reasons people don't want kids | couple things
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- Опубліковано 11 чер 2024
- In this episode, we read and react to reasons people don't want kids. Some of these are funny, some are serious but overall we just wanted to share a lighthearted episode reacting to reasons people have shared. There are many ways to live a fulfilled life and having kids is only one of them!
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I'm 35. Realized at 29 that I didn't want kids. Having a dog and being a very involved aunt satisfies any maternal instincts I have.
I resonate with this! I am 25 and after taking care (I took on the responsibility of being a parent) of one of my little cousins (5years old) and being a godmother to multiple children in my family, I truly feel like I don't want children. All of my best friends are having them which would fulfill that need to be maternal. However I get a lot of pushback because I am so young.
I had to get up at some all hours of the night with my little sister when she was a baby and was left home alone to take care of her more then an 11 year old should be expected to. My story is my story and I don’t expect people to feel sorry for me, but just understand that it played a huge role in not wanting my own as an adult. I am now 39 and married to an incredible man for the last 8 years. I also was a very involved Aunt to 3 nieces.
My husband and I have been married 15 years and together for 18. We get told constantly that we would be the best parents, but neither of us have ever wanted to have kids. It took both of our parents a long time to come to terms with it. Especially my parents because I’m an only child. I’m very glad to see it being more widely accepted for people not to want kids.
As the child of an elementary school teacher, him coming home exhausted from being with kids all day to more kids took a lot out of him and unfortunately stopped him from being a very present parent for us. I wish there would have been more thought into those decisions.
I think part of the reason why I’m never having children is because of the quiet regret that so many parents have expressed to me. Regret that they would never admit to anyone else for fear of judgement, because loving a child is different from feeling that the lifelong job of parenting was worth it. I have weighed it up and personally it is not worth the loss of freedom to me.
Here's another interesting discussion topic that is rarely talked about:
I always thought I would be married with kids but it never happened. I'm now 43, single and chances are slim. I am grieving the loss of expectation and loss of potential family/kids due to age. However it is silent grief as most brush it off (eg. move on, focus on career, etc).
As per psychology today - "grief that is not accepted or that is silent is referred to as disenfranchised grief. It's the grief you don't feel allowed to mourn because your loss isn't clear or understood".
Absolutely no offense to people who have always wanted kids but some of the best parents I know are people who never thought they would want to have kids.
On paper, we should not have wanted kids. We both are not kid people. We both came from severe neglect as kids. We both are not affectionate. My husband deals with life long depression. But we had two and I would say we are pretty good parents :) I also think those things can motivate us to be better for our kids.
@@paulajames6149 Yes! I know so many couples with similar stories.
Im 25 and have been single for 6 years and I fall in the group of people who has never had the desire to have kids or a rush to get married. I believe everything will happen when it’s supposed to and I am on no time line. I love and feel complete being the best aunt I can be and it would take someone very special for me to be “excited” to have a child. I really try to make sure my decision has not been a selfish one as well understanding things and people change through different phases of life. I love listening to you guys and have learned so much and new perspectives I’ve never thought of and will take with me through different relationships and phases in my life!
I am a woman and I don't want to experience pregnancy, the vulnerbility, dying in childbirth and I just don't like cleaning nappies and losing my freedom. My freedom and mental health is so important. I like my own company too and I have a lot of hobbies and volunteer work. One of my best jobs ever was working is getting contraception in Africa
So when I was 18, I was told by drs I wouldn’t be able to conceive without tons of ivf and treatments. I came to the conclusion I would be the cool drunk aunt at the birthday parties! At 27 I got pregnant with my son and I couldn’t imagine my life any other way now…..I still get drunk from time to time! 😁
My reason: My parents hit me with the traditional curse... I hope that when you have kids of your own, they grow up exactly like you. I was pure "H-E-double hockey sticks". Always running off, best hider in the world. Known to visit neighbors, unannounced, at the drop of ANY hat. And SO much more. My Dad built a fence around the property, to keep me in. Didn't work. This was ALL before the age of six.
So, I kept my pants zipped, and pulled up. I would foster 17 kids, not all at once. Today, all are successful. Most are married, with children of their own (all call me "Grandpa".) Good careers from teachers to police officers.
But, I have no biological kids, afraid of "the curse". Love kids, but didn't want my own, because of that.
having kids......it's a lifetime commitment.....and it continues when your kids , have kids.....commitment part 2......I'm 63 and I'd do it all over again
Sounds a nightmare.
I never wanted kids. Didn't babysit. My first child was unplanned the 2nd planned. They became my whole focus as they grew up. Still my big focus as adults. Sometimes life shows you something different than you planned.
That would be my worst nightmare, for contraception not to work. And then giving my freedom for the conveyor belt life of parent hood.
1- Im terrified of giving birth( i have monthly nightmares lol , 2- too much childhood trauma that is not fixed yet, would never want to give bad treatment to a child. And lived with a parent that did not want kids and it was hell. So i would never want to give that treatment to a human. !! But kudoo to people that want some :)
agreed. Childbirth is a death risk and very undignified
I have the same feelings. 36 and still not feeling ready and not sure do I want kinds
This was a great video! I loved how you gave your views regarding both without being condescending or rude.
