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“Was this person committed to misunderstanding you? Yes. Was this person committed to being abusive towards you? Was this person committed to being right and not giving a sh*! about how you feel? If the answer is yes to any of those questions, THAT’S your closure.”
My narcissist mom is on her deathbed right now. I’ve been no contact for a year and my Dad just died of suicide in March. I’m so overwhelmed with my grief for my Dad and all the things that go with that and now she’s at the end. She was indirectly responsible for my Dad’s death and she’s been worse than ever. She says she doesn’t want to see us, but she’s got all these people trying to convince us to call herMy brother and sister and I are all no contact. People keep pressuring us to talk to her but we know she’s just desperate for one last chance to traumatize us. I’m so mixed up right now.
Mine is dying now too. I’m praying for her not to linger. She revoked her DNR 🙄because she wants to be a vegetable and drive us crazy here even more before she goes to her eternal punishment.
I have been told my mother has weeks to live. Several years ago, I attempted to discuss with her a couple of the most horrific things she said/did to me, in hopes that she would take an opportunity to reflect and perhaps apologize. Nope. Denied the whole thing even happened. These events were so horrific she could NOT have forgotten and she has no dementia. The worst thing for me are people who tell me what a 'WONDERFUL mother" she was. When she's dead, I will have to listen to all this crap about what a sweet, caring woman she was and how LUCKY I was to have her and how I should have done MORE for her in her last years.
I'm going through this right now with my narcissistic mom. She also lied me and said my dad abandoned me. This caused my dad and I to not bond and we never formed a relationship. Before he died last year, he told me his side and knowing my mom, his side really resonated with me as truth. My mom is on Hospice now. Even after years of her lies, abandonment, withholding love, being verbally and emotionally abusive and basically treated me like a bag of garbage - I have still stepped up to the plate and have helped with her care. She's been rude to me during this time and has said some very hurtful things. She's always the victim. She has never apologized or held herself accountable and has never validated anyone else's feelings. I've been struggling with whether or not to step away. Even when the pastor came and asked her if there was anything she wanted to say to any of us, she said no. Why did I think she would apologize? The years of pain and guilt trips have piled up on me and caused so much confusion around making this decision. This video couldn't have been more helpful. I feel confident now that I can go no contact. Like you said, the Universe knows the truth. Thank you! 😘
Thanks for sharing your story, it was helpful for me. I just lost my 77 year old narcissistic mother on Saturday. Even in death she is emotionally abusive through I guess her flying monkeys and my other narcissistic family members. It's been really hard to grieve properly. Thank you and I hope you are doing well 💗
Self love you… me too quiet a mess gossiping to everyone about me my neighbour the flying monkeys…. She lives on my goal is to move and get away of the flying monkeys… there really evil and vile to think someone want your demise… I’m the bad one
Your commitment to your mental wellness is phenomenal. Not supporting your narcissist Mom in her ways was totally okay as it would not help. Narcissists create their own chaos and as you said..face consequences of their own choices.. The soul searching takes double the effort and you had to work hard each day to come out with a clear view of how to navigate your way around this... Specially since as a child you were groomed/conditioned to follow a narrative laid out to you by your Mom's perspective only
I have two narcissistic parents, they are both still alive and I feel exactly how you described- no regrets for no contact at all. I see myself in you. 🙌❤️
Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! My mom is currently dying and I have been grappling with all of the issues you addressed. The only difference is that my mom has spent years convincing my cousins and their children that she is a loving, attentive auntie. Unfortunately, she was a frightening, abusive, malignant narcissist to her husband and children. I am now the only one alive who bears the battle scars of a lifetime of abuse from her. My cousins don't know how she was to her immediate family, but that's okay. I know. I have had very little contact with her for the last couple of years but I will probably visit her one last time. I expect nothing from her, but I will try to forgive her in order to be the loving person that I want to be. I have been struggling greatly to process this ending, and your video is exactly what I have been needing. The fog is now clearing. Thank you so much!
Much respect from Houston ❤ son of a narc mother here, and my mother is dying at 49 due to her own alcoholism and substance abuse. Personally I began mourning the mother i never had and I believe ive mostly processed it correctly. I dont know the effect of when she actually does. However my goal is to help my father cope and take care of my brother with cerebral palsy who has had to live with them his whole life. My father never left her and he has dragged us thru so much horrible things as a result, but as I've grown to understand why he would do this, I've been able to find the room to accept the extra trauma and help him. Cause after all, he is a good man at heart and if I can have one parent for at least a while, its worth it ❤ good luck to you all
I had a deep fear of losing her as a kid. With time after i understood what she was doing i started resenting her deeply. To the point i felt hate towards her. And she never changed. Im 34 now and recently i had a dream of her dying and i cried really hard inside the dream that it shocked me inside the dream how deeply i felt about her. When i woke up i still felt this sadness about her passing in the dream and i contacted her asking her how she's doing. She was a bit sick that day. It made me realize how deep my emotions for her really are but i just can't get too close to her, she's dangerous to my health.
I am 47 and went no contact 5 years ago and I still cry almost daily. It's not that I miss her, more just mourning what could have been. Of course the emotions run deep, it took a lifetime of pain to get to this point. No contact does not equal no empathy,
Thank you. My narcissistic mum has aggressive cancer. Her bucket list was for me to explain why I was horrible on Christmas 3 years ago. Thank you for the message about closure
Really really helped thank you. Mothers texted me "Hi" after 6 years of her telling me she doesn't want me in her life for marrying someone she did not like.... I've been well but this text has bought up all these thoughts and questions of regret of having no contact and although I know I won't have regret it was comforting to hear that there will be emotion when this time comes but you also experienced no regret. Thank you.
