There is a silent sorrow that follows knowledge. The more I learn, the more I see the damage that was inflicted. Not just as a child, but also as an adult. And all the endless attempts of manipulation, and how one has been indoctrinated. Then comes the hurt. And the anger. And then the determination; NEVER AGAIN! No wonder we grow up to become fiercely independent, and reject all help. We come to learn that there is always a sinister intention behind any offer of help. And that isn't always the case. That's why knowledge is key. So we can all tell the difference and protect not just ourselves, but also those we love. I don't want to be damaged anymore.😔
It enrages me when someone talks about scapegoats as the chosen ones; maybe some have the chance to heal and it depends of the amount of hurt, duration and the resources you have (money, support, etc) but the majority of us don't have a chance to heal and I see it like a suffering that doesn't bring any good to us and the world. Many had unalived themselves... how can people proclaim we are the chosen ones? It sounds unreal and quite narcissistic that idea. Most of us are so hurted we isolate we never get to experience live, only survival. I don't feel like I have done any good to the world giving my all, time, energy, resources and love to black holes. Taking care of orphans would have been more useful than feeding my particular, familiar pack of hyenas. I don't think I have waisted my life; I was set up since my first breath.
When I’m in a romantic relationship I tend to not ask my partner exactly what I want or need because I suspect they’re going to do exactly the opposite of what I asked. I grew up being a joke to my parents that loved to watch me being frustrated…and would say I took things too seriously. Thank you so much for your videos. They help me so much!
@@bellashaus1716yes! I have come to realize recently that my parents did the same, though not to hurt me but because they were feeling the exact same way about themselves. Generational trauma is such an awful thing. Something I worked so hard to STOP, to be the wall it would end at. But now I know that as hard as I have worked to face my fears and problems, to be humble and honest, loving and thoughtful, to be the polar opposite of my own parents. But I still managed to make so many mistakes. Done things just like this, not to hurt anyone but as a defense mechanism. Sarcasm and turning negatives into a positive is something I have done occasionally to my children, unknowingly. I thank God every time that my own children felt confident and loved enough to point this out to me. Though there was times when I did not see or understand right away, needing a few hours or once multiple days to see it myself. I know it doesn’t take away the pain or hurt but it is usually not their intention to cause pain. It is a defense from the pain they feel. My children call me out on things like this, even as very little ones… they shouldn’t have to but I am ever so grateful that they know they can and that god is giving me the strength, humility, and courage to STOP this crap in its tracks! I will not pass on this hurt! ❤
I realized that intimate relationships activates my survival mode. I lose all logic and only rely on my primal instincts. I’m now learning how to heal and be present. Ty sir for all of your insightful videos. You played a big role for me making these realizations.
Soo helpful. I was terrible as I had been a victim throughout my childhood and marriage. I worked on myself and I am really healthy now, but I don’t have a loving intimate relationship…I’ve missed that boat now. I also have no family of origin as they are so damaged. It is a great sadness. But my pride is my magnificent Sons. Healthy happy balanced in loving relationship etc etc. I am proud as the scapegoat I broke the chain ❤❤❤❤
It's never too late for love..and you do have a family aren't your sons your family? I mean how can the family you came from be more of a family than the one you created?life goes on..
As the scapegoat who woke up too late and haven't healed, I'm proud I did my best to be childless. No one believes it because everyone think that's any woman realization and they think I'm bitter because of it when it's the only thing I'm proud of; not bringing a child into an environment that would have been a nightmare. Most people don't know I could have married someone to "fix" my life but although I didn't know about narcissm at that time, I knew misery was awaiting me from him. At least I dodged his bullet.
@@Maruzzela-l1u I don't like the way you are questioning him. Do you know him because you read a comment? Yes, life goes on but, how come you are commenting in here if you have moved on? I'm sure you have better things to do than hanging around here...no, you don't. Get a life first and even then, you don't have a right to compare the love he feels for either family because he's not talking about that. Stop assuming you know him and stop judging him. He's happy because he managed to bring up healthy kids and that's all what matters because it's not our business...got it? 👻
Dear God, Thank you for Tim Fletcher whose videos you use to Transform me and my unhealthy relationships with everyone! Thank you for transforming me especially my fear of abandonment, my adult attachment style, and my unconscious manipulative patterns I learned in my family of origin and from society over my 60 year life time including being vulnerable to manipulation from others. Thank you for clarifying which of my needs I’m responsible for and which needs I need help getting met. Thank you for helping me to gain the clarity and confidence I need to set and maintain clear, firm, healthy boundaries in all my relationships. Thank you for helping me to live free of my self-imposed guilt and misplaced guilt from others. Thank you for helping me to identify my own basic human needs and ask for them to be met by others directly. Thank you for helping me to identify and accept what I cannot change and to have the courage to recognize & try to change what I can, and for the wisdom to know the difference. AMEN!🎉
I've experienced so much of this in my dysfunctional upbringing that it set me up for failure in all of my relationships that now I can't trust anyone to accept or love me without a hidden agenda.
Of all the self help talks I’ve listened to this is by far the best description and explanation on the topic of manipulation. I already listened to it a couple of times and shared it with loved one. Thanks so much for such powerful lesson.
I am amazed at how many people also had a cruel mother. I think its the most cowardly, despicable act to be a mother and abuse your own flesh and blood. Takes a special kind of wicked I believe.
We have to remember mothers were the ones at home all day dealing with the kid's upbringing while the fathers worked outside of the house. Also, our parents were very young and dealing with their own scars of life. Plus, they didn't have all the recognition and resources we have today. So I say: If you don't like what was dine to you, don't repeat it (on yourself or others)
My mother is a narcissist. I don't think it's because she's wicked or evil, but because she was abused and neglected as a child. Like the other person stated many of our parents didn't have all the mental health resources that we have today.
Yes. So this is why, when it comes to any and all newer relationships of any kind, one is very wise to take things as slowly as felt necessary. To open up in phases...rather than baring your soul and opening your chest too quickly. Patience and tact. Always trust that Intuition guides the way, whatever the outcome.
Install gates on your experiences. Limit the details about people you had close relationships with...the unknown receiver may form an opinion way before understanding your Positive qualities. Confidences shd not be shared until you have sensed genuine qualities in another...with some positive outgrowth statements about themselves...WITHOUT ambiguous kinds of statements. It is not valuable to do a major reveal...They haven't demonstrated patience towards you in your current contexts. Slow the pace...observe the behaviours regarding attention...is it consistent.?..Note emotional intelligence ...their ability to hold a pose of presence for you.
