Same - like a spiritual experience in a sense - so much revealed so quick and emotions that feels more aligned than ever. Touches the heart and soul for many men finding themselves lost and confused in divorce. 75% of women initiate divorce and very likely from overly nice and tolerating husbands in many of them. Female instincts naturally disengaged and disassociated from an unnatural and inhumane "nice guy syndrome."
I read this book about 15 years ago and it changed my outlook on life. But I've recently discovered there's a deeper level to Nice-Guy-ism that I've still been manifesting. Early on in my life, I somehow learned that someone asking me for help or emotional support was a gesture of love from them to me. Essentially I learned to falsely equate trust with love. I don't know where it came from, but I'm 41 now, and only in the past week have I finally realized I've been misinterpreting the intentions behind women asking me for help my entire life, and suddenly the reason they were so shocked when I fell in love with them is painfully clear. Now I have more self-work I need to do.
Be very aware that many people in your life will walk away from you forever once you follow this advice, ( being assertive and setting boundaries) BUT do follow this advice it's very much on point
Exactly 💯 This book don't want to talk about that. The world is based on relationships. It take people to make money not things. Be careful on the advice you receive world . It may sound good but it may not be good for you
Not true at all. If anything it can draw people towards you. And if anything the wrong people will just be removed from your life because you see the world differently. It aint about becoming an asshole or anything. If you do that you’re bound to break relationships. Its about becoming you again, the kid before the abuse and childhood trauma. Im sure people loved that kid
I realised I was this nice guy at 35 and had suffered greatly for it. Developing my confidence now to the point where I get my points across respectfully
Same here, although for me being "nice" was more about getting the approval of God(?) than others - practicing healthy spirituality, without seeing God as the judge, can help you be more assertive and be kind, but when you really feel it, consciously, not when you "should" do it.
This book was like a sucker punch to the gut. It made me realize so many terrible things about my behaviors and how I was doing nothing but just inflicting misery upon myself. I had loving parents and wasn't neglected by them as a child, but the issue was rather with friends. I discovered one day that I wasn't genuinely liked for who I was by people that I really thought were my friends and was abandoned by them, and it destroyed my self confidence and made me rethink everything about myself. It turned me into a people-pleaser and I hid every detail about myself that I thought people wouldn't like, so that I wouldn't be abandoned again. But guess what happened? I found myself once again being abandoned and alone. For so long I waged this mental battle with myself, wondering what I was doing wrong. I was so nice to others, wasn't I? Wasn't I doing everything right? Shouldn't I be paid back for that? This book made me realize that I wasn't at all being genuine with others or myself. I was basically building fake relationships and only showing the parts of myself I wanted others to see. There was no real connection being made at all. I wasn't being kind out of the goodness of my heart - I was being kind because I wanted things from people. I was "secretly negotiating" my way into being their friend. What a joke. I can't believe I wasted so much of my life being such an idiot. I cannot tell you how immediately better the quality of my relationships became once I started following the advice in this book. I started showing myself as I really am, stopped chasing people, stopped seeking their validation, and tried being genuine to others, and actually caring about them instead of fake caring about them. Even if that only leaves you with a few people who reciprocate, the feeling of actual, mutual friendship makes everything else fade away. I can't recommend this book highly enough. It truly changed my life. It's required reading for all men in my opinion.
I listened to a vid last night that mentioned the book and the basic premise and I was absolutely shook. I’m not a guy but at 58 recognize this is at the core of my struggle with relationships. The whole book is on yt so that’s my next listen
I actually read the book by Dr Glover before I knew I was a nice guy. I read the book and felt personally attacked throughout the entire novel. Real wake up call. Highly recommend
Realizing that my mother’s misandry ruined the beginning of my life, is what has salvaged the remainder. People who have parents that truly love them have no idea what it’s like to be unwanted. It’s something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. I have’t been a nice guy for a few years now, but I’m cringing so hard at this video recalling all the shady crap I’ve pulled under the guise of nice guy. I actually truly feel like a better person for being openly disagreeable.
Not a guy but a lot of these things hit hard for me, especially the abandonment part. I used to believe if I pleased someone, that is the only way they will love me, and if I act out on my flaws, they won't want to be around me. I also felt like my needs were an inconvenience to everyone else, so I tried to do things by myself without bothering anyone and kept my mouth shut. I was (and still kind of am) terrified of hurting people's feelings, especially the ones that I love. Funny how today I am almost literally opposite of everything I used to be. I learned that nobody is going to speak up for me (all the time) and if I don't address the problem, it will never be solved. But I've also built much stronger walls and boundaries with people, and I don't make effort to get close to anyone I don't see lasting long term or that I don't like. I won't give people a chance until they show me how much they care. And even then, I look very closely to see if their actions match their words.
Never take dating advices from women if you are a guy. Trust their actions not their words. She will either make or break rules for you depending on how 'nice' you are.
When I acted out my true nature, teachers tried to ruin my life. This caused me to develop a victim mentality and as I matured I realized that this kind of thinking won't get me anywhere in life. You can't change the things that happened to you but you can have an impact on your present and your future. Be whoever you are and the more difficult your life is, the tougher you get. Never judge others and take their hate as fuel to do good things for yourself. Alot of people live in mental hell and alot of the decision they do is based off pride or envy. They hate other people because they hate themselves and once you start loving yourself, you can't hate others. Because we are all the same.
What steps did you take to understand this better? I realize that my ego and resentment torward how I acted in the past is resisting my efforts to change in the present but its very difficult to break out of this habit. Im concious of my decisions based off pride and envy but don't know how to deal with them in the moment. It has me frustrated...
Do not expect anything, help for the sake of helping, that is how a person becomes a good man(there is a huge difference between nice guy and a good man).
Nice guys often finish last not because they are nice (there’s nothing wrong with that). But they finish last because they often lack CONFIDENCE and ASSERTIVENESS, and this makes them people pleasers. If you are not assertive, you are unlikely to get what you want, and deserve, in life 🚀🚀🚀
Hmm, I certainly lack the assertiveness. But I'm not trying to please some people, I'm rather disturbed by other's assertiveness (like don't they care a bit about others?). Being pushy destroy the calm in crowd. Is over assertiveness a thing?
@@laxmanlxmnisuppose308 Peterson said that only when you know you can be mean if necessary for your own defense then you are nice with a power, you need to master the shadow first then you show up the nice side with confidence.
Bullshit people hate empaths because they are cowards and most people today are ammoral religious people too. What a sad world it is when good is seeing as fake or bad. This is a sickness while every evil manipulation porn, drugs, idolatry, Godless soulless, NLp witchcraft, murder, war, cruelty manipulation is glorified. Personally I am not a nice guy but this world's is damned it deserves a meteor rain.
@@revanvonheaven8270 I spent the best years of my life as a nihilistic misanthrope. I was angry and miserable. I'm 37 now and happier than I've been in my entire life. It took me 36 years to experience optimism. And I managed to do it without turning into one of the people that I used to hate so much. I hope you find your happiness one day. Just hang in there. Peace✌🏻
@@revanvonheaven8270 You are right. Do something good by helping someone and they will call you a manipulator with ulterior motives, ass kisser, door mat, weakling etc. Most people don't help other people to gain something, they do it because maybe one day in their lives they had the same problems and know how hard and long it would take to fix them alone. But people keep watching these UA-cam guides on how to live and try to follow them. Just think about it... "I live my life like this because some guy on UA-cam said I should" and you will see how ridiculous all these videos are. What a world.
I’m a woman but this is all extremely relevant to my circumstances. So we can really call this mr nice person because I think it resonates with many human beings. Also, it kind of makes me feel better that men and women perhaps aren’t as different as everyone tries to present. We really are all human in the end.
No. Sorry sweetheart. The reason we have nice guys around is because men lost their own spaces to learn and grow from each other. They tried to become enlightened and adopted feminine energy
@@anilgowdam9444 How exactly did I prove his point? The advice applies to everyone and there are plenty of male-only spaces. Hell, we still have male-only schools. Wtf are you talking about?
