I often wonder that myself how does this video not have 1000 likes and comments , I can only imagine there arnt a ton of ppl brave enough to understand what’s going on under the hood, cheers to everyone whoze tryna heal yooooo 🙃🫧🫧🫧🫶🏻🙏🐥🐥🙏🐥
Only my rageaholic mother was allowed to be angry. We all ended up with anxiety and depression, and now taking care of her in her 90s. She’s even more angry now because she’s not in control of everyone!
I'm sorry you're having to put up with her. I hope there's some feeling of relief at you being in control. They just get worse as they get older. I have zero patience or compassion for my 86 yr old narcissistic father. I actually have to stay away because I am tempted to engage in revenge abuse now that he's had strokes and is frail. That's a pretty shameful thing to admit, but it's true. Doing something like that to another human being on an angry impulsive is against everything I usually stand for in life. I am better than that, I am not like him. Plus he's not worth the prison time, so he is in the care of the state government and I am 1400 miles away hoping to get the phone call that will tell me he is gone according to God's will, and I am free.
My dad was the rageaholic. My codependent mom supported him for the most part. She meant well? I think? But ended up disguarding me yet again in her last 5 plus years into dementia. Good times. 🥺
I have always thought that the study of psychology ought to be intertwined with religion. After all, it is the study of how to reconcile feelings and attitudes and it seems to me that is a very spiritual thing, very close to what Christ was talking about in being sensitive to one another. But, instead, there is all of this suspicion and derision on the part of many in the psych field, and almost total ignorance of psych on the part of so many in the religious world. It is so sad to me. I feel glad that I straddle the two worlds; I can't imagine one without the other.
@@maryleekomaniecki5799 Intertwined with spirituality, not religion. Religion has been the cause of a lot of people's trauma. Spirituality has been the balm.
@@maryleekomaniecki5799 Beautifully said. They are one and the same - healthy psychological development and healthy spiritual development, even when they seem not to be.
I grew up with a narcissistic father who only always thought and talked about himself and how great he was. The others could not voice their opinions different from his, and if we ever did he would explode, lash out, and ridicule like crazy. It was excruciating being around him and he would often make us cry or feel bad about ourselves. I would sometimes complain about him to my mother but she always took his side. One time I asked my dad if he would like to know what’s going on with me. He sneered and said why would I? And asked jokingly so how are YOU? I couldn’t answer because I knew that he didn’t really want to know. He just never cared about anyone besides himself.
Sorry to hear that. Narcissists are only interested in themselves. My father was highly narcissistic and so is my older brother. I find it very unpleasant to be around him as he only ever talks about himself.
Your description of your father resembled my uncle so much I had to check your name, thinking it might be one of my cousins writing the comment. Scary how these patterns are so similar and pervasive. One of my cousins drank himself to death living in his father’s shadow. Blessings and healing to you 🙏
Wow. You know, I’m not even a Christian. But you are SO good at explaining things and SO compassionate, even I stick around for the Jesus bits. Thank you very much for creating this content and helping people on their healing journey.
I was brought up in an “ Anger is. S I N!” home, by an angry dad. My brother and I were not allowed to either express our anger openly, or, speak up about an injustice. We were physically punished for expressing anger. It’s taken me a lifetime to understand that my parent’s teaching only served to evoke anger at the injustice of being suppressed! Omy. TY Tim for more clarity on a faulty religious myth. Properly taught is…” you be angry, Just don’t allow your anger to harm another and violate the Law of Love.”
I think it's considered dangerous because typically when we're children if an adult around us is experiencing anger it's because they deem something as threatening their survival. Typically though, what they're experiencing is a trigger which was created at a time when they were young and their survival actually was threatened. So you could get angry that your spouse isn't paying attention to you and that could really piss you off but it's because you're triggered and brought back to a time where a parent was neglecting you. Then of course you're not allowed to be angry, maybe they call you selfish or something. So you're taught to believe that the idea of caring for yourself and advocating for yourself is selfish. Even dangerous in and of itself.
@@etcwhateverI would think your right or this atleast holds a good chunk of creating these feelings it also makes it so that you have no trust in yourself and discredit your own ability to make decisions for yourself because you are always “wrong”
@@catalystcomet Yes I agree... However just because we are triggered by people places things does not justify us reacting in anger. Were all victims, however we need to react in a healthy non destructive fashion... that is maturity. Victimhood is not healthy. We are survivors! Love wins the war! God bless you and yours.
I grew up in a strict religious cult, where “contention is of the devil”, which translated to anger. Anger was NOT allowed; we would be physically punished for expressing anger outwardly. From a young age, I turned my anger inward, resulting in suicidal thoughts from the age of 12, dysfunctional eating (undiagnosed because going to see a professional for help was frowned upon), self-harm, and deep depression, that lasted for decades. Part of healing for me has been accepting and welcoming, feeling and processing my anger. Which consequently has resulted in being able to feel all other emotions on a much deeper and richer level. Tim’s words of wisdom have had a profound impact on my healing and I’ll be forever grateful to have come across this channel.
Feel for you and sorry you had to go through that. I grew up in a more moderate form, son of a pastor & christian psychologist. But ended up with a lot of the same things. A huge amount of christian guilt. It’s not easy and is terrifying. So happy to hear you’re on the other side of it. Not easy, you should be proud of your progress
Tim, I have been watching this series for the past year and it has become a constant source of inspiration and research for my own struggle and work in mental health. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for what you do.
Fear and anger seem to be entwined in me, I can't seem to figure where one starts and the other begins. It seems the anger bubbles after fear......fear of rejection, being lied to, abandonment are my top 3. Anger was squelched quickly when I was a child , as was the word "no" , you never say no to an adult. Anger or temper from frustration was punished. I haven't learned to say NO until very recently and I'm 69 yrs. young.....and I feel like I'm looking over both shoulders when I say it! New to your channel and boy is it bringing up a lot of shit🥺
Thank you for sharing. I'm 58 and finally processing the mess. Knowing where it comes from helps only so much and I still have to walk through all of it, but I'm seeing my growth. I'm healing and the healing is gaining momentum, like a train headed in the right direction. Blessings on you, thanks again. It gets better 💜
I've had the fear my whole life and was taken at 10to a therapist because "I was always so angry"...my dad spanked me from the time I was 2 and my mother was a temper tantrum thrower. I'm your age and have spent my life trying to figure out what's wrong with me.....
I wrote a poetry play called All in my Mind. I personified all my feelings and put them on a stage to debate through my Narrators 'Understanding' and 'Ignorance'. My 'Anger' from Ego Town debated with my 'Compassion' from Soul Field. They came together through 'Understanding' and returned to my mind as 'Love' .
The most painful feeling of being an unwanted child for me is that permanent feeling of being alone in this world with my pain, and to believe I deserve it. It is a prison of the soul. The only reason why I feel better now is because of my adoring husband, who is teaching me what love, trust and dedication is like. May I learn from him. Thank you for these videos.
Thank you. For a long time I'd suppress my anger, and then I'd get overwhelmed and cry. Now that I'm healing. I have a better grasp onnhealthy anger and I now have emotional equilibrium.
