They use feigned concern to start smear campaigns too. "Oh I'm just so worried about her because she was in the hospital recently. Oh? You didn't know she was in the hospital? Yeah, her doctor told me she (insert private information or even totally made up information that makes people look at you poorly)." Then they just watch the smear spread and no one will point at them as they only shared what happened (or made it up) because they were so worried about you.
They destroy you. You can not have them in your life and ignore them. You can only run away. Dreadful people who represent everything that is wrong with humanity.
Just ignoring and not reacting when narcissists misbehave will deprive them of narcissistic supply while keeping you from falling into their pit of evil.
When you ignore them, they self destruct literally... It's like their world comes apart and they even resort to any crazy behavior to get your attention... Positive or negative... Quite scary really.
Uh No, dealing with a Narc is NOT a categorically cookie cutter stereotypical solution believe me. In my decades long existence of being a Scapegoat and worse, Ignoring or similar behaviors can and or will result in Criminal Felony Behavior directed at myself via retaliation. The Scapegoat taking a stand or even being critical of the Narc and or Family Patriarch can result in loss of employment, illness, serious injury and Death. The presenter's knowledge of life is most likely confined to a college campus yet the suggested Sunny Day approach tactics towards a Narc is ideal but Not for everyone.
Negligence or manipulation. I have an advice. Only don't fall. Make all of this for YOUR integrity and your values. They matter. And you are a person too. The tyrants... oh this abusive people
@@HighSpeedNoDrag I have been threatened with being beaten to a pulp. Threat of physical assault, legally. And my father thinks he is untouchable because he is a policeman.
OR: I was ignored and then he told others how I didn’t pay attention to him. He’d literally be wrapped up in a blanket, covered from head to toe, I’d come and talk to him, offer him conversation or even just company if something horrible had happened at work (it didn’t, he’s an art instructor!)… He’d go nonverbal on me for sometimes four days, and then blame me.
I’m keeping me eyes wide open because my mom is like that, she’s already threatened me and she trying everything to get her way and I’m not even falling for her shenanigans.
beware of the historical grudge, after 35 yrs of 'no contact' with my covert narcissist mother, she injected her self back into my life, with malicious intent. do not underestimate the vindictiveness' of the narcissist.
Yep. These are the sadistic ones. They genuinely don't care about anyone, even after many years of NC from several family members, they don't soften or gain any perspective, if anything, they get nastier and more unhinged.
35 years? Great so have her committed to a loon bin. Say she forgets stuff switch the day on ur phone so they ask what day it is she gets it wrong and it's bye bye mom.
Yessss! I went no contact, had the smear campaign, the flying monkeys and got the demonic stare👹. The Narc rage was awesome, it was hell bent on destroying me but exposed itself by lies, deceit and pure evil intent. When 3 friends exposed the lies it won best actor award by having a full Narc rage and threats meltdown - it realised it had lost control and manipulation tactics failed - it got the best verbal ass beating ever by having the arrogance to take on intellectually superior peeps. It's waiting for revenge but will get a severe slap down again - these creatures are dumb AF. They get their Karma🖤 have patience.
@@dumblizzie I actually got mines rage fit breakdown on camera. I am wondering how many therapists and online types would be interested in seeing exactly what being on the receiving eld of a full-on narcissistic collapse rage fit looks like.
I avoided my natcissistic friend almost everyday due to her behaviors and she was always the victim of it, taking no responsibility for actually being the cause of it. I avoided her because she acted entitled to all of my time and would stalk me, harass and guilt trip mainly. She also always offered to pay for things like a kind gesture but really i think it was to try and keep me indebted to her.
This describes my father exactly. This describes how he had treated me as his only kid and how he has treated my mother. My life is that much more peaceful since I stopped talking to him.
It’s disgusting what they do! They call all your friends and say they’re worried about you and they’ll say they think you’re drinking or doing drugs or emotionally unstable. They’ll put on such a pity show that everyone will start to hate you and believe everything they say!
My narcissist father would use shaming. He was so afraid I would do better in life then he had done. I eventually developed a thick skin to his comments and went no contact. At one point after I became an adult he was angry (I won't go into why, it would take to long to explain) and told me that he hated me and that his one regret was that he didn't slit my throat when I was a baby. He was hoping I would break down crying. I had stopped caring a long time before that. Someone told me after he had passed that he did not understand why I "turned my back on him" as if he had done nothing to cause that.
Im aghast at what some people write on here, why would a father say that to his offspring, like you say its to break you , they would happily see you on the floor in agony that happy and contented. im 57, or 8 i cant remember, and 3 years ago i had a drone, as soon as mum heard that she assumed i was going to spy on women with it. !!!! i actually heard something switch off in my brain, that was the final straw, and i walked away and havent been back
Full no contact is my dream come true. I'll get there. I'm way past any emotional/psychological bonds. I'm facing financial/practical issues. I'll handle that.
narcissists are #1 guilt-trippers. they prey on your goodness, your integrity, your "promises" to them to reel you back in the ring for another 15 rounds of abuse.
I've had to ignore and distance myself from a narcissist recently too and I'm waiting on the smear campaigns to begin because I'm no longer giving him attention. He had me fooled in the beginning with shiny love bombs but something inside kept warning me he was too good to be true. Thanks for the video Darren and best wishes ☀️
@@-norsecode- Don't worry brother. You are a different animal. If you are capable of "worrying" that means you are self reflecting. live a good life and carry on.
A narc will try to 'get even', get revenge, redouble their narc efforts and ways,. try to.'make you pay' for ignoring them, and of course all this can be overt or covert. Not a very nice person. Best advice---dump, discard, or disconnect as much as humanly possible such a person.
This can also happen to the victims they can become very aggressive and sometimes kill themselves or lose it on other people because we got a remember these people have complex PTSD and push too far can be a really bad thing for someone that can’t control themselves. When you take a human being and you take everything away from them then that becomes a very dangerous place to be especially after years of abuse with the family and the ex-husband all working together with generational abuse it takes a hell of a person to get out of this mess you have to be strong.
That happens to teenagers when they are bullied in American schools mainly. It has happened too many times and bullies still don't get people have a breaking point and they might have nothing to lose. Complex ptsd is no joke.
happened to me too, when I ignored them, they became even more aggressive and attacking towards me. it's scary, because they play dirty. emotional intimidation of people should not be ok like this
So right on the 7 traits! Especially on being competitive!!! I have 2 sisters who ‘do everything better’ … are ‘more favored, loved or appreciated’ by anyone who shows love to me. If I have achieved a goal…I have noticed them making an announcement of a greater goal. 🤦🏻♀️ Several years ago, they succeeded with their lies destroying my reputation with relatives who now ignore me, my inspirational messages, or special events we have. People who used to call me every week or every month no longer associate with me (including my own brother). When my husband saw him at a carnival he asked him why he stopped calling and how he could allow the other siblings treat me so horribly. His response “I heard someone say something about something that happened.” My husband said, “you HEARD something from somebody but never called your sister to talk about it? Did you or anyone else ever think to pick up the phone to call and see if it were true?“ When he didn’t respond, my husband said “it’s quite disturbing how all of you can talk about your sister but not a single one of you can pick up the phone and talk to your sister.” 🔥🙌🏼 I’m okay with this because if a person is authentic and truly knows me, they’d never listen to such rubbish. Just saying.
Oh you have no idea how this is what I’m going through! I’m so glad I found this channel! And there are others that have survived the narcissistic abuse in the same way! TY
Honestly the fact that they believed the lies over you is all you need to know. I’ve had so many ppl believe the lies from the narcs and honestly began to appreciate the ones that didn’t.
My narc sister tried it all: feigning emotional instability, using my words against me, threatning to end herself, blame-shifting, being an overall hypocrite (people which she knows I despise)... Eventually I caught on to her shady and stagnant behaviour and started the silent treatment. Best choice I ever made.
It’s 11 months for me now, living in the same house, it’s hell 🔥 I’m being driven crazy, he’s moving things, hiding things & I can’t say a thing or that proves I’m mad 😭😭😭
@@ismalicesamson1817 Yes, I believe it demonic aswell. The psychiatry can explain it all it wants but Ive seen too many signs for it not to be demonic.
@@terry_kathryn Change it around. Wheever you cant find it you immediately ask him if he's ahlright since he's moving things. "Dont you need to see a doctor dear? I think you may have alzheimers" Do all the things he does to you, to him. Turn it around on him and he'll leave bc they cant handle being treated this way thenmselves. Ive chased away a sociopath this way and it only took about a week. Theyre so insecure they cant handle being treated like this. You'll win.
@@ismalicesamson1817 iv prayed & prayed, I changed church because he started attending where I was (he’s done this before & caused havoc) I just don’t want to be here
Years ago I got an over-the-top type flower arraignment sent to me at a job. I'd been there a few months. My co-workers said "Oh that's really nice of the person who sent that, they must really care about you." I said "this bouquet is for all of you." They were confused saying "but your name is on it." I had no way of explaining the ridiculous and sadistic gesture that was for me deeply disturbing. It seems the more ridiculous the antics, the harder it is to get help because trying to explain it makes the teller sound absolutely insane. It is too much to expect anyone to believe this sort of fractured communication style.
Its an invisible war 🤐 everyone gets a normal type of a war - there are 2 sides on a field and everyone knows the rules In this case - you’re on your own !!!! And made to feel + look like a lunatic Extremely difficult place to pick yourself up from 😢 ❤❤
@@awake78 it isn't invisible. People can see what is happening. People can understand complexity. The point I was making is trying to explain involves telling someone else's story. Ignoring the ridiculousness doesn't put an end to it. Going on with life knowing at any point the mindset of a controlling person can surface. I let them tell their own story. Knowing that a person is willfully trying to create a narrative to continue their behavior is deeply disturbing. It is on them to make it make sense.
@gemma........ It wasn't that type of a situation. If the person wanted to contact me and sort out a problem they would have contacted me, they had my phone number. Sending something to my job and continuing the drama was indicating the theatrics involved in that person's choices. In this video Darren talks about the ridiciulous and sadistic. The person's choice showed them to be ridiculous and sadistic. The behavior creates a situation. Ignoring that, while being aware it can turn into anything, at some point, is exhausting. However that IS the type of relationship the person wants. Not what I want, but how do you make a person change, you don't Trying to get to common ground brings out strange patterns of human behavior.
My ex gf started devaluing and giving the silent treatment. I hit back by ignoring her. This made her go crazy. She tried everything possible. Sometimes she indirectly insulted me on social media. Sometimes she pretended to love bomb me. Then she started going around with friends of mine whom she came to know through me. Finally she blocked me on all social media platforms and now she's going around with almost anybody and everybody and ensures that her flying monkeys keep posting about her so that I can see all this shit. It's very painful to say the least but I have managed to keep my cool.
It is best to get and *keep* toxic, manipulative, destructive people out of your life. If you've had children with them, contact should be minimal, and any verbal interaction with them should *only* involve the children. Don't let them change the subject.
