The Signs and Stages of a Coercive Relationship
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- Опубліковано 16 жов 2022
- Coercive control is a series of behaviours aimed to dominate through manipulating, threatening, abusing and bullying someone into submission. Among other things it can involve emotional, psychological, sometimes even physical abuse.
Some of the common recurring themes in coercive relationships involve gaslighting, intimidation, violence, with holding attention or resources, and emotional blackmail.
This video outlines the stages of a coercive, abusive relationship from the beginning, usually known as the honeymoon period, to how the victim adapts to the abuse. What happens when the victim realises it is coercive control and what happens when they either leave or attempt to leave, and the aftermath.
Other videos you might find interesting:
How covert narcissists manipulate
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How narcissists make their victims look like villains
• Seven ways narcissists...
How Narcissists Bully Others
• How Narcissists Threat...
What happens when you ignore a narcissist?
• What happens when you ...
This video is for information purposes only
Please feel free to suggest any topics you might like me to cover in future videos in the comment section.
If you found this video interesting please consider supporting me on Patreon
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#coercivecontrol #domesticabuseawareness #abusiverelationship
I spent 20 years of this cycle over and over. Our children were his tool to manipulate me. It’s not something someone can understand unless they live it. It’s always therapeutic to have someone understand what I’ve lived.
@@GoneFishin247 you sound bitter and threatened. A salt lick may calm you down.
@@GoneFishin247 I’m a country girl no explanation needed.
No-one gets how cruel this stuff is.. unless they live it.. .truly heartbreaking when they use children as weapons....
re salt lick..very funny..😊😁
.stay well...wishing you all the very best from Australia 🇦🇺..x
My apologies, LeeAnn. Your right, no one understands unless they’ve gone through it. The abuse is a darkness that is subhuman.
This is my daughter in law of 15years. She picked off, one by one, every person around my son. He was a shell of a man when he finally broke free of her. Fortunately she underestimated the "staying power" of his family and we were there to help him rebuild his life. She never wanted children but when he first showed signs of ending the marriage she had our grandson. My son is utterly devoted to the little one and remained in the marriage. Her abuse of him was not even hidden after the baby was born. He was a nervous wreck around her. He barely spoke whenever in our company. It was pitiful to watch. He has been away from her for two years but unfortunately will still have to have dealings with her because of the child. He is happy, successful in his career and unrecognisable from the man she controlled. For all the family of victims. You may think your loved one is lost to you. Hang in there. Be there for your son/daughter/sibling when they finally/ hopefully break free from these toxic people.
"to compromise just to avoid the punishment" - sadly, it does eventually lead to this... until one learns that this is abuse, the total opposite of love, which has absolutely NO PLACE in a healthy relationship.
thanks, darren.
My ex partner used to use sulking as a control tactic. He worked away all week and knew that the weekend together was important to me. If I said or did something HE considered to be unacceptable, he would take to bed for the whole weekend. Then get up Monday morning and go off to work for the week without a word.
Leaving and no contact is the best way to get away from such idiots. It can be extremely hard ! Often the idiot gets what he/she wants by being like a temper tantrum constantly demanding toddler. They drive you bonkers.
I think there is a potential step missing: PTSD and the long recovery process, and the abuser need not have ever laid a finger on you, either.
True, I got mentally and emotionally abused by my classmates for three years and suffered even worse of the same kind of abuse daily at home on top of that. After the abuse finally stopped it took a long time to rebuild my confidence and self-esteem and work through the emotional damage.
So true as a survivor, the mental health after, trauma complex ptsd , anxiety ,
It's very sad 😢
Hope you are well xx love from wales uk
This is spot on. Until I started counselling for another reason and removed myself from the marital bedroom I couldn’t think straight. Suddenly everything became clear and I have now exited the relationship after thirty plus years 🙏
Yayyyy!! 👏 👏 👏
Shows it’s never too late, if you’ve still got a heartbeat. 💝
🤗💖
How did you do it? I'm petrified. He has taken controll over my whole life and even convinced my two boys and friends and family that I am mentally sick. He blames me for him losing his temper, nothing is ever his fault. I've just discovered after 24 yrs that he has put everything into a family trust and only my kids are beneficiaries plus the car I thought I owned. He's lost the papers. He controlls my everything and feeds me finance when I need to buy household. He runs his business from my home which I share with him but said I would get nothing. His family are polite but especially his mum is abusive towards me and written private matters of me in her autobiography. I am a believer in a higher power but I am not aloud to share it as it's offensive...really? Love? I do suffer from terrible PTSD and have in the past landed up in hospital which us all recorded. I am so stuck. He says no one will believe me.