This is so relatable to what I've been struggling with. 23 in a good relationship but all the sudden I have all this anger I haven't felt before over so many injustices. I always thought I was passivist and just wasn't angry. Now I'm seeing i majorly turned it all inward to myself which led to my over a decade long self harm addiction and other issues. I'm really struggling with so many things I'm remembering from my childhood that fill me with over whelming shame and sorrow. I try to take the memories as they come and try to ride out the feelings. It's exhausting. These videos help me have better insight as I'm trying to figure out why I feel so out of place in the world.
Feeling violated is basic (betrayed intertwined) to my anger. My writing helps release the confusion of the process of becoming aware of what it is. But, the visceral embedding of this anger needs me to move about and exercise. Stretching is a very helpful beginning and so is massage. But now, I'm even becoming eager to get outside and walk like I used to before I became so very isolated. I promise myself to do this today.
My Anger is substantially present in my life. I confess to it. Every point made in this talk is highly relevant. Luckily i have always vented all of my emotions. I avoid any type of counselling after being betrayed by a counsellor at a young age. A female. So these talks i find very helpful. Free Health Care. I am a very good person but the Anger is there, often on full display. It reminds me of why i have anger. All so well listed in this talk. My childhood was traumatic on so many levels. Still i am very grateful for having a childhood. I do not blame or carry grudges. I just live with the side effects. Violence is a constant threat. I don't think any good person has anything to worry about if i am angry. Bad ones not so sure. Anyway, Thank You.
My anger began at birth. I had to protect myself from both emotional and physical abuse from my mother and sisters who made it very clear I was not wanted. I had to be angry. I had to explode. It was the only way to keep them away from me. I scared them. It worked. 60 years later, they are still afraid of me. Perfect.
I almost shed a tear reading your comment. I had to explode too. Many times. Up to the point that it was wiser to daily smoke marijuana to cope with the sharpest edges of my anger. I needed to decide that at an age of 16. Years before that I already learned to walk away for days to avoid any escalation from my side. Sometimes it took me days to calm down. A lot of times it was even better to sleep outside than going back home to get once again triggered by my narcissistic witch mother, gaslighting me as a pathological liar. Over and over and over again. So the older I got, the more I resisted amd rebelled against her bullshit. I knew from an early age that she was deliberately trying to drive me insane. She absolutely hated my guts for being so stubborn and sophisticated, to not give into her insanity and proving her wrong wherever I could. Despite me making dumb mistakes. She wanted me to hit her, so she could put me away in prison and get rid of me. But instead, I never made that mistake. Ultimately, she fled the country to another continent without telling me a word. Forever afraid of the monster that she created: my rage!
@Ominous89 I recently lost my son to cancer. My only child. So when I hear stories like yours, my rage returns. I want to scream in my mother's face... "I am your child, the beautiful baby YOU brought into this world. Yet you treat me like garbage. You can't even stand the sight of me. Why? Because I remind you of someone. The person you actually hate....yourself." I would give anything to have my son back. My mother is the loser in life. But it's a damn shame she destroyed my innocence with her vile rotted soul.
I have to be honest, I'm half way through this video and feel more hopeless than ever. Tim has describe me (and I suspect many others watching) in almost all previous videos, but this one's different. It seems like my anger is so ingrained in my being that I'll never be able to overcome it.
Thank you so much for being such a light in my life. You are helping me save myself and my marriage. I am so grateful for the material that you put on here. I love Jesus too!!!
In therapy in the past that is exactly what they would do. They would try to help me with the anger issues that were in the moment without ever recognizing that there was lava underneath.
tim is absolutely right. I only knew how much rage I had when I'm partway through my healing. I took 3 months to release all of the repressed rage. I did it safely, with no one around and just punched a boxing pillow. After it was all out, I felt DIFFERENT somehow.
OMG - after all these year i can literally sleep in peace tonight ✌️ knowing that none of this 💩 was actually my fault and it has a name. I can't thank enough for all the help your videos have brought to my life. Thanks from the bottom of my heart ❤. Blessings
I’m aggressive with my anger, never passive. I have outbursts and speak my mind. I was never taught to keep my emotions hidden. My anger was validated.
Love these videos. I see how Trama can change the person. My father was so strict and abusive that I thought that was normal n had a very abusive husband. Coping with raising kids alone was tough
I have scared myself twice by being out-of-control with anger, and those events were years apart. Until listening to Dr. Fletcher, I thought that I didn’t have anger. Lol I beat myself up emotionally… lots of negative self-talk and self-shaming. I don’t know how to stop
Awareness is the first step. Examining every thought (thoughts are only mine if I claim them) and seeking the origins of every emotional trigger (and oh boy are there a sh*t ton of them!) has been a long, slow process, but after nearly a year and a half I can finally see progress. It's mostly been 2 steps forward then 20 steps back for me, but I'm moving forward all the same. It's a process, but we're worth it. Tim's "re-parenting" playlist was very helpful. Much Love 🙏🏻💕
Thank you for sharing. I almost destroyed my whole life because of finger I am 61 years five years ago for the first time I’ve been learning how to stay in my consciousness I just wanna say I am so grateful I love myself❤
I thought beating addiction was impossible or at least was the treasure at the end of the rainbow, but really it’s just the first step towards working on myself ):
Thank u for your most in-depth knowledge & understanding. Your one of the best I have witnessed in years, like since one of our great forefathers John Bradshaw
Anger is the neurological response to a hormone. Fear is the other neurological response to another hormone that cancels it. Or the other way around. If you're scared, getting angry makes it go away. If you're angry, getting scared makes it go away. Sometimes people get programmed to where they are in a cycle of escalating them both. There are many ways to de-escalate or maintain low levels of them that have no real reason to exist. Love is one of them.
Hmm sounds obvious seeing it worded like this but I never realised this till now. Thanks for commenting that, in my adolescence all throughout teens and early 20s I was never scared. I have done boxing most my life and was always angry/confident in every conflict, sometime in the past 2 or 3 years though my anger/fight response I suppose, became a freeze response in almost any confrontation and it happens so fast that I don’t even notice it until afterwards. I have been getting so angry at myself because I feel like such a pusc now because of the split second freeze and initial panic and uncertainty it was never a problem before didn’t even cross my mind.
when i was 14 years old and my hight 140cm i was the smallest kid in the class physically. i got angry 3 times after every fight my friends said we couldn't stop you it felt like only death can stop you the random Students came to me to just say wow we didn't expect that much of power and anger from you little boy they respected me i really felt safe after that . But infact was that anger at my life and my family turned on those boys i fought and i was completely blind and that was scary for me , and now after 10 years i have x10 of that anger and i know I can't let it go its just growing more and more .
Something I learned in youth that may be of value: I need to react and resolve the issue, harshly if needed, before I get so far that anger takes over. The trick here is to sense that you're about to get angry, and that if you don't do something here and now it's not going to get any better. This lets you do what you need to do in order to resolve the issue while you still have your head mounted to your shoulders, and that can be of tremendous value as you're able to think.
As a child i remember having my back against my bedroom door, clutching my blanket, scared to death, hearing my dad yelling and being angry. My parents verbally fought a lot when i was young. Usually after dad had a few beers. He was cool sober mostly, or when really drunk on margaritas, but after a few beers the anger bubbled out. I was always terrified. On top of the sense of justice of autism, I'm the angriest person you will ever meet, also struggling with anxiety and depression. I try to push it down when it's inappropriate, but when I feel it isn't and let it vent, i scare people. Also i have no brakes, no chill. 0 to 100 real fkn fast.
