How to protect yourself from manipulators? Trust your intuition. Set clear boundaries. Don't give in to pressure. Seek support. Walk away if necessary...
That's not always possible. If you ever get sick, injured, or otherwise compromised you're still going to deal with people who don't wish you a speedy recovery. If you don't know how to recognize and respond you might never recover. And, sometimes, it's for no other reason than you were convinced you to act against your own best interests. Don't limit your perception of where power addicts sit. They're anywhere they think they'll get a sense of power. Cheers.
The problem with master manipulators is they are often good at bypassing your intuition and making you think your intuition is either unreliable or is telling you to believe them. So many people follow manipulators simply because their intuition tells them to.
@KatyYoder-cq1kc REPORT WOKE AND WAR CRIMES: Cease and desist malicious use of AI: N Korea, Russia, Iran and China/US communists. My children and I have been poisoned, harassed, abused repeatedly with malicious use of AI, chemical/spiritual warfare, energy weapons with death threats and harassments 24/7.
@@DoyConocimiento-zq4kr a lot of people mistake trauma responses for intuition... that feeling of "this feels right" is often "this feels familiar therefore I'm ok here" but in reality it's a repeating pattern of being manipulated... a lot of people who have trauma have trouble differentiating manipulators from genuinely safe people and they call it intuition
🎯 Key points for quick navigation: 00:03 *🗣️ Manipulation is common, and many people don't realize they're being manipulated.* 01:07 *🧠 Understanding manipulation is crucial for protection.* 02:02 *📚 The study of manipulative traits like psychopathy, narcissism, and Machiavellianism has a fragmented history.* 02:30 *📖 Machiavellianism involves strategic and cautious manipulation for power.* 03:24 *🌟 The "dark triad" refers to psychopathy, narcissism, and Machiavellianism.* 04:05 *👿 Psychopathy is considered dangerous but lacks long-term strategic planning.* 04:46 *🦁 Machiavellianism is like a lion planning its attack; it's strategic and long-term.* 06:09 *🕵️♂️ Machiavellians act strategically, unlike impulsive psychopaths or ego-driven narcissists.* 06:36 *📈 Individuals high in Machiavellianism cope better under destructive leadership and get promoted more often.* 07:31 *🛡️ It's important to defend against manipulation without becoming manipulative.* 08:10 *♟️ Treat interactions with manipulative people like a chess match, focusing on external gains.* 08:36 *❄️ "CBR" method: Cold (emotionally guarded), Bottom line (focus on goals), Rational (outcome-oriented).* 09:22 *💸 Treat manipulative people based on their utility, not as friends.* 10:20 *👫 These tactics are for dealing with manipulative individuals, not for healthy relationships.* 11:14 *🛠️ Recognizing and dealing with manipulation is crucial; future research should focus on practical solutions.* 12:06 *🧩 Using the CBR method helps manage manipulation until one can escape the situation.*
I could not agree more. What would’ve become of so many beautiful souls had that knowledge been hammered into them at a young age? The price society pays for letting dark triads grow like cancer is unimaginable!
Great to meet with you at TEDx and so glad I got to see this talk in person. Many people feel like it’s their fault when they engage with a manipulator and begin to question their own self-worth. These tips help to put them back on the track to empowerment and trusting themselves again. What a unique way to take back control especially in situations when you can’t immediately get out of interacting with them (like if they’re a co-worker). Thanks so much Dr. Jones for your unique perspective!
This talk captivated both me and my teenager! A topic people of all ages need and can relate to, supported by research that will help many. Congrats Dan!
You can never manipulate a manipulator. They are masters who spent their whole life using and refining this skill. A normal person will always lose. We are not equipped to think like them
That is what my ex who is the dark triad Machiavellian said to me once I cought on very similar don’t even try because others & he have been doing this all their life and you are clueless your best bet is to stay yourself be nice and pleasant company and hope one of them likes having you around or doesn’t see interest to exercise their manipulation for nastiness on you although he did eventually.
Such important information here. Dan explains how people use manipulation and what those being manipulated can do about it in a simple way that everyone can understand and use.
REPORT WOKE AND WAR CRIMES: Cease and desist malicious use of AI: N Korea, Russia, Iran and China/US communists. My children and I have been poisoned, harassed, abused repeatedly with malicious use of AI, chemical/spiritual warfare, energy weapons with death threats and harassments 24/7.
REPORT WOKE AND WAR CRIMES: Cease and desist malicious use of AI: N Korea, Russia, Iran and China/US communists. My children and I have been poisoned, harassed, abused repeatedly with malicious use of AI, chemical/spiritual warfare, energy weapons with death threats and harassments 24/7.
@@abigailandino6251 Well, yeah... because sometimes you have no choice but to fight fire with fire and he makes a point that these tactics do not belong in healthy relationships so they are a last resort if you are backed into a corner... I wish I had understood this 20 years ago so instead of wasting years and years trying to forge a healthy relationship with my mother I could then instead identify her traits better and utilise the corner she had backed me into as a temporary resource to get myself and my son away from her in the long term... instead, she destroyed my life, my finances, and my health... I wish I had learned to fight fire with fire instead of being the goddam fire truck always putting out fires
I was working with someone on a voluntary committee- she love bombed me at the outset, which made me wary. Then i got this strong intuition she was lying so i tested it & yes she was slick & whoppers. Her intention was to control, minimise listening to me, undermining my knowledge & experience- all the while insisting we were friends. She also loved drama and stirring it up. It was wearing & demoralising. She also was super defensive about criticism, so you couldn't say a contractor was not doing the job without blow back via a personal attack. She really overstepped when i did criticise a contractor- she deliberately set me up by saying something innocuous but threatening, so when i reacted, she could humiliate and gaslight me. I used that opportunity to simply block her number & get my peace of mind back - instead of going along with all her shenanigans for the sake of the work. She complains others don't do the work, but what she really wants is a bunch of yes people who do what she tells them. She's incapable of working collegially.
