Stop Letting People Control Your Emotions
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- Опубліковано 22 гру 2020
- Not letting other people control your emotions means one little thing done or said by someone else doesn't have the power to ruin your whole day, or worse, even longer. When you learn how to trust yourself and become in charge of your own mind and emotions you can stop letting people trigger you, you can stop overreacting, and you can stop letting others control your happiness because you are now in charge.
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#triggers #emotionalintelligence #personalresponsibility
I'd love to hear - what connected with you from this talk?
Finding out that there are words that trigger me because of past wounds. That helped me.
Being able to recognise when and, importantly, what evokes the emotional response. Taking the step and the breath. Then refocussing.
Dr. Phil has advice that he often gives people who are in challenging interpersonal situations- such as marriage (!), he says' "Don't take the bait!" So I was immediately attracted to this topic as I have a challenging situation I am dealing with on an ongoing basis, and I keep taking the bait. I've come to realize that the problem isn't with the other person; it is with me, who allows myself to get "triggered." You're insight is a gift to those of us consumers/patients within the mental health space who are longing for common sense, practical, yet wise advice- that isn't maudlin nor simplistic. You are wise beyond your years, Miss. Julia. I am a big fan; keep up the great work.
I want to share that my past relationships and friendship have been the reasons for my emotions thank you for shareing this important information and advice your videos are helpful
Julia,
First I want to thank you for all you do! Thank you!
I liked your comment on having the relationship with yourself, and building that trust in yourself, to step back and ask yourself why is this impacting me? Is there so past issue or hurt that is going on here that is causing this trigger. Pulling the pieces apart to look at them and understand the whys, to then heal and get through that fight or flight trigger...
Thank you,
God Bless!
John
Nothing is as personal as we make it out to be. People’s behavior are usually a reflection of internal things. So focus on yours, & let others focus on theirs 🤗
Agreed 100%. Thanks Nicole.
Sooo true , but I take is personal thinking no one likes me .
She’s right, you know.
Yes, well said.
If you want practice in this get a job in customer service where you get surveyed. It will teach you to not take an angry person, bashing you because you're the face of the company, personally. I have learned to diffuse a person so quickly because I let them vent and listen for the reason for the venting. Once they are done, I show empathy and tell them how to fix the problem. I always get an apology after each time. It has now worked in any other interaction I've been in outside of work.
“I don’t need to change them in order for me to feel ok.” This one really hit me. ❤
You don’t have to attend every argument you are invited to.
(My favorite meme I saw last week)
THIS!!! 🙏
I love that one. When "the bully" , who lives in the same house as me, has that look in his face it always means trouble. Personal attacks are soon to follow. Trying to defend myself is like pissing into the wind. It's pointless. It took a long time, but I finally learned to walk away. This simple but effective solution works every time!
Thank you for sharing!! I will keep it!!
😂😂😂
Sometimes you have to let the ball go thru to the wicket-keeper,u don't have to react or reply to everyone....
All people have an element of toxicity to them... we don't need to run every time...but learn to manage our reaction to them. Sometimes no reaction is the best reaction.
Love it...so true Sussanne.
Maybe it's just bei my human. We've all been hurt, because without hurt, we wouldnt have empathy. Ying and yang. What you're calling toxicity, I'm now preferring to call a learning curve 😊
being human lol I'm on my fire hard to type!
Exactly. We would need to live in an island. No choice but to learn how to deal internally.
I like this Sussanne.. thanks
"Don't give rental space to others in your head that don't belong to be there in the first place"!
Yes! My aunt used to always say “ don’t let people live rent free in your mind”.
Free rent
DING! DING! Childhood bullying. Lots of wounds + being highly sensitive.
I see you. That pain can run very deep.
SAME
Abandonment and Bullying can each make one feel similar responses. Both are AWFUL on the mind and nervous system.
I can relate but what’s the solution?
Me too bullying n high sensitive here too
As an empathy and a very highly sensitive person, this is something I struggle daily with. It does have to be just words it can be energy that is overwhelming 🙏🧘🏻♀️💗😇
Some people will never be accountable for their thoughtlessness or arrogance.. they are often weak and insecure... no you don't need to react to them.. they feed off it.
