Deprogram the Narcissist in Your Mind
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- Опубліковано 19 січ 2022
- Narcissist’s introject muted, yours active and vociferous.
Narcissist theatre play: he scripts and directs, you act and prop (external locus of control)
Current advice wrong, freezes emergent roles and, therefore, locus.
Reverse the roles: you script and direct, he acts and is a prop, whether he is physically present or not (introject).
Own the narcissist by appropriating his roles and then constellate/integrate the parts
Separation-individuation on the road to recovery and healing.
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DOES ANYONE ELSE FEEL LIKE OVERCOMING THIS IS THE EQUIVALENT OF A MODERN EXORCISM!!?
The narcissist is basically a demon, so yes, it kind of is an exorcism
Yes, I was literally thinking about this the other day. Exactly this. Read the book primal scream and you'll spin out even more.
Thank you so much!!! I haven't been able to explain how i feel but it's this. Like I'm actively riding myself of a demon. Like I'm having to peel the layers of reality back every passive aggressive moment until I'm finally gone.
Sounds pretty demonic to me
The narcissist was a loser from the beginning, red flags everywhere, my fault for giving him a chance. Lesson learned. Done ✅
not your fault, you were conned.
WORD.
@@Iwasonceacarpenter Also: WORD.
But you did not do anything wrong. My guess would be that the love-bombing was intoxicating, as it usually is. The love-bombing is everything we needed to hear growing up and they figure that out. They speak into unresolved trauma that responds by glossing over anything that would debunk the narc, because that would mean we'd lose the love-bombing.
As a kid, I mentally defended my narc mom even though I knew she was awful. But I had to defend her bc she was the only mom I had and I needed her regardless of how dysfunctional she was. I couldn't just get up and leave her. So I had to defend her in my mind.
I think that's why as adults, we who've been narcissistically abused, will overlook red flags. Because there's a part of us that needs the love bombing.
@@PixieRose7 only thing I did wrong was not listen to my intuition, I had a beautiful childhood
I agree, the narcissit can make you do things that can go against your very nature, be very uncharacteristic of you. For example, I would beg for affection, and I mean literally on the floor. I didn't instantly drop to the floor, but i got there gradually. I would sob. After calming down, I would feel a flood of shame overwhelm me. Dissapointment and distgust towards myself when I would take a moment outside of the madness and realise what I had done. I didn't know who I had become. I never did these things in my life. Never stooped so low. Stooping low became a regular thing for about just over 2 years and it resulted in my poor self esteem and self image as well as a loss of DIGNITY. I think this is the spot they want you in
I think you are right. 👌💯
@@tamelashafer8852 wth are you talking about !?
Nevee ever allow another person to make u feel so bad. U r worthy of the good things if u believe it u won’t accommodate people like this even for one minute
Don't let a Narcissist Rob you to find yourself true love , stop wasting time on him. Pick up yourself come up screaming for everything you've wanted. So walk away from that Snake it will be the best day of your LIFE!!
@@alwaysjolly thank you
My father is a genius narcissist: It took 45 years to escape fully. My mother is still in there, she has ataxia (brain shrinkage) no-one knows the cause. My father once told me (in one of our final conversations) "You can't critize your mother because your mum and I are basically the same person,". My sister supports my father - my sister is a practicing psychologist who once told me, "Don't you see that by you setting boundaries you're hurting the people who love you?" - as you can tell, she is a joke as a psychologist. Black is white, up is down, boundaries are violence. I've met other genius narcissists, there are so many - how can we ever be free of these people?
Psychologist sister encouraging you to hurt yourself?
My narc sister said the same stuff to me: we're basically the same person, ummmm, absolutely not b****! I've had such a hard time getting away from her because she was my mother figure. My mother was emotionally unavailable to put it nicely. Narc also referred to me as her "clone", totally disrespectful. I have gone low contact. I would like to go no contact but I'm not there yet
If i wasnt afraid of my own abilities i wouldnt have been such an easy target for the narc in my life. Im learning how to trust and love myself.
It's not even that
It's literally just the fact that someone can treat you so horribly, then dispose of you as if you never even existed. That's the part that gets to me.
