Shame and Complex Trauma - Part 6/6 - Healing
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- Опубліковано 31 тра 2024
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“Am I ever going to heal from my shame?” Tim talks about how to go about the lifelong journey of healing from shame.
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The first counselor I ever saw at age 12 told me to stand at the mirror and repeat positive things about myself. It made me feel worse - especially because it didn’t work and reinforced that something was “wrong with me”. Thank you for validating that affirmations are not the antidote to shame.
I think positive affirmations have been such a misguided "help". Thankfully, some are realizing that this doesn't help!
I used to really like positive quotes ( I still appreciate them some, but know more is needed) & needed deeper healing...but despite so many therapists and self help books...things didn't start changing until I really addressed my internal world with more.
I had no idea I had a problem with shame. I could see it in others sometimes...but think I hid it from myself.
Often positive affirmations don't work, because our core wounds "I'm unlovable", "I'm unworthy", are the opposite. Those are strong subconscious programs. When we merely say positive affirmations, our subconscious resists, because it seems like a lie. We don't believe those positive things.
Just saying things doesn't change them.
However, repetition+emotion, does.
Healing the shame and also working on reprogramming our core beliefs/wounds, can be done. Then we truly change the inner way we see ourselves.
Positive affirmations are like putting a bandaid on a horrible wound, a wound that needs so much more.
Hope you are healing and find peace 💫
@@Alphacentauri819 absolutely agree with all you say here and right back at you about healing 🤍 Let there be Light 🙏🏼✨
I got that too, why I couldn't be positive about myself made me feel there's something deeply wrong with me.
@@RippleDrop. glad to know that I was not the only one who received such a poor suggestion. It just reinforced the “something is wrong with me” that I received from my family of origin and society at large. I hope you have found some answers for yourself and are healing now 🙏🏼✨
@@Alphacentauri819 Because they are Fake, if not related to the Trauma, resolve the root problem
This person is an amazing speaker. Every single thing he shares is to the point and there is no nonsense. He doesn't sugarcoat anything - I respect that. He talks about value.....these talks are so valuable to many many people as our culture has been heavily shame-based. Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge.
What was amazing about shifting from something so sensitive like reparenting to oceans and CO2??
I don't mean to bother, is that I felt lost and..deceived .
@@angelicacroitoru4946 my take on that is he is emphasizing that the same God who designed that incredible system also wants a relationship with little old "you".
He is wrapping up his 6 part shame series....which we are so lucky is free. :)
Yes, Amazing that it is free
POWERFUL! THIS NEEDS TO BE TAUGHT IN EVERY MEDICAL SCHOOL AND EVERY HIGH SCHOOL!
My body completely shut down as I watched these series, unbelievable how deeply rooted this is. I am so grateful for the generous and heart felt sharings of Tim. Next level healing, excited about the journey forward.
Thank you for not letting a ton of Ads roll in and cause disjointed thoughts
So impactful !
0nly 16 ads 🏆
4 years on and this series still holds. Excellent, ty.
My husband instinctively told me one time after I was beating myself up over all my maladaptive responses to life, He said, You can hate those things you struggle with but I think you have to also be thankful to them because they helped you survive when you were a kid. It sent a shock through me like ‘WOAH I’d never considered that’. Afterwards I did start to see myself a little more with gentleness, I guess you could say. But I still need reminding from time to time.
I just love and really appreciate all these videos. Thank you.
YES
Girl, thank you.
You said something my soul needed to hear.
Yes please be compassionate towards yourself. You have survived so much. Have you tried loving kindness meditation? Tara Brach is a good person to go to online. Sending you love and light ❤️🙏
your husband sounds like a winner! you are a survivor and should be proud of that
I see his point although is hard to live with it because same way those mechanism protected me they also keepted me isolated and numb and this added more to the trauma sice I thaught I was crazy, bad .What I find more difficult is getting away from the survival mode. My dissociation came back and I feel like a zombie
I have an adopted son from China that is now 17 and has carried this trauma and shame his whole life from his abandonment and living in an orphanage. We have done therapy but nothing has come even close to the understanding that this guy shares. I have looked for years to find the answers he gives here. I am hoping my son will listen and his perceptions about himself will begin to change and heal. And the Bible studies at the end are amazing!
You sound like an amazing mother!! Hope your son gets full healing❤ look into the work of Dr Joe dispenza too, it have helped me heal ALOT from my childhood. Best wishes and big hugs
Hey. Hope you and your family are doing well :)
😢 yes 🥰 it should help him, reason being I was raised in the orphanage too
Well Tim is sent by GoD 🙏 never seen anything like him already I feel acknowledged, never ever ever ever felt this way 🙏,bless him with all his needs on this earth! Amen for in helping one person he's done his job 😘
Praise God! God bless you!
