My greatest regret is not having any recordings of my late fiance's voice. I have pictures and much of her art but I don't know if I can recall what she sounded like. My autism makes me far less visually oriented than most people so sounds and tactile sensations are far more important to me.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandpa's passing Amanda. Make sure you give yourself as much self care as you're able to at this time. Thank you for sharing your grieving journey with us. I think your video will help a lot of people now and in the future. Look after yourself. Sending you Love 💕 💕
I'm sorry for your loss. I do know there are funerals that get livestreamed for loved ones, or recorded so people that couldn't be there can still experience the service... as a way of healing/grieving/mourning... I understand the feeling. Especially after the last year. I started my own channel because I wanted to help others with autism deal with grief/mourning... and in doing so, help myself. I was just luvcky to have built up a good network around me to comfort me.
My Grandpa isn't having a service. Funerals make me extremely nervous. I've only ever been to one and it was before I was diagnosed autistic. Looking back, I realize that my masking was dialed up to 100 at that funeral. There was no space for me to grieve because I was too busy making sure I didn't offend anyone. I think I need to grieve in private.
I'm so sorry for your loss, Amanda. I understand the sadness of losing a loved one. Just 3 weeks ago someone very dear and important to me died, so I am dealing with very fresh grief at this time, too. I also understand having to make decisions for ourselves that others might not understand, or might misinterpret. And being autistic, sometimes our outward appearance doesn't accurately depict our true feelings inside, which again others might misinterpret. All we can do is be true to ourselves, and do what we need to do to take good care of ourselves.
Grief is one of the hardest things to process, imo. Personally I haven’t been able to talk about loss directly. I just shut down. But sadness and grief are not bad emotions. It reveals the beautiful moments of our lives and relationships, however we experience them. I think the power of those emotions, and the vulnerability, is what is so scary. My great aunt passed away, and it impacted the family heavily. It’s only recently that I realize that side of the family shows many traits of autism. My great aunt and I had a really strong connection that was difficult to explain… like, we just got each other, even when we didn’t speak much. And now that I’ve learned about autism, it is clear she had autism, too, and there was acceptance of those “quirks” that we couldn’t put into words back then (extremely focused on special interests, not fitting in socially or appearing emotionally “flat” despite high empathy, sensory sensitivities…). But, like you said… I am intellectualizing. 😅 It sounds like your grandpa had a wonderful positive impact on you and his character shines through in the way you spoke about him. I’ll admit I cried a bit while listening. It’s hard to know what to say, but I hope posting this video helped you process some, and thanks for providing a window into your experience. ❤
Thoughts and prayers, Amanda. So sorry. I hear you on all counts. Recognize it all in myself. For the first time. Awareness process hurts so much. Thank you for your courages
I feel so sorry/sad for you Amanda, even though I can’t personally relate to how you feel because I did not have good relationships with any of my family.
I am so sorry for your loss. Grief is a very timely topic for me, since losing my dad to Alzheimer's Jan 2023. It's been really hard for me, but I keep reminding myself that grief is different for everyone.
I’m so sorry about your grandpa’s death. From what you said it’s clear you loved each other a lot. Thanks for your bravery, for being yourself, and for helping us understand. 💕
Thank you for sharing this very personal experience. I cannot explain here, and it is not the appropriate time, how much your honesty is helpful to me. Love to you through this difficult time.
I appreciate it, your statement about not appropriate time gave me pause. I think that's often a social cue I struggle with. I think you're right there are "appropriate" times to talk about things, but often if I don't bring up something right when I'm thinking of it, I won't remember to later. I appreciate your consideration and support. ❤️
@@i.am.mindblind I love that you mentioned that since every conversation I have I am sure to mention that I am not trying to turn it in to a "me" conversation, but I will forget and I need to spit it out as I think of it, or I will forget it! EVERY conversation. I have been told that I always hijack conversations, so I am now hyper-aware.
