Breaking Your Own Heart /The Dumpers Experience
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- Опубліковано 24 лис 2018
- How Does the Dumper Feel? What is your ex thinking about and feeling during no contact? When we are going through a breakup we often think and feel like our ex doesn't care about us or think about us. In today's video we share a research study that evaluates some of those different emotions and thoughts.
You might find yourself being so caught up in how you feel, that you overlook how your ex is feeling.
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Yes please
Another great choice of shirt coach!you look dashing!!!
Hi I break up with my ex . I’m very angry at my self but there was a reason. She was talking other guys on the phone and social media and flirting with them. Sending them hearts and kisses . She was hiding from me but I Cough her and I told her please stop doing that. She promised me she will stop doing that but she didn’t. She did so many other things . I couldn’t take it anymore so I break up with her. Soon as I break up with her I realize that I shouldn’t break up her but then wanted her back in my life but she wouldn’t come back. Now she’s with someone else . I really miss her and want her back in my life but I think she will never coming back ever!!! I reached out to her so many times and she told me never talked to her again so I haven’t talked to 2 months now .. I don’t know what to do
@@alidahri1879 looks like you had good reasons to breakup with your ex. Seems from what you said that she moved on really fast. Maybe we shouldn't second guess our decisions to leave them. It doesn't sound like you did anything wrong, you just felt disrespected that's all. Your head and heart is not on the same level...mine either, but we need to get them there, but still you were able to get that ounce of strength to walk away, because you knew that you deserved better treatment, even when it hurt you to walk away. Hang in there.
Can you please do one wife going through middle age crisis. Left me and my 3 kids. She moved out. Living the single life. Also recently starting a relationship with a new younger guy..
Thank you
For the dumpers: Just TELL them you are sorry and you miss them. Don’t play games
Dumper here. I miss here, I want to be together with her but I think she was toxis and didnt really love me back. I dont play games. While I'm hurt it seems like she moved on really fast. Relationships are complicated, in my case the dumer suffers even more. Why should I feel sorry, when she is doing great?
U left her. Its not under your control if she moves on fast or slow. Shes the dumpee, the only way for her is to move on. Just my opinion
@@dietasse24That’s the risk you took when you ended the relationship. Don’t be too upset with the dumpee because they were just trying to put their broken heart back together.
RIP Margaret. It's so comforting to still hear your voice in these videos. Your energy will go on.
Whoever’s going through this around around the holidays and situation is recently fresh... you’re not alone.
I'm right here with you brother. We had plans for New Year's Eve but yeah...you see where I'm going with that...
jason andrews thanks for sharing. That was the worst. Moving forward and glad that the holidays are over.
Same here...got the shitcan on the 4th of december...from someone I was with for 20 years!!! Keep your heads up homies!!👊✌
@@sour_dsl804 any up dates on your situation?
Damn,😏😔
My ex deserves to feel bad.
Yes! Mine too. He didn't even have the guts to say anything, just stopped seeing me. 😈 Idk why probably just the way he is.
I met him on an online "dating" site and yes I expect he just found someone else to have sex with. And, he's always looking for a BBD and a woman with $.
Kathy Stradley
Lol good line ! You made my day a little less painful
Amen! If you still love the person you don’t break up! You get help!
Couldn't agree more...
@@jennifermorgan1837 You cant generalize that. I loved my ex but still broke up
Yes. I have broken my own heart today. I had to let go of the girl i loved..
Last night, I found out she was talking to her EX behind my back about getting back together and they were sexting, etc.
She had no idea that i found out. I silently walked out of her life by writing a simple letter and that was it.
I deleted her on everything and blocked.
She doesn't deserve a face to face explanation.... Im hurt, heartbroken and empty.
She is now chasing me, blowing up my phone and driving by my house.
If someone does this to you, or in the future PLEASE FROM ME DO NOT TAKE THEM BACK.
KNOW YOUR SELF WORTH PEOPLE..
MUCH LOVE AND HAPPINESS
Wow. That sounds extremely painful. I'm so sorry that happened. I hope you are feeling better now.
I'm sorry to hear that I feel your pain right now believe me, my wife said doesn't feel happy with me anymore ,she wanted space and time, she told me it's better if I don't sleep at the house anymore basically kicked me out of the house, she left me: but I love her. know she is talking to her cheating fuck boy ex or other cheaters. I never cheated on her not even once it's bs I did everything for her. we met each other in high school she dated guys that cheated and used her I'm the only one who didn't cheat or used her That's how much I love her it's sad she doesn't see it how rich my love is for her I know she will realize the grass is never greener on the other side. I really hope she regrets leaving me leaving a true love ,loyal, honest guy.
The Shield fck her shut the fcking door n don’t look bck bro u deserve much better. Good people meet gud people
You are so strong to do this. You made the right decision though.
Dave most situations are not like this. The ball was in your court and you handled it. In theory once she hooked up with her ex is over then.
“Relationship is like a living entity that needs to be kept alive” well said.
It may sound stupid but I really thought once she’s mine, she’s mine and she’s not gonna go anywhere.
More I learn about relationships and my mistakes, more I want to be with her again and correct my mistakes.
Same my friend
That’s all of us brother
Yep that's also me, i took her for granted
im in those shoes right now brother thats me
After about 2 weeks of NC, my ex reached out to me and basically said everything that was talked about in this video. She broke her own heart and is confused and in a ton of pain just like I am. It made me feel better in some ways, but worse in others. We shared a few closure messages and said our painful goodbyes. She needs time to figure out what she wants to do with her life so back to NC for me. I can only wish her the best but it hurts all the same. A worthwhile relationship takes work and I hope she realizes one day what the breakup really boils down to and that we could be beautiful together with a little effort. Thank you Craig and Margaret.