And just let God deal with them honestly.
Ain’t that the truth!!!
@@abigailtamera8688 Although as an atheist that doesn't help me, especially if the people I'm dealing with are people at work.
@@Janeway1269 yeah I can’t tell you what to do but Honestly the best advice I would give u is too just don’t pay attention to it because at the end of the day you have a pay check coming in and that’s what matters.
Correct.
I have been dealing with extremely challenging people for almost 70 years. I need a break.
I will gladly remove myself from their presence. I am not interested in learning anything. At my age, I shouldn't have to dodge or analyze other people's BS.
Whats BS
Your response is spot on! I’m 75 and don’t use social media. Someone left a note in my mailbox about an item I put on the curb. Thinking they were asking about a missing part, I responded. What was I thinking! After she told me how much she appreciated the item as she was very down until she found my curbside “gift”. She started sending those cutesy quotes 3-6 a day. I’m pretty busy. My daughter (Rett syndrome,) requires full time care. I respond 👍🏻. But don’t have time for coffee and chats. Never have. It was really getting, to say the least, annoying. Then her text turned argumentative. Just going to put this out there, I met her in person once and she reeked of alcohol. “If you listen, people will tell you who they are”. I thought, if she were listening she would know I’m too busy for this childish BS. Now she’s left notes stuck on my Amazon package, to call, as she is concerned. I don’t know this woman. Now I’m concerned too. Like my Dad used to say, “Don’t go away mad.., just go away!”
This is such a crucial thing to learn!! Letting other people dictate how we feel can be damaging in the long run
Yes, it rarely works out well.
@@juliakristinamah For sure
Admir Barucija I completely agree with your comment well written and to add so meny times my emotions have been effected and controlled by people that have been in and out of my life it's hard to sometimes not let people control our emotions and yes it can be damaging in the long run as already said well written 🙂
My son , in his 30’s ..... taught me a lot ....lol..... simple perspective shifts ) I always worry abt hurting ppls feelings..... even strangers........ hard to make other ppl happy & does not make me feel good☹️....lol, he says replace what if’s w/ SO WHAT.......... ppl w/ harmful controlling comments to me w/ Fu*$ them...... you CONTROL YOUR emotions....... nobody else, stop letting them take YOUR POWER........ My son is mentally strong......lol❤️..........
@@juliakristinamah
It was extremely helpful information regarding your husband telling you that it was good to deal with this difficult personae all mostly tend to run avoid those challenges and it was really refreshing to hear it be put that way.
Thank you so
I’m growing just by getting Away from extremely difficult toxic narcissistic people
The control thing is huge for me. Around very angry people who try to control others.
I am a world traveler. I encounter plenty of challenging experiences. I actually do remove difficult people from my life. I have also closed out my social media accounts. I can't imagine ever being able to completely rid our world of uncomfortable experiences, but I personally don't waste my time and energy in useless emotional combat. My family alone gives me more than enough triggering experiences. I even limit my time with them. I do examine my feelings and reactions, but I also don't feel the need to immerse myself in other people's crap.
love everything you said
Me to I limit my time with my family because of them pushing buttons .I want to run from it all !
Not going to let someone make me take out all my accounts.
Still learning how to do that. Just had an issue at work where my boss intentionally ignored me, left me up shits creek without a paddle, meaning I had no money in our register, no key to the office and no way of contacting anyone cause I work overnight to get a key to complete my duties. I called 7 times, he turned his phone off, then I texted him 9 times 5 where paragraphs asking him how am I supposed to do my job if I don't have the proper tools. 🤔 no response. He calls the store let's the 1st shift workers know where the key was and I was even more pissed.