I never thought reading a book could trigger a real change in one's life - NoMoreMrNiceGuy really did start a change process months ago and I really feel the direction where it's going
I agree. Chivalry seems to be encouraged in Christian circles but without raising women to be submissive, nurturing and supportive, things can be thrown way out of balance. Many men, including in the Christian context, need to be taught that a man can be Humble and have strong character without constantly being passive. Passive and Humble are not the same thing.
Yep. Can confirm. Im one of those church guys. It s the worst thing your parents can do to you. And bonus if you are fucking poor and those parents are strict.
Some of Glover's best work is on approaching women as he provides a (rarely seen) healthy middle ground between being a calculating manipulator and the useless "just be yourself" trope. Please do more on Dating Essentials for Men.
My tips for approaching women: 1. Never make them feel cornered, pressured or like they have no way out of the situation/conversation 2. Less flirting more actual conversation. 3. Make compliments that are specific to her rather than general pleasantries you could tell to anyone and don’t make it too sexual 4. Start with a harmless question (can I sit here? I’ve never been here before, do you have any drink recommendations for this place? Hey do you have a pen I could borrow for a second?) and observe her reaction. You can gage if she is comfortable or not, or maybe very busy. From there you can either launch into a conversation or leave it be, just don’t push it that way if you see them again she will remember you as “that guy that asked me for a pen” and not “that guy that tried to start a conversation with me and wouldn’t leave me alone when I was clearly uninterested”. 5. ACCEPT REJECTION!!! Don’t pester someone that already said no because not only will it make you look even worse in her eyes but she will warn other girls about you. NO ONE wants someone that can’t take no for an answer.
I recommend this book to nearly every man I meet and few follow through. I just wish I could PAY them to read the dang book, so many of them need it badly. This book changed my entire life, can’t say it often enough or loud enough!
I’m reading the book and I’ve come to the conclusion that most guys can identify with at least one of the personality traits that Glover lists. There are definitely gut punch moments in the book if you identify with several of these. I def found myself identifying with a couple, but some of the traits are dependent on my environment and who I am around or, honestly, the mental state I am in at that time and period of my life. But, either way great book and very self reflective and thought provoking. Take charge and stop seeking approval, this is your show! ✌🏼
Parental alienation is a factor and must be labelled as a child abuse. Funny how people actually think having a custody of their children snatched away from the other parents is a good thing.
What's worse is that feminists are somehow claiming that the concept of "parental alienation" is anti-women method to take children away from them (even though parental alienation happens to both men and women, although women are twice as likely to be the perpetrator of parental alienation). Let me rephrase this. Feminists wants children taken away from men no matter what. Hence, welcome to "Mr. Nice Guys".
People have often labeled me a "nice guy" for just having normal manners. Has not helped my dating life although I get it. I am not an alpha male which puts me at a distinct disadvantage in the current world. On the other hand I can't make myself a victim. I know the rules I am just not good at the game these days.
Unfortunately most men didn't grow up with strong masculine fathers to teach them the game. Unlucky for us that didn't grow up with youtube but now a days you can learn a ton from great men about masculinity. Andrew Tate, Coach Greg Adams, The Saint and The Sinner, Kevin Samuels, Dr BOA. All these guys you can listen to for free on youtube to get you into your masculine mindset.
this should be taught in high schools!! It seem it would have saved me and the people in my life, and everyone else like this from unnecessary headaches and hardship so that we don't have to feel like crap all the time, so that we get to thrive and love instead of hide in fear
A lot of people don’t know about this, even the teachers. The teachers suffer from a lot of shit too its rare to find people who don’t go through a lot of trauma and develop shit like this. Just be grateful you found this though, its time to heal
Very valuable book. Discovered this book at 47, but luckily I've been using the techniques of healing nice guy syndrome for the last 10years- being more assertive, using affirmations, saying what I meet, boundaries and having safe people to confine in
I recently got the book & DEVOURED it. I'm reading it again and working on the exercises. Also Got the "Hero's Journey", which I peeked in and can't wait to read & work on. I'm finding it quite hard to find a support group, would appreciate finding one.
I would say neither try to control your emotions or be controlled by emotions. If you react to your emotion, you become your emotion and therefore emotions are controlling your life. Just simply let emotions come and go, don't react to them, understand them and let them be. If you are consciously aware of your emotion as what it is without reacting to it, it will have no power over you and you can remain calm in every situation. You can deliver your message and truth through calmness and not through emotional reaction.
It is based on attachment styles given by our families. However a securely attachment style person will present nice and positive with the confidence to walk if the other is insecure and withholds attention or affection as a means of punishment. Withholding affection or attention or both is what the parents of the insecure party did when they acted out in a way the parents didn’t like.
Great summary and animation. One of my favourite books is “no more Christian nice guy” by Paul coughlin. Too many men in church are nice and that’s because people expect them to be nice. Be like a Vulcan with no emotions. But Jesus demonstrated a wide range of emotions including those that Christian men are expected to avoid. Jesus used anger and many more. Well done Brandon. And love that the female in the start of the video has been named heather.
Right. It's all about being conscious... and not do something mechanically just because you "should" do it. As I was raised a Christian, I fell into that trap too.
If there's was ever a super like button on this video, I'm smashing the hell out of it, cause everything said in this video describes who I am today! You just earned my subscription!
I know what you mean. I believe we can learn a lot from people that don’t like us. It’s a mirror. Other peoples actions say more about us than their words. Our past does not define us meaning we are not our mistakes. I’ve been attacked verbally by people that are threatened by me because I’m told I’m just a……..when I’m fact they know I am a renaissance man of many crafts and talents. and people often say things to elicit a response or make sure they are still superior sometimes, cause they don’t say good things to the person until they are dead and can’t hear it.
I do nice things people and have never asked for anything in return but the same Curtisy, that isn't asking too much for someone to treat me with the same kindness and respect I show them.
Being nice is something you do unconditionally as a normal part of being a functioning human in society. It should not be the defining “trait” of your personality nor should it be done transactionally. One of the reasons women dislike nice guys so much is that their “niceness” is entirely transactional and dependent on you giving them what they want.
Verry good video,I had these bad consequences sometimes unconciously sometimes with good intention because I felt a part of it was my parents divorce...but I always knew I can be better than this,thank you.
Word of advice to anyone reading this. You don't need to take advice from internet videos. If you feel you are too nice and you truly believe that is your inner personality, then go with it and find an environment where people will not shame you and will respect you. A good example of this are small towns, religious, and farming communities, they can be some of the nicest people you will ever meet. If you don't like modern societies in cities, get out while you still can or you will turn into just another modern person. Don't change yourself, leave the environment that is causing you suffering, travel and do volunteer work for strangers.
Great video, just one correction: Every child is egocentric, not just those who have been abandoned. This means that every child believes that whatever happens around him or her, he or she caused it directly. That's why it is so important to always explain to children exactly why negative things happen (I'm angry now because I'm stressed from work, the reason Mom and Dad are fighting is because of a misunderstanding about household bills) and to ensure the child again and again that it's not because of him or her!
My Dad yelled at me that I was a mistake and he never wanted me! My dad was a runner, so I became a runner, my dad loved golf so I played golf, as I grew up my dad worked with engineers and talked about how smart they were and how he respects them, so... you guessed it, I became an engineer. These changed nothing in our relationship. I could go on and on about things my dad did or appreciated and how I did all these and in the end... It changed nothing our relationship, my Dad loved and dotted over my sister who was on welfare. I look forward to hopefully breaking free of being a nice guy, wish me luck!
