I don't want children -- stop telling me I'll change my mind | Christen Reighter
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- Опубліковано 6 гру 2017
- One in five women in the United States will not have a biological child, and Christen Reighter is one of them. From a young age, she knew she didn't kids, in spite of the insistence of many people (including her doctor) who told her she'd change her mind. In this powerful talk, she shares her story of seeking sterilization -- and makes the case that motherhood is an extension of womanhood, not the definition.
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Sad how society cares more about you having kids rather than taking care of kids.
Society cares about money, and that's it basically.
@@B----------------------------D HOW CAN THEY MAKE MONEY OF A FRIKN BABY
@@scazab6408 have you seen prices of baby stuff? toys? formulas? diapers? school supplies? art supplies? oh god, and the worst offender - CLOTHES? it's a huge business with a huge revenue!
And then these same people whine about people who can’t take care of kids having abortions when they accidentally get pregnant.
@@szinga yeah ur right, thx dude
I always get the “Who is going to care for you when you get old?!” ugh kids are not a retirement plan.
Yeah, my parents see me as their retirement plan since the day I unwillingly popped out of my mother's vagina. I'll be damned if they stop me from adopting, I'm not going through the hassle of squeezing a small human out of my body when so many kids who are alive have nobody to look up to.
That's what a 401k is for!
They will put you in a nursing home.. there is no return for having kids..
I get that too. My favorite that I've ever gotten was this......
"Your life is worth nothing until you have children"...
Well....I guess I'll just go step in front of a bus then!
True and it's sad...
Look, children, by virtue of their innocence, deserve to be raised by people who actually WANT to raise them. Never let anyone shame you for not wanting kids because not wanting kids is a perfectly good reason not to have them.
EXACTLY 💯
period.
period
PERIOD SIS
so true.
You can’t be selfish to something that doesn’t exist. No woman is obligated to procreate.
Exactly, men or woman should not be judged or forced into believing their value is tied to procreation.
@@bigbay1159 problem is there is more of a pressure for women to become breeders that is why women in their 20s who are adults can’t get sterilized as easy as men. Kick in men (patriarchal society) want to control a woman’s body after she becomes pregnant and the sire has no financial and moral obligation to be responsible.
@@stephaniepersin4145 My statement isn't to remove anyone's struggles. My statement is to point out that nobody regardless of why or personal opinion has the right to place any expectations on something that is not there's or impacting them directly. It's not a game of who has it worst, the principle is my point, NO ONE should be gas lighted into accepting a life choice that they do not want.
@@bigbay1159 women have it worse than men. I’ve heard of too many women who were married, that when it ended, SHE was stuck 100% with the financial responsibilities of raise offspring than males. Males can run away when the going gets tough.
@@stephaniepersin4145 You Clearly have a bias, not once was this a game of comparisons. BOTH have issues, if you want to use anicdotcal evidence I've personally seen men denied access to their children while they pay everything for no reason. Happened with my own father as my siblings as kids. Not once did I remove any difficulty from either woman or men but again you have this personal damage that won't let you stop trying to one up
I always tell ppl, I'd rather regret not having kids than regret having kids.
Preach!
True
That is what i always say to people, so glad someone else thinks that too!
Same here lol
Thank you Minecraft Kitten!!! Nice to know that there are still some caring and insightful peeps in this lifetime x
I hate the question “who’s going to take care of me when you’re older?” Because the children aren’t your maids for the rest of your life after they go to college.
hehehe watch them get dumped at the nursing home BY their adult children and never get a visit :D
There have actually been some studies that show that adults who have to take care of their aging parents are prone to depression themselves which leads to physical health problems as a result of irregular eating and sleeping habits, and it causes financial problems as well as social isolation. So, choosing to not have kids not only saves you money but it also saves the burden from your children. It's good to have someone take care of you when you're older, but your kids shouldn't have to sacrifice their health to watch you die.
Absolutely, your kids are gonna get married and you're gonna end up alone either way.
This comment made me realize I don't have to feel guilty for not wanting to spend the prime of my life taking care of someone just because they are my parent.
@@skatrees I think it depends on what the care looked like. My parents made me feel like a burden through most of my childhood and often put me as last priority over their romantic relationships.
I don't think I'll ever be able to fathom how such a simple and harmless decision as not having children sparked so much controversy and debate
I never cease to be amazed by how invested some people get in what consenting adult strangers are doing with their private parts.
Because it goes against one of the BIGGEST norms of society, people force people to rethink something core they've been conditioned to do automatically since birth. Creating a human life should have the most thought put into it but people put more thought in what theyre gonna have for dinner than a human life
@@imthatgirlagain Being a busybody is definitely one of the norms of society I will be happy to see disappear.
@@imthatgirlagain goes against?? It’s a personal choice….
@@imthatgirlagain having kids is natural obviously..but humans are not ‘hardwired’ to want kids or else we wouldn’t have a choice of not having them lol
I am a former foster child. This woman is a hero.
God, I can't wait to never have children.
I say this ALL THE TIME!! 😂
i felt that 😂
hahaha, same.
@Journey Lawton Same
@Journey Lawton You're only 14 kid. Your life will have so many twists and turns as you get older that it's ridiculous. I'm not saying you're wrong I'm just saying you're going to spend more of your life as an adult than as a child. Make that decision as an adult there really is no rush. Unless you have some plan to die young.
If I ever *DO* want children, I'll adopt
KN1GHT - Adopt fine ✌️
thanks UwU
Which is a bad thing too because you support people who made a huge mistake and shouldnt have had kids in the first place, dumb decision.
But don't think now that I'm rude to you, I think you are right, atleast I thought so. I gave you a like still because it's the best moral and intelligent decision someone with heart can make.
I'm against making kids anyway, I want that the human race dies out 😉
you're so cool and epic dude
you want the human race to die? man thats so cool i wanna be like you when i grow up
Artism UwU It’s not the kids’ fault someone did a mistake, also it’s not that it is always the parents’ mistake, anything could’ve happened. A divorce (not enough money afterwards), rape, anything.
Every time someone tells me "You'll change your mind later" I always hit them with the good ol' "Would you change your mind about _having_ children?"
My friend asks them genuinely, how do you know, if they confidently say you’ll change your mind, and of course they can’t answer that because they don’t know.
@@theocool6367 exactly!
thank you. now I know what to tell people.
I thought that sentence was going to end with "I always hit them."
But its very common, take Jennifer Aniston who changed her mind and now openly regrets not having kids
I'm 84 years old. Never had children. Never wanted any. Never changed my mind.
Sure glad I never had any.
Good comment, Gentlemen or lady!
Agreed 💯😅
Sad
@@user-rt7or6ip1q happy
@@user-rt7or6ip1q”How dare you decisions that make you happy and don’t affect me in any way!” 😡
I want kids. I want to be a mom. She does not want kids. She does not want to be a mom. Nobody fights me on my opinion but she has to validate hers to anyone who asks her to. I’m glad she made this talk.
Wel thats your opinion ,what do you think wil happend if everyone stops making kids.we just need a balance breeding is a natural thing in life.
Mr.Antimatter
Yea, let's all stop reproducing and die. What's the point of living anymore? What's the point of humanity? (-_-)
Aндреј Бугариновић that's because there *is* no reason but pure chance for us to even be here right now. Quite frankly, I refuse to bring in *another* *living* *being* , and this is literally one of our own kind and not a goddamn pet like we treat them to be, without a valid reason. Wanting to raise children, genuinely wanting to, and being responsible for them, that is a valid reason because she actually wants to have them. Me, I'm not willing to put another human being through the realisation that life and existence, especially their own, has no value whatsoever, and every little thing we do is worthless nonsense. If anything, humanity should drink the Kool-Aid, as the saying goes, and save it the trouble of doing so later. I refuse to contribute to the retarded repopulation system we have set up, and if I want a child I'll fucking adopt one.
