Це відео не доступне.
Перепрошуємо.
ADHD Talk & Why Autistic People find Hierarchies Hard to Grasp
Вставка
- Опубліковано 8 сер 2024
- Today I talk a bit more about some of my ADHD traits and how some days it feels like ADHD brain is running the show versus more of my Autistic Traits. Then we dive a bit deeper into hierarchical relationships and why many Autistic people struggle with them.
Support the Channel, these amazon links to my favorite fidgets will give me a very small commission:
Speks Fidget Toy: amzn.to/3pAG10a
Silicone Noodles: amzn.to/3fg4JOe
Aaron's Thinking Putty: amzn.to/3BFT0jJ
Support with Tips:
Buy Me a Coffee: www.buymeacoffee.com/DittDott
Follow me on the web:
/ i.am.mindblind
/ i.am.mindblind
I am NOT a medical channel. This is a personal vlog coming from a lived experience point of view.
#adultADHD
#autisitcadvocate
#autisitctraits
This has gotten me into so much trouble at work, speaking directly and plainly to someone that I'm supposed to fear I guess 😂
It is rather unfortunate that the kinds of jobs where we tend to be the best suited tend to also be the same sort of jobs that are highly hierarchical. I do think that this likely will change over time as more and more of those sorts of organizations realize how much value there is in people that are very good with repetition and don't typically wander off to chat with people in other offices.
But, generally, the more levels of bureaucracy, the more likely there is that this will cause drama.
oh gosh yes. A number of years ago I had a meeting with the owner of the business I worked for tell me "well, we don't talk to each other like that here." My reply? "So you're not *honest* with each other?!?" Yeah, I didn't make any friends that day...
Realising why teachers always called me a smart A when i really wasnt trying to be, same with my dad when he would make a statement with emotion in attempts to discipline me and i would respond only with logic it would make him mad
Yes! And I love your DEVO hat pic!
@@justkiddin84 saw them live in '78
Thank you, thank you, thank you! It was so spot on and I appreciate it. 🌺
I wanted to share a quote that I found (my brain often shuts down when I’m under stress and I wish I could say these things at the appropriate time, with the appropriate tone)
❇️QUOTE: Sometimes people use “respect” to mean “treating someone like a person” and sometimes they use “respect” to mean “treating someone like an authority”…
And sometimes people who are used to being treated like an authority say “ if you don’t respect me, I won’t respect to you” and they mean “if you won’t treat me like in authority, I won’t treat you like a person”…
And they think they are being fair, but they are not, and that is not OK . 🥺
Yes! I saw that quote and love it. It really shows how some people relate to the word respect and it's not respect at all.
That is a fabulous quote. Thank you.
Absolutely - ignoring hierarchies is fine till your boss is a narcissistic power monger!
Not understanding hierarchies has made working so difficult for me. For me, there are basically three categories of people - people who know the current subject (teacher), people who are learning the current subject (student), and people who are unrelated to/don't know the current subject (useless). So far, my brain has put almost every boss figure into the useless category. It hasn't helped that many of the bosses I've had do the "I'm going to talk in circles because either I'm working out the answer as I talk, or I misunderstood the question, or I don't have an answer at all" thing.
I totally can see these categories! I probably unconsciously use these too.
Lol. I used to have to attend business meetings and I really had no idea why they even wanted me to be there. I wasn't at the table with people who were talking. There were chairs around the room against the wall and a bunch of us sat there. They didn't ask me anything. What was my purpose there? I had actual work to do.
I was even sent on business trips that I didn't know what I was supposed to do while there. Nobody told me. Did they just have too much money? Business trips were kind of scary, change, airplanes, new people. Finding places to eat. Ugh.
The trips for training I get, but sending me to a convention? Was I supposed to report back some information? I wasn't told what was expected of me.
The office politics were REALLY difficult. The only time I ever really seemed to get along with the other women at work is when I was planning the big stupid wedding that my princess of s husband wanted to Have. I wanted a small wedding.
What are your colors? Are you getting your nails done? How are you going to wear your hair? Ugh. I was thrilled that I managed to get through highschool without ever going to a dumb prom. A wedding is a prom on steroids. Everyone staring at me. And my new husband refused to dance with me. I felt like an idiot in that stupid white dress. An idiot for planning s wedding I didn't want, a honeymoon he made me do all the work for. I paid for EVERYTHING. Both RINGS, honeymoon, airfare, rental cars, hotels, reception, cake, invitations, party favors. I think he got the photographer and he knew someone who gave him a discount on flowers. I paid the caterer which was big money. Such a waste.
@@recoveringsoul755and now you're still happily married? Lol
@@heedmydemands no. He turned out to be a psycho who married me for my money then took everything. Including my children I tried to save from abuse.
@@recoveringsoul755I’m so sorry this happened to you.
I ended a relationship with someone I also wanted to marry who i found out was doing the same, using me for money and didn’t actually care about me.
Sending you peace and recovery
My biggest problems with this at work come down to our business being one of those with ‘team’ and ‘leaders’ not staff and managers, so that makes it confusing where the line is drawn, especially when my tone can betray me. The other thing I run into and get verbally slapped for a lot, is going directly to the person/department that knows what I need to solve a problem, without the stupid and time-wasting step of explaining the issue to someone that in my experience doesn’t understand it, who will then potentially miscommunicate the situation who will give me the canned information I already know that doesn’t fix anything…
Oh yes, when the lines of authority aren't very clear that just makes things all that much more difficult.
Exactly.
This is blowing my mind. I have run into this with every job I've ever had. I could never understand why people would be mad at me for hanging out with certain employees especially if they were managers. It makes so much sense now.
Yep, in NT world, certain friendships are no-no.
