I have never heard a more understandable, relatable, concise, and in-depth explanation of this subject matter before. Thank you! Although I have very few traits of a love addicted person or a person who tends to be in limerence patterns continually, I do identify with and fall into some of the descriptions you gave. I never let anyone break my boundaries without taking clear action. I never give up my own life, interests, or important friend and family relationships for anyone. And I cut off a relationship with anyone who isn't reciprocating or being consistent with me. I never spend time fantasizing about what could be. I never chase anyone who clearly doesn't want me in their life. Never stalk or try to find out what they are doing. However, I do tend to silently long for and miss someone that I truly cared about and absolutely loved spending time with. And those feelings of loss and sadness seem to last a really long time for me, despite the fact that I continue being successful, cheerful, productive, and interactive with those I hold dear. But deep down, the pain lingers and I continue to hold out hope for us in the future, but not in an unrealistic way and not by compromising my standards. Guess I need to learn to detach🥺
You seem like a perfectly healthy person to me. You are human. To much detachment is kind of creepy. I wish I could be as healthy as you. Just accept and love yourself the way you are and things will naturally become better.
Im so embarrassed by my limerent behavior towards this particular guy. I feel that I've given away my power. I've made major decisions in my life based on my feelings for this person who probably thinks I'm crazy. Im moving and starting a new job soon and I'm hoping to let this phase of my life be a distant memory. Im so thankful for this video ❤ I will assess my feelings and actions towards someone I'm attracted to in future to make sure I'm not fantasizing and wanting love and approval from someone. Especially someone who is not interested in me. Stop abandoning myself.
Why did I not see this before? Life would have been so much better. Tim, I thank you for putting these topics in such a comprehensive way. God bless you.
This is so helpful. I'm already over the wishful fantasy of one person "fixing" me. But at times I still feel like I'm desperate and your videos help me calm down
WOW. 😢 I started out insisting on healthy reasonable boundaries. All my boundaries evaporated as I developed fears that my partner would abandon me. In my love addiction, I abandoned myself
Do you have awareness around why you lost integrity with yourself and your needs? Are you seeing your dependency, not on being in a relationship, but more on feeling worthy, caused you to abandon your own needs and cater exclusively to their needs. Did this dynamic lead to your eventually resenting your partners?
this is excellent, Ive been going through this cycle for 20 years and it eats me alive. I really want to beat this, videos like this one are a gift to troubled people like me. thank you
ditto... I also want this gone it's been 30 years for me and never knew really what it was with certain people and it's just certain people I guess I choose due to my trauma, but I do believe that the healing has begun with the awareness of what this truly is because I knew it was not about sex I did know it was about love but when I read this in context and in a resonating language the healing has begun, awareness is the beginning
limerance is why i had so many relationship failires in the 80s. i ended up taking myself off the market. now i know why i kept acting like i did. i used to long to be loved and to love but i stopped a d took myself off the market thirty years ago. i have fallen for too many preators that way. Now I know why. sorry this is so scattered.
Not scattered at all to me 💜 I've taken myself off the market too, for the same reasons, and it's been one of my very best decisions. If my Higher Power puts a special someone in my life, this series will have helped me be healthy about it.
I always entered all my relationships with a Limerence script until I met a safe friend who has a healthy script. One thing that stood me most about him is that he had/has boundaries, was respectful and I did not feel like he was a performer at the start of our relationship like I was.
What Tim is explaining is everything I went through with my ex narc and how I felt in that relationship. I put him on a pedestal that he would be my fixer to making me feel better and loved. I had so much stress and anxiety I depended heavily on his approval and “love for me” it became an obsession . This video is sooo helpful and now I can understand what exactly was happening with me.
Same feeling here. This video completely changed my perspective and helped me see how my trauma kept an abusive relationship going. This information is so valuable. I send it to people all the time.
I am so disappointed in myself for not knowing this before I got into a relationship. Sadly it ended because of this terrible obsession, I hope she can forgive me and I can forgive myself in the future.
I have never felt so seen and heard... I just feel like I have been crazy and putting a word to what I am struggling/dealing with is just eye opening. I am sending this to my therapist!
This is great! Going thru it now. Went no contact because it felt toxic. Even tho i have feelings for him. This list puts words to my feelings. I have some work to do on myself. Thank you so much putting it all together!❤
Please!?!!! I NEED to understand the connection. I also have become so time blind that it is breaking my relationships and creating havoc in EVERY aspect of my life. It is so far past a character flaw. Demon or disability at this point. 😂
I have complex trauma and I’d go completely crazy if I DIDNT have a job. Don’t leave me to my own thoughts please! I need as many distractions as I can get my hands on and helping people and being part of a team helps me with that. I don’t know your situation but it makes me kind of wonder if you are using “complex trauma” to not have to have a job?
As someone who just got out of two consecutive limerence episodes from 2021-2022 and 2023-2024, I would never wish this upon anybody. I hope you all meet the loves of your lives and they will love you and reciprocate every effort you give. I hope you heal your traumas to avoid this shxt. I, however, vow to never love again until I di3.
