distance | couple things with shawn and andrew
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- Опубліковано 21 січ 2020
- Today in episode 4 of Couple Things with Shawn and Andrew, we talk about how we made it through our relationship when we were long-distance. When we started asking you guys for your requests on what you wanted us to talk about, this was one of the most asked questions! We spoke with a few of our good friends about how they managed long distance and they give some great advice. Let us know how you guys have managed long distance and what advice you'd give others about managing a long distance relationship.
If you haven't yet, please rate and subscribe to the show to hear more! And if you have suggestions/recommendations for the show, send us your ideas in a video format - we might just choose yours! Email us at couplethingspod@gmail.com. - Розваги
I agree Shawn, we can’t hear you when you turn to side.
Its really hard to hear what's being said every time you turn away from the mic.
My husband used to have to go to a lot of training out of town. We didn't have cell phones at the time, so every night he would call me. We would talk about our day. It was the part of the day I so looked forward too. I missed him like crazy but hearing his voice just melted my heart. He recently retired and we are looking forward to a big road trip through several states together.
Hi I would love to see you two interview some older couples. Marriages that have lasted 40, 50, years with lots of life experiences. How they met etc. great inspiration
Their parents would be great :)
Tip for long distance couples- Netflix party lets you watch anything on Netflix in sync with each other!
Linda Schronce thank you for that! Me and my bf are going to be long distance starting next month and I’m going to do this with him
@@denisereadstarot I hope it helps! My husband and I started out as a long distance couple and this was an easy date night idea for us. Best of luck!
I agree with Andrew on finances makes it easier to travel in a long distance relationship. It doesn't matter how much you care about the other person if you don't have the money to travel to them
Donna Cheramie yes! Or even the job you have can be an obstacle. Not every time has a flexible job that will let them take days to go see their person.
They CAN work! Wish I was there to talk about it. I have been in a long distance relationship since 2006(I live in the US-Chicago, he lives in Canada-Vancouver area). It’s truly been a rough road for the both of us. A lot of heartache, pain,sadness,depression, but we have pulled through,jumped borders, & knocked down walls every time. Going through the whole Immigration process is a rough,long,difficult road that takes a lot out of you. Trust me, there were times I felt depleted,like ready to give up...but he(my love) & his positive messages always pulled me through. Skype calls were a Godsend, but still never felt like enough. Traveling when you don’t have the funds to do it as much as you want or feel that you need to is bad enough,then add on the goodbyes at the airport,the tears shed,the heart shattering feeling. We DID make it work, with some great benefits like a few trips, and, best of all, we got married in Dec 2017💍 It was a small,quaint wedding in the clubhouse of the association where he lived at the time,but that’s all we ever needed.
But, in the end,it worked! All the positive thoughts,prayers,etc..turned to the best day of our lives! Literally the day before I was to fly to Canada for the holidays, we got an e-mail from our lawyer telling us that my PR(permanent residence) was approved👍 All we need to do now is wait for my Visa to arrive, finish selling my furniture, pack,organize & ship what goes to Canada. My husband will be here to help me a week before I leave the states😉 We already have a home ready for us! A cute little apartment in Port Coquitlam. It’s OUR home, and the size & what we have in it doesn’t matter, as long as it’s filled with us and our love❤️
I love the real and honest topics you guys bring to the table. Even in your arguments podcast you can see and hear the love and the respect that is shared between you two and it’s honestly so heartwarming and inspiring. You guys are a beautiful couple and have a beautiful family ❤️
You two actually have some really good advice and are wise about relationships for having been married such a short time. Your respect and love for each other truly shows. Best of luck to your adorable family and I will definitely continue to listen!
I'm just going to guess, but I think when Shawn says having a lot of communication is important, I think its her way of saying a relationship needs quality and reliable communication. It doesn't have to be by texting all day. It can simply be face time for 5 minutes in the morning and 30 minutes in the evening. The occasional mid-day love note and/or picture via text is a bonus. To me, the two people need to be on that same page in that they want the same thing. If not, things get off balance, passive-aggressive crap happens, resentment creeps in, and distance becomes emotionally distant. I'm very happy for the two of you how things played out. I know it must have been hard, tears, and anxiety at times. I do wish for you guys though to finally hit your stride where no one is anxious about making sure things work, but trusts no one is leaving.