@@i.am.mindblind When I said "it was not appropriate" I was trying not to turn what I wanted to say, into a story about me. I just wanted to thank you for your openness and honesty, without turning in to me. I don't think I did a good job of making that clear (o: I have been told I do that, when in my mind I am trying to make "connections" to the experience by using my own experiences. Hope this makes sense
I'm so sorry about your grandpa. I hadn't thought about your memory problem in relation to losing a loved one, so this was all new information for me. I'm so glad you have photos and video of him. It's the first time I've thought to praise the Lord for technology! I lost a good friend a week ago, so I'm feeling sad, too. I'm going to a memorial get-together for her on Saturday. Her daughter is autistic. I hope this will give me a chance to get to know her daughter better. Otherwise I'll probably lose touch with my friend's family. We were friends for over 50 years. I hope you will find comfort soon.
Your honesty is so brave! I so admire how you can share these truths to help yourself, your family, and others to recognize it is 100% ok to be authentic in order to handle all emotions. THANK YOU for being so willing to share. 💙💙💙
When my mom and dad and grandmas and grandpa died (each at different times), I felt nothing. The only grief I felt with any of them, was years later when I thought... "I never got to have a friendship with my dad" and I cried. I dont feel I grieve death of a family member. I grieve what I could never have.
P.S. Friendships to me, require both sides to feel the other person is acceptable to get along with, and bring each other comfort. I could not have that kind of relationship with my dad or mom, as long as they were unwilling to accept me as myself. My mom corrected me on her deathbed, so I was never acceptable. My journey of self acceptance truly began after both of my parents were dead. Could I say I am glad they are dead? I think so, yes. They never stopped wanting a normal child. Never stopped until they were dead, only after their deaths, did my freedom begin. I do miss grandma a little bit, but I do not feel deep grief for her passing. I liked my grandmas. I'm kinda neutral about grandpa, I wasn't that close to him, but he was ok and helpful. He probably got relief when he died, was blind and deaf in his old age. I had zero known interactions from my dad's dad, he wasn't in the family by the time I was born, as far as I can recall, as a divorce happened in that section of family. I was told he was abusive anyways, so it was better for everyone to not have him around.
I am very thankful You made this video, I think that will be helpful for a lot of us. The day before yesterday I coincidently watched the last episodes of "Young Sheldon", not knowing that in them his dad died and that it was about his different grieving. In general I agree that this series and the mother-series is using very much stereotypes that don't represent most of us. But those episodes felt very helpful for me. The social expectations are unbearable in those overwhelming situations. It has always been those moments I was not able to mask not knowing that I "normally" was. And then people treat You really bad and judge You. I was outcastet from.my family, so I didn't get any piece of memory I asked for through the lawyers doing the legal heritage war. I wanted to give all the money I had the right for to get just some specific memory-pieces like photographs, a pullover of my dad, etc. To this day I don't know where he is buried. That outside people dare to judge how You are feeling or how I am is such an unfair thing I can't get over it. I know, complete different situations. But I had a lot of deaths of close persons so far. At 13 my german grandmother died of second time cancer. My mother was driving there every weekend and holidays for months (she was a teacher) so, it was an expected death. The argentinian family I did not know because my dad was a refugee and always afraid of beeing found and killed, so there was no contact between him and his brother for over 50 years. My german grandfather died when I was two years old, so I don't remember him and the other died decades before I was born. When my grandmother died, I coincedently was at my cousins house which was next to her house in that village oneandahalf hours away from our home, I saw her the night before. My cousin and I were like siblings, as we both had none and my aunt was the only sibling of my mother. So we both cried a bit together. I can't remember more. But then home again.my dad told me that I have to be strong now for my mother. So I was functioning like a robot and just one time, when I had to try on some dark clothes of my mother (she was small and fat and I was