Dear Prof. Vaknin, I I wanted to express my appreciation for your lectures. While it might sound unusual, I find great solace in listening to your voice as I prepare for sleep. Your lectures not only provide me with valuable knowledge but also offer a unique sense of calm that aids in my relaxation and readiness for bed. No other voice or lecture series has had the same soothing effect on me. Thank you for the work that you do.❤
Auroerotism- "Even when they have sex, they're just masturbating with the partner's body." That couldn't be more true, I had to let that one sink in for a minute. Very well explained so far. Have to take a break.
This is exactly my experience with my ex husband. I just never existed. I was never there. He was using my body and projecting whatever image he wanted onto me and then interacting with that. That's why I now realise why I was never seen or heard and spent years trying to delicately communicate with him. He also Masterbates obsessively and watches porn obsessively. I have a naturally high drive and initially while love bombing me, he loved this. As he got comfortable and was ready to drop his mask he would Masterbate non stop and I could hear him. He didn't care. He would make excuses and claim all men did this and that I was being sensitive and asking for too much. He would rather Masterbate than actually be intimate with me. He is also an extremely selfish person and lover. now I see that when I was refusing to be used as a sex dummy and he didn't like that. He would withhold affection and intimacy as a form of punishment towards me for daring to assert myself, have boundaries or saying no to him. Glad to be rid. Now he's fixated on objectifying our children and using them to validate himself. I will not allow him to destroy our children
Fascinating. I’ve only been able to deeply understand my ex and the dynamics of our relationship through your channel. I thought I was going insane and when it came to an end my body really shut down hard. I felt like I could barely function. You’re my favorite Professor Vaknin 🖤
The narcissist really does focus all that mental energy on hurting their target and using everyone around them in some for or fashion. Then they whine when you cut them off and panic as they stalk and try to bait you.
First time I hear such clear explanations about this complicated subject ! Extraordinary ! It helps so much when you observe a narcissist or live with him or her !
This explains perfectly what I went through.It is truly empowering to understand how those with the disorder operates. Thank you for all the knowledge you share.Much appreciated 💜
I keep asking myself, is he a narcissist with addictions or an addict whose addiction causes narcissistic traits? I asked Sam some time ago and it could be either.
My ex is an addict who's addicted to everything. Food, drugs, alcohol etc... when I was with him he was supposedly clean. But he transfered his addiction for drugs and alcohol to food and things like energy drinks. He tried to justify this by saying that his mental health issues, personality disorder and addictions are genetic. This is also a way his family enable him. By telling him that anything wrong with him or anything he does isn't his fault. It's the fault of his victims. Think Chris watts and his family. They have contributed massively to ruining him. He is a shell and thinks that he is some kind of prize.
This has been a perplexing issue for me Prof. Vaknin. My replacement has a striking resemblance to me, sharing not only the same racial background but also owning a small white dog, just like mine. We share too many similarities for this to be coincidental. I work virtually with my narcissist ex, and he recently updated his work photo to one where he's holding a biracial baby. I assume he's a father now, and it’s clear that he’s attempting to manipulate me without direct communication. Thank you for thoroughly explaining this burning question of mine.
23:57 I can already see codependents getting ahold of this message & churning out their own derivative copium: "My narcissist will never have grade A, ideal supply like me again; he can only try to project me onto them."
you can already find it on the top of the comments.. some people will twist anything to confirm their delusions. Pretty sad. Here’s all the knowledge they would need to heal but refuse to hear it
this one is mind blowing...u r simply brilliant...one thing in this has me perplexed though...why does he need my former idealized self to fight my bad current one alongside his new victim...somehow it feels it would be much easier for him to accept my new "badness" if it was fought off by his "new angel" alone
Not easy to grasp, this material. Thanks for your patient explanation. İ keep wondering though, how it is possible for narcissists to have long time relationships when they always devaluatie, discard and move on to the next..
