How Emotionally Intelligent People Deal With Negative People
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- Опубліковано 22 тра 2024
- Being around people who tend to be more negative can be challenging. Let's face it - it can be downright annoying. But there is something we can do about it that doesn't involve cutting them off completely. I'm going to teach you empowering ways to deal with negative people - or at least those people who tend to be more negative than we'd prefer.
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Hi friends - what was your biggest takeaway from this video?
Don't let anyone dump on you all the time. Setting boundaries, limiting your time with a negative person...great tips here.
That there's a big part of people just wanting to be right, so they impose/argue to nauseum to feel they had the last word, so there's no true back/forth just hearing themselves talk.
Julia Kristina Counselling After listening to this video several times. My takeaways are.
1. I can give the control back to the person by asking questions such as what have you tried what haven’t you tried?
2. What do you think your options are?
3. Offer some suggestions but then be sure to let them know whether they try it or not it’s OK.
4. I hope you’re able to work this out and that it doesn’t last long.
5. I can choose to just listen or say uh huh.
6. End the conversation with tell me something good & A hug or elbows these days.
I’ve been listening to your videos for a long time. Your style and advice are so helpful. Much appreciated
I've had my share of people who were so negative that they were continually disrespectful to me. This would've helped to deal with them. I actually did say to myself stuff like "OMG it's him doing it again! Just like I figured he would!" Here's the funny part. I had an uncle who was an engineer. Small world!
@@rominaramos6050 yup! good one.
negative people don't upset orr drain me; i upset or drain me by focusing on them/believing they should be different &/or trying to change them
Holy shit this describes exactly what I’ve been thinking for a while :O I really wish I could help them see the world the way I see it, but I cannot unfortunately because we all have different life experiences and knowledge
This is why I came to find this video! It is a comfort to know I'm not alone. Thanks.
Omg fr
🤯🤯🤯
Facts!
"Why am I working harder to help this person solve their problem than they are?" YESSSS I wish I could like this 10,000 times!
Because your married to them... they're your family
@@doreenlane2370 I believe my original comment was referring to my mother, who is very negative and hasn't done very much with her life but constantly complains about it and has a "woe is me" attitude. I tried to help her but gave up when it was obvious that she wasn't going to do anything but sit around and watch TV. But to your point, being married to someone does not mean that you're their parent. I wish more people would understand this. I'm happy to help my friends/family but if they aren't willing to put in effort to solve their own problems (and they are capable of doing so) then I'm clearly wasting my time. 🤷🏾♀
@@AleciaLott Interesting.
Would you say you are codependent to your mom?
Does your relationship with parent affect your relationships or romantic ones in some way?
@@AleciaLott My mother is also like that, though, to her credit, she does actually try when her health allows her to. Can't same the same for my brother, unfortunately. He complains about anything and everything, yet won't even lift a finger to improve the thing he's complaining about. Advice and trying to help him improve his mindset just fall on deaf ears. He'll literally ignore it, then go right back to complaining. Dude's in the prime of his life but wastes it away, wallowing in misery.
I feel sorry for him in a way. I'd hate to be him lol
I realized I was doing this with a friend who is always unhappy and once I stopped putting effort in it got easier to be around them. I just tune out now until they're done.
My life is more peaceful when I'm not around contemptuous people. From life experience, negative people are lazy, don't take responsibility for their actions, abusive, untruthful, and unfaithful.
You don't always know what hard work preceded their fall into laziness. Is it maybe exhaustion and Learned Helplessness, from never getting heard and helped when struggling to ask for it? Or, if in fact lazy: What upbringing and nutrition did they get, what examples to watch and copy, what inspirartion?
Never engage in aggressive arguments, you won't accomplish anything.
It only results in bruised egos.
This reminds me of the story of the Dark wolf and the Light wolf. Aggression feeds the Dark wolf.
Agreed. No good comes from stoking a flared fire.
@@juliakristinamah 100% correct!
Wow just went through this.
@@silentgrove7670 what is that story called?
The main thing that I am taking with me from this video is that I am not responsible for solving other people’s worries and fears and disappointments and ultimately their vibration even if they are taking it out on me in that moment. And even if it directly involves me, I can remain neutral and non reactive! Non affected. What a blessing it is to know and embrace that fact.