Another great topic of discussion, Amanda! I just came out as AuDHD to my supervisor today so that she can better understand how I communicate. I’m very direct. People are people to me. I respect them equally.
I hope that conversation went well and you can get accomodations you need! ❤️❤️❤️
I think a lot like you do. So do many others. We are more honest and direct. I sincerely believe that. I think you are breath of fresh air 😊
When you mentioned aphantasia that sparked my thinking. I have something called conceptual synesthesia, I thought everyone could see numbers, shapes etc in their head and I can also see them outside my head in different colors normally white but if I'm in a bright room they'll be black. It used to bother me when the teacher asked for me to "show my work" when I did the math in my head
On one hand, I understand hierarchies. On the other hand, I also think of all people being equal (i.e. no one is better for more important than me; they just have more responsibility). So, yes, this has caused problems for me as I have gone over people's heads in the past because I wanted a problem resolved and didn't necessarily think my supervisor would do it. And sometimes I went over their head because the problem was my supervisor. In yet other cases, I was the "customer".
There was one case, years back, where I was forced to resign because I had a problem with another team's supervisor. My supervisor sided with them rather than me even though I went far beyond the call of duty for him and had achieved greater than 95% end user satisfaction. My supervisor then was a micro-manager. Thankfully, one of the very few I ever had.
It's honestly amazing how many autistic people run into these scenarios with bosses.
Edit - the i.e. section was meant to read, "no one is better or more important than me. . ."
He might have been jealous and feel threatened. Which is bad for a supervisor.
And is not on you if thats the case.
I don't get hierarchies either. I think it helps me in some ways, I've became friends with people that neurotypicals think I shouldn't even be talking to but it can be an issue when I was in the workplace. I just see everyone as equal.
When people fan girl on a celeb I'm so confused I get they're famous but they are just normal people lol.
Oh the inner monologue, I notice mine is super quiet when I'm not trying to mask. But as I'm typing this I'm narrotating the words in my head 🙈
I lost a friend once because I said their new car looked like a hearse. I didn’t know they would find that offensive and I wasn’t meaning to be hurtful.
If that was enough to break off your relationship, they were never your friend. Good riddance!✌️♥️
@@justkiddin84 that’s true but doesn’t make it hurt less, especially since that’s just one example.
@@yourmom2189 true. Didn’t mean to seem like I was diminishing the pain. I have let in some truly awful ‘friends’ too and it does really hurt.
@@justkiddin84 thank you for saying that! 🫶
I do think I sense hierarchy structures but I think it is a trauma response to perceive authority as frightening and cruel and feel intimidated by them. I also think a lack of string sense of self has led me to feel that everyone is higher up than I am. I remember I messaged someone once, an acquaintance to ask her about something and she sent me a voice note saying I sounded so professional and should like calm down a little, it is just her. I realize I talk to everyone similarly because I have an algorithm in my head about what responses to give to each behavior so if two people of different hierarchical backgrounds have the same behavior I would respond similarly. I think that's how it is for me...
Oh yes, this is fairly common too, for Autistic people to come across as overly formal in situations where others would be more casual. ❤️
Hi, I've been enjoying the videos on the channel but this is my first post. I love what you are doing, and by the way I like not stopping the videos for tangential thoughts. It's something that I find comforting, just realizing that other people struggle to find words to finish thoughts like I do. I think I may have aphantasia as well, something that I'd never considered before. I even worked as a delivery driver for several years and I never could visualize or follow landmark directions. I had to do it the "hard" way and just memorized the map of the city I was in.
Hierarchies to me are just another way I can say what seem like perfectly reasonable things, only to find that I've upset someone for reasons that don't make sense to me. I think I've been fortunate enough that it hasn't happened a lot: most of my bosses were the approachable sort who don't wear authority like armor. Personally, I feel like society treats authority in the workplace with the same unhealthy mentality of serfdom or slavery. Not always to that extreme, of course.
I'm glad you commented! 😊 I can't even imagine driving by memory. I used to have to write down directions before GPS and before mapquest. I had a notebook & map in my car and I'd write out all my turns before going anywhere. Tedious and why I hated going anywhere new.
I don't have an "inner monologue" and I was shocked when I learned so many others do. I am a great meditator because of it. :-D I don't script per se, but I def do bullet lists so I don't forget important points, and they keep me on track.
With regard to hierarchies (and some very specific rule-following), this is one thing that I'm very rigid in my thinking about, and when people have a specific "role" or level or job and they DON'T do it I can get very dysregulated, and sometimes my mouth-filter goes bye-bye and I get ornery...
Yeah, when I script I use that term loosely, more like bullet points too
educator here (including it as a special interest: Ed/pedagogy research has shown, despite neurotype, that vidoes longer than 12 min start seeing a decline in students perceiving & RETAINING info conveyed in a video. Optimum time being around 6 minutes. It's why we at our college (bio department at my college) will do a LOT of 4-6 minute videos instead of say one long 1.5 hours long video (we have online only classes so our lecture content is created in this manner). Our goal after all is to HELP the students. I bring this up just as a different way of seeing things and possibly approaching things. BTW TY for the updates on tick tock and allowing this space so that I don't feel so alone. Sending much love always
I definitely don't deal well with hierarchy outside the rules that I have learned. They only really make sense at companies where the people making the decisions are also responsible for the outcome. I usually just look to see where the blowback blows, and that's the person that's ultimately responsible. If they want something stupid, that's on them. Also, apparently people regularly get upset with me for doing what they asked me to do. I can't say that I really care, it's not my fault that they asked for something they didn't want.