@@wordtothewise711 @Word to the Wise I'm afraid you are giving him all the tools to let him treat you like trash. What if you would have texted him that you couldn't work like that so you had no choice but to go home. Furthermore, that you want to have a serious talk with him asap about certain matters. Good luck. 🍀
When ppl try to distract me with their negative energy I give them a blank look and follow my path. I control what gets my attention. ☺️💝
I think this is something I should have done the other day. Good point
People telling me or others what to do...? When they have no business doing so, drives me up the wall The ones telling others what they "should" do or not do
This saved me from messing up my new friendship from a disagreement. Instead of lashing out I waited a few minutes to respond and asked myself why I’m feeling angry and that her comments don’t control me
I had such a situation with a co-worker today. She is basically my authority and critiqued me negatively for my work which I couldn't understand at all. I tried to explain what my thoughts are, but her heart and mind were closed off to that. I've gotten so angry inside that I could've yelled and started a heated argument. She might be above me, but I'm still a pretty important person at our little company and the authority for this one specific project that she is criticizing me on. She did little to nothing regarding this project, so I was baffled that she would disrespect me like that. But I gave up my pride, repeated "Sorry" a few times and let her frustration die out. People around us are as much on a journey of their own as we are. The mistakes and misbehavior of others is just them trying to deal with their own internal problems. She wanted to let her frustration out and had emotional pain that guided her to say the things she did. I understood that she is a on a journey on her own, so I decided to guide her, be a teacher or mother figure and replied in a professional message free from any emotional begagge all information around the project and that I offered her the option to take on the responsibility and suggested her to act independently from me. I still feel emotional about this situation, so I have to learn to not let it affect me so much.
Sometimes you can't remove the negative and bad people. However, you can control your thoughts and actions towards them. I can choose to ignore them. I can also choose to do things that keep my mind off the situation.
This was on point for me. My triggers are someone trying to control me. I've learned this come from being raped and molested by family members when I was young. So now that I'm older I will not accept anyone to control anything about me.
💯💯💯
Same no one has any power over me if they try they will learn very quickly it ain't happening 💯
This is so deeply engrained in me, people affect me waaay too much. There are time when i don't care at all what people think I love that feeling it's so freeing but in the end it doesn't last because I really do care and it doesn't help that I don't have any one who truly gets who I am. But I'm working on it i guess?? lol
This kind of work is so exhausting that’s why people don’t go there. I relate to your intensity and it is when others want to get away because they don’t want to get aware... as they pick up a drink or smoke. Then you are vulnerable for people to turn on you and attack your behavior. Gaslighting can happen. People are always wanting to control others and sometimes we have no choice. Breathe. I am treated with disrespect when reaching out to reason with certain people because they have things to hide. Accepting we can’t make things right sometimes is key in certain situations. Your sanity is valuable. Pick your battles.
I love that you said that difficult people is part of our growing. Sometimes it isn't possible to get away from difficult people.
I never thought of triggers as avenues of learning and growth..always avoided people/events ! What a great perspective.! Also, I could choose to let it go ( every one has the right to their own opinion) or , I take a step back , deep breaths, curiosity, connect with my feelings..Yes!
You are such a gift!❤️❤️
Yes!!
Amazing feedback
That’s a great quote. A situation doesn’t go from bad to worse, it goes from bad to managed”. Very good.
The key message that I took away from this video is the usage of triggers as an opportunity to grow in the hope of being more in control of our emotions, not give our power away to other people and eventually reach some inner peace. I believe that in the end, this is what we all want. Thank you for sharing this video!
Why I’m listening to this I’m thinking about an incident the other day which affected me and I do let people control my emotions so much. 😔
Same
Hi. Thank you. This was a goodie. I think my trigger is criticism...the more my kids and hubby criticise me, the more I withdraw and hide from the world. I guess I have some work to do.😊
I'm the same. When I'm criticised I feel primarily, embarrassed, inadequate, stupid, rejected, and then secondarily, angry, resentful and self-loathesome.
So I stop doing things entirely because why would I want to be further criticised?
@@ladybaabaa3294 Sounds familiar.
Look up narcissistic behaviours... Dr Ramani. Wonderful Doctor.
