When I was in high school i confessed my feelings to a close friend of mine that i was interested in. He was not interested in me but what he said has always stuck with me. "I want you to know that you're human and humans have feelings. It's totally normal that sometimes your feelings don't match up with another humans feelings." He hugged me and our friendship didn't change. Eventually my feelings faded anyway 😊
A thing worth noting (from a guy's perspective) is that pursuing a woman and asking her out is VERY difficult. The fear of rejection is a big thing for most guys. So I'm appreciative of your advice suggesting that women do this with kindness, having an awareness of the fear that he just overcame to build up the nerve to ask. I also want to point out that saying no directly is difficult for the woman - beating around the bush is what most people do to avoid the difficult task of saying something that you know won't be easy for the other person to receive. Just like it is hard for a guy to ask, it is hard for the woman to say no - so in many cases, the woman takes an the easy way out by lying, making an excuse, or leading him on by letting him think that she might be interested. The last option is the worst, because he'll continue to dream, to plan, to spend money, etc in hopes of continuing the relationship. The kind thing is to make your answer clear. This is difficult for the woman, but it is the kind thing. The guy does the difficult thing and asks, the woman does the difficult thing and says no with kindness and clarity. Things will go better for everyone involved if they all face their respective challenges with kindness and honesty.
Agreed!!! Just be direct. Don't say "I can't date right now" Or something along those lines. Also the only thing a lady owes a man after a date is a "Thank you". Even if you have been dating for a long time he isn't entitled to a kiss or anything else. Thats up to you.
I'm a guy whose been accepted and rejected. And from my experience. It is best to be a straight up with a guy as you can be. You must be clear that it is not your fault as the girl, don't apologize. Don't say "I just can't date right now" and don't say "I have a boyfriend" when you don't and especially don't say "I'll think about it" or "Maybe next year when I have my things together". If you don't like this guy, and he likes you. You must be clear you don't like him. AND PLEASE DO NOT SAY "I just dint want to ruin our friendship". That is the worst and most guys will think if they keep up the pursuit you will cave. I always got the hint that girls don't like me when they give these comments and I jump ship immediately. But many of my guy friends don't. They hold out hope that one day it will work out, worst yet they will bombard you with gifts and flowers to make you feel obligated to go out with them more. If you don't like him. Say "Sorry, I'm not interested". Or "Sorry, I just don't see us going further in this relationship". In the long run they will thank you. It's what's best for everyone
I recently had an issue with a guy at college pursuing me. I asked a guy friend (who is practically like a brother) what to do. He said as a guy, he is so appreciative when women are upfront and honsest about whether or not they are interested. He encouraged me to just be honest (and kind) when explaining to the guy that I wasn't romantically interested. It was really hard, but so worth it. Being honest and polite at the same time is totally possible too, and usually very appreciated!
I need to learn how to do this.... I've had a couple guys interested in me, but I feel like I'm too young to be in a serious dating relationship (and also the guys my age are too immature to be in a serious dating relationship). I didn't really know how to handle it and both didn't end too well...
THIS WAS PERFECT!!!!! we went on a youth camp recently, and a guy (who i'm not interested in romantically at all!) seemed to be SERIOUSLY misunderstanding our friendship- followed me everywhere, kept trying to touch me, offered to buy me food, and wouldn't leave me alone. Kept talking to me about marriage and dating and how much he "needs" a new girlfriend because his last one dumped him etc. It was really disconcerting and uncomfortable. so i kind of went out of my way to avoid him but now after watching your AMAZING video Emily, i realized that I should have just stood up to him and told him- "im not interested in a romantic relationship!! lets just be friends!!" THANKS SO MUCH FOR YOUR VIDEO!!! :) God bless you awesome Emily!!!
Amazingness! Well said! And like the young lady indicated, a lot of this isn't a case of someone being lead on by a woman. You are not obligated to date someone just because he (or she!) pays attention to you.
I'm really grateful for this video. I have had a couple of guys who asked me out, and I just didn't feel it. So I said no. In a polite way of course. But then I feel bad. Because they were really interested in me. But I know that it was better than telling them yes when I really didn't feel it!
