My female narcissist had me so entangled in her web I questioned my reality once I was finally discarded. Worst part is, only people who can comprehend this madness are those who’ve lived it. I feel like I’m on an island alone, and I look at everyone differently.
Yes. Uncomprehendable. No one and I mean no one could ever even come close to understanding this confusion/pain. Unless they’ve been through it. The discard is so dark and evil 😕
Im not joking. The best advice i have heard so far for the recovery is looking back at an older version of yourself and pretty much trying to start daily activities of that version of yourself to become yourself again.
Yes! Not a therapist, but I used to admin a group for those dealing with/recovering from narc abuse. This is very close to what I recommended. I would tell people you will never be the same, which is not necessarily a bad thing. It can be terrifying, but also liberating because now you can be who you want and need to be for yourself. It's often difficult to figure out who the heck that is though! So I asked them what they used to enjoy, what have they given up because of the relationship. I gave up reading. (I've been away for 9 years and it is still difficult for me to actually sit and read. It was my favorite past time, ever since I was a kid) Watch the movies and shows you wanted to but didn't. Go places you wanted to but didn't. Eat the foods you wanted to eat but didn't. And then try some new things. Because we're different people now. I think it's important to do both as a means of practicing stepping outside of our comfort zone/self-preservation mode and regaining individuality. Sometimes it felt like being a rebellious teenager - to read a book or veg in front of the TV or just eat Taco Bell for dinner because it was a long day and I didn't feel like cooking, and NOT defend any of those choices. It can be a bit of a mind-fu** just trying to reprogram yourself. I'm still working at it 🤷♀️
@Al_Gore_Rhythms You don't get it at all. Your self is gone and broken to a degree, that you don't even know who or what you are anymore, when you are in this state. The only way to rebuild is to look back and pick and choose pieces of yourself to become a new version of yourself again instead of being some kind of nothingness.
I totally get it how important it is to get back your life again. I have been listening to the music I was listening to since I was much younger and ironically this musician had tons of problems like narcs so I ended up repeating that pattern in relationship. However, there was a better music too and the other musician's music was way healthier in a way so it helped me to re-discover what I have been missing. I realized that I was almost obsessed with the music of more narc side's then missed out the healthier and more positive one that I almost equally loved.
My mom was the narc so I didn’t stood a chance as a scapegoat. Ive been slandered for as long as I can remember. Still I always had a fighter spirit. I wanted to overcome the trauma to live my best life. After a decade of therapy I’m living good. No contact. No regret. Self love, finally. I’m a force and that’s probably why she hated and targeted me.
WOW DOMINIQUE YOUR STRENGTH TO DO NO CONTACT IS IMPRESSIVE ITS VERY HARD TO MOVE ON FROM THE NARC ... I AM TRYING TO MOVE ON FROM MY EX QUAZI EX GIRLFRIEND - I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO MOVE ON ... I BLOCKED HER FOR THE 10TH TIME AND ALWAYS UNBLOCK HER ADN THINK SHE IS NORMAL AND SHE WILL CHANGE ... I AM LEARNING THE HARD WAY SHE WILL NOT CHANGE
I have come to the same conclusion, she hates all that I am, proof that I am a force of power and kindness. She hates she lacks everything I’ve got. But again to her I am not an individual being, so who cares about her sad devil being anymore.
This is so monumental. I’ve listened three times now. For months, since the break up, I’ve been so extremely confused as to where my inner voice is and where the feeling of my self is. I’ve even said it out loud to friends and in therapy. And I’ve said that NOTHING compares to the pain of this experience. And here, you put it into words. The absence of the inner voice. The presence of the narcissist voice. That’s what it is. That’s the utter pain and horror and lethal confusion. Now - I’m going to practice. Thank you.
Dr. V you speak truth!!! Enormous gratitude!!! Listened daily: submitting to the truth: Making space for humility for true love: Truth: Compassion: Lovingkindness:: truly this spirit feels demonic:::((((making humility easy. Isolate and ID serpent in my head::seek authentic Love:: I cast out, bind, loose that which is not of LOVESILENCE ::===PEACE==Hallelujah Take away ALL INEQUITY, & receive US GRACIOUSLY:::::
48 days ago my husband hung himself , and for 40 days after, his voice in my head repeatedly told me to die too because his death was my fault. Sam, your voice gave me the strength to try to repeatedly silence that voice. I am still here...I will continue to fight for me. Thank you ...every day.
his death was not your fault- i can not even begin to fathom how difficult these times are for you. i lost my bf and best friend within a month in 2007 and i became very mentally ill (or maybe always was but this triggered onset) bc i got stuck within the guilt phase during grieving. i truly hope you continue to navigate this loss with a positive mindset & with a healthy and blameless mindset bc that was him wanting to control and manipulate you even after he physically was no longer on this earth… really exemplifies the unstable and unwell traits that dominated his world. 😳 sending you lots of positivity, healing, peace and love during this time and beyond. 💫💖 ✨💓
Blessings and unconditional love are sent to you I am 61 and have had a life time of narcissistic abuse. I understand your pain, but to feel it is to heal it. It’s not your fault about your husband it’s because of his own problems not you it’s not your fault. You deserve a healthy happy life. Keep working with the quiet voice like Sam says. That’s what I am doing you can do it remember the story of the little train. It’s said I can so can you and I . Unconditional love it’s sent to you. Grow strong every day. You deserve a wonderful life.❤
Thank you ....I hear his voice in my head all the time..If only I had done better..if only I had spent more time alone with him..if only I had not had my children around so much..if ony I hadnt stood up to him..if only I hadn't dome this or that. I am listening to the serpant voice...the vidoes..I am getting EMDR therapy..I am trying to heal..the voices in my head after 28 years are so strong..the guilt is overwhelming some days..I am trying.
@@debbyjoy3 you will get through this I promise you keep up your positive strong voice tell the negative voice to go I do a meditation with chanting a word and it helps to take away any negative voice of the narcissist give it a try even om chanring helps you will get there keep being strong you deserve a great life and you can do it I believe in you you start believing in you too that’s how you will grow stronger every day try and be loving caring and kind to yourself it’s time you had this love for yourself in your life blessings every day to you xx
I hope one day soon you are happy he did ...and you are free , some of us , including me been physically beaten and abused 32 years now ,-- , so hart to get a way while No one believes me , so please take a freedom breath , then share it with us you made it all the best , strength and Happiness ❤❤❤
Spot on. I became an empty shell, howling winds also, it became a coping mechanism without even realising it. I became disassociated, hollowed out, dead on the inside. What a trip to hell and back!!!
So profound, I love horses, I love animals, that’s where I’m starting, my authentic self, that’s her, I love nature, the trees are beautiful, look at the sunset. That’s my girl, Me, connecting, not the loud brash voice who’s putting me down making me sk small and so insignificant, So down & depressed abandoned, hurt, but so worty of love, Nature is magnificent, yet it’s quiet mostly, apart from thunder & thunder scares me! many don’t notice the beauty, I always have. It leaves me humbled connected,… the simple narrative of nature. We are one. Every single word you spoke in this his video resonated very deeply. Thank you. 🙏. i thought it was depression, my own mind, The last years been tough, triggered more recently , through a a comment of 2 important loved ones, ( Narc’s I think ) I realise I’ve got their voices running me down, to the point of being absolutely I froze. t all the thoughts in my head, but it’s not me, telling myself all these things making me act in a way that feels horrible , unworthy, sad, broken… I’ve know I’ve got small, & quiet voice, I’ve not heard her for a while as she was taught children should be see. & not heard, Sadly can’t trust my parents voices as grew up in a extremely dysfunctional house with absent mostly narc father, a sad & dysfunctional alcoholic mom, was parent to my mom, was her only friend, she called me her rock, she was sick , so sick, booze and depressed, up and down, so became her caregiver, was 6, cared for my sisters too, SA Abused by an uncle, though spoke out and told, nothing was done, I carried it for years, the pain and shame, what a disgrace, there was so so much much more, so so so much more, it was tough, I’m surprised I’m still here! It could have been different, fortune shines on some, Now finding that shy quiet, caring, nature loving voice that’s been quiet way to long will certainly be a challenge! She hid ! But she’s in there, me, my authentic self, Recently, been in almost a catatonic state due to a a few huge triggers , & it truly beat black & blue; scary, loud and harmful, like thunder! I look for the humble one , innocent, gentle, deep & shy, taught children’s should be seen and not heard, gonna listen for her whisper… will be kind & compassionate, nurturing, loves animals, her friends. Loves horses, sunsets, healers hands. Yet , I’m gonna heed your words & be careful not to be tricked! . Thank you for the profound lesson. I’m gonna look for the quiet one, taking care not to be fooled again, Fooled for a very very very long time. Had spinning my solar plexus recently, its felt like great anxiety, CPTSDC triggered, she’s n there waiting .. Deep within, she’s worthy … & deserves to be found, X
This was eye opening, I've cut the narcissist off one year ago, yet it still feels like it happened yesterday. I've accomplished so much professionally but I was in a survival mode, cognitively and energetically depleted all the while having to maneuver strategically in my working environment because the narcissist was my Boss assistant and she wanted me emotionally destroyed and "humbled", by that understand: "dead". I cannot thank youtube enough for providing me the tools to escape the situation because it could have been so much worst had I engaged in her attempts to switch identities, and murder my own. However during this difficult, consuming journey, I've felt her grip on me wasn't only external, in fact, professor Vaknin describes it perfectly, she never left my inner space for one freaking second. As I was navigating the situation, it felt like I couldn't afford to stop and think about it, I just had to run, hide, show up in ways that were necessary for my own sake but I could feel it: first that she had colonized my head space, secondly that I had participated in the process, and once fed upon the very feelings that were now disgusting to me. So yeah, I have narcissistic and co-dependency issues and I very much need to find my inner voice again. I feel empathy though, and I have absolutely no intention to go around the world being a menace to other human beings. So, that's my priority, getting rid of the serpent's voice. Physically, I'm in a safe place now, she's leaving my country, I won't fear her showing up at work, knowing my every moves or smearing my character. But real, meaningful, profound work, begins now. To whoever is reading this, we can do it.