@@helencrowhurst2364 Thank You 💙
Hi, I am reading you one year after your comment. Hope this gets to you. I am on the same situation with family members...yup more than one! The CRITICISM is difficult to bear. SO TO ..GET RELIEF I WITHDRAW FOR WHILE...but does not help my hurt. Hope you are holding up. May the sacred heart of JESUS bless you.
Every few days I am over reactive because of someone’s moods or actions then I do have a bad day and usually cause myself problems with all others I interact with that day. Thx for this video 🧡
really glad it connected.
One of my close friends does this. She consistently alternates between a good day and a bad day, and on her bad days, she is very sensitive, hyper-reactive, and things tends to snowball as she reacts badly to even her friends and family, which then makes her even more upset.
Same 😔😶🤒
Standing ovation. I have issues with people controlling me or being bossy cos of how I was bought up. This revealed that for me
So glad it connected. That control trigger can be a doozy, hey?
💯💯💯
AHA MOMENT: “I don’t need this person to see things my way”. There it is. Not getting this extremely important reality is probably the cause of diving into drama and drama triangles in the first place.
The “I don’t need this person to see things my way” understanding is amazing. It’s like saying NO to your ego when it demands (not asks) for the launch code sequence to a nuclear missile inside it’s defence arsenal!
You are a very authentic and connected speaker with some great insights. Thank you.
I love that analogy - deep and accurate.
Reminds me of the saying 'We are not here to be right, we are here to get it right....'
I just learned that this has been my problem all of these years. Had I heard this earlier in life, I could have saved myself a whole lot of grief. Thank you for such a great message.
Mindful distress tolerance!
YES! Such a powerful skill to learn.
My favorite quote: Fight the fights that need fighting, and not necessarily only the fights you can win decisively.
There are those marathon battles over big issues that will take lots of time to effect positively-- one step at a time even a mountain can be moved, like cleaning up the environment
Amen.
One thing I learned is letting go,of things and people that do not serve you negative, and we are responsible for our own happiness.
I was aware that I did this but I didn't know how much it actually affected me. Just the other day in conversation my older brother said something that "triggered" me. I felt this wave of emotions come up. In the past I would have lashed out in anger and left. This time I let the comment slip by and held in those emotions. Once the conversation had ended I left the situation. I know I have made progress with this, I just am not sure if it is in the right direction. Thank you for this reminder.
It is amazing how much this can happen without us even being aware, you are right!
I have been getting triggered alot. Especially with the people closest to me like my partner and my son. Once I get triggered I tend to hold on to that negative emotion and not let it go and begin to self-isolate for day or sometimes even a couple of days. What you said about trusting yourself hasn't really hit me much lately until you related it to allowing others to control my emotions. I notice that I allow how others react (typically in a negative way or what I see as negative thinking and responses) dictate my response. It makes me feel VERY uncomfortable and I don't LIKE IT at ALL! Especially when I'm seeing the negative day in and day out, it effects me alot! I can only take so much. I believe this might be due to my childhood but I haven't explored it much lately. I definitely want to learn how to STOP Letting others control my emotions! Thank you for making these videos!
You control your emotions by staying away from them
I absolutely love how you express yourself! All the information you share is so helpful
I’m new here. I needed this today!! I’ve been avoiding a lot of people.
Welcome Anne! I see you doing this work.
Thank you so much! I came into work after being off for two days and found a message from my Supervisor stating that I was making too many mistakes and that I had to be careful with how I disclose info on my reports that clients tell me. I was really confused because Ive doing this for years and was never told this and have been a lead in this field. I felt so upset and it triggered me to want to cry and leave the team I'm currently on. I did not realize until seeing this video that I also have control issues, or when someone critiques my work negatively I feel like a failure. I realized now that is just someone else's opinion and not to let their opinion bring me down. I do need to work on these triggers some more and I'm glad I saw your video, which helped me realize it. Thank you so much!❤️
When ever something “heavy “comes up, I don’t know how to stop the anger
This is so me !!!! 56 years old married 30 years and every time my husband looks at me wrong I get my feelings hurt and I'm that way with family members that I can't stand to be around I try to avoid going to get togethers and I'm getting worse with all these things instead of better . Thank you for sharing these great tips . I just found you today in search of help .