very tall for my age so I was able to fit her clothes and shoes that age) I went to the cellar for it to secretly cry for a minute. And then in church sitting next to my cousin (he was a bit older then me, but not a year) he started to cry and then I also did (I often mirror-feel emotions of others) and I felt like I failed the job my father gave me and felt guilty and ashamed for it. Then from.14 to 20 some friends and last an ex-lover killed themselves. Then some more far away people died, who I liked, people I worked with etc. But they had all been old and it was okay. And as I worked as a social worker at an older-people-house (Altenheim) I was used to see people die. It was part of my job to visit them in hospital, to go to their funerals. I guess that was a good "training", as it had been the only funerals I went to other then my grandmother for decades (that job I did in my late twenties to thirty). Then the last years my mother, my father, in march my aunt and in april my tomcat, who was my life-compagnion and a person. My parents deaths and my aunts I was not informed by anyone. My parents deaths I was sent the testament saying I am outcasted by court monts later and my aunts death I coincidentöy found out days later because I regulary startpage (like google) my loved rest-family to catch a bit of them, as I missed her and my cousin so much. Before I again drove by her house on Google streetview, saw a new colour on it what deeply disturbed me (You all know, no changes, please). After that I saw the death anouncement in the local newspaper and it was before the announced funeral. I so deeply wanted to go there, but as I am the persona non grata I was not allowed and that brought up all the overwhelming feelings about my dads loss and how I am treated and it was so horrible. Then the sudden death of my beloved Findus a month ago after finding out he had hidden last stage cancer and pain (yes, I HAD been to the vet before, but they didn't find out because it was a very quick growing) was a knock-out. Total shutdown, non-verbal for days. But to have been able to hold him in my arms when he was killed and then holding him for the whole day, beeing able to watch the process of change his body made then was very helpful for me to process his death. Maybe other people find this gross, but I knew from seeing and touching death people at work so often it would help. Now I have his ashes and I don't feel that is him. I have those memories of moments in my head, like movie-scenes with voices and I am very very thankful for that, even it can hurt very much if I am able to feel something then. I cannot imagine how it must feel not to have this, and I am very sorry for You, Amanda, not to have this ressource. Grief really sucks. But even more all that social judgement and expectations suck a lot more!!! I am angry, that those family members do not respect Your capacities. You did not love him.less not physically tralled there. This is bullshit! I'd really like to talk to them, explain them what they do to You, that this is violence and that they are not in a position to misstreat You that way. You are doing good!
The memory recall thing... I am getting a little confused at the different terms, symantic and episodic, I didnt know these different kinds of memories can be defined and diagnosed. My memories exist as patches of feelings and visions, where the words in the moment and the passage of time are not remembered. I could remember basic ideas, non-detailed physical surroundings, feelings, but not word-for-word. My dad would consider me "not listening" when I could not repeat to him word-to-word, and I felt intense shame when he would accuse me of not listening (which would decide for him I was irresponsible and disrespectful) but I did remember the basic idea, but that was not good enough for him. I was never good enough for him. I do not mourn his passing other than mourning his understanding of me that I could never have.
I have always tried to avoid funerals. I have no intention of attending my own! j/k Seriously I do avoid funerals but last week I had to take my companion to her uncle's funeral. She has to be in a wheelchair so I had to stay with her at all times. All I could do was try to speak as little as possible because I knew it I did I was likely to offend someone.
The first funeral I went to I was in my 30s because I couldn't get out of it without offending too many people. I hated being there because it was so stressful, now I realize my masking had to be dialed up to 100. But that was way before I was diagnosed Autistic.
@@i.am.mindblind I self diagnosed in my 30s but did not get a profession diagnosis until my early 40s. Until then I did not understand why any social situation caused so much anxiety and left me so exhausted.