I know
So I'm not exactly sure what the alternative to being a victim is. Are you saying the narcicisst wants you to think of yourself as a victim? Is that part of theater play? Not sure how to direct the play?
Is anyone afraid of your real abilities?
Yes. Or maybe that I don't really have them.
My ex did that back in 2021, she said she was seeing another guy, then progressevely told me details... Imagine someone you like hurting you and telling she betrayed you. She broke my mind and my happiness for months.
The things I did with him, I have never done before or after him. I didn't realize how much he controlled me. The hardest to recover from is that he had fully absorbed me and that I had ceased to exist before I managed to get away.
I agree with you. Because the narcissit continously oversteps your boundaries time and time again, you begin to merge and the lines become blurred. In the end you dont know who you are and what you even stand for. Your selfhood is so far gone that you don't remember the last time you felt autonomous. The narcissit dismantles you and rearranges you so the parts don't fit anymore how they used to. You will walk around like a zombie, an empty shell, a person without any substance, aimless, without goal only to be told by your narcissit that you are boring, old, ageing, lifeless, when this is how they rearranged you. This zombie, outer body experience feels very borderline. You may slowly begin to think you have BPD. You will cease to live and merely exist. You will feel the end of your life. After a long time in a narcissitic relationship, you may start to see other changes to yourself. Things that you once you enjoyed you will not enjoy as much. This is more the reason for them to call you boring. At this point you dont know what is real and what is not so you will take on board the narcs criticisms of you and believe them to be real. 'Its true, I have become boring' you will think. This furthers you down the rabbit hole. Now you will feel crap about yourself for becoming boring and wonder if you are even deserving of the narc because he is fun whilst you are boring you will think. You should know that this is the start of the evil spirit getting into your head. He will create these character dichotomy between you and him in ever so subtle ways that will make you believe you are the 'problem.' After chronic narc abuse, I noticed that I my senses, particularly my hearing became very very sensitive. I just liked quiet and low volume music. I just couldn't take loud music and bass anymore. I used to feel overwhelmed in my brain. My heart beat and rhythm became ultra sensitive to bass. A discomfort would sweep over me a I would just want to jump out of my body and just leave it. Noise use to affect me. I was becoming anxious. The narc ofcourse would call me boring and a party pooper etc.
You describe this very well! That is exactly what happens.
I slowly began to think I was aspd. And now I am. How sad. Only if could feel again. Oh well
@@user-vp7yg8qb8g you mean now you have become with Antisocial personality disorder?
Wow! That's very enlightening and true in my experience. Whilst I was still with the narc I started thinking I was borderline but now realise it was and is cptsd. My IDVA support worker confirmed this too.
Oh my goodness. This is my entire LIFE with a narcissistic father.
I lost my personality, I felt numb and depressed. My narcissistic father broke me first physically and mentally. I’m 30, I realised this year, I told him about all the mistreatment,I opened up my heart to him. Later he told me, I’m jealous and then told my mother that I don’t love him anymore. I’ve never had a girlfriend or a job, I always thought there was something wrong with me. I can’t even hug people, they notice I tense up. They break you and then they play victim. I hate these people
Facing self and realizing what belongs to self and what belongs to narcissist is critical for process of recovery
You describe the scenario with such accuracy. I felt very small and like I’d been put in the corner. And yes, muted. Kindness and humour were reserved for others while I was the dumping ground for rage and paranoia. A deep sense of loss and betrayal. So confusing and completely devastating to my sense of self, which is taking ever so long to reestablish. What a helpful video, thank you! 🙏
This is how I'm feeling right now and I don't know how to get out.
Feeling this set-up is now my checkered flag to come in for a pit-stop and check my tires for tacks and shards of glass. Let them go on and win. Get out of the race.
You are the only person that REALLY gets it and doesn’t give the same stupid bs advice everyone else does
It makes sense whenever I tried to talk to him he would say "what are you babbling about?" He didn't want to hear me except when I was praising him.
I heard that phrase, "what are you babbling about", often from my ex, he would barely listen to my thoughts or interests. Invisible, unless I revolved around him.
