When Manipulative People Weaponize Psychology Lingo
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- Опубліковано 4 сер 2024
- In this video, I discuss how some people use psychology lingo to manipulate and harm rather than to help others.
Why we shouldn’t refer to women as “females”: blog.usejournal.com/the-probl...
Time Stamps:
0:00 Intro
00:57 Weaponizing gaslighting
6:17 Weaponizing boundaries
10:12 Weaponizing individualism
16:37 Weaponizing social justice
20:23 Weaponizing mental health days
22:31 Weaponizing emotional blackmail
Link to my merchandise: teespring.com/stores/anas-bazaar
The thoughts expressed in this video are my own personal opinion and do not reflect the opinion of any institution I am involved with.
The contents of this video are for educational and entertainment purposes only. They are not meant to substitute seeking professional therapy.
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Omg one time I saw a tiktok talking about how instead of constantly villainizing the world around you, you could seek to understand where people were coming from and what fueled them to do the things they did in that moment (eg. They had a bad day) and the comments were like this is “GASLIGHTING” the person on the receiving end like bro no it’s NOT in most cases it’s just being MATURE 😭
Yeah I feel like narcissist always feel like they're being gaslighted and the entire world is against them meanwhile the victims of their abuse feel like they need to understand why their narcissistic partner/ friend/ parent are reacting that way and they feel that they are at fault
True, yet I also think that , in general, understanding that most human interactions comes from others internalized emotions that have nothing to do with us, saves us the emotional energy expended from trying to meaning seek other peoples motives. This might be why the comments were calling it gaslighting(?) because it might be implying to meaning seek, which can be a extremely harmful message (esp for abused peoples) in the context of questioning abstruse actions. (tbf i never seen the tik tok in question tho)
Or it's also called empathy.
@@halo360warrior2 To do that you don't have to seek to understand peoples motives because you don't need to know the why of what they are doing, you just need to know they aren't doing it because of you and assume that. You should check out the 4 agreements
EXACTLY! I hate how nowadays if you don’t agree with the public consensus you are a “ narcissist “ or “ manipulative “ or “ gaslighting “. Lmao the terms end up losing they’re real function
a BIG one i see a lot is weaponizing the term "trauma dumping". like trauma dumping is a very serious thing, its something i have personally experienced in friendships and it was very hard for me. but so many people take it to mean essentially "if someone needs emotional support or is opening up to you, they're manipulative and toxic", which is SO dangerous because mentally ill and traumatized individuals already struggle so much with fears of being a burden or toxic, and that leads them to be terrified of asking for help. and now we have all these people manipulating psychology lingo to frame seeking emotional support as this inherently deplorable, malicious act. this kind of mindset is especially prevalent on twitter (which is not at all surprising because ableism is a huge issue on there and it never gets called out). i literally see viral tweets about it on a regular basis, with people saying things like "go be miserable somewhere else" in reference to people's childhood traumas. its just the most uncompassionate "mental health" movement ive ever seen. somehow setting boundaries turned into "you don't owe anybody anything, anyone who asks anything of you is a manipulator, and the only thing that matters is what you want". there's no nuance. no conversation about ACTUALLY setting healthy boundaries through communication, just demonizing literally everyone around you and cutting them off on a whim.
i saw a viral tweet recently in which the op posted screenshots of a PRIVATE conversation that took place between them and a mutual, where their mutual was expressing how they felt like they were the only one who cared about the friendship and how they were always the only one to initiate the conversation, and the op took that and painted them to be some kind of terminally online manipulator who was trying to guilt trip them. because... how dare someone attempt to be friends with another person and be hurt when they are ignored? i guess? communicating that your feelings are hurt does not equal guilt tripping, and trying to form a friendship with someone is not crossing a boundary unless the other person explicitly asked you to leave them alone. its just so strange. people use mental health terminology so much to justify genuinely cruel behavior and im so sick of it.
Could you talk to me about trauma dumping at all? It seems like it is often used to insinuate that whining (which seems kindof a synonymous term) to strangers is more impactful than whining to people you know, which in my experience the opposite is the case.
spittin
Real 💯
this's always been a thing online, not just twitter. if someone doesn't want to put anything into the friendship and doesn't want to deal with another's problems, just dump the guilt-trip mind-jutsu onto them, or start wining to a mod/admin about how so-and-so is acting predatory and manipulative and makes them feel unsafe. Apathy with a side of "Hey, great! now deal with these new problems because you're a tw@t! :D"
OMG, yes. It's kind've ableist sometimes to insinuate being vulnerable about struggles makes you "trauma-dumping". People just want you to hide your mental illness for the comfort of the neurotypical and smile. They are fairweather friends who ditch you the minute you feel sad and justify it as self-care.
Weaponizing the term empath to mean that they understand your emotions more aptly than you do, and that you’re lying about them
I am empathic and I have seen other empathic individuals do it after I caught my self doing it one time. I sat back and apologised to the individual because I realised that I was forgetting to separate my emotions from theirs and it was skewing the interpretation of their thoughts. I hate when non-empathic people do this as well, it feels just as bad as I imagine it does if I were to do it to someone else, and it feels even worse in group situations when a known other empathic individual picks up on a hint of apprehension and immediately starts asking questions in a way that lets me know they are looking down upon me and believe I am being deceptive, in a way that non-empathic people cannot decipher as intentionally suspicious.
