The ides of disliking your shadow-self in others as much as you do in yourself brings to mind a guy I studied with, that I deeply disliked.. I felt like he pretended to be confident. I'm pretty sure that I was/am deeply afraid of having to pretend confidence, or being someone that pretends confidence. I'm working on it by accepting that side of myself, and allowing myself to express insecurity without shame of myself, and that compassion helps getting over it. Just an aspect of the mantra that all emotions are valid, in that sense.
What an awesome insight. This is the kind of thing that makes it so much easier to interact with a wide variety of people without unconsciously adding more friction.
Holy crap Doc, that just made me realize why my friend feels so negatively about homeless people! I think she's afraid that if she admits that homelessness isn't 100% a result of laziness then she's admitting there are external, uncontrollable factors. Then she'd be admitting it could happen to her. And that matches up with her aversion to uncertainty & instability
@@BBCknewsIt's true that a lot of our psychological problems are caused by poverty, eroding of social institutions and other economic systemic issues. Equally, we can't expect one UA-camr to single handedly solve capitalism herself - that's individualistic. The real question is, why do you talk socialism but have a profile pic supporting the Ukraine invasion? Putin's not going to bring back the USSR, he's just a non-Western capitalist.
Interesting to read the comments, and see some people focusing on "OMG, this totally explains why this other person was so crazy!" vs. "OMG, I did this thing once, but I realize I was being defensive!" It's a good reminder to be mindful and try to focus on working through my own hangups before diagnosing other people.
Some of us (me at least) went through a crazy friend breakup with someone who had disproportion reactions that really hurt me. it was hurt feelings about a mistake I made so I apologized and took responsibility . I had to take back a gift idea (I gave her handmade pottery) bc i didn't realize it would be a 70 hour project. I offered to make her something similar but a simpler idea. Her response was "how could you do this to me" That was incredibly entitled and hurt my feelings so after we cooled down from my apology I brought up how that made me feel. when I shared that, she was extremely defensive, was full of denial and tried to make me the bad guy for not "getting over it" bc it made her triggered to be told she can't treat me that way. I have a family who always communicated when something bothers us and hurts our feelings. We even have weekly group therapy. So I'm always pushed to be honest with myself and others and take responsibility for how I hurt others, inadvertently or not. Ofc I have my own issues but I've had self accountability modeled and supported. though sometimes it takes me a few days to realize how I didn't consider others. These videos help me understand people with these kinds of behaviors. Her behavior was shocking, appalling, and confusing bc I'm used to my family who cares about who they hurt and takes responsibility. And doesn't try to flip responsibility for their behaviors onto another person.
“If you see it in others, you probably don’t see it in you, and so the cycle begins anew.” - Rami Jisri. Fancy way of saying focus on your own detriments and weaknesses and your tiny corner of world will come to appreciate it.
I think the big one for me that's easiest to remember is when people make general statements about the world or about "people" and it turns out to be a projection. Sometimes I'll have the thought that the world isn't that warm or friendly, but then I remember that I'm actually not that warm or friendly (until we've chatted for a bit).
Yeah, that’s really interesting. It was one of my key take ways from the video as well! In addition, I was thinking, it makes sense that this kind a behavior is a projection, everybody has a intuitive knowledge that the world and people are way more complicated then our understanding of them. General statements about people and the world at large are bound to be misguided yet we do it anyway all the time! It has to be something that we are holding deep down! I guess the things we say has way more potential to reveal something about ourselves then the world…
You're absolutely right about all this stuff. I've observed all the same things again and again over my 50 years. It's sad how many people go through life in a constant defense/attack mode.
@@l.w.paradis2108 haha, ok. By the way, I said it's sad, not I'm sad. I definetly don't care how you feel, but I do have empathy for my fellow human beings.
Some of the things that trigger me the most in people are the behaviors I saw in my (narcissistic) mother growing up. And maybe, on a more subconscious level, it also ties to me in the sense that I never wanted to become like her.
Just wanted to say - that I’ve been watching your videos for years since you were in school. I have pages of notes I have taken from most of your videos. I’ve learned so much from you. You the bomb
The Channel 5 video about homelessness and drug use was amazing and it's cool that u talked about it, albeit discretely. Your observation of that dude basically projecting his shadow self onto all of the people struggling with drug use is something that i would not have seen if not for you pointing it out. Love the content.
This is great, I feel like these days it’s so easy for me to see through people’s egos. I just don’t interact with people who are doing stuff like that as a defense.
what if you see their ego and you felt uneasy but they still put you down due to their intense perfectionist expectation that they or others need to meet. I feel like I meet those people and they attack me quite often. damn.