To him, I would "never work as hard as he did", even though I worked part time, went to University, and took care of small children. Wouldn't lift a finger to help, unless there was something for him to benefit. He would brag to his friends about me, but at home, I would be " worthless" to him.
It is frightfully amazing how much that "family of origin" really applies. Escaping narcissist family to enter another twisted relationship, doomed to fail. Do you really escape until you educate and assert yourself
@@lauravintson7753 they just listen everything to belittle you after. But muted the good parts in you. They amplify your insecurities to play with you later but the good side of you is useless to them.
@@lauravintson7753 I am nowhere near so terrifying to my wife (except sometimes internally, when I was trying to review the seven phases of shared fantasy thing which I tried to hopefully keep all in my mind -- as a person with writing ambitions I might be able to do something so silly) but I like to think if for instance my grandmother hadn't "spoiled" me -- for one year after my mom either committed suicide or for her/my complex of suspected genetic issues died of clumsiness when I was 3 -- as my unfortunately too-unsuitably-educated-by-culture but truly well-meaning stempmother described it, (and along with so many other generous people), I would be so much worse. It's astonishing to imagine my problems and say my father's problems with a bit more narcissism (rags to upper middle class story on movie-level high octane plus an actual dead mother from disease without replacement, that one) in light of how fraught each and every child around us is. Especially frustrating in relation to problems like autism / adhd which I have (from biological mother's side) and which makes me wonder just how many other people might also have.
my most regret is put my kids at risk for having psychopath dad and they have to live with fear and obedience.
I exited the Narcissistic System in my family…this information is helping me process the trauma I have stored in myself. And start a new life.
Same!
He used to tell me we are the same or we are one. If he was upset me he'd say when will we be the same? I loved him so much. I didn't mind being one with him, if he didn't make me feel like I was unworthy for him. His actions and words over and over made me feel this way. But he'd get mad if I said I'm not good enough for you. Everyone and their mother knew I was too good for him, I knew it too, but the constant thoughts of not being good enough were overwhelming and by the end were my only thoughts. He left and I still have these feelings that I was never good enough for an old alcoholic man.
I did things like begging for sex and attention. Sometimes on my hands and knees crying. I never had to beg before. I felt so ugly and unlovable. It honestly felt like when I was a teen and I would argue with my dad over what a loser I was. It was the same feelings, almost the same reactions. Yet, when I looked at him I didn't see a 60 year old man, I saw a little boy who I wanted to love and take care of. If he didn't make me feel so worthless , I would've given myself totally to him.
NPD persons are a severe danger to someone with BPD. They awaken sociopaths and self destruction in BPD. Your videos on awareness and how to deal is literally saving lives.
The narcissist studies the one with the BPD. He learns where her cuts, bruises and wounds are. In the beginning when she is opening up to him as you would to gain closeness and intimacy in a relationship, he is merely data collecting. After he does the data analysis on her. He forms a conclusion in his mind. Then slowly slowly she realises pieces of data are being used against her. When shit finally hits the fan and the mask completely falls off, he hits her with whatever her biggest weakness was. The end.
And how do NPDs bring out the sociopath in BPDs?
There is are lessons in something so tragic and painful. One of them is identifying bad behavior and the other is the developing the skill and discipline to remove these people from your life.
I’ve been trapped in a horror movie for 32 years, my husband wants to visit me on weekends (because I “remind him of home”), and live in another city with his 2 year transactionship, the young and dumb 36 year old single mother gold digger, that he likes to “hang out” with and “have fun”….that was his explanation of why he left a 32 year marriage “I like hanging out, it’s fun”…and of course, “I don’t know”, “I didn’t mean it”, “it was never my intention “, “I still love you more than anything “….I now wake up with tremendous gratitude for the universe, IM FREE NOW, LET HIM LIVE A LONG TIME(with inoperable pancreatic cancer) and be able to support me for the rest of his miserable life
Get rid of his stuff. It’s creating anger. That’s what I did. Then he died! He won’t be back! What a relief forever.
The narcissist used to belittle me and critisize me ( still does) in front of my son . Now that my son is 20, he s become his fathers' fan or flying monkey although i have a relatively good and warm relationship with him. The problem now is that although the narcissists criticism doesnt bother me anymore, it hurts when i see my son taking his side all the time !