If anyone is reading this today I ask for prayer. In the last weeks I got closer to a very good friend of mine. So I thought a lot about it and came to the conclusion that in the moment a relationship is from my side not good for us because I don't know 100% what I feel. Now I know that I have to talk to him, but that's so difficult. I don't want to hurt him and our friendship... Please pray that I find the right time and words and the courage to talk to him! Thank you :)
God brought you're videos into my life, and I am ever so thankful! Thank you for being a good Christian role model and helping to answer some difficult questions!
Thanks Emily for this video! Im having a similar issue! I went on some dates with a guy about two years ago, and by that time I realized that I wasn't interested in a relationship with him and so I was honest with him about it in the kindest way I could. Nevertheless he answered me back in a very weird way making a big drama out of it. I stated my case as graciously as possible but keeping it clear that I wasnt interested. This has happened twice (last year he sent me another long message making a big drama about me having stopped the dates). My biggest problem is that the friend who introduced me to this guy (a mutual friend) has gotten involved by sending me messages "on his behalf" insisting me in ways like "oh he's so miserable about it and hasnt moved on, he just wants to see you again just to close the cycle", "why dont you give him a second chance? he's been such a good friend to me" or "so sad you didnt give 'yourselves' the chance" and things like that, making me feel as if I am obligated to date him or build him on, and that is really upsetting me. I've told her too, so many times, that he's a good guy but I am not interested in him at all, but she keeps insisting, in a very "subtle" way. I think the guy is having an insane obsessive problem and I feel like I dont have the slightest desire to ever see him again, but I wish my friend could stop insisting on this. I appreciate her friendship but this is becoming so unbearable that I am thinking that I should ignore her too and subtly begin to end my friendship with her if this persist. What do you think? Any other advice you could give me would be highly appreciated 😊
My best friend likes me but I don't like him and I kinda said something I thought I wouldn't lead him on but it did now I don't what to do ... HELP and I don't want to hurt his feelings
Emily you are a blessing for women...u are leading women from darkness to light...good work keep it up may Jesus Christ bless and protect your family....I am a well wisher from India...
I happened upon your channel a few weeks ago. I have fallen madly in love with you. I LOVE every single video I watch...and that's saying something because I really don't have time, but I don't feel like I have wasted time with this. I admire you. I am cheering you on (and Daniel too!). I just don't have the words (or time to figure out those words, lol) to explain what a beautiful thing this channel and you are. But...but....is it weird that what really melts my heart is your somewhat frequent uses of etcetera? Darling...and I might just be picking up the habit...for fun ;) Much love to you!! xo :D
Oh man. Been wondering what to say to this guy who asked me out for dinner for TWO DAYS now and this video has given me the final push I needed. Love the way you express yourself. It is SO important to be reminded that it is perfectly fine to say no if you're not interested. Thank you girl!
I'm just in a mode were I don't want to date right now, I just wanted to focus on myself and career feel really bad for the guy who is asking me out. Need to get over the last heartbreak too the stress LOL 💥
I have a question So i know my guy friend for about 2 years now and recently he has been asking questions like What gender child would i want? ( like if i have a child) What race would i date, How strict I am if i have a kid, how many kids i want When i asked him why is he asking me all this he said idk He also spent 42.28 dollars on buying me two things for my birthday. And a few days ago he walked me all the way home today's the third time hes done so what does this mean? I never dated or have experience on romantic stuff
I have been with my bf for 4 years and we both agree to not give our number out to the opposite sex. Even if it seems like it may be more a friend thing. My struggle with this is males that I have worked with/friendly with and know I have a bf and in a relationship still ask and I don't know a way to say no in a nice way as to not ruin our work relationship. It's uncomfortable, is there a easy, painless, comfortable way to say no?
I always like to learn from a woman’s perspective. I think the reason why pornography becomes so much of a problem for men is chronic rejection. Why waste emotional effort and time for things not to work out.when I can click a button and get instant acceptance. I’m speaking from my own experience. Usually in church the married folks always tell the single people to “ put your identity in Christ”. I wish it was that simple.