I am a Christian and I think it is true that is men in the church can fall into the habit of being overly nice, because we value gentleness in way too many contexts. But I think that if we really get to know the Bible well we will realize that Jesus was assertive at times, as well as gentle. We just need to read the Bible more so we don’t become that stereotype of a “nice church guy”
The church has been feminized and has become heretical. Too much influenced by modern western culture. Jesus was a hardass when he needed to be. He even said that he came not to bring peace but rather a sword and division.
Sucks being a "nice guy". I've realized I got this behavior from my mom, she never stands up for herself. It's always about what you want instead of what she wants which, yes, it's good to be selfless, but nothing's good in excess. She could eat something new and be like "this is is very tasty, I like it" then I try it, say "ugh, tastes terrible, I don't like it all" and she'll backtrack and be like "yeah you're right, it's not that good" and viceversa. This really opened my eyes and I've finally gotten out being like her in this sense because it feels so dishonest
One problem with trying to change your nice guy behaviours is that it will not be well received by your peers if it does not correlate where you are in status/dominance hierarchy. If Chad mcChaderson stands up for himself people admire and respect him because his placement in the social hierarchy allows this. But YOU little wee pee pee mcpeerson will be scolded for adopting the same behaviours as Chad.
@@jbdmb I understand. It's just extremely important to learn to focus more on your personal growth and what is in your best interest as opposed to speculating about what people think or even how they may respond in reality. At the end of the day most of people's responses to another person's actions don't really mean anything. And I speak as someone who has lived a lifetime of being a nice guy who is learning to be more assertive and honest in the way I go about life and speak to others.
Sometime people overcompensate. They hear "set your boundaries" and they start saying no to everything, or disagreeing in a violent or angry fashion. This behavior will definetly not be tolerated in any group. It's hard to learn so I understand where this mistake comes from (I've made it), but assertivness in its purest form has nothing to do with conflict, if you can say "no" or wtv with enough resolve, people will see that resolve and not even see the use in challenging you, it can be communicated very calmly. Also, from my experience, people who are at "the bottom" of what you call dominance hierarchy have an even greater impact when setting their boundaries because the people "at the top" are not used to crossing them, they will usually react with surprise and apologize, whereas people "at the top" will often be tested more. Remember the goal is to cohabit, if you read those books with the hopes of becoming "an alpha" your setting yourself up for failure. Eventually in a pleasant group of friends every member is the king of his own domain.
What most simps, feminist fe/males, white-knights, betas and conservative guys fail to realize: bad boys provide excitement, novelty, unpredictability and fun (fear, roller-coaster drama) to a new level. In other words, stability and commitment (no longer) won't cut it for today's 🦄. Why is that? Before she was your girlfriend, wife or lover, she already had been "run through" so many guys. And each time she slept with someone (both wo/men), she lost a part of her psyche, well-being or mind/soul/spirit. In other words, she is no longer able to have emotional attachment in a healthy or committed way. Cardi B. artist & role model for the most privilege 🦄 on the entire planet: '''My music is always going to make a woman feel like a bad bitch. When you make a woman feel like she’s the baddest bitch in the room, to me, that’s female empowerment.''' Feminist's Ideology from Sheryl Sandberg, chief operating officer of Facebook: '''My advice to women is date all of them: the bad boys, the cool boys, the commitment-phobic boys, the crazy boys. But do not marry them. The things that make the bad boys sexy do not make them good husbands. When it comes time to settle down, find someone who wants an equal partner. Someone who thinks women should be smart, opinionated and ambitious. Someone who values fairness and expects or, even better, wants to do his share in the home. These men exist and, trust me, over time, nothing is sexier.''' Isaiah 3:12 *Childish* leaders oppress my people, and *women* rule over them. O my people, your leaders mislead you; they send you down the wrong road. Proverbs 31:3 Don't give your strength (attention, resources, mental point origen) to women, nor your ways to that which destroys kings. Ezekiel 23:20 There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses. *Sex and Culture* by Joseph Daniel Unwin *The Rational Male Series* by Rollo Tomassi *The Manipulated Man* by Esther Vilar *The Myth of Male Power* by Warren Farrell *The Feminist Lie: It Was Never About Equality* by Bob Lewis *Anatomy of Female Power* by Chinweizu Ibekwe *Men on Strike* by Helen Smith *Silent Weapons for Quiet Wars: An Introductory Programing Manual* by Anonymous
I just want to add, i found this "nice guy" pattern in many guys who have fathers at home and some healthy (i guess) male friends, cousins etc... So idk how much of this syndrome is caused by fatherlessness, but I don't think it's always the case. Often times there are other social conditionings, probably. Such a cool video and animation btw!
@@manersbams9215 I've actually dated a guy who exhibited some of these so called nice guy behaviors. I just think that early childhood/lack of male figures might not be the sole reason for these tendencies. I think mr Glover himself did once say that it can happen due to variety of reasons, such as temperament etc (idk what interview it was).
@@phoenixxsoul It’s probably a factor but there are a lot of factors that go into being a nice guy, the biggest imo being the belief that if you make an effort they’ll be rewarded when this is false. It doesn’t matter how much of an effort they make to try and get people to like them when they themselves don’t like themselves. A lot of nice guys have self esteem issues because they believe they need to be better or because they have a preconceived notion of what they need to do to be happy when they learn that things won’t go the way they want because their partner is human or they focused on improving the wrong things they get frustrated which which turns into a vicious cycle of not being good enough by their own standards. There are a lot of factors that are covered in the book but the book reads more like a wake up call not an actual psychological study meaning none of this really gets touched on im depth or doesn’t really do enough to explain why this happens. From my point of view the nice guy phenomenon as it’s been dubbed is basically just a stereotype that most people who aren’t men don’t care about and use to make quick life judgement on a persons character instead doing any actual work in the relationship or from the guys perspective something they don’t want to be if they want to gain entry to sex faster. It’s something that most men need to work through themselves since this generation believes that trying to nice to people is inherently stupid or that fucking around isn’t immoral and stupid like fuck trying to work through each other’s insecurities and accepting the good with the bad to make a long lasting relationship best be smart and burn this relationship ahead of time since people can easily be fit in a box and are not multilayered. I swear this generation is the most naive and self sabotaging generation in existence.
some of us are just conditioned to be nice guys, by our surroundings. but we have our uglier sides which we fear coming out. its better we mind who we are and what we believe in than thinking we are cool nice guys
I don't full agree with these. Being direct yes, but being nice if you really like doing that, i think that is fine. I think there are some good understandings, but like everything, it must be balanced and taken in a moderate way. Another thing I thought of is why we are taught to be nice. It is to smooth the hyper / badly brought up kids out. The problem is the the well brought up kids get effected by those ideals being pushed in churches and in schools in the 80 and 90s.
"If you don't keep watching, you'll be likely to keep feeling unhappy." I'm planning to watch the whole video, but this sets a tone that almost makes me want to quit watching because that sounds like a way to try to get as much view time as possible.
I ended up watching the whole thing though, it's a good video with good insights! But I did not like the way you said that at the start of the video. Take this as feedback or not, I'm just providing you a perspective.
This was painful to listen on audible. I dont consider myself a "nice guy" nowadays, I realised at some point 5-6 years ago I should just enjoy being me and stop people pleasing. But listening to the audible had made me realized there were still some traits in me that stayed. And after breaking up from my first serious relationship and wondering why i felt the way I did despite me being the one to break it off. I picked up this book out of curiosity. I can say that whilst I can control myself to be better with friends and people. Having an actual partner reverted me back to the way I was. I mistaked myself into thinking I can be comfortable with myself again when in reality my comfortable self isnt actually ideal in any relationship I have with anyone. What I'm sure of is that regardless. It was never going to work with her with how she was too insecure of herself and the situation that got us to break up. The thing I couldnt stop shaking my mind is that I knew I couldve handled it better but I didnt know what.
Removing porn from my life literally changed everything. I’m not just talking “no fap” although that happened. I’m completely new person since getting it out my life. I’m assertive and strong in a way I never was before. Try it!