Damn sad and frustrating, I understand...
At work, I was a respected professional. At home, I wasn't allowed to watch certain TV programs. The tribunal ruled at home, not reason. How did I let it get so far out of control. Thirty years later and I am going through the same trials with my daughter. I stopped it, took action. Now I am shunned by my daughters and my grandchildren. Where is the comfort in that? I think I would rather have just humored her. But then, the abuse continues.
When the doctor told me my husband had the worst case of NPD he had ever seen, I asked, "Can you fix him?" There werent resources like this back then, but I remember searching. I remembered the only information I could find was a narcissist in Israel who had a website.
It was me. I owned the first and only website on NPD between 1995 and 2004.
Sam I think you're probably one of the most criminally underrated men of today. So many people who are ignorant to this knowledge could be changing their lives for the better.
I hope you don't mind but I put a screenshot of one of your videos on my tinder profile in an attempt to get someone to watch it or find someone else who watches your stuff. Thank you for all you do.
Why would I mind? I am grateful to you.
Did you mean to write clinically and the spell check did criminally?
Im just wondering!
@@earthfriendlydesignhub725 No, criminally is what I typed.
@@yeahnahsweetasI love the word chosen
Even at times when I can accept some healing and start to move on with my own life, at times, it's almost crushing to realize the parent I've stuck my children with... they dont deserve the shit him makes them deal with...
This bit at 6:24 - 7:35 about self-gaslighting is fascinatingly true. My ex accused me of writing something demeaning (as if quoted) about him in my diary, and when I looked back through every notebook of mine, I never found the specific quote that he accused me of writing about him… he seemed to believe it was actually written, but it never was!
I haven’t been able to move forward or heal, and recently realized that I felt that my inner child was raped of her innocence by the narcissist. Hearing this discussion about the narcissist inducing infantilism, it makes so much sense now. This is the first time since the discard in the fall of 2019 that I’ve heard this info. I think it is the missing link. Thank you so, so much.
Yes! My ex always accused me of gaslighting him! It absolutely infuriated me.
Thank you Sam for your wisdom as I wake up this morning with my coffee! This is precisely what I am trying to do at this time. Your lectures have provided me the understanding that I so desperately need to move forward and let go of the narcissist. Married 45 years and my narc husband was unexpectedly killed in a helicopter crash. Upon his death, learned he was living 2 separate lives, spending 1/2 the week with another woman and 1/2 with me. Lying to both of us and our daughters for 7 years😳 Lied to my face when questioned! Confabulations beyond belief. He traveled in his work so had the perfect excuse!
Who does this? Why? I am learning the why from you, not in my current therapy. So grateful.
yes they are really great at deflecting it back to you.
Oh yes!! I was totally puppet in his hands. I felt so out of touch with myself. I was like being remote controlled by him
This explains every relationship I’ve ever had with a man, beginning with my father. It explains the moral injury, lack of boundaries, and any sense of personal sovereignty.
This is the first time I’ve understood to what degree I’ve supplied the victim, the nightmares, and the screams in this horror movie. It’s time I walked off the set. Thank you.
That has been my experience as well with men in my life. I am not giving up hope to one day having a healthy relationship but I am now not afraid to go it alone either. Much love to you ❤
I also just walked off set-and I left him in a very nice way- not for him, but for me.
Watching your videos, first I got scared, I am still scared of how fucked up things are, then I thought I was a narc ( I have no idea though) , then I was at awe how this works, now I am in the process of learning and understanding more. I was doing things that i did not even know I was doing. Meditation ..sometimes, Mindfulness, Awareness and now I am constant creating boundaries and looking at my own actions. Though I was reading many books and trying to figure out what's wrong... I never got the answers. Finally the mystery is getting unfolded, slowly I am truly grateful.
Sam is the Einstein of narcissism.
Thank you for this. "Reduce the narc to a walk on part.... contradict the voice", yes!
Can't wait to hear more tips and tricks on separation individuation; perhaps a whole another video would be great!! YOU'RE AMAZING 👏 💖 ❤
I have gone through this from the start to the end...