I find everyone who uses the term 'empath' unironically sus, tbh. It sounds like people think they have magical abilities, when in reality they don't. Just say you're an empathic person.
I once told someone who was trying to manipulate me..
"If you know me better than I know myself ...Why are you so bad at explaining it in way I can appreciate?"
Someone who truly gets you wouldn't make you feel alienated.
I hate that shit
oh my gosh!! yes.
I was told to get therapy, I got therapy, it gave me a better sense of self and was the beginning of the end of that relationship.
Literally just started crying listening to this... I know I’m not evil or abusive. I just had needs that weren’t being met, and had concepts like these weaponized against me to justify not having them met, and also not communicating with me on why. It all literally started driving me bonkers until I broke down crying and got painted as completely unhinged.
it's so vile when people do this to you i know =( i hope you are in a better place by now
One of the most messed up things I've learned is that being asked to explain or justify extremely normal things will make any answer you give make you sound like a psycho. If the person demanding them doesn't realize that or doesn't care, there's no point in justifying them. If someone genuinely doesn't understand where you're coming from, they will try to and attempt to empathize, not demand super elaborate language to explain basic human feelings and needs.
So glad you said this because this can really make you go insane
This has been used against me: "No one can make you feel anyway...you choose how you feel." I know using I statements in communication is recommended but to say "I feel bullied when you ...." Could still get this response letting the bully off the hook. The whole idea of we choose how we feel feels disingenuous to me because people would not be manipulated or driven to suicide if that were true. No one actually chooses depression or insecurity etc. This "you choose how you feel" seems to be a way to dismiss and blame the one trying to communicate effectively
Yes definitely used to feel this way as a coping mechanism and it made my life worse. I also believed that crying and sadness had no effect on other people, like if it did it’s their problem lol, because sadness didn’t seem to make you insult or hit people like anger did. I also sought out more destructive coping mechanisms since I was sad and I was only allowed to be sad about things that happened directly to me to sort of validate my behavior. It took me a very long time to unlearn this philosophy and I still slip back to it on bad days. Literally “we live in a society,” was a big concept for me, and that your actions impact others and that it’s ok to be impacted by other people’s actions as well.
I recently had a version of that phrase used against me when I was asking for one small boundary and I was trying to argue why I should be allowed that boundary. Maybe it was a bad argument since I couldn’t trust that the other person would value my want so I tried to question why this was such a big deal that I wasn’t allowed to have this boundary. I tried to ask what the consequences were, why this would bother the other person so much if some boundary that most people wouldn’t even have to ask for. I get met with how I’m not allowed to decide how other people feel but because they are the one who cared for me they actually get to decide how I feel and what I’m bothered by. Like ok.
@@its_den10 well said
thank you
@@its_den10 you really summed it up well.
This is the worst thing adults use to get children to be quiet about their emotions in response to the stimuli of the environment around them. This ideology teaches you that others should have no effect on you, that you and everyone else around you should be and always remain invulnerable to emotional attack. Specifically adults tell children this to chastise for defending themselves or to stop them from crying to their parents about a hurtful event.
If somebody can make you laugh, they are verily capable of making you frustrated and involuntarily have a bit of grunge in your voice (which parents then call "disrespect" further validating the idea that emotions should be separate entirely from your cognition and bodily function) and they are absolutely capable of making you cry or feel worthless and devoid of any meaning except to be an extra person in the group to have to feed and give energy to. Please know that you can express your emotions plainly with words and your tone SHOULD VERY WELL reflect the emotion you are feeling behind them if it is verbal. After all there is a reason most languages not based in Latin are tonal, using the disparities in pitch tone and order of operations to understand the direction the communication is going after, as compared to latin based languages which are literal in that in most cases you have to say exactly the words you meant otherwise your message will be entirely misconstrued or, in our case here, intentionally filtered to be distilled and sold as "disrespect"
I was abused for my entire childhood, ran away many times. After I succeeded, and I got on my feet, I started dating a little... I met a wonderful woman, who made me feel special, but eventually, I was recording and taking notes on every conversation we had. I didn't know if I could trust my memory, after 3 years. Thank you for the video. It's very validating to hear that this is an issue others are experiencing.
I’m so sorry :( when you need to take notes, that’s how you know things are not going in a healthy direction...
I've had the same experiences with distrusting my own memory due to trauma. My heart goes out to you, it's awful.
I hope this doesn't sound insensitive, but I would really like to know what kind of stuff you weren't trusting your memory about, and whether it was a short term memory thing or long term memory thing. (I'm guessing long term..) And possibly if you know anything about why that would happen in the brain, I would love to know. The reason I ask is because my boyfriend has been getting that way with me, and he had a very rough childhood also. I was thinking that my boyfriend should trust me more than that after 2 years, but maybe it's not so simple... Anyway, thank you.
@@coyoterainfeather5149 Respectfully, I think thats questions u need to ask yourself. Do u feel safe around him, or nervous? Do u bite your tongue more than u smile? Those kinds of questions helped me. I spend a lot of time alone talking to myself to figure these things out. I hope u find the best methods to help u figure things out.
I dont know u or your boyfriend/ex, but i wish u the best luck possible in your search for peaceful, stable love life.