REPORT WOKE AND WAR CRIMES: Cease and desist malicious use of AI: N Korea, Russia, Iran and China/US communists. My children and I have been poisoned, harassed, abused repeatedly with malicious use of AI, chemical/spiritual warfare, energy weapons with death threats and harassments 24/7.
I have volunteered in a lot of organizations. More often than not, one person designates themselves the “Grand Poopaw”and starts bossing everyone around, criticizing our efforts and securing all the desirable tasks. I’ll try 2-3 times to reach a workable strategy/compromise but if that doesn’t work, I’m out. Life is too short to tolerate someone’s insecurities and mean behavior. Those organizations always seem to be looking for volunteers. I can’t imagine why! (snark)
@sfc5774 very interesting, thanks. I naively thought volunteering would involve meeting nice people! This wasn't the first time I ran into particularly horrible people in such a situation. Also,.met some very unpleasant individuals in art classes and French class.
An important thing to realize is that dark triad types tend to team up with other dark triad types, especially in the workplace. It may be best to move to a different work group or change companies, rather than try to cope with them. They are sadistic and competitive, and never change.
REPORT WOKE AND WAR CRIMES: Cease and desist malicious use of AI: N Korea, Russia, Iran and China/US communists. My children and I have been poisoned, harassed, abused repeatedly with malicious use of AI, chemical/spiritual warfare, energy weapons with death threats and harassments 24/7.
When dealing with narcissists I always use the "grey rock" technique. You just act cold, hard, emotionless and they will move on because you're no fun to them.
I see knowledge as good and helpful especially when needed to understand a n unhealthy relationship. I still mourn the loss of innocence that comes with it.
I think this is interesting in all, but I think it is so much more important for society these days to start recognizing how they as individuals are unconsciously manipulative. Everybody does it every single day, very few will admit it. Of course it's not always for selfish reasons, but it does happen. The most cunning manipulation of our species has been the manipulation of self to believe that we do not manipulate at all
The very nature of humans is to manipulate... from childhood we learn early how to get what we want... on a first date, we are manipulating someone to see us in the way we want them to see us... at a job interview we are manipulating someone to hire us over other candidates, etc... it just depends on how far some people take this manipulation
Yes, I agree! I have been trying to identify when I do this to others. I'm sickened at how often I actually do and then feel I'm misunderstood if blamed for manipulation. I think recognizing it in ourselves and focusing on improving that, would be a game changer socially.
Prior to viewing this Tedx talk, I used the CBR method to deal with an individual at work. This video is confirmation that I took the correct steps only after i exhausted all other approaches!
Okay... So I agree 99%. I have actually done a lot of this with my ex who I question if he was a sociopath. I'm extremely empathetic but also very rational. The one thing I don't agree on is: there's no place for it in a healthy relationship. If you do it right, I disagree. But, I was also still very honest and addressed emotional things as well (rationally) and didn't sweep that under the rug. And I know I made my ex think and won many battles this way that I'm sure planted lil seeds in his mind opening him up to change, as niave as it may sound to some. One tiny example... He'd get verbally abusive sometimes, so I'd always address the behavior itself rather than reacting too much to the things he would say about me. I'd turn it back around on him to make him reflect. He'd get very frustrated that his insults didn't effect me much. He even complained about it once saying something like "except you don't even care [what I say about you]!" Me: "well... Why would I want to let those things bother me?" *Him being confused and stopping to think*: "well... Why do I care them? [The things I say about him] me: "idk! Why do you???" So if you do it with emotional intelligence, I think you can also help someone else to learn emotional intelligence. But it can't be in a patronizing way, it has to be so rational and lead them to make the realizations on their own. The hardest part was not getting caught up in my own emotions and being reactive rather than responsive like he says... This took time. But the more I saw through him and understood him, the easier it became. I got pretty good at getting through to him at times, and I know I'll be in his head for a long time to come.. even if I did eventually have to just walk away, as I felt like it was time. My intuition told me I did enough and the best I could do for him now was push him out of the nest.. because after a certain point, it can be enabling to be there for someone endlessly without making them to the work themselves after you know they know better. Time to fly on your own lil birdie.
Yeah... still not buying it... you wouldn't have had to resort to any of that if he was a healthy partner... your example jsut highlighted the fact that you need to fight fire with fire, no where did it demonstrate how you used it in a healthy relationship... and it wasn't your job to make him a better person
@@PolkaDocs "there's no place for it in a healthy relationship" that was the statement you were disagreeing with and using your relationship as an example of to dispute that statement... you may have used it in a healthy way, but you did it in an unhealthy relationship... which still makes that original statement of "there's no place for it in a healthy relationship" valid... because if you have a healthy relationship you would never have to resort to that tactic, even if you are doing it in a healthy way... in healthy relationships it's an unnecessary tactic... In a nutshell, you used an unhealthy relationship to prove the point about healthy relationships that you were intially trying to disprove
People that gaslight etc can make you feel like you are actually going crazy. Even to the point of telling lies about you to everyone else to turn them against you then swoop in on their prey .you have to be very strong in self esteem to withstand the harm.
This is definitely a topic we need more of in today's world. I wish he would have talked longer, or make a part ll, lll and so on! Thank you Sir! Job well done. I need a survivor guide to help me right now; until I can get away on the DL... THEY ARE SCARY, CRINGE WITH NO SOUL. AGE DOESN'T APPLY BC IN MY OPINION; THEY GET WORSE WITH AGE AND REALIZE THEY'RE ALONE. THEIR OWN FAMILY HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THEM. THEY'RE SICKOS AND CRUEL.
Keep dark triad people out of your life. Your life can literally depend on this. Family or spouse are typically the worst because they are hardest to leave. Colleagues are bad, but you can leave your job.
The manipulator in my life tried to get inside my head to figure out how to hurt me, and she ended up in psychological distress when I revealed my deepest traumas to her. She had a breakdown. As far as I know she is still out of work and hasn’t recovered. Best trauma dump I ever took.
