how baby changed our marriage | couple things with shawn and andrew
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- Опубліковано 11 чер 2024
- Today in episode 40 of Couple Things with Shawn and Andrew, we continue our mini-series to discuss how our relationship changed after having Drew.
Let’s just say… we really dive into it this episode. We talk about having to start over as a couple. We had to relearn how to communicate and be together after a 3rd person was thrown into our relationship. Your hobbies. Your passions. Your priories. All of it changes. We’ll walk you through those feelings and how our relationship ultimately provided a source of support through it all.
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How has having a baby changed your marriage? Tell us 👇
Our pregnancy rocked our relationship to the core, it brought us much closer together. We got pregnant with twins and found out during our gender appointment that we would be losing our Liam shortly after we had them. We are now almost 2 years on the other side with Wyatt, as only a family of 3. We are still learning how to cope through our loss while still enjoying and living life.
So many ways! My husband and I were together for 8 years before having our daughter. And I think we have learned and grown more in the last year than in the prior 8. We have learned boundaries and learned to pick up on silent queues from each other when we are just DONE and need a break before we just lose it. Having a child has changed our relationship in almost every facet but it has been for the better.
My husband and I had our son and then got married two months later. He already had a 9 year old daughter at the time our son was born. I agree with Shawn, I felt that fear of not being number one and also how vulnerable birth is. Once you have a baby all modesty goes right out the window.
@@Glass.half.full. Momma you are an inspiration - S
It has not, of course life is different but I must be a different situation I don’t agree with or haven’t gone threw things that you guys talk about I’ve been married 18 years together 20 yes of course every couple argues we did in the beginning but now we barely ever argue. I’m more in love than I have ever been. We have been threw some crap wow most couples never go threw. But no having a baby has not changed only for the better. Seeing my love be a Dad is the most awesome thing.
I can not say enough to the saying "the couple that prays together stays together!" My husband and I pray every morning and night together. God helps our relationship, children and life so much!!!!
The one thing I notice about you guys is that you can laugh at yourselves. Laughing is a very big part of keeping yourself sane
Oh we do! :)
I swear once I understood love languages, it's made our marriage so much better after having a baby!
Our baby is 10 months old. The expectations my husband and I have on each other as far as parenting is killer. He’s used to a 90/10 mom dominate relationship and my upbringing was 50/50 with my mom and dad sharing duties. Having to be the “primary caregiver” is mentally and physically draining.
I had my son a month and a half after you had Drew. This was such an honest dissection of how the first year changes your marriage. Spot on, 100%, resonated with this. Thanks for your vulnerability!
it makes me as happy as watching you win the gold to watch you be such a great mom and wife, it's so great to see you so happy what a fairy tale pretty girl!
My husband and I tell our grown children that they have to take the best ( parenting) of each family ( wife and husband) and make their own! Bless you as you work on parenting it’s the best and hardest thing ever!
u either R or will make the best grandparents w/ that perspective!!
Hi Shawn and Andrew, just wanted to say how much I appreciate your honesty in not just this video, but in all of your videos about your relationship and marriage. It’s so refreshing to hear candidly how relationships are not always easy and to hear about where you guys struggle and where you thrive. I really value your openness about your relationship and starting a family. My partner of 6 years and I just got engaged and it gives me comfort knowing that relationships are not meant to be perfect without any disagreements and challenges but that at the end of the day it’s about loving and supporting each other. Love your channel and thank you for the wonderful content!
I think a better question is how DIDN'T having a baby change your marriage? Lol it has changed in almost every way imaginable and more. My husband and I have been together for over 14 years, and we were married for almost 7 before having our son, and we were nervous to even have kids because we were so comfortable with how things were and appreciated our life as we had grown to know it pre-baby. I can relate to a lot of what you guys shared and have had many of the same feelings as Shawn. Thank you for acknowledging your situation is unique (maybe less so now given the state of the world, but still not the "norm" for most families) in that you both are able to work from home, as I think the dynamic of two parents who have more "traditional" jobs further complicates the relationship, especially when working different schedules, having opposite days off, etc. Throw in COVID (I gave birth in mid-March at the beginning of quarantine) and PPD...that is A LOT of strain to put on even the strongest marriages. Some days it's hard to have faith that this is ultimately making us even closer when so many times it has felt like we've been driven further apart than ever, but I have to remember why our son is even here in the first place, and that is because of our deep love for one another...that love is now all balled up in a tiny human. How amazing is that? Also can't forget that we are on the same team. Cheers + congrats on making it through your first year (almost) with Drew!