I love your videos, they are super interesting. But I have a caveat on people trying to justify their words or saying "I don't want to ..., but". This as you say is often used by people wanting to do/say exactly what they say they don't. However, it can also be a trauma response from being used to people ALWAYS misunderstanding what you are saying and always feeling attacked by literally anything. I learned to say whatever I want to say with the most caution I can (and still being misunderstood) and sometimes starting literally any sentence with "this is not meant to be an attack" or "I don't mean this in a negative way" or something like that. I grew up in a super narcissistic household where you can't say anything without someone feeling personally attacked (and I don't just mean direct criticism, just making any statements about anything or telling my own needs will be seen as an attack...)
Ive recently come to the realization that I had some of these unconscious beliefs about myself and others. I feel so free after having these unconscious thoughts come to the surface. Thank you for the work that you're doing! I admire you and your work and I hope to make a positive impact in people lives as a future clinician/Therapist just like you are.
I am already too good at this and it actually winds up hurting me more often. My advice: Ignorance is bliss. Being over-aware of everything hurts the soul.
It's only damaging to the soul if your unable to over come the problem. Keep working on it and I'm sure you'll feel different some day. I don't know you but I'm sure that you've got this.
This sounds more like being overly-active mentally or overly self-conscious than true self-awareness. Being "too aware" shouldnt be something you interpret negatively since its an opportunity to learn something about yourself and change for the better. I really doubt you’re describing the conventional, healthy type of self-awareness because if it were, it wouldn’t make you wish for blissful ignorance.
Maybe emotional issue? People who are more analytical tend to get wound up and ruminate, intellectually speaking. I'd rather read the room better so you know how to deal with each person on an individual level
Very interesting video thank you so much. The public figure section really struck home, I've had people get so outraged to me about their favorite athletes or teams and I just couldn't fathom why or understand how they could care so much about this person they had never met.
This is some great information. I usually like to reflect about what could be lying under the surface of my own mind and how I could approach these thoughts and emotions more consciously. This feels like a good framework to check if I'm on the right track.
The reaction formation thing seems to hold true most of the time, but some people I know are genuine dorks and they will go out of their way to assure you they didn't do something which they actually didn't do. In fact I used to do that a lot before I realized it only makes me look more suspicious.
that switching thing is very relatable. my mother used to adore me, being the good kid back when i used to be very compliant. deciding my path and life decisions, and standing up for myself and not complying to her plans made her see me as selfish and ungrateful. and despite viewing me as such, she still wants me in her life
I'm a therapist as well and although some of Freuds is weird the defense mechanisms is realaitivly important for us to notice. We do things without knowing we are projecting and once we are aware we can notice our projection.
I really like this video omg. So true. I would take things personal or question my self but this really helps to see things how dramatic reactions is them not you.
I love this video. I feel like peoples TRUE emotions have always been obvious to me. People will more than likely always project what they’re really thinking and feeling and usually tell on themselves.
I don't get paranoid because of projection, but because of past experiences. If it happened before it could happen again. There could be many reasons why people act like they do, that's why you have to know someone's story to understand their behavior.
I think that’s more PTSD type of reaction her example is for projection. She’s not generalizing paranoia but trying to clarify or distinguish projection in said example
My best friend has a lot of defensiveness and does a lot of defense mechanisms you described, and I know where it stems from but I do get a bit shaken up when it happens. I hope in the future he’s able to let go of some of these mechanisms so he can be more peaceful. But I definitely might have to watch this video again because I’ve been wondering how to understand him better and I think understanding these could help.
Just started to follow your channel, and I love the way you explained every word and phrase, this is gold, thank you so much for this type of content. It happened to me that a friend throughout all these 10 years of friendship, always tend to overreact into any comment that someone or I said that hurts them a lot to the point they take it out on you by silence or lashing out with hurtful words, it has become a pattern, there's depth to more of this , of course I'm not perfect I have many flaws, but I had to end the friendship and it hurt me to even question myself if I was the one "manipulating"? So, no , we have shadows but does not mean we have to stay into some places or people. Thank you for clarifying, I feel relief
My friend always tell me that I am in denial of my shadow self but I always doubt if I am not honest enough or that I have become so in denial that I believe my lies now. It gets to my head sometimes.
Conciously choosing to listen to this to subconciously inform your unconcious decision making that your concious of your unconcious antics and you're consciously hoping for subconcious changes to transform and grow yourself... unconciously
This video was very important to me. It helped me to understand my own insecurities and to be more understanding about others self-defense mechanisms. It's also fascinating, I always end up researching more on the subject, I wish my teachers could do that ^ ^ Thank you kindly 🍂
I do see sides of myself, in some of these actions such as splitting and disproportionate reactions. Being more aware of how my behavior may trigger some of these in other people, is helpful. Dr. Ana, Thanks
Thanks for elaborating so clear and compassionate on a wide stack of every day examples 🙏❣️ Much of this I learned unconsciously from a very young age, also in terms of perception (once also developed for safety & defense to be honest)... Often though, I got stuck and rejected, among other things, because of dogmas that everything could or should be open to discussion. With considerate respect.