To believe she thinks of me often makes me feel mad because she knows damn well how to get in touch with me. I still feel the pain from the separation anxiety and want to repair things between us so much.
Any updates man?
If my ex (god that hurts saying that) but if my ex broke her own heart to save her wellbeing then all I want to do is give her a hug, tell her that she is safe with me.
I don’t blame her for breaking up with me to save her mental health. Just missing her.
Longbyname same here man
Same
same here. I feel bad for her more than myself at this point. She definitely is thinking about me.
same
Takes someone with a very strong character to say this. I understand this.
Margaret reminds me of my grandma, she looks a lot like her, sending such a calming vibe, it's therapeutic just listening to her😍
Same here ❤️ I just want to give Coach Margaret a big hug
Margaret she's a sweetheart I like her a lot and coach Craig
@@carmensmith1453 v vxzzzzz? ? ??
..
.. V
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@@wendysamboy5901 ??!!!
@@wendysamboy5901 none of your business
I'm glad you made this video. I recently had to let go of someone who was taking me for granted. For years I stayed, tolerating the one-sided relationship because of the love I felt (never being sure that love was mutual). I finally made the decision to step back after 6 years and my heart is breaking. I was hoping they would think about the issues I brought up in our last conversation and want to work on them, and eventually (or sooner) want to work things out....but unfortunately they went no contact and the word from mutual friends is I'm being spoken of badly. It sucks. It hurts. Not everyone who leaves (or breaks up) is a bad person or has ill intentions.
I have wished all of my exes "All the best and to find their own happiness even if its not with me" I had many exes comeback. I always said no except for one. For that one she still screwed it up. I cut contact and move on. If you were the one who got dumped. Remember: Pain/Suffering is TEMPORARY. If you have a rope tied to you hand and someone on the other end is pulling and it hurts you because your still latched on. Isn't the best way is to just let go. If they left you, they made the choice for you and respect their choice and know you treated them well and keep your head held high. Someone that values you should not leave you to find that out. It is their loss not yours. People that love you don't leave ya.
A living entity that you have to work to keep alive. ❤️ - Coach Craig
Unimaginable, how can be with someone for years and than suddenly find out you don't love them if they haven't changed in a bad way
Exactly. They follow their feeling, chasing the spark, not logic. They don’t understand that feeling changes all the time, relationships require commitment to stay and recreate the spark
@@musicandart9711 Luckily some people do have true love in their ❤️
@@musicandart9711Was just told this after my ex broke up with me 2 weeks ago. She said this was the first time she doubted our relationship… She said she didn’t feel the butterflies anymore for the first time… I was so mad from such an immature take on relationships. I had many doubts throughout our relationship but I stayed. We were together for 2 years, signed a lease for an apartment and were about to move in together. Then decided to drop everything from arguments we been having and refused to work or reconcile. She removed me off the lease and is moving in a couple of weeks in our apartment without me. I am devastated by the betrayal after all the difficult times I stood by her. I called and tried to have an explanation as to why she suddenly changed. She was immensely in love with me and now all the sudden she feels nothing. Her explanation… “I don’t know. I can’t explain. I just wanted to feel the butterflies again.” I was so hurt and upset. 2 years, our future, my career, all gone. And she couldn’t even give me a reason as to why. She gets to leave without me and pursue her dreams. Without me…. I have never felt such immense pain in my life.
Yes please more videos! I felt so much pressure from my ex. I broke it off so that he could find someone to love him the way he wanted. It hurts but I'm sure I did what was best for both of us.
Craig, you and Margaret are so much appreciated.❤
Good video. My ex admitted at the time the break up was difficult for her and she was an emotional mess. She still got vulnerable with me on and off for a couple of months afterwards and still gives me mixed signals. Hardest break up I ever dealt with. I wish I would have found Craig and Margaret sooner.
This really brought clarity to my heart, especially after receiving your email response to the email coaching today :)
May I just comment on the dynamic between you two! So professional, respectful, and supportive of each other while delivering viewpoints. I really appreciate that on top of the advice and insight you are providing!
Thank you for sharing that. I am still struggling with breaking my own heart. What i did not realized before watching your video was that i did that a few times in my life and always blamed for it one way or another, while i was profusely in pain for a long time. I broke my own heart when i left my family and moved here, then my long marriage and now a relationship in which i have been treated very well. As in the woman's dissertation, i still feel a sharp pain when i think about this man and the hurt i have caused him. However, it had to be done since i couldn't see a future together and i couldn't stand to mislead him...or myself. Nobody really understands my pain and my depression that does not seem to go away. I broke up other relationships in the past. Although none of them was easy at least i felt validated by the stupid stuff that these men did...This time it's horrible. Thank you again for sharing that. Until this video i did not think i had the right to grieve...
Very good insight . Good video as always. I can feel her pain I have been on both sides of the fence. I was deeply hurt when I broke up with my EXs from the past. I think you have to have a heart to feel that kind of pain . Not everyone does. Thanks and blessings to you both.
Well..he’s engaged 2 months into his rebound relationship! It’s been 5 months post breakup. Man it hurt and still hurts. Like I meant nothing for 2 years. 💔
Jesus, I’m so sorry to hear that. Like you said rebound relationship, it’s always happy in the beginning, 2 months isn’t even enough to know what annoys you or annoys the person you’re with. Hold your head up, I’m sorry for the pain you feel Sarah. I myself am going through a break up after 2 years, I gave everything and even took the fall for the relationship which takes 2 people. Love is not based on circumstances and feelings. The world says it is though. You’ll be with someone who will know this and love you for you and all your faults which makes you perfect for them and vice versa.