Bombard you? Accuse you of not caring, despite everything they have done to help you? Pity party? Accusations, and untruths, smearing? Name calling and labelling? An endless menu of options. imo
Spot on, Darren. Another great video, thank you! I have even had a narcissist try to contact me using someone whom I had not spoken to in over a decade. It was so obvious-that person suddenly contacted me out of nowhere and then after a message or two tells me I should reach out to the narc. 🙄
I've been going through this with my adult son. He wrote scathing letters full of profanity and name-calling to me and his father about six weeks ago after we refused to help him financially. I went gray rock and told him that I'd not argue with him. His wife convinced me and my husband to come to my son's birthday celebration at a local restaurant. We did in order to see the grandkids. At the celebration, she took me aside and said that he wrote those messages, because he was drunk, didn't mean it, and regretted it. I don't really buy that as he wrote those letters over a period of days. He has also never apologized, and was ice-cold at the dinner. Several times, he glared at us. I'm so hurt about it all. At least his wife is giving us access to the grandkids, told us we can come over and see them.
Aren’t you glad you understand or have this knowledge regarding narcissism. I would be an absolute wreck and blame myself if I didn’t understand the crazy behavior of my covert daughter.
My Mom is a narcissist who uses the silent treatment as her ultimate punishment. She didn't realize as her invisible daughter I never needed her approval, or her attention. When I set firm boundaries between her and my daughters she tried to smash through them. I only made them stronger. When my Grandpa called me and said my mom made Grandma cry, my mom called me a liar. I refused to 'take it back'. She began a silent treatment that day 16 years ago that was contingent on my groveling for her forgiveness. I won't apologize for speaking the truth of her behavior and she'll never forgive me for it. I have no regrets and she has 16 wonderful great grandchildren she has refused to acknowledge. She has made her life hell and I'm glad to not be part of it
I once was on a government training course with a narcissist. He didn't seem to need a supply person to destroy, his need was to be 'top dog' all the time. When he wasn't selected to stand in for an instructor who was away for a day as another trainee was, he threw a tantrum like a spoiled child. This was a man in his late twenties. When he visited me at my home and found I'd things he didn't have (access to a car, girlfriend, nice flat) he dumped me as a friend. Jealous.
Lucky you. Jealousy can be for not having anything and just being happy. I was just happy but poor. And still the narc was hating that I laugh and at ease with myself and since he had access to resources and could see clearer picture. He plotted and destroyed my happiness and now I have chronic headache and can’t really be at ease anymore as I always feel threatened
After I ended things with my ex, I went no contact for the first few days. It culminated in her calling me a "childish coward that needs to grow up." Was extremely unpleasant to see her true colors come out in full force.
I’ve been 100% no contact with my narc sibling for almost 11 months. Prior to that I called her out and exposed her craziness and BS just about everyday or at least every time we talked. She grew weary and afraid of the confrontations because I was relentless. I know it fed her ego at first, but she learned very quickly that I would never tolerate anything from her. I am sure she’s been at peace the whole time I’ve been silent, but even that’s about to come to an end because I have just won a lawsuit against her and her troubles are about to begin.
It took me 13 years to finally see it, but now that I realize my ex-best friend is highly narcissistic, I can see all the ways this person was *textbook* all along. The attempts to triangulate me through family looked really desperate, and I'm so glad I was finally able to see it for the pitiful behavior it was all along. Thanks to you and others doing great educational work around this!
Pretending to listen with promises to change, gaslighting games, social media posts, stalking, phoning and hanging up/messaging from different numbers but using obviously disguised profile pictures, fraudulently using my address to run up a debt against, attacking my cat.... This is my experience. Still jot sure what his aim is.... Revenge (definitely), to regain my supply (perhaps), to drive me mad (yes, but not working anymore), to frustrate me (obviously), but I think mostly to provoke me into acting out so he can try to turn the tables and redeem himself as a just and upstanding character..... Utter madness!
Oh my word this is right where I’m at 🤦🏼♀️ I’m 59, we’ve been married nearly 20 years he had me at the dr on antidepressants & antipsychotic meds for 18 of them, I was on them when I met him after a horrific break up but after 2 years I knew I was fine but he kept telling my dr I was not, but 2 years ago I got brave & quit the lot he was furious but I woke up to him 😢 I watched many videos on narcissism 😭😭😭 The hoarding drives me nuts, every subject we’ve talked about is him, he won’t work he wants to be a boss with his own business making Hho cells (dreamer) the house still has no power hardly any walls, I bought screens my dad paid $2000 he leaves them open so the snakes can come in, iv seen 4 so far he knows I’m terrified he just laughs 😭 I’m on disability & he’s my carer but has never done any caring I do everything, clean, pay bills, book holidays, buy whatever he needs & wants, I even caught him cheating online that was my fault too 🤷♀️ he’s very clever at making me believe this until I think it through … 2 years ago I left lived with my daughter & went back to my church & was happy, he joined my church & while being prayed for stood up pointed & screamed devil get out of her 😱😭 my pastor told me he had been having meetings with Him & divorce this man 😢 then he put himself into a mental health unit threatening suicide, I moved back & the next day I overheard him telling his friend it had the desired result 😡 he told me of his time in there helping the mentally challenged, giving a shoeless person his shoes etc etc, I found out from a friend nurse he was assessed as having narcissistic traits … January this year I’d had enough so started living for me, he became more difficult & June the 3rd I sat him down telling him I’m done, he cried apologised begged forgiveness, but no I was done, he said he would leave crying, I said get out of my bed till you go, 2 weeks latter he’s still on the couch, I asked again & no he’s staying we can both live there, but iv not spoken to him since except to say yes or no, he wants to talk but I’m done, iv got chocolates in my room, iv chocolate on my bench, iv cards, he’s done the yard, iv finally got a clothesline after 18 years, it’s a miracle as all he’s done all those years is sit on the internet 16 hours a day, but no 🛑 I’m done, I only wash my clothes, cook my food, drive my car etc, last week he shouted at me, you may not want to talk to me but you can talk to the dog 🙄 (I do talk to her) I just walked off … He comes into my room every time I go out looking through my stuff (I set up a camera & he even knows it’s there & waved at it once 🤦🏼♀️ grrr) when I leave me room I feel his eyes on me he’s intimidating it’s worse than being in prison, he’s going to church weekly, I left in June & joined elsewhere, he turns off all lights so I trip over, he moves things I know it’s him but I say nothing, … I just wish he would leave 😭 there is nowhere for me to go so I’m stuck here & he knows it … This is the hardest thing iv ever been through in my life ……….. I want this to end 😭
You are stuck between a rock and a hard place. A new city sounds ideal. Covertly start planning. You can do this. You already took steps to separate your heart and set some boundaries. Next do some research, tell no one until after you leave. Perhaps rent a storage locker and start buying new stuff for a new life. Then leave when ready. Big tip: think of what you would miss if you had a fire and only take those items from your dwelling and get the rest new and used. Only a thought for you hun. You can get your life back but you are overwhelmed, tired and broken inside. He has proven untrustworthy and devious so you need help to outsmart him. You are not crafty because you are kind and gentle. Perhaps talk to someone in a emergency shelter about an Exit Strategy. Keep praying and I will pray for you as well. Big hugs💕🙂💕
@Susan Argall I have a lovely lady counseling me from the new church she’s lovely, she’s teaching me about boundaries & abuse, he has & I don’t believe he would ever hit me like the past men iv known but I’m starting to see this as abuse too, taking Valium & sleeping pills to live here is not normal 😢 … iv seen a solicitor about the house settlement when I get that far, he’s going to go nuts when he knows I want to sell … And iv photos of all this mess I live in, the clutter ugh, his father was a hoarder also so learnt behaviour & his mother was sick for 62 years until her husband went to the nursing home then she became happy, started driving again it was a total 180, I actually wondered if she hated him but no she was living like I live under a narcissist 😭
@@patfume23 yes I realise now he will not change & im not wasting any more of my life in him I’m soooo done, but he’s not going to go without a fight & im so pathetic I fall for his tears 😖 I’m angry at myself
I broke up with my narcissist ex four months ago and he still stalks me on social media. He blocked me on instagram with his primary account, but continues to this day to follow me using his fake accounts. He checks every single one of my stories and, before I stopped checking entirely, he would post subtle posts on his page directed at me, using some of my common phrases or copying some of my exact wording from my own posts but changing it slightly. It used to irk me but then I realized it was just part of his stupid game and ignored it.
I go no contact with the narc and blocked him from all ways which he can contact me. Now he uses different accounts to approach me. I ignored him. I hope this will end. I like my life without him.
If you wanna know if someone is narcissist, here’s a great test. Lay down a healthy boundary of how you expect to be treated and let them know that you will be speaking up for yourself should they cross the boundary. (but do it in a calm in control way).Then watch them. If they blow up and become very angry, that’s a textbook sign that they’re a narcissist. A healthy person will listen to you, then apologize, then show remorse for hurting you, then talk about how they’re going to change their behavior so as not to hurt you in the future. If someone isn’t capable of giving that reaction, they are too toxic to be worth anyones time.
People think manipulative and vanity is narc. It is the desire to destroy anothers dreams , projects. relationships ect. It brings them satisfaction and peace if they can get you upset. No reasoning in the world works. Devilishness turns on and off.
What I need to know is why do I keep attracting narcissists? Unless they're just that abundant? I wish I could just learn a way to never have them in my life! So sick!
First of all, you just asked the BEST question of yourself. Why do I attract these subhumans? I attracted them for several reasons. Little to no self esteem or healthy self love, no clear boundaries, very codependent, sensitive and empathic. Narcs loved me! When I started to heal, have strong boundaries, respect myself....it's like narc repellent. Do that.
My NARCISSIST Father becomes very nasty and very vindictive when ever I ignore him! He thinks when he say's JUMP, you are suppose to say HOW HIGH? His sick view of himself as being so powerful and important gives him the right to push others around! He's a legend in his own mind! So self absorbed! You are so right, the BEST thing you can do is ignore them and DO NOT react to their abuse! That REALLY drives them nuts! Then he starts with the THREATS! Still ignore them and then the go bat $hit crazy even more! Then he starts calling others in your friend circles and starts bashing and trash talking and running me down! My friends recognize this and keep telling me how crazy my father is! They know, that's why I never have to say a word! He destroys himself and is too stupid to realize it, my friends ask me, WHY would your father say such things about someone he "Supposedly" LOVES and CARES about?!
I had a very unpleasant experience where one such group tries to control what you do and think, and when you object, it's like a red alert - they throw tantrums, insult, gaslight you and such.
This happened me very recently too so I left the group. Being a truthteller can feel lonely a lot of the time but it's better to be alone and genuine than be fake in bad company to please others
@@Eighties-Jadie, yes, I understand, because this was practically the same thing we both went through. I can freely I say I try to hold onto the objective truth, while they have their own truth and don't want to hear any other versions of the story, let alone criticism.