@@reneedwards1082 you are believed I believe you! Unless you have been in an abusive relationship people cannot understand how it feels. I too am intelligent warm and caring and a professional I stayed for thirty years because I felt stuck if I can do it so can you. I too believe in the higher power of the universe but right here right now you have to start practical planning to include putting money away opening a bank account of your own etc etc. my beautiful son took his own life due to this monster but I am still here and so will you be you can do it but safety first and if he is malignant as mine is leave quietly 🙏
@@Grrrrrrr123 it's so difficult. I'm trying to start up a business again at 54 but I'm feeling so crushed. I've lost interest in everything except for my horse, which he pays for and reminds me. I slept in the spare room last night as I am sitting with so much resentment towards him and his family. I do not want to take any medications cause he will record it to prove that I'm insane yet I never took a head ache tablet till I got married. He blocked his ph from me and used to hive me money for household. Then decided he will give me bits as I need to buy essentials. I live in a beautiful home which I found and built up as I am a landscaper and painter but he says none of that is recorded so I have nothing even though he's put the house in my name. Property prices are going down. He runs a business from here and has 4 woman in his office and a enmeshed mum and two sisters and everyone loves him and I won't be able to survive on my own. I'm feeling very down today. How much longer can I live this lie?
Looking back, I know exactly when the “manipulative shift” happened, before I knew the term. It was the minute I realized Mr Nice Guy was no longer on the premises. Someone dark had taken his place.
I had to converse with the person this week due to info about my mum's health, and it only took 2 mins for the person to do so many things that are now big red flags. They said to me " well even though you are such a hard person to have in my life I will concede to ring you fortnightly now you have rung me. "
I thought to myself " Hell no! "
I may check again in another 12 mths.
Only a slight wobble experienced. Gosh I have grown. Thank you.
Spot. On. It’s so very difficult-heart breaking, scary, messes you up physically, emotionally and mentally. It should be a crime.
The abused person often tries to get others to submit to the abusers behavior. Trying to save themselves fallout after friends and family members disagree question the abuser.
I tend to not discuss on personal toxic situations that I've experienced...I try to discuss on how I've healed over the complex trauma that I've experienced in my 52 yrs. Yet, these last few years... I've chosen to share...mainly due to your channel and a few others on UA-cam. I left a 11 yr relationship that was on this level, in 2002. I dealt with the majority of these tactics. It definitely started small. I remained in this toxicity due to fear of how my Daughter ( he in this scenario isn't the bio Father) would blame me for taking him away, if I left...the last straw was when he told me,' I don't care if you're not happy, I don't want to lose you' Oddly enough, after I left he did all he could do to ; buy my daughter extravagant gifts/smear campaign me/brainwash her into being angry at me, etc. I left with my clothes and my daughter's belongings and started completely over...with very little job exp due to being a stay at home Ma for 6 of those yrs. Life seemed scarry at first...with years of pro help, on codependency, fear of abandonment issues, I was thrilled to realize not everyone will treat me in such a manner...that I deserved respect, equal reciprocity in an intimate relationship.
Thank you,
for sharing this video to educate people !
I cannot lose this feeling that I've been played in being told horror stories of my ex's childhood.......to get me back.....I just don't feel right.....I feel I had escaped......of course I feel sorry4him.....but there's a new 'side' of him that I see so clear now.. .and it's not kind and it's not nice........ and it's got nothing to do with childhood abuse... he thinks he has me back......and this is the real him.....I'll never understand why he couldn't just let me go.....
You have mentioned in this series of videos the best way to deal with people like this in your life is to manage boundaries with those trying to control you I've learnt this for myself it's the best anyone can do
The idea of distance from the abuse being the first step to recovery is 100 percent correct. I gave several chances to someone because we lived close and it was difficult to avoid/ignore her without seeming like I was the jerk. I finally decided I couldn't deal with her and did just that without caring of how it came across. It was like coming out of a drunken stupor. I began to see how I had been screwing up by continuing to deal with this person. There is a quote; "All road lead to Rome." Well, all roads with a toxic person leads back to abuse. You cannot interact with them without going back into the abuse. The only way to deal with them is by having third-party involved or heavy documentation to keep them back.