Were back, me and my hubby! He has OCD and depression and you help him and me immensely!
Your screen name is so sweet 😊
@@NenaLavonne Thank you!💞
Hi you 2! Glad to have you here.
Working on recovering from narcissist abuse. Instead of taking it as a negative, looking at what I need to work on and grow.
This is exactly what I was going to comment on...
I was so taken off guard by the slow and manipulative nature of this type of abuse from a personality disordered individual. I know I will NEVER go through that again. So my form of protection is to assume everyone is "bad". Guilty until proven otherwise. But I don't like living this way. My thoughts are always so tied up in the what-ifs or trying to figure things out when there's not necessarily anything to even figure out. I just wish I could go back to the me that didn't care as much about what everyone else is saying, doing and how it relates to me or internalizing things I shouldn't.
I felt like my thoughts were so carefree before going through this. I need to unlearn the intense fear I have of everyone. Always. It's rather irrational but I wear that fear like armor.
All the best ❤…. Their abuse is treacherous
Thanks, Julia! The story about the triggering post resonated with me. A colleague sent me an email in which I felt I was being attacked and I sat for 40 minutes thinking about how I was going to respond. Now I am exploring the reason that email triggered me.
Please talk more about control triggers and how we can work on it. Thanks for all the info you shared.
I existed with mental illness over 40 years which I helped navigate with medications. However, now that I’m in the proximity of my 73rd birthday, I feel that I have lived with my brain cluttered and resistant to change. I have allowed my delusions of other people having control of me is realistic and I have the ability to achieve harmony within myself by following your recommendations. Thank you.
Some people bait others online,just waiting for an argument. Pass them by.
If you can't afford a therapist your Chanel is a great site for help with life and relationships problems. Thank you for sharing your skills.
This lady talks nothing but truth it all makes sense. Breath of fresh air 🙏
the heartbreaking moment you realise you never ever had a girlfriend that ever actually loved you their just loved your status and lifestyle glad you was here so I didn't over react
Thank you! I'm challenged when I feel that I'm being manipulated. Too often I overreact then feel mortified. I appreciate your video because it helps me understand the what and why I respond the way I do. Signing up for your course on how to trust myself. Even at 61, never too old to learn and to enjoy life! Thanks again!
This is something I really struggle with when dealing with difficult / challenging people at work. It can really put me in a foul mood for the rest of the day and I don't want to speak to the person concerned as a result. Hopefully your video can help me work through this 🙏.
SAME !!!
It’s tough when the behavior is repetitive. I know most people would rather put up with difficult people, than confront. But confrontation doesn’t have to be challenging, it could simply be about making the person more self aware. I have strategies that have worked for me, depending on the context. (I would also be mindful of the positions of power.) But if it’s from a co-worker who was rude or condescending, I would ask them to repeat what they just said. Or repeat it back to them word for word so they can really hear themselves. Try to be light hearted about it. Or be matter of fact, and ask them to not talk down, or that tone of voice matters in professional courtesy. Or even ask if they are having a bad day. Anything to get them to self awareness.
no one is in charge of your feelings but you.♡
Well said 👍
Outside things or people can affect our feelings. I have never fully understood that statement because we have emotions as humans. We are not robots with an off switch.
I have struggled with this in my intimate relationships. I ran away from a relationship because I was triggered and within 2 days realized how wrong I was and I could not repair the damage. . 6 months later I am still sad.
I see you Liz - I can imagine how painful that must be.