I try to filter manipulators through the lens of my trauma. It would be very easy for me to put someone in distress through a trauma dump as well - and that is why I don’t share anything with anyone. Nobody can hold anything over me or against me. And conversely they can’t accuse me of manipulation through a victim story.
I admit I hurt a stranger once. He did a trauma dump. It didn't hurt me, he was an a**, but I did decide he was already dealing with enough. But the equation is different for family. The ones who try the "oh my trauma" are the ones who I know gleefully hurt other people, so I am unmoved. Everybody has problems.
The problem with this is a true Machiavellian person will use this response to their advantage also. The cold rational behaviour they know you will intuitively be concerned with not being manipulative and so find a way to point out how you are being unempathetic or manipulative even if you aren’t and those of us who have empathy will worry and we don’t have on off switches. Really boundaries is what we can do. And working to respect our own boundaries and practicing reinforcing them in ways which match our own integrity. Focus on you. Don’t work hard on them and interacting with them beyond this as this is also part of their “win”.
This is a good point. When a manipulator sees you change from empathic to cold their counter move will likely be to play the victim and press your empathy (“C’mon, blah blah blah”). When you hold your ground and stick to the bottom line they may make you out to be the aggressor and double down on their victimhood. Maybe throw a mini tantrum. You respond with rationality and comes the threat, “I’’m gonna tell ….”
@@danielburns8548 great joy comes from imagining throwing grown tantrums and it not getting scary. Just in public. Might as well they’ll call ya crazy somehow anyway hehe. And thanks 😊.
*I just noticed some of the other videos suggested in relation to this video are about "Persuasion", "How to get more", "How to be influential", "Prevent emotions from dictating my actions", etc. Sounds like a bunch of manipulators.*
I wrote this in response to another comment but it applies here: The very nature of humans is to manipulate... from childhood we learn early how to get what we want... on a first date, we are manipulating someone to see us in the way we want them to see us... at a job interview we are manipulating someone to hire us over other candidates, etc... it just depends on how far some people take this manipulation and whether or not it's done in an honest way or in a dishonest harmful way
Beautiful lecture. Truth. Finally machs given their due. Problem with execution of said tactics is you don't have cognitive empathy only like machs. Emotional empathy is a weakness in this scenario. Also machs can compartmentalize which is a plus that helps with stress
CBR is something I utilize, I use the term Grey Rock. I have a video 5 Tips to stop a bully, kids use this technique and it works well and empowers them ❤❤
I confess: I am manipulative. I read Sun Tzu's 'Art of war' like a bible and I really do like the 48 laws of power compilation. Yet I say to myself: I do not do this just for an ego trip. I want to get things done. I really like to cooperate and try to mentally get into the other's shoes to be able to respect other's positions and paradigms. I am much more likely to help others than to enhance my own profit. Yet without a good plan, strategic thinking and some elegant rethorics you are much less likely to succeed. I want to help building a world that is worth living in - not only myself but also for others. And the most helpful people in the process are those that criticise me the most. After all, I live in my bubble and without input of people living different lives, thinking differently and pursue other paths of morality I would have difficulty to determine where I stand and if the direction I want to go is correct. Does this make me a master manipulator? Probably not. But I do use just the same tools.
This is what I tell my daughters, ignore the idiots and think about the money, you are there for the money. Do your job the best you can and think about the money not the idiots. And sooner or later their reckoning day will come. Because those kind of people are like that with most of the people. And most of them get fired. I seen this happen many times.
Individuals who exhibit Machiavellian traits are not necessarily always on the wrong side. They may fight for noble causes, but still manipulate others.
I hope you all do realize, despite no doubt on how convincing and probably unquestionably correct his words and studies are, that his words are also impregnated with something I feel as hate-ish towards these kinds of personalities and do not express or promote one very important thing: compassion for these people. So here's the truth and it's here besides you being so toxicly hateful towards these people (and you no doubt have good reasons to be, I'm not saying you don't or shouldn't): they were the abused and controlled ones in the first place, and if their only chance of survival was to develop that kind of a personality, if you are not one of them, well then you surely get the point I'm doing about compassion. He could have just limited himself to saying "hey look, you're in this situation? Well here's what you should do to feel better yourself the fastest way possible" instead of engaging in this hate war spreading hate all around. To me it seems that if his intentions to help were truly sincere he wouldn't have needed the mocking part (which is 90% of the talk btw), instead his speech feels like it is hiding resentment over his past experiences on this topic underneath, and he actually literally tells it at the very start of the talk if you notice. I am no one to say this but, honestly, he feels manipulative himself with how he decided to give the speech. I hope it was just to keep the attention high (not justifying it), after all the goal is always views on these platforms
there is always a choice between what profits you right now and your soul. ethics and morality don't pay well in dollars but pay really well in inner peace.
It's 2024. You gotta know a very large portion of listeners are on their phone with headphones. Please please please stop having extremely loud into music right at the beginning of videos.
Solution to your problem would be to turn down your volume before playing videos on UA-cam and it doesn’t matter what year it is 🤔 my advice is free and i need nothing in return 👍🏻
I think it may be a bad idea to go down the path of the manipulator. It is a slippery slope and one day, one may end up being the manipulator with others. It is safer to identify our goals and boundaries, and use our own values as a guide to achieving them. Life's journey is not about what we achieve through our relationships but how we manage them.
In summary: A person who finds themselves in a trap sometimes learns behaviors which in any other context could then be called macheveillianism. Like for example pretending to be asleep or dying first when they are not in hopes of later after their captors are asleep then getting away. Perhaps that is why some indigenous people got buried next to their favorite only ever harvesting or cooking tools only out of respect for their elders. People with the personality trait called Macheveillianism in contrast behave in patterns that are predictable in any context once one or more people have their number.
most of time will be manipulated by someone that did it like one of your family members. Because it feels like love to us. otherwise you will recognize they are doing it. but may not know how to handle, this guy just gave you what you needed if you can hear what he just said. say out loud to yourself then it will get wired in your brain's
those people would rather be feared than loved. They excel in manipulation but sabotaging them makes them fear you more than they love you. people that love them are to be controlled. when the manipulator is fearfull for your strenght, they have to act accordingly which will make them walk on eggshells instead of you. which is the spot you want to excell in. otherwise, find a different job.
