Breaking Through the Narcissist's Indifference by Becoming a Psychopath
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- Опубліковано 30 лип 2024
- The narcissist has 3 essential demands from his partner and companion, 3 Ss: Sex, Supply, Services. If she provides any 2 of these 3, he is pacified and ignores her: she is a captive and he is indifferent to her emotions, needs, and wishes. He takes her silent, acquiescing presence in his life for granted: an inert, lifeless, and objectified or even mummified fixture. The narcissist acts similarly towards a frustrating partner who provides only 1 or none of the 3 Ss: by withdrawing and disinvesting, absenting himself and cutting off all meaningful communication.
In both cases, the narcissist reacts with extreme abuse and rejection to any attempt to invade or control his personal space or time. To attract his attention and gain access to him, the partner needs to escalate, dramatize, render unpredictable, and exaggerate her behaviors.
Many partners react to this apathetic negation of their being by self-trashing (for example: by drinking to oblivion and having unprotected sex with a lowlife stranger, falling into bad company, self-harming with drugs or otherwise, or by engaging in other reckless and self-destructive behaviors)
The aim of these maneuvers is to communicate distress: "By ignoring and rejecting me, you are hurting me so much that I want to destroy myself. I hope the pain I am causing you now will be sufficiently potent to pierce the veil, to make you care about me, to penetrate your formidable firewall and stupor"
Usually, only the threat of abandonment or actual loss can convey this harrowing and heartbreaking message. Overt, ostentatious, purposeful and weaponized cheating is the sole way open to the partner to get through to the neglectful and oblivious other.
Ironically, this escalated cry for help is rarely restorative and often irrevocably terminal and destructive: it dooms the relationship. Half measures like triangulation are useless: all out egregious in your face infidelity is the only efficacious wake up call. But it is a last hurrah.
Scholars like Cleckley and Karpman have noted 80 years ago that misandry and misogyny coupled with a profound and abiding fear of intimacy result in psychopathic (antisocial) behaviors in adulthood. L
Such people form "intimate" relationships that are anything but: they are impersonal, dysempathic, transient, objectified, emotionless, noncommittal, defiant, defensive, entitled, and founded on destructive envious competition, deceit, contumacious counterdependency, and self-defeating recklessness. The parties are loth to share or to disclose vulnerabilities in such adversarial settings.
It is small wonder that as our civilization becomes more and more narcissistic, both men and women adopt and emulate grandiose psychopathic males as role models, gurus, and guiding lights.
But in a feat of reverse mental engineering, this paradigm change also entails a surge in inter-gender conflict and hatred: both misogyny and misandry are off the charts. The genders get together either to have casual, meaningless sex - or to tear each other down triumphantly and abusively, also via rejection, withholding, and hurtful extreme misconduct and betrayals.
Abuse in Relationships with Narcissists and Psychopaths
www.narcissistic-abuse.com/abu...
www.narcissistic-abuse.com/abu...
Those knocking on the narcissist's door again and again to find some empathy or true connection must understand that there is NOBODY HOME.
Edna O.n~You can’t get feelings and sincere emotions from a carcass, a hollow shell. You are only there to fill their emptiness, like a bucket full of holes.
Many of you need to stop making excuses and stop living inside your heads. Life is very challenging. It is not made for you to succeed. You have to overcome a lot. Stop blaming others for personal lack of agency to make good choices, take accountability, understand the role you play, especially when you cannot maintain successful relationships. Stop making excuses for yourself.
Yep just like the American people think
@@americusdeville865 what is a lack of "agency" to make good choices? I am interested in obtaining this "agency" so I can make better choices, will you explain what the "agency" is or how one can acquire this "agency"?
@@WhiteRussian82td
As I understand (others might have a different opinion though), "agency" in this context means "ability to act" or having the will power to take an action.
Usually people who are stuck with/on a narcissist are unable to move on. They choose to remain in an abusive relationship because they are too lazy or weak to find other alternatives. The idea here is that you take your own responsibility and leave the narc for good.
I don't hold these thoughts personally, was only trying to explain what I understood from the comment. Hope this helps!
This is why I discovered my ex was a narcissist because he stopped sharing anything personal and never cared to learn about me in any way
@@benji1289 Beautiful illustration of the misogyny talked about in this video.
living this now
@@sahamal_savu no there are far more narc women..the numbers only show that there are more men because we dont report it. I am literally getting out of a narc relationship and she already has a new boyfriend after a month..