@@jad2290 if it’s working to pacify you, instead of allowing you actually feel things in your life that you need to feel to continue growing - then yes, they count as porn.
@@jad2290 life, the difficulties and pains that come with it, and also the good. But to the pain, most people use porn to medicate (and alcohol) rather than face their pain and take measures to correct things. Porn just pacifies and causes us to remain stagnant in those moments.
I realized I am a nice guy at 37. Always wanting others to be impressed and not offended, yet being annoyed when others don't care about impressing me or even accounting for me. To accomplish the former, I don't speak my mind, but I tell people what I think they would respond positively to. Absolutely toxic behavior.
Nice guys literally developed that way as a survival mechanism from actual torture. The narcicist mother removes all their boundaries and any sense of individualism....that way there is no resistance when eating their guts. Sounds terrible because it is that terrible.
To recover from being a nice guy....you must revisit all the torture....this time consciously...you must walk through hell and face demons and smile at them.
Didn’t expect this book would describe the opposite of me😂😂 everything he said is “wrong” and should be changed is the exact opposite of my actions, still no luck
My favorite technique is to offer them a false insecurity, that way when they go after what they perceive to be my insecurity, it doesn't hurt me, and I know exactly what's going on.
As someone who used to be one years ago, try not to get too wrapped up in demonizing these people. They're a victim of gender roles and the idea that sex and relationships are something you have to work for or earn as a man rather than the RNG of happening to meet someone with mutual interest.
I'm crying right now, and I never let myself cry. I always think if I put my emotions out, I'll be a burden. I'm always trying to be low maintenance. Always trying to be the best so people can depend on me. F#ck. This whole video, from start to end, was a punch to the gut. Why didn't I see this sooner?
This is a good hypothesis and could help many people, however it should be said that it’s not a one to one fit. I’d actually say “nice guys” are rejected by the world young and you’re articulating one of the many ways that childhood innocence, love, development can be corrupted and inverted into a fall from Grace. I would recommend looking into the healing of the “whole person”
Porn is a good obstacle to avoid in building confidence, seeking instant gratification will hold you back from confidence.. I had been a nice guy/doormat for a long time.. I was one of the last of my friends to lose my virginity.. I remember I was travelling and drinking a lot and something switched in my confidence.. I became the same person I was with my best friends but with everyone. I had always looked from the outskirts, I was very nice and kind and it didn’t get me very far.. I remember during this ‘awakening’ I was looking at a really muscular tall guy who was trying his best to seduce a girl but he had no confidence and you could tell it wasn’t going anywhere.. I was very short and skinny and I made the realization that being muscular or tall would not get me girls or ‘acceptance’.. I just had to be myself and have confidence.. Make people laugh, be kind, be genuine, and have the vulnerability most men don’t and you will find the life you had always wanted.. I was raised by a loving father.. I think society is an ever changing world, you don’t have to be what society tells you to be in regards to being a ‘man’.. you just have to have confidence and be yourself, you don’t want to lose yourself trying to fit in a crowd
I can't really see how believing you were the fault of problems in your family leads you to think that the world revolves around you. To have that mindset means being selfish which is the opposite of nice guy-ness ain't it?
Thank you so much brother! i did'nt realise i was doing this nice guy bs until i saw this vid now i realized i have to not screw over being liked by people and start fkn liking myself and respecting too and in return if they do the same i appreciate it otherwise i don't care
I don't know why people always paint the nice guy like that needy, fearsome, shy and miserable guy who does everything to get girls. I'm considered a nice guy but I am not like that, I am genuinely a good person, who cares about others and animals. I'm not afraid of sex and don't seek for validation, I work out, study engineering, self confident, tall and decent looking. But I still struggle with girls, although Im a serious person, I think they may perceive me as this type of "nice guy", although I'm not, maybe I'm too introverted for girls taste... At some point I feel like society is just going downfall and men can't be decent 'cause girls would dump them. I don't know, it just doesn't feel logical to not be able to be a good person 'cause girls don't like us and I refuse to become a jerk just to satisfy their weird needs or fill their emotional needs
I ordered the book then watched this. Hopefully it’s a bit more in depth towards the end bc I know what I’m doing wrong I need to know how to fix them. I’m almostv38, 6’4 250lbs and make $200k and I’m a really good dancer and more than adequate ⬇️ I know a few things to change but dam.
I got this book after my divorce. It was literally life changing. Sent it to my nephew that was getting serious with his girlfriend.
That's a good Uncle! I think the whole audiobook is up here on UA-cam. Maybe also gift him a copy of The Rational Male (audiobook).
Great! Hope we can all learn to be better men
Same - like a spiritual experience in a sense - so much revealed so quick and emotions that feels more aligned than ever. Touches the heart and soul for many men finding themselves lost and confused in divorce. 75% of women initiate divorce and very likely from overly nice and tolerating husbands in many of them. Female instincts naturally disengaged and disassociated from an unnatural and inhumane "nice guy syndrome."
did she make him a sandwich the lazy modern toad
I read this book about 15 years ago and it changed my outlook on life. But I've recently discovered there's a deeper level to Nice-Guy-ism that I've still been manifesting. Early on in my life, I somehow learned that someone asking me for help or emotional support was a gesture of love from them to me. Essentially I learned to falsely equate trust with love. I don't know where it came from, but I'm 41 now, and only in the past week have I finally realized I've been misinterpreting the intentions behind women asking me for help my entire life, and suddenly the reason they were so shocked when I fell in love with them is painfully clear. Now I have more self-work I need to do.
THIS, man THIS trust=love that's what i believe too
Be very aware that many people in your life will walk away from you forever once you follow this advice, ( being assertive and setting boundaries) BUT do follow this advice it's very much on point
Exactly 💯 This book don't want to talk about that. The world is based on relationships. It take people to make money not things. Be careful on the advice you receive world
. It may sound good but it may not be good for you
@@quickstrike209
what you said is so deceiving .
@@quickstrike209 you totally missed the point of the book
Not true at all. If anything it can draw people towards you. And if anything the wrong people will just be removed from your life because you see the world differently. It aint about becoming an asshole or anything. If you do that you’re bound to break relationships. Its about becoming you again, the kid before the abuse and childhood trauma. Im sure people loved that kid
@@devinwatkins8953his loss😭
I've listened to this audiobook from audible about 4 or 5 times now, I highly recommend it, it's very enlightening.
I realised I was this nice guy at 35 and had suffered greatly for it. Developing my confidence now to the point where I get my points across respectfully
Same here, although for me being "nice" was more about getting the approval of God(?) than others - practicing healthy spirituality, without seeing God as the judge, can help you be more assertive and be kind, but when you really feel it, consciously, not when you "should" do it.
This book was like a sucker punch to the gut. It made me realize so many terrible things about my behaviors and how I was doing nothing but just inflicting misery upon myself.
I had loving parents and wasn't neglected by them as a child, but the issue was rather with friends. I discovered one day that I wasn't genuinely liked for who I was by people that I really thought were my friends and was abandoned by them, and it destroyed my self confidence and made me rethink everything about myself. It turned me into a people-pleaser and I hid every detail about myself that I thought people wouldn't like, so that I wouldn't be abandoned again.
But guess what happened? I found myself once again being abandoned and alone. For so long I waged this mental battle with myself, wondering what I was doing wrong. I was so nice to others, wasn't I? Wasn't I doing everything right? Shouldn't I be paid back for that? This book made me realize that I wasn't at all being genuine with others or myself. I was basically building fake relationships and only showing the parts of myself I wanted others to see. There was no real connection being made at all. I wasn't being kind out of the goodness of my heart - I was being kind because I wanted things from people. I was "secretly negotiating" my way into being their friend.
What a joke. I can't believe I wasted so much of my life being such an idiot. I cannot tell you how immediately better the quality of my relationships became once I started following the advice in this book. I started showing myself as I really am, stopped chasing people, stopped seeking their validation, and tried being genuine to others, and actually caring about them instead of fake caring about them. Even if that only leaves you with a few people who reciprocate, the feeling of actual, mutual friendship makes everything else fade away.