I can relate so much for my covert NPD mom She had brain washed me against my own father so much that even when he was alive he never existed for me...Unfortunately I lost him much before I could get this jigjaw puzzle solved...And my Mom still lives and is v healthy..But I have distanced myself now for my own sanity
I choked up when you said "the universe knows I tried." That's the only thing I've ever needed to hear from people around me when going through my mother's death. All I got was my mother in law telling me that she loved me the best she could, after ranting, for an hour, about how much of a monster she was. The worst part about a narc mother dying is nobody takes the victim seriously.
my mother is dying right now. I was tormented by 9 "soulmates" and feel guilty for suspecting my mother is a narcissist. She did love me very much and we had good times. I never did tell her i am gay because i knew it would be so awkward and she could not accept it. Now, she is dying of cancer and im so depressed and confused. Yesterday, she did not seem happy to see me. She wanted me to keep all the cards people mailed to her and remove some balloons friends sent her. She suffered very much, and is very depressed over the loss of control over this. As much as I love her, part of me longed to be free all these years. I am feeling so guilty, sad, depressed, selfish, confused. I dont know how long this will take or how i can ever heal.
@@Webbgurl2000 thank you so much for checking on me friend. My mom passed March 30. I was with her at the end. I sent off over 80 thank you letters yesterday. I went back to work today after 2 months. Slowly trying to heal. I miss her and life will go on, but never the same. Thank you so much for checking on me. God bless you. I hope all is well for you.
Thank you for this video. It was really helpful. I'm a 25 year old female and I have a narcissistic grandmother, who partly "raised" me. She's over 80 and I'm worried, what will happen, when she dies. Her family, that she held hostage for the last decades, maybe will just collapse. I guess, I'm going to feel released but also guilty when she dies for thinking of her as a not-so-great-grandmother - even though, that's what she is. I'm trying to prepare myself for the day, when she dies with videos such as yours. Thanks again! ♥
Hi, you mentioned that you always had a fear of your mom dying. For me it was the complete opposite and I’m not sure if it’s normal. For as long as I can remmeber, even at a very young age, I always secretly wished my mom would die. I would always hope she got in a car accident on her way home from work so I wouldn’t have to deal with her when she got home. So when she did finally pass, it was so relieving. But also felt like I wished it hard enough for it happen
I had been no contact with my narc .mother for two years. The police showed up at my door to tell me. I called my step father and was there in 4 hours .We planned her furnaral together. And to tell the truth when it's your mother no matter what she was to you it's different than anyone else's passing .I did handle it well with one breakdown due to anger . The family and friends were very supportive .Also I had told her I was there for her anytime always but she had to come correct .i had boundries .I had thought about them for 2 years before I decided it what was best for me .
I hate to break it to you but the forgetfulness towards the end was probably not real. Most probably just another manipulative tactic. Ever noticed how they forget stuff at the most convient of times?
my mom has a very selective memory. I deal with it by not ever bring up anything other than things that are very surface level. I've recently severely cut contact.
@@gabbykitty5318that was exactly how I managed to maintain a relationship with my mother as long as I did- just let her talk about herself and keep the conversation light like she was just a casual acquaintance.
When I first got accepted on social security my narc mom told SSI that I wasn't capable or reckless with managing my own money so they gave her more power of control over my money. I remember looking at the check on the table being just curious and she told me not to think about touching it. I told her it was mine she told me that it was hers because it had her name on it but she was just the payee. I never got any of that money. I got a job at a voc rehabilitation center so I told her could I have some of my money she said I didn't need it that I have a job so she was using me and abusing me at the same time. I saw my sister had a fast food job I told her I wanted to get a job she told me that I didn't need it because I would lose my social security later I realized she was worried about losing money. Needless to say to when I first got my backpay my mom and dad acted like they hit the jackpot when they walked out of the court smiling at each other and it was like I wasn't there in the room and my mother bought a new car with my back pay.
Thank you for writing this - I am so sorry this happened to you. As much as we would like normal caring parents, it just isn't possible when they are narcissistic.
Thanks for speaking out, sharing..it helps SO MUCH! My Mom has been very very cunning and knows how to play multiple people in multiple ways, unlike your Mom who was outright loudly narcissistic.. With my Moms covert yet grandiose ways, my journey too took much longer and now at 54, I am slowly healing from and just cannot get hoovered by her... For my narc Mom, in a twisted way, now that she is ailing, i think death will bring her the peace she never knew! I have been staying away and yet i used to get major trauma as i had no clue about narcissism and had no idea so many have been on the same journey as I have been...
I saw my mother a couple weeks before she died. She didn’t reciprocate the hug I gave, didn’t say much of anything the day I went home. She didn’t apologize or validate her treatment of me. She’s been dead over 20 years and I still can’t find a good reason to mourn her. In a way I regret spending money to see her ‘one last time’.