You're literally saving me! ... 5 days ago i received the 20th, may be 30th discard in 5 years! Yes you read that right. 30. Please don't laugh at my stupidity or judge me. He played it well... so very well. This vido comes only five days after my most serious downfall in this relationship... I hit the bottom and thought i was going to surrender my last breath literally and figuratively... but this video is helping me rise up, look at my shattered pieces, some of them are gone for good. I will try to get back what i can and move on in this life with my mutated soul. I am a beautiful smart woman, a university teacher. 39. People look at me and still think I'm a university student not teacher. But i feel that I have no place in this world anymore. He stole 5 years of my life already. He robbed me of my rational thinking, of my logical reasoning.. this video made me get back to some of my senses... it's rational thinking that wilo defeat this irrational maddening sickening cycle of thoughts and feelings... over the past years i recorded my voice for like 100 times... reminding myself of the pain he inflicts on me. I think now is good time to review them all. Play them in a loop. And let them sink and hurt and heal once and for all. Whoever is reading this, please just tell me that life is still worth living. I cant see its colors anymore.
Omgosh could your every word be exactly what i went through (only difference 2.5 years wasted)!! But Sam Vaknins videos and others helped me start seeing colors again! The other self aware narcissists i watch that provide other insight into their evil minds and help with the healing; i can suggest them to you if you are interested
I read your story I have been there many years. I have learnt to meditate do deep breathing course for 30 years. This healing supports myself to Heal than I see rainbows🙏✨💗🌈 Divine Blessings ✨🕉️ OM
Journal 📓 daily it will help you heal ❤ it’s help me very therapeutic Praying for all of you & your Family as well . We gotta keep lifting each other up ⬆️…. I still in the depths of my soul know it’s Spiritual
I feel this deeply. I can definitely feel like I have been invaded with feelings that are not mine and so many of my thoughts hijacked. Is disturbing on so every level. I'm one month out of it... learning and (hopefully) healing.
Me too Jillian. Sometimes I’ll realize, wait a minute, this is not me! These thoughts are not something I would think. These feelings and this bad mood are not mine either. None of this makes any sense. It seems like transference from another person. And immediately they LIFT and GO AWAY. It’s a strange experience. The immediacy of the relief once I realize. I also like a previous video where he talks about it as an “infection”. Even if I’m feeling better, to interact with this person I will get re-infected. I liken these invasive thoughts and feelings to having a fever. And I like the message of this video that it is the quiet voice that is the authentic voice. I’ve been using the equally ego filled self-righteous voice to defend myself. Sometimes it was necessary. But I will never “win” doing that with this personality since their defenses are so thick, and at some point it’s energy better spent elsewhere.
It's when you realise your mind has been controlled, feelings of anger not yours, all deception like a snake in the grass, sucked into a trap of manipulation - when you wake up from this nightmare you leave asap.
I'm 4 years out but only 1 month ago accepted that it could be this shit again and cut contact.. because it was a friendship not relationship. But whatever it was, my symptoms match. I lost all common friends. Be careful, this shit is not limited to romantic partners.
Omg they do make you turn into a narcissist! It's crazy! They weasel into your head and make you like them! This is one of Sam's best videos. It answered a lot of my questions.
The narcissist who part raised me as a child would literally hiss his insults into my face, such as 'you're nothing but a piece of shit'. He was very much trying to mould me into a partner as I was growing up. I was lucky that he was never able to take complete control of my care due to better relatives otherwise I would have been utterly destroyed. Thank you for your generous work 🙏🏽🙏
Ugh. Yes. This was me too, except I didn't escape and there was sexual abuse too. Then romantic relationships that echoed the one with my father in many ways. It's hard to get to 36 and realise my own part in it all. I allowed the abuse in romantic relationships for my own fucked up reasons. I can't help but think I wanted to be hijacked. Almost as a way to disappear.. a way to unalive myself mentally, not physically, but in a way that made me blameless - where I was a victim and not take responsibility. Am i turning into a narcissist myself?! The worst part of all this is the fact that I got what I wanted. I lost myself. I'm still lost and still hijacked and have no idea how to fix this mess I co-created 😔 Extremely grateful for Sam's work. I have learned so much and it gives me hope that I can make some progress
@@mariasolarzyou are in luck darling because a mighty God that loves you stripped off his royal robes and laid them aside to become flesh and died a agonizing death so he could save you. He was wounded for our transgressions, the chastisement of our peace was upon him, by his stripes we are healed !! He will lead you to still waters of everlasting life. He has helped me overcome things that I should be dead from. Heaven and earth praise him all you creatures praise him.
As a Codependent, who left my partner who I suspect was a narcissist. This is so interesting, at first I was very suspicious and distant only because I had a gut feeling there was something wrong; however, once I was in the relationship roles change and my ex became very much abusive, and started gaslighting me. Never thought I was a narcissist myself if anything I have been to therapy and always been thought I'm a Codependent never been diagnosed as a narc.
Interesting take. My mother was clinically diagnosed with NPD as well as bipolar. She was beautiful, and brilliant. Spoke 7 languages, studied, and then taught, in some of the most prestigious universities. every casual acquaintance thought she was the most fascinating and wonderful woman. Her family knew her as a monster, capable of unfathomable cruelty. I haven't spoken to her in twenty one years. Professor, I am gleaning much from your lectures.
This video is amazing!!! I have identified his voices in my head telling me “you need to grow up, you need another job, you need to save money” and if a normal person hears that the will say “he only want to see you being a better person” but is the same as in te example, the serpent is in your mind all the time against you… being with a narcissist is a very destructive experience.
Hello Sam, I went through everything you have said about the effects of a narcissistic relationship. Thank goodness I never let him move into my home but after being conned for over twenty years I did gradually lose everything. I went from being in a very highly paid job, to losing jobs, down and down to where I had started out as a junior. Then something inside me kicked in. Once I realised what was happening I read everything I could get my hands on, watched your videos, those of HG Tudor and read as many books as I could get my hands on about narcs. Then, I told him I knew what he was and could see straight through him and physically saw his mask fall. I have gone through every stage of the aftermath, and it has taken a long time to get where I am now. I don't pity him because once challenged he admitted he knew what he was doing but didn't know why. No point getting help because he cannot change, be treated or cured, and, I, no longer care. Yes, he conned me big time; now I just look back and laugh at the pathetic Peter Pan Man child that he is, and I am back to being bubbly full of life - ME.
Snake + Witchcraft (mind control) = Narcissist ÷ Scripture = Freedom and Overcoming the Narcissist Luke 10: 17-20 The seventy-two returned with joy and said, “Lord, even the demons submit to us in your name. “He replied, “I saw Satan fall like lightning from heaven. I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you. However, do not rejoice that the spirits submit to you, but rejoice that your names are written in heaven.” Take the free gift of salvation and dominion over the power of the enemy. We only have one enemy and his name is Satan. The word Satan in Hebrew means adversary. Adversary means opposer. Anything opposing you is your adversary Satan, whether it be a person, place or thing.
@@issahkay Praise God and thank you! Here’s another golden nugget that will further give you perspective. Have you heard Sam speak about the A.I. behind narcissism, well….they aren’t aliens BUT giants, so he’s on the right track. The narcissist is a hybrid half human, half giant, as recorded in Genesis 6 called the Nephilim. This is why God flooded the earth because the heavenly watchers impregnated the women which birthed these evil hybrids. They have been casted out of Heaven and bound, however, because they were cast down with Satan they have to find a host. A parasite can’t live without a host, it needs an open vessel and it can’t just jump on you. Satan is God’s lackey and on a leash and needs to ask God for permission, as recorded in the Book of Job. Satan has a legal right if there is an open demonic portal, this is where generational curses come into play. The narc may have not opened the door, but his parent(s) did and transferred the trauma out of ignorance. Hosea 4:6 My people perish for lack of knowledge. I am filled with joy that you found the truth. We move on in God’s army exposing Satan and his fruitless deeds done in the dark! An evil spirit is a disembodied spirit which means it needs flesh, a human to carry out assignments. And who is a narcissist exactly? I know you understand because you received my first point. I respect Sam and his work, but there’s a reason why the DSM-5 deems no cure because you can’t treat a spiritually rooted problem from a medical standpoint. The Greek word pharmekeia translates to sorcery, another form of witchcraft. Drugs are sorcery and only aggravate the demons. The ex narc is bipolar too so all of what I say is because I bear witness. Further, I leave with what’s the answer? The reason why demons don’t respond to therapy is because you have to cast it out, in the name of Jesus! Call on Jehovah Rapha, our on-call physician and healer because HE is the cure! The narc needs to become born again, repent with prayer and fasting to break free from the main operating spirits which are Jezebel, Leviathan and the Python spirits along with all the lower ranking spirits of abandonment, rejection, rebellion, perversion and on and on. Jesus asked the demon what his name was and he said Legion! To God be the Glory forever and ever! God bless! Amen and amen! ❤️🙏🏻✝️
@@SA-px3ln How do you expect to heal in the same environment that made you sick? That’s impossible! You need to go no contact, become born again by surrendering your life to Jesus. Narcissism’s main operating spirits are Jezebel, Leviathan and the Python spirits, then followed by lower ranking spirits of rebellion, fear, abandonment, rejection, perversion and a slew of others. Once you become reborn again you will need to repent, be delivered and walk with Jesus. You need to cut the soul ties, tear down all the demonic altars that have been carried over in your bloodline. Narcissism is a generational curse and one if not both of your parents are narcissists. Our parents were our first abusers and set us up to become further abused in our romantic relationships. I teach narcissism from a Biblical perspective and the Lord delivered my daughter and I from these Jezebel’s. Narcissism is rooted in the spirit, hence, the DSM-5 deems no cure. You don’t treat demons with therapy or pharmaceutical drugs, as it only aggravates them. You cast demons out, in the name of Jesus by the Blood of the Lamb and the Word of His testimony. Stay away from new age religion, Reiki, energy healing, mediums, tarot etc. as it is all divination and demonic portals that further keep you in the rabbit hole. Jesus is the way, the truth and the life! The reason you can’t break free is because narcissists practice witchcraft. Witchcraft isn’t just spells and caldrons but word curses. I have the gift of discernment and clearly see you can’t break free because of the controlling spirits around you. Through fear and intimidation those spirits are telling you can’t break free and you can. God has given us dominion over Satan because he is the god of this world. The devil is a liar and you can be set free from the demons and Jesus can heal your C-PTSD/PTSD by renewing your mind through His Word. The narc is sent on assignment from Satan to steal, kill and destroy whether it’s your mind, finances, health, etc. We are in a spiritual war and we don’t fight the flesh (person), but the high ranking principalities in the spirit. You take these demons down in the spirit. Don’t ever let anyone tell you they aren’t demonic because they themselves are being used as puppets for Satan. You do need to forgive them and unhook yourself, as forgiveness is for you not them. Forgiveness is a choice and accepting what happened. Healing is a process and God will help you. Forgiveness doesn’t mean reconcile or seek revenge and leave vengeance to the Lord!
