The horrific mental torture I went through with my narc mother, emotionally absent father and golden child sister was nearly impossible to handle. I cut all those evil bastards out of my life.
I just got the call that my mother is in the hospital. She may pass soon and at first my stomach dropped, I prayed and then I feel fine, for now anyways. Yes, it feels like relief and an opportunity to move forward with my life. It’s sad but that’s the truth.
I think we spend most of their time living grieving already, when they pass, you've already done it. I don't wish anyone gone from this world, but there is relief they can't hurt you any more. Thanks for your wise words.
My parents didn't understand why I was so distraught when I confronted them and they blamed me for their issue, but I was distraught because they were dying to me that day. My parents would never lie to my face about how I know I was treated. That day my parents died to me, in my mind, and my healing began. I was on crutches with rheumatoid arthritis that day, now my RA is in remission. I can run and jump again. I am released.
Amen, my mother just passed but family is so ignorant. We are getting together to scatter ashes, but all the flying monkeys will be around. I’m released yes but I miss my family, my children, not sure what will happen!
@@DrLizBonet Exactly what I'm going through now. Its helps if you've made peace with whom the narcissist really was. You're grieving over what never was, but what could have been 🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️.
My narc mother literally just passed yesterday. Honestly it's mixed feelings for me. I'm only sad because, she was never a mother, and she treated me poorly. Other than that I'm not hurt over it, you grieve what you didn't get, but not over the narcissist. Once the funeral is done and over, this is a chapter that will finally close in my life.
OMG! So glad I heard this. Relief is exactly what I feel. I was sad for about a day, then angry. Now I feel as if I’ve been freed from a mental prison.
Scape goat daughter of a narcissistic mom who died today 3 hours ago with alzheimers. I havent cried yet and feel so weird but I've already grieved the loss of a mother my whole life. I hope her soul finds the peace she obviously never had on earth.
My narcissistic Mother died yesterday and yes I agree i feel a mixture of relief and sadness. I had broken contact a few years ago because it was a choice between continuing to be abused or walk away and heal. My siblings have accused me of being hard hearted for walking away but they know she's not normal, but even so believe I should have stuck it out.
my narcissist dad just died Tuesday. I had gone no contact and I found out through social media later that evening when my sibling posted something and a friend saw that and sent condolences to me. I had to ask for what. My emotions are all over the place. Thanks for the video
Remember the following : 1) If you are sad about their death, that's only normal, they 'are/were' your parents anyway. That means you still have feelings. 2) If you are not sad at all , that's even better! People die ANYWAY! This is the moment you are really born and given a life when those n parents die, it's perfectly ok to celebrate even( I will be in this category when that day comes!) 3) They never live and never let live - their death is for the better. 4) Every victims should go no contact forever if possible and when possible, so when those n die, you might not even know, that would be the ideal scenario. 5) They sees you as enemy or worst, why do you grief for your enemy? 6) They died long ago at some point in their life already, a parent can abuse their own kid is not a human being! So why grieving? Just my 2 cents.
Youi know just cut connections, forgive them when they are alive and;llet go when they are gone. Feel relief. God has given you peace. Most importantly because you were put into guilt by them dont let guilt and grief get you. You were deas while they were alive. Now live when they are dead. Enjoy that relief from that shadow not over you any more. God bless all.
“You were dead while they were alive now alive when they are dead” is an absolutely mind opening statement. Thank you Bob for saying that. I will go on “living” and so grateful that my children won’t feel the same way about me. How I was able to become a good, loving mother is a miracle and I thank God every day for this. 🙏🏻 I will choose to live!
Great advise, my narcissit mother recently died and yes it's so true I felt sheer relief. I have had no contact for the last 10 years. Only sending Birthday and Christmas cards. Now I'm dealing with two of my siblings who have tried to block me from communcating with my father. She has passed the batten on well, they to are narcissits. I'm just pleased at least they did not have children of their own so therefore this cycle might end.
I am told she is dying..I will maintain no contact, I don't deal with the ennemy. My father is the silent accomplice , my brother the golden child. Thank you very much🙏
But its hard because the sadness is so strong because the desire/dream for having a good relationship somehow with parent has died as well. And its devastating. Amongst all the hurt there were some heart sharing times. And it's just so sad.