Amanda, thank you again. Once again answers for questions I have not asked because I did not know to ask them. Explaining how hierarchies work (or don't work) in an Autistic world explains a lot to me, and as I've tried to explain to my wife why she upset specific people. This is especially true in today's world where so many "special" groups want to be set above the priorities of others. Historical hierarchies are hard enough much less every new one that appears. You are such a blessing.
This hierarchy thing was a big problem for me as well while growing up. The worst example was in primary school. The headteacher of our class was woman with basically no empathy. I am late diagnosed, I wasn't aware at the time that I'm not supposed to question her. So whenever she came up with an idea that I thought wasn't really refined (she loved to put the class on stage with different kinds of performances), I would share my ideas too, sometimes with some corrections. Even though I wanted the same as her, to make the best possible performances, she was not having it at all. Apparently I was disrespectful.
After the first year with her, I was treated like the black sheep of the class. Many of my classmates lost those test papers she handed out during a camping trip, but I was the only one who was forbidden to swim in the lake because of it. Another time my friend lost a similar paper, and I got blamed for it, even though we were the only team who didn't completely ignore filling out the test. This teacher humiliated me in front of the class multiple times, by excluding me of activities in the last minute, mocking my every misstep, gaslighting, ignoring me when I needed protection from my abusive classmates, then punishing me when I hit back, calling me selfish and ignorant behind my back. I was around 10-14 at the time, a literal child, so this had a major impact on me. Since then, I'm so terrified of people of authority, that I can't really make contact with any of them
Oh man, I'm sorry. I can see how this has really impacted so much. You just have to know you didn't do anything wrong and that teacher completely was out of line. If for no reason than she was the adult and should have been a protector. ❤️
Whoa 😢 this made me cry. Guess I'm similar in some experiences and why I don't have much respect for people who are supposed protect you either.
Hi again Amanda. I spent last summer working on my sailboat (my home and one of my autistic passions). Alone of course. To pass the time as I worked , I started to listening to something called The Nietzsche Podcast. It's by a rock muscian named Keegan.
It was so good that I became obessed with it, and listened to each -long- episode multiple times. As a result, I gained deep insights to the work of one the most important thinkers in history. Nietzsche's work is poetic, deep, and breathtakingly insighful.
He was freinds with Wagner and Shopenhaur, and had brutal fallings out with both men. I suspect he was autistic too - and gifted with an intellect we are still trying to understand and come to grips with 150 years later.
For Nietzsche, human social motivation is all about POWER. Everything else is just like that lipstick your hair kept sticking to Autistic people are motivated by love, not power. We are passionate about things like horses, and want things to serve our passions. I'm gonna guess that you went over the head of your immediate supervisor because something wasn't right in the stable for the horses you were responsible for feeding and grooming. You probably lacked something you needed to properly care for the horses, or there was some sort of proceedure, routine, or policy that wasn't good for them that you wanted changed. You were asked "how's it going" by someone with the power to change those things, so you told them about it, because you were there for the horses.
The problem wasn't you per-se. The problem was that your immediate supervisor wasn't motivated by what was best for the animals. The animals were means to an end:
Power over other people. It's a very hard thing for people like us to recognize and come to grips with, much less manage our behavior in response to. I was a teacher. To me, students were like those horses were to you: Something I loved and felt responsible for. A sacred duty to serve. Unfortunately, that is not what schools are about. They SAY they are to look pretty. To distract outsiders while they play petty power games at the expense of the horses and students we are there to care for. It's hard not to quit when faced with such impossible situations.
We are not disorderd for rejecting such hypocrissy and low motivations and refusing to participate in it.
I'm starting to think of autistic people as a different species than Homosapians. Let's call ourselves Autisapians. We are like Bonobos compared to Chimpanzees. Very similar, closely geneticaly related, but there's an invisible river in the social Congo we both inhabit that divides us. Bonobos and Chimps are not morally superior or inferior to each other anymore than a frog is morally superior to a scorpion. They each evolved in their ecological niches in response to the circumstances they presented.
It's when they try or are forced to interact with each other that the trouble starts. This is best summed up by an old Russian Fable about a scorpion and a frog:
"A scorpion wants to cross a river but cannot swim, so it asks a frog to carry it across. The frog hesitates, afraid that the scorpion might sting it, but the scorpion promises not to, pointing out that it would drown if it killed the frog in the middle of the river. The frog considers this argument sensible and agrees to transport the scorpion. Midway across the river, the scorpion stings the frog anyway, dooming them both. The dying frog asks the scorpion why it stung despite knowing the consequence, to which the scorpion replies: "I am sorry, but I couldn't resist the urge. It's in my nature."
THIS is what autistic people are faced with. We are frogs trying to carry the scorpions of neurotypical society across the river of life because we have no choice if we both wish to survive. The scorpions lie and sting us because that's what scopions do. They blame us, saying:
"You knew we were scorpions! Everyone is!!! Everyone knows!!!"
Except we don't know, because we are Autisapian. Strangers in a strange land filled with scorpions. After a certain number of stings, we wisely choose to stop carrying them on our backs.
So of course they blame us. They are scorpions afterall....
Here's a link to Keegan's Nietzsche Podcast. I can't recomend it highly enough for the autistic community. It's absolutely incredible:
www.youtube.com/@untimelyreflections
I suggest starting with the first season and first episode. Nietzsche and I suspect Keegan are both memebers of our species.
It's so worth the time and effort.....
PS: Amanda - Upon re-reading the above, and it's context of your growing UA-cam Channel, I relaized that by suggesting your viewers do a deep dive into Keegan's podcast and providing a link to it, I myself might come off to you as someone working against your interests in growing your channel. Then I reminded myself that you are not a scorpion - and that you probably view my linking to his channel as well intentioned and helpful.