“Building resiliency and saving that mental health day for later” yessssss this is something I struggle with, but now that I have the proper treatment for my conditions, I’m gonna have to remember this when my body and brain try to stay in the habitual loop of giving up before I’ve even tried.
But if you don't mind me asking, what is the proper treatment? I ask because this was also my biggest takeaway from this video, because I have lots of trouble with, as you said, "giving up before I've even tried." My anxiety gets really bad sometimes, but my boyfriend is insistent that there is nothing "wrong" with me, and while I can realize kind of what he's saying, I don't know if I agree, and those 'mental health days' have become a big part of my coping mechanisms.
Such a great video! Something I've noticed is people using the term "ableist" in response to a criticism of a behavior that might be a symptom of a particular disorder. For instance I saw something talking about how people should let others tell stories without interrupting and talking about themselves, and the response was largely crucifying the poster, suggesting the poster was ableist against individuals with ADHD. I think it's dangerous to assume that if a behavior is a symptom, that warrants full immunity from criticism.
Well call me a boomer lol but I was taught to take responsibility for one own's actions and words
100%! Even if someone has adhd, they may not be aware they are doing that and affecting others in a negative way. Talking about it brings awareness and people can try to improve. Illness isn't an excuse to be an asshole and never try to improve.
I came across a short excerpt of an interview with a streamer girl having Tourette syndrome with verbal ticks. When asked why she feels the need to apologize when having ticks cause it's something she can't control and not her fault, she answers with something along the line of 'I'm not defined by my condition, I'm defined by how I deal with it'. I think that's how we should choose to act. I have depression and am struggling with it, but I try to not let it define me. I choose to define myself as a survivor, a triumph.
So yes, I totally agree that people with ADHD do not by default have the right to be rude without consequences. It's not ableist to point out inappropriate behaviors, rather it's the first step to provide help.
As someone with adhd this one is kind of thorny. Something like not interrupting is hard, sometimes we’re doing it because we think we need to be a “good conversationalist”. I think there’s two types of interrupting, one is because you don’t care what the other person has to say, and the other is because you really wanna get that contribution into the conversation because if you don’t, you won’t remember it. Adhd is not a get out of jail free card. We have to take responsibility for our actions. I think people with good communication skills self confidence can work these things out. The other big factor is if the adhd person is aware of the problem, and making an effort to work on it. We can’t just say “well I have adhd so I get to interrupt you whenever we want” it’s a dopamine shortage, not an empathy shortage.
We also need to know what sort of reasonable accommodations we need and communicate them proactively, not wait until we get called out for interrupting.
I mean I end up interrupting people because I don’t want to forget what was on my mind and may not notice that the other person was talking. Or sometimes I interrupt because I got interrupted while trying to gather my next sentence.
Still not an excuse to be rude. I appreciate the sympathy for understanding my struggles with communicating with people but I can still keep in mind to be accountable.
Another example. One of the teens at my job is autistic. I sympathize when he struggles to pay attention or gets hyper fixated on something but he constantly gets on his phone at the wrong times and is pretty rude and cold to customers. He’s well aware enough that those are issues and concerns people are having with him. He’s 17 years old. There should always be a balance on how you see people. I’m not going to deny someone breaking a boundary or treating people a certain way just for being neurodivergent. I’m neurodivergent too.
such an important contribution to the conversation; i haven't seen anyone else talking about these issues in this way. thank you.
Just coming from watching Gabbie Hanna drama, and realising how often she likes to wrongly use all of those words to accuse people😲😲😲
thought bout her behavior too 😅
I was beeing accused of gaslighting just because I said "I didn't say that, I said..." because someone understood me wrong in a conversation and I tried to clearify. I had a lot of doubts afterwards and even felt guilty! But we all say sometimes "I didn't say that", if we truly don't remember or, when someone twists words around, or if there is a misinterpretation of what was said. That is not automaticly gaslighting...It's been a while that happend to me, so I can now think clearly.
I was thinking of her too!
And my doctor talks about delusions. Then she said that I didn’t know that her husband was black. I don’t give a damn about her husband. I don’t do sex. I advocate for myself. Because I am not into doing sex and I never slept with a man, I am not a bad woman.
A lot of people don't understand psychology including me. I've caught myself using terms I don't really know just to sound intelligent. I think the main issue is information overload with technology and so anyone can become an expert after watching a couple of clips on youtube.
I don't mean to be argumentative without due cause but isn't the main issue the attitude of people who think that a couple of youtube clips are sufficient to master a given topic, and more broadly, a culture that encourages such attitudes?
This would seem to get to the heart of the matter or else one might wonder what volume of information is responsible for the issue, and an implied solution would be to destroy information. I'm not sure that that's the best way to make people more humble/intellectually honest or less prone to feel as though they've got something to offer every discourse.
Still, I think it's a difficult issue to address because on the one hand I do want a culture where expertise and legitimate power are recognised, but on the other hand I don't want a culture that veers towards authoritarianism and acceptance of received wisdom.
Anyway, I agree with the spirit of what you're saying but thought I might add this to potentially help you clarify your ideas, and to offer some engagement to the channel.