Totally agree. I think you grief the loss of the hope that one day you could have a normal, loving relationship with the toxic parent. The little kid inside of you always had that hope. But the realist adult side of you knows that it’s a long shot and at some point, you have to look out for yourself and the rest of your family to end the toxic generational curse.
This is how i feel my moms dying snd it hurts because prior to this i thought we were going to heal together i was going to move her yo california from nyc and instead she got a horrinle stroke and continued to get more in a period of two months to see her suffer this way really hurts because i already forgave her and we didnt get the chance to have eachother close and in a different place 💔💔💔💔
I'll just cut you off before you finish- I'll feel intense sadness and emptiness but such a profound relief. I can't even imagine what the respite would feel like. Probably better than Elf Heroin from a Tolkien Book. Like really good stuff from the First Age. Elf H from the First Age Relief energy.
I’m 58. My narc mom is 86. She is going to die needlessly, because of her ego, pride and vanity, won’t let her accept she’s old. All she needs is a pacemaker! Every doctor has told her that for the last 4-5 yrs! She quits seeing them because “they’re crazy”. My mother and I have a very tumultuous relationship. So, I again went no contact with her a few moths ago (not the first time)! Anyway, now that she may very well die, no contact gave me the peace of knowing that we weren’t wishing each other dead. She was all consuming, in the most embarrassing, dangerous and threatening ways! I would eventually retaliate in kind. I hated that, so I just quit letting her take me there. HOWEVER! I never really wanted her to die. If she got the pacemaker she good live and feel better, for 15-20 yrs! And... I could stay away from her for most of that. lol But, seriously. Not talking to her and not being able to talk to her, are very dif things! I’m a mental hlth professional by trade. But, just gave up! She would call my clt’s, call the police, file me missing, when she knew I was at work, having the police come on my job to “start looking for me”. I have just now accepted that it’s true my mother is crazy. But, even if I’m no contact, I can still hope for that miracle. I’ve been working on forgiveness and self love. But, I’ve also been working on emotional and psychological separation. I enrolled in school recently, and am starting on my Master’s degree in Aug. I’m taking my life back...and WOW! You’re never prepared, you never know what will happen...but you know a narcissist never changes. I know that! But, I do. I feel a sense of peace with her going or staying. She is my mother. No contact helped me to start evaluating my life, and my life with her in it! This was an AWESOME video. And, getting in touch with my feelings helped me to cry a little. When my brother killed himself, I got stuck in anger...primarily at her! When my dad died. I was there, he did his best...just ok with it. But, with her...it’s what you said! Thanks. 🙃
Your mother might have made the wisest decision. My dad opted for a pacemaker and died two years later from his hypochondriac obsession with his irregular heart beat when his real problem was how he was treating his kidneys.
Great advice...now I got to deal with my narcissist sibling who wants all the contents of the will even though it should be shared equally...I see a big headache ahead
Dr. Elizabeth Bonet My Highly Narsistic Mother buried today, my Uncle who Executor of he Will had in past conversations he had a very positive outcome for me as in regards to her Will..To which said I will believe it when I see it...Tonight he tells me I will receive a copy of her will and that she has left it, not to dispute it.I am relieved that she’s gone, now she’s going to cause be grief from her grave.
@@elenikominos7404 my narc mum died intestate, my bro has lived in the family home forever and can't see him wanting to move and sell, but we will be sharing half of everything. He'll be acting as executor in loco according to solicitor. Up till now we've always got on but his perspective is that he suffered her abuse daily, while I was chucked out as soon as i turned 18. I tried so hard to maintain my relationship with family but grey rocked her 2 yrs ago after a serious accident and she was more interested in the exotic accent of the a+e nurse notifying her of my injuries than how I was. So I have conflicting emotions, and my bro would love me to move back in the family home with him but I have a life I'm proud of and built elsewhere. I do feel that her greatest wish would be us in conflict after her death, it was the only bond she couldn't break during her lifetime.
My father is taking his anger out on me since my narcissistic mother just died two days ago I do feel relief and I’m very sad and grieving yrs the evil came out of my mom in the end like it jumped into my sister or my dad
Although I've had many of the same experiences with my mom as many people on here, I resist labeling her a narcissist... she has some good qualities too, and I'm not sure actual narcs do. She's in very poor health, I'm trying to prepare myself, as she has somehow managed to dominate much of my adult life. I'm just not sure if that is her narcissism, our codependent relationship, or both. ? 🥺
I think we are sad because we didn’t let their sickness poison us. If we’d let their sickness inhabit us, we probably would be really stuck. At least that’s what I’m facing.