Is it the same with the bpd partner? When they decide to finally sever ties will they seek out a "clone"? Also, I want to thank you for these wonderful lectures. I've learned more from you about bpd in just this past month than I have after nearly a year of scouring the internet. In a sea of unoriginal, click-baity time-sinks you're channel is a beacon. You offer what feels like quite a unique perspective on the subject, and your personal insight lends to this. Informative as they are enjoyable, I've been obsessively devouring your vods. When you spoke about bpd and memory loss I got emotional because why in all the articles that I read online, in all the other videos I watched regarding bpd did NOBODY mention that? Things that had completely broken my brain essentially breaking me, suddenly made sense. It put everything into perspective and helped me decide to finally let go. I would have done things differently had I stumbled onto your channel sooner. However, even though the hour is late I'm grateful to have found you.
Stick around a minute longer and they won't even rely on condiments anymore and kick up a massive stink out of nothing whatsover - not even a speck of dust.
If narcist is in constant fighting state within himself/herself, then it is not surprising that they extrnalise and project own fights on their victims. They even blame the victims of strarting the fights. If possible, then no contact for sure is the best option.
True, my ex loved to tell me: Again you are starting a fight (fucking my mind with your doubts)!!! And that's every time i started to discuss some issue between us or future plans. Displaying me as a scandalous hysterical fool. And of course as a reaction i doubted myself, instead of finding out it was his manipulations... So sad
You pose the question in your title as to whether the new and old supply would be clones, but you say it is functions that they need to share, not I suppose looks or age or something similar. Could you give some examples of the sorts of functions the new and old supply would need to have in common?
Sex, safety, admiration, services (cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping), money, housing, access to people and certain social circles. Whatever your partner or narcissist lacks, needs, wants, or cannot obtain that you provide. Also, excitement, remedy for boredom, positive supply and negative supply (arguments, your fear, your suffering, your emotional responses).
Dear Prof. Vaknin, I have eine „Verständnisfrage“ regarding discard, replacement, decathexis, new supply and the lecture of today. I asked myself in your lectures what has to happen so that the narcissist replaces his spouse with a new insignificant other. So far, I have considered "The 4 s rule" as an explanation for this. After your lecture today, I have a new complementary view. Can you please tell me if my conclusion is correct? Let's assume that the narcissist is currently in the stage discard with his long-standing spouse. Through selfhoovering, this spouse has remained at the side of the narcissist for years. Was never replaced by the narcissist. Now a new supply appears precisely with this stage of circle, which meets the 4 S rule. Is a replacement of the spouse only possible through the fight against this devalued object described today with the help of the new supply and the former idealized spouse introject including cathexis? Does this mean in the end that if the new supply had appeared at another time/stage of the narcissist's circle with the spouse, would she never have become the "new spouse"? So is timing additional to the 4 S rule crucial?
Narcis se toliko bavi sobom da mu to oduzme sve vrijeme.Partner je kao sjena dok se narcis zabavlja sam sa sobom.Živi sa svojim glasovima u svojoj glavi. Zašto oni nisu hospitalizirani kad ne razumiju stvarnost ni ljude oko sebe i kad žive u svom svijetu koji su kreirali? Po čemu se razlikuju od hospitaliziranih psihičkih bolesnika? Idu okolo i rade štetu ljudima.
Sam, Off topic but I’m curious what you have to say about the Myers Briggs personality types. Would a personality disorder affect the results of these tests? Do you think these tests are valid? As an example, I seem to exhibit traits of the covert borderline and my personality tests have always showed me to be an INTJ personality type, which seems like a good fit. My wife who is a borderline has taken the MB tests three times and each time obtained a different result, could a different self state account for this?
All narcissist's processes are "failing strategies" so, to sum up, in order to get rid of this people for good one needs to move away leaving no prints behind! 🙄 What about the "phantom ex phenomenom", does it apply for narcissism or only for avoidants? What kind of attachment do narcissists have? I've always guess disorganized but enlight me profesor Sam! Thanks! 😘
Thank you, a LOT to get your brain around + explain to the uninitiated:o Q: So does the Narc get the new supply to ACTUALLY go to 'war' on the old persecutory object too? eg if s/he is unhinged and suggest-able/impressionable etc its highly possible .....and would account for a lot of very bad/ even dangerous 'domestic' behaviour/vibes! eg Recall those USA astronauts (supremely highly tested/trained folk) a few years ago , that were love rivals, possibly to a Narcissit, and one was waiting for the other at an airport with knives and gear!!! [OMG] Tks.(nz)
You mean my son? As bad as I have felt for what has happened, I can only imagine what his kosher will do to him because my own mother treated me this way. I am powerless to protect him from his mother. Court will not solve this, she is using court to destroy our sons life. Wt actual f
Dear prof. Vaknin do I understand correctly that if you are once snapshoted by a narcissist you stay in his/her mind forever "feeded" by the energy of the attempt of getting rid of you?