I find it beautiful to accept my parents did the best they could with the way they were raised. In a time when this help was not available, when the world was smaller. I was never a victim, I scorn the idea that anyone or anything can do that to me. I went through fire and came out the other side over and over and that’s called life. I give the world the middle finger and keep going forward with humor and laughter because I AM STILL IN THE GAME! Praise God I am still here and can help my family find healing generationally so we have a better future
Wow, I have gleaned from all of the videos that I have watched thus far. Almost 30 of them, but this one helped the most so far. I have had the family attack of late. This gives me strength to hold on to more healed thinking. I can tell you how much I appreciate your effort to help people.
I find myself cycling through patterns of manipulation out of desperation for control, and that’s incredibly difficult to admit but I think incredibly important to be aware of. This is such an amazingly empathetic way to think about it, and I’m grateful for it. I feel like I don’t have any issues identifying manipulation or to have the compassion and empathy for others when I witness it or am affected by it. But I find it difficult for me to allow any sort of compassion and understanding for myself when I find myself subconsciously manipulating others. All I feel is guilt, which is normal, but in order to truly understand, it requires massive amounts of compassion which is as divine as it gets.
I didn’t start healing from my cptsd symptoms until I was able to be truly compassionate towards myself for all that I had been through. When I could recognise this and extend the same grace towards myself that I would extend to other hurting ppl in my life, I moved forward in leaps and bounds. I hope this helps xxx
Your tutorials are THE BEST. You get down to the root. It can be uncomfortable sometimes. I never had any childhood trauma from sexual abuse or anything like that. But I realize that some of my beliefs and insecurities about me and about others and hurt and lack of trust in people comes from other trauma in my childhood.
What I'm approaching now, after many of your fantastic videos, is the realisation that, even though both of my parents are toxic as hell and caused my life to go off road and land up in a scary place like the movie WRONG TURN...they too were also on pretty much a similar journey to mine. I cant really expect them to be any different as they only know what they were taught by their parents...also servere toxicity...so being resentful and full of hatred toward them, and rightly so, isnt benefitting me at all, it really keeps me stuck, for the past 10 years now, in fact! I'm just so blessed by God, that he afforded me a chance to decide to awaken spirituality and choose to not skip past your videos in my algorithm!😂 To and understand the situation in it's entirety. That is a huge gift to me and such a relief, and that is where i can ground my forgiveness for those 2. You see, forgivness must be grounded in a rational understanding in order to make it real, for me at any rate. What they did was totally unacceptable and they should go to jail for it, sure, but atleast once I've forgiven them. I'll be able to part ways with them on even terms and without prejudice. That just feels like the right way to do it for me! Without all your amazing knowledge and the great way you deliver the message I would still be so so lost, as I was!! Thank you so much!!
Omg, I feel just about the same way as you!! You basically read my mind lol. I think it’s safe to say I’m happy that I’m maturing from a victim mindset onto a survivors one. I feel so powerful and weightless from choosing forgiveness. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this topic!
I was a mother who went to 3 years of Active Parenting Today Classes. I read every book on parenting. I watched every video and listen to every CD to avoid repeating lashing out uncontrollably on my children who unconsciously pushed an unconscious button in me. When I went to Adult Children of Alcoholics and other Dysfunctional Families I learned, I wasn’t wicked. I learned I had unhealed trauma wounds inflicted by my parents. In Internal Family System (IFS) videos I learned I took on the energy of my abusive parents to survive. Yes it is evil. God has been healing my childhood wounds. This is how I took responsibility for screaming and hitting my sons when I saw red and “split”. I’ve spoken to both my sons in their therapy sessions and owned my harms to them. The most helpful thing that I said was, “It wasn’t your fault”. Even though neither of my sons remember those couple incidents, it helped them feel better about themselves. I’m grateful they let me speak to them so I could help shift this dysfunctional legacy passed on to me.
Thank you for the lesson. I agree that being like a child (childlike, in the purity of spirit, love, trust n dependence in Christ) is actually the greatest.
This provided me with so much insight. My “stepmother” is extremely manipulative. She married my Dad a year after my mom died and controls his whole life. Otherwise he will be punished. She successfully alienated our entire family my mother’s children. And because of this they have not allowed him in their lives. When I went to visit years after, she gave me a book (how ironic) called “healthy boundaries” what she was saying was that she didn’t care if we didn’t like her, that she was prepared for a fight. She was projecting,
Wonderful stuff! You mention a sort of betrayal for looking to other's for support. One big other's is a therapist. Very big theater to people who don't want their manipulation tactics to come to their victims awareness.
Wow! Tremendously enlightening lecture. You have, in a profoundly clear manner, given me the clarity of understanding how we get to being the adults each and everyone of us are. Thank you for this video, you are really good at presenting this subject matter in a way everyone can understand such a complex subject. 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
Had enough and went no contact with my toxic family especially my mother 6months ago. Have had so much depression and issues my whole life. Just sad it took four decades to realize how programmed I am and that my own family was the biggest reason for me feeling like crap since I was a kid.
The irony is that while we find people in our lives to be the manipulators making life hard for us, we too tend to be manipulative because we’ve had to be in order to survive our own manipulative childhoods. It’s what some people would refer to as a “generational curse”. Our style of manipulation may look different than our parents, or different than obvious forms of it, but people pleasing IS manipulative.
@@queenkristine9590 I can appreciate what you're saying about people pleasers, or those who are called Nice Guys/Girls with an agenda. People pleasing on it it's own though, for instance those who are helpful for understanding the pain of having been there or at a worse place themselves before are often mistaken or at worst gaslit and called doormats. These people are the ones who often don't even have the strength after said accusations or labels to even want to defend themselves. Secondly, I can also sympathise with these people because of safety seeking. Not necessarily manipulative in the sense of being unable to voice needs. For instance there are times when in moments of actual conflict, their immediate need is to resolve conflict. And they act on it. That is legit.
I've seen this in real life. The grandmother of my fiancee taught me to recognize my emotions, and got me started on self awareness and healing from some trauma. The very same woman who taught me these things was repeatedly caught lying and twisting the truth with everyone in her family, and it blew up tot he point where she lost half the family. Did she recognize her behavior as the cause? Nope. She grew up with an abusive alcoholic father and an enabling mother and learned manipulation early on, and used it all the way through her life.