The result
I found a stronger version of myself and am truly grateful regardless of everything I went through .
💎⭐💛👌⭐💎🌻
Don't let your guard down!
You’re my hero. God Bless You. ♥️❤️🩹🙏🏼
He's in my head when he isn't around, music ❤️ helping. It is fear, a big black cloud.
I wrote a story based on the narcissist as a cypher in a Shakespeare play… someone in the shadows, of non-importance. your video’s are serious psychology and therapy sessions… exactly what the Universe ordered for me
Ong!!!! This analogy clicked with me. I’m the producer/ director now. Not an actor on theatre. I didn’t know I was on the stage, lights on theatre, there was no audience or director … it was my show. Thank you. 💜
It's rather hard to reverse roles w/ a Narcissist when they fly into explosive rages @ the slightest whiff of rebellion.
An excellent explanation of "self gas lighting." It was so frustrating when they said , "You really don't remember saying that!?!" I was almost doubting my own memory.
Professor Vaknin, your model of a narcissist as a mother figure or parental figure whose dominant voice overrides one's own superego makes perfect sense. Thank you for this important, insightful video.
Very interesting.
Divorced 10 years and to this day the narc won’t let go of me.
I treat him with respect as we are co parenting.
He messages me a few times a year that I am crazy, a bad parent, started crazy lawsuits against him etc.
He is angry because he started the lawsuits and ruined himself financially in the process. He took one child away and is now mad at me because he has to take care of her.
He is mad because I hold my own and don’t agree, nor internalize his negative perception of me.
You are correct. No matter what I do, how respectful I am. He has created an Avatar of me that is HIS Truth.
He is angry because I told him he is entitled to his truth but it doesn’t make it my reality, nor reality at all.
Your videos have been incredible helpful to understand their disorder, heal myself and survive coparenting with a malignant narcissist.
Ten years done, three more to go.
I already scheduled an appointment with myself for Bonfire Day.
When the last child turns 18, I’ll burn my legal documents and roast marshmallows.
Wow…my relationship with my father. At 64 years old I’m learning to stop the self judgement and fierce inner critic and from this video can see very clearly where it came from. 😊 thank you
Even though I have gained control of myself back, sometimes I still find it hard to distinguish with 100% certainty my inner voice from his play. I’m getting better at it though. It takes a very strong sense of self to counteract this bs.
The actor analogy is so fitting as my ex was an actor. Even with nearly two years strict gray rock, he certainly is directing the show. His presence is everywhere and the triggers seem ti have gotten worse. I was in 23 years and 3 teenagers. Still, I’ve been doing the work and feel so defeated. I can’t seem to shake off what I know should be shaken off by now.
I’m repeating this video and feel like it offers some direction and answers.
Thank you.
Thaaaaank u cause I’m trying to get her and the thoughts of her out of my head!
Ah Sam. I lived this for over 25 years and have never heard my experience described better! Thank you for all that you do
Thank you for validating the fact that I am not crazy for thinking that my narc dad is controlling, manipulative who I am seeing through right now. You described my childhood and teenage years in this video.
This is one of the most eye-opening videos . I have seen all the previous videos. Now i makes sense. No matter what you (I) do, you (I) can never be anyone other, then the person the narcissist has of you (me) in his mind. Looking so much forward to more videos on seperation individuation. Thank you professor Vaknin 🙏🏻🙏🏻
This video is a golden nugget! So, the person with the narcissist is no longer home in the castle of her mind and ends up bringing to the world the exact manifestation of the bad version of her he had designed in his mind photo shop? It is like if they had teamed-up to sacrifice her and her life, as if they had conclued that the "play" was worth obliterate her and her life to let the character take place and manifest the play? Why and when does she make the choice to let the narcissist bind and take her superego to the dungeon then replace it by the introject? Is it during the inaugural idealization phase and for the benefit of the good things the shared fantasy was supposed to bring her? When she realizes it was a bad deal and wants to cut her losses and grow, is there additional techniques to bring the superego back faster in her mind and kick the introject out permanently? How long will this introject-mechanism can be operating? Does it explain why she cannot think or make even the smallest easy decision while being over the phone with the narcissist? This is so insane!