I've tried EVERYTHING under the sun to try to gain unconditional love, acceptance and approval from my narc. mom. For example, I tried talking, reasoning, try to be something and someone I wasn't just to gain her approval, therapy, rebelling and yelling from the top of my head and NOTHING worked because she would not own up responsibility in her part of all of her ugly behavior towards me. Long story short, I cut ALL ties with her and went no contact with her and OTHER toxic family members. It was the best decision I've ever made. It was like a large, heavy weight bigger than myself that was lifted. The only regret that I have that I wish I would of done this slot sooner. My narc mom passed away 4 years ago. She NEVER apologized to me her whole life in all the wrongdoings she did to me that caused my p.t.s.d. and other stuff that happened to me but on her death bed, she did apologize in hospice. I brought my spouse and a friend over to hospice with me for support then one of my narc relatives complained that my mom was uncomfortable having my friend around and he didn't do anything wrong. My mom was holding my spouses hand tight and didn't let go because she was afraid of dying. If my mom didn't want them there she would of told me and so would the hospice staff. So because my relatives wanted to paint me as a "trouble maker" along with my spouse and friend, I decided to not visit my mom at hospice anymore after that. When I went to the funeral, I only stayed for 15 minuets to view her and said my good byes. I signed in the guest book and signed out so that way they didn't say I was a " no show" and I left and didn't turn back. How dare my narc siblings saying that my mom didn't want my husband and friend there for support and said they make her uncomfortable. I guess that I'm either crazy or that my mom's apologies where not sincere. Long story short, I went no contact with the rest of my toxic family and very low contact because of this and again, I'll never turn back for this one to.. I wish there was a way I can forgive them, it doesn't mean I want to reconcile because their to toxic for my physical and mental health but to let go of the bitterness and anger I hold towards them so they no longer have power over me. Forgiving doesn't mean being pals and go out and having coffee because there's a big difference between trust and forgiveness. Trust is a record of past behaviours that you keep records of, forgiveness means letting go of all the hurt so they don't have power over u anymore. You do not have to trust but forgiveness is something u do for you and not them.. I hope I get to that point of forgiveness. I'm sorry I'm so long winded, I just needed to vent. Thank you for listening to me. I really appreciate it. To make something clear, I went no contact with all my relatives except for 3 of then. 2 very low contact and one, who happens to be my daughter I have frequent contact with because we are close
My mother with narcissistic behaviors died at the age of 89 and I am now able to breathe a little deeper. Her child rearing methods had cultural roots that discouraged formation of a strong attachment in early childhood. Then she withheld validation as a way to maximize performance. I grew up feeling smothered, controlled, lacking a sense of self ... and I worked on it for decades. I kept my distance at times, especially when she had lots of activities with her golden child. I went no-contact for months at a time, then warmed back up to low-contact. Two months ago, she got very sick with cancer and died within 4 weeks. I was so grateful when I learned she was sick and that my long burden would finally end. But that good feeling didn't last forever. She continued to pit me and another family member against each other on her death bed. Now I am in the phase of complicated grieving. There is mostly emotional exhaustion, I guess. I have so many conflicting feelings so every day is another bunch of emotional ups and downs. Thank you for your video, it was extremely validating. When my mother was first diagnosed, the first thing I felt was gratitude that I had done all the work I could have done and grieved the loss. Your words were so so validating.
My mom just died I have been non contact for a year and a half. I was the scapegoat of my Nmother. My mother actively hated me and showed it. The final blow was my Nmother told my Dad not to tell me she was dying. He waited till the last minute and then told me the night before. I decided I would see her in the morning because it was around 9pm when he told me. She died at 3:13 am that morning. I never got to see her.
*_We teach others how to treat us._* My narcissistic ex-Momster died. Today is the day of her funeral. It will also be broadcast live. I will not watch and I will not attend. I will not subject myself to sitting there, listening to my three enabler ex-brothers and extended ex-family in denial, singing her praises. Nobody told me she died. I found out by searching her name much the way a person checks to see if their lottery tickets won. I found her obituary. My Son's and my name are not even mentioned... They can just wallow in denial & lies; singing the Momster's praises. 🤮
Yes about the lack of closure. Obviously, he was ok with who he was and did because he mostly did his best. Nevertheless, I did not want to have any regrets and stayed with him until the end. It takes time and distance to heal. How have my children experienced me? I wonder a lot about that. I know I did my best. Will they see it that way?
I’m 46 yrs old, my mother died 3 yrs ago, I was her caregiver for about 10 years, and I JUST realized that my mom was a narcissist. Intellectually, i knows it, but i still can’t believe it; like it’s just not computing. Everyone loved her so much, and i know that’s part of it; but, like, no one would EVER believe she was a narcissist. Hell, i didn’t even know until now. It’s crazy to me to hear so many of these stories, and they are identical to my own experiences. Yet, it’s still so hard for me to comprehend that she was a narcissist.
My grandma is dying of cancer and i still want nothing to do w her and think I’ll be relieved when she goes. I’m struggling w how to deal now that she’s sick and explaining why I’m the only one that isn’t visiting her or caring. I kind of just act like I’m working long hours or super busy and can’t find the time....