Hey, could I get a reply? I'm 16, and I've never had a boyfriend or even had my first kiss yet. Sometimes I feel lame, but I don't want to give in and randomly kiss a guy I don't like or plan on being with. But I'm not sure if I'm making a big deal out of nothing. Thoughts?
Hey, Chip Lover! If it's any consolation to you, 'm currently 20 years old, and I didn't have my first kiss until I was 18. I didn't have a serious boyfriend until I was 19. You are absolutely *not* lame, and there is nothing wrong with you. I would not suggest kissing a guy you aren't interested in/planning to be with just to get it over with, because he might take that as a signal you didn't mean to give, you know? It really is no big deal, and you have nothing to worry about, I promise (:
I think it's important that you realize that it's okay if you haven't had your first kiss or had a boyfriend. I'm in the same boat sister ;) Take this time being single to dedicate yourself to the future husband God will bring you and to have Jesus fill you and the feelings of being lame, behind, alone, unloved. Because you aren't any of those things. I totally understand the feelings though, especially when you like a guy. I've been heartbroken before and it's hard because we weren't even together but it's really an amazing opportunity to focus on Jesus and to love yourself
I don’t believe in the open-mind belief, however - I agree one must be honest without explaining their feelings. I reject dark skinned guys due to the lust and go after guys I try to prefer, so I tell them - “No, but you enjoy the rest of your night”, “I hope you have luck finding another woman who will equally like you”, “I’m not going forward with you”, or “I’m not interested.”
When I was in high school i confessed my feelings to a close friend of mine that i was interested in. He was not interested in me but what he said has always stuck with me. "I want you to know that you're human and humans have feelings. It's totally normal that sometimes your feelings don't match up with another humans feelings." He hugged me and our friendship didn't change. Eventually my feelings faded anyway 😊
A thing worth noting (from a guy's perspective) is that pursuing a woman and asking her out is VERY difficult. The fear of rejection is a big thing for most guys. So I'm appreciative of your advice suggesting that women do this with kindness, having an awareness of the fear that he just overcame to build up the nerve to ask. I also want to point out that saying no directly is difficult for the woman - beating around the bush is what most people do to avoid the difficult task of saying something that you know won't be easy for the other person to receive. Just like it is hard for a guy to ask, it is hard for the woman to say no - so in many cases, the woman takes an the easy way out by lying, making an excuse, or leading him on by letting him think that she might be interested. The last option is the worst, because he'll continue to dream, to plan, to spend money, etc in hopes of continuing the relationship. The kind thing is to make your answer clear. This is difficult for the woman, but it is the kind thing. The guy does the difficult thing and asks, the woman does the difficult thing and says no with kindness and clarity. Things will go better for everyone involved if they all face their respective challenges with kindness and honesty.
Agreed!!! Just be direct. Don't say "I can't date right now" Or something along those lines. Also the only thing a lady owes a man after a date is a "Thank you". Even if you have been dating for a long time he isn't entitled to a kiss or anything else. Thats up to you.
Yes and amen.
I'm a guy whose been accepted and rejected. And from my experience. It is best to be a straight up with a guy as you can be. You must be clear that it is not your fault as the girl, don't apologize. Don't say "I just can't date right now" and don't say "I have a boyfriend" when you don't and especially don't say "I'll think about it" or "Maybe next year when I have my things together". If you don't like this guy, and he likes you. You must be clear you don't like him. AND PLEASE DO NOT SAY "I just dint want to ruin our friendship". That is the worst and most guys will think if they keep up the pursuit you will cave.
I always got the hint that girls don't like me when they give these comments and I jump ship immediately. But many of my guy friends don't. They hold out hope that one day it will work out, worst yet they will bombard you with gifts and flowers to make you feel obligated to go out with them more. If you don't like him. Say "Sorry, I'm not interested". Or "Sorry, I just don't see us going further in this relationship". In the long run they will thank you. It's what's best for everyone
I recently had an issue with a guy at college pursuing me. I asked a guy friend (who is practically like a brother) what to do. He said as a guy, he is so appreciative when women are upfront and honsest about whether or not they are interested. He encouraged me to just be honest (and kind) when explaining to the guy that I wasn't romantically interested. It was really hard, but so worth it. Being honest and polite at the same time is totally possible too, and usually very appreciated!