Dr..your videos are a service to humanity. I have noticed that I keep attracting narcissists. I think the fear of being alone for a lifetime especially in a patriarchal society like India is really tough. How can I stop attracting such people?
The narcissists like empathic and sensitive people, who are not very careful with keeping their boundaries up. Also codependent people are excellent pray for them, because they won't leave. Create boundaries and if anyone tries to break them, don't let them. Try to find a loving relationship, with yourself or with a help of a friend or a relative. Know your worth. If they don't respect you, make an ultimatum and if they won't change, leave. With healthy boundaries and knowing what you want, you are not so easy to use.
Forget people, get a dog.
When you are insecure and vulnerable you attract narcissists.
As an empath myself this isn’t everyone but we have a hard time establishing boundaries because we have learned how to be a yes man or people pleaser early in life a lot of times. So it’s hard to say no to people. We empathize to the point of self debasement. It’s not healthy it’s dangerous. We will put others needs and feelings before our own because of our sensitivity to others. We end up self sabotaging in our attempts to make others happy. But it’s really low self esteem. The Narcs feeds off this and it makes you easier to control. I’m learning this the hard way. I was just discarded by my Narc and I have a 6 week old daughter this has been very painful 😣
@@shanuv12 It may depend on the narc. It was when I was at my most confident that I STILL attracted a third romantic partner (and at my 2nd most confident, a narc boss) who turned out to be a covert narc. Narcs get an extra buzz from their fuel supply coming from the formerly confident. Or, on the other hand, we could say that even at my most confident, I was still very insecure, so it was my APPEARING to be confident that attracted them. And they can sense when it is just a facade. I sure fooled a lot of people though.
Exactly the story of my previous life. Not only putted fantastic dialogues in my mouth but also sometimes claimed have saw me doing something I didn't do, and always in order to have a reason to humiliate me more. It was a nightmare.
Double yummy 😂😂😂 or double whammy 😅. Thank you for sharing your knowledge. Very interesting and helpful!
Omg thank you, I knew this was not my imagination- he does this to me all of the time and even though the security cameras record all our conversations, he refuses to listen and when he did one time, accused me of manipulating the tapes- even though he was sitting right next to me. It is crazymaking. I just got out- and I am staying out- no one deserves this.
Now, this is news I can use. Thank you! I love the part about how I get to mute the narcissist and treat him in a contrary was as he did me. I like also that when I hear him in my head, I get to fire back and my point is the only authority. 😊
wow, so many times i have told my ex to stop putting words in my mouth that i have never, ever said. this is all very alarming and illuminating.
Professor Vaknin, thank you.
If I ever manage to leave, it will be thanks to you. I do not feel strong enough yet..
Excellent video! Clear, concise and meaningful. As someone who’s been married for 30 plus years and a psychoanalyst, it took me a long time to figure this out! But when I did There was no going back, the world was opened! Thanks Sam for all your videos!
BOOM 💥 me and my son are almost free!!! 🦋
This explains why my ex was so angry with me when she dreamed about me cheating on her. It also explains a lot of her anger when I didn't do things that she inexplicably expected me to.
They aré just angry in general
Hi dr vaknin, on this idea that someone seeks a narcisist/BPD seeking the unconditional love mother never gave them.....what i don't understand is the following....even if someone had unconditional love from mother, one might argue that this created a model for what they seek in their future partner. In other words, even people who had unconditional love can still seek what the narcissit/BPD offer because that was the model of love mother gave them. I'm not sure that the absence of unconditional love leads to seeking narcissistic/BPD relationships anymore than the presence of unconditional love in your childhood
Excellent point.
I would say that unconditional love from a parent is almost a prerequisite for one to be a healthy, fully independent adult. This love is not necessarily what the person would look for in a partner, but more what the person should look for their partner to likely show to their children.
Maybe you're right that someone who grew up with unconditional love is still susceptible to being manipulated by a narcissist, but someone without that love not only doesn't know how to identify healthy love because they were never exposed to it, but also doesn't have the same building blocks as a person who was raised well. When they are given a chance by healthy people, the feeling can be so unfamiliar and awkward that they push the healthy person away, further raising the chance of them to choose more toxic and abusive partners in relation to healthy individuals.
