The videos I make are requested by you the viewers. Please feel free to suggest any mental health related topics you might like me to cover in the future.
Hi Darren, I'd like some tips on getting to a place of acceptance because holy moly I'm not there yet. I understand the dysfunctional dynamic in my family and that it revolves around my mother. *But how can I accept it? how can I know what I know and be at peace with it?* be like, yeh, ah sure they're flawed but aren't we all. How can I get to that place of insouciance. Excuse my French.
I've had 18 months of therapy. I think I was boring myself talking about it. So I took a break. I have been practicing self-compassion from the work book my therapist recommended and it has helped a bit I think. But I'm not there yet. It still hurts. I only have one life and I'm furious that my parents are causing me to live it in pain.
Life lesson: do NOT give these sick people any information of which they will attempt to use against you. Just don’t tell them anything about you. This has helped me tremendously.
You're absolutely right..I've found that too brings me so much peace🤗...your hopes and dreams💕 are their nightmares💔.. ...peace of mind is so amazing after dealing with narcissist aka control freaks🤷♀️🤷♀️family members..as it been said when one person is happy😆😁 another person is mad😠😡...its sad we cant be happy together as family.. When that cant happen its time to step back out of the nonsense...bc its a merry- go- round....never stopping unless you stop it...stay alert to the craziness of 👪 family members...
Well if you are such an awful person, you did them a favour! So they shouldn't complain to others if you go no contact. That proves they are the problem. Can't get over no!
@@georgesontag2192 And defame us in their negative comments to everyone they meet that mention us. Many see the agenda they have. We have one great advantage, they are predictable, we KNOW how they will act. We can predict that there will always be the same problems. We may talk ourself out of our gut feeling, we shouldn't.
My mother was also very abusive in public, especially when “she could show off“ to many people“ in person how “bad“ I was! And, she was always yelling at me and swearing! 😱
Agreed, coz all the time it's not their fault.. always blaming you for everything. Better avoid them at all costs. I experienced this from my ex before and it was horrifying and actually destroyed my self esteem and created doubts in myself
Absolutely. Don't tell them you're leaving and don't look back. This is the most dangerous time of your life with a narcissist. They can easily become violent if they think they are losing control over you.
Hard to accomplish when it’s your adult child. I cut her off for 2 years..that helped, but I have to maintain control as the mother, make her stay in the boundaries I set, and shut her down when she tries to manipulate again or blame others. I read a lot to understand the devastation she created, figuring it out was incredibly helpful and it allowed me to regain control of the situation.
My oldest daughter blew up the family emotionally in 2016 and it was everyone else except for her. I stopped all communication until the end of 2018. That helped incredibly, and in that time I read, I searched, I listened and I learned. When I finally said I would talk to her on my terms it was with strong boundaries that I maintain..and it’s a constant vigilance. I stop communicating when she steps over the line. She tried to turn her siblings and my best friend of 35 years against me to isolate me, it failed thank goodness. It also showed her hand to everyone at the same time and that was what made the difference. It’s been 5 years and it still requires that I not allow her an inch, it took a long time to see my triggers and not let her use them. It’s very hard, a million tears cried trying to figure her out. She was not coddled or spoiled and no other narcissistic or covert-aggressive behavior in the family. She didn’t show this behavior at all until she started succeeding in her career in her 20’s and it worsened as her weight went out of her control. Don’t give up, please read..listen..learn. You have to regain your place as the mother, not their child, if you’re dealing with the narcissist child..that’s what I’ve learned.
I have found with a narcissist that the “apology” tends to be vague and they never really admit to anything specific. Meanwhile when they are complaining about your behaviours, you will get a very detailed list.
They WILL NOT go "deeper" , because it is far too painful for them - it may break them psychologically, truth be told. Most of their behavior is based on the SPIRIT OF FEAR. And fear is one of the most powerful demonic spirits in the satanic/demonic hierarchy . Yes, it is every bit demonic, nothing less.
I hope Will Smith sees your video. He might be able to distance himself from his narcissist wife once he sees her in a rational way free from her controlling emasculation and destructive behavior. You described her to a tee.
@rozwood1668 I've felt extremely relieved when highly narcissistic individuals have stopped contact, or avoid me, especially when they're the types who are vindictive! I've found that it's often more difficult with "partners" and family members, depending on the person and situation, though. ❤
The closest I ever got to an apology was "If I did that, then I'm sorry". Qualifying it with the "if" means they don't accept responsibility for their actions.
"I'm sorry IF you feel that way about it, but you should listen to me", "I'm sorry IF you think of me that way, but you're wrong", "I'm sorry IF you got offended, but that's the way I speak" - the list never ends. Also "Thank you, glad you listened to my advice", "Thank you, I could've done it myself", "Thank you, I've seen others do this too".
This is what I received from my narc today, its like your message., I have applied for divorce. " I am sorry again, please forgive me if I did anything to upset you." Yes, IF ? What is that!
What ever they do, is an act. The next person that sees them gets a different act. .....somehow they know they are the only person in the world who knows all they know and are dead serious................its a cliche now but look how our last "president" pulled this know it all act non stop. The only truth was out of his mouth. Only he could fix it.............usually fixing a problem he totally created.
Mine would apologize, anf love to play the remorseful victim. „I am sorry, I was wrong. I know I am not perfect. Now you HAVE to forgive me, take me back, apologize for your part, not remind me EVER about the many horrific things I did to you and pretend they never happened and accept part blame as YOUR behavior drove me to it…
I think when a narcissist says, "I love you" or "I will always love you, " they really mean something like, "I own you" or "I will always target and seek to control and manipulate you."
In my case, and as I tried to explain to my ex and my "mom", when they say "I love you", it simply means "I love the way you love me". They are NOT capable of loving anybody. They get angry when they lose their victim. My 2 cents.
My mother has smeared me to my neighbours and our distance relatives overseas. Now I’m having to move on from our family doctor because she’s slandered me to him. He’s bought her story even though I told him what she was like. He’s even got my psychologist’s report recommending I have no contact with her and my CPTSD diagnosis from her abuse. My mother’s an absolute expert at playing the victim when in private she’s an abusive monster… I’ve cut off all the flying monkeys connected to her, the Dr was the only one left, and now he’s changed with me. She’s like sludge that overcomes everyone she comes into contact with.
@@AnnieAtRecess I've said that too but then they say they're sorry I feel that way. It's like Grandma's nightgown -- it covers everything. Absolute frustration.
The "apology" I always got was...... *"Well, I'm SORRY you don't want to hear the TRUTH!"* Yeah right, they are wonderful because in their twisted, toxic view they are "helping" you for your own good. They think they deserve a medal or something.
It's has become very interesting to me how a narcissist never takes responsibility for the hurt and pain they cause in a relationship. I don't have a problem of him slandering or shaming me thru family or his friends (and if he did do this it would have no affect on me). He is not computer literate and doesn't use a cell phone. The challenge is getting him to go.
*That didn't happen...And if it did, it wasn't that bad. And if it was bad, it's no big deal. And if it is a big deal, it's not my fault. And if it was my fault, I didn't mean it. And if I did mean it, you deserved it.* I saw this description years ago and it seems to fit!!
Oh my gosh. Thanks for sharing. This is so profound. Their ability to “walk around” or talk around any scenario is so convincing, so credible. These people work their magic on others, captivating them, while to the horror of the victim, who is left without support or defense in this exchange. Imagine this happening in the courtroom. The victim of the abuse is now victim of a wrongful judgement in a legal matter. A victim without friends , as the narc sways their minds. A victim without their children, as the kids have been manipulated by the narc to despise the “wrong” parent. This parent with every awful characteristic projected onto them by the narc. This is my life!
A perfect description of an evening a few years back when i confronted her .. you have to be there and see it to believe it .. they will swear black is white .. truly sad people .. but not my problem anymore .. I thank god for having enough about me despite the drip drip abuse affect to call her out and be strong .. thats when you realise they are actually very very weak people and only give off an aura of strength.
1. Give up on any relationship with them 2. Grieve for the loss of what wasn't and what will never be 3. Make a get out plan and stick to it, and don't share it with anyone 4. Get help so you don't carry the burden of their abuse for the rest of your life 5. Smile and tell them however you tell them "we're done" when you finally give yourself permission to go no contact
ngl I shoulda done this, but the way I did go out was awesome. I basically lashed out at him for not apologizing for rude things he said in the past, he didnt completely own up to them ("I'm sorry I made you feel that way, I didn't realize I was hurting you"), you know, that B.S, and I lashed out more remembering more things he needed to apologize for. Fast forward to later, and he made me apologize for doing that, but when he was scolding me I realized that I mustve really gotten into his head because he did this whole victim routine where he said "I never did anything wrong to anyone' and "you dragged me through the mud." Although at face value these things could be upsetting, in hindsight I was amused. I really did hurt his ego by yelling at him over text, huh? lol. Anyway, this was unrelated but your list reminded me of that. Narcissism is a hell of a drug, haha
Depart without a word. That thing you thought was a person, wasn't. It's not worth talking to. Cut the memory. Extinguish the hold it has on your imagination.
Wow, this describes my ex 100%, started off being the perfect gentleman.... flowers, romantic gestures, etc.etc. then bit by bit, chipped away at every last bit of me... 25+ years always thinking try a little harder, perfect home, garden , cook... didn't like my friends, eventually one day I realised that if I was on my own, I could work a lot less & have peace... 21 years have passed & I've NEVER regretted 1 nano second
She had the worst selection of friends unless it was guys. Divorced Single Moms, Sisters that used/twisted husbands around, never teaming with them & divorcing or killing them off. The guys were like always taking her away, life in his car. It wouldn't ever end. Meanwhile I'm working & building constantly. Years of this, then Entitlements time, boyfriend sees his cut.
Have the similar experience with narcissist husband getting divorced now. Feeling better but worried about the kid who behaves the same. Always gaslighting on the kid too. Don’t know how to protect from his manipulation with the kid. Any thoughts and suggestions would be appreciated. Thank you
@@Reddy7714 From my real life experience with a narcissist, son in law, getting the divorce may be the best thing you can do for children. I know my daughter regrets deeply having hung there for the kids as long as she did... we deal with the consequences often! I guess better late than never, but sooner rather than later! Wishing you all the best!
On a similar note: Best advice I got? "if you're in a situation and you see people doing or saying things that they want to guilt you or make you angry, leave. Doesn't matter if it's family or friends....just leave. There's no law that says you have to sit there and take it".
When the Narcissist has your son and your grandchildren whom she has not allowed you to see until she feels she has the apology she deserves ( she being the arbiter of that apology) there really is no hope.
Oh yes! My mother, a covert narcissist, would tell people, "I am really concerned about her ...."whatever she made up. Made me look bad. And it worked! Her friends thought I was a horrible person. Very validating video. Thank you.
My mother in-law was also a covert narcissist. She kept up appearances but in reality she was a mean spiteful controlling bitch. When she got Alzheimer’s it got worse to the point she was physically and emotionally abusing my father in-law, wife and even my kids. She’s dead now and hopefully burning in hell for the terrible things she did.
Omg this video made me think of my Mom too. My Mom also does the thing of she's "just worried about me" plus telling others that. I'm 54! I also still get a feeling of tension and fear if anyone tells me they Love me. Nice, huh? What bothers me most is relatives or close friends who RECOGNIZE she's messed up but still don't understand or won't believe me about exactly how messed up she is. Or why I won't deal with her because of it plus have tried MANY times to just have a "nice" relationship with her. "Yeah, she's controlling but she's just worried about you." "Sure, she's intrusive, but it's just because she cares." "Yes, she's hard on you sometimes but think of what she's been through." Nope, nope, and NO! Love and light to you! And anyone else dealing with a relative like this. ❤💕💞😎🎶 (I'm LC by the way but she's stirring up trouble AGAIN. My next step might be to move and cut all ties. Sad.)
I had the misfortune to have a narcissistic father, then husband and finally a partner who kept it covered for about 8-10 years - then all the things you talked about started happening. When I left (after 17 years)there were tears and sorry's galore but no real remorse. He then stalked me for several months - but I escaped and am healing from it all. Starting a new life at 70 is interesting but exciting too - bring it on!
Alice, I am 5 years behind you and had the exact same sequence of events. Father, husband (25 years) and a partner who dumped me for someone else in our social circle after 7 years. I thought he was my soulmate at long last and was truly devastated when he literally exchanged me for her. I started putting together the pieces afterwards and discovered common threads throughout all the relationships, behaviours which I thought were normal (having being raised by a narcissistic father). Only after the last breakup did I learn about narcissism and NPD. At last it all makes sense and at 65 I too am ready to take on the rest of my life with a new enthusiasm. I feel so empowered by this knowledge. FYI my dad just passed away 2 months ago at 94. He was a larger than life character who overcame terrible childhood trauma, accomplished much in his life and was admired by many. But he had another side to him... for example, I found out that he cheated on my mother who was a saint of a woman, whom he loved and relied on for so much. Perhaps not so strangely, I don't miss him but feel truly peaceful and at ease for perhaps the first time in my life.
@@catbirdler I find it so sad that so many people suffer at the hands of narcissists and feel that they are in some way inadequate or to blame when truth is they are not. Cindy I wish you a very happy future hold your head high because you got through it. Believe in yourself and be proud of who you are - a kind and lovely lady who deserves to be loved with kindness. All the best from Alice.
This is so empowering, Alice. I’m 40. Thank you so much for inspiring and sharing. My father is a narcissist and I’ve recently broken ties. Have been fortunate enough not to seriously date or marry a narcissist because my father’s actions made me hyper sensitive to any issue or any sign someone gives me. Which is a whole issue within itself! Anyway, thank you.
I am 63 and feel the same about my sibling. It was only in the past year, after the death of our father, we quit speaking again and for me, it's the very last time. Life is too short for all that misery. I choose happiness and positivity, no more narcissistic crap! I cannot believe how long it took me to decide enough was enough, no more. I wish you the very best and much happiness due to your choice, congratulations! It is not easy but I know you will find true happiness within yourself and thrive! Please Everyone, Be Safe, Healthy, Happy and most important; Be Kind - Kindness Counts. (p,s, being kind does not mean we become pushovers, ever again!)
“A narcissist paints a picture of themselves as being the victim or innocent in all aspects. They will be offended by the truth. But what is done in the dark will come to light. Time has a way of showing people’s true colors.” - Karla Grimes
Ask them what they see in the mirror every day and they'll try to brush it off/make excuses for it. I've had teenage kids that tried pulling the narcissistic card on me multiple times when I worked in a grocery store. Some of them realized real quick that I wasn't going to take that kind of crap from them and changed their attitude fast.
“There is simply no winning with a narcissist. They will treat you so horribly, that you will become withdrawn and depressed, and then, they will turn around, and say, ‘You’re no fun anymore, you’re always so depressed. I need to be with someone more positive.’” - Susan Williams
@@spir5102 God bless you 🍀🙏I'm happy that it's now pssed tense "lived it" so you're not living,,, it 🍀🙏God bless you & hope lifes treating you extremely kindly now
@@ArcanumAscent So sorry to hear this Seems she ws trying to mnipulte & control, & intimidte you Truly hope you're in a much better sitution now, God bless you 👍🍀🙏
@@ArcanumAscent This is brilliant that you're moving in the right direction 👍👉🙏God bless you & this is what mtters 👏Your eyes have now been opened, never to be deceived, 👀ever again 🍀🙏For you are now full of insight, wisdom enlightenment 🙌🍀🙏M@y you be blessed abundantly, from this time forth
@@ArcanumAscent wow this is brilliant news 👍📰👏Congrtultions 🤚🎉🎊God bless you 🙌👍🙏Is triangulation, where the nrcissists brings in a 3rd person into what should just be between you & the nrcissist? 🤔🍀🙏
My husband screamed in my face " I don't want to live with you any more" what a relief that was for me. Putting up with his narcissistic ways drove me crazy always thinking I did something wrong. His punishment was to give me the silent treatment for weeks on end. Then tell his friends what I constantly did wrong ..... he's been gone now for 3 months and I don't miss being married to that man.... he will never contact me because I found him out for what he is. I'm now 71 and should have freed myself years ago. A big thank you for your advice 😊
The absolute worst in a relationship… be very careful to anyone watching this that hasn’t been there. I was a victim of this. Had no idea what the hell was happening. I’m an intelligent woman. Being involved with an abusive narcissist is not easy to see at first. Everything you said is spot on. Worst time of my life.
I was seeing a man...as the relationship progressed he tried to be more controlling, so I broke it off. That's when the fun began. 🙄 stalking on a scary level. I stood my ground and eventually he gave up, but that was scary...
Ditto, my ex was a very abusive narcissist and would blame it on her bipolar, or other mental health issues, i go to work she'll clai im not working but sleeping around behind her back... despite comming to my work place and seeing me there, then she claim i was only working because of the girls there (what the 50 year old grannies? Lol) i came home from work one day she had downed 6 bottles of wine, smashed the place up, smashed the oven. Her response when i walked through the door and saw the mess "oops" i told her "I'm going out for a walk, i suggest you leave before i get back" The police had been pushing me to press charges for years, but in my head it was her mental health and she needed help not locking up. I bumped into a guy she was staying with after i kicked her out, turns out she did the same to him, heck she even split his lip and stabbed his legs up with a fork all because he didn't have any alcohol to give her while she wouldn't even give him a drag of a cigarette. Yeah won't make that mistake again
@@miapdx503 sure is! Here’s a funny one.. mine abused me… I was bullied and pushed up against the wall stuck in my room … one day finally had enough and hit him.., in the SHOULDER because he was threatening me. He proceeded to call the cops on me, and I’m the mother of his son! (A damn good mother too) I’m so unbelievably grateful he is out of my life … for good!!
“They may apologize but they are not sorry for what they have done. They are sorry that they are suffering repercussions. They are sorry that you can now see them for what they really are.” Boy, did you nail that! They are sorry that they can no longer control you. The jig is up!
Low Bro I know them personally. They are not born this way. They choose to be selfish over and over again until they have morphed themselves into soul-less monsters. I don’t have sympathy for creeps anymore. Sorry if I struck a chord.
Not born this way. Narcissism is usually a result of abuse or the cycle of narcissism in the family tree. At some point, in the generations, it gets broken.