I body was lefted. No sadness no grief. Complete Peace. I was No Contact for seventeen years. Then did the wrong thati Reconnected. Big mistake. Then no CONTACT for twelve years.
My father never hugged me nor told me he loved me . He golden childed my brother . Golden childed siblings are screwed up as well. This is the recipe for a fractured family . I am seventy now and have learned much just recently . When my father was on his,death bed I got a call from mom. She stated would I like to come see my father as I knew him. I declined . What I wanted to tell my but wouldn't. That was because it would have devastated her. That being , I never knew my father . Dysfunctional families have an addictive Drug, sorry medication for that. Everything is a business. My 2 cents .
The horrific mental torture I went through with my narc mother, emotionally absent father and golden child sister was nearly impossible to handle. I cut all those evil bastards out of my life.
same here except it was my father
Same, but add a golden child brother.
I know how you feel.😢
I just got the call that my mother is in the hospital. She may pass soon and at first my stomach dropped, I prayed and then I feel fine, for now anyways.
Yes, it feels like relief and an opportunity to move forward with my life. It’s sad but that’s the truth.
Thank you, Suzie Q, for sharing the feelings. I know it helps others feel better about accepting all of their feelings!
I think we spend most of their time living grieving already, when they pass, you've already done it. I don't wish anyone gone from this world, but there is relief they can't hurt you any more. Thanks for your wise words.
Very good point. We all grieve the parent we needed but never had even when they’re alive.
Is the grieving a "once and for all" process or you keep grieving them as long as you're in contact with them?
My parents didn't understand why I was so distraught when I confronted them and they blamed me for their issue, but I was distraught because they were dying to me that day. My parents would never lie to my face about how I know I was treated.
That day my parents died to me, in my mind, and my healing began. I was on crutches with rheumatoid arthritis that day, now my RA is in remission. I can run and jump again.
I am released.
Amen, my mother just passed but family is so ignorant. We are getting together to scatter ashes, but all the flying monkeys will be around. I’m released yes but I miss my family, my children, not sure what will happen!
@@DrLizBonet Exactly what I'm going through now. Its helps if you've made peace with whom the narcissist really was. You're grieving over what never was, but what could have been 🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️.
My narc mother literally just passed yesterday. Honestly it's mixed feelings for me. I'm only sad because, she was never a mother, and she treated me poorly. Other than that I'm not hurt over it, you grieve what you didn't get, but not over the narcissist. Once the funeral is done and over, this is a chapter that will finally close in my life.
This is so true - you grieve what you didn't get. It did feel like a closed chapter in my life as well after my mother died.
OMG! So glad I heard this. Relief is exactly what I feel. I was sad for about a day, then angry. Now I feel as if I’ve been freed from a mental prison.
That is a great way to describe it - freed from a mental prison!
Scape goat daughter of a narcissistic mom who died today 3 hours ago with alzheimers. I havent cried yet and feel so weird but I've already grieved the loss of a mother my whole life. I hope her soul finds the peace she obviously never had on earth.
So sorry for your loss and I admire your hope that her soul finds peace.
She's not going anywhere good. That's common sense.
I would be so happy but people will call me insane. I think the best word is what shoe said. Relief.
My healing began twenty years ago when I severed my relationship with my toxic father.
My narcissistic Mother died yesterday and yes I agree i feel a mixture of relief and sadness. I had broken contact a few years ago because it was a choice between continuing to be abused or walk away and heal. My siblings have accused me of being hard hearted for walking away but they know she's not normal, but even so believe I should have stuck it out.
I'm sorry for the loss of relationship that you experienced for years, if not your whole life.
my narcissist dad just died Tuesday. I had gone no contact and I found out through social media later that evening when my sibling posted something and a friend saw that and sent condolences to me. I had to ask for what. My emotions are all over the place. Thanks for the video
It is hard and difficult to grieve a NPD parent! My thoughts are with you.
Congratulations!! You are so so lucky.
Remember the following :
1) If you are sad about their death, that's only normal, they 'are/were' your parents anyway. That means you still have feelings.
2) If you are not sad at all , that's even better! People die ANYWAY! This is the moment you are really born and given a life when those n parents die, it's perfectly ok to celebrate even( I will be in this category when that day comes!)