@@inchristalone25 yes, now, every time i get attracted to someone, i say to myself, NO MORE OF THIS SHXT, this is just another limerence in the bud stage. I am very emotionally vulnerable right now because I need support in my business and I need some support from anyone because my family cannot support me. And so I sometimes look to other people for that but after experiencing limerences that took out a lot of my energy time and money, I cannot risk it all for "love" again. I can't tell you it doesn't hurt because it does. But I will learn to live with the pain of never finding love, if it means I will achieve my goals. (This reeks of sociopathic behavior and narcissism but hey, it's the card I'm dealt with. I'll play with it.) P.S. i am not a sociopath, if i am, then I'm a kindhearted one 🤧
@@inchristalone25 yes, now, every time i get attracted to someone, i say to myself, NO MORE OF THIS SHXT, this is just another limerence in the bud stage. I am very emotionally vulnerable right now because I need support in my business and I need some support from anyone because my family cannot support me. And so I sometimes look to other people for that but after experiencing limerences that took out a lot of my energy time and money, I cannot risk it all for "love" again. I can't tell you it doesn't hurt because it does. But I will learn to live with the pain of never finding love, if it means I will achieve my goals. (This reeks of sociopathic behavior and narcissism but hey, it's the card I'm dealt with. I'll play with it.) P.S. i am not a sociopath, if i am, then I'm a kindhearted one 🤧
OMG this explains a lot on how i have been feeling , NOT obsessive thou, but simply want to be loved, having someone love me back. hmmm, taking notes. thanks
Thank you for these videos. I found that one difficult but also really helpful. I really appreciate the very accurate, non dramatic, detailed, slightly academic approach. Concentration on content more than style. I think maybe it helps... deal with emotional stuff? To be able to stand back from it and see it in a more reasoned way, to bring that analytical part of myself to the aid of the emotional part (although that makes it sound easy - the emotional part... doesn't necessarily want to be seen). It is also disconcerting to be aware that this isn't a description of some theoretical type of person with a problem: this is a description of how I have been living my life. Or not living it really. Time to try to face it.
Ugh, I see that I’m still exhibiting patterns of love addiction. As an FA attachment I still need to work on my anxious side. I hang on to broken, dysfunctional relationships too long still.
This is me explained. God Lord i hate it it has an aspect of Envy or jealousy in it. I feel very hurt by this because i don't like envying someone else. CPTSD its such a burden but I still thank God for my successes were also the results of it. Some people went to the grave because of their Childhood traumas.
Thank you Sir for explaining it so well and in depth, I have for the longest time always wondered why I have these issues, especially with "trying to find the perfect person", It's always one "crush" after another, and considering my complex childhood, I also knew that I had anxious attachment style so all this made sense to me. Next up I'm going to be working on the healing, to build a proper relationship with myself. And I also want to give comfort and courage to those going through this as well.
Wow! If only I knew what this was!! Such awesome explanation! Cannot thank you enough for this information and I see the connection with how we are brainwashed by media & movies to think this is what love is when it can actually become dangerous with an abusive person
"This video really helped me make sense of everything. Yesterday, I realized I had entered stage 5, which explains why I’ve been overwhelmed with tears and searching for answers. My first four stages dragged on from July 23 to September 24, blending together as stages 3 and 4 became almost indistinguishable. I spent those months completely dissociated, trapped in my maladaptive daydreams where I built an entire life with them. In those fantasies, everything felt real and safe, while in reality, time seemed to slip away from me. I don’t remember much from the last 14 months-it’s all so hazy and dreamlike, like I’ve been in a fog or a coma, only now beginning to wake up. Then, on September 13, everything came crashing down. They chose someone else, and that choice ripped me out of stage 4, forcing me into stage 5. It’s hard to describe the emptiness I feel-it’s as if someone I deeply loved died, and I’m left mourning the life I imagined with them. It feels like I’ve lost a family member. I didn’t just lose them; I lost the entire future I had woven around them in my mind. Waking up from this long, dreamlike state, I now see how much of myself I had invested in that fantasy. Coming back to reality feels disorienting and painful, like emerging from a coma to find the world has moved on without me. I don’t know how long this pain will linger, and the uncertainty of that only makes it harder. It’s a different kind of grief-losing not only someone important but also the version of myself that existed in those dreams. I’m trying to understand where I go from here, but it feels like I’m grieving both the person they were and the life I thought we could have had. Every step forward feels like I'm retracing my steps through that dream world, and the weight of realizing it’s all gone is almost unbearable."
Happened to me with my PT a few minths ago. Thanx Got i managed to pull myself together and put strong internal boundaries. I started to get really adficted to his attention. Even going to gym at 6 am 😂😂😂😂
I never felt safe and I didn’t know where all that anxiety was coming from. Hold on! Yes I knew what it was but I had no courage to be authentic with myself
Thank So much Sir. Your explanations on Limerence and anxious attachment style, completely resonates with me, and my characteristics. I am 47. I still experience fair amount of Limerence w.r.t a girl I pursued for 2 years from the age of 14 to 16, before I got rejected by her. Just to help others, Dr. Becky Spelman's video "Limerence vs Love: 13 Signs You're Experiencing Limerence, Not Love" is also very helpful.
This is an excellent presentation. EXACTLY what I have been looking for. Will watch it several times. Love the on-screen text comparisons. Thanks a million Tim!