It is hard to hang on and not confront the situation…us truth tellers and whistle blowers find being in close proximity to these manipulators horrendous indeed.
How to recognise a master manipulator…. I thought I was going to get some clues on how to spot a master manipulator. 🤷♀️🥴. Maybe I missed something 🤷♀️
@@nachocheeba oh I missed it then 🙈🥴, it was very late I probably zoned out and had a little micro sleep. I will have another watch now I know 😝 thank you 🤩
Yes they can change. I have been exposed! I accepted my 'truth' before Almighty God. I confessed my internal evils, repented, crucified my old nature, set a new goal and been working on it for 5 years. Taking full responsibility for my past and current thoughts and actions, healing my own past wounds and offering my life for the service of others! Finally I'm starting to feel peace in my soul ! God's Mercy has made all the difference. The Truth (Jesus) has set me free. Shalom
Human nature is fully described and explored but then the pages of the Bible... I know that you think that all the science knowledge in the world will help you to understand why... Maybe. And nothing has prepared me more for this broken system been my relationship with God and my knowledge of what's contained within the Bible.... And if you consider me a manipulator to be saying all these things... So be it
Psychopaths, apart from the ones who aren’t clever or good at hiding maybe like he is saying. But the majority are Machiavelli in nature. In fact they are the ones who don’t get caught and ego can definitely be a large part, just not in the fragile way of a narcissist.
I hate to say this but he’s tickling the ear. Most of this is correct but just set boundaries and don’t budge on them. There is a positive aspect to Machiavellianism but in this context, no, you don’t fight fire with fire because of how the mind treats practice. You’ll just end up with similar traits due to psychological reward systems. Also, psychopathy feeds Machiavellianism making psychopathy king of the dark triad. The main marker of psychopathy is the lack of empathy, not impulsivity. Other than those parts, he’s basically correct.
Unfortunately for dark triad’s who think I’m easy to manipulate don’t know my whole life i was surrounded by manipulators and eventually I’ve learnt how they do it but unfortunately for me all my life I’ve had problems after problems with fall and more fall. So when a new manipulation comes along trying to manipulate they fail miserably and are surprised how i know things I’m not supposed to with my level of education but life experience will always beat any education read from a text book because a text book doesn’t give you the experience in driving a car physically on the road🙂
"Don't fight emotional battles". That's a very good point
How to protect yourself from manipulators?
Trust your intuition. Set clear boundaries. Don't give in to pressure. Seek support.
Walk away if necessary...
That's not always possible. If you ever get sick, injured, or otherwise compromised you're still going to deal with people who don't wish you a speedy recovery. If you don't know how to recognize and respond you might never recover. And, sometimes, it's for no other reason than you were convinced you to act against your own best interests. Don't limit your perception of where power addicts sit. They're anywhere they think they'll get a sense of power. Cheers.
This is fine AFTER you realize it but what about before?
The problem with master manipulators is they are often good at bypassing your intuition and making you think your intuition is either unreliable or is telling you to believe them. So many people follow manipulators simply because their intuition tells them to.
@KatyYoder-cq1kc
REPORT WOKE AND WAR CRIMES: Cease and desist malicious use of AI: N Korea, Russia, Iran and China/US communists. My children and I have been poisoned, harassed, abused repeatedly with malicious use of AI, chemical/spiritual warfare, energy weapons with death threats and harassments 24/7.
@@DoyConocimiento-zq4kr a lot of people mistake trauma responses for intuition... that feeling of "this feels right" is often "this feels familiar therefore I'm ok here" but in reality it's a repeating pattern of being manipulated... a lot of people who have trauma have trouble differentiating manipulators from genuinely safe people and they call it intuition
I learned this alone in life. "Look at the world for what it is and not what we want it to be" -an Intellectual that I can't remember his name.
Robert Greene?
Maya Angelou?
“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time” - Maya Angelou
E. Lockhart
The Dude (The Big Lebowski)... ?
🎯 Key points for quick navigation:
00:03 *🗣️ Manipulation is common, and many people don't realize they're being manipulated.*
01:07 *🧠 Understanding manipulation is crucial for protection.*
02:02 *📚 The study of manipulative traits like psychopathy, narcissism, and Machiavellianism has a fragmented history.*
02:30 *📖 Machiavellianism involves strategic and cautious manipulation for power.*
03:24 *🌟 The "dark triad" refers to psychopathy, narcissism, and Machiavellianism.*
04:05 *👿 Psychopathy is considered dangerous but lacks long-term strategic planning.*
04:46 *🦁 Machiavellianism is like a lion planning its attack; it's strategic and long-term.*
06:09 *🕵️♂️ Machiavellians act strategically, unlike impulsive psychopaths or ego-driven narcissists.*
06:36 *📈 Individuals high in Machiavellianism cope better under destructive leadership and get promoted more often.*
07:31 *🛡️ It's important to defend against manipulation without becoming manipulative.*
08:10 *♟️ Treat interactions with manipulative people like a chess match, focusing on external gains.*
08:36 *❄️ "CBR" method: Cold (emotionally guarded), Bottom line (focus on goals), Rational (outcome-oriented).*
09:22 *💸 Treat manipulative people based on their utility, not as friends.*
10:20 *👫 These tactics are for dealing with manipulative individuals, not for healthy relationships.*
11:14 *🛠️ Recognizing and dealing with manipulation is crucial; future research should focus on practical solutions.*
12:06 *🧩 Using the CBR method helps manage manipulation until one can escape the situation.*
Thank you.
Doing the Lord's work 😂❤ thank you for this
Thank you so much bro
Thank you so much ❤ I hope you are NOT 🚫 on this situation 🙏🏾
Thank you
This information should be taught in high schools.