Wishing you nothing but peace and happiness for you future. The day will come when it is only a memory. We all feel for you.
I'm so sorry. I know its heartbreaking. 💔
Keep your head up darling. A rebound is just that- A rebound. I'm in the same situation. The best advice I can give is to forgive him. Not for him, but for yourself.
Johnskis10 Thank you! I’m slowly getting over it. I’ve been in NC for 90 days. It feels good but then again, it feels terrible. His/our memories have been haunting me. I get these dreams of him and I wake up sad. I had never loved someone like him. He said he wanted to marry ME. But now it just seems like he gives his love away so easily to ppl. I see that now since 2 months with someone he feels like getting married to this girl is the answer. Let me tell you, she’s a doozy too!!! He picked himself a winner. She’s had 4 batteries. 2 from this year alone. She beat up her last ex boyfriend and was arrested. He was bleeding from his head. She’s a bad alcoholic. I believe she’s pregnant too. What an idiot..now he’s truly going to be bound to this girl!! You can’t know someone in 2-3 months!! But thank you for your kind words. I’m bettering myself. I start cosmetology school tmrw and I go to the gym daily!
Very good! I broke my heart and broke all the rules of breaking up! Wish I had this information sooner! My situation is hopeless
This happened to me twice! The first time I was the one that left my partner because I didn’t have the feelings and attraction that he did. Then recently, my new boyfriend seemed distant and just not into me as much as he should be for close to a year of dating. I confronted him and said I thought he loved the idea of me but didn’t truly love me and he admitted that he tried but it wasn’t there for him so we ended it. Had I not brought it up to him who knows how long he would have kept it going. I was devastated! Both instances upset me. I lost my go-to person both times.
How’s thing with your second ex? I have the same situation and don’t understand how they don’t have love for me but said I’m too good for them
it's comforting to know my ex still thinks of me but she dumped me for other cool guy
You can only wonder if your ex really is going through the same thing you are and really do think about you and wants to rekindle the relationship.
Very interesting, I still have no sympathy towards my ex for doing this.
NPC #7125366 ditto! She had the best relationship of her life & left.
NPC #7125366 we suffer too. Believe me. And sometimes we suffer more
Take the red pill. I know how dissolution hurts in both ways.
But, when one does everything for a relationship and there is no regret and she want to leave. LET THEM GO.
Best to be alone with dignity and respect than with an ungrateful companion. Reciprocate to those that are good to you, be good no matter what you’re dealt.
I did it once, felt heartbroken when decided to leave a relationship, that’s my own burden. I was an ungrateful man. But what she felt was my doing.
Never again I have been ungrateful. I learned, but Karma always gets you and now I’m humbled after knowing the pain, after being dumped, the harm I caused to someone who deserved my gratitude. I learned because of my actions. Be mindful of what you decide to accept and what you do in your life, but be yourself.
Of you don't have no sympauhy, you're an NPC.
@@joeblow7740 Jesus thats fucking brutal
I feel so humbled after watching a bunch of these videos. I really never thought that my ex valued me that much, she was the one who dumped me. But knowing what I've seen the past few weeks, she really WAS effected by what happened. I'm sad today, though not as devastated as when we broke up
I am happy to be listening to this video. My boyfriend of 10 months break up with me saying he doesnt trust me. If anyone of my friends call my phone he has to see who call. He searched my phone and when he doesnt see anything to implicate me he said I deleted men number. I am so hurt. He said he wants us to remain friends and that he will still do things for me. He gave me money to help buy a new phone and pick me up from school which will be ended in a few weeks. Watching these videos helps me to understand myself and also the male species. Thank you guys.
I put pressure on my partner and made them feel trapped. Had an argument about her desire to go a long distance for college. College choice wasn’t even a final decision yet, just something she was thinking about. My concern/anxiety about this made her feel trapped and I can understand now after watching this video. She ran away from me because of pressure, so now I remove the pressure
I am the one who broke up with my ex and I’m absolutely broken. I wish they had more videos on this side if the coin. 😞
That's what I was thinking. Getting dumped is shit, but being a dumper isn't easy aswell.
@@NobodyLovesASpaceman My ex dumped me 10 moths ago. And she is catching hell. She did it on impulse. Based on what her brother said against me. He never liked me. He moved into her apartment rent free and he played her like a Stratocaster to persuade her to dump me. Then she got dumped by her rebound. Now she has no one to help her take care of her children. While her brother lives rent free. She misses me and feels ashamed and used by her family members. And her rebound who only used her for one thing. As they say, "Stand for something or you will fall for anything." And she fell for some BS. And lost a very good man. And still I rise.
Me too.
@@NobodyLovesASpaceman please....the dumper may feel bad for like a day or two. Maybe a week. But pretty quick they are out and about feeling great.
@@mr.fettesq.7705 true my ex looks all happy and living the good life without me 🤧
I'm a dumpee, been 3 months, I reached out after 3 weeks, offered to meet and she said "I don't think it's good for me right now..", told her to contact me if changed her mind, she didn't even reply.
These sad days are coming less often but damn when they do they hit like a tsunami.