Thank you for doing a podcast on distance, my significant other and I have done long distance off and on over the course of our relationship due to my career and school. I think an important thing to also keep in mind is knowing your significant other and communicating about expectations (when they are met and when they are not being met) and adjusting them accordingly. My career has made keeping a regular communication schedule very difficult because of my hours. We always make things work and when one of us feels that communication is lacking, we speak up about it.
Shawn, speaking of shutting down when you are getting ready to leave, I am super super guilty of the same exact thing! I also tend to start shutting down when communication lacks which only makes it worse. My significant other has gotten pretty good at detecting when that’s happening and will say something to me about it which helps me be more aware when I don’t realize I am doing it.
Can’t wait to see the upcoming episodes! Cheers from Seattle!
Yes please talk about attachment soon! That is the definition of my relationship
I love that y’all are covering long distance! My fiancé and I have been together since we were 16 (we are 22 and 23 now) and he went away for college. He was only about 3 hours away so we could visit once a month or once every couple of months but we did that for four years! Because we were so young it was super tough but we learned and grew together. There were SO many people doubting that we could make it and we proved them wrong! We have been together for 6 years and we are freshly engaged so we are proof long distance can work! Thank y’all again and y’all are amazing
Love this episode!! I am in a long distance relationship with a man who is in school and in the National Guard. I would say the hardest part is also the transition point when you see each other for the first time in a while and then again when we leave each other and going back to being completely independent.
Shawn I had a hard time hearing you when you were turned and looking at Andrew!
I love how much you twohave grown together. I see a more softer side of Shawn ... The love between you two is beautiful
Such a fan of y'all so much, great episode like always!
I love the East Fam, Y’all are so helpful for new married couples and I love the dedication you guys show to one another
I also really like your definition of love and it really opened my eyes!
Been in a long distance relationship for almost a year and a half! It’s hard but so worth it💗
I think trust, respect and communication are really the 3 most important things in any relationship. You have to share the good and the not so good to support each other and help each other through the tough times so you can enjoy the good times together.
I love your podcasts. I wanna see one about how you resolve disagreements about raising drew. Or communicating on things you aren’t comfortable with.
We did a 3 year long distance relationship - 6000 km - we have been living together for 6 years. And a total of 12 year relationship ! Stay strong - when you know what you want everything is possible !
Me and my husband’s 20 year relationship started long distance for 3 years. Before face time. Just the beginning of use instant messenger. Thank you for this video. Enjoyed your discussion.
I like the fact that Shawn mentions supporting Andrew with his career. These are discussions that every couple needs to have. My husband and I had talks like this before we were married and continue to do so now. It's very important to be honest with your other half about your goals and what you want for a family. Otherwise, you may find out later you both want two very different things and neither is willing to change. I never thought I'd give up my job but the fact was, being able to stay at home and manage the household has given us so much more value in life. We are expecting our first child in March and I cannot point out enough the relief of having a supportive husband and the chance to raise our child without worrying about maternity leave and daycare. Again, I like these podcasts because it helps people to realize the types of conversations they should be having before making major decisions.
Love your podcast. Keep them coming. Would love to see more of Drew🤗🤗
Just look at the way he looks at her. So awesome!
Love Andrew...so humble, wise
When there were the four of you in the same room, the guys look enormous and the gals just so small!
My husband and I had a long distance relationship until we got married - 4 years! And then we got married, he was gone 2/3 of the year for the first year. That was hard but easier because we were use to being apart too. Long distance relationships are very difficult but if it’s the person you love you will do what you have to. We unfortunately didn’t have FaceTime so it was texts and phone calls but it worked for us.
Love the podcasts and your honesty with your personal relationship.