3) They never live and never let live - their death is for the better.
4) Every victims should go no contact forever if possible and when possible, so when those n die, you might not even know, that would be the ideal scenario.
5) They sees you as enemy or worst, why do you grief for your enemy?
6) They died long ago at some point in their life already, a parent can abuse their own kid is not a human being! So why grieving?
Just my 2 cents.
World will be better without these nars parents
My abusive mother died in 2016, it was all suddenly different when she had heart attack. She had 10 years to make it right after she drove me away.
Youi know just cut connections, forgive them when they are alive and;llet go when they are gone. Feel relief. God has given you peace. Most importantly because you were put into guilt by them dont let guilt and grief get you. You were deas while they were alive. Now live when they are dead. Enjoy that relief from that shadow not over you any more.
God bless all.
Great advice, Bob Mag!
“You were dead while they were alive now alive when they are dead” is an absolutely mind opening statement. Thank you Bob for saying that. I will go on “living” and so grateful that my children won’t feel the same way about me. How I was able to become a good, loving mother is a miracle and I thank God every day for this. 🙏🏻 I will choose to live!
Very well put.
Great advise, my narcissit mother recently died and yes it's so true I felt sheer relief. I have had no contact for the last 10 years. Only sending Birthday and Christmas cards. Now I'm dealing with two of my siblings who have tried to block me from communcating with my father. She has passed the batten on well, they to are narcissits. I'm just pleased at least they did not have children of their own so therefore this cycle might end.
When a narcissist parent dies.......
It’s a great day!!!!!!🙏💃🏾💃🏾💃🏾🥂🍻🎊🎉🎉🎉🍻🍻🍻🍻🍿
Lmfaooo sooo saddd it’s true
I am told she is dying..I will maintain no contact, I don't deal with the ennemy. My father is the silent accomplice , my brother the golden child.
Thank you very much🙏
I'm so sorry. It's very difficult.
Same here
Praying for the day my mom dies!!
My mom dying will be glorious day.
i feel you!
Could you imangine being so traumatized by your parents that you have to support hamas. because you feel lonely
But its hard because the sadness is so strong because the desire/dream for having a good relationship somehow with parent has died as well. And its devastating. Amongst all the hurt there were some heart sharing times. And it's just so sad.
Totally agree. I think you grief the loss of the hope that one day you could have a normal, loving relationship with the toxic parent. The little kid inside of you always had that hope. But the realist adult side of you knows that it’s a long shot and at some point, you have to look out for yourself and the rest of your family to end the toxic generational curse.
This is how i feel my moms dying snd it hurts because prior to this i thought we were going to heal together i was going to move her yo california from nyc and instead she got a horrinle stroke and continued to get more in a period of two months to see her suffer this way really hurts because i already forgave her and we didnt get the chance to have eachother close and in a different place 💔💔💔💔
I would have a death celebration
I'll just cut you off before you finish- I'll feel intense sadness and emptiness but such a profound relief. I can't even imagine what the respite would feel like. Probably better than Elf Heroin from a Tolkien Book. Like really good stuff from the First Age. Elf H from the First Age Relief energy.
I’m 58. My narc mom is 86. She is going to die needlessly, because of her ego, pride and vanity, won’t let her accept she’s old. All she needs is a pacemaker! Every doctor has told her that for the last 4-5 yrs! She quits seeing them because “they’re crazy”. My mother and I have a very tumultuous relationship. So, I again went no contact with her a few moths ago (not the first time)! Anyway, now that she may very well die, no contact gave me the peace of knowing that we weren’t wishing each other dead. She was all consuming, in the most embarrassing, dangerous and threatening ways! I would eventually retaliate in kind. I hated that, so I just quit letting her take me there. HOWEVER! I never really wanted her to die. If she got the pacemaker she good live and feel better, for 15-20 yrs! And... I could stay away from her for most of that. lol But, seriously. Not talking to her and not being able to talk to her, are very dif things! I’m a mental hlth professional by trade. But, just gave up! She would call my clt’s, call the police, file me missing, when she knew I was at work, having the police come on my job to “start looking for me”. I have just now accepted that it’s true my mother is crazy. But, even if I’m no contact, I can still hope for that miracle. I’ve been working on forgiveness and self love. But, I’ve also been working on emotional and psychological separation. I enrolled in school recently, and am starting on my Master’s degree in Aug. I’m taking my life back...and WOW! You’re never prepared, you never know what will happen...but you know a narcissist never changes. I know that! But, I do. I feel a sense of peace with her going or staying. She is my mother. No contact helped me to start evaluating my life, and my life with her in it! This was an AWESOME video. And, getting in touch with my feelings helped me to cry a little. When my brother killed himself, I got stuck in anger...primarily at her! When my dad died. I was there, he did his best...just ok with it. But, with her...it’s what you said! Thanks. 🙃
I’m glad this video helped you!