I know I've made mistakes, we both did, she had an avoidant/anxious attachment style, grew up in a rough family where her father and her hated each other since she was young, I'm the dumpee yet I feel so much guilt and keep telling myself "if only you would have done this and that..." Truth is, it's a lie, I tried and I wanted to be there yet she pushed me away, damn illusion of action! Craig and Margaret are ao comforting, thank you for everything!
Margaret is always spittin fax! what a beautiful soul
This was a very informative video. My ex broke up with me for a very frivolous non reason. And I know she regrets it. And she is ashamed of her decision and posts it on the internet. But she hasn't called me yet. Based on her public posts she is very unhappy. After her rebound guy has cheated on her and left her. And is now engaged with his ex. She broke her own heart. Losing a good man because of something her manipulative brother told her to do. Thanks Craig and Margaret. Whether she comes back or not I will be a better man.
My exact situation
@@stamminahgusto3808 Then you know the situation.
I don't know if mine has a rebound but I went no contact after begging for 3 months after the break up. It's been two months of NC I don't see her on watsapp or IG I now she is hurting we got 2 kids together
@@stamminahgusto3808 If there is a rebound it will only last for a short while. Maybe she doesn't have one. You have a lot of history together. Stay on course and you will be alright.
Update: Now my ex is posting on line about giving second chances. When she broke up with me last year she missed me making big celebrations and giving gifts for her birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Valentines Day and her children's birthdays. And it is obvious that her rebound couldn't measure up to give her all the things I gave her. And the things I did for her and her children. The abusive cheating rebound was a big mistake. And my absence is getting LOUDER AND LOUDER.
I finally found a video that closely relates to me as I broke up with him. It has been 3 months since breakup and I am still heartbroken. I wanted him to be the one but I HAD to break up with him. Lies, threats, manipulation and just not contributing to household were the reasons. I think about him everyday. He needs to change but doesn't see it. Not sure if he is narcissistic, bi-polar or just a hustler... he acted so sincere. I know I am not perfect so I watch and listen to all these videos. Just know even a person who breaks up with someone can still love that person. I know I still do.
any update?
After talking it through with a therapist and struggling with feelings. Sitting with and dealing with those feelings. I'm slowly realizing that I have an Avoidant Attachment Style. I didn't really do anything wrong. But I'm slowly realizing that my behavior of not doing certain things was a contributing factor to the breakup. Coupled with a really deep feeling/fear of not trusting that she will come back. I empathize with my ex and hope that I am on the right path to becoming better and being the right person for whoever comes my way. This stuff hurts and I don't wish this pain on anyone.
Avoiding certain things and behaviours is indeed doing something wrong
@canis556 How do you figure? Not communicating as well as I probably should've is wrong? That's so terrible.
@@Zemohc are You even serious asking that?
@@canis556 Yes. "Certain things" could be anything. Maybe I'm overthinking all of this.
Coach Craig and Coach Margaret I just love you, I am going through the worst break up of my life and your videos are soothing my pain, helping me understand the break up experience better and give me hope for the future, whether my ex comes back or not. Thank you for all your wonderful work, you are both truly talented ❤
🙏🥰
Please make a video on dumper wanting dumpee back! Thank you coach!!
I was totally in love with my girlfriend but as she grew more in love with me I started to feel smothered so I started doing things to push her away. When she started to back off I panicked, realized I'd made a big mistake, and started trying to get her back. It was too late, the damage was done, and our relationship ended. I regret my decision and my actions to this day (its been six months)...
dogboy serves you right. She loved you and you took it for granted. I don’t mean to make you feel bad, but my girl left me too for the same reason. Know what you want and stop thinking with the “is this it” mentality. It’s a fucking joke
I broke up with my ex for same reason your GF broke with you! I really loved him, but when he realized this , he started to treat me extremely poorly ( bad words, shouting for no reason, flirting with others right in front of me and so on) so I felt I have to broke up to keep myself safe and alive and to give him a chance to see how wrong he was.He pushed me out of relationship.He started to hate me for breaking up and behaving worse and worse. Still, I am ready to give him countless chances to come back, if he could change his behaviour.And I am wondering if such a miraculous change of attitude can happen.And although I was the dumper, I cried daily for months and months and couldn't take my thoughts from him and our past.So I think you still hold the keys of your future, and it will depend on your behaviour what will happen .
what if they took you for granded becauswe you loved them very much and started flirting with another girl and then dump you due to being ''needy ''and clingy?
@@gew977 I wouldn't waste my time honestly.. You gotta show them that they messed up bad and what they're missing out on.
@@lucianestor5425 same thing happened w me he start flirting w other girls shouting cussing me and telling me how much he loves them I got so hurt I'm still so hurt in understand completely hope u ok hugs from me as a friend ....
I'm snowed in here at home in Kansas City, Missouri from a snow Blizzard. But this is a perfect topic for a "No Contact Period" Like this from the Dumper's perspective
Mr. GG That’s where both my exes are. Also my daughters. I moved back to Calif in Sept. But I was there and I don’t miss the weather, well except for the thunderstorms! I hate to say it but I’m glad it’s a blizzard..the blizzard can blow my exes away!!!
I'm from Kansas City, MO too. I'm glad all that snow melted away. That way I can keep myself busy without obsessively thinking about my ex.
@@nasiaking9697 intresting
@@nasiaking9697 kc mo in the house
I once ended a four-year relationship and it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I loved him but I knew I had to leave in order to grow. I stayed single for a long time afterward and thought about him all the time. If he had shown any sign of change, I absolutely would have given it another shot. But he never changed. Instead he got even more and more resentful as the years passed. Now I’m on the receiving end, and I won’t make the same mistake my previous ex did!