Many intriguing concepts were presented in this video... The shadow and what entails, the reason why some interactions become so unexpectedly unpleasant... Thank you for the valuable insights!
I had a friend who we used to be ebst friends through highschool, a little after I moved from my hometown and they had just visited me in the city-- that told me they were sick and I would check every week, then every month, then months after when I stopped reaching out they called me and started crying about that I never listen to them, that I became a different person, that I'm toxic and blamed me for a comment on of their other friends said, and sobbing about caring about homeless people before saying I should go to therapy.. Whatever I said they continued with another drama - bringinh up thing from earlier in hishcsool and calling me immature etc.. I suggested they call me again when they ready to talk to me, he said maybe in in 2 months... Which 2 months later they said I need help, and that was a wrap... I was frustated with myself at how I handled it but glad it's over and being able to learn from it
Wow, saved this vid to watch later a while ago and didn't expect an additional perspective on basic defence mechanisms. Hopefully, it is possible to hear about more of them from you.
#2 Triggering another person's shadow self, with your objectively appropriate everyday words, actions, or emotions, makes me think of this scenario. You are thoroughly confused after throwing a small pebble into a pond and observing a splash that was as big as a boulder being dropped from the top of a mountain. Shallow Hal captures a similar concept when Rosemary jumps off the diving board, and Hal is confused by the intensity of the splash coming from what he saw. Something is not adding up!
My grandma just passed and I love the idea of Grandma’s journal you mentioned. I think I’ll gift it to my mother’s grandchild. Thank you for your work ❤❤❤
Thank you for this presentation and thank you for your efforts I really appreciate it it has been very informative. Mostly this video was helpful for me to see where I put up my own defenses on a regular basis instinctually.
This helped me a LOT in trying to sort through a conversation I had with a friend a few weeks ago. After a few years of being close friends, I felt we'd make a good pair but was always super nervous to bring up the subject because of a few logistics involved and I also didn't want him to feel scared or upset if he wasn't interested (I was still cool with being friends). I was super stressed about a number of things back in the fall and while venting, I brought up my feelings for him, told him there were times it felt like he returned those feelings but really wasn't sure and over all had no idea how to navigate the situation, was growing confused and just wanted to know where we stood. He started off saying he always thought we were just friends and apologized if he had said or done anything to make things confusing. 3 days later he called me at work, freaking out saying "I wish you would have said something last year!" which to me implied that if I had spoke up sooner the situation would have been different. Then goes on about how both his sister and friend had told him they suspected I was interested in him but he ignored it. As I tried to explain things he would blow the situations out of proportion and twist them into the worst case scenario (it turned more into him rambling that actually accusing me of anything). Then over the next two days through email he blasts me saying he NEVER liked me, that I was making everything about myself, He NEVER wants to hear about my relationship history, or current dating EVER again, "I didn't break your heart, YOU broke your heart!" made it seem like I deserved to get hurt because how dare I love him all mixed in with a bunch of other remarks that directly contradicted what he had said in an earlier email, on the phone, or even in the same email. It was like 'you did all this to yourself'. Not only did he not take any accountability for his blow-up but made me feel like I deserved it. Eventually I fawned and told him I get it, I'll back off and I want some space and then he goes "Glad you understand! 😅" like it was no big deal. I know the guy has some unresolved trauma and unhealthy coping mechanisms that stems from that, which was why I didn't blow up on him, I truly do want to preserve the friendship but I clearly hit a nerve with him somewhere but have no idea where I went wrong to avoid doing the same thing. I'm scared to show any sort of affection or compassion because I don't want to set him off again, I'm scared to ask what happened, I'm scared to bring it up even though it seems like things have blown over. I feel even more confused because I don't even know where our friendship lies anymore. He's not my client, I'm certainly not going to analyze everything that happened but this does clear up a few things about what might be going on under the hood and how I can, one day, approach this topic and just find out what set him off, I don't feel like our friendship can get back on track until I'm able to trust him and feel safe around him again. 😢
Total stranger take here! Just based on how you’ve written about how you two communicate, it sounds like you’re better off parting ways amicably. That whole ordeal of him overreacting and being emotionally aggressive sounds very draining to me.
It sounds like you got feelings for him and explained that to him but he’s acting as if you faked the friendship to get close to him. Crossed wires? Immaturity on his part? Who knows. Sounds like an unkind reaction either way.
Great video! Btw I finished reading your book and I liked it a lot especially cause It focused on "real" magic and not some sort of Harry Potter type of thing, nothing wrong with HP, but I was craving for something more realistic and your book was able to provide it.