Oh, boy. Another nihilistic comment.
>Wanting to raise children, genuinely wanting to, and being responsible for them, that is a valid reason because she actually wants to have them
Bullseye! I absolutely agree. I will also add few more valid reasons why would I also like to have children: to continue my family's bloodline, to contribute to the population (before you say: "OVERPOPULATION!", notice that I live in Balkan, where mortality is scarily bigger than natality. Why, you ask? Two reasons: a lot of emmigrants, and because there's just too much people who think like you. Also, the entire Western world is not overpopulated as some may say. It's about the East, where every family has like +4 children. But I digress.), to raise, guide and nurture young minds the best I can, in order to make them good people and that will do great contributions to our society.
Those parents who think of their children as "pets", as you formulated it, are a minority, those idiots should never have children. Please, don't generalise it and badmouth every single parent like that, because, I'm certain, there are much more parents in this entire world who genuinely take care of their children and fulfill their duties as they should.
>... the realisation that life and existence, especially their own, has no value whatsoever, and every little thing we do is worthless nonsense.
>...there *_is_* no reason but pure chance for us to even be here right now.
We are stumbling into philosophical questions now, but I will bite it.
This is precisely why I called your comment nihilistic. The tone of your thoughts is really dark, darker than it should be, if you ask me. It's true tho, there is no _objective_ reason for us to live (unless we say from biological perspective that our reason is solely to reproduce, which I only partly agree with). But, this is what makes us _human_ - we are intelligent living beings, and we are able to give ourselves meaning, a reason, a "why?" that will drive us forward. I think that the meaning of life is to find its meaning; that's where it's beauty lies, in the search for something that makes you fulfilled. Objectively, nothing has a value, but for humans, beings that have souls: everything has.
Also, there's one interesting thought from Dostoevsky's "The Brothers Karamazov" which is a very nice, and concise counterargument about us not having the absolute, objective reason to live: _We must love life more than the meaning of life._ NOTHING is worthless, NOTHING is valueless.
I rest my case.
>if I want a child, I'll fucking adopt one.
Sure, that's fine by me. I'll just say two more things to finish this comment:
- Be thankful you got the chance to be here, alive. Be thankful to your parents. If you can't appreciate life, then that's your problem. A big problem.
- If everyone had this pessimistic reasoning of yours, we'd do nothing, progress nowhere, stay in caves, and humanity would eventually be extinct. There would be also no kids left to adopt, because everyone would be adults or elders, there would be no children anymore.
Have a nice day.
krystal I hope you have lovely children and your choice makes you happy.
People have children for selfish reasons all the time. No one harasses them about their choice.
I was the result of a selfish reason. I really wish she hadn’t had me.
Or they have kids because they think that’s what they have to do
@@seaturtlepoppy7679 then coming sepeku and stop being ungrateful for life
Marcia Osullivan
I think you need to take another English class, honey. Do that before you even try to use a Japanese word. 分かりますか。
@@LucareonVee auto correct and no one cares about you knowing Japanese get a hobby
“What if you will regret this?” I’d rather regret NOT having had children than the other way around.
Abusive parents: *abuses the people they hope will take care of them when they’re old*
People: this is fine
Me: I don’t want kids because i wouldn’t want another person to feel pain
People: YOURE SELFISH
yep I feel the same. Im 15 right now, and I really feel this way. Life is painful
@@thekawaiipotato4050 Im 17 and hate how my family insist that I’d have kids or “get married to a man” when that’s not the life I want. It also upsets me how society rushes the youth of most teens to grow up faster than what they are
Right?
The sad true!
Chris watts case..
My mom: " Omg It's so exhausting to have a child, I could have enjoyed my life if I didn't have you. "
Also my mom: "What? You don't want a kid? How could that happen?"
You're an ungrateful, selfish little child. Grow up.
@@jessicamrussell How is not wanting children ungrateful? At least by not having a kid, she won't become emotionally abusive to the child like her own mother saying "my life you be better without you in it".
Jessica Dawn Russell oof got ‘em 😩🔥🔥🔥🔥💵👌🏼🔥🔥🔥😩
Camazotz 4444 its sarcasm
@@jessicamrussell Get Fucked!
Never advise someone who doesn't want a child to have a child. Children should have parents who instinctively want them.
Well said!!!
But people like butting in.
like seriously that is just straight up offensive, not only to the person being given this comment, but also the current spouse as well
Amen 🙏
Very well said and all to true.
I was born "unplanned" as I found out at the age of 40. Explained a lot why I was never loved by my father. Every day I experienced his negativity, depression and criticism toward me. Never wanted children....
There's nothing selfish about not wanting to have kids. The most selfish thing is to have children and to abandon them. Dead beat parants are some of the most selfish people in the world.
Spot on!
Imagine if a man went to get a vasectomy and had to go through stages of hearing women doctors telling him he's a little boy and 'what would his wife think' ....yikes
Actually, my wife had to sign a consent document before I could get a vasectomy.
B Johnson
That's fucking ridiculous. It's YOUR body.
A similar thing happened to me a few years back, every doctor I went to said I needed a consent form signed by a wife/girlfriend, and I needed to be cleared by at least 4 mental health professionals.
@@bjohnson2655 wow... See, in the state where I live, I often see billboards advertising vasectomies, as well as radio commercials saying that you can "watch football while you recover" and it won't effect your work, because you can return in under a week.
@@mrnonsense1031 incredibly messed up, obviously. It's absurd that anyone would need a signed form of someone they have a relationship with to have a procedure on their own body
I sometimes casually (in form of humor) let my parents know that I don't want biological children in the future. And they always hit me with "who would take care of you when you're older?"
Which is so wrong in so many levels. Children are not just retirement plans.
@@thegoldenbough6525 if you're unlucky enough to have children, I pity them
You'e thinking is so shallow, but it's not surprising. It's becoming more and more common. Remember, life is not a Hollywood movie. Reality is more complicated than "omg you want children so you won't be alone and lonely when you're older, that's so wrong". There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting children so you are not lonely and helpless when you're old. Which leads me to my question, what exactly is your plan for old age?
@@Dbadaing if earth still exists when I reach 60 and if I manage to survive til 60, that's 40 years in the future. We don't know how the world would work that time since the increase in digitalization of our world. I just want to continue learning to live the world with minimal negative effect to everything that exists and hopefully contribute even a little bit of positive effect. If I manage to survive til 60, that means I lived long enough to be able to provide myself a retirement plan. There's nothing wrong with wanting children but I think it's selfish to want them JUST to have somebody when we get old. They're another human who would have their own lives, I don't think I'm willing and will be able to shape another human into his/her best form.
Dbadaing
I live halfway across the country from my mom. I basically see her once a year. Having kids doesn’t guarantee anything.
Thank you for thinking that childrens aren't just retirement plans, so many people just think of their children as an investment rather than a person
I’ll never forget a conversation I had with another female who ultimately looked down on me for not “embracing the gift of life” after stating I never wanted children. It’s not selfish. Us women who don’t want to bare children don’t owe society anything. If we don’t want to be parents, that’s OUR decision.
You should have said.
"Why so I can be more miserable by having a kid, I don't really love nor wanted?"