Thanks so much, Tim! I think for most of my life, I have been looking for someone to sweep me off my feet, and love me deeply and unconditionally. I've been looking for a fairy tale; Hollywood movie-style romance 😂 Ha ha ha! I don't even know whether to laugh or what. Just the realization of just how ignorant I've been, of this desire to be loved is unbelievable! But I'm happy now that I know what this is all about. I wish that religious/spiritual teachers could teach more about the stuff you're teaching; Tim. The world would be better off with this knowledge 🎉
Tim , you’re Jesus sent! I never thought anyone could list the things that l faced in my life. It took just over 25 years of waiting to get this information that you gathered and explained with your knowledge and experience. Bless your ministry 🎉
Sadly ‘ true unconditional love’ is rarely experienced or found, so if you find someone that responds and is affectionate,it is no surprise that you can become ‘ addicted’ or ‘experience limerence’ . It’s that or nothing in many cases.
35 yrs for me..I'm 71..ahhh!!.. better late than never I've always wondered what this was until I went to an ACA meeting and someone said: are you my mommy ?... that was my first awareness, I was looking for love in all the wrong places.. I loved how Tim explained it doesn't have to be about sex because it wasn't about sex but I felt like it was but I knew it wasn't... thank you Tim thank you Tim
Somebody please pray for me. I am scared I'm going to have to quit my job because my feelings for someone I work with is killing me. I know it doesn't go both ways and that's really hard to swallow but I can't stop my mind. This video was 100% accurate.
i'll pray for you because i went through the same for a few years and it's extremely stressful. it took a while but i learned the hardest and best thing to do is just accept it, take them off their pedestal in your head and move on. also, find things that interest you, that make you happy and try to be kind to yourself.
@@tiffuhneea Thank You so much. I am trying to keep thinking of the things I dislike about them but my stinking brain keeps saying "Yeah but" I did start back a hobby I used to do and liked a lot. Reading, lots of prayer. God is in this I just have to let him control my mind.
I will pray for you. I feel attracted to someone at work who not only doesn't reciprocate but likes someone else. I have a strong sense that God is working in this area of my life and I want to see good things come from it, but at the same time feel that changing jobs will be appropriate if the situation negativity impacts my mental health to a considerable extent.
I knew I could never have a normal relationship because I felt so damaged and ugly inside, 💔 I was or still am a addict chemical, I had alcoholism but went to AA, just back, I doubt I will ever meet a partner, I am in my 60s although I look pretty good, I was always attractive and had many admirers, I married a man I wasn't really interested in, 11 years when young! This goes deep, I totally give myself, losing my ragdollcat still young devastated me!❤❤
This one was the worst of all the symptoms. Love and attachment are a basic human need. People end up with mania and ASPD if they are unloved or without an attachment relationship. Saying “well you can do more work for society” or “fill your life with other things” makes me understand why people commit suicide.
I feel you. When bringing up me thinking about my ex in therapy, the therapist answered that my ex lost respect for me. this happened several times, felt like I was getting cut.
What Im trying to figure out is what parent gave the anxious attachment style to me, my Father or Mother? My Father was always affectionate & engaging but he was also struggling with his temper & alcohol & my Mum was distant always angry, she didnt really engage with me then they split when I was 9 that to take years for me to recover from even though I knew it was better that we left, I felt I had to be emotionally older then what I needed to be..maybe they both dropped the ball, Idk
Tim you need to get your audio levels correct during the recording, so that they can be set right during editing. Levels are overloading and sound pretty bad, especially for an otherwise well produced video.
You have helped me so much you are very amazing I need to get some help where do I go to help and meet you and go to workshops where? I need help so badly
I don't know...this is a hot topic just like narcissism. We used to call this falling in love and back then not everyone was a narcissist ( or a codependent). Im not sure the world became a better place by this ...Yes, being in love is not sustainable and if you exagerrate it and think this is the ultimate happiness, it can become an obsession and also a love addiction because you're so desperate to be loved. But I detect a tendency nowadays of everything being so complicated and so shameful that we would not dare doing something stupid like falling in love anymore 😂 How about just live our lives and learn from our mistakes?
Because back then it caused grenadine curses and why so many ppl are hurt insecure ashamed etc because we saw abuse as normal and loving ppl are speaking up about it now you get to experience it because you're an adult dating now alot of those ppl back then were unhappy and took it out on their families and it was kept behind closed doors now ppl are speaking up about it.
I'm like this. But im much older now. I started young and burned out. I just don't care like I used to. I've been single on and off for 15 years and have gotten used to it. Being single I "chose" someone. Not someone who was especially nice to me or anything, someone who physically and personality wise is my type. The limerance theory is valid for sure but discounts that we like certain physical chatacteristics. This person and i have things in common but our values may be out of alignment. I'm ok if we don't get together although I feel part of him wants to. I wonder did I heal some of this anxious attachment style in my single in between relationship years or did my hormones just calm down in my old age? 😂 I am a love at first sight person too. 3x it happened. First 2 they took awhile though they were quick to date me so they could sleep with me. I married the 2nd one and was married quite awhile. He turned out to be a securely attached person so I got lucky. 3rd one was a mutual love at first sight but turned out to have twice as much trauma as me. I dont like to think just because im attracted to a person and I have issues they automatically will too. If they're physically my type and intelligent (that's a big one for me, more than just "someone who's nice to me"), I'll be attracted as a single person. Now if I see later they're not a kind person, I'm done. I've been much quicker to walk away as I've gotten older. These videos are great, I knew I had to see this one. It does overall describe me.