Loving these podcasts! Can you guys talk about the problems of in-laws and if there is any way to look past any tension between your spouses family or parents. Would love this!!!
I really appreciated the honesty and transparency of this episode. Love you guys so much!
It is human nature to want help or breaks. You aren't a superhero so you don't have to blame yourself by calling your old self selfish. Your life before and after a child is different and you shouldn't blame yourself for wanting more time to enjoy yourself.
Im glad I listened to this podcast, It made me feel so much better knowing that even you guys have had your share of conflict after having a kid. My husband and I are still working at it but we are happy and love both our kids so much and wouldn’t change it for anything. Thanks for sharing your story!!!!!
I had that exact same situation with my SO! Our newborn was crying and it’s day 2, I needed to deal with my wounds and he was just snoozing, yet he got to sleep all night…he still didn’t wake up to her crying to the point I had to yell at him and throw things! I laugh now but hormones and pain had me so overwhelmed!
I just had my first baby 3 months ago and also had a c-section so I found your story of him falling asleep and you being unable to move relateable! My husband did the same thing the 2nd night we were in the hospital. The baby was in the basinet crying and he was across the room and wouldnt wake up. Luckily a nurse walked in and helped wake him up and hand me her.
I think that the two of you have such a special experience raising your first baby. Neither of you are bound to 9-5pm jobs. You get to spend time together that others don't. I got 3 things to say: (1) why not hire a housekeeper (2) it's not a sacrifice when it's something you want...just like with your sports and school (3) I think your success will depend on your openness to change and in the same directions together. It's scary to fall in love knowing someday somehow it will change. Be okay with being annoyed. Both of you are so intelligent, so driven, and so inspiring.
Can you guys talk about the importance of each spouse having friends of their own and working through making time for the spouse to spend time with friends, etc. I have a friend that I have to remind, the importance of friends outside the relationship. If one person in the relationship doesn't allow friend time, big red flag
Preach it east family. If you have a strong foundation you can build from that. Thank you for your honesty always
You guys’ transparency and talking in real issues is awesome! Love y’all!
I can’t even tell you how much I‘ve learned from your podcast🙏🏼our relationship has changed for the better 😘love you guys
bottom line...after 27 years of marriage the one thing that I find absolutely true...is that --- Children change all of the rules! **and sometimes I've held on to that by a hair and it has literally saved my sanity and marriage on more than one occasion!
this is such valuable information 🙌🏻🙌🏻
This is so helpful to keep in mind as we get closer to having our first child. Thank you so much. It reinforces what we learned during premarital counseling.
Very much appreciated you too. Honest and raw and helpful
The whole time I was obsessed with Shawn’s hoodie 😭😭
I’m much older than you young whipper snappers, but after I had my first child I had the same thought as you - what did we do before we had a baby. It was like everything before that wonderful memorable moment was just unremarkable. This baby was what life was really about and it was wonderful - a lot of work, but we wouldn’t have it any other way. I really enjoy watching your beautiful young family! Thank you.
Great pod cast thank you
No babies yet, but I grew up one of five kids and I absolutely loved this episode!
Very well researched and structured.
Glad you guys worked it out. You'll both do great. Leave your stresses to the Lord, he'll get y'all thru it
I so appreciate that you guys share these things. My husband thinks were ready to start a family and I dont think our marriage is ready for it. Its reassuring to hear you guys talk about these things that are crossing my mind and make me afraid. Thank you for your openness and sharing!
Love you guys so much 💛 praying for you in the good and the hard. You’re great parents AND spouses and just good people in general. Thanks for always being so transparent ☺️ you da best. You got this. Good good things are ahead.
You both are great role models, thankyou for your perspective, and honest. 💙💓❤
Your fan
Candice.
No amount of research can fully prepare someone for the harsh reality of parenthood and its effect on relationships. I say this as someone who recently became a parent and did go into it knowing the stats. But you don’t have to know the numbers to understand how stressful it is to raise a child. That’s why it’s so important to choose the right partner. Never have children with someone who doesn’t meet you halfway and puts his/her own needs first before anyone else’s. Even if you manage to make it past the first year as a couple you will end up resenting that person in the long run.