I can't recommend this book highly enough. It truly changed my life. It's required reading for all men in my opinion.
I listened to a vid last night that mentioned the book and the basic premise and I was absolutely shook. I’m not a guy but at 58 recognize this is at the core of my struggle with relationships. The whole book is on yt so that’s my next listen
Thanks for sharing this and your experience! I look forward to reading it and having my life change for the better in relationships too!
I actually read the book by Dr Glover before I knew I was a nice guy. I read the book and felt personally attacked throughout the entire novel. Real wake up call. Highly recommend
Same here. It was very revelatory
Thats good. Now its time to change 😃
Maybe after an year can you say how it changes your life after you read this book?
Today I realized i am a "Nice Guy". Time to set boundaries.
Start by saying whats on ur mind! U’ll come out of the nice guy syndrom
U got this!!🔥
Whats some boundaries to set
@@azambinomar7398 thisss!!
Ive been reckvering for the past month and this is very important for the process
Read no more Mr nice guy book
Realizing that my mother’s misandry ruined the beginning of my life, is what has salvaged the remainder. People who have parents that truly love them have no idea what it’s like to be unwanted. It’s something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.
I have’t been a nice guy for a few years now, but I’m cringing so hard at this video recalling all the shady crap I’ve pulled under the guise of nice guy. I actually truly feel like a better person for being openly disagreeable.
You get more respect imo once you learn to stand up for yourself and your beliefs. It's not about being disagreeable by not being walked over
@@mac1bcPlus one, both of you guys! I can't believe it took Michael Keaton to make Batman COOL again of all people. But it worked!
I’ve always seen myself as a nice guy - until I read this book. Others, by and large, do not see me as a nice guy.
Not a guy but a lot of these things hit hard for me, especially the abandonment part. I used to believe if I pleased someone, that is the only way they will love me, and if I act out on my flaws, they won't want to be around me. I also felt like my needs were an inconvenience to everyone else, so I tried to do things by myself without bothering anyone and kept my mouth shut. I was (and still kind of am) terrified of hurting people's feelings, especially the ones that I love.
Funny how today I am almost literally opposite of everything I used to be. I learned that nobody is going to speak up for me (all the time) and if I don't address the problem, it will never be solved. But I've also built much stronger walls and boundaries with people, and I don't make effort to get close to anyone I don't see lasting long term or that I don't like. I won't give people a chance until they show me how much they care. And even then, I look very closely to see if their actions match their words.
How did u become like this?
Never take dating advices from women if you are a guy. Trust their actions not their words. She will either make or break rules for you depending on how 'nice' you are.
Woman: ohh, i love a nice guy!
Same woman, later in the night:
Ohhhhh you baaad baaad boy :)))
Hint: the nice guy was home(alone)
LOUDERRRRRR 📣📣📣
True
Break rules for alphas
Make rules for beta
Set your boundaries, have some self respect
@@wtfatc4556 hahah well said bro
Take advice from women who are self conscious
When I acted out my true nature, teachers tried to ruin my life. This caused me to develop a victim mentality and as I matured I realized that this kind of thinking won't get me anywhere in life. You can't change the things that happened to you but you can have an impact on your present and your future. Be whoever you are and the more difficult your life is, the tougher you get. Never judge others and take their hate as fuel to do good things for yourself. Alot of people live in mental hell and alot of the decision they do is based off pride or envy. They hate other people because they hate themselves and once you start loving yourself, you can't hate others. Because we are all the same.
Right! Our mind ideas and experiences makes us "different", but it's on an outer level, more superficial.
What steps did you take to understand this better? I realize that my ego and resentment torward how I acted in the past is resisting my efforts to change in the present but its very difficult to break out of this habit. Im concious of my decisions based off pride and envy but don't know how to deal with them in the moment. It has me frustrated...
How r u doing man?@@phillipm3724
Do not expect anything, help for the sake of helping, that is how a person becomes a good man(there is a huge difference between nice guy and a good man).
They're basically the same, you can tell if the person is faking it or genuinely serious on pursuing you, it is not that hard to see.
Nice guys often finish last not because they are nice (there’s nothing wrong with that). But they finish last because they often lack CONFIDENCE and ASSERTIVENESS, and this makes them people pleasers. If you are not assertive, you are unlikely to get what you want, and deserve, in life 🚀🚀🚀
Hmm, I certainly lack the assertiveness. But I'm not trying to please some people, I'm rather disturbed by other's assertiveness (like don't they care a bit about others?). Being pushy destroy the calm in crowd.
Is over assertiveness a thing?
@@laxmanlxmnisuppose308 Peterson said that only when you know you can be mean if necessary for your own defense then you are nice with a power, you need to master the shadow first then you show up the nice side with confidence.
Bullshit people hate empaths because they are cowards and most people today are ammoral religious people too. What a sad world it is when good is seeing as fake or bad. This is a sickness while every evil manipulation porn, drugs, idolatry, Godless soulless, NLp witchcraft, murder, war, cruelty manipulation is glorified. Personally I am not a nice guy but this world's is damned it deserves a meteor rain.
@@revanvonheaven8270 I spent the best years of my life as a nihilistic misanthrope. I was angry and miserable. I'm 37 now and happier than I've been in my entire life. It took me 36 years to experience optimism. And I managed to do it without turning into one of the people that I used to hate so much. I hope you find your happiness one day. Just hang in there. Peace✌🏻
@@revanvonheaven8270 You are right. Do something good by helping someone and they will call you a manipulator with ulterior motives, ass kisser, door mat, weakling etc. Most people don't help other people to gain something, they do it because maybe one day in their lives they had the same problems and know how hard and long it would take to fix them alone. But people keep watching these UA-cam guides on how to live and try to follow them. Just think about it... "I live my life like this because some guy on UA-cam said I should" and you will see how ridiculous all these videos are. What a world.
I’m a woman but this is all extremely relevant to my circumstances. So we can really call this mr nice person because I think it resonates with many human beings. Also, it kind of makes me feel better that men and women perhaps aren’t as different as everyone tries to present. We really are all human in the end.
Yes
No
No. Sorry sweetheart. The reason we have nice guys around is because men lost their own spaces to learn and grow from each other. They tried to become enlightened and adopted feminine energy
@@mustafam956
Ridiculous. This advice applies to absolutely everyone and almost every space is a man's space.
@@anilgowdam9444
How exactly did I prove his point? The advice applies to everyone and there are plenty of male-only spaces. Hell, we still have male-only schools. Wtf are you talking about?
I never thought reading a book could trigger a real change in one's life - NoMoreMrNiceGuy really did start a change process months ago and I really feel the direction where it's going
Boys who grew up in church seem to be this way, ALOT.
I agree. Chivalry seems to be encouraged in Christian circles but without raising women to be submissive, nurturing and supportive, things can be thrown way out of balance. Many men, including in the Christian context, need to be taught that a man can be Humble and have strong character without constantly being passive. Passive and Humble are not the same thing.
@@sterlingsilver5937"passive" and " humble" are not the same thing 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 now that's some real talk 👊🏾
Yep. Can confirm. Im one of those church guys. It s the worst thing your parents can do to you. And bonus if you are fucking poor and those parents are strict.
Thanks for adding to the convo VV..how does strict parenting add to the nice guy problem ?
@@VV-kq7co same here! preachers kid
Some of Glover's best work is on approaching women as he provides a (rarely seen) healthy middle ground between being a calculating manipulator and the useless "just be yourself" trope. Please do more on Dating Essentials for Men.