Liz Alleman The “experts” say it’s caused by abuse. I disagree. I have to say that is not what I’ve seen at all. So far the ones that I know, have been able to control their entire family with manipulation and were given everything they ever wanted. They were the catered to kings and queens of their families. They became used to that. They now see people as objects to be used as they see fit. They never learned empathy and they never learned remorse. Little kings and queens grew up to be big kings and queens. Their thinking is: I do no wrong. I am always in the right. I am better than everyone else. It is irrelevant what other people’s feelings are. The world and everyone in it is here to serve me and give me what I want but I can’t actually let people know that so let me create this fake nice personality so that I can draw them in. Then the manipulations and the deceptions begin. They literally create a personality that comes across as humble and nice. It’s a complete farce. Of course I’m talking about the covert narcissists. They are about as dangerous as can be.
Lesson: Leave the relationship once you figure out what's going on and how they are. Be happy, don't tolerate their manipulation. Just observe them, laugh as much as you can, sing, dance, do whatever you like. Seeing you happy is a pain for them; watch how they burn inside.
That can be dangerous, as they get more violent seeing you happy. There goal is to have you below them at all times, and you being happy will make them do anything to bring you down, including threatening your life.
@@coexistingcanine66sadly, their threats are laughable too 😂😂 about as threatening as a baby spitting their binky at you. I will let no one put me in a state of fear especially when I have no reason to be 🙃 tf I look like minding my business living MY life & fearing someone who has no damn business being in it? Sounds like a personal problem 🤷🏾♀️
OMG my mom actually said the same thing to me! She couldn't stand the fact that I won't answer my phone till 8:00 am. She asked about emergencies and I told her that's the only reason to call before 8. Of course she still tried, and I didn't answer.
My mother.... "No? What do you mean no? You don't tell me no!!!" Later.... "I don't remember that." Or... "I didn't/never said that." We haven't spoken in 6 years. It's been nice!
What about throwing herself on the floor and say that she needs medical help???? I am a man and it happened to me. I was an only child. My dad did not know how to handle her.
This is my mother. One day I had enough. It’s really hard to try and explain to people why you don’t communicate with your family, but they’re still all under her spell.
@@twanamccord411 Same here. Been close to three years now, I'll never live under anyone's thumb like that again, it's been so wonderful to live honestly and free of hostility.
I would maybe never have seen my mother for narcissist she is, if it wasn't for my father's passing. People who have "normal" mother will never be able to understand/relate. It's ok to leave and protect yourself, good luck and don't fall back into trauma bond.
Thank you for the calm and clear way you deliver information that is difficult to hear as a person who has just gone "no-contact" with a parent. Wasted many years suck in the narc bubble and was always pulled back into the chaos because of the "guilt" trips.
A story - A person began to realise they were being abused by a narcissist and started trying to create distance and boundaries. The abuser contacted the victims close friends and family saying they were worried about the victim and created a rumour that the victim was addicted to opioids and wasn't well. Thank you for this video, creating clarity and educating.
Going through this now from a boss. I am respectful but distance myself. Not sure about the rumors but his flying monkeys are coming around. I give him nothing.
I understand you might hurt because of her but as a mother I know how it feels when you far from your own Kids & leave you like strangers! instead of doing that, why don't you tell her how you feel & talk about it? I know most of Americans leave early it's because they got job or successful life the way i grew up, isn't like that they don't get out from There Parents house before they get Married! In US When they start living life easily & get everything they want after that they Complain & forget everything what they're parent Sacrifice for them! I'm in this situation so I know how it hurts so much 😢 and When you going to have a child, you might understand how it feels!
@@Metasebiya4 With all due respect, you must not have any idea how vicious and evil these narcissistic mothers can be. And maybe you don't understand that THEY NEVER CHANGE, they only get worse. And maybe you don't understand that the wounds they inflict are so deep, it changes a person. And perhaps you don't understand...they have ZERO compassion, even on their own kids. And maybe you have never heard, they are like vampires that suck your blood at any given chance. And one more thing, maybe you are not aware that too much abuse is not enough abuse according to a narcissist.
The victim side always sucks, especially if the Narc is a family member. Hopefully, she will sober up as she ages before it's too late. Wishing you a pleasant good post Narc life.
@@Metasebiya4 You understand a parent's feelings but Alex is a *victim* of a parent. If your mother was a spider, would you crawl onto her web so that she could eat you alive? Does a narcissistic parent have any shame or guilt or sympathy for mistreating a child? A narcissistic parent with any level of remorse should see that the end of the relationship is the result, the consequences of the abuse. No more guilt-tripping the adult child, who is finally free from the parent.
I married a man that was 12 years older than me. I started noticing how he was very over protective. It was fine at first but I began to notice how it was getting extreme. If I did anything with anyone else besides him he was jealous so I had to keep reassuring him that he was first. Then he didn't want to be around my family. If he said he didn't want me to go, I wouldn't,. Than it was faking sick. He would go as far as not taking his insulin just to see me jump into action. If I lay it out for him he would purposely not take it when we would go to church. So I had to start beating him at his own game buy having his insulin in a thermal bag that looked like a purse. When it stopped working on me and I started calling him on his stunts he started thinking he could scare me because he had isolated me from my family. One thing he didn't count on was that I stopped being intimated. He would try everything, but he didn't remember that I had kids. I had plenty of practice so I could see the signs
(8:15) "How dare you see through them. How dare you no longer want to put up with their nonsense." No truer words have been said...mic drop right there. 👏
@@wayneelliott1180 they won't if you tell on them. If you keep quiet yes they will. Psychopaths have the fear of getting caught that's why some think it's paranoid schizophrenia it isn't.
My covert narcissist destroyed my soul. The gaslighting made me doubt my own sanity. The silent treatment was like being slowly cut open whilst being unable to run. The trauma bond I was left with took me nearly two years to get over and was like being addicted to a class A drug. My life was a living hell. I can’t even put it into words. I didn’t know pain like that existed. I kicked them out of my home and cut all contact, it was that or death. After a lot of support from family, friends and professionals I’m now happy again and learning to live with my pain. It’s a journey but please make that first step. I realised that I’m the one with the career, I’m the one that’s kind and has friends. They don’t have anything, you’re a vessel. They don’t love, only destroy. Anyone going through that right now my thoughts are with you sending love ❤️
Bravo 👏 for you! Don’t look back! Love and live your own life and the fun memories you will create and generate! BRILLIANT synopsis by you! Again 👏 bravo!
I’m 42, male, the best decision I ever made in my life was to cut ties with my mother, I only wish I had done it earlier in my life. In therapy I learned that my childhood was absolutely not normal and that I had grown up with a narcissist with a bit if sociopathy mixed in. I tried to fix things, always attending to her emotional needs, always making excuses. It impacted me very negatively in many ways. The only real progress I have had for my own mental health was when I removed her from my life, 5 years ago now, never going back…….it was like getting rid of a toxic drug, when out of the system I regained my health, both physically and mentally.
It still hurts though. Make sure you are not suppressing pain by substituting other emotions to block out your true feelings. If you need to grieve, don’t stop yourself.
I just started therapy today..third time lucky...I have her worked out for years but I'm using the therapy to help me keep her out this time. The woman is rotten to the core. I hope I can succeed this time. She's started her smear campaign and making horrible accusations against me to other people
God bless everybody everywhere, who is struggling you are important. God loves you cry out to him, give all your prayers and concerns to Christ. You deserve the best in life.
For survivors who go no-contact...They 'ghost' for 30-90 days, until they come to terms with the fact you aren't going to return, then they reach out to those you love in order to 1. make you return or 2. enroll the people you love (and still have contact with) into the role they feel you "abandoned"...so, warn your loved ones of what to expect and look out for; but, FOR GOD"S SAKE DON"T RETURN UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES!!
Yeh same here. I moved to another country to get away from him! Three years later he still tries to contact me...ever 30 days or so he will try and call to see if I have unbocked him🤣..I get those blocked notifications. 🤦🏼♀️
@@megalightsfan4948 I have had all the bells and whistles with him. Straight from the book. It took me 3 years to finally go no contact and block him. Going on 7 months now uninterrupted. I wish I could tell other victims just how healing no contact is.
My sister was the perfect compliant robot for our narcissist mother. However I was not compliant and my mother would fly into physically abusive rages when I crossed her. Her verbal demeaning of me was incredible. I ended up moving 3K miles away and my life vastly improved.
I was raised the same. My life became so peaceful starting immediately after cutting ties with them. They all died within a short time of my walking away. Guess they couldn't take it after 60 years of using me as the blame catcher for all their problems.
You are far from alone. I simply spoke up about a pervert MILLIONAIRE narcissist taking my 3 yr old g.son into a dark closet w/a camera & glow toys 1st time babysitting 1st time alone 1st time @ the house alone as soon as Mommy left. Nobody talks to me now. APPARENY LOTS OF SECRETS!!! Its been hard but THE TRUTH SET ME FREEEEEEEE!!!! 🇺🇸🇺🇸 sacrificing their children for $$$$$ Step 1 Im powerless STEPS 2-12 God is not. I do my part 1 day. 🙏 "They wet the bed n blamed the blanket." This video is the most accurate. THANK YOU!!
Same situation with me..I know what the root problem is with the family..It's from their being sexually abused as kids.. When I bring it up they run like scared kids..It's sad because they have been conditioned to never face and deal with pain.. They're especially my mother are forever trapped in the horrors of their childhoods..They honestly never grew up..I'm upward and onward but still have a strong sense of retribution against my mother for pain she inflicted on me and my father
If anyone has to deal with a narcissist, whether it’s the parent of your children, a boss, or someone you have to live with, please create boundaries. Keep conversations short and brief. Do not elaborate. Keep conversations in writing too, which helps when they gaslight you 🤷♀️ There’s nothing wrong with you! Your biggest and best weapon is to educate yourself on how to deal with a narcissist.
Alice,👍👍👍👍👍 I am 85 ,my husband of 60 years was a narcissistic egotistical man with Abandonment syndrome! He passed away in 2017 ! That’s when I felt I was o longer a prisoner! Now my days are joy and sunshine ! Good Luck 🍀 and HAPPINESS ALL THE DAYS OF YOU LIFE !🌞🌈🌹🌺🌸🌼🌻🎄
My 88 year old mother has been with my 89 year old father since they were teenagers. I think he finally scared her a couple of weeks ago. He started to physically hurt her ( the years of emotional abuse were horrendous) and she finally saw him the way the rest of us do, and put an end to it. I hope. We have been down a similar road before. My family is hoping that this time she really gets it and won't give him the opportunity to hoover and love bomb her back into it. Mum tried to "see it through" with him. It sounds like you did, Betty. I'm glad you are free.
I celebrate my freedom day every year (the day my mother died) with a nice treat for myself. It was a long wait for freedom, she died almost 4 years ago at 92. I'm 72 now & every day is a blessing.
When people start with “I’m sorry you feel that way” or “I’m sorry but…” I shut it down and tell them “NOPE. That is not an apology. Try again.” And we continue in that manner until they get it right. That’s the only way to make it clear to them that THEY are the cause.
YES! you try talking specific about something that upset you and she tells me "do you know how often you do something that upsets me?" but its the same 2 general idea things for the past 5 years so
My daughter put my husband in jail because she lie on him saying that Ihe he rape her she lie God will pushisher her she took my husband away because she was jealous of me and her father realthship
When I finally got into the same situations my mother used to complain about, all I could see is how her constant abuse led me to grossly overcompensate and now I give way too much credence to others when I deserve some respect for my work.
Would you like to connect? I can give my email here then delete it. Maybe we could talk about it & find ways to heal. Very difficult I find to know someone in real life about this who truly understands & isn't dismissive of it.
She- “Youll never find anyone that cares like me.” Me- “God I hope youre right!” Celebrating 34 years of bliss this October with a woman that is nothing like the last one.
@@Tre16 Topic of the video - Narcissistic people What he talked about - A narcissistic person What traits are you displaying right now - Read the title
Yeah, the "No one thinks..." or "Everyone says..." My response is usually, "You asked everyone? Wow. How did you survey every human on earth and keep your job? You must be exhausted.
I had to end contact with my sister. After being blamed for everything bad that happened to our family for years I just couldn’t deal with her anymore. It’s been the most peaceful successful and stress free 10 years of my life.
Absolutely, I just cut my sister off 3 months ago, such peace, im making good choices, meeting up with friends, and getting along lovingly with my grown kids.... My sister was a BOSS all these years... At last I did it!!
This is really encouraging thank you I needed to see this. I had to do the same thing. She told me im gaslighting and emotionally abusive towards her.. funnily enough she started saying this after I didn't agree with the way she's treatment our family. As soon as I don't agree with something she says then she says which much assurance that I am gaslighting her & shifting her reality.. just because I have an opinion that isn't what she wants to hear. She's gone through our whole family and turned people against each other, called everyone an abuser and destroyed people's reputation. I snapped and said I just can't allow her to do this anymore, and as soon as I said that then guess what? Im an abuser too!
Had a narcissist mother. She brought me to several child psychologists because she thought I was a psychopath, because I couldn't be controlled by her. I know this garbage all too well
I've had similar experiences. It's good that it won't hurt your legal rights unless you ended up having to go to court. So, you can still live your life like a normal citizen after you get away from that relationship and have time to recover.
@@tylerhorn3712 anything to excuse her terrible behavior, and put it on me. She even went so far as to tell my relatives lies about imaginary scenarios in which I looked crazy. She told them I was a nazi. I turned my back on 90% of the family, they had nothing for me other then contempt. No one questioned the Queen Bee's narrative.
Yes I loved my mum she is not with us now. I was taken to see a physiatrist as had an accident that maid me faint. She thought I was pretending and so she took me to the Dr Dr said there was nothing wrong with me and I was very sensible but wanted to see my mother instead.
Narcissist people never ever stop abusing you. After 55 years it's still the same. But I've changed. I have let go of this person. I don't hate her. But Iam now free. It's wonderful.
When I relocated back to Tennessee, I never told one family member that I was leaving. I didn't even look up in the rear view mirror that early Saturday morning unless I had to do so. I just wanted to get away from all of it.
What is really hard is when you grow up in a narcissistic family and believe this behavior is normal, that is until you break away and get out into the real world. It never gets easy, the triangulation, scape goating, the lying. My only saving grace was thousands of miles.
I was part of a narcissistic family. Mother, brother and three sisters. What a mess! Once I realized what's going on. I am truly free now and at peace.
@@bethhenkelman5249 54+ years for me - My mother (covert narc) and brother (overt). Father was overt, but died when I was 9. When you grow up inside these dysfunctional families - it's all you know. Went no-contact 4 years ago - wish I'd done it 30 years earlier. They can derail the scapegoat's life...
My husband was a narcissistic egotistical personality! He wasn’t physically abusing just controlling ,he passed away a few years ago ! I felt like I was released from a prison ! I was so happy to get off that roller coaster ride ! But I did learn about narcissistic personality ,my husband was on the low end of the narcissistic personality ( controlling , depression ) if a person is trying to steer you away from family or friends by comments on how they don’t really care for you as much as they do ! That is a gigantic RED FLAG 🚩 RUN !
I recognize your feelings of being released from a prison. My husband (we have been together for 8 years) had a histrionic personality disorder and narcissism is part of this disorder. He was not physically abusive but very controlling and always lashing out to me when things went wrong for him. And this was often. His heart stopped during one of his outrages anger moods and that was the end. I do not feel ashamed not being the weeping widow. My life turned for the best and I know what true happiness is.
I actually heard mother tell someone that her goal was to break me, as though I was a was animal. I left home at 17. It took a long time for me to see the reality of the situation.
Unbelievable! How is anybody born without nurturing instincts? It is possible had you not moved out and she was unable to break you, she might have murdereed you.
@lo ro me too left at 17, I never got the love & attention that I needed I am 42 now still single, no kids, always attracting toxic relationships and non committed people. I feel very isolated and no friends. I am social and I get along with many people but all on a distance. It has been a very long and bumby road Sometimes I am so fed up by trying and fighting. What about you?
@@jillmariaplatteaux6083 That is also something I can relate to. I grew with an extremely narcissistic mother who had and still has no insight into into her affliction. Trusting others and making friends is hard and yet I'm perfectly contently living alone. I have one good friend in the whole state of NM I see often and might move closer to eventually.
@@jillmariaplatteaux6083 I dumped the toxic momma clone and got a dog. Then I got really selective. I don't understand why those women think I am easy. I play the game until get tired of her brand and the dog and I continue our relationship. The dog is a good judge. After the 3 or 4th time she is around, I watch the dog. If the dog is not with it when she shows up. She is most likely toxic.
Thank you. I learned this is one of the sure ways their apology is honest. If they are going to therapy regularly or some spiritual counselling and if you see them with self-improvement books and journals. This is a good sign and just be patient with them. Otherwise, if you know they are lazy, then stay far away from them, they are deceiving you and playing emotional games! God bless.
My final meeting with my mom ended when she said "Oh, I see. You're approaching this from a purely logical perspective instead of an emotional one". She left shortly after, having realized that without my emotions she had no power in the relationship.
I was told I was nothing more the the kitchen table and that I needed to check in to a mental hospital because I was going mad. It took 32 years to leave but I’ve now had 17 wonderful years on my own and plenty more happy years to come!
58 for me, so I hear you. This wasn’t even talked about in the 60’s& 70’s when I was a little girl being abused. I’m glad for the younger people that they will know sooner what’s really going on. I lived in fear every day growing up& learned to isolate very well, which I work on as best as I can with my PTSD, it’s really CPTSD, meaning more then one time. Yet the association for Psychiatrists “still” don’t consider CPTSD , and count it as real. I could tell them and I’m sure many others can tell them it’s REAL. Jeez I went no contact finally, best thing I ever did for myself, 2 years ago. No contact is the best thing one can do, if that’s possible for them. Take it easy people.
My ex was a fine tuned narcissist who lied, manipulated, gaslit, punished and twisted my life into a knot that was a prison. 5 wasted years with someone I loved with all my soul. This was my first experience with a person like this but I got away. Never never go back.
Be careful and learn about yourself because more narcissists will try to make their way to you because there is something in you that they want. Protect yourself and congratulations for getting away!!
Your testimony is EXACTLY what I'm going thru right at this moment except one been with him for 9 years. I've loved him dearly but feel I just cannot allow him to treat me this way anymore. Super hard and depression, doubt in myself, low self esteem, humiliation etc are all taking a huge toll on me.. Thanks for your words because now I don't feel alone. God bless!