One way is they constantly tease u. If u get annoyed, then they’ll say you are taking it too seriously. But in time that teasing does get serious where your work is made fun of or something you said. It breaks your confidence in yourself over time. You don’t say anything for fear of being ridiculed by the world, not just that person. It’s very very insidious
Exactly what I went through. Teasing was also used to "discipline" me if I displayed feelings they were uncomfortable with, especially if I was sad or angry.
Thank you very much for providing disciples of Jesus with useful scriptures about how The Word of God can be integrated with secular ideas about psychology. You’re a blessing.❤
Thank you Tim, truly remarkable video ! as a 22 year old trying to heal her own traumas... i can say you've opened my mind to a bigger purpose within me.
Thank you so much! This information is so very helpful. It's stuff that isn't talked about yet it's experienced in all settings. I will use this knowledge in my work setting. May God bless you abundantly. I love the Bible teaching section ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
I am so grateful for all of your awesome information and advice. You really do have a nice perspective. I’ve been sending to family because I believe you are making valid points and where have you been my whole life . I’ve watched 5 videos now , and feel like you have literally taken questions from my brain answered them personally so I just wanted to make sure you know we are listening so please don’t stop ! Thank you€
I can't say I've ever manipulated someone maliciously, but growing up in an unstable home; living in the military for a time; and working in service, I've learned how to say things so that conversations with be as abrupt and to the point as possible. I manipulate people into being as emotionally neutral as i can get them to be because I was never allowed to feel my own strong emotions as a child.
My adopted stepson struggles with this. Wants to feel power and control over others. Is a bully. Has tried most of the tactics. We focused on nailing down safety and boundaries in our home. Ten years of shutting down his manipulative crap. He moved out last spring and it’s been a massive relief. He has currently quit his job and is manipulating rent $ out of his roommates mom. We don’t care if he becomes homeless, he’s not welcome back in our home. The lying, stealing, violence, smear campaign, property destruction, and nonstop noise for 10 years was awful. The only positive is that we are very aware and can ID manipulators quickly now.
@@JohnGlen502 we had some really great therapists try hard with him. He’s gonna stubbornly stay Peter Pan until he can’t. 🤷♀️ He’s gotta decide who he wants to be.
Hat that one with the cry and beeing silent at the beginning and a bit throwout my first relationship, lackly tho my boyfriend was not having it and it was not working which really had me to considere what I was doing it i kind of hard having tonrelize and admitt to yourself that what you are doing is trying to manipulate but I rather have it that way and change it, nice video, my parents definitly dispalyed some of those traits and I grow up beeing bulldied in school a lot that is why crying was my defense mechanism for quite some time so to try to get peoples attentions anyways, it’s a grate way to check oneself and how we may knowingly or unknowlingy use some of those things in our lifes. I have found that my ex partner had his own way of also crying and solliciting some of those and how I really was not having it so we basically kind of took turn on that one
41:15 I also greatly appreciate bringing in Peter and his struggles. Today has been a mircle of sorts, Ive been in zombie mode and doom scrolling for many days now.
Because of bad relationships (familial, romantic, and professional) I have adapted a zero tolerance policy for manipulation and false logic arguments (which are just another manipulation). I wasn't aware of it until listening to Tim's videos and reflecting on how I have responded to people attempting to use those tactics with me. It would probably be a good idea to write down some examples and talk to my therapist about that.
My abusive, narcissistic ex husband uses every single one of these. And then the "promise to change his behaviour" and be a better father ajd partner .. for his next partner "if he finds one" and "but maybe i wont, maybe ill miss you, maybe ill be happy again with you but right now i cant forgive you" And just constantly using everything in this list to gaslight and devalue and lie
They always promise to do better. They are always “so sorry” and nothing ever changes except the date. It’s a special kind of hell to live with a narcissistic manipulator and still be in love with them. I want to believe they are still this great person they made me believe they were but it’s a total delusional fantasy I’m living in
Im from a destorded famaly olmost evryting you said i get memories of situations the brick wall of no love is there now purmenent and i basicly stopt the comunication Its never ganne change its time to fix me Ty for your insights so i can continue on my jearney
Nah its not. I grew up with a sadistic psychopathic father and a covert Narcissist mother. It was BAD. I was too focused on worrying about my mother being safe from the man she married to realise I had needs. Probably because I'm Autistic. Anyway, it's not necessary for survival. I survived and I'm still trying to figure out how to be selfish
I've had almost all of these manipulative strategies used against me.... probably a huge part of why I have cptsd.....as a believer I don't use these tactics because they are hurtful to others.
Because fathers couldn't be provider to their families women were in fly or fight mood, perfectionism in order to get dad's things done, created so much damage to children, mother was supposed to take care of her children emotionally health, not how to survive. All mothers who grow in creepy financial insecurity and poverty ended up in being g "cruel" to their children cause she was forces by life to do the dad's job.
Manipulation is a sign of weak character. Anyone can decide not to do so and start working on character and virtues, it takes courage, time and effort but brings the peace and satisfaction to your soul. You have to promise to yourself and not brake it whatever happens.
I believe everyone engages in manipulation to some degree. What’s more important is the intention and who is in control. One who is in a survival mode manipulating a dictator is being smart. If it is the dictator manipulating his subjects for his personal gains at the expense of them, that is clearly wrong. This is good for increasing awareness nonetheless, since most people fall into the category of being manipulated blindly. It’s usually the small percentage of the population who are the narcissists, sociopaths, psychopaths, or straight out immature people with high IQ who manipulate the vast majority of people who are naturally programmed to be trusting of others.
I suffer from complex trauma myself but manipulation is the last thing I ever thought about no matter my needs. And if anyone tries that with me, they pay for this with much more hurt then it causes me knowing they try. Besides that, many people are very bad at manipulation. I use that, first I make it seem like it perfectly works, I leave it like that for some time until they are really sadisfied and happy with what they get and then I took everything they liked and cared for away from them in the blink of an eye.
I think this is making YOU a manipulator. Becoming manipulator in reaction is a kind of defeat it wastes our energy. I sense a kind of revengeful attitude also. Instead of this I myself would prefer straightforward rejection.
@@DeepakSaraswat-bu6ss You could be right, but even so, the best way humans learn from their mistakes is pain, and what I'm doing proves to be much more painfull then rejection so they will learn more from this.
I have a postulation to share: Our 21. Century of applying for jobs is being twisted that bad, that you have to be manipulative in your appliation. Which makes it hard for straight forward people to apply for a job. I want to go back to those days where you could just orally apply for a job face to face.