My tips for approaching women:
1. Never make them feel cornered, pressured or like they have no way out of the situation/conversation
2. Less flirting more actual conversation.
3. Make compliments that are specific to her rather than general pleasantries you could tell to anyone and don’t make it too sexual
4. Start with a harmless question (can I sit here? I’ve never been here before, do you have any drink recommendations for this place? Hey do you have a pen I could borrow for a second?) and observe her reaction. You can gage if she is comfortable or not, or maybe very busy. From there you can either launch into a conversation or leave it be, just don’t push it that way if you see them again she will remember you as “that guy that asked me for a pen” and not “that guy that tried to start a conversation with me and wouldn’t leave me alone when I was clearly uninterested”.
5. ACCEPT REJECTION!!! Don’t pester someone that already said no because not only will it make you look even worse in her eyes but she will warn other girls about you. NO ONE wants someone that can’t take no for an answer.
I recommend this book to nearly every man I meet and few follow through. I just wish I could PAY them to read the dang book, so many of them need it badly. This book changed my entire life, can’t say it often enough or loud enough!
I’m reading the book and I’ve come to the conclusion that most guys can identify with at least one of the personality traits that Glover lists. There are definitely gut punch moments in the book if you identify with several of these. I def found myself identifying with a couple, but some of the traits are dependent on my environment and who I am around or, honestly, the mental state I am in at that time and period of my life. But, either way great book and very self reflective and thought provoking. Take charge and stop seeking approval, this is your show! ✌🏼
what do you think about the eizengangler video on softness? in relation to being openly disagreeable
Parental alienation is a factor and must be labelled as a child abuse.
Funny how people actually think having a custody of their children snatched away from the other parents is a good thing.
What's worse is that feminists are somehow claiming that the concept of "parental alienation" is anti-women method to take children away from them (even though parental alienation happens to both men and women, although women are twice as likely to be the perpetrator of parental alienation). Let me rephrase this. Feminists wants children taken away from men no matter what. Hence, welcome to "Mr. Nice Guys".
People have often labeled me a "nice guy" for just having normal manners. Has not helped my dating life although I get it. I am not an alpha male which puts me at a distinct disadvantage in the current world. On the other hand I can't make myself a victim. I know the rules I am just not good at the game these days.
Unfortunately most men didn't grow up with strong masculine fathers to teach them the game. Unlucky for us that didn't grow up with youtube but now a days you can learn a ton from great men about masculinity. Andrew Tate, Coach Greg Adams, The Saint and The Sinner, Kevin Samuels, Dr BOA. All these guys you can listen to for free on youtube to get you into your masculine mindset.
@@destroyerofsimps6574 Tate, sure bud.. who else DIDDY?
Such an amazing book saved my relationship I found out that I was a stereotypical nice guy I recommend to any male
this should be taught in high schools!! It seem it would have saved me and the people in my life, and everyone else like this from unnecessary headaches and hardship
so that we don't have to feel like crap all the time, so that we get to thrive and love instead of hide in fear
A lot of people don’t know about this, even the teachers. The teachers suffer from a lot of shit too its rare to find people who don’t go through a lot of trauma and develop shit like this. Just be grateful you found this though, its time to heal
Thank you for summarizing sir! I actually bought the book, I hope I learn a lot from this
Very valuable book. Discovered this book at 47, but luckily I've been using the techniques of healing nice guy syndrome for the last 10years- being more assertive, using affirmations, saying what I meet, boundaries and having safe people to confine in
I recently got the book & DEVOURED it. I'm reading it again and working on the exercises. Also Got the "Hero's Journey", which I peeked in and can't wait to read & work on. I'm finding it quite hard to find a support group, would appreciate finding one.
The moment of realization when he said nice guys is dishonest. Never thought that about me but I know its true about me. Time to change myself.
Yeah. It aint your fault though, it was your parents own misused caretaking on you. Time to heal from the trauma though, you’re a good guy.
This video made me realize I was a nice guy and aldready started working against this problem inconsciously some day in the past
Fuck yeah
I would say neither try to control your emotions or be controlled by emotions. If you react to your emotion, you become your emotion and therefore emotions are controlling your life. Just simply let emotions come and go, don't react to them, understand them and let them be. If you are consciously aware of your emotion as what it is without reacting to it, it will have no power over you and you can remain calm in every situation. You can deliver your message and truth through calmness and not through emotional reaction.
This video hurts even more than the book, because it's so condensed.
This, right here, is one of the main problems of our men today.
It is based on attachment styles given by our families. However a securely attachment style person will present nice and positive with the confidence to walk if the other is insecure and withholds attention or affection as a means of punishment.
Withholding affection or attention or both is what the parents of the insecure party did when they acted out in a way the parents didn’t like.
what i dont enjoy about any og these things is that they teach you loads. but dont really have concrete actions. its a lot of good to know.
Great summary and animation. One of my favourite books is “no more Christian nice guy” by Paul coughlin. Too many men in church are nice and that’s because people expect them to be nice. Be like a Vulcan with no emotions. But Jesus demonstrated a wide range of emotions including those that Christian men are expected to avoid. Jesus used anger and many more. Well done Brandon. And love that the female in the start of the video has been named heather.
Right. It's all about being conscious... and not do something mechanically just because you "should" do it. As I was raised a Christian, I fell into that trap too.
Do you suggest the original or the revised and expanded edition? Or doesn’t matter?
such a relief knowing that *i am not nice guy*
now i realised i am just doing what is needed not what they wanted
I suggest the audiobook on Audible. Fantastic book. Changed my life.
I needed to see this. Thank you for making this video
The level of accuracy in this video
That’s the thing that’s always bugged me the most about this book. I feel like I am exactly this and I had a great relationship with both parents.
If there's was ever a super like button on this video, I'm smashing the hell out of it, cause everything said in this video describes who I am today! You just earned my subscription!
My whole life in explained in 12 mins.
Dude just wanna let you know I’m like 1 or 2 as I’m writing this and I just gotta say your a genius
You aren't who you think you are. You are who people have told you that you are, yes
I know what you mean. I believe we can learn a lot from people that don’t like us. It’s a mirror. Other peoples actions say more about us than their words. Our past does not define us meaning we are not our mistakes. I’ve been attacked verbally by people that are threatened by me because I’m told I’m just a……..when I’m fact they know I am a renaissance man of many crafts and talents. and people often say things to elicit a response or make sure they are still superior sometimes, cause they don’t say good things to the person until they are dead and can’t hear it.
I do nice things people and have never asked for anything in return but the same Curtisy, that isn't asking too much for someone to treat me with the same kindness and respect I show them.
Stop it
@@Dkay12 stop what?
Being nice is something you do unconditionally as a normal part of being a functioning human in society. It should not be the defining “trait” of your personality nor should it be done transactionally. One of the reasons women dislike nice guys so much is that their “niceness” is entirely transactional and dependent on you giving them what they want.
Verry good video,I had these bad consequences sometimes unconciously sometimes with good intention because I felt a part of it was my parents divorce...but I always knew I can be better than this,thank you.
thanks for posting... just found your channel so checking out your other summary videos... really well done...
Word of advice to anyone reading this. You don't need to take advice from internet videos. If you feel you are too nice and you truly believe that is your inner personality, then go with it and find an environment where people will not shame you and will respect you. A good example of this are small towns, religious, and farming communities, they can be some of the nicest people you will ever meet.
If you don't like modern societies in cities, get out while you still can or you will turn into just another modern person. Don't change yourself, leave the environment that is causing you suffering, travel and do volunteer work for strangers.
Why are you against this? I’m curious. Sounds like being there is just enforcing your behavior
You're not wrong
I terrible Agreed 👍
We should be kind, yes, not "nice" all the time though - the latter is fake, as we all have a shadow side
why always run?And avoid? A time comes when we need to face our fears no?
Great video, just one correction: Every child is egocentric, not just those who have been abandoned. This means that every child believes that whatever happens around him or her, he or she caused it directly. That's why it is so important to always explain to children exactly why negative things happen (I'm angry now because I'm stressed from work, the reason Mom and Dad are fighting is because of a misunderstanding about household bills) and to ensure the child again and again that it's not because of him or her!