Something very similar happened with me x 😔😘
Me too With all my intimate relationships … Due to my childhood & trauma … Only getting it sorted now … My last relationship was 4 months ago And I’m also still sad
I’m sorry you’ve been thru this but I’m glad to know I’m not alone and crazy. This makes so much sense ty again
For ten years my partner and I have found it increasingly difficult to tolerate some behaviour which became far worse at the start of the pandemic and the local lockdown. As adults we had come to realise that we are both quite fragile mentally and this has had a profound impact on how we cope with people like that. I believe that person somehow sensed this and exploited it for a decade, particularly over the last year. I look back now and see the gaslighting and bullying we have put up with unnecessarily. To cut a long story short I let two things be known to them and it paid off. If only I had realised ten years ago what I know now because, although the situation isn't perfect, things are far more in our favour than they ever have been. Despite that we continue to be affected by what has happened, and to a degree still is happening. I realised while on an exercise bike that if I think about it the heart rate monitor shows it. I checked my blood pressure today, after another encounter, and it was reflected there too. So I'm in a situation where it isn't just my mental state that is being affected, it is actually making me unwell. I know that if I can lessen the effect of that trigger it will make a huge difference mentally and physically. Much of the problem originates not with what has happened in recent years but with things that happened so long ago I can hardly remember them. This video has made me realise that control is being exerted over me by someone who has absolutely no right to that power. I just have a lot of days when I haven't got it in me to challenge it and it's exhausting.
Great video! Thank you! Remember, arguing on the internet is like stepping in shit on purpose.
Just happened on this. It was at such a good time as I am going through a few things. I find I do this all the time. Thank you for the advice. It is going to be a long road for my healing.
I'm so impressed by how you use no jumpcuts, but are so articulate. and as always your content is fantastic! I'm proud to say i took a moment to look inwards this morning when something my father said triggered annoyance in me and i nearly lashed out in response. but instead i wondered why i felt this way, and found out that his likely innocent comment was being interpreted by me as an insult. it was fascinating, and I'm glad i didn't lash out at him. thank you for the video, I'm going to keep trying!
I
The
Ah! GOOD for you - how did that feel?
I have a control trigger too! 💕❤️ you’re just what I needed
Had an incident w my older brother. I’m 60 yrs old. Very calmly I said, now now, stay in your own lane.
Love that!
This had me in tears. This is exactly how I’ve been dealing with things in the past. I really needed this! Thank you or your vulnerability!
Amen, "cutting out toxic people " breaks up families. Learning to set boundaries helps them too.
I set a boundary and she cut herself out of my life. Problem solved!
I would argue that the toxic behavior breaks up families, not the person who removes themselves from the toxicity.
@@blueshoes915 I have to agree with you on this. I understand Julia's point, which is don't let people push your buttons, but truthfully, there's a big difference between an internet troll, and a family member. And while she is right, family members are trolls too, they're much better about knowing which rock to turn over to find your sensitive spot. My mother is malignant. And alone. Because life is short and I am unwilling to take her crap, to force my husband to sit there and take her crap, pushing my buttons by pushing his buttons, or pushing my step father's buttons to get back at me or visa versa. Whatever sick freaking games she needs to play to feel alive. It's just a form masturbation, really, using us to get off. Well, she can do as she wants, but she will have to eat her lunch all by herself. I told her to spend her "money" or whatever. She can't control me with some empty promise of "inheritance". It's not worth it to me. I am so much happier without her, OMG! And while I do love her, do care, I haven't once called during the pandemic. If she dies alone, well, that's sad, but It's her own doing.
@@pauladuncanadams1750 I am sorry to hear your mother is a narcissist. Mine is a covert narcissist, always the victim, never the perpetrator. 🙄
I think because I grew up not knowing I was abused and so many people have similar stories, it makes it hard when people on the internet who are claiming to help, can actually harm. Anyone who abuses you should be cut out of your life. Since so many people are calling narcissists “toxic” people because they don’t know what they really are, this video can be harmful. A lot of people are being abused but just call it “toxic” simply because they do not know. The distinction between cluster b personality disorders and so called “toxic people” should be addressed. There is a huge difference. And if someone has been abusing you your entire life, you should 100% cut them off.