I just had a revelation I’m not normally manipulative. I had to learn to get destroyed by manipulators ti learn that I had to learn how they think to survive .. I had to strategize an escape to survive . And I’m still trying .. Today however my daughter has become endangered so being that being direct was getting me no where I called them out on their bs. That was def manipulative.. but the leverage was driven by a more primitive force ..it wasn’t ego driven
Not all children learn how to manipulate out of fear . They manipulate out of reward. Children align with one parent. Either they share empathy or a lack of it
I have a whole friendship group I walked away from because of this. She was my best friend since childhood. My husband is a narcissist sociopath. Man this him. I am informally separated from him now because of this and other issues With my best friend since kindergarten it got ugly. I am known as an emotionally safe person. When I did try and talk to them they brought up the fact that my mother died of Huntington’s Chorea. That is an illness that robs you of your sanity. Even though I have tons of friends who would never say that they any sign of me losing my mind they said that they were praying for me because it was clear that illness was robbing me of my sanity.
Thank you for your videos and time. Could you please comment on why the Proverbs says "Pride comes before shame". My mother didn't like me growing up: one year I remember having intense shame when having a friend at our home, the giant Christmas tree in the living room had nearly a hundred wrapped presents under it; my friend looked under the tree for my name when I went to the kitchen to get us snacks. He asked me if I "really lived there" when I got back to the living room. I felt immense shame at that moment, but didn't understand why until I listened to your teaching. After age 7 or 8 I never got a birthday present or cake, but watched my siblings year after year have a birthday. The list goes on. My entire life I've felt like a bucket of shame and have thought for decades that it is PRIDE because of that Bible verse. Please explain.
@@jhey6802 Proverbs 16:18 says Pride forth before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall. KJV. When one has pride and or a haughty spirit there is the danger of being vulnerable to destruction or a fall. It does not appear that this Bible verse applies to the situation you describe. You say you have shame, not pride or a haughty spirit. You are brought low in a negative way and not puffed up falsely as pride is. If you have placed your trust in the Lord Jesus and believed in him for salvation, you can lay your shame at his feet and accept his unconditional love and receive comfort from the Holy Ghost. In discovering (by reading his Word) how Jesus loves you, you can then find the freedom to live without shame, without cringing. You do not need any validation from others except from Jesus, when he justified you so that you are reconciled to God (if you are saved). All the best to you and I will pray for you.
All i want to know now is what do we do with a lyier who lies purposefully and wont stop..do we stop all contact ..or? Its kind of hard as it seems most ppl lie nowadays
When something is based on the customer’s decision I always say how I see things, but I also say that it’s only my opinion and that they need to make a wise decision on their own… Sometimes it’s manipulation even if we don’t want to manipulate… 😮
I'm just too fucked up... I'm jumping now ... I can't take it anymore ... Good thing I'm a big chicken and I always leap from the basement window ... Gets lots of great press ...but ya can't hurt yourself ....that kinda stuff hurts ya know
I think I was horribly traumatized by the dramatic films of Chronkite on The 20th Century TV show ..50s 60s ... It was a black and white fear fest and we were paralyzed into thinking this shit was normal .. one legged Marine said that
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With both parents raging narcissists, we did not get away with much. But my wasband could whine and nag the legs off a chair. I'd give up, just to get some peace. I figured his mom, whom I never met, must have been a real piece of work too. SO accurate!
All these are perfectly valid! But one can't be authentic on survival in a sick world One can only be authentic in neutral dynamics with people who have no power over them I was in situations where I was transparent with best intentions and people were projecting on me their pervert dirty minds It' s sinister There are people so broken they only want to see the worst in the world
I monitored my mom’s moods in an attempt to stay safe, not to manipulate her but to know when to disappear.
We both did these things 😊l
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Can so relate. Been disappearing ever since.
Did this with my dad, because he would fly into rages unexpectedly.
I imagine you will “disappear” from people you love when you feel hurt?
There is a silent sorrow that follows knowledge.
The more I learn, the more I see the damage that was inflicted.
Not just as a child, but also as an adult.
And all the endless attempts of manipulation, and how one has been indoctrinated.
Then comes the hurt.
And the anger.
And then the determination;
NEVER AGAIN!
No wonder we grow up to become fiercely independent, and reject all help.
We come to learn that there is always a sinister intention behind any offer of help.
And that isn't always the case.
That's why knowledge is key.
So we can all tell the difference and protect not just ourselves, but also those we love.
I don't want to be damaged anymore.😔
So we'll put. The 'silent sorrow that follows knowledge' that Ah HA! Moment.
It enrages me when someone talks about scapegoats as the chosen ones; maybe some have the chance to heal and it depends of the amount of hurt, duration and the resources you have (money, support, etc) but the majority of us don't have a chance to heal and I see it like a suffering that doesn't bring any good to us and the world. Many had unalived themselves... how can people proclaim we are the chosen ones? It sounds unreal and quite narcissistic that idea.
Most of us are so hurted we isolate we never get to experience live, only survival.
I don't feel like I have done any good to the world giving my all, time, energy, resources and love to black holes. Taking care of orphans would have been more useful than feeding my particular, familiar pack of hyenas. I don't think I have waisted my life; I was set up since my first breath.
Well said. I feel just the same❤
Beautifully expressed
@@Lyrielonwindthe scapegoats are sent away, and blamed.
When I’m in a romantic relationship I tend to not ask my partner exactly what I want or need because I suspect they’re going to do exactly the opposite of what I asked. I grew up being a joke to my parents that loved to watch me being frustrated…and would say I took things too seriously. Thank you so much for your videos. They help me so much!
same
I understand. My family was like that. They will intentionally do the opposite. It's extremely hard to deal with that.
My mother would say no just to see the look on my face then laugh.
@@bellashaus1716yes! I have come to realize recently that my parents did the same, though not to hurt me but because they were feeling the exact same way about themselves. Generational trauma is such an awful thing. Something I worked so hard to STOP, to be the wall it would end at. But now I know that as hard as I have worked to face my fears and problems, to be humble and honest, loving and thoughtful, to be the polar opposite of my own parents. But I still managed to make so many mistakes. Done things just like this, not to hurt anyone but as a defense mechanism. Sarcasm and turning negatives into a positive is something I have done occasionally to my children, unknowingly. I thank God every time that my own children felt confident and loved enough to point this out to me. Though there was times when I did not see or understand right away, needing a few hours or once multiple days to see it myself. I know it doesn’t take away the pain or hurt but it is usually not their intention to cause pain. It is a defense from the pain they feel. My children call me out on things like this, even as very little ones… they shouldn’t have to but I am ever so grateful that they know they can and that god is giving me the strength, humility, and courage to STOP this crap in its tracks! I will not pass on this hurt! ❤
Not only did I worry about that but it sure did happen! I asked and every time they did the opposite! 😢
I realized that intimate relationships activates my survival mode. I lose all logic and only rely on my primal instincts. I’m now learning how to heal and be present. Ty sir for all of your insightful videos. You played a big role for me making these realizations.