During my marriage we’ve had times where job requirements caused us to live separately for months at a time. The hardest part for the relationship was the transitions. The first weeks apart, adjusting to that time being more alone and sole adult in charge; the first week being back together - learning again to live together and communicate. For me the hardest was having my spouse return to a household that I had running smoothly, and the additional adult seemed to mess things up. I had to learn to appreciate the chaos, and learn to be clear about my needs.
Comments are back!! Love all your shows I have watched all of them!
favorite episode yet!!!!!
I love you guys so much but I think if you sat across from each other you could look at each other when you talk but still talk into the mic!
I agree!! I couldn't hear Shawn she was looking at him and talking
Rachel Adamowicz i have trouble hearing and usually have to use captions anyway so I thought maybe it was just me! I’m sure it would be more complicated and they may need two camera angles but it would def help!
I agree because I can't hear Shawn when she turns her head.
good suggestion
Kayla Lorentz -If Shawn sat at an angle looking at Andrew, and repositioned the mic, I think she could still fidget and the audio would be fine. The constant loud/soft from her is very distracting.
This was such a great topic! 🤗
My first official boyfriend, I started dating was I was 19, & he was 20. Four months later, I had to move across the state because I was starting my first semester of college. My period of 4 years in college was certainly a difficult time, but we found ways to keep working at our relationship, through the good days & the not-so-easy days. 😁
You guys have a strong connection. I can see that
Priorities definitely make the difference, we are a military family and on one of my husband’s last deployments there was another couple who didn’t make it, the day our husbands left she reacted in such a selfish way I knew in my head she was too selfish for it to last, and sadly I was correct they divorced shortly after he returned. Distance is difficult but when you love someone you prioritize and focus on the other person and not just yourself. Good job guys ❤️
Definitely agree with timing making a difference in some cases. My husband and I met in high school. We both liked each other but never dated because my parent's wouldn't let me. We have now been together for almost 8 years. I truly believe that if we would have tried dating in high school we would not have stayed together because neither of us were mature enough to put in the work needed for a healthy relationship. We both had growing to do. This isn't true for everyone, though..I do know quite a few couples from highschool that are still together and seem to be going strong (2009 graduate for reference).
Brittany Mayo also money Shawn had the means to take a plane ect or even petrol ect
I was in an LD relationship for about 5 years during my young adulthood. It wasn't the healthiest relationship, and wouldn't have been had my partner and I been "together". After so many years have passed since that experience, I think I've been able to arrive at the conclusion that the relationship ultimately would never have worked - regardless of how healthy it ever possibly could have been - simply due to a very unique dynamic that occurs only in LD relationships. We were never able to progress as a couple because we were constantly in a position of becoming 'reacquainted' with each other every time we managed to be together. We never really found a way to take the steps we made forward with each other in any kind of meaningful way. There was no translation of intimacy that we were able to take forward from our time together for when we were apart. It was like 'relationship interrupted', basically over the entire 5-year course of our involvement with each other, like a skipping record that was just stuck on repeat. It became really exhausting for both of us. Sometimes I think we should have met later in life. I believe it would have had a much better chance of working out if we'd have gotten together later on, because he was a really great guy and there was alot of love there.
My husband is in the military. We had to go through alot of periods where we were long distance. In the podcast I liked how you brought up that people would say how do you put up with the long distance and him being away for so long. I get asked that all the time especially from family. Now that we have a 3 year old daughter hes has been gone for half of her life. He got deployed when she turned 3 months old and didnt come back til after she was 1 years old now she is 3 and hes getting deployed again for another full year. My answer to people that say how do you put up with it is you just do and you make that sacrifice. When you love some one and that is their career and you know that its better for your family you make that sacrifice!
I get this question alot with my husband being in the military as well. People ask how I do it and I just say what's my choice? You just do it. Never another thought in my mind. If you have that commitment to make it work above all else then you'll handle whatever comes your way. I don't think it quite equates to coming home from a vacation because a team signed you compared to sending your husband off to war not knowing if he'll return but I could see how the stress of their life could cause issues. Everyone has to make a choice about their priorities and stick with it. Praying for your family!! We've been through 2 deployments.