Some people give chances, some people not. Some people people change, some people not.
After my girl broke up me. I realized all my mistakes, took responsibility and apologized. For months I showed to her that Ive changed. But she never gave me chance.
Thank God for this channel.
If you were seriously committed and in love with someone, who was an abusive narcissist, and you left him/her suddenly (not that they discarded you), and had to go no contact to save yourself, there is no more heartbreaking than this... you love the person, even though, you know s/he's not good for you; there is no closure, no transition. No contact feels like someone who is still alive has died. But you need to get through this.
I was through something similar, and wondering if he can change himself after the shock of breaking up. I understand you well.
@@lucianestor5425 Ah, no... they are ALWAYS shocked about the sudden rejection, because they think they had everything under their CONTROL... Nothing will change them, because they are the victim and you are the evil one.
I know, i broke up with her because she cheated on me with a married and with kids. To my knowledge she's been his lover/mistress for a couple of years , before she was my gf. He was there during our relationship, before and after . She also cheated on me with other men. She emotionally manipulated me but man do i still love her tho. It really sucks
Sarah Z
I’ve went through same thing. Covert narc with sociopathic & sadistic traits & behaviors. Awful experience. No to go total no contact to protect myself. Then go into therapy to heal psychologically. Heart breaking. I loved the person he portrayed himself to be ... only to find out that was an act- a false persona. So was heartbroken that a fell in love with a false personality . Wasn’t the real him at all. That was a long , drawn out healing process. 2 years & still not 100% healed (80% at least which is a great feat to recover- heal to this level )
So- in this case- I had to break up for self protection . Heartbreaking 💔
Point on 💯💯
I am scared I am not gonna see him again or even hear from him, and I miss him as my friend too.
No no don't be scared he will come back at least to see u
Thank you so much Craig. Even though I don't know you too well compared to my relatives and close friends, you were the one who helped me heal a lot quicker from a break up. I will be forever thankful to you. PS, I bought your whole set of work books and I want to ask if there is a paperback version of it because what I only got is the PDF version. thanks in advance. Lots of appreciation from the Philippines.
I can totally relate to this. Years ago I became extemely depressed after I broke up with my ex. At first I was fine but after, it caused me great grief that I ended it with my ex. So much so that I almost committed suicide.
No one could understand my grief. I regretted my decision. But 13 years later I have a healthy relationship and getting married to an amazing woman.
Keep working on yourself guys, don't give up. Become the best version of yourself!
Dont get back with your exes guys "You don't deserve someone who's coming back, You deserve someone who won't leave"
What a great video. Eye opening. Thank you so much.
Had to break up with my boyfriend tonight because of us not being able to see each other rn due to his strict parents. I already regret it so bad and wish I would have toughed it out a little longer. Trust me... you all are being thought about :(
Thanks Coaches for another fine topic and video.
It's coming up on 2 years since I broke up with my gf. I regret it, and think about her every day. Without going into detail, I saw her a few weeks ago by coincidence. She was with her bf and best friend at a movie I attended. After it ended, she passed by me within arms length. I opened my mouth to call her but no words came out. My hands started to shake. I had such a strong reaction that I stepped outside without them seeing me. I thought "she will just say I'm stalking her if she sees me". Clearly I am not over her at all. Up to that point I was cool like James Bond, but fell apart at the sight of her. :(
Project, may I ask why you broke up with her and what made you realize it was a mistake? Also, why did you never tell her that when you realized it?
If you broke up with her, I would think it would not look like stalking unless she knows you want her back now. Personally, I can relate as my emotions get raw whenever I see my ex but she broke up with me.
@@silkeotd7194We broke up kinda as mentioned in this video. I never wanted to break up, but it came to a point where she said "maybe I should look at other people, maybe we shouldn't be together!" At this point our relationship was strained by distance. I live in Toronto Canada, and she lives in Las Vegas! We where together since 2012, but she moved there in 2015. I refused to move (because of work), and she said she is never returning to Canada. In a burst of emotion, I said "fine, then let's end this relationship!" We broke up just before Christmas 2016. Both of us went into total no contact (instinctively almost, because I hadn't seen these advice videos then and was quite unaware of how the mechanics of a break up work). It was around September of 2017 that I started to realize, I may never see her again. That this was very serious. That I ended what was a close and long lasting bond. For stupid impulse reasons.
@@silkeotd7194 I did tell her. In October 2017 (when the Vegas shooting happened), I reached out to ask if she was ok. A dialog opened. She came to Toronto (but didn't tell me till she was here). She wanted to meet me, but I had family obligations (thanksgiving), and we ended up having a heated 3 hour phone call. She said I hadn't changed, and she was seeing someone else. I apologized and poured my heart out (the stuff Craig says not to do btw, but I didn't know then). It...didn't go well. She was right though, I hadn't changed. And it lit a fire under my ass.
Why the fuck u stay broken up if u miss her. You could save yourself and her the pain and try working on it instead. So why do u regret the breakup after 2 years when its way past when u could feel the same way about ur ex in a kind way
Craig and Margaret, I sought comfort through your channel, and am leaving with knowledge, growth and the happiness in self love that has expanded since I've stumbled upon your channel. Thank you for helping me get through a rough and difficult time. I am moving forward with so much happiness for what the future holds. The breakup was the blessing. Thank you!
How have you coped up with it?