I literally wasted my entire 20s and 30s on the same man. It’s nice to know that he was partially sub blame, but it will never give me my life back. I am still unmarried. I will never have children. I thought my last relationship would be more healthy, but I felt that that person was very invested in making me into something different And it didn’t feel healthy from that perspective. I don’t think I was the object of that person but they were incredibly controlling and maybe we were feeding off of one another. Anyway, there’s a question buried in this long-winded comment and that is where do I heal myself and find self-esteem? I have heard so much about the fact that I am unhealed and don’t have any self-esteem as the key to the problem and the answer is I need to heal myself, but I have never seen a video or any information on how to do that. Would this creator be willing to make a video or is that just haven’t found about how to heal myself so that I don’t continue to have relationships like this. I am currently single although I don’t feel my life is without meaning I do feel the same way I felt every day for my adult life which is I could be having fun with the partner. We could be making family plans. We could be doing things that make life rich and rewarding, but instead, I am entertaining myself on my own once again.I would love to stop feeling this way if there’s any video out there that can help I would love to watch it.
On a serious note considering the obsessive nature of limerence I wonder if it occurs more frequently with those who have perfectionism or OCD issues 🤔
I have a DA attachment style and I recognise that I can be limerent in certain relationships. I recognise it and I shut off, shut down. I feel ashamed for feeling, and "needing" so much from someone. Once I've noticed it they will never hear from me again, regardless of if I'm still feeling limerence for them even after there's no contact. What's that about? 🙈
Do you have a resource that would explain why the conflict stage of a relationship (after the romance stage) actually builds a deeper love? I would like to understand that phase more. Thank you.
there's no conflict stage of a healthy relationship. There's healthy conflict. I think you're referring to trauma bonding after love bombing, which is what narcissistic people do.
Can Song of Songs be interpreted as written out of limerence with King Solomon’s addictive history with women. it’s easy to conflate love and addiction…what can possibly go wrong with biblical love?
The issues are in the pain limerance cause. I married my limerant object after 6 years of hell, then i suffered through 14 years of a pattern of abuse because of my codependency and my husbands own toxic traits due to his trauma. His family also abused me, i was the family scapegoat. Insisting on continuing limerant obsession/relationship will always catch up to you. I've only recently become aware of my traumatic childhood and abusive marriage, i also suffered spiritual abuse..it seems unbelievable that I've been through so much but it's true, i wish it wasn't true because the pain of the truth is almost unbearable. I'm in a marriage with children and at this point I don't know if their was any real love at all. Was I just limerant and he settled after I cut ties with him for good, because that's what happened. I got a career and cut contact and a few months later I got a proposal, and like the broken person I was I gladly and quickly said yes. 6 years of abuse and I still married the man....wtf?😢
I have often wondered this myself!! King Solomon was def addicted to his LO! And also, if you are a believer of soulmates, or especially twin flames, that could have a huge effect on perpetuating the type of behavior Tim describes. To be cured of limerence or love addiction, it seems you would definitely need to renounce or relinquish all beliefs in twin flames🤔
I have never heard a more understandable, relatable, concise, and in-depth explanation of this subject matter before. Thank you! Although I have very few traits of a love addicted person or a person who tends to be in limerence patterns continually, I do identify with and fall into some of the descriptions you gave. I never let anyone break my boundaries without taking clear action. I never give up my own life, interests, or important friend and family relationships for anyone. And I cut off a relationship with anyone who isn't reciprocating or being consistent with me. I never spend time fantasizing about what could be. I never chase anyone who clearly doesn't want me in their life. Never stalk or try to find out what they are doing. However, I do tend to silently long for and miss someone that I truly cared about and absolutely loved spending time with. And those feelings of loss and sadness seem to last a really long time for me, despite the fact that I continue being successful, cheerful, productive, and interactive with those I hold dear. But deep down, the pain lingers and I continue to hold out hope for us in the future, but not in an unrealistic way and not by compromising my standards. Guess I need to learn to detach🥺
You seem like a perfectly healthy person to me. You are human. To much detachment is kind of creepy. I wish I could be as healthy as you. Just accept and love yourself the way you are and things will naturally become better.
Im so embarrassed by my limerent behavior towards this particular guy. I feel that I've given away my power. I've made major decisions in my life based on my feelings for this person who probably thinks I'm crazy. Im moving and starting a new job soon and I'm hoping to let this phase of my life be a distant memory. Im so thankful for this video ❤ I will assess my feelings and actions towards someone I'm attracted to in future to make sure I'm not fantasizing and wanting love and approval from someone. Especially someone who is not interested in me. Stop abandoning myself.
Just be happy it didn't get any worse and think of it as a cheap lesson. If you forget you wont learn.
Why did I not see this before? Life would have been so much better. Tim, I thank you for putting these topics in such a comprehensive way. God bless you.
This is so helpful. I'm already over the wishful fantasy of one person "fixing" me. But at times I still feel like I'm desperate and your videos help me calm down
WOW. 😢 I started out insisting on healthy reasonable boundaries. All my boundaries evaporated as I developed fears that my partner would abandon me. In my love addiction, I abandoned myself
Do you have awareness around why you lost integrity with yourself and your needs?
Are you seeing your dependency, not on being in a relationship, but more on feeling worthy, caused you to abandon your own needs and cater exclusively to their needs.