@Cherry Girl I lost 7 years to mine. But I try not to think it as 'lost' time. I think of that time as a lesson learned, and a lesson well worth learning, however many years it took. Hope things are going much better for you now. :)
When I finally stood up to my narc “best friend “ i was discarded and since then I’ve had more peace ☮️ and less anxiety in my life . No more wasted time with someone who will use you .
Congratulations, and good job for seeing what was going on. I know it can be really hard, but u did it! It took me forever to see that all the years of nastiness has zero to do w/ love.
@@jerrodlopes186 I'm glad you reply that. Because at the risk of looking like I call everyone narcs myself, it takes GUTS to say it's multiple people in this day and age. Gotta love how victim blamers try to twist around. But I go with my gut and I call it out. Whether it's narcissism or any form of disrespect or me allegedly being oversensitive or crazy or whatever, I'm not taking any more bullshit!
What i feel after braking up a 9 years of friendship with my best friend is like I'm a little bit messed up in the head.. i keep feeling like i wasted 9 years of my life...sometimes I'm in the room talking out loud with myself like people were there listening to me...it's the feeling that i was never been heard i didnt have a voice in the relationship and all...man im still trying to forgive myself for putting me thru it
My mother was a great teacher. After years of emotional abuse, confusion, and absolute hopelessness, I decided that I'd had enough. After two years of counseling and the love and support of my husband, son, grandchildren, and wholesome friends, I'm recovering. The toughest part for me was that my mother, the one I loved and trusted did this to me. I was a victim of emotional rape over and over again. And, oh what she put me through when I walked out of her life for six long years. Yes, she was the best teacher ever. And because of her, I can spot a narcissist a mile away. However, I still get fooled from time to time. But not for long. I'd rather spend the rest of my life alone than spend five minutes with a toxic person. Thank you for helping me as well as many others going through a terrible relationship.
You are so brave. I have given up on many narcs but I hope to continue some relationships which haven't yet reached to the toxic part.. though I suspect I will regret this 🤭
Do you feel it was worth the cost three years later? I still feel that I wish I could be ignorant again almost two years later. Betrayal trauma, emotional incest, ambiguous loss,and prolonged/complicated grief are words to describe this. It took me 18 months and immense confusion/pain to be able to wrap my mind around. Discovering that your reality was never real absolutely shell shocks and disorients you. With a narcissistic parent, you lose so much more than a relationship. Look up "dark night of the soul".
The "purposely misinterpreting" really gets me every time! Helpful to know/remember that they know what they are doing, and not actually being hurt by something "awful" I did, etc. Thank you!
purposely mis interpreting is the same as "changing narratives". if u had a tougher day, say u "have a tough day" they will change that narrative and say "no, your day was great".
If you don't go along with their ridiculous demands, they start gaslighting you to anyone and everyone that knows you. Pathetic, weak, self-loathing, miserable individuals is what they are. They're so desperate to have their lives validated, they prey on people they think they can get the better of and pretend to have your best interest at heart. The problem is they are heartless and have no soul. Run, don't walk away from them if you ever want peace in your life again. They will never be at peace with themselves and they will never change. There is no amount of money, no material possession that will make it worth having to deal with them.
This is so my mother-in-law. She is such a toxic person and after 38 years, I have decided to go no contact with her. Talking to her about her behavior and inappropriate things she's said did not do any good so I sent her an email. She printed the email and confronted me with it. She was angry and defensive and claimed it was all lies. When we started going through the things I talked about in the email, she would swear up and down something never happened OR she would remember it differently where I was the one to blame and she was the victim. I videotaped our meeting and it's quite amusing to see her in her narcissistic rage. She threw temper tantrums. She held her breath, gritted her teeth, stomped her feet, lied, played the victim, called me names, screamed, yelled, and even growled at me. She's a horrible hypocrite. She meddles in everyone's business. She treats her son (my husband) like he's her husband instead of her son. She tells you what you are supposed to do and how you are supposed to feel. I am a quiet, shy person and she's a loud mouth. I was expected to change to meet her standards. She is a master manipulator. And this woman is 80 years old!
The world doesn't make any sense anymore.I told myself evil people - Luceferians - are in master control. Now ,when i see some people being mean ,cruel , unnatural,i think they are demon possessed.( Thats the only way i can make sense of things .) You're MIL is demon possessed . I think.
omg this is my mother in law , i been in this family for four years... i went no contact after she threatened my life at a family party. I am done. I hope yall find some peace in these situations
My heart sort of stopped at hearing you say 'I don't know what I did to hurt you, but I'll always love you' because that's actually the kind of stuff my mother always says.
My adopted mother is a narcissist .they (adopted parents) bought my narcissistic ex a house and helped finance his car ..they even paid his rent when he lived in an apartment .. Im Just waiting for the day they go before the almighty and try that shit with him
They punish you, that's what. Stalking, silent treatment, lying, accusing.... punishment. Edit: after 35+ years of no contact with my covert narc mother, she suddenly sent me a message via another relative. The message was one of "concern".... she said she was concerned about me. Wow! I did not respond. Whenever a narc says he or she is "concerned" about you, run! There is no concern, it's a ruse. It's the same old control game. The real reason she tried to get me back is that her "set is incomplete"... that is, she can only talk about three, not four, of her children. It makes her feel awkward when telling stories to her neighbors. The very best thing I can do is to never respond. 🎉 then I will have the last 😂!
The only apology I ever got from my narcissist in response to a wrong doing he tried to avoid taking responsibility for was: "I'm sorry YOU feel that way"
Because they don't actually understand feelings.. don't take it personal, they aren't capable of more.. feel sorry for them, be greatful you have the capacity to feel and be compassionate.. walk away and live your life, say a prayer for them (they clearly need prayers) then forget it
I GET THAT A LOT!! or it's not my fault you took it that way, or your feelings don't matter, I was wronged and you betrayed the family or you tell them that they did something wrong and break it down how they did it and they say ok I did that but why should I apologize?
Exactly! In one convo after I had dumped him I went to town on him and told him exactly what I thought about him. He was so angry he reverted to a child like stance and told me to take it all back, he couldn’t deal with the truth about himself. So bizarre but I told I stood by everything I said.
Watching the Depp/Heard defamation trial, you have described Heard, especially the part where they go in for the kill. Destroying the life of the person who has become aware of their behavior. My sister and I are 3 years difference in age, you have described my sister to a tee. I have fallen for her apologies over the many years. I have allowed her behavior because of my mother, my children and her children. This past year after fighting the battle for over 50 years, with my mother gone, children grown (they too have realized the problems she inflicts on the family, some have walked away), I have closed the door on my relationship with her. I'm doing wonderful, my world is at peace. She is having a hard time, she calls anyone who will listen, cries, says she doesn't understand what she done. I use to get calls telling me about the calls they have received from her. I finally have to tell them, yes! I no longer want to deal with her at any level. If you believe her lies or want me to defend myself. My statement to them is; it's up to you to either believe her or not believe her, I don't want or need to defend myself because the bottom line is I don't care, nor am I waste anymore time on her. Finally I have allowed peace enter in my world and enjoying it. I told her I loved her, wanted only the best for, but the phone connection from my home to her home, no longer exists. This goodbye is forever. She was screaming at me as I hung up, that was 6 months ago. Hallelujah!
I have to add something to my original statement; when I finally made the split from my sister, I felt guilty. Why? Because she's my sister, I was brought up to believe family is our best friends. I guess I'm still struggling with that belief. I want it be true, but in my case it's not.It took awhile for me, while finding peace in my world, to realize that is not the case. That it was okay to enjoy my peace. I finally have come terms with some times family members can be destructive, and " running" away from them, is the right choice. Little by little, I'm finding out, she is without friends. I sometimes feel sorry for her, but know I can't. I have to protect myself, I can't protect her, it's not my job. My job is to take care of "ME". One more thing has taken place since I took her out of my life, my brother has added his 2 cents to my choice. I told him it was not his choice, that he was to respect my choice. Since then he has chosen to not speak to me. My attitude is we both have the right to not speak to each other, no matter how you feel. Not speaking to him, doesn't matter. I'll respect his choice. Peacefulness is needed!
My mom is a narcissist and everyone has discovered who she really is and has left her. She acts like the victim and says it's everyone else's fault and sense she feels like she's so perfect and spiritual, she says that we cannot stand the spirit of God within her. As a Christian this is so triggering to hear from her because it's almost like shes making herself God. I've chosen little to zero contact because she knows how to trigger my anger and I don't want to fall into having anger issues anymore, I want my heart to heal and live a life glorifying God.
Oh my LORD!! That would NOT be okay with me! Yeah, you DON'T have to be around someone who doesn't respect your beliefs and, in turn, you. And being a Christian myself, I understand the protectiveness you probably have over God, and the obligation you feel to stand up for Him, and the possibility of planting that mustard seed, but sometimes people's hearts are so hardened that they're lost forever. I believe that God understands that sometimes defending Him will make them be even worse and that's difficult for us to withstand feeling helpless, and won't hold it against us to let their words fall on deaf ears. After all, we shouldn't cast our pearls before swine. It's hard to remember (and annoying) they're accountable for their own actions, but we're still accountable for what they provoke us to say and do. Might as well let them burn by themselves and not drag us with them.
Also had a narcissistic mother (and a narcissistic father, but completely different variety of narcissist). It's weird how they use these hollow ideologies to deceive not only others but also themselves. She was a divinity major who left christianity to pursue this weird new agey "inter faith" bullshit because she thought if she made it look like she was accepting of all faiths it would make everyone accept her and see her as like mother theresa or something. Had loads of bullshit self help books like the secret to reassure her of her personal godhood and what positive spiritual energy she had even though she was toxic and manipulative as hell. She refused to take my dads last name and when they divorced she took all his money and opened a charitable foundation under her own name and would force family members to write donation letters for charities they didn't give a crap about just because she had this desperate compulsive need to be seen as generous. Forced her children into after school activities we didn't want to do because it was the only way she could insinuate herself into the social circles of the "soccer moms" or "karate moms" because she was incapable of forming lasting connections without that kind of artificial pretext. And she'd often jet off to india or africa leaving us in the care of this abusive jehova's witness babysitter. Every single generous thing she did needed to be photographed, broadcasted, she'd put the entire extended family into email chains. It was clear she cared only about starving children in africa than her own family--not even that, just being seen with them. And the image she portrayed them as was one part pathetic poverty stricken and one part eat pray love spiritual extortion. Fast forward 15 years and of her three children, one of them is dead, committed suicide after moving back in with her... And the other 2 left the country to go live on the other side of the world and get as far away as humanly possible. Because i'm sure if either of us were still around her we'd both want to just die too, because thats how she makes everyone feel. And as far as i'm aware she hasn't remarried or even had a single long term relationship since she divorced my father. She's just as miserable and alone and unseen as she deserves.
I dated a women for 2.5 years in which she treated me like a dog and when I removed her from my life she went around telling the most disguting lies about me. The way I see it is that I feel sorry for the people believing her lies because I was once in that place and now I am free of it.
Had pretty much the same, how she would bad mouth previous people she had relationships with & told lies about. Even an X husband got her venom & i worked out most were lies, i then thought this wont end well for me, even her Dad warned me about her history!. I got the hell out & never looked back
Heathcliffe,"""that happened to me too.so I woke up one morning and thought bugger it,if any of my family or friends believe their lies and not come and clear it up with me,ask my side of things,then I don't want them in my life if their that shallow minded.
When I broke up with my son's father he told everyone that he left me because I had become a lesbian. The people that believe those lies either will eventually come around or continue to stay in the dark. The important thing is that you're free!
I have watched this video for a second time, and it was more enlightening the second time than the first. How I know is because it brought great clarity regarding the conduct of some and even greater regarding others. As always, thank you.
You just described my ex. He loved to make me cry. When he succeeded he would smile, not a big smile a little sneer. Like he got me where he wanted. Then I found he turned my brothers against me then worked on my youngest son etc...Left him after 35 yrs. Please don't wait as long as I did.
Once me & my ex broke up i lost sooo much weight . (I really looked sick ) i was depressed, wasn’t eating & missed him terribly. When he saw me , & how i wasn’t doing that well without him he had the same sneer on his face . It hurt my feelings cuz I’d never wana see him in distress. It took me a couple years to realize how manipulative he really was to me 🥺
@@ariannqueenn8575 I think that was when I realized how toxic our relationship was. When I tried to hurt him and realized how much it hurt me but I saw when he was hurting me and saw that smile then I knew that he didn't love me. Meaning because I loved him and by trying to hurt him I was also hurting myself so I immediately stopped. I realized then that his feelings for me wasn't love. I am glad you got out, I feel for those who never got out. ❤💔❤🤗
Everything you stated in this video is 100 percent accurate. I was married for 18 years to a man who was a narcissist. I had no words for what it was at the time until I finally got out and away from all of the abusive crazy making behavior. I’ve been out for almost 5 years and it’s only been about 1 year that I have had peace since going zero contact once my son graduated high school. I’ve changed states and left just about everyone I ever knew behind. I’m still healing and learning. Thank you for this video. Everything you stated that the narcissist will do happened in my situation. I didn’t imagine it and I’m not crazy. Thank you for the validation.
Did 25 years with a covert narc. Now ex. She found the things I loved and methodically weaponized them against me, including my children. I’ve been Out for a year and doing better, living for me with a purpose. More peace to you I hope. You’ve earned it. ❤️ ♥️ 💜
My narcissist ic husband died. I felt sad for a bit. Then it suddenly hit me that I was free of him. What a liberating feeling. It felt like the weight of the world was off my shoulders.
You did a great job on the video man! Moral of the story...the second you realize your involved with a narcissist...record your exit! For legal protection!
The worst part of dealing with these people is looking back on the "relationship" and wondering if it was really your fault. I had my share of natural faults. No one is perfect, especially me I was always open to grow ; to communicate and work through these faults or disagreements. I thought I was going crazy at one point, ruminating on what I did wrong. I even questioned myself as to ask "am I the narcissist"?
The only way to "deal" with them is to simply assume an arrogant mentality and firmly believe in yourself, which could easily lead one to question themselves. There will be doubt, but don't ever cave in to it, you can re-evaluate yourself to become a better person once you're out of there. It is ironic though, that although I mimicked my narcissist ex in order to defend myself and to teach them a hard lesson, I became more patient and understanding of people in general after the fact. That doesn't mean I will ever stand down in the face of another narcissist abuser though, I will out petty and twist back the fairy tale narrative and accusations these abusive people create with simple logic and gleefully so long as I live.
You fell into their trap. What happens to you, you end up.... excuse me expression...'their lap dog', so that you never leave or divorce them. You end up being a slave to their sick emotions!
@@European-Okie1986 Ahh the good old "projection" trick, where everything bad about them is magically everyone else around them, because nothing is ever their fault.
Character assassination is one of the most difficult things to deal with. You will find those around you looking at you sideways and acting "off" around you. It's confusing.
I wonder what would happen if you asked the other people if that sounds like you at all. Is that the person they have always known when it comes to you?
Yep, left a church community I'd been part of for 25 years because my partner's ex spun a victim narrative that had everyone shunning him and looking at me sideways. Over a decade with him and he's the kindest lovingest man ever but she stripped him of so much.
@@rocknrolla2426 my partner and I have managed to find our place and our peace. Its had big costs but we are content. I'm just getting ready for bed, he's off to work in a half hour to a really humble job that his ex would have been scornful about. Me, I celebrate his effort to help share the load of caring for my elderly mother by taking this job. Good luck on your journey
@@KH-hs5xv You most likely aren't. Luckily the narcissist in my family is known to be what she is. The whole family knows her games. The damage she has done throughout the years is horrible though.
After many years of physical then verbal abuse, I finally told my father to either speak to me with respect, or don’t speak to me at all. He said “have a nice life,” and I haven’t spoken to him since.
You are so lucky ! Quick and easy finish. I hope you are not grieving. Even toxic people tug at our heart strings. It's about us, not them. We who love are the lucky ones. Imagine living in a world with others who have real feelings. real emotions. And you struggle to 'relate'. I feel sorry for my narcissist. What a way to live your life !
Amazing that so much human destruction can be intellegently summized in a 10 minute video! Narcissism is devastating! Thank you, Dr Magee for sharing these insights! Much appreciated!!
Been with a narcissist for 15 years. Everything you said is spot on! I’m trying to leave but it’s so hard. Starting over at 40 with nothing and 2 kids to boot, it’s a crazy place to be. I’m gonna do it though. If I can find a place to rent, I’m gone 🙏🏻
You can do it ,you are stronger than you think. It is worth while to do what is best for your kids and yourself. I’ve watched my son’s mental health deteriorate over the course of his 17 year marriage. He finalized his divorce two weeks ago and is well on his way to total recovery. I feel like I have got my kind caring son back. He had to do all the work of filling the divorce working with an attorney, doing trades to get her signature on documents, like you want this and I want your signature on this. It took 11 months. They had been separated for 2 years. 6 kids,he took care of or we did, with his help, 2 and a half years until he was mentally strong enough to get this done. He went to counseling the whole time and is still continuing for awhile. Get support for yourself and don’t be afraid to tell friends and family you trust about your situation and ask them to help you protect your kids from rumors and whatever you need to feel safe. She never thought my son would actually go through with the divorce. The day she signed the last document she was saying “I don’t understand how this happened”.True to form until the end. My son says every time he’s Amy’s no to her it gets easier.
@LeAnne, 40 years old is young. You still have a chance at a great life, take it. It will be rough at first, but it will get better. Go. Live the life you want.
5:20--"Deliberately misinterpreting you!" Thank you so much for saying this. This helps expedite the healing I am succeeding at at the moment from these monsters
For real....that has happened to me all the time. They always try to make you feel like the bad guy even if you're good. It's like opposite day with them.
@@pex_the_unalivedrunk6785 This guy that I've been dating for 7years on and off used to make me feel like I was crazy for being logical and sometimes I would almost fall for it.. well I got tired of my area that I live in a relocated about 7 states over and now he's suddenly asking me to have a baby get married and thing that will "keep us tied together forever" I didn't realized how much of a narcissist he was until I he said that out loud and basically told me he could love me better if he had more control over me. I love him to death but I know better and he has already done unforgivable things to me and I just don't want to end up stuck with him or at least if I'm thatbdumb I need the tools to deal with the shenanigans and handle my anxieties
@@ImTJandMJ It's all about the Shenanigans! (Throwing up 1,000 bills with Joker faces on them instead of Benjamin Franklin.) I tend to attract some of the worst kind of people...and I learned to live with it(or more likely die with it, LoL 🤣 ) It's all about the ladder they fooled us all into climbing, and what we're willing to do in order to reach the next rung up, and to kick down at those below us, lest they usurp us and cause us to fall. Been studying hoomans from all walks of life for many of their solar rotations, my hypothesis has been proven, all that remains is the signal I sent out to be received and then my HQ at Zebulon V will decide what to do with these life forms next.