This is so familiar to my situation.
Wow thanks that is very useful.
Thank you..great comment ...
This video is so true. The Honeymoon phase, then a gradual escalation of tension ...the whole thing about trading with generosity and calling in favours, gas-lighting etc. Absolutely spot-on. My ex-wife to a tee - she was incredibly subtle but this was actually more damaging. She would introduce undermining comparisons into a conversation such as ''Audrey only works 2 days a week, her partner Chris has a good job though''. Then triggered I would say something like ''Oh yeah but you are part-time too and Audrey is self-employed so we don't know the circumstances'' (my ex-wife only worked 3 days a week) She would then accuse me of being attracted to Audrey and talking about her all the time, when it was her who bought up the topic. Priceless. I could literally feel the stress melt away when I had made the decision to quit, told her so and got on with my life. Living in a toxic relationship isn't worth it, no matter how many strings bind you together.
You just described my now ex husband and my marriage to him a "T".
Even 4 years now into solid daily recovery, it is still so difficult to put into words exactly what coercive control and abuse is. Thank you Dr Darren. I was raised like that and married right into identical dynamics. It's almost like deprogramming yourself from a cult. I have an enormous recovery team surrounding me because I survived 52 years of non-stop coercive abuse. I'm here to tell any survivor, that you too, can get through this, and become your own individuated self. That you can learn that life is filled with beautiful experiences, and healthy people. And I believe in you all. You deserve better, you have always deserved better.
So glad you got out. I am in the planning stages but with no full-time job I am stuck. He is seen by many outsiders as a great, wonderful guy! No one but the kids (now teenagers) and I know his true self. Thank you for this. You give me hope!
Where are these healthy people, lol? Seems every time I turn around I'm dealing with someone bent on exploiting me in some way. I guess there are red flags but I think surely not this person, they're so nice!
Perfectly said. Sharing this on my FB for domestic violence awareness month
All I kept doing was putting the ex-husband ,sons,friends,my dads behaviour into Google an the same word kept coming back NARCISSIST!!!I'm so educated on the topic now(8+years) I can spot one a mile off, everything you have mentioned I have gone through time and time again,but it was all for a reason!!!to learn about my self the gifts I've been blessed with,I'm a super empath,so now my life has changed so much,I know what to do to protect myself against extremely abusive people, document everything and if nesseary get authorities involved
Thank you for informative content!!
Dealing with a mentally unstable stalker abuser who apparently has influence and power to perjure and corrupt judicial systems, pay influencial corrupt attornies and police to perjure. It is horrendous.
I guess that is why Court is called A Rich Man's Game.
I went through the same thing in a different way going up against one of the most powerful law firms on the planet. Yes the judicial system is corrupted. Make sure you document everything even publishing blogging online may help get them to back off.
Is what he tells you true? Does he really have this power or is he bluffing to frighten you?
3:19 not to use certain words: i returned to US Naval service in 2000 and learned that women now served aboard combat ships (no worries there). Whenever i would talk to my wife about my work aboard the ship (unclassified info) she would get mad whenever i used female pronouns and/or names. i changed that to using either gender-neutral or last names only such as "the guys", Petty Officer, Seaman, Johnson, Smith.
I naively didn't realise what was happening was abuse until after when my therapist told me.
Hope you’re not too hard on yourself about that-in the mainstream (media, at school, work, etc.), there’s LITERALLY no discussion about narcissistic abuse on a level that’s actually informative & helpful, so it’s not your fault at all.
Glad your eyes have been opened-and thank you for your public service, DARREN! 🙏
@@MoPoppins thank you.
Been in 3 of these with men and they all follow the same pattern, and you think its you, why they don't want you anymore, what have I said or done? But I realise they did it as part of the cycle, your tested in first cycle to see how you react and if you pass the test, then the second cycle begins.
Thanks Darren and hope you're keeping well too ☀️
yes, recovery has been difficult, but worth it.Thank you Darren!
The hardest part is when the children you love hit the teenage years and take over,where their father left off. Fingers crossed
Then the cycle keeps up even when you try to teach this cycle needs to stop and open their eyes to it. They go on to repeat the cycle. 😭
Ohhh… that’s a tough one. I wish you the best.