The description of the love bombing with gifts in order to create emotional debt is diabolical.
Soo helpful. I was terrible as I had been a victim throughout my childhood and marriage. I worked on myself and I am really healthy now, but I don’t have a loving intimate relationship…I’ve missed that boat now. I also have no family of origin as they are so damaged. It is a great sadness. But my pride is my magnificent Sons. Healthy happy balanced in loving relationship etc etc. I am proud as the scapegoat I broke the chain ❤❤❤❤
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It's never too late for love..and you do have a family aren't your sons your family? I mean how can the family you came from be more of a family than the one you created?life goes on..
As the scapegoat who woke up too late and haven't healed, I'm proud I did my best to be childless. No one believes it because everyone think that's any woman realization and they think I'm bitter because of it when it's the only thing I'm proud of; not bringing a child into an environment that would have been a nightmare.
Most people don't know I could have married someone to "fix" my life but although I didn't know about narcissm at that time, I knew misery was awaiting me from him. At least I dodged his bullet.
@@Maruzzela-l1u
I don't like the way you are questioning him. Do you know him because you read a comment?
Yes, life goes on but, how come you are commenting in here if you have moved on?
I'm sure you have better things to do than hanging around here...no, you don't. Get a life first and even then, you don't have a right to compare the love he feels for either family because he's not talking about that. Stop assuming you know him and stop judging him.
He's happy because he managed to bring up healthy kids and that's all what matters because it's not our business...got it? 👻
This guy is an amazing teacher. It's been life changing for me. Thank you so much.
Dear God,
Thank you for Tim Fletcher whose videos you use to Transform me and my unhealthy relationships with everyone!
Thank you for transforming me especially my fear of abandonment, my adult attachment style, and my unconscious manipulative patterns I learned in my family of origin and from society over my 60 year life time including being vulnerable to manipulation from others.
Thank you for clarifying which of my needs I’m responsible for and which needs I need help getting met.
Thank you for helping me to gain the clarity and confidence I need to set and maintain clear, firm, healthy boundaries in all my relationships.
Thank you for helping me to live free of my self-imposed guilt and misplaced guilt from others.
Thank you for helping me to identify my own basic human needs and ask for them to be met by others directly.
Thank you for helping me to identify and accept what I cannot change and to have the courage to recognize & try to change what I can, and for the wisdom to know the difference.
AMEN!🎉
This gentleman’s experience is evident. I wish he was my therapist
I've experienced so much of this in my dysfunctional upbringing that it set me up for failure in all of my relationships that now I can't trust anyone to accept or love me without a hidden agenda.
It's the same with me!!
@@louisecampbell2628 I'm trying to figure out how to overcome this
I hear ya!
That is sad. I hope healing comes to your life. 😊🌈🙏🏼
❤ I Know Just How You Feel hug ❤ 🌈 God Can Heal You 😇 😇 ❤❤
Tim Fletcher is an unbelievably good educator. I always feel so validated just by listening to his lectures.
Of all the self help talks I’ve listened to this is by far the best description and explanation on the topic of manipulation. I already listened to it a couple of times and shared it with loved one. Thanks so much for such powerful lesson.
I am amazed at how many people also had a cruel mother. I think its the most cowardly, despicable act to be a mother and abuse your own flesh and blood. Takes a special kind of wicked I believe.
Mental illness, evil
Mine was a "Christian" as were many more abusers throughout my life. Trying to heal in my old age
My mother is a drunk. An abusive drunk
We have to remember mothers were the ones at home all day dealing with the kid's upbringing while the fathers worked outside of the house.
Also, our parents were very young and dealing with their own scars of life. Plus, they didn't have all the recognition and resources we have today. So I say: If you don't like what was dine to you, don't repeat it (on yourself or others)
My mother is a narcissist. I don't think it's because she's wicked or evil, but because she was abused and neglected as a child. Like the other person stated many of our parents didn't have all the mental health resources that we have today.
Yes. So this is why, when it comes to any and all newer relationships of any kind, one is very wise to take things as slowly as felt necessary. To open up in phases...rather than baring your soul and opening your chest too quickly. Patience and tact. Always trust that Intuition guides the way, whatever the outcome.
Install gates on your experiences. Limit the details about people you had close relationships with...the unknown receiver may form an opinion way before understanding your Positive qualities.
Confidences shd not be shared until you have sensed genuine qualities in another...with some positive outgrowth statements about themselves...WITHOUT ambiguous kinds of statements.
It is not valuable to do a major reveal...They haven't demonstrated patience towards you in your current contexts. Slow the pace...observe the behaviours regarding attention...is it consistent.?..Note emotional intelligence ...their ability to hold a pose of presence for you.
Thank you. I needed this. @@torriepenney936
I find it beautiful to accept my parents did the best they could with the way they were raised. In a time when this help was not available, when the world was smaller. I was never a victim, I scorn the idea that anyone or anything can do that to me. I went through fire and came out the other side over and over and that’s called life. I give the world the middle finger and keep going forward with humor and laughter because I AM STILL IN THE GAME! Praise God I am still here and can help my family find healing generationally so we have a better future
Wow, I have gleaned from all of the videos that I have watched thus far. Almost 30 of them, but this one helped the most so far. I have had the family attack of late. This gives me strength to hold on to more healed thinking. I can tell you how much I appreciate your effort to help people.
❤ Thankyou ❤❤
I find myself cycling through patterns of manipulation out of desperation for control, and that’s incredibly difficult to admit but I think incredibly important to be aware of. This is such an amazingly empathetic way to think about it, and I’m grateful for it. I feel like I don’t have any issues identifying manipulation or to have the compassion and empathy for others when I witness it or am affected by it. But I find it difficult for me to allow any sort of compassion and understanding for myself when I find myself subconsciously manipulating others. All I feel is guilt, which is normal, but in order to truly understand, it requires massive amounts of compassion which is as divine as it gets.