Did this dynamic lead to your eventually resenting your partners?
this is excellent, Ive been going through this cycle for 20 years and it eats me alive. I really want to beat this, videos like this one are a gift to troubled people like me. thank you
ditto... I also want this gone it's been 30 years for me and never knew really what it was with certain people and it's just certain people I guess I choose due to my trauma, but I do believe that the healing has begun with the awareness of what this truly is because I knew it was not about sex I did know it was about love but when I read this in context and in a resonating language the healing has begun, awareness is the beginning
limerance is why i had so many relationship failires in the 80s. i ended up taking myself off the market. now i know why i kept acting like i did. i used to long to be loved and to love but i stopped a d took myself off the market thirty years ago. i have fallen for too many preators that way. Now I know why. sorry this is so scattered.
It must have been so confusing! So sorry about that. 😊
How're you doing now?
i am happily single and celibate. life is good overall but i still have my cptsd to deal with. i am chipping away at i.@@sharonjumba4648
Wait.. you took your self off the market 30 years ago, but did you ever go back on the market and find someone?
no i am 60, single, and celebate, but i have more female friends than male friends. go figure!@@ReginaMcNeish
Not scattered at all to me 💜 I've taken myself off the market too, for the same reasons, and it's been one of my very best decisions. If my Higher Power puts a special someone in my life, this series will have helped me be healthy about it.
Oh wow. I’m 29 and I have some of these serious issues. Maybe I can turn it around before it’s too late.
im 31 and started on this journey youre not alone 👍
I'm 23
With you guys in this journey
29 here ❤
I always entered all my relationships with a Limerence script until I met a safe friend who has a healthy script. One thing that stood me most about him is that he had/has boundaries, was respectful and I did not feel like he was a performer at the start of our relationship like I was.
What Tim is explaining is everything I went through with my ex narc and how I felt in that relationship. I put him on a pedestal that he would be my fixer to making me feel better and loved. I had so much stress and anxiety I depended heavily on his approval and “love for me” it became an obsession . This video is sooo helpful and now I can understand what exactly was happening with me.
I’m in the same boat …. It’s a daily struggle.
Same feeling here. This video completely changed my perspective and helped me see how my trauma kept an abusive relationship going.
This information is so valuable. I send it to people all the time.
Wish I'd watched this decades ago. Thankyou so much for explaining
Yup. I "learned" about romantic love from watching movies.
I am so disappointed in myself for not knowing this before I got into a relationship. Sadly it ended because of this terrible obsession, I hope she can forgive me and I can forgive myself in the future.
I have never felt so seen and heard... I just feel like I have been crazy and putting a word to what I am struggling/dealing with is just eye opening. I am sending this to my therapist!
Now that i know the root cause, i can begin to work on myself.never heard this word before. Thanks, the video was very helpful .
This is great! Going thru it now. Went no contact because it felt toxic. Even tho i have feelings for him. This list puts words to my feelings. I have some work to do on myself. Thank you so much putting it all together!❤
I'd like you to do a video about complex trauma and employment and why it's hard to keep a job
Please!?!!! I NEED to understand the connection. I also have become so time blind that it is breaking my relationships and creating havoc in EVERY aspect of my life. It is so far past a character flaw. Demon or disability at this point. 😂
"crappy childhood fairy" here on UA-cam has some videos about that
I have complex trauma and I’d go completely crazy if I DIDNT have a job. Don’t leave me to my own thoughts please! I need as many distractions as I can get my hands on and helping people and being part of a team helps me with that. I don’t know your situation but it makes me
kind of wonder if you are using “complex trauma” to not have to have a job?
As someone who just got out of two consecutive limerence episodes from 2021-2022 and 2023-2024, I would never wish this upon anybody. I hope you all meet the loves of your lives and they will love you and reciprocate every effort you give. I hope you heal your traumas to avoid this shxt. I, however, vow to never love again until I di3.
Good luck, do you actively avoid all possible scenarios?
@@inchristalone25 yes, now, every time i get attracted to someone, i say to myself, NO MORE OF THIS SHXT, this is just another limerence in the bud stage. I am very emotionally vulnerable right now because I need support in my business and I need some support from anyone because my family cannot support me. And so I sometimes look to other people for that but after experiencing limerences that took out a lot of my energy time and money, I cannot risk it all for "love" again. I can't tell you it doesn't hurt because it does. But I will learn to live with the pain of never finding love, if it means I will achieve my goals. (This reeks of sociopathic behavior and narcissism but hey, it's the card I'm dealt with. I'll play with it.) P.S. i am not a sociopath, if i am, then I'm a kindhearted one 🤧
@@inchristalone25 yes, now, every time i get attracted to someone, i say to myself, NO MORE OF THIS SHXT, this is just another limerence in the bud stage. I am very emotionally vulnerable right now because I need support in my business and I need some support from anyone because my family cannot support me. And so I sometimes look to other people for that but after experiencing limerences that took out a lot of my energy time and money, I cannot risk it all for "love" again. I can't tell you it doesn't hurt because it does. But I will learn to live with the pain of never finding love, if it means I will achieve my goals. (This reeks of sociopathic behavior and narcissism but hey, it's the card I'm dealt with. I'll play with it.) P.S. i am not a sociopath, if i am, then I'm a kindhearted one 🤧
Good talk. I like that you dont make these dynamics into something dramatic. Keep keeping it DTE.
Thank you VERY MUCH for this. I won't tell my story, but you just explained it all. THANK YOU.
@timfletcher. I swear you are inside my head!!!😮😂.