Great video. I find people hard to read. In the moment, I’m not going to remember any of this I’ll just think to myself “wow this person is being weird…” lol
I get really emotional about the topic of addiction treatment because there were people close to me who were struggling to escape because of the limitations of treatment modalities that are outdated and proven ineffective. The legal status of the cannabis I used led to me being around people whose drug of choice also had to be hidden from society. Addiction being regarded as difficult to treat should be a reflection of the modalities, not the patient. Portugal somehow manages to make drug treatment simple by making drug use legal while keeping drug sales illegal. Once the legal stigma is removed, shame dies, and treatment has higher success. Internalized self stigma is the barrier to recovery, and maybe my passion is driven by the stigma of mental illness that I can relate to being a barrier to recovery; it's harder to escape a box that other people keep shoving you into.
hey, I'd love to see some videos from you about CBT and/or cognitive distortions! I was recently diagnosed with bipolar and I love the way you explain things.
Also... wow... just had an aha-moment. I was always drawn to people who would immediately be drawn to me. They would basically admire me a lot and say how I was so smart and beautiful and nice, etc. Then they'd immediately switch up on me. GOSH--I GET IT!! LOL
This is tough because I don’t want to be incorrectly defensive, I also don’t want to incorrectly judge someone’s defensive are “bad” and I also find myself defending my defensive 😭😭
I think idealizing devaluating is something that kinds of help me going in my study/career as when I idealize someone doing something and I myself am not able to do it , then I cope being kind of dismissive about it or in situations when I am able to accomplish them then I feel that thing wasn't really that impressive or anything and I think that somehow keeps me going.
Thanks for this great video. It has useful information, no doubt, but I'm wondering about certain people, especially neurotic or anxious people, who might try to use this information to make themselves feel they are in control (Yes I'm aware I'm also thinking about myself here). Obviously it's not something you can take responsibility for, but it did make me wonder about it. It's good to be aware of those things but I imagine it can also make some people really paranoid of others, and they begin to look at people and try to analyze them, to prevent a potential future of them getting hurt, to feel things are in control. Then again, it probably means that paranoia was already there to begin with, and this just enables them to feed it. What do you think?
5:18 idk I’m hyper vigilant and insecure because I grew up around a lot of passive aggressive people that would talk about me around me to others. I not good with social queues so it always went over my head, then later everyone would ask me laughing why didn’t I say anything “you didn’t hear so and so talking about you?” People are passive aggressive and cruel. A reaction is valid in my opinion.
10 minutes in I realize "I'm the people who project" she is talking about... I always say people want to be better than others, maybe it is me who thinks that, and for that I thank you for making this video...'
The ides of disliking your shadow-self in others as much as you do in yourself brings to mind a guy I studied with, that I deeply disliked.. I felt like he pretended to be confident. I'm pretty sure that I was/am deeply afraid of having to pretend confidence, or being someone that pretends confidence. I'm working on it by accepting that side of myself, and allowing myself to express insecurity without shame of myself, and that compassion helps getting over it. Just an aspect of the mantra that all emotions are valid, in that sense.
I love reading this insight!!
All emotions are valid! Well said.
Self-acceptance is crucial, but it's also important to be able to say, "that's not ME."
Shadow work says: that's also me, and I'm able to acknowledge it so that it no longer compels me to act in unuseful ways.
What an awesome insight. This is the kind of thing that makes it so much easier to interact with a wide variety of people without unconsciously adding more friction.
Holy crap Doc, that just made me realize why my friend feels so negatively about homeless people!
I think she's afraid that if she admits that homelessness isn't 100% a result of laziness then she's admitting there are external, uncontrollable factors. Then she'd be admitting it could happen to her. And that matches up with her aversion to uncertainty & instability
I was hoping I'd see examples like this in the comments! I love seeing people realize insights like this
@@BBCknewsoutlandish claims lol
@@Brazil-loves-you why would you say that?
why are you so dismissive about someone's observation? maybe you're in denial regarding this topic?
@@BBCknewsIt's true that a lot of our psychological problems are caused by poverty, eroding of social institutions and other economic systemic issues.
Equally, we can't expect one UA-camr to single handedly solve capitalism herself - that's individualistic.
The real question is, why do you talk socialism but have a profile pic supporting the Ukraine invasion? Putin's not going to bring back the USSR, he's just a non-Western capitalist.
@@BBCknews Like a biological textbook. Scary af
Interesting to read the comments, and see some people focusing on "OMG, this totally explains why this other person was so crazy!" vs. "OMG, I did this thing once, but I realize I was being defensive!" It's a good reminder to be mindful and try to focus on working through my own hangups before diagnosing other people.
Yeah, i notice a lot of people watch these videos not to improve themself but to improve the way other people percieve them.