Sure it'll probably help
I could not agree more. What would’ve become of so many beautiful souls had that knowledge been hammered into them at a young age? The price society pays for letting dark triads grow like cancer is unimaginable!
Middle school and then again in high school then in college again!
@@Portia620 Agree
Then the lesson wouldn’t be well absorbed.. Life is the ultimate grader, and teacher. We need trials and tribulations to learn and grow. ☯️
Great to meet with you at TEDx and so glad I got to see this talk in person. Many people feel like it’s their fault when they engage with a manipulator and begin to question their own self-worth. These tips help to put them back on the track to empowerment and trusting themselves again. What a unique way to take back control especially in situations when you can’t immediately get out of interacting with them (like if they’re a co-worker). Thanks so much Dr. Jones for your unique perspective!
This talk captivated both me and my teenager! A topic people of all ages need and can relate to, supported by research that will help many. Congrats Dan!
Outstanding talk, Dan! I have thought about this often while dealing with difficult personalities. Thank you for sharing your work in this area!
You can never manipulate a manipulator. They are masters who spent their whole life using and refining this skill. A normal person will always lose. We are not equipped to think like them
That is what my ex who is the dark triad Machiavellian said to me once I cought on very similar don’t even try because others & he have been doing this all their life and you are clueless your best bet is to stay yourself be nice and pleasant company and hope one of them likes having you around or doesn’t see interest to exercise their manipulation for nastiness on you although he did eventually.
All true except the spelling of lose
@ilovecanines I'm French, I make spelling mistakes sometimes ;) thanks!
You can. You really can, depending on what scale they are on.
You don't have to out manipulate them. You can learn to divorce your emotions and cut your losses.
Such important information here. Dan explains how people use manipulation and what those being manipulated can do about it in a simple way that everyone can understand and use.
REPORT WOKE AND WAR CRIMES: Cease and desist malicious use of AI: N Korea, Russia, Iran and China/US communists. My children and I have been poisoned, harassed, abused repeatedly with malicious use of AI, chemical/spiritual warfare, energy weapons with death threats and harassments 24/7.
this is why we need intro to critical thinking in high schools
A lost art ❤
I've listened to this talk and I don't feel that much of it is given over to answering the question of "how do you recognise a master manipulator?"
Disagreeing with them or telling them no will usually expose them. They hate being told no, so observe the person's reaction to your boundaries.
1:55
I’m about to hop off right at this point.
He sounds like a shopping network salesman.
.
.
He coining actions very manipulative so I’m out.
REPORT WOKE AND WAR CRIMES: Cease and desist malicious use of AI: N Korea, Russia, Iran and China/US communists. My children and I have been poisoned, harassed, abused repeatedly with malicious use of AI, chemical/spiritual warfare, energy weapons with death threats and harassments 24/7.
@@abigailandino6251 Well, yeah... because sometimes you have no choice but to fight fire with fire and he makes a point that these tactics do not belong in healthy relationships so they are a last resort if you are backed into a corner... I wish I had understood this 20 years ago so instead of wasting years and years trying to forge a healthy relationship with my mother I could then instead identify her traits better and utilise the corner she had backed me into as a temporary resource to get myself and my son away from her in the long term... instead, she destroyed my life, my finances, and my health... I wish I had learned to fight fire with fire instead of being the goddam fire truck always putting out fires
@@joedaley6031 I agree it’s more how to respond to a manipulator. Once you have spotted one 🤷♀️😅. Wrong title I think too.
I was working with someone on a voluntary committee- she love bombed me at the outset, which made me wary. Then i got this strong intuition she was lying so i tested it & yes she was slick & whoppers.
Her intention was to control, minimise listening to me, undermining my knowledge & experience- all the while insisting we were friends.
She also loved drama and stirring it up.
It was wearing & demoralising.
She also was super defensive about criticism, so you couldn't say a contractor was not doing the job without blow back via a personal attack.
She really overstepped when i did criticise a contractor- she deliberately set me up by saying something innocuous but threatening, so when i reacted, she could humiliate and gaslight me.
I used that opportunity to simply block her number & get my peace of mind back - instead of going along with all her shenanigans for the sake of the work.
She complains others don't do the work, but what she really wants is a bunch of yes people who do what she tells them. She's incapable of working collegially.
Damn, sounds like she switched genders and joined my company 😂
REPORT WOKE AND WAR CRIMES: Cease and desist malicious use of AI: N Korea, Russia, Iran and China/US communists. My children and I have been poisoned, harassed, abused repeatedly with malicious use of AI, chemical/spiritual warfare, energy weapons with death threats and harassments 24/7.
I have volunteered in a lot of organizations. More often than not, one person designates themselves the “Grand Poopaw”and starts bossing everyone around, criticizing our efforts and securing all the desirable tasks. I’ll try 2-3 times to reach a workable strategy/compromise but if that doesn’t work, I’m out. Life is too short to tolerate someone’s insecurities and mean behavior. Those organizations always seem to be looking for volunteers. I can’t imagine why! (snark)
@sfc5774 very interesting, thanks. I naively thought volunteering would involve meeting nice people! This wasn't the first time I ran into particularly horrible people in such a situation.
Also,.met some very unpleasant individuals in art classes and French class.
wasn't Meghan Markle was it? LOL
Great job, Dan! I learned things from this talk that I am already putting to use.
Not even a minute in, and I already relate too hard. 😢 Backstabbing is a sport where I come from. It’s sickening to see and experience.
Words to keep in mind at all times-
"What's in it for him/you/them/me?"
And often the answers surprise you.
An important thing to realize is that dark triad types tend to team up with other dark triad types, especially in the workplace. It may be best to move to a different work group or change companies, rather than try to cope with them. They are sadistic and competitive, and never change.
My experience: I was married to a covert NARCISSIST, with a child!!
This is a great perspective, actually! Thanks for sharing!!