OMG this explains a lot on how i have been feeling , NOT obsessive thou, but simply want to be loved, having someone love me back. hmmm, taking notes. thanks
Thank you for these videos. I found that one difficult but also really helpful. I really appreciate the very accurate, non dramatic, detailed, slightly academic approach. Concentration on content more than style. I think maybe it helps... deal with emotional stuff? To be able to stand back from it and see it in a more reasoned way, to bring that analytical part of myself to the aid of the emotional part (although that makes it sound easy - the emotional part... doesn't necessarily want to be seen). It is also disconcerting to be aware that this isn't a description of some theoretical type of person with a problem: this is a description of how I have been living my life. Or not living it really. Time to try to face it.
This is one of the best videos for me on this subject. Thank you for this excellent presentation
Tim. You’re an OG. Thank you for your strong work and dedication to this matter.
Excellent. Thank you Tim
Ugh, I see that I’m still exhibiting patterns of love addiction. As an FA attachment I still need to work on my anxious side. I hang on to broken, dysfunctional relationships too long still.
This explains a lot in my last relationship.
This is me explained. God Lord i hate it it has an aspect of Envy or jealousy in it.
I feel very hurt by this because i don't like envying someone else.
CPTSD its such a burden but I still thank God for my successes were also the results of it. Some people went to the grave because of their Childhood traumas.
Absolutely one of the most accurate talks you've ever given, and that's saying something!!
Thank you Sir for explaining it so well and in depth, I have for the longest time always wondered why I have these issues, especially with "trying to find the perfect person", It's always one "crush" after another, and considering my complex childhood, I also knew that I had anxious attachment style so all this made sense to me. Next up I'm going to be working on the healing, to build a proper relationship with myself. And I also want to give comfort and courage to those going through this as well.
This video changed my life.
Thankyou for this video it is helping me to understand what is going on in my head.
Wow! If only I knew what this was!! Such awesome explanation! Cannot thank you enough for this information and I see the connection with how we are brainwashed by media & movies to think this is what love is when it can actually become dangerous with an abusive person
Thanks to taking Tim Fletchers program, I’m not doing this no more.
dismissive avoidant and anxious attachment go through this limerence a lot due to their complex trauma.
A good portion of this description in the begging was the definition of falling in love. ❤😂
Yes, but it's not with a person that would be loyal to you.
"This video really helped me make sense of everything. Yesterday, I realized I had entered stage 5, which explains why I’ve been overwhelmed with tears and searching for answers. My first four stages dragged on from July 23 to September 24, blending together as stages 3 and 4 became almost indistinguishable. I spent those months completely dissociated, trapped in my maladaptive daydreams where I built an entire life with them. In those fantasies, everything felt real and safe, while in reality, time seemed to slip away from me. I don’t remember much from the last 14 months-it’s all so hazy and dreamlike, like I’ve been in a fog or a coma, only now beginning to wake up.
Then, on September 13, everything came crashing down. They chose someone else, and that choice ripped me out of stage 4, forcing me into stage 5. It’s hard to describe the emptiness I feel-it’s as if someone I deeply loved died, and I’m left mourning the life I imagined with them. It feels like I’ve lost a family member. I didn’t just lose them; I lost the entire future I had woven around them in my mind. Waking up from this long, dreamlike state, I now see how much of myself I had invested in that fantasy. Coming back to reality feels disorienting and painful, like emerging from a coma to find the world has moved on without me.
I don’t know how long this pain will linger, and the uncertainty of that only makes it harder. It’s a different kind of grief-losing not only someone important but also the version of myself that existed in those dreams. I’m trying to understand where I go from here, but it feels like I’m grieving both the person they were and the life I thought we could have had. Every step forward feels like I'm retracing my steps through that dream world, and the weight of realizing it’s all gone is almost unbearable."
Happened to me with my PT a few minths ago. Thanx Got i managed to pull myself together and put strong internal boundaries. I started to get really adficted to his attention. Even going to gym at 6 am 😂😂😂😂
This so incredibly accurate and so insightful
Omg how great and helpful this Video , I was there and still and you gave me your hands to help me by this explanation.. thank you so much
I never felt safe and I didn’t know where all that anxiety was coming from. Hold on! Yes I knew what it was but I had no courage to be authentic with myself
Thank So much Sir. Your explanations on Limerence and anxious attachment style, completely resonates with me, and my characteristics. I am 47. I still experience fair amount of Limerence w.r.t a girl I pursued for 2 years from the age of 14 to 16, before I got rejected by her. Just to help others, Dr. Becky Spelman's video "Limerence vs Love: 13 Signs You're Experiencing Limerence, Not Love" is also very helpful.
This is an excellent presentation. EXACTLY what I have been looking for. Will watch it several times. Love the on-screen text comparisons. Thanks a million Tim!
The exact snapshoot of our relationship. 😢
Ooh gosh, just realized I have been having a love addiction in all my romantic relationships 😢
Thanks a lot for this profound information. This is helpfull.❤
I don`t know whether I should expect any love for human, Rather, I just wanna focus on loving myself whom I should abandoned for abusive humans.
Thanks so much, Tim! I think for most of my life, I have been looking for someone to sweep me off my feet, and love me deeply and unconditionally.
I've been looking for a fairy tale; Hollywood movie-style romance 😂
Ha ha ha! I don't even know whether to laugh or what.
Just the realization of just how ignorant I've been, of this desire to be loved is unbelievable!
But I'm happy now that I know what this is all about.