I am glad you cut your narcissist mother out of your life and are doing well and are happy. You deserve that and no one should tell you you’re the one breaking up your family. It’s not true. Much love to you. 💕
@@blueshoes915 Thirty years ago, my therapist told me at the end of our consultation that my mom was "toxic" and I should go no contact. "Toxic" is a generic term. My mother was not a patient of my therapist so they can't formally diagnose. That's called the Goldwater Rule. Back then, no one used the term "narcissist". Since HIPPA laws, which are patient information rights, healthcare workers can't give out that kind of information. As a consequence, discussion should focus on behavior. My therapist, without saying much, made perfectly clear that my mother was screwed up and it was damaging me. Let me make something clear to everyone. NO ONE TAKES GOING NO CONTACT FROM A PARENT LIGHTLY. You know your family better than anyone. If you determine that going no contact is right for you, NO ONE should judge you for that.
When a girl says something nice about me I get thrills in my emotions and when I get negative vibez and not react emotionally i feel better about myself more than getting my thrills over a positive comment from a person knowing im in control of my emotions
Oh girl.... You literally must have been posting this video at the exact moment this was happening to me yesterday. I was with a client all day who was being very emotional. I was trying so hard to help her but she was stressed out and complaining which triggered my need to feel appreciated. It made me feel yucky and not enough. Looking back on this (and what I am going to have to be aware of more often because it happens to me all the time), I can see that the way she was acting was due to her own stuff and I don't have to take on that drama. Also, I can see I have a need to feel appreciated and accepted because of my own wounds from childhood and never feeling good enough. I need to work on that as well. I get triggered a lot too. Thank You for your Light!
So difficult at times to not take hurtful comments from people as a personal attack, bcoz of course it's been said to me! But maybe theyre just reflecting the pain with what's going on within themselves and they see a certain person as an easy target to aim the insults at. Especially if they can see that person is considerate of people's feelings and would not say the same back! A scapegoat so to speak, but why waste the energy, just walk away!
Gaslighted by my siblings, as my mother was in steady decline approaching the end of her life, has left me with big open wounds.
My big reaction to things that might trigger the emotions that connect so painfully, takes place because I am in a phase of being hyper vigilant. I find myself looking for patterns that are evidence of hoovering, or worse. I ruminate, which for me is a start of healing mechanism.
There is a valid and legal reason for me to be vigilant, so it can be difficult. But keeping family members at a distance now is easier than ever before.
Trauma responses are something that I now consider empowering. “Fight or flight” responses for me have three positions. And it’s the third position that leaves me the time.
I too have a big control trigger.
I’m 62 years old now, and my mother once said to me “...I’ve always looked upon you as being a bit of a maverick....”
I don’t run with the herd, so when attempts are made to control me, I respond.
I have it now as quite very well managed and with quite dramatic effects on those who attempt control.
Thank you Kristina. Another extremely insightful and comprehensively helpful video. I love it.x
Thanks for sharing this Philip - it's very insightful.
Thank you. Becoming curious about another person’s reaction to us or our own reaction to another person are both so valuable. It allows for the space to think about the feeling rather than simply have the feeling. Especially when the feeling is so strong that it is manifesting in the body which is essentially interpreting the heart
Hi Julia, for me I am just so sick of the world being negative in general. It seems every time I open my mouth (just a statement about something good I heard that day) it starts a whole negative conversation, even though I was trying to start a positive conversation. It has made me so I can't be around nearly anyone. It's just sad the world is so negative. Maybe by not speaking at all I find less & less positive people? I just don't know.
That's how it is with my sister. Totally exhausting!
Thank you for your insight!!!❤️🙏🏻
People deal with soo much of this in most job settings. The pain of going thrue this is rewarding in the end as we master the art of not caring and processing the meaning, we are all problematic neurotic people, with Especially Bipolar Disorder, Bipolar Depression I have, it's everyone hates me everyone loves me it's total delusions we pick up on, It can be out of nowhere at anytime, and being human it's certainly a part of us regardless of any illness, we go back to are ancestorial primitive ways of that instant fight for are lives to fit in to follow, to trust to lead to organize, hunt and survive threat encounters..
Julia thank you for taking your time and reaching out to help people! We appreciate it.