The most comprehensive information on shame, addiction, codependency and healing. Bravo!! Finally noticing past triggers arent triggering me now. 2 1/2 years sober...you tube has taught me so much. I am the sole survivor of my core family...siblings died from addictions...wish they knew this stuff, had the help like this they needed. I will not go out that way. This toxic shit stops with me. Healing myself and my adult children and grand daughter. 💞 Thanks Again.
Just remember...AA DON'T HAVE YOUR BEST INTEREST AT HEART! THEY WANT YOU TO STAY DAMAGED! WHY ELSE DO YOU THINK THEY WANT TO ENCOURAGE SELF DEPRECIATION IN STEP 4!?
BRAVO❣️ Stopping the generational cycles is healing for you and your ancestors. As we heal, all before us heal. It’s a beautiful gift!!! Sending you love & light!!! ❤️✨❤️💫
Seriously Tim, where has your teaching been my whole life?! 🙏 ❤ I can’t get enough of it!!
I am also so thankful 😊
May 2024. I just found Tim a few weeks ago. Very traumatic childhood with both parents being disabled. I was picked as head of house. It was awful. Needed but abused until I left home at 16. I bore 8 kids and failed miserably. They got counseling and so did I with no breakthrough. Until.... I discovered Tim Fletcher. I'm now 60 and for the first time in my life feel seen and heard! I'm not crazy!
I find it ironic when he mentions the example about being "in service." 30 years I owned a company and what happened? It was service oriented and my clients just used me for what they could get from me. I never formed any real connections. I'm retiring in the next 2 months and closing my business. I cannot wait to see the new job that awaits! I'm steering clear of the service industry. I'm grateful for Tim's videos! I never thought of grieving my childhood. I need to. God bless all of you.
One day at a time and keep moving.
I'm so excited about life now. ♡
Grieving seems to pop up when I see a mother talking / being kind to their daughter.
I feel for you ❤️.
That happens for me with fathers and daughters. It good that we can identify that what we are feeling is grief 🙏🏼🌟
So sorry. This is so good to hear. He really knows. I have never heard anyone speak like this till now and it has been a lifetime of searching.
Yep. I had a narcissist for mother too.
I love seeing mothers being loving and patient with their kids. I can feel a level of grief because I never felt it but also I feel tenderness. I also feel grateful because seeing an adult being mean with a child is so triggering for me.
I don't have children and I thank God for it because I think I would have been overly protective, just the opposite that my mother was but I think is not healthy either, kids need room to learn and experience life. I would have pass my fears to them.
Wow .... I have had no way to articulate my shame my whole life...I had no idea it was the root of everything.. .
So much pain , suffering, addiction, bad decisions, more trauma, loss developmental narcissistic traits...more shame.....developmental scitzo effective disorder, public psychotic episodes, more shame...
Finally , at 42......3 years after my mother passed... I am ready to hear this information, and have the space to work on myself...
I can learn to validate myself.
I can't re live my life and experience what my real potential would have bloomed..... I'm living the karma of a train wreck instead.....which has become a very lonely place...
Yet hearing this is shifting something deeply.
I have finally found a great trauma informed counsellor and taking all this information in...over and over...till it sinks in.
It's so comforting.
Early days, gaining awareness and identifying the traumas and connecting the dots on the life that played out..
❤❤❤
Oh love, hope your healing is going well
Finally, I am at the right place. After life time ( 70+ years) of healing ❤️🩹 others by my service, I see I am the one who needs me most. There is nobody to do this for me. Learning how to let go of taking care of others, which was my only purpose for living from very young age, bc I am the oldest child of an alcoholic dad and workaholic, violent mom and a surrogate mom to my youngest sister. I am 11 years older than she is. With much gratitude 🙏and appreciation, thank you Tim snd fellow travelers on path to healing our trauma ❤
❤❤
Through all those difficulties. we are here. we survived. we still have a chance at b love
Yes, absolutely true 🎉
We needed to connect and tell our story 😊
@@MariaPardo-MaryVi it helps!
I'm on the last of the series of 6. I gotta tell you it made me relieved and sick to my stomach at the same time. This was very hard to hear but so absolutely necessary and vital to my life. Cptsd is grueling without the proper tools that you have graciously provided. Yikes I'm only getting sicker and sicker. You can't fix anything that you do not acknowledge. I need to reclaim my life.. Shame on shame!