MsYogaGrrrl yeah there are still genuine, sweet people out there..🙄
Amanda, my ex narc asked not ONE queston about me or my background, cared nothing for me, thought I would be his clone and got rageful when I was my own person...
I turned into someone I did not recognize or like under his reign of indifference. Trapped desperate, damned if I tried damned if I did nothing.
I feel you dude
Moral of the story: keep your eyes open for the red flags and avoid the train wreck. We can't afford to enter relationships naively in this age. The key traits of a Narcissist are similar to the psychopath:
Charming, charismatic, presenting confidently, entertaining to be around and often witty- they can make you feel great about yourself. When you feel yourself being swept off your feet by a person's charm, this is your first red flag. Hold up and check yourself. There are things you're missing that are important.
Watch for even subtle signs of:
Entitlement
Exploitative tendencies (You'll be doing favours for them because they make you feel so good about yourself you'll be jumping to say yes- check yourself. This is another red flag.)
The rules don't apply to them.
They will be studying you to work out what makes you tick, what your deep desires are, what your weaknesses are, if there is any shame they can control you with, what your fears are. This will come in handy for them to be able to manipulate you, first with "love bombing", then they will begin to devalue you and test you with their little "doo doo tests", to see how much disrespect you're willing to take because you're so enamoured with how good they make you feel and how charming they are has left a lasting impression. You'll still be telling yourself how lucky you are to have this person, and will begin to defer to them with all the decisions to keep them happy, and just to keep them ultimately, because you've found such a catch. When they suddenly treat you indifferently, you'll think it's your fault and they will make you feel that it's your fault. Because they've trained you to defer to them for a while now you believe that it must be your fault that they're unhappy with you, and soon you start trying harder to make them happy. You'll get to the point where you break down because you can't seem to meet their standards to make them happy. Suddenly they'll be nice to you again and you'll be relieved. They'll love bomb you just a little bit to encourage you to relax again and you'll believe that... finally... things are nice again, and we're back on track. Poor you. You're now caught in their cycle of psychological abuse and the trauma bond. They'll have you up and down like a yo yo, and get set, because things are about to get a whole lot worse.
Bottom line is: don't fall for charm. "Charm is deceptive and good looks are fleeting..."
This ⬆️ is the clean truth! My friend (who I truly believe is on the spectrum herself) whispered all kinds of malicious, untrue and outrageous things in his ear about me. How he needs to leave me, she's better in every way, than me. I watched, in front of my eyes, them love bombing & mirroring each other. Joke is on her because the honeymoon has been long over. It's her turn to be the proverbial punching bag. I'm out!! ✌🏻
@@andylima24 good point
@@violetmushroom6 Hi there, I hope you're ok and are on the road to recovery. If you're still young, you've had a tough break so early, but take heart and keep your chin up. While everything might seem black, give yourself time and it can take a while, even a few years, you can heal. One thing I really failed at terribly when I was in my twenties was to come to grips with some things that were hurtful and take the time to understand what happened and how it was that I fell in to that situation. When I was 31 I finally began to realise later than I would have liked that there are red flags that people show, and started learning what to look for and how to recognise these red flags. Being able to take a step back and read people in all kinds of situations is such an important skill. My hope and prayer for you is that you learn that skill so that you know how to avoid damaging people like these. Take some time to protect yourself and realise that you're not at fault for the cruelty of a few sadistic people. Sounds like you've had a painful lesson, but you will learn from it and learn how and when to trust again, but this time it will be slowly and carefully. Not everyone is bad, but you already know that. Sorry for the long reply and take care of you.
And when they cheat, its your fault you didnt love them well enough...never facing the fact they never ever wanted to give anything to a relationship...
This is 100% how a narc is and was to me
Even to the point of popping up when you was finally discarded for there own gain again
Do not reply or play to he’s fiddle it is for money or to negotiate divorce in he’s favour
Remember the betrayal infidelity and pain he caused
Make this your tern to be the narc and get what is rightfully yours
And No to he’s selfish gain xx
If someone is indifferent to you, maybe you just leave them alone.
A dystopian loveless society as predicted by Orwell in "1984".
Very smart, about the world becoming unigender and the emotional lacks that are in consequence. Thank you Mr Vaknin.
Blew my mind. 4 Years later Professor Vaknin is SPOT ON.
Your ability to articulate the emotional and physiological response of the victim is exceptional and commendable. I have learned life lessons of which I would never have proactively "signed up for" in these last two years that have challenged me on every level of my being and your insights and ability to put the seemingly insane into some semblance of a logical and coherent discourse is both profound and appreciated, despite my reluctance to express it, given your position in the equation. Thank you for the work that you do.