I did this but I lost my children for 20 years as the believed all her shit. Only now 20 years later they are starting to come back. I have had no contact at all with my Ed wife for those wonyears once the extremely bitter divorce proceedings were over, she still had all the assets and wealth. I live on the fore niece. But I am happy. I doubt she is
I planned how I was going to leave my ex for several years before I decided to do it. I listened to and read everything I could on women and divorce. I managed to get a relationship with a bank so I could get my own credit in case we divorced. I figured out how to keep the house for awhile and get him to leave instead of having to leave myself. As a result I had it a lot easier when I actually went through with it.
Thank you so much for this video… you explain everything so clear and your accent greatly adds to that… I’m going through 7 years of this torment by a woman, it’s so difficult to express!! I’m on lockdown 24/7 and constantly accountable for my whereabouts! She got rid of all my friends, and I cannot go out to socialise! She has her own house, I have mine, but even drops shipping to my door so I don’t leave to go to the shops!! She recently crashed her car into a tree damaging her pancreas and remaining with one damaged kidney, to which I continue to see her 11 months after the incident which was to get attention! Nothing has changed! I am desperately trying to get out if it that my family are so concerned… She met all of my side, been in my home practically living with me, yet her side remains a mystery to me… 🙈
I finally had enough of my mother’s “I’m saying it in your best interest” justifying some of the most abusive language and stopped talking to her a year ago. I’ve since been able to see through what I suffered as a child.
my Spawn Point always swore she abused me to "toughen you up", as her excuse. Realistically she blamed me for my fathers suicide. Its never in YOUR best interest. I tell myself over and over. "people who love you dont XXXXXX" Make it a mantra. It will get you through the maelstrom until you settle into a contact pattern that works for YOU. Love, you in thirty years.
3 years and counting. Mine continued to verbally/emotionally abuse me, then my son. Then her sis joined in on the abuse (flying monkey and Narc in her own right). I stood up for myself, at 51 years old, and it didn’t go well, denial and no accountability. I now have moved hundreds of miles away, and the rumor of me as of late: they’re afraid I joined a cult, and gave them my money😒😂😂. However, they KNOW my bestie and I built a home and business together. Covert, covert, covert.
I had to file divorce, her boyfriend is HIV positive. Then I allowed a reschedule of her first missed appointment. That's when false accuse & using that boyfriend as her false witness happened. She answers the filing with that word "cruelty". She had to know how that would effect me, either that or both came together with the strategy. Make her look like poor abused little old me. Disproving lies with a witness is far too expensive. Still guilty on paper here.
I've come to realize that they actually care too much & resort to calling sane ones narcissists when they're careless about their senseless drama & desperation for attention 😂🤷🏾♀️ When a woman is done they leave silently & there ain't nothing you can do about it. Well, same goes for a narcissist if only they had the strength & capability to not care but adult toddlers will never reach that bare minimum level of basic emotional maturity 🙃
Just subscribed. Literally everything you said hit the nail on the head. Both my parents are extremely narcissistic. Channels like this help me a lot. I appreciate you❤
Oh my goodness. I’m in the process of leaving a 22 year abusive relationship with a narcissist. When I left I made sure that every conversation was in writing. Every one. He’s financially destroyed me. Alienated me from my son, friends, everything. The lengths he’s gone to in order to destroy me has honestly been impressive and disgusting. My friend who was a divorce paralegal said she’s never seen the amount of complete evidence I have how it’s mind boggling to have everything in his words and then to be where we are today. It’s been insane while I still sit here and try to fight for my son with no attorney or money while he has 3 attorneys and is living in my home with his girlfriend. After this experience I’m determined to help others who find themselves in this situation. I will NEVER give a narcissist a second chance again. Ever. Things NEVER change. Ever.
I hear you. Mine did the same. He is bipolar + malignant Narc! What a combo. He tried to break me, but he did not win. He broke instead, ha ha ha! He took everything but lost it too. In the end, I'm laughing at him.
I get you, my covert narcissist ex took my teen daughters it was horrific. Eventually my girls figured him out and resumed contact with me. He did all the text book abusive things where children are involved. Police stated he was the most psychologically abusive man for intensity and duration they had ever come across.
@@Indigoblue642 wow!!! Thank you so much for sharing and for giving me a glimmer of hope. Unfortunately my adult daughter has been caught up in it too and I’m finding things out that she’s done this past year to my reputation and it’s horrifying.
@@TruthLovingHippy it’s awful! My girls still have a relationship (of sorts) with their father but it is far more on their terms…. They know “ he’s a waste of space and not like other folk’s dads”. Yes they acted as his “flying monkeys” for a number of years , yes he poisoned them against their grandparents/aunt/uncle and several family friends. I have read and done loads of work on myself and it is paying off. Quote from “in sheep’s clothing “ has been helpful saying children of covert narcissists often don’t get it until their 30’s. They have to get life experience and interact with non abusive people and often have children before it all clicks into place. My girls are now very good at weeding “toxic” people out of their lives saying they don’t have time for “drama” and a healthy positive vibe is extremely important for them. The important thing was them seeing us separately and noting his behaviour and contrasting it with mine. Actions speak louder than words.
@@TruthLovingHippy You're not the only one. I threw out my narc husband 20 years ago. I have one son and three daughters. It's a long story but he enabled my 2 youngest daughters to do whatever they wanted and they turned on me. Maybe they were destined to be like him but I went through hell emotionally before I finally had to just let them go. I tried for years to fix things and they took advantage of my good nature. They just became backstabbers and liars like him. My oldest, my son, and my second born who is their older sister have no contact with them either. I'm so sorry that your daughter is doing this to you. When kids that were once the joys of your life turn on you, it's very painful. Please take care of yourself. I don't feel like I want to see them again. I've suffered too much.
Sadly, i have stage 4 cancer , and still i have to listen to such cruel comments. Narcissists are actually demons on earth, and a big lesson for the few who are involved with them.
But narcissists pet and stroke the people they need on their team so they’ll always have fans who won’t realize they treat some people with utter disdain. They look the other way either because they love being pet and fawned over or they don’t want to be the target. I’m sorry for your situation. I know first hand the loneliness narcissists can inflict on you. Let your Dr know you have someone in your life that is undermining your support system. Maybe you can find someone to talk to. Try not to let them live in your head rent free. You need your energy for yourself right now. 🤗
I like your story ; I’ve been married for 14 yrs to a pure narcissist & myself I’ve been planning my escape with out hurting him or his family ; When I had my awakening it was one thing after another , I got to endure this evil scheme 13 yrs & unless I walk away ( it’s hurts so bad ) why ? He has hit me , choked me , scratched my face with his whole hand twisting around my whole face , my bruises were on my neck & cheeks ; why do some folks stay in this evil for 1 sec ? I stayed mainly for so long is because I believed & thought I was wrong all the time & everything was my fault . The person that told me he promised to ALWAYS always make me smile !! Who in the hell told him he was so special?That would be his 3 family members since his 20 yr old age twins boy girl won’t even call or talk to him ; pretty much staying away ; he can’t even admit that alcohol is his enemy! Everything that I point out he turns it around just like a democrat will do !! I’m a theif ? Liar? Moocher? Lazy ? Judgmental? He tells me to have a heart attack ? List goes on & on & on !! We are finally splitting up & I can’t hardly wait to NOT seeing him asleep on the couch where he sleeps every night ! I want peace love & harmony in my life ; this means I WILL be single for the rest of my miserable life 🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️🤔so I married a human that is not of this world !! They are real demons here on earth !
@@4estdweller4ever thank you so much for your incoureging words..if only i realised earlier the consequences to my life i would have not let ot go on for so long..so its just a warning to others to run fast away from narcissists bec its not worth their lives..
@Eternal Atake i think this is what I do to my ex. So what should I do about that? Like there is ofc some unsatisfaction feeling. If I say I forgive, it's not really forgiveness. Like what should I do?
Man same here…I thought that I will be free…but came behind me with an apology….But happy to pay one or 2 years for my son….not expecting anything in return…literally giving away my life…
@Eternal Atake No doubt an apology to a narc is like winning a trophy for it symbolizes a level of success of them mastering their tactics. There are times when apologizing for something you obviously shouldn't take responsibility for, throws the narc off balance and sometimes stops their attempts temporarily because they're already celebrating. Taking your lead and expanding on it; If you live with an extremely abusive covert (the highly intelligent ones) narcissist from birth or early age, it's rare, but you might become an empath which is the narcissist's narcissist. Empaths are kryptonite to them because you know all they are going to say and do to any given situation well before they do and how to circumnavigate their behaviors in real time because you can sense their blood pressure and brain activity based on their unbreakable patterns. Narcissism is just like a virus to programmed code. It's all learned programming that can be hacked, blocked and redirected but never destroyed completely. Most people become Trump like overtly narcissistic with it being 50/50 whether or not they will be evil or not. At least Empaths learn to use it productively and become beacons of wisdom.
I found your descriptions of narcissistic behavior extremely helpful both in their clarity and practicality. In short, your insights of what depths a narcissist will stoop to in an attempt to either reengage or decimate their no longer captive audience is in my experience , completely true. Thank you!
The videos I make are requested by you the viewers. Please feel free to suggest any mental health related topics you might like me to cover in the future.
Thank You Sir
I would love for you to explore the physiological similarities that might be seen in narcissistic/psychopathic brains.
Hi Darren, I'd like some tips on getting to a place of acceptance because holy moly I'm not there yet. I understand the dysfunctional dynamic in my family and that it revolves around my mother. *But how can I accept it? how can I know what I know and be at peace with it?* be like, yeh, ah sure they're flawed but aren't we all. How can I get to that place of insouciance. Excuse my French.
I've had 18 months of therapy. I think I was boring myself talking about it. So I took a break. I have been practicing self-compassion from the work book my therapist recommended and it has helped a bit I think. But I'm not there yet. It still hurts. I only have one life and I'm furious that my parents are causing me to live it in pain.
Acceptance is a topic I’ll be discussing in a future video so stay posted. I hope you find it helpful
When I called my sister out on her bahavior, she told me never to call her again. It's been a happy and peaceful year!!
behaviour
Yes!!!
Fantastic! I’m happy for you! 🌺🌸🌷🌺
Mannn I can relate to that
That’s the same thing that happened to me too except it was my “foster” mom. She told me to never contact her again
Life lesson: do NOT give these sick people any information of which they will attempt to use against you. Just don’t tell them anything about you. This has helped me tremendously.
Yep your right.
Exclude them and leave them out.
They get slowly cut off until you’ve completely disconnected.
You're absolutely right..I've found that too brings me so much peace🤗...your hopes and dreams💕 are their nightmares💔.. ...peace of mind is so amazing after dealing with narcissist aka control freaks🤷♀️🤷♀️family members..as it been said when one person is happy😆😁 another person is mad😠😡...its sad we cant be happy together as family.. When that cant happen its time to step back out of the nonsense...bc its a merry- go- round....never stopping unless you stop it...stay alert to the craziness of 👪 family members...
When they ask, "What's new?" I say, "I have nothing new to report."
It gets boring really fast, but it works for me.
They will make some up anyway :D
?Who made them sick?
In my experience, when a control freak runs out of control. He/she will try and control how everyone else thinks about you!
a very true statement , such very sad individuals they must be when they are alone
Well if you are such an awful person, you did them a favour! So they shouldn't complain to others if you go no contact. That proves they are the problem. Can't get over no!
Exactly.
Yes, they bad mouth you to your kids.
@@georgesontag2192 And defame us in their negative comments to everyone they meet that mention us. Many see the agenda they have. We have one great advantage, they are predictable, we KNOW how they will act. We can predict that there will always be the same problems. We may talk ourself out of our gut feeling, we shouldn't.
"Charming in Public, Abusive and Mean in Private"
haha ... you nailed that. Just wondering when my daughter who hasn't talk to me for 3 years will figure it out. But I am done
My mother for sure….
My mother was also very abusive in public, especially when “she could show off“ to many people“ in person how “bad“ I was! And, she was always yelling at me and swearing! 😱
My 25 yr.marriage. I've been free for 10 yrs now!
@@lisagags9751 25 yrs... you need a medal.
When a narcissist can't control you, they control the way others see you.
That's what I deal with
Sorry means Sorry for your luck (their words)
Or try to at least. If others see through their attempts, they won't be successful.
100%!! Spot on
My ex would wait days after an argument then accuse me of saying things that I never said.
My friend's ex boy friend tried to turn us against her instead he got a flurry of nasty texts from us in support of her. Uk
I love that quote - “they wet the bed and blame the blanket” - Perfect description!
Me too…Great way to describe a personality trait using only 8 words. Was 😂..
That is a ridiculous analogy. There are physical reasons for enuresis, one of which is abuse. It is an ignorant comment.
Oh! Is that why trump wears a diaper? Lol.
women
Wow, that hits the nail right on its head.
The best thing you can do with a narcissist is get away from them completely.
Agreed, coz all the time it's not their fault.. always blaming you for everything. Better avoid them at all costs. I experienced this from my ex before and it was horrifying and actually destroyed my self esteem and created doubts in myself
Absolutely. Don't tell them you're leaving and don't look back. This is the most dangerous time of your life with a narcissist. They can easily become violent if they think they are losing control over you.
Absolutely!
Hard to accomplish when it’s your adult child. I cut her off for 2 years..that helped, but I have to maintain control as the mother, make her stay in the boundaries I set, and shut her down when she tries to manipulate again or blame others. I read a lot to understand the devastation she created, figuring it out was incredibly helpful and it allowed me to regain control of the situation.
My oldest daughter blew up the family emotionally in 2016 and it was everyone else except for her. I stopped all communication until the end of 2018. That helped incredibly, and in that time I read, I searched, I listened and I learned. When I finally said I would talk to her on my terms it was with strong boundaries that I maintain..and it’s a constant vigilance. I stop communicating when she steps over the line. She tried to turn her siblings and my best friend of 35 years against me to isolate me, it failed thank goodness. It also showed her hand to everyone at the same time and that was what made the difference. It’s been 5 years and it still requires that I not allow her an inch, it took a long time to see my triggers and not let her use them. It’s very hard, a million tears cried trying to figure her out. She was not coddled or spoiled and no other narcissistic or covert-aggressive behavior in the family. She didn’t show this behavior at all until she started succeeding in her career in her 20’s and it worsened as her weight went out of her control. Don’t give up, please read..listen..learn. You have to regain your place as the mother, not their child, if you’re dealing with the narcissist child..that’s what I’ve learned.
This guy knows what he is talking about. These kinds of people would rather see you die than to let you escape their grasp. I know personally.
Sometimes... They can change that if they see people recognize it's going on.
Agreed! My ex drove 12 hours straight to kill me when I went no contact after I finalized the divorce.
🤷🏾♀️ personal problem
Amen!
@@AnalisaOrtegaomg I hope you have a restraining order against him. Be safe!
I have found with a narcissist that the “apology” tends to be vague and they never really admit to anything specific. Meanwhile when they are complaining about your behaviours, you will get a very detailed list.
So true. Absolutely truth. Eventually they will bring it up again or do it again ,then it starts all over again.
mom and ex!!😂😂😂😂💔💔life
I have had this too just a sarcastic soooorrrry
They WILL NOT go "deeper" , because it is far too painful for them - it may break them psychologically, truth be told. Most of their behavior is based on the SPIRIT OF FEAR. And fear is one of the most powerful demonic spirits in the satanic/demonic hierarchy . Yes, it is every bit demonic, nothing less.
I hope Will Smith sees your video. He might be able to distance himself from his narcissist wife once he sees her in a rational way free from her controlling emasculation and destructive behavior. You described her to a tee.
The immense feeling of relief when you cut ties should tell you that you have done the right thing.
the relief comes with heart break especially when it is with family but it is liberating.
This is so, so true!
yes, shut them out and don't deal with them again.
@rozwood1668 I've felt extremely relieved when highly narcissistic individuals have stopped contact, or avoid me, especially when they're the types who are vindictive!
I've found that it's often more difficult with "partners" and family members, depending on the person and situation, though. ❤
I'm cutting ties with my brother and his girlfriend I'm done yep I'm literally a slave here in gonna pack and leave I'm done
"They wet the bed, and blame the blanket."
Perfectly said!
Lol
sometimes i mean, it is the blankets fault ok. cause i just wanted to lay dwn n b warm n snuggly n then boom i woke up 14 hrs later
beautiful saying I will create war with sibling if you use this one 😂
Great analogy
Lol true 👍 🤣 😆 😅 😂 😄
The closest I ever got to an apology was "If I did that, then I'm sorry". Qualifying it with the "if" means they don't accept responsibility for their actions.
"I'm sorry IF you feel that way about it, but you should listen to me", "I'm sorry IF you think of me that way, but you're wrong", "I'm sorry IF you got offended, but that's the way I speak" - the list never ends. Also "Thank you, glad you listened to my advice", "Thank you, I could've done it myself", "Thank you, I've seen others do this too".
Omg, happened exact same thing with me.
@@sixten8493 Spot on!!
I was told, " I'm sorry if you feel that way."
This is what I received from my narc today, its like your message., I have applied for divorce.
" I am sorry again, please forgive me if I did anything to upset you."
Yes, IF ? What is that!
I have yet to hear a narcissist apologize. They must believe they are never wrong.
What ever they do, is an act. The next person that sees them gets a different act. .....somehow they know they are the only person in the world who knows all they know and are dead serious................its a cliche now but look how our last "president" pulled this know it all act non stop. The only truth was out of his mouth. Only he could fix it.............usually fixing a problem he totally created.
And even if they do apologise… they never mean it
They will twist it and accuse you of what they are doing. They never admit they did anything.