I would love to see a “why people want to have kids podcast”! My husband and I both want children but we are still working out the “when” part. I just turned 24 yesterday and I was laughing with my mom about how when I was a teen I thought 24 was so mature. I figured I’d have my life all figured out and probably would’ve had a kid or two. But now that I’m here I’ve had a change of perspective. 24 is not the age where you have it all figured out lol! I still want kids and I feel like it’s a topic that we will start discussing more but it is funny how you can think about how each phase of life should look and the years go along and your thoughts change a bit. I’ll be interested to see where life takes us over the next couple years. I’m starting to work on taking life a step at a time and enjoying each chapter as it comes. Love your channel and thanks for sharing your thoughts!
But what if your husband left you, leaving you with kids and perhaps won't pay maintenance. So many mothers are left by their partners and dumped with kids. Also some women, including my relative, died early in childbirth, child birth can be a death wish
There are plenty of videos on those lol
Glad someone addressed this topic. It's not very popular, but does affect lots of us out there. Good job.
Honestly I just turned 23, and I am not currently in a relationship, but I have thought about kids and what time it might be best to have kids. With my academic career and goals being ambitious in two different areas in physics and the effort to get to my goals, I wonder if kids are a possibility and I keep thinking of pushing it off until I finish my undergrad degree, and have a better idea of what I want to work in to see if I can support a kid or several financially speaking. Coming from being an aunt and also tutoring kids in school I love kids and having one with the right person I could see myself when the time is right to start the process, but that'll likely be in 4+ years as it stands right now. With watching this video it was insightful.
I love that you two love kids but also leave room for others to choose and validate their reasonings. Very kind and understanding. Both my husband and I are not kid people. I worked with kids for 30 yrs but I am not a kid person. Ironically, we both wanted kids. My husband wanted to get out of debt before having kids which took us a min. But when we were ready to have kids, my husband was having severe depression episodes which he has had for most of his life. I got a ton of advice whether to hold off or continue trying to have kids. Literally, everyone told me to hold off or to consider not having kids at all. Of course, I was not happy with the advice and it did not make sense to me. He has had depression and will continue to have depression. If we wait however many years, we will still be in the same scenerio. Against all the advice, we continued trying. We now have 2 teenagers and it was the best decision we made. To our surprise, my husband really hasn’t been depressed since. I think taking his eyes off of himself was really the key to him flourishing. Goes to show that there is not really the perfect scenerio to have kids (perfect timing, financial stability, mental health stability, etc.) If you make that decision together and you both are committed to it, it will go well. It also shows that kids can add resilience and fulfillment that you could have never imagined. We are better people because of our kids. This is not to say, be irresponsible and unwise or to expect that your kids will fulfill you. They are just an added bonus to our already full and exciting life!
omg the nursery job is so me lol I loved working with kids and they were absolutely amazing in every way but I do love my time to myself with my husband and I'm blessed to have the most incredible children at my preschool that I get to care for and I love each and every last one of them as if they are my own and I'm perfectly okay with that. Their the best
I love these videos!!!
People think nothing that their kid may end up as a rape victim or a murderer. They only thin they could be doctors etc
I also think some of it people are worried about family history whether it be mental or physical health their worried of passing on bad genes.
I had always dreamed I would be a stay at home mom… then I was diagnosed with an incurable cancer and the financial need in order to adopt isn’t possible with me not being able to work anymore.. Extremely challenging to grieve the loss of the life I thought I would have but have come to accept being the fun Auntie instead! Still have those moments where it is difficult, though….
My hubby proposed after 4 months of dating. We neither one wanted kids, I jokingly asked on the day of his proposal "you don't have any kids I don't know about do you? (He was previously married). Turns out he did, he'd been a "deadbeat dad" for 6 years after his divorce. I told him, I couldn't be with him if he didn't get back involved with his son. So at 6 1/2 his ex-wife allowed us to step back into his life and we walked into it and have enjoyed our unexpected parenting journey. It's a bit of a roller-coaster, but we now have the most adorable 5 year old grandson, ironically his dad is a deadbeat dad, but we are active grandparents because of our grandbaby mamma. It's just enough toddler time, then you get to give them back. We give too many sweets and give the noisy toys. So thankful for those decisions.
The sports car analogy was great.
To the person who stated never met a man you'd want to be tied to for that amount of time. You don't have to. #singlemotherbychoice There are other options ways to have a family with out having to worry about the co-parenting or lack of if not together. Also totally okay to just not want kids!
For those who might be on the fence or just never thought of it. Maybe just start with the idea of freezing your eggs. That way the option is there later on.