The only true revenge on a narcissist is to be one yourself. Get so focused on yourself and making yourself happy by all means necessary that nothing they could do will ever hurt you because you are too busy enjoying your life anyway. Only cheat because you truly want to, not for revenge. When you cheat savor the moment, be present with the person, feel what it's like to have fun again. Continue to do this but hide it from the narcissist as best as you can. The narcissist will smell your happiness and how your treating them differently. They will snoop and discover your betrayal. I promise you, this will hurt them to their core. Why? Narcissist don't care if you cheat purposely to get their attention because they know it's still about them BUT when you cheat for your own selfish reasons it creates a injury. Then when they confront you, flip it on them and discard them immediately and never go back. They will forever obsess over you. They absolutely hate to lose and will consider this a loss.
When victims become narcissists samvak.tripod.com/faq42.html
Thank you 😊 I turned into someone who acted like a woman with borderline because of my partner I had no idea why but the level of wierd behavioral towards him and others was crazy and I didn't even know what he was. In light of the fact a someone can make you act like a raving lunatic without your permission why would anyone enter an intimate relationship with anyone of the same or the opposite sex?
Hi
Thank you for this video.
It confirms what I had noticed in my direct experience a few years ago. I gave up a career in real estate because the pressure was too great to be "a woman acting as a man" in order to gain success. Now I have a business that is perfectly suited to my natural balance of masculine and feminine skills without the need to be seen as masculine.
I see the imbalance all around me, the lack of value placed on the Great Feminine Art of Life.
It directly relates to our lack of intimacy and connection that results in positive growth and expansion. If women are not capable, due to society and our experience of it, of embodying the nurturing acceptance and love due to fear of manipulation, then who are our role models for these sacred human traits.
I have survived an 8+ year relationship with a man who shows fragile narcissistic behaviors.
I have faced the need to change my behaviours in order to gain some semblance of care, attention, love. It was a slow process of closing my own heartspace and denying my expectations. It became necessary to logically and purposefully decifer his chess moves to anticipate his next so I could determine my movement. Unbelievable stress slowly built up within me within this spiral of power plays.
That's my best "general" description of that time and situation.
I was so devoted to "making it work" and I analyzed myself so deeply that in the end, after untangling the nest of wires and tethers, after removing the attachments to him and to the dream I carried, I know myself so much better. It has required an intense amount of work and time to reach this platform. Hundreds of hours of counseling, writing, creating art, CBT online, hypnosis, spiritual practice, self care and rest to sit where I am right now on this plateau.
The plateau looks like this...
▪︎I am single and the desire to be in partnership is faded from years of exposure and yet still underdeveloped.
▪︎ I am producing more creative art then I thought possible.
▪︎ I have created a business caring for the elderly in their homes by offering the services I wanted to provide to my own family and home.
The list of services includes everything from small repairs and maintenance to meal planning and shopping to assistance with showering and dressing to art instruction and companionship.
I have created a reciprocal world full of people to love and care for and I am earning more money than ever.
I think I have fallen away from my initial thought in this comment but I trust the flow of my thoughts and perhaps my sharing will provide someone else with an inspiration for their own journey.
Namasté 🦋🤍🦋
I have been in a very very dark place for too long. Feeling very much like I was going crazy. I was struggling to work out up from down, left from right. My self doubt so so chronic I really felt like I didn't know myself anymore. I understand the self trashing. Iv'e been there :( . I was trying to make him see my distress. He told me I needed to get help. At that time I didn't know what I was dealing with, only that it definitely didn't feel right. It's a relief to hear you explain all of this. While Im not without my flaws, Im not crazy. Thank you.
So beautifully observed, as always. I found myself getting so distressed in response to stonewalling that I would become quite enraged and would find myself provoking a huge row just to break the tension so he would re engage with me. This went on in cycles for 7 years.
Been there. Pure terrorism.
Your prediction concerning humanity is spot on, and horrifying. People ENJOY hurting one another. Great video. Thanks.
This is exactly correct. But, blog after blog, article after article keeps telling the partner that she has to change and acquiesce to the narcissists needs. But, my instinct has been to provoke to initiate some action other than cold indifference. This video is exactly correct.
“And because lawlessness will abound, the love of many will grow cold.”
