psychopaths' little bitches, especially in prison.
He pick up left stop calling me when I called him. He was angry did not wanna talk to me. He was after the next.
Everyone is a monster to someone -captain flint
Thank you so much! 💙
Psychopaths and narcissist psychopaths are definitively what I would call "the 180 degrees experts".
I did go no contact after being treated not good.. He now stalks...
He is not a psychopath of malignant narcissist?
Possibly he is a malignant narcissist. Psychopaths don't care about you and much less about your feelings. They do not pursue their victims after the termination, they lack emotional attachment (the one that is present in narcissists, but in a possessive way).
Querido Sam. Si los psicópatas te borran de su vida, qué sucede con los psicópatas qué acaban con la vida de sus víctimas y guardan objetos para su colección? Como es el caso de Dahmer?
You - and many others - are confusing sexual sadists with psychopaths.
The x thing exhibits psychopathic traits albeit one: he works hard to find where the divorce is going. He has a great deal to lose. Otherwise, he couldn’t give a sht.
Both n more
Couldn’t a neurotypical lovebomb because they’re on the rebound and not because they’re a narcissist?
No.
@@samvaknin thank you!
@Prof. Sam Vaknin Do autistic people love bomb
Sam,
I find myself in a position of individuating from my former husband who has narcissistic and psychopathic traits. I’m constantly confused by his actions and always wondering if he is capable of actual bodily harm. He seems to take his abuse right up to the level that he can without any hard evidence of threats. He is currently pushing our divorce proceedings to the limit insisting I am not to get anything of marital assets. I am fighting the legal fight there but my concern lies more in the fact that his reality seems to have him believing he will come out on top while everyone in the real world can see he is not going to get away with this once when gets in front of the judge. Inevitably his reality is going to come crashing down and with the scale of it I am concerned in the possibility of him becoming homicidal and/or suicidal. Can you help me by sharing when one needs to be concerned with the behaviors of someone who is on the verge of a major dose of reality. His entire internal world is going to come crashing down… or will it? I appreciate your content and insight as it has helped me so much in my journey to separate and individuate but also help my children. I watch your videos daily and always find myself fascinated that you are articulating patterns I had lived with but never could put together. I hope you see this message.
Lol sounds you're a typical woman. Trying to drum up evidence of wrongdoing where there is none. I hope he withstands your insanity 😂
Homcidal is my concern.I have a similar legal scenario with my wife. We’re three years into the divorce and very expensive. She has dragged her feet on most discovery, lots of subpoenas now deposition and motion to compel. Plenty of fraud, deceptions along with betrayal. 20 years married. No contact last three! Uncovered evidence over the last three years. Problem is getting it presented to a judge and uncovering more instances where the greedy devil inspired spouse,wronged me. She acts above the law. Suicidal is my least worry after all the pain and agony caused. I pray this nightmare ends with justice. Fearful as the heat is applied to the pressure cooker? Her former X died mysteriously. Maybe Dr Vaknin has some insight?
I was married to a man for five years and I still don't see the difference
Do psychopaths just forget about you and move on even if youre the one who breaks up?
Or they become vengeful.
@@samvaknin but no hoovering?
This video should be mandatory viewing in schools, especially in American psychology programs which seem to currently be disasters. Is there a direct connection between ASPD and Guntrip's conception of the schizoid core? I ask because ASPD resembles his conception of the split ego, but with ASPD going "all in" on the conscious ego and its task of managing the external environment as opposed to schizoid and other Cluster B's over-relying on internal objects. Or are the two unrelated?
Unrelated. Psychopathy is an externalizing disorder.
Mr sam vaknin. Is malignant narcissism closer to psychopathy or is it just pathetic narcissists copying psychopathic techniques (by watching movies such as joker)
The former.
In that case can you expound more on the differences between MN and pyschopath in your video you gave a brief statement that they are virtually indistinguishable but if I could please bother you to go in detail
What does “shoshoneem” mean again?
Sounds like a mispronounced version of the Korean word for “my teacher” (sonsaengneem)
It’s been 3yr post divorce. Seen so many videos on NPD (Sam’s my ❤) however, I can’t Stop ruminating about him😢. When will this go away? Thx Sam!!!!
Stop watching the videos. Learn about rebuilding a healthy solo life, not trying to better understand narcissism.
When you find and love yourself 😘
Hi Sam! It has been a while since I left a comment. I like to drop in once in a while for a refresher. So, let me get this straight...the psychopath vanishes in 3 minutes on a slow day? As a survivor of several Ns, one a long time stalker, I am almost jealous of the ex of a psychopath. They vanish so easily? Really? How do we teach the malignant N this noble trait? 🤔 🤣
What shoes neem mean doctor?
Thank you.
And what about Twinflames, Soulmates (divine Feminine and divine Masculine …Angels etc.) maby you would be so nice and to that „Naming“ bringing light 💡 for us ?
Stay just gorgerous Mr.Professor.
Blessings🎉
Maybe you would search my channel?
Quite honestly, if you’re not sure, they aren’t. The clinical types are way different animals, in my opinion.
there is not a single minute of these videos that isn't deeply instructive
My ex was a narcissist
Can a narcissist create narcissistic or borderline personality children?
Search the channel.
@@samvaknin thank you
If the Psychopath is not invested in anything or anyone whatsoever, where is he going?, what is he trying to achieve with his laser like, one pointed, goal oriented, drive, persona?. Just raw personal power? independently of anything he might be doing, involved with, pursuing? etc..
Yes.
@@samvaknin Thank you Professor Vaknin! very enlightening!
I think my ex was both a narcissist and a psychopath the trades you explain my ex have them in manipulate is called and calculated he loves bomb then he disappear with no no trace