@@AyanBlockmango I am actually married now and am in such a wonderful place with my amazing husband. I admit it was so devastating at first. There is no way to cope other than to live day by day, learn more things about yourself, explore your world and fill yourself back up. Slowly you will heal and look back, realizing how great the journey has been. Wishing you much luck friend. The journey is a difficult one, be kind to yourself and live each day to the fullest. Time heals everything.
UGH I HATE HEARING YOU'LL BE FINE! it's the worst thing you can tell someone who is going through the process. I didn't dump anyone. My husband dumped me after 11 yrs. But I hate to hear people say it's going to be fine
The point is do we want the relationship to be fixed. An ex I dumped has reached out since my last relationship ended and though I still care for them the reasons I dumped him still exist. Whether you are dumped or are the dumper, you still need to look st the problems that led to it honestly. I have anxious disorder and self-sabotage relationships but not usually till I sense things are wrong already.
I actually thought my ex was going to see someone else right away. She keeps posting memes about heartbreak. She was the one who dumped me! I had a paradigm shift after seeing this stuff on her facebook wall today, but shouldn't have looked I admit.
You guys are very wise and I was with you completely ❤️ God bless you guys :)
This Video seemed to Come to me at Exactly the time I needed it; I keep getting signs that it wasnt so easy for him ... but your Videos I need to learn from what went wrong and to pay attention to my Attachment style
I went no contact with my ex and left him for 4 days he came back after he left the rebound relationship and basically acted like he missed me well told me and then he stayed with me and told me he patient so I was then tried sleeping with me . And now his in a new relationship or situation with someone else
I cried when I listened to this. I love my ex and I dont want him to suffer like this. That is why, I my head said to let him go but my heart wants him. 😔
This is exactly the same as my situation. He broke up with me because he cant see a future with me. But I can see his remorse. Crying during the break up. Maybe a guilt.
Update
My ex broke up with me again (5th time) told me that we can’t be in contact with each other... That she needs the time and space to heal from our first breakup.
She is devastated about us ending and that every time we try to get back together but something tells her that something isn’t right. That she loves me dearly but doesn’t know if she sees a future with me. That love shouldn’t be this hard. I know she’s going through a hard time with uncertainty in her life and it doesn’t make her decision any easier. As she has told me, this was the one of the hardest decisions to make ever in her life but one that she has
I’m devastated but I have to respect her decision and her needs.
So any new updates since then ?
Currently dealing with a breakup, it’s almost a month now, and we were dating for almost 5 years. Totally a blindside to me, since we were good the week before. The thing is for the first 3 years of our relationship we were together, we lived in the same hometown, we met in school. Then the end of the 3 year time he joined the military, he’s currently working duty in California just to find out he’s now living in Arizona (they moved him within the time we broke up). When we were living in the same hometown we had arguments I’m not gonna lie, and we will sometimes say “let’s have a break” and it would last 1 or 2 days but never like this which is why it was so hard to face reality when it happened. First feeling was confused, second was hurt, third was angry. Now after almost a month I feel, like I’m the back of my mind I miss him, and I let myself feel that, but also remind myself that If he loved me enough he wouldn’t had left and I’m one of those people that say “ everything happens for a reason”. It hurts more than we didn’t get a proper break up cause of how distant we are. Distance was a sure test on us, a lot of disconnect happened which caused arguments which I guess caused them to push away. I’m still puzzled. I found out that a week later he was already commenting under girls photos on insta- some that were actually living new him. Even have one of them a shout out. Rough to see other people move on before you, especially when you can’t push yourself to distance yourself from them, feeling wise.
.I hope to do a Skype call or email with you soon Craig. Your videos have helped me everyday that I watch them. I hope from some clarity soon.
Yes, I had to walk away from a toxic relationship. The person was emotionally damaged. It killed me to do this. He was the love of my life. It has been incredibly hard but I had to for my own stability and mental well being. It is so unreal that u brought up an adopted person as I was recently contacted by a man who had been given up by my Aunt because she was mentally challenged and unable to raise him. I helped him heal from his thinking he was never wanted after a lifetime of believing he was never wanted. Very sad.
If the person was the love of your life you would not have walked away.
Read a lot of comments of ppl giving labels to their ex's as narc, must be covert narc or a overt narc. Every person has has some narcissistic traits that come out sometimes ..
No one is an angel so please ppl stop diagnosing ur ex's and leave that to the professionals .... These look like validations of breaking up and easing your justification of why you guys broke up ... Stop playing victim and do so something about it or why would you all be here watching these videos !
Love love love you said this!!!
Yeah claiming someone is a narc or toxic is bad and unfair.
God bless her for bringing up adoptees... bcuz not only do I grieve that family... I might never be able to find out who they are & I'm estranged from the family that adopted me bcuz my adopted mom lied, I told the truth my adopted dad didn't believe me & basically kicked me out of the family if I didn't take back the truth... so essentially I was abandoned by 2 families for no fault of my own... I was abandoned originally as a baby. I've often felt I haven't met anyone who can fully understand what these things have done to me. Especially since my adopted mom is still carrying the lies to this day keeping a daughter from the only father she knows & vice versa. God bless u.
My sister dumped her now ex about a week ago, and i see a huge smile on her face. She is relieved that she is no longer dating a dismissive avoidant.
In regard to him applying pressure ...uh what exactly was she doing to make him think there was a relationship? I’ve been in a situation where they are pursuing me, asking me “can you see there being a you and me?” “Can you accept I’m genuinely interested in you?” “God I’m falling for you? Is that ok? Where is my Brian?” ... “I think about a you and me all the time.” And on and on and on...of course then after 8 months of spending time together and you get a lecture for asking what we are...it’s a little confusing. I’m tired of hearing about the dumper and the pain they go through. Maybe they shouldn’t give mixed messages.