After the breakup with the narcissistic ex, I experienced an unrelated episode of depersonnalization.. I couldn't recognize myself in the mirror I was terrified of my own reflection, it's not me I thought, and also it felt as if I have no control over my actions.. my body was moving on its own, I felt as if I was trapped in somebody else's body and there's nothing I can do. The thoughts I was thinking were not mine either, I was like : someone else was thinking in my mind. I thought that was a part of the antidepressant-induced manic episode I was having at that time. Now it makes perfect sense.
I felt like a marionette doll. Like I was paralysed but awake the whole time. Someone else was controlling my ability to move. I was hit by two at once, whilst dealing with it in my home life as well. And they didn't even have to tell me what to do, I would perform exactly as expected. I would buy the things, do the work, bite back when triggered, be sad when they wanted me sad or forced to be happy when they wanted me happy. I started seeing myself as completely to blame for past histories in which I actually did nothing wrong at all. But somehow I magically adopted this thinking that I did something abhorrent, I was crazy and psycho and too much to be accepted as I am. It felt like it all happened in my own head. Very strategically placed baited comments and fake statements of love and trust and devotion, all set the stage for the emotional wreck that they purposefully targeted me to become. The day I woke up fighting was crazy. It took me a year to get the strength up. And the interject STILL controlled my mind, right til the last second when I called it a liar and broke free for just enough time to run. It has still taken me nearly a year to rewire my brain though and most days I still fight the doubts and the idea that I am the abuser. I still question my own sanity and love as being fake and my life as being a lie, despite knowing for a fact I have never lied. Before I realised the reality of it, I got to the point where I was telling people things that happened to me and silently saying to myself, "I am telling the truth". Because I was so used to questioning if someone's story was a lie. Because I was told that many lies. My entire reality was replaced with multiple delusions, until I couldn't recognise myself, nor the world in general. As for the main offender, I believe I was watching myself through his evil eyes. And could not stop profusely apologising to him, as if I really completely destroyed him, when, in reality, I did absolutely nothing of the sort. He did it to himself. In fact, he destroyed ME. On purpose. Then convinced me I made him do it. I spent 14 years hating myself for it, then he brought me back into his life to remind me how much he hated me by pretending to love me, meanwhile injecting this idea that I ruined him. Somehow without saying those exact words. Then re-dropped me from as high as humanly possible, using his dying father to make me even more attached, emotional and idealized, ready to completely devalue and do it all over again. They are evil. The devil is in their mind and they set him on yours and drag you to hell with them 😓
I spent 32 years in enslavement and every feeling you describe is spot on!! It’s been almost a year since he left this world and I am still dealing with the fallout
I'm plagued by a new cynicism and hopelessness, as if my world had burned down and nothing but ashes were left. As I listen to the Prof I begin to understand that is the perpetrator who has found the perfect way to harm me. I see I I must make an effort to reassert my faith in life, and continue to love what I've always loved.
Dr. Sam Vaknin, you already know that you are a genius, not only in your intelligence, but in your ability to define, solve and teach the most complex and obtuse dynamics of the human psyche, identity and dysfunction to the simplest root cause and functions. I'm ruined and breaking away from a Malignant Narc and Malignant Borderline (combination with Sociopath - not sure if you subscribe to this). The second got a hold of me when I was onto the first and barely breaking free. Nearly lost my mind, and am in process of finding a way to rebuild with nothing, outsmart both, and break free. This is absolutely profound. I also recently found your video on IPA... don't recall the acronym...which I only had begun to listen to. I have listened to a lot of your teaching, though I think these two will take me to new levels of taking back my life and healing from the trauma. From this video, I can SEE how it wasn't me operating to break free from them, but my hijacked mind, the Narc and Borderline's voice. The Malignant Narc nearly destroyed, though I must say the Borderline was FAR worse at driving me close to suicide. I was completely dis-regulated with the worst anxiety and depression. It absolutely was chemical besides psychological. I treated myself with massive herbal dosing proven scientifically to do what the "best" drugs do. And, I have been using other methods. Recognizing that my actual mind, superego has been hijacked is key. Thank you so kindly for dedicating your mind and life to researching, solving, and teaching your great works! WOW. I can now begin to see how to depersonalize with both of them AND with the hijacked mind of myself. Mind blowing! I got a lot of this from your other teachings, but not like with this video. I advise that people subjected to Narc or Borderline trauma and enmeshment listen to this video again and again. By the way, Dr. Vaknin, would you PLEASE consider doing videos on enmeshment and how to de-enmesh. I can hardly find anything on the topic. I suspect that the topic ties into what you are discussing here.
Thank you. This video finally got through to me and I finally see my behaviour, with all three of my long term relationships with narcissists, was an agonising need to be loved the way my narcissistic mother didn’t love me. I was needy, I was manipulative, I was like a narcissist in the way I contributed to the exciting fantasy future we could have. I made things happen, I threw myself in, despite red flags, and knowing in my hearts of hearts it was’t right. Now, at 56, I get it all. I see my contribution, and hopefully I see my way out of the repetition compulsion.
I have been on this path of healing since 2010, it's now 2023 and every day you learn and the sadness deepens but the opposite is ballistic on the joy and peace side. Don't run from the emotional pain, stay in the pain for as long as you can handle and everyday you get stronger to the pain. The deeper you go into pain the greater the revolution/ learning will be and the peace and joy grows. I have experienced that at a deep level the feeling of pain and joy are indistinguishable, this is a beautiful place and becomes very addictive.❤
What a great idea to look at our inner critic as an internalized narcistic voice...narcistic parent voice! At the age of 45, I am actually trying to finally go through individuation and starting being myself. I hope this Is not just another attempt. My overall feeling of not being myself, the search for myself, was actually true. Such a insight Is not easy to accept, but it is a great relief to realize that my own adventury of introspection has led me to the same conclusions. Finding my own voice. I perceive parallels with art, music, music therapy as a counterweight to this analytical, rational path. Thank you very much Sam Vaknin.
Have listened to many experts and teachers, but you are by far the most in-depth and insightful master teacher, and helping to break apart and expose the depths of the soul in order to understand what is really truly going on and why, and helping to bring freedom and breaking chains! Thank you so much‼️🚨
Honestly so eye-opening. This explains why i have terrible anxiety around my narc ex but not really around other people and he has anxiety around everyone except me. I absorbed his anxiety and just being in a store today where he works gave me so much anxiety i could barely finish shopping although he usually doesnt work on that day of the week. I didnt drive the extra 4 miles to the next store i could have gone to but went to “his store” as a test to see how i would feel and it was terrifying OMG! The thought of seeing him is more terrifying than seeing any criminal in the world and I’m mad at myself for feeling so weak although I know now it’s bc of entraining.
So nutty-the homework my therapist gave me this week has exactly to do with this; she said “notice the voice in your mind and decipher if it’s your own thoughts or the x-narcissist’s voice.” I found this super crucial and I’m very thankful for this assignment. But how deep this goes is so jarring…my thoughts are blended with his. Then I watch this video, and it really drives this concept home…I accept and understand this will be a long journey of separation. Indeed this is humbling.
Dear Professor. I've been following your work and read many of your books. But this video made me experience the long sought after "click". Now I'm going to say something you won't want to hear: You are a true Mensch. And a much better person than most "empaths" out there. Thank you very much for your work. It's priceless.
I was married to a diagnosed vulnerable narcissist, I never accepted her devaluing words, or questioned my reality due to her gaslighting... I could always see through what she was attempting to do, however, I would get frustrated, angry, disappointed, and depressed over her behavior... it definitely caused some trauma, but I don't feel I was psychologically impacted to the extent others seem to be... but this certainly got me thinking and questioning things.
SO WELL PUT THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME REALIZE THOSE OF US WHO WERE ON THE CODEPENDENT END WE ARE NOT CRAZY! Personally, codependents gaslight themselves so that plays a huge role in codependents unconsciously staying with the narcissist for so long!
Thank you, Prof. Vaknin, for sharing and validating therapeutic measures: humility; listening and identifying the different voices in my head used for doom vs. recovery from narcissistic abuse, codependency and CPTSD. I appreciate and am grateful for your knowledge and care within the public domain.
Indeed this is one of my favorite also because it explains the psychological hijacking of the person. The narcissist doesn't want your body, it wants to take over your mind and "identity" and you definitely get some pure ocd or something of the sort after going on in circles in the mind. The harsh inner critic takes over if not kept in check. I found also to understand how the introjects act very informative in some videos.
This is so true as you speak. My mother spoke to me while I’m listening to you and out of the blue I started thinking in critical terms about myself based on her complaints. I can now identify she spoke with her GOD voice and her DEAD voice to me in a single setting. Now I must erase this diabolical dialogue inside my head and impose it with an assertive monologue as you suggest. I must learn a different value to an old stimulus. Thank you very much for the insight Prof. Vaknin.
Thank you for this explanation! You describe what I went through 3 years ago. I realize now that I had a weak sense of self when I met him but by the time I threw him out I was annihilated. There was nothing left of me. There was only his voice, his traumas, his problems etc etc. Terrifying! I made it through without unaliving myself which I thought of many times and are now putting all my energy back to myself and getting to know myself❤️😅
Thank you Professor Sam Vaknin for this video. I have not yet heard anyone discussing the 'active voice'. I'm at the 10% stage. I will be building that atrophied muscle... bigger than ever.
Not sure why, I found this the toughest video to process and understand. Sam sparkling and articulate as ever, maybe this is the toughest lesson we have to learn, maybe the final lesson to reaching who we want to be. To eliminate the Narcissists voice. Still processing...
Wow finally someone who can put into words the thing I for so long couldn't understand. It's like this thing in the back of my head that every time I have an idea or am thinking through things it's there...shutting it all down reducing me to nothing...
I realized my sister & dad was a narc when I was a kid. I ran into the arms of a psychopath. Now at 42 I realized my mom; this entire time was hiding in the shadows and as sadistic as they come. It’s like I hid her evilness or denied it. Thank you for the video now it all makes sense.