Thank you, thank you for this! I appreciate you reminding me and everyone else that instead of running away, I should endure and face those kinds of people. I always use my music to cover my ears when I don't want to hear something bad people said about me. I don't want to absorb the negativity they say so that's my response. But truth to be told, I'd have to deal with them at some point in my life. I may have gotten away at the moment I'd want to but for sure there'd be situations that I won't be able to get out. Sometimes I can endure people like this, sometimes I just flip out. It's hard to pretend all the time. There was a comment that someone disagreed with me. I had to stop and think whether I'd waste my time explaining my opinion or not. I did not respond in the end because that's my opinion! I don't need to feed in their toxic negativity. I felt triggered but I'm glad I held back.
I know this is good advice. I believe life is one big school and I’ve found myself in the same situation over and over, I realize I’m avoiding the lesson as long as I keep running from it
Thank you so much for this video. As a survivor of incest, I have tons of triggers. This was very helpful information.
So happy to have found your channel!!! Thank you@
Thanks for the clarity ...
If one knows who they are, we do not need to justify, you know what’s true inside, no point fuelling an unnecessary toxic people, let them go & move on, no matter how frustrating. Life is too short!
So great to find you! On my own & have passed your channel on to so many others. Thank you for being there☺️
This is such good wisdom. I’m crying as I watch/listen. So so true!! Thank you. So helpful & needed.
Thank you so much for posting this topic! You’re one of the few UA-camrs that try to help and don’t annoy me (I’ve subscribed and turned on the notifications). I try to listen to one of your videos in the morning before all the “noise” gets into my head (I think this is my first time posting).
What I took away from this is, “the most important relationship you’ll ever have is with yourself.”
Thanks for bringing me into your mornings Nathan. And yes, that is an important reminder for all of us.
This type of behavior encourages attackers. People who are timid are easier targets.
This makes SO much sense, thank you Julia!!
Thank you so much for this video! 💗
Thank you for all that you do for so many of us🙏
Happy holidays to you and your family💗💐
This was a fantastic video!! This helps me a LOT!! THANK YOU!! I will be doing this from now on!
Thanks Júlia, you are the best.
Thank you for this video my friend!
Omg. I have this really often. I do not know why but I feel like the person in front of me can feel it to because I send this feeling back and than I think I want to be alone and hide under a blanket. Sometimes it happens also when Im doing something and someone tell me how to do it. but also with people I know they are kind of toxic. I do not know how to handle that. Im Florian, 25 and I'm glad for this videos.. Thank you so much.
This is a fantastic talk, Julia. I really related to how you described the process of managing uncomfortable emotions triggered by interactions with awkward people, and benefits of doing so.
4:00 advice is what I needed to hear. I was having such a hard time trying to figure out how to cut people from my life. Many of them are imposible to cut off and it doesn't felt right either.
I’m so happy to have found your channel! Great content.
Yesterday, I got triggered because of a person I genuinely care about immensely. I didn’t know why I got triggered, why I got so mad and demotivated until I realised that at one point they triggered my “getting ignored” button if that’s how you can call it. I’m not an attention seeker, don’t get me wrong, but sometimes getting something you sent with love ignored with negative thoughts that are close to venting/ranting really builds up anger in you. And when this happens often, it can explode.
The important thing is that I realised this button was touched. I understood what happened, and that is already making me feel better. Thank you Julia for the help!
Your videos are always very helpful, thank you Julia! ❤️
Thank you for this video! 🙏
I needed to hear this today!! Thank you SO VERY MUCH!!
Absolutely Laurie - really glad you're here.
Thank you! This is something I have begun working on this past several weeks. I have been floundering because I'm not familiar with HOW to do this separation of my reaction to people, I have two in my life currently. This information has been quite helpful and I have subscribed and liked. I will visit your other sites as well. Thank you. I look forward to viewing your videos.
Really needed to hear your words today after a challenging phase. Thank you 🙏🏽
Thanks. Great stuff.
The hardest part of this process is finding that space where we can think about what is happening instead of reacting. We are so used to be triggered, then responding to protect or defend ourselves. Because as children we felt so powerless to do so. It's not an easy process or an easy road. I'm 48 years old and I feel intensely bitter and I don't like people. To be honest, sometimes I hate people.