So Sam, this process, the blocking of the ID going 'haywire', can it be the unconscious feelings (suppressed, undeveloped feelings) that was trying to become something, is being blocked by the anti cathexis?
I could listen to this man speak 24/7 😅
facts!!!
Beginner level, try 25/8 😂
Have you listened to his interview with Richard Granham - The True Toxicity of Social Media?
This one is also superb. ua-cam.com/video/87KpZhXcqnE/v-deo.htmlsi=kSVwX_frCHGzZFQa
@@imaanon1668 no, I prefer to listen to him speak solo, but thank you for sharing:)
Dear Prof. Vaknin,
I I wanted to express my appreciation for your lectures. While it might sound unusual, I find great solace in listening to your voice as I prepare for sleep. Your lectures not only provide me with valuable knowledge but also offer a unique sense of calm that aids in my relaxation and readiness for bed. No other voice or lecture series has had the same soothing effect on me.
Thank you for the work that you do.❤
This man is brilliant. Listening in the middle of the night and it's like that Roberta Flack song - telling my whole life with his words.
Auroerotism- "Even when they have sex, they're just masturbating with the partner's body." That couldn't be more true, I had to let that one sink in for a minute. Very well explained so far. Have to take a break.
Jesus that was a line that turned my stomach... doesn't shock me as they are literally dead inside. .. they can stay away.... wasted oxygen.....
Holy shit, what a mind fvck!! Literally!!🤯
This is exactly my experience with my ex husband. I just never existed. I was never there. He was using my body and projecting whatever image he wanted onto me and then interacting with that. That's why I now realise why I was never seen or heard and spent years trying to delicately communicate with him. He also Masterbates obsessively and watches porn obsessively. I have a naturally high drive and initially while love bombing me, he loved this. As he got comfortable and was ready to drop his mask he would Masterbate non stop and I could hear him. He didn't care. He would make excuses and claim all men did this and that I was being sensitive and asking for too much. He would rather Masterbate than actually be intimate with me. He is also an extremely selfish person and lover. now I see that when I was refusing to be used as a sex dummy and he didn't like that. He would withhold affection and intimacy as a form of punishment towards me for daring to assert myself, have boundaries or saying no to him. Glad to be rid. Now he's fixated on objectifying our children and using them to validate himself. I will not allow him to destroy our children
Fascinating. I’ve only been able to deeply understand my ex and the dynamics of our relationship through your channel. I thought I was going insane and when it came to an end my body really shut down hard. I felt like I could barely function. You’re my favorite Professor Vaknin 🖤
Being a narcissist sounds exhausting 😅
Exactly!
The narcissist really does focus all that mental energy on hurting their target and using everyone around them in some for or fashion. Then they whine when you cut them off and panic as they stalk and try to bait you.
Think Hollywood ,the entertainment industry period is filled with these types of people ….👀
First time I hear such clear explanations about this complicated subject ! Extraordinary ! It helps so much when you observe a narcissist or live with him or her !
This explains perfectly what I went through.It is truly empowering to understand how those with the disorder operates. Thank you for all the knowledge you share.Much appreciated 💜
How many of us here had narcissists that were also addicts? Drugs or alcohol?
I keep asking myself, is he a narcissist with addictions or an addict whose addiction causes narcissistic traits? I asked Sam some time ago and it could be either.
Search the comorbidities and the addictions playlists.