My advice to you is to run from the lot of them.Never visit them or in the future agree to meet any of them as the same patterns continue. Now you see them for what they are leave and never look back lest you turn into a pillar of salt.
WOW!...........I'M SPEECHLESS (it's working already 😉) Thank you for taking so much time and care to share this knowledge in a way that maximises our ability to really get it. Your insights are next level. You help victims connect to their power with clarity and without judgement. 🙏🖐💫👼
I love to listen to those videos. First thing is - they connect me to my dark and shadow self. Second of all - they connect me well to the narcissist I have to let go of 🌹
It’s both sad and healing to know that you will never get that unconditional motherly love again if it hadn’t been granted to you when you were an infant. On the one hand, you stop believing in the fantasy, on the other hand that hole will always be there in you.
I love Prof. Sam Vaknin. I heard this once before (not sure where and I'm paraphrasing), "Can you hear the voice of truth, it is silent and still." When I listen to these videos I hear truth and I am so grateful.
Thank you very very much. I'm 44 years old. After a recent trip back to my country and family, and a completely overwhelming attack, I'm beginning to see the truth. It's almost untrue. How could I have missed this. This explains absolutely everything. Thank you. There is hope and a path to walk now
This is chilling and deeply sad in equal measurre. Twisted idea that unconditional love combined with the self forfilling prophecy that "love is pain" is the only roadmap available is terrifying! I'm shocked into further growth and healing.
I cannot thank you enough I have been battling this for years not just with my narcissist but my narcissistic family It is very difficult but everything you said I have been working on and it does work thank you so much
Very interesting topic prof. Vaknin , when you said " i think that codependency is a form of narcissism " now i can understand alot of things . Thank you 🥰❤️⚘️dear .
Thank you, Sir. I was in an intimate relationship with a person that made me feel strange and intoxicated. I wanted to learn why I felt, behaved in a very uncharacteristic way when I was with him and became so obsessed with him at the same time feeling drained and crazy. Started looking into trauma bond. I wanted to understand why and what was my dysfunction. Instinctively I let him go by forcing him to choose me. 9 months of therapy and being away psychically from him (but still in my mind) it made me feel better. Last week he got in touch with me and it made all sense. I gently told him I have a health issue that needs my attention, but other wise I would like to see him. He was frantic to get his way then and there to come to me. I still care about him and would love to help him somehow, but I don’t want to be consumed by it. Aztec ritual/ black hole. Amazingly, months ago I thought of him as Pinocchio and didn’t know why!
Brilliant explanation. The first time I've heard the internal dialogue within me has been described. A new weapon in my arsenal to help break the repetition of my choices.
A million Thanks to you for making this video again. It’s a treasure! It will be my bible for the healing period. I’ll definitely come back to watch it over and over again to enforce this strategy into my life till I heal! Wish you all the best ❤
Once again @Prof. Sam Vaknin. Professor your right on the money!!…. I’ve been listening to your videos for about 6 months straight none stop. I didn’t know what I was dealing with, the confusion was tormenting. Your videos made everything so clear, right from the first video. I was addicted! You spoke my language…something that I could not even understand,but knowing that something is terrible wrong and I am trapped. My life for the last 25 years, you sir! You have explained better than me 😂. Funny, but not funny! Thanks
I have such gratitude to when i saw your first video 2 years ago about narcissism. I had no idea it existed only that my ex partner and my father had the same traits, and when i found your first video, you gave me a name for what i was experiencing . I guess that was the start of opening my world of the REASONS, AND ALL THE WHY'S! It made sense of all my choices in life and the role I played in them, too. I understand so much, which has helped me recover . It has been a slow process, and I did not want to be a VICTIM OF MY LIFE BUT BECOME A SURVIVOR.❤
Before watching this video i was doing the same things. Remembering who i used to be even in the smallest details for instance how i used to behave publicly, what kind of thought process i had , what were the things i used to laugh about, what kinda people i liked around myself, how i used to react with anger, how i talked to myself to motivate myself (as i was preparing for some competitive exam), how i used to be unapologetic and a very jolly loving person….And i was able to fight internally those serpent voices by telling myself that “no, this is exactly how he wants me to think, this is how he used to manipulate me” … Finally I’m feeling a lot better after watching this video that I’m finally on the right path to be my self again. A Big thanks to you Prof. @samvaknin 🙌🏻
You are correct… until arriving at this understanding ie. the WHY that drives our attraction to others, the repetition of harmful patterns, the hard labor involved in consistently working at change and awareness within… it is a long and arduous life-journey, but so very worth it. From someone walking that path~ Your information, though at times difficult to hear, has given much needed insight; cold water to a thirsty soul. Thank You.
Very impressive to see this dynamic and psychological layer articulated so coherently when it seems to swim elusively just under the surface of consciousness or subject to self gaslighting. Very refreshing and helpful to be able to articulate this and the solutions. Super intelligent. Thank you for this gift! 🎁
The techniques work! (Shadow work) I was acting narcissistic for many years until I figured out what I was.... it was the internal work that created the new me. 😮
Wow thank you Prof Vaknin. This is one of the most powerful videos I have watched. Find the true self again, reparenting those inner parts especially the Critical Parent into a Loving Parent. X Awareness, Acceptance and Action. Going to get back to my meditation and journalling and reparenting! My mom is high on narcissism and my previous romantic relationship was with someone high on narcissim but very subtle and clever. I am working on ridding this in my life... Externally and internally. Here's to reclaiming mySelf. Thank you again.
I hafta come back to this, because there is a lot to chew on here! I just hafta sit with the first few minutes and review and apply this to my experiences. Thanks fer such great revelation in dealing with relationships that are abusive/narcissistic.
This video and your last one are exceptional as all of them are, as these last 2 have helped me tremendously in my relationship with the Narcissist. I think I have caught every one of your videos for the last 5 years to get me through all the trauma of a Narcissist relationship to try to understand the incomprehensible. Your an incredible man. Thank you!
All of this happened to me already. When I gave the microphone to my own self, when I allowed myself to have fun, when I complimented myself, gave myself credit, the narcissist's voice lashed out with all the aggression, like the thing in the movie "The Thing". All the self criticism, the devaluation came to the fore, trying to stop me. Flashbacks to physical and verbal aggression. My head was spinning, I felt hot and out of breath. I had a ptsd attack just because I allowed myself to go out and have fun and I gave myself credit when I did well in a game. When all the "you just got lucky" and "you're nothing" voices came to the front it felt like a cyber attack, like the viruses got triggered, but because they were no longer hiding I pinpointed them and marked them for deletion. That night I felt like I broke back into the control room inside my head.
Thank you Sam❤ Your video has come to me at the right time for me. Inner critical voices have seemly immobilized me. I seem to have very few positive ones. The last part of the video talking about the ultimate narricist and then critical parents is my challenge as was the critical voices from grandma, siblings friends, teachers, workmates, etc. I feel like it so hard to keep going. TY❤
Same here! Please stay strong and conflict these voices. Watch a video from Richard Brannon about a hand technique in which he shares a technique to get out these voices. He said rather than talk to the voices or confront them, just say “shut up satan!!!” Just take the narc voice out of your mind and cultivate new ones more positive and compassionate. I also strongly recommend Ross Rosenberg and Gabor Mate, for helping you understand you and doing you, lots of hugs🫂
This is the perfect video for next steps after no contact. You taught me what narcissist abuse was (it was so awful l thought it was hyperbole) but l realized that it was real. Now l trust what you say is necessary to heal. Thank you! I will take your advice and journal to learn what my quiet voice is saying.
My female narcissist had me so entangled in her web I questioned my reality once I was finally discarded. Worst part is, only people who can comprehend this madness are those who’ve lived it. I feel like I’m on an island alone, and I look at everyone differently.
You because we don't see it when we are being transformed
Yes. Uncomprehendable. No one and I mean no one could ever even come close to understanding this confusion/pain. Unless they’ve been through it. The discard is so dark and evil 😕
You are so, so, not alone. I am there on that exact island.
I'm on the island too. Let's build a raft !
I’m here also
Im not joking. The best advice i have heard so far for the recovery is looking back at an older version of yourself and pretty much trying to start daily activities of that version of yourself to become yourself again.
Yes! Not a therapist, but I used to admin a group for those dealing with/recovering from narc abuse. This is very close to what I recommended. I would tell people you will never be the same, which is not necessarily a bad thing. It can be terrifying, but also liberating because now you can be who you want and need to be for yourself. It's often difficult to figure out who the heck that is though! So I asked them what they used to enjoy, what have they given up because of the relationship. I gave up reading. (I've been away for 9 years and it is still difficult for me to actually sit and read. It was my favorite past time, ever since I was a kid)
Watch the movies and shows you wanted to but didn't. Go places you wanted to but didn't. Eat the foods you wanted to eat but didn't.
And then try some new things. Because we're different people now. I think it's important to do both as a means of practicing stepping outside of our comfort zone/self-preservation mode and regaining individuality. Sometimes it felt like being a rebellious teenager - to read a book or veg in front of the TV or just eat Taco Bell for dinner because it was a long day and I didn't feel like cooking, and NOT defend any of those choices.
It can be a bit of a mind-fu** just trying to reprogram yourself. I'm still working at it 🤷♀️
Just had taco bell for breakfast. Lol demon Dave wouldn't approve . Lol. 95 days free of him or it, I should say.
@Al_Gore_Rhythms You don't get it at all. Your self is gone and broken to a degree, that you don't even know who or what you are anymore, when you are in this state. The only way to rebuild is to look back and pick and choose pieces of yourself to become a new version of yourself again instead of being some kind of nothingness.
I started listening to the music i enjoyed before i met her
I totally get it how important it is to get back your life again. I have been listening to the music I was listening to since I was much younger and ironically this musician had tons of problems like narcs so I ended up repeating that pattern in relationship. However, there was a better music too and the other musician's music was way healthier in a way so it helped me to re-discover what I have been missing. I realized that I was almost obsessed with the music of more narc side's then missed out the healthier and more positive one that I almost equally loved.
This explains why it takes long to heal. You lose yourself and it takes time to rebuild a whole new self.
took me many years after going no contact with my narc mum-
My mom was the narc so I didn’t stood a chance as a scapegoat. Ive been slandered for as long as I can remember. Still I always had a fighter spirit. I wanted to overcome the trauma to live my best life. After a decade of therapy I’m living good. No contact. No regret. Self love, finally. I’m a force and that’s probably why she hated and targeted me.