Some of us (me at least) went through a crazy friend breakup with someone who had disproportion reactions that really hurt me. it was hurt feelings about a mistake I made so I apologized and took responsibility . I had to take back a gift idea (I gave her handmade pottery) bc i didn't realize it would be a 70 hour project. I offered to make her something similar but a simpler idea. Her response was "how could you do this to me" That was incredibly entitled and hurt my feelings so after we cooled down from my apology I brought up how that made me feel. when I shared that, she was extremely defensive, was full of denial and tried to make me the bad guy for not "getting over it" bc it made her triggered to be told she can't treat me that way. I have a family who always communicated when something bothers us and hurts our feelings. We even have weekly group therapy. So I'm always pushed to be honest with myself and others and take responsibility for how I hurt others, inadvertently or not. Ofc I have my own issues but I've had self accountability modeled and supported. though sometimes it takes me a few days to realize how I didn't consider others. These videos help me understand people with these kinds of behaviors. Her behavior was shocking, appalling, and confusing bc I'm used to my family who cares about who they hurt and takes responsibility. And doesn't try to flip responsibility for their behaviors onto another person.
“If you see it in others, you probably don’t see it in you, and so the cycle begins anew.” - Rami Jisri.
Fancy way of saying focus on your own detriments and weaknesses and your tiny corner of world will come to appreciate it.
So nice to see she’s Dr.Ana now! 😊
I used to watch her videos back when she was still a student
Now she think she know shit
Because she does @@90daze14
@@90daze14 Come back when you have a PhD lmao
@@90daze14 Missed a couple letters, bud. Try making a point again when you're more educated
5:42 Defining someone's shadow self as" the most ego dystonic form of them" really made a light bulb go on! Thank you.
I think the big one for me that's easiest to remember is when people make general statements about the world or about "people" and it turns out to be a projection. Sometimes I'll have the thought that the world isn't that warm or friendly, but then I remember that I'm actually not that warm or friendly (until we've chatted for a bit).
Good one!
Yeah, that’s really interesting. It was one of my key take ways from the video as well! In addition, I was thinking, it makes sense that this kind a behavior is a projection, everybody has a intuitive knowledge that the world and people are way more complicated then our understanding of them. General statements about people and the world at large are bound to be misguided yet we do it anyway all the time! It has to be something that we are holding deep down! I guess the things we say has way more potential to reveal something about ourselves then the world…
You're absolutely right about all this stuff. I've observed all the same things again and again over my 50 years. It's sad how many people go through life in a constant defense/attack mode.
You're not sad about it. You're glad. It is a cover for you. 😂😂😂
@@l.w.paradis2108 haha, ok.
By the way, I said it's sad, not I'm sad. I definetly don't care how you feel, but I do have empathy for my fellow human beings.
Thank you, this wasn't a replacement for my therapy but it's helped me begin to accept responsibility for my actions. Much appreciated ❤
Some of the things that trigger me the most in people are the behaviors I saw in my (narcissistic) mother growing up.
And maybe, on a more subconscious level, it also ties to me in the sense that I never wanted to become like her.
fatimaaaaaaaaa
Yeah, it's a little bit like what she says in the video. But not totally. It's different.
Just wanted to say - that I’ve been watching your videos for years since you were in school. I have pages of notes I have taken from most of your videos. I’ve learned so much from you. You the bomb
You take notes?? 🥺 feel honored!
Heyyyy, I take notes as well lol
The Channel 5 video about homelessness and drug use was amazing and it's cool that u talked about it, albeit discretely. Your observation of that dude basically projecting his shadow self onto all of the people struggling with drug use is something that i would not have seen if not for you pointing it out. Love the content.
This is great, I feel like these days it’s so easy for me to see through people’s egos. I just don’t interact with people who are doing stuff like that as a defense.
Hello Hindu! Brazil sends you peace and love
@@Brazil-loves-youhey, can i get one too?
i feel the same way. watching this video explained a lot of stuff that i didnt even realize i was picking up on with people
You probably do the same thing. Humble yourself.
what if you see their ego and you felt uneasy but they still put you down due to their intense perfectionist expectation that they or others need to meet. I feel like I meet those people and they attack me quite often. damn.
Saw this notification and what a timing 😅 had a conversation with a friend, within this theme, just a few hours ago. Looking forward to this one.
I love your videos, they are super interesting. But I have a caveat on people trying to justify their words or saying "I don't want to ..., but". This as you say is often used by people wanting to do/say exactly what they say they don't. However, it can also be a trauma response from being used to people ALWAYS misunderstanding what you are saying and always feeling attacked by literally anything. I learned to say whatever I want to say with the most caution I can (and still being misunderstood) and sometimes starting literally any sentence with "this is not meant to be an attack" or "I don't mean this in a negative way" or something like that. I grew up in a super narcissistic household where you can't say anything without someone feeling personally attacked (and I don't just mean direct criticism, just making any statements about anything or telling my own needs will be seen as an attack...)
“Quirky psychopath” 🤣🤣 What??? That's a good nickname though
I love her new course! Super grateful!
So glad you enjoy it!!
Ive recently come to the realization that I had some of these unconscious beliefs about myself and others. I feel so free after having these unconscious thoughts come to the surface. Thank you for the work that you're doing! I admire you and your work and I hope to make a positive impact in people lives as a future clinician/Therapist just like you are.