My ex is an addict who's addicted to everything. Food, drugs, alcohol etc... when I was with him he was supposedly clean. But he transfered his addiction for drugs and alcohol to food and things like energy drinks. He tried to justify this by saying that his mental health issues, personality disorder and addictions are genetic. This is also a way his family enable him. By telling him that anything wrong with him or anything he does isn't his fault. It's the fault of his victims. Think Chris watts and his family. They have contributed massively to ruining him. He is a shell and thinks that he is some kind of prize.
Mine is addicted to cannabis, and he wanted to make me believe it’s not affecting his character
Mine was addicted to porn.
This answers a question I never thought of asking. Thank you
My ex showed me that she can be 100% narcissist. I am still wondering if she ever had a soul from the time she was born.
This has been a perplexing issue for me Prof. Vaknin. My replacement has a striking resemblance to me, sharing not only the same racial background but also owning a small white dog, just like mine. We share too many similarities for this to be coincidental. I work virtually with my narcissist ex, and he recently updated his work photo to one where he's holding a biracial baby. I assume he's a father now, and it’s clear that he’s attempting to manipulate me without direct communication. Thank you for thoroughly explaining this burning question of mine.
100% covert tactics are used.
23:57 I can already see codependents getting ahold of this message & churning out their own derivative copium: "My narcissist will never have grade A, ideal supply like me again; he can only try to project me onto them."
you can already find it on the top of the comments.. some people will twist anything to confirm their delusions. Pretty sad. Here’s all the knowledge they would need to heal but refuse to hear it
Even a broken 🕑 is right twice a day. 😒
this one is mind blowing...u r simply brilliant...one thing in this has me perplexed though...why does he need my former idealized self to fight my bad current one alongside his new victim...somehow it feels it would be much easier for him to accept my new "badness" if it was fought off by his "new angel" alone
One of your best videos, informationally awesome
Not easy to grasp, this material. Thanks for your patient explanation. İ keep wondering though, how it is possible for narcissists to have long time relationships when they always devaluatie, discard and move on to the next..
Search the shared fantasy and the abuse playlists and search the channel for island of stability.
Is it the same with the bpd partner? When they decide to finally sever ties will they seek out a "clone"?
Also, I want to thank you for these wonderful lectures. I've learned more from you about bpd in just this past month than I have after nearly a year of scouring the internet. In a sea of unoriginal, click-baity time-sinks you're channel is a beacon. You offer what feels like quite a unique perspective on the subject, and your personal insight lends to this. Informative as they are enjoyable, I've been obsessively devouring your vods.
When you spoke about bpd and memory loss I got emotional because why in all the articles that I read online, in all the other videos I watched regarding bpd did NOBODY mention that? Things that had completely broken my brain essentially breaking me, suddenly made sense. It put everything into perspective and helped me decide to finally let go.
I would have done things differently had I stumbled onto your channel sooner. However, even though the hour is late I'm grateful to have found you.
Search the BPD playlist.
Stick around a minute longer and they won't even rely on condiments anymore and kick up a massive stink out of nothing whatsover - not even a speck of dust.
If narcist is in constant fighting state within himself/herself, then it is not surprising that they extrnalise and project own fights on their victims.
They even blame the victims of strarting the fights.
If possible, then no contact for sure is the best option.
True, my ex loved to tell me: Again you are starting a fight (fucking my mind with your doubts)!!!
And that's every time i started to discuss some issue between us or future plans. Displaying me as a scandalous hysterical fool. And of course as a reaction i doubted myself, instead of finding out it was his manipulations... So sad
Dear Prof Vaknin, thank you so much💙
every woman after me was my clone to such an extent that I had to completely change my image 😁😄😂 my ex's obsession makes me feel better 👑👸
Thanks sir, this is very enlightening.
Prof Vaknin :
Can you do a piece on Schizo Effective Disorder ?
I haven't seen this spoken about, by you !
Schizoaffective. Will do.
🙏🏾💯👁️👀Love your vids and discourse,very cerebral ….
You pose the question in your title as to whether the new and old supply would be clones, but you say it is functions that they need to share, not I suppose looks or age or something similar. Could you give some examples of the sorts of functions the new and old supply would need to have in common?
To fit into the shared fantasy and provide the 4 Ss.