WOW DOMINIQUE YOUR STRENGTH TO DO NO CONTACT IS IMPRESSIVE ITS VERY HARD TO MOVE ON FROM THE NARC ... I AM TRYING TO MOVE ON FROM MY EX QUAZI EX GIRLFRIEND - I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO MOVE ON ... I BLOCKED HER FOR THE 10TH TIME AND ALWAYS UNBLOCK HER ADN THINK SHE IS NORMAL AND SHE WILL CHANGE ... I AM LEARNING THE HARD WAY SHE WILL NOT CHANGE
🎯
💪💪💪
Love this!💪🏾💪🏾💪🏾💪🏾
I have come to the same conclusion, she hates all that I am, proof that I am a force of power and kindness. She hates she lacks everything I’ve got. But again to her I am not an individual being, so who cares about her sad devil being anymore.
..."howling winds in a hall of mirrors." Visually powerful line.
Please don t ever stop posting. Genius
😊😊
This is so monumental. I’ve listened three times now. For months, since the break up, I’ve been so extremely confused as to where my inner voice is and where the feeling of my self is. I’ve even said it out loud to friends and in therapy. And I’ve said that NOTHING compares to the pain of this experience. And here, you put it into words. The absence of the inner voice. The presence of the narcissist voice. That’s what it is. That’s the utter pain and horror and lethal confusion. Now - I’m going to practice. Thank you.
I understand. It’s something no talk therapy can help with to the extent of the help actually needed. Xx
@@samanthar7615 ❤️❤️
Dr. V you speak truth!!! Enormous gratitude!!! Listened daily: submitting to the truth: Making space for humility for true love: Truth: Compassion: Lovingkindness:: truly this spirit feels demonic:::((((making humility easy. Isolate and ID serpent in my head::seek authentic Love:: I cast out, bind, loose that which is not of LOVESILENCE ::===PEACE==Hallelujah Take away ALL INEQUITY, & receive US GRACIOUSLY:::::
48 days ago my husband hung himself , and for 40 days after, his voice in my head repeatedly told me to die too because his death was my fault. Sam, your voice gave me the strength to try to repeatedly silence that voice. I am still here...I will continue to fight for me. Thank you ...every day.
his death was not your fault- i can not even begin to fathom how difficult these times are for you. i lost my bf and best friend within a month in 2007 and i became very mentally ill (or maybe always was but this triggered onset) bc i got stuck within the guilt phase during grieving. i truly hope you continue to navigate this loss with a positive mindset & with a healthy and blameless mindset bc that was him wanting to control and manipulate you even after he physically was no longer on this earth… really exemplifies the unstable and unwell traits that dominated his world. 😳 sending you lots of positivity, healing, peace and love during this time and beyond. 💫💖 ✨💓
Blessings and unconditional love are sent to you I am 61 and have had a life time of narcissistic abuse. I understand your pain, but to feel it is to heal it. It’s not your fault about your husband it’s because of his own problems not you it’s not your fault. You deserve a healthy happy life. Keep working with the quiet voice like Sam says. That’s what I am doing you can do it remember the story of the little train. It’s said I can so can you and I . Unconditional love it’s sent to you. Grow strong every day. You deserve a wonderful life.❤
Thank you ....I hear his voice in my head all the time..If only I had done better..if only I had spent more time alone with him..if only I had not had my children around so much..if ony I hadnt stood up to him..if only I hadn't dome this or that. I am listening to the serpant voice...the vidoes..I am getting EMDR therapy..I am trying to heal..the voices in my head after 28 years are so strong..the guilt is overwhelming some days..I am trying.
@@debbyjoy3 you will get through this I promise you keep up your positive strong voice tell the negative voice to go I do a meditation with chanting a word and it helps to take away any negative voice of the narcissist give it a try even om chanring helps you will get there keep being strong you deserve a great life and you can do it I believe in you you start believing in you too that’s how you will grow stronger every day try and be loving caring and kind to yourself it’s time you had this love for yourself in your life blessings every day to you xx
I hope
one day soon you are happy
he did
...and you are free , some of us , including me been physically beaten and abused 32 years now ,-- , so hart to get a way while
No one believes me , so please take a freedom breath , then share it with us
you made it
all the best , strength and Happiness ❤❤❤
Spot on. I became an empty shell, howling winds also, it became a coping mechanism without even realising it. I became disassociated, hollowed out, dead on the inside. What a trip to hell and back!!!
I am in that hell right now. I could loose a limb and it would be less painful
@@deniselauer7440how are you doing now?
Same here. 4 years. Just saw the full picture today and surprisingly, this video showed up on my UA-cam.
@@DF0011- glad you are getting off that rollercoaster. I learned everything on UA-cam.
So profound, I love horses, I love animals, that’s where I’m starting, my authentic self, that’s her, I love nature, the trees are beautiful, look at the sunset. That’s my girl, Me, connecting, not the loud brash voice who’s putting me down making me sk small and so insignificant,
So down & depressed abandoned, hurt, but so worty of love,
Nature is magnificent, yet it’s quiet mostly, apart from thunder & thunder scares me!
many don’t notice the beauty, I always have. It leaves me humbled connected,… the simple narrative of nature. We are one.
Every single word you spoke in this his video resonated very deeply.
Thank you. 🙏.
i thought it was depression, my own mind, The last years been tough, triggered more recently , through a a comment of 2 important loved ones, ( Narc’s I think ) I realise I’ve got their voices running me down, to the point of being absolutely I froze. t all the thoughts in my head, but it’s not me, telling myself all these things making me act in a way that feels horrible , unworthy, sad, broken…
I’ve know I’ve got small, & quiet voice, I’ve not heard her for a while as she was taught children should be see. & not heard,
Sadly can’t trust my parents voices as grew up in a extremely dysfunctional house with absent mostly narc father, a sad & dysfunctional alcoholic mom, was parent to my mom, was her only friend, she called me her rock, she was sick , so sick, booze and depressed, up and down, so became her caregiver, was 6, cared for my sisters too,
SA Abused by an uncle, though spoke out and told, nothing was done, I carried it for years, the pain and shame, what a disgrace, there was so so much much more, so so so much more, it was tough, I’m surprised I’m still here! It could have been different, fortune shines on some,
Now finding that shy quiet, caring, nature loving voice that’s been quiet way to long will certainly be a challenge!
She hid ! But she’s in there, me, my authentic self,
Recently, been in almost a catatonic state due to a a few huge triggers , & it truly beat black & blue; scary, loud and harmful, like thunder!
I look for the humble one , innocent, gentle, deep & shy, taught children’s should be seen and not heard, gonna listen for her whisper… will be kind & compassionate, nurturing, loves animals, her friends. Loves horses, sunsets, healers hands.
Yet , I’m gonna heed your words & be careful not to be tricked! . Thank you for the profound lesson.
I’m gonna look for the quiet one, taking care not to be fooled again, Fooled for a very very very long time.
Had spinning my solar plexus recently, its felt like great anxiety, CPTSDC triggered, she’s n there waiting ..
Deep within,
she’s worthy … & deserves to be found,
X
"The Narcissist is a planet of ashes"....Thank you for that metaphor...
This was eye opening, I've cut the narcissist off one year ago, yet it still feels like it happened yesterday. I've accomplished so much professionally but I was in a survival mode, cognitively and energetically depleted all the while having to maneuver strategically in my working environment because the narcissist was my Boss assistant and she wanted me emotionally destroyed and "humbled", by that understand: "dead". I cannot thank youtube enough for providing me the tools to escape the situation because it could have been so much worst had I engaged in her attempts to switch identities, and murder my own. However during this difficult, consuming journey, I've felt her grip on me wasn't only external, in fact, professor Vaknin describes it perfectly, she never left my inner space for one freaking second. As I was navigating the situation, it felt like I couldn't afford to stop and think about it, I just had to run, hide, show up in ways that were necessary for my own sake but I could feel it: first that she had colonized my head space, secondly that I had participated in the process, and once fed upon the very feelings that were now disgusting to me. So yeah, I have narcissistic and co-dependency issues and I very much need to find my inner voice again. I feel empathy though, and I have absolutely no intention to go around the world being a menace to other human beings. So, that's my priority, getting rid of the serpent's voice. Physically, I'm in a safe place now, she's leaving my country, I won't fear her showing up at work, knowing my every moves or smearing my character. But real, meaningful, profound work, begins now. To whoever is reading this, we can do it.
Clean those toxic ppl from your life. You will feel so much better. Namaste
Namaste
You're literally saving me! ... 5 days ago i received the 20th, may be 30th discard in 5 years! Yes you read that right. 30. Please don't laugh at my stupidity or judge me. He played it well... so very well. This vido comes only five days after my most serious downfall in this relationship... I hit the bottom and thought i was going to surrender my last breath literally and figuratively... but this video is helping me rise up, look at my shattered pieces, some of them are gone for good. I will try to get back what i can and move on in this life with my mutated soul. I am a beautiful smart woman, a university teacher. 39. People look at me and still think I'm a university
student not teacher. But i feel that I have no place in this world anymore. He stole 5 years of my life already. He robbed me of my rational thinking, of my logical reasoning.. this video made me get back to some of my senses... it's rational thinking that wilo defeat this irrational maddening sickening cycle of thoughts and feelings... over the past years i recorded my voice for like 100 times... reminding myself of the pain he inflicts on me. I think now is good time to review them all. Play them in a loop. And let them sink and hurt and heal once and for all. Whoever is reading this, please just tell me that life is still worth living. I cant see its colors anymore.
Claro que vale la pena, en la vida todo pasa. Te recuperarás y volverás a brillar ✨ como antes, resurgiras como el ave fénix. Bendiciones!
Omgosh could your every word be exactly what i went through (only difference 2.5 years wasted)!! But Sam Vaknins videos and others helped me start seeing colors again! The other self aware narcissists i watch that provide other insight into their evil minds and help with the healing; i can suggest them to you if you are interested
I read your story I have been there many years. I have learnt to meditate do deep breathing course for 30 years. This healing supports myself to Heal than I see rainbows🙏✨💗🌈 Divine Blessings ✨🕉️ OM
Journal 📓 daily it will help you heal ❤ it’s help me very therapeutic
Praying for all of you & your Family as well .