I can relate to that "sick to the stomach feeling" lol
I love this! Shame on shame!
You posted this a year ago...I hope you're doing better...I'm just realising that I have cptsd , it explains so much. There's acceptance coming, because yes, it's so tied to shame.
Only EMDR has really worked effectively for me. For each of any negative core beliefs. Uncountable sessions that are still ongoing. It retrains the limbic system and allow the cortex to work instead.
I have done breathsurgery that has help me. 😊❤
He speaks from experiencing with any examples in practice and you really can tell the difference in teaching ❤
Healing Shame....is a must...thank you Tim.
Tim you know me better than anyone
God Bless you Tim. It's been a while since I've binged watched a video series and didn't want to stop for a second. Thank you for all the work you do.
Thank you Tim for this incredible healing info on the very difficult topic of shame. Very much appreciated four years later. Of course this information is timeless. 💕
God bless you for making such a pragmatic and constructive guide for us. The part about not crushing green shoots of healing by being around the caregivers until we're strong - this has been one of the biggest sources of shame for me in recovery - my parents and brother's reaction to me gently asking for a period of time out was to tell me I'm less than human, a narcissist, deluded, and on and on. Not to mention the well intentioned but unhelpful comments socially about estrangement. Thank you for validating that step in your talk. What people dont understand generally is that for some of us, healing this shame is literally a life or death matter. So, honestly - you're saving lives, man.
Watched all 7 today. Thank you sir
Isn’t there 6?
Thank you for this. This channel is the best resource I've found that links up complex trauma, addiction and the general secrets of life :)
Thanks again for keeping the religion separate.
I love your videos they help me so much. I realize that the way I've been living all my life is through shame from growing up in a very toxic household. But I love God and I want him to deliver me. I want to serve him and keep his commandments and I alive again.
Thank you! God help us all in our healing
Graduated from Tim’s Lift program today. I can’t speak enough good about Tim’s family and team that are truly changing lives in the most powerful ways, by giving me the awareness and tools I needed to truly live. Thank you Tim Fletcher and Team. ❤
This person is simply amazing ! Have no enough words to appreciate his work !!
Thank you, Tim. You are a blessing to so many people. ❤🙏
I cannot thank you enough for this series. It popped up in my feed and it has helped me so much. It has given me permission to take care of myself, be good to myself and it has brought an even greater level of understanding of myself to me. I just feel so happy right now. Yes. But just wait til I get triggered 😂
I actually live with one of my trigger people and it is difficult now for me to not get angry when he triggers me. I have taken to explaining my anger to him. But it's like, whatever.
But thank you thank you thank you
I can't say enough how helpful these videos are for me. Tim has such depth and understanding of everything he talks about. God Bess you Tim for sharing and helping me.
Tim is God Sent! They need to teach mental health professionals this because I’ve been goin to mental health awhile now and at first it was working because I had someone to talk to, but now I feel like I’m not leaving with good info like this, I only have someone to talk to if that makes any sense.
I'm in aww how deep this man can go. What a brain. We are blessed. 🙏🏻
Thank you so very much. I’m a Christian working on processing my childhood trauma and often the critic inside me says “this is ridiculous”, thank you for confirming that it is ok to work on this and not have it undermine or replace my faith in what God is doing. I see He is gently leading me every step of the way!
That's beautiful, amen. I'm also a Christian with Cptsd, thank God he will never leave me or forget me. I was forced to walk away from my whole family 15 years ago, all abusive, I'm the scapegoat. Not spoken to or heard from them in years and years, very lonely life, but I am no longer an orphan now I have God.
@@suap309 I’m so glad you found peace. I too am the scapegoat and am low contact with my two siblings who learned all their scapegoat techniques from our parents. For the sake of my adult children I will see my siblings on occasion but have had to sadly face the reality that these siblings are not my friends and as the therapist has helped me understand they will likely not change or get worse unless they become willing to work on all the trauma we endured.
Thank You for making these videos. I’ve suffered all my life with complex shame and guilt and been seeking help. This is Thee Best Resource I’ve found to date. I’m forever thankful I found your channel ❤
The saying positive things and looking in the mirror was hard and felt disingenuous when I first tried it. Over time, I could slowly start looking at myself in the mirror and feel OK but affirmations still bounce off in a sickly way.
The most amazing thing regarding affirmations which felt real was Heidi Priebe who said 'Show up for yourself' rather than do affirmations. So when you say you are going to do something but know you probably won't, do. Healthy people show up for themselves even for that run when it may be cold and drizzly. That was so much better to me.
Be the reliable person who is always there ready for you when you want to do something. Even when it's hard and you would rather pull the doona back up.