Excellent video, as always! I've made a lot of progress on my breakup/divorce in the last 6 months and your videos have been a source of both consolation and courage. Moreover, without very firm resolve to fully enforce "no contact" from my end, I would never have had the space to get really comfortable with the fact that I don't really want to reconcile anymore. No contact was not the only tool I needed, but it was an important one that gave me space I didn't initially want or know I needed.
How is the experience different when the initiator of a big breakup is the anxiously attached partner? I know it's rare, but that was officially what happened as far as the initial separation 20 months ago.
Also how are things different when the anxiously attached partner is the male in a hetero couple?
The only thing I can offer at this point is that to initiate a major breakup, as a person with the anxious attachment style, it hurts like hell. I think that's the clinical term for it, anyway 🤓
This exactly happened to me. Would love to hear people’s opinion on this
I always hope my ex girlfriend is often thinking about me. She probably is, be it that we were in a relationship for over 5 and a half years, were invested in each other and very intimate, physically, emotionally and spiritually.
When you break up with your ex there were reasons for the break up. Although you are hurt during the process, sometimes let go of something that was not healthy for you in the relationship.
My partner was selfish, a player, or cheater sending me other's text messages, a user, wants to see me only when get my paychecks, if I say not today , he asked , can I borrow some money. So in this case am I wrong for dumping this Guy?
I did love him very much , so he used the love I had for him for my weakness to use me. There are many reasons you dump your ex. Sometimes the person who did the dumping is not always wrong.
You guy's are simply wonderful!! Thanks
How do you reverse it in situations like this where the partner feels "pressured". I've always thought that it just means incompatibility. So justend it and be with someone on the same page rather than wait until he/she feels ready.
But basically she said she was eventually "proud" to have dumped him. That's kind of my issue. I don't think my ex will ever come back, ´cause he´s just glad to be rid of me.
Yea.. that part didn’t exactly make me feel like he’s coming back. Lol
Exactly! Theres no help in a person regretting their decision for a short period of time. In that case he/she will end up breaking up again shortly after@@SK-nl2kv
Like the old saying; "you lie in your bed that you made". No need to revisit it, just accept and move on.
Have learned s o much from you two! I'll be forever grateful.
It sucks being dumped. I pray things will get better for myself
I really loved her with all my heart but our fights were just too much and she kicked me out of her life. Everyday when I wake up I just want to die.
I feel your pain , my girl and i had great sex and great fun until new years eve. I told her I had to stay home instead . Now she just wants to be friends and no more sex. I took her out sunday and she said it again , I told her I loved her too much to be friends
I'm in same situation. He cut me out of his life because we fought a lot 😔
Update on your ex?
Are you still alive? Time is a healer trust me I know you feel better now. No one is tied into your destiny.
i think thats an exception to the rule. dumpers surely feel powerful, full of confidence almost arrogant especially men
that's right
georgia222 no not really maybe that’s how you might feel while dumping but certainly not me nor my ex
I think it depends on the reason for the dumping. If it were for self preservation than they feel just as bad as the dumped. If they are avoiding their feelings than they might feel empowered.
Sooooo true
Absolutely true!
I was the one that left because i wasnt appreciated.. it hurt so much being treated that way, i stayed until i was utterly and completely broken. And he let me go easily which is even more hurtful. Im trying to move on but i feel like im the only one who is falling apart and he was just waiting for me to do the “dirty job” of “breaking up”. Id never have left if he changed, or if he was like before. Never.
I'm in a similar situation as you , o felt pushed to break up
Srta. Reckless stay strong love. It hurts like a bitch
Im just a 18year old student who dated a guy for around 1year 7months. Our relationship was great until i felt that he was slipping away to other girls and comimg back to his old self of a player that he was from before. Now its around 3-4 week that he broke up but he is already dating with another girl from my class and now i see him doing the same thing that he used to do with me with her. I have to see this everyday and I dont know how to handle this pain. Please help.
Margaret is so kind.
The last 2 girls I dated both said Love isnt enough. They suffered from really bad child hood trauma. Can you do a video explaining this please.
I put pressure into my ex. 7 years of relationship he is almost 35 years old i helped to archive what he wanted for our future and now he got it he felt like he needed to enjoy himself. He blamed me for the break up. I know he is in parties and social meeting and thats why i am here... He is acting like... 7 years doesnt care for him. I totally do not know that person he is right now.
I recently got dumped for the 4th time by the same person. We’ve been on and off for a year and a half. The first time he said he just liked me as a friend and was seeing someone else at the same time. That’s a big no no to me. He came back as I wanted something more he said he just liked me as a friend. We just lost contact. He came back and we got closer to one another than the other times. Out of no where he stopped texting back and was ignoring my calls. He ghosted me. I was so hurt this time even more than the other times. I realized I was falling in love with him. Months later he texted me and we were happier than ever. He was so different with me. He gave a 360 change with me. His family knew about us and our relationship. We were talking about building a life together and 6 months later within a 24 hr period he said sorry but I’m going to focus on myself and my career u should try to move on bc I am. Ouch! I’ve been watching ur videos and I’m doing the no contact. I’ll keep u updated.
Laura Peña mine was similar to yours. He left 8 times. 8!! Leave this person immediately please ❤️ he won’t change his nature. This isn’t about how he feels* toward you, it’s the level of love he is able to reach with anyone. He’s showing you the best he can do as a boyfriend. And it’s not enough!