We gotta keep lifting each other up ⬆️….
I still in the depths of my soul know it’s Spiritual
May I hug you now by divine love from the within and from above… 🙏🏼 you are more than enough
I feel this deeply. I can definitely feel like I have been invaded with feelings that are not mine and so many of my thoughts hijacked. Is disturbing on so every level. I'm one month out of it... learning and (hopefully) healing.
Me too Jillian. Sometimes I’ll realize, wait a minute, this is not me! These thoughts are not something I would think. These feelings and this bad mood are not mine either. None of this makes any sense. It seems like transference from another person. And immediately they LIFT and GO AWAY. It’s a strange experience. The immediacy of the relief once I realize. I also like a previous video where he talks about it as an “infection”. Even if I’m feeling better, to interact with this person I will get re-infected. I liken these invasive thoughts and feelings to having a fever. And I like the message of this video that it is the quiet voice that is the authentic voice. I’ve been using the equally ego filled self-righteous voice to defend myself. Sometimes it was necessary. But I will never “win” doing that with this personality since their defenses are so thick, and at some point it’s energy better spent elsewhere.
It's when you realise your mind has been controlled, feelings of anger not yours, all deception like a snake in the grass, sucked into a trap of manipulation - when you wake up from this nightmare you leave asap.
same. i feel.. hijacked. right?
I'm 4 years out but only 1 month ago accepted that it could be this shit again and cut contact.. because it was a friendship not relationship. But whatever it was, my symptoms match. I lost all common friends. Be careful, this shit is not limited to romantic partners.
GOOD LUCK AND STAY STRONG AND LEARN FROM THIS EXPERIENCE AND KEEP ON LISTENING TO SAM
Omg they do make you turn into a narcissist! It's crazy! They weasel into your head and make you like them! This is one of Sam's best videos. It answered a lot of my questions.
The narcissist who part raised me as a child would literally hiss his insults into my face, such as 'you're nothing but a piece of shit'. He was very much trying to mould me into a partner as I was growing up. I was lucky that he was never able to take complete control of my care due to better relatives otherwise I would have been utterly destroyed. Thank you for your generous work 🙏🏽🙏
That was a parent of mine. Yes, the molding. And it happened in childhood when I was at my most vulnerable.
Ugh. Yes. This was me too, except I didn't escape and there was sexual abuse too. Then romantic relationships that echoed the one with my father in many ways. It's hard to get to 36 and realise my own part in it all. I allowed the abuse in romantic relationships for my own fucked up reasons. I can't help but think I wanted to be hijacked. Almost as a way to disappear.. a way to unalive myself mentally, not physically, but in a way that made me blameless - where I was a victim and not take responsibility. Am i turning into a narcissist myself?! The worst part of all this is the fact that I got what I wanted. I lost myself. I'm still lost and still hijacked and have no idea how to fix this mess I co-created 😔
Extremely grateful for Sam's work. I have learned so much and it gives me hope that I can make some progress
@@mariasolarzyou are in luck darling because a mighty God that loves you stripped off his royal robes and laid them aside to become flesh and died a agonizing death so he could save you. He was wounded for our transgressions, the chastisement of our peace was upon him, by his stripes we are healed !! He will lead you to still waters of everlasting life. He has helped me overcome things that I should be dead from. Heaven and earth praise him all you creatures praise him.
As a Codependent, who left my partner who I suspect was a narcissist. This is so interesting, at first I was very suspicious and distant only because I had a gut feeling there was something wrong; however, once I was in the relationship roles change and my ex became very much abusive, and started gaslighting me. Never thought I was a narcissist myself if anything I have been to therapy and always been thought I'm a Codependent never been diagnosed as a narc.
Wait wait wait....this is the best preaching sermon I've ever heard from a non religious person💖💫
Words cannot describe how much I appreciate you DR Vaknin.The narcissist living in me and my head was my narcissistic mother who controlled my life.
This is the best thing I've ever heard about narcissism. I am very moved and very impressed! Thank you very much. It is a great help in healing.
Interesting take. My mother was clinically diagnosed with NPD as well as bipolar. She was beautiful, and brilliant. Spoke 7 languages, studied, and then taught, in some of the most prestigious universities. every casual acquaintance thought she was the most fascinating and wonderful woman. Her family knew her as a monster, capable of unfathomable cruelty.
I haven't spoken to her in twenty one years.
Professor, I am gleaning much from your lectures.
Wow my mother was the same😢😮
There is such a thing as a brilliant charming narcissistic mother, would recommend watching White Oleander
I don’t know why this is so hard to wrap my head around. I will be watching this again.
This video is amazing!!! I have identified his voices in my head telling me “you need to grow up, you need another job, you need to save money” and if a normal person hears that the will say “he only want to see you being a better person” but is the same as in te example, the serpent is in your mind all the time against you… being with a narcissist is a very destructive experience.
Hello Sam, I went through everything you have said about the effects of a narcissistic relationship. Thank goodness I never let him move into my home but after being conned for over twenty years I did gradually lose everything. I went from being in a very highly paid job, to losing jobs, down and down to where I had started out as a junior. Then something inside me kicked in. Once I realised what was happening I read everything I could get my hands on, watched your videos, those of HG Tudor and read as many books as I could get my hands on about narcs. Then, I told him I knew what he was and could see straight through him and physically saw his mask fall. I have gone through every stage of the aftermath, and it has taken a long time to get where I am now. I don't pity him because once challenged he admitted he knew what he was doing but didn't know why. No point getting help because he cannot change, be treated or cured, and, I, no longer care. Yes, he conned me big time; now I just look back and laugh at the pathetic Peter Pan Man child that he is, and I am back to being bubbly full of life - ME.
Same story here. I had everything I set my goals and now 13yrs later I've sold everything just so he ended up now with everything I once had
Snake + Witchcraft (mind control) = Narcissist ÷ Scripture = Freedom and Overcoming the Narcissist
Luke 10: 17-20
The seventy-two returned with joy and said, “Lord, even the demons submit to us in your name. “He replied, “I saw Satan fall like lightning from heaven. I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you. However, do not rejoice that the spirits submit to you, but rejoice that your names are written in heaven.”
Take the free gift of salvation and dominion over the power of the enemy. We only have one enemy and his name is Satan. The word Satan in Hebrew means adversary. Adversary means opposer. Anything opposing you is your adversary Satan, whether it be a person, place or thing.
Wow Diana! You just gave me the perspective I needed deeply on this. May God be with you in your journey 🙏🏾
@@issahkay Praise God and thank you! Here’s another golden nugget that will further give you perspective. Have you heard Sam speak about the A.I. behind narcissism, well….they aren’t aliens BUT giants, so he’s on the right track.
The narcissist is a hybrid half human, half giant, as recorded in Genesis 6 called the Nephilim. This is why God flooded the earth because the heavenly watchers impregnated the women which birthed these evil hybrids. They have been casted out of Heaven and bound, however, because they were cast down with Satan they have to find a host. A parasite can’t live without a host, it needs an open vessel and it can’t just jump on you. Satan is God’s lackey and on a leash and needs to ask God for permission, as recorded in the Book of Job. Satan has a legal right if there is an open demonic portal, this is where generational curses come into play. The narc may have not opened the door, but his parent(s) did and transferred the trauma out of ignorance. Hosea 4:6 My people perish for lack of knowledge. I am filled with joy that you found the truth. We move on in God’s army exposing Satan and his fruitless deeds done in the dark!
An evil spirit is a disembodied spirit which means it needs flesh, a human to carry out assignments. And who is a narcissist exactly? I know you understand because you received my first point. I respect Sam and his work, but there’s a reason why the DSM-5 deems no cure because you can’t treat a spiritually rooted problem from a medical standpoint. The Greek word pharmekeia translates to sorcery, another form of witchcraft. Drugs are sorcery and only aggravate the demons. The ex narc is bipolar too so all of what I say is because I bear witness. Further, I leave with what’s the answer? The reason why demons don’t respond to therapy is because you have to cast it out, in the name of Jesus! Call on Jehovah Rapha, our on-call physician and healer because HE is the cure! The narc needs to become born again, repent with prayer and fasting to break free from the main operating spirits which are Jezebel, Leviathan and the Python spirits along with all the lower ranking spirits of abandonment, rejection, rebellion, perversion and on and on. Jesus asked the demon what his name was and he said Legion! To God be the Glory forever and ever! God bless! Amen and amen! ❤️🙏🏻✝️
@@cynthia-jo1zz Praise God! Amen! ❤️🙏🏻✝️
@@SA-px3ln How do you expect to heal in the same environment that made you sick? That’s impossible! You need to go no contact, become born again by surrendering your life to Jesus. Narcissism’s main operating spirits are Jezebel, Leviathan and the Python spirits, then followed by lower ranking spirits of rebellion, fear, abandonment, rejection, perversion and a slew of others. Once you become reborn again you will need to repent, be delivered and walk with Jesus. You need to cut the soul ties, tear down all the demonic altars that have been carried over in your bloodline. Narcissism is a generational curse and one if not both of your parents are narcissists. Our parents were our first abusers and set us up to become further abused in our romantic relationships. I teach narcissism from a Biblical perspective and the Lord delivered my daughter and I from these Jezebel’s. Narcissism is rooted in the spirit, hence, the DSM-5 deems no cure. You don’t treat demons with therapy or pharmaceutical drugs, as it only aggravates them. You cast demons out, in the name of Jesus by the Blood of the Lamb and the Word of His testimony. Stay away from new age religion, Reiki, energy healing, mediums, tarot etc. as it is all divination and demonic portals that further keep you in the rabbit hole. Jesus is the way, the truth and the life! The reason you can’t break free is because narcissists practice witchcraft. Witchcraft isn’t just spells and caldrons but word curses. I have the gift of discernment and clearly see you can’t break free because of the controlling spirits around you. Through fear and intimidation those spirits are telling you can’t break free and you can. God has given us dominion over Satan because he is the god of this world. The devil is a liar and you can be set free from the demons and Jesus can heal your C-PTSD/PTSD by renewing your mind through His Word. The narc is sent on assignment from Satan to steal, kill and destroy whether it’s your mind, finances, health, etc. We are in a spiritual war and we don’t fight the flesh (person), but the high ranking principalities in the spirit. You take these demons down in the spirit. Don’t ever let anyone tell you they aren’t demonic because they themselves are being used as puppets for Satan. You do need to forgive them and unhook yourself, as forgiveness is for you not them. Forgiveness is a choice and accepting what happened. Healing is a process and God will help you. Forgiveness doesn’t mean reconcile or seek revenge and leave vengeance to the Lord!