My biggest takeaway was the reminder that you don’t HAVE to say anything in response to someone who is trying to bait you into an argument. I imagine if I’d done that many other times in my life, it would have prevented a lot of heartache especially dealing with difficult people, or even strangers online.
You are so right, and they can be very insistent sometimes in trying to get a response from you.
Same. Sometimes my parents gets into arguments and I feel emotionally drained. Having boundaries and not saying much can help
SAME, that's my takeaway too.
Very refreshing to hear someone say something other than “cut them out of your life”. Hard to say someone else plays the victim or is afraid to face things when your only solution is avoid and disconnect. Bravo
My mother was very negative. She drained me to no end. I was 34 when I moved away from her in 1991.
Oh, wow. Why so late?
Took my wife 34 years to walk away from her toxic family.
It took me 42 years when I’m sick coz of the suppression from mainly my mom to get the nerve to make some physical distance from mom and still my mom is still making her way to drag me back and dumping her issues on me😅
I have written this one down as a must remember “why, if they always do it, are you surprised when they DO do it”.......
I love how intentional you always are ❤️
This one HIT !! 😂
Bc we always hope t ppl we love won’t dissapoint us
sometimes they just don't take ownership for their behavior and if you notice something they dump it back on you. 🙏
@@juliakristinamah I love how you champion specificities. We can even benefit by distinguishing generalities. Focus and identification and blurring and ignoring. Thank you for providing this platform.
I have the right to be quiet. Simply as that. This is a gem.
I watched this video to pick up hints when I am being negative. I often say negative things without realizing it.
I hear you brother - me too. Glad we're both working on it.
Me too
One thing that stood out: sometimes all I have to do is say “Ok.” And keep it moving! Thanks Julia, this entire video was extremely helpful!
Sherria Moore (and keep it moving) love it. Yes. Don’t give it a second thought.
Simple and effective. Glad it connected.
Sometimes a short response is the best gift you can give yourself!
I am finding boundaries helpful when dealing with negative people...
My father always says he's in a crisis, to use me for his personal business. I was emotionally invested in him too much to the point where I couldn't focus on my own career and life. Now I deflect these fake family drama and focus on me, and sometimes how to use them to my benefit.
Fantastic reversed my thinking I've been running away from her instead of just accepting that's how she rolls
@1:50 Thank you for saying that. Cutting negative people out of your life is not always a solution to our own negative emotions. Positivity and standing up for yourself and others in the face of negativity is the only way to counter it. Its not easy but it is more powerful than giving in to narcissistic dynamics.
Amen brother. Sometimes we need to end relationships, but not always.
Wow, so simple yet so impactful and helpful. Thank you so very much. Don't be surprised, don't need to fix it, don't need to respond..... excellent points.
My life is better since I cut off toxic people I don't have to work with.
I sing songs in my head around negative people. I avoid or reject these people as much as possible. When I am in a situation that I have to sit in. I again sing songs in my head and smile. They will not knock me out of my bubble of Joy 🥰
Great way to deal with sociopaths and narcissists! Grey Rock and shrug. Think:. That's just how they are! So simple 😀. Thanks Julia!
When dealing with negative people and situations to not respond negatively back. I’m told I’m being passive aggressive when I don’t respond.
You are totally talking about my old self, I did all these things that you list I shouldn't do and some people did use me to fix their life for them and to suck my energy out while I'm trying to prove my point. The more I did, the more they pretended they don't get it. It is a deep and dark rabbit whole. Never again. The only thing I now have to work on is to forgive myself for being this way and do better every day
GOOD for you for moving forward and growing through this.
@@juliakristinamah I wish I found you and some other helpful people out on UA-cam (there are a few, not very many in this topic) earlier. It took me years to figure out grey rock on my own and to learn that some people DO NOT want to understand your point, no matter how enthusiastically, thoroughly, logically explain yourself to them. Getting angry and upset is not solving it. It is sometimes the exact thing they want to feed themselves. Living with one of these has been a bitter pill to swallow and I went on for too long only by myself to figure it all out and protect myself. But I'm on the mend now. Please keep your videos coming. 😍
All of it was very helpful. But the most: 1)Stop being surprised by the same regular behaviour. 6) Gray rock method: saying nothing.