@@ivorydungeon909 Your comment is completely pointless, not surprising they didnt bother responding to you. Culture is trash, and I make sure to go against it for the the entirety of my existence. Majority of you humans are idiots,what you want wont isnt going ot happen as long as trash continues to breed. Power is a made up concept when its about made up bs involving humans
This video is very enlightening. I've been strugling with being made to feel abusive because I asked for my side to be taken into account. I was told I was making demands and trying to hold the other person accountable for my problems when all I was asking was some attention to my feelings in the situation. This video clarifies a lot. Thank you.
I experienced the same from someone I knew, to be more considerate of what they joke about especially as regards my past trauma, and he responded that he is not at fault about the things that went wrong in my life. It seriously messed me up making me think I had to "take responsibility" for my sensitivity, almost to the point that it felt like in that situation, he absolved himself of the obligation to be more considerate of my feelings.
Your example about weaponizing boundaries hits home for me. When I talked to my girlfriend about something like spending more quality time together, she would get angry, shut down, or storm out right before bedtime. If I asked that we communicate in the moment to at least not go to bed angry she would say I didn't respect her boundaries if I didn't drop it and let her go to bed. It is legitimate to wait until you can calm down and ask for space for that. Not everybody agrees about if you should go to bed angry. I get that. The problem is that she had no intention of revisiting the topic at a later date. If I brought it up again, or any other topic, she would shut down again. It was stonewalling disguised by using a buzzword.
Amazing video. I'm an avid redditor, but people on reddit tend to throw around words like gaslighting, narcissist, toxic + individuistic ideas all the time, and I am happy that someone finally addressed this issue.
That being said, I have also noticed another trend: blaming oneself for feelings of anger towards something/someone. I believe occassional feelings of anger/annoyance are quite normal, if justified, but several of my friends have already expressed the opinion that if you feel anger, it is just the reflection of who you are, it is the reflection of your own problems, and that you should try to change yourself and not the concerned situation/person. This has made me really uncomfortable to express my feelings towards these friends, for the fear of being told that I am a bad person since I am angry/annoyed about something. Maybe in a future video, you could try to discuss this?
Important! This has upset me a lot, too, and I think you're right, and I think sometimes the one is the main reason and sometimes the other(often it's a mix of reasons). I think this also blends into this whole post - fake - facts- truth- - reality confusion. I'd really like these things more clarified between us.
I loved this. It was hard hearing that one about individualism, but I’m glad I’m working on it. I’ve had this discourse with folks recently. It would have been great to see you talk about the misuse of “narcissist.” It’s one I see often, and I think sometimes it can be intentionally manipulative but can be used mistakenly by folks who have a very surface-level understanding of psychology, like some of the other terms you mentioned here.
You were really ahead of times with this video! This seems to be an ever growing issue even worse that before. Thank you for pointing this out. It can feel like the HR-ification of relationships
You probably get this a lot. But you’re freaking adorable. And so knowledgeable too.
Great video! I've been accused of gaslighting twice in the last year while in a disagreement, it felt confusing in the moment. I'm a psychology student and I'm so glad you've touched on the misuse of psychology through social media. I've been seeing A LOT of this lately on instagram.
The individualism stuff is especially true. It’s important to know when to prioritise oneself over others and when not to.
I am really glad i subscribed to this channel. These topics are so needed.
Over the course of a few months my ex used nearly all of these against me. Watching this video today was a surreal experience, and am working through this with our former couples counselor to unpack and heal from.
Thank you for the work that you do!
I’m someone that gets into the nuances of things as you do and I just want to say thank you for affirming me and reassuring me with the technicalities. This is truly a breathe of fresh air.
Great video! I love that your channel allows me to check myself. Not just criticize others. That is true mental health and growth even if it’s uncomfortable sometimes. Thank you so much for these truth bombs!!!
Greetings Ana!
Thank you so much for helping us all understand how some people are weaponizing psychology terminology to hurt people around them, and also how the terminology is often misused. There was a lot of material to glean from this video. I know that some of this terminology has been floating around in the media a lot lately, particularly “gaslighting”, and often it’s misused and this misuse often causes confusion, as a result, I end up misunderstanding what is trying to be conveyed.
It is difficult to understand people when they use words and phrases they do not understand themselves and then use those words or phrases to try to seem more knowledgeable than they actually are, which only causes more confusion than enlightenment.
The videos you post, such as this, help us have a better understanding of terminology and how they are misused and weaponized and as a result, enables us to avoid the negative effects they had been intended to manifest.
Thank you for posting this video! Please have an excellent and awesome day! 🙂
Such a great video, thank you
This is definitely a topic that needed to be discussed in the social media community, thank you for this informative video Ana! You have such a great way of explaining things 🤍
Oh my god!
😭😭😭 I love you!
It happened to me recently and it was so so frustrating!
I'm so happy to see this video!
=)))))) "o să vezi tu când nu o să mai fiu"
why is this my mom?
This video is pure gold ✨ The thankfully growing discourse around mental health has created such monsters that simply go around naming concepts as they're meaningless shells and take absolutely no accountability for theri actions. It's so sad that people would treat such an important subject superficially and take advantage of it for their own purpose.
This is an incredibly insightful video. The topics are not discussed enough. Thank you for putting light to it!