Unfortunately, a lifetime of scorpion stings causes us to ruminate, question, and doubt ourselves, even, or perhaps especially, when we are most motivated by love. It's tragic. Stopping this self doubt has to come from within ourselves and our community first and foremost.
The scorpions are not gonna help us. Not because they are bad, but because they are scorpions. They deserve the same compassion and respect that all living things do:
We all live in brutal, desolate deserts under the same hard sun:
ua-cam.com/video/PbboiZxEWFY/v-deo.html
A couple of things. I stay away from any talk that talks about Autistic people being a different evolution line. We have a different neurotype and genetic variance of human. But there are some Autstic people who feel Autistic are superior and I don't think that is the case at all. Different not less or more.
Second, I don't mind sharing helpful links, I want to cultivate a community of sharing. Now if I did a video topic and someone shared a different video on the same topic claiming it to be better, I'd probably be offended.
I most likely won't watch any shared videos. Possibly, but often shared links flare my PDA profile in an extreme manner and feel like a demand and so my brain just won't watch/read the content. This isn't always the case, but I won't make promises to check out shared links. I'd burn myself out if I did. It's just a boundary I have to have. Other people though may benefit and enjoy the links.
And last, anytime a link is shared the comment gets flagged to be held for review. I have to do this because otherwise I get spam and s e x links because of bot accounts.
/Pos
1:20 Rambling is Ram Bling, that I even like to ramble ram bull. Say is I say, I like to say I say a lot of funny things, and talk is I talk, I have friends to talk with. Neurodivergent, I am very Diverse. and is is is is a good thing, when you are with people that can understand you. Personal experience is always a good key indicator, and knowing yourself when she knows you. The light of your persona keeps you well & upbeat.
😂😊❤️
I'm a little late today!
This week is Bike First! Portland and I am having SOOO MUCH FUN!
I have two kids with Trisomy 21 (Down's) and one with ASD. My ASD kid is SOOO PDA! If I tell them "Good Job!" They start to push back =oD But we have been rewarding laps with stars and every 5th star they get some screen time and the kid's improvement has been AWESOME!!
That sounds awesome Eira! Great weather for it too!
I live in Sweden and we don't have much hierarchies... which is very nice, and helps a lot. Because I don't care who you are, I will treat you the same as everyone else.
I've had a couple comments from Swedes. It sounds like a fairly ND affirming culture in general.
awesome! I often find I prefer the way other countries in other parts of the world do things than in North America. Much of society in North America just seems backwards or illogical to me (especially the U.S. but not only them)
I have not even watched, but I love the premise of this video, will watch it in the morning :). As someone who gets on with authority as much as Ice gets on with Sand, fingers crossed that your insight can give me some motivation and impress me with your intelligence!.
Sleep well ❤️
It brings me comfort and peace hearing you work through your mental tangents ( I call them rabbit trails), please don't ever feel like you need to edit yourself. Love your hair too btw!!
So glad I found your channel - I'm especially interested in discussion on hierarchies. I find that I am hyper-aware of and deferential toward hierarchy - but it's actually an exaggerated kind of over-protection of myself. I avoided having conversations with or interacting at all with managers and bosses at various jobs, because I didn't trust myself to parse how exactly to speak or act towards them. I was promoted to trainer in my most recent job and made a very concerted effort to elevate the knowledge about the job over me as knower of all the things (also because I have a terrible memory and usually didn't remember the answers), and people always came to me with questions because they knew I wouldn't shame them, and that I would just go find the answer in the manuals etc.
Social hierarchies... oof. Middle school... oof. I'm always paranoid that people are expecting things of me that I'll never have any hope of being aware of unless they specifically and kindly tell me. I feel like it's happening all the time around me, every interaction I have.
Hi Amanda! This also has happened to me and I came from a country with authoritarian culture. I never understood why some people were more important than the others. In my opinion everybody was the same. It’s nice seeing you speaking faster because of ADHD. There are some days I do the same. Have a good day😊
I experienced a lot of childhood pain around heirarchies. I sometimes noticed them being enforced, and I thought most heirarchies were artificial, unnecessary, and detrimental. I could never participate in them in a way that made others happy.
It boggled me why carefully fulfilling directives from my 'superiors' wasn't enough (I followed their orders more conscientiously than most.)
I could tell that I was expected to fawn and act nervous for approval toward my superiors. However I was bad at fawning. When I tried to fake it, I was labelled sarcastic and I got punished. My actual performance and compliance was seldom recognized. It was all about performative compliance, not actual cooperation.
i don't fawn. they always got a "yeah ok" from me. sometimes i refused to do something 5 minutes before clocking out
I love that I found this channel. It's so nice to hear someone describe the world how I perceive it. It's validating. I'm an only child so all I ever knew was that I was just broken. The only people my parents had to compare me to were the typicals around me. I knew I was different but not why, and was constantly reinforced to correct that difference. I'm now almost 40 and have only just been able to start to see what I am and begin the process of acceptance and healing.
❤️❤️❤️
It is not always easier when you're part of a large family either. Nuerodivurgence is often familial. My entire family is composed of Nuerodivurgent individuals. It's the rest of the world that is strange.
Great topic! My thing is "Your title doesn't allow you to mistreat me".
People don't understand why I'm being "like that" (from perfect student/employee to troublemaker after just one question/email). I ended up styding domestic violence, cult dynamics/corporations, conspiracy theories and their demographic, neoliberal capitalism and many other topics related to abuse of power. I'm about to go to college to tackle philosophy and learn about that dude Focault and so on. I'm actually shocked. I'm back where I started but now with good information, it feels like travelling back in time, it feels applicable.
Working help-desk/tech-support all my life gave me anough soft skills trainings to mask, specially on the phone because I needed to pick up on intentionally and emotional cues, and had no visual information.