"Learning how to keep our own ego, thoughts, & emotions in check" this is hugh for me... Wow!! Thank you
I will immediately implement this life changing principle in my relationships.
We need to ACCEPT people acting like (jerks) LET THEM DO THEIR THING AND NOT GET AFFECTED BY IT! I have a struggle for years with this!
I’m in agreement that we allow ourselves to be drained, however protecting personal peace is imperative and walking away is just the better choice.
Great video Julia, well done. I am slowly learning to let people be and not being pushed around emotionally by those around me, especially getting out of the habit of blaming others for how I feel and taking responsibility for my own inner life and reactions.
YES! YES! YES! YES!! This is EVERYTHING. So proud of you friend.
Thank you. I'm learning just lately that we really only grow up by staying into difficult situations and we don't grow up by always running away from difficult thing, problems, people etc.
Sorry if my english is not very good, I'm italian
We do grow when we're stretched - absolutely. Glad you're here friend.
So true!
OMFG!!! It was like you tailored this message for me and I sooooooooo needed it today!!! I am about to listen to it for the 3rd time! I am both the negative person because of my training (not an engineer but an Administrator so we are trained to see and fix problems) my huge takeaways were...
1. Stop being shocked 😲
2. Stay out of fix it mode
3. Resist the urge for them to have to change.
4. To have empathy but not taking on responsibility. It is not mine to take responsibility for! Ugh this one was huge!!!
5. This just who they are and i need to accept it.
6. Be silent! Another huge one. Thank you thank you for this video!
Gray rock method works like a charm for me every time I use it! It is so simple. It really amazes me every time. I think the person feels heard, and then they are able to move on.
I do the "gray rock" thing all the time!! I kinda had to figure out a way to cope with negative people and that's the only way I found to not get into drama by adding fuel to their fire. When I do it they freeze and change the subject right away most of the time. This video was really helpful thank you!
I love that one too. So simple and so effective. Glad you're here Stephanie.
Sometimes, a person needs acknowledgement for their experiences. Sometimes, they just need to feel heard. They don't need to be fixed because someone else cannot fix their problems the way they can.
I agree with you Fatima. I needed most to find, Stumble into a person with enough conscious awareness to see my pain and enough courage and emotional availability to sit with me in my own emotional vulnerability.
As far as being fixed is concerned I believe we each have within us all the answers to our questions and it is "simply" a matter of finding someone trustworthy enough to share those answers with who won't hold us guilty for having a different perspective
@@raularmas317 absolutely
Thank you for your credentials. SO many people get on UTube and give advice and bloviate about any and every topic on the planet including physical and mental health... none of which they are qualified to do. Your advice is very practical and specific and simply makes sense. I agree that we can only control ourselves and not other people. Thank you for your insights!
So true. There are 2 types of expert in mental health which are those who are the trained professionals and those that are the expert of their situation. But often times advice is given too freely when it comes to MH without that understanding of "why" which is important to understand in order to find change.
I totally agree with you
Ok ..the thing I learnt from the video was just accept people the way they are, and don't get drowned into their drama and be cool ,and accept their opinions and the way their viewpoints are and how they see the world. and don't try to push them towards your opinion or give them any solutions for the problems. if you have any suggestion just give it to them and don't try to make them feel like they are forced to do whatever you said .and you don't necessarily have to completely buy all their problems and get it into yourself . and just be calm and listen to them and if you don't wanna hear about something simply just change the subject and say I don't want to talk about it. and yeah that's it. thank you so much.
Cutting people off (whether it’s for personal reasons or for political reasons) is absolutely disempowering totally agree
My sister is the type of person who wants to judge and give you advice, but you can't give it back to her. She's a "it's my way or the highway" kind of person who thinks she knows best when she's got barely any life experience. I'm nearly 4yrs younger (35) and she treats me like a kid. She doesn't take any responsibility for her actions, she's selfish, narc-y, and complains about everything. She's someone you can't reason with and has no understanding or empathy. I agree with you when you say that we're draining ourselves by trying to "fix" them or make them see differently. I know I'm drained after trying that with my sister. This video was very helpful, thank you and happy New Year!