Their apology is usually to shut you up
Mine would apologize, anf love to play the remorseful victim. „I am sorry, I was wrong. I know I am not perfect. Now you HAVE to forgive me, take me back, apologize for your part, not remind me EVER about the many horrific things I did to you and pretend they never happened and accept part blame as YOUR behavior drove me to it…
“They wet the bed and blame the blanket” This expression really got me rolling on the floor.
😂😂😃
They never wrong
Blame shifting, deflection. Never accepting accountability.
I know. Me, too ! Toooo hilarious !
@@HT-sg9pl How about this ? " I'm not always right but I'm never wrong " She meant it, even when she tried to make me think she was joking.
I think when a narcissist says, "I love you" or "I will always love you, " they really mean something like, "I own you" or "I will always target and seek to control and manipulate you."
Open Season.
true
"I need to be able to control you to survive."
My mother and brother treat me like I’m their possession, without any rights 😭😭
In my case, and as I tried to explain to my ex and my "mom", when they say "I love you", it simply means "I love the way you love me". They are NOT capable of loving anybody. They get angry when they lose their victim. My 2 cents.
My mother has smeared me to my neighbours and our distance relatives overseas. Now I’m having to move on from our family doctor because she’s slandered me to him. He’s bought her story even though I told him what she was like. He’s even got my psychologist’s report recommending I have no contact with her and my CPTSD diagnosis from her abuse. My mother’s an absolute expert at playing the victim when in private she’s an abusive monster… I’ve cut off all the flying monkeys connected to her, the Dr was the only one left, and now he’s changed with me. She’s like sludge that overcomes everyone she comes into contact with.
they were not your friends from the beginning - get new friends and a new doctor
In an age of narcissism a typical response is "I'm sorry you feel that way". They never take responsibility for what they've said or done.
That is so true and a true sickness. They can never self reflect, in which there is no growth. Goodbye!
My response the last time I heard this false apology was "You can't apologize for my feelings, you can only apologize for your actions."
@@AnnieAtRecess I've said that too but then they say they're sorry I feel that way. It's like Grandma's nightgown -- it covers everything. Absolute frustration.
The "apology" I always got was...... *"Well, I'm SORRY you don't want to hear the TRUTH!"* Yeah right, they are wonderful because in their twisted, toxic view they are "helping" you for your own good. They think they deserve a medal or something.
It's has become very interesting to me how a narcissist never takes responsibility for the hurt and pain they cause in a relationship. I don't have a problem of him slandering or shaming me thru family or his friends (and if he did do this it would have no affect on me). He is not computer literate and doesn't use a cell phone. The challenge is getting him to go.
*That didn't happen...And if it did, it wasn't that bad. And if it was bad, it's no big deal. And if it is a big deal, it's not my fault. And if it was my fault, I didn't mean it. And if I did mean it, you deserved it.* I saw this description years ago and it seems to fit!!
Oh my gosh. Thanks for sharing. This is so profound. Their ability to “walk around” or talk around any scenario is so convincing, so credible. These people work their magic on others, captivating them, while to the horror of the victim, who is left without support or defense in this exchange. Imagine this happening in the courtroom. The victim of the abuse is now victim of a wrongful judgement in a legal matter. A victim without friends , as the narc sways their minds. A victim without their children, as the kids have been manipulated by the narc to despise the “wrong” parent. This parent with every awful characteristic projected onto them by the narc. This is my life!
A perfect description of an evening a few years back when i confronted her .. you have to be there and see it to believe it .. they will swear black is white .. truly sad people .. but not my problem anymore .. I thank god for having enough about me despite the drip drip abuse affect to call her out and be strong .. thats when you realise they are actually very very weak people and only give off an aura of strength.
IT'S SO TRUE!!!
Janice Walker ooouu..this touched my soul
People have used this exact quote to describe Trump, who was also a narcissist.
1. Give up on any relationship with them
2. Grieve for the loss of what wasn't and what will never be
3. Make a get out plan and stick to it, and don't share it with anyone
4. Get help so you don't carry the burden of their abuse for the rest of your life
5. Smile and tell them however you tell them "we're done" when you finally give yourself permission to go no contact
ngl I shoulda done this, but the way I did go out was awesome. I basically lashed out at him for not apologizing for rude things he said in the past, he didnt completely own up to them ("I'm sorry I made you feel that way, I didn't realize I was hurting you"), you know, that B.S, and I lashed out more remembering more things he needed to apologize for.
Fast forward to later, and he made me apologize for doing that, but when he was scolding me I realized that I mustve really gotten into his head because he did this whole victim routine where he said "I never did anything wrong to anyone' and "you dragged me through the mud." Although at face value these things could be upsetting, in hindsight I was amused. I really did hurt his ego by yelling at him over text, huh? lol.
Anyway, this was unrelated but your list reminded me of that. Narcissism is a hell of a drug, haha
Depart without a word. That thing you thought was a person, wasn't. It's not worth talking to. Cut the memory. Extinguish the hold it has on your imagination.
Cut All ties with them! Clean break &
they don't need an explanation because they won't get it and they will turn on you and also play the victim.
I like your plan, I would've thought almost the same steps.
Excellent answer.
Wow, this describes my ex 100%, started off being the perfect gentleman.... flowers, romantic gestures, etc.etc. then bit by bit, chipped away at every last bit of me... 25+ years always thinking try a little harder, perfect home, garden , cook... didn't like my friends, eventually one day I realised that if I was on my own, I could work a lot less & have peace... 21 years have passed & I've NEVER regretted 1 nano second
It's so gradual, isn't it? That why my "mother" is blocked by most of the family, and also why I'm single for the rest of my life too
Good on you both and not regretting the decision at all is a sure sign that it was the right one, which I can relate to! 🙂
She had the worst selection of friends unless it was guys. Divorced Single Moms, Sisters that used/twisted husbands around, never teaming with them & divorcing or killing them off. The guys were like always taking her away, life in his car. It wouldn't ever end. Meanwhile I'm working & building constantly. Years of this, then Entitlements time, boyfriend sees his cut.
Have the similar experience with narcissist husband getting divorced now. Feeling better but worried about the kid who behaves the same. Always gaslighting on the kid too. Don’t know how to protect from his manipulation with the kid. Any thoughts and suggestions would be appreciated. Thank you
@@Reddy7714 From my real life experience with a narcissist, son in law, getting the divorce may be the best thing you can do for children. I know my daughter regrets deeply having hung there for the kids as long as she did... we deal with the consequences often! I guess better late than never, but sooner rather than later! Wishing you all the best!
Best advice I got from a therapist. "Well, you can't win with a narcissist." Suddenly a weight was remove from my shoulders.
Or with a borderline
On a similar note: Best advice I got? "if you're in a situation and you see people doing or saying things that they want to guilt you or make you angry, leave. Doesn't matter if it's family or friends....just leave. There's no law that says you have to sit there and take it".
When the Narcissist has your son and your grandchildren whom she has not allowed you to see until she feels she has the apology she deserves ( she being the arbiter of that apology) there really is no hope.
@@muskokamike127
@@muskokamike127 So true !!! Just leave ,and never ever look back .Freedom 🤩
Oh yes! My mother, a covert narcissist, would tell people, "I am really concerned about her ...."whatever she made up. Made me look bad. And it worked! Her friends thought I was a horrible person. Very validating video. Thank you.
My mother in-law was also a covert narcissist. She kept up appearances but in reality she was a mean spiteful controlling bitch. When she got Alzheimer’s it got worse to the point she was physically and emotionally abusing my father in-law, wife and even my kids. She’s dead now and hopefully burning in hell for the terrible things she did.
Omg this video made me think of my Mom too. My Mom also does the thing of she's "just worried about me" plus telling others that.
I'm 54!
I also still get a feeling of tension and fear if anyone tells me they Love me. Nice, huh?
What bothers me most is relatives or close friends who RECOGNIZE she's messed up but still don't understand or won't believe me about exactly how messed up she is. Or why I won't deal with her because of it plus have tried MANY times to just have a "nice" relationship with her.
"Yeah, she's controlling but she's just worried about you."
"Sure, she's intrusive, but it's just because she cares."
"Yes, she's hard on you sometimes but think of what she's been through."
Nope, nope, and NO!
Love and light to you! And anyone else dealing with a relative like this. ❤💕💞😎🎶
(I'm LC by the way but she's stirring up trouble AGAIN. My next step might be to move and cut all ties. Sad.)
you are not alone in this, what this guy is saying is my mother 100%
This happened to me growing up.
Remember we are all loved even when alone or in toxic company,
I had the misfortune to have a narcissistic father, then husband and finally a partner who kept it covered for about 8-10 years - then all the things you talked about started happening. When I left (after 17 years)there were tears and sorry's galore but no real remorse. He then stalked me for several months - but I escaped and am healing from it all. Starting a new life at 70 is interesting but exciting too - bring it on!
Alice, I am 5 years behind you and had the exact same sequence of events. Father, husband (25 years) and a partner who dumped me for someone else in our social circle after 7 years. I thought he was my soulmate at long last and was truly devastated when he literally exchanged me for her. I started putting together the pieces afterwards and discovered common threads throughout all the relationships, behaviours which I thought were normal (having being raised by a narcissistic father). Only after the last breakup did I learn about narcissism and NPD. At last it all makes sense and at 65 I too am ready to take on the rest of my life with a new enthusiasm. I feel so empowered by this knowledge. FYI my dad just passed away 2 months ago at 94. He was a larger than life character who overcame terrible childhood trauma, accomplished much in his life and was admired by many. But he had another side to him... for example, I found out that he cheated on my mother who was a saint of a woman, whom he loved and relied on for so much. Perhaps not so strangely, I don't miss him but feel truly peaceful and at ease for perhaps the first time in my life.
@@catbirdler I find it so sad that so many people suffer at the hands of narcissists and feel that they are in some way inadequate or to blame when truth is they are not. Cindy I wish you a very happy future hold your head high because you got through it. Believe in yourself and be proud of who you are - a kind and lovely lady who deserves to be loved with kindness. All the best from Alice.
This is so empowering, Alice. I’m 40. Thank you so much for inspiring and sharing. My father is a narcissist and I’ve recently broken ties. Have been fortunate enough not to seriously date or marry a narcissist because my father’s actions made me hyper sensitive to any issue or any sign someone gives me. Which is a whole issue within itself! Anyway, thank you.
I am 63 and feel the same about my sibling. It was only in the past year, after the death of our father, we quit speaking again and for me, it's the very last time. Life is too short for all that misery. I choose happiness and positivity, no more narcissistic crap! I cannot believe how long it took me to decide enough was enough, no more. I wish you the very best and much happiness due to your choice, congratulations! It is not easy but I know you will find true happiness within yourself and thrive! Please Everyone, Be Safe, Healthy, Happy and most important; Be Kind - Kindness Counts. (p,s, being kind does not mean we become pushovers, ever again!)
Alice wishing you a peaceful healthy happy future xxx
You just described everything my mother put me through when I started challenging her behaviour years ago. Thank you for sharing this.
“A narcissist paints a picture of themselves as being the victim or innocent in all aspects. They will be offended by the truth. But what is done in the dark will come to light. Time has a way of showing people’s true colors.” - Karla Grimes
Always!
@@NickyM_0 God bless you 🕊️🍀🙏Hope lifes treating you extremely kindly now
@@evelina787 Thank you for those blessings! And you too! 💕😍💐🌻
@@NickyM_0 So thoughtful & kind🕊️👍🍀🙏Praying God gives you the best bec@use you deserve 🕊️👍🍀🙏
aren't all the people commenting on this video also playing the victim card?
"if they don't admit their own errors...to themselves, they definitely are not going to admit their toxic behavior to you or anyone else."
Ask them what they see in the mirror every day and they'll try to brush it off/make excuses for it. I've had teenage kids that tried pulling the narcissistic card on me multiple times when I worked in a grocery store. Some of them realized real quick that I wasn't going to take that kind of crap from them and changed their attitude fast.
Narcissists' never........never........ never admit their faults. Noooooo........
they might admit them...so that they can do it all over again....
Too bad we have video cameras and audio recorders in our pockets.
“There is simply no winning with a narcissist. They will treat you so horribly, that you will become withdrawn and depressed, and then, they will turn around, and say, ‘You’re no fun anymore, you’re always so depressed. I need to be with someone more positive.’” - Susan Williams
Yes, they chip away at you constantly. and when the straw breaks the camels back and you react, they become the victim and blame you. I lived it.
@@spir5102 God bless you 🍀🙏I'm happy that it's now pssed tense "lived it" so you're not living,,, it 🍀🙏God bless you & hope lifes treating you extremely kindly now
@@ArcanumAscent So sorry to hear this Seems she ws trying to mnipulte & control, & intimidte you Truly hope you're in a much better sitution now, God bless you 👍🍀🙏
@@ArcanumAscent This is brilliant that you're moving in the right direction 👍👉🙏God bless you & this is what mtters 👏Your eyes have now been opened, never to be deceived, 👀ever again 🍀🙏For you are now full of insight, wisdom enlightenment 🙌🍀🙏M@y you be blessed abundantly, from this time forth
@@ArcanumAscent wow this is brilliant news 👍📰👏Congrtultions 🤚🎉🎊God bless you 🙌👍🙏Is triangulation, where the nrcissists brings in a 3rd person into what should just be between you & the nrcissist? 🤔🍀🙏
My husband screamed in my face " I don't want to live with you any more" what a relief that was for me. Putting up with his narcissistic ways drove me crazy always thinking I did something wrong. His punishment was to give me the silent treatment for weeks on end. Then tell his friends what I constantly did wrong ..... he's been gone now for 3 months and I don't miss being married to that man.... he will never contact me because I found him out for what he is. I'm now 71 and should have freed myself years ago. A big thank you for your advice 😊
but you are free to be happy
The absolute worst in a relationship… be very careful to anyone watching this that hasn’t been there. I was a victim of this. Had no idea what the hell was happening. I’m an intelligent woman. Being involved with an abusive narcissist is not easy to see at first. Everything you said is spot on. Worst time of my life.
Yep... I married one of these people. They promptly sat their butt on the couch and started issuing orders...
I was seeing a man...as the relationship progressed he tried to be more controlling, so I broke it off. That's when the fun began. 🙄 stalking on a scary level. I stood my ground and eventually he gave up, but that was scary...
Ditto, my ex was a very abusive narcissist and would blame it on her bipolar, or other mental health issues, i go to work she'll clai im not working but sleeping around behind her back... despite comming to my work place and seeing me there, then she claim i was only working because of the girls there (what the 50 year old grannies? Lol) i came home from work one day she had downed 6 bottles of wine, smashed the place up, smashed the oven. Her response when i walked through the door and saw the mess "oops" i told her "I'm going out for a walk, i suggest you leave before i get back"
The police had been pushing me to press charges for years, but in my head it was her mental health and she needed help not locking up. I bumped into a guy she was staying with after i kicked her out, turns out she did the same to him, heck she even split his lip and stabbed his legs up with a fork all because he didn't have any alcohol to give her while she wouldn't even give him a drag of a cigarette.
Yeah won't make that mistake again
@@ewamanda mine had the nerve to “call meetings” when he felt he needed to be heard… lol idiot
@@miapdx503 sure is! Here’s a funny one.. mine abused me… I was bullied and pushed up against the wall stuck in my room … one day finally had enough and hit him.., in the SHOULDER because he was threatening me. He proceeded to call the cops on me, and I’m the mother of his son! (A damn good mother too) I’m so unbelievably grateful he is out of my life … for good!!
What worked for me, was " Love them as best as you can, and leave them where they are"
I LOVE MYSELF 💕🥰The BEST I Can And Keep IT Moving.... IT'S ABOUT TIME Done With The Ungrateful.
So very true. You can not change them. 😢
Love them from a distance.
Interesting...
I'm going fishing.
“They may apologize but they are not sorry for what they have done. They are sorry that they are suffering repercussions. They are sorry that you can now see them for what they really are.” Boy, did you nail that! They are sorry that they can no longer control you. The jig is up!
Sorry they got caught.
Low Bro I know them personally. They are not born this way. They choose to be selfish over and over again until they have morphed themselves into soul-less monsters. I don’t have sympathy for creeps anymore. Sorry if I struck a chord.
Not born this way. Narcissism is usually a result of abuse or the cycle of narcissism in the family tree. At some point, in the generations, it gets broken.
Liz Alleman The “experts” say it’s caused by abuse. I disagree. I have to say that is not what I’ve seen at all. So far the ones that I know, have been able to control their entire family with manipulation and were given everything they ever wanted. They were the catered to kings and queens of their families. They became used to that. They now see people as objects to be used as they see fit. They never learned empathy and they never learned remorse. Little kings and queens grew up to be big kings and queens.
Their thinking is: I do no wrong. I am always in the right. I am better than everyone else. It is irrelevant what other people’s feelings are. The world and everyone in it is here to serve me and give me what I want but I can’t actually let people know that so let me create this fake nice personality so that I can draw them in. Then the manipulations and the deceptions begin. They literally create a personality that comes across as humble and nice. It’s a complete farce. Of course I’m talking about the covert narcissists. They are about as dangerous as can be.
@Low Bro are you a Narcissist ?❤
Lesson: Leave the relationship once you figure out what's going on and how they are. Be happy, don't tolerate their manipulation. Just observe them, laugh as much as you can, sing, dance, do whatever you like. Seeing you happy is a pain for them; watch how they burn inside.
Like Jesus said, it's like pouring hot coals all over them lol
That can be dangerous, as they get more violent seeing you happy. There goal is to have you below them at all times, and you being happy will make them do anything to bring you down, including threatening your life.
Best to keep quiet.
@@coexistingcanine66sadly, their threats are laughable too 😂😂 about as threatening as a baby spitting their binky at you.
I will let no one put me in a state of fear especially when I have no reason to be 🙃 tf I look like minding my business living MY life & fearing someone who has no damn business being in it? Sounds like a personal problem 🤷🏾♀️
❤❤❤
“How dare you have boundaries with me!”, screamed my mother many years ago.
Cripes! At least the leopard showed its spots so vividly!
OMG my mom actually said the same thing to me! She couldn't stand the fact that I won't answer my phone till 8:00 am. She asked about emergencies and I told her that's the only reason to call before 8. Of course she still tried, and I didn't answer.
My mother....
"No? What do you mean no? You don't tell me no!!!"
Later....
"I don't remember that."
Or...
"I didn't/never said that."
We haven't spoken in 6 years. It's been nice!
What about throwing herself on the floor and say that she needs medical help???? I am a man and it happened to me. I was an only child. My dad did not know how to handle her.