@@FilipRanogajec I'm sorry it happened you too. I've often found people say they want the truth but when it's presented they don't want to hear it anymore, especially when it paints them in a realistic light. This has happened me throughout my life being too open and honest in a world full of many narcissists who constantly cover the truth with lies. There are good people out there but it's finding them is difficult. I'd understand completely if my comments were nasty or trolling but they never are because I'm always polite in my interactions and seek to inspire others. However, for the most part truthtellers are very rarely welcomed with offering up different ways of looking at things because the truth is viewed as a threat. Narcissists are about image and keeping their groupies nearby. While the voice of the truthteller is often silenced I refuse to be silenced anymore. Best wishes to you and take care ☀️
@@Eighties-Jadie, thank you for your compassion. And I'm sorry to hear about that happening to you. I would describe in greater detail what actually happened to me. It was February 2nd this year, and for quite some time I was attending this one private religious teaching group and that day almost caused a total disaster in our family, and perhaps not just ours. You see, at that point, there was still the risk of that accursed COVID, and one ma'am who attended the group was infected with it and she knew it, but came to the group nonetheless. The 'boss' who was in charge of the group also knew it, but decided to do nothing (later they admitted they did it so to "avoid panic") - meaning, either send her home or cancel the group for the day altogether. Both one other lady and I got infected and then our families got infected too. This other lady was separated from her child and mother for that 2-week isolation period, and her mother had a bad blood image afterward. My uncle ended up on a respirator, and on top of that he caught pneumonia and the co-called hospital bacteria. He made it out, but VERY BARELY. Even without these two extra things, they say that only 1 out of 10 people survive after ending up on a respirator. He still has major consequences today, but I don't know if they're for a lifetime. Anyway, about 3 weeks later, when we were free to leave our homes, that other lady who got infected along with me and I confronted these people about what happened. They made some softy apologies, perhaps even beginning good, but soon thereafter started pointing fingers at us, saying we "shouldn't hold grudges" and "that's exactly what Satan wants" and the like. It even reached the point where they said "we're not going to talk about it anymore, it's over now" and "as long as we're God's people, there will be no repercussions for us" (basically, they say they can do whatever they want). Can you imagine such arrogance? Their carelessness and stupidity almost cost another person their life, and they still have the guts to lecture us about something... I cut all ties with them soon after that, but I will never forget the wickedness and hypocrisy they displayed that day. And then hiding behind faith... It's obviously true that people who should be the best role models in society are actually completely opposite of it. If this isn't the proof, then I don't know what is. Regards to you and take care. 👋😉
@@FilipRanogajec I just wrote a comment back to you earlier but got deleted so again don't know what's happening with the comments here on UA-cam. Any comment or remark about religious narcs seems to be removed for some reason even though the topic here is narcissism so it's confusing! I'm sorry for what happened you and hope your situation has improved. Best wishes and take care ☀️
To Smiler: NEVER let him attack your cat! Kick that person out, or YOU take your cat and go! Don't let him within 100 feet of your cat or any other animals ever again, starting right now.
my father is a malignant narc. ive been ignoring/avoiding him despite living with him. last night at 4AM(!!) he starts a loud "prayer" downstairs everyone upstairs can hear. yelling Hallelujah!!! Just ghastly. Sincere prayers are silent, so I knew it was just narcistic injury from being ignored. Christian narcs have got be a horrifying breed of narc--not only emotional/verbal abuse but spiritual as well. No matter what you do or achieve, youll be going to hell if you don't act how they want like he is god.
When you're tied up with a narc THE best moment is the look on their face when they see a moving van coming up the driveway to remove your stuff to your new digs. 👌🤣
"How can you leave me in such a state?" Truthfully, that was the exact expression that my mom had on her face the morning that I left to travel from Maryland to Tennessee for college. I had gotten out of the military in March, stayed home in Maryland for 6 months, and left for college late August. I guess that she really didn't think that I would leave or something. I packed up that car and said my goodbyes and✌️
My narc was a singer. So was I. That was our connection. Not sexual. She would always try and control me into working and/or helping her. She was a very good singer but a pain to work with and always got others to do all the work, prepare the tracks, get musicians, pay fir studio time, etc. To stop her I learned to 'big up' a mutual friend, another female singer. And no matter how much my narc tried to belittle this other girl I would just keep on about how amazing she was, what a voice, audiences loved her, she's great fun, etc. Would drive my narc crazy. Eventually she gave up trying to recruit me. Hallelujah.
Wife and I had a blowup a couple weeks ago. I apologized immediately for blowing up and hurtful things I said. She said nothing, I mean nothing! After past blowups, I’ve had to apologize and patch everything up. This time, I’m staying on my side of the street to see if she apologizes. It’s crickets from her. We barely speak to one another. It feels like a competition to see how long the stalemate goes. I don’t know if I’m in the wrong, and it’s driving me crazy!
@@scuttletheship656 tell me about! She manipulated me to say “yes” to moving her mom and dad in with us. The fights have been constant leading up to their move-in. It’s been a little over a week, and I feel lost. I almost left about a year ago after a big blowup where she called me, among other things, a “snake”. Now that her parents are in, I’m going to be shamed into staying, so they don’t get offended by me leaving 😭
@@mjsyankee1750 Any reasonable person wouldn't be offended by that, they'd know that there's more going on here if you're willing to leave your wife. Besides, who cares what they think? If all goes well you won't be seeing them anymore anyways.
I pulled the plug on the relationship with my father . Once it'd sunk in , his only concern was that I may tell others just who he really was and spoil his carefully constructed public Image . So he went all out to destroy mine instead as a preemptive measure . I'd already gone grey rock and so none of his efforts of coercion we're ever gonna work , for him it was straight to stage 2 , reputation destruction. But , at least I'm now free .
Decent people should see through his attempt to destroy your reputation. He will definitely appear unhinged. It’s always best to let them destroy their own reputation by attempts to destroy yours.
I have someone I recently cut ties with over me not saying what I was “suppose to say” about her. I said I was tired of not having a voice. Then she started liking all of my posts after I told her I was tired of it. Finally I said, “we need to go our separate ways” and deleted her. Then she blocked me. I always suspected she was a narcissist.
Another fantastic video, Darren! Just when I think I’ve heard it all 😂 … there always so much more to provoke my thought process. I appreciate and value everything you share and am grateful for your insight. Thanks again!
The narcissist that my family is dealing with has been using a smear campaign against us when we cut contact with them. This person was asked for contact information I needed to help resolve a conflict and fired back with a threat towards myself , my husband and our kids. I realized that he was feeling the lose of control and reacted like a narcissist does. Now this narcissist will have to deal with a lawyer as we have made multiple attempts to resolve this conflict. There is no other way to settle this conflict.
I have a sister like this. Not sure if she is a full-on narc but she has done the gamut with me. Being a relation, I do see her at family gatherings. In the past she always made digs at me and I only now recognize it for what it is. Before she exposed herself to me for what she is and we were on decent terms, she insisted "i'm just joking" and I accepted that it was just "gentle ribbing". Wow, it's interesting to see her in action with a clear lens. This last family gathering she kept harping that she knew it was me in an old family photo in which my face was hidden. "Oh this is _____ . I know it's her because of her feet". Now I'm sitting near her so she's not addressing me directly. But she is making a point of telling me via her addressing others. Now that may seem ridiculously miniscule and stretching it, so to put this into context, she has always considered my feet yucky compared to hers; always saying about her own: '"oh darn, my feet are too small. i have such small feet; i have to shop in the children's section". So the obvious slam is "i know it's you because you have damn ugly big feet" and i wear a size 5.5. Given our recent history, which is unpleasant, I knew what she meant. She repeated this 3 times to the group but no one would react to her and she finally shut up. I definitely heard it and it sounded desperate to be heard since she repeated it 3 times and was waving the photo in front of us. Goodness. Why she continues to slam me to my face and triangulate me with others is is beyond me. She is exhausting.
Ghilly, if she EVER gets on the tiny feet vs an 5 1/2 size, you cld tell her that studies show that women with bigger feet are MOST ALWAYS SMARTER than women with little feet. (Studies DO show this.) *Where can she even find a shoe small enuff? Cinderella she's NOT...
We moved in together six months ago and he turned into a different person immediately. I finally got to see his real personality, night and day. He ignores me. At first for days, then it turned into weeks. The longest running ignore lasted eight weeks before he finally broke the ignoring streak bc I was getting dressed up to go somewhere & he asked me where I was going.
It's game on challenge accepted.. he blocks my calls and gets very angry that I'm accusing him of doing what he's actually doing all the while denying that he did it even when confronted with evidence that it's true, all the while telling me that he doesn't want to fight! What I really want to know is why he hates women and still feels entitled to use them for his personal sex toys? I'm not jealous despite his best efforts to make me so jealous of his options that he's actually set me up to see some of them interact with each other he believes that I will see them as competition and give in to his unreasonable demands of me to keep him, he's not the prize that he thinks he is. I've decided that if he can go on a smear campaign against me with lies that I can return the favor with the truth.
Much of this seems directed at how a romantic parter/ex narcissist will react when you ignore them but I've found most of it applies to narcissist parents too. I would appreciate a more parent oriented video on this subject, especially how they try to lure you back after even years of no contact. How do they change as they go into retirement years? Your content is truly incredible. I've been watching Narcissism videos here on youtube for many years now but only just found this channel and WOW Thank you!!!!!
Thank you for putting out this information for everyone to have access to it. It is helpful to have even just an idea of what you're looking at. You have helped me in so many ways! I feel like I'm not going crazy. Just being able to know what I'm looking at or put a name to it in my head has been immensely soothing. Thank you again so so much!
A really interesting and important topic, and well articulated here. The approach I took was based on what I thought about as developing a smallest effective response. I defined 'smallest' in terms of investment of resources, particularly my time, which overall is best spent not on engaging with people incapable of seeing me as a person. This also requires a choice of goal by which to define 'effective'; mine was always about living into what are everyone's basic rights to autonomy, privacy, self-determination and dignity. Significantly, it was not about winning screaming hitting matches. The smallest effective response for me was therefore ignoring and disengagement. Ironically, it turned out that this is exactly what the pathologically self-obsessed abusive tyrants concerned really see as the worst kind of assault. I think I had an instinctual appreciation that only became explicit much later for me to the effect that they actually get off on one arguing, trying to explain a case, or screaming back at them, because it means that one is engaged in their war for domination and control, and it also means they can gorge themselves on feelings of victimhood. The worst tantrums were at my persistent refusals to engage. The result of these tantrums was more disengagement. These kinds of people don't connect causes to effects. No matter.
Good post. My conclusion is that the narc grew up in a home where the only attention they got from their parents was when they misbehaved. So that normalized negative attention. Really sad. There apparently ARE quite a few people out there who should NEVER procreate.
Wow!!! I have completely and totally ignored my narcissistic stalker for 12 years and he is still stalking me! He never communicates with me directly, he has never threatened or attempted suicide and he has never been violent but over the last 12 years he has done absolutely everything else you have mentioned. Everything including recording private conversations through my phone and sharing them with other people, sharing private e-mails with other people, hanging around my house, hacking my pc, trying to turn my brother against me (failed!) Hopefully he's reading this! My local police have a specialist stalker unit. I haven't contacted them....... yet.
I have gone low contact with my narcissistic sister. When she is nasty to me, I give her the silent treatment for as long as it takes for her to get the message. But if she's nice to me, I reward her in subtle ways, like sending her funny videos on the internet.
Mines turned into a hypochondriac.. he’s also done 180 degree turn n hovering and love bombing. Now he wants to actually do stuff with me and agrees with me on everything . He now is having huge anxiety and panic attacks and hasn’t been able to sleep for the last week.. he’s calling or running to Dr all the time because he can’t sleep or relax. He constantly paces and is leaving the house or room because he can’t sleep or relax.. we will do stuff together all day but at night he can’t sit down to relax in a room as he can’t be still and must constantly be on the move. Really weird..
Spot on. They really tailor their responses to what they think will work best. My ex did all of these things at one point or another except trying to 'one up' me. I could always hold out longer than he could. Every time we had a big fight and I'd walk away to gather myself, i could time my watch to when he would contact me. One hour. That's as long as he could ever go to staying silent. I've been no contact for almost 6 years now.