REPORT WOKE AND WAR CRIMES: Cease and desist malicious use of AI: N Korea, Russia, Iran and China/US communists. My children and I have been poisoned, harassed, abused repeatedly with malicious use of AI, chemical/spiritual warfare, energy weapons with death threats and harassments 24/7.
You should read a book by Debbie Merza. She did everyone a favour by writing about Covert Passive-Aggressive Narcissists in particular.
This "CBR" is eye-opening. Thank you...
When dealing with narcissists I always use the "grey rock" technique. You just act cold, hard, emotionless and they will move on because you're no fun to them.
I see knowledge as good and helpful especially when needed to understand a n unhealthy relationship. I still mourn the loss of innocence that comes with it.
I think this is interesting in all, but I think it is so much more important for society these days to start recognizing how they as individuals are unconsciously manipulative. Everybody does it every single day, very few will admit it. Of course it's not always for selfish reasons, but it does happen. The most cunning manipulation of our species has been the manipulation of self to believe that we do not manipulate at all
The very nature of humans is to manipulate... from childhood we learn early how to get what we want... on a first date, we are manipulating someone to see us in the way we want them to see us... at a job interview we are manipulating someone to hire us over other candidates, etc... it just depends on how far some people take this manipulation
Yes, I agree! I have been trying to identify when I do this to others. I'm sickened at how often I actually do and then feel I'm misunderstood if blamed for manipulation. I think recognizing it in ourselves and focusing on improving that, would be a game changer socially.
Prior to viewing this Tedx talk, I used the CBR method to deal with an individual at work. This video is confirmation that I took the correct steps only after i exhausted all other approaches!
This should be taught in schools …
It's sad that we have these people to deal with.
Helping the mental health is serious responsibility.
Everyone needs help.
SOSSTSE VOICES OF HOPE.❤❤❤
Based of the past election results... I believe that more of America shoulda watched this.
Thank-you, thank-you, THANK-YOU!
Dan, thank you for naming what I could not as I was confused with psychopathy. Now I got her, I can explain to those who 'can't see' better.
I wrote a list of boundaries with every possible manipulation tactic I could find… manipulation stuck out like a sore thumb after that.
GREAT subject!!
Thank you!
There seems to be a lot of master manipulators down here in the comment section.
Ur one of them 😊
You manipulated me to reply
@@hamzahalmajtoomi Found one.
@@itzhexen0 fortnite
😂😂😂
Okay... So I agree 99%. I have actually done a lot of this with my ex who I question if he was a sociopath. I'm extremely empathetic but also very rational. The one thing I don't agree on is: there's no place for it in a healthy relationship. If you do it right, I disagree. But, I was also still very honest and addressed emotional things as well (rationally) and didn't sweep that under the rug. And I know I made my ex think and won many battles this way that I'm sure planted lil seeds in his mind opening him up to change, as niave as it may sound to some.
One tiny example... He'd get verbally abusive sometimes, so I'd always address the behavior itself rather than reacting too much to the things he would say about me. I'd turn it back around on him to make him reflect. He'd get very frustrated that his insults didn't effect me much. He even complained about it once saying something like "except you don't even care [what I say about you]!" Me: "well... Why would I want to let those things bother me?" *Him being confused and stopping to think*: "well... Why do I care them? [The things I say about him] me: "idk! Why do you???"
So if you do it with emotional intelligence, I think you can also help someone else to learn emotional intelligence. But it can't be in a patronizing way, it has to be so rational and lead them to make the realizations on their own. The hardest part was not getting caught up in my own emotions and being reactive rather than responsive like he says... This took time. But the more I saw through him and understood him, the easier it became. I got pretty good at getting through to him at times, and I know I'll be in his head for a long time to come.. even if I did eventually have to just walk away, as I felt like it was time. My intuition told me I did enough and the best I could do for him now was push him out of the nest.. because after a certain point, it can be enabling to be there for someone endlessly without making them to the work themselves after you know they know better. Time to fly on your own lil birdie.
Thank you for sharing. Found this more helpful than the video itself.
@@jacobjakfu thank you!
Yeah... still not buying it... you wouldn't have had to resort to any of that if he was a healthy partner... your example jsut highlighted the fact that you need to fight fire with fire, no where did it demonstrate how you used it in a healthy relationship... and it wasn't your job to make him a better person
@@soulfuljuiciness so then how did I use it in an unhealthy way? And I never said he was the healthiest person and what person is 100% healthy?
@@PolkaDocs "there's no place for it in a healthy relationship" that was the statement you were disagreeing with and using your relationship as an example of to dispute that statement... you may have used it in a healthy way, but you did it in an unhealthy relationship... which still makes that original statement of "there's no place for it in a healthy relationship" valid... because if you have a healthy relationship you would never have to resort to that tactic, even if you are doing it in a healthy way... in healthy relationships it's an unnecessary tactic...
In a nutshell, you used an unhealthy relationship to prove the point about healthy relationships that you were intially trying to disprove
This is not just bosses. It could be a spouse or family member. Super hard then not to respond emotionally.
I had to rewatch the second half. Noting CBR to put it into practice! Thank you
it is a good outlook, but the title is promising a bit more than it is, but that just shows we need more common knowledge about these characters.
You are doing the Lords work my man!!!! This is so good!!!!!!
Please
People that gaslight etc can make you feel like you are actually going crazy. Even to the point of telling lies about you to everyone else to turn them against you then swoop in on their prey .you have to be very strong in self esteem to withstand the harm.
It’s actually not the master manipulator but the sheer number of low-integrity people that wear you down. Statistically speaking.
Flying monkeys
I hate them
They are so good at it that they turn others against you so you can't complain about them to others, you pass for the bad guy😢
This is definitely a topic we need more of in today's world. I wish he would have talked longer, or make a part ll, lll and so on! Thank you Sir! Job well done. I need a survivor guide to help me right now; until I can get away on the DL... THEY ARE SCARY, CRINGE WITH NO SOUL. AGE DOESN'T APPLY BC IN MY OPINION; THEY GET WORSE WITH AGE AND REALIZE THEY'RE ALONE. THEIR OWN FAMILY HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THEM. THEY'RE SICKOS AND CRUEL.