I do a lot of the things that are described here. Resoates a lot with me.
My Dad yelled at me that I was a mistake and he never wanted me! My dad was a runner, so I became a runner, my dad loved golf so I played golf, as I grew up my dad worked with engineers and talked about how smart they were and how he respects them, so... you guessed it, I became an engineer. These changed nothing in our relationship. I could go on and on about things my dad did or appreciated and how I did all these and in the end... It changed nothing our relationship, my Dad loved and dotted over my sister who was on welfare. I look forward to hopefully breaking free of being a nice guy, wish me luck!
I had some, but not all of these traits. Def an eye opener
Very motivating, thank you
Amazing Video as always!
yup
This was extremely accurate thank you
I am a Christian and I think it is true that is men in the church can fall into the habit of being overly nice, because we value gentleness in way too many contexts. But I think that if we really get to know the Bible well we will realize that Jesus was assertive at times, as well as gentle. We just need to read the Bible more so we don’t become that stereotype of a “nice church guy”
Great comment
Right. Being conscious is the key
The meanest men I've ever met are all churchgoers...
Flanders
The church has been feminized and has become heretical.
Too much influenced by modern western culture.
Jesus was a hardass when he needed to be.
He even said that he came not to bring peace but rather a sword and division.
I truly hate how accurate this. Wow is it accurate
1. Belief - if I be like what others want to be - will be loved
2.
Sucks being a "nice guy". I've realized I got this behavior from my mom, she never stands up for herself. It's always about what you want instead of what she wants which, yes, it's good to be selfless, but nothing's good in excess.
She could eat something new and be like "this is is very tasty, I like it" then I try it, say "ugh, tastes terrible, I don't like it all" and she'll backtrack and be like "yeah you're right, it's not that good" and viceversa. This really opened my eyes and I've finally gotten out being like her in this sense because it feels so dishonest
"educate your son" and then he become a nice guy which women take for granted as her security.
One problem with trying to change your nice guy behaviours is that it will not be well received by your peers if it does not correlate where you are in status/dominance hierarchy. If Chad mcChaderson stands up for himself people admire and respect him because his placement in the social hierarchy allows this. But YOU little wee pee pee mcpeerson will be scolded for adopting the same behaviours as Chad.
So what! If someone has a problem with a man speaking up for himself they can go to hell.
@@sterlingsilver5937 just elaborating on one potential option of how people will respond to you dude.
@@jbdmb I understand. It's just extremely important to learn to focus more on your personal growth and what is in your best interest as opposed to speculating about what people think or even how they may respond in reality. At the end of the day most of people's responses to another person's actions don't really mean anything. And I speak as someone who has lived a lifetime of being a nice guy who is learning to be more assertive and honest in the way I go about life and speak to others.
Sometime people overcompensate. They hear "set your boundaries" and they start saying no to everything, or disagreeing in a violent or angry fashion. This behavior will definetly not be tolerated in any group. It's hard to learn so I understand where this mistake comes from (I've made it), but assertivness in its purest form has nothing to do with conflict, if you can say "no" or wtv with enough resolve, people will see that resolve and not even see the use in challenging you, it can be communicated very calmly.
Also, from my experience, people who are at "the bottom" of what you call dominance hierarchy have an even greater impact when setting their boundaries because the people "at the top" are not used to crossing them, they will usually react with surprise and apologize, whereas people "at the top" will often be tested more. Remember the goal is to cohabit, if you read those books with the hopes of becoming "an alpha" your setting yourself up for failure. Eventually in a pleasant group of friends every member is the king of his own domain.
What most simps, feminist fe/males, white-knights, betas and conservative guys fail to realize: bad boys provide excitement, novelty, unpredictability and fun (fear, roller-coaster drama) to a new level. In other words, stability and commitment (no longer) won't cut it for today's 🦄. Why is that? Before she was your girlfriend, wife or lover, she already had been "run through" so many guys. And each time she slept with someone (both wo/men), she lost a part of her psyche, well-being or mind/soul/spirit. In other words, she is no longer able to have emotional attachment in a healthy or committed way.
Cardi B. artist & role model for the most privilege 🦄 on the entire planet:
'''My music is always going to make a woman feel like a bad bitch. When you make a woman feel like she’s the baddest bitch in the room, to me, that’s female empowerment.'''
Feminist's Ideology from Sheryl Sandberg, chief operating officer of Facebook:
'''My advice to women is date all of them: the bad boys, the cool boys, the commitment-phobic boys, the crazy boys. But do not marry them. The things that make the bad boys sexy do not make them good husbands. When it comes time to settle down, find someone who wants an equal partner. Someone who thinks women should be smart, opinionated and ambitious. Someone who values fairness and expects or, even better, wants to do his share in the home. These men exist and, trust me, over time, nothing is sexier.'''
Isaiah 3:12
*Childish* leaders oppress my people, and *women* rule over them. O my people, your leaders mislead you; they send you down the wrong road.
Proverbs 31:3
Don't give your strength (attention, resources, mental point origen) to women, nor your ways to that which destroys kings.
Ezekiel 23:20
There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.
*Sex and Culture* by Joseph Daniel Unwin
*The Rational Male Series* by Rollo Tomassi
*The Manipulated Man* by Esther Vilar
*The Myth of Male Power* by Warren Farrell
*The Feminist Lie: It Was Never About Equality* by Bob Lewis
*Anatomy of Female Power* by Chinweizu Ibekwe
*Men on Strike* by Helen Smith
*Silent Weapons for Quiet Wars: An Introductory Programing Manual* by Anonymous
I just want to add, i found this "nice guy" pattern in many guys who have fathers at home and some healthy (i guess) male friends, cousins etc... So idk how much of this syndrome is caused by fatherlessness, but I don't think it's always the case. Often times there are other social conditionings, probably.
Such a cool video and animation btw!
@gilded_spark_7022
Something tells me you don’t know them well enough to actually add anything.
@@manersbams9215 I've actually dated a guy who exhibited some of these so called nice guy behaviors. I just think that early childhood/lack of male figures might not be the sole reason for these tendencies. I think mr Glover himself did once say that it can happen due to variety of reasons, such as temperament etc (idk what interview it was).
@@phoenixxsoul
It’s probably a factor but there are a lot of factors that go into being a nice guy, the biggest imo being the belief that if you make an effort they’ll be rewarded when this is false. It doesn’t matter how much of an effort they make to try and get people to like them when they themselves don’t like themselves. A lot of nice guys have self esteem issues because they believe they need to be better or because they have a preconceived notion of what they need to do to be happy when they learn that things won’t go the way they want because their partner is human or they focused on improving the wrong things they get frustrated which which turns into a vicious cycle of not being good enough by their own standards. There are a lot of factors that are covered in the book but the book reads more like a wake up call not an actual psychological study meaning none of this really gets touched on im depth or doesn’t really do enough to explain why this happens. From my point of view the nice guy phenomenon as it’s been dubbed is basically just a stereotype that most people who aren’t men don’t care about and use to make quick life judgement on a persons character instead doing any actual work in the relationship or from the guys perspective something they don’t want to be if they want to gain entry to sex faster. It’s something that most men need to work through themselves since this generation believes that trying to nice to people is inherently stupid or that fucking around isn’t immoral and stupid like fuck trying to work through each other’s insecurities and accepting the good with the bad to make a long lasting relationship best be smart and burn this relationship ahead of time since people can easily be fit in a box and are not multilayered. I swear this generation is the most naive and self sabotaging generation in existence.
People who don’t know any better always blame the ego.
some of us are just conditioned to be nice guys, by our surroundings. but we have our uglier sides which we fear coming out. its better we mind who we are and what we believe in than thinking we are cool nice guys
Yeah it's our shadow...
I don't full agree with these.
Being direct yes, but being nice if you really like doing that, i think that is fine.
I think there are some good understandings, but like everything, it must be balanced and taken in a moderate way.