Have family that grew up not allowed to express anger. Counter to my childhood. It’s so hard to express how important it is to deal with anger, and that anger isn’t hate or evil. We can express anger to each other, but still love each other.
Thanks... I want to add identification of need left unmet and dismissed or depressed,.smothered etc by others and then forced to do within ourselves... to the 'track and trace' from the awareness of anger either emerging/exploding from or smouldering in the lava . Anger allows me to blame everybody else... Yes.. Resentment smouldering and pressure cooked deeper into bitterness... I find tracking and tracing back to source of anger within myself... Then realising my needs unmet.. Inform me if what I need... Baby rage is something I self examine and trace to need underneath. My problem seems to be that even when I ask for help with needs underneath.. I keep meeting with people who Haven't time awareness(not able to see, admit meet their own needs ) to even 'get' or be patient with mine. Where are the people who love baby needs in adult bodies? Cos I can't seem to respond to the needs of the babe in myself where she's been sealed off in agonising isolation for decades. Been working with expressing anger with care for self and others..but when I show the faintest anger or ask for patience or boundaries or connection... I get the busy response I had as a babe. Did not have children.. Knew my absence with self and anger would be beyond my child or myself. Angry women are not ok when the anger is harmful..but I seem to attract people who are not wanting to do their own anger ownership..even when I try to work out with them what our needs are. I am dying of loneliness. People storm off if I'm not nice, caring, funny or loving enough. Agony.
I am so grateful to have discovered Tim Fletcher on Dr. Les Carter's channel. I have done lots of reading and listening to podcasts/youtube videos but this is the absolute best and clearest explanation of how all of this ties together and why I have been trapped for so long.
Whoa, classic case, here, I miss the Christian Teachings, Tim blended the emotional and spiritual aspects of our being beautifully. Especially for my intense fear of abandonment, I keep quoting "do not fear, for I am with you"
Psalm 37 8Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret--it leads only to evil.9For evil men will be cut off, but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land.
In my case, I was pushed to anger as a toddler, by my sister, 8 years older, so she would get a laugh out of it. Off course, my mom would not defend, just downplay, or be disparaging. This is when my anger was used as entertainment. To them I looked funny when my sister kept pushing my buttons. I know from having resolved other issues that understanding and forgiveness (explanation follows) are the only answers. But so hard when those people still deny they did anything wrong and put it back on you. One key is in seeing oneself being wicked too in life, and to see that at that time, one was feeling good about it. Easier to understand a wrongdoer when one has been one too. Another key is to realize that we are sometimes played by wicked spirits that will come in us when we're feeble morally (in sin) and feed thru abusing other people these spirits are real, and can coordinate with one another to trap us in very bad loops till they're fed (hence the allegory of vampires) etc. etc. I will say that we need to have more precision around the vocabulary to describe the emotions. For ex. rage or fury, or contempt can be consequences of anger. One can surrender to these spirits loosing one's discernement or even consciousness for a while. A bad use of anger is a temptation to destroy ( objects, bodies ie. inflicting physical damage, reputation, self respect and dignity, tear down relations etc ). A good use of anger is to spend time to reflect and to build better, stronger love.
I dont believe its always someone else fault, but i am angry for legitimate reasons. If someone does something to me i dont like. its not always my fault either, and its not always others fault. Also others judgement of me is not always true, especially if there taking my inventory.
Omg I wish I seen this 10 years ago. Whet changed me is I got so tired of being angry. Then I looked for truth. You are saving so many ppl like me. We just never qite new. My Gen was left with....... there is no blue book for t
Part of why I dislike, stuff down, criticize, and reject my feelings of externalized anger is that I know what it looks like from the outside. It's so ugly. The word that pops into mind is "filthy". The angry so-called parent's rage displays weren't just scary, they were disgusting, twisted, repugnant. I'd do just about anything not to be that person, not to have others see me look and act like that. However, it's pretty compulsive to turn the full fire of that nastiness on myself many times a day. I've also had to re-teach myself that there are _degrees_ of anger. Mild, medium, intense, a whole spectrum. That was not my childhood reality. Back then, someone being pushy, someone being late or forgetting something important, someone cutting you off in traffic, and serious attacks on self or property were all the exact same flavor of murderous rage. That's all I saw, and I began to believe that anger was essentially evil. Not being able to rid myself of it meant I was evil, and I felt hatred for myself without realizing that I wasn't black and white like my father was. I actually did have the complete range of emotions appropriate to different situations. It took me until literally this year, age 49, to understand that I didn't have to distrust or reject my emotions and that I didn't look monstrous to people like he did. It's all so damned confusing and circular, though. I feel like I need to go live as a hermit while this new understanding sinks in.
Honestly so much of how you've described your own feeling's regarding anger and your perception of how others view it, your father, and yourself describes my own inner reality. The only piece missing for me would be the intense and overwhelming shame, embarrassment, or humiliation I feel at even having the feeling of anger, but even more so the emotions underneath that anger. If it makes sense I am embarrassed that I am embarrassed. Feel humiliated for feeling embarrassed, shy, excited, sad, happy, joyful, or any other emotion, in that moment. Embarrassed for being me.
I just isolate as I am trying to repair. I can’t listen to preachers because I think they are telling me I am not truly saved cause I am not telling people about Jesus. No matter how many times I walk an aisle or talk in prayer it’s like I never can be saved. I have been two decades not married. I am disabled sometimes I have real peace watching birds or listening to music. I let things pile up in my house and it is a mess.
Hi Linda! Churchy types love to imply that they are ‘better than you’ and saved, sometimes showing a micro-smug of pleasure their face! Don’t buy into the Holier than Tho, Christians. Seriously, who are they to tell you what you need to do to be saved? Consider yourself SAVED! You sound like a pretty kind woman to me:) Do the things that bring you peace- watching birds and listening to music.🎶 Try adding another peaceful ritual to your day and little by little, add even more- gradually, you will feel peace and happiness more & more- you’ll be too busy enjoying the things you that bring you peaceful zen. Baby steps- I promise you will get there! Wishing you love, abundant peace and heartfelt happiness! 🌹🦜🎶
Please google Reboot Recovery Trauma. It's free, you can do it on Zoom. I've just finished 12 week course. So grateful to add it to my mental health Recovery. God Bless you.
I grew up neglected and bullied. Left school with rage. Made me sick left school got in loads of trouble in and out of jail and still struggle with anger issues. Some flashbacks make me lose control
Suck up to people with more resources than you, lie, pretend to be happy and people are more likely to take pity on you and help you get where you want to go. It's despicable to have to resort to such levels but so are the people who abused you to the point you became so angry it ruined your life and left you with little credibility and resources left. Acquire resources and social capital and fake it till you make it then when you are in a good spot in life with criminal history behibd you hire the best trauma informed therapist you can buy and process your angry there in a safe space and fire any therapist who makes you feel shame for valid feelings and needs that must be processed. You can't express anger in most parts of society or in most social situations without facing consequences. It's insanely unfair because you end up suffering the karma meant for your abusers. Stick to the script, play happy, be helpful to others, take other people's sh*t, act like you are calm and emotionally regulated around other people. Journal your truth but hide your crazy from your abusers and the world. Join a support group and therapy and get to a point where you can stay regulated at work and in the public sphere it's your only chance at redemption. F*ck being honest it will only get you in trouble with abusers and the enablers, most people lie their way into civilized society. It's the unfortunate truth. When people say to love yourself and be true to your authentic self they really mean be fake be helpful and fake happy and financially stable and don't make waves don't be a burden to society don't be lazy don't be disagreeable don't get angry work hard appear intelligent and capable carry your own weight only be sad if someone else wants you feel pity for THEM or to appear normal such as grieving the loss of a pet or loved one. Play PRETEND it's what we all have to do to SURVIVE.