Show up for yourself.
Pastor Tim, you are a gem
That is the first time i realize, why self love affirmations did not worked by me. Now i can better handle myself in the right direction by solving the shame. I Was shaming all the time. Now, i am
able to verbalise my Feelings. Thank you Mr. Fletcher! Greetings from Germany
God has gifted you the a deep understanding and skill to share this message. I'm listening to myself in confronting details. Im not at the end of the series but I have heard so much truth personified that I'm excited that there's actually a way to heal this ball and chain that comes with shame. Thankyou b
Thank you so much for your teachings! I have gone to counseling for the past 10 years and nobody could help me understand what was wrong with me and how to start healing from my past. Please keep helping others and me as well! God Bless you!
Shame is such a corrosive, destructive force. My soul is a sail, and thanks to shame, it is irreparably torn.
His videos have blessed me so much.
thank you very much, a lot of this was eye opening for me. Now I have a new direction, a new idea on what and how to work on myself... thank you very much! ❤ And God bless you! 🙏
I absolutely LOVE your videos! One comment I have about this particular episode is that, hugging your biological child when they fall of a bike or spilling their milk, well I’ve known lots of parents who don’t. On the contrary, they bash their kids for those kinds of accidents! I’m sure you have seen those as well.
finally finished the shame series!! it was heavy; I took notes, I learned a lot. Thank you!
Thank you! Living with PTSD is super challenging, but you give me hope to know the truth can and will win in the end. This talk helps me feel not so alone 🦋
This is life changing.
Thank you for this. ❤
Wow I've just discovered why I've been f@ked my entire life. Cried many tears over this series and I've discovered so many revelations. Shame work is the next healing, I'm going to concentrate on from now on, until I feel better in myself. I've already started my inner child healing. Thank-you for helping me find the last piece of the puzzle I've been looking for. Many thanks and many blessings for sharing your wisdom 🙏 I'm truly grateful for this information I now believe in a brighter future for myself ❤ what a gift. This has been wonderfully powerful 👏 💜. Now the work begins Thank-you GOD. We've finally made it to where we belong Amen 🙏
This guy consistently spits GEMS 💎💡💎
I like to think that my inherent worth is different from my empirical value. My empirical value can go up and down, and if I’m in a coma it can zero out. But my inherent worth never changes regardless of my age, income, address, etc.
Thank you, sir, for the wonderful series. I am really grateful for the insight that helped me in my healing process.
Excellent series 👍
Tim you are angel . God has given you to us with PTSD .
This episode is so densely packed with necessary healing steps. Thanks Tim for nurturing your shy deep soul and showing us how it can be done.
I really appreciate your talks. They are so uplifting ❤😊
26:25 this is so true..after childhood neglect nd emotional abuse ..in adulthood i dont know who I am..don't feel included anywhere
Focusing on my righteousness in Christ has helped alot
Such an amazing series. I feel like I now have the knowledge and tools to help myself heal.
I thought I’d healed a lot of my old traumas (related to shame) turns out I didn’t heal, I learned ways to manage them (helpful) but they’ve been re-activated in the last two years after unexpectedly losing my husband.
I find myself now having old traumas popping up … mixed with new trauma!!! These teachings are a God send. ❤
Dr Fletcher, this six part series about shame was so revelatory for me and a gift. I’m fortunate to have stumbled on this. Thank you!
All my life I felt that I was one of the only person who felt this way that people didn't like me and I wasn't normal and the Most High didn't love me. Now I know that was all in my mind and the abuse and toxicity made me feel that way but it wasn't true and that I should've just gotten on my knees and prayed and gave up my idols and intrusive thoughts and addiction and just prayed and had faith.
To do all of this heeling work, you have to be really healthy,,,
"Happening" my Passover while watching your lectures. Thank you!
This has been a huge help and understanding...Thankyou so much!
Thank you so much for helping us realize how to change bad habits and grow into a better person. Now I can show this to my kids who need it. Please keep going you are amazing. Thank you for helping us all again
This was super helpful, the entire series.
This is sooooo good. Thank you.
Thank you Tim, you are fantastic ❤
You are good. Very helpful. Thank you!
I heard someone say one time, " You are of value to God." I had never thought about it like that. So now I remind myself "I am of value to God." ' We are of value to God." Maybe that will help to realize that is a truth. NO matter who we are or what we have done. He still finds value in us.
Thank you so much for this positive and forgiving message. When I was younger I allowed myself to be physically beaten up and as an adult have spent years mentally beating myself up for past mistakes. Your msg of forgiveness is beautiful.