Oof, my ex did the travel plans and old photos tactic. Then he said, "I know this break up had nothing to do with me, I know you've unpacked a lot of family stuff and have been dealing with that. When you're ready I know you’ll come back"
What if ( presumably vounerable covert narcistist...- but you not sure what she or he is) leave you ( marriage) after many years without any explanation closure with no to small reason. Just literally like " leaving room and turning light off " and dissappearing for 3 years, blocking you not contacting in any way at all. Not even trying to cooperate for divorce..No nothing..( and...you don't even know where she is) . And all the sudden...She first put papers to court for divorce. She meet you in front court doors . No explanation no closure. For my question : " why what happened "? She was like; :" We didn't see each other long time so all intimacy between us disappeared and I don't see reason to continue relationship."Literally...Nothing more... My jaw dropped down..😮 I heard people who leave long time relationship without explanation closure dissappear for years keeping you in confiusion , they have so called triad: "Narcistism Psychopaty Machiavellism "?
my understanding is machiavellians are hard working, but narcissists are lazy. sounds like this person did you a favor by leaving. being used by someone you care about is devastating, but you can move on and have a real relationship with a genuine partner.
Is that Dr. Who's Tardis in the background? Love it!! Wish I had one...haha :) Love your videos even though I am now officially single for life ( thanks to all the Narcis from my past) and no longer need to worry about this too much, other than some family and friends who I cut ties with anyways. A true Gift! Blessings and greetings from Canada :)
Just walk away and don't look back, leave them to say whatever they like to whoever they like and pay no attention, and whatever you do don't ever be reasonable, be rutheless. let them know they are not in charge of anything, they will of course hate you to the grave, but never mind, beacuse it doesn't matter.
One thing you forgot to mention is that a narcissist's word is literally worthless. Though all the narcissistic traits you mention are more towards the latter end of of the those with moderate to severe narcissism. It's always better to cut off all contact with narcissists at this level as one's own mental health and well being are much more important than trying to engage or talk anything meaningful with a narcissist as the narcissist's mentality will always be "I'm right and you're wrong." Like I have said before, it is almost like the narcissist's EGO & SHAME become filters where everything is filtered through the narcissist's overly inflated ego or their extremely low inability to tolerate shame. My theory on narcissism and why it some people have huge egos and zero ability to tolerate shame while others have normal egos and a normal ability to tolerate shame comes from the a narcissist ability to convincingly tell lies. The ability to convincingly tell lies is similar to "positive reinforcement" to the narcissist. The more the narcissist is able to tell lies convincingly the bigger the narcissist's egos becomes. In other words, once a narcissist knows they can get away with their lies then they become more and more adept at telling lies convincingly. Eventually, the narcissist become so adept at telling lies that their own reality and the reality around them is based on nothing more than lies as the "lie" in itself continues to feed their massive egos more and more. In essence, the false reality that the narcissists live in and creates are due to the lies they perpetuate as "truths" to both themselves and to anyone they find who is willing to listen to the narcissist. Like I have said time and time again, as a narcissist's egos grows bigger with each lie they tell and perpetuate as a truth, the more they are able to feed their massive egos. However, the bigger the narcissist's ego becomes the lower and lower they are able to tolerate shame of any kind, shape, or form. Anyone who has ever dealt with a moderate to severe narcissist will know that narcissists are also "pathological liars" and their word means absolutely nothing... (which is why anyone who knows or feels they are dealing with a moderate to severe narcissist should always take the narcissist's word with a grain of salt). Remember, to the narcissist "image is everything" and this includes the false reality in which they live in and creates due to the lies they tell over and over.... Those who challenge their inflated ego or who shame the narcissist in any way must be punished or destroyed at all costs. It's just a theory I had that appears to succinctly explain the behaviour of moderate to severe narcissists and why narcissism becomes more and more profound (worse) over time. Freud wasn't right about everything when Freud came up with his theories either but it's just something possibly worth thinking about. BTW > Great video, Darren!
People latch on for various reasons people go through all kinds of needs and detachments, i am not perfect but once I’m demonise I’m never going to go back or look back because I know in my God given heart I have nothing but my last $20 to give if I don’t have that I have my labour to help improve your situation and I don’t stop till the job is done. Once I’m vilified I’m never found again
They doubled down on you. It's a neighbor. Nobody warned me about him when I bought the manufactured house in this village I was more concerned about my husband who was dying of Alzheimer's and cancer nobody told me the guy next door was a bully a narcissistic bastard. For some reason he wanted me to join his club hating the manager of the development I moved in to. When I didn't he started telling me what to do in my yard as if he was the manager or something and when I didn't do what I was told he started harassing me. When I went to the police because he was physically pushing my car while it was parked in my parking spot.. the police told me if they talk to him he will double down on me. That's exactly what happened. But he's smart he knows he has to have 22 actions with proof video within 6 months in order for me to take him to court for harassment. Narcissistic bullies communal narcissistic bullies any kind of narcissism they're smart they're not stupid they've learned to play the game and they will double down on you.
Ugh, the smear campaigns. I had a guy try to inject himself into my life out of the blue this yr. In the 1 conversation when he approached, I spotted multiple red flags of potential narcissism so I distanced myself. He found my house & since I work from home, I noticed he'd started creeping by multiple times a day. Come to find out through the grapevine, he also started spreading local rumors, then making posts pretending to be me on an anonymous forum, telling other ppl I was looking for him. A friend of mine ended up calling him out on the forum & more rumors spread that *I'm* the crazy one. Even other ppl I don't even know started harassing me for several weeks. It's quieted down, but he succeeded in isolating me because now ppl think I'm the "crazy" one. Just me sitting at a park watching my son play turned into all that because 1 guy couldn't handle being rejected. It's freaking wild.
They start to threaten me for attention. Then they drivel at me about how nice they are, and how it is insane to reject them. Then the disgusting person communicates at me all day. 24 7 survailance. Entitled to commit crimes. That they can't fix what they hate about me that doesn’t matter. Just pose a threat , and threaten to do things against my rational will. Make me nervous and worried. Blame me for the predicament I had after managing to escape the other abuser. The narcissist basically forced itself to me a week after I managed to escape. This is just more crimes towards me. It seems to believe that I could become incoherent. My fine trait is not sufficient nor neccessary for people being incoherent unfortunately. It threatens to kidnap me. It can not tell the difference between something possible false, (which doesn’t mean youre insane) and something false per logic. It can't separate it. It can't separate its feelings from factuals either. Its as if it thinks its feelings exist as a component or is a quality of what it percieves. This is worthless for me.
I liked the silent treatment. It was so much better than the gaslighting, harassment, irritability, lies, and manipulations of everyday life.😀
I really craved the hoover. After 3 years, I recently got the hoover. I rejected it. I like the silent treatment. Leave me……alone.
Totally agree 👍🏾💯
Yes, the silent treatment is much more peaceful. I just ignored it whenever it happened to me.
Yessss
They feign concern about you to others as a means of gathering information. People don't know they're being played by the narcissist.
Yes this is so true! It's extremely manipulative
Exactly MT and when their losing their sources of info,they can't handle it. They also hate that you aren't playing their game anymore
Normal people do the same but with authentic concern
And don't forget they also do this to appear caring and concerned to others!
They use feigned concern to start smear campaigns too. "Oh I'm just so worried about her because she was in the hospital recently. Oh? You didn't know she was in the hospital? Yeah, her doctor told me she (insert private information or even totally made up information that makes people look at you poorly)." Then they just watch the smear spread and no one will point at them as they only shared what happened (or made it up) because they were so worried about you.
They destroy you. You can not have them in your life and ignore them. You can only run away. Dreadful people who represent everything that is wrong with humanity.
Amen
You really hit the nail on the head!
I'm going to try for the sake of my grandkids.
I think your comment is best so far.
De mons
Worst thing you can do to a narcissist it to ignore them. It almost kills them.
Yes
Good
Not true but it’s a nice story to tell ourselves. They honestly don’t give a damn.
Just ignoring and not reacting when narcissists misbehave will deprive them of narcissistic supply while keeping you from falling into their pit of evil.
Exactly
When you ignore them, they self destruct literally... It's like their world comes apart and they even resort to any crazy behavior to get your attention... Positive or negative... Quite scary really.
Scary
Uh No, dealing with a Narc is NOT a categorically cookie cutter stereotypical solution believe me. In my decades long existence of being a Scapegoat and worse, Ignoring or similar behaviors can and or will result in Criminal Felony Behavior directed at myself via retaliation. The Scapegoat taking a stand or even being critical of the Narc and or Family Patriarch can result in loss of employment, illness, serious injury and Death.
The presenter's knowledge of life is most likely confined to a college campus yet the suggested Sunny Day approach tactics towards a Narc is ideal but Not for everyone.
Negligence or manipulation.
I have an advice. Only don't fall. Make all of this for YOUR integrity and your values. They matter. And you are a person too.
The tyrants... oh this abusive people
@@HighSpeedNoDrag I have been threatened with being beaten to a pulp. Threat of physical assault, legally. And my father thinks he is untouchable because he is a policeman.
@@HighSpeedNoDrag yes. Not for everyone. This cases are so dangerous.
They will ignore you and try to make it seem like they discarded you first. They are truly odd people.
Yes I've experienced this
Evil people.
OR: I was ignored and then he told others how I didn’t pay attention to him.
He’d literally be wrapped up in a blanket, covered from head to toe, I’d come and talk to him, offer him conversation or even just company if something horrible had happened at work (it didn’t, he’s an art instructor!)…
He’d go nonverbal on me for sometimes four days, and then blame me.
This comes from their reality of always having to have 1 winner & 1 loser.
Yup. They don't make sense at all.
It took 42 years for me to realise what was 'wrong' with me.
It wasn't me, but my narcissistic mother.
Hey...I'm 45 and you are not alone. 💙 Therapy is helpful.
@@-norsecode- Thank you 🤗
@@MetaFootballTV 🤗
Just be glad you've escaped, somtimes you still have cuts from the barbed wire and they take awhile to heal. mine are
@@markburd8541 Thanks.
Still trapped, just realised that's all.
They always lurk in the background stalking or getting their friends to stalk you for them 😖. Keep ignoring them!
I’m keeping me eyes wide open because my mom is like that, she’s already threatened me and she trying everything to get her way and I’m not even falling for her shenanigans.
Yep so true, it's sad that people are like this, it just shows how unhappy they are in their life. The one that has a pure heart will always win.
beware of the historical grudge, after 35 yrs of 'no contact' with my covert narcissist mother, she injected her self back into my life, with malicious intent.
do not underestimate the vindictiveness' of the narcissist.
Yep. These are the sadistic ones. They genuinely don't care about anyone, even after many years of NC from several family members, they don't soften or gain any perspective, if anything, they get nastier and more unhinged.
35 years? Great so have her committed to a loon bin. Say she forgets stuff switch the day on ur phone so they ask what day it is she gets it wrong and it's bye bye mom.
Pure insanity. These people are true evil
If one truly is about re•NEW•ing a relationship, a grudge has no place in it. Otherwise just keep no contact.
@@PhoenixFeathers ... she injected her self back into my life, with malicious intent.
When you ignore them while simultaneously making them expose themselves, they lose their shyte big time.