I really love your videos Ana, they've really help me put into words what I felt but could not completely pin point or totally grasp😭. Thank you and please keep it up! :)
I also met a friend recently who said her other friend has been “over-therapized” and uses all this therapy lingo to justify blatantly unhealthy behavior like going back to an ex and dating them in secret bc nobody approves lol. I thought that was such a good word for people like that who have weird self awareness where they see their actions but then deny that they’re significant and say it’s just them “living their truth” and “exploring their feminine” or whatever
Great channel! I really like your approach to presenting things. Scientific, examples, showing distinction between things that might easily be confused, actually useful input for introspection...it's all there! I'll be glad to see more of your content in the future!
Thank you to point that out! So many people do exactly that! As example:
Sometimes people have missunderstandings. In basic communication we all can missinterpret something the other says. Just recently I had a conversation and I pointed out that what the other understood, is not what I said and I clearified what I said and meant.
So, to say "I didn't say that, I said..." is not automaticly gaslighting. But the other person accused me of gaslighting right away!
I'm glad that you pointed out the definiton of it. I think it is also something that is repeatedly done. We all say sometimes "I didn't said that" if we truly not remember or if we, like i stated above, really not said something the other understood or misinterpreted.
So someone who does gaslight the other, will repeatedly say "I never said that" or " I didn't say that" even if it is objectivly provable. So, as long as it is not done repeteadly and because of a misunderstanding, it is not gaslighting.
Maybe it is better for future misunderstandings that I say: "I think we have a misunderstanding here" instead of "I didn't say that, I said..." just to avoid of beeing accused of gaslighting.
Edit:
I wanted to include, that I felt guilty and pretty confused after beeing accused of gaslighting... just because I wanted to clarify...It's been a while and I now can think clearly again.
Omg I think about how intense boundaries are made out to be all the time. I used to let ppl walk all over me and established boundaries but now I’m starting to think that’s it’s kind of given me a bit of an excuse to be more of a selfish person who’s not very generous w their time or energy. I find myself wanting to get out of a lot of kind things I’m asked to do lol. Currently trying to find more of a balance after a period of too many boundaries
Usually "setting boundaries in the relationship" just means "you don't actually need to give a shit about your partner or friend, they're only there for your enjoyment, if they ever need support they can f*ck off"
My experience on social media is at times finding toxic people posting these mental health "tips" like at 2:30. They use these posts or
information to justify and convince themselves that the other person was the one who was 100% in the wrong.
Not gonna lie, I was always confused about the term gaslighting until I saw this video. It has definitely cleared some things up for me.
I've seen people throw that word around alot online (Reddit) when two people are just disagreeing on something or misremembering something, which now I know isn't gaslighting.
Thank you for this. I've especially noticed social justice language being used to dress up an ego trip - often at the expense of the very communities such people claim to be advocating for. Social justice, therapy language, and personal boundaries are all valuable, but none of them grant license to forget that somebody else is a human being.
This was a great video! I learned a lot that I didnt know. Another term I've noticed EVERYWHERE recently is "narcissist".
I am here for this conversation!!
Thank you so much for this video! For a linguist in the making, this is a fascinating topic
Thank you for this video. The past couple of years the mental health and social justice community has put a bad taste in my mouth. Glad you gave some perspective & gave us a healthier way of looking at it. As always, love your channel.
Thank you Ana. The world is complicated and it’s getting ever more complicated. I think there’s a huge need for some common sense and empathy. No one knows everything and no one is perfect. I think we lose so much not taking the time to calm down and talk, TO, not AT, each other. One thing l’d love to hear you talk about is how we can learn to talk to each other in a calm, healthy way, when we struggle to voice our feelings. I often feel this way. I was silenced so much as a child, I find it nearly impossible to say what I need to. My ex fiancé weaponised everything he could and it took me a long time to understand it. I was literally voiceless, I could NOT talk to him, it was as if my vocal chords had been cut. I don’t want that to happen again, so id love to know what you’d recommend. Thank you so much for this video!
Very very excellent points you have made! Well articulated and informative 👏🏻 absolutely relevant today in the world
It amazes me how every video of yours teaches me so much new things everytime
Also, it amazes me too how every colour you wear suits you so much Ana ♥️
Good video, very informative.
The 1st point specially. Someone needed to say it. People have been misusing 'gaslighting' quite a lot lately.
Great video overall
damn i felt so attacked when you were talking about individualism bc i tend to cancel plans bc i don't feel like doing stuff or seeing ppl......but it's also bc im on some level of depression and after more than a year stuck inside i really don't feel like seein ppl and talking to ppl
To be clear, I’m not talking about anhedonia due to something like depression, but people who just don’t feel like being good friends and justify it through psychology. I have great sympathy for people who don’t have the desire or ability to socialize because of mental health struggles❤️
Also, I like your pic😂 just started rewatching TVD
@@AnaPsychology i totally undertand the point. As i was listening i was like "hmmm that sounds like me ops..." but then i stopped being superficial and actually listened to what was all about.
ps: Thank u! Elena Gilbert was one of the first characters that i could relate to bc im also named Elena lol
Love the sound of your voice! ❤
Thanks for your work!
Thank you for these videos!! I have been working hard not to be so individualistic recently which is really hard for me since it’s just very against my nature as a 4w3 INFP. Outwardly I don’t seem so dissonant and individualistic but pretty much all of my bad habits are at least partially influenced by my individualism. I pretty much constantly do all the things in the info graph you showed especially the first 6!!