I wish that religious/spiritual teachers could teach more about the stuff you're teaching; Tim.
The world would be better off with this knowledge 🎉
their are pathways to abilities some consider to be un-natural.
Tim , you’re Jesus sent! I never thought anyone could list the things that l faced in my life. It took just over 25 years of waiting to get this information that you gathered and explained with your knowledge and experience. Bless your ministry 🎉
Sadly ‘ true unconditional love’ is rarely experienced or found, so if you find someone that responds and is affectionate,it is no surprise that you can become ‘ addicted’ or ‘experience limerence’ . It’s that or nothing in many cases.
35 yrs for me..I'm 71..ahhh!!.. better late than never I've always wondered what this was until I went to an ACA meeting and someone said: are you my mommy ?... that was my first awareness, I was looking for love in all the wrong places.. I loved how Tim explained it doesn't have to be about sex because it wasn't about sex but I felt like it was but I knew it wasn't... thank you Tim thank you Tim
Somebody please pray for me. I am scared I'm going to have to quit my job because my feelings for someone I work with is killing me. I know it doesn't go both ways and that's really hard to swallow but I can't stop my mind. This video was 100% accurate.
i'll pray for you because i went through the same for a few years and it's extremely stressful. it took a while but i learned the hardest and best thing to do is just accept it, take them off their pedestal in your head and move on. also, find things that interest you, that make you happy and try to be kind to yourself.
@@tiffuhneea Thank You so much. I am trying to keep thinking of the things I dislike about them but my stinking brain keeps saying "Yeah but" I did start back a hobby I used to do and liked a lot. Reading, lots of prayer. God is in this I just have to let him control my mind.
I will pray for you. I feel attracted to someone at work who not only doesn't reciprocate but likes someone else. I have a strong sense that God is working in this area of my life and I want to see good things come from it, but at the same time feel that changing jobs will be appropriate if the situation negativity impacts my mental health to a considerable extent.
I did this for nine months with someone and could not even see her. She was pretty cool.
This was amazing information. Thank you!
Thank you. Your teachings are so very helpful.
This one is about me
I've come to learn, my parents f*cked me up 😔💔
you'll be okayyy
I knew I could never have a normal relationship because I felt so damaged and ugly inside, 💔 I was or still am a addict chemical, I had alcoholism but went to AA, just back, I doubt I will ever meet a partner, I am in my 60s although I look pretty good, I was always attractive and had many admirers, I married a man I wasn't really interested in, 11 years when young! This goes deep, I totally give myself, losing my ragdollcat still young devastated me!❤❤
This one was the worst of all the symptoms. Love and attachment are a basic human need. People end up with mania and ASPD if they are unloved or without an attachment relationship. Saying “well you can do more work for society” or “fill your life with other things” makes me understand why people commit suicide.
Literally
Is this different from someone with BPD going through the idealization/devaluation of partners?
I feel like therapy is traumatic to me due to limerence. It's terrible. I thought this time could be different because I'm older now, but nahhh
I feel you. When bringing up me thinking about my ex in therapy, the therapist answered that my ex lost respect for me. this happened several times, felt like I was getting cut.
What Im trying to figure out is what parent gave the anxious attachment style to me, my Father or Mother? My Father was always affectionate & engaging but he was also struggling with his temper & alcohol & my Mum was distant always angry, she didnt really engage with me then they split when I was 9 that to take years for me to recover from even though I knew it was better that we left, I felt I had to be emotionally older then what I needed to be..maybe they both dropped the ball, Idk
I have this about a girl I dated for 4 years. I didn’t treat her right so there’s a lot of regret as well. It’s hard
Thank you so much, makes total sense
Thank you 🙏🏽
Tim you need to get your audio levels correct during the recording, so that they can be set right during editing. Levels are overloading and sound pretty bad, especially for an otherwise well produced video.
Tim your advice is so profound 🙏🏽 Thank God I found your channel 💙
Will you ever write a book? It would be amazing 🤩 to have your lecture and insights
You are amazing
Great video
You have helped me so much you are very amazing I need to get some help where do I go to help and meet you and go to workshops where? I need help so badly
❤ Thank you
I feeel read like a book!!!!
Im wondering if you're longing for the love of a particular parent or the love of both parents if you only had one
Thanks Mr. Fletcher. God bless you
Me in a nutshell….and 40 years later I am a mess
I don't know...this is a hot topic just like narcissism. We used to call this falling in love and back then not everyone was a narcissist ( or a codependent). Im not sure the world became a better place by this ...Yes, being in love is not sustainable and if you exagerrate it and think this is the ultimate happiness, it can become an obsession and also a love addiction because you're so desperate to be loved. But I detect a tendency nowadays of everything being so complicated and so shameful that we would not dare doing something stupid like falling in love anymore 😂 How about just live our lives and learn from our mistakes?
Because back then it caused grenadine curses and why so many ppl are hurt insecure ashamed etc because we saw abuse as normal and loving ppl are speaking up about it now you get to experience it because you're an adult dating now alot of those ppl back then were unhappy and took it out on their families and it was kept behind closed doors now ppl are speaking up about it.
And plus therapy was frowned upon because that would be you have a problem and who likes to admit that.
I was thinking of this as well but I suppose it does help to understand why we do the things we do instead of thinking we just broken
Having been an OBJECT of limerence and being pushed off the pedestal,
Kicked to the curb…….