Yessss! I went no contact, had the smear campaign, the flying monkeys and got the demonic stare👹. The Narc rage was awesome, it was hell bent on destroying me but exposed itself by lies, deceit and pure evil intent. When 3 friends exposed the lies it won best actor award by having a full Narc rage and threats meltdown - it realised it had lost control and manipulation tactics failed - it got the best verbal ass beating ever by having the arrogance to take on intellectually superior peeps. It's waiting for revenge but will get a severe slap down again - these creatures are dumb AF. They get their Karma🖤 have patience.
@@dumblizzie I actually got mines rage fit breakdown on camera. I am wondering how many therapists and online types would be interested in seeing exactly what being on the receiving eld of a full-on narcissistic collapse rage fit looks like.
@@thecustodian1023 If you can legally show it online would love too see what happened and compare experiences lol.
@@dumblizzie Stick a spoiled over-tired 3-year-old that recently learned how to lie in an old adult's body and let them rip. 😋
had to block my whole family and cousins as well. never looking back.
I had to block all contact with my mom and sister and older brothers.
I understand. It’s not that the cousins are so bad but they participate in the system and culture.
I did also. My entire family. No regrets just sadness.
I avoided my natcissistic friend almost everyday due to her behaviors and she was always the victim of it, taking no responsibility for actually being the cause of it. I avoided her because she acted entitled to all of my time and would stalk me, harass and guilt trip mainly. She also always offered to pay for things like a kind gesture but really i think it was to try and keep me indebted to her.
Good stay away from her she is jealous of you too.
I agree your best bet is to give her a wide birth
Oohhh I had a "friend" like that too! Classic!
Omg this!!!!! She tried to offer and pay for stuff too but I would never accept and I’m glad I didn’t
Dang, this sounds like my mom. Stay away!
This describes my father exactly. This describes how he had treated me as his only kid and how he has treated my mother. My life is that much more peaceful since I stopped talking to him.
It’s disgusting what they do! They call all your friends and say they’re worried about you and they’ll say they think you’re drinking or doing drugs or emotionally unstable. They’ll put on such a pity show that everyone will start to hate you and believe everything they say!
Please keep it that way. Best wishes!
@@thirstonhowellthebird yes your right - had that experience myself
Your mother bless to av a son who "sees"some son join fathers esp if they hav worldly things to offer..you truly bless with a purity of heart.
It's a beautiful thing for you to have peace away from him.
My narcissist father would use shaming. He was so afraid I would do better in life then he had done. I eventually developed a thick skin to his comments and went no contact. At one point after I became an adult he was angry (I won't go into why, it would take to long to explain) and told me that he hated me and that his one regret was that he didn't slit my throat when I was a baby. He was hoping I would break down crying. I had stopped caring a long time before that. Someone told me after he had passed that he did not understand why I "turned my back on him" as if he had done nothing to cause that.
Im aghast at what some people write on here, why would a father say that to his offspring, like you say its to break you , they would happily see you on the floor in agony that happy and contented. im 57, or 8 i cant remember, and 3 years ago i had a drone, as soon as mum heard that she assumed i was going to spy on women with it. !!!! i actually heard something switch off in my brain, that was the final straw, and i walked away and havent been back
@Margaret Sims
I’m glad your father isn’t able to hurt you, or try to hurt you anymore.❤️🩹
I believe every word.
What happens when you ignore a narcissist to the point of full no contact?
Life gets soooooo much better 😎😎😎😎👍👍
Full no contact is my dream come true. I'll get there. I'm way past any emotional/psychological bonds. I'm facing financial/practical issues. I'll handle that.
narcissists are #1 guilt-trippers. they prey on your goodness, your integrity, your "promises" to them to reel you back in the ring for another 15 rounds of abuse.
You’re right. After awhile you can’t do it anymore.
I've had to ignore and distance myself from a narcissist recently too and I'm waiting on the smear campaigns to begin because I'm no longer giving him attention. He had me fooled in the beginning with shiny love bombs but something inside kept warning me he was too good to be true. Thanks for the video Darren and best wishes ☀️
ALL TRUE! THANK YOU 4 SHARING! 💜🙏🏽
@@latrinamilton1357 Thank you ❤️
Omg, yup, too familiar. 😩 Thanks for sharing.
@@fruitascension5089 You're welcome and thank you for your kind comment ❤️
I believe most "nice guys" are narcissist. I was one of them before and embarrassed by my own actions during those time.
The best quote I've heard is "If you are worried you might be a narcissist, you probably aren't one."
For a lot of people who's parent/parents are narcissists, we worry we are narcissists too.
@@-norsecode- Don't worry brother. You are a different animal. If you are capable of "worrying" that means you are self reflecting. live a good life and carry on.
@@kevinspacey5325 Thanks, brü. I appreciate your kind words.
thats true. narc will NEVER think that they are narc, not even the slightest thought.
After 18 years with one i seriously doubt if i am...my reactions are extreme...😒
A narc will try to 'get even', get revenge, redouble their narc efforts and ways,. try to.'make you pay' for ignoring them, and of course all this can be overt or covert. Not a very nice person. Best advice---dump, discard, or disconnect as much as humanly possible such a person.
How do u do it when hes the father of ur children?
This can also happen to the victims they can become very aggressive and sometimes kill themselves or lose it on other people because we got a remember these people have complex PTSD and push too far can be a really bad thing for someone that can’t control themselves. When you take a human being and you take everything away from them then that becomes a very dangerous place to be especially after years of abuse with the family and the ex-husband all working together with generational abuse it takes a hell of a person to get out of this mess you have to be strong.
... yes... i agree !
True
That happens to teenagers when they are bullied in American schools mainly. It has happened too many times and bullies still don't get people have a breaking point and they might have nothing to lose. Complex ptsd is no joke.
In some cases, narcs will lash out and become aggressive, or they continue to make attempts despite being ignored. It has happened to me.
They can even resort to having you murdered if one is lucky given the other alternative.
happened to me too, when I ignored them, they became even more aggressive and attacking towards me. it's scary, because they play dirty. emotional intimidation of people should not be ok like this
Me too-he shot out the french door in a rental house
Summary: Ignoring a narcissist doesn’t go over well with them. 👍
So right on the 7 traits! Especially on being competitive!!! I have 2 sisters who ‘do everything better’ … are ‘more favored, loved or appreciated’ by anyone who shows love to me. If I have achieved a goal…I have noticed them making an announcement of a greater goal. 🤦🏻♀️ Several years ago, they succeeded with their lies destroying my reputation with relatives who now ignore me, my inspirational messages, or special events we have. People who used to call me every week or every month no longer associate with me (including my own brother). When my husband saw him at a carnival he asked him why he stopped calling and how he could allow the other siblings treat me so horribly. His response “I heard someone say something about something that happened.” My husband said, “you HEARD something from somebody but never called your sister to talk about it? Did you or anyone else ever think to pick up the phone to call and see if it were true?“ When he didn’t respond, my husband said “it’s quite disturbing how all of you can talk about your sister but not a single one of you can pick up the phone and talk to your sister.” 🔥🙌🏼
I’m okay with this because if a person is authentic and truly knows me, they’d never listen to such rubbish. Just saying.
Oh you have no idea how this is what I’m going through! I’m so glad I found this channel! And there are others that have survived the narcissistic abuse in the same way! TY
... it sounds, to me, like you may have been the 'scapegoat child'.... [or black sheep..?]
all the best, from Australia .. x
@Jane Isawake thank you! He is an absolute gem and truly amazing!
Honestly the fact that they believed the lies over you is all you need to know. I’ve had so many ppl believe the lies from the narcs and honestly began to appreciate the ones that didn’t.
What a good husband you have! Glad for you!
My narc sister tried it all: feigning emotional instability, using my words against me, threatning to end herself, blame-shifting, being an overall hypocrite (people which she knows I despise)...
Eventually I caught on to her shady and stagnant behaviour and started the silent treatment. Best choice I ever made.
Me too 😬
@@user-vt9kd4no8j And did you make it out okay?
I can tell you that: They go harder to provoke you! I ignored for 3 years and he almost took my life.
My dear they are evil this is the people Bible called them evil people pray and God will give you way out don’t die for anyone
It’s 11 months for me now, living in the same house, it’s hell 🔥 I’m being driven crazy, he’s moving things, hiding things & I can’t say a thing or that proves I’m mad 😭😭😭
@@ismalicesamson1817 Yes, I believe it demonic aswell. The psychiatry can explain it all it wants but Ive seen too many signs for it not to be demonic.
@@terry_kathryn Change it around. Wheever you cant find it you immediately ask him if he's ahlright since he's moving things. "Dont you need to see a doctor dear? I think you may have alzheimers" Do all the things he does to you, to him. Turn it around on him and he'll leave bc they cant handle being treated this way thenmselves. Ive chased away a sociopath this way and it only took about a week. Theyre so insecure they cant handle being treated like this. You'll win.
@@ismalicesamson1817 iv prayed & prayed, I changed church because he started attending where I was (he’s done this before & caused havoc) I just don’t want to be here
At 5:04 "What about the cat?" 😂 so true they will throw any excuse to get you to stay 😅
Years ago I got an over-the-top type flower arraignment sent to me at a job. I'd been there a few months. My co-workers said "Oh that's really nice of the person who sent that, they must really care about you." I said "this bouquet is for all of you." They were confused saying "but your name is on it." I had no way of explaining the ridiculous and sadistic gesture that was for me deeply disturbing. It seems the more ridiculous the antics, the harder it is to get help because trying to explain it makes the teller sound absolutely insane. It is too much to expect anyone to believe this sort of fractured communication style.
I absolutely get it. 💜
Its an invisible war 🤐
everyone gets a normal type of a war - there are 2 sides on a field and everyone knows the rules
In this case - you’re on your own !!!! And made to feel + look like a lunatic
Extremely difficult place to pick yourself up from 😢
❤❤
@@awake78 Great explanation! So true.
@@awake78 it isn't invisible. People can see what is happening. People can understand complexity. The point I was making is trying to explain involves telling someone else's story. Ignoring the ridiculousness doesn't put an end to it. Going on with life knowing at any point the mindset of a controlling person can surface. I let them tell their own story. Knowing that a person is willfully trying to create a narrative to continue their behavior is deeply disturbing. It is on them to make it make sense.
@gemma........ It wasn't that type of a situation. If the person wanted to contact me and sort out a problem they would have contacted me, they had my phone number. Sending something to my job and continuing the drama was indicating the theatrics involved in that person's choices. In this video Darren talks about the ridiciulous and sadistic. The person's choice showed them to be ridiculous and sadistic. The behavior creates a situation. Ignoring that, while being aware it can turn into anything, at some point, is exhausting. However that IS the type of relationship the person wants. Not what I want, but how do you make a person change, you don't Trying to get to common ground brings out strange patterns of human behavior.
you described someone I went to highschool with WHO STILL stalks/gossips about me 15 years later
A Narcissist is nothing but a bully that seeks out ppl that like drama, welllll my 100% narcissist MISREAD me. Bless her heart
My ex gf started devaluing and giving the silent treatment. I hit back by ignoring her. This made her go crazy. She tried everything possible. Sometimes she indirectly insulted me on social media. Sometimes she pretended to love bomb me. Then she started going around with friends of mine whom she came to know through me. Finally she blocked me on all social media platforms and now she's going around with almost anybody and everybody and ensures that her flying monkeys keep posting about her so that I can see all this shit. It's very painful to say the least but I have managed to keep my cool.