I didn’t start healing from my cptsd symptoms until I was able to be truly compassionate towards myself for all that I had been through. When I could recognise this and extend the same grace towards myself that I would extend to other hurting ppl in my life, I moved forward in leaps and bounds. I hope this helps xxx
Your tutorials are THE BEST. You get down to the root. It can be uncomfortable sometimes. I never had any childhood trauma from sexual abuse or anything like that. But I realize that some of my beliefs and insecurities about me and about others and hurt and lack of trust in people comes from other trauma in my childhood.
Me too. I feel extremely fortunate to have escaped some of those big T traumas but the little t traumas have still caused me massive issues!!
Trauma is still trauma whether big or small.
What I'm approaching now, after many of your fantastic videos, is the realisation that, even though both of my parents are toxic as hell and caused my life to go off road and land up in a scary place like the movie WRONG TURN...they too were also on pretty much a similar journey to mine.
I cant really expect them to be any different as they only know what they were taught by their parents...also servere toxicity...so being resentful and full of hatred toward them, and rightly so, isnt benefitting me at all, it really keeps me stuck, for the past 10 years now, in fact!
I'm just so blessed by God, that he afforded me a chance to decide to awaken spirituality and choose to not skip past your videos in my algorithm!😂
To and understand the situation in it's entirety.
That is a huge gift to me and such a relief, and that is where i can ground my forgiveness for those 2.
You see, forgivness must be grounded in a rational understanding in order to make it real, for me at any rate.
What they did was totally unacceptable and they should go to jail for it, sure, but atleast once I've forgiven them.
I'll be able to part ways with them on even terms and without prejudice.
That just feels like the right way to do it for me!
Without all your amazing knowledge and the great way you deliver the message I would still be so so lost, as I was!!
Thank you so much!!
Beautiful! “Forgiveness must be grounded in rational understanding..” is crucial! Understanding what and why brings sanity to insanity ❤
Omg, I feel just about the same way as you!! You basically read my mind lol.
I think it’s safe to say I’m happy that I’m maturing from a victim mindset onto a survivors one. I feel so powerful and weightless from choosing forgiveness.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this topic!
I was a mother who went to 3 years of Active Parenting Today Classes. I read every book on parenting. I watched every video and listen to every CD to avoid repeating lashing out uncontrollably on my children who unconsciously pushed an unconscious button in me.
When I went to Adult Children of Alcoholics and other Dysfunctional Families I learned, I wasn’t wicked. I learned I had unhealed trauma wounds inflicted by my parents.
In Internal Family System (IFS) videos I learned I took on the energy of my abusive parents to survive. Yes it is evil.
God has been healing my childhood wounds. This is how I took responsibility for screaming and hitting my sons when I saw red and “split”.
I’ve spoken to both my sons in their therapy sessions and owned my harms to them.
The most helpful thing that I said was, “It wasn’t your fault”.
Even though neither of my sons remember those couple incidents, it helped them feel better about themselves.
I’m grateful they let me speak to them so I could help shift this dysfunctional legacy passed on to me.
I know that he could understand everything. It is still going on and I am 78. He describes everything. Thank you.
Thank you for the lesson. I agree that being like a child (childlike, in the purity of spirit, love, trust n dependence in Christ) is actually the greatest.
His description of a healthy family and then the survival mode family helped me a lot. He painted it so it makes sense in my life…
This provided me with so much insight. My “stepmother” is extremely manipulative. She married my Dad a year after my mom died and controls his whole life. Otherwise he will be punished. She successfully alienated our entire family my mother’s children. And because of this they have not allowed him in their lives. When I went to visit years after, she gave me a book (how ironic) called “healthy boundaries” what she was saying was that she didn’t care if we didn’t like her, that she was prepared for a fight. She was projecting,
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Wonderful stuff! You mention a sort of betrayal for looking to other's for support. One big other's is a therapist. Very big theater to people who don't want their manipulation tactics to come to their victims awareness.
Tom Fletcher, your lectures are like reading my personal history and the wiring of my chaotic family. Stunning!
Tim's insight and knowledge helped me open my eyes and not feel guilty about setting boundaries.... Thank you Sir.....
Same
This was so poignant.
Sooo me. My poor boyfriend 😢 I have told him though why I am the way I am. He’s helping me to be better x
i got rid of all these evil people. mother. father sister. all had to go. peace and quiet. wonderful life
Wow! Tremendously enlightening lecture. You have, in a profoundly clear manner, given me the clarity of understanding how we get to being the adults each and everyone of us are. Thank you for this video, you are really good at presenting this subject matter in a way everyone can understand such a complex subject. 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
Had enough and went no contact with my toxic family especially my mother 6months ago. Have had so much depression and issues my whole life. Just sad it took four decades to realize how programmed I am and that my own family was the biggest reason for me feeling like crap since I was a kid.
The irony is that while we find people in our lives to be the manipulators making life hard for us, we too tend to be manipulative because we’ve had to be in order to survive our own manipulative childhoods. It’s what some people would refer to as a “generational curse”. Our style of manipulation may look different than our parents, or different than obvious forms of it, but people pleasing IS manipulative.
@@queenkristine9590 I can appreciate what you're saying about people pleasers, or those who are called Nice Guys/Girls with an agenda. People pleasing on it it's own though, for instance those who are helpful for understanding the pain of having been there or at a worse place themselves before are often mistaken or at worst gaslit and called doormats. These people are the ones who often don't even have the strength after said accusations or labels to even want to defend themselves. Secondly, I can also sympathise with these people because of safety seeking. Not necessarily manipulative in the sense of being unable to voice needs. For instance there are times when in moments of actual conflict, their immediate need is to resolve conflict. And they act on it. That is legit.
I've seen this in real life. The grandmother of my fiancee taught me to recognize my emotions, and got me started on self awareness and healing from some trauma.
The very same woman who taught me these things was repeatedly caught lying and twisting the truth with everyone in her family, and it blew up tot he point where she lost half the family. Did she recognize her behavior as the cause? Nope.
She grew up with an abusive alcoholic father and an enabling mother and learned manipulation early on, and used it all the way through her life.
One way is they constantly tease u. If u get annoyed, then they’ll say you are taking it too seriously. But in time that teasing does get serious where your work is made fun of or something you said. It breaks your confidence in yourself over time. You don’t say anything for fear of being ridiculed by the world, not just that person. It’s very very insidious
Exactly what I went through. Teasing was also used to "discipline" me if I displayed feelings they were uncomfortable with, especially if I was sad or angry.