Matthew 24:12 NKJV
Lawlessness is not the absence of the law; lawlessness is the changing of the standard for evaluating what is, in fact, true. When the standard moves from an eternal standard to a personal one, we have moved from the fear of the Lord to lawlessness. It is not the absence of law, it is when every man does what is right in his own eyes. We live in a time of lawlessness.
“But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come: For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away!”
II Timothy 3:1-5 NKJV
Girl you hit it on the nail but many dont understand whats going on Jesus is coming you dont know.
TYSM for being here again for us, Dr.Sam. We are very grateful and that you are well and safe too. Outstanding video and content as usual! Now, I know and understand why I had become self-destructive for a time in my life. We are desperately pushed to it. To matter...to survive. Makes all the sense now. Yes, narcissism is a virus! Thank you, Dr. Sam.
You described the relational dynamic exactly. Sadly.
The title of this video knocked me on my arse with laughter! Immediate illumination! Love your dry humor! Made my day! Got 5 male best friends and we enjoy each other's honesty and trustworthiness every day even in Quarantine.
Thank you! your contribution to clarifying the dynamics of narcs-empath relationships have helped me change my life for the better,
Honesty, courage and a willingness to be real. That is our answer.
This is a sad sad world. I still can confide in my ex husband.
Wow you just painted a bleak perspective of the future of humanity
The blurb under the video was very useful and helped to explain a lot. Thanks for sharing such helpful information.
Thank you very much Sam. I understand now fully why I became a borderline liked woman in the last 2 years of my relationship after I discovered that my partner was nothing I thought he was. I totally lost myself and now trying so hard to pickup my pieces together.
Eye opening video! Discussing the truth about gender role unification is often considered politically incorrect; glad a scholar finally openly discussed it.
How do you know so much ,Sam! You are so bang on.
Thank you Sam
May God bless you
Another brilliant, spot-on video!
Very good description of my 'relationship'.
You described that feeling so accurate and in details..
Divorce those monsters immediately instead of prolonging the pain.
I knew I wasn’t tripping thanks for the confirmation
On point like always!
Once again, you are right, people just don’t have patience to understand each other, they simply look to himself and like you have said in an interview with Richard, narcissistic and borderline people offer 100%, pretending to be altruistic, but in deep are selfish in a way and don’t give any space for the partners to give his input in more then 0%, with his own personality.
It’s the sad sign of times, and agree, with the pandemic, people will become more and more alone in his own life and objectives without carrying with relationships, this is even more observable in people with successful professional carrear.
The use and discard rule are getting more and more acceptance.
How are going to be mad to have intimate relationship with a stranger after the virus? Only a narcissistic that are looking for urgent supply!!
Thanks
I’m living these for 24 years.
Wow. This is why I went into rehab after months of cutting, drinking too much, and being threatened with a restraining order.
I overcame this through the 12 steps. I was histrionic. 3 days ago, I tried again.
"I am not as young as how I look" hehehehe.. Mr Sam Vaknin, I hope you can provide more videos on Narcissism, Codependency in the context of object relation theory
I totally agree with the predicament that you just have explained...
as I am one of those statistics as well..
And I haven't had children..
What I perceive to be the future of this trending situation would have to be a social Revolution in the structure of what we call Society expectations and norms..
Into more infinite numbers of subgroups or tribes with their own original beliefs and order.... the world and it's people are becoming such a generic place that the human will want to belong to something more personal that they can relate to..
Always on point
Brilliant!
Don't worry Mr. Vaknin, we are healing, becoming integral and whole and when more and more find out that they need to turn inwards and do it, then guess who is in evolution! Not the false selves!
WOW! This is very sad, indeed.
Very informative : thanks
Excellent!!!
Wow. Grand slam on that one, Sam.
During Corona, he suddenly, respects the rules of no contact! Bevor the rule was applied he did not care! Red Flag?
So predictable aren't they? He might have found new supply and has to make a choice now. As I had said, before the no contact rule in Germany was applied, he came every other day to see me. Since 11 days not a word, from him! The answer to my message from him was, that he is only following the rules! Means he made a decision to see someone else since it is no Problem or conflict with the current regulations to see your partner! I finally woke up🤣🙏
WOW!
interesting - but I seem to be past the drama stage being so aware of what is happening that I can reach a short term limit and just detach and switch off from the N. enjoying my own unsullied company.....at the moment he goes quickly from anger to hoovering so watch this space.
Slaughtering my last bit of dignity....
how is it possible one can go through life and be naive like me?
Why isn’t it taught in schools how fucking evil mankind is?