Keep dark triad people out of your life. Your life can literally depend on this. Family or spouse are typically the worst because they are hardest to leave. Colleagues are bad, but you can leave your job.
Let's manipulate the manipulator strategically.... brilliant 👍
The manipulator in my life tried to get inside my head to figure out how to hurt me, and she ended up in psychological distress when I revealed my deepest traumas to her. She had a breakdown. As far as I know she is still out of work and hasn’t recovered. Best trauma dump I ever took.
I try to filter manipulators through the lens of my trauma. It would be very easy for me to put someone in distress through a trauma dump as well - and that is why I don’t share anything with anyone. Nobody can hold anything over me or against me. And conversely they can’t accuse me of manipulation through a victim story.
I admit I hurt a stranger once. He did a trauma dump. It didn't hurt me, he was an a**, but I did decide he was already dealing with enough.
But the equation is different for family. The ones who try the "oh my trauma" are the ones who I know gleefully hurt other people, so I am unmoved. Everybody has problems.
Literally just ignored someone like this away today
Cold
Bottom line
Rational
So sad that the world is like this.
The problem with this is a true Machiavellian person will use this response to their advantage also. The cold rational behaviour they know you will intuitively be concerned with not being manipulative and so find a way to point out how you are being unempathetic or manipulative even if you aren’t and those of us who have empathy will worry and we don’t have on off switches. Really boundaries is what we can do. And working to respect our own boundaries and practicing reinforcing them in ways which match our own integrity. Focus on you. Don’t work hard on them and interacting with them beyond this as this is also part of their “win”.
This is a good point. When a manipulator sees you change from empathic to cold their counter move will likely be to play the victim and press your empathy (“C’mon, blah blah blah”). When you hold your ground and stick to the bottom line they may make you out to be the aggressor and double down on their victimhood. Maybe throw a mini tantrum. You respond with rationality and comes the threat, “I’’m gonna tell ….”
@@danielburns8548 great joy comes from imagining throwing grown tantrums and it not getting scary. Just in public. Might as well they’ll call ya crazy somehow anyway hehe. And thanks 😊.
*I just noticed some of the other videos suggested in relation to this video are about "Persuasion", "How to get more", "How to be influential", "Prevent emotions from dictating my actions", etc. Sounds like a bunch of manipulators.*
I wrote this in response to another comment but it applies here: The very nature of humans is to manipulate... from childhood we learn early how to get what we want... on a first date, we are manipulating someone to see us in the way we want them to see us... at a job interview we are manipulating someone to hire us over other candidates, etc... it just depends on how far some people take this manipulation and whether or not it's done in an honest way or in a dishonest harmful way
Beautiful lecture. Truth. Finally machs given their due. Problem with execution of said tactics is you don't have cognitive empathy only like machs. Emotional empathy is a weakness in this scenario. Also machs can compartmentalize which is a plus that helps with stress
I prefer to play along and when they least expect it, flip the scrip completely
Thank you, Dan! Helpful!
I think I understand myself better thank you
the lion you don't see. the blow that will knock you out is the one you don't see
This is soo needed
6:00 three types, 8:50 charm as a weapon, 10:00
This is the way forward.
CBR is something I utilize, I use the term Grey Rock. I have a video 5 Tips to stop a bully, kids use this technique and it works well and empowers them ❤❤
Excellent strategy!
You are sooo smart
Thank you for the insight 🙏👍
after watching the whole video I am no closer to understand whn im being manipulates or able to idetify manipulators
This is one of those talks where the speaker repeatedly says I am about to tell you something awesome and then the video ends.
I confess: I am manipulative. I read Sun Tzu's 'Art of war' like a bible and I really do like the 48 laws of power compilation. Yet I say to myself: I do not do this just for an ego trip. I want to get things done. I really like to cooperate and try to mentally get into the other's shoes to be able to respect other's positions and paradigms. I am much more likely to help others than to enhance my own profit. Yet without a good plan, strategic thinking and some elegant rethorics you are much less likely to succeed. I want to help building a world that is worth living in - not only myself but also for others. And the most helpful people in the process are those that criticise me the most. After all, I live in my bubble and without input of people living different lives, thinking differently and pursue other paths of morality I would have difficulty to determine where I stand and if the direction I want to go is correct. Does this make me a master manipulator? Probably not. But I do use just the same tools.
What position do you have in your profession?
This is what I tell my daughters, ignore the idiots and think about the money, you are there for the money. Do your job the best you can and think about the money not the idiots. And sooner or later their reckoning day will come. Because those kind of people are like that with most of the people. And most of them get fired. I seen this happen many times.
Individuals who exhibit Machiavellian traits are not necessarily always on the wrong side. They may fight for noble causes, but still manipulate others.
Thanks for sharing 🙏
I hope you all do realize, despite no doubt on how convincing and probably unquestionably correct his words and studies are, that his words are also impregnated with something I feel as hate-ish towards these kinds of personalities and do not express or promote one very important thing: compassion for these people. So here's the truth and it's here besides you being so toxicly hateful towards these people (and you no doubt have good reasons to be, I'm not saying you don't or shouldn't): they were the abused and controlled ones in the first place, and if their only chance of survival was to develop that kind of a personality, if you are not one of them, well then you surely get the point I'm doing about compassion. He could have just limited himself to saying "hey look, you're in this situation? Well here's what you should do to feel better yourself the fastest way possible" instead of engaging in this hate war spreading hate all around. To me it seems that if his intentions to help were truly sincere he wouldn't have needed the mocking part (which is 90% of the talk btw), instead his speech feels like it is hiding resentment over his past experiences on this topic underneath, and he actually literally tells it at the very start of the talk if you notice. I am no one to say this but, honestly, he feels manipulative himself with how he decided to give the speech. I hope it was just to keep the attention high (not justifying it), after all the goal is always views on these platforms
Compassion for your predator is self-betrayal. No one is owed compassion. They can have my pity as I walk away.