I am already too good at this and it actually winds up hurting me more often. My advice: Ignorance is bliss. Being over-aware of everything hurts the soul.
I totally agree! It’s hard to unsee it once you see it…*sigh*
Skill issue.
It's only damaging to the soul if your unable to over come the problem. Keep working on it and I'm sure you'll feel different some day. I don't know you but I'm sure that you've got this.
This sounds more like being overly-active mentally or overly self-conscious than true self-awareness. Being "too aware" shouldnt be something you interpret negatively since its an opportunity to learn something about yourself and change for the better. I really doubt you’re describing the conventional, healthy type of self-awareness because if it were, it wouldn’t make you wish for blissful ignorance.
Maybe emotional issue? People who are more analytical tend to get wound up and ruminate, intellectually speaking. I'd rather read the room better so you know how to deal with each person on an individual level
Very interesting video thank you so much. The public figure section really struck home, I've had people get so outraged to me about their favorite athletes or teams and I just couldn't fathom why or understand how they could care so much about this person they had never met.
This is some great information. I usually like to reflect about what could be lying under the surface of my own mind and how I could approach these thoughts and emotions more consciously. This feels like a good framework to check if I'm on the right track.
The reaction formation thing seems to hold true most of the time, but some people I know are genuine dorks and they will go out of their way to assure you they didn't do something which they actually didn't do. In fact I used to do that a lot before I realized it only makes me look more suspicious.
over explaining as a coping mechanism to trauma 😅
that switching thing is very relatable. my mother used to adore me, being the good kid back when i used to be very compliant. deciding my path and life decisions, and standing up for myself and not complying to her plans made her see me as selfish and ungrateful. and despite viewing me as such, she still wants me in her life
I'm a therapist as well and although some of Freuds is weird the defense mechanisms is realaitivly important for us to notice. We do things without knowing we are projecting and once we are aware we can notice our projection.
this is resonating so deeply right now. I needed to hear this, particularly reaction formation and projection. I’ve been guilty of that recently
I really like this video omg. So true. I would take things personal or question my self but this really helps to see things how dramatic reactions is them not you.
I love this video. I feel like peoples TRUE emotions have always been obvious to me. People will more than likely always project what they’re really thinking and feeling and usually tell on themselves.
Speaking as a writer, this video is indispensable for character creation. Thank you ❤
Second this ;3
I don't get paranoid because of projection, but because of past experiences. If it happened before it could happen again. There could be many reasons why people act like they do, that's why you have to know someone's story to understand their behavior.
I think that’s more PTSD type of reaction her example is for projection. She’s not generalizing paranoia but trying to clarify or distinguish projection in said example
@@Kingwizardddyes, it’s actually not considered paranoia if there is well-founded reasoning
My best friend has a lot of defensiveness and does a lot of defense mechanisms you described, and I know where it stems from but I do get a bit shaken up when it happens. I hope in the future he’s able to let go of some of these mechanisms so he can be more peaceful. But I definitely might have to watch this video again because I’ve been wondering how to understand him better and I think understanding these could help.
If you are not calling him out he is hardly gonna change the first step is to become self aware and that’s hardly going to happen on his own
i was literally thinking about this topic great timing
4:05 I believe this is effectively equivalent to "I don't want the consequences of saying [x], but [x]"
Just started to follow your channel, and I love the way you explained every word and phrase, this is gold, thank you so much for this type of content. It happened to me that a friend throughout all these 10 years of friendship, always tend to overreact into any comment that someone or I said that hurts them a lot to the point they take it out on you by silence or lashing out with hurtful words, it has become a pattern, there's depth to more of this , of course I'm not perfect I have many flaws, but I had to end the friendship and it hurt me to even question myself if I was the one "manipulating"? So, no , we have shadows but does not mean we have to stay into some places or people. Thank you for clarifying, I feel relief
My friend always tell me that I am in denial of my shadow self but I always doubt if I am not honest enough or that I have become so in denial that I believe my lies now. It gets to my head sometimes.
Conciously choosing to listen to this to subconciously inform your unconcious decision making that your concious of your unconcious antics and you're consciously hoping for subconcious changes to transform and grow yourself... unconciously
This video was very important to me. It helped me to understand my own insecurities and to be more understanding about others self-defense mechanisms. It's also fascinating, I always end up researching more on the subject, I wish my teachers could do that ^ ^ Thank you kindly 🍂
Thankyou Dr Ana, i really enjoy learning about phycology and your way of being resonates with me. I like your mind.
I do see sides of myself, in some of these actions such as splitting and disproportionate reactions. Being more aware of how my behavior may trigger some of these in other people, is helpful. Dr. Ana, Thanks
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Thanks for elaborating so clear and compassionate on a wide stack of every day examples 🙏❣️
Much of this I learned unconsciously from a very young age, also in terms of perception (once also developed for safety & defense to be honest)...
Often though, I got stuck and rejected, among other things, because of dogmas that everything could or should be open to discussion. With considerate respect.