NT take offense at this behaviors because it's a form of projection. They treat each other like that all the time so they assume the same intention. At the workplace it's the same, but the give you some coins in exchange. The problem is dealing with the people that handle your coins. For the longest time I thought that doing what they do was extremely manipulative and abusive, after all, it's what we all received growing up, specially from them (intentionally or not, that thing about being treated different for no reason).
Generalizations and undergeneralizations gets us in trouble because of NT assuming specific coordinates to our messages (cultural frame). I'm from Argentina, if you say "president" and not name the person, I can imagine any president or not at all because I have many references for "president". But if I were to say what you said here, the same issue will occur. They will assume I'm talking about the argentinian president and not making a point.
Also, NT have ambiguity on their side, and more often that not, what they claim is a "missunderstanding" is just them playing games with you. They know what you mean, but they can't address the real motive directly, in this esceario the ability to openly state that you won't submit. That's the social game. If nothing is clear, then everything is ammunition.
Seeing people as people, meaning recognizing their potency (their capabilities). But NT exercise a form of social power in which power is defined as “a socially situated capacity to control others' actions” (Miranda Fricker, Epistemic injustice, an AMAZING book)
"Epistemic injustice is injustice related to knowledge. It includes exclusion and silencing; systematic distortion or misrepresentation of one's meanings or contributions; undervaluing of one's status or standing in communicative practices; unfair distinctions in authority; and unwarranted distrust."
I say, don't fight against your PDA, but learn to trust it and level it up in order to stay safe, very much like anger it's a safety mechanism, an alert system, that informs you of things. I'm very lucky and priviledged to have found all this information because my fandoms and interests lead me here, and now I can take care of myself better and share. I'm grateful for my hyperfixations and to the little girl I was, that stood up to that teacher and refuse to sing the national hymn because she knew christopher columbus was just an awful dude.
I couldn't agree more about the hierarchy thing. People just all feel like equals to me, including celebrities. I don't understand the obsession with celebrities and their lives. They are literally just great at their jobs and their job is to act for us 🤷♀️
When the title said hierarchies, I misunderstood it. I was like... I work with data all day and work with hierarchical data all the time and have no problem understanding hierarchies in data relationships at all. You mean the people hierarchies at jobs. That's a whole other story.
Hahaha. 😂
My inner monolog is either myself or a voice I've heard very recently that I for some reason enjoy. I'm also autistic and have ADHD, for me the monolog is talking to myself or making comments on things. I can have long strings of talking just going on in my head at all times. I also have bipolar disorder so I do have auditory hallucinations, these sound like people telling me what to do. The monolog is very different it's my conscious thoughts and feelings. I hope this makes sense. Your videos are always so informative. They help me understand myself more, I hope you keep making them for a long while!
Thanks for sharing about your inner monologue. Hearing how others experience thought & sound in their minds helps me figure out my own too. It's so strange to think others hear in their minds. It sounds very distracting to me, but I guess people are used to what they have.
All this is so new for me. All of my autistic/HDHD traits are all mixed together in one big pot. Thank you for being who you are. I feel less alone.
wow, revelation about the nature of inner monologue for non-autistic people. one of the stronger differentiators for me about my autistic nature. and opening some floodgates about understanding neurotypical questions about what i want ... whether that's what i want to do right now, or with my life. thanks for these videos, please keep charging for your own self as well as the rest of us ;)
Y’know, while I absolutely understand (and share) the issue with hierarchy and I think I could never work in an office setting because of it… this tendency the world has to tell us we’re different, we’re outliers, we don’t get social interaction… is sort of a mass gaslighting, like a weird extension of middle school mentality. You’ve got to have an outsider to feel like you’re inside, y’know?
And as such, the neurotypicals are able to keep telling themselves that they think one unified way and we think another way. But do they, really? The neurotypicals in my life would look at that President saying, and the reaction to it, and roll their eyes and say, “Some people have no sense of humor.” Or “You can’t fix stupid.”
I think it’s a universal thing to have masses of vacuous twerps entirely miss a joke and even throw a hissy fit that you dared to make it. I think that’s our common ground with neurotypicals. There’s always some yahoo looking for a reason to get angry, and make a federal case out of whatever they find, no matter who said the thing. Those are followers you don’t need, tbh. No freaking sense of humor.
Oh, and while I have a horrible time trying to visualize, I do have an inner monologue. Constant and verbose. Music, too. Gets stuck in my head a lot, so I have a catalogue of stored songs that I can think of to drive out the invasive ones. I can hear specific voices pretty clearly.
But visuals? Dim outlines at best… more like the impression of an image than an actual image. And the intrusive thoughts tend to derail anything I try to picture, bending it, twisting it, pulling it apart or adding offensive or distubing imagery. I don’t care for it and it makes drawing accurately next to impossible without an ever present reference. Took me a while to figure that out and I dunno where to go with it since I’m an artist.
But I have managed to cultivate a kind of visualization. I have to close my eyes, think of some kind of techie sounding music, and very deliberately manipulate an image in my head. This usually only works for certain things like designing a plush toy or other project, or making grocery lists. Weirdly, I’m able to see the lyout of the grocery store as though I’m flying over the aisles. Not in clear pictures. Just a blueprint with flashes of remembered products. Like I won’t see loaves of bread, just the sketchy shape of a plastic bag with a tie on it.
Makes a lot of sense. Some bosses really like me, some hate me, because I treat them as equal. I worked with a woman who taught management who seemed very impressed with my ability to liaise with anyone in any position, but I didn't understand why until now. I have no intimidation from authority at all.
Oh my gosh! Same kinda jobs, like everyoneyou mentioned, same hierarchy issues, LOL. But seriously, it is so validating to hear your stories. Thank you so much! ❤
(except the dude ranch)
This all just made so much to me! thank you.