I'm gonna share something that doesn't put me in the best light that has to do with grief. My husband's grandpa died, and they were very close. We got a call that day, saying we should come because he didn't have much time left. And i asked, not on the phone, just to my husband "why r we going there? Is it just to b there when he dies?" It really was an honest question, i didn't understand how that would b good, or y we would want to b there. He didn't get upset or anything, or answer i think and we did go. We were there when he died. All the people there were family except me and his cousins boyfriend. It was such a weird situation for me. Everyone was so upset but i wasn't and i wanted to b helpful but didn't know how to b. It was one of those situations for sure where u really don't know how u should b acting. Now that i think of it i still have been to only one funeral, he didn't have one. My grandpa also has died but i didn't attend the funeral, i live far away now
Amanda, my heart goes out to you, your grandpa sounds like he was a wonderful person, who loved you very much. Sending my love and my deepest condolences to you and your family. There is something I’m wondering about your aphantasia, that I thought of when you mentioned videos, recordings and pictures of your grandpa. When you watch a video, hear a recording, or see a picture of him, you still recognize that it’s him, right? If so, that means that you actually *do* have memories of what he looks like and the sound of his voice, which allow you to recognize him in a recording. So it sounds like your limitation is that you’re unable to *recall* those memories on your own, without the prompt of a recording or photo. So does that mean that aphantasia is more of an issue with memory recall than with memory formation itself? Or could it be the result of either one, depending on how that particular person’s brain works?
My greatest regret is not having any recordings of my late fiance's voice. I have pictures and much of her art but I don't know if I can recall what she sounded like. My autism makes me far less visually oriented than most people so sounds and tactile sensations are far more important to me.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandpa's passing Amanda. Make sure you give yourself as much self care as you're able to at this time. Thank you for sharing your grieving journey with us. I think your video will help a lot of people now and in the future. Look after yourself. Sending you Love 💕 💕
Thank you, I hope so. ❤️
Again, so sorry for your loss 💔😢💙🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻💞💙
I appreciate your support. ❤️❤️
I'm sorry for your loss.
I do know there are funerals that get livestreamed for loved ones, or recorded so people that couldn't be there can still experience the service... as a way of healing/grieving/mourning...
I understand the feeling. Especially after the last year. I started my own channel because I wanted to help others with autism deal with grief/mourning... and in doing so, help myself.
I was just luvcky to have built up a good network around me to comfort me.
My Grandpa isn't having a service. Funerals make me extremely nervous. I've only ever been to one and it was before I was diagnosed autistic. Looking back, I realize that my masking was dialed up to 100 at that funeral. There was no space for me to grieve because I was too busy making sure I didn't offend anyone. I think I need to grieve in private.
❤🙏🙃 my condolences .
Well done for getting through that. It's hard and I appreciate your grieving mindfully with your newfound understanding of yourself. ❤😢
My condolences 😔 🙏
So sorry for your loss, Amanda 💚
I’m so sorry for your loss, my condolences go out to you and your family. I hope they are eventually able to understand your decision.
Although some may not understand why you made the decision you made, your heart was there for your grandpaw. My condolences...
Thank you for understanding
I'm sorry for your loss, 😔.
❤❤❤
I'm so sorry for your loss, Amanda. I understand the sadness of losing a loved one. Just 3 weeks ago someone very dear and important to me died, so I am dealing with very fresh grief at this time, too. I also understand having to make decisions for ourselves that others might not understand, or might misinterpret. And being autistic, sometimes our outward appearance doesn't accurately depict our true feelings inside, which again others might misinterpret. All we can do is be true to ourselves, and do what we need to do to take good care of ourselves.
Grief is one of the hardest things to process, imo. Personally I haven’t been able to talk about loss directly. I just shut down.
But sadness and grief are not bad emotions. It reveals the beautiful moments of our lives and relationships, however we experience them. I think the power of those emotions, and the vulnerability, is what is so scary.
My great aunt passed away, and it impacted the family heavily. It’s only recently that I realize that side of the family shows many traits of autism. My great aunt and I had a really strong connection that was difficult to explain… like, we just got each other, even when we didn’t speak much. And now that I’ve learned about autism, it is clear she had autism, too, and there was acceptance of those “quirks” that we couldn’t put into words back then (extremely focused on special interests, not fitting in socially or appearing emotionally “flat” despite high empathy, sensory sensitivities…).