Hey I'm 14 and I'm extremely interested in psychology and therapy and I've recently discovered your videos and they're really helpful :00 I actually have pencil and paper and write down what you're saying :0 I makes me feel like I'm one step closer to being like an actual therapist 💖 you're genuinely the best, keep going! You're helping more people than you may realize
It's really impressive that you are already interested in information like this. Great job !!! Keep studying and learning. You can for sure be an awesome and wonderful therapist that powerfully help many people! This world needs more like you!
Glad you are interested at your age. I am a psychologist and love what I do to help people understand their lives. Psychologist is a great field to be in and you have plenty of time to plan and decide your "why" of what brings you to this field as it will help guid you to your clients!
You have a very mature way of expressing yourself. You could pass as a grown up. Also love your positive attitude ☀.
Please, also be carefull about mentioning your age online. There are lots of people praying on children and teenagers. They engage you in the most unexpected manipulative ways. All the best 😊
Kyle Hare: Hey I'm not buying your 'story'....I think you know what I mean!
Please study how ASD affects all relationships, the world needs ASD people, but they need psychologists who RECOGNIZE this disorder, and can then go from there! Very important! You will change the world young person!
"It's growth when we can be around those who" are not easy. How to detach and not get pulled into the drama. Wow. New viewer. I subscribed. Excellent insight that is easily applied. Thank you!
I must definitely comment. "Remaining at peace when around someone who is difficult, that is growth." This resonates well with me, exactly the journey I am on. Many thanks Julia, the information that you provided in this talk was most insightful! Blessings.
Toxic people are everywhere! We have to take care of ourselves and be safe :)
I can't fix anyone else! Thank you!!!!
It's life changing when we let ourselves live this truth.
I lived the way she recommends for 8 years with someone and it was miserable. Finally left and now I'm happy.
I agree that they are often not aware. I think it's the dysfunctional way their parents communicated and It's what they think of as normal. Thank you for your videos. Positive and empowering.
i struggle when someone I’m close too plays the blame game and refuses to own their negative behaviour/attitudes etc
I love the message that I don't need to be "right." I don't need to speak up or solve someone else's problem or help prove/disprove their point. It's not my obligation to come out on top or to help them come out on top. I can just choose to disengage entirely. Very empowering.
This was very helpful. I will need to be reminded of this. One thing that connected for me is to let go of the ego and let people be who they are.
Thank you! This is the most helpful thing I have ever heard about dealing with negative people. My number one negative person is my husband. After decades of marriage I often feel frustrated, resentful and even guilty that I haven't been able to make him be more positive, because he seems so unhappy sometimes. What you said about just letting them be what they are instead of trying to change them is just so profound! I realize I need to stop resisting and fighting this trait in him which I know was handed down from his parents, particularly his mother. Most of the time he has no real wish to do anything about what he complains about anyway. I think these people just enjoy the act of complaining and being negative and would be lost without it, since they don't know how to be any other way and probably really don't want to be.
What if that negative person is your own mother...
OMG!! I can say I’m uncomfortable & ask to talk about something else?!!!!!! What!! I’m going to need to listen to this again because I struggle going back & forth on whether to stop talking to certain people because of “their” negative attitude. But really it is me that needs to change!!!! OMFG!! I’m so grateful for this insight!!
Really needed to hear this today. Thank you ❤️❤️ I tend to be a pretty positive person majority of the time after years of healing and still am. But when I get a negative person pop into my life I tend to replay the situation over and over again in my head and get emotionally worked up. It's not nearly as bad as it used to be luckily but still gives me issues consistently
Man bruhh, it’s so hard sometimes and this video just gave me so much clarity. The thing that connected with me was letting go of my ego and in owning that I CAN say to myself I’m not going to get into that when I feel triggered. Just knowing that it’s okay helps so much!🧡 thank you (I’m in tears btw 😂 good tears!)
It makes sense what you are saying. A family member is so negative and talks to people in a way I never would. I finally had to go no contact because of how being around them made me feel. My health is more important!