@@Emily_Paris Thank you. That’s a tough one it’s part of the religious culture.
❤Going through this now pray for me please ❤
Unfortunately, I relate to all of this... and don't know what a normal relationship looks like. What are the stages of a healthy relationship?
I made a video previously on the signs of a healthy relationship if you’d find that helpful?
@@DarrenFMagee many thanks!
I feel ya. I’ve had to learn the opposite. I always knew what was wrong but I didn’t know what was right. I didn’t know that not everybody’s the same. I found teal swan on UA-cam very helpful in my journey of self.
His signs of a healthy relationship video is really excellent.
I planned for a year to get rid of my husband at the time, it was hard to get him out the house ( as was in my name) I have no doubt if it was in his name he would of kicked me out on the streets. He did make my life very difficult through our children which 30 years later I steel feel the prucussions.
scary accurate.
Thank you Mr. Magee for all of your work. I find myself watching a great deal, and I am grateful.
Thank you for a very helpful video, your support and assistance Darren. I have been through these stages and your description is Spot on! We need to talk about it as much as possible.
This is good building blocks, on the way to self actualisation and needed
I seem to have developed an avoidant personality disorder by trying to keep to myself and the Greyrock method. It’s not easy bro, really not easy. If you are in a relationship with a narcissist, and her manipulation, her cheating and pathological lying is constant… You don’t know who to trust. We have two kids together, that’s the only thing I can salvage from this relationship.
I love them both dearly.
Very good video sir
Rock on Darren. These videos are invaluable for people learning about where they are and what's going on. Cheers
When a woman first starts living with the abuser everything will be fine at first. And even though everything is going well, the abuser will create drama and problems where it doesn't exist. One good piece of advice is don't quit your job after you start living together. My ex wanted me to quit my night job and work days to suit him, even though day work payed much less and I was already paying all the bills and buying all the food.
It’s hard to help adult child if the narc has isolated them from their family and made us (parents) look like the toxic people. He is a full blown covert narc without physical abuse….if only I knew this before when her and I were close, I could’ve given her a heads up. She did however say she thinks she’s the narc…but I know he is….she has changed so much in 6 years, I don’t even know who she is…she became a stranger to me, now she’s discarded us, so sad. These are evil people that ruin people and families…she’s trauma bonded, always made excuses for his behaviour and no way out for her.
What a nightmare situation for you, I'm so sorry.
I so resonate with this. But, in my case, my daughter saw something was amiss when her 6 year old son was being abused and manipulated and she being triangulated with her son. Then too, it was he who walked away (supposedly a threatening gesture hoping to get her to plead like the zillion times before in the 9 years of their marriage) and she called his bluff! She's never been happier and more grateful for the love and support she got with us.
I can only dream she walks away or he leaves her…he likes her money too much and his lifestyle🙁
My son is in a same situation he met this girl who at first was so lovely to everyone couldn’t do enough for us. She slowly isolated him from his friends, family and now brain washed him against his parents and siblings. He was such a beautiful soul before he met her and now he is always angry and dosent talk to us anymore it’s been 6 months now since he spoke to us. I feel like I’m grieving for the loss of my son!! Such evil people in this world!! 😢
Our daughter thinks I'm the abuser at the moment. My other children assure me I'm not it is just our son in law has messed her head so much. She hasn't spoken to us for 10 months nor have we seen our grandchildren. It is very tough but I know she's trying to figure it out as she has been in touch with her brother. I just hope your daughter sees it soon and can get herself out.
Respect
I worked in Qualcomm and i experienced exactly all these signs... They assume more about you than asking anything to you directly... Either they assume or they ask random 3rd party but never to you directly... Then you have to beg for 3rd party's mercy to communicate and understand what you want properly and convey that to narcissists if they have power over you else you are doomed... Because everything depends on this narcissist and his understanding via 3rd party ... But if narcissist wants to have control over you and need to be liked by you then such person avoids and ignored direct communication with you. My boss in Qualcomm was just like this... They have no respect for your time, everything should run the way they planned and the way they assumed... Only minor action or your minor mistake is enough for them to assume you are piece of trash...and treat you accordingly, because you are not expected to be human .. they blame you for all wrongs they do, never take responsibility on their shoulder but want all credit for your work bcoz they are bosses and team leaders...
So many great points- thank you for another excellent video!