My mother was a malignant narcissist. When I got cancer she gaslighted me. And took all of my family abs friends with her. She died recently. Her final words to me were lying bitch and she doesn’t love me. She refused to see me before she died…and when she died it has left me a basket case. Two days before she died…her nurse wanted to call me and mom said no. It wasn’t her business. When asked how she feels about me…she said I love her…but. I am drowning in emotional pain. Her funeral was beautiful. But everything said about her “beautiful lies”…I am free but tied. I can’t see a mom or anyone who has a mkm…why did she do this to me…she tokd me she didn’t love me
It wasn't your fault. It was HER. She was a very sick person and you just happened to be there. When I say do not take it personally, I mean if it was not you, it'd be someone else. There was something deeply wrong with HER, not you. She was incapable of loving ANYONE. She chose you because you were near and she saw all that was beautiful and right in you and was jealous for it for herself. It WAS NOT YOUR FAULT. One day you will see this. ⚘💜
This is why I only showed up for 15 minuets to view my Mom, said my goodbyes and literally walked out of the funeral home and drove away. Because I know that her funeral where full of " beautiful" lies. This was one of the best decisions I've ever made. When she died, it was like a weight bigger than myself that's lifted off my shoulders, I have no regrets. Now, I can say, " free at last, free at last, thank God, I'm free at last."
I'll finally be free. No more stalking or ending up with state police in other states telling me I'm reported missing when I move out of state and start new jobs. Then she knows where I am and hell begins again. I can't wait until I'm free and that will only be when she's gone.
My narcissist mother died in May, we were in no contact since November 2020. She was already dead to me. The golden child who is just like her, hid it from me, I just found out this September. I don’t feel guilty, I didn’t feel sad, I felt anger to my siblings for hiding her sickness and death. I pray that she was able to repent and accept God and Yeshua for her soul. I forgive her for me and I hope she knows this.
Hi my name is Robert my narcissistic father died last August of this year. He did set up the sibling rivalry with my sister when I spoke the truth. I was told indirectly that he did not want me to know when he died and nor go to his funeral so I did not go. I grieved the parent that I never had years ago so I don't feel that ache right now but it's it's sad that he never had my back and my sister became this princess even though she was such anger issues and was it a very violent person she could do no wrong and. Actually was going to put one of his mass cards in my room and something e told me not to and ain't lined it up burning one and it was almost like to just I can't read the lies and. I know I did the right thing by not going to his funeral since he did not want me to go and I did not want a confrontation with my sister because I'm sure she was just looking for that opportunity. And you're right just because someone dies doesn't make them wonderful person. I've been researching and looking up so many other videos and they all say the same thing that how do you love someone that never showed you love you you don't you can't. Robert in Philadelphia
There is an actual link between dementia and previous narcissism its a neurological disease i am going through the same thing with my mom on lifesupport 5 strokes three since the spring the hardest thing to deal with . How can i pull the plug on my own mom . This is after i recorded her and exposed all the lies that week i decided we were gonna heal and move her to california to be with me . Soon as she got back to nyc she had a stroke within two days. It hurts alot . Im the only one to make decisions . I feel horrible this is happening. I forgave her
From an outsider listening to your story, it almost sounds like you were in a cult of one. Sorry to be so brunt. But am glad you've seen the light of day. That might've saved a life from self-doubt and needing the approval of others...the universe does not need to know. Only YOU need to know.
You are talking as if a fly died. I understand she abused you and that's horrible, but still as a human being looking at your facial expression after your mother's death is kind of scary to me. My own mother is also Narcissistic, but I know I will feel a lot after her passing, it's very strange for me and something is very off in your energy. I am not sure if it's denial, pretentiousness or just inability to have human emotions. Narcissists sometimes damage their own children to a level that they detach from their humanity to protect themselves.
She’s done a lot of work to get where she is mentally and emotionally. I don’t know the level of the abuse you’ve received, but to some of us it is a relief.
You claim you don't have any regrets, but you will... and maybe you do sometimes in the quiet of you soul. There is no way you can resent/hate your mother and not have regrets.
I have seconds of regret but when the pain and suicide attempts on my part and everything else shehave done to me all regret slips away. Blessings to you.
I have gone no contact with my mother for over a year now, best thing I could have ever done - she has never been a mother - still working through the trauma, abuse and neglect she caused - effects me every day - learning to take back my power - the damage is life long - they are sick individuals.
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"The Universe knows that I tried." Ahhhh, thank you for that.
“Was this person committed to misunderstanding you? Yes. Was this person committed to being abusive towards you? Was this person committed to being right and not giving a sh*! about how you feel? If the answer is yes to any of those questions, THAT’S your closure.”
My narcissist mom is on her deathbed right now. I’ve been no contact for a year and my Dad just died of suicide in March. I’m so overwhelmed with my grief for my Dad and all the things that go with that and now she’s at the end. She was indirectly responsible for my Dad’s death and she’s been worse than ever. She says she doesn’t want to see us, but she’s got all these people trying to convince us to call herMy brother and sister and I are all no contact. People keep pressuring us to talk to her but we know she’s just desperate for one last chance to traumatize us. I’m so mixed up right now.
Stay away. Think of your Dad, I believe he would want you to .
Mine is dying now too. I’m praying for her not to linger. She revoked her DNR 🙄because she wants to be a vegetable and drive us crazy here even more before she goes to her eternal punishment.
I have been told my mother has weeks to live. Several years ago, I attempted to discuss with her a couple of the most horrific things she said/did to me, in hopes that she would take an opportunity to reflect and perhaps apologize. Nope. Denied the whole thing even happened. These events were so horrific she could NOT have forgotten and she has no dementia. The worst thing for me are people who tell me what a 'WONDERFUL mother" she was. When she's dead, I will have to listen to all this crap about what a sweet, caring woman she was and how LUCKY I was to have her and how I should have done MORE for her in her last years.
Join the union!! Same here!! What's even weirder is over half my family and some friends of hers and mine all know what a psycho my mom was.