Hi Julia, the takeaways for me are: negativity is blame culture, accusing the rest of the world as flawed/imperfect. It is their judgement or idealistic imagination. Yet life has challenges : rocks, rubbles, knots 👉 to go over, under, unravel or through. Blame culture, by itself, does not solve anything. Solutions gravitate much more around understanding the situation and working out how to live well. Your suggestions delve into constructive actions of acceptance, gray rock, silence, setting boundaries, diverting the topic et al. Comments posted here are insightful, too. It's a good discussion. Thanks for starting it 🙂
I think this is more applicable for conversations when people whinge and complain about their own problems or problems in the world. People who are negative, that tease you, put you down, antagonise everything you say, unsupportive, mean, that type of negatuve, I'd rather just not be around. I've cut them off and I've never been happier. So I probably didnt find this video as useful.
This was extremely enlightening! I actually listened twice, back to back. Thank you for this insightful and easy to follow advice. ❤︎
We have 'mood hoover' in the office, an individual who always finds the negative in everything and then draws people into his clutches, he thrives on creating more issues and misery. Its like you said at the beginning, its maybe in his make up and is almost impossible to change. I now ignore it and surround myself with people that see issues as a challenge to adapt and change. I often switch it around by laughing and joking leaving him to wallow in the misery pit. I now refuse to have my mood dragged down by others. Great video, thanks.
I find it very empowering to have the courage to stand up for yourself and decide not to be around these types of people. My life is so much more peaceful because I have decided to choose with whom I spend my time.
For myself, it seems to me that people in my life who are negative, Debbie Downers, put downers, take every single thing that happens as a chance to criticize and be negative and slander, etc. just want to be reassured, comforted, and very obviously loved and physically comforted. I think they are so scared and lonely that they just are trapped in that mindset. Point it out to them, show them how to notice when they do it, and comfort and love them. They are so lonely and scared. And limit your exposure when you find that it starts to affect you. Practicing mantra is a great shield of protection to be safe in a positive vibe, so theirs can't affect you. And yes, some of us are just trained to see the problems, what is missing, what could happen, and playing things forward into a future where its bad! So that we will be prepared and protected ahead of time.
Great video, thank you. I have trouble handling my mother's negativity and passive aggressive comments. I live 2,000 miles away from her, and yet her impact over my mental wellbeing is overwhelming. After each encounter I sink into a deep hole where I stew in sadness, guilt, shame, frustration, pity...it's a mix of very heavy feelings. It's a typical codependency. My father died 3 years ago and she now lives alone, but has ostresized most of her friends and family, so one might say that her situation is all her own making, but her passive aggressive comments make me feel as if I'm responsible for it and need to fix it all so she can be happy, despite numerous occasions in the past when I've tried and it has been thrown back into my face. It's an unwinnable battle.
❤
I must thank UA-cams algorithm for discovering this wonderful channel. You're an absolute gem and keep up the great work.
Grey rock method sounds like a good plan sometimes
Yes, that, no contact and or blocks.
It’s not u hv to stand up for yourself
Confidently, I have a problem Standing up for myself. So it doesn't always work for me. It's not what is best for me. That's the thing. One has to do what is best for oneself.
You've described what I've been going through in the last 7 months, thank you for clarifying it so well :).
So glad it connected brother. Glad you're here.
Thank you so much for making this video ❤
I’m in healthcare for 10+ hours m-f surrounded by unhealthy negative conversations. It is so draining, and now effecting my whole day.
I know these skills will work.
THANK YOU!
You ARE so awesome... thank you. As someone who has worked in of the field "behavior management" for years I agree, the power of extinction is unmatched. My particular narcissistic family member has been lugging around trying to shove the same talking points for...(since the mid 80's) a long damn time. I feel sad b/c behind the passive defensive smoldering entitlement is a sad traumatized person... they are capable of much more....
Thank you for covering these harder and deeper subjects much appreciated and needed
Thank you for your words, energy, production quality, and information!!
This is so helpful, thank you so much. I've been greatly affected by this negative view in my family. I'm working on it within myself but I'm learning that I cant work on it for others. I just I have to accept who they are. Thank you!!!
It is hard at first, but really the only viable option. Glad you're here and doing this work with us.
Lol...my narc mom was bored the other day ( she's 84 yrs old, yet still a spit fire) calls me, she starts off with the strong worried tone, she tells me xyz...( trying to pull me in and get me upset) I say to her, that's right, that's true ....i feel her guns disarm ...lol. She was even disappointed I didn't fight her on the subject she brought up. ( it was so funny)
Isn't it empowering to not get sucked in?