6:15 punished for anger, we live with what violates love, so we stuff down anger. Good is anger pulling positively back to love, bad is pulling negatively to destructive behavior to self and others.
My anger has turned into SI. If I express it to my mother- she will claim I’m giving her medical issues and tell me it’s easier to support people other than me bc they aren’t angry. I have many outlets but lifting has kept me afloat for many years
LOL spot on about anger...Anger that escalates to a black rage, may take on a life of its own and become a rampage with intervals that may last a very long time, months years. It can become a compulsion and a type of ritual in which people enjoy the chemicals the body produces during inflicting their wake of destruction. Eventually peoples behavior becomes repetitive and forms into habits, habits become their character. Then they get labels, bulldozer, bully, cruel, land shark, antisocial, narcissist, psychopath, reprobate mind, violent offended, war criminal etc.
My CPTSD stays active. I am afraid of letting it out or I just don't know how to let it out in a healthy way. I have made stuffing it an art form. Someone asked me how long have you felt sad, and angry. It was the first time I realized my unresolved trauma has been making me sick since the age of 3. Now 63 and trying to get help.
I think my husband was pretty chill when I married him! 50 years of marriage to me has made him a very angry person 😢 everyone around him now is an idiot. His self talk is a lot of swearing toward everything! Traffic rage is constant! I woke him up accidentally a couple nights ago…he came up out of the bed like a demon!!! 😬 I apologized, he was an angel for the next few days 🤷🏼♀️ I think it’s about me???
I rarely express my anger, yet it boils in my blood at all times like the Infernal Pit. The Devil with all of them! I may not get away with fighting back, but I can always stand by and watch as their minds and bodies slowly betray them.
Isolating is so much better than staying within a bullshit relation and environment. We dont have to put up with the abuse. Other people are the problem, and leaving Them behind is the answer.
I was always mad as a kid at the adults in my life. They yelled all the time. Didn't talk to the kids other than....go play outside or...get in the car we're going shopping. My mom getting mad at me for holes in my pants for playing outside and telling me to get a job at age 7. Yelled I'm just a kid! I knew they should have been better. Why? Cause I saw normalish adults in school. I was embarrassed of them. Peace was not a thing.
FYI: underground "lava" is called magma. It's not lava until the magma reaches the surface. Also, not all lava is explosive. Some lava flows crawl very, very slow. 🐌
I was 21 the last time I punched my older brother in the mouth. As he was the family 'jester' I didn't get much out of it. The frustration of living with a less deserving sibling when you are obviously the 'hero'. As an old man I experience embarassing expressions of admiration from my sibling's spouses. All our relationships are seriously out if kilter!
This is where I find myself. The trauma I try to hide from my family members to try keeping peace but I find myself angry I have what I thought was my ALL trying to raise 6 sons & daughters, working my business literally in middle of the night so I wouldn’t miss any activity in their lives and be present every homemade meal each evening, bath, songs, storybook time, loving them to sleep. They’re so very busy running around with all their activities they put their children in, they are exhausted parents who are doing exactly the wonderful job I feel I have to them. They don’t have too much extra time to spend with their very extremely ill mom, BUT THEY ARE DOING EXACTLY WHAT I WOULD WANT FOR EACH OF THEM! My anger is at my lack of ability to heal an incurable disease. But I’m so happy they are loving their family members with all their heart and soul! I’m so blessed yet I can feel angry and still very grateful for my life and family.
Why don't his videos have millions of views? The world needs these life-changing teachings.
Because it messes with the divide and Rule tactics of political profiteers is the short answer.
People are sleeping
share him
Likely suppressed by the demonic overlords. Share and pray over it to reach who needs it. They can’t stop it then!
I often wonder that myself how does this video not have 1000 likes and comments , I can only imagine there arnt a ton of ppl brave enough to understand what’s going on under the hood, cheers to everyone whoze tryna heal yooooo 🙃🫧🫧🫧🫶🏻🙏🐥🐥🙏🐥
Only my rageaholic mother was allowed to be angry. We all ended up with anxiety and depression, and now taking care of her in her 90s. She’s even more angry now because she’s not in control of everyone!
Lol..😂😂 Nice that you look after her 😊🙋
I'm sorry you're having to put up with her. I hope there's some feeling of relief at you being in control. They just get worse as they get older. I have zero patience or compassion for my 86 yr old narcissistic father. I actually have to stay away because I am tempted to engage in revenge abuse now that he's had strokes and is frail. That's a pretty shameful thing to admit, but it's true. Doing something like that to another human being on an angry impulsive is against everything I usually stand for in life. I am better than that, I am not like him. Plus he's not worth the prison time, so he is in the care of the state government and I am 1400 miles away hoping to get the phone call that will tell me he is gone according to God's will, and I am free.
@@weaviejeebies I wish you to be free within yourself now. I say this because the feelings can remain long after the person is gone.
My dad was the rageaholic. My codependent mom supported him for the most part. She meant well? I think? But ended up disguarding me yet again in her last 5 plus years into dementia. Good times. 🥺
@@weaviejeebies I hear all of this. I know I’m actually free but just cant feel really free until he’s gone. I scan obits 😂
You’re doing god’s work friend. You have helped me greatly recover from a really shitty childhood and hopefully saved my 18year marriage. Thank you.
I have always thought that the study of psychology ought to be intertwined with religion. After all, it is the study of how to reconcile feelings and attitudes and it seems to me that is a very spiritual thing, very close to what Christ was talking about in being sensitive to one another.
But, instead, there is all of this suspicion and derision on the part of many in the psych field, and almost total ignorance of psych on the part of so many in the religious world. It is so sad to me. I feel glad that I straddle the two worlds; I can't imagine one without the other.
@@maryleekomaniecki5799 Intertwined with spirituality, not religion. Religion has been the cause of a lot of people's trauma. Spirituality has been the balm.
Throughout my life I was afraid of my anger - I had so much rage who knows what I would do!
@@maryleekomaniecki5799 Beautifully said. They are one and the same - healthy psychological development and healthy spiritual development, even when they seem not to be.
I grew up with a narcissistic father who only always thought and talked about himself and how great he was. The others could not voice their opinions different from his, and if we ever did he would explode, lash out, and ridicule like crazy. It was excruciating being around him and he would often make us cry or feel bad about ourselves. I would sometimes complain about him to my mother but she always took his side. One time I asked my dad if he would like to know what’s going on with me. He sneered and said why would I? And asked jokingly so how are YOU? I couldn’t answer because I knew that he didn’t really want to know. He just never cared about anyone besides himself.