Can you please make a video on how someone who uses these defense mechanisms can go about working through them?
Loved this video so much! I actually have been making observations in myself and others on these topics and you put these thoughts into words!!!
Thank you for explaining this so well Doc.
Absolutely watching this to call myself out😂
Loved the part about shadow self! And great video ♥
This was enlightening. Thank you, Dr Ana!
Binging your videos during snow days, this one was so good 😊 ❤️ ❤️ TY!
Many intriguing concepts were presented in this video... The shadow and what entails, the reason why some interactions become so unexpectedly unpleasant... Thank you for the valuable insights!
I had a friend who we used to be ebst friends through highschool, a little after I moved from my hometown and they had just visited me in the city-- that told me they were sick and I would check every week, then every month, then months after when I stopped reaching out they called me and started crying about that I never listen to them, that I became a different person, that I'm toxic and blamed me for a comment on of their other friends said, and sobbing about caring about homeless people before saying I should go to therapy.. Whatever I said they continued with another drama - bringinh up thing from earlier in hishcsool and calling me immature etc.. I suggested they call me again when they ready to talk to me, he said maybe in in 2 months... Which 2 months later they said I need help, and that was a wrap... I was frustated with myself at how I handled it but glad it's over and being able to learn from it
Wow, saved this vid to watch later a while ago and didn't expect an additional perspective on basic defence mechanisms. Hopefully, it is possible to hear about more of them from you.
You can elevate someone without putting someone else down. 13:15 Splitting
Thank you for the summary and all the good examples.
#2 Triggering another person's shadow self, with your objectively appropriate everyday words, actions, or emotions, makes me think of this scenario.
You are thoroughly confused after throwing a small pebble into a pond and observing a splash that was as big as a boulder being dropped from the top of a mountain.
Shallow Hal captures a similar concept when Rosemary jumps off the diving board, and Hal is confused by the intensity of the splash coming from what he saw. Something is not adding up!
That makes so much sense.
You are such a model to me, I really admire your personality even though I don't really know you but you have such a beautiful energy 💕 from Morocco 💌
Uhh, what an interesting theme!
Definitly helpful for the everyday world
My grandma just passed and I love the idea of Grandma’s journal you mentioned. I think I’ll gift it to my mother’s grandchild. Thank you for your work ❤❤❤
I remember watching your channel back when it was a lot smaller than it is now. It's great that you've grown :)
Thank you for this presentation and thank you for your efforts I really appreciate it it has been very informative. Mostly this video was helpful for me to see where I put up my own defenses on a regular basis instinctually.
This is very helpful in understanding others and ourselves. Thank you very much for what you teach and do on your channel. Thank you! 🎉❤😊
This inspired me to think about myself, thank you! Very informative and well said
This helped me a LOT in trying to sort through a conversation I had with a friend a few weeks ago. After a few years of being close friends, I felt we'd make a good pair but was always super nervous to bring up the subject because of a few logistics involved and I also didn't want him to feel scared or upset if he wasn't interested (I was still cool with being friends). I was super stressed about a number of things back in the fall and while venting, I brought up my feelings for him, told him there were times it felt like he returned those feelings but really wasn't sure and over all had no idea how to navigate the situation, was growing confused and just wanted to know where we stood. He started off saying he always thought we were just friends and apologized if he had said or done anything to make things confusing. 3 days later he called me at work, freaking out saying "I wish you would have said something last year!" which to me implied that if I had spoke up sooner the situation would have been different. Then goes on about how both his sister and friend had told him they suspected I was interested in him but he ignored it. As I tried to explain things he would blow the situations out of proportion and twist them into the worst case scenario (it turned more into him rambling that actually accusing me of anything). Then over the next two days through email he blasts me saying he NEVER liked me, that I was making everything about myself, He NEVER wants to hear about my relationship history, or current dating EVER again, "I didn't break your heart, YOU broke your heart!" made it seem like I deserved to get hurt because how dare I love him all mixed in with a bunch of other remarks that directly contradicted what he had said in an earlier email, on the phone, or even in the same email. It was like 'you did all this to yourself'. Not only did he not take any accountability for his blow-up but made me feel like I deserved it. Eventually I fawned and told him I get it, I'll back off and I want some space and then he goes "Glad you understand! 😅" like it was no big deal.
I know the guy has some unresolved trauma and unhealthy coping mechanisms that stems from that, which was why I didn't blow up on him, I truly do want to preserve the friendship but I clearly hit a nerve with him somewhere but have no idea where I went wrong to avoid doing the same thing. I'm scared to show any sort of affection or compassion because I don't want to set him off again, I'm scared to ask what happened, I'm scared to bring it up even though it seems like things have blown over. I feel even more confused because I don't even know where our friendship lies anymore. He's not my client, I'm certainly not going to analyze everything that happened but this does clear up a few things about what might be going on under the hood and how I can, one day, approach this topic and just find out what set him off, I don't feel like our friendship can get back on track until I'm able to trust him and feel safe around him again. 😢
Total stranger take here! Just based on how you’ve written about how you two communicate, it sounds like you’re better off parting ways amicably. That whole ordeal of him overreacting and being emotionally aggressive sounds very draining to me.