All very good points. Very insightful. Thank you
Thank you for saving my life ❤
I AM shame. And dirty as well as sneaky. Am I? It's what was drilled into my bones before I could walk.
If I go back in my breathing techniques. I was also a baby, but I am healing 😊
I am dirty and wrong. Just a bad seed.
You are perfect. We were all born beautiful, perfect souls. Just because some losers who we would never choose to associate with if we didn't have to told us otherwise, doesn't mean we've changed. We're still perfect souls.
Thank you.
He speaks so well. This video helped me sm to actually heal shame
Thank you for this.
Thank you so much
How come that after 35 years of therapy I still wake up dysregulated almost every night/day? Why don’t I feel ANY healing at all? Instead I feel more shame than ever: I feel so ashamed about myself … because I don’t heal. Where do I find safe and supporting people, a safe environment???
If you listen to the song “I wonder if I’m growing “ by Raffi, (be ready with the Kleenex) it beautifully captures this idea. This is so valuable. Thank you!!!!
this was beautiful to listen to, thank you for sharing your words
Thank you! Just thank you! Not only you are helping me to heal, you also educate and highlight the magnificence and awe of this amazing creation called Earth. Hopefully, it inspires many to admire it and protect it out of respect for its creator ❤
Thank you! these teachings include practical applications which are most needed. How do I take the next step, is often not talked about. Thank you for your assistance.
Thank you for these podcasts.
Thank you Sir
amazing how true is all of this and help me to understand myself
Goodness!!!
This is so what happens every time-!My mother’s a complete narcissist. Both of my parents were -every time I started doing good. Oh, don’t let your wheels get a spinning or who do you think you are is what my brother used to say- it’s a huge family problem. I am the only girl and the youngest of four and my mother does this yet at 85 what my mother does it say oh well (I)…… or you shouldn’t be doing that much you can’t handle it… I can’t stand being around her and I feel horrible as a human being but every time I see her she drags me down 20 years worth. She was married five times and put every person in her life down as much as she could. It’s very sad and it’s painful to watch because I know she had a terrible childhood but it’s not my fault and I do not need to take a beating for it, my brothers had nothing to do with her… i’ve been trying to take care of her on and off take her out to things like that but it’s so difficult to be around her because everything you do is wrong and everything is drama with her you turn a corner and she’s screaming in the car that you’re trying to kill her. Oh my God it’s nothing but drama, I have tried to teach her about narcissism and tried to help her. I have sent her videos so on and so forth she slowly seeing that we’re all on her but at this point doesn’t care it’s sad because it almost appears that all she’s ever wanted to do was destroy everyone around her, because if I can’t be happy, nobody can and her eyes, when people were in pain, she would laugh… it’s just horrific I went into healthcare because of this at midlife well around 42 I believe, turns out it was probably the last thing I should’ve done even though I’m very good at it. I am completely burned out of giving and trying to earn appreciation or accolades.
I was a outgoing leader but shut by parents.😢
❤ thank you
Great video!
funny. this is the upbeat one and yet I'm getting distracted. it's like there's something inside me that doesn't want me to listen
I had to work harder to focus on this one too. More comfortable identifying, validating and wallowing in the shame than looking forward.
I finally get it! ❤
Thanks!
Thhhaaannkkk yooouuuu❤❤❤❤😊😊😊😊
How many of you would love to have a new support system that validated you, but are restricted from doing so? Either by finance (i.e. online groups/seminars are astronomical), location, or stuck with your abuser (for a myriad of reasons)? Easier said than done, no?
I feel your pain. I'm finally free. But not without a lot of support using the public health system.
The Presence Process written by Michael Brown thst one needs to feel the shame in the body. It is a felt perception not a mental perception to heal.
You put words to what I feel for so long.
I felt shamed so deep due to trauma too early and I felt that I cannot cure this 3 years old innerchild with discourse, or affirmations or ideas..I feel she needs love, safety..and how can I give this when I'm here because I am not able to regulate my self and to love myself...
I've listened to all these sessions on shame and find them great upto this point which is repeated at 9:00 minutes. 'You have value' or 'you are enough.' To whom am I of value and enough for what ? It seems the solution sets up another black and white judgement which is devisive. Any other thoughts most welcome.😁
Also, at 22:00 mins, Tim suggests surrounding yourself with people who more accurately reflect your value. If you already have trust issues, how are you going to know who is worth investing in ? Surley you're just setting yourslef up for another judgement ?
❤ thanks 🙏👍❤❤❤❤😮😊
It’s hard to listen to this because I feel shame listening to it. Gotta listen really hard to it it can help me, us all