Love your honesty
My bf (52) and I (44) are apart a lot. He works 6 days a week, out of town. At first it was hard on me, cause he was already use to being gone and he had been single for 8 years...But now I actually enjoy it. It makes our time together mean more to us and leaves no time to argue 😉. It will be a year in April that we've been together. Thank You for these videos/podcasts 😁
I am having trouble hearing Shawn. I don't think her microphone is close enough. I have watched a few times to try to hear the whole thing.
I think you did a great job addressing this issue. You are right, if someone requests that you put in all the work, I totally wouldn't do it. However, if I wanted to do it to make the relationship work, I would. I think both people need to make an effort though.
4 years of long distance. We never knew when we would see each other. The longest we went was 7 months. One of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my whole life.
“What’d up” ✌🏼I like you beginning theme on this podcast upbeat music and also overall love your podcast
facetime is truly the best thing ever
I like this topic. My wife and I started as a long distance relationship, we met on the internet. Come June, we'll celebrate our 15th anniversary. We're both disabled Veterans, she was Navy, I was Air Force. We didn't serve at the same time. She has PTSD, whereas I have CPTSD, Bipolar Disorder, and other mental and physical problems. We are support for each other. We live in a city with a VA Medical Center across town. We're both on disability. She fought Cancer TWICE, I'm unemployed AND unemployable, due to the above mentioned issues. Neither of us can drive. She lost her right eyelid, and I'm on powerful meds.
She's the love of my life.
God bless you both. Thank you for your service. I dated a guy in high school until he went to bootcamp. We found each other again. He was in the army by then. He had PTSD and still active. He finally didnt renew his contract and came home. Talked everyday online before hos breakfast. I was so sleepy but never missed a morning. I stood by him through everything. Very hard. One day he sits me down and tells me he's leaving. I thought (we) are leaving. Nope he decided for me that I didn't deserve the outburst and sleepless nights and all th rest of the stuff that comes with PTSD . He left and our heart never healed. We keep in touch but he wont let me come to him. I dont have an address so I'm stuck. He still calls so i can calm him but he wont let me go to him. I will never stop fighting for him. Even when I have to fight him, I do it because he needs to hear the encouraging words. A calm strong voice that can bring him back. We are both 38 now. He talks about me all the time but just wont stop pulling himself away from me. To keep me safe and happy. I'm not happy. Anyway. Thank you for your service and sacrificing so much more than people will ever know. So glad you found each other. Again thank you and I have so much empathy for you both. I will never truly know what you are going through but just know that I am here. I hear you and I'm trying to make a difference were I'm at.
@@gidget_ I hope he's near a VA Medical Center, where he can see psychiatrists, psychologists, and social workers.
He probably left in case he gets violent during a flashback, panic attack, or anxiety attack. There's still love there, even if it's long distance.
If he's willing to get the help that IS important, he MAY get to the point where he'd want you closer. His leaving is his way of trying to keep you from harm. Yet, he stays in contact, because you DO help him get calm. He knows that, and you know that. Keep being supportive. If he's not using the VA, you MIGHT be the only support system he has. That's a huge commitment.
@@danrichards2374 I wouldnt have it any other way. He will always be a huge part of my life. I've tried to get him to go but I reached out to the VA and they have ways of finding him that I dont. They said they will try to contact him and try to help him. Hopefully they can talk him into getting some help. They cant tell me anything more. I understand. I just hope it helps. I'll always be here though. Whatever he needs.
I think y’all should do this video again except longer and more in depth comments. I’d love it 💛
Speaking from a currently young long distance relationship
My husband and I are retired. He has been for the last year and half, me for the last 8 months. It's nice because we can support each other, but it also kind of drives us nuts. How can we grow as a couple? We are both Christians. The positive side is that I was diagnosed with breast cancer (stage 1) he was there for me during the whole treatment. I really appreciated this support so much. We still need to grow in our relationship. Thanks!!