I see that these earlier videos you were a doctoral candidate and the most recent ones you are now a doctor. Sincere congratulations, that is an awesome achievement.
I stumbled across your channel only this morning but have been and plan on continuing to binge watch them. From what I’ve seen so far I really like your messages and your presentation style appeals to (as I am sure it does to others).
Keep doing you Dr. Ana
I finally subscribed based on the title and subject matter of this video alone. I will come back to it later. So this is basically a thank you.
thank you ana, blessings are coming your way.
The examples where super helpful. Good work!
Thank you for talking about this! I've been trying to set more boundaries this year and was villanized using attachment theory of all things - really broke me down that being (gently) honest was painted as me being "cold hearted" and "avoidantly attached" for distancing myself from someone who was actively hurting me. Frustrated to read the comments and see that others are going through the same thing - I understand we are ultimately looking for language to explain our complicated feelings but without the proper self reflection and understanding of psychology end up weaponizing these terms and hurting others
me saying “we are not in a relationship” because he was not ready for a commitment was being being cold and abrasive. like dude no, just no. i wanted a relationship, i was ready.
This is perfect for those who are in cognitive dissonance with all the pop self help nowadays thank you!!! You earned a sub and likes
Could you do a video on 'Dark Empaths'. I think it's a similar topic, in a way. Kind of, at least. It might be a stretch, but still an interesting topic. It's similar in the sense that someone appears to be kind or doing the right thing, but in reality they aren't. It's some who who can have empathy towards you, but then use that knowledge to manipulate you. So it seems as though they are being nice, but in reality they are being very manipulative. I had an ex that did this and manipulated me and everyone around me for over a decade. I had to move out of state to get away from him. Most people think he's a really good guy, but they have no idea what he has put me through. It ended up making me seriously sick, which in turn made examine things and start to unravel the manipulation. I'm still sick, but I cut off all communication from him, which helps. I still have a long way to go to heal from him. He made the love of my life hate me, which was the hardest part out of all of it. Thankfully I'm getting through to this guy and he's starting to see what my ex did. They are friends, so he trusted what he said. In reality he was manipulating both of us, so we wouldn't be together. The most healing part is working things out with this guy. Still, he has a realtionship with my son, which is hard. I just try to teach my son how he is, but he's still young, only 18. He's starting to understand, but only after I learned about being a dark empath. It really helped me understand things and inturn I could help the people I love understand the way he is too.
This is an extremely important conversation because what I’m noticing more and more is narcissistic people know the lingo use it this exact way. Wrong!!! They just say the things like gaslighting, manipulation etc.. but it’s them who are doing these things but now are projecting. It’s scary
Noticed this exactly thing. A friend of mine was throwing these terms at me while doing those exact things.
I learn so much from this channel!
I really appreciate the validation and knowing I'm not the crazy one. You're videos are a life saver 💯👉✌
THANK YOU for calling out people who weaponize social justice, such a good and important remark
Thank you, I really like how informative and helpful your videos are.
Incredible! Your videos promote my
Growth ❤️ thank you for helping to elevate me
this topic is woefully underrepresented online. thanks for putting info on this out there.
i would love to see a follow up video on this about how to approach this.
i specifically had an issue of being accused of “abuse and gaslighting” and i asked for their meaning, where they sent me 2 infographics similar to this.
the convo just unraveled and the person just kept arguing that they were right instead of understanding that i had an issue with being accused of abuse and gaslighting. i stopped talking to them for now (was very recent) but they’re a long-time friend, so i’d like to revisit it. for now, i’m just chalking it up to another sensitive topic im not going to touch.
This video made me feel better about my process to be more in the middle of life in my own life, I started therapy almost 9 months ago
The part about weaponizing social justice is so important and I hope that more people talk about it
Oh and specifically when you said something along the lines of: “if you don’t have the energy to explain something to someone, how do you have the energy to tear them down?” I see this ALL the time. And you get accused of “tone policing” when you say that it’s not right to belittle somebody for asking a question in good faith.
you're so sane ilysfm😭💖💖
Just wanna say I love ur videos n it's been a great help well love u too💖
An extremely important topic now that therapy lingo has entered mainstream media. I'm so tired of people using the word Gaslighting like it's tic tacs. You can't gaslight someone once on the internet, it's a PATTERN
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS VID ❤❤❤
This a great video! I’ve noticed manipulative people weaponizing all these psychology terms
i have relationship ocd and this video has made me feel a little bit better. a big trigger for me are those infographics. they make me question whether or not i am abusive or my partner is. it is good you are bringing light to this misinformation. a lot of the times these things make me feel like there are so many “rules”
This is a really important topic. The most common one I've found is people throwing around the word Narcissist quite easily, even a TikTok that lists ten signs you were probably raised by a narcissist based on traits YOU have rather than the traits of the parent. I also wonder if it's possible to have narcissistic traits sometimes and you can still call it narcissistic behaviour without them being a narcissist (being diagnosable for narcissistic personality disorder)? Or would that just be called selfish, inconsiderate behaviour? I also tend to get confused about gaslighting and manipulation as I've definitely been hurt by ex partners before, or even friends, and it often feels close to gaslighting or is eerily similar but I know it's not quite the full thing. Same with the difference between being manipulative and just being nasty or emotionally immature, since obviously I could never 100% know the intent behind someone's behaviour unless they told me, and even then, is subconsciously manipulating someone without realising that's what you're doing a thing? Or does it have to be conscious and malicious to be manipulative? Maybe I've dated manipulative people, but maybe they were just childish and selfish.