Bravo - I’m impressed.
Where it got wrong? She cheated...
There's no return. Once is enough.
Now I know what she is and I'm not putting myself through that again.
Winning is vital, winning is so important. You are either a winner or Lawd forbid, a... I can’t even say it.
It is best to get and *keep* toxic, manipulative, destructive people out of your life. If you've had children with them, contact should be minimal, and any verbal interaction with them should *only* involve the children. Don't let them change the subject.
It’s true they are dangerous
Bombard you? Accuse you of not caring, despite everything they have done to help you? Pity party? Accusations, and untruths, smearing? Name calling and labelling? An endless menu of options. imo
Spot on, Darren. Another great video, thank you! I have even had a narcissist try to contact me using someone whom I had not spoken to in over a decade. It was so obvious-that person suddenly contacted me out of nowhere and then after a message or two tells me I should reach out to the narc. 🙄
I was married to one for 30 years, still got the scares to prove it. I told her to go, not in so many words. I live safe now
Safe is good.
I've been going through this with my adult son. He wrote scathing letters full of profanity and name-calling to me and his father about six weeks ago after we refused to help him financially. I went gray rock and told him that I'd not argue with him. His wife convinced me and my husband to come to my son's birthday celebration at a local restaurant. We did in order to see the grandkids. At the celebration, she took me aside and said that he wrote those messages, because he was drunk, didn't mean it, and regretted it. I don't really buy that as he wrote those letters over a period of days. He has also never apologized, and was ice-cold at the dinner. Several times, he glared at us. I'm so hurt about it all. At least his wife is giving us access to the grandkids, told us we can come over and see them.
Aren’t you glad you understand or have this knowledge regarding narcissism. I would be an absolute wreck and blame myself if I didn’t understand the crazy behavior of my covert daughter.
My Mom is a narcissist who uses the silent treatment as her ultimate punishment. She didn't realize as her invisible daughter I never needed her approval, or her attention. When I set firm boundaries between her and my daughters she tried to smash through them. I only made them stronger. When my Grandpa called me and said my mom made Grandma cry, my mom called me a liar. I refused to 'take it back'. She began a silent treatment that day 16 years ago that was contingent on my groveling for her forgiveness. I won't apologize for speaking the truth of her behavior and she'll never forgive me for it. I have no regrets and she has 16 wonderful great grandchildren she has refused to acknowledge. She has made her life hell and I'm glad to not be part of it
I once was on a government training course with a narcissist. He didn't seem to need a supply person to destroy, his need was to be 'top dog' all the time. When he wasn't selected to stand in for an instructor who was away for a day as another trainee was, he threw a tantrum like a spoiled child. This was a man in his late twenties. When he visited me at my home and found I'd things he didn't have (access to a car, girlfriend, nice flat) he dumped me as a friend. Jealous.
Lucky you. Jealousy can be for not having anything and just being happy. I was just happy but poor. And still the narc was hating that I laugh and at ease with myself and since he had access to resources and could see clearer picture. He plotted and destroyed my happiness and now I have chronic headache and can’t really be at ease anymore as I always feel threatened
Lucky you !
After I ended things with my ex, I went no contact for the first few days. It culminated in her calling me a "childish coward that needs to grow up."
Was extremely unpleasant to see her true colors come out in full force.
They go away. Just keep ignoring
Yeah these videos pop up every now and then to remind everyone to show no mercy. Them or you kind of thing.
Me as a narcissist:
✅ If you ignore me, I ignore you back.
✅Sensitive to criticism (has been since I was a child).
I’ve been 100% no contact with my narc sibling for almost 11 months. Prior to that I called her out and exposed her craziness and BS just about everyday or at least every time we talked. She grew weary and afraid of the confrontations because I was relentless. I know it fed her ego at first, but she learned very quickly that I would never tolerate anything from her. I am sure she’s been at peace the whole time I’ve been silent, but even that’s about to come to an end because I have just won a lawsuit against her and her troubles are about to begin.
there’s no peace for the wicked
@@n.g.l.
Well, that is true you are correct I should’ve said she’s keeping quiet and in hiding
Emotional blackmail ... those examples were eerily spot on
It took me 13 years to finally see it, but now that I realize my ex-best friend is highly narcissistic, I can see all the ways this person was *textbook* all along. The attempts to triangulate me through family looked really desperate, and I'm so glad I was finally able to see it for the pitiful behavior it was all along. Thanks to you and others doing great educational work around this!
Pretending to listen with promises to change, gaslighting games, social media posts, stalking, phoning and hanging up/messaging from different numbers but using obviously disguised profile pictures, fraudulently using my address to run up a debt against, attacking my cat.... This is my experience. Still jot sure what his aim is.... Revenge (definitely), to regain my supply (perhaps), to drive me mad (yes, but not working anymore), to frustrate me (obviously), but I think mostly to provoke me into acting out so he can try to turn the tables and redeem himself as a just and upstanding character..... Utter madness!
Oh my word this is right where I’m at 🤦🏼♀️ I’m 59, we’ve been married nearly 20 years he had me at the dr on antidepressants & antipsychotic meds for 18 of them, I was on them when I met him after a horrific break up but after 2 years I knew I was fine but he kept telling my dr I was not, but 2 years ago I got brave & quit the lot he was furious but I woke up to him 😢 I watched many videos on narcissism 😭😭😭 The hoarding drives me nuts, every subject we’ve talked about is him, he won’t work he wants to be a boss with his own business making Hho cells (dreamer) the house still has no power hardly any walls, I bought screens my dad paid $2000 he leaves them open so the snakes can come in, iv seen 4 so far he knows I’m terrified he just laughs 😭 I’m on disability & he’s my carer but has never done any caring I do everything, clean, pay bills, book holidays, buy whatever he needs & wants, I even caught him cheating online that was my fault too 🤷♀️ he’s very clever at making me believe this until I think it through … 2 years ago I left lived with my daughter & went back to my church & was happy, he joined my church & while being prayed for stood up pointed & screamed devil get out of her 😱😭 my pastor told me he had been having meetings with Him & divorce this man 😢 then he put himself into a mental health unit threatening suicide, I moved back & the next day I overheard him telling his friend it had the desired result 😡 he told me of his time in there helping the mentally challenged, giving a shoeless person his shoes etc etc, I found out from a friend nurse he was assessed as having narcissistic traits … January this year I’d had enough so started living for me, he became more difficult & June the 3rd I sat him down telling him I’m done, he cried apologised begged forgiveness, but no I was done, he said he would leave crying, I said get out of my bed till you go, 2 weeks latter he’s still on the couch, I asked again & no he’s staying we can both live there, but iv not spoken to him since except to say yes or no, he wants to talk but I’m done, iv got chocolates in my room, iv chocolate on my bench, iv cards, he’s done the yard, iv finally got a clothesline after 18 years, it’s a miracle as all he’s done all those years is sit on the internet 16 hours a day, but no 🛑 I’m done, I only wash my clothes, cook my food, drive my car etc, last week he shouted at me, you may not want to talk to me but you can talk to the dog 🙄 (I do talk to her) I just walked off … He comes into my room every time I go out looking through my stuff (I set up a camera & he even knows it’s there & waved at it once 🤦🏼♀️ grrr) when I leave me room I feel his eyes on me he’s intimidating it’s worse than being in prison, he’s going to church weekly, I left in June & joined elsewhere, he turns off all lights so I trip over, he moves things I know it’s him but I say nothing, … I just wish he would leave 😭 there is nowhere for me to go so I’m stuck here & he knows it … This is the hardest thing iv ever been through in my life ……….. I want this to end 😭
It’s crazy, but keep listening to Dr Mcgee and things will get better. Good luck. ..
You are stuck between a rock and a hard place. A new city sounds ideal. Covertly start planning. You can do this. You already took steps to separate your heart and set some boundaries. Next do some research, tell no one until after you leave. Perhaps rent a storage locker and start buying new stuff for a new life. Then leave when ready. Big tip: think of what you would miss if you had a fire and only take those items from your dwelling and get the rest new and used.
Only a thought for you hun. You can get your life back but you are overwhelmed, tired and broken inside. He has proven untrustworthy and devious so you need help to outsmart him. You are not crafty because you are kind and gentle. Perhaps talk to someone in a emergency shelter about an Exit Strategy. Keep praying and I will pray for you as well.
Big hugs💕🙂💕
@@user-vt9kd4no8j thank you yes I’m going to listen to more there has to be a way to end this turmoil 🤷♀️
@Susan Argall I have a lovely lady counseling me from the new church she’s lovely, she’s teaching me about boundaries & abuse, he has & I don’t believe he would ever hit me like the past men iv known but I’m starting to see this as abuse too, taking Valium & sleeping pills to live here is not normal 😢 … iv seen a solicitor about the house settlement when I get that far, he’s going to go nuts when he knows I want to sell … And iv photos of all this mess I live in, the clutter ugh, his father was a hoarder also so learnt behaviour & his mother was sick for 62 years until her husband went to the nursing home then she became happy, started driving again it was a total 180, I actually wondered if she hated him but no she was living like I live under a narcissist 😭
@@patfume23 yes I realise now he will not change & im not wasting any more of my life in him I’m soooo done, but he’s not going to go without a fight & im so pathetic I fall for his tears 😖 I’m angry at myself
As long as the narcissist is getting attention from others I don't think they'll care if you ignore them.
It’s even better that way they are useless to us
That’s a win for you.
@@JK-vy8vh Yes it is
They do care, you become the broken stair they cant ignore. Sometimes you become the center of their world...
That’s been my experience
I broke up with my narcissist ex four months ago and he still stalks me on social media. He blocked me on instagram with his primary account, but continues to this day to follow me using his fake accounts. He checks every single one of my stories and, before I stopped checking entirely, he would post subtle posts on his page directed at me, using some of my common phrases or copying some of my exact wording from my own posts but changing it slightly. It used to irk me but then I realized it was just part of his stupid game and ignored it.
Did he ever leave you alone?
I go no contact with the narc and blocked him from all ways which he can contact me. Now he uses different accounts to approach me. I ignored him. I hope this will end. I like my life without him.
If you wanna know if someone is narcissist, here’s a great test. Lay down a healthy boundary of how you expect to be treated and let them know that you will be speaking up for yourself should they cross the boundary. (but do it in a calm in control way).Then watch them. If they blow up and become very angry, that’s a textbook sign that they’re a narcissist. A healthy person will listen to you, then apologize, then show remorse for hurting you, then talk about how they’re going to change their behavior so as not to hurt you in the future. If someone isn’t capable of giving that reaction, they are too toxic to be worth anyones time.
Healthy boundaries and a Narcissist? That's an Oxymoron.
Well said
Narcissists can’t bear being laughed at…then walk away
That’s how I got discarded. The word salad was just to weird and funny so I laughed.
People think manipulative and vanity is narc. It is the desire to destroy anothers dreams , projects. relationships ect. It brings them satisfaction and peace if they can get you upset. No reasoning in the world works. Devilishness turns on and off.
Such insecurity and Ego-driven evil eventually implodes.
What I need to know is why do I keep attracting narcissists? Unless they're just that abundant? I wish I could just learn a way to never have them in my life! So sick!