Totally agreed. Thank you for sharing your experience!
I need to learn how to do this.... I've had a couple guys interested in me, but I feel like I'm too young to be in a serious dating relationship (and also the guys my age are too immature to be in a serious dating relationship). I didn't really know how to handle it and both didn't end too well...
The lack of straight-forwardness in the US is a bummer. Life is so much easier when we are just honest and people respect us more as well.
THIS WAS PERFECT!!!!! we went on a youth camp recently, and a guy (who i'm not interested in romantically at all!) seemed to be SERIOUSLY misunderstanding our friendship- followed me everywhere, kept trying to touch me, offered to buy me food, and wouldn't leave me alone. Kept talking to me about marriage and dating and how much he "needs" a new girlfriend because his last one dumped him etc. It was really disconcerting and uncomfortable. so i kind of went out of my way to avoid him but now after watching your AMAZING video Emily, i realized that I should have just stood up to him and told him- "im not interested in a romantic relationship!! lets just be friends!!" THANKS SO MUCH FOR YOUR VIDEO!!! :) God bless you awesome Emily!!!
Amazingness! Well said! And like the young lady indicated, a lot of this isn't a case of someone being lead on by a woman. You are not obligated to date someone just because he (or she!) pays attention to you.
I'm really grateful for this video. I have had a couple of guys who asked me out, and I just didn't feel it. So I said no. In a polite way of course. But then I feel bad. Because they were really interested in me. But I know that it was better than telling them yes when I really didn't feel it!
If anyone is reading this today I ask for prayer. In the last weeks I got closer to a very good friend of mine. So I thought a lot about it and came to the conclusion that in the moment a relationship is from my side not good for us because I don't know 100% what I feel. Now I know that I have to talk to him, but that's so difficult. I don't want to hurt him and our friendship...
Please pray that I find the right time and words and the courage to talk to him!
Thank you :)
Amen sister!!! Love this topic. Something that all of us need to here especially in this day and age💗💗
God brought you're videos into my life, and I am ever so thankful! Thank you for being a good Christian role model and helping to answer some difficult questions!
Thanks Emily for this video! Im having a similar issue! I went on some dates with a guy about two years ago, and by that time I realized that I wasn't interested in a relationship with him and so I was honest with him about it in the kindest way I could. Nevertheless he answered me back in a very weird way making a big drama out of it. I stated my case as graciously as possible but keeping it clear that I wasnt interested. This has happened twice (last year he sent me another long message making a big drama about me having stopped the dates). My biggest problem is that the friend who introduced me to this guy (a mutual friend) has gotten involved by sending me messages "on his behalf" insisting me in ways like "oh he's so miserable about it and hasnt moved on, he just wants to see you again just to close the cycle", "why dont you give him a second chance? he's been such a good friend to me" or "so sad you didnt give 'yourselves' the chance" and things like that, making me feel as if I am obligated to date him or build him on, and that is really upsetting me. I've told her too, so many times, that he's a good guy but I am not interested in him at all, but she keeps insisting, in a very "subtle" way. I think the guy is having an insane obsessive problem and I feel like I dont have the slightest desire to ever see him again, but I wish my friend could stop insisting on this. I appreciate her friendship but this is becoming so unbearable that I am thinking that I should ignore her too and subtly begin to end my friendship with her if this persist. What do you think? Any other advice you could give me would be highly appreciated 😊
Thank you for assuring me regarding to this matter! 💖⚘🎉
Thank you for this video! It is really really helpful!
You 100% nailed this Emily. 👍 Absolutely brilliant. 👏 Subscribed to your channel after watching this.
Thank you for that. Even I feel not comfortable to tells guy that I don't interested in him. He sent me message alots of time. Now, I can be honestly.
I love your channel!! you're so gorgeous inside and out!
Just did it.