@@juliakristinamah Yes! But I am guilty of being a fixer, if someone tells me somthing ...i don't know if I'm a problem solver or a fixer...Can you please make a video WHY people are the fixer types. Example; my friend was fired a couple weeks ago, I went into looking for jobs for them.. My ex boyfriend complained about his health woes, I had a vitamins supplement that would help over taking Pharm meds.
You get the picture, I'm a fixer :-(
I am self aware, I know I'm not doing it to avoid looking at myself or going within... I've done all my metanoia already, I like reading & continually growing. ( but I'm a fixer, what's up with that?! )
@@m.skinner6303 Being a fixer is a learned response and likely started very young and helped you gain your spot in the family. You seem pretty insightful so look into your family history when the fixing started and how it made you feel. But I agree a video about fixing would be great!
Thank you Julia for what you do. You are helping me more than any other counselor, psychologist, psychiatrist that I have listened to. I have been subscribed to your channel and now have all notifications on.
Light and love to you ✨
Incredible feedback. Thank you
So powerful Julia. Thank You so much . I’m so tempted to send this to the constant negative individual in my life , (who what I learned today , cutting them out almost completely has been my way to cope, may not be the right way to cope, but I have felt I’ve tried everything with little success )struggling with this as the individual is extremely sensitive and trying to have adult conversation puts the person into an emotional state and breaks down easily when simple conversation or advice is made or given . Thank you so much for empowering me and all the work you do for your wider community Can’t wait to view your next video . Take care
I’m looking forward to hearing your advice once my upcoming lecture is over later today!! I’ve known and still do know quite a few negative people, and I have a hard time getting away from some of them because they’re friends with people I’m close with and it’s somewhat frustrating. I hope you’re having a terrific week so far 💗
This is an amazingly insightful video! THANK YOU!! I will be watching this over and over until I am able to successfully implement these methods to protect myself from negative people. A weight has been lifted off my shoulders as I feel these tools are attainable. Thank you again!
Thanks so much Julia!! You're totally awesome!!
Right back at you friend.
Julia, love you for this! People are always trying to tell you to cut people out of your life. They don’t know now that they become another negative energy. Thank for showing me, I am getting pulled in, while trying to let family just being themselves. Why am I working harder on the problems then them. I love saying “what have you tried” instead of them trying for me to solve the pain. Can you please give a video more about being unattached without being mean. I would love know that tell people that what I am doing not making it worse, and they don’t know how to not attach. Ego work!! Of the people around us. Yess!
I'm Lisa from Clearwater, Florida. I grew up with negative parents and my whole life has been a struggle to be positive. Thank you for this video!
Thank you so much. I needed to listen to it so desperately. It's indeed helpful to know that most of the time it's we who harm ourselves by trying to change the person.
I cannot thank you enough for your sharing this support. Your videos have impacted me in such ways that are enlightening, instructional, detailed, and overall very calming.
I really needed this. And you came through.
Thank you so much .I had a difficult morning being pulled down the same rabbit hole ,caused by 5he same conversations that continues to rear its ugly head and hearing you speak and hearing your advice has been inspiring. X
Back again! Thank you, thank you..💞
This is helpful information. I also find too much positivity, or what seems like delusion positivity to be draining. I guess any conversation that is too far from reality can be annoying. But over the top "isn't everything great", when it obviously isn't, is just as bad for me, as negativity.
I know how you feel!
Are we being negative?
What struck me were the practical ideas for how to cut through the negative storyline - asking what else is going on, or changing to subject. I think I need to be prepared with a few different conversation topics though. I often can't think of how to cut into the monologue with something different because when the negative loops start, I get anxious and mildly panicky (as in feeling like I'm trapped). I'm doing your Boundary Bootcamp course now and see this as a big boundary issue for me.
Thank you for this video. I now know how to deal with negative people without getting all worked up about their behaviour. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you so much for this. I shared it with my PTSD wives group. We deal with our veteran husbands and the negativity and outbursts and we are constantly on edge and fix it mode. This has refreshed my thoughts on how to go about a few situations. Very awesome information!!!