If you have a good heart and see light in everything you become a victim so fast for bloodthirsty primitive human junk. I just don’t get it.
After my narcissist strangled me to the ground while I was pregnant with his baby my mother was watching telling him to strangle me tighter.
You can imagine that I dissociated, became socio and psychopathic and harmed myself after that. My nightdreams usually consisted of a colorful wonderful world of color, peace and adventure. Now I keep waking up from lack of Oxygene and horrordreams of blood, crime. There was no help from the outside here in Germany. I came to the conclusion that I must be a bad person and ended my beautiful naive persona. Wtf is this world.... I came so far to lose it all.. because of my f*ing
Mother and Boyfriend who should be above all TRUTWORTHY people.
Right on spot
You are good
Please understand. . .Even though I bat for the home team. . .what he said about the unigender is SO RELATABLE!
But this has been a trend I've fought with pretty much since the day I was allowed to be homosexual in nature. . .I just do not fit in with these people that think men and women are "the same" however that being said. . .I'm dying on the inside because. I've learned that someone I love so unbelievably deeply has NPD.
I understand what it is.. . .I do. . .but the part that kills me is that I just feel terrible because I know where he is. I see it. Before I had a name for it I saw it CLEAR AS DAY.
And I just feel so bad against myself because I was there. . .I was trapped at one point in my life. No one to turn to, abused, scolded everywhere I go. ANd I just feel so bad on an entire other level because. . .imagine seeing all this and not knowing what it is, you can't put a name to it so everything is what it is. It's not hidden behind a name.
It was clear as day to see that he was someone that's never experienced love. It's not that he's never been loved but he has never experienced it.
I told him and I meant it so deeply that I wanted to show him what it's like to be loved for who you are. . .because you deserve it. . .and not loved because it was convenient.
And then things played out. . .the way you would expect them and now. . .I'm just dying inside because he's hurt me so much and really honest to God. . .I never meant something so serious in my life. . .just to know. . .now that. . .that's the hell he's condemned too. I just feel like a fraud because I told him I would but I can't.
And honestly I genuinely hope parents that do this to their children. . .they should be sitting in prison. It's almost as bad as imbreeding. I would make it a criminal offense to do the things they did to him that let him develop this way.
Dear Sam, can you please explain the ”toilet paper hysteria” trend? Thank you!
So sad this whole situation, narcissists are like a zombies nation, once they bite the innocents, their venom spreads
Malignant narcissists psychopaths are unable to love because in their childhood they never received love so they don't know what love it or how to love.
My malignant psychopathic narcissistic ex girlfriend, Noemi B. 34, blonde, from Macerata Italy, had already ruined 3 relationships in a row in the span of four years in the exact same fashion. And each time the guy(including me) left her overnight.
I finally found out that Noemi was engaged to a 50 year old druggie in Italy and she was madly attached to that guy. The guy was an jobless obese druggie who was 24/7 playing play station. She was co-dependant with that guy because form when she was 13 year old, she grew up with that guy she calls "Pallino". Noemi and her lover were broke when they were in Italy, so they came here for a better future, they had borrowed a little money from some loan shark in Italy, but the money wasn't enough for both of them so she sent the guy back to Italy and asked him to wait until she establishes herself with a permanent job so they can bring the guy over. On top of that, because the guy was impotent, they couldn't have a child together. So Noemi and her lover Giuseppe planned that she'd marry a guy with good income, have a baby and then divorce.
From the first week she was talking about marriage and having family together. It was the single most important red flag I ignored and paid the price with three years of my life.
After I found out and exposed her. She made threats that she'll take revenge and won't let me date another girl. I ran away from her and changed job and city, but she followed me. Here she went around and told people many lies about me.
Noemi was an remorseless monster, a danger to humanity. I recently found out that she is doing the exact same thing to a Peruvian guy.
Hard to admit it but true
yes, we agree narcissim is terrible, but we pick narcisist and abusers over and over, and find good and simple people boring. We need to roller coaster. I still havent figured out how to deal with this dilemma. Have a husband/friend and then lovers to feel the roaller coaster ride, and allow him to do the same? could this e the only way out? choosing a "partner" to settle, and leaving crazy sex and adventure for lovers...im confused, this is not what i was told it would feel like, im terryfied of marriage, i dont want to hurt anyone though.
I feel the same why and have been valuing romantic relationships less and other things more.
i recognized this recently what i have become …. i still have an open case
I believe the 12-step program offers answers for both victim as well as narcissists. It creates a framework to help all of us break our defenses and face ourselves.