Sorry to hear that. Narcissists are only interested in themselves. My father was highly narcissistic and so is my older brother. I find it very unpleasant to be around him as he only ever talks about himself.
I am soooo sorry for you. What a narcissistic over-Lord! I can relate!
Your description of your father resembled my uncle so much I had to check your name, thinking it might be one of my cousins writing the comment. Scary how these patterns are so similar and pervasive.
One of my cousins drank himself to death living in his father’s shadow.
Blessings and healing to you 🙏
That's a symptom of trauma, most likely neglect hence the me me me
Wow. You know, I’m not even a Christian. But you are SO good at explaining things and SO compassionate, even I stick around for the Jesus bits. Thank you very much for creating this content and helping people on their healing journey.
Why do you hate Jesus? He created you.
I was brought up in an “ Anger is. S I N!” home, by an angry dad. My brother and I were not allowed to either express our anger openly, or, speak up about an injustice. We were physically punished for expressing anger. It’s taken me a lifetime to understand that my parent’s teaching only served to evoke anger at the injustice of being suppressed! Omy. TY Tim for more clarity on a faulty religious myth. Properly taught is…” you be angry, Just don’t allow your anger to harm another and violate the Law of Love.”
Anger is considered dangerous so people end up depressed or dissociating because it's safer
I think it's considered dangerous because typically when we're children if an adult around us is experiencing anger it's because they deem something as threatening their survival. Typically though, what they're experiencing is a trigger which was created at a time when they were young and their survival actually was threatened. So you could get angry that your spouse isn't paying attention to you and that could really piss you off but it's because you're triggered and brought back to a time where a parent was neglecting you. Then of course you're not allowed to be angry, maybe they call you selfish or something. So you're taught to believe that the idea of caring for yourself and advocating for yourself is selfish. Even dangerous in and of itself.
very true my friend.
It happens when were invalidated to much...thats when anger turns inwards and creates depression and dissociation. My 2 cents
@@etcwhateverI would think your right or this atleast holds a good chunk of creating these feelings it also makes it so that you have no trust in yourself and discredit your own ability to make decisions for yourself because you are always “wrong”
@@catalystcomet Yes I agree... However just because we are triggered by people places things does not justify us reacting in anger.
Were all victims, however we need to react in a healthy non destructive fashion... that is maturity.
Victimhood is not healthy.
We are survivors!
Love wins the war!
God bless you and yours.
I grew up in a strict religious cult, where “contention is of the devil”, which translated to anger. Anger was NOT allowed; we would be physically punished for expressing anger outwardly.
From a young age, I turned my anger inward, resulting in suicidal thoughts from the age of 12, dysfunctional eating (undiagnosed because going to see a professional for help was frowned upon), self-harm, and deep depression, that lasted for decades.
Part of healing for me has been accepting and welcoming, feeling and processing my anger. Which consequently has resulted in being able to feel all other emotions on a much deeper and richer level.
Tim’s words of wisdom have had a profound impact on my healing and I’ll be forever grateful to have come across this channel.
Feel for you and sorry you had to go through that. I grew up in a more moderate form, son of a pastor & christian psychologist. But ended up with a lot of the same things. A huge amount of christian guilt. It’s not easy and is terrifying. So happy to hear you’re on the other side of it. Not easy, you should be proud of your progress
This guilt ...... Tim explains some plainly. ..deep understanding gives this ease - thank you again Tim!!!!!
Curious, but what does your anger even look like?
Thank you so much for helping me see what's wrong with me at 59 years old. Now healing can begin. ❤
It's not: what's wrong with you.
It's: what happened to you. 😢
Tim, I have been watching this series for the past year and it has become a constant source of inspiration and research for my own struggle and work in mental health. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for what you do.
Fear and anger seem to be entwined in me, I can't seem to figure where one starts and the other begins. It seems the anger bubbles after fear......fear of rejection, being lied to, abandonment are my top 3. Anger was squelched quickly when I was a child , as was the word "no" , you never say no to an adult. Anger or temper from frustration was punished. I haven't learned to say NO until very recently and I'm 69 yrs. young.....and I feel like I'm looking over both shoulders when I say it! New to your channel and boy is it bringing up a lot of shit🥺
Thank you for sharing. I'm 58 and finally processing the mess. Knowing where it comes from helps only so much and I still have to walk through all of it, but I'm seeing my growth. I'm healing and the healing is gaining momentum, like a train headed in the right direction. Blessings on you, thanks again. It gets better 💜
I've had the fear my whole life and was taken at 10to a therapist because "I was always so angry"...my dad spanked me from the time I was 2 and my mother was a temper tantrum thrower. I'm your age and have spent my life trying to figure out what's wrong with me.....
I wrote a poetry play called All in my Mind. I personified all my feelings and put them on a stage to debate through my Narrators 'Understanding' and 'Ignorance'.
My 'Anger' from Ego Town debated with my 'Compassion' from Soul Field. They came together through 'Understanding' and returned to my mind as 'Love' .
The most painful feeling of being an unwanted child for me is that permanent feeling of being alone in this world with my pain, and to believe I deserve it. It is a prison of the soul. The only reason why I feel better now is because of my adoring husband, who is teaching me what love, trust and dedication is like. May I learn from him. Thank you for these videos.
This program should be part of the school curriculum. Thank you so very much.
Addiction to cortisol… this is a revelation 😮!
What!
I thought cortisol was bad?
@@michaelgarrow3239So is heroin.
Thank you. For a long time I'd suppress my anger, and then I'd get overwhelmed and cry. Now that I'm healing. I have a better grasp onnhealthy anger and I now have emotional equilibrium.
Sometimes we are grieving and we don't realize it because we don't know what we're grieving but we're grieving who we could've been
I have done same your lose control...cry then i isolate and sleep
These talks are better than therapy. Thank you Tim:)
Yes...but leave out the zealous religious BS,!!!
This is so relatable to what I've been struggling with. 23 in a good relationship but all the sudden I have all this anger I haven't felt before over so many injustices. I always thought I was passivist and just wasn't angry. Now I'm seeing i majorly turned it all inward to myself which led to my over a decade long self harm addiction and other issues. I'm really struggling with so many things I'm remembering from my childhood that fill me with over whelming shame and sorrow. I try to take the memories as they come and try to ride out the feelings. It's exhausting. These videos help me have better insight as I'm trying to figure out why I feel so out of place in the world.
Well Jeez. Thank you for validating my experiences and healing process.
You are saving my life. May God bless you ❤
Excellent lecture. Thank you very very much. You get it.
Feeling violated is basic (betrayed intertwined) to my anger.
My writing helps release the confusion of the process of becoming aware of what it is. But, the visceral embedding of this anger needs me to move about and exercise. Stretching is a very helpful beginning and so is massage.
But now, I'm even becoming eager to get outside and walk like I used to before I became so very isolated. I promise myself to do this today.
My Anger is substantially present in my life. I confess to it.
Every point made in this talk is highly relevant.
Luckily i have always vented all of my emotions.
I avoid any type of counselling after being betrayed by a counsellor at a young age. A female.
So these talks i find very helpful.
Free Health Care.
I am a very good person but the Anger is there, often on full display. It reminds me of why i have anger.