I have never treated people "bosses" differently and would get treated differently by co workers because of it!
Also the internal monologue etc I don't hear or see things in my mind and I have no imagination of how things will turn out.
but thought that was quite "normal" well it is normal for me.
It's interesting how many people have an internal monologue vs don't.
the tangents. the TANGENTS! watching you speak and seeing / hearing your tangents play out has been so healing for me :) Like many of your other traits the tangents help me to recognize my own similar or parallel patterns . Thank you for not editing things like that out of your videos ! .
😊❤️ I'm so happy to hear someone actually likes my tangents! ☺️
Oh my goodness. Me too! Thank you for sharing your experiences.
I have made the same mistake as you with the hierarchy situations. I have never understood hierarchy and what I am supposed to do with different people in the different levels of the hierarchy, and how I am supposed to behave around them. I had realised that there is a structure by watching other people interact differently with different people, but I didn’t and still don’t have understanding of where the boundaries are.
It is hard when I have done wrong by stepping over a boundary, having no idea of my wrongdoing and how to move forward to be better with not doing this, because I do not have the understanding to do so. So I tend to continue holding back, or keep making the same mistakes. This type of fear holds me back in many situations. I don’t like that I feel held back, because it gets in the way of many things and I feel I am not able to reach my potential because I a, scared to speak and do incase I get it wrong. We live in a very social world, and it just seems too confusing and complicated. I want friends, but don’t feel like I really have any. I think what is important to me in a friendship, isn’t what other people are prioritising or looking for. Sometimes, I really would like a hug, but I know it is wrong just to go and hug a person,. The fear of rebuke, disapproval, remarks or looks, makes me hold back. I don’t know how to get over this.
❤️❤️❤️ I relate so much. I see you.
The worse "Oh... so that's why that happened" hindsight I have are from the time when I was studying for and doing my Speech Pathology internships because I was surrounded by adults who allegedly were specialists in spotting ADHD and autism and no one saw it. I was mistreated by the very same people who wore supposed to support our community. Being undiagnosed auDHD in college has brought me so much unnecessary trauma and resentment and, to this day, I am flabbergasted as to HOW nobody could tell what I had when some of the people there dealt with diagnosing these conditions almost on a daily basis.
I just love your dog’s snoring in your videos, btw 😂 It always makes me smile.
But yeah, even being aware of this apparent autistic tendency now, I still very deliberately continue to treat people like people, regardless and maybe even in spite of status or title. Maybe that’s awkward for those who cower to authority, but I don’t really see how that’s my problem. I treat everyone with at least the respect they reciprocate because I think it’s the kind and generally good thing to do, but I absolutely will not suck up to others or otherwise diminish my own self-worth.
And I get that this might come off a bit combative, but hear me out-it’s not. I think the idea that it is comes from a very toxic older generational interpretation of “respect.” And I think it’ll fade in time.
Thank you, I literally have to sleep with earplugs because he snores so loud. But in waking hours it's kinda cute!
I'm with you on treating people like people, no matter what.
Not only has this gotten me in trouble professionally, but the first incident that really came to mind was this one time in middle school when I was speaking to the school counselor as I was doing regularly because I had very supportive teachers who often worried about my mental health and convinced me to go. Well, my dad always liked to casually complain about money, completely unaware of the effect it had on me. I was always given cereal for breakfast because it was cheap, but it always upset my stomach, so I stopped eating breakfast altogether. At one point I spoke to the counselor about the financial concerns that in part led to me not eating breakfast and he told me about the free breakfast program. I thought that it was great and my dad would be happy to have the help. But when he came home from work he was extremely upset, saying that he received a call about it from the counselor and that I embarrassed him and made him feel like a bad parent. The way I saw it I was doing something nice for him, but he saw it as an insult. 🤷🏻♀️
Oh I could see a lot of parents responding this way, but I also see how you thought you were helping! And it sounded like you really were their pride just got in the way
about your foot healing - my father always says that any injury or surgical procedure takes 6 weeks to heal... and that even the slightest strain re-sets that timer. He's a retired physician, who has had many procedures done (as well as doing them). It's true that our - for lack of a better term - increased clumsiness - has this effect, at least in my experience.
It is a funny expression. I would never have thought that you were making a political statement by saying that.
I have a terrible time with hierarchies. I think I deal with it by over-reacting to it, being very respectful, and then doing something like I did last week, asking if the other manager had "popped", since the manager who was there, with whom I had worked for several years, I thought was just coming over temporarily when the other manager had her baby. The better I know someone, the more trouble I have... and yet they usually know how I am, especially since my diagnosis.
Yes, I quickly adapt an air of familiarity with people who would rather be at arms distance, but don't always catch it in time
There is nothing to understand. It is all about power and who can coerce, influence the other.
Thanks for permission to ppst commentary: I'm 30 years old, FTM and was diagnosed with ASD this last December and ADHD has been suspected since i was a child but it has yet to be confirmed by my psychiatrist (he's trying to set up a diagnostic assessment but it's been about 7 months of waiting so far). I've NEVER been able to hold down a job or a relationship for much longer than 3 months before i completely burn out and shut down; I'm currently working 2 jobs and am also the brokest i have ever been which isn't helping. I also recognize that heirachies are in place but i essentially ignore them because i think it's stupid to go through a chain to get answers/support and i hate that our financial worth is based on a meritless system which allows for insane in- and de-flation of value (money is a made up system as well and that drives me batty); it doesn't matter how many degrees you do/n't have (i have 3) or your age, I generally treat everyone the same (unless I'm enamored, then that's a whole new mess), and this is actively getting me or my bosses into trouble and I'm tired of feeling so guilty; i am trying to find more supporting avenues of work that value what i can put out into the world, and honestly I'm struggling. Thanks for sharing your experiences, i hope to find my place in the world one day instead of feeling like I'm failing to thrive
❤️❤️❤️
I have never encountered a more relatable person in my life, this person is just me but not me. It is kinda freaky because I seldom can relate to others like this.