Not even a bit exaggerated, Sir. I feel felt. Thank you.
After the breakup with the narcissistic ex, I experienced an unrelated episode of depersonnalization..
I couldn't recognize myself in the mirror I was terrified of my own reflection, it's not me I thought, and also it felt as if I have no control over my actions.. my body was moving on its own, I felt as if I was trapped in somebody else's body and there's nothing I can do.
The thoughts I was thinking were not mine either, I was like : someone else was thinking in my mind.
I thought that was a part of the antidepressant-induced manic episode I was having at that time.
Now it makes perfect sense.
I felt like a marionette doll. Like I was paralysed but awake the whole time. Someone else was controlling my ability to move. I was hit by two at once, whilst dealing with it in my home life as well. And they didn't even have to tell me what to do, I would perform exactly as expected. I would buy the things, do the work, bite back when triggered, be sad when they wanted me sad or forced to be happy when they wanted me happy.
I started seeing myself as completely to blame for past histories in which I actually did nothing wrong at all. But somehow I magically adopted this thinking that I did something abhorrent, I was crazy and psycho and too much to be accepted as I am. It felt like it all happened in my own head. Very strategically placed baited comments and fake statements of love and trust and devotion, all set the stage for the emotional wreck that they purposefully targeted me to become. The day I woke up fighting was crazy. It took me a year to get the strength up. And the interject STILL controlled my mind, right til the last second when I called it a liar and broke free for just enough time to run. It has still taken me nearly a year to rewire my brain though and most days I still fight the doubts and the idea that I am the abuser. I still question my own sanity and love as being fake and my life as being a lie, despite knowing for a fact I have never lied.
Before I realised the reality of it, I got to the point where I was telling people things that happened to me and silently saying to myself, "I am telling the truth". Because I was so used to questioning if someone's story was a lie. Because I was told that many lies. My entire reality was replaced with multiple delusions, until I couldn't recognise myself, nor the world in general.
As for the main offender, I believe I was watching myself through his evil eyes. And could not stop profusely apologising to him, as if I really completely destroyed him, when, in reality, I did absolutely nothing of the sort. He did it to himself. In fact, he destroyed ME. On purpose. Then convinced me I made him do it. I spent 14 years hating myself for it, then he brought me back into his life to remind me how much he hated me by pretending to love me, meanwhile injecting this idea that I ruined him. Somehow without saying those exact words. Then re-dropped me from as high as humanly possible, using his dying father to make me even more attached, emotional and idealized, ready to completely devalue and do it all over again.
They are evil. The devil is in their mind and they set him on yours and drag you to hell with them 😓
You stare into the abyss and the abyss stares back.
Could might as well say, that as you stare into the abyss part of you becomes the abyss.
I spent 32 years in enslavement and every feeling you describe is spot on!! It’s been almost a year since he left this world and I am still dealing with the fallout
People think of snakes, but I think of scoprions. They have stingers like bees, but they don't make honey.
Or of the story of the scorpion and the frog
I've been stung by scorpion🦂I also married a covert narcissist... They both attack your nervous system and make you feel like your going to die !
@@osidesurf5160 I think that's an accurate way of putting it "like you're going to dle"
But once you see that it's an illusion, you never go back.
@@krisgill3877 Haha well if you're the beast tamer lady, then that's cool. Someone has to teach them a lesson they'll never forget 😄
@@osidesurf5160 Sometimes they are demonically possessed and/or energy vampire👿
I'm plagued by a new cynicism and hopelessness, as if my world had burned down and nothing but ashes were left. As I listen to the Prof I begin to understand that is the perpetrator who has found the perfect way to harm me. I see I I must make an effort to reassert my faith in life, and continue to love what I've always loved.
Dr. Sam Vaknin, you already know that you are a genius, not only in your intelligence, but in your ability to define, solve and teach the most complex and obtuse dynamics of the human psyche, identity and dysfunction to the simplest root cause and functions.
I'm ruined and breaking away from a Malignant Narc and Malignant Borderline (combination with Sociopath - not sure if you subscribe to this). The second got a hold of me when I was onto the first and barely breaking free. Nearly lost my mind, and am in process of finding a way to rebuild with nothing, outsmart both, and break free. This is absolutely profound. I also recently found your video on IPA... don't recall the acronym...which I only had begun to listen to. I have listened to a lot of your teaching, though I think these two will take me to new levels of taking back my life and healing from the trauma.
From this video, I can SEE how it wasn't me operating to break free from them, but my hijacked mind, the Narc and Borderline's
voice. The Malignant Narc nearly destroyed, though I must say the Borderline was FAR worse at driving me close to suicide. I was completely dis-regulated with the worst anxiety and depression. It absolutely was chemical besides psychological. I treated myself with massive herbal dosing proven scientifically to do what the "best" drugs do. And, I have been using other methods.
Recognizing that my actual mind, superego has been hijacked is key. Thank you so kindly for dedicating your mind and life to researching, solving, and teaching your great works! WOW. I can now begin to see how to depersonalize with both of them AND with the hijacked mind of myself. Mind blowing! I got a lot of this from your other teachings, but not like with this video.
I advise that people subjected to Narc or Borderline trauma and enmeshment listen to this video again and again. By the way, Dr. Vaknin, would you PLEASE consider doing videos on enmeshment and how to de-enmesh. I can hardly find anything on the topic. I suspect that the topic ties into what you are discussing here.
Search my channel for videos on separation and individuation.
Thank you. This video finally got through to me and I finally see my behaviour, with all three of my long term relationships with narcissists, was an agonising need to be loved the way my narcissistic mother didn’t love me. I was needy, I was manipulative, I was like a narcissist in the way I contributed to the exciting fantasy future we could have. I made things happen, I threw myself in, despite red flags, and knowing in my hearts of hearts it was’t right. Now, at 56, I get it all. I see my contribution, and hopefully I see my way out of the repetition compulsion.
This makes so much sense, especially when in the middle of traditional divorce ritual.
I have been on this path of healing since 2010, it's now 2023 and every day you learn and the sadness deepens but the opposite is ballistic on the joy and peace side. Don't run from the emotional pain, stay in the pain for as long as you can handle and everyday you get stronger to the pain. The deeper you go into pain the greater the revolution/ learning will be and the peace and joy grows. I have experienced that at a deep level the feeling of pain and joy are indistinguishable, this is a beautiful place and becomes very addictive.❤
What a great idea to look at our inner critic as an internalized narcistic voice...narcistic parent voice! At the age of 45, I am actually trying to finally go through individuation and starting being myself. I hope this Is not just another attempt. My overall feeling of not being myself, the search for myself, was actually true. Such a insight Is not easy to accept, but it is a great relief to realize that my own adventury of introspection has led me to the same conclusions. Finding my own voice. I perceive parallels with art, music, music therapy as a counterweight to this analytical, rational path. Thank you very much Sam Vaknin.
Have listened to many experts and teachers, but you are by far the most in-depth and insightful master teacher, and helping to break apart and expose the depths of the soul in order to understand what is really truly going on and why, and helping to bring freedom and breaking chains! Thank you so much‼️🚨
Honestly so eye-opening. This explains why i have terrible anxiety around my narc ex but not really around other people and he has anxiety around everyone except me. I absorbed his anxiety and just being in a store today where he works gave me so much anxiety i could barely finish shopping although he usually doesnt work on that day of the week. I didnt drive the extra 4 miles to the next store i could have gone to but went to “his store” as a test to see how i would feel and it was terrifying OMG! The thought of seeing him is more terrifying than seeing any criminal in the world and I’m mad at myself for feeling so weak although I know now it’s bc of entraining.
I’ve experienced this exact same thing 😕
I have experienced this also glad to hear it’s not only me
So nutty-the homework my therapist gave me this week has exactly to do with this; she said “notice the voice in your mind and decipher if it’s your own thoughts or the x-narcissist’s voice.”
I found this super crucial and I’m very thankful for this assignment. But how deep this goes is so jarring…my thoughts are blended with his. Then I watch this video, and it really drives this concept home…I accept and understand this will be a long journey of separation. Indeed this is humbling.
Dear Professor. I've been following your work and read many of your books.
But this video made me experience the long sought after "click".
Now I'm going to say something you won't want to hear:
You are a true Mensch. And a much better person than most "empaths" out there.
Thank you very much for your work. It's priceless.
"We are the architects of our own misery."
I was married to a diagnosed vulnerable narcissist, I never accepted her devaluing words, or questioned my reality due to her gaslighting... I could always see through what she was attempting to do, however, I would get frustrated, angry, disappointed, and depressed over her behavior... it definitely caused some trauma, but I don't feel I was psychologically impacted to the extent others seem to be... but this certainly got me thinking and questioning things.
SO WELL PUT THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME REALIZE THOSE OF US WHO WERE ON THE CODEPENDENT END WE ARE NOT CRAZY! Personally, codependents gaslight themselves so that plays a huge role in codependents unconsciously staying with the narcissist for so long!
Amazing insite! I remember standing in the kitchen looking into his eyes after an argument thinking he stole my personality! (My soul)
Thank you, Prof. Vaknin, for sharing and validating therapeutic measures: humility; listening and identifying the different voices in my head used for doom vs. recovery from narcissistic abuse, codependency and CPTSD. I appreciate and am grateful for your knowledge and care within the public domain.
It has been years sam varknin gave advice. Free!! No ads . Im happy. He deserves respect ❤
Thank you for reposting this. It's extremely important information that I believe we can't get from anywhere else at this moment.
Indeed this is one of my favorite also because it explains the psychological hijacking of the person. The narcissist doesn't want your body, it wants to take over your mind and "identity" and you definitely get some pure ocd or something of the sort after going on in circles in the mind. The harsh inner critic takes over if not kept in check. I found also to understand how the introjects act very informative in some videos.
This is so true as you speak. My mother spoke to me while I’m listening to you and out of the blue I started thinking in critical terms about myself based on her complaints. I can now identify she spoke with her GOD voice and her DEAD voice to me in a single setting. Now I must erase this diabolical dialogue inside my head and impose it with an assertive monologue as you suggest. I must learn a different value to an old stimulus. Thank you very much for the insight Prof. Vaknin.