I’ve seen one phrase used in psychology which I find helpful ‘narcissistic personality styles’ and also ‘narcissistic personality traits’
@@reu2002 Oooh that sounds interesting, thank you!
I have been telling my boyfriend it has to be conscious and malicious to be manipulative, and though I may very well be wrong (I am biased) here are my reasons.
One, if someone is unconscious in their manipulation, then it is likely not malicious. Therefore, whatever is causing them to be manipulative likely is purely selfish, not directed toward any harm (i.e. malicious). While this is not a good way to be, it is not truly manipulative in the same way, and likely actually comes from some sort of hidden trauma.
Reason 1.5, if someone is manipulating someone else, subconsciously, with no ill intent toward that person, then that person most likely has issues with trust themselves, likely with boundaries and expectations, and the like, all likely due to some sort of trauma, often in childhood (because that's the easiest and most common place to manipulate someone, and so then they themselves become manipulative).
Two, if someone tells me that I am manipulating them and I am not conscious of doing so, have no conscious intention to be malicious in any way, and I honestly don't feel I'm hurting them by saying or doing those things, then how do I know that they're not the one manipulating me?? How do I know I am the one in the wrong?
As I said, I am biased, as I feel I am defending myself against my boyfriend and his accusations of manipulation. I definitely need help looking into how much I am manipulating, but it is vastly unconscious and holds no ill intent whatsoever toward him. So I don't even know when or how much I am actually manipulating, and it stems from my own childhood trauma, while his accusations (I honestly believe) stem at least partly from his ow childhood trauma....
Hope this helps in some way. Peace!!
Tiktok isn’t a good place to learn about the meanings of psychological terms. I saw a tiktok once that went viral of a girl saying if you love people way more than they love you then you were probably raised by a narcissist. I don’t think this is true. The parent is probably emotional unavailable. That line is not a good reference to find out if someone has narcissistic traits. This is similar to what you have said about tiktok videos describing traits that you, the viewer, has rather than the person who is deemed to have narcissistic traits. Yes you’re right on the part about someone can have narcissistic traits but not have npd. I know this may not be accessible to you or maybe it is, I would suggest to seek a therapist to work out your personal stuff with so that you aren’t confused and can heal and move forward.
Narcissistic fleas might be the term you might be looking for. The notion that those who are raised around narcissists co-opt certain personality traits as a defense mechanism or subconscious learned behavior, mimicry as it were. Don’t know if it holds water, but check it out.
UA-cam channel Theramin trees has also great observations regarding the subject 'weaponizing affirmations'. Thank you as always Ana for your wise insights on this topic 🙏😊
Thank you. I was questioning my reality if it wasn't for the clarification. Some people around me weaponized these terms to make me the villain. Always turning the table on me and refusing to communicate even when I asked, "Please help me understand...." Then I was accused of gaslighing. When I said "try and get some rest," suddenly I was micromanaging. I see reality more clearly now. Thank you.
This is a fantastic video. Thank you so much.
How do you always make the videos I need the most 😂❤️❤️❤️
I’ve seen this occasionally in a Discord server I’m part of, and it really bothers me sometimes. Hope you’re doing well Ana ☺️
The infographic from 12:49 is very valuable to ppl who have co-dependency issues. The ppl who actually take advantage of ppl don't even need/wouldn't even seek the reminders on this list
That is a good point. I also, though, agree with Ana that it can be just a simple coping deficit. But I think coping deficits are something codependent people are very high in... Speaking as someone who is very codependent and also has way way way too many coping deficits. And I know that if one of those two things is fixed, so is the other.
I am really here for this because I have been trying to work on why I don't well qualified to talk about much that isn't from my lived experience or something that I can source. You never know how something can be used out of context such as cluster b personality- most noticable the narcissistic personality disorders and borderline personalities. This causes more harm than good when we have people who do not have enough knowledge or have not yet tackled their own minds and explored inward. I see this mostly as a way people have been diagnosing others or fake claiming online recently. Very interesting work as always.
When someone makes up a mental health problem you have to make you feel crazy or follow your advice on how to fix this "problem", you explain that you don't and why, and they say "See, you're just so deeply in denial"
Thanks for the video
Great video. I would share this with employees but might get accused of these terms if so. Another term that seems to be weaponized if not overused is "trauma".
I really liked this video. I enjoyed hearing your take.
idk if this is fate or why every video ana makes comes out is perfect timing. i just had a fallout with a friend and i never experienced gaslighting until now. during our entire conversation, i felt like i was “crazy” and i had to question my own reality. i needed my friends to give me validity since there was one other friend who was witnessing the situation.
also i wanted to add that i completely agree with ana about how the term “gaslighting” is often misused. i see the term being thrown around a lot and it just doesn’t see right with me. i have had my share of conflicts with friends and we have had disagreements or different perspectives on a situation which is fine. but when someone creates a narrative or a situation that has never happened out of thin air, it really messes up my mind and makes me question if my memory is even reliable :/ its not a pleasant experience
The one that kinda pricked me is the mental health days. I'm currently at home, having taken one, due to a very, very stressful situation at work. I'd powered through it all last week, sometimes on very little sleep. So I'm not sure if I should have gone anyway, or if I felt I needed one last week and am making up for it now. I do agree it's been an inability to cope with stress in healthy ways. I also think though that the average American job is punishing with so little vacation time and 40+ hour jobs that are arbitrary. In short, we shouldn't have to work as hard at jobs that offer very little emotional, financial, mental rewards. However, I also appreciate your perspective and am cringing at my reliance on avoiding issues. Lots to think about.