Your mother might have made the wisest decision. My dad opted for a pacemaker and died two years later from his hypochondriac obsession with his irregular heart beat when his real problem was how he was treating his kidneys.
Great advice...now I got to deal with my narcissist sibling who wants all the contents of the will even though it should be shared equally...I see a big headache ahead
That's a good idea for a video :) - the NPD sibling! Thank you!
Dr. Elizabeth Bonet My Highly Narsistic Mother buried today, my Uncle who Executor of he Will had in past conversations he had a very positive outcome for me as in regards to her Will..To which said I will believe it when I see it...Tonight he tells me I will receive a copy of her will and that she has left it, not to dispute it.I am relieved that she’s gone, now she’s going to cause be grief from her grave.
@@elenikominos7404 Narcissists often try to control beyond the grave through their will. I hope it all goes well for you.
@@elenikominos7404 my narc mum died intestate, my bro has lived in the family home forever and can't see him wanting to move and sell, but we will be sharing half of everything. He'll be acting as executor in loco according to solicitor. Up till now we've always got on but his perspective is that he suffered her abuse daily, while I was chucked out as soon as i turned 18. I tried so hard to maintain my relationship with family but grey rocked her 2 yrs ago after a serious accident and she was more interested in the exotic accent of the a+e nurse notifying her of my injuries than how I was. So I have conflicting emotions, and my bro would love me to move back in the family home with him but I have a life I'm proud of and built elsewhere. I do feel that her greatest wish would be us in conflict after her death, it was the only bond she couldn't break during her lifetime.
Thank you so much for this. I feel less crazy.
My father is taking his anger out on me since my narcissistic mother just died two days ago I do feel relief and I’m very sad and grieving yrs the evil came out of my mom in the end like it jumped into my sister or my dad
Although I've had many of the same experiences with my mom as many people on here, I resist labeling her a narcissist... she has some good qualities too, and I'm not sure actual narcs do. She's in very poor health, I'm trying to prepare myself, as she has somehow managed to dominate much of my adult life. I'm just not sure if that is her narcissism, our codependent relationship, or both. ? 🥺
What happens to the Golden Child when there parent dies
Brutal confrontation with reality
@@looweegee252 wow
They grieve like other children do and everyone grieves in their own way.
@@c0ntender1 bingo
Lost have to fend for themselves.. Or be happy they can now be the person who can think for themselves xx
I think we are sad because we didn’t let their sickness poison us. If we’d let their sickness inhabit us, we probably would be really stuck. At least that’s what I’m facing.
This is very insightful!
That’s a damn shame one can be so mean !!!
However I totally believe yoU .
Lord help and heal all thee
Thank you so much for this series I need to pay you for 1 on 1
I body was lefted.
No sadness no grief.
Complete Peace.
I was No Contact for seventeen years.
Then did the wrong thati Reconnected. Big mistake.
Then no CONTACT for twelve years.
Compassion can’t be done with one of my parents the whole family agrees what ever she gets is too good for her
I wonder if I will cry when they die.. I know I will be obliged to go due to
I also felt a lot of anger. NF was not held accountable for the abuse.
For sure! Anger totally understandable and expected.
Oh they are being held accountable. You just can't see it.
My father never hugged me nor told me he loved me . He golden childed my brother . Golden childed siblings are screwed up as well. This is the recipe for a fractured family . I am seventy now and have learned much just recently . When my father was on his,death bed I got a call from mom. She stated would I like to come see my father as I knew him. I declined . What I wanted to tell my but wouldn't. That was because it would have devastated her. That being , I never knew my father . Dysfunctional families have an addictive Drug, sorry medication for that. Everything is a business. My 2 cents .
I'm so sorry to hear this! Every child needs affection and to be told they are loved.
Unless there are sociopathic narcissistic siblings...in their 60s...
They must seek treatment or risk alienation