But, like you said… I am intellectualizing. 😅
It sounds like your grandpa had a wonderful positive impact on you and his character shines through in the way you spoke about him. I’ll admit I cried a bit while listening. It’s hard to know what to say, but I hope posting this video helped you process some, and thanks for providing a window into your experience. ❤
Thoughts and prayers, Amanda. So sorry. I hear you on all counts. Recognize it all in myself. For the first time. Awareness process hurts so much. Thank you for your courages
I feel so sorry/sad for you Amanda, even though I can’t personally relate to how you feel because I did not have good relationships with any of my family.
That's it's own kind of grief to process. I'm sorry you didn't have the support you should have had as a child. 🧡🧡🧡
I am so sorry for your loss. Grief is a very timely topic for me, since losing my dad to Alzheimer's Jan 2023. It's been really hard for me, but I keep reminding myself that grief is different for everyone.
I’m so sorry about your grandpa’s death. From what you said it’s clear you loved each other a lot. Thanks for your bravery, for being yourself, and for helping us understand. 💕
Thank you for sharing this very personal experience. I cannot explain here, and it is not the appropriate time, how much your honesty is helpful to me. Love to you through this difficult time.
I appreciate it, your statement about not appropriate time gave me pause. I think that's often a social cue I struggle with. I think you're right there are "appropriate" times to talk about things, but often if I don't bring up something right when I'm thinking of it, I won't remember to later.
I appreciate your consideration and support. ❤️
@@i.am.mindblind I love that you mentioned that since every conversation I have I am sure to mention that I am not trying to turn it in to a "me" conversation, but I will forget and I need to spit it out as I think of it, or I will forget it! EVERY conversation. I have been told that I always hijack conversations, so I am now hyper-aware.
Sharing relatable stories is how so many of us neurodivergent people relate, empathize and connect. ❤️
@@i.am.mindblind When I said "it was not appropriate" I was trying not to turn what I wanted to say, into a story about me. I just wanted to thank you for your openness and honesty, without turning in to me. I don't think I did a good job of making that clear (o:
I have been told I do that, when in my mind I am trying to make "connections" to the experience by using my own experiences. Hope this makes sense
Sorry for your loss 🙏
I'm so sorry about your grandpa. I hadn't thought about your memory problem in relation to losing a loved one, so this was all new information for me. I'm so glad you have photos and video of him. It's the first time I've thought to praise the Lord for technology! I lost a good friend a week ago, so I'm feeling sad, too. I'm going to a memorial get-together for her on Saturday. Her daughter is autistic. I hope this will give me a chance to get to know her daughter better. Otherwise I'll probably lose touch with my friend's family. We were friends for over 50 years. I hope you will find comfort soon.
Your honesty is so brave! I so admire how you can share these truths to help yourself, your family, and others to recognize it is 100% ok to be authentic in order to handle all emotions. THANK YOU for being so willing to share. 💙💙💙
Sending hearts to your family
Thank you, much appreciated.
When my mom and dad and grandmas and grandpa died (each at different times), I felt nothing. The only grief I felt with any of them, was years later when I thought... "I never got to have a friendship with my dad" and I cried. I dont feel I grieve death of a family member. I grieve what I could never have.
P.S. Friendships to me, require both sides to feel the other person is acceptable to get along with, and bring each other comfort. I could not have that kind of relationship with my dad or mom, as long as they were unwilling to accept me as myself.
My mom corrected me on her deathbed, so I was never acceptable. My journey of self acceptance truly began after both of my parents were dead. Could I say I am glad they are dead? I think so, yes. They never stopped wanting a normal child. Never stopped until they were dead, only after their deaths, did my freedom begin.
I do miss grandma a little bit, but I do not feel deep grief for her passing. I liked my grandmas. I'm kinda neutral about grandpa, I wasn't that close to him, but he was ok and helpful. He probably got relief when he died, was blind and deaf in his old age.