I think when it comes to a mental health day, it is important to let others know. I have had tight deadlines without being able to reach people because they disappeared without letting me know they didnt feel well. For me I am respectful and understanding, as long as a get a message and update so I know
Appreciate this video Ana, especially the discussion on gaslighting.
I took some time to reflect on your thoughts on the weaponization of mental health days and wanted to offer some thoughts for your consideration.
I have often put my health on the back burner in order to function in a driven work environment and have seen a trend toward putting the responsibility on the employee for maintaining a sense of robustness when they are not being appropriately supported at work. Self-care workshops are great and important, but not when they are used as a substitute for other tangible supports provided by employers, such as paid sick days, flex days, and willingness to discuss inclusive options for persons with disabilities and chronic conditions.
That being said, I believe the term “coping deficit” is somewhat ableist and not trauma-informed and has the potential to be weaponized by employers, schools, and other groups who prioritize productivity at all costs over the human experience.
This is not to say that I disagree with your perspective on mental health days... this discussion has given me a lot to think about and I plan to reflect further to unearth the internal source of my triggers.
Thanks for taking the time to read this comment and all the best :)
I completely agree!. I was also put off by that tbh. Under a capitalistic society, we're gonna have to deal with our jobs being dependent on other people and vice versa. If we're just taking days off just bc we felt like it and not really because it incapacitates us without considering the impact in the workflow for your teammates, that's when I think it's better to reconsider and try to work and build resilience. Your teammates mental health is also important and you wouldn't like a selfish or unreliable teammate who disappears out nowhere making your job harder unless those reason were ''valid''.
But at the same time, calling it ''coping deficit'' sounds very harsh (i used to be that person, but i get a lot of downs out of nowhere and even if i want to, mentally I'm not in the space to work ( call center) and then i feel guilty for it because i took a day and maybe had to lie to do so) but externally it might seem like i just felt like taking that day off. Also I am also not going to explain my mental health in detail to a manager who only cares about my numbers and performance for his own good mental health, and if i do so, he probably will give me the ''just be happy'' advice to hopefully have approval of a day off and if your performance is bad due to the mental health issue, then they fire you without ever considering your well being. Then I think, wait, no company is worth feeling guilty for taking the time I need to recover whatever I need to go through.
Even tho I agreed with most of what she said, i also felt like Ana sounded a bit like those ''just be happy'' people, like the ones that minimize your situation just because they were able to get over a similar one. Just smiling (even if it's helpful if you're feeling down) , isn't going to make it w ppl in depression, bipolar, border, etc etc and saying so just minimizes the feelings of the people going thru it because that 'invalid reason' might have seem like them just being lazy for others and then the shame starts, especially with people with difficulties on putting themselves first and struggle to identify when it's worth taking that said time or if they will minimize it because they think ''its just a coping deficit''....
Maybe this is a weird request but I think it’d be interesting if you did a video about tarot card/astrology channels
I really did needed this explained in laments terms. People are using it for anything like you said.
Amazing video Ana! It helped me check myself on some slips I've been having lately. Would you be interested in talking about the Demi Lovato froyo situation?
Thank you :) I considered it but I think a lot of people have already said most of the things I’d have to say about it too!
Great video! I learned a lot today. EDIT: can you please make a video about what to do when someone actually tries to lower your reputation by telling lies and acting like a victim whenever you try to confront that person?
Just if you have time and if you would like to do it :) no pressure here.
Everything you said is straight facts!!
Thank you for this.
It's actually an amazing coincidence that "Ana Psychology" uploads a video on weaponizing psychology lol. I was so confused for the first 10 seconds.
Thank you for the video! Could you make one about how to break the toxic cycles? What I mean I'd that people tend to start acting like their abusers even though they don't mean it and I seriously don't want to act like anyone that has ever hurt me and hurt others the same way. I would very much appreciate it! Have a nice day c:
Very informative Thank you!
hmm is this an indirect video about gabbie hanna, ana?;) i love how you indirectly bring up topics from youtube drama. although i might be wrong and reading too much into it. love your vids
The concept of a “ mental health day vs. a coping deficit” was very well explained!
It was disgusting. It shames people and make them hate themselves even more for not coping. Some of us can't cope. I have had intense self hate, suicidal ideation and have self harmed because I can't maintain a job. This just blames me for my disability and yells at me for having a " coping deficit" a word literally said with disgust in her voice.
you're so smart. thank you
For myself, I've noticed that if I wait until I'm truly "incapable of functioning", it takes much longer to recover and I actually lose more productive time than if I take a step back and rest before it gets to that point. Do you have any tips for identifying when mental health symptoms are momentary distress and when they can signal something bigger down the road if not taken care of?
Is it the lighting or she's getting prettier? Haha. Anyways. Great content as always. I always recommend my friends and Twitter followers to watch and sub to this channel.