Prof Sam
Would those reactions apply to BPD ?
Harsh reality
I am so glad to have found Sam...
Thank you Sam for putting words to actions I could never describe without sounding what??? "Bat shit Crazy".
Today I am not ashamed for said dubbed title. Not even set back when I heard my SO TO ME, ME ISO TO HIM..... "The more good looking we are the crazier we seem to be". Wtf? No one is safe. THANK YOU FOR EDUCATING US. ♥️🙏🏻
GRATEFUL NOW, QUIETLY WISHFUL I HAD FOUND YOU SOONER.
question? It can't be too late can it? When you have just about by all means of the statement lost it all....yes, I know it can always be worse. It had been for even me in my most current past and radically accepted now ...can you go forward and rebuild? How can you rebuild when you aren't the only human in what I'm hopeful to rebuild. What if just about all the people you know. Knew. Would still be ok to know but with the knowledge known today are the type you do your videos on.
I would and could do anything for my children. Everyday I feel like I'm dying while im striving to live. To thrieve....that would be amazing.
It's not to late is it??? To more than survive.
I'm not entirely sure how or why men and women should be psychodynamically different. Shouldn't we all be humane caring people (while still being able to defend ourselves from abuse) ?
The psychodynamics expected from women in the 50s through to the 80s were a falsehood. We were told to act weak and needy in order to be sexually desirable ... in direct contradiction to what women had shown themselves to be capable of during the war.
lol the title😎
He belongs on Dr. Phil for greater exposure for this Vital Message. It won't happen because of the fragile atmosphere of USA television Business.
12:04 True
#realtalk
Thank you so much, you are brilliant, I have been aware of the change and male traits do not attack men, they go to porn, women good women we are dying out here! There must be something we can do.
Michelle Bucks it’s not just happening to women Michelle. Just seen a rapid increase in women going astray in the relationship and basically emasculating their spouse or male partner, and may not even totally realize they are doing it? A lot of this has to do with our society today and how we’ve moved so far away from the specific gender roles that were once considered very important and valued in a healthy marriage and family life. And this is by no means saying that one gender is more important or should be more dominating than the other. Both husband and wife have had specific roles that fit and suit their gender type in a way that works best for the relationship as well as for the family life in keeping it loving happy and healthy. Women have a very strong advantage in the Family Court system and are granted rights in entitlements in a divorce and custody situation that men have a very tough uphill battle to fight right from the start. And I don’t know too many women out there that are that naïve or ignorant to the fact that they generally dominate in family court. However, if you are a empathetic type woman who happen to marry a more narcissistic type man, that could be a very different story due to the fact the narc doesn’t care and is very manipulative and destructive. In the flip side, if you’re more of an empathetic man and I’ve been married to a narcissistic woman, you have absolutely no chance at making that relationship work if she doesn’t want to or any real fight in family court or custody situations. Women have a way of playing a role that is so manipulative and cunning to others that they are story comes off as very believable and true. Mostly, because they can so much easily play the victim card in that divorce situation, and make the man become an emasculated push over or Bring out the very worst in him if he doesn’t tolerate the narc abuse from his wife, which that really turns into a big shit show because of the easily obtained recordings and privacy breaches that can take a snapshot of a man acting at his worst manner during an argument, Not knowing or realizing that he was intentionally getting provoked And gaslighted so that an argument could erupt and things could be said that may be regrettable and look very bad in that particular situation, even if that doesn’t reflect the true nature of his character as a man husband and father. And I hate to say this without sounding favorable to one gender or the other, but I actually hold women to a higher regard and have a much higher level of respect and expectance from them to actually want to work at becoming a good wife to her husband, and a good mother to her children. It’s a good woman that makes a man a good man and gives him that feeling of comfort and security needed to want to do the best and be the best for her and for his family. So anybody that says a woman has limited power in the home, Because she happens to Take on a more traditional feminine role in the marriage and family, is gravely mistaken! Yes, The overall responsibility and burden to protect and provide for the family is a fitting role for a husband, and it is his burden to serve His family with the honor to accept that burden and responsibility. But it’s that nurturing aspect and loving, calming, comforting nature of the wife mother role that really has such a huge importance in the family life today and is becoming increasingly neglected. What’s even sicker is that infidelity and wives who have children that go astray in their marriage, isn’t even looked as wrong or bad like you would think it would be and should be? Neither husband or wife should ever commit adultery or infidelity in their marriage, and most especially if they have children, but I’ve typically looked at men as being weaker in that temptation and always looked at women as being stronger and not acting on that temptation, or being unfaithful to her husband, and to her children and family as well. It makes me absolutely sick when women celebrate this and look at it as being justified and entitled because of their deceptive and petty claim of being a victim. Narc women are actually probably worse than Narc men, For the basic reason that they have more sex appeal and attractiveness in nature and therefore can and do exploit their looks and their bodies in a way that can lead them to being on faithful promiscuous adulterers. And I hate to say it but they teach their young daughters that this is where their power is as well! Hell no it isn’t! Unless a woman believes that she is powerful and respected for being a whore? Sure, Among the other adulterers and sexually immoral people I’m sure she’s admired For her promiscuous behavior as being now a whore instead of a wife and mother. There is no greater disappointment in this ignorant and delusional thinking, But women are accepting and even celebrating this lifestyle now days and it’s becoming common. No woman should ever expect to attract a good and decent man who thinks like this. Unfortunately, We’re starting to see more of a gender role reversal in this regard and women going astray and cheating on their loyal and faithful husbands to pursue their own desires and fantasy of a better life. Sorry, but they are nothing more than delusional whores, Who have failed their family and their children! And I’m going to say that the same goes for husbands and fathers who also go astray.