I hate dealing with hiarchy. It's not important to me. I see people just as people. It does get me in trouble. I feel like people are just folks. Sigh.
My inner monologue can switch from German to English. I extendivly script conversations but my IQ was measured to be very high too.
My (only diagnosed by me as autistic) cousin sees the world through an extremely hierarchical lense, but it's by age!
So, kids who are 5 need to listen to people 6+, but are the bosses of kids 4 and under. I'm not sure if I'm saying it correctly, but she also sees(or saw) life experiences as a conveyor belt type of thing. Like, it's okay when I got married, but when our friend who is younger than us got married, she was put out by the perceived "line cutting". And when I had my first child she was happy and supportive, but when I had another she was annoyed at my "racing ahead" when I'm only a year older than her and should stay only slightly "ahead". Of course, she knows that's not logical, but it's how she feels it should work.
She blames me for this idea, saying that I told her this stuff about listening to your elders! Well, darling, of course I said that, I'm older than you!😅 I don't know why she'd take this specific thing so much to heart while pushing back so hard on other things I tried much harder to convince her of, possibly because I lived it to some degree. Like, everyone in the family revered our grandmother. And I admired my older cousins and did what they said, and bossed around my younger cousins and siblings with supreme confidence😂. I can see where she got the idea.
But when she came out with "I don't know why it's not my turn to have a boyfriend" at 19 I was shocked. She had never even smiled at a boy that I'd noticed, or had a crush, and she'd brutally shut down any boys that dared to approach her! (Now understanding more I see that she didn't realize that they were interested in her, she just saw that they were behaving strangely and waited for them to go away) I figured she didn't care about such things yet. I was wrong.
But on the "hierarchies don't exist" side, I see her there also. She is so good at crossing generation lines and finding solid mentors and becoming friends with these important women who I would never have dared to approach, even if I admired them from afar. She's been quite successful in her professional life for this reason.
She also sees all kinds of interesting things when it comes to numbers, spatially and with colours. It's fascinating to hear about it!
I have ADHD, and have definitely done the accidental "jump over level" thing and accidentally offended or hurt my direct supervisor. Oops. Structures don't make intrinsic sense to me and I have to make it make sense before I can remember. Like coming from homeschool, a lot of school rules made NO sense to me, and I wasn't interested in obeying them. But then I tried to think about it from a crowd control perspective and how I feel/would feel when in charge of a bunch of people, and that helped me overcome my resistance to "stupid rules". It's like, as a favour to the teacher who is trying to keep everything organized, I will do this. I sympathize with her struggle and she thinks this will help, so I'll go along with it. Because she seems a bit frazzled and I don't want to fluster her with questions. Even though her way isn't the best, it'll work, so I'll play along. And that worked pretty well, just to have compassion for the teacher.
I actually relate to this. Being told to respect someone older than you as a kid and trying to fit that into a mind set of age and order. I used to joke with my sister that she was my Big Little Sister. Because she's younger than I am, but she did a lot of milestones before I did. Like dating for instance.
I have real problems with people treating others as lesser because of their color, disability, sexual orientation, monetary status, etc. I think to myself “they’re human beings, same as you!” Why do people see them differently. Why would you treat a stranger badly? I hate the Karen movement. Yes, some people act very nasty sometimes, but you don’t know why. And I’ve noticed on more than one occasion, the person is mentally disabled! We get used to justifying bad behavior to certain people and it snowballs from there. Who is it going to be ok to make fun of next?
It is also possible, yo be hyperaware, hypersensitive of power dynamics and be highly distressed by it
True. In all things autism one may be hypo or hyper in their traits.
I despise the idea of "social dominance hierarchies". I bristle when I hear words like "alpha, beta, sigma etc. If I don't depend on someone for anything, I have no reason to subordinate myself to them!!
To be honest, my ADHD is far more devastating to my life than the autism. Not being able to create order in my brain to save my life is unbearable. Housework is a nightmare. I can’t focus to complete tasks. I go from task to task to task, occasionally going back to do some more but not getting anywhere.
Some days my adhd runs the show but I often feel like my autistic traits are more prominent.
I have only actually been told once that I overstepped a hierarchical boundary at work when I was trying to get some training organised for my team, but I wouldn’t be surprised if people talked behind my back about doing this when I didn’t realise. I am careful with immediate supervisors because they are in an awkward position between me and their Superiors but honestly once I find the appropriate person to help with a problem I just let them know about the issue. I think that some people are actually a bit insecure and don’t like it when someone else has been consulted because they feel undermined, but that is never my intention. I deliberately didn’t progress my ‘career’ into any management role as the anxiety in juggling all the upper and lower level needs and expectations would have been too much to cope with. Now I know why. I am not sure about hierarchy in relation to social situations, except maybe in terms of close family and friends for example where news should be shared with them first. I will be interested to read the other comments ❤
That's a good point about knowing when to share news with who first in friends and family.
I kind of wish I known about myself as it might have helped me in my work life. I have respect that someone has to steer the ship but if they didn't steer with intelligence and/or skill I "dismissed" them in my mind. Luckily most of my work had very little to do with management, I was my own boss for the most part. looking back, I must have unconsciously gravitated towards work with minimal supervision. I'd definitely talk to the 1st appropriate camp person I saw as you did. who cares as long as the problem gets addressed? I never got the inefficiency of going thru motions if the solution was right in front of me or I'm confident the next in line wouldn't be able to fix things -just to say they need to tell their boss. it baffled me as to why it mattered. Still, after nearly 50 years of employment.