Sex, safety, admiration, services (cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping), money, housing, access to people and certain social circles. Whatever your partner or narcissist lacks, needs, wants, or cannot obtain that you provide. Also, excitement, remedy for boredom, positive supply and negative supply (arguments, your fear, your suffering, your emotional responses).
Dear Prof. Vaknin,
I have eine „Verständnisfrage“ regarding discard, replacement, decathexis, new supply and the lecture of today.
I asked myself in your lectures what has to happen so that the narcissist replaces his spouse with a new insignificant other. So far, I have considered "The 4 s rule" as an explanation for this.
After your lecture today, I have a new complementary view.
Can you please tell me if my conclusion is correct?
Let's assume that the narcissist is currently in the stage discard with his long-standing spouse. Through selfhoovering, this spouse has remained at the side of the narcissist for years. Was never replaced by the narcissist.
Now a new supply appears precisely with this stage of circle, which meets the 4 S rule.
Is a replacement of the spouse only possible through the fight against this devalued object described today with the help of the new supply and the former idealized spouse introject including cathexis?
Does this mean in the end that if the new supply had appeared at another time/stage of the narcissist's circle with the spouse, would she never have become the "new spouse"?
So is timing additional to the 4 S rule crucial?
Search the shared fantasy playlist.
Narcis se toliko bavi sobom da mu to oduzme sve vrijeme.Partner je kao sjena dok se narcis zabavlja sam sa sobom.Živi sa svojim glasovima u svojoj glavi.
Zašto oni nisu hospitalizirani kad ne razumiju stvarnost ni ljude oko sebe i kad žive u svom svijetu koji su kreirali? Po čemu se razlikuju od hospitaliziranih psihičkih bolesnika?
Idu okolo i rade štetu ljudima.
Sam, Off topic but I’m curious what you have to say about the Myers Briggs personality types. Would a personality disorder affect the results of these tests? Do you think these tests are valid? As an example, I seem to exhibit traits of the covert borderline and my personality tests have always showed me to be an INTJ personality type, which seems like a good fit. My wife who is a borderline has taken the MB tests three times and each time obtained a different result, could a different self state account for this?
Search the channel.
@@samvaknin Found it! Thank You. In case others are looking : ua-cam.com/video/9cNTGnIgdBI/v-deo.htmlsi=fL1M5IieNM_KP5_C
All narcissist's processes are "failing strategies" so, to sum up, in order to get rid of this people for good one needs to move away leaving no prints behind! 🙄 What about the "phantom ex phenomenom", does it apply for narcissism or only for avoidants? What kind of attachment do narcissists have? I've always guess disorganized but enlight me profesor Sam! Thanks! 😘
Search the channel.
Why do npds love us bpds knowing damn well us bpds are ten steps ahead of them
Fascinating
18:48 would this Narcisstic Anticathexis also be considered 'triangulation'?
No. Triangulation is a manipulative technique for relationship management. Search the channel.
Thank you, a LOT to get your brain around + explain to the uninitiated:o Q: So does the Narc get the new supply to ACTUALLY go to 'war' on the old persecutory object too? eg if s/he is unhinged and suggest-able/impressionable etc its highly possible .....and would account for a lot of very bad/ even dangerous 'domestic' behaviour/vibes! eg Recall those USA astronauts (supremely highly tested/trained folk) a few years ago , that were love rivals, possibly to a Narcissit, and one was waiting for the other at an airport with knives and gear!!! [OMG] Tks.(nz)
Watch the shared fantasy playlist.
As promised♡
You mean my son?
As bad as I have felt for what has happened, I can only imagine what his kosher will do to him because my own mother treated me this way.
I am powerless to protect him from his mother.
Court will not solve this, she is using court to destroy our sons life.
Wt actual f
Dear prof. Vaknin do I understand correctly that if you are once snapshoted by a narcissist you stay in his/her mind forever "feeded" by the energy of the attempt of getting rid of you?
Search the shared fantasy playlist.
So Sam, this process, the blocking of the ID going 'haywire', can it be the unconscious feelings (suppressed, undeveloped feelings) that was trying to become something, is being blocked by the anti cathexis?
The last thirty seconds are so DEEP.