All so well listed in this talk.
My childhood was traumatic on so many levels. Still i am very grateful for having a childhood.
I do not blame or carry grudges. I just live with the side effects.
Violence is a constant threat. I don't think any good person has anything to worry about if i am angry.
Bad ones not so sure.
Anyway, Thank You.
My anger began at birth. I had to protect myself from both emotional and physical abuse from my mother and sisters who made it very clear I was not wanted. I had to be angry. I had to explode. It was the only way to keep them away from me. I scared them. It worked. 60 years later, they are still afraid of me. Perfect.
I hear you. Ive often thought well if they think im crazy, why do they keep trying to contact me? Who is the crazy one in this situation?! 😉
HA!
LEGENDARY LEVEL REACHED. 😎💯👍
Stay scary. They will never make progress within themselves because you are the problem and will be the family scapegoat forever.
I almost shed a tear reading your comment. I had to explode too. Many times. Up to the point that it was wiser to daily smoke marijuana to cope with the sharpest edges of my anger. I needed to decide that at an age of 16. Years before that I already learned to walk away for days to avoid any escalation from my side. Sometimes it took me days to calm down. A lot of times it was even better to sleep outside than going back home to get once again triggered by my narcissistic witch mother, gaslighting me as a pathological liar. Over and over and over again. So the older I got, the more I resisted amd rebelled against her bullshit. I knew from an early age that she was deliberately trying to drive me insane. She absolutely hated my guts for being so stubborn and sophisticated, to not give into her insanity and proving her wrong wherever I could. Despite me making dumb mistakes. She wanted me to hit her, so she could put me away in prison and get rid of me. But instead, I never made that mistake. Ultimately, she fled the country to another continent without telling me a word. Forever afraid of the monster that she created: my rage!
@Ominous89 I recently lost my son to cancer. My only child. So when I hear stories like yours, my rage returns. I want to scream in my mother's face...
"I am your child, the beautiful baby YOU brought into this world. Yet you treat me like garbage. You can't even stand the sight of me. Why? Because I remind you of someone. The person you actually hate....yourself."
I would give anything to have my son back. My mother is the loser in life. But it's a damn shame she destroyed my innocence with her vile rotted soul.
I have to be honest, I'm half way through this video and feel more hopeless than ever. Tim has describe me (and I suspect many others watching) in almost all previous videos, but this one's different. It seems like my anger is so ingrained in my being that I'll never be able to overcome it.
You can overcome.
If you find where the anger comes from you can resolve it. It takes hard emotional work but it is possible.
Thank you so much for being such a light in my life. You are helping me save myself and my marriage. I am so grateful for the material that you put on here. I love Jesus too!!!
In therapy in the past that is exactly what they would do. They would try to help me with the anger issues that were in the moment without ever recognizing that there was lava underneath.
You ARE a wonderful teaching / therapist ❤ I’m thankful for you
tim is absolutely right. I only knew how much rage I had when I'm partway through my healing. I took 3 months to release all of the repressed rage. I did it safely, with no one around and just punched a boxing pillow. After it was all out, I felt DIFFERENT somehow.
"We have an alarm system that tells us if love has been violated. "
This resonates so deeply.Thank you so much…
This has explained my family dynamics perfectly thank you so much I will be sharing this with many people❤
He was absolutely beautiful with the kindest heart ❤️
OMG - after all these year i can literally sleep in peace tonight ✌️ knowing that none of this 💩 was actually my fault and it has a name. I can't thank enough for all the help your videos have brought to my life. Thanks from the bottom of my heart ❤. Blessings
Thank you. You provide a great educational service with these videos for people who otherwise cannot afford treatment.
i dont control i just get it back to the giver...thank you wrap up!
I have learned more from this teaching in this time frame than most books and other teachings!
Brilliant! Enlightened , I am!
Thank you! ❤
These videos are phenomenal! Thank you sooo much.
Road to salvation ❤
I’m aggressive with my anger, never passive. I have outbursts and speak my mind. I was never taught to keep my emotions hidden. My anger was validated.
Being "right" might seem fine but are their destructive outcomes? Losses?
What about the people that you are directing your anger out?
Love these videos. I see how Trama can change the person. My father was so strict and abusive that I thought that was normal n had a very abusive husband. Coping with raising kids alone was tough
So many layers. So sad it perpetuates itself, generation after generation.
I have scared myself twice by being out-of-control with anger, and those events were years apart. Until listening to Dr. Fletcher, I thought that I didn’t have anger. Lol I beat myself up emotionally… lots of negative self-talk and self-shaming. I don’t know how to stop
Awareness is the first step. Examining every thought (thoughts are only mine if I claim them) and seeking the origins of every emotional trigger (and oh boy are there a sh*t ton of them!) has been a long, slow process, but after nearly a year and a half I can finally see progress. It's mostly been 2 steps forward then 20 steps back for me, but I'm moving forward all the same. It's a process, but we're worth it. Tim's "re-parenting" playlist was very helpful.
Much Love 🙏🏻💕
Yes, and awareness of where that negative self-talk comes from. Was that self-talk said TO you by parents, siblings, wider culture?
Learn from it...rather than try to pray it away. Right Pastor Fletcher?
Thank you for sharing. I almost destroyed my whole life because of finger I am 61 years five years ago for the first time I’ve been learning how to stay in my consciousness I just wanna say I am so grateful I love myself❤
Not even half way through and you revealed so much about me i had always identified however I never associated it with anger. Thank you!
This was incredibly eye opening
I am giving my deeply thanks to you. I am now understanding what’s going on with me.
I thought beating addiction was impossible or at least was the treasure at the end of the rainbow, but really it’s just the first step towards working on myself ):
This is me. I feel terrible but this is my life.
Thank u for your most in-depth knowledge & understanding. Your one of the best I have witnessed in years, like since one of our great forefathers John Bradshaw
Anger is the neurological response to a hormone. Fear is the other neurological response to another hormone that cancels it. Or the other way around. If you're scared, getting angry makes it go away. If you're angry, getting scared makes it go away. Sometimes people get programmed to where they are in a cycle of escalating them both. There are many ways to de-escalate or maintain low levels of them that have no real reason to exist. Love is one of them.
Hmm sounds obvious seeing it worded like this but I never realised this till now. Thanks for commenting that, in my adolescence all throughout teens and early 20s I was never scared. I have done boxing most my life and was always angry/confident in every conflict, sometime in the past 2 or 3 years though my anger/fight response I suppose, became a freeze response in almost any confrontation and it happens so fast that I don’t even notice it until afterwards. I have been getting so angry at myself because I feel like such a pusc now because of the split second freeze and initial panic and uncertainty it was never a problem before didn’t even cross my mind.
when i was 14 years old and my hight 140cm i was the smallest kid in the class physically. i got angry 3 times after every fight my friends said we couldn't stop you it felt like only death can stop you the random Students came to me to just say wow we didn't expect that much of power and anger from you little boy they respected me i really felt safe after that .
But infact was that anger at my life and my family turned on those boys i fought and i was completely blind and that was scary for me , and now after 10 years i have x10 of that anger and i know I can't let it go its just growing more and more .