I had zero known interactions from my dad's dad, he wasn't in the family by the time I was born, as far as I can recall, as a divorce happened in that section of family. I was told he was abusive anyways, so it was better for everyone to not have him around.
Feel all your feelings, my dear.
I am very thankful You made this video, I think that will be helpful for a lot of us.
The day before yesterday I coincidently watched the last episodes of "Young Sheldon", not knowing that in them his dad died and that it was about his different grieving.
In general I agree that this series and the mother-series is using very much stereotypes that don't represent most of us.
But those episodes felt very helpful for me. The social expectations are unbearable in those overwhelming situations. It has always been those moments I was not able to mask not knowing that I "normally" was.
And then people treat You really bad and judge You.
I was outcastet from.my family, so I didn't get any piece of memory I asked for through the lawyers doing the legal heritage war. I wanted to give all the money I had the right for to get just some specific memory-pieces like photographs, a pullover of my dad, etc.
To this day I don't know where he is buried.
That outside people dare to judge how You are feeling or how I am is such an unfair thing I can't get over it.
I know, complete different situations.
But I had a lot of deaths of close persons so far. At 13 my german grandmother died of second time cancer. My mother was driving there every weekend and holidays for months (she was a teacher) so, it was an expected death. The argentinian family I did not know because my dad was a refugee and always afraid of beeing found and killed, so there was no contact between him and his brother for over 50 years. My german grandfather died when I was two years old, so I don't remember him and the other died decades before I was born.
When my grandmother died, I coincedently was at my cousins house which was next to her house in that village oneandahalf hours away from our home, I saw her the night before. My cousin and I were like siblings, as we both had none and my aunt was the only sibling of my mother. So we both cried a bit together. I can't remember more.
But then home again.my dad told me that I have to be strong now for my mother. So I was functioning like a robot and just one time, when I had to try on some dark clothes of my mother (she was small and fat and I was very tall for my age so I was able to fit her clothes and shoes that age) I went to the cellar for it to secretly cry for a minute. And then in church sitting next to my cousin (he was a bit older then me, but not a year) he started to cry and then I also did (I often mirror-feel emotions of others) and I felt like I failed the job my father gave me and felt guilty and ashamed for it.
Then from.14 to 20 some friends and last an ex-lover killed themselves.
Then some more far away people died, who I liked, people I worked with etc. But they had all been old and it was okay. And as I worked as a social worker at an older-people-house (Altenheim) I was used to see people die. It was part of my job to visit them in hospital, to go to their funerals. I guess that was a good "training", as it had been the only funerals I went to other then my grandmother for decades (that job I did in my late twenties to thirty).
Then the last years my mother, my father, in march my aunt and in april my tomcat, who was my life-compagnion and a person.
My parents deaths and my aunts I was not informed by anyone. My parents deaths I was sent the testament saying I am outcasted by court monts later and my aunts death I coincidentöy found out days later because I regulary startpage (like google) my loved rest-family to catch a bit of them, as I missed her and my cousin so much. Before I again drove by her house on Google streetview, saw a new colour on it what deeply disturbed me (You all know, no changes, please). After that I saw the death anouncement in the local newspaper and it was before the announced funeral. I so deeply wanted to go there, but as I am the persona non grata I was not allowed and that brought up all the overwhelming feelings about my dads loss and how I am treated and it was so horrible.
Then the sudden death of my beloved Findus a month ago after finding out he had hidden last stage cancer and pain (yes, I HAD been to the vet before, but they didn't find out because it was a very quick growing) was a knock-out.
Total shutdown, non-verbal for days.
But to have been able to hold him in my arms when he was killed and then holding him for the whole day, beeing able to watch the process of change his body made then was very helpful for me to process his death. Maybe other people find this gross, but I knew from seeing and touching death people at work so often it would help.