@@KyleEvra well said! 👍
@@KyleEvra "yOu dOn'T kNow wHaT yoU aRe saYiNg yOu wiLL cHaNgE yOuR miND wHeN yOu hAvE oNe"
You can look down upon her and tell her she only wants children because she lives a pathetic, empty life and has no exciting things to do, no intelligent goal to pursue, and no any purpose or value of her own, other than being the reproduction machine as a female animal. Cats, dogs, cows, rabbits, rats, etc, reproduction is the main purpose of their lives. Human don't want children because they evolve to become a higher form of intelligence.
I can't believe people find it wrong thar someone doesn't want to be a parent it's truly ridiculous having a child is a serious decision that can't be taken lightly
I've been told by my family that I'm a disappointment for them, not a real woman, not a good person for not wanting to get married and have kids. At last, they tried to convince me that I just need to give a birth to a kid and leave the rest, raising and taking care of, to them (like they wouldn't abandon me right before the birth).
Now I know I'm not alone, I have friends who support and understand me
You don't need those toxic people In your life!
No one has the right to tell you that, especially your family. Every family/parents should support your choice and opinion, NOT talking trash to you just because you don't want kids.
Follow your dreams and don't let those toxic people decide your life and tell you otherwise. Having kids has ALWAYS been optional and it's not for everyone. When you're turn 18, you have your freedom and choice.
@@Kebabaddict01 exactly! It's YOUR decision, and yours alone! I knew from the time I was in elementary school that I didn't want children. No regrets here.
Your family is wrong！ You should be who you want to be ❤
"The truth is, I'd only removed a single path to Parenthood. I never needed biology to form a family anyway"
The wisest words I've ever heard tbh
Crys S BULLSHIT !!! She is just not able to be pregnant. Cracked womb. Lots of women like this telling bullshit. It is facts.
@@CreatorItachii If you're just here to argue, please just leave 😊 thank you!
MysticKoolaid808 Once society grabs a hold of hardwiring someone, they will oppose you even when facts prove them wrong hun! It almost becomes literally IMPOSSIBLE to reroute their brain. It’s part of a mental condition called cognitive dissonance. Not worth the argument.
Cinema Bizaree ?
@@rolandnapitupulu who cares if she can't get pregnant? She still doesn't want to have them biologically anyway.
"What if your next partner wants children?"
I rolled my eyes back so far, I saw my brain.
Then great for them.
Next
Yaaaaaaah like wow...conversation going straight to some person that might not even exist (for me personally, this was the most laughable part)
@@platinumfitnessbarbie4637 Also the sneaky little dig that implies that her current partner will leave her, as if it's a certainty.
Then they aren't for you, that's for damn sure! I blast it on my profile to ward off the entitled men and those who would respect my no but still want kids for some fucked up reason. He really thinks bringing a kid into this world is a good idea? Hmmm no.
As a male, I don't want kids!
I have my reasons!
😊😅
And what does Haru think about it? Does she agree?
@@kryptoid2568 Half and half monsters?
Id love to know a mans reasons to why he doesnt want kids
Bc as sm with tokophobia, everyone tells me you dont want kids now but once you fall in love with a man, you naturally wanna reproduce😒
And that made me feel like every single man wants babies
I genuinely wanna hear your pov
@@beyondraeal My kid either as Levente (male) or Viktória (female) would be just as stupid as me
I just posted a video in which I discuss why I don’t children and the first comment was by a man who criticized me for not wanting them. He said the reason I don’t want them is because I haven’t met a man who was able to change me mind. Like WHAT? I can think for myself, thank you very much.
I’ll throw in my two cents as a man… ehem… you should do what’s right for you. Actually, that comment is from a person. Gender shouldn’t matter. 😎🍻
omg he's so small🤦🏽♀🤦🏽♀
@@LucareonVee thank you! I know most guys are open minded like you. But there’s always that one dude lol
@@brianna_crawl hahah! I ended up taking the video down because of the amount of toxic comments.
@@cookiemonster_1991 yes, I know it’s a choice, one I’m happy to exercise. I never let anyone put this pressure on me and dictate what I should and should not do with my body and my life. Not even people like you who believe parenthood is an obligation instead of a choice like any other.
My husband recently had a vasectomy, my mom’s response: “Don’t worry honey, there are plenty of other men out there!” WHAT IS IT GOING TO TAKE FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND, THAT I DON’T WANT KIDS!? Ughhhhhh!!!
Ahahahah oh my. Your husband aswell. And she says that. Parents are actually clueless
Menopause. That's when my mom stopped bugging me about it.
So basically hes of no value and is disposable because he cant or doesn't want to reproduce??
@@secretaryofoffense7118 Well really "cant" makes no sense in this context because its a vasectomy so I would rather guess the 2nd one?
😂🤣😂🤣
I don't get why everyone gets surprised whenever someone says that they don't want a child.
not spreading your gene pool
Phoebe Chando
Again, why the surprise? Not everyone wants that.
@Rey de País not everyone claims that lmao
Because most of the time it's our hormones that tell us to recreate and not our brain. It's as simple as that. Have you met anyone who has said "oh, it was a conscious decision that made me have kids"? Noone ever. We as the human species have evolved in so many ways, but here we're just like rabbits.
Suziezur Freiheit
That’s usually a discussion of couples. Unless you think every birth was an accident. ;)
Had a vasectomy in 1987, at 22 years old. Closing onto 60 now, and still think it's the best thing that I've ever done. Not just for myself, but for everyone involved.
When you say “I don’t want children” most people say “you say that now, you will regret it later” but no one says the same about having a child, THAT is a choice that will change your life completely
YES!
I'm 27 no kids and ima CEO my uncle 55 no kids my cuzin 43 she has no kids we all are good my sisters have kids they life is mirrsserble having kids is real I know the ones who have kids are pissed off and wish they never made that choice cant fool me I know better cant persuade me to change my mind either I dint care what yall say I dont want kids dint at 18 dont now at 27 I love my freedom I'm healthy I'm good I have lernt at a young age if you want to be fully free dont have kids I know what that means now as a CEO I'm glad I listen to my elders when I was 18 to yall who dint listen too bad yall mad cause you cant make us make that same mistake I love this video its says a lot 🙂
I got pregnant and was going to abort, then decide to do adoption. My mom stole all my mail and paperwork, convinced me to keep the kid or I'll regret it. So I tried the mom thing for 5 months before finding a happy loving couple. I took care of him 110% and I still knew that being a mom was not my thing. My mother, the one that had me keep the child would come in drunk and wake him from his nap and smoke with him in her arms while she vomits over the bed. I had to lock my room with a dead bolt to stop her from taking him in the middle of the night. I moved out with the child and was finally able to find a loving family. I truly tried to do the mom thing I got dippers, cute toys, cloths, beautiful baby crib, everything, when he cried I was there for him. But to this day 5 year from then I still don't regret the adoption.
Mia, you don’t have children do you?
Balls Mahoney I dont, and I don’t want to, but I have seen people struggling with their kids all my life, including my own parents, and as a child realising that it really takes away your wish of being a parent
I am 58 years old and have had no children. I still don't want children. No regrets.
❤️❤️❤️
Cindy Jencks
54 no kids by choice, no regrets!
I'm 57,no kids,no regrets.
I have an exciting, romantic, stable marriage.
There are many of us like this.
Bravo!!!!
I am 54. Never had kids. Never wanted any. Never married either. Never wanted to. NO REGRETS.
Thank you sincerely to women who represent my future, I choose not to have kids and I am 32 now. I see my own life ahead to invest in, not more than one life to invest in.