I help to run a Facebook group called Long Distance Relationships and think you’d be a great asset to the group. 😃 So glad to see you two come out stronger on the other end!!
It's very hard having distance in a relationship. That's why I want to keep our family together while my husband works on the road bc it's better for each of us. Especially now since we're going to be having a baby in May. I don't want him to miss out on all of the milestones..
You guys are cute together. Long distance relationship is real work committment
i love yall
Love your podcast! Just one thing, please work on not turning away from the mic. There’s some parts that we can’t hear you guys. Other than that, i find your podcasts super interesting and helpful!
You guys should get mic packs so you don't have to worry about moving around and away from the mic
When my ex-husband and I were dating, he was/is a German citizen and I was /am an American citizen. By the time we were ready to get married, my phone bill was over $1000...no joke!!
I love you guys!
A couple things
1. When Shawn turns her head you can't hear her clearly
2. I know Shawn has lived a different life style her entire like but her view on this topic is not very relatable. Andrew seemed to get more than most people dont had the financial security or job flexibility for travel or family support or have kids with other people and legally cant pick up and move with that child etc. Long distance relationships are wayyyy harder than she was making it out to be not just because of the emotional or keeping connected or logistics of timing matching up and stuff but because people cannot take time off or afford it or leave where they are. Or they are committed to something like the military, there is no "quitting" you have years before your contract is up and you can be released.
The lady who asked the question was looking for advice how to make it work when 2 people HAVE go be away from each other (stationed on otherside of the globe). I absolutely love you guys and watch everything but I do challenge Shawn to understand life of the average person.
She's an only child, too. She doesn't have an 'average' person's perspective on a lot of matters.
My husband and I started out dating for 3 months when he got a job 5 hours drive away and I started as a candidate attorney so I couldn’t give that opportunity up. His best friend worked with him and his girlfriend of 4 years worked in the same city I did. So we were 2 couples in long distance. My husband and I ended up married and our friends ended up splitting up after 2 years long distance.
The main difference I noticed was that besides the obvious things - like willingness to make time to visit each other - was interest in the little things. My husband would be interested and want to know all the little things I did every day and he knew my routine so well. He would know not to call on certain days between 18:00 and 19:00 because I am out running. He would know who I’m hanging out with because I wanted to tell him everything. And vice versa. The other couple kind of lost each other because they were these proud ‘independent people’ who didn’t need the other person’s attention every single day. For my husband and I it is not about giving up independence, it was about sharing our lives. People constantly change and evolve and if you don’t make an effort to know all the little things that make up a person - then you grow away from each other. You lose touch with the other person. So in a sense timing has to be right because you have to be in a mental space where you are able and willing to share your life with someone so completely - over the phone.
And the other big thing is sacrifice. We saw each other twice a month for a weekend. It was therefore important to not schedule too many social engagements during those weekends because it takes away quality time. I had to say no to many things I really wanted to do, like camping trips, because it meant taking away our time. Now not to say you should cut out everything and everyone that could take time away - but within reason you have to be willing to sacrifice for the relationship.
Shawn really needs to move the mic if she’s going to keep turning away from it. We can’t hear her.
You need to go back to the chairs where you are kind of facing each other. Couldn't hear Shawn all the time. Maybe go to headset mics.
Definitely would love to hear an episode on the attachment side of the relationship! (its most definitely my relationship) Im also extremely interested to hear how you guys plan on adjusting as Drew gets older with the naked (i.e sleeping and walking around the house) you guys do, or will you keep doing it as she gets older...again me and my fiance are the same way and ive always wondered what to do when kids get added into the play.
Career and money doesn’t matter when you’re living apart. You have to be able to afford to go and see each other. You have to have the career build afford to go. And nobody wants to spend 100% of the time with each other. That could ruin a marriage. We both have to have time to yourselves too. That’s just normal and natural. Have fun
How do you make a long distance relationship work if you are on a fix budget and can’t travel as often or at all to see the person you are with or potentially with??