A girl I recently dated told me “you will NOT add things up in regards to me anymore!” and in response to her ever-changing stories.
Human cancer.
This is my mother. One day I had enough. It’s really hard to try and explain to people why you don’t communicate with your family, but they’re still all under her spell.
You are not alone…. Im done with the toxic mother daughter relationship. My peace is well more worth it!
@@twanamccord411 Same here. Been close to three years now, I'll never live under anyone's thumb like that again, it's been so wonderful to live honestly and free of hostility.
I would maybe never have seen my mother for narcissist she is, if it wasn't for my father's passing.
People who have "normal" mother will never be able to understand/relate. It's ok to leave and protect yourself, good luck and don't fall back into trauma bond.
she poisons anyone we mutually know. And I have taught myself not to mind.
They have such wonderful moms, I get why they don’t get it.
Normal people are transparent, loving, flexible, unassuming, and forgiving, unlike narcissists, who are none of these.
Wish I could find normal people, whatever that entails.
Totally agree.
Amen
@@endeavouringit normal people are emotionally heathy unlike a narc
Not in my experience...where do YOU live?!
Thank you for the calm and clear way you deliver information that is difficult to hear as a person who has just gone "no-contact" with a parent. Wasted many years suck in the narc bubble and was always pulled back into the chaos because of the "guilt" trips.
When you finally tell a narcissist to stay out of your life forever, they tell everyone you're a backstabber.
I told one that I literally don't care what he says about me or to who, which was true, but I am just not putting up with manipulative behavior.
or the '' you are so ungrateful ! ''
@@kitkatt6357 So true!
My mother ... to a T 🙄
@@kitkatt6357 yes... "after all I've done for you" 😒
A story - A person began to realise they were being abused by a narcissist and started trying to create distance and boundaries. The abuser contacted the victims close friends and family saying they were worried about the victim and created a rumour that the victim was addicted to opioids and wasn't well. Thank you for this video, creating clarity and educating.
They always do covert acts of garbage… you can’t trust them everything is a lie I’m just getting over my abuse life is changing ..
I can relate to this behaviour. Thanks to these video, DEEP technique is KEY
I met narcissistic people like that and yeah they made rumors about me but I'm happy I know they r not too happy with their lives.😂😂😂😂😂
Going through this now from a boss. I am respectful but distance myself. Not sure about the rumors but his flying monkeys are coming around. I give him nothing.
@@talktothehand2012 dealing with a Male boss where he is in control that would suck .. feel sorry for you
I'm a victim of narcissistic mother. I went no contact 10 years ago. It was the best decision I've ever made.
I understand you might hurt because of her but as a mother I know how it feels when you far from your own Kids & leave you like strangers! instead of doing that, why don't you tell her how you feel & talk about it? I know most of Americans leave early it's because they got job or successful life the way i grew up, isn't like that they don't get out from There Parents house before they get Married! In US When they start living life easily & get everything they want after that they Complain & forget everything what they're parent Sacrifice for them! I'm in this situation so I know how it hurts so much 😢 and When you going to have a child, you might understand how it feels!
@@Metasebiya4 With all due respect, you must not have any idea how vicious and evil these narcissistic mothers can be. And maybe you don't understand that THEY NEVER CHANGE, they only get worse. And maybe you don't understand that the wounds they inflict are so deep, it changes a person. And perhaps you don't understand...they have ZERO compassion, even on their own kids. And maybe you have never heard, they are like vampires that suck your blood at any given chance. And one more thing, maybe you are not aware that too much abuse is not enough abuse according to a narcissist.
The victim side always sucks, especially if the Narc is a family member. Hopefully, she will sober up as she ages before it's too late. Wishing you a pleasant good post Narc life.
14 years since any contact with mine - definitely much better off.
@@Metasebiya4 You understand a parent's feelings but Alex is a *victim* of a parent. If your mother was a spider, would you crawl onto her web so that she could eat you alive? Does a narcissistic parent have any shame or guilt or sympathy for mistreating a child? A narcissistic parent with any level of remorse should see that the end of the relationship is the result, the consequences of the abuse. No more guilt-tripping the adult child, who is finally free from the parent.
I married a man that was 12 years older than me. I started noticing how he was very over protective. It was fine at first but I began to notice how it was getting extreme. If I did anything with anyone else besides him he was jealous so I had to keep reassuring him that he was first. Then he didn't want to be around my family. If he said he didn't want me to go, I wouldn't,. Than it was faking sick. He would go as far as not taking his insulin just to see me jump into action. If I lay it out for him he would purposely not take it when we would go to church. So I had to start beating him at his own game buy having his insulin in a thermal bag that looked like a purse. When it stopped working on me and I started calling him on his stunts he started thinking he could scare me because he had isolated me from my family. One thing he didn't count on was that I stopped being intimated. He would try everything, but he didn't remember that I had kids. I had plenty of practice so I could see the signs
(8:15) "How dare you see through them. How dare you no longer want to put up with their nonsense." No truer words have been said...mic drop right there. 👏
Imagine how much unemployment they create worldwide. Still they get hired...
They. Will. Make. You. Pay!
@@wayneelliott1180 they won't if you tell on them. If you keep quiet yes they will. Psychopaths have the fear of getting caught that's why some think it's paranoid schizophrenia it isn't.
RIGHT. OMG. SPOKEN LIKE A PRO!!!
Yes. How dare you.
My covert narcissist destroyed my soul. The gaslighting made me doubt my own sanity. The silent treatment was like being slowly cut open whilst being unable to run. The trauma bond I was left with took me nearly two years to get over and was like being addicted to a class A drug. My life was a living hell. I can’t even put it into words. I didn’t know pain like that existed. I kicked them out of my home and cut all contact, it was that or death. After a lot of support from family, friends and professionals I’m now happy again and learning to live with my pain. It’s a journey but please make that first step. I realised that I’m the one with the career, I’m the one that’s kind and has friends. They don’t have anything, you’re a vessel. They don’t love, only destroy. Anyone going through that right now my thoughts are with you sending love ❤️
Same here, I couldn’t cut off, it’s how Indian families works, but my daughter did send them running
Happened me kicked him out 3 weeks ago blocked him from all devices and social media. Trying to get my mind straight. It's horrible
Thank you. I'm on the edge. I hate this mother fucker. I'm gonna flip out and jump
@@vetaanselmo5080 sending love ❤️
Bravo 👏 for you! Don’t look back! Love and live your own life and the fun memories you will create and generate! BRILLIANT synopsis by you! Again 👏 bravo!
I’m 42, male, the best decision I ever made in my life was to cut ties with my mother, I only wish I had done it earlier in my life. In therapy I learned that my childhood was absolutely not normal and that I had grown up with a narcissist with a bit if sociopathy mixed in. I tried to fix things, always attending to her emotional needs, always making excuses. It impacted me very negatively in many ways. The only real progress I have had for my own mental health was when I removed her from my life, 5 years ago now, never going back…….it was like getting rid of a toxic drug, when out of the system I regained my health, both physically and mentally.
I’m dealing with the same. My mother.
It still hurts though. Make sure you are not suppressing pain by substituting other emotions to block out your true feelings. If you need to grieve, don’t stop yourself.
I just started therapy today..third time lucky...I have her worked out for years but I'm using the therapy to help me keep her out this time. The woman is rotten to the core. I hope I can succeed this time. She's started her smear campaign and making horrible accusations against me to other people
I have a very similar story. Its a lose lose situation that you will never win. Accept it and go live life. Plenty of other types of winning to do.
Me too. I just blame women now. They're all the same.
God bless everybody everywhere, who is struggling you are important. God loves you cry out to him, give all your prayers and concerns to Christ. You deserve the best in life.
They devalue you, insult you, put you down, and push you away.
Yep.
My mother
- to a T
You're lucky if that's all that happens. My boyfriend beat me when he even thought I wasn't under his control.
I wasn't lucky. I was pushed out of a moving vehicle by him. He left me on the side of a busy highway. He did this in the presence of my toddler.
And then expect you to apologise nick
@@MoonwolfeConsultingThe equivalent of 2 criminal Nazis & narcopathic bros. 💔😭🇺🇸
My 💚 and Blessings to you sister.
For survivors who go no-contact...They 'ghost' for 30-90 days, until they come to terms with the fact you aren't going to return, then they reach out to those you love in order to 1. make you return or 2. enroll the people you love (and still have contact with) into the role they feel you "abandoned"...so, warn your loved ones of what to expect and look out for; but, FOR GOD"S SAKE DON"T RETURN UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES!!
Yeh same here. I moved to another country to get away from him! Three years later he still tries to contact me...ever 30 days or so he will try and call to see if I have unbocked him🤣..I get those blocked notifications. 🤦🏼♀️
@@jayf295 literally same constantly leaving voicemails even when blocked
@@megalightsfan4948 I have had all the bells and whistles with him. Straight from the book. It took me 3 years to finally go no contact and block him. Going on 7 months now uninterrupted. I wish I could tell other victims just how healing no contact is.
Yes that's exactly what my narcissist did. He still stalks me 33 years and 2200 miles later.
@@karlabritfeld7104 Oh God! I pray that I dont have that outcome! Get sick just thinking about it🤢
My sister was the perfect compliant robot for our narcissist mother. However I was not compliant and my mother would fly into physically abusive rages when I crossed her. Her verbal demeaning of me was incredible. I ended up moving 3K miles away and my life vastly improved.
Yuuuup. Then call the family and say you assaulted them. Effem
Mine too
Had to go cross country. I know what you mean.
Growing up with a narcissistic mother gives a death sentence to your mental health.
Compliant robot. Good description
You will never get clarity from a narcissist because that requires accountability.
bingo
I was raised in a narcissistic family thankfully I've found them all out. Now none of them talk to me anymore, much happier now
I was raised the same. My life became so peaceful starting immediately after cutting ties with them. They all died within a short time of my walking away. Guess they couldn't take it after 60 years of using me as the blame catcher for all their problems.
You are far from alone. I simply spoke up about a pervert MILLIONAIRE narcissist taking my 3 yr old g.son into a dark closet w/a camera & glow toys 1st time babysitting 1st time alone 1st time @ the house alone as soon as Mommy left. Nobody talks to me now. APPARENY LOTS OF SECRETS!!! Its been hard but THE TRUTH SET ME FREEEEEEEE!!!! 🇺🇸🇺🇸 sacrificing their children for $$$$$
Step 1 Im powerless STEPS 2-12 God is not. I do my part 1 day. 🙏 "They wet the bed n blamed the blanket." This video is the most accurate. THANK YOU!!
@@guntcheck *NARCISSIST DETECTED.
Same situation with me..I know what the root problem is with the family..It's from their being sexually abused as kids.. When I bring it up they run like scared kids..It's sad because they have been conditioned to never face and deal with pain.. They're especially my mother are forever trapped in the horrors of their childhoods..They honestly never grew up..I'm upward and onward but still have a strong sense of retribution against my mother for pain she inflicted on me and my father
Clint Barr… yeS me as well ahhhhhh 🙈😂
If anyone has to deal with a narcissist, whether it’s the parent of your children, a boss, or someone you have to live with, please create boundaries. Keep conversations short and brief. Do not elaborate. Keep conversations in writing too, which helps when they gaslight you 🤷♀️ There’s nothing wrong with you! Your biggest and best weapon is to educate yourself on how to deal with a narcissist.
i find very sad, but unfortunately our sadness matters first
Best advice! I've cut out my parents from my life forever. Now I finally can live my life in peace.
Yep. EMAILS ONLY, with my abusive narc sister, NO phone calls.
Wow, sounds like you're talking about my marriage.
@briantaylor709 that too. A record is a record.
Alice,👍👍👍👍👍 I am 85 ,my husband of 60 years was a narcissistic egotistical man with Abandonment syndrome! He passed away in 2017 ! That’s when I felt I was o longer a prisoner! Now my days are joy and sunshine ! Good Luck 🍀 and HAPPINESS ALL THE DAYS OF YOU LIFE !🌞🌈🌹🌺🌸🌼🌻🎄
My 88 year old mother has been with my 89 year old father since they were teenagers. I think he finally scared her a couple of weeks ago. He started to physically hurt her ( the years of emotional abuse were horrendous) and she finally saw him the way the rest of us do, and put an end to it. I hope. We have been down a similar road before. My family is hoping that this time she really gets it and won't give him the opportunity to hoover and love bomb her back into it. Mum tried to "see it through" with him. It sounds like you did, Betty. I'm glad you are free.
You deserve a medal for staying with him all that time. Enjoy the rest of your days. You will get a reward in heaven!
I celebrate my freedom day every year (the day my mother died) with a nice treat for myself. It was a long wait for freedom, she died almost 4 years ago at 92. I'm 72 now & every day is a blessing.
Live long and prosper Betty.
You seem like a old bag of bones.
When people start with “I’m sorry you feel that way” or “I’m sorry but…” I shut it down and tell them “NOPE. That is not an apology. Try again.” And we continue in that manner until they get it right. That’s the only way to make it clear to them that THEY are the cause.
My mom’s favorite response to my problems is “try being me”, as if no matter how bad I feel, her problems are always worse.
YES! you try talking specific about something that upset you and she tells me "do you know how often you do something that upsets me?" but its the same 2 general idea things for the past 5 years so
My daughter put my husband in jail because she lie on him saying that Ihe he rape her she lie God will pushisher her she took my husband away because she was jealous of me and her father realthship
@@emmaswain3084 ahhh the classic "one upper" ... Always has to one up your story or compare herself to whatever you're talking about.
That's so sad. I'm sorry to hear you have to deal with that from your mother. That sounds extremely difficult. My heart goes out.
When I finally got into the same situations my mother used to complain about, all I could see is how her constant abuse led me to grossly overcompensate and now I give way too much credence to others when I deserve some respect for my work.
Very true- a lot being said here.
Especially about the twisting of things. The false accusations, lies, bullying & no empathy. Never sorry.
Sounds about right im experiencing that for years and years
@@daynesmith5281 Same.
Would you like to connect? I can give my email here then delete it. Maybe we could talk about it & find ways to heal. Very difficult I find to know someone in real life about this who truly understands & isn't dismissive of it.
Bingo!! Lies, blaming, trying to get me fired, pressing false charges… DSS investigations for sexual abuse. I went no contact
As did our daughter
That what my ex doing to me know it was so bad he had my nerves all shook up and I am tired of it
She- “Youll never find anyone that cares like me.”
Me- “God I hope youre right!”
Celebrating 34 years of bliss this October with a woman that is nothing like the last one.
Yet here you are, 34 years later, still talking about her lol
@@Tre16
I pretty much talk about whomever i want when ever i want but thanks for your input. Lol
I'm on year 10 with the love of my life after 8 years of hell with my narcissistic ex-husband.
@@Tre16 Topic of the video - Narcissistic people
What he talked about - A narcissistic person
What traits are you displaying right now - Read the title
Lol 😂
Common practice is to convince you that ‘everyone’ agrees with them - about whatever they are accusing you of.
Yeah, the "No one thinks..." or "Everyone says..."
My response is usually, "You asked everyone? Wow. How did you survey every human on earth and keep your job? You must be exhausted.
I had to end contact with my sister. After being blamed for everything bad that happened to our family for years I just couldn’t deal with her anymore. It’s been the most peaceful successful and stress free 10 years of my life.
Absolutely, I just cut my sister off 3 months ago, such peace, im making good choices, meeting up with friends, and getting along lovingly with my grown kids.... My sister was a BOSS all these years... At last I did it!!
Good for dude , its been 6 years for me not having contact with mine , best decision ever.
This is really encouraging thank you I needed to see this. I had to do the same thing. She told me im gaslighting and emotionally abusive towards her.. funnily enough she started saying this after I didn't agree with the way she's treatment our family. As soon as I don't agree with something she says then she says which much assurance that I am gaslighting her & shifting her reality.. just because I have an opinion that isn't what she wants to hear.
She's gone through our whole family and turned people against each other, called everyone an abuser and destroyed people's reputation. I snapped and said I just can't allow her to do this anymore, and as soon as I said that then guess what? Im an abuser too!
You’re not Cynthia Fortier’s sister, by any chance?
As Doctor Ramani said: the only way to not deal with a narcissist is to not have them in your life.
Had a narcissist mother. She brought me to several child psychologists because she thought I was a psychopath, because I couldn't be controlled by her. I know this garbage all too well
I've had similar experiences. It's good that it won't hurt your legal rights unless you ended up having to go to court. So, you can still live your life like a normal citizen after you get away from that relationship and have time to recover.
@@tylerhorn3712 anything to excuse her terrible behavior, and put it on me. She even went so far as to tell my relatives lies about imaginary scenarios in which I looked crazy. She told them I was a nazi. I turned my back on 90% of the family, they had nothing for me other then contempt. No one questioned the Queen Bee's narrative.
Did she drug you to
@@seancollins9745 she tried, I refused rhe Ritalin
Yes I loved my mum she is not with us now. I was taken to see a physiatrist as had an accident that maid me faint. She thought I was pretending and so she took me to the Dr
Dr said there was nothing wrong with me and I was very sensible but wanted to see my mother instead.
Narcissist people never ever stop abusing you. After 55 years it's still the same. But I've changed. I have let go of this person. I don't hate her. But Iam now free. It's wonderful.
I know how you feel, done with putting ppl feelings in front of mine. These 60 years that GOD has blessed me to see healthy and peaceful.
Let me guess it's your mom
thanks for the reply
When I relocated back to Tennessee, I never told one family member that I was leaving. I didn't even look up in the rear view mirror that early Saturday morning unless I had to do so. I just wanted to get away from all of it.
What is really hard is when you grow up in a narcissistic family and believe this behavior is normal, that is until you break away and get out into the real world. It never gets easy, the triangulation, scape goating, the lying. My only saving grace was thousands of miles.
So true.
Me too. 5,000 miles away.
I was part of a narcissistic family. Mother, brother and three sisters. What a mess! Once I realized what's going on. I am truly free now and at peace.
It has taken me 60+ years to realize my mom and sister’s behavior wasn’t normal.
@@bethhenkelman5249 54+ years for me - My mother (covert narc) and brother (overt). Father was overt, but died when I was 9. When you grow up inside these dysfunctional families - it's all you know. Went no-contact 4 years ago - wish I'd done it 30 years earlier. They can derail the scapegoat's life...