Rather a cruel way of engagement
How do you know you were a LO? Did the person tell you?
I'm like this. But im much older now. I started young and burned out. I just don't care like I used to. I've been single on and off for 15 years and have gotten used to it. Being single I "chose" someone. Not someone who was especially nice to me or anything, someone who physically and personality wise is my type. The limerance theory is valid for sure but discounts that we like certain physical chatacteristics. This person and i have things in common but our values may be out of alignment. I'm ok if we don't get together although I feel part of him wants to. I wonder did I heal some of this anxious attachment style in my single in between relationship years or did my hormones just calm down in my old age? 😂
I am a love at first sight person too. 3x it happened. First 2 they took awhile though they were quick to date me so they could sleep with me. I married the 2nd one and was married quite awhile. He turned out to be a securely attached person so I got lucky. 3rd one was a mutual love at first sight but turned out to have twice as much trauma as me. I dont like to think just because im attracted to a person and I have issues they automatically will too. If they're physically my type and intelligent (that's a big one for me, more than just "someone who's nice to me"), I'll be attracted as a single person. Now if I see later they're not a kind person, I'm done. I've been much quicker to walk away as I've gotten older.
These videos are great, I knew I had to see this one. It does overall describe me.
I literally wasted my entire 20s and 30s on the same man. It’s nice to know that he was partially sub blame, but it will never give me my life back. I am still unmarried. I will never have children. I thought my last relationship would be more healthy, but I felt that that person was very invested in making me into something different And it didn’t feel healthy from that perspective. I don’t think I was the object of that person but they were incredibly controlling and maybe we were feeding off of one another. Anyway, there’s a question buried in this long-winded comment and that is where do I heal myself and find self-esteem? I have heard so much about the fact that I am unhealed and don’t have any self-esteem as the key to the problem and the answer is I need to heal myself, but I have never seen a video or any information on how to do that. Would this creator be willing to make a video or is that just haven’t found about how to heal myself so that I don’t continue to have relationships like this. I am currently single although I don’t feel my life is without meaning I do feel the same way I felt every day for my adult life which is I could be having fun with the partner. We could be making family plans. We could be doing things that make life rich and rewarding, but instead, I am entertaining myself on my own once again.I would love to stop feeling this way if there’s any video out there that can help I would love to watch it.
Thats the buffest lookin Winnie the Pooh bear ive ever seen.
Looks like he's boutta deck me if i run out of hunnie 😳👀
On a serious note considering the obsessive nature of limerence I wonder if it occurs more frequently with those who have perfectionism or OCD issues 🤔
I have a DA attachment style and I recognise that I can be limerent in certain relationships. I recognise it and I shut off, shut down. I feel ashamed for feeling, and "needing" so much from someone. Once I've noticed it they will never hear from me again, regardless of if I'm still feeling limerence for them even after there's no contact.
What's that about? 🙈
I thought I an the only one. I'll realise the limerence cut that person out physically but remains in limerence 🙇🏽♀️🤦♀️🙇🏽♀️
26:51 - Why people try to change their partner.
Is there anything I do that’s not tied to my sad childhood 😭😭😭
Can someone help understand if there is any different between limerence and trauma bond? I know, this is so complicated
The sound is not good. Can you fix it? Because i would really like to listen to it.
Is their a physical attraction though like you think they are cute? Because surely you needs some type of physical attraction?
You’re doing God’s work 😐
Amen. After praying, God is showing me what’s been going on with me for the good part of 20 or so years.
this is what My mom calls " you in Love with LOVE""""
I need your help I can't stop calling a man and I don't even feel like I really like him so what do I do
“Pre-Limerence?” Would you say it is prelimerenary?
Do you have a resource that would explain why the conflict stage of a relationship (after the romance stage) actually builds a deeper love? I would like to understand that phase more. Thank you.
there's no conflict stage of a healthy relationship. There's healthy conflict. I think you're referring to trauma bonding after love bombing, which is what narcissistic people do.
Can Song of Songs be interpreted as written out of limerence with King Solomon’s addictive history with women. it’s easy to conflate love and addiction…what can possibly go wrong with biblical love?
The issues are in the pain limerance cause. I married my limerant object after 6 years of hell, then i suffered through 14 years of a pattern of abuse because of my codependency and my husbands own toxic traits due to his trauma. His family also abused me, i was the family scapegoat. Insisting on continuing limerant obsession/relationship will always catch up to you. I've only recently become aware of my traumatic childhood and abusive marriage, i also suffered spiritual abuse..it seems unbelievable that I've been through so much but it's true, i wish it wasn't true because the pain of the truth is almost unbearable. I'm in a marriage with children and at this point I don't know if their was any real love at all. Was I just limerant and he settled after I cut ties with him for good, because that's what happened. I got a career and cut contact and a few months later I got a proposal, and like the broken person I was I gladly and quickly said yes. 6 years of abuse and I still married the man....wtf?😢
I have often wondered this myself!! King Solomon was def addicted to his LO! And also, if you are a believer of soulmates, or especially twin flames, that could have a huge effect on perpetuating the type of behavior Tim describes. To be cured of limerence or love addiction, it seems you would definitely need to renounce or relinquish all beliefs in twin flames🤔
This is me omg
Ugh. This makes sense to me.
❤
🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
How did you get in my secret mind?😂
How can you heal a shame when you’re in your late 30s and still a virgin? That’s inherently shameful.
Timestamps??