The awakening is the key 😊
I love your Sense of humor.
Thank you for this explanation! You describe what I went through 3 years ago. I realize now that I had a weak sense of self when I met him but by the time I threw him out I was annihilated. There was nothing left of me. There was only his voice, his traumas, his problems etc etc. Terrifying! I made it through without unaliving myself which I thought of many times and are now putting all my energy back to myself and getting to know myself❤️😅
Thank you Professor Sam Vaknin for this video. I have not yet heard anyone discussing the 'active voice'. I'm at the 10% stage. I will be building that atrophied muscle... bigger than ever.
This video was so wonderful. So helpful and awakening. God is silent. Thank you so so much. 🙏🏼💗
Not sure why, I found this the toughest video to process and understand. Sam sparkling and articulate as ever, maybe this is the toughest lesson we have to learn, maybe the final lesson to reaching who we want to be. To eliminate the Narcissists voice. Still processing...
Wow finally someone who can put into words the thing I for so long couldn't understand. It's like this thing in the back of my head that every time I have an idea or am thinking through things it's there...shutting it all down reducing me to nothing...
I realized my sister & dad was a narc when I was a kid. I ran into the arms of a psychopath. Now at 42 I realized my mom; this entire time was hiding in the shadows and as sadistic as they come. It’s like I hid her evilness or denied it. Thank you for the video now it all makes sense.
My advice to you is to run from the lot of them.Never visit them or in the future agree to meet any of them as the same patterns continue. Now you see them for what they are leave and never look back lest you turn into a pillar of salt.
WOW!...........I'M SPEECHLESS (it's working already 😉) Thank you for taking so much time and care to share this knowledge in a way that maximises our ability to really get it. Your insights are next level. You help victims connect to their power with clarity and without judgement. 🙏🖐💫👼
I love to listen to those videos. First thing is - they connect me to my dark and shadow self. Second of all - they connect me well to the narcissist I have to let go of 🌹
It’s both sad and healing to know that you will never get that unconditional motherly love again if it hadn’t been granted to you when you were an infant. On the one hand, you stop believing in the fantasy, on the other hand that hole will always be there in you.
Everything you are saying is true
I love Prof. Sam Vaknin. I heard this once before (not sure where and I'm paraphrasing), "Can you hear the voice of truth, it is silent and still." When I listen to these videos I hear truth and I am so grateful.
Thank you very very much. I'm 44 years old. After a recent trip back to my country and family, and a completely overwhelming attack, I'm beginning to see the truth. It's almost untrue. How could I have missed this. This explains absolutely everything. Thank you. There is hope and a path to walk now
This is chilling and deeply sad in equal measurre. Twisted idea that unconditional love combined with the self forfilling prophecy that "love is pain" is the only roadmap available is terrifying! I'm shocked
into further growth and healing.
You're lighting our minds
I cannot thank you enough I have been battling this for years not just with my narcissist but my narcissistic family It is very difficult but everything you said I have been working on and it does work thank you so much
It's like you were watching my previous relationship. This video may really have changed my life. Thanks.
Very interesting topic prof. Vaknin , when you said " i think that codependency is a form of narcissism " now i can understand alot of things . Thank you 🥰❤️⚘️dear .
You Sir, are the ultimate resource on the topic. Never heard this depth on the topic. This is superb material in psychology 💯
Thank you, Sir. I was in an intimate relationship with a person that made me feel strange and intoxicated. I wanted to learn why I felt, behaved in a very uncharacteristic way when I was with him and became so obsessed with him at the same time feeling drained and crazy. Started looking into trauma bond. I wanted to understand why and what was my dysfunction. Instinctively I let him go by forcing him to choose me. 9 months of therapy and being away psychically from him (but still in my mind) it made me feel better. Last week he got in touch with me and it made all sense. I gently told him I have a health issue that needs my attention, but other wise I would like to see him. He was frantic to get his way then and there to come to me. I still care about him and would love to help him somehow, but I don’t want to be consumed by it. Aztec ritual/ black hole. Amazingly, months ago I thought of him as Pinocchio and didn’t know why!
And I accept my part in it and want to heal it. Thank you again!
Brilliant explanation. The first time I've heard the internal dialogue within me has been described. A new weapon in my arsenal to help break the repetition of my choices.
This man is so inspirational
I feel I am starting to heal already
A million Thanks to you for making this video again. It’s a treasure! It will be my bible for the healing period. I’ll definitely come back to watch it over and over again to enforce this strategy into my life till I heal! Wish you all the best ❤
After watching this video, I think that the narcisist in my mind is like a picture that represents all the abuses in my life.
Once again @Prof. Sam Vaknin. Professor your right on the money!!…. I’ve been listening to your videos for about 6 months straight none stop. I didn’t know what I was dealing with, the confusion was tormenting. Your videos made everything so clear, right from the first video. I was addicted! You spoke my language…something that I could not even understand,but knowing that something is terrible wrong and I am trapped. My life for the last 25 years, you sir! You have explained better than me 😂. Funny, but not funny! Thanks
I have such gratitude to when i saw your first video 2 years ago about narcissism. I had no idea it existed only that my ex partner and my father had the same traits, and when i found your first video, you gave me a name for what i was experiencing .
I guess that was the start of opening my world of the REASONS, AND ALL THE WHY'S!
It made sense of all my choices in life and the role I played in them, too.
I understand so much, which has helped me recover . It has been a slow process, and I did not want to be a VICTIM OF MY LIFE BUT BECOME A SURVIVOR.❤
Before watching this video i was doing the same things. Remembering who i used to be even in the smallest details for instance how i used to behave publicly, what kind of thought process i had , what were the things i used to laugh about, what kinda people i liked around myself, how i used to react with anger, how i talked to myself to motivate myself (as i was preparing for some competitive exam), how i used to be unapologetic and a very jolly loving person….And i was able to fight internally those serpent voices by telling myself that “no, this is exactly how he wants me to think, this is how he used to manipulate me” …
Finally I’m feeling a lot better after watching this video that I’m finally on the right path to be my self again.
A Big thanks to you Prof. @samvaknin 🙌🏻
You speak in so many metaphors but that's the only way to describe the indescribable.
You are correct… until arriving at this understanding ie. the WHY that drives our attraction to others, the repetition of harmful patterns, the hard labor involved in consistently working at change and awareness within… it is a long and arduous life-journey, but so very worth it. From someone walking that path~ Your information, though at times difficult to hear, has given much needed insight; cold water to a thirsty soul. Thank You.
Very impressive to see this dynamic and psychological layer articulated so coherently when it seems to swim elusively just under the surface of consciousness or subject to self gaslighting. Very refreshing and helpful to be able to articulate this and the solutions. Super intelligent. Thank you for this gift! 🎁
Thankyou Sam. I have been listening to you for years. But this one wake me up for real. Thankyou again
The techniques work! (Shadow work) I was acting narcissistic for many years until I figured out what I was.... it was the internal work that created the new me. 😮
Some of the best advice on the Internet
Wow thank you Prof Vaknin. This is one of the most powerful videos I have watched. Find the true self again, reparenting those inner parts especially the Critical Parent into a Loving Parent. X Awareness, Acceptance and Action. Going to get back to my meditation and journalling and reparenting! My mom is high on narcissism and my previous romantic relationship was with someone high on narcissim but very subtle and clever. I am working on ridding this in my life... Externally and internally. Here's to reclaiming mySelf. Thank you again.
Dear Sam Thank you,I’m so grateful for your support knowledge and genius input into our lives it is priceless 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
Thank you once again. Thank goodness for your vital information. 🙏🏼❤️
I hafta come back to this, because there is a lot to chew on here! I just hafta sit with the first few minutes and review and apply this to my experiences. Thanks fer such great revelation in dealing with relationships that are abusive/narcissistic.
This video and your last one are exceptional as all of them are, as these last 2 have helped me tremendously in my relationship with the Narcissist. I think I have caught every one of your videos for the last 5 years to get me through all the trauma of a Narcissist relationship to try to understand the incomprehensible. Your an incredible man. Thank you!
All of this happened to me already. When I gave the microphone to my own self, when I allowed myself to have fun, when I complimented myself, gave myself credit, the narcissist's voice lashed out with all the aggression, like the thing in the movie "The Thing". All the self criticism, the devaluation came to the fore, trying to stop me. Flashbacks to physical and verbal aggression. My head was spinning, I felt hot and out of breath. I had a ptsd attack just because I allowed myself to go out and have fun and I gave myself credit when I did well in a game. When all the "you just got lucky" and "you're nothing" voices came to the front it felt like a cyber attack, like the viruses got triggered, but because they were no longer hiding I pinpointed them and marked them for deletion. That night I felt like I broke back into the control room inside my head.
kim była ta narcyza?
@@mec.laurapalmer7155 byłą ;p
This is a very Enlightening video. Thank you ever so much
Absolute genius . Never heard it explained like this
Grateful for this eye opening talk. Needed this now as I have been stuck in my healing journey. ❤
A brilliant explanation. I've taken notes during the whole video.
This is some sick stuff.😮
35,44 time. Codependent and. Narc seeking their mother in each other. Wow thank you Professor. Vaknin. What a situation
I very much enjoyed this- thank you. Surrender is the word. Silence is glorious ✨️
Thank you Sam❤ Your video has come to me at the right time for me. Inner critical voices have seemly immobilized me. I seem to have very few positive ones. The last part of the video talking about the ultimate narricist and then critical parents is my challenge as was the critical voices from grandma, siblings friends, teachers, workmates, etc. I feel like it so hard to keep going. TY❤
👌 ok
Same here! Please stay strong and conflict these voices. Watch a video from Richard Brannon about a hand technique in which he shares a technique to get out these voices. He said rather than talk to the voices or confront them, just say “shut up satan!!!” Just take the narc voice out of your mind and cultivate new ones more positive and compassionate. I also strongly recommend Ross Rosenberg and Gabor Mate, for helping you understand you and doing you, lots of hugs🫂
I wish we could get an episode of The Joe Rogan Experience with you as his guest.
This is the perfect video for next steps after no contact. You taught me what narcissist abuse was (it was so awful l thought it was hyperbole) but l realized that it was real. Now l trust what you say is necessary to heal. Thank you! I will take your advice and journal to learn what my quiet voice is saying.
This is priceless help. Thank you professor Vaknin!
Strong lesson, Prof