This is why we follow the Truth (Jesus) and do what He said to do: "Let the dead bury their own dead but YOU follow ME." Luke 9:60
I'm going through this right now with my narcissistic mom. She also lied me and said my dad abandoned me. This caused my dad and I to not bond and we never formed a relationship. Before he died last year, he told me his side and knowing my mom, his side really resonated with me as truth. My mom is on Hospice now. Even after years of her lies, abandonment, withholding love, being verbally and emotionally abusive and basically treated me like a bag of garbage - I have still stepped up to the plate and have helped with her care. She's been rude to me during this time and has said some very hurtful things. She's always the victim. She has never apologized or held herself accountable and has never validated anyone else's feelings. I've been struggling with whether or not to step away. Even when the pastor came and asked her if there was anything she wanted to say to any of us, she said no. Why did I think she would apologize? The years of pain and guilt trips have piled up on me and caused so much confusion around making this decision. This video couldn't have been more helpful. I feel confident now that I can go no contact. Like you said, the Universe knows the truth. Thank you! 😘
Thanks for sharing your story, it was helpful for me. I just lost my 77 year old narcissistic mother on Saturday. Even in death she is emotionally abusive through I guess her flying monkeys and my other narcissistic family members. It's been really hard to grieve properly. Thank you and I hope you are doing well 💗
I understand.
I'm getting these flying monkeys. It's worse than when she was alive. She left quite a mess for me. People think I am the devil. It's horrible.
Self love you… me too quiet a mess gossiping to everyone about me my neighbour the flying monkeys…. She lives on my goal is to move and get away of the flying monkeys… there really evil and vile to think someone want your demise… I’m the bad one
@@SelfLoveU I can feel you
If you're feeling guilty then they still have hold over you
Your commitment to your mental wellness is phenomenal.
Not supporting your narcissist Mom in her ways was totally okay as it would not help. Narcissists create their own chaos and as you said..face consequences of their own choices..
The soul searching takes double the effort and you had to work hard each day to come out with a clear view of how to navigate your way around this...
Specially since as a child you were groomed/conditioned to follow a narrative laid out to you by your Mom's perspective only
I have two narcissistic parents, they are both still alive and I feel exactly how you described- no regrets for no contact at all. I see myself in you. 🙌❤️
Hope to be away from my toxic mother....
I'm looking for forward to the narcissist mum death. The Divine and Karma seek Justice for me
My mother has stage 4 cancer and I've been struggling with feelings of guilt. Thank you for this insight. Really what I needed to hear today.
My malignant narcissist mom just died and her funeral is Wednesday. Thank you for sharing. I will be sharing someday as well.
Going through this now and just now realizing my Mom is a Narcissist.
I found out in 2015 and I was 52 years old! I'm 61 now.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! My mom is currently dying and I have been grappling with all of the issues you addressed. The only difference is that my mom has spent years convincing my cousins and their children that she is a loving, attentive auntie. Unfortunately, she was a frightening, abusive, malignant narcissist to her husband and children. I am now the only one alive who bears the battle scars of a lifetime of abuse from her. My cousins don't know how she was to her immediate family, but that's okay. I know. I have had very little contact with her for the last couple of years but I will probably visit her one last time. I expect nothing from her, but I will try to forgive her in order to be the loving person that I want to be. I have been struggling greatly to process this ending, and your video is exactly what I have been needing. The fog is now clearing. Thank you so much!
Much respect from Houston ❤ son of a narc mother here, and my mother is dying at 49 due to her own alcoholism and substance abuse. Personally I began mourning the mother i never had and I believe ive mostly processed it correctly. I dont know the effect of when she actually does. However my goal is to help my father cope and take care of my brother with cerebral palsy who has had to live with them his whole life. My father never left her and he has dragged us thru so much horrible things as a result, but as I've grown to understand why he would do this, I've been able to find the room to accept the extra trauma and help him. Cause after all, he is a good man at heart and if I can have one parent for at least a while, its worth it ❤ good luck to you all
Take care ..
I also don't regret setting the boundaries to protect myself and absolutely no regrets when the narcissist mum die. Her death is the best closure.
💜
My narc mom just committed suicide July 25, 2022
Thank you for your comment it's very comforting to hear this.
@@jenniferkaye7068Hope you are ok ❤
You must mother yourself in the way that she FAILED to do.
We do not ASK to be born.
I had a deep fear of losing her as a kid. With time after i understood what she was doing i started resenting her deeply. To the point i felt hate towards her. And she never changed.
Im 34 now and recently i had a dream of her dying and i cried really hard inside the dream that it shocked me inside the dream how deeply i felt about her. When i woke up i still felt this sadness about her passing in the dream and i contacted her asking her how she's doing. She was a bit sick that day.
It made me realize how deep my emotions for her really are but i just can't get too close to her, she's dangerous to my health.
Mine is also so dangerous to my health! Suffered from endometriosis for years and finally healed myself.
I am 47 and went no contact 5 years ago and I still cry almost daily. It's not that I miss her, more just mourning what could have been. Of course the emotions run deep, it took a lifetime of pain to get to this point. No contact does not equal no empathy,
Thank you. My narcissistic mum has aggressive cancer. Her bucket list was for me to explain why I was horrible on Christmas 3 years ago. Thank you for the message about closure
May I ask how you have responded to that? Stay strong ❤
Really really helped thank you. Mothers texted me "Hi" after 6 years of her telling me she doesn't want me in her life for marrying someone she did not like.... I've been well but this text has bought up all these thoughts and questions of regret of having no contact and although I know I won't have regret it was comforting to hear that there will be emotion when this time comes but you also experienced
no regret. Thank you.