So…oh yes. A boss has to earn my respect, for me to follow them. Big problem. Better to just tell me what to do and get away from me and let me do it. If you stand and stare or micromanage, you might learn a bit more than you want to about why you don’t have the right to boss me about. 😮this expression has faced me at several jobs. Oh well, they’ll be ok.
Thank you so much for not editing your videos. I'm editing this comment, though, to say that I have deeply resented the authority a lot of people have had over me or thought they had. I've always resisted authority and I think that's part of why I've had such a hard time in school. I hate being told to do something that's clearly illogical, but I have to do it anyway, or to do it the way I've been told to do it even though there's a better way. Most people don't want to know that you've discovered a better way, they just want you to obey them. It started early with my mother, who is a grandiose narcissist. It just carried on from there. An YES< even the president poops with his pants down. Hope so, anyway!
I wonder if you have the PDA profile of Autism too, it sounds like you might. I have a Playlist with videos on it. It's a tricky brain pattern!
Not sure what PDA is but I'll check out the playlist.
In the morning i test my brain to see if its going to work that day. I have a game in my phone. I play a level that I've memorized. If i get it perfect on the first try it's a good day. If I play it multiple times and keep screwing up, my brain isn't having s good day. But i wouldn't be able to tell without testing.
That's an interesting life hack, I haven't heard of anyone doing that before. I like it though.
I had a total hip replacement and i healed way faster than average. So not everyone may heal slower😊
There are always exceptions.
Sensory issues! =)
I understand hierarchies. I just often disagree that they merit unequal treatment.
Also, if you are talking about Canyonview (I was Katydid and I worked as a JC with Squirrel)…. There’s way too much drama there. It was more than just “you talked over someone’s head.” A good number of the permanent employees are ableist and egotistical. 😭 The horses I had over the years were Strawberry, Justice, and Scooter.
No, I don't know Canyonview, sorry!
Hello Amanda. Can I ask a question. And I mean not wrong, but just want to understand something. What does the hand gesture you did at the end mean to you? I feel uncomfortable with it, because it is the hand gesture people use to salute/worship satan. You don’t sense that you have the desire to do that though…would you clarify for me? I mean no wrong to you. I enjoy watching your videos.
It's "I love you" in American Sign Language. It's a universally known sign, you can Google "ASL I Love You" to verify. Thank you for asking.
I'm actually atheist and do not believe in a God or Satan, but I respect other people's choice in religion. I do not tolerate hate or discrimination.
LOL if you posted that saying about the president in Australia about certain prime ministers you may have increased your number of followers. This also reminds me about the advice to picture people in their underwear when having to make a presentation or attend an interview. I felt that would just make it more awkward. I just didn’t get the message. 😅
i cant say that H word either. im wondering if this is dyslexia. there are certain words i consistently misspell and words i pronounce incorrectly like heirarchical and abominable. speaking of poop, i can pronounce diahhrea, but cant spell it without spellcheck. your joke is funny. maybe next time, say the pope poops with his pants down?
same. PITA to spell that H word. Also my motor output to my vocal musculature just doesnt always work right and that word never works with my physiology. Other words have this effect at times, but this word is EVERY forking time I cannot use my muscles to make it intelligible to others kind of thing. English is a forked language so many times. Alas a language that my brain understands easier, spanish, well, living in the US, they beat it out of my boomer dad (he born in segregated town here in AZ. 1950ish AZ was HORRID for mi familia y gente). Anyhoo, if I had a choice, it's much easier for my tongue to pronounce en espanol than english and even moreso an effect when spelling.
I like that too. The Pope Poops with his Pants Down. Of. Course that would be taken as sacrelidge to some. But it is kind of funny to think about. And again, just human, with responsibilities.
I got in trouble too ... very annoying 😂 oh ... us-americans are really to sensitive with their president 😅
i find your videos quite interesting, but the pug snoring in the background of this one really bothered me. is it possible for you to move the dog to another room during recordings?
(i'm not trying to make demands or be rude or anything, just genuinely think the videos will be more enjoyable without that particular background noise. i also have autism&adhd and i don't always know if what i'm saying on the internet will be communicated the way i intended, so i apologize if this isn't a good comment, i don't mean to offend.)
❤😊👋Hi Amanda!
12:26 me, my dad would try to speak and hang out all day after work and i just wanted alone time to listen to music and just sit and think thoughts.
Like pac said "a million things run though my mind, you aint gotta be in jail to be doing time"
Yes we can hear him snoring on the mic and its actually super relaxing and soothing right now as i eat my cereal.
10/10 would reccomend you mic him up next time
Haha! He needs his own mic for sure.
Starting to realise some people i look up to may have been autistic and just great maskers/actors able to maintain a desired image for long periods of time and just hide/minimize their burnouts well and use them as fuel for their next cause
4:20 gosh i need that remote adam sandler had on click for moments like that in real life 😂😂
It'd be handy! Lol.
10:20 this is a problem for me because i fill that void with certian video games that i can organize things in and then i use all my energy on the game so when im actually able to organize real things i dont feel like it
Hmm i have 2 inner monologues, one that seems to be my actual self thoughts but then theres a more sarcastic type response that has no problem saying things that should hurt my feelings but knows i dont care, like a little jerry seinfeld type observational comedian always making fun of my errors or flawed logics. This voice has actually played devils advocate in certian situations amd made me stop and reconsider what wouldve been my original opinion. Rather thats for the better or worse i dont know but its like a checks and balances system, same way with how my actual thoughts are more dreamer minded but the other one is more realistic and they usually battle it out to find a compromise haha