On en rencontre beaucoup , ici , en France aussi.
you might be co dependent they seem to attract narcs
First of all, you just asked the BEST question of yourself. Why do I attract these subhumans? I attracted them for several reasons. Little to no self esteem or healthy self love, no clear boundaries, very codependent, sensitive and empathic. Narcs loved me! When I started to heal, have strong boundaries, respect myself....it's like narc repellent. Do that.
It is very hard to live with the character assassination. I know about them using others as well.
My NARCISSIST Father becomes very nasty and very vindictive when ever I ignore him! He thinks when he say's JUMP, you are suppose to say HOW HIGH? His sick view of himself as being so powerful and important gives him the right to push others around! He's a legend in his own mind! So self absorbed! You are so right, the BEST thing you can do is ignore them and DO NOT react to their abuse! That REALLY drives them nuts! Then he starts with the THREATS! Still ignore them and then the go bat $hit crazy even more! Then he starts calling others in your friend circles and starts bashing and trash talking and running me down! My friends recognize this and keep telling me how crazy my father is! They know, that's why I never have to say a word! He destroys himself and is too stupid to realize it, my friends ask me, WHY would your father say such things about someone he "Supposedly" LOVES and CARES about?!
I had a very unpleasant experience where one such group tries to control what you do and think, and when you object, it's like a red alert - they throw tantrums, insult, gaslight you and such.
This happened me very recently too so I left the group. Being a truthteller can feel lonely a lot of the time but it's better to be alone and genuine than be fake in bad company to please others
@@Eighties-Jadie, yes, I understand, because this was practically the same thing we both went through. I can freely I say I try to hold onto the objective truth, while they have their own truth and don't want to hear any other versions of the story, let alone criticism.
@@FilipRanogajec I'm sorry it happened you too. I've often found people say they want the truth but when it's presented they don't want to hear it anymore, especially when it paints them in a realistic light. This has happened me throughout my life being too open and honest in a world full of many narcissists who constantly cover the truth with lies. There are good people out there but it's finding them is difficult. I'd understand completely if my comments were nasty or trolling but they never are because I'm always polite in my interactions and seek to inspire others. However, for the most part truthtellers are very rarely welcomed with offering up different ways of looking at things because the truth is viewed as a threat. Narcissists are about image and keeping their groupies nearby. While the voice of the truthteller is often silenced I refuse to be silenced anymore. Best wishes to you and take care ☀️
@@Eighties-Jadie, thank you for your compassion. And I'm sorry to hear about that happening to you. I would describe in greater detail what actually happened to me. It was February 2nd this year, and for quite some time I was attending this one private religious teaching group and that day almost caused a total disaster in our family, and perhaps not just ours. You see, at that point, there was still the risk of that accursed COVID, and one ma'am who attended the group was infected with it and she knew it, but came to the group nonetheless. The 'boss' who was in charge of the group also knew it, but decided to do nothing (later they admitted they did it so to "avoid panic") - meaning, either send her home or cancel the group for the day altogether. Both one other lady and I got infected and then our families got infected too. This other lady was separated from her child and mother for that 2-week isolation period, and her mother had a bad blood image afterward. My uncle ended up on a respirator, and on top of that he caught pneumonia and the co-called hospital bacteria. He made it out, but VERY BARELY. Even without these two extra things, they say that only 1 out of 10 people survive after ending up on a respirator. He still has major consequences today, but I don't know if they're for a lifetime. Anyway, about 3 weeks later, when we were free to leave our homes, that other lady who got infected along with me and I confronted these people about what happened. They made some softy apologies, perhaps even beginning good, but soon thereafter started pointing fingers at us, saying we "shouldn't hold grudges" and "that's exactly what Satan wants" and the like. It even reached the point where they said "we're not going to talk about it anymore, it's over now" and "as long as we're God's people, there will be no repercussions for us" (basically, they say they can do whatever they want). Can you imagine such arrogance? Their carelessness and stupidity almost cost another person their life, and they still have the guts to lecture us about something... I cut all ties with them soon after that, but I will never forget the wickedness and hypocrisy they displayed that day. And then hiding behind faith... It's obviously true that people who should be the best role models in society are actually completely opposite of it. If this isn't the proof, then I don't know what is.
Regards to you and take care. 👋😉
@@FilipRanogajec I just wrote a comment back to you earlier but got deleted so again don't know what's happening with the comments here on UA-cam. Any comment or remark about religious narcs seems to be removed for some reason even though the topic here is narcissism so it's confusing! I'm sorry for what happened you and hope your situation has improved. Best wishes and take care ☀️
They will always get you back that's for sure , watch your back
To Smiler: NEVER let him attack your cat! Kick that person out, or YOU take your cat and go!
Don't let him within 100 feet of your cat or any other animals ever again, starting right now.
Don't let the POS within 500 meters of yourself and or cat. Achieve a Protective Order and Good Luck.
Yes report animal cruelty immediately
my father is a malignant narc. ive been ignoring/avoiding him despite living with him. last night at 4AM(!!) he starts a loud "prayer" downstairs everyone upstairs can hear. yelling Hallelujah!!! Just ghastly. Sincere prayers are silent, so I knew it was just narcistic injury from being ignored. Christian narcs have got be a horrifying breed of narc--not only emotional/verbal abuse but spiritual as well. No matter what you do or achieve, youll be going to hell if you don't act how they want like he is god.
When you're tied up with a narc THE best moment is the look on their face when they see a moving van coming up the driveway to remove your stuff to your new digs. 👌🤣
"How can you leave me in such a state?"
Truthfully, that was the exact expression that my mom had on her face the morning that I left to travel from Maryland to Tennessee for college.
I had gotten out of the military in March, stayed home in Maryland for 6 months, and left for college late August. I guess that she really didn't think that I would leave or something. I packed up that car and said my goodbyes and✌️
My narc was a singer. So was I. That was our connection. Not sexual. She would always try and control me into working and/or helping her. She was a very good singer but a pain to work with and always got others to do all the work, prepare the tracks, get musicians, pay fir studio time, etc. To stop her I learned to 'big up' a mutual friend, another female singer. And no matter how much my narc tried to belittle this other girl I would just keep on about how amazing she was, what a voice, audiences loved her, she's great fun, etc. Would drive my narc crazy. Eventually she gave up trying to recruit me. Hallelujah.
Thanks very much. This video will be helping me deal with the pre-holiday family drama. Much of what you say sounds familiar.
I'm dreading the coming holidays too.
Me too 😓
Don’t worry raise your shoulders
Wife and I had a blowup a couple weeks ago. I apologized immediately for blowing up and hurtful things I said. She said nothing, I mean nothing! After past blowups, I’ve had to apologize and patch everything up. This time, I’m staying on my side of the street to see if she apologizes. It’s crickets from her. We barely speak to one another. It feels like a competition to see how long the stalemate goes. I don’t know if I’m in the wrong, and it’s driving me crazy!
Keep ignoring her, give her some of her own medicine.
Save your sanity and get out of you can...it only gets worse
@@scuttletheship656 tell me about! She manipulated me to say “yes” to moving her mom and dad in with us. The fights have been constant leading up to their move-in. It’s been a little over a week, and I feel lost. I almost left about a year ago after a big blowup where she called me, among other things, a “snake”.
Now that her parents are in, I’m going to be shamed into staying, so they don’t get offended by me leaving 😭
@@mjsyankee1750 Any reasonable person wouldn't be offended by that, they'd know that there's more going on here if you're willing to leave your wife. Besides, who cares what they think? If all goes well you won't be seeing them anymore anyways.
I pulled the plug on the relationship with my father . Once it'd sunk in , his only concern was that I may tell others just who he really was and spoil his carefully constructed public Image . So he went all out to destroy mine instead as a preemptive measure . I'd already gone grey rock and so none of his efforts of coercion we're ever gonna work , for him it was straight to stage 2 , reputation destruction. But , at least I'm now free .
Decent people should see through his attempt to destroy your reputation. He will definitely appear unhinged. It’s always best to let them destroy their own reputation by attempts to destroy yours.
Exactly what I'm doing atm, getting rid of my narcissistic controlling so called friends
Just play dumb play the game they want and when they least expect it your gone without a trace!!! You win.
I have someone I recently cut ties with over me not saying what I was “suppose to say” about her. I said I was tired of not having a voice. Then she started liking all of my posts after I told her I was tired of it. Finally I said, “we need to go our separate ways” and deleted her. Then she blocked me. I always suspected she was a narcissist.
Good riddance to bad rubbish
Never let her back in. She’ll appear friendly at first then she’ll plot the nastiest vengeance you can imagine
They will do whatever it takes to get what they want out of you
Another fantastic video, Darren! Just when I think I’ve heard it all 😂 … there always so much more to provoke my thought process. I appreciate and value everything you share and am grateful for your insight. Thanks again!
They escalate. Sabotage.
The narcissist that my family is dealing with has been using a smear campaign against us when we cut contact with them. This person was asked for contact information I needed to help resolve a conflict and fired back with a threat towards myself , my husband and our kids. I realized that he was feeling the lose of control and reacted like a narcissist does. Now this narcissist will have to deal with a lawyer as we have made multiple attempts to resolve this conflict. There is no other way to settle this conflict.
I have a sister like this. Not sure if she is a full-on narc but she has done the gamut with me. Being a relation, I do see her at family gatherings. In the past she always made digs at me and I only now recognize it for what it is. Before she exposed herself to me for what she is and we were on decent terms, she insisted "i'm just joking" and I accepted that it was just "gentle ribbing". Wow, it's interesting to see her in action with a clear lens. This last family gathering she kept harping that she knew it was me in an old family photo in which my face was hidden. "Oh this is _____ . I know it's her because of her feet". Now I'm sitting near her so she's not addressing me directly. But she is making a point of telling me via her addressing others. Now that may seem ridiculously miniscule and stretching it, so to put this into context, she has always considered my feet yucky compared to hers; always saying about her own: '"oh darn, my feet are too small. i have such small feet; i have to shop in the children's section". So the obvious slam is "i know it's you because you have damn ugly big feet" and i wear a size 5.5. Given our recent history, which is unpleasant, I knew what she meant. She repeated this 3 times to the group but no one would react to her and she finally shut up. I definitely heard it and it sounded desperate to be heard since she repeated it 3 times and was waving the photo in front of us. Goodness. Why she continues to slam me to my face and triangulate me with others is is beyond me. She is exhausting.
Just ignore the bitch
Ghilly, if she EVER gets on the tiny feet vs an 5 1/2 size, you cld tell her that studies show that women with bigger feet are MOST ALWAYS SMARTER than women with little feet. (Studies DO show this.) *Where can she even find a shoe small enuff? Cinderella she's NOT...
@@elisabethvalade9866 I’ll keep that in my back pocket!
@@ghilly_one1720 ⭐⭐⭐
We moved in together six months ago and he turned into a different person immediately. I finally got to see his real personality, night and day. He ignores me. At first for days, then it turned into weeks. The longest running ignore lasted eight weeks before he finally broke the ignoring streak bc I was getting dressed up to go somewhere & he asked me where I was going.
It's game on challenge accepted.. he blocks my calls and gets very angry that I'm accusing him of doing what he's actually doing all the while denying that he did it even when confronted with evidence that it's true, all the while telling me that he doesn't want to fight! What I really want to know is why he hates women and still feels entitled to use them for his personal sex toys?