😩🙈
Something I learned in youth that may be of value: I need to react and resolve the issue, harshly if needed, before I get so far that anger takes over. The trick here is to sense that you're about to get angry, and that if you don't do something here and now it's not going to get any better. This lets you do what you need to do in order to resolve the issue while you still have your head mounted to your shoulders, and that can be of tremendous value as you're able to think.
Peace be with you!
I love the image of a hot element surrounded by warm/cool pads. Controllable energy to be harnessed, not afraid of!!!
Thank you 🙂
Anger is my main struggle. And I feel almost hopeless.
Same. Sending 🙏
As a child i remember having my back against my bedroom door, clutching my blanket, scared to death, hearing my dad yelling and being angry. My parents verbally fought a lot when i was young. Usually after dad had a few beers. He was cool sober mostly, or when really drunk on margaritas, but after a few beers the anger bubbled out. I was always terrified. On top of the sense of justice of autism, I'm the angriest person you will ever meet, also struggling with anxiety and depression. I try to push it down when it's inappropriate, but when I feel it isn't and let it vent, i scare people. Also i have no brakes, no chill. 0 to 100 real fkn fast.
Same, I seent my mom get whooped by my drunk dad.
You know I found asking God how to transform my anger and taking a mood stabilizer Latuda the best things I did to help reduce my anger intensity
Have family that grew up not allowed to express anger. Counter to my childhood. It’s so hard to express how important it is to deal with anger, and that anger isn’t hate or evil. We can express anger to each other, but still love each other.
Thanks...
I want to add identification of need left unmet and dismissed or depressed,.smothered etc by others and then forced to do within ourselves...
to the 'track and trace' from the awareness of anger either emerging/exploding from or smouldering in the lava .
Anger allows me to blame everybody else...
Yes..
Resentment smouldering and pressure cooked deeper into bitterness...
I find tracking and tracing back to source of anger within myself...
Then realising my needs unmet..
Inform me if what I need...
Baby rage is something I self examine and trace to need underneath.
My problem seems to be that even when I ask for help with needs underneath..
I keep meeting with people who
Haven't time awareness(not able to see, admit meet their own needs ) to even 'get' or be patient with mine.
Where are the people who love baby needs in adult bodies?
Cos I can't seem to respond to the needs of the babe in myself where she's been sealed off in agonising isolation for decades.
Been working with expressing anger with care for self and others..but when I show the faintest anger or ask for patience or boundaries or connection...
I get the busy response I had as a babe.
Did not have children..
Knew my absence with self and anger would be beyond my child or myself.
Angry women are not ok when the anger is harmful..but I seem to attract people who are not wanting to do their own anger ownership..even when I try to work out with them what our needs are.
I am dying of loneliness.
People storm off if I'm not nice, caring, funny or loving enough.
Agony.
This is my childhood. Angry at injustice and the authority figues continued the evil so I hardened my heart and died (soul murder).
Thanks for the in depth explanation of the impact of unresolved anger. please continue your work! Thanks
I am so grateful to have discovered Tim Fletcher on Dr. Les Carter's channel. I have done lots of reading and listening to podcasts/youtube videos but this is the absolute best and clearest explanation of how all of this ties together and why I have been trapped for so long.
One more great lesson! God bless you Mr. Fletcher!
No, Tim, you're wrong. This IS a magic solution. Thank you very much.
Whoa, classic case, here, I miss the Christian Teachings, Tim blended the emotional and spiritual aspects of our being beautifully. Especially for my intense fear of abandonment, I keep quoting "do not fear, for I am with you"
Yes I wish the Bible was included, I think it would provide a deeper understanding
Psalm 37
8Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret--it leads only to evil.9For evil men will be cut off, but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land.
3/4's the way in this video and i am nothing but angry and pissed.... this better and a good ending!
Me my whole life. I can’t believe I found what’s been eating my heart since I could remember
This series describes my life exactly. Thank you
me too
In my case, I was pushed to anger as a toddler, by my sister, 8 years older, so she would get a laugh out of it. Off course, my mom would not defend, just downplay, or be disparaging. This is when my anger was used as entertainment. To them I looked funny when my sister kept pushing my buttons. I know from having resolved other issues that understanding and forgiveness (explanation follows) are the only answers. But so hard when those people still deny they did anything wrong and put it back on you. One key is in seeing oneself being wicked too in life, and to see that at that time, one was feeling good about it. Easier to understand a wrongdoer when one has been one too. Another key is to realize that we are sometimes played by wicked spirits that will come in us when we're feeble morally (in sin) and feed thru abusing other people these spirits are real, and can coordinate with one another to trap us in very bad loops till they're fed (hence the allegory of vampires) etc. etc. I will say that we need to have more precision around the vocabulary to describe the emotions. For ex. rage or fury, or contempt can be consequences of anger. One can surrender to these spirits loosing one's discernement or even consciousness for a while. A bad use of anger is a temptation to destroy ( objects, bodies ie. inflicting physical damage, reputation, self respect and dignity, tear down relations etc ). A good use of anger is to spend time to reflect and to build better, stronger love.
I dont believe its always someone else fault, but i am angry for legitimate reasons. If someone does something to me i dont like. its not always my fault either, and its not always others fault. Also others judgement of me is not always true, especially if there taking my inventory.
Omg I wish I seen this 10 years ago. Whet changed me is I got so tired of being angry. Then I looked for truth. You are saving so many ppl like me. We just never qite new. My Gen was left with....... there is no blue book for t
That volcano eruption produce lava dust is in olongapo city philippines... VPO.. TY!
That was long time ago 1992...VPO.. TY!
Thank you for enlightening us❤
Part of why I dislike, stuff down, criticize, and reject my feelings of externalized anger is that I know what it looks like from the outside. It's so ugly. The word that pops into mind is "filthy". The angry so-called parent's rage displays weren't just scary, they were disgusting, twisted, repugnant. I'd do just about anything not to be that person, not to have others see me look and act like that. However, it's pretty compulsive to turn the full fire of that nastiness on myself many times a day. I've also had to re-teach myself that there are _degrees_ of anger. Mild, medium, intense, a whole spectrum. That was not my childhood reality. Back then, someone being pushy, someone being late or forgetting something important, someone cutting you off in traffic, and serious attacks on self or property were all the exact same flavor of murderous rage. That's all I saw, and I began to believe that anger was essentially evil. Not being able to rid myself of it meant I was evil, and I felt hatred for myself without realizing that I wasn't black and white like my father was. I actually did have the complete range of emotions appropriate to different situations. It took me until literally this year, age 49, to understand that I didn't have to distrust or reject my emotions and that I didn't look monstrous to people like he did. It's all so damned confusing and circular, though. I feel like I need to go live as a hermit while this new understanding sinks in.
Honestly so much of how you've described your own feeling's regarding anger and your perception of how others view it, your father, and yourself describes my own inner reality. The only piece missing for me would be the intense and overwhelming shame, embarrassment, or humiliation I feel at even having the feeling of anger, but even more so the emotions underneath that anger. If it makes sense I am embarrassed that I am embarrassed. Feel humiliated for feeling embarrassed, shy, excited, sad, happy, joyful, or any other emotion, in that moment. Embarrassed for being me.
Well said!!!