I can relate so much for my covert NPD mom She had brain washed me against my own father so much that even when he was alive he never existed for me...Unfortunately I lost him much before I could get this jigjaw puzzle solved...And my Mom still lives and is v healthy..But I have distanced myself now for my own sanity
I choked up when you said "the universe knows I tried." That's the only thing I've ever needed to hear from people around me when going through my mother's death. All I got was my mother in law telling me that she loved me the best she could, after ranting, for an hour, about how much of a monster she was. The worst part about a narc mother dying is nobody takes the victim seriously.
my mother is dying right now. I was tormented by 9 "soulmates" and feel guilty for suspecting my mother is a narcissist. She did love me very much and we had good times. I never did tell her i am gay because i knew it would be so awkward and she could not accept it. Now, she is dying of cancer and im so depressed and confused. Yesterday, she did not seem happy to see me. She wanted me to keep all the cards people mailed to her and remove some balloons friends sent her. She suffered very much, and is very depressed over the loss of control over this. As much as I love her, part of me longed to be free all these years. I am feeling so guilty, sad, depressed, selfish, confused. I dont know how long this will take or how i can ever heal.
How are you doing today
@@Webbgurl2000 thank you so much for checking on me friend. My mom passed March 30. I was with her at the end. I sent off over 80 thank you letters yesterday. I went back to work today after 2 months. Slowly trying to heal. I miss her and life will go on, but never the same. Thank you so much for checking on me. God bless you. I hope all is well for you.
If you can get some grief counseling. I definitely suggest it so that this can be helpful for you during this time sending love and light your way!
@@itsjustanexperience thank you so much friend. I hope all is well with you
Thank you for this video. It was really helpful. I'm a 25 year old female and I have a narcissistic grandmother, who partly "raised" me. She's over 80 and I'm worried, what will happen, when she dies. Her family, that she held hostage for the last decades, maybe will just collapse. I guess, I'm going to feel released but also guilty when she dies for thinking of her as a not-so-great-grandmother - even though, that's what she is. I'm trying to prepare myself for the day, when she dies with videos such as yours. Thanks again! ♥
Hi, you mentioned that you always had a fear of your mom dying. For me it was the complete opposite and I’m not sure if it’s normal. For as long as I can remmeber, even at a very young age, I always secretly wished my mom would die. I would always hope she got in a car accident on her way home from work so I wouldn’t have to deal with her when she got home. So when she did finally pass, it was so relieving. But also felt like I wished it hard enough for it happen
I have both feelings if that is of any help. Like I would like it to be over and done with but I wish no harm on her at the same time.
I had been no contact with my narc .mother for two years. The police showed up at my door to tell me. I called my step father and was there in 4 hours .We planned her furnaral together. And to tell the truth when it's your mother no matter what she was to you it's different than anyone else's passing .I did handle it well with one breakdown due to anger . The family and friends were very supportive .Also I had told her I was there for her anytime always but she had to come correct .i had boundries .I had thought about them for 2 years before I decided it what was best for me .
I hate to break it to you but the forgetfulness towards the end was probably not real. Most probably just another manipulative tactic. Ever noticed how they forget stuff at the most convient of times?
my mom has a very selective memory. I deal with it by not ever bring up anything other than things that are very surface level. I've recently severely cut contact.
Yes.
@@gabbykitty5318that was exactly how I managed to maintain a relationship with my mother as long as I did- just let her talk about herself and keep the conversation light like she was just a casual acquaintance.
So glad to have this as a resource, and for validation. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences and perspective.
When I first got accepted on social security my narc mom told SSI that I wasn't capable or reckless with managing my own money so they gave her more power of control over my money. I remember looking at the check on the table being just curious and she told me not to think about touching it. I told her it was mine she told me that it was hers because it had her name on it but she was just the payee. I never got any of that money. I got a job at a voc rehabilitation center so I told her could I have some of my money she said I didn't need it that I have a job so she was using me and abusing me at the same time. I saw my sister had a fast food job I told her I wanted to get a job she told me that I didn't need it because I would lose my social security later I realized she was worried about losing money. Needless to say to when I first got my backpay my mom and dad acted like they hit the jackpot when they walked out of the court smiling at each other and it was like I wasn't there in the room and my mother bought a new car with my back pay.
Thank you for writing this - I am so sorry this happened to you. As much as we would like normal caring parents, it just isn't possible when they are narcissistic.
My mother has me suspended in grief with threatening her death constantly. Thank you for this video.
Thanks for speaking out, sharing..it helps SO MUCH!
My Mom has been very very cunning and knows how to play multiple people in multiple ways, unlike your Mom who was outright loudly narcissistic..
With my Moms covert yet grandiose ways, my journey too took much longer and now at 54, I am slowly healing from and just cannot get hoovered by her...
For my narc Mom, in a twisted way, now that she is ailing, i think death will bring her the peace she never knew! I have been staying away and yet i used to get major trauma as i had no clue about narcissism and had no idea so many have been on the same journey as I have been...
I saw my mother a couple weeks before she died. She didn’t reciprocate the hug I gave, didn’t say much of anything the day I went home. She didn’t apologize or validate her treatment of me. She’s been dead over 20 years and I still can’t find a good reason to mourn her. In a way I regret spending money to see her ‘one last time’.