Michael thank you so much this was really amazing information to me I had no idea and you're absolutely right I can see this damaging a man really much more than a woman, in that sense of course actually the narcissist that I've been with for 5 years was married to a narcissist woman and we became friends and I would listen to his stories about how she just decimated his life in court and I can't imagine if he was not a narcissists and he was a person like me I'm not sure I would have made it. I had no idea how sick these people were I have always just been a very loving kind woman that always puts my man as my king unfortunately because of my upbringing in my history I'm always trying to change someone so they'll love me and I always tend to pick a narcissist because I am the truest form of supply for them. The world of women has emasculated man to the point of no return I never understood it frankly I'm a businesswoman but I also have that very feminine soft side that loves my man unfortunately I've devoted 30 years to loving the wrong type of man not realizing the signs of narcissism. I thought it was just me picking the same kind of bad people I would be like there's no possible way that this person is so mean I can't even make sense of it. I don't understand a person that actually does not have love in their heart for other people. So this revelation watching Dr. Stan was the first time it was explained in a medical sense which was very difficult to understand because it's like the real it's like these people actually psychotic or split personalities and their whole motive is to destroy other people I can't even relate to that. However I just came out of 5 years of a horrible experience that brought my self-esteem so low that I did things that I would normally never have done and it scared me so I'm going to the with drawers and the separation anxiety because it is like a drug. Every single explanation about these people exactly who I was living with at first I got so angry that his parents would have sucked him up so badly that I felt sorry for him however yes continue to lie manipulate among all the other wonderful things, the more I found out about him and called him out on his s*** and confronted him towards the end because I couldn't take it anymore the meaner and more abusive than he got.
And reading this again I agree with you 100% I'm very worried about our daughters, I can see these nasty women out there and how they can be and it's disgusting I don't even understand it and that's what was so hard for me my narcissists would actually put me in that category and project his s*** on to me and I would be devastated like I would never do that no matter what I said he could never be convinced if I was not that kind of woman. My ex husband of 20 years was narcissistic but also an alcoholic that was a little bit of a different Dynamic the bottom line is I have been taught as a young child with a narcissistic mother and no father this is my issue that now at my age of 59 before it's too late meaning sitting home alone dying like my mother with nothing and no one I have a responsibility to myself to figure this out because I can't take this one more time I won't survive it. I had no idea these people feel no empathy I could literally be sitting there on the floor crying which I've done many times because of the verbal abuse and it would just make the narcissists more angry like that doesn't even make sense to me until now. I have to have hope and pray that I will learn how to see the signs and I know there must be healthy men out there that just want to be loved and loved I have to have that hope maybe figure out a way how I can help other women or girls to look for these signs after I get well no one should ever have to go through this on either side.
Caitlin
To validate this video and see how much is it true a very good example I am trying to find a relatively “sane” “normal” partner for quiet a while and still ending up in the same boat… absolutely what a wasting on time so people have to cope somehow so we haven obsessed with food, fame, study, work, narcissism 😊🤷🏼♀️😳🙄, video games, masturbation/sex, cars, money, control and you name it I believe is all the copying skills to avoid the pain of disconnection from each-others is became so painful that the brain 🧠 have to find ways to cope with it.
Make total sense for me.