My best friend likes me but I don't like him and I kinda said something I thought I wouldn't lead him on but it did now I don't what to do ... HELP and I don't want to hurt his feelings
Emily you are a blessing for women...u are leading women from darkness to light...good work keep it up may Jesus Christ bless and protect your family....I am a well wisher from India...
Thank you so much for this video.🙏
I happened upon your channel a few weeks ago. I have fallen madly in love with you. I LOVE every single video I watch...and that's saying something because I really don't have time, but I don't feel like I have wasted time with this. I admire you. I am cheering you on (and Daniel too!). I just don't have the words (or time to figure out those words, lol) to explain what a beautiful thing this channel and you are. But...but....is it weird that what really melts my heart is your somewhat frequent uses of etcetera? Darling...and I might just be picking up the habit...for fun ;) Much love to you!! xo :D
Wise words Emily :)
Oh man. Been wondering what to say to this guy who asked me out for dinner for TWO DAYS now and this video has given me the final push I needed. Love the way you express yourself. It is SO important to be reminded that it is perfectly fine to say no if you're not interested. Thank you girl!
I'm just in a mode were I don't want to date right now, I just wanted to focus on myself and career feel really bad for the guy who is asking me out. Need to get over the last heartbreak too the stress LOL 💥
yeah so I messed up so bad on this. how am i supposed to bring this up graciously in an awkward situation and make amends??
You're really making a difference
My name is Emily too! I felt like I was in the video😂
I have a question
So i know my guy friend for about 2 years now and recently he has been asking questions like What gender child would i want? ( like if i have a child) What race would i date, How strict I am if i have a kid, how many kids i want
When i asked him why is he asking me all this he said idk
He also spent 42.28 dollars on buying me two things for my birthday. And a few days ago he walked me all the way home today's the third time hes done so
what does this mean?
I never dated or have experience on romantic stuff
I have been with my bf for 4 years and we both agree to not give our number out to the opposite sex. Even if it seems like it may be more a friend thing. My struggle with this is males that I have worked with/friendly with and know I have a bf and in a relationship still ask and I don't know a way to say no in a nice way as to not ruin our work relationship. It's uncomfortable, is there a easy, painless, comfortable way to say no?
What do you do of a man is being mean/ bullying you but your best friend is best friends with them?
I always like to learn from a woman’s perspective. I think the reason why pornography becomes so much of a problem for men is chronic rejection. Why waste emotional effort and time for things not to work out.when I can click a button and get instant acceptance. I’m speaking from my own experience. Usually in church the married folks always tell the single people to “ put your identity in Christ”. I wish it was that simple.
God Bless!
It sounds a little bit harsh, rejection is very hard to take for some men, take care to be very kind not just a little
Hey, could I get a reply? I'm 16, and I've never had a boyfriend or even had my first kiss yet. Sometimes I feel lame, but I don't want to give in and randomly kiss a guy I don't like or plan on being with. But I'm not sure if I'm making a big deal out of nothing. Thoughts?
Hey, Chip Lover! If it's any consolation to you, 'm currently 20 years old, and I didn't have my first kiss until I was 18. I didn't have a serious boyfriend until I was 19. You are absolutely *not* lame, and there is nothing wrong with you. I would not suggest kissing a guy you aren't interested in/planning to be with just to get it over with, because he might take that as a signal you didn't mean to give, you know? It really is no big deal, and you have nothing to worry about, I promise (:
I think it's important that you realize that it's okay if you haven't had your first kiss or had a boyfriend. I'm in the same boat sister ;) Take this time being single to dedicate yourself to the future husband God will bring you and to have Jesus fill you and the feelings of being lame, behind, alone, unloved. Because you aren't any of those things. I totally understand the feelings though, especially when you like a guy. I've been heartbroken before and it's hard because we weren't even together but it's really an amazing opportunity to focus on Jesus and to love yourself
I don’t believe in the open-mind belief, however - I agree one must be honest without explaining their feelings. I reject dark skinned guys due to the lust and go after guys I try to prefer, so I tell them - “No, but you enjoy the rest of your night”, “I hope you have luck finding another woman who will equally like you”, “I’m not going forward with you”, or “I’m not interested.”