I've tried EVERYTHING under the sun to try to gain unconditional love, acceptance and approval from my narc. mom.
For example, I tried talking, reasoning, try to be something and someone I wasn't just to gain her approval, therapy, rebelling and yelling from the top of my head and NOTHING worked because she would not own up responsibility in her part of all of her ugly behavior towards me.
Long story short, I cut ALL ties with her and went no contact with her and OTHER toxic family members. It was the best decision I've ever made. It was like a large, heavy weight bigger than myself that was lifted. The only regret that I have that I wish I would of done this slot sooner.
My narc mom passed away 4 years ago. She NEVER apologized to me her whole life in all the wrongdoings she did to me that caused my p.t.s.d. and other stuff that happened to me but on her death bed, she did apologize in hospice. I brought my spouse and a friend over to hospice with me for support then one of my narc relatives complained that my mom was uncomfortable having my friend around and he didn't do anything wrong. My mom was holding my spouses hand tight and didn't let go because she was afraid of dying. If my mom didn't want them there she would of told me and so would the hospice staff.
So because my relatives wanted to paint me as a "trouble maker" along with my spouse and friend, I decided to not visit my mom at hospice anymore after that. When I went to the funeral, I only stayed for 15 minuets to view her and said my good byes. I signed in the guest book and signed out so that way they didn't say I was a " no show" and I left and didn't turn back. How dare my narc siblings saying that my mom didn't want my husband and friend there for support and said they make her uncomfortable. I guess that I'm either crazy or that my mom's apologies where not sincere.
Long story short, I went no contact with the rest of my toxic family and very low contact because of this and again, I'll never turn back for this one to..
I wish there was a way I can forgive them, it doesn't mean I want to reconcile because their to toxic for my physical and mental health but to let go of the bitterness and anger I hold towards them so they no longer have power over me. Forgiving doesn't mean being pals and go out and having coffee because there's a big difference between trust and forgiveness. Trust is a record of past behaviours that you keep records of, forgiveness means letting go of all the hurt so they don't have power over u anymore. You do not have to trust but forgiveness is something u do for you and not them..
I hope I get to that point of forgiveness. I'm sorry I'm so long winded, I just needed to vent. Thank you for listening to me. I really appreciate it.
To make something clear, I went no contact with all my relatives except for 3 of then. 2 very low contact and one, who happens to be my daughter I have frequent contact with because we are close
My mother with narcissistic behaviors died at the age of 89 and I am now able to breathe a little deeper. Her child rearing methods had cultural roots that discouraged formation of a strong attachment in early childhood. Then she withheld validation as a way to maximize performance. I grew up feeling smothered, controlled, lacking a sense of self ... and I worked on it for decades. I kept my distance at times, especially when she had lots of activities with her golden child. I went no-contact for months at a time, then warmed back up to low-contact. Two months ago, she got very sick with cancer and died within 4 weeks. I was so grateful when I learned she was sick and that my long burden would finally end. But that good feeling didn't last forever. She continued to pit me and another family member against each other on her death bed. Now I am in the phase of complicated grieving. There is mostly emotional exhaustion, I guess. I have so many conflicting feelings so every day is another bunch of emotional ups and downs. Thank you for your video, it was extremely validating. When my mother was first diagnosed, the first thing I felt was gratitude that I had done all the work I could have done and grieved the loss. Your words were so so validating.
My mom just died I have been non contact for a year and a half. I was the scapegoat of my Nmother. My mother actively hated me and showed it. The final blow was my Nmother told my Dad not to tell me she was dying. He waited till the last minute and then told me the night before. I decided I would see her in the morning because it was around 9pm when he told me. She died at 3:13 am that morning. I never got to see her.
*_We teach others how to treat us._*
My narcissistic ex-Momster died. Today is the day of her funeral. It will also be broadcast live. I will not watch and I will not attend. I will not subject myself to sitting there, listening to my three enabler ex-brothers and extended ex-family in denial, singing her praises. Nobody told me she died. I found out by searching her name much the way a person checks to see if their lottery tickets won. I found her obituary. My Son's and my name are not even mentioned... They can just wallow in denial & lies; singing the Momster's praises.
🤮
Thanks for sharing you experiences. My experience was pretty much similar to yours. 🦊
Yes about the lack of closure. Obviously, he was ok with who he was and did because he mostly did his best. Nevertheless, I did not want to have any regrets and stayed with him until the end. It takes time and distance to heal. How have my children experienced me? I wonder a lot about that. I know I did my best. Will they see it that way?
I’m 46 yrs old, my mother died 3 yrs ago, I was her caregiver for about 10 years, and I JUST realized that my mom was a narcissist. Intellectually, i knows it, but i still can’t believe it; like it’s just not computing. Everyone loved her so much, and i know that’s part of it; but, like, no one would EVER believe she was a narcissist. Hell, i didn’t even know until now. It’s crazy to me to hear so many of these stories, and they are identical to my own experiences. Yet, it’s still so hard for me to comprehend that she was a narcissist.
This video helped me alot! Thank you 💜
Thank you for video. Perfect. Really helps. I will watch it once a week.
Thank you so much for this video!!!
Thank you this is true to me too about all you share ! 🙏💜
My grandma is dying of cancer and i still want nothing to do w her and think I’ll be relieved when she goes. I’m struggling w how to deal now that she’s sick and explaining why I’m the only one that isn’t visiting her or caring. I kind of just act like I’m working long hours or super busy and can’t find the time....