It sounds like you got feelings for him and explained that to him but he’s acting as if you faked the friendship to get close to him. Crossed wires? Immaturity on his part? Who knows. Sounds like an unkind reaction either way.
Sidenote Ana, but the makeup & clothing is looking fabulous!
Favorite video on this channel! Pure valuable information, super well explained :)
Unbelievably beautiful inside and out! Thank you for these video
There's a lot of great insight. Thank you.
I find this video to be very helpful. Thank you for covering this topic Dr. Ana.
This video is packed with information that is important. I will listen again.
I’m learning so much from you. Thank you dear girl.
Great video! Btw I finished reading your book and I liked it a lot especially cause It focused on "real" magic and not some sort of Harry Potter type of thing, nothing wrong with HP, but I was craving for something more realistic and your book was able to provide it.
This means so much, thank you!! If you haven't yet and have the time, I'd greatly appreciate an Amazon review :)
wow this video is so important. I feel privileged listening to this information.
I love your content so much because of how informative it is. thank you for making your content
Thanks for examples!🙂
10:25 DARVO, this is exactly what car drivers do, holy
You explain so well. Thank you for this video
Great video. I find people hard to read. In the moment, I’m not going to remember any of this I’ll just think to myself “wow this person is being weird…” lol
This is amazing info. Thank you
I get really emotional about the topic of addiction treatment because there were people close to me who were struggling to escape because of the limitations of treatment modalities that are outdated and proven ineffective. The legal status of the cannabis I used led to me being around people whose drug of choice also had to be hidden from society.
Addiction being regarded as difficult to treat should be a reflection of the modalities, not the patient. Portugal somehow manages to make drug treatment simple by making drug use legal while keeping drug sales illegal. Once the legal stigma is removed, shame dies, and treatment has higher success. Internalized self stigma is the barrier to recovery, and maybe my passion is driven by the stigma of mental illness that I can relate to being a barrier to recovery; it's harder to escape a box that other people keep shoving you into.
hey, I'd love to see some videos from you about CBT and/or cognitive distortions! I was recently diagnosed with bipolar and I love the way you explain things.
I love your channel and all that you’re doing here!❤️
Came here to project: You sound so smart and look so pretty I can hardly să cred că ești româncă! :))
6:28 Channel 5 docs are really good and in depth
I am looking forward to this one
Also... wow... just had an aha-moment. I was always drawn to people who would immediately be drawn to me. They would basically admire me a lot and say how I was so smart and beautiful and nice, etc. Then they'd immediately switch up on me. GOSH--I GET IT!! LOL
This is tough because I don’t want to be incorrectly defensive, I also don’t want to incorrectly judge someone’s defensive are “bad” and I also find myself defending my defensive 😭😭
She was for sure referencing the recent Channel 5 doco. Beast!
The background for this video is really pretty.
Just found your channel and I love your approach and message
I’ve heard a lot of pych but never heard Paranoia explained in that way. Very interesting
10:10 DARVO & Abusive protections 11:22
Thank you ❤
great stuff Dr Ana =] thank you for sharing
Thank you very much for this video!
I think idealizing devaluating is something that kinds of help me going in my study/career as when I idealize someone doing something and I myself am not able to do it , then I cope being kind of dismissive about it or in situations when I am able to accomplish them then I feel that thing wasn't really that impressive or anything and I think that somehow keeps me going.
Amazing content, love your work. Thank you!😊
Very insightful Dr. Ana!!
I have a presentation about Freud coming up tomorrow, this is perfect timing 😅
Thanks for this great video. It has useful information, no doubt, but I'm wondering about certain people, especially neurotic or anxious people, who might try to use this information to make themselves feel they are in control (Yes I'm aware I'm also thinking about myself here). Obviously it's not something you can take responsibility for, but it did make me wonder about it. It's good to be aware of those things but I imagine it can also make some people really paranoid of others, and they begin to look at people and try to analyze them, to prevent a potential future of them getting hurt, to feel things are in control. Then again, it probably means that paranoia was already there to begin with, and this just enables them to feed it. What do you think?
Amazing video thanks Ana
5:18 idk I’m hyper vigilant and insecure because I grew up around a lot of passive aggressive people that would talk about me around me to others. I not good with social queues so it always went over my head, then later everyone would ask me laughing why didn’t I say anything “you didn’t hear so and so talking about you?” People are passive aggressive and cruel. A reaction is valid in my opinion.
10 minutes in I realize "I'm the people who project" she is talking about... I always say people want to be better than others, maybe it is me who thinks that, and for that I thank you for making this video...'