Coach Craig and Coach Margeret, can you please make a video on what to do if her parents pressured her to break up with you? You both have made amazing videos on the context of parents pushing a break up but i dont know what to do specific to the situation. Your videos save me a lot of anxiety, thank you!
Craig you are the best you help me a lot
I made the usual mistakes of a break up before finding your vids
But I also reacted negatively to a post my ex made with her new dude on what would have been our 1 year (and just 4 weeks after our break up)
I contacted and critiqued her which was followed by her leaving a nasty message with "don't talk to me again if you're gonna keep provoking me"
I have been NC since then, (2 weeks) but wonder if I should text back long enough to say something like "feel I've been a jerk while emotions ran high, we both did some dumb things, hope you're doing well" & not replying afterward if she does, to help clean the slate & leave the door open before starting NC again?
How do u turn things around when you put marital pressure on someone? Once u realize what you've done... how do u fix it?
I ended a relationship on friday ( 3 days ago ) and I had to block him in all ways of comunication, not because I don’t like him, just the opposite. Because I like him and I know that we wont work together and I don’t want to get hurt anymore. I have to protect myself and take of the chances of contact him again. I’m broken heart and I miss him, but I think I needed to do this. And If I had to say, in my mind, I liked him more than he likes me.
Mike Killian we just go away when we are too hurt. I truly believe that I love him most. Its not lack of love. We don’t give up on what we love, we give up on what hurts. And he want to be my friend. He is deal nice with the breakup. And I just can’t be his friend. I can’t see him far from me, knowing that I can’t have him.
I made the same decision too. After we mutually broke up (she is moving to another country with her family so she says) I was so hurt by the breakup I had to block her from all platforms on social media. I’m not upset with her, I’m upset that she’s not mine. Rather not see her live her life without me... mentally and emotionally I had to protect myself. She got mad at me for doing that... wasn’t my intention but I understood
Mike Killian yeah before I did that i explained to her why I needed to do it
Hey Craig I'd like to know what your thoughts are on the movie 500 days of Summer. Itd be cool if you dissected the movie as I think there are many themes in that movie that you've discussed.
Thank you for talking about this.
Exactly what happened in my case , the only difference my ex told me at least a few times that it's a yes for marriage but just didn't want to rush.
I've pushed too far and she dont even wanna speak or see me... she said she wants to look for help on how to move in not to fix things.
I'm the dumper and my heart is broken to pieces. I feel that I had valid reasons but damn I miss her.
Roy Tindall if you think there is a chance you both can work it out contact her!
Same! I broke up with a man I have been with for over a year and I truly love him. But I needed more of him and he was not able to give me that. There are valid reasons for breaking up even when you still love the person. In my case, I am 46 years old (he is 50) and I don't have time to waste. I want to get married. And though I was the one that ended the relationship, my heart is broken. I miss him like crazy. He is on the road for work a lot and I am lonely A LOT of the time. UGH! My heart is broken!
@@whydoesitworryyou2547 Thank you, Helen! Breaking up is not easy. I miss him so much. I appreciate your well wishes!
@@whydoesitworryyou2547 Thanks so much! You are amazing too! I can see that you have a kind heart, reaching out to a perfect stranger all the way from Australia to the USA! May all the kindness you show, return to you 100 times over. And may you find the love you have always desired, sweet lady! God bless:)
@@MonicaD444 you did the right thing , ain't o time to waste specially to those who aren't into you enough to make time for you
Hey Coach Craig, could you do a video on why the handwritten letter is a bad idea? My breakup was over a huge misunderstanding and she blocked me on everything. I've watched all the videos on no contact, but I wouldn't use the email to apologize or try to reconcile, but I never had a chance to explain my side and I just need her to hear me out and if she still feels the way she does after hearing me, just to say that I accept the breakup. Please help?
I hope you make a video about how to turn the situation around when you put too much pressure. Thank you and hope all is well.
ElChanchoOscuro69 If pressure caused a break, then remove all pressure and instead be patient and understanding. Demonstrate your growth. Real growth.
I hope that comes through in the up coming Skype,,,,, counting on your great insight for direction coach !
If you dont date..you dont get dumped 😁 ....*sigh* seems like its just easier to be alone..
I made most of the usual mistakes of a break up before finding your vids
And I reacted negatively to a post my ex made with her new dude on what would have been our 1 year
I contacted and critiqued her which was followed by a "don't talk to me again if you're gonna keep provoking me"
I have been NC since then, (about 2 weeks) but wonder if I ahould text back long enough to just say something like "feel I've been a jerk, we both did some dumb decisions
I broke up with someone i loved because i was going through alot of mental health problems.... a month and some change later i wanted to get back with her but she said she wants to move on. Its been like four months since we broke up and i fought for her during tht time but she refused me...2 years we were together and it was genuine. I miss her everyday and wish i could get her back. Would no contact help?
She is broken and was healing away from the breakup. You can step away, but as a dumpee it may be over. Over course for females, their feelings change all the time. Just be yourself and don't be as available.
My ex has mental health problems and she dumped me. Yes I love her, but as the time ticks I feel less and less emotion towards her. I forgive her and respect her decision, but I have changed in the last 3 months. In a calm voice I can say I don't want her. My heart desires her, but she hasn't shown any change. She wants it her way and that's it. I've been told she has been angry and is upset with me for moving on. That's messed up... She told me to move on and made the decision to break up. I would definitely take her back and work on the relationship, but if she has shown no effort in change and is the same person that dumped me then I will walk away.