This is such an accurate video. Thank you🙏🏻
Many thanks for your video! I enjoy how it gives us watchers a sense of real hope at the end.
This was so accurate, Darren! It will help a lot of people. Wonderful work-thank you so much!
Thank you so much for the transcripts and links Dr. Magee. The videos are insightful and truly helpful. A true blessing until your book(s) are published.
I have been through 32 year's of marriage with a covert narcissist. I was isolated. He took over $200000.00 of my money. I am currently in my own home and trying to serve divorce papers which he is avoiding. Trying to own me . Yes you are describing my life. Now I am absolutely crippled emotionally, he coopted overt narcissist to trash me at tennis. I wish to God I knew what I was up against before I said I wanted a divorce. My God it never ends and MY daughter witnessed my behaviour and thought I was the bad person.
Thank you very much I watched quite a few of your videos today I found it very helpful and informative and I found you very well spoken
⚡️wow
What a perfect description!
Even my favorite color had changed to match his.
Thank you for the validation.
Thank you.
I have watched my father in law go through this control with 2 women over 33 years. Ultimately, I came to believe that he used them to escape responsibility and be seen as the good guy, the long suffering husband of a controlling woman.
Oh boy! You hit it..
Thank you for another quality video. I have a couple of requests. I was wondering if you would consider making videos discussing…
1). stage parents/dance moms/pageant moms/sports dads
2). Anhedonia. I am seeing it referenced in mental health forums more and more, with people claiming to have had it for decades providing all sorts of speculative reasons other than depression or substance abuse (the most common accepted causes as I understand it) that they are experiencing it.
Thank you for your suggestions 👍
Absolutely stupendous, Thank you, I will never get involved - Brainwashed into another abusive relationship again, Thank you for sharing and helping others, Peace, love, joy and happiness to you and everyone, Thank you universe 🥰😍😁😀💫😃🐉🐉✨️♾️👁🦄🧿🌈🧝♀️🛸🌌👽🥰
So he really thought he could control me like that? Idiot hurt his own head
Very true.
What if someone was in one of these abusive dynamics ever since they were born? I've been made to feel like a burden my whole life and that: "they'll just take care of me, it's fine" , having to live through constant passive aggression, only to find that once I really decided to work on myself and change for the better, that passive aggression has had the dial turned waaay up. Also, I noticed when I ask for assistance with learning how to do something, they find a way or reason not to "it'll just be faster if I do it"....
YOU SO GETTTTTTTTTTTT IT
💯 FACTS
Yes my narcissistic ppl r parents. I have learned what do they want they r so needy
Grateful for you not referencing specific genders in your languaging. Am trying to support male friend stuck deeply in a relationship of coercive control with a covert narcissicist wife, and the info I have to offer so often references female victims that it 's much more challenging to get him to reach out...please don't get me wrong, I understand what the stats by far show - I just think its important we ensure our brothers who are suffering in this way also feel validated enough to admit and access the help they need and deserve as well. ❤
You just read my life story.
I just left a man I’d been seeing for only 3 months but in that time he did so many not normal things and behaviours so I definitely knew he was conditioning me.
Small things like subtly walking me into a wall whilst walking together to the park then when I asked him to give me more space and stop doing it he’d blame me for not shoving him back yet later spoke about how his exes were ‘abusive’ towards him and when I asked for examples he’d say “they’d shove me”!!
Was he trying to test me to see if I would shove him or to get me to shove him so he could cry abuse? I don’t know but that was just the start…
He later yelled at me for stopping to look at a blue tongue lizard? I didn’t touch the lizard..I was simply observing the lizard and he yelled at me to leave it alone but really for no good reason! He’s a vegetarian but looking at a lizard isn’t harming it?
He later yelled at me over steamed beans in the kitchen suddenly with no warning and previously was calm? It put me into fight or flight and I took a weeks break from him to process it and he tried to guilt trip me by saying he felt sad and hurt that I didn’t speak to him for a week?? I had every right to take time out to process something that made me feel unsafe.
He minimised it saying he ‘gets grumpy’ when he’s trying to quit smoking but he deliberately chose not to wear the patch that day knowing it made him grumpy when he didn’t wear it so he wanted me to get used to it and put up with it.