My husband was a narcissistic egotistical personality! He wasn’t physically abusing just controlling ,he passed away a few years ago ! I felt like I was released from a prison ! I was so happy to get off that roller coaster ride ! But I did learn about narcissistic personality ,my husband was on the low end of the narcissistic personality ( controlling , depression ) if a person is trying to steer you away from family or friends by comments on how they don’t really care for you as much as they do ! That is a gigantic RED FLAG 🚩 RUN !
Yes!! Been there. It was horrible.
Also if he is to attached and wants to marry you right away. I love you in 2 weeks. So many other red flags.
are you glad he passed away.
I recognize your feelings of being released from a prison. My husband (we have been together for 8 years) had a histrionic personality disorder and narcissism is part of this disorder.
He was not physically abusive but very controlling and always lashing out to me when things went wrong for him. And this was often.
His heart stopped during one of his outrages anger moods and that was the end. I do not feel ashamed not being the weeping widow. My life turned for the best and I know what true happiness is.
Omg! I feel the same way, like I'm living in a prison with a verbal, and financial abuser who drinks too much.
I actually heard mother tell someone that her goal was to break me, as though I was a was animal. I left home at 17. It took a long time for me to see the reality of the situation.
Unbelievable! How is anybody born without nurturing instincts? It is possible had you not moved out and she was unable to break you, she might have murdereed you.
@lo ro me too left at 17, I never got the love & attention that I needed
I am 42 now still single, no kids, always attracting toxic relationships and non committed people. I feel very isolated and no friends. I am social and I get along with many people but all on a distance. It has been a very long and bumby road
Sometimes I am so fed up by trying and fighting.
What about you?
@@jillmariaplatteaux6083 That is also something I can relate to. I grew with an extremely narcissistic mother who had and still has no insight into into her affliction. Trusting others and making friends is hard and yet I'm perfectly contently living alone. I have one good friend in the whole state of NM I see often and might move closer to eventually.
@@jillmariaplatteaux6083 I dumped the toxic momma clone and got a dog. Then I got really selective. I don't understand why those women think I am easy. I play the game until get tired of her brand and the dog and I continue our relationship. The dog is a good judge. After the 3 or 4th time she is around, I watch the dog. If the dog is not with it when she shows up. She is most likely toxic.
I sincerely hope you are in a better place now
Thank you. I learned this is one of the sure ways their apology is honest. If they are going to therapy regularly or some spiritual counselling and if you see them with self-improvement books and journals. This is a good sign and just be patient with them. Otherwise, if you know they are lazy, then stay far away from them, they are deceiving you and playing emotional games! God bless.
My final meeting with my mom ended when she said "Oh, I see. You're approaching this from a purely logical perspective instead of an emotional one". She left shortly after, having realized that without my emotions she had no power in the relationship.
Good for you!
So true xx
😳
B-B-BINGO !!!
Thank You! Without your emotions she had no power! Loved it!
I was told I was nothing more the the kitchen table and that I needed to check in to a mental hospital because I was going mad.
It took 32 years to leave but I’ve now had 17 wonderful years on my own and plenty more happy years to come!
My sister is in a relationship like this and finally sees him for what he is. Now the fight for freedom begins. 💜
Right ON!!!
It took me 30 years to leave
Lol, my ex tried to tell me I was bipolar!
58 for me, so I hear you. This wasn’t even talked about in the 60’s& 70’s when I was a little girl being abused. I’m glad for the younger people that they will know sooner what’s really going on. I lived in fear every day growing up& learned to isolate very well, which I work on as best as I can with my PTSD, it’s really CPTSD, meaning more then one time. Yet the association for Psychiatrists “still” don’t consider CPTSD , and count it as real. I could tell them and I’m sure many others can tell them it’s REAL. Jeez I went no contact finally, best thing I ever did for myself, 2 years ago. No contact is the best thing one can do, if that’s possible for them. Take it easy people.
My ex was a fine tuned narcissist who lied, manipulated, gaslit, punished and twisted my life into a knot that was a prison. 5 wasted years with someone I loved with all my soul. This was my first experience with a person like this but I got away. Never never go back.
Be careful and learn about yourself because more narcissists will try to make their way to you because there is something in you that they want. Protect yourself and congratulations for getting away!!
Your testimony is EXACTLY what I'm going thru right at this moment except one been with him for 9 years. I've loved him dearly but feel I just cannot allow him to treat me this way anymore. Super hard and depression, doubt in myself, low self esteem, humiliation etc are all taking a huge toll on me.. Thanks for your words because now I don't feel alone. God bless!
Wow! Sounds like my life! 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🧿🧿🧿🧿
I wish you a happy, abundant, peaceful and loving life. 💝
@Cherry Girl I lost 7 years to mine. But I try not to think it as 'lost' time. I think of that time as a lesson learned, and a lesson well worth learning, however many years it took. Hope things are going much better for you now. :)
Good
When I finally stood up to my narc “best friend “ i was discarded and since then I’ve had more peace ☮️ and less anxiety in my life . No more wasted time with someone who will use you .
Congratulations, and good job for seeing what was going on. I know it can be really hard, but u did it! It took me forever to see that all the years of nastiness has zero to do w/ love.
same! it's such a relief
Same here. It's happened to me over and over. No more narcs for me! Like you, I'm free!
@@jerrodlopes186 I'm glad you reply that. Because at the risk of looking like I call everyone narcs myself, it takes GUTS to say it's multiple people in this day and age. Gotta love how victim blamers try to twist around. But I go with my gut and I call it out. Whether it's narcissism or any form of disrespect or me allegedly being oversensitive or crazy or whatever, I'm not taking any more bullshit!
What i feel after braking up a 9 years of friendship with my best friend is like I'm a little bit messed up in the head.. i keep feeling like i wasted 9 years of my life...sometimes I'm in the room talking out loud with myself like people were there listening to me...it's the feeling that i was never been heard i didnt have a voice in the relationship and all...man im still trying to forgive myself for putting me thru it
My mother was a great teacher. After years of emotional abuse, confusion, and absolute hopelessness, I decided that I'd had enough. After two years of counseling and the love and support of my husband, son, grandchildren, and wholesome friends, I'm recovering. The toughest part for me was that my mother, the one I loved and trusted did this to me. I was a victim of emotional rape over and over again. And, oh what she put me through when I walked out of her life for six long years. Yes, she was the best teacher ever. And because of her, I can spot a narcissist a mile away. However, I still get fooled from time to time. But not for long. I'd rather spend the rest of my life alone than spend five minutes with a toxic person. Thank you for helping me as well as many others going through a terrible relationship.
Beautiful and strong! You got this!
You are so brave. I have given up on many narcs but I hope to continue some relationships which haven't yet reached to the toxic part.. though I suspect I will regret this 🤭
Do you feel it was worth the cost three years later?
I still feel that I wish I could be ignorant again almost two years later.
Betrayal trauma, emotional incest, ambiguous loss,and prolonged/complicated grief are words to describe this. It took me 18 months and immense confusion/pain to be able to wrap my mind around. Discovering that your reality was never real absolutely shell shocks and disorients you. With a narcissistic parent, you lose so much more than a relationship. Look up "dark night of the soul".
Definitely agree. I take the view that no relationship with someone is preferable to a bad one...
I definitely agree with you also.
The "purposely misinterpreting" really gets me every time! Helpful to know/remember that they know what they are doing, and not actually being hurt by something "awful" I did, etc. Thank you!
purposely mis interpreting is the same as "changing narratives". if u had a tougher day, say u "have a tough day" they will change that narrative and say "no, your day was great".
If you don't go along with their ridiculous demands, they start gaslighting you to anyone and everyone that knows you. Pathetic, weak, self-loathing, miserable individuals is what they are. They're so desperate to have their lives validated, they prey on people they think they can get the better of and pretend to have your best interest at heart. The problem is they are heartless and have no soul. Run, don't walk away from them if you ever want peace in your life again. They will never be at peace with themselves and they will never change. There is no amount of money, no material possession that will make it worth having to deal with them.
This is so my mother-in-law. She is such a toxic person and after 38 years, I have decided to go no contact with her. Talking to her about her behavior and inappropriate things she's said did not do any good so I sent her an email. She printed the email and confronted me with it. She was angry and defensive and claimed it was all lies. When we started going through the things I talked about in the email, she would swear up and down something never happened OR she would remember it differently where I was the one to blame and she was the victim. I videotaped our meeting and it's quite amusing to see her in her narcissistic rage. She threw temper tantrums. She held her breath, gritted her teeth, stomped her feet, lied, played the victim, called me names, screamed, yelled, and even growled at me. She's a horrible hypocrite. She meddles in everyone's business. She treats her son (my husband) like he's her husband instead of her son. She tells you what you are supposed to do and how you are supposed to feel. I am a quiet, shy person and she's a loud mouth. I was expected to change to meet her standards. She is a master manipulator. And this woman is 80 years old!
I have one like this. She's 84 now and I hope she lives to be 100 as she's so miserable.
The world doesn't make any sense anymore.I told myself evil people - Luceferians - are in master control. Now ,when i see some people being mean ,cruel , unnatural,i think they are demon possessed.( Thats the only way i can make sense of things .) You're MIL is demon possessed . I think.
omg this is my mother in law , i been in this family for four years... i went no contact after she threatened my life at a family party. I am done. I hope yall find some peace in these situations
Evil old woman please don't waste your time. Stay away.
We must have the same MIL. 😂
My heart sort of stopped at hearing you say 'I don't know what I did to hurt you, but I'll always love you' because that's actually the kind of stuff my mother always says.
Mine doesn't even pretend to love me, because she already made a wreck out of me. She won.
That’s exactly what my ex husband says to me …
My adopted mother is a narcissist .they (adopted parents) bought my narcissistic ex a house and helped finance his car ..they even paid his rent when he lived in an apartment ..
Im Just waiting for the day they go before the almighty and try that shit with him
They know what they did to you.
THEY DON'T CARE!! 🙄
My mother never said she loved me, or acted like she loved me.
They punish you, that's what. Stalking, silent treatment, lying, accusing.... punishment.
Edit: after 35+ years of no contact with my covert narc mother, she suddenly sent me a message via another relative. The message was one of "concern".... she said she was concerned about me. Wow! I did not respond.
Whenever a narc says he or she is "concerned" about you, run! There is no concern, it's a ruse. It's the same old control game.
The real reason she tried to get me back is that her "set is incomplete"... that is, she can only talk about three, not four, of her children. It makes her feel awkward when telling stories to her neighbors.
The very best thing I can do is to never respond. 🎉 then I will have the last 😂!
Yep
...slandering, baiting, provoking, claiming fear of you...They have a relentless to-do list.
@@wayneelliott1180 Especially slandering defaming, they go to great length to do that.
Yes!
Yes! Heavy on punishment smh it's so sad ...it's so sick that they actually get off on it
The only apology I ever got from my narcissist in response to a wrong doing he tried to avoid taking responsibility for was: "I'm sorry YOU feel that way"
Yes "I'm sorry you misunderstood me" Blame is put back on their prey.
Because they don't actually understand feelings.. don't take it personal, they aren't capable of more.. feel sorry for them, be greatful you have the capacity to feel and be compassionate.. walk away and live your life, say a prayer for them (they clearly need prayers) then forget it
Who needs a fake apology? Keep your friends close, but enemies closer!
I GET THAT A LOT!! or it's not my fault you took it that way, or your feelings don't matter, I was wronged and you betrayed the family or you tell them that they did something wrong and break it down how they did it and they say ok I did that but why should I apologize?
Exactly! In one convo after I had dumped him I went to town on him and told him exactly what I thought about him. He was so angry he reverted to a child like stance and told me to take it all back, he couldn’t deal with the truth about himself. So bizarre but I told I stood by everything I said.
I've been through this got the T-shirt you're so Right!
Watching the Depp/Heard defamation trial, you have described Heard, especially the part where they go in for the kill. Destroying the life of the person who has become aware of their behavior. My sister and I are 3 years difference in age, you have described my sister to a tee. I have fallen for her apologies over the many years. I have allowed her behavior because of my mother, my children and her children. This past year after fighting the battle for over 50 years, with my mother gone, children grown (they too have realized the problems she inflicts on the family, some have walked away), I have closed the door on my relationship with her. I'm doing wonderful, my world is at peace. She is having a hard time, she calls anyone who will listen, cries, says she doesn't understand what she done. I use to get calls telling me about the calls they have received from her. I finally have to tell them, yes! I no longer want to deal with her at any level. If you believe her lies or want me to defend myself. My statement to them is; it's up to you to either believe her or not believe her, I don't want or need to defend myself because the bottom line is I don't care, nor am I waste anymore time on her. Finally I have allowed peace enter in my world and enjoying it. I told her I loved her, wanted only the best for, but the phone connection from my home to her home, no longer exists. This goodbye is forever. She was screaming at me as I hung up, that was 6 months ago. Hallelujah!
I have to add something to my original statement; when I finally made the split from my sister, I felt guilty. Why? Because she's my sister, I was brought up to believe family is our best friends. I guess I'm still struggling with that belief. I want it be true, but in my case it's not.It took awhile for me, while finding peace in my world, to realize that is not the case. That it was okay to enjoy my peace. I finally have come terms with some times family members can be destructive, and " running" away from them, is the right choice. Little by little, I'm finding out, she is without friends. I sometimes feel sorry for her, but know I can't. I have to protect myself, I can't protect her, it's not my job. My job is to take care of "ME". One more thing has taken place since I took her out of my life, my brother has added his 2 cents to my choice. I told him it was not his choice, that he was to respect my choice. Since then he has chosen to not speak to me. My attitude is we both have the right to not speak to each other, no matter how you feel. Not speaking to him, doesn't matter. I'll respect his choice. Peacefulness is needed!
My mom is a narcissist and everyone has discovered who she really is and has left her. She acts like the victim and says it's everyone else's fault and sense she feels like she's so perfect and spiritual, she says that we cannot stand the spirit of God within her. As a Christian this is so triggering to hear from her because it's almost like shes making herself God. I've chosen little to zero contact because she knows how to trigger my anger and I don't want to fall into having anger issues anymore, I want my heart to heal and live a life glorifying God.
Oh my LORD!! That would NOT be okay with me! Yeah, you DON'T have to be around someone who doesn't respect your beliefs and, in turn, you. And being a Christian myself, I understand the protectiveness you probably have over God, and the obligation you feel to stand up for Him, and the possibility of planting that mustard seed, but sometimes people's hearts are so hardened that they're lost forever. I believe that God understands that sometimes defending Him will make them be even worse and that's difficult for us to withstand feeling helpless, and won't hold it against us to let their words fall on deaf ears. After all, we shouldn't cast our pearls before swine.
It's hard to remember (and annoying) they're accountable for their own actions, but we're still accountable for what they provoke us to say and do. Might as well let them burn by themselves and not drag us with them.
Good for you! That is hard to do with a narcissistic parent (I have one), but so much healthier (physically and spiritually) for you!
My narcissist was a phony christian also, used it to try to distract people from what she really was. an incredible hypocrite, liar, abuser,........
Also had a narcissistic mother (and a narcissistic father, but completely different variety of narcissist). It's weird how they use these hollow ideologies to deceive not only others but also themselves. She was a divinity major who left christianity to pursue this weird new agey "inter faith" bullshit because she thought if she made it look like she was accepting of all faiths it would make everyone accept her and see her as like mother theresa or something. Had loads of bullshit self help books like the secret to reassure her of her personal godhood and what positive spiritual energy she had even though she was toxic and manipulative as hell. She refused to take my dads last name and when they divorced she took all his money and opened a charitable foundation under her own name and would force family members to write donation letters for charities they didn't give a crap about just because she had this desperate compulsive need to be seen as generous. Forced her children into after school activities we didn't want to do because it was the only way she could insinuate herself into the social circles of the "soccer moms" or "karate moms" because she was incapable of forming lasting connections without that kind of artificial pretext. And she'd often jet off to india or africa leaving us in the care of this abusive jehova's witness babysitter. Every single generous thing she did needed to be photographed, broadcasted, she'd put the entire extended family into email chains. It was clear she cared only about starving children in africa than her own family--not even that, just being seen with them. And the image she portrayed them as was one part pathetic poverty stricken and one part eat pray love spiritual extortion.
Fast forward 15 years and of her three children, one of them is dead, committed suicide after moving back in with her... And the other 2 left the country to go live on the other side of the world and get as far away as humanly possible. Because i'm sure if either of us were still around her we'd both want to just die too, because thats how she makes everyone feel. And as far as i'm aware she hasn't remarried or even had a single long term relationship since she divorced my father. She's just as miserable and alone and unseen as she deserves.
@@Ben-rz9cf so sorry for you and your siblings I understand everything you said.
I dated a women for 2.5 years in which she treated me like a dog and when I removed her from my life she went around telling the most disguting lies about me. The way I see it is that I feel sorry for the people believing her lies because I was once in that place and now I am free of it.
Had pretty much the same, how she would bad mouth previous people she had relationships with & told lies about. Even an X husband got her venom & i worked out most were lies, i then thought this wont end well for me, even her Dad warned me about her history!. I got the hell out & never looked back
And hopefully wiser !
Heathcliffe,"""that happened to me too.so I woke up one morning and thought bugger it,if any of my family or friends believe their lies and not come and clear it up with me,ask my side of things,then I don't want them in my life if their that shallow minded.
hope u free from her soon, base on my exp, it Never ends. even when she's dead, her legacies(minions who believed her lies) will go on...
When I broke up with my son's father he told everyone that he left me because I had become a lesbian. The people that believe those lies either will eventually come around or continue to stay in the dark. The important thing is that you're free!
I have watched this video for a second time, and it was more enlightening the second time than the first. How I know is because it brought great clarity regarding the conduct of some and even greater regarding others.
As always, thank you.
You just described my ex. He loved to make me cry. When he succeeded he would smile, not a big smile a little sneer. Like he got me where he wanted. Then I found he turned my brothers against me then worked on my youngest son etc...Left him after 35 yrs. Please don't wait as long as I did.
I'm with my Narc hubs for 46 yrs......I didn't even know what the condition was until 5-6 yrs ago. Unbelievable!