Sir you are a serious powerhouse and a master at your trade, thank you so much for allbyour tremendous help!
Thank you very much for providing disciples of Jesus with useful scriptures about how The Word of God can be integrated with secular ideas about psychology. You’re a blessing.❤
My, soon to be, ex told me on numerous occasions that she 'studied' me. It did not feel good - now I know why.
Thank you Tim, truly remarkable video ! as a 22 year old trying to heal her own traumas... i can say you've opened my mind to a bigger purpose within me.
This is so true! I'm only in the middle of the video but it's so true! Thank you
I so appreciate your talks and insight! Very helpful navigating family dynamics and my own parenting ❤
Wow I think I did all these things. I'm so sorry I wish I heard this before now
❤ God Bless 🤗 🤗
This is so so helpful and insightful. Wonder why I hadn’t found this channel earlier.
Thank you so much! This information is so very helpful. It's stuff that isn't talked about yet it's experienced in all settings. I will use this knowledge in my work setting. May God bless you abundantly. I love the Bible teaching section ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Oh my gosh!!
Where was this video all this while🙌🏻
I am so grateful for all of your awesome information and advice. You really do have a nice perspective. I’ve been sending to family because I believe you are making valid points and where have you been my whole life . I’ve watched 5 videos now , and feel like you have literally taken questions from my brain answered them personally so I just wanted to make sure you know we are listening so please don’t stop ! Thank you€
So helpful many things discussed that make sense to me now.
I just was led to your videos. Thank you so much for your teaching. I have been taught so much. Alot makes sense now.
I can't say I've ever manipulated someone maliciously, but growing up in an unstable home; living in the military for a time; and working in service, I've learned how to say things so that conversations with be as abrupt and to the point as possible. I manipulate people into being as emotionally neutral as i can get them to be because I was never allowed to feel my own strong emotions as a child.
Thank you. This is exactly what I have always been looking for
My adopted stepson struggles with this. Wants to feel power and control over others. Is a bully. Has tried most of the tactics. We focused on nailing down safety and boundaries in our home. Ten years of shutting down his manipulative crap. He moved out last spring and it’s been a massive relief. He has currently quit his job and is manipulating rent $ out of his roommates mom. We don’t care if he becomes homeless, he’s not welcome back in our home. The lying, stealing, violence, smear campaign, property destruction, and nonstop noise for 10 years was awful. The only positive is that we are very aware and can ID manipulators quickly now.
Wow, how sad for you. And him. Adopted - we probably don't know what happened to these kids before being adopted.
@@JohnGlen502 we had some really great therapists try hard with him. He’s gonna stubbornly stay Peter Pan until he can’t. 🤷♀️
He’s gotta decide who he wants to be.
Excellent and so well explained.
Hat that one with the cry and beeing silent at the beginning and a bit throwout my first relationship, lackly tho my boyfriend was not having it and it was not working which really had me to considere what I was doing it i kind of hard having tonrelize and admitt to yourself that what you are doing is trying to manipulate but I rather have it that way and change it, nice video, my parents definitly dispalyed some of those traits and I grow up beeing bulldied in school a lot that is why crying was my defense mechanism for quite some time so to try to get peoples attentions anyways, it’s a grate way to check oneself and how we may knowingly or unknowlingy use some of those things in our lifes. I have found that my ex partner had his own way of also crying and solliciting some of those and how I really was not having it so we basically kind of took turn on that one
41:15 I also greatly appreciate bringing in Peter and his struggles. Today has been a mircle of sorts, Ive been in zombie mode and doom scrolling for many days now.
Because of bad relationships (familial, romantic, and professional) I have adapted a zero tolerance policy for manipulation and false logic arguments (which are just another manipulation). I wasn't aware of it until listening to Tim's videos and reflecting on how I have responded to people attempting to use those tactics with me. It would probably be a good idea to write down some examples and talk to my therapist about that.
My abusive, narcissistic ex husband uses every single one of these. And then the "promise to change his behaviour" and be a better father ajd partner .. for his next partner "if he finds one" and "but maybe i wont, maybe ill miss you, maybe ill be happy again with you but right now i cant forgive you"
And just constantly using everything in this list to gaslight and devalue and lie
They always promise to do better. They are always “so sorry” and nothing ever changes except the date. It’s a special kind of hell to live with a narcissistic manipulator and still be in love with them. I want to believe they are still this great person they made me believe they were but it’s a total delusional fantasy I’m living in
@@AmandaWilson-j3jI got 3 VERY insincere "sorrys" in 3 years.
33:20 - Setting strong boundaries. Respect oneself.
Im from a destorded famaly olmost evryting you said i get memories of situations the brick wall of no love is there now purmenent and i basicly stopt the comunication
Its never ganne change its time to fix me
Ty for your insights so i can continue on my jearney
Excellent presentation.
Nah its not. I grew up with a sadistic psychopathic father and a covert Narcissist mother. It was BAD. I was too focused on worrying about my mother being safe from the man she married to realise I had needs. Probably because I'm Autistic. Anyway, it's not necessary for survival. I survived and I'm still trying to figure out how to be selfish
❤ Put Yourself First ❤❤
@@sheiladuke3289 Thank you :)
I just learned to not ask and do it myself. It made me too independent.
Ppl manipulate to get what they want…at the expense of exploiting others….not because they had bad childhoods.
This was so wonderful!
Wow.
My low income neighbors have attempted most of those tactics when they wanted to get my money or possessions.
I've had almost all of these manipulative strategies used against me.... probably a huge part of why I have cptsd.....as a believer I don't use these tactics because they are hurtful to others.
Because fathers couldn't be provider to their families women were in fly or fight mood, perfectionism in order to get dad's things done, created so much damage to children, mother was supposed to take care of her children emotionally health, not how to survive. All mothers who grow in creepy financial insecurity and poverty ended up in being g "cruel" to their children cause she was forces by life to do the dad's job.
This is a great video ! Thank you
Manipulation is a sign of weak character. Anyone can decide not to do so and start working on character and virtues, it takes courage, time and effort but brings the peace and satisfaction to your soul. You have to promise to yourself and not brake it whatever happens.
I believe everyone engages in manipulation to some degree. What’s more important is the intention and who is in control. One who is in a survival mode manipulating a dictator is being smart. If it is the dictator manipulating his subjects for his personal gains at the expense of them, that is clearly wrong. This is good for increasing awareness nonetheless, since most people fall into the category of being manipulated blindly. It’s usually the small percentage of the population who are the narcissists, sociopaths, psychopaths, or straight out immature people with high IQ who manipulate the vast majority of people who are naturally programmed to be trusting of others.