I'll do the same for the narcissist mum.
I just want to see them in the dirt. Thanks for making this video.
Here ye here ye!!!
😂
This video sent shivers done my fucking spine. I really needed this so much.
Thank you!
My mother was a malignant narcissist. When I got cancer she gaslighted me. And took all of my family abs friends with her. She died recently. Her final words to me were lying bitch and she doesn’t love me. She refused to see me before she died…and when she died it has left me a basket case. Two days before she died…her nurse wanted to call me and mom said no. It wasn’t her business. When asked how she feels about me…she said I love her…but. I am drowning in emotional pain. Her funeral was beautiful. But everything said about her “beautiful lies”…I am free but tied. I can’t see a mom or anyone who has a mkm…why did she do this to me…she tokd me she didn’t love me
It wasn't your fault. It was HER. She was a very sick person and you just happened to be there. When I say do not take it personally, I mean if it was not you, it'd be someone else. There was something deeply wrong with HER, not you. She was incapable of loving ANYONE. She chose you because you were near and she saw all that was beautiful and right in you and was jealous for it for herself.
It WAS NOT YOUR FAULT. One day you will see this. ⚘💜
Geez sheaves my mom sound like an angel and my mom was the devil!!
This is why I only showed up for 15 minuets to view my Mom, said my goodbyes and literally walked out of the funeral home and drove away. Because I know that her funeral where full of " beautiful" lies.
This was one of the best decisions I've ever made. When she died, it was like a weight bigger than myself that's lifted off my shoulders, I have no regrets. Now, I can say, " free at last, free at last, thank God, I'm free at last."
@@eileensianez6766same! Crazy isn't it.
She tells others she loves you to look like the angel / victim.
I'll finally be free. No more stalking or ending up with state police in other states telling me I'm reported missing when I move out of state and start new jobs. Then she knows where I am and hell begins again. I can't wait until I'm free and that will only be when she's gone.
Same! Stay strong ❤
Did she put u in her will? Narcissistic parents love omitting their scapegoat child out of their will to punish them from the grave
My narcissist mother died in May, we were in no contact since November 2020. She was already dead to me. The golden child who is just like her, hid it from me, I just found out this September. I don’t feel guilty, I didn’t feel sad, I felt anger to my siblings for hiding her sickness and death. I pray that she was able to repent and accept God and Yeshua for her soul. I forgive her for me and I hope she knows this.
Did she disinherit you
@@singstreetcar5881 I didn’t get anything when she died
Hi my name is Robert my narcissistic father died last August of this year. He did set up the sibling rivalry with my sister when I spoke the truth. I was told indirectly that he did not want me to know when he died and nor go to his funeral so I did not go. I grieved the parent that I never had years ago so I don't feel that ache right now but it's it's sad that he never had my back and my sister became this princess even though she was such anger issues and was it a very violent person she could do no wrong and. Actually was going to put one of his mass cards in my room and something e told me not to and ain't lined it up burning one and it was almost like to just I can't read the lies and. I know I did the right thing by not going to his funeral since he did not want me to go and I did not want a confrontation with my sister because I'm sure she was just looking for that opportunity. And you're right just because someone dies doesn't make them wonderful person. I've been researching and looking up so many other videos and they all say the same thing that how do you love someone that never showed you love you you don't you can't. Robert in Philadelphia
There is an actual link between dementia and previous narcissism its a neurological disease i am going through the same thing with my mom on lifesupport 5 strokes three since the spring the hardest thing to deal with . How can i pull the plug on my own mom . This is after i recorded her and exposed all the lies that week i decided we were gonna heal and move her to california to be with me . Soon as she got back to nyc she had a stroke within two days. It hurts alot . Im the only one to make decisions . I feel horrible this is happening. I forgave her
From an outsider listening to your story, it almost sounds like you were in a cult of one. Sorry to be so brunt. But am glad you've seen the light of day. That might've saved a life from self-doubt and needing the approval of others...the universe does not need to know. Only YOU need to know.
Update?
Will prob make a new video on this topic in the next month or so stay tuned
The noise in the background is distracting
Is she on some kind of airplane?
You are talking as if a fly died. I understand she abused you and that's horrible, but still as a human being looking at your facial expression after your mother's death is kind of scary to me. My own mother is also Narcissistic, but I know I will feel a lot after her passing, it's very strange for me and something is very off in your energy. I am not sure if it's denial, pretentiousness or just inability to have human emotions. Narcissists sometimes damage their own children to a level that they detach from their humanity to protect themselves.
She’s done a lot of work to get where she is mentally and emotionally. I don’t know the level of the abuse you’ve received, but to some of us it is a relief.
Narc in the chat! 😂 can't respect someone's alternative feelings / views / experiences clearly
We found out that the whole population is Narcissistic when the youtube videos started popping up about narcissism around 2011...
Almost...
You claim you don't have any regrets, but you will... and maybe you do sometimes in the quiet of you soul. There is no way you can resent/hate your mother and not have regrets.
I have seconds of regret but when the pain and suicide attempts on my part and everything else shehave done to me all regret slips away. Blessings to you.
I have gone no contact with my mother for over a year now, best thing I could have ever done - she has never been a mother - still working through the trauma, abuse and neglect she caused - effects me every day - learning to take back my power - the damage is life long - they are sick individuals.
Another narc in the chat it seems! 😂
Thank you!