Love, love, love it. Hooray, Christen! 63 years old male here, never married, no kids. I've never wanted to do either-and every day I grow even happier that I didn't.♥
@Devil's Logic
For being too happy? 😋
@Devil's Logic
And what law is that violating? 😘
@Devil's Logic
Seems like that’s just a part of nature, honey. I never chose to be born, but I can choose not to procreate. 😘
Same here buddy! I'm in no way knocking marriage and kids, It just wasn't in the cards for me at all, I know that it bothers many people but guess what if I have to live it all over again so be it!😊😄😀
@@josephperez3435 - Right on, Joseph … It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance.
I have high functioning autism (Asperger's Syndrome) and I can't even fully take care of myself let alone a child!
I'm 50, and I've been hearing that "you'll change your mind" for all my life. Know what? I didn't.
Sol Accursio
Is that you in your profile picture? You look young for fifty
Hehehe thank you :)
That's a great thing about not having Kids. You look better as you grow older, generally speaking because you have less stress from the burden & huge responsibility of caring for kids & you usually have more money too because KIDS ARE VERY EXPENSIVE!!!
Just give it some time. You might decided you want kids when your 60. ;3
(Yes, this is sarcasm.)
Probably look young due to not having children. It's well documented the stress ages us very fast.
As the child of parents who hated having children and who endured the emotional abuse they inflicted daily, I encourage anyone who isn't 100% sure they want children to not have them..
Witch Chan
Yet not everyone wants the same kind of family.
I agree. So many people should never have had children. Children deserve to be loved and wanted.
Witch Chan
Your parents should have gone to therapy.
That’s what they needed.
And a divorce.
Same here - I was unwanted and had to endure severe abuse, physical, sexual, spiritual and emotional abuse, and severe neglect. I had to endure numerous attempts to kill me, and I have to live with the knowledge that I was born 3 months early because I survived the botched abortion. Even after my birth they tried to just quietly do away with me, in fact they didn't register my birth until 10 days after my birth because they hoped they could quietly do away with me. It is only thanks to my grandmother that they didn't succeed. All my siblings were done away with via abortions.
My so-called "parents" also hated children and were far too interested in pursuing their high flying careers to bother with them. On a daily basis it was made clear to me that I was in the way, and I got shoved off to other people at every opportunity.
They even went so far as to deny me my identity, ie they lied about my background, my ethnic background, the family history, my cultural background. I had to establish what my race is via a DNA test, and have struggled all my life to get people to even believe me that I am the race I am.
They stole my inheritance (from grandparents) from me, leaving me in extreme poverty instead of in considerable wealth (I am from a wealthy family). I have subsequently suffered lifelong abuse as people assume that I am just another uneducated down and out/drug addict/low IQ delinquent from a rundown background. I have suffered every kind of abuse, and continue to suffer this to this day - and I'm in my forties.
Every day people make it clear to me that I am a useless existence, and more people than I can count would be only too happy if I would just die off without making a fuss.
Yup, that's what happens to those of us who have always been unwanted - society learns that we are unwanted, and they consider us as much as unwanted as the people who gave birth to us.
If only people who actually want children have them, and people who don't want them use birth control - the world would be a much better place, and nobody would need to suffer the kind of abuse that unwanted children have to suffer.
@@LittleKitty22 I am sorry for what you had to go through but my question is Why did they have children in the first place if they didn't want them? Social pressure?
I do not want kids, I am a man in my mid 30's. a lot of my friends have been telling me for 10 years now that I will change my mind and eventually want kids. like there is something wrong with me that will get better? The same friends also tell me how hard it is to have kids. They wish they had more time away from their kids to do the fun stuff I do. Some of my friends have broken up over not being able to sort out their relationship because of time and energy that the kids take up. How can I want kids if most of the time they are better contraceptives than an actual contraceptive?
Thats exactly what im saying, everyone tells me how ill change my mind but cant stop bitching about how they wish they had time to do things or my favorite “marriage is when the fun ends”
I am almost 37 years old, have been with the same partner for 23 years and have known since the day we met when I was THIRTEEN years old that I never wanted kids. It has never been a secret. I never saw a reason for it to be one.
Still, even now, working on 40 years into my life, I am told I'll change my mind.
The number of complete strangers who have had the audacity to tell me that I'll "never know true love" and I'll "never be truly happy" until I have kids is absolutely shocking to me. It feels like we live in a programmed society of mindless robots sometimes when it comes to ideas about marriage and family and it is disgusting.
"You can be ANYTHING you want to be when you grow up" apparently didn't include happily childfree and unmarried with my partner and our dogs.
what happens is you get more and more quirky and odd as there are less close people around you to temper you and your wierdness. This is why all childless couples are fking wierd
@Mitchell Mitchell nope you are. With your dogs and cats.
@Mitchell Mitchell yeah there is, you will be a parasitic drain on the economy in the not so distant future.
@@seawater1322 this literally makes no sense there’s loads of weirdos who have kids lmao
If you decided not to have kids it's fine. why do you care so much about what others think of you?
I’ve gotten the comment from my own family of “Oh, just wait until you find the right man.”
I’m sorry, but last time I checked the “right man” wouldn’t force me to do anything I don’t want to.
iiMooseii exactly 👏
Why would you assume that the right man would force you to have kids?
Exactly.
I went to amazon, they said they are out of stock for “right man”
@@mastersonogashira1796 can you remind me I'm a guy when there's stock?
Mother: abuses child she regretted having
Society: whatever.
Me: I don't want kids, I don't think I'd be a good mom to them.
Society: !!! How rude of you to deny us another human in this over-populated rock
saryn toews - yup, and as the child of abusive "parents" that didn't want children I can confirm that society has always treated me like trash and has made it extremely clear to me during my over 40 years of life that I should NOT exist, and that it would be better if I quickly died off without making much of a fuss.
I've spent my entire life getting abused, getting my basic rights denied, getting chased away, rejected, hated, treated like an outcast. Never even found friends, a partner, anyone who would even just have treated me as a human being.
Is THIS what society wants another human on this overpopulated rock for???
If, by 'society', you mean mostly republicans/evangelicals, then yeah that sounds pretty accurate.
@Witch Chan not a good one.
@@R3ktCunnyz69 what do Republicans have anything to do with this??
@@R3ktCunnyz69 im a Democrat
I really don't understand why people believe that every woman want to have a child. Thank you for your precious speech.
Because children are the easiest way to control women and blame them for the control of them.
thank you Christen for this amazing Ted talk.. I am a 26 year Indian woman. I can not put another human being through what I went through, expose them to the dangers if life and put myself through excruciating pain. Thank you so much.
Great Decision
❤❤❤
Not having children is selfish?
Having children as a retirement plan is actually being selfish.
There’s no selfless reason to have kids.
Ikr! Because what if something happens to your child and they're not able to take care of you?!?
@MR COLOSSUS it can be selfless to have children if you ADOPT them, but there is nothing selfless about choosing to conceive a child yourself, and many ppl have selfish reasons for doing so. i’m not saying it’s wrong to! it’s just completely neutral at best
This. Sike for them i'm gonna leave them anyway.
@MR COLOSSUS name some then, if there is any like you said
Some people think that blood connection is what makes people a family. Surprise: your husband/wife is not blood-connected to you. Still you call them family.
EXACTLY, you pulled the words right out of my mouth, thank you.
I I legit stood up and clapped U BE SPEAKING F A C T S!