Another thing I thought of is why we are taught to be nice.
It is to smooth the hyper / badly brought up kids out. The problem is the the well brought up kids get effected by those ideals being pushed in churches and in schools in the 80 and 90s.
Could you elaborate on what you mean by "without fantasy"? Am I supposed to just look at myself in the mirror and get turned on?
What a great freaking book man
This book is so informative
"If you don't keep watching, you'll be likely to keep feeling unhappy." I'm planning to watch the whole video, but this sets a tone that almost makes me want to quit watching because that sounds like a way to try to get as much view time as possible.
I ended up watching the whole thing though, it's a good video with good insights! But I did not like the way you said that at the start of the video.
Take this as feedback or not, I'm just providing you a perspective.
Great vid as always Brandon, loved the voice acting too dude 👊🏻
This was painful to listen on audible. I dont consider myself a "nice guy" nowadays, I realised at some point 5-6 years ago I should just enjoy being me and stop people pleasing. But listening to the audible had made me realized there were still some traits in me that stayed. And after breaking up from my first serious relationship and wondering why i felt the way I did despite me being the one to break it off. I picked up this book out of curiosity.
I can say that whilst I can control myself to be better with friends and people. Having an actual partner reverted me back to the way I was. I mistaked myself into thinking I can be comfortable with myself again when in reality my comfortable self isnt actually ideal in any relationship I have with anyone.
What I'm sure of is that regardless. It was never going to work with her with how she was too insecure of herself and the situation that got us to break up. The thing I couldnt stop shaking my mind is that I knew I couldve handled it better but I didnt know what.
This 100%. Once you realize and change, it is so EASY to revert back when you get into a relationship without even knowing it.
Removing porn from my life literally changed everything. I’m not just talking “no fap” although that happened. I’m completely new person since getting it out my life. I’m assertive and strong in a way I never was before. Try it!
In all seriousness ,
Does reddit pics count as porn?
I need something to look at, or I will use my imagination, so ?
@@jad2290 if it’s working to pacify you, instead of allowing you actually feel things in your life that you need to feel to continue growing - then yes, they count as porn.
@@justinstewart3248 Hey sir,
'Instead of allowing you actually feel things'
What are those 'things' you're referring to?
@@jad2290 life, the difficulties and pains that come with it, and also the good. But to the pain, most people use porn to medicate (and alcohol) rather than face their pain and take measures to correct things. Porn just pacifies and causes us to remain stagnant in those moments.
@@justinstewart3248
I got you
i just learned something new about myself today
I realized I am a nice guy at 37. Always wanting others to be impressed and not offended, yet being annoyed when others don't care about impressing me or even accounting for me. To accomplish the former, I don't speak my mind, but I tell people what I think they would respond positively to. Absolutely toxic behavior.
Thank you for this.
Behind every nice guy is a mother who destroyed their soul.
Nice guys literally developed that way as a survival mechanism from actual torture. The narcicist mother removes all their boundaries and any sense of individualism....that way there is no resistance when eating their guts. Sounds terrible because it is that terrible.
To recover from being a nice guy....you must revisit all the torture....this time consciously...you must walk through hell and face demons and smile at them.
Didn’t expect this book would describe the opposite of me😂😂 everything he said is “wrong” and should be changed is the exact opposite of my actions, still no luck
My favorite technique is to offer them a false insecurity, that way when they go after what they perceive to be my insecurity, it doesn't hurt me, and I know exactly what's going on.
Is that the dude from aphex twins?
Can you elaborate?
what exactly
My own sentence summary: Nice guys are literally ambitious narcissists... the key tool against it is empathy
I agree ☺☺
As someone who used to be one years ago, try not to get too wrapped up in demonizing these people. They're a victim of gender roles and the idea that sex and relationships are something you have to work for or earn as a man rather than the RNG of happening to meet someone with mutual interest.
I remember my father who has nice guy syndrome. I and my brother hate him. I now understand base of his behaviour.
I'm crying right now, and I never let myself cry. I always think if I put my emotions out, I'll be a burden. I'm always trying to be low maintenance. Always trying to be the best so people can depend on me. F#ck.
This whole video, from start to end, was a punch to the gut.
Why didn't I see this sooner?
Great book, highly recommend it
One should also remember that there's a difference between a nice guy and kind guy. Don't get confused
That’s just something nice guys say who don’t want to admit they are a nice guy
@@hi9313 no
@@natsukisubaru2683 hi nice guy
@@hi9313 lmao bro if you think being kind and nice are the same thing. I suppose you are on the opposite spectrum of nice which is not good either
@@natsukisubaru2683 try understanding what’s actually being said instead of repeating regurgitated rhetoric you heard on the internet.
Do not settle for less than what you want. I love myself
Amazing work
This is a good hypothesis and could help many people, however it should be said that it’s not a one to one fit.
I’d actually say “nice guys” are rejected by the world young and you’re articulating one of the many ways that childhood innocence, love, development can be corrupted and inverted into a fall from Grace.
I would recommend looking into the healing of the “whole person”
Porn is a good obstacle to avoid in building confidence, seeking instant gratification will hold you back from confidence.. I had been a nice guy/doormat for a long time.. I was one of the last of my friends to lose my virginity.. I remember I was travelling and drinking a lot and something switched in my confidence.. I became the same person I was with my best friends but with everyone. I had always looked from the outskirts, I was very nice and kind and it didn’t get me very far..
I remember during this ‘awakening’ I was looking at a really muscular tall guy who was trying his best to seduce a girl but he had no confidence and you could tell it wasn’t going anywhere.. I was very short and skinny and I made the realization that being muscular or tall would not get me girls or ‘acceptance’.. I just had to be myself and have confidence.. Make people laugh, be kind, be genuine, and have the vulnerability most men don’t and you will find the life you had always wanted.. I was raised by a loving father.. I think society is an ever changing world, you don’t have to be what society tells you to be in regards to being a ‘man’.. you just have to have confidence and be yourself, you don’t want to lose yourself trying to fit in a crowd
You mixed the poison with the honey .
I can't really see how believing you were the fault of problems in your family leads you to think that the world revolves around you. To have that mindset means being selfish which is the opposite of nice guy-ness ain't it?
This information just not the logical. It sound like it's a scapegoat for women's bs on bad choices they made
It's linked because of the perceived degreee of agency you have in the situation.
The video I did'n know I needed.
Thank you so much brother! i did'nt realise i was doing this nice guy bs until i saw this vid now i realized i have to not screw over being liked by people and start fkn liking myself and respecting too and in return if they do the same i appreciate it otherwise i don't care
The whole "nice guy" thing image doesn't seem too nice at all
Most of my live, I thought "nice" simply meant KIND & THOUGHTFUL.
Apparently we were all wrong. Being nice is NEFARIOUS and BAD. 😄
I don't know why people always paint the nice guy like that needy, fearsome, shy and miserable guy who does everything to get girls.
I'm considered a nice guy but I am not like that, I am genuinely a good person, who cares about others and animals. I'm not afraid of sex and don't seek for validation, I work out, study engineering, self confident, tall and decent looking. But I still struggle with girls, although Im a serious person, I think they may perceive me as this type of "nice guy", although I'm not, maybe I'm too introverted for girls taste...
At some point I feel like society is just going downfall and men can't be decent 'cause girls would dump them. I don't know, it just doesn't feel logical to not be able to be a good person 'cause girls don't like us and I refuse to become a jerk just to satisfy their weird needs or fill their emotional needs
Treat people like people and they're more likely to step over you.
I'm a woman but I relate to this.
u nailed it with the workout excessively.....
I ordered the book then watched this. Hopefully it’s a bit more in depth towards the end bc I know what I’m doing wrong I need to know how to fix them. I’m almostv38, 6’4 250lbs and make $200k and I’m a really good dancer and more than adequate ⬇️ I know a few things to change but dam.
Great vid!
Hard hitting truths!