Excellent
It's the big probing tools I liked mostly 😊
I suffer from complex trauma myself but manipulation is the last thing I ever thought about no matter my needs. And if anyone tries that with me, they pay for this with much more hurt then it causes me knowing they try. Besides that, many people are very bad at manipulation. I use that, first I make it seem like it perfectly works, I leave it like that for some time until they are really sadisfied and happy with what they get and then I took everything they liked and cared for away from them in the blink of an eye.
I think this is making YOU a manipulator. Becoming manipulator in reaction is a kind of defeat it wastes our energy. I sense a kind of revengeful attitude also. Instead of this I myself would prefer straightforward rejection.
@@DeepakSaraswat-bu6ss You could be right, but even so, the best way humans learn from their mistakes is pain, and what I'm doing proves to be much more painfull then rejection so they will learn more from this.
@@susimuller6317 I understand and respect your stand. I Wish you progress on your path to healing.
@@DeepakSaraswat-bu6ss Thank you. I wish the same for you.
I have a postulation to share: Our 21. Century of applying for jobs is being twisted that bad, that you have to be manipulative in your appliation. Which makes it hard for straight forward people to apply for a job. I want to go back to those days where you could just orally apply for a job face to face.
impressively accurate
I just had a revelation
I’m not normally manipulative. I had to learn to get destroyed by manipulators ti learn that I had to learn how they think to survive .. I had to strategize an escape to survive . And I’m still trying ..
Today however my daughter has become endangered so being that being direct was getting me no where I called them out on their bs.
That was def manipulative..
but the leverage was driven by a more primitive force ..it wasn’t ego driven
Not all children learn how to manipulate out of fear . They manipulate out of reward. Children align with one parent. Either they share empathy or a lack of it
I have a whole friendship group I walked away from because of this. She was my best friend since childhood.
My husband is a narcissist sociopath.
Man this him. I am informally separated from him now because of this and other issues
With my best friend since kindergarten it got ugly.
I am known as an emotionally safe person. When I did try and talk to them they brought up the fact that my mother died of Huntington’s Chorea. That is an illness that robs you of your sanity. Even though I have tons of friends who would never say that they any sign of me losing my mind they said that they were praying for me because it was clear that illness was robbing me of my sanity.
Thank you for your videos and time. Could you please comment on why the Proverbs says "Pride comes before shame". My mother didn't like me growing up: one year I remember having intense shame when having a friend at our home, the giant Christmas tree in the living room had nearly a hundred wrapped presents under it; my friend looked under the tree for my name when I went to the kitchen to get us snacks. He asked me if I "really lived there" when I got back to the living room. I felt immense shame at that moment, but didn't understand why until I listened to your teaching. After age 7 or 8 I never got a birthday present or cake, but watched my siblings year after year have a birthday. The list goes on. My entire life I've felt like a bucket of shame and have thought for decades that it is PRIDE because of that Bible verse. Please explain.
@@jhey6802 Proverbs 16:18 says Pride forth before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall. KJV. When one has pride and or a haughty spirit there is the danger of being vulnerable to destruction or a fall. It does not appear that this Bible verse applies to the situation you describe. You say you have shame, not pride or a haughty spirit. You are brought low in a negative way and not puffed up falsely as pride is. If you have placed your trust in the Lord Jesus and believed in him for salvation, you can lay your shame at his feet and accept his unconditional love and receive comfort from the Holy Ghost. In discovering (by reading his Word) how Jesus loves you, you can then find the freedom to live without shame, without cringing. You do not need any validation from others except from Jesus, when he justified you so that you are reconciled to God (if you are saved). All the best to you and I will pray for you.
Everyone is manipulating each other constantly. Some are doing it consciously. Some are doing it maliciously. Some care. Some don't.
Perfectly said
Observe.
Don’t absorb.
🎯
I will be safe from manipulation
Thank you ☺️
We all know that we came to this part of the video not because we are manipulative but because someone has manipulated us :)
Thank you so much 🙏🏼
I cope with family members being manipulative right now too-after my sexual assault. A lot of gas-lighting and trauma has taken place.
A Manipulator would not date you in the first place, unless you've passed his sneaky test..he's looking for certain qualities..
True angel blessyou❤
All i want to know now is what do we do with a lyier who lies purposefully and wont stop..do we stop all contact ..or? Its kind of hard as it seems most ppl lie nowadays
Great video
I feel like i should write a book with my knowledge combined .
43:38 Matt 18. 47:40 to be a great strong leader
When something is based on the customer’s decision I always say how I see things, but I also say that it’s only my opinion and that they need to make a wise decision on their own… Sometimes it’s manipulation even if we don’t want to manipulate… 😮
Sounds like we did this to each other. My God
I was the clown to calm my fathers rage to protect my mother .
I'm just too fucked up... I'm jumping now ... I can't take it anymore ... Good thing I'm a big chicken and I always leap from the basement window ... Gets lots of great press ...but ya can't hurt yourself ....that kinda stuff hurts ya know
Thanks
I think I was horribly traumatized by the dramatic films of Chronkite on The 20th Century TV show ..50s 60s ... It was a black and white fear fest and we were paralyzed into thinking this shit was normal .. one legged Marine said that
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A❤study ever since someone said TOO ME🎬🎥💯???
" GEIRGIA❤ WHAT DO YOU CARE?" ITS HOW WE mAKE OUR LIFESTYLE??? DOMESTIC TIED INTERNATIONAL ❤
What about psychopaths who don’t experience anxiety
When you meet a guy in a Bar, tell him you have 5 kids and that you live with your Mother...if you meet him.at school, tell.him.the truth.
That's whole other level of low, KIDS ARE NOT TOO BE BLAMED!
With both parents raging narcissists, we did not get away with much. But my wasband could whine and nag the legs off a chair. I'd give up, just to get some peace. I figured his mom, whom I never met, must have been a real piece of work too. SO accurate!
All these are perfectly valid!
But one can't be authentic on survival in a sick world
One can only be authentic in neutral dynamics with people who have no power over them
I was in situations where I was transparent with best intentions and people were projecting on me their pervert dirty minds It' s sinister
There are people so broken they only want to see the worst in the world
❤ I Agree 💯 % 😇 😊
the very young child has no ego, it's not living in the illusion of the separation with God that the ego will nourrish later in his life....