I never wanted to have biological kid... because, like was said, pregnancy just creeps me out. I used to almost go into anxiety attacks if I though about being pregnant for too long. I've been with my husband for 7 years now and he's always wanted bio kids, but has never pressured me or pushed me towards it (he knew before we even met what my feelings were and had to be ok with it to move forward with a relationship) For some reason, last year my feelings slightly changed where I wouldn't almost go into anxiety attacks(though still had absolutely no desire to ever be pregnant) so I told him we could try (with not doing anything extra) because I knew how much he wanted a bio kid. Low and behold, first try I got pregnant. I've had my moments, still don't like any part of this, but luckily haven't gone down any rabbit holes, but I know it's going to get worse as I get closer. Also dreading feeling them move in my stomach because the thought of it completely freaks me out.
Yes shawn your right Andrew your wrong, there are people that shouldn't have children there are bad people and not everyone is doing their best.
yes, please do an episode discussing the opposite perspective!
It’s 46 years since my last baby and I cannot remember childbirth at all
25:39 that’s cute but I’ll pass lol. I enjoy being an expat, living in a different country every 2 months, going to a beach bar at 1am because I can’t sleep, sleeping in, taking naps, a clean house, peace and quiet, and white furniture. I don’t think becoming a parent is an essential component needed to be a responsible adult lol. All adults have to be responsible if they don’t want to be broke or homeless.
This was a great show! ❤
Many people don't want children because of childhood trauma which is still on going in their adult lives with their family or society, that hasn't to seemed to change around them.
Hi guys, Ive just found on you on utube but found youre short and compact lives so far. Find very interesting and a giggle at times and something my wife and I can relate too. I dont very often comment on social media Im abit like Shawn was, but just things you have been going through are very close to ours.
In our early days of marriage ours seems a mirror of your own even to the point that it was blind date that started it all. We also went through the consequence of a miscarriage, so I feel your pain which never goes away. Unfortunately we went through a second which at the time nearly ended our marriage. Both of us went through marriage conselling and wasnt really the best for us, (we have giggle now about that)We did split for a time but kept in touch and continued to talk things through even apart and found that we still deeply loved each other and decided to give things another go. We decided not to go through starting a family because the miscarriages were still very raw, instead we took on some baby rescue mancoon cats probably as a substitute. 30 years later and two more cats we are still together we talk things through. Still have arguments but rarely any humdingers. The talking has proved invaluable as now my wife has now mental health issue after suffering with work she was under working for the NHS as a carer for many years. All I will say is keep at it as it will prove invaluable even in later life.
I have zero kids can't have , I am called the cool faboulas aunt and I have extremely close relationships with my 12 nieces and nephews.
The irony of having the chains on the shelf.... LOL
I can't have kids because I have AIDs. My husband is negative. We also have Bipolar. Bipolar is about 100 percent passed down. We have been married for almost six years. We do have "returnable kids " I deemed this when my closest friend has kids and I have know them since birth. They called me their "returnable mom." I loved this so much and have been so blessed to see them grow up. My husband and I wanted kids, but our health risks out weighed the possibility of kids. We got married late (I was 39) so it just didn't make sense to. Still, I'm grateful for the kids I get to see grow up. An odd thought. I never desired to become pregnant, but always desired kids. So maybe having "returnable kids" was God's blessings in disguise. I think God blesses you with kids whether they are your own or not. You know?
Question
Although I love my daughter, I feel horrible that she has had so much trauma. My sister and her husband sexually and physically abused her 26 years ago. I rarely had anyone watch her, but I really regret that my mother who was watching my daughter gave her to my sister without asking. I could not get the time off for a wedding around July 4. While my husband was 2,500 miles away from home for a wedding, his college friend who flew in for a family reunion called my husband and wanted my husband to meet him. My husband's friend's wife died. I am not upset that my husband did not take our daughter who was 6 at the time. My parents were always great with my sister's kids. My daughter hates men. I am not sure she will ever get through this issue.
The people who say man those people shouldn’t have had children probably seen a couple with children and they let them run around the store or let them just do whatever they want that’s my thought. Some people just don’t discipline or can’t control their kids in public.
I love how people still don’t think about adoption.
Actuarial data estimates it to cost between $250,000-$300,000 *per child* to raise a kid to the age of 18. That does *not include college* or forecast for the inevitable economic support they will need into adulthood because capitalism means nobody lives fully on their own at 18. Even if one accepts these realities, the best of planning still cannot predict whether your intent to create ONE child will result in multiples- even larger multiples than twins. So one's quest to give their daughter a little brother could suddenly mean going from a family of three to a family of seven. It also *does not include chronic health conditions, disabilities, or catastrophic injuries and illnesses.* For people that have children with severe mental and physical conditions like autism, Down's Syndrome, lung and heart defects, etc. this cost-per-child can be in the millions. Most of these things aren't even known until a woman is in her third trimester, which is when legal options to terminate are mostly nonexistent. Goodbye to saving for retirement- or ever having a life of your own again, EVER. In the United States, a country without a healthcare system, reproductive rights, paid maternity leave and childcare, or any form of social safety net, having children seems absolutely insane to me. That doesn't even account for the impending climate catastrophe, increasing potential for nuclear war, and the inevitable collapse of the U.S. dollar.
The world’s huge over-population problem was enough reason for me to not want kids.
People earn for children only to spend the rest of their time complaining about them on social media. Big, big no thank you.