Which pain you want? The pain of a narcissistic relationship or the pain of loneliness?
We are wired for connection yet there is only toxic connections out there and in this process we became more narcissistic even if you are lacking self love and a people pleaser and have abandonment /rejection issues. I see so much similarities with narcissistic and codependent people. Both lacking self love but how the brain copying with it is different.
I am so tired to looking for somebody who have the awareness as finding somebody without childhood trauma (good luck with that) I don’t really even think is exist. Nobody had the perfect childhood as perfectionism is also just an illusion to escape reality and the underlying pain… yet is very few self aware people out there who says I know my issues and my copying strategies and I know yours and your copying strategies and I might can’t completely change them but I try to articulate them better so you can understand me why am I unable to change those things around and you would see when this relationship would take place more and more people will be able to improve their mental state but those people are very very rare.
I am looking for a traumatised person who not perfect just self aware of his toxicity and want to makes this world a better place for a very long time with no luck and I am ready to give up this fantasy I ever will find such a person. I have a great awareness of my issues and there is things I can’t improve no matter how much therapy I get and that’s also traumatising when you have no control over some of your behaviour even tho you know is toxic, unhelpful, hurtful this takes a very highly intelligent person to get this and understand it and I guess those are the people who choose psychology their profession. I am obsessed with it as I started therapy long time ago my life made sense everything made sense and because of the feeling of the truth and figuring myself and because of it now others out I fallen in love with it. Because psychology is everywhere how sad the very people I am magnet to due to my very high empathy and extremely sensitive and full of passion and feelings this makes me the perfect pray for a person with narcissistic tendencies… Especially the hard to catch one because I am 13:11 also a brainy one. Last time is took me only 3 month and 5 days until I figured and oh boy that was the most shocking. But when he played when we are at the theatre at age 55 I was like what is that than the first silent treatment came and I know only toxic people use the silent treatment. Than I started to dig deeper and figured him and I dismissed all the red flags. I saw them but I dismissed them because I disrespected myself as I still loved that person more or wanted him more than I wanted myself or love myself.
all the women I know around my age. are all tomboys, that includes my wife. all but one, this one women is the only women that gives me some feeling that she is feminine and warm. all the others are somewhat sharp and a bit cold, and the ones that are not cold just don't know how to be warm.
sorry ladies, I am not trying to be a cold ass. like Dr. Vaknin it's just what I see.
now I am in big trouble!
Is misogyny and misandry at an all time high- or has misandry caught up to misogyny in some small teeny tiny way?
(The numbers on domestic violence/ murders say otherwise..)
Is the scrip of this video in you book?
Nope. But it is the description, had you bothered to look.
Thank you for your insightful observation, dr Vaknin. So it seems as along with developing communication humans developed strong bounds while keeping gender differences. And now we are witnessing gender roles equalizing and at the same time creation of psycological separation. At this point narcissists are creating clusters with their worshipers. Here in America whem it comes to politics we have the narcissist Trump' cult. As we can see the following can be voluntary or imposed. So are we heading towards godlike individuals with followers with no individuality... and with slaves? Is that the process of forming religions? Can you please share your opinion on that topic? Once again, thank you for your videos.
the animus on woman badly managed
Im confused. I thought people wanted to date narcissists and psychopaths? They are way more popular with everyone at least so I dont understand why everyone is complaining now when this is exactly what they pushed...for everybody to become a psychopath. Just look at how popular crime stories are, this is not a problem its exactly what people wanted and now they got it. Be careful what you wish for indeed
Having spent the past 12yrs in a “relationship” (up until he up sticks and disappeared 2yrs ago) with, who I now believe, was the deadly covert narcissist. I am certain I will remain single until the end of my days. It changed me irrevocably, I’m so sad to say. Of course, he threw the hoover in a month ago, complaining he wasn’t happy with his partner (the female boss who he ditched me for) he was “worried” about me 😂 he was immature back then and what a wonderful life he had back then with me and can we have a shag pls? I rejected the attempt and told him to go back and concentrate on his relationship. He was gutted that the Hoover failed and blocked me and has disappeared AGAIN! Victory for me? I hope so but I know one thing - I can never let another man infiltrate my mind, body and soul again. So, is this victory for me or has the ex truly won in the end by ruining my faith in human nature?
Dear misandrists & misogynists, it's gonna be a bumpy ride. Hold on to your heads. Ends & tails are flying off left & right 👉
what i learnt from this video about todays world is so pathetic :(
So how does America deal with Trump