Once me & my ex broke up i lost sooo much weight . (I really looked sick ) i was depressed, wasn’t eating & missed him terribly. When he saw me , & how i wasn’t doing that well without him he had the same sneer on his face . It hurt my feelings cuz I’d never wana see him in distress. It took me a couple years to realize how manipulative he really was to me 🥺
@@ariannqueenn8575 I think that was when I realized how toxic our relationship was. When I tried to hurt him and realized how much it hurt me but I saw when he was hurting me and saw that smile then I knew that he didn't love me. Meaning because I loved him and by trying to hurt him I was also hurting myself so I immediately stopped. I realized then that his feelings for me wasn't love. I am glad you got out, I feel for those who never got out. ❤💔❤🤗
You are a Saint for staying so long.
You're a very brave woman 🙏🇦🇺❤👏👏👏
I've been living with an orgre for 26 years, and it's only getting worse.
When’s the last time a narcissist came up to you asked “how are you doing”?
Let that sink in. . .
Rarely
This one hurt. It made me realize that he never asked me that. I always asked him if he was happy, and how was his mind etc. He never asked me.
This is so true.
They do ask that, but they don't give a shit about it.
All the time, but the only acceptable answer is good or okay.
Everything you stated in this video is 100 percent accurate. I was married for 18 years to a man who was a narcissist. I had no words for what it was at the time until I finally got out and away from all of the abusive crazy making behavior. I’ve been out for almost 5 years and it’s only been about 1 year that I have had peace since going zero contact once my son graduated high school. I’ve changed states and left just about everyone I ever knew behind. I’m still healing and learning. Thank you for this video. Everything you stated that the narcissist will do happened in my situation. I didn’t imagine it and I’m not crazy. Thank you for the validation.
your a pretty lady, and you deserve a happy life .
☮
❤
not much to ask
Question what drew you to the man and to marry and have children....
Did 25 years with a covert narc. Now ex. She found the things I loved and methodically weaponized them against me, including my children. I’ve been Out for a year and doing better, living for me with a purpose. More peace to you I hope. You’ve earned it. ❤️ ♥️ 💜
Laura Ross. Thank you for your comment. It really helped.
My narcissist ic husband died. I felt sad for a bit. Then it suddenly hit me that I was free of him. What a liberating feeling. It felt like the weight of the world was off my shoulders.
You did a great job on the video man! Moral of the story...the second you realize your involved with a narcissist...record your exit! For legal protection!
The worst part of dealing with these people is looking back on the "relationship" and wondering if it was really your fault. I had my share of natural faults. No one is perfect, especially me I was always open to grow ; to communicate and work through these faults or disagreements. I thought I was going crazy at one point, ruminating on what I did wrong. I even questioned myself as to ask "am I the narcissist"?
the majority of people that encounter narcs feel like they may be the narc themselves. know that you're probably not
The only way to "deal" with them is to simply assume an arrogant mentality and firmly believe in yourself, which could easily lead one to question themselves.
There will be doubt, but don't ever cave in to it, you can re-evaluate yourself to become a better person once you're out of there.
It is ironic though, that although I mimicked my narcissist ex in order to defend myself and to teach them a hard lesson, I became more patient and understanding of people in general after the fact.
That doesn't mean I will ever stand down in the face of another narcissist abuser though, I will out petty and twist back the fairy tale narrative and accusations these abusive people create with simple logic and gleefully so long as I live.
I have called out my daughter being a Narcissist. Now she goes around calling me one.
You fell into their trap. What happens to you, you end up.... excuse me expression...'their lap dog', so that you never leave or divorce them. You end up being a slave to their sick emotions!
@@European-Okie1986 Ahh the good old "projection" trick, where everything bad about them is magically everyone else around them, because nothing is ever their fault.
Character assassination is one of the most difficult things to deal with. You will find those around you looking at you sideways and acting "off" around you. It's confusing.
I wonder what would happen if you asked the other people if that sounds like you at all. Is that the person they have always known when it comes to you?
Yep, left a church community I'd been part of for 25 years because my partner's ex spun a victim narrative that had everyone shunning him and looking at me sideways. Over a decade with him and he's the kindest lovingest man ever but she stripped him of so much.
@@rocknrolla2426 my partner and I have managed to find our place and our peace. Its had big costs but we are content. I'm just getting ready for bed, he's off to work in a half hour to a really humble job that his ex would have been scornful about. Me, I celebrate his effort to help share the load of caring for my elderly mother by taking this job. Good luck on your journey
Just family tho they can’t hide what others see u doing so cover yourself and never let them pull that bs.
@@KH-hs5xv You most likely aren't. Luckily the narcissist in my family is known to be what she is. The whole family knows her games. The damage she has done throughout the years is horrible though.
After many years of physical then verbal abuse, I finally told my father to either speak to me with respect, or don’t speak to me at all. He said “have a nice life,” and I haven’t spoken to him since.
That takes courage and it's totally worth it!@
You are describing world leaders, celebs, and World Elites: Klaus Schwab, Faucci, Hollywood, MSM, Yuval Harrai, Politicians, etc.
He’s a fool. I’m sorry to hear this. I told my mother the other day to treat me with respect in my home. I’m sure I won’t hear from her either.
You are so lucky ! Quick and easy finish. I hope you are not grieving. Even toxic people tug at our heart strings. It's about us, not them. We who love are the lucky ones. Imagine living in a world with others who have real feelings. real emotions. And you struggle to 'relate'. I feel sorry for my narcissist. What a way to live your life !
Good for you, you are the winner here.
Amazing that so much human destruction can be intellegently summized in a 10 minute video! Narcissism is devastating! Thank you, Dr Magee for sharing these insights! Much appreciated!!
Been with a narcissist for 15 years. Everything you said is spot on! I’m trying to leave but it’s so hard. Starting over at 40 with nothing and 2 kids to boot, it’s a crazy place to be. I’m gonna do it though. If I can find a place to rent, I’m gone 🙏🏻
🙏❤️ you can do it!
You can do it ,you are stronger than you think. It is worth while to do what is best for your kids and yourself. I’ve watched my son’s mental health deteriorate over the course of his 17 year marriage. He finalized his divorce two weeks ago and is well on his way to total recovery. I feel like I have got my kind caring son back. He had to do all the work of filling the divorce working with an attorney, doing trades to get her signature on documents, like you want this and I want your signature on this. It took 11 months. They had been separated for 2 years. 6 kids,he took care of or we did, with his help, 2 and a half years until he was mentally strong enough to get this done. He went to counseling the whole time and is still continuing for awhile. Get support for yourself and don’t be afraid to tell friends and family you trust about your situation and ask them to help you protect your kids from rumors and whatever you need to feel safe. She never thought my son would actually go through with the divorce. The day she signed the last document she was saying “I don’t understand how this happened”.True to form until the end. My son says every time he’s Amy’s no to her it gets easier.
Every time he says no to her it gets easier, and he is getting a sense of humor about her reply’s, request , and demands. You can make it through.
@LeAnne, 40 years old is young. You still have a chance at a great life, take it. It will be rough at first, but it will get better. Go. Live the life you want.
So you want to live another 40 years like this? Geez
5:20--"Deliberately misinterpreting you!" Thank you so much for saying this. This helps expedite the healing I am succeeding at at the moment from these monsters
For real....that has happened to me all the time. They always try to make you feel like the bad guy even if you're good. It's like opposite day with them.
@@pex_the_unalivedrunk6785 This guy that I've been dating for 7years on and off used to make me feel like I was crazy for being logical and sometimes I would almost fall for it.. well I got tired of my area that I live in a relocated about 7 states over and now he's suddenly asking me to have a baby get married and thing that will "keep us tied together forever" I didn't realized how much of a narcissist he was until I he said that out loud and basically told me he could love me better if he had more control over me. I love him to death but I know better and he has already done unforgivable things to me and I just don't want to end up stuck with him or at least if I'm thatbdumb I need the tools to deal with the shenanigans and handle my anxieties
@@ImTJandMJ It's all about the Shenanigans! (Throwing up 1,000 bills with Joker faces on them instead of Benjamin Franklin.)
I tend to attract some of the worst kind of people...and I learned to live with it(or more likely die with it, LoL 🤣 )
It's all about the ladder they fooled us all into climbing, and what we're willing to do in order to reach the next rung up, and to kick down at those below us, lest they usurp us and cause us to fall.
Been studying hoomans from all walks of life for many of their solar rotations, my hypothesis has been proven, all that remains is the signal I sent out to be received and then my HQ at Zebulon V will decide what to do with these life forms next.
Exactly... I remember I had to "explain" normal things .... good riddance to these toxics
The best solution is - end all connections, and if this requires time to make happened - take the time in an plan to end the abuse. But, end it.
I did this but I lost my children for 20 years as the believed all her shit. Only now 20 years later they are starting to come back. I have had no contact at all with my Ed wife for those wonyears once the extremely bitter divorce proceedings were over, she still had all the assets and wealth. I live on the fore niece. But I am happy. I doubt she is
Thank you, best advice yet & im making a plan now!
Too bad my narcissist is my sister
I planned how I was going to leave my ex for several years before I decided to do it. I listened to and read everything I could on women and divorce. I managed to get a relationship with a bank so I could get my own credit in case we divorced. I figured out how to keep the house for awhile and get him to leave instead of having to leave myself. As a result I had it a lot easier when I actually went through with it.
Money
Thank you so much for this video… you explain everything so clear and your accent greatly adds to that…
I’m going through 7 years of this torment by a woman, it’s so difficult to express!! I’m on lockdown 24/7 and constantly accountable for my whereabouts! She got rid of all my friends, and I cannot go out to socialise! She has her own house, I have mine, but even drops shipping to my door so I don’t leave to go to the shops!! She recently crashed her car into a tree damaging her pancreas and remaining with one damaged kidney, to which I continue to see her 11 months after the incident which was to get attention! Nothing has changed! I am desperately trying to get out if it that my family are so concerned…
She met all of my side, been in my home practically living with me, yet her side remains a mystery to me… 🙈
" Wet the bed and blame
the blanket" Love this, would make
a great book title lol. Thank you for your informative and accurate content.
Thanks, 👍that is hillarious & true! 😵💫, I’m multitasking and missed that, must re-listen! 💙💙💙
That phrase was so good. Wrote it in my Narc journal.
How about, "She wets the bed, and blames ME!!"
I finally had enough of my mother’s “I’m saying it in your best interest” justifying some of the most abusive language and stopped talking to her a year ago. I’ve since been able to see through what I suffered as a child.
my Spawn Point always swore she abused me to "toughen you up", as her excuse. Realistically she blamed me for my fathers suicide.
Its never in YOUR best interest. I tell myself over and over. "people who love you dont XXXXXX" Make it a mantra. It will get you through the maelstrom until you settle into a contact pattern that works for YOU.
Love, you in thirty years.
I stopped all contact with both parents 25 years ago.
Feels good 😎
3 years and counting. Mine continued to verbally/emotionally abuse me, then my son. Then her sis joined in on the abuse (flying monkey and Narc in her own right). I stood up for myself, at 51 years old, and it didn’t go well, denial and no accountability. I now have moved hundreds of miles away, and the rumor of me as of late: they’re afraid I joined a cult, and gave them my money😒😂😂. However, they KNOW my bestie and I built a home and business together. Covert, covert, covert.
Congrats on cutting ties with her for good. 👏🏾 I'm in a similar situation as you.
I only did it out of love
🤣😂😅😆😋
Emotional cruelty takes on a whole other meaning and they care about no one.
Profoundly disturbed individuals
A narcissist is controlling berates you run as fast as you can
I had to file divorce, her boyfriend is HIV positive. Then I allowed a reschedule of her first missed appointment. That's when false accuse & using that boyfriend as her false witness happened. She answers the filing with that word "cruelty". She had to know how that would effect me, either that or both came together with the strategy. Make her look like poor abused little old me. Disproving lies with a witness is far too expensive. Still guilty on paper here.
I've come to realize that they actually care too much & resort to calling sane ones narcissists when they're careless about their senseless drama & desperation for attention 😂🤷🏾♀️
When a woman is done they leave silently & there ain't nothing you can do about it. Well, same goes for a narcissist if only they had the strength & capability to not care but adult toddlers will never reach that bare minimum level of basic emotional maturity 🙃
Just subscribed. Literally everything you said hit the nail on the head. Both my parents are extremely narcissistic. Channels like this help me a lot. I appreciate you❤
Oh my goodness. I’m in the process of leaving a 22 year abusive relationship with a narcissist. When I left I made sure that every conversation was in writing. Every one. He’s financially destroyed me. Alienated me from my son, friends, everything. The lengths he’s gone to in order to destroy me has honestly been impressive and disgusting. My friend who was a divorce paralegal said she’s never seen the amount of complete evidence I have how it’s mind boggling to have everything in his words and then to be where we are today. It’s been insane while I still sit here and try to fight for my son with no attorney or money while he has 3 attorneys and is living in my home with his girlfriend. After this experience I’m determined to help others who find themselves in this situation. I will NEVER give a narcissist a second chance again. Ever. Things NEVER change. Ever.
I hear you. Mine did the same. He is bipolar + malignant Narc! What a combo. He tried to break me, but he did not win. He broke instead, ha ha ha! He took everything but lost it too. In the end, I'm laughing at him.
I get you, my covert narcissist ex took my teen daughters it was horrific. Eventually my girls figured him out and resumed contact with me. He did all the text book abusive things where children are involved. Police stated he was the most psychologically abusive man for intensity and duration they had ever come across.
@@Indigoblue642 wow!!! Thank you so much for sharing and for giving me a glimmer of hope.
Unfortunately my adult daughter has been caught up in it too and I’m finding things out that she’s done this past year to my reputation and it’s horrifying.
@@TruthLovingHippy it’s awful! My girls still have a relationship (of sorts) with their father but it is far more on their terms…. They know “ he’s a waste of space and not like other folk’s dads”. Yes they acted as his “flying monkeys” for a number of years , yes he poisoned them against their grandparents/aunt/uncle and several family friends. I have read and done loads of work on myself and it is paying off. Quote from “in sheep’s clothing “ has been helpful saying children of covert narcissists often don’t get it until their 30’s. They have to get life experience and interact with non abusive people and often have children before it all clicks into place. My girls are now very good at weeding “toxic” people out of their lives saying they don’t have time for “drama” and a healthy positive vibe is extremely important for them. The important thing was them seeing us separately and noting his behaviour and contrasting it with mine. Actions speak louder than words.
@@TruthLovingHippy You're not the only one. I threw out my narc husband 20 years ago. I have one son and three daughters. It's a long story but he enabled my 2 youngest daughters to do whatever they wanted and they turned on me. Maybe they were destined to be like him but I went through hell emotionally before I finally had to just let them go. I tried for years to fix things and they took advantage of my good nature. They just became backstabbers and liars like him. My oldest, my son, and my second born who is their older sister have no contact with them either. I'm so sorry that your daughter is doing this to you. When kids that were once the joys of your life turn on you, it's very painful. Please take care of yourself. I don't feel like I want to see them again. I've suffered too much.
Sadly, i have stage 4 cancer , and still i have to listen to such cruel comments. Narcissists are actually demons on earth, and a big lesson for the few who are involved with them.
🙏🏾❤
But narcissists pet and stroke the people they need on their team so they’ll always have fans who won’t realize they treat some people with utter disdain. They look the other way either because they love being pet and fawned over or they don’t want to be the target.
I’m sorry for your situation. I know first hand the loneliness narcissists can inflict on you. Let your Dr know you have someone in your life that is undermining your support system. Maybe you can find someone to talk to. Try not to let them live in your head rent free. You need your energy for yourself right now. 🤗
I’m so sorry. 🙏🏻
I like your story ; I’ve been married for 14 yrs to a pure narcissist & myself I’ve been planning my escape with out hurting him or his family ; When I had my awakening it was one thing after another , I got to endure this evil scheme 13 yrs & unless I walk away ( it’s hurts so bad ) why ? He has hit me , choked me , scratched my face with his whole hand twisting around my whole face , my bruises were on my neck & cheeks ; why do some folks stay in this evil for 1 sec ? I stayed mainly for so long is because I believed & thought I was wrong all the time & everything was my fault . The person that told me he promised to ALWAYS always make me smile !! Who in the hell told him he was so special?That would be his 3 family members since his 20 yr old age twins boy girl won’t even call or talk to him ; pretty much staying away ; he can’t even admit that alcohol is his enemy! Everything that I point out he turns it around just like a democrat will do !! I’m a theif ? Liar? Moocher? Lazy ? Judgmental? He tells me to have a heart attack ? List goes on & on & on !! We are finally splitting up & I can’t hardly wait to NOT seeing him asleep on the couch where he sleeps every night ! I want peace love & harmony in my life ; this means I WILL be single for the rest of my miserable life 🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️🤔so I married a human that is not of this world !! They are real demons here on earth !
@@4estdweller4ever thank you so much for your incoureging words..if only i realised earlier the consequences to my life i would have not let ot go on for so long..so its just a warning to others to run fast away from narcissists bec its not worth their lives..
The worst feeling comes over just after a narcissist apologizes, because you know you're going to pay dearly for it.
@Eternal Atake totally agree
@Eternal Atake i think this is what I do to my ex. So what should I do about that? Like there is ofc some unsatisfaction feeling. If I say I forgive, it's not really forgiveness. Like what should I do?
Man same here…I thought that I will be free…but came behind me with an apology….But happy to pay one or 2 years for my son….not expecting anything in return…literally giving away my life…
@Eternal Atake No doubt an apology to a narc is like winning a trophy for it symbolizes a level of success of them mastering their tactics. There are times when apologizing for something you obviously shouldn't take responsibility for, throws the narc off balance and sometimes stops their attempts temporarily because they're already celebrating.
Taking your lead and expanding on it; If you live with an extremely abusive covert (the highly intelligent ones) narcissist from birth or early age, it's rare, but you might become an empath which is the narcissist's narcissist. Empaths are kryptonite to them because you know all they are going to say and do to any given situation well before they do and how to circumnavigate their behaviors in real time because you can sense their blood pressure and brain activity based on their unbreakable patterns. Narcissism is just like a virus to programmed code. It's all learned programming that can be hacked, blocked and redirected but never destroyed completely. Most people become Trump like overtly narcissistic with it being 50/50 whether or not they will be evil or not. At least Empaths learn to use it productively and become beacons of wisdom.
So absolutely true....
I found your descriptions of narcissistic behavior extremely helpful both in their clarity and practicality. In short, your insights of what depths a narcissist will stoop to in an attempt to either reengage or decimate their no longer captive audience is in my experience , completely true. Thank you!