Aloha🌺 From what I have been learning, a child needs unconditional love throughout childhood for optimal development. This is ideal, conditional love would present a greater problem, it is manipulative and confusing. You might be thinking of overindulgence, this is actually a form of abuse Vaknin has mentioned in other videos. In order for NPD to arise, there is usually some form of abuse, violating healthy parent/child boundaries and traumatizing a child while arresting normal development. I have seen a video where Vaknin states adolescence is also a vulnerable period when trauma or abuse can contribute to the development of NPD. The concept of narcissism is new to me. I left a man I believe may have NPD, due to his contuing vindictiveness years later. In his case, he was beaten and berated by his mother throughout his childhood. Every child deserves unconditional love, this creates healthy patterns, a sense of security and worth and offers them the best chance at a good life.
@@shiloh7344 Absolutely
Thank you I have felt like my partner doesn’t hear me when I speak- outrightly ignores me (like I am mute) or claims things I have said as his own or claims I have said stuff I haven’t I’ve been feeling so confused but after 2 days away in my own space (a tent near the beach- heaven) & listening to this I have a better understanding & the confusion has lifted Thank you
"of course it's true, because I'm saying it" 😂
Thank you for sharing your work, professor Vaknin 🙏
I'm in the process of recreating my own "theater play" and you've provided, and continue to provide, an invaluable contribution to it. I'll be sure to credit you wherever I may in the future--that is, if this is me speaking and not a "narcissistic flea" of past residual grandiosity.
Thanks for helping me, my family, and the world.
My mind is BLOWN. He constantly manipulated my speech and I often felt that he was projecting everything on to me that he felt but wouldn’t say to his mother.
I feel hopeful in beginning to fight back the very real voice of my mother in my head. It’s the hardest thing, because life happens so fast sometimes. Thank you and I am very glad you talked about victimization. I refuse to be a victim and accept that because that is the role my mom played and she allocated I play it as well. It’s a role that made me experience suffering that no child should go through. I encourage others to truly look at the damage of accepting yourself as a victim. You are not just that. You can be a survivor, a fighter, and always a better person!
Thanks for sharing your knowledge, Sam 🤗
Absolutely spot on.. I hear him.... but I go against that now, well I try my hardest.... the worst part is I worked all this out , but ignored it... you Sam, have made me see that I was right all along.... thank you ❤❤❤
As long as I consider myself a victim of the narcissist this victimization freezes the emergent role rendering the locus of control firmly with the narcissist. It is up to me to reduce him to a minor role or prop in a new play I must write. Otherwise I perpetuate the narcissist's control over my own drama. I must become the playwright, director and main character and speak back to, direct, the now irrelevant prop in the play. The victimization that is perpetuated by all those in the public video realm and those professionals who take that line of thought keep us stuck in the cycle of narcissistic abuse.
Every lecture I watch seems to carry a more important lesson amd message than the last one. Thank you, Professor.
Thank you Professor. Looking forward to your future dialogue with Richard Grannon
This is one of a few moments..when I feel that intelligence is relevant to day-to-day life
Good Morning Dr. Vaknin, I was thinking this about your work on Narcissim, and the wounding that occurs to prevent the development of true self / creation of false self and your work on cold therapy. I was wondering if you have done any videos on if the narcissist can ever truly access states of being loved or loving in any kind of authentic, safe or embodied way. My impression from your work is that in fact, this is not possible. You also made a video of "not healed"... which also points to this position as I interpret it. I have not yet read your book but am looking forward to doing so. Thank you again for all your tireless work, efforts, dedication and generosity. Bless You.
You look especially handsome today. I'm looking forward to this, recently decided to stand up for myself, embrace the ideas from your self love video, and run. Thank you Professor Sam Vaknin.
Good on you. Stay strong.
Mute them and turn them in the actor in the movie that you want them to be in, and not the other way around. Yes I could feel that slow attempt of making me feel inadequate. Is like a brainwash where they induce yo to lose your identity and individuality.