The first thing I would ask myself; are they on drugs? Most people in the rooms during their addiction were master manipulators.
there is always a choice between what profits you right now and your soul. ethics and morality don't pay well in dollars but pay really well in inner peace.
It's 2024. You gotta know a very large portion of listeners are on their phone with headphones. Please please please stop having extremely loud into music right at the beginning of videos.
9:15 or eating microphone
Solution to your problem would be to turn down your volume before playing videos on UA-cam and it doesn’t matter what year it is 🤔 my advice is free and i need nothing in return 👍🏻
Welp either my phone is really good at listening or something else thats way less likely but i needed this so much today like this exact topic.
Good Video!! 👏😃
Truth be told you can't exactly detect a master manipulator until it's too late to be fair
Failing to define manipulation correctly is manipulative
I know he studied me before he met me. 😑 And yes now learning their biggest weapon is weaponizing own emotions.
I think I am in danger now😢
I appreciate this talk but I also don't understand the extreme solution still. I'll watch again.
Agreed…. I think the entire first half of the video was telling us that there’s a problem….
CBR Cold, Bottom Line & Rational tools
I think everyone should take the Dark Triad test online.
I’ll post the link to the test in the comments
..You did not post it.
@@krishadyn5211 my bad
Easier said than done. In your dreams Pedro, in your dreams
The worst are lawyers , i am with a disbarred lawyer. He is horrible
I think it may be a bad idea to go down the path of the manipulator. It is a slippery slope and one day, one may end up being the manipulator with others. It is safer to identify our goals and boundaries, and use our own values as a guide to achieving them. Life's journey is not about what we achieve through our relationships but how we manage them.
In summary: A person who finds themselves in a trap sometimes learns behaviors which in any other context could then be called macheveillianism. Like for example pretending to be asleep or dying first when they are not in hopes of later after their captors are asleep then getting away. Perhaps that is why some indigenous people got buried next to their favorite only ever harvesting or cooking tools only out of respect for their elders. People with the personality trait called Macheveillianism in contrast behave in patterns that are predictable in any context once one or more people have their number.
most of time will be manipulated by someone that did it like one of your family members. Because it feels like love to us. otherwise you will recognize they are doing it. but may not know how to handle, this guy just gave you what you needed if you can hear what he just said. say out loud to yourself then it will get wired in your brain's
those people would rather be feared than loved. They excel in manipulation but sabotaging them makes them fear you more than they love you. people that love them are to be controlled. when the manipulator is fearfull for your strenght, they have to act accordingly which will make them walk on eggshells instead of you. which is the spot you want to excell in. otherwise, find a different job.
This guy was picked on his entire life and he has been plotting revenge ever since.... 😂
It is hard to hang on and not confront the situation…us truth tellers and whistle blowers find being in close proximity to these manipulators horrendous indeed.
Do you know how to keep a manipulator in suspense?
How to recognise a master manipulator…. I thought I was going to get some clues on how to spot a master manipulator. 🤷♀️🥴. Maybe I missed something 🤷♀️
He put it right up on the board...
@@nachocheeba oh I missed it then 🙈🥴, it was very late I probably zoned out and had a little micro sleep. I will have another watch now I know 😝 thank you 🤩
@@dottyp137?
Yes they can change. I have been exposed! I accepted my 'truth' before Almighty God. I confessed my internal evils, repented, crucified my old nature, set a new goal and been working on it for 5 years. Taking full responsibility for my past and current thoughts and actions, healing my own past wounds and offering my life for the service of others! Finally I'm starting to feel peace in my soul ! God's Mercy has made all the difference. The Truth (Jesus) has set me free. Shalom
10:56 No because you didn’t explain Machiavellianism. That may have been useful for understanding it.
Human nature is fully described and explored but then the pages of the Bible... I know that you think that all the science knowledge in the world will help you to understand why... Maybe.
And nothing has prepared me more for this broken system been my relationship with God and my knowledge of what's contained within the Bible....
And if you consider me a manipulator to be saying all these things... So be it
I agree. It does give such a deep insight on to the ways people are.
Kendrick could have presented a case study.
Psychopaths, apart from the ones who aren’t clever or good at hiding maybe like he is saying. But the majority are Machiavelli in nature. In fact they are the ones who don’t get caught and ego can definitely be a large part, just not in the fragile way of a narcissist.
Corruption with master manipulators is what I'm dealing with stole my watch helped me look for it and tried contorllin the narrative on my name
Give a few examples actually help I am still not sure what is what n which is which
8:55 *So the advice on how to handle "manipulators" is to be heartless, selfish and goal-blinded??? Uh, so become a sociopath? ok.*
Just while dealing with them not in your whole life
I hate to say this but he’s tickling the ear. Most of this is correct but just set boundaries and don’t budge on them. There is a positive aspect to Machiavellianism but in this context, no, you don’t fight fire with fire because of how the mind treats practice. You’ll just end up with similar traits due to psychological reward systems. Also, psychopathy feeds Machiavellianism making psychopathy king of the dark triad. The main marker of psychopathy is the lack of empathy, not impulsivity. Other than those parts, he’s basically correct.
You both have good points.
So two evils make a right.
Try to think of it as self defense.
Unfortunately for dark triad’s who think I’m easy to manipulate don’t know my whole life i was surrounded by manipulators and eventually I’ve learnt how they do it but unfortunately for me all my life I’ve had problems after problems with fall and more fall. So when a new manipulation comes along trying to manipulate they fail miserably and are surprised how i know things I’m not supposed to with my level of education but life experience will always beat any education read from a text book because a text book doesn’t give you the experience in driving a car physically on the road🙂
Machiavellianism of the Occupying Nation State
Dear Dennis , you gave birth to a master manipulator
They feed off your energy and work you like a puppet...
Cut off your energy
Get away and don't think about them.