Mary Jane - check out Operation Angel Wings also ...
For veterans and families of 💕🇺🇸👍♥️
You have validated absolutely everything I have felt over the past few days ♡
Glad it helped brother!
Hey Julia! I've just recently found your videos and I must say they're a great value to my life currently! SO THANK YOU! Look forward to more great content from you! ❤️
About some of the things that you say/ask in this video.
At 7:21 you say that you know that the person more often than not is negative. Right now I am trying to be friends with my ex, who has become extremely negative since I broke up with her. She has moved on and dated other guys, but she has turned into her insecure/negative self, which she was before I got to know her, who has to keep other people down. I know for a fact, that she is not like that, I've been in a relationship with her for 3 years after all, and I still know that the true her is inside her somewhere, it just takes patience; and that's what is upsetting.
Thank you for the encouragement
Always sis. How are you doing?
Literally my morning meditation is listening to one of your videos on the way to work. Not every day but days when I’m struggling, which lately are more days than not. Thank you for sharing all of your knowledge with the world ❤️
Thank you for this. It's so helpful to have a process rather than just thinking you should just walk away. Because sometimes walking away, especially if they are close family members, is not a solution. You really hit home with the not needing to solve their problems to be okay for myself. I will probably keep watching this video over and over until this one hits home.
You are a gifted counselor!
This was an amazing video! Thank you for all the work you do. The gray rock method that you mentioned is definitely something that I want to learn more about and try. Also, doing the work to keep my ego in check would be really helpful in not getting pulled in.
I think i am the person who is negative and people get drained from me. I think some of it had to do cuz I suffer from OCD and depression... but I started meds and therapy so hopefully I can encerase some positive vibes in myself. Thanks for your videos.
It’s great point that we approach to negotiate people to not make any comment
I found this 3 years after it was posted. I found it for a reason! I will watch it multiple times.
Bobbi been around people for 16 years that drained me completely...i dont think anybody been wounded as much as I was..i just learned to stop being the person they gonna unload all three problems in..change people and friendships for your lives..this is the best solution.yes its hard at first.but its best.
Not engaging, by not responding, is a proactive choice and a powerful one at that.
My coworker was draining me. She constantly talks about her boyfriend or men negatively, sometimes it’s the first thing I hear in the morning as soon as I get out of my car. Gossips. She yells at other coworkers, and when they react to her yelling at them, she’ll complain/cry and blame them for something in order to excuse her bad behavior. She thinks she knows it all, and I’ve noticed a few comments she said towards me basically saying I can’t do better than her. She’s 32, living in the basement of her bfs moms house!
I’m older than her, grown kids, a house of my own….I don’t understand why she thinks she knows it all considering where she’s at in her life.
I’ve gotten to the point where I limit my time with her, and I cut conversations short. She does not recognize the things she says to people, but I know there’s something wrong and there’s unhappiness going on deep down within her, and it comes out of her mouth towards other people. Not sure if she’ll ever really self reflect and grow from it, because after these years of knowing her, she hasn’t tried, no accountability, still blames everyone else for her behavior. Other coworkers say that’s just how she is, just ignore her comments, etc…but when does it stop. If she wasn’t my coworker, I would have ended this relationship. But because I have to work with her, its a need to limit my time in order for me to have a better work day. Shes too much.
The very end about growth. That impacted me the most. This session was exactly what I needed.
Thank you Julia. The thing that stuck out for me is when you mentioned we do not have to believe our thoughts we can question them and challenge our own thoughts and not take them as absolute truths....
I gave you a thumbs up before I even listened to this just because I know I am going to learn so much about dealing with a very negative person in my life. Thank you!
I took notes of the whole video and when I reviewed it the second time, I underlined most of them. It‘s pure gold. Thank you Julia for sharing this to us.
For me I can see some of the parts I‘ve already worked on, and I can really use some extra reminders on the not-getting surprised, and the one people can feel the difference whether or not your suggestion is loaded with any expectation. I will continue to work on my boundary setting and responsibility taking. Thanks again!!
I liked the bit about how it's easy to live with people who are easy to get along with & that our growth lies with being around people who can be difficult. My take away message to not run away from these people. Rather to set boundaries & not get pulled in. Thank you this video is so helpful :)