I just isolate as I am trying to repair. I can’t listen to preachers because I think they are telling me I am not truly saved cause I am not telling people about Jesus. No matter how many times I walk an aisle or talk in prayer it’s like I never can be saved. I have been two decades not married. I am disabled sometimes I have real peace watching birds or listening to music. I let things pile up in my house and it is a mess.
Hi Linda!
Churchy types love to imply that they are ‘better than you’ and saved, sometimes showing a micro-smug of pleasure their face!
Don’t buy into the Holier than Tho, Christians.
Seriously, who are they to tell you what you need to do to be saved? Consider yourself SAVED! You sound like a pretty kind woman to me:)
Do the things that bring you peace- watching birds and listening to music.🎶
Try adding another peaceful ritual to your day and little by little, add even more- gradually, you will feel peace and happiness more & more- you’ll be too busy enjoying the things you that bring you peaceful zen. Baby steps- I promise you will get there! Wishing you love, abundant peace and heartfelt happiness! 🌹🦜🎶
God’s voice is in the birds’ songs. Those birds don’t walk down an aisle yet they are taken care of. Keep on walking in nature. ❤
Please google Reboot Recovery Trauma. It's free, you can do it on Zoom. I've just finished 12 week course. So grateful to add it to my mental health Recovery. God Bless you.
Jesus knows the mess and that's the best thing
Anger is necessary when people won’t listen. You try to be nice, but it doesn’t work.
Beautiful and well said. Ty ❤️🙏🏾✨
I grew up neglected and bullied. Left school with rage. Made me sick left school got in loads of trouble in and out of jail and still struggle with anger issues. Some flashbacks make me lose control
Suck up to people with more resources than you, lie, pretend to be happy and people are more likely to take pity on you and help you get where you want to go. It's despicable to have to resort to such levels but so are the people who abused you to the point you became so angry it ruined your life and left you with little credibility and resources left.
Acquire resources and social capital and fake it till you make it then when you are in a good spot in life with criminal history behibd you hire the best trauma informed therapist you can buy and process your angry there in a safe space and fire any therapist who makes you feel shame for valid feelings and needs that must be processed.
You can't express anger in most parts of society or in most social situations without facing consequences. It's insanely unfair because you end up suffering the karma meant for your abusers.
Stick to the script, play happy, be helpful to others, take other people's sh*t, act like you are calm and emotionally regulated around other people. Journal your truth but hide your crazy from your abusers and the world. Join a support group and therapy and get to a point where you can stay regulated at work and in the public sphere it's your only chance at redemption.
F*ck being honest it will only get you in trouble with abusers and the enablers, most people lie their way into civilized society. It's the unfortunate truth. When people say to love yourself and be true to your authentic self they really mean be fake be helpful and fake happy and financially stable and don't make waves don't be a burden to society don't be lazy don't be disagreeable don't get angry work hard appear intelligent and capable carry your own weight only be sad if someone else wants you feel pity for THEM or to appear normal such as grieving the loss of a pet or loved one. Play PRETEND it's what we all have to do to SURVIVE.
My anger is legitimate- my response is consequencial.
Is there a price to be paid for losing control?
@@gregh4284 depends on what is done when control goes .
Thank you for your videos. It’s very helpful. I appreciate as well when you pray and verse from the Bible. May Lord bless you.
6:15 punished for anger, we live with what violates love, so we stuff down anger. Good is anger pulling positively back to love, bad is pulling negatively to destructive behavior to self and others.
This is soooo spot on !
Thank you!
My anger has turned into SI. If I express it to my mother- she will claim I’m giving her medical issues and tell me it’s easier to support people other than me bc they aren’t angry.
I have many outlets but lifting has kept me afloat for many years
LOL spot on about anger...Anger that escalates to a black rage, may take on a life of its own and become a rampage with intervals that may last a very long time, months years. It can become a compulsion and a type of ritual in which people enjoy the chemicals the body produces during inflicting their wake of destruction. Eventually peoples behavior becomes repetitive and forms into habits, habits become their character. Then they get labels, bulldozer, bully, cruel, land shark, antisocial, narcissist, psychopath, reprobate mind, violent offended, war criminal etc.
Thanks!
My CPTSD stays active. I am afraid of letting it out or I just don't know how to let it out in a healthy way. I have made stuffing it an art form. Someone asked me how long have you felt sad, and angry. It was the first time I realized my unresolved trauma has been making me sick since the age of 3. Now 63 and trying to get help.
I think my husband was pretty chill when I married him! 50 years of marriage to me has made him a very angry person 😢 everyone around him now is an idiot. His self talk is a lot of swearing toward everything! Traffic rage is constant! I woke him up accidentally a couple nights ago…he came up out of the bed like a demon!!! 😬 I apologized, he was an angel for the next few days 🤷🏼♀️ I think it’s about me???
I rarely express my anger, yet it boils in my blood at all times like the Infernal Pit. The Devil with all of them! I may not get away with fighting back, but I can always stand by and watch as their minds and bodies slowly betray them.
Thank you.
Great stuff here but please leave the slides up a bit longer. They're gone before I can even focus my eyes. Thanks!
Sometimes I take a screenshot, so I have more time.
Isolating is so much better than staying within a bullshit relation and environment.
We dont have to put up with the abuse.
Other people are the problem, and leaving
Them behind is the answer.
Anger ,rage keep me alive so it can be useful just learn to spot the triggers further up the road then take a different path
I was always mad as a kid at the adults in my life. They yelled all the time. Didn't talk to the kids other than....go play outside or...get in the car we're going shopping. My mom getting mad at me for holes in my pants for playing outside and telling me to get a job at age 7. Yelled I'm just a kid! I knew they should have been better. Why? Cause I saw normalish adults in school. I was embarrassed of them. Peace was not a thing.
Vengeance is mine says the Lord!
Thy will be done and not mine own.
Amazing
Thank you , it is amazing
The tragedy of those once being the monsters in chrage becoming the fragile flowers we look for...
Thanks!
FYI: underground "lava" is called magma. It's not lava until the magma reaches the surface. Also, not all lava is explosive. Some lava flows crawl very, very slow. 🐌
NERD! /jk
Haha
@davidcrawford9026 😅 if you check out the zip code in my name, you'll see that I live with a Volcano 🌋 😮
I was 21 the last time I punched my older brother in the mouth. As he was the family 'jester' I didn't get much out of it.
The frustration of living with a less deserving sibling when you are obviously the 'hero'.
As an old man I experience embarassing expressions of admiration from my sibling's spouses. All our relationships are seriously out if kilter!
This is where I find myself. The trauma I try to hide from my family members to try keeping peace but I find myself angry I have what I thought was my ALL trying to raise 6 sons & daughters, working my business literally in middle of the night so I wouldn’t miss any activity in their lives and be present every homemade meal each evening, bath, songs, storybook time, loving them to sleep. They’re so very busy running around with all their activities they put their children in, they are exhausted parents who are doing exactly the wonderful job I feel I have to them. They don’t have too much extra time to spend with their very extremely ill mom, BUT THEY ARE DOING EXACTLY WHAT I WOULD WANT FOR EACH OF THEM! My anger is at my lack of ability to heal an incurable disease. But I’m so happy they are loving their family members with all their heart and soul! I’m so blessed yet I can feel angry and still very grateful for my life and family.