And pets. Y'all think I'm blood-related to a cat or something? XD
I love my stepdad^^
And if your partner is blood related to you... something is off
The crazy thing is that she’s not advocating for humanity to become extinct. She just wants women to have bodily autonomy! She didn’t say that no woman should give birth, just that it’s okay if she doesn’t want to!
The same people criticizing her would also be the ones going "If you didn't want a child, why did you have one?" If she had had children. The reality is, there are a lot of parents who regret having kids. There are even parents who genuinely hate their kids. There are also parents who are complete toxic.
The same people who don't want women to have another baby because she can't afford them would be the same ones yelling at a different woman that she should have kids while she's young. People are so messed up about a total stranger's decisions about procreation.
Yeah. I'd rather have a world where every child is loved than a world with more children but those with bad lives
Mark Hamptonlingly'd and this is why people won’t have an honest conversation before conceiving: your attitude RIGHT HERE. Not everyone finds kids cute, it’s great that you do, but you don’t get to force everyone else to think and feel the same way you do.
Well then get busy getting pregnant. I love it when these indignant teste owners try to shame females into being brood mares.
Rimu N right on, I'm 39 and have no regrets of not having a child, plus I quite frankly don't want to be obligated towards the father of the child and I wouldn't have the means to adopt although I'm an adoptee myself.
"What happens when you date someone who wants children?"
Why would you date someone who has different values than you?
Answer: there won’t be a second date. :)
Exactly!!!! That's the most common question people ask me and I just don't get it!!!!
People can be so dense.
Well, I personally don't want to have biological children at all, but I'm open to the idea of adopting, and my partner knows it. We are still too young to have children and start a family so we just vibe, but I was clear on that and he respects my decisions!
True that's one of the most stupid questions ever!!! Specially considering the fact that the Doctor asked her that 🤣🤣🤯🤯🙉🙉😏😏😏
My aunt who was nearly 40, already had two children, needed a hystorectomy because she was bleeding so much every single day and in extreme pain. She had to fight so hard to get the procedure! I absolutely distrust that the medical establishment truly has women's best interest at heart.
I'm 25 and got my tubes fully removed two months ago, and i've never happier.
Congrats!! 🍾🥂
Wisest decision you'll ever make in your life. Best wishes.
I’m so jealous
@@kaleighp7723
Just out of curiosity, is there a reason you can’t get this done?
Congratulations
Much better to wake up 20 years from now and realize you want a child.. so you adopt.. than to wake up 20 years from now and realize you regret the child you were pressured to have.
Plus that child will most likely, at one point, see their parents regret having them. Which of course can mess them up.
well by that time they're gone anyway
@@xxxmmm3812 That's not always the case, especially now days.
Treva Graham
True. I moved halfway across the country from the rest of my family, but I have high school friends who still live with their parents (I’m 36, to put that into perspective).
Soooooooo true
43, child free by choice, no regrets. Life is so much easier.
I wanna be like you when I grow up
Goals.
you don't know How it is to have a kid, but hey life and human beings right?
@@Idk-dm9zg maybe some people don't want that experience. Some people don't find joy in watching a child cry all night while they can't get sleep. Oh, but that last part was right human rights, am I right? Because everyone deserve the choice to decide what to do with the body they have(plus the brain).
Who will visit you when you are 90 tho? That's the part that scares me
I await the day when women do not have to justify their basic life choices to the world 😔
Just ignore everyone you'll be fine I also don't want kids I rather spend 250,000 dollars on a house than on a child
@@Adamthedickmaster bravo! Good for you! I would, too.
These are real facts.
I have 2 children … and now I think about all these things. No one educated me on it. I will educate my children on the reality of what it is to have children.
"I've always believed that having children was an extension of womanhood, not the definition."
Very true indeed
Yeah, but having children is the definition of life, I guess.
@@strictlyunreal well, then have a kid of your own, why don't you?
This world has something called orphans.
Children who are unlucky in life, uther because their parents are dead, or were abandoned.
If that kid is going to grow without love, it's better he isn't born at all.
Having kids may be a biological necessity for the continuation of a race, but I say that it's not that urgent if orphans exist
Maybe if humanity wasn't overpopulated we would have a different conversation, but now, you can't expect people to just breed like they are cattle just for The so called "Definition of life"
Specially when even animals can act outside of the "natural" way
@@constantgaming2275 Asking people to take care of orphans and not have their own children doesn't make sense to me. That would mean that the genes of people that are unfit to raise children get passed on, while the genes of the caregivers are not. Why should I raise a child that is not part of my lineage? How would that benefit me?
Orphans are Nature's way of saying "the line of my unfit parents should end here".
Of course, there are orphans, as you said, that were unlucky that their parents died, but I still can't raise a child that is not mine. Only maybe if it were to be the child of one of my siblings, but never a stranger.
Anyway, you failed to take into account the context. If you analyze my reply, it was to a stupid remark. Is having children an extension of womanhood? Isn't the way we define sexes based on the type of reproductive organs that one has? Isn't childbearing the primary characteristic of being a woman?
And isn't reproduction one of the elements that make up the definition of life?
What was the point of everything you said in the context of what I said?
@@strictlyunreal You are aware, that the lines of, as you put it, "unfit parents", are excactly those that very often never seem to end?? So what you'd do about that? Been there, done that, as what you're pointing out basically comes from a pov of selection, you just turned the ends around.
@@strictlyunreal "Orphans are Nature's way of saying the line of my unfit parents should end here" Are you serious? What a disgusting sentiment that you think orphans are any less deserving of love and attention. As for raising an orphan not 'benefitting' you, umm... maybe the benefit is that you've just provided a homeless child with a much better life so they can grow up as a normal kid? Unless of course you only have biological children to continue your clearly 'superior' lineage, even though psychology has demonstrated time and time again that genetics are only a partial factor in how people grow up to be, and that the *environment* that they grow up in has a much bigger impact on how they will turn out.
If someone says: "You will regret it". I'll ask: "Do you have or want childeren?" They mostly say "Yes". Just answer "You will regret it". They are soooooo offended and really don't get that they started it by saying the exact same thing… beautiful theater
Stella S 💯💯💯💯💯💯👌🏼👌🏼👌🏼👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Hahaha AMAZING RESPONSE! I'm stealing this splendid idea 😍
And if you already know they have children just say; "I'm getting a dog instead, it's pretty much the same."
BADASS
Stella S I am officially stilling your line 👍🏻👍🏻💓💓
I never had kids. I got a vasectomy at 40 years old. I got the expected “Are you sure?” question from the doctor and then he did it. One of my best decisions. Sorry that this lady and so many others have to go through this.
It's better to regret not having kid(s) than regretting having it.
People put more thoughts into buying a car than making babies! Children are for life. Children suffer being born to a family that can’t raise them. One foster home to another is NOT the answer!!!!
I agree.
People who don’t want kids are better off not having them. What is the big issue?
I was told i cant be selfish for not wanting kids
@@Hanfahhussain same thing
@@Hanfahhussain tell them to care about their own fkn lives, too many people intrude into other people's lives and beliefs these days
@@fgdgrddsew2 I wonder why is that.
S.
The big issue is it's used for political purpose,otherwise people knows it goes nowhere, it's just your interest at that point.
I think people always say, "you'll change your mind" because *they* were pressured to do so and now want to justify their choice.
I agree! My favorite one is "oh when you meet the right person, you'll change your mind. You'll want a family with them." Um, no, the right person became family and he doesn't want kids either.