I'm not jealous despite his best efforts to make me so jealous of his options that he's actually set me up to see some of them interact with each other he believes that I will see them as competition and give in to his unreasonable demands of me to keep him, he's not the prize that he thinks he is.
I've decided that if he can go on a smear campaign against me with lies that I can return the favor with the truth.
I'm grateful I have big physical and social distance from my narc. Still expecting blowback from going no contact eventually.
Much of this seems directed at how a romantic parter/ex narcissist will react when you ignore them but I've found most of it applies to narcissist parents too. I would appreciate a more parent oriented video on this subject, especially how they try to lure you back after even years of no contact. How do they change as they go into retirement years? Your content is truly incredible. I've been watching Narcissism videos here on youtube for many years now but only just found this channel and WOW Thank you!!!!!
Thank you Darren 🥰
Thank you for putting out this information for everyone to have access to it. It is helpful to have even just an idea of what you're looking at. You have helped me in so many ways! I feel like I'm not going crazy. Just being able to know what I'm looking at or put a name to it in my head has been immensely soothing. Thank you again so so much!
A really interesting and important topic, and well articulated here.
The approach I took was based on what I thought about as developing a smallest effective response. I defined 'smallest' in terms of investment of resources, particularly my time, which overall is best spent not on engaging with people incapable of seeing me as a person. This also requires a choice of goal by which to define 'effective'; mine was always about living into what are everyone's basic rights to autonomy, privacy, self-determination and dignity. Significantly, it was not about winning screaming hitting matches.
The smallest effective response for me was therefore ignoring and disengagement. Ironically, it turned out that this is exactly what the pathologically self-obsessed abusive tyrants concerned really see as the worst kind of assault. I think I had an instinctual appreciation that only became explicit much later for me to the effect that they actually get off on one arguing, trying to explain a case, or screaming back at them, because it means that one is engaged in their war for domination and control, and it also means they can gorge themselves on feelings of victimhood.
The worst tantrums were at my persistent refusals to engage. The result of these tantrums was more disengagement. These kinds of people don't connect causes to effects. No matter.
Good post. My conclusion is that the narc grew up in a home where the only attention they got from their parents was when they misbehaved. So that normalized negative attention. Really sad. There apparently ARE quite a few people out there who should NEVER procreate.
Wow!!! I have completely and totally ignored my narcissistic stalker for 12 years and he is still stalking me! He never communicates with me directly, he has never threatened or attempted suicide and he has never been violent but over the last 12 years he has done absolutely everything else you have mentioned. Everything including recording private conversations through my phone and sharing them with other people, sharing private e-mails with other people, hanging around my house, hacking my pc, trying to turn my brother against me (failed!) Hopefully he's reading this! My local police have a specialist stalker unit. I haven't contacted them....... yet.
what you waiting for??? 😵💫
Yes my sister patty does this. Loves to hack my phone. Wierdo.
My dumb narc ex does this too. I don’t care. He has affairs, and I won’t take him back.
how odd when someone is so paranoid they have to make stories about you......then much later you find out about it.......
I have gone low contact with my narcissistic sister.
When she is nasty to me, I give her the silent treatment for as long as it takes for her to get the message.
But if she's nice to me, I reward her in subtle ways, like sending her funny videos on the internet.
Mines turned into a hypochondriac.. he’s also done 180 degree turn n hovering and love bombing. Now he wants to actually do stuff with me and agrees with me on everything . He now is having huge anxiety and panic attacks and hasn’t been able to sleep for the last week.. he’s calling or running to Dr all the time because he can’t sleep or relax. He constantly paces and is leaving the house or room because he can’t sleep or relax.. we will do stuff together all day but at night he can’t sit down to relax in a room as he can’t be still and must constantly be on the move. Really weird..
Spot on.
They really tailor their responses to what they think will work best. My ex did all of these things at one point or another except trying to 'one up' me. I could always hold out longer than he could. Every time we had a big fight and I'd walk away to gather myself, i could time my watch to when he would contact me. One hour. That's as long as he could ever go to staying silent.
I've been no contact for almost 6 years now.
Gratitude for The Growing Resources Available to Help Recieve Treatment Sooner Vs Allowing This Disease to Spread Further in Our System.
Oof, my ex did the travel plans and old photos tactic.
Then he said, "I know this break up had nothing to do with me, I know you've unpacked a lot of family stuff and have been dealing with that. When you're ready I know you’ll come back"
What if ( presumably vounerable covert narcistist...- but you not sure what she or he is) leave you ( marriage) after many years without any explanation closure with no to small reason. Just literally like " leaving room and turning light off " and dissappearing for 3 years, blocking you not contacting in any way at all. Not even trying to cooperate for divorce..No nothing..( and...you don't even know where she is) . And all the sudden...She first put papers to court for divorce. She meet you in front court doors . No explanation no closure. For my question : " why what happened "? She was like; :" We didn't see each other long time so all intimacy between us disappeared and I don't see reason to continue relationship."Literally...Nothing more... My jaw dropped down..😮 I heard people who leave long time relationship without explanation closure dissappear for years keeping you in confiusion , they have so called triad: "Narcistism Psychopaty Machiavellism "?
my understanding is machiavellians are hard working, but narcissists are lazy. sounds like this person did you a favor by leaving. being used by someone you care about is devastating, but you can move on and have a real relationship with a genuine partner.
Is that Dr. Who's Tardis in the background? Love it!! Wish I had one...haha :) Love your videos even though I am now officially single for life ( thanks to all the Narcis from my past) and no longer need to worry about this too much, other than some family and friends who I cut ties with anyways. A true Gift! Blessings and greetings from Canada :)
It is a Tardis yes. Glad you find the videos helpful 👍
Just walk away and don't look back, leave them to say whatever they like to whoever they like and pay no attention, and whatever you do don't ever be reasonable, be rutheless. let them know they are not in charge of anything, they will of course hate you to the grave, but never mind, beacuse it doesn't matter.
Interesting, also watch out for the flying monkeys, they reach far
One thing you forgot to mention is that a narcissist's word is literally worthless.
Though all the narcissistic traits you mention are more towards the latter end of of the those with moderate to severe narcissism.
It's always better to cut off all contact with narcissists at this level as one's own mental health and well being are much more important than trying to engage or talk anything meaningful with a narcissist as the narcissist's mentality will always be "I'm right and you're wrong."
Like I have said before, it is almost like the narcissist's EGO & SHAME become filters where everything is filtered through the narcissist's overly inflated ego or their extremely low inability to tolerate shame.
My theory on narcissism and why it some people have huge egos and zero ability to tolerate shame while others have normal egos and a normal ability to tolerate shame comes from the a narcissist ability to convincingly tell lies. The ability to convincingly tell lies is similar to "positive reinforcement" to the narcissist. The more the narcissist is able to tell lies convincingly the bigger the narcissist's egos becomes. In other words, once a narcissist knows they can get away with their lies then they become more and more adept at telling lies convincingly. Eventually, the narcissist become so adept at telling lies that their own reality and the reality around them is based on nothing more than lies as the "lie" in itself continues to feed their massive egos more and more. In essence, the false reality that the narcissists live in and creates are due to the lies they perpetuate as "truths" to both themselves and to anyone they find who is willing to listen to the narcissist.
Like I have said time and time again, as a narcissist's egos grows bigger with each lie they tell and perpetuate as a truth, the more they are able to feed their massive egos. However, the bigger the narcissist's ego becomes the lower and lower they are able to tolerate shame of any kind, shape, or form. Anyone who has ever dealt with a moderate to severe narcissist will know that narcissists are also "pathological liars" and their word means absolutely nothing... (which is why anyone who knows or feels they are dealing with a moderate to severe narcissist should always take the narcissist's word with a grain of salt).
Remember, to the narcissist "image is everything" and this includes the false reality in which they live in and creates due to the lies they tell over and over.... Those who challenge their inflated ego or who shame the narcissist in any way must be punished or destroyed at all costs.
It's just a theory I had that appears to succinctly explain the behaviour of moderate to severe narcissists and why narcissism becomes more and more profound (worse) over time. Freud wasn't right about everything when Freud came up with his theories either but it's just something possibly worth thinking about.
BTW > Great video, Darren!
One of the best videos I have watched. You nailed it, Mr. Magee! Thank you for this. You put some things in perspective for me.
I’ve got more sense now just to walk into another room and read a book than endure the poker face silent treatment of my narc .
People latch on for various reasons people go through all kinds of needs and detachments, i am not perfect but once I’m demonise I’m never going to go back or look back because I know in my God given heart I have nothing but my last $20 to give if I don’t have that I have my labour to help improve your situation and I don’t stop till the job is done. Once I’m vilified I’m never found again
They doubled down on you. It's a neighbor. Nobody warned me about him when I bought the manufactured house in this village I was more concerned about my husband who was dying of Alzheimer's and cancer nobody told me the guy next door was a bully a narcissistic bastard. For some reason he wanted me to join his club hating the manager of the development I moved in to. When I didn't he started telling me what to do in my yard as if he was the manager or something and when I didn't do what I was told he started harassing me. When I went to the police because he was physically pushing my car while it was parked in my parking spot.. the police told me if they talk to him he will double down on me. That's exactly what happened. But he's smart he knows he has to have 22 actions with proof video within 6 months in order for me to take him to court for harassment. Narcissistic bullies communal narcissistic bullies any kind of narcissism they're smart they're not stupid they've learned to play the game and they will double down on you.
Real World situation and never underestimate this POS. Double down on him major league or move. Good Luck!
Security and cameras no contact!❤
I have had a team of Narcissists try and destroy me. Almost a tag team. They have no morals or ethics nothing is off the table.
I'm on day 6, in the same house 27yrs married to this monster completely ignoring each other. AGAIN... I refuse to break and give him supply.
Ugh, the smear campaigns.
I had a guy try to inject himself into my life out of the blue this yr. In the 1 conversation when he approached, I spotted multiple red flags of potential narcissism so I distanced myself.
He found my house & since I work from home, I noticed he'd started creeping by multiple times a day. Come to find out through the grapevine, he also started spreading local rumors, then making posts pretending to be me on an anonymous forum, telling other ppl I was looking for him. A friend of mine ended up calling him out on the forum & more rumors spread that *I'm* the crazy one. Even other ppl I don't even know started harassing me for several weeks. It's quieted down, but he succeeded in isolating me because now ppl think I'm the "crazy" one.
Just me sitting at a park watching my son play turned into all that because 1 guy couldn't handle being rejected. It's freaking wild.
They start to threaten me for attention. Then they drivel at me about how nice they are, and how it is insane to reject them.
Then the disgusting person communicates at me all day. 24 7 survailance.
Entitled to commit crimes. That they can't fix what they hate about me that doesn’t matter.
Just pose a threat , and threaten to do things against my rational will.
Make me nervous and worried.
Blame me for the predicament I had after managing to escape the other abuser. The narcissist basically forced itself to me a week after I managed to escape.
This is just more crimes towards me.
It seems to believe that I could become incoherent. My fine trait is not sufficient nor neccessary for people being incoherent unfortunately.
It threatens to kidnap me.
It can not tell the difference between something possible false, (which doesn’t mean youre insane) and something false per logic.
It can't separate it. It can't separate its feelings from factuals either. Its as if it thinks its feelings exist as a component or is a quality of what it percieves.
This is worthless for me.