I told him four times that cigarette smoke made me feel
Physically sick and he kept trying to kiss me after smoking one?? Just so disrespectful! I told him initially I didn’t want to be with a smoker and he invalidated my concerns and talked me into staying because he saw a future for us!! All he wanted was someone to listen to him crap in about himself incessantly and never ask me a single thing about myself!
He wanted me to be his motivational coach without even asking if I wanted to be in that role?
Finally my body kept shirking away from him when he touched me and I’d feel nauseous…just from him touching me? I realised I couldn’t let him near me again and had to dump him via text and blocked even though I wouldn’t normally end a relationship that way but knew he’d try and talk me out of it like last time.
He’d regularly tell me “it was a joke” when he’d say something questionable to me and his tone of voice was always teetering on the verge of mocking or belittling me but he’d never actually do it.
I sensed the other day that he’s been slandering me even though I’ve not heard anything from anyone and don’t hang out with any of his friends but I can feel it.
🙏🙏🙏🙏
I can see pieces of the jigsaw fitting into place here. What happens when in the end I have nobody at all to turn to? Nowhere to go.
🙏🏾✨🎉👌💯
Everyone knows what have to do. Even the victims.
But what if its the person who raised you not a partner
This was and is my mother
i will say that once i knew what I was dealing with during the discard I became very angry... I decided to out that witch to everyone she knew and then some I'm talking over the top type exposure sharing intimate conversations and text literally making signs and hanging them up where she works... it was so bad she transferred to a different location 45 minutes away just to avoid having to take accountability DING DONG surprise 45mins or 4500 minutes ill be there ;) these people don't deserve pity or sympathy the way they destroy the soul is reprehensible and they deserve that 9th circle in hell
You are a narc and a stalker now, congrats
Haha, glad I never married, so I never went I to "Honeymoon Phase" Some men cannot afford marriage, modern marriage is a contract, at best. I just cut out an really covet narc abuser and his single.mother lady friend who thought she "could deliver me" I give people the benefit of the doubt and it costs me so I stopped doing it 99%of the time.
Thanks to facebook I learned about gaslighting.
🙏😘🌸💖🌹🧿
WHY DON'T THEY JUST LEAVE ??? WHY DO THEY STAY
Children?
It’s a very slow boil if there are many years and investments (i.e., children) involved.
You know the frog 🐸 story? If you put a frog in boiling water, it will jump out. If you put a frog in water and raise the temp slowly, it gets acclimated - and will slowly boil to death.
Narcs literally only live to receive narcissistic supply. If they’re sticking around, that means they’re benefitting somehow, whether it’s thru negative or positive supply…they don’t care. They’ll take what they can, until they SUCK YOU DRY.
That’s why the non-narc has to initiate sometimes, but make it seem like it was the narc’s idea/choice to do the discard.
@@MoPoppins the last paragraph, I calmly stated that I wanted the abuse to stop and was told that's what there is if that's not good then leave.
I did,the look on her face was priceless.
Well she did say.....
In my situation, there were several barriers. He took my car at one point. Many nights he’d wake me up and accuse me, insult me, or even hit me. I’d be so tired in the mornings. Me going to work outside the home resulted in physical abuse and hours of verbal abuse. Other days he’d bar the door and physically block it. He’d say he couldn’t trust me to go outside and say I needed to call in. If I tried to pass, it was an invitation to physical abuse. l eventually was so mentally worn down that I just quit my job because everything was so erratic. That meant I didn’t have the money to leave or transportation. He also threatened to kill himself and would say frequently I know how to find your family. Then also, in this situation, you’re no longer thinking straight. The relationship wasn’t always bad. He’d be on his best behavior and act like the perfect mate. I’d hold on to this and it was hard to leave that person I loved and had all those good memories with. It sounds crazy now but that was my state of mind then that I could believe there was a good side to someone who would treat me like that.
Covert narcism. 🕷️💩😆
It’s interesting how you even say they threaten you like it’s gonna be very dark for you if you don’t comply gonna be you know like maybe a picture that looks really horrific frightening and devastating like violence and terrifying and I’m glad I got out that I don’t subject myself to that kind of mental abuse on a daily basis I deserve better thank you so much for your videos it helps me to remember what it really was like you kind of want to go back to the good part but the bad part is so horrific he just when you reminded you go oh hell no thank you again you have such big blue eyes kind eyes thank you video❤️🩹🥲👍❤️🔥🖼🌈🙏🦢🕊