Expecting our first and nervous about the changes in our marriage 😬
Congratulations! You’ll do great!!!
Yes. I think every mom is jealous of every other person sleeping when they're wide awake. Very. Normal.
I needed this right now thank you
Everything that Shawn was saying she felt is totally normal and not immature at all lol I was so mad at my husband for being able to sleep (I did breastfeed) Not seriously mad, cause I wouldn't trade it for anything, but just...like. pouty about it lol
Damn andrew is real sensitive in this one lol. Marriage is hard and I appreciate the honesty
I would love to win day 2. My family just lost our youngest sister, she was 56 to cervical cancer. She has 3 young children and 3 grandchildren. I would love to do something special for all of them. I love you guys. Drew is beautiful ❤.
I'm sure you did it on purpose but the light in between the chairs is super cool.
I love watching this and I am not even married yet lol, but its good information to know :) thanks guys!!
You guys remind me of colt and Abbie from the ranch. Can’t get it out of my head lol
💗yor outfit & yor hair Shawn!
You guys have such good advice! Keep it coming!!
It's not true that you don't have a choice if you are breast feeding. You can pump to have bottles for the dad to give in the night. Some people even hire a night nurse so they can get some sleep. So it's not just the mom always waking up ✌
Y'all are great!!! And you say the truth! From a couple who are going on our 21st anniversary (dec 4)... Yes, yes, yes!!! There are lots of higjs and lots of lows and sometimes you want to strangle the other one, but in the end, your married to your best friend and you wouldn't have it any other way!!! For us... God is the one that has held our marriage together. Without HIM, we wouldn't have lasted.😍
Love tbis video...🥰
We have 3 kids and all
Of them have made our relationship even better. We appreciate each other more, and appreciate every moment we get together. Make MAKE SURE to go on date nights when family is in town. When the kids go to bed , we will sit in the shower together with a drink in hand and just talk about our day, kind of weird, but we love it. It is important to always see each other throughout the day and say “ I love you, I see you, I appreciate you.” Y’all are so amazing, we relate with y’all a lot, I did college gymnastics and husband did college football, and our first born was a girl, and now we have 3 girls, haha. Y’all are doing a great job.
that is such a cute "@ home date night" just relaxing in shwr together like ur @ a private spa!!
Very real and relevant podcast for marriage adjusting to new life with child. Well done you two! Have you guys heard of Milan and Kay Yerkovich, How We Love? How We Love our Kids? They are the best, in our opinion.
I really like your sweatshirt Shawn, Where did you get it?
I shouldn't be commenting here as I don't have any babies, but I would be really, really worried if your marriage hasn't been changed by bringing a baby into it
Of course it’s going to change but for my marriage not in a bad way at all.
Episode with Amber and Granger Smith please!!
Yes!
7 years to weed out selfishness. If you can get there quicker, you’ll beat the timeline. I have 6, 1yr old to 11. It took us having our second to be less selfish.
Marriage is hard work for both partners, no matter if you have children or not. But, coming from 2 different parenting styles, it's important to talk about what you liked and disliked how your parents raised you. You'll have heard times but if you're working together it's not a big deal. The number 1 thing you can do as parents is have a weekly date night. You have your kids for such a short time, you don't want to look at your spouse 18+ years from now and not know who they are.
Drew is a lucky kid!
Looking forward to watching this soon. I have to do a lot before I can watch.
Love to win day 2!!
I would love to spoil my sweet husband for all his hard work and what he does for his family!!
I just had to comment guys. Don't knock me for the cliche, Life really is like a roller coaster! At times it's so exciting, at other times it scares the shit out of you, then there are those times it is so thrilling you swear you will never do it again, but you do. Many times! One thing wr have tried to do we never make a decision about our child without communicating with each other first. Best advice I ever got. Always be greatful for each other. Somehow, because you live together and you just take for granted that this person will do or say what you need. Always be grateful and to Thank them as well. Appreciation can go a long way. Been married 31 years this month, He still is only person that can make me laugh the way he does. I love that. As far as having kids, our situation was so different. We waiting Nine long years to adopt our son, by the time we saw him at his birth and the whole first year of his life, we could not wait for his every waking moment. It was said to me by my step Father, enjoy life, life is way to short to worry about the little things. Soon your kids will be grown and you will not have those years they will gone and over. So guys just enjoy the ride, even with all it's ups and downs. Our son just truned 18 this month as well, time flys! Bless you...