Yea it feels like I could love myself thru his idealized gaze. But when I block him and don’t have his like ideal perception of I can’t love myself thru him anymore :(.
That's how i feel! 9 days free of Demon Dave. How are ya doing?
@@joycefiore2721 I’m so embarrassed that I saw I made that comment 6months ago and I’m still stuck. I had a few months living my life and no contact and was ok but couldn’t date yet. And now I just recently had contact with him and I’m spiraling. Confused. Heartbroken again. I know what to do but it’s hard to not still FEEL love for someone even tho u also are scared of them
@@andyapple7176love yourself more.
Good evening!
My favorite professor.
Thank you for your wisdom.
Hi Sam,
I cannot thank you enough for all the information that you have shared on Narcissism and Nothingness. The level of clarity with which you talk about Narcissism is highly commendable. It helps me understand each and every aspect of my encounter with the narcissist. It is so surprising that we ourselves are able to understand the concept of introject and voices of introjects. To get such an understanding we have to think of what we are thinking or keep our mind on where our mind is going. It's like bringing our awareness to all these voices in our heads.
Having a stable core and a strong understanding of oneself is very important to cope up with the abuse and its aftermath.
Way to go Professor Vaknin..!!
I never heard the situation put in that context before but it makes a lot of sense. I remember once I heard the narcissist in my mind and even though she was not in my presence I was extremely nervous and my hands were sweating.
Unbelievable. Thank you Professor. Your videos have provided profound insight and are so eerily accurate.
Psychology/Sociology needs such teachers - making sense of an overly complicated means of 'knowing what to do' during the most difficult timeline ... Children are asking; "Does anyone know what is happening!"
God bless you Sam Vaknin. The world is a better place because of you.
thank you for the Prof! I really love the end solutions ✨
I love your words in Hebrew
Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!
Totally true
now I clearly understand what I was passing through
Thousands of thanks
Thank you for the video!
I definitely understand what you are saying. But I definitely did have to see myself as a victim first, because prior to that I believed I deserved it. By seeing myself as a victim, I was able to un-victimize myself by realizing I did not earn it and was actually a person that could untangle that voice. You have to realize you are low to climb higher. you have to realize your role in crafting and enabling the process. by realizing you are in pain and it isn't your fault, you can yank the pain away from the narcissistic person it stops fueling the process and you win the pain games by refusing to play. realizing you are a victim is probably the first step in getting separate. because then you realize the playing field is not level. then you are able to separate and individuate from the process.
I suppose it really depends on what you see as a victim, I guess lol.
I love you! Thank you for your great work & videos!!!!
Thank you 😊 God bless you! I am doing it. Sometimes that voice lurks out in a gaze of contempt. At times it doesn’t prompts out as voice. It comes as a visual memory of him. It makes you think and feel like you’re looking at people with disgust, anger and hatred as the narcissist does. It asks you to disregard and hurt people. I am gradually separating myself from him. When I separated from my covert narcissist, I thanked him for the lessons I learnt. He tried to hover on and pull me in. But I had noticed the pattern in his behaviour. I didn’t wish to be part of the cycle. I didn’t know it that he had a personality disorder called narcissism. I jBut after I watched your lessons on narcissistic abuse. I understood that I absorbed unconscious narcissistic patterns from him along with the lessons. His negativity energy pops out subconsciously or unconsciously. Due to meditation and self affirmations, it seems to be clear and peaceful . But It feels like foreign entity in your being.
Ur so good at explaining my brain!
תודה תודה תודה על כל הסרטונים, הידע, ההבנה...שושנים ובונבונים ובעיקר Where have you been all my life?
This video is so amazing it blows my mind This video explains the dynamics of psychological narcissism. It is a sadistic entity critic that must be silenced and contradicted in order for separation individuation. WOW!
Amazing Prof.Vaknin, as always!! Thank you!!
Thank you!
I love this ending advice 💙
Your content is amazing sir!
Looking forward to the video with you and Richard. Thank you for providing these videos.
This is wonderful thank you ❤
Wow. Thank you!!!
Huge joy seeing a new video of yours out here 😊
You are most amazing. Thanks