I have never had a long distance relationship but when me and my husband are planning on leaving for a trip whether it's both of us or one each we always fight. I hate that. I have blamed it on the stress of leaving I guess.
Struggled to hear Shawn during a lot of points and from an audio perspective, I would have loved to hear an introduction of the guest speakers. Overall really loved the content of this episode, though! :)
Off topic - are you guys going to be at the Olympic trials in Saint Louis ?
To fix the microphone thing you can sit across from each other and have multiple cameras. That way Shawn is never looking sideways at Andrew
I know y’all haven’t really experienced it with Drew, but I do wish you guys addressed how you think it will be/ would be different with a baby/kid
Long distance sucks. When i first met the person im with now it was even harder for us because we were both 16 and still in school. Which is harder to date long distance and parent wise and traveling. I was in indiana and he was in Pennsylvania. And let me tell you it was so hard for us because nejther of us nor our parents would agree on letting us see each other. So we made it work by talkkng co consistently on the phone and skype everyday from sun up till sundown. We were like this for the first 2yrs of our relationship. And it was so tough but we were able to connect on a non physical level which made us stronger as one even being apart which might seem odd but we did which was great for our relationship. It was so worth it waiting for one another though because when he turned 18 he came to indiana for me to save me from the life steuggle i was in and the first time seeing each other i just knew it was worth waiting. I was so scared in person we wpuldnt click bjt we did and it was beautiful. Long distance does suck but if you want it to work you both have to be committed to making it work not just one. And if you think its wprth it you will find away and it builds your relarionship on commitment and trust and so ypu both know things will work and communication is key wether distance or none.
Maybe lapel mics would help? Love hearing your stories.
Can you turn your speaker volume up? I have mine maxed out & can't hear you all that well.
Of course long distance relationship last. Thanks to Technology using video chat like Microsoft Skype, Viber, smartphone video chat and other instant messages. Since our connection is very good in connecting
Shaun reposition the mic. We can't hear you. Thanks!
Shawn, what did you do for work before you met Andrew? He said you were working in Iowa.
I know your not meaning to turn as much, because it is a conversation between you and Andrew! People can calm down lol. You can hear it good enough, so no worries!
kayla smith nope, not able to hear it.
Sound isn’t good on this. ☹️
I love your podcast but could only hear about half it. Mostly on shawns side but sometimes from Andrew too. I know many people have already said this but I think you need to know w
how many people this has affected. It was very frustrating not being able to hear this!!
Marco Polo is the BEST app for long distance relationships!!!!
Paige Stoner, Gonna look into this, thanks.
I was wondering if Shawn was going to commentate the olympics this year?
Love y’all...but I can barely hear y’all sometimes when I’m listening to the podcast on my way to work. Like y’all will be so quiet so i turn it way up, then the music will hit & it hurts it’s soooo loud
With the guys up front they look comparatively like giants! Otherwise great and fun info!
I can't hear this hardly at all compared to the others. All my volumes are up and it is super quiet
I love your podcast but the audio is making me nuts. Perhaps you both can wear a mic?
Andrew please please please adjust Shawn’s microphone 😳😳😳
Texting is NOT Communication!
We absolutely love you guys! All 5 of us girls stalk ya'll religiously on insta and youtube. We just started a family reality show! Check it out! ua-cam.com/video/xSXFh9je_CY/v-deo.html
Shawn: can I get a follow from you in Pinterest from you ? Because your comments are off from your other channel
Be careful, this could cause some cracks in your family life.
Shawn, when you are speaking & turn to look at Andrew, your voice fades out & a good portion of what you are saying is missed.
Braggadocious. This felt more like someone wanted to hear themselves talk than help someone actually in need.
It's already been said, but I can't hear what Shawn is saying, when she turns her head!!
Shawn and my, not Shawn and I's, favorite!! Grammar matters!
/
bulishits dogs!
Love you both BUT stop w/ drinking bottled water - you can make an environmental statement by using - AND ADVERTISING - water bottles and environmental protectionism. “Societies in decline have no use for visionaries.” ― Anaïs Nin