I could kill over the resentment of sleep lol 😂
What is your hourly rate lol. I’d love you guys to be hubby and I’s counselors. I’m 27 weeks pregnant with baby #2 and you aren’t kidding about any of the strains of baby #1! Great podcast.
❤❤
This is our daily basic or weekly issue with my husband. He is just another guy in this paradise. Oh my God, I remember when I was at the hospital because a surgery, and my husband got mad when I woke him up because I had to turn to the other side because I was uncomfortable. Still I remember vividly that moment, and I also told him if I have to go back for any thing at the hospital I don’t want him by my side. You can’t be at the hospital expecting to sleep like you are at home. We have 17 years marriage and when I go to the doctors I don’t want him with me. Guys are so annoying.
I think things change when you have your baby because it is all out there and nothing is hidden anymore. Like Shawn said, you're naked, feet in the stirrups, etc. And, don't forget, it is no longer you guys as a couple but you guys as a family.
Always remember God brought man and woman together to be each other’s helper before children entered the picture. So, make each other top then kids. They will appreciate it so much later.
Talking about trying your best but not feeling appreciated because the other person doesn't "receive it"... Get used to that as you raise children and you can never make them happy sometimes and you won't feel appreciated. At all. LOL You just have to talk to each other and support each other, especially raising pre-period girls (!) because otherwise, you'll NEVER feel appreciated. Hold on to each other on this roller coaster ride!
Modesty
13:14 I hope u guys rewatch these.
Andrew, in reviewing this, u may see where u missed part of wat Shawn was referring to wen u said: "we grew up w/our mom's staying home, taking care of the kids, feeding." Then u moved quickly into yor point about breastfeeding mom's typically hav the lionshare of feeding responsibilities.
BUT in between Shawn tried to point out that "U" grew up w/ a S@HM. but she didn't hav a S@HM b/c u said earlier "we grew up..."
U kinda glossed ovr Shawn's comment or actually missed the point she was making
Ashhen18 is my Instagram handle. I love how open you are about your experiences of becoming parents. My husband and I had our son a little over a month after Drew was born so it was fun to see your experiences while pregnant. I also ended up having a csection. I’d love to win the gift card because this year has been hard on us as a family. My husband is in the military and I am a nurse. We all know how COVID has been effecting those in the healthcare field. Thank you for doing this giveaway every year!
Strange that you didn’t look into this data before you had a kid considering how analytical and self perceptive you both seem. No one couple, married or not, is above it but it’s cool that you are so publicly reflective about your own experiences against the well known data.
It shouldn't be baby. It should be how cutie patootie squishy tiny little human is too cute to do any work and stare changed us into gumballs,
IG @kaysay19
I can’t seem to find my comment and forgot to tag my IG name! But we currently have beautiful three year old baby girl who will be becoming a big sister in March 2021! As you both know a baby is expensive and you add a second and wow! I would love to spend the money getting some of the baby things that would make having a new born and now a toddler a smoother transition!
wow I don't get wat u were going for @ all Shawn wen u interrupted Andrew putting Drew down??
tbh it doesn't sound like u were coming from a place of wanting to help but rather a place of wanting cntrl??
I guess u had to be thr but y wud u intrude on that wen u got home unless Andrew needed/askd for u to come in thr? I don't get the barging in & turning on the lites? I just can't see how that wud be seen as being helpful if that was yor intention??
No offense Shawn b/c I think u r an awesome mom & seem to be a very supportive wife. Wat exactly was that about?? mayb thr is something missing to that scenario b/c that sounds really obnoxious which seems SO unlike u?
no matter how yor identities chng u still need sleep to function & guarentee u function much bttr wen u get that sleep.
y not prioritize that & get help & support in thr to facilitate this need? I feel like u guys just said "we can handle this" "we're parents now we hav to do this"
but wen recovering from a c-section its like ur a man dwn. U rn't both gonna be able to handle @ 1st & expecting that is just setting yorself up especially u Andrew b/ c U hav to wake up get up wat else is Shawn gonna do? I just feel like u guys set yorselves up a little to hav some conflict
I think its cool that you post amazing travel content! Actually we are a couple that travels too and would like to work with you. Maybe we can do a video together or share eachother on our social media platforms. Would you be down? If so, our IG is @rayeandty