Now I have his ashes and I don't feel that is him.
I have those memories of moments in my head, like movie-scenes with voices and I am very very thankful for that, even it can hurt very much if I am able to feel something then.
I cannot imagine how it must feel not to have this, and I am very sorry for You, Amanda, not to have this ressource.
Grief really sucks.
But even more all that social judgement and expectations suck a lot more!!!
I am angry, that those family members do not respect Your capacities.
You did not love him.less not physically tralled there. This is bullshit!
I'd really like to talk to them, explain them what they do to You, that this is violence and that they are not in a position to misstreat You that way.
You are doing good!
So sorry for your loss.
Thank you for your support
Sorry sry for your loss. 🙏
Thank you 🧡
Im so sorry to hear about your grandpas passing. ❤❤😢
Thank you for this channel. I get so much comfort watching your content
😊😊 Thank you for saying so. Really. It means a lot to me.
The memory recall thing... I am getting a little confused at the different terms, symantic and episodic, I didnt know these different kinds of memories can be defined and diagnosed. My memories exist as patches of feelings and visions, where the words in the moment and the passage of time are not remembered. I could remember basic ideas, non-detailed physical surroundings, feelings, but not word-for-word. My dad would consider me "not listening" when I could not repeat to him word-to-word, and I felt intense shame when he would accuse me of not listening (which would decide for him I was irresponsible and disrespectful) but I did remember the basic idea, but that was not good enough for him. I was never good enough for him. I do not mourn his passing other than mourning his understanding of me that I could never have.
Sorry about your grandfather passing.
Thanks, it's going to be hard everytime I think about him for a while.
@@i.am.mindblind I still miss my grandpa and he has been gone for many years. In fact even his house has been gone for many years.
I have always tried to avoid funerals. I have no intention of attending my own! j/k
Seriously I do avoid funerals but last week I had to take my companion to her uncle's funeral. She has to be in a wheelchair so I had to stay with her at all times. All I could do was try to speak as little as possible because I knew it I did I was likely to offend someone.
The first funeral I went to I was in my 30s because I couldn't get out of it without offending too many people. I hated being there because it was so stressful, now I realize my masking had to be dialed up to 100. But that was way before I was diagnosed Autistic.
@@i.am.mindblind I self diagnosed in my 30s but did not get a profession diagnosis until my early 40s. Until then I did not understand why any social situation caused so much anxiety and left me so exhausted.
I'm gonna share something that doesn't put me in the best light that has to do with grief. My husband's grandpa died, and they were very close. We got a call that day, saying we should come because he didn't have much time left. And i asked, not on the phone, just to my husband "why r we going there? Is it just to b there when he dies?" It really was an honest question, i didn't understand how that would b good, or y we would want to b there. He didn't get upset or anything, or answer i think and we did go. We were there when he died. All the people there were family except me and his cousins boyfriend. It was such a weird situation for me. Everyone was so upset but i wasn't and i wanted to b helpful but didn't know how to b. It was one of those situations for sure where u really don't know how u should b acting. Now that i think of it i still have been to only one funeral, he didn't have one. My grandpa also has died but i didn't attend the funeral, i live far away now
❤
I am so so sorry. 🥺🥺🥺
💜
Amanda, my heart goes out to you, your grandpa sounds like he was a wonderful person, who loved you very much. Sending my love and my deepest condolences to you and your family.
There is something I’m wondering about your aphantasia, that I thought of when you mentioned videos, recordings and pictures of your grandpa. When you watch a video, hear a recording, or see a picture of him, you still recognize that it’s him, right? If so, that means that you actually *do* have memories of what he looks like and the sound of his voice, which allow you to recognize him in a recording. So it sounds like your limitation is that you’re unable to *recall* those memories on your own, without the prompt of a recording or photo. So does that mean that aphantasia is more of an issue with memory recall than with memory formation itself? Or could it be the result of either one, depending on how that particular person’s brain works?
❤💐
❤❤❤