I agree
Although you may be partly right, I think a lot of people that say that are people who wanted kids themselves but just believe everyone else wants kids, as well. They can't imagine the possibility of missing out on having kids, so they don't want others missing that chance. I think most of their intentions are good and that they just don't realize their are women who want different things. I'm anti-abortion (not here to get in an abortion/pro choice argument). However, if people don't want kids that's their choice. I can care less if someone has kids or not.
Exactly.
Agree!
What a enlightening speech! Having children is neither the extension nor the definition of womanhood. There's no shame towards being a single woman who leads a rewarding professional life and a wife who has no desire to have kids. Cast aside the fear, untrue verdicts, optional responsibility, just do what you want!
When I decided that I don't want to have children, the peace that came with that décision is immeasurable
I never understood why people claim it's selfish to not want children.
I think a lot of the reasons why people repeat things over and over is because they learned that is the response to give when someone says they don't want kids.
I was told I was selfish for not wanting a child by my mother-in-law who only wants me to have grandchildren because she wants to have grandchildren even if neither me or my husband want it. By definition, selfish is when someone does something without consideration of others and being only concerned with one's own profit. I pointed out that she was being the selfish one by ignoring how her son and myself feel. The decision and discussion to have or not have a child was one both me and my husband had concluded together and mutually both agreed to. It wasn't a selfish one that I made for myself without thinking what my husband felt. I don't make this decision for my own benefit, I made it because it was one that was the most logical especially with my health.
She did not like that.
Scratch that. No one who has ever told me that I am selfish for not providing them a baby has ever liked how I handle the response.
misery loves company so they say it's selfish to want to be free
I always thought it seemed more selfish to have children because a lot of people try to mould their children after themselves. It's like saying "I'm so great, I think there should be more of me".
because children don't know any better. the parents, assuming they're good parents, do know better.
i think it's actually more selfish to have children of your own when there's so many that need a family. but you want your own flesh and blood, your own little project, maybe a second chance at life and so on. have a baby and i know i was selfish but i don't care, it's my choice and i'm glad i made it. i was ready and i love her to bits and it's a hard and wondeful experience but it's inherently selfish. our natural instincts are selfish. morals are man-made.
I knew at five years old I didn't want to have children. Tried to get my tubes tied when I was in the military. A female gynecologist refused and sent me to mental health. The psychologist, also a woman, then tried to convince me I'd change my mind. It was exasperating. I've never wavered and am so glad I remained childless.
Robyn Salaver Wtf is wrong with your gynecologist?
"I knew at 5 years old" lol no you didn't
@Witch Chan society is dong fine cuz look at all the foster kids in the overcrowded foster care system.
@Witch Chan Who cares about lineage?
That gynecologist should've been fired, honestly, you, in the military, treated with such disrespect. I'm so sorry
I never wanted children...since I was young. Never regretted it. I am now 44 and still have zero desire.
Realized it when I was 12. I’m 41 now if anything, I want them even less now than I did then. 😎🍻
I’m 69 years old and never desired to have children, never regretted it.
Thank you. Just thank you. I never liked kids, even when I was a child. I always preferred spending time with older people. In my 30s, still don't want kids. I am so tired of being told "you'll change your mind" (I won't) and "you're depriving me of grandkids" (not my problem). Thank you again. This brought tears to my eyes and I really needed it.
Not everybody is meant to have children. Too many people have had children that shouldn't have and now those children are all messed up and broken.
There 8 BILLIONS On this earth
I told my ex that I do not want to have a kid and that I want to adopt one and he said: "This is not the way to make a family". Well, as I said, he is now my ex.
Kathy Writer glad u dropped that fool
@@kristyklaws3925 why a fool? maybe just a person with different needs?
This happened with one of my friend but she married him and now she's miserable because that guy is a something else.
@@kristyklaws3925 he's not a fool. He's a man. Ones that say he is are though
adi yaf
I would. :)
Teenager Me: I'm never having kids.
Parents: you say that now.
Decade later me: no I still don't think so.
I had thirteen when I decided never having kids. Now I have 33 and still don't want
Can I just say that as someone who looks forward to having kids, I just want to say that you guys are super valid. Don't ever let someone tell you that you'll change your mind, you guys are amazing and worthy 💖💖💖
@@whalienabi thank you.😁 it means a whole lot.
me at 12 : No kids
people: you'll change your mind
me at 25: I want sterilisation plz
doctor: no, you'll change your mind
me at 59: Ha I did not change my mind asshat why did you all refuse to do what I asked
Commander Slay same
Its okay to not want to have kids. Anyone who calls you selfish for that is too stupid to take seriously.
I'm a man and I agree with you on everything. And it's messed up when you wanna make a safe informed decision for yourself and everyone tries to decide for you.
im going to be 36 this year. never married, no kids, no regrets. i prefer peace and quiet when i come home from work.
Yessssssss
Yaaaas queen
Sounds good
Chloe Saad omg same queen!!!
I envy you
The question, "What if your future partner wants kids?" Insinuates your body belongs to someone you haven't met yet. My answer is always, "Then he is going to be disappointed. "
My doctor took that a step further. I have a girlfriend (we have no intention of marrying yet due to buying a house in the future which marrying can complicate) and when he asked what about my husband I told him about my gf and the fact that she can carry out herself if she wants to (she doesn't). He stared at me, and then asked 'Yeah, but about your future husband?'
He basically insisted for a few minutes that I will stop being a lesbian (which I am not) and start being straight (which I am not) once the 'desire for kids' sets in.
All while ignoring that I have a heart condition that will kill me should I attempt to carry out.
So basically, in his mind my uterus belonged to that person I have not met that I will leave my long-term girlfriend for to fulfill my desire to die carrying a child I don't want.
We no longer go to that doctor.
ValerieRaya This is pretty off topic but that was so well worded! Do you write books?
Anyways, bless you and your gf! I don't want kids either and I'm lesbian so I defo get what you mean :/
ValerieRaya omg wow that was so sad and shocking to read :(
Elena Christian Exactly and most men don't want kids if they did they'll stay eith your baby mamas.😂
The truth is always funny.
No YOU insinuate that. Its not unreasonable to consider an other person in something you BOTH will have deal with for the rest of your lives.
And your thought process is the problem to begin with.
As a man, I had a similar experience getting a vasectomy at 29 with no children, after spending 16 years of consistently not wanting children. Eventually, I convinced the Dr, paid cash, had simply topical anesthetic and drove myself to and home from the procedure. Initially, they walked in with about 15 med students that were supposed to witness, but I did not consent to this and insisted only necessary functional providers during the procedure, as I stood there in a paper gown. I've NEVER regretted the decision, not once in the following 20 years since. I should have done it sooner...
I did it too last year at age 31 👍
I’m truly inspired by this speech. I’m a 39 yr old grown woman who recently went through my procedure not to have a child . Unlike her doctors mine was understanding and respectful of my decision. Her immediate response was “it’s your body..your choice”. Those words echoed to this day. Because when I shared my decision with my mother and friends the first response was either“what if we meet a man who wants kids” or you will not be a woman if you don’t have children”. The shame society place on women who voluntarily make the choice not to have biological kids is shameful. I respect and embrace all the women who made the choice on their own accord.
The worst parent is a parent who didn't want to be a parent. Unless you're 163825833826% all in for having a kid, don't have a kid.
Wish more people understood that.
Doc "oh, you will love your kids once they are there"
Now imagine something would say the same about a car purchase. Buy it, you'll like it once it's in your garage. Or a house. Hey, you don't want this house, but if you'd buy it, regardless of you being able to afford it or maintain it, but buy it. You'll love it eventually.
Doc 🙏YES!!
That's also y i think abortions are ok like mistakes happen. If you're not ready or you dont want it or you're too young or you were raped etc the list goes on.. then it's perfectly ok
Doc I wish people would understand personal accountability more...
bunny m Kids aren't cars. Back to the drawing board.
The only mother i will ever be is for a cat.
Exactly
Same here (probably - not 100% sure yet). ^^ I don't want kids unless they have either fur, feathers, or scales! :D
Person: What about amphibi--
Me: You know what I mean. -_-
Yep proud mom of two cats and two dogs.
Me to but for a cat dog and snakes i hope I can get them in the future
I a puppy
I'm not even 20 yet but i've decided that I don't ever want children, my family members think it's an unsure decision but i'm 100% sure about it. There's so much that mentally, physically, financially and emotionally goes into children. You have people constantly asking about having a child and they act like the world is burning if you say you don't want children. And then if you actually do get pregnant and decide to keep the child, you have people constantly trying to give input and comments and lectures throughout the pregnancy and then when you actually have the child, it dosen't stop. Constant nagging about not doing something right, feeling like you're getting scolded for doing YOUR form of parenting with YOUR child.
I never felt a long-term interest in a child but out of nowhere one day, I had like a month long period of wanting a baby and then it stopped, that was the only ONLY maternal/paternal instinct in my entire life. I don't like holding them, I don't want them to be my responsibility, I don't want to pay for them, I don't want to have to worry about their safety all the time.
People get baby fever because babies are cute, clumsy, funny for like the first few years until they get older and turn less cute and form their own opinions but can't go back on it now, they're stuck with their kids who they most of the time still love and don't notice how they changed. I don't ever want something I can't turn back on, emotionally and physically.
We need strong women like you. Very proud to hear you.
I cant believe in 2019 this is still an issue.
tamekia curry
Only because the desperate remnants of the 1950’s are screaming about how no one wants to be like them anymore. Wonder why that is. 😋
it's the current year i can't even
Believe it
Yes, it is. And not only in the US. I face the same bullshit in germany. And I'm above 40 years old! "Its not to late to have kids. You will change your mind because of your age(woman midlife crisis)" Its upsetting. I know that I dont want children since I was 13! It wont change now.
Yes. In my country ( morroco ). You should answer the question 4 a day... even if i still young and just 2 years ago i got married... make me angry
"You'll change your mind" is one of the most obnoxious things to say to someone, no matter what it is. Everyone has their own reasons.
I recommend episode from House of cards where Claire is asked by her oponent as her children wizz around and scream "Do you regret not having children?" and briliant and cool as Clair is, her answer is "Do you regret having them?"............I DIEEEEED YAS
"'no' does not mean 'convince me'" !
Having kids is too expensive.
Let's do this... Any person chastising a woman for not having kids .. should take care of the woman's kids if she decides to have them, for 18years. Feed them, educate them, take care of the kid in it's early stages of life... Be willing to wake up in the middle of the night cuz the kid won't stop crying, take them to hospital....
Having a kid is NO JOKE... It's a human life you are bringing to this world who is expected to be raised to a functional adult... One should be mentally, physically, emotionally, FINANCIALLY capable to raise a kid. That's why we have so many neglected and abused kids
That's actually a really good idea. People who stop women from having abortions should also be forced to take care of that child, pay the hospital bills and adoption fees.
@@edibleshoe8713 Exactly 💯
"Human lives are not to be gambled with "
Minal Sharma Tell that to adam and eve
Saif, they probably didn't exist.
Right on the other thing though is that a lot of people don't get is that being a parent is a privilege not a right.
Me: Single, childless, age almost 60, very happy and no regrets whatsoever! I enjoy the role of aunt.
Good for you!
Ann Lo Me too. Just turned 60 this year. Always knew I never wanted children.
Same here! Turning 56, no kids, and finally no worries about it. And that's after a lifetime of "you'll change your mind" and even some pressure/advice about "you're running out of time", and getting treatment for infertility.
This talk could have also been about marriage. Women are “supposed” to be married.
I would also add that the person calling themselves, "Truth prevails," is making assumptions about me that aren't true.
I'm female 48 no kids by choice...I live with my bf been with him 7 years I got no debt ...no mortgage ...no ties ...I can travel and do whatever I want to and that is priceless x
you and your husband ARE AMAZING!
Thank You xx I live very free xx
The irony is that they keep telling us we'll change their minds, when theyre the ones who actually wish they could turn back time and not have kids!
whats ur opinion on Stop Having Kids childfree community?
😊😅
Selfish?? I think it's selfish TO have kids if your not properly prepared... Excellent Ted talk
Exactly how I feel.
Exactly!
Most common reply to that: nobody is ever prepared. You learn on the go
@@greyLeicester Some people are much less prepared than others.
Well said!
My mother often says: "When you have your own children..." and I was always annoyed by it. And that one time my brother burst out: "Stop with your: 'when you have children'. I don't want children." And I wish I had said that too
Houmsterbäck Same, for me it was "when you have your babies..." and "say a prayer your aunt will get her baby with this round of IVF"
My mom doesn't expect me to have kids and she respects my disicion into not wanting kids
I'm so sorry she is treating you that way. That is so sad for you and for her. You can have a full amazing life no matter what your decision on children, but she will not be able to be part of HER decision. Only one of you is being selfish.
i'm an only child and i feel so much pressure knowing that in the future i'm gonna HAVE to have kids. even though i'm only 17 rn. it makes me so scared to think about it, so i dont want to think about it. at all. ugh, i want to continue my parents' bloodline but at the same time i feel like i wont be ready for a long time, or will never be ready and i know they'll be so unhappy if they die w/o seeing me have a kid, and at the same time it's so hard to find a man who respects this decision, and in the end i may actually want a child but maybe it's too late....indecisiveness and fear, what i have. i know if i have a kid i'll love them, but uhh. yeah idk. i dont know if i want a child. maybe i dont. but i'm an only child (which i dont mind being - except that i have a lot of pressure in this case) and i'm stuck in this loop.
@Frisbee 'n' Cookies Tell your old grama if she wants children so bad to go adopt some! There are plenty of kids who would love someone to care for them.
I’ve never wanted children and I have had the same questions asked many times. ‘When are you having kids? ‘Who will take care of you when you’re older.? I am so awkward about it and I just lie and say, “I’m not sure atm,” because people are so damn pressurizing and I feel quilt for saying ‘I don’t want them’ oddly. I was married at 22 and separated at 28, but now finally divorced for about 2 years now. We never wanted kids (so I thought) but his Polish old school grandparents always pushed it and had the nerve to talk with him behind my back about if I secretly had my tubes tied. They also said to try and get me pregnant and see if I was lying or find another young pretty girl who will want to have kids. I’m so glad I escaped that nightmare! He was the worst person too and i cant even imagine being stuck with him, his kids and that wretched family for the rest of my life. Turns out after we separated, he always wanted kids.....like wtf man!
Having children is an extension of womanhood , not the definition 👏🏼👏🏼
This is what we need to understand.
The sole purpose of a woman is not to pop out kids.
Ya... Exactly...we are not BORN just to give BIRTH, to protect and increase our human civilization from falling or ending...WHO CARES abt this CRAZY and PATHETIC world... anyway...
Live your life to the FULLEST...!! (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧
Very well said
Except that not every woman can have kids. It is rather disgusting how people always say "but you must have kids" while some just can't, even thought they want to. It's shameful that having your own life decisions is so taboo
@@sin3358 you're right. It's really an insensitive and disgusting thing to say.
Women are the source, women are creation, women are multipliers, women are muses, women are creators - of life or art or community. We don’t need to have children. Women are powerful bc we hold the key to life and inspiration. Either or both,
I grew up a child of a woman who didn't want children. She was pressured into, it as many are by society's expectations. She didn't change her mind, even after I was born. I can confirm that being a child of a woman who didn't want children wasn't a fun experience, and I doubt being the mother who didn't want children was much fun either. As I got older and was no longer a child, our relationship did improve, we became friends, but I still carry the scars of childhood. Any woman, or man, who has the courage to go against society norms and chose not to have children, for what ever their reasons may be, has my respect.
Serenity Goodwyn same, same and same. On all of it.
This applies to men who don't want kids too. My dad has always been horrible to me and my siblings. If you don't want kids, speak up and don't have them!
Then there's the flipside. My mother was my current age when she had me and it was considered taboo. My childhood doctor tried to force abortion onto her because he believed 23 and unmarried (still with my dad) was too young and irresponsible. She wanted kids though and copped flack for having me. Yet had flack ten years later for having my brother because 33 was "too old".
You make a good point. I think the broader issue here is that people (including doctors) should stop trying to dictate other peoples reproductive choices, when the person is perfectly able to make a reasoned choice for themselves, whatever that choice may be.
But then the opposite happens when the tables reverse and we (as a society) are blame-shifting something that our doctor did or did not do. I am not here claiming that you would attest to being this person, only that there is no solution. Once doctors back out, they lose their security of a job and liability. And 12 years is school is hard to just be calm about.
i think its better not to have kids than to bring kids into this world unloved and unprotected.
SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK !!
That's true. I'm 30 years old, happily single and equally happily child-free. I barely have the patience to handle my nephew, so why would I want a child of my own. I haven't been hounded on my choices yet, but I'm sure it's just a matter of time.
So true!
@Vlad the Inhaler Agreed. Socrates too made statements that were sometimes simple and seemingly obvious, but still very important and necessary like this one. It really is frustrating how people need to be told such clear things, right? :)
so true
I'm disgusted by the ideia that what other men may want is more important than what a woman feels. It shouldn't be about men and women to begin with. Regardless of our genders, who we are as individuals should always come first. Doctors didn't see this woman as an individual because clearly, for them, women aren't individuals. That's the most fucked up thing ever.
Doctors just want more patients to make more money off it , so they're keen to push for more babies
Doctors always bypass womens' health anyways. Doesn't surprise me. If I had a heart attack, doctors would say it is all in my head, because I am a Hispanic disable woman. However, if a Hispanic, disable man had the same condition or less, he gets the medical red carpet treatment. 🙄 *beep* this BS nation and its double face. While in Cuba, I wasn't even sick, I was just taking my cousin to a local womens' clinic that was 2 blocks away. While there, my cousins' nurse noticed something in the way one of my eyes was wiggling and wanted to check my vitals after she checked my cousins' pregnancy stage. The results were I had low sugar and low blood pressure, she gave me a can of coke to help stabilize it. She told me to change my diet to keep it stable and to manage my stress levels. I find it BS that a second world nation like Cuba has doctors with better bed side manners and treatment with people than that of United States. United States is very cold hearted when it comes to womens' health and don't get me started on how they treat reproduction matters. The way they treat women like cattle is horrible. It is enough to never get pregnant in the first place, muchless give birth at these places.
I am a cisgender male, so please don’t take this as me pretending I know how this woman feels, when I don’t know how she feels. But I also deal with this quite a lot!
I’ve had several therapists relentlessly argue with me that I need to grow up, get married, focus on career and have children.
Me: I don’t want kids
Therapist: yeah, but you don’t wanna be fifty and look back and regret not having children, you need to have children
It’s ridiculous. I’m not emotionally stable enough for children. I’m too selfish, and I don’t want to hurt children simply by me being too selfish - or getting frustrated when I have to put the kids first. No child deserves that
And I know women are given wayyyyy more flak about this. My therapists sent *me* into a severe depression (they made my depression much worse). I can’t imagine being a woman and having a doctor tell you “nope, I won’t perform this procedure on you”
Out of curiosity, where do you live? I’ve never had a therapist say anything close to that to me. In fact, they all supported my declaration that I didn’t want children.
@@LucareonVee central Virginia, United States
🤷♂️ I didn’t know it was possible to have therapists be THIS terrible, but I’ve had several therapists who cared more about:
-criticizing me
-telling me “yeah but you shouldn’t want that anyways so let it go! :)” (or “….why do you care about that?”)
-getting inside my head
-telling me how to live my life, against my terms
…..wayyyy more than actually trying to help understand more
But I’m glad you didn’t have to deal with that
@@slowrunn3r88
I see. Yeah, I’m not familiar with the politics of central VA, but I’ve been to therapists in Chicago, Madison, and Seattle. Very liberal areas. Might be worth relocating. I know that’s not always easy, but it’s definitely possible.
@@LucareonVee ahh very well; I’m currently seeing a therapist via Better Help, and I made it VERY CLEAR what my standards were. I like my current therapist
@@slowrunn3r88
Great to hear that. Yeah, you seriously don’t need therapists like those in your life. I’m rather disturbed to hear that they exist, though. 😒
Personally, I know I wouldn't have the patience to raise kids. That's just who I am. I'm not a bad person for not wanting to be a mom. And I really wish people would stop bugging me about MY decision regarding MY body and MY future.
it’s commendable and responsible that you refuse to conform not only to preserve your own happiness but to protect a potential child from being unwanted
I never had patience until my late 40s....I also felt I wasn't meant to raise kids.
i’m glad you’re smart enough to realize that about yourself because so many people have kids only to realize they don’t want to or can’t handle them
They will never stop it)) After my first child my relatives asked almost immediately "when is the second". My jaw dropped. Having the first and only was such a big decision for me, never thought about the second))
Just stop caring.Stop explaning yourself.
"a woman's value should not be determined by if she has a child"
@@wolfmalatest1724
By that logic, men aren't good for anything then, because they can't reproduce? 🤔
Absolutely disgusted.
@@wolfmalatest1724 , oh! So infertile women like me are useless?
@@wolfmalatest1724 we got an incel right here
@@wolfmalatest1724
The Incel energy is strong on this one-
Openly not wanting children, and following through with it, is a most wise and noble endeavor.
Since I was 13 years old I've never wanted to have kids! Now I'm 21 years old, traveling the world, meeting new cultures, planning big goals and facing the ones at short place ahead, happy than ever and still having the same decision. Kids are adorable and innocent, but it demands too much time and personally I don't have that mother instinct.
When I tell people I only want to adopt
*well you have to have at lease one*
wtf its not French fries!
Kalifornia Soul Thank you!!! I say there are enough kids in this world who need someone to love them (foster/adoption) without bring another human into this war torn, resource deprivated world that is full of selfish people who look out for number one. Stop telling me what *I* want, stop telling me I'll change my mind.
LMAO tell em girl 😂
My husband's friend told us after we said we were adopting "You have to have at least one 'real' one!"
And I hate it when they say “ but it isn’t your own child “ Uggggggghhhh🤨
My sister has a hereditary disease called cystic fibrosis. now she herself doesn't have the disease but there is a 80% chance that her next child will have it. (Her first child already does) and if she stays with her partner who she loves it is a 100% chance they will get it. But for some reason my mother is so so SO against her adopting because my sister wants more children but she doesn't want the child to suffer